Breastfeeding, our big fight & the highs and lows of parenthood | Ep. 31
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2023
- It's an adjustment for anybody to have a newborn baby appear in your life, even if it's your second born. In this episode, we discuss our initial challenges with breastfeeding Auggie and how that led to one of the biggest arguments in our marriage.
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Am I married? No.
Am I pregnant? Nope.
Do I have kids? Nah.
Did I watch this entire episode and the last one? Absolutely.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. ❤️
MEEEEEE!!!! Am I single? Yes. Do I cry when she talks about things about motherhood? Also yes. 😂😂
Also me. I did have a baby girl, she's grown and gone. I bottle fed her from the get go. She also stayed in the nursery. (I have epilepsy so breast feeding was out of the question. Since stress brings on seizures I felt she'd be better off in the nursery)
@@MicheleWalkerWebb I have a friend that had a baby and her mother told me that when she told her it's so healthy and b milk is the best and better if you can produce milk and she asked her why she didn't want to b feed and she told her she didn't care and just didn't want to. She also said that multiple times when she went to her house she had the baby shut in the closet and my friend's mother got the baby out of the closet. I was like wow
@@miac2382 I would have breast fed my daughter, but I had epilepsy. Seizures. I take two different medications that would have come through the milk. Drugged her. I choose to have my daughter in the nursery because my vaginal birth with no epidural knocked me out. She was in the nursery for one evening and one day. I was able to get sleep and get stronger. I'm sorry about your friend & her child in the closet. I hope you know that wasn't my problem. I just chose another route in my childbirth.
Same
Abby you should validate yourself more. You’re an intelligent 24 year old mother of two. Be strong just the way you are. It’s magnificent 💞
To Matt:
I’m saying this purely to help educate you Matt, that breastmilk is so much more than just a food. It also helps mom’s uterus to shrink back down too. It helps mom and baby to bond with oxytocin as well. So if Abby wants to breastfeed only, it’s okay to support her in that without pushing formula 💛
I do want to say (as a mom of a 4yr old and 1.5yr old). Having trouble latching and feeding at first is SO normal! It took me 2 weeks with my 2nd born before we got the hang of things, and while formula can be helpful in some situations, I’m grateful that I didn’t reach for it because it can actually hurt mom’s milk supply to supplement formula. I’m happy to say I’ve breastfed my oldest until she was 2.5yrs old and I’m still breastfeeding my 18month old and it has been amazing. When she was teething, hurt, sad, having a tantrum, breastfeeding was a comfort to her (it can actually provide pain relief for babies! And even provide melatonin at night to help them sleep)
(Genuinely just saying this to give a new perspective, no hate at all!)
I think he figured that out.. didn't you listen to the podcast? He wasn't "pushing" formula.. he was concerned about his baby, and both parents are going to feel differently, and both parent's feelings are valid. He gets it now how important it was to Abby to breastfeed for her emotions as well. I don't think you needed to come along and reiterate what he just figured out in the podcast.
Matt was putting feeding their crying hungry baby over Abby’s feelings. And sadly my husband did the same while I was in the hospital & he ultimately help me feel less sad about having to supplement those fist few days. A fed baby is a happy baby. To hear him cry like that over food that I couldn’t give him then not give him food was just heartbreaking. It’s okay to supplement those first few days
Thank you for sharing this information. I remember asking my daughter’s pediatrician to administer vaccinations or drawing her blood while I nursed her to aid with pain. It worked wonder for us.
@@truthtalker4038 I think you are being harsh to a person who is giving good and helpful info about breastfeed to Matt. He didn't talk or got in the podcast about any of the specifics @hannahcohen wrote and probably she did watched/listened what they said and thats why she gave that advice in a really nice way. I actually was searching for someone to say something more to Matt because the feeling is that he didn't fully got it.
Yes! Im glad you said this. I am not a mom but I am studying SLP and I know that it’s difficult for latching to be learned once bottle fed. Babies get used to the ease of bottle feeding and refuse the breast. I know it’s hard to go against instinct and to hear the baby cry, but babies can go quite a while between feeding and be fine. Thought I’d just add onto your perspective for education purposes! 😊
The irrational fears Abby is describing seems like postpartum anxiety which is very common and worth looking into! I’m glad she’s voicing her thoughts on this!
Pregnancy and child birth are insanely up and down and social media always makes it look so much easier than it is. Thank you for always being so honest and raw about everything, I love listening to your podcast for that reason alone! 💜
Social media really does make it look that way! Both pregnancy and childbirth (and postpartum) were BRUTAL!
It's not social media, it's just people. People aren't honest with what really happens. That's usually because other people like to judge too much. People are the issue.
Fed is best. It doesn't matter how the baby is fed. ❤
@@Essouza81 amen to that! 🙏🏻
Absolutely agree with this! Thank you for watching the podcast!!
She’s such a doll. A lot of TH-camrs and family bloggers drive me nuts, but she genuinely seems so sweet and normal.
Yes because most family vloggers are egotistical and just care about doing things for content (which is Matt in this case). Abby is much more likeable and doesn’t even enjoy content creation, which makes complete sense. She gets it.
Abby, every mom IS YOU or has been. I can relate so much. The crying, the needing your mom, the desire to breastfeed but acknowledging formula is totally fine. Husbands not getting it. You will get through this. Postpartum is so hard. Praying for y’all.
I agree!! Listening to this I remember feeling the exact same way. Postpartum hormones are NO JOKE!!😫 Sometimes I didn’t even know why I felt the way I did, and I would get even more mad that my husband didn’t just get it. It seems to me like it should be common sense but they’ll never be able to feel externally and internally all the emotions and pain we go through, and I was too tired to explain to him.
Yes!!!!!! So many viewers of this channel are (no offense Matt) up Matt’s ass, but everything Abby is going through is so relatable! I love them both and their marriage but damn I relate to abby so much
@@hey.a5162 It is also important to remember that just because a husband won’t be able to feel externally or internally the pain or emotions does not mean they can’t be supportive and understanding, that’s what empathy is. Of course they don’t know the feeling directly but that’s when you try to put your self in others shoes, and it really is common sense to know that after a women has a baby she is going though something physical and emotional and needs a lot of support.
