Golf's funniest one liners
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.พ. 2025
- www.jeffwortman...
A collection of one liners I've heard on the golf course after many years of research. Have I missed any??
That's more than a slice, that's half a cake
Does your husband play?
Adolf Hitler, two shots in the bunker
An OJ Simpson, you shouldn't have done it but you got away with it
That's further right than Andrew Bolt
You've got the army swing going, left, right, left, right
That's a Rock Hudson... looks straight but it's not
Sonny Bono, straight into the tree
Should I call 000, looks like you're choking
I hope that's a floating golf ball
I can give you a tip - you're standing too close to the ball... after you've hit it
The fact that this is like a little movie is so awesome. Anyone could have just read off the list or something but this is so much better.
"Adolf Hitler! Two shots in the bunker!"
LMAO
Bad putt: "Well you had the right club"
You could have finished the video with "You must be the world's worst caddy", to which the caddy replies, "I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Hahahaaaa... brilliant
@@JeffWortman not really a golf joke tho
That's a Princess Diana = You shouldn't have used that driver.
"No wonder you're struggling - you've got a piece of shit on the end of your club". When they check out the head - "No - other end!"
LOL, that's been used in cricket as well.
Absolutely hilarious.. OJ Simpson, shouldnt have done it but got away with it... 😂😂😂
Thanks! Dated reference but you got it.
Another great one by Lee Trevino. He was playing at a tournament where it had been raining all morning before his tee time. When he finally got the go ahead to start he told his caddy Herman (Herman was a big guy. Fat to be blunt.) "Herman, it's been raining so much they told me you have to walk on the cart path all round."
After he had been struck by lightning, A reporter asked Super Mex what he would do the next time the horn blew. Trevino said: I'll hold up a one iron, not even God can hit a one iron."
Here's a tip for all you golfers:
Take a break from the game for 3 weeks. Then, give it up altogether.
When your friend misses a putt "that was the right club tho"
For a really bad slice, shank, etc really far into the woods…… Lassie couldn’t find that one if you wrapped bacon around it.
At the 2023 Masters, honorary starter Tom Watson asked Gary player if he was going to do a push-up? Gary quickly says he had already done his push-ups while Tom was sleeping. Again Tom asked Gary how long he just hit his drive, Gary replied “ not very long, I could hear the ball land”.
My friend Dominic’s brother used to caddie for Fuzzy Zoeller. Mike Mazzeo. During a tournament Fuzzy turns to Mike and says your fired. Mike turns and says you can’t fire me I know too much. It was a funny line , about 35 years ago I guess now.
@@marktretter4928 hahahahaa. That’s absolutely brilliant
"That was a Lewinsky... all lip and no hole."
Hmmm. We call that a junior prom.
@nickdeliso7026 dang, you went to the wrong high school
@@eddieblackford4919 Catholic all boy school!
Just what I need to heckle my friends with. Lmao. All pretty good.
Robert Shoemaker iiiiiiiiiii
Did you notice the guy’s not even wearing golf shoes? He’s wearing loafers. every time he swings, you can see his feet slipping.😂🤣
The funniest one liner I ever hear was on the fairway of the fourteenth hole in Kent Wa. After every strike at the ball the golfer let out a string of expletives six to ten words long. A par four where I heard at least eight one liners. Some had to be directed at me laughing out loud.
Thats a Hilter 2 shots in a bunker. I am using that one.
Then better learn to spell the name, else it bounces back on you.... but perhaps you get away with it.
Man hits a bad shot. Rhetorically asks the air what is wrong with me. The caddy says, well laddie there’s shite on the end of the club. Man turns club over and looks at the head. No, laddie, says the caddy, the other end.
Bill: duff's his tee shot and it just rolls to the edge of the tee box.
Me: I saw where it landed!
Happened to me with exact same shot. Guy says, ‘what’d you use?’
Another one you can tell your buddies is when they are struggling suggest that you have found their problem and tell them it’s their feet. And when they ask my feet? Am I standing too open or too far from the ball? Then you say it’s your feet that’s the problem…they got no business being on a golf course 😅
Whenever someone pops up their tee ball tell them that was an elephant’s ass shot… high and it stinks
Whenever someone sends one deep in the trees I tell them that’s so deep in the woods you might find a couple of moonshine stills in there. Half of the fun we get from playing golf is the laughs 😂
hahahahaa. Brilliant. They'd be in the sequel!
Another one I came up with is on any shot over water when someone hits it thin and it starts skipping along the water I call that a Miss Budweiser 😅😅sometimes I have to explain to them that that was the name of a famous hydroplane speedboat from the past then they understood 🤣🤣
Best I ever heard, remember the crooner Bing Crosby, an American singer from the 30's to the 50's, well he was an avid golfer along with Bob Hope. They were playing a round and after the tee shot, Bing asked his caddy if he could get home with his second, and the caddy responded with, I dont know as I dont know where you live! Classic!
At the end of the game, Crosby fell over dead of a heart attack right at the edge of the green.
