Lol there's so much about this video I love. I'm an INFJ woman who married an ISTJ man. We balance each other out in amazing ways, but it took some effort. I would even say the burden is on the INFJ to help navigate the two of them into harmony.
There are a lot of us out here. I’ve been with my ISTJ man for going on 16 years, now. We like to send each other this: Me to him: 👽💚🤖 Him to me: 🤖❤️👽 We also have an 18 year old female ISTJ daughter. They had a fight once and *WOW!,* was that ever wild and intense! It was resolved (after about 4 days of mutual silent treatment) in a very strange negotiation kinda way. Like, “you’re never going to get that apology you’re demanding, out of me, but what I *will* do is promise to be less harsh in the future..” 🤣 They both also acknowledged that they both need to be far gentler on me, even though I wasn’t even really a part of any of it nor was I making any requests 🤣 I was just there when it all went down 🤷🏻♀️ EDIT: I forgot to mention the reason for the fight! It was the *most* ISTJ thing in the whole world. It was a fight over insurance and they each got their Te wounded by the other during a heated exchange regarding said insurance. The word *“stupid”* (along with some swears) was yelled quite a lot. That seems to be their number one most terrible insult.
I am an INFJ wife married to an ISTJ husband for almost 35 years now. Believe me, in your older years you'll appreciate the practical, down-to-earth focus with finances etc! Agree with how they are neutral -- so glad he isn't as moody as I can be! 💗😀😞
Congratulations! 35 years! What’s the secret?? You bring up a very good point- we will appreciate certain traits much more down the road that we don’t necessarily appreciate all that much now. Thanks for the comment!
As an INFJ woman married to an ISTJ man....this video is to the point, forgiving, good with Finance, responsible and let's not forget LOYAL DOWN TO EARTH person....I'm so glad he is not an emotional sponge like me and always puts me in a neutral emotional state when I'm going wild with anxiety 🤣 Moreover how they are able to talk deeply about the topics that interest us and how they will listen to our philosophy (and show interest in it) just to calm our nerves 😂😂😂
Right?? Yes that’s how they are - it can definitely be quite the perfect companion for us infj’s because we definitely will struggle sometimes to be as contained as they can be hahaha
After a looong research now I can say, that as an INFJ woman you need to decide first if you want to be balanced out or complemented in your personality. Do you want to get balanced - get in that. If you are looking for a person that can feel a trees energy, too - run from it, you will never get it in an ISTJ. In my teenage years I was so dissapointed when people didn't feel the same way and doesn't even have a clue about my perception and inner processes. But now in my 30s as I am learing to feed my own needs and that it is only my own responsibilty to feel good... I am searching for the lesson, the growth, the balance, I am curious for life and other percpectives to widen my focus. To be balanced (to get on with the earth-life) is way more important to me than finding a person that is the same as me... oh god, we would hardly get anything done in the physical life and would be constant hangry beings... ^^
I am looking for someone who I can laugh & joke with. Do you think that can be found in ISTJs? The one I am dating now doesn't seem to have a playful/silliness & also doesn't seem open to going out and exploring the world.
im infj with lots of istj friends, theyre all nice and I like them but it does get boring talking to them sometimes and somestimes draining because their conversations seem to wanna revolve around just daily life and whats going on in the world and im always trying to bring up some weird concepts and ideas into the mix that they dont really have much thought on
Hey! Haha yeah you’re not alone… but in a way you are. It’s the minority group that likes to talk about the sort of topics that perhaps you (and I) find interesting. It’s more common to find people that enjoy talking about the daily “stuff” - so I feel ya…
I’m an INFJ female married to an ISTJ man. He tested as an INTJ in college and then again 20 years later. That never seemed right to me and as I went on my own quest (which put me in a spiral some days!) to figure out what he really is, I 100% settled on ISTJ. The reason it was so hard is because he does have a well developed intuitive side. I’d say one of our biggest challenges is his lack of emotions, which can be good at times but not when it comes to his stoicism about the marriage (back burner type stuff). Also when I’m trying to plan for a plan that may fail and he says things like “we will cross that bridge when we get there”. He doesn’t think about the future AT ALL. But his down to earth attitude, his calmness in a crisis and his financial wizardry is exactly what I needed in my life. We are 12 years in. Yes, sometimes he can be boring but he does really well with keeping up with my cloud 9 ideas and never stops me from making them all become tangible.
Same here _ he tested again and came out as INTJ but I don’t really see it… perhaps he might have some rare moments that would bring out the N but he naturally is an ISTJ.
I'm also INFJ woman who has been in a relationship with an ISTJ guy for 37 years. Like your word "neutral" I have always thought my partner as "grounding" me. I told him he's like our drummer who keeps a steady beat to our lives.. I on the other hand am the melody, helping him think outside of regular conventions and understand emotions better. I'm the one who's constantly researching to see if there's a better way to do something. How can we tweak his job so it fits his needs better? What's the best way for us to live our lives? How can he understand his co-workers better? etc. We make a good team because we bring such different skills to the relationship.
Hi Rowena! Yep, you’re absolutely right and you’re wise to be able to appreciate it as you notice it. And thank you for watching and leaving your comment! Congratulations on being married for 37 years! What’s the biggest piece of advice you give to INFJ women who are married to an ISTJ man from your own experience?