It does not make much sense when the argument that “he will never understand” is used. How will that change the amount of effort or support he gives, it’s not like you are just going to not try cuz “you don’t understand, if anything it is essential to try even harder. There are so many situations in life where someone has not gone though something but they are still fully capable of understanding that this person is going through it. Not having gone through something does not excuse or make it not possible for someone to be understanding and supportive.
It seems like the idea of “they will never be able to understand so they can’t be very supportive” and just cracking it up to that is what causes these marital problems in the first place. After having a baby a women needs so much support and going at it alone or without your partner because they “don’t understand” is the worst you can do. A couple getting support from family and friends is amazing but a husband being the main support to his wife is essential. In marriage even when you don’t understand something directly you still need to be all in and try even harder.
Show possibility: bring your brother and sister in law on to talk about their labor and baby experiences.
If you look at breast milk under a microscope you will see that it's actually living. Breast milk can adapt to your baby and their needs. There are also so many health benefits for the mother. So I understand where baby is coming from. Like I told my husband, just make sure im getting enough sleep, water, healthy food, and sunshine. Then the rest will follow.
I think that you are walking a fine line here with sharing. These conversations seem to not be fully discussed until on the podcast and new information shakes one of you. This is great processing and communication work in therapy but not necessarily on a podcast for thousands to listen to. It’s just hard to watch you both emotionally process and respond in a performance environment.
Well said
This! Like therapy is a good thing
I think that's what makes them such a strong couple. Abby is an emotional person and the conversations wouldn't be the same if they were preworked. I think it's very brave of them to share these parts of their lives with people who may or may not understand and that's very vulnerable of them. I do agree therapy isn't a bad idea but I don't PERSONALLY feel like they would have continued with and posted the video if they were uncomfortable or didn't want to share. I do think Matt gets excited sometimes and goes a little over and abby is just trying to be respectful. I think they're wonderful parents and are probably helping SOOOO many people. But I do respect your opinion and I get what you're saying but it seems to work for them... for now at least.
I don’t think it is a bad thing. They can choose to post it or not.
yeppppp
Is it just me or do you love when Abby cries because you just relate so much?! I’ve not had children yet but talking about things like my husband or just anything or anyone I love makes me so emotional. So I completely relate to always crying!
Yes!! I am the exact same way with people I love so whenever Abby starts crying I think it's so sweet
You guys love when Abby cries?
Abby crying makes so much sense to me. I'm a very emotional person in general, so I can relate. But tears are so much more than just an emotional response. Abby crying in that moment with all the swirling chaos of her postpartum hormones makes sense purely from a physical standpoint, let alone the frustrations she & Matt are having in this time of adjustment. Going from parenting 1 child to having 2 is tough! As my pastor told me after our 2nd child arrived, parenting 2 children isn't twice as hard; it's astronomically harder! Let's those tears flow, momma!
I have loved every episode of this podcast... but this one I could barely get through. To Matt: Let your wife speak and please stop putting your biases and inexperienced thoughts into her mouth. I'm sorry but you are not the one pregnant. It irked me when you were trying to convince Abby that C-section is easier the vaginal. It's not just about pain, and you didn't do either! That goes for the breastfeeding in public as well: You are not the one doing it! To Abby: please don't be afraid to really voice your opinions on certain topics. When you said that you knew you were a good mom, I smiled because I love that you have the confidence to say that! Again I have really loved every single episode, but I think we need more thoughts from Abby's own experiences and less of Matt's assumptions. Can't wait for the next episode!
My baby also wouldn’t latch immediately and it took her two days. I immediately felt like a failure, panicked that breastfeeding wouldn’t work for us, less connected to my baby, and scared she’d starve. BUT the hospital staff was amazing and saved me from spiraling with those thoughts. They assured me that this is SO normal because babies are tired and overwhelmed from birth and often just don’t want to/ understand how to latch. Babies come out of the womb full of meconium and fluid so their bellies are full. They simply aren’t even hungry that soon. Lo and behold a few days go by and like I was told, my baby got hungrier and was able to latch. I didn’t need to supplement with formula before that because I knew, and the hospital staff assured me, that my colostrum was enough for my baby’s small cherry sized tummy. Because she wouldn’t latch I hand expressed into a spoon and poured it into her mouth that way. All this is to say that hospital staff need to educate new moms, not latching right away is normal, and hand expression of colostrum is enough for baby in those first few days! I so badly wish all moms got the education from the hospital staff that I got but I know that isn’t the case. I hope sharing my experience can be a help to someone.
Yes! Babies tummies are so tiny at first and they grow within the first few days!
I also hand expressed since my baby couldn’t latch at first. I hand expressed into a little medicine cup and few them with a syringe. It only lasted a few days until she could latch!
Yes!! My mother-baby nurse helped teach me how to hand express colostrum and we spoon fed it to our first baby while we were in the hospital. I felt everything you described in this!
I’ve never related to another conversation more. I had a c-section with my first, then struggled to figure out how to breastfeed, while my husband kept saying “just give him a bottle”. He didn’t understand why, but every time I made a bottle for my son in those first few weeks while we were figuring it out, I felt like a failure as a mom. Now I’m happy to report my baby is almost 1 and has had a successful year breastfeeding!
LOOOOOVVEEED this episode! I'm currently pregnant and have a three-year-old and also experience those irrational thoughts about both of my children. Nobody talks about the mental challenge it is to be a mom. Thank you guys for being so real and talking about these topics while you're going through them. There's a lot of us out here also trying to figure out this parenting thing.
So glad to hear this!!
You two are doing great. The baby blues are real but you are pulling through. My first son (25 now) got spinal meningitis at 3 weeks. He had only been around family and 1 trip to Wal-Mart. We were in the hospital for 9 nights. I was so afraid he was going to stop breathing he slept on top of me and then with us until he was 5. The hardest thing was getting him in his own bed when his sister came along. The fear you feel for your littles is like no other. You two are communicating and loving each other through the hard parts. I totally believe you 2 will be together forever!
