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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ส.ค. 2021
- We spoke to children of divorce to understand how events played out from their perspective and how it has affected them after.
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this hit really close to home. my father cheated on my mom with another woman, and to make it worst he made it plain as day that he was cheating. My father did not have any money as he had gambled everything he had and my mom had to support him. She gave him everything. I still remember my them fighting and my mom begging my father not to leave but he only responded her with "I don't love you anymore" I had to grow up. My mom was a wreck. Drinking everyday morning to night, with me always tucking her in the bed and comforting her when she cried. I had no one to comfort me. My mom has found someone better thankfully. But because of before, I never had a relationship and I don't think i ever will.
This breaks my heart. When one partner in a committed relatioship such as marriage gives everything they have to cling on to the love or just a mere presence of the other person in their life and then rejected, there is no word to express the hurt. I am glad she has found a new life. I hope you too will find your healing and peace.
Oh man that's heavy .... But really it's like what the financial people say , past performance isn't indicative of future results
Is this a true story.
God bless
Take care and stay safe everyone!
@@deliakhan4111 I
I’m in the exact same scenario as you but just wanted to encourage you not to bring the hate into the rest of your life (which I experienced and struggled for years). Instead, I used the energy to look for a partner that was the opposite of my dad and made sure I’ll be financially independent should shit hits the fan to me again. I have a super adorable primary school girl and bit by bit the darkness has disappeared :)
I just went through my childhood photos and I keep crying seeing the girl I used to be in the picture. I couldn't save her. My brother handled it well but it never did get better for me. I keep mourning what our family could've been and it hurts all the time that I wasn't enough to stop them from leaving
My parents never divorced even until this day. The reason used to be “staying for the kids” but now my dad does not agree to the divorce as he does not want to pay alimony. It actually us the children so badly… much more worse than if they were to divorce and cut things up straight. Never have a proper family, home, house and lifestyle. Verbal and physical fights are so common, home is a really depressing to be locked in especially with covid lockdown and all :”(
Take care of yourself Chloe. Everyone leaves but you'll stay with yourself always. Stay optimistic about your future ❤
I hope you are doing well
I guarantee you. You are lying to yourself. Unless it is extremely physical, I guarantee you it would not be better.
I could feel the stress and sorrow of all these children. I feel so sad for them. I hope they don't let their parent's mistakes continue to destroy their life.
Sincerely hope they can walk out of their past and live a happy life. They deserve to be love.
sometimes I feel the stress, fear and pain, as a child to witness many things happened in my home. I got frightened. I have an unhappy childhood… … thanks a lot for the encouragement and support for divorce families. Blessings 😊🎉🎉🎉
i agree with the part where one of them mentioned dont stay together for the kid because the kid will just end up suffering more....
Hey youth, all...when your parents fought/divorced, its all about them - their conflicts, disagreement, lost of trust/love and many other reasons. It's not about you, it's not your fault, not that you were never good enough...Be kind to yourself, try to understand and even if you can't, try not to let it destroy you or undermine your confidence in life. Be strong, seek help, bury the pain, let the burden go and move on. You can do it! 💪🙏
Didnt have many friends in school due to my character and attitude. Thought I was fine since I have family to go back to. But when I heard the news that they were going to divorce. I was so heartbroken, scared and lonely as I have no one to share my worries to. Its been 10 years now. Im still struggling to make friends and fill this hole in my heart. Longing for love, care and support.
Waiting for the day that I won’t be afraid to cry in front of that one true friend when I mention my life story.
I know what ur going through. I’m going through it too. But it will get better. Don’t worry.
Hugs
This is my story too
Stay strong, all of you are good , your parent divorced is not your fault, you can be a good parent too
I know 2 kinds of adults that came from broken homes .... One that will also eventually have a broken home themselves
And the other will become a very devoted family person
That’s a lot of strength to share such intimate feelings… but it’s also the first step to heal *hugs
My parents separated when i was 19. My siblings and I lived with my mum from then on, eventually the co parenting felt very normal but because im closer to my dad, my mum sometimes felt like I was betraying her when my dad was the one at fault in the marriage. But I felt like yes he was a bad husband but he was a great father to me. I was always kind of stuck in between always, she may unintentionally make my life harder because she knows my dad loves me alot and will be hurt by that.
I actually had to pause the video a few times cos I was tearing up due to how relatable & real this is. I never bring my problems anywhere outside of my home when it came to the divorce. As a result I think i was very insecure and have had abandonment issues for a long time without ever realizing it.
Hi, it is ok for you to feel like that as u have went through a hard phase...i really hope one day u will someone who will love and cherish you unconditionally..and to me, it is not wrong for u to love your dad more than your mom...it is just u feel more comfortable or maybe lively with him compare to your mom...and if your mom upset and angry at you, maybe explain to her? Or if u cant, let her be? Because sometimes, a misunderstanding or conflict in life doesnt always need to be untangle as the future may hold a key for it...i pray that u will always feel happy in your life🤗
Yes the feeling of betrayal when they are both your parents and they may have done wrong things to each other but it’s really unfair take sides….
reading your comment was cathartic in itself for me. undergoing this rn and this gave me lots of strength. hope you're doing much better now
i was quite the same as you when i was around 5 to 10 year old but now that im 16 the realization really hits me as "if he really wanted and loved me, why did he have to leave me alone and replace me with a whole new family when i was only 5?''