I'm an INFJ woman married to an ISTJ man. I relate so much to what you said. This is the second marriage for both of us. It's definitely challenging, but I appreciate so much that he balances me out, grounds me and makes me feel so safe. I think, on balance, as INFJs we can help ISTJs come out of their bubble a bit, but we also need to be aware of how pushy we can be and allow them to just be them also. They are so steadfast, accepting and faithful to us. There can be a lot of pressure if we constantly push them to alter their framework.
It's ok that my partner doesn't think like me, I actually love it. He's so grounding. He's so steady and consistent. I love it but more so, I need it! Lol and yup, he's a financial advisor. Thank God for that! He's truly the Ying to my Yang. I have noticed he doesn't think about topics as intensely as I do, but he is willing to try and I so appreciate that. He provides me the space to feel safe and secure. Anyways, ramblings. I resonate deeply with this.
Well said! And thank you for pointing out the fact that even though they don’t think as deeply about the topics we are interested in, they are always open to talk about it regardless.
Hi Paul! First, thank you for watching and leaving a piece of your thoughts! It always makes my day to hear from others. Yeah, I’m with you… it can be a roller coaster hahaha for sure… it’s not easy… but as they say, “pick your hard” or “pick your poison”. If you don’t mind me asking- what we’re the first 3 things you liked or found attractive about this ISTJ woman? And are those still there?
The hardest thing is being a deep & future facing thinker and ambitious as far as your vision and other concepts, ideas values, & where you want to go in life and the istj being more present day focused, not very ambitious, a tendency to be more selfish & not self-reflective. I find myself as a woman forced into taking more of a leading/directing role & having to pull out of my partner how they feel and why. I find this draining & like I’m having to drag the istj along with me because they simply don’t care enough about certain goals and things I care so deeply about. They don’t really seem to have much vision, and are more “along for the ride” types. I honestly don’t find this match complimentary or compatible long term, but there is some great balance with being with someone who doesn’t overthink like I can at times. It’s hard to communicate or connect on an emotional level romantically, when you ask questions geared towards understanding them and your told “I don’t know”. I think INFJs know themselves on a deeper level, why they think the way they do etc and can communicate that but apparently this is rare which sucks lol but hey platonically the pair is amazing!
Great video, thank you for your insights! A few months ago I entered a relationship with an ISTJ guy and I can already agree on some things you said. I don't know if that is a common trait for ISTJs but he is very agreeable and flexible in terms of how we spend our time together. He told me he is barely aware of the feelings of others and also his own, it is hard for him to open up but he is willing to try. So far he is always willing to find common ground and is able to approach conflicts in a rational way which for me is very hard but I would like to learn it, too. What I like as well is that he is very honest but also protective of me.
That sounds like a beautiful relationship! It’s hard for me sometimes to distinguish what’s an ISTJ trait and what’s more their zodiac sign trait- because that also is being expressed in their ways of thinking, beliefs, behaviors
@@samanthadrobac1111 Interesting thought! For my boyfriend I feel the zodiac sign fits many of the ISTJ traits - he is virgo :D. I think I especially like that he is stable and does not have so many (or barely any) emotional ups and downs. Whereas I have so many of them just in one day!
I don't have much experience with those but i fall in love once with istj and with first argument she talked to me in my hardest day when i was emotionally feeling very bad and she put juges and criticism in me and she says you're and you're.. That was unforgettable because it broke me more
I’m an INFJ man, married to an ISTJ woman for 28 years now, and it definitely hasn’t always been easy. We seem to have very little in common, honestly. On the other hand, I love her more than anything in this world, and I know she loves me. We clash sometimes, but everybody clashes once in a while. We always get over it. I don’t suppose I’ve ever felt “understood,” but that’s something I can live with. The truth is, there probably isn’t any more to understand about me, anyway, than there is about anyone or anything else, which is to say, a lot, certainly, but it doesn’t have to be something that, if you know you’re missing it, is necessarily a deal breaker. Life isn’t easy for anyone, and part of maturity is recognizing whether the good you have outweighs the bad. She has brought meaning and beauty to my life I would almost certainly never have had otherwise, for lots of reasons, and probably even understands me a lot more than I give her credit for. In any case, it has never been something that I’ve carped about: I’m weird, she’s not. And I can live with that.
Hi JonP- wow, 28 years! Congrats! What’s the secret?? By the way, loved and agreed with your comment. It’s very much something I said in one of my latest videos - since this one in particular didn’t cover that which is important. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch my video and to share your thoughts! I love reading others comments :) so please keep them coming
I'm an INFJ woman married to ISTJ man for 10 years...I feel gr8 given that I felt extremely misunderstood in the past with INTP and very much emotionally manipulated by an ENFP ( which being an INFJ I was able to see right through it...and yet he would never miss a chance to manipulate me...just to keep me bounded to him) I feel blessed and MUCH more understood and hardly any manipulation by my ISTJ (comparatively) well maybe this is the reason ISTJ are our superego partners I can see the world and myself much clearly when with him....compared to my GOLDEN PAIR (INTP) or so called soulmate (ENFP)
I’m in an Infj Istj Relationship. I know that we have differences but we are even after disputes together. The money thing is real we don’t give too much away for no reason. I even trade things so I don’t need to buy stuff. Yes my friend mirrored myself sometimes, I don’t like that but it doesn’t hurt anyone.