This is the most relatable episode you two have put out. You took me right back to a year ago when my baby was born and my husband and I were going THROUGH IT. Thanks for being vulnerable and honest 💕 you got this, guys!!
It’s really brave to share what y’all have shared the last few episodes but it’s so so nice for people in the same position to know they aren’t alone or crazy. Having kids is a roller coaster for everyone and it’s so beautiful but soooo stressful. Thank you for normalizing these things ❤️
Matt’s trying to play it off as “omg what a dumb miscommunication, we were just sleep deprived” while Abby is trying to convey how meaningful this is to her
Women are emotional, men are logical is all.
@@irisdanagherthis is so sexist, in both directions. men and women are both emotional and logical, it doesnt depend on ur gender - it depends on u as a person.
While I don't believe it is with malice, Matt is sometimes tone-deaf to how insensitive he sounds. He also has seemingly no idea how graciously abby either goes with it or gently redirects. He is trying hard but he isn't listening fully if he's not able to commit to memory some facts about breastfeeding/birth. Especially in such a public sphere, it's a little weird. We know he loves Abby and he's a wonderful dad, I'm not saying this to take away from that!
@@irisdanagherMen are literally are just as emotional as women and women are just as logical as men. You don't even need to do research to know this.
@@irisdanagherit’s pretty emotional to ignore your post partum post op wife for two days if you ask me
Thank you Abby for advocating for us women who had a traumatic c section by simply clarifying his statement “if it’s scheduled” because I had an emergency c section after over 48 hours of labor and it was wildly different than your experience.
I just gotta say how GLAD I am that y’all have decided to stop showing your children on SM. I love that y’all are protecting them in this way. There’s way too many creeps out there to risk something happening to your children. I hope other influencers that know you guys and are close to you will be inspired and encouraged to do the same.
I love tuning into y’all’s podcast and I hope and pray you continue in the direction of protecting your children and not sharing them online! It would be hard for me to continue to support you guys if you didn’t.
I used to enjoy watching a few family vloggers but have had a huge change of mind recently and I just can’t get behind it anymore. Children deserve to be protected! And I’m really thankful y’all are doing that for your kids🤍
Just wanted to share encouragement to y’all and encourage you to stay on this path! God bless you guys🕊️
Yes! It makes me SO happy when I see vlogs where the kids are shown but very shortly and no faces! Makes me so proud of what amazing parents they are and always have been ❤
The reason Abby cries every episode is because Matt seems to intentionally ask her questions he knows will get her riled up for the sake of getting content :(
You are correct. It's very intentional and he does it for two reasons; for algorithm engagement because vulnerable, crying Abby always gets the comments (good and bad) and it's part of his ongoing attempt to make himself look better than her. If you notice, when he asks a question that he thinks a caring husband would ask, he puts on a fake, concerned-looking face when she answers. When she's getting close to tears or is crying, he often has a smirk on his face. The podcast is becoming an uncomfortable visible record of a narcissist husband manipulating his wife.
@@Stargazer95485yep exactly. Idk if he’s a true narc, but he’s definitely “me me me” and you can see Abby is slowly drowning. She’s constantly making comments about resenting him, being annoyed by him, etc. And has said time and time again content creation doesn’t make her super happy. I feel like most of these conversations belong in a therapy office, not a podcast.
yep
I honestly think Matt is one of the most caring husbands who seeks to understand his wife with all that he can. I don’t normally comment or reply, but these comments are completely unkind and misunderstanding of this couple. They are beautiful and love each other so much. He is the opposite of a narcissist and is one of the best husbands to his wife. Abby is still emotional because of the hormone imbalance and simply because being a mom has its challenges (speaking esp being 3 weeks post partum myself). He is trying to understand it all and support her in the best way he can.
@@ashleycranston6929 if you can’t see he does it all for validation on camera, that’s where the misunderstanding is. I used to really like them, but his need for praise for doing the bare minimum is too much.
I love how real you both are about parenthood. It’s so helpful to hear from both mom and dads side with everything.
I’m a teacher and had my first baby this year. In my district, we don’t have a set maternity leave. We have to use the sick days we’ve saved up. I had enough to cover 5 weeks, then had to take a dock in pay for the final 9 days. It’s so frustrating how maternity leave is set up in the US.
Omgosh, "Matt, I need you to leave, then come right back in in one minute and totally agree with me." THIS IS IT. I've been married to my husband like almost 20 years, and we literally ARE talking to one another like this 🤣🥰
I appreciate the vulnerability so much! You are helping normalize the true feelings and emotions that can happen after giving birth and helping so many families in doing so ❤️
My youngest wouldn't latch straight away and I sat in my hospital bed SOBBING watching my husband and nurse feed my baby formula with a cup, I remember the emotions I felt so betrayed, useless and heartbroken. I've been the same with both postpartum journeys my emotions are heightened for the first 2 years. Thank you for being so honest abby!
Matt tell Abby that she just had a baby- it’s okay to cry. We know she doesn’t want to cry on a lot of these episodes but we give here grace too. Her hormones are still not leveled out and she’s talking about things that are emotional.
My mom always said that my siblings and I all took 3-5 days so she always just formula fed until then
I'm glad to hear mom's are breastfeeding longer than a year. When I had my three the Dr's wanted them to be weaned and on a cup by a year old. What I thought was they were nuts. Bottle fed babies are on the bottle longer so what's the difference? If I could go back and do that over I would but the are in their 30s. Lol
Thank you for acknowledging the struggle of motherhood for teachers. I'm newly pregnant so I will be on maternity leave for the last 6 weeks of the school year. I have decided not to return in the fall because the idea of leaving my baby for someone else to raise while I'm spending everyday with other peoples' kids is heart wrenching and I can't do it. Luckily my husband and I have the means to make this work, but most teachers cannot afford to.