We love to pretend like we are so fine but it just hurts inside..
I never thought I'd come back to watching these sort of videos for comfort and relatablilty again, it hurts that I had to. It's not fair
I feel that there must be more education to parents in Singapore on how to help kids get through divorces. The thing is that in Asian societies divorce happens when the marriage has deteriorated to really bad levels and most of the time it gets really ugly. Parents don’t have the knowledge that it is very harmful for a child mentally to hear something negative about their other parent or they are put in a position where they have to choose/side with one parent. And it really affects the child’s future relationships with other people when they grow up. I hope that there can be more education in the future on how to handle divorces more amicably so children would not be affected
Totally agreed. Also education for perents themselves too. Lots of parents thinking about divorce did not do it because they are not sure about the processes, fear of the uncertainties in life after divorce and supports they can seek for. Therefore, lots of divorces are not amicable or toxic relationships continue and everyone in the family suffers. Also, the fact that divorce is a taboo in many Asian societies doesn't help too for the separating couples.
It’s also common for Asian parents to stay in a unhappy marriage due to taboo of divorce and therefore the arguments/fights become an endless cycle in a child’s household in front of them…
I'm really saddened to see this as a divorced father of 2 children.. they were 5 and 3 years old when it happened.. I always tried to be there for them and tried my best to make sure they didn't get too affected by it but I know there are definitely some consequences of it... my heart goes to all divorced children... stay strong and know that you will come out of this stronger as a person and become great parents yourselves cos u went through this painful time so I'm sure you will do your outmost best to make sure your children have a good, stable relationship with you no matter what happens.. ❤️
As a child of divorce, I really want to give all those kids a tight hug, especially the green-haired girl and the sisters who believed it was their fault for not trying hard enough to keep their parents together. Parents should really take care not to hurt the kids in any way if they're going to divorce, because any little thing they say or do can massively impact and traumatise the children. These kids then enter adulthood with unnecessary baggage and burden. If you're going to have children, at the very least don't damage them, even if you fail to save your marriage. I grew up with my dad and grandparents, and they gave me all the love and support I ever needed, so I don't feel like I lacked anything growing up, but I do agree with the green-haired girl - because I never grew up seeing my parents as role models of a loving couple, I don't know how to be in a relationship now, and I'm terrible at approaching and resolving conflict.
I understand that this video is about children of divorces, but I resonated with the impact of toxic/abusive marriages on these young souls.
My parents are still married for 28 years, but there were many times when I was younger I made remarks and jokes of how my parents should actually be divorced because of how toxic their relationship is - unsupportive, one-sided, full of secrets, a lot of stonewalling, blaming, shaming, emotional flare ups, passive aggression, disrespect, unwillingness to communicate healthily. A lot of emotional and verbal abuse when I was a child up to my adolescent years. They are still together because one depends on the other for living space and "a sense of stability" and the other had trauma from a previous divorce and heavy family issues.
Even though the abuse has been reduced significantly in recent times, but the one thing a couple should never do is to be married because of external pressure and have children when one other spouse or both aren't emotionally and mentally ready for the commitment. This explains how my mother was having postpartum depression and anxiety and my father became verbally abusive since he didn't wanna be married after his first divorce and his business almost collapsed. I didn't get the leading example of a healthy relationship and also they weren't emotionally available for me when I needed them, heck, they even projected their family issues, marriage issues and financial troubles onto me and my sister.
I absorbed all of those shit and in return I suffered unnecessarily in other relationships, especially relationships with the opposite sex (I'm a woman). I developed fears of abandonment and intimacy. I struggled with resolving and handling conflicts on my own. I don't know how to truly ask others for support. I don't know how to be truly emotionally vulnerable. I don't know how to speak up for myself. I don't know how to be confident in myself. I don't know how to fully take charge of my life like an adult would at my age.
Their marriage has affected me in so many ways I have only just realised to the point I ugly cried after watching this video. I'm on the journey of doing my own inner healing work too and I think that ugly cry was another awakening to why I feel immature, low key reckless, closed off and afraid at 27. Thank you for making this video, to help me understand that I'm not the projections of my parents' toxic relationship and I'm more than the pains they couldn't resolve as adults as partners.
Just remember, a skilled sailor never comes from travelling a smooth sea.
You may be stronger than you ever known
My parents fight a lot too. For 25 years, they never stop fighting. And it getting worse recently. They fight on everything, even the smallest thing like how to cook this or that. My mom has high temper and loud voice, my dad is stubborn, who always want things work the way he want. I want to move out but my dad sick, he had brain surgery before, he can't walk properly. If I leave, I afraid they might kill each other, literally. And my brother, he is 18 now but he doesn't seem to aware or know how to deal with mom and dad fight. My life until now is just full of unhappy memories of my family. Everyday when I come home from work, I hate it, I always have thought in my head with question "Are they fighting today?" Sometimes, I had terribly thought wanting my dad pass away so the house can be peaceful, and my mom can be free from hard time. Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear, to new world, new life... I hate my dad so much, so many things happen and we, me and my mom, my brother had to step back in argument with him. Please, can everything over, I just don't want to live like this anymore...
Iam 22 years.
It's been 8yrs since my parents divorced. I never really realised what people could be thinking of me without mother. I grew up with my dad but he taught and loved me more than how a parents together can offer to their child.
I never really for real had that severe pain about my