I'm dating one right now & I'm finding him to be a bit too technical for me. He goes on & on about things I didn't ask about. LIke a walking encyclopedia. lol I'm good with money so I do appreciate that he is too. He is nice, has great values, has an education, would be loyal, but my main issue is I feel like when I try to be playful he doesn't get it which makes me sad. The long lasting couples I know always joked & laughed together. I think our humor types are different too. He likes British humor & I like things a little less exaggerated. He doesn't seem to pick up on hints (i.e I mentioned I like to get ready for bed around 10 but he still stays until 11). He doesn't also want to go out & do things but stay in whereas I'd like to go out & explore things on occasion. To me that feels like letting life pass you by. I can tell he is a quality guy, but I'm not sure if all these differences are a dealbreaker or not. Maybe I just need to be more upfront lol
It is so interesting to read the comments and different experiences with this pairing. I think if a relationship can work out or not generally depends on both individuals' maturity and willingness to make it work. In that sense, the MBTI type is not that important or let's say the MBTI can be used as a tool to understand the unique benefits and also challenges of a particular type pairing. Also, it is important to feel understood in a relationship but I sometimes think that especially INFJs look for understanding and acceptance in the external world instead of fully accepting themselves for their way of thinking no matter what or if others understand them or not.
You’re a true observant! Well said. I strongly agree with everything you’ve said. No personality assessment will help if both people aren’t committed to making it work. I know that some will be highly skeptical about them, which I understand, but just because personality is hard to quantify and measure doesn’t mean it should be ignored- which I know you agree also. Like you said, it’s a tool. Also, yes- 100% infj’s or any person who is passionate about something has a deep desire to receive external validation and sincere appreciation for what they contribute, when it comes to deep thinkers they seek to be valued for their level of introspection and the quality insights that were able to extract from those analyses which we can sometimes spend a great deal on. I think, the reason why infj’s struggle to accept themselves is because they are more often than not, progress oriented- they have a thirst for knowledge and meaningful conversations and struggle to settle for anything less which leads to the generation of high standards or expectations for themselves and can make it challenging to fully accept themselves not just because of their internal inner critic but because they also have a tendency to want to please others
@@samanthadrobac1111 Wow I never thought of this but it is very accurate! We INFJs have a hard time accepting the current version of ourselves - as well as the current version of our loved ones, including our job, living, ... etc. situation. We see the potential of what could be improved. Which is a curse and a blessing at the same time.
I am an ISTJ woman. I wonder if the dynamic would be the same with an INFJ man. My guy is so up front with what he feels. I hope i do well with his heart. Thanks for this!
Hi Raquel! I've thought about this one also! I think the differences would not be as contrasting if the woman is an ISTJ and the man is the INFJ because of the gender differences that would aid in balancing out the personality differences.
Im an infj woman been married to an istj male for 11 years. I love how consistent he is. I know i can count on him. We both share an intellectual and sometimes dark sense of humor. Definitely dont always see eye to eye. But we are ok with that and committed to each other. He can be very rigid and i can be very in my own headspace, we soften those things in each other.
Hi Jessica! Yes! They aren’t ideal but neither are we (as much as we look to think we are) - ISTJs bring as much to the table as an INFJ does and when we cannot appreciate them for their own uniqueness, we can fall into the trap of ideals, always in search of the greener grass. It takes humility, understanding and compassion (as I can see you hold) to accept people whose personalities don’t always align with ours- but that’s where the most personal development can flourish! I’m happy to hear your relationship is still holding strong! I wish you both continual growth and love!
i just had to pause your video 1 minute in b/c I was laughing at the familiarity of whom you were dealing with. It cracked me up the way you somewhat discounted the ISTJ interests in 'knowing'. Point.
@@samanthadrobac1111 thanks for the kind words 💙😶 & the video it helped me know we're not the only ones 😅 have a great day and thank you for your video
I know since I’m in that relationship. We aren’t married yet but since 2021 we are together. I don’t understand my friend always and otherwise too. 😅 But I love this relationship because we stand and help each other.
INFJ or ISFJ , we must have an honest conversation about this. Cus of our Fe we are likely to understand and put up with the ISTJ bullshit/their way or the highway but trust NO SINGLE day you will get them to understand you My experience with an ISTJ is tension, conflict and confrontation Fe will lie to you that it can work but you will wear out sooner than you think Good luck to those who doing well tho
It is said istj's have usually one intuitive friend: it's me! We've been friends for 30 years, since high school and yes it's because his loyalty. Sometimes it shocks me to see how he can seem so relaxed and funny with his more extroverted friends. Perhaps you recognise this?
im a girl and i like an istj man im worried if it doesnt go well bc lots of ppl say these types clash but i really like how consistent he is and stable? hes v mature and helps me calm down but i cant help but worry if we clash a lot
I did this back wards lol ISTJ-A Father / INFJ-T son the only thing I wish I could of changed was knowing myself sooner ALSO GET ALONG BETTER WITH ESTJ-A Brother in Law lol I don't dare tell my Sister she married a extravert version of her Father lol I SO GET IT!
I too. Had love to hear more about your experience Miranda My issue was conflict after conflict, tension in the house You are happy for two days then boom -conflict.
in my opinion INTJ females are more of a critical thinkers than INFJs. INFJs are more emotional thinkers. I get so irritated when I have discussions with INFJ and they argue with emotions. INTJ's on the other hand challenge me more. INTJs tend to be more realistic than INFJs. The one thing that I admire of the INFJ tho is that they can listen and make you feel understood. -ISTJ
Hi. As an INFJ-A Male who just got engaged with an ISTJ-T Female I'm looking to develop as much understanding going into this relationship since I plan on spending the rest of my life with them. Question: What are some common struggles (daily, monthly, etc) and how do you overcome those?