The vulnerability in this episode is incredible! Thank y’all for sharing! I am sure it was extremely helpful to so many (including me)! It’s just nice to know that there are other people out there who struggle with the same things that we do. Even people that seem so put together like y’all do. This was appreciated. ❤️
Intrusive thoughts are so real Abby, I'm so glad someone is finally talking openly about it. My child is 2.3yr old and i'm so scared she will get stolen out of her bed at night, its crazy but it happens! I don't think people really really tell you how hard being a mother is! Strongs Abby & Matt we all doing our best and you are 2!
And it doesn't help when you have a very wild imagination
The C-section was a ton tougher than vaginal with hormones and physically. I had 3 vaginal deliveries. But one was a shoulder dystocia, so my baby girl (baby #4) wound up an emergency C-section. I feel you 💯. It’s a whole new ball game. It’s super hard to not be able to pick up your kids and to feel like you have a need for care as much as your new baby. I’ll be praying for you as you go through this transition. I’m just 3 months postpartum and I’m still not wholly recovered.
With breastfeeding, the beginning stages are the MOST important part of the journey. Once you have established that, at least in the first few weeks, you’re typically going to last a lot longer. The colostrum is also the most vital as it holds the most nutrients. Giving formula when you should be latching is telling your body not to make it, so that’s why it’s so important to latch, latch, latch. Your mind is already wanting to give up, and when someone is not understanding the logic of breastfeeding, it becomes frustrating for several reasons. It also makes you think about how easy it could be to give up. Breastfeeding was the hardest, yet most favorite part of the postpartum journey. As I sit here and pump at work for my 10 month old.
110%.
I laughed at that last sentence, Jenn. I can so relate! I had to shorten my lunch to 20 minutes to give myself 5 extra minutes on breaks to MANUALLY pump my milk - exhausting! And right after I stopped working around our daughter's 1st birthday & was happy to be home & longer need to pump, she decided to stop nursing! 🙄🤷♀️
@@bethsapelli1971 hahahahah! I was not expecting the ending 😂😂 that totally sounds about right. Ugh! Manual?? Pumped 3x in 9 hours. It was a JOB!!
To add to that whole part about how there’s emotions tied to breastfeeding, Abby is so right. I only last 6 weeks with my first born and it was just so draining for me. I wanted to keep going but my family, bless their hearts, kept making formula bottles because they didn’t want to see me struggle and wanted to help. After I dried up from not breastfeeding as much, I cried multiple times a week for about 6 months. I wanted to try to lactate again but I worked full time and just didn’t have the time to pump every hour to try to get a supply again. For months I grieved what I lost. Breastfeeding truly is an emotional thing. I’m praying I can be successful my next baby that I’m currently pregnant with. I’d rather go through the mental exhaustion of adjusting to a healthy breastfeeding experience than just quit and lose out on that experience. So I totally understand why Abby is so adamant on persevering.
Up at 330 with a migraine but at least this podcast is uploaded ❤ 😅 breast feeding practically after a C-section is sooo hard there's so many hormones, drugs, and pain and with that comes HUGE emotions. So proud of you guys! I'll be having my second C-section in January 🎉❤
I joined a La Leche League to get support during my breastfeeding journey. One of the moms who had been in the Air Force stated that learning to breastfeed was harder than boot camp!! You are not crazy Abby. Breastfeeding is tough!! You are an awesome momma! Try looking up a local La Leche League in your area, it is so wonderful to be around other momma's on the same path you are.
I wanted so desperately to breast feed my twins, but they were too little and didn’t know how. I started pumping, but I had lost so much blood and was so exhausted that I couldn’t keep up with it. I had one nurse put me down and made me feel so bad about not giving them breast milk. I had horrible postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn’t know how to ask for the help I needed. I am so thankful a lot this generation is starting to break the silence and stigma on topics like this. It is so hard to adjust, take care of an infant (infants), and take care of yourself!
@@saladfingers.EW. He is not a man child. You know these two humans are sweet people and calling him names HURTS ABBY too. They’re more mature and communicate better than most young people these days. They’re talking and he’s trying to understand. Stop being so damn mean to him and by default - Abby. This couple shares hard things to try and help others and here you are running your mouth. Jesus - be nice. Seriously. This couple is way to rare and precious and special for you to speak about them like this. Be nice or go away!
*big hugs* You did your best. Don’t beat yourself up the things that didn’t go your way. ❤️🙏
@@honeybadger2986 Thank you! I wish I could delete the trolls comment 🤦🏼♀️
Oh my gosh, the part when you guys are talking about when Abby wanted Matt to leave the room but not actually leave cracked me up cause that is SO relatable!
Also, I wasn’t able to breast feed my son for very long. He was born was a tongue tie which affected latching right away in the hospital & my milk supply was low. I tried really hard to do everything I could to make breastfeeding work & it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I ended up formula feeding my son & after some time, I ended up accepting that & was okay with it because my mental health improved. Abby you are incredible & I admire you guys. You are not alone ❤
Matt and Abby, thank you sooo much for give us a real and true opinion, on childbirth, breastfeeding and pros and cons of parenthood, as a new mother, bc of everything posted on social media, I didn’t relize how emotional it was I didn’t realize how many hormonal changes I would experience, 💗💗💗
This is my favourite podcast so far because I never related to something like this. The fights between couples after having a baby it’s SO real! I’m happy I’m not alone here
Wow thank you for this. I feel like Abby articulated *exactly* how it feels when contending with feeding struggles and the drive/impulse/instinct towards breastfeeding. It brought me right back to that space and I remember the desperation and panic I felt because I so badly needed/wanted to nourish my baby in that way.
When I had my first baby, she was screaming crying the day we brought her home. My husband and parents were vehement that I give her a bottle and I was 100% against it. Ultimately they insisted and my husband gave her a bottle of formula while I pumped (almost nothing came out). My daughter immediately guzzled the bottle and fell asleep and I felt so terrible like I had starved her. But ultimately she became an avid nurser and we figured it out with a lot of perseverance. Keep hanging in there Abby. You’re doing great.