I yell Hey you got a RIDER, he asked what that is, I explained that he hit far enough to get in the cart and RIDE to the ball
LMAO !! 🤣😂🤣😂 This was great, as were the comments, with additional tidbits. Thanks for sharing !
Upon arriving at the green after what you thought was a good shot: "That's a Sharon Stone. Looks a lot better from far away!"
She is good close up so that one doesn’t really fly
Some great ones there, & I agree about liking the format.
What is triple zero ? As in “shall I call triple zero” ?
Thanks 😂 oh triple zero is Australia’s version of ‘9-1-1’ 📞
Who carries their bag into the pro shop/club house...
Especially like that !
The Masters music playing in the background is perfect.
The Hitler line cracked me the fuck up. 😂😂☠
Played with a couple of Brits recently, they used the Hitler line as well as "The Rommel"--going from bunker to bunker...
Old guy told me he had 'more hits than Michael Jackson' yesterday after a bad round.
Jeff Wortman bud thank you so much for posting this video it's really relaxing and refreshing to see
Sonny Bono made me lol
Mostly oldies but the OJ and Hitler were my highlights.
keep that to yourself 🤣
The two greatest lines ever uttered on a golf course:
1. you eat pieces of s#*t for breakfast?
2. ...now you've had enough....b*#ch
The secret to golf is to bring extra socks with you - in case you get a HOLE IN ONE!
hahahahaa. that's so bad it's good 👍
Golf is like sex, you don't have to be good at it to enjoy it.
you gotta have a hard on for it though. i just like to watch womens golf
That’s so far right, Michael Moore made a movie about it.
Hahahahaaa brilliant
1:48...I can't make out the last name on "That's further right than Andrew ..."?
Bolt. But it’s a local reference. Tucker Carlson for the US audience 🤣
@@JeffWortman ...Thanks Jeff. I guess I could've just looked in your heading.
Would've made it a lot simpler.
LOVED THIS VIDEO!!! Everything was spot on hilarious!
@@jerryturner2310 thanks mate. That’s very kind
I think the only Bud lights being sold, are for parodies like these!
Sonny Bono. Now that is cold blooded.
Your Buddy lands in the sand;
You spend more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff!
Player: Can I get home with a 5 iron?
Looper: Eventually!!!
haha I permanently nicknamed a golfing buddy of mine "The Hoff" because he spends so much time at the beach
Happy Gilmore is one of the best movies lol
David Hasselhoff...way to steal from Happy Gilmore dude...
Jeez, could I get this caddie? Maybe not. After we head into the woods on 13 to hit the 2nd, I just might emerge alone. Nothing to see here folks...
OK, now I know I never want a caddie.
I was a resort looper for 2 years. The most fun you'll ever have and get paid after the round! Good loopers can usually feel out a player on the range and tell if he can bust his balls all round long. I actually made my best tips while talking the most trash.
After an OB into someone's backyard: "Your ball is right next to that guy laying down."
one day this cupel where playing golf and the husband says to his wife .i need to tell you something i have ben disloyal to you with other women. and she turns and looks at him and tells him. well i might ass well tell you that i used to be a man before we got together. and he tells her WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE BEN LETING YOU HIT FROM THE RED TEES THIS HOLE TIME.
Kevin should caddy for Sergio Garcia. My guess he wouldn't make fifteen minutes before ol' Sergio beat him senseless with a five iron in one of his hissy fits...
What kind of shoes are those?
Golf shoes.
That looks like a NITBY shot. (Not in the bunker yet)
After someone 3 putts. “Just like masturbation. You’re embarrassed when you do it, but you know it will happen again”.
The best one liner in golf...ever was by Lee Trevino.
After being struck by lightning during the Western Open near Chicago in 1975, he was on the fairway lining up his 2nd shot on a long par 5 and selected a 1 iron from his bag.
He was not hit directly but in the near vicinity and was hit by one of the smaller bolts that branched off.
He was ok but shaken a bit.
But not shaken enough to keep his wits and utter the most famous one-liner ever while on his way to the clubhouse:
"Well, it just goes to show you that even God can't hit a 1 iron."
Is it really true? what year? 🙄
@@shawnkalin9337 Trevino did say that. Not so sure about the story though lol.
Yes it’s true. He and Jerry Heard were both struck by lightning at the same time. And he did say that about a one iron. But I think his follow up was...but Jack Nicklaus can.
I thought it was 'Even the Almighty can't hit a 1-iron,' but I could be wrong.
A "Princess Grace" is when you should have used a driver...
I quit playing forty years ago for my high blood pressure.
Generational driver of the golf ball.
Golfer with a caddy in Scotland...he used the "too close to the ball after you hit it" line on me. "Too much LOFT"; LACK OF FING TALENT. You will never have a proper golfing experience until you've had your "bollocks" properly busted by a Scottish scunner
@@lincolnprojectnemesis3253 hahahaaaa. That would be brutal
@@JeffWortman the guy was evidently at one time capable of making the PGA and the walls of the clubhouse had his pictures in nearly every hall as club champion. He had a line for every hole. Including the 19th where I paid my respect 🙏
@@lincolnprojectnemesis3253 tough audience to impress on the course then for sure. I had my first eagle whilst playing with the club pro and he just shrugged and said ‘nice shot’…🙄
This was awesome. So much ammo for my next game.