Congratulations by the way! I believe that it would be easier to handle the “struggles” between this combination since you are the male INFJ and she’s the female ISTJ-T because the gender differences will help lessen the contrasting differences and also, the fact that the is a “turbulent” ISTJ will also help with the arrogance that ISTJ often are known for hahaha - I’ll load a video on this soon
@@samanthadrobac1111 Aren’t Assertive types generally not more arrogant or is this a specific Istj thing? What I know is that ENTP are very arrogant sometimes.
I’m just finding this after looking for something like this for years. My ISTJ has a temper. I never saw it when we dated. It sends me into great distress- he’s threatened to divorce me and has yelled at me and my kids. Can any of you in an INFJ-ISTJ marriage speak to that? As an INFJ, I internalize all of that and I feel like I’m being eaten alive. I have worked on boundaries to protect myself, and have clearly communicated what I feel and need regarding yelling. But my nerves are absolutely fried 🍳
Hey! I’m happy you found the content sooner or later :) and I’m always happy to help in any way I can. Sorry about what’s happening on your end, I can completely see how that would affect someone as sensitive as we infj’s can be when intense/negativity is directed our way not to mention when there are kid involved. From what you’re sharing though I wouldn’t say it’s a perticular istj thing but more of a him thing, and he’s trying to gain control over something he feels he has hardly or has lost control over and that’s why he’s lashing out. But there’s a whole lot more of information I would need to know for me to fully understand what’s going on. Feel free to email me if you wish to share more: samanthazdrobac@gmail.com , but only if it feels in alignment, if you rather not, I’ll just say: tap into the voice within, listen to it- don’t ignore it. Happy Tuesday 🩷
Apparently it's a common coupling for infj. I think we're mostly single though. Ne is their 4th function. Ni is our main function. So our thought process is vaguely in their periphery, I guess. It probably only crops up once they've gotten their agenda completed. This is a weird thought but I bet we INFJs like someone to manage us, because we don't really manage ourselves well. When it comes to sensory things like money and hygiene. That's our 4th function, so we kind of brush it off in order to let our minds wander.
That's just you and doesn't apply to all infjs. I hate smells and disorganized places. Showers are very important and personal grooming. I also hate people managing me as I see that as trying to control
Indeed!! I’ve noticed that for very simple problem solving or finances, he (ISTJ) is definitely much more adroit than I am. I also could not agree more with letting someone manage from time to time, it definitely helps with the cognitive overload haha
Can yall help me out here....cuz she was saying that like the s and n are not interchangable right...idk if i miss typed myself or my brain actually changed but like i went into a short and painful relationship with this girl when i was typed as an enfp 4w5 then sometime after we broke up she changed me into a istj 8w9...is this somehow possible or am i trippin...what happened to me😶🌫️😶
Ah! That would most likely explain it… you’re still quite young - there’s still a lot of your personality being developed. But again, remember that none of this is set in stone, this not to categorize or label anyone. Some might feel discouraged by their results which is why I feel the need to repeat that. Lastly, it’s always best to take this test when you’re in your most neutral self, but in your case I would just give it a few more years. :-) hope that helps
The idea that ISTJs aren't interested in self development is old and inaccurate. The Si-Te combo with Ti critical parent always narrates that one needs to improve, perfect, optimize more in every area of life. Sincerely, Proud ISTJ woman
Lol there's so much about this video I love. I'm an INFJ woman who married an ISTJ man. We balance each other out in amazing ways, but it took some effort. I would even say the burden is on the INFJ to help navigate the two of them into harmony.
I loved this comment!
There are a lot of us out here. I’ve been with my ISTJ man for going on 16 years, now. We like to send each other this:
Me to him: 👽💚🤖
Him to me: 🤖❤️👽
We also have an 18 year old female ISTJ daughter. They had a fight once and *WOW!,* was that ever wild and intense! It was resolved (after about 4 days of mutual silent treatment) in a very strange negotiation kinda way. Like, “you’re never going to get that apology you’re demanding, out of me, but what I *will* do is promise to be less harsh in the future..” 🤣
They both also acknowledged that they both need to be far gentler on me, even though I wasn’t even really a part of any of it nor was I making any requests 🤣 I was just there when it all went down 🤷🏻♀️
EDIT: I forgot to mention the reason for the fight! It was the *most* ISTJ thing in the whole world. It was a fight over insurance and they each got their Te wounded by the other during a heated exchange regarding said insurance. The word *“stupid”* (along with some swears) was yelled quite a lot. That seems to be their number one most terrible insult.
LOL... I call my ISTJ husband a robot. We've been married for 24 years.
But I absolutely love your interpretation. So cute!!
I am an INFJ wife married to an ISTJ husband for almost 35 years now. Believe me, in your older years you'll appreciate the practical, down-to-earth focus with finances etc! Agree with how they are neutral -- so glad he isn't as moody as I can be! 💗😀😞
Congratulations! 35 years! What’s the secret??
You bring up a very good point- we will appreciate certain traits much more down the road that we don’t necessarily appreciate all that much now. Thanks for the comment!