One of the most helpful things that my husband and I do with those irrational fears that come in, is a change in phrasing. I tell my husband "tell me why ___ won't happen" and he logically works through why it will not be a problem. It helps nearly every time! 😊
How! I have irrational fears and I can walk myself through how it can't happen logically and my body still reacts as if it's happening
@@beans4853 It helps to hear it, from someone who sounds calm and knowledgeable. I can convince myself I'm wrong if I try to logic-brain my panic 😂 BUT, if it doesn't work for you, I'm sorry!❤️ Wishing you all the best in finding a solid coping method!
"You can't be everything to me". This is so true! Everyone has a purpose in our life and we need to apreciate this more.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the realities of becoming a new parent. My husband and I struggled with the sleep deprivation and exhaustion from a long and traumatic birth experience. We fought SO much (the worst fight we ever had was our first night home from the hospital). No one else we knew had experienced that (or so we thought), so it was embarrassing to admit.
Abby, I can relate to the hormones hitting you out of nowhere. Once the drugs wore off from my c-section, I cried about everything. It was so hard to deal with. Thank you guys again for talking about your experience in an open and honest way. It is nice to know you aren't alone, especially when other people make it seem so easy.
I am newly pregnant (11 weeks) and hearing this was very eye opening and comforting, thank you so much for sharing the raw moments. ❤
Thank you for sharing this very relatable content. My husband and I just had our baby August 7th, 2023. We have experienced a lot of the same emotional challenges its nice to know we are not alone. Mostly when the baby cries I said it feels like, "house is on fire" I need to put it out as soon as possible. However it is not the same for dads. Knowing how to be a supportive partner to your wife will help your family more than you know. I feel like moms get it but there should be more education out there for dads about everything we go through and how to help.
Yes when the baby cries its like alarms going off in your mind and instant panic. I had such a hard time when my son would cry in his car seat while I was driving.
Why is it not the same for dads about stopping the baby from crying as soon as possible? If dads is taking care of baby and doing his responsibilities I don’t see what the difference would be.
@@IsabellaL9659 we're talking about the way it feels to a mother. Hearing the baby cry triggers our hormones and causes a physical reaction in our bodies.
@@ashleymufasa this makes more sense. Thank you for the explanation. I though you meant dads just did not care when their baby’s cried, but I get now that you meant the hormones triggering certain reactions. Thank you again for the explanation.
@@IsabellaL9659 you're welcome 😊
I wish that Matt would educate himself on breastfeeding. The first few days it's all colostrum. Her milk wasn't even in yet. That's how our bodies are designed. Research the science and benefits and support your wife!
I'm sure he is learning from Abby! Its not his fault he isn't educated on it. He probably does his best to support her and is a great husband!
@@samhill6454he should educate himself, and he also already had a baby
Tbf I don’t blame him your natural instinct when a baby is crying and he physically can’t feed it to calm it down by breastfeeding so his instinct is to help by formula cos that’s the only way he can
He’s asking his WIFE! …why would he “google it”? 😂 Matt gets so much hate, that I don’t think is warranted. ❤ love the whole family! ❤
Exactly! My doctor & nurse’s explained that to me through 3 pregnancies. Did they not go over this with you? Colostrum is extremely important & helps protect your baby from picking up illnesses easily.
Listening to y'all's description of your fight reminds me of something I learned in therapy. There's 4 main reasons for fighting in a relationship: all or nothing thinking, jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, and filling in the blanks. If you can catch yourself with these in the moment or use "I" statements and objective descriptions of the situation at hand when explaining your feelings, i think that could help. It has helped me a lot in my own marriage. Not medical advice and I'm not a therapist. Just some rando on the internet in therapy and seeing the same kind of fights I used to have. Wishing y'all all the best!
Abby talking about the mother-son dance has got my crying in the laundry room as my 4mo son is napping 🥺❤️. I feel your emotions to my core! We are so blessed to be moms to these little guys and share such sweet moments.
As much as childbirth is very much about the mother I do feel for Matt, he as a dad is going through things too and shouldn’t be forgotten. Thanks for being so open about talking about real life things
Yeah shame. He needs to be awarded the same grace, patience and parenting.
I think a lot of it is just they are so young… but I tend to agree with this. He’s constantly responsible for her emotional health, And he shouldn’t be. He’s a great and involved dad doing all he can for the family. And I feel it will be a long while before they figure this out. But that’s life. Figuring out how to balance all these things.
I agree I think its a little sad he is dismissed so much. My husband and I had our first baby the day before their baby was born and I think it’s important to recognize it’s hard on the dads too and they’re doing their best and are likely also very exhausted from sleeping in uncomfortable chairs and being a support system. My husband was amazing before, during, and after but he did try to push formula for supplementing when I wanted very badly to breastfeed exclusively. We did end up giving our baby 2-3 small bottles of 20 ml of formula after I breastfed him first to try and get his weight up and thankfully it did not negatively impact milk supply. There is so much going on after the baby is born and I can totally see how some dads get neglected or dismissed in the process. I am so thankful for my husband I couldn’t do any of this without him or his support
@@kutie216 this is so beautiful. I’m sure he appreciates you so much
Definitely, especially when men are wired to find solutions. And I see him trying, but men do need direct communication. As silly as that sounds. But both are doing the best they can, I see that too.
Y’all are amazing parents. Just here to say after hearing Abby’s fears of August not breathing while sleeping, I was the same way. And truly, the Owlet sock gave me so much peace of mind. We learned how to put it on the right way after a couple failed attempts and never had any false alarms. One time, at 3 months, it went off, alerting that his oxygen had dipped. We went in and checked him, and repositioned him in his sleep and he was fine. However, I choose not to even think about what could have happened without the Owlet. We used it until our sweet boy was 1 years old. And recommend it to everyone. Just from one mama to another. 💗💗💗 God bless you both!!