Rodney has a lot of these I bet
Forgot the "Thurman Munson".....a dead yank
A "Saddam Hussein" is when it goes 'bunker to bunker'.
What does does your husband play mean I have a idea but I’m not sure
Implying the golfer is a woman.
@@snaggletooth14 I mean how come you say it when they short a putt
His put was a Maradona.... 'a real nasty 5 footer'
Why is the caddy using a cart?
Hmmm… that was an oversight, you’re right
They’re Australians. That’s how we speak.
lol.... these are pretty dark
I Like This Guy😂😂
Alternative to the OJ.. the Mother-in-law: it's up there, but you know it shouldn't be..
A "JFK Jr." is when it doesn't clear the water...
So funny 😁😁😁
Never use a caddie.
Caddy thoughts not comments
Man I wish that was in English
Hahahaaaa. It's a horrible accent but what can you do?..
It wouldn't help. Good thing is it drew out lots of humorous comments.
That's a sister in-law.....
Haha. Yes I have heard that one but decided to keep it PG
You should rename this video “Golf’s most worn out, old, tired jokes”
did anyone ever think golf jokes were funny to begin with? share your hot new ones with us please…
That caddie sucks, sincerely Danny Noonan.
Wow! 4 years and no bites. As popular as that movie was, I guess not many golfers saw it.
Su..su..sucks ?
no
yes!
I once knew a loose woman who got
"PAR 1" tattooed on her underbelly.
The music ruins this
THIS STINKS.
Is that another suggestion or your review of the vid?
My favourites.
Tee shot along the ground is a Sally Gunnel. Ugly bugger but good runnner.
Hitting the ground before the ball is a Russel Grant. A fat iron.
James Wigg if u use the sally gunnel you also have to have the paula radcliffe...not as ugly as a sally and runs further
A pop up drive.....the son in law......not what I had in mind but it will do!
Skulled wedge onto the green.....the sister in law.....I’m on her but I shouldn’t be!
Golgvideo 1
If he had actually said any of those comments to me whilst playing I would have beaten him within an inch of his life, and left his unconscious body deep in the bushes.
Chill out Paul!
+Joseph G sorry, got a bit carried away....I've not been well.
I dont understand why he has a caddy And a cart. Just for the abuse? At least have him carry the sticks if he's yer looper.
Nothing new and lots of better ones
@@Democracyrules2345 lets hear one
YOOOOOOO 😹
It's funny u have a caddie and a golf cart. Genius lol
Very hard to understand most of the time.
He was clear as a bell, lol.
***Spoiler Alert! This is what happened at the end of the sixth day. - After creating everything else, God swept the scraps into a dust pan, thought for a moment and told the dust pan ‘surprise me’. A lawyer jumped up, dusted himself off (get it?), looked around and said ‘You missed a little over there’. God put his glasses on (He is far sighted, right?) and said ‘Oh no, that is your heart. Go to sleep and I will fix it.’ The lawyer glanced at his watch and said ‘No, no, I don’t have time for that. Can you turn it into a thousand business cards?
the one about Sonny bono was not funny
too soon?
True. It was hilarious...
if you can't laugh at yourself, come play with us, well laugh at you!
glad I didn't watch the whole thing, still wasted a minute or so, crap !
Beats 7 years of Blue Heelers...
😂🤪🇺🇲
I tuned to hear funny ?????? What did I miss ???????????
Joe J a sense of humor
Mattew Cameron I'll define what's funny and what isn't.
We'll all stand by for your declaration.
Not funny
Paul Edmondson to be fair, they are golf jokes
Lighten up Paul - they were great
+Jayden Lawson god you're easily pleased.
Ite, lets hear some of yours, since I'm sure you got some good ones.
Wasted 3 minutes of my life listening to rubbish from a caddy that could barely enunciate a proper one liner that was even original
Were you expecting Casablanca?
@@JeffWortman Make better choices,ie.We'll need it come Jan 20th!
music is annoying
My dog got hit by a car and died while I was watching…
It was funnier than this crap comedy.
Why didn’t you rush to the aid of your dog?..
@@JeffWortman Do you need me to explain this… really?
Some of these were tasteless.
And the rest weren't funny.
I'm funny, my friends would tell you, if I had any.
I got hit in the head with an errant Tee shot. I was Block and a half from the fairway.
I did the running in circles while lying on the ground 3 Stooges routine.
Holding my head, dry heaving from the pain.
The guy I was working with couldn't stop laughing. He had a prosthetic leg from a horrible accident. But seeing people get hurt gave him great pleasure.
He was laughing so hard he had difficulty driving to the emergency room.
I heard a story about a couple that had just started their long awaited retirement. They were going to travel and golf the USA.
They started in Wisconsin.
The Husband toed his drive on the first hole, killing his wife instantly.
Only Sociopaths laugh at that.
Golf can be a dangerous game.
Your laughing now aren't you?
I hope not, unless you are a sociopath. The end.
R u retarded?
Not funny
you'd be a riot on the course