As an INFJ woman married to an ISTJ man....this video is to the point, forgiving, good with Finance, responsible and let's not forget LOYAL
DOWN TO EARTH person....I'm so glad he is not an emotional sponge like me and always puts me in a neutral emotional state when I'm going wild with anxiety 🤣
Moreover how they are able to talk deeply about the topics that interest us and how they will listen to our philosophy (and show interest in it) just to calm our nerves 😂😂😂
Right?? Yes that’s how they are - it can definitely be quite the perfect companion for us infj’s because we definitely will struggle sometimes to be as contained as they can be hahaha
@@samanthadrobac1111 true
I believe ISTJs actually do have some genuine interest in at least some of the crazy things we love to talk on and on about.
After a looong research now I can say, that as an INFJ woman you need to decide first if you want to be balanced out or complemented in your personality. Do you want to get balanced - get in that. If you are looking for a person that can feel a trees energy, too - run from it, you will never get it in an ISTJ. In my teenage years I was so dissapointed when people didn't feel the same way and doesn't even have a clue about my perception and inner processes. But now in my 30s as I am learing to feed my own needs and that it is only my own responsibilty to feel good... I am searching for the lesson, the growth, the balance, I am curious for life and other percpectives to widen my focus. To be balanced (to get on with the earth-life) is way more important to me than finding a person that is the same as me... oh god, we would hardly get anything done in the physical life and would be constant hangry beings... ^^
I am looking for someone who I can laugh & joke with. Do you think that can be found in ISTJs? The one I am dating now doesn't seem to have a playful/silliness & also doesn't seem open to going out and exploring the world.
Infj here married to an istj hehe.. thank you for making this video because i tried looking it up somewhere last year and barely found anything
im infj with lots of istj friends, theyre all nice and I like them but it does get boring talking to them sometimes and somestimes draining because their conversations seem to wanna revolve around just daily life and whats going on in the world and im always trying to bring up some weird concepts and ideas into the mix that they dont really have much thought on
Hey! Haha yeah you’re not alone… but in a way you are. It’s the minority group that likes to talk about the sort of topics that perhaps you (and I) find interesting. It’s more common to find people that enjoy talking about the daily “stuff” - so I feel ya…
I’m an INFJ female married to an ISTJ man. He tested as an INTJ in college and then again 20 years later. That never seemed right to me and as I went on my own quest (which put me in a spiral some days!) to figure out what he really is, I 100% settled on ISTJ. The reason it was so hard is because he does have a well developed intuitive side. I’d say one of our biggest challenges is his lack of emotions, which can be good at times but not when it comes to his stoicism about the marriage (back burner type stuff). Also when I’m trying to plan for a plan that may fail and he says things like “we will cross that bridge when we get there”. He doesn’t think about the future AT ALL. But his down to earth attitude, his calmness in a crisis and his financial wizardry is exactly what I needed in my life. We are 12 years in. Yes, sometimes he can be boring but he does really well with keeping up with my cloud 9 ideas and never stops me from making them all become tangible.
Same here _ he tested again and came out as INTJ but I don’t really see it… perhaps he might have some rare moments that would bring out the N but he naturally is an ISTJ.
My dad was an ISTJ. Thx for helping me appreciate him.
You’re welcome!! I’m happy I was able to help :)
I'm also INFJ woman who has been in a relationship with an ISTJ guy for 37 years. Like your word "neutral" I have always thought my partner as "grounding" me. I told him he's like our drummer who keeps a steady beat to our lives.. I on the other hand am the melody, helping him think outside of regular conventions and understand emotions better. I'm the one who's constantly researching to see if there's a better way to do something. How can we tweak his job so it fits his needs better? What's the best way for us to live our lives? How can he understand his co-workers better? etc. We make a good team because we bring such different skills to the relationship.
Hi Rowena! Yep, you’re absolutely right and you’re wise to be able to appreciate it as you notice it. And thank you for watching and leaving your comment! Congratulations on being married for 37 years! What’s the biggest piece of advice you give to INFJ women who are married to an ISTJ man from your own experience?
I'm an INFJ woman married to an ISTJ man. I relate so much to what you said. This is the second marriage for both of us. It's definitely challenging, but I appreciate so much that he balances me out, grounds me and makes me feel so safe. I think, on balance, as INFJs we can help ISTJs come out of their bubble a bit, but we also need to be aware of how pushy we can be and allow them to just be them also. They are so steadfast, accepting and faithful to us. There can be a lot of pressure if we constantly push them to alter their framework.
Well said!
It's ok that my partner doesn't think like me, I actually love it. He's so grounding. He's so steady and consistent. I love it but more so, I need it! Lol and yup, he's a financial advisor. Thank God for that! He's truly the Ying to my Yang. I have noticed he doesn't think about topics as intensely as I do, but he is willing to try and I so appreciate that. He provides me the space to feel safe and secure. Anyways, ramblings. I resonate deeply with this.
Well said!
And thank you for pointing out the fact that even though they don’t think as deeply about the topics we are interested in, they are always open to talk about it regardless.
i'm an INFJ and my wife (who thinks typology is bullshit) is definitely an ISTJ - its a rollercoaster for sure!!!
Hi Paul! First, thank you for watching and leaving a piece of your thoughts! It always makes my day to hear from others. Yeah, I’m with you… it can be a roller coaster hahaha for sure… it’s not easy… but as they say, “pick your hard” or “pick your poison”. If you don’t mind me asking- what we’re the first 3 things you liked or found attractive about this ISTJ woman? And are those still there?