So glad you made this podcast and had this genuine conversation. Things like these need to be talked about more, so that both men and women going through it know they are not alone. Thank you sooo much!!! 💕
Hey guys! You both are so sweet and it’s so amazing that you guys keep everything real!
I wanted to speak on the Owlet sock, USE IT! My daughter was a NICU baby and honestly, that sock is the only reason why I could sleep or have peace of mind. You can watch their heartrate and if the alarm goes off it tells you why it went off.
I have been able to catch when my daughter was getting sick BEFORE she was sick because of her heart rate.
Your peace of mind is so important!
Love you guys!
I like how curious Matt is about Abby's experience. and how expressive Abby is about her emotions. interesting episode you guys!
It is so different for each mom, each baby. Always a fed baby is always a happy baby no matter how it happens but the emotions behind it all are real.
y'all showing the raw truth of your relationship is such a resource to young adults navigating similar circumstances! thank you for never filtering out your real selves
Thanks for being so real!! Parenting is hard and those postpartum emotions are real. I had difficulty with latching and supply with both our kids and it was so frustrating because all I wanted was to have a great breastfeeding journey. On top of that we had family that didn't always respect our views on pacifiers early on. We wanted to limit it to try to work on latching and making it work and they just didn't respect that. It was so difficult and created tension that wasn't needed during an already stressful time. So glad you have a great support system, but regardless if you have good support or not, it is still hard at times. All worth it though ❤
Can we appreciate the level of vulnerability displayed in this episode. So beautiful! When Abby said being a mom changes you, I felt that. She is absolutely correct. We can NEVER stop thinking about our babies. NEVER. It is literally impossible. Motherhood sits Abby so well. Precious momma. And Dad is killing it making sure everybody is healthy and safe. Matt is such a rockstar! Both of y’all are just an amazing couple and parents.
This is such a sweet message! Thank you so much!!
You two are absolutely precious!! So real, so relatable, so raw...thank you for verbalized everything I've felt from being pregnant, childbirth, post partum, breastfeeding, hormones!! You are both so young but have so much wisdom! Praying that God richly blesses you and your sweet family!!!❤
I enjoy listening to this podcast so much. I really appreciate how really y’all are! I just recently had a baby (she is 2 months now) and I feel like I’ve walked this journey with you, Abby. Thank you for being someone to relate to. I feel like I have a friend in you. Being a first time mom can get lonely at times, and so I thank you for being consistent in putting these episodes out, even in the midst of your own postpartum journey. You guys are doing great and you are a great mom, Abby! 😊
You guys are such amazing family vloggers!! You’re truly the most followed people I’ve seen who are giving honesty on what parenting is like and that it’s not always perfect. It’s honestly so amazing!!
Not me literally sobbing with Abby at the end. I sing “you are my sunshine” to my son every night and I dream of that moment when my son get married. You guys are amazing and such amazing parents! Love you guys!
I understand Abby’s desperation and desire to do it, but in full transparency, as a woman, I do understand Matt…you’re child’s need being met when he is screaming and hungry does supersede the desire to validate someone’s emotion, even your wife.
I so appreciate them mutually hearing one another out.
Also. Like imagine the man telling the woman she’s just sensitive to his tone…. He took that well.
And Abby saying she felt useless was so sad! She is giving that baby so much, even if she can’t get up and change a diaper.
Thank y’all for being so vulnerable and honest!!! I know some comments can be so judgmental and everyone has to give their 2 cents. Don’t focus on what other people’s opinions are or about offending others. It can often feel like treading a fine line, but I think sharing these feelings and experience is SO spot on for new parents!! I just had a baby, and my husband and I don’t live close to family. Hearing these stories just helps me not feel alone in this whole process! Kudos to you Abby for being so open and kudos to you Matt for trying to understand and being vulnerable!!! Love y’all!
Love how honest and relatable you guys are!
I completely agree that maternity leave in America is terrible, it’s just wrong. I worked in a hospital during COVID up until the day I gave birth. I did take 12 weeks off after birth but I had to use some of my personal time off and the rest unpaid. I can’t imagine what women who’ve had c-section do when they can’t drive or lift other children and their husband can’t just be home for 6 weeks.
You’re both doing amazing! 💜
Thank you for saying irrational fears out loud. That is so relatable and probably every parent has them, but they still make you feel crazy.
I’m an auntie to many wonderful nieces and nephews and I too had the same thoughts while babysitting; and in the morning I felt like a zombie, I was so sleep deprived because I kept waking up to check on the breathing 😮💨 😂…. Next time, I plan on investing in those breathing 🦶 monitors 😅🙏🏼♥️
Abby you are doing amazing! If I had listened to my pediatrician about breastfeeding I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today at 14.5 months and still able to breastfeed. You do you. You listen to your baby. He wants milk, you give him milk. Milk production is based on demand. The more you breastfeed the more you will have or the more you will be able to have enough for your baby. Thank you for your honesty, it feels better to not feel alone...
I have just binged the last year of your vlogs from your first empty home tour until now and its crazy how much you two have changed and grown. I don't know if you've ever been able to watch them back, but you should because your journey has been incredible. Now you have 2 babies, a lovely home and successful business. In the hard times its good to look back and give yourselves some credit - be your own cheerleader!
Sending love from the other side of the pond
I’m so glad I had my mom who successfully breastfed 4 babies telling me every time “ if you have to give a bottle a couple times in the first couple days it’s just fine. It’s perfectly normally. I didn’t even know some were so against giving formula ever in the beginning until my oldest was 4 and I was pregnant the second time! Sometimes I am so glad I had mine before the wave of social media. So much less pressure to be the perfect mom!
Social media has taken over for us grandparents who want to offer advice but get backlash from our children who only listen to peers. And most of the peers don’t even have children! Ugh
@@mimiohnine Most grandparents have used formula and view breastfeeding and yucky. So not much advice there.
@@johanna2690 oh yes. I’m sure you think you’re right. Except you’re not. I breast fed all four of my children. I stayed home with my children. They benefited from my advice, money and time until they had their own children. Now it’s whatever the doctor says is gospel.
@@mimiohnine Congrats. How many of your peers breastfed?
Matt and Abby may I give you some gentle advice?
First of all hats off to both of you for being so open about your struggles. ❤ my advice is please don't mention divorce when you are upset. Do not open the door to divorce. By doing that you open the door for the enemy to come in and destroy your marriage. Life with kids challenges the marriage but you can do it! It'll get better soon❤ may your home be covered with Jesus blood so the enemy cannot enter to destroy your marriage and family. Hugs to you guys❤
Agreed. Should be unmentionable.
Yes! Totally agree. The enemy is searching for any crack in a door to kill, steal and destroy families.
Amen, I bless your marriage Abby and Matt, and I agree with the comments; rebuke the adversary in Jesus Christ Almighty name because the devil is a liar ♥️💕🩸
I agree 100% My ex husband used to bring up divorce when we fought 😢
Yup, unless you are done, dusted and filing it shouldn't be weaponized. If someone is talking about it that means they are seriously considering it
As always I appreciate you guys being so vulnerable and sharing your genuine experience. The back and forth over breastfeeding soon after birth genuinely scares me because I can see why it impacts both of you so much. Well done for working through that and not catastrophising. I don’t have a particularly tough skin for criticisms from my wife especially relating to hormonal shifts- something I need to work on before parenting…😅
Love these open discussions!! Abby feels exactlyyyyyyy how I’m feeling. I had a c section three months ago and I cant tell you how much she has helped me not feel alone. And Matt your so open as well and I like to share with my hubby all the things you share so he doesn’t feel alone ❤
Thank you for being genuine and vulnerable! Your kids are blessed to have you as parents.
PS Abby, thank you for acknowledging the many sacrifices teachers make. I recently resigned and found a job that I am happier and healthier doing, but I also want to be an advocate for teachers!
The fighting 😂😂😂 dude this is every couple wow. You’re so right Abby, no guy, especially when they’re angry, wants to be told how to do something. At least something I learned with my ex is that when I tell him EXACTLY what I need and how he felt like I was robbing him of being able to meet my need naturally. So much grace is needed on both sides in the heat of the moment. I’m sure y’all know this.
I feel like a lot of times we operate as if we're 50/50 in parenthood in terms of decision making but in reality the mother is the one giving all her time and knows all the research.
Can we just all agree on this. The mental toll we go through from the moment we become pregnant. I mean the guys NEVER do the research lol like literally. Please let’s stop pretending women stay home with kids more often because they want to ( which I’m sure is part of it) when in reality it makes so much more sense that the KEY caretaker can handle the kids and home better. Women would spend more time trying to teach their husbands everything before they even left the front door lol
Not correct at all. Maybe the men you know aren't informed, but you can't speak for all men. Fathers help just as much, if the mother doesn't want to allow him to help that's her issue to deal with. He may not be pregnant with me, that doesn't make him any less of a parent or any less informed..
This is true. Yes they can help, and do the best they can but if we are honest the mother holds most of the responsibility of the pregnancy and the newborn. It just is what it is based on the fact that our senses are more heightened and we have that mother instinct kicking in, and we just perceive and connect more with the baby. That being said though, I do wish men took the initiative more with doing research and spending hours googling, etc. I spend lots of time on reddit reading to make sure I’m not the only one ahaha.
I agree because the pregnant woman has no choice..there is no escaping the things that are necessary that we go through..not saying we don't want to do it but men seem to always at the end of the day have the choice..they have options. My husband also makes zero effort to research and probably still doesn't even understand the basic female internal anatomy lol but he can research tools and equipment and lawn care for days.
It’s called the mental load and 9 times out of 10 the mother does take on the mental load of life. Organising appointments, researching things, starting weaning/potty training, worrying about nutrition, looking into clubs etc etc. that doesn’t mean dads never do it, but just that most of the time all of this stuff falls on the mum
What kind of weirdo says they think breastfeeding is hot. It’s not meant to sexual. Wtf you’re feeding a child ?!
I love you guys and your podcast so much! I am 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I really look up to y’all’s advice and love how y’all don’t filter anything, and everything is so raw! My spouse doesn’t get paternity leave and both our parents work or have smaller kids so everything will fall to me, which is fine, but listening to you guys definitely gives me high hopes that I will be successful! Love you Matt, Abby, Griffin, & Auggie🤍
I just love you guys honesty and transparency in each video ♥️🥰 the beginning got me cracking up already 🤭🥰♥️
Miss Abby, I am 65 years old. My mother was 86. She passed away this last February. I needed her every day of my life and I will always need her. I miss her so very much. You will always need your mother for whatever reason.❤
I'm so sorry, I hope you're doing well 💜❤️🩹
I'm going to be honest I don't like podcasts however yall got me hooked on the unplanned podcasts. Yall are so real and so amazing! Thanks for making others feel united on marriage, child birth, all of it is not easy but so worth it! ❤❤❤ much LOVE
I watched you guys on tik tok the whole way leading up to having my son 8 months ago, and I have to say thank you for having these real conversations; for all the pregnant and new mamas, so they know they’re not alone. This shit is hard and those first few days, weeks, are no joke. And I feel nobody really prepares you for how hard that hits you; in a day or two everything changes. And breastfeeding is NOT easy. Nobody explains to you how you need to be feeding them every two hours (from when they started feeding last time, not when they stopped) and they can feed for 45 minutes easy. Your nipples want to fall off, your not producing much and then when it does finally come in your engorged. Your babe is so small, and your both learning.
Thank you for sharing you guys ❤
Breastfeeding was SO hard for me and my baby and caused the most strain in my marriage. No one can put words to it until you experience it yourself. Thank you for talking about this!!
My husband and I went through the exact same argument over breastfeeding and formula. His concern was that our baby eat and I felt so betrayed as well. This episode really hit me in the feels ❤
I seriously could have used this when I had my baby 7 months ago. The way Abby articulates it is so amazing and I wish I could have known at that time that I was not alone.