The hardest thing is being a deep & future facing thinker and ambitious as far as your vision and other concepts, ideas values, & where you want to go in life and the istj being more present day focused, not very ambitious, a tendency to be more selfish & not self-reflective. I find myself as a woman forced into taking more of a leading/directing role & having to pull out of my partner how they feel and why. I find this draining & like I’m having to drag the istj along with me because they simply don’t care enough about certain goals and things I care so deeply about. They don’t really seem to have much vision, and are more “along for the ride” types. I honestly don’t find this match complimentary or compatible long term, but there is some great balance with being with someone who doesn’t overthink like I can at times. It’s hard to communicate or connect on an emotional level romantically, when you ask questions geared towards understanding them and your told “I don’t know”. I think INFJs know themselves on a deeper level, why they think the way they do etc and can communicate that but apparently this is rare which sucks lol but hey platonically the pair is amazing!
From an INFJ to another, you’re such a dork! Love it!
:-)
Great video, thank you for your insights! A few months ago I entered a relationship with an ISTJ guy and I can already agree on some things you said. I don't know if that is a common trait for ISTJs but he is very agreeable and flexible in terms of how we spend our time together. He told me he is barely aware of the feelings of others and also his own, it is hard for him to open up but he is willing to try. So far he is always willing to find common ground and is able to approach conflicts in a rational way which for me is very hard but I would like to learn it, too. What I like as well is that he is very honest but also protective of me.
That sounds like a beautiful relationship! It’s hard for me sometimes to distinguish what’s an ISTJ trait and what’s more their zodiac sign trait- because that also is being expressed in their ways of thinking, beliefs, behaviors
@@samanthadrobac1111 Interesting thought! For my boyfriend I feel the zodiac sign fits many of the ISTJ traits - he is virgo :D. I think I especially like that he is stable and does not have so many (or barely any) emotional ups and downs. Whereas I have so many of them just in one day!
I don't have much experience with those but i fall in love once with istj and with first argument she talked to me in my hardest day when i was emotionally feeling very bad and she put juges and criticism in me and she says you're and you're.. That was unforgettable because it broke me more
I get that… I’ve been there too… it does hurt when they judge and criticize. They lack that emotional tactic we naturally have.
I’m an ISTJ, I believe in the mbti, and I’m interested in understanding people
X2
Socially because I know how to use Fe, Ti and sometimes Ni
Thank you for your kind and honest words about ISTJs. Much loved!
Thank you for your kindness:)
0:42 moves the mug because she knows she's going to get distracted in thought and knock it over next time 😂
Lucky guy to have such an understanding women !
Thank you for your kind words!
This is so spot on! That's the kind of relationship that my boyfriend and I have.
I’m an INFJ man, married to an ISTJ woman for 28 years now, and it definitely hasn’t always been easy. We seem to have very little in common, honestly. On the other hand, I love her more than anything in this world, and I know she loves me. We clash sometimes, but everybody clashes once in a while. We always get over it. I don’t suppose I’ve ever felt “understood,” but that’s something I can live with. The truth is, there probably isn’t any more to understand about me, anyway, than there is about anyone or anything else, which is to say, a lot, certainly, but it doesn’t have to be something that, if you know you’re missing it, is necessarily a deal breaker. Life isn’t easy for anyone, and part of maturity is recognizing whether the good you have outweighs the bad. She has brought meaning and beauty to my life I would almost certainly never have had otherwise, for lots of reasons, and probably even understands me a lot more than I give her credit for. In any case, it has never been something that I’ve carped about: I’m weird, she’s not. And I can live with that.
Hi JonP- wow, 28 years! Congrats! What’s the secret?? By the way, loved and agreed with your comment. It’s very much something I said in one of my latest videos - since this one in particular didn’t cover that which is important. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch my video and to share your thoughts! I love reading others comments :) so please keep them coming
I'm weird and she's not
A true INFJ
I'm an INFJ woman married to ISTJ man for 10 years...I feel gr8 given that I felt extremely misunderstood in the past with INTP and very much emotionally manipulated by an ENFP ( which being an INFJ I was able to see right through it...and yet he would never miss a chance to manipulate me...just to keep me bounded to him)
I feel blessed and MUCH more understood and hardly any manipulation by my ISTJ (comparatively) well maybe this is the reason ISTJ are our superego partners
I can see the world and myself much clearly when with him....compared to my GOLDEN PAIR (INTP) or so called soulmate (ENFP)
I’m in an Infj Istj Relationship. I know that we have differences but we are even after disputes together. The money thing is real we don’t give too much away for no reason. I even trade things so I don’t need to buy stuff.
Yes my friend mirrored myself sometimes, I don’t like that but it doesn’t hurt anyone.
exctly...night and day different. It's exhausting and depleting. RUN, infj's, RRRUUUUNNNN !!!
Please RUN, ISTJ should date fellow ISTJ
They will kill each other I swear
I'm dating one now and I like him but at the same time already seeing things that drive me crazy. What type do you think goes best with INFJs?
It's just your husband that want to find commun groud, the ISTJ I was with just leaved me without much explanation.
I’m sorry… :(
I’m sorry
I'm dating one right now & I'm finding him to be a bit too technical for me. He goes on & on about things I didn't ask about. LIke a walking encyclopedia. lol I'm good with money so I do appreciate that he is too.
He is nice, has great values, has an education, would be loyal, but my main issue is I feel like when I try to be playful he doesn't get it which makes me sad. The long lasting couples I know always joked & laughed together.
I think our humor types are different too. He likes British humor & I like things a little less exaggerated. He doesn't seem to pick up on hints (i.e I mentioned I like to get ready for bed around 10 but he still stays until 11). He doesn't also want to go out & do things but stay in whereas I'd like to go out & explore things on occasion. To me that feels like letting life pass you by. I can tell he is a quality guy, but I'm not sure if all these differences are a dealbreaker or not. Maybe I just need to be more upfront lol
Oh I loved this! And believe me when I say, I feel ya. Would it be ok if I use this feedback for a future video?
@@samanthadrobac1111 Sure!
It is so interesting to read the comments and different experiences with this pairing. I think if a relationship can work out or not generally depends on both individuals' maturity and willingness to make it work. In that sense, the MBTI type is not that important or let's say the MBTI can be used as a tool to understand the unique benefits and also challenges of a particular type pairing.
Also, it is important to feel understood in a relationship but I sometimes think that especially INFJs look for understanding and acceptance in the external world instead of fully accepting themselves for their way of thinking no matter what or if others understand them or not.
You’re a true observant! Well said. I strongly agree with everything you’ve said. No personality assessment will help if both people aren’t committed to making it work. I know that some will be highly skeptical about them, which I understand, but just because personality is hard to quantify and measure doesn’t mean it should be ignored- which I know you agree also. Like you said, it’s a tool.
Also, yes- 100% infj’s or any person who is passionate about something has a deep desire to receive external validation and sincere appreciation for what they contribute, when it comes to deep thinkers they seek to be valued for their level of introspection and the quality insights that were able to extract from those analyses which we can sometimes spend a great deal on. I think, the reason why infj’s struggle to accept themselves is because they are more often than not, progress oriented- they have a thirst for knowledge and meaningful conversations and struggle to settle for anything less which leads to the generation of high standards or expectations for themselves and can make it challenging to fully accept themselves not just because of their internal inner critic but because they also have a tendency to want to please others
@@samanthadrobac1111 Wow I never thought of this but it is very accurate! We INFJs have a hard time accepting the current version of ourselves - as well as the current version of our loved ones, including our job, living, ... etc. situation. We see the potential of what could be improved. Which is a curse and a blessing at the same time.
I am an ISTJ woman. I wonder if the dynamic would be the same with an INFJ man. My guy is so up front with what he feels. I hope i do well with his heart. Thanks for this!
Hi Raquel! I've thought about this one also! I think the differences would not be as contrasting if the woman is an ISTJ and the man is the INFJ because of the gender differences that would aid in balancing out the personality differences.
more contents please. this is so good! thank you so much. ❤
Thank you for watching! Working on more content 🙏🏼
Im an infj woman been married to an istj male for 11 years. I love how consistent he is. I know i can count on him. We both share an intellectual and sometimes dark sense of humor. Definitely dont always see eye to eye. But we are ok with that and committed to each other. He can be very rigid and i can be very in my own headspace, we soften those things in each other.
Hi Jessica! Yes! They aren’t ideal but neither are we (as much as we look to think we are) - ISTJs bring as much to the table as an INFJ does and when we cannot appreciate them for their own uniqueness, we can fall into the trap of ideals, always in search of the greener grass. It takes humility, understanding and compassion (as I can see you hold) to accept people whose personalities don’t always align with ours- but that’s where the most personal development can flourish! I’m happy to hear your relationship is still holding strong! I wish you both continual growth and love!
i just had to pause your video 1 minute in b/c I was laughing at the familiarity of whom you were dealing with. It cracked me up the way you somewhat discounted the ISTJ interests in 'knowing'. Point.
I'm an infj married to an istj also we love each other but communication is hard
Hi! Loved this comment! It was refreshing.
@@samanthadrobac1111 thanks for the kind words 💙😶 & the video it helped me know we're not the only ones 😅 have a great day and thank you for your video
I know since I’m in that relationship. We aren’t married yet but since 2021 we are together. I don’t understand my friend always and otherwise too. 😅 But I love this relationship because we stand and help each other.
INFJ or ISFJ , we must have an honest conversation about this. Cus of our Fe we are likely to understand and put up with the ISTJ bullshit/their way or the highway but trust NO SINGLE day you will get them to understand you
My experience with an ISTJ is tension, conflict and confrontation
Fe will lie to you that it can work but you will wear out sooner than you think
Good luck to those who doing well tho
I hear you!
It is said istj's have usually one intuitive friend: it's me! We've been friends for 30 years, since high school and yes it's because his loyalty. Sometimes it shocks me to see how he can seem so relaxed and funny with his more extroverted friends. Perhaps you recognise this?
I definitely do recognize it! And it’s something I find admirable of them actually
Very great video! I'm an infj married to an istj. (She does accounting btw)... Cool to see your perspective. Keep up the good content!
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, Martise!! And also thank you for watching :)
I'm ISTJ and I'm super into MBTI 😜
im a girl and i like an istj man im worried if it doesnt go well bc lots of ppl say these types clash but i really like how consistent he is and stable? hes v mature and helps me calm down but i cant help but worry if we clash a lot
As an INFJ dude who met an ISTJ (practical Taurus) gal last night and already dismissed her, My intuition says NO. Very smart practical but NO
I completely understand that! At least she knew her MBTI as an ISTJ, that's something! haha but I get it.
I did this back wards lol ISTJ-A Father / INFJ-T son the only thing I wish I could of changed was knowing myself sooner ALSO GET ALONG BETTER WITH ESTJ-A Brother in Law lol I don't dare tell my Sister she married a extravert version of her Father lol I SO GET IT!
Hahaha disparity happens! It’s a fun challenge :)
My best friend at work are Estj and Enfp they talk interesting stories abd are funny to hang around with
you should get typed by objective personality , they are really good
Interesting! I'm infj man married an istj woman since 30 years
I was married to an istj…. Didn’t work out 😕
my mother is an istj she loves me and am sure , but dealing with each other is veeeery difficult
I’m sorry to hear that, Carmelita - sometimes things just don’t work out… and that’s ok too - it never hurts to get deeper understanding
I too. Had love to hear more about your experience Miranda
My issue was conflict after conflict, tension in the house
You are happy for two days then boom -conflict.
@@TravellersDiary1 sure! Message me on Facebook. Would love to chat about our experiences.
@@carmelitamiranda8056 awesome, share a link to your Facebook or name so that I search
in my opinion INTJ females are more of a critical thinkers than INFJs. INFJs are more emotional thinkers. I get so irritated when I have discussions with INFJ and they argue with emotions. INTJ's on the other hand challenge me more. INTJs tend to be more realistic than INFJs. The one thing that I admire of the INFJ tho is that they can listen and make you feel understood. -ISTJ
Hi. As an INFJ-A Male who just got engaged with an ISTJ-T Female I'm looking to develop as much understanding going into this relationship since I plan on spending the rest of my life with them. Question: What are some common struggles (daily, monthly, etc) and how do you overcome those?
Congratulations by the way! I believe that it would be easier to handle the “struggles” between this combination since you are the male INFJ and she’s the female ISTJ-T because the gender differences will help lessen the contrasting differences and also, the fact that the is a “turbulent” ISTJ will also help with the arrogance that ISTJ often are known for hahaha - I’ll load a video on this soon
@@samanthadrobac1111 THANK YOU AND PLEASE DO 😃
@@samanthadrobac1111 Aren’t Assertive types generally not more arrogant or is this a specific Istj thing? What I know is that ENTP are very arrogant sometimes.
Good luck bro, this relationship only works for female INFJ
I’m just finding this after looking for something like this for years.
My ISTJ has a temper. I never saw it when we dated. It sends me into great distress- he’s threatened to divorce me and has yelled at me and my kids. Can any of you in an INFJ-ISTJ marriage speak to that? As an INFJ, I internalize all of that and I feel like I’m being eaten alive. I have worked on boundaries to protect myself, and have clearly communicated what I feel and need regarding yelling. But my nerves are absolutely fried 🍳
Hey! I’m happy you found the content sooner or later :) and I’m always happy to help in any way I can. Sorry about what’s happening on your end, I can completely see how that would affect someone as sensitive as we infj’s can be when intense/negativity is directed our way not to mention when there are kid involved. From what you’re sharing though I wouldn’t say it’s a perticular istj thing but more of a him thing, and he’s trying to gain control over something he feels he has hardly or has lost control over and that’s why he’s lashing out. But there’s a whole lot more of information I would need to know for me to fully understand what’s going on. Feel free to email me if you wish to share more: samanthazdrobac@gmail.com , but only if it feels in alignment, if you rather not, I’ll just say: tap into the voice within, listen to it- don’t ignore it. Happy Tuesday 🩷
Noooo, nobody s""ts roses like INFJs. Step away mortals. 😏
Am I the only ISTJ woman here ?
Hahaha it’s ok if you are!
I don’t know maybe not
Relationship between infj and istj can't work, i had istj freind
Apparently it's a common coupling for infj. I think we're mostly single though.
Ne is their 4th function. Ni is our main function. So our thought process is vaguely in their periphery, I guess. It probably only crops up once they've gotten their agenda completed.
This is a weird thought but I bet we INFJs like someone to manage us, because we don't really manage ourselves well. When it comes to sensory things like money and hygiene. That's our 4th function, so we kind of brush it off in order to let our minds wander.
That's just you and doesn't apply to all infjs. I hate smells and disorganized places. Showers are very important and personal grooming. I also hate people managing me as I see that as trying to control
Indeed!!
I’ve noticed that for very simple problem solving or finances, he (ISTJ) is definitely much more adroit than I am.
I also could not agree more with letting someone manage from time to time, it definitely helps with the cognitive overload haha
I’m a clean freak also. My place and personal hygiene is always in great state!
I hate if someone smells, I tell my friend if they smell because I hate it.
Your Tshirt makes me want to eat Kale
Can yall help me out here....cuz she was saying that like the s and n are not interchangable right...idk if i miss typed myself or my brain actually changed but like i went into a short and painful relationship with this girl when i was typed as an enfp 4w5 then sometime after we broke up she changed me into a istj 8w9...is this somehow possible or am i trippin...what happened to me😶🌫️😶
Hello! So, when you first took the test- how old were you? And how old were you when you last took the test and got a completely different type?
@@samanthadrobac1111 about 15-17ish when i got enfp then 18 when i got istj
Ah! That would most likely explain it… you’re still quite young - there’s still a lot of your personality being developed. But again, remember that none of this is set in stone, this not to categorize or label anyone. Some might feel discouraged by their results which is why I feel the need to repeat that. Lastly, it’s always best to take this test when you’re in your most neutral self, but in your case I would just give it a few more years. :-) hope that helps
@@samanthadrobac1111 yes thank you
The idea that ISTJs aren't interested in self development is old and inaccurate. The Si-Te combo with Ti critical parent always narrates that one needs to improve, perfect, optimize more in every area of life.
Sincerely,
Proud ISTJ woman
95%
Oh, I should connect with the Chinese woman who looks like Lucy Lou?