Thank you for being this person for everyone, Abby!
I really love how happy abby seems, from seeing your reactions when you found out about this baby and all the worries you had and seeing them kinda melt away and you just loving the family your creating is adorable
Breastfeeding a newborn is not as easy as people think! My daughter is 20 years old today but for the first 2 weeks of her life we joke saying nobody saw her face because I was constantly breastfeeding. I didn’t have the support I needed but Abby you made the way I felt make so much sense! If I knew then what I know now I’d be forever grateful!❤
I’m a over-supplier and donated over 19,000 oz and honestly I feel like it’s better to be a over-supplier than a under supplier just due to the stress under suppliers have. Postpartum is so overwhelming and a emotional rollercoaster. ❤
I love listening to your podcast while I work as a mail carrier. Being 23 weeks pregnant with my second, I can relate to so much of what Abby is experiencing. You two are such a strong unit and I love how you both always lift each other up. Keep being amazing you two!
Thank you for being so so open and honest. I've had 3 babies and my last baby was last year. Thank you for making us not feel crazy or even the intense thoughts the fighting with your partner...
I love the podcast. I have been watching since the very beginning. This Is such a great episode. Seriously I don’t have kids yet but this helps me understand my mother a bit better. My mother had the same irrational fears about me not breathing at night for a long time. At first I thought it was just her but now I think this is a better insight into what she is thinking. She also had a similar machine to the Owlet. The alarms would go off but it gave her peace. Even when the alarms went off she could check on me fix it and go back to sleep. It at least gave her peace of mind seeing my heart rate on the monitor. I am not a doctor but one of the main reasons my mom used it was when I was sick. It helped a lot her a lot. Congratulations on baby #2. You guys are doing great.
Such a good episode! It's so true that babies make us grow in new ways! And also make us fight! 😅 Abby is always so relatable! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your stories with us!
I know that you had Dallin and Bella on before, but it could be great to hear their experiences now that they are parents! 😊
Oh Abby, I appreciate this episode, your willingness to share your experiences with breastfeeding, and your vulnerability. I had my first baby last year and we struggled with breastfeeding and most of my inner circle were not supportive. And my poor husband was very much like Matt in that he saw how stressful it was for me and he wanted what was best for me and the baby. He would suggest bottle-feeding for my own sanity and so the baby could get fed without getting so upset. But he didn’t understand how hard that was for me. I knew his heart was in the right place, but it felt so unsupportive. He really was such a great support for me, but he couldn’t understand how important it was for me as her mother to be able to feed her. ❤
I just absolutely adore your guises podcast! I just love how relatable Abby is and I am a mother of two that are both under three and when you cry I cry! Everything you are going through is totally valid and everyone feels it. Thank you so much for sharing your guises stories and experiences. It’s extremely comforting. My second child was a boy and I also had shoulder dystocia with him so if we decide to have a third we will most likely be doing the C-section route. Your experience has put me at ease that it will be OK and it isn’t a regret. Please keep making more stuff because I look forward to your podcast every single week. ❤
Oh my gosh Abby I just want to squeeze you! My husband said almost the same thing to me in the hospital.... , freshly post op from my c section with my first daughter, middle of the night struggling to latch "is it really that big of a deal to give her formula?". When I tell you that fire came out of my ears, freaking fire flew out of my ears. I'm pretty sure I threw something at him. 😅
Breastfeeding is SO hard but SO rewarding and only something you get to do so many times in your life so enjoy it!!!! And congratulations ❤
Matt will not shut up are listen he still is not understanding what abby is trying to say they had a misunderstanding it happened its over move on now hes bringing up donuts...and still not listening to abby you can here it in her voice matt let me talk let me finish what im saying.
I just love you guys so much! Hands down best podcast. Especially for first time moms like myself. I am learning so much. It's so nice to know what to expect realistically through pregnancy, delivery and post partum. Thank you guys for laying all this out here for people. I love seeing how positive you guys are with one a other and how deep you guys talk about things. Thank you for your honesty! And Abby, never ever feel bad about crying. All it does is show how real you feel those emotions. Seriously thank you for sharing.
The breastfeeding hormonal response you were talking about is dysphoric milk ejection reflex (DMER)…I had it with my daughter and it’s exactly what you were saying! Depressive thoughts, rage (even feeling rage towards the baby), anxiety that is unbearable, etc. they say it usually goes away but I had it for the 6 months I breastfed my daughter 😭…really prevented our bond but she’s 13 months now and stopping BF at 6 months was the best decision I ever made!!
It’s just crazy how different all of our experiences are and how much pressure we put on ourselves…I hope your breastfeeding journey is just getting better and better now!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Honestly Matt is so ignorant about breastfeeding. He needs to educate himself about it. Can’t believe he still doesn’t understand that our bodies were MADE to feed our babies and this is his 2nd kid. He acts like it’s not that big of a deal either way, but for most woman who plan on breastfeeding they need support! Not a solution to just give a bottle from an ignorant dad especially those first few weeks.
right?? he is so ignorant about birth and bf that it doesnt even look like that this is his second kid in less than two years
@@biancatav yes, I find it extremely annoying
Ohhhhhmannnnnn… my baby is 22, and I can remember the breastfeeding struggle in the beginning. My husband and I had the exact same situation. I can remember all these years later how that hormonal freak out felt over one formula feed. I’m a birth doula now, and I talk to my clients about this very thing in our last prenatal appointment. It’s a THING!!
the way you cried for other mom's at the end really touched my heart. I had to go back to work at 6 weeks and it's been so painful and hard for me. I cried everyday for the first few weeks and still will every now and then. my husband and I are working hard to get to a place financially where I can be at home full time with our daughter. she's 6 months now.
ps. I am also aiming to breastfeed for at least a year
I just want to say, you guys are amazing. I love how you always keep it so real and never hide your emotions. I’m only 15 years old but cannot wait for the day where I get to start my own family and experience everything that comes along with it. Watching you guys is giving me great ideas of how to do it all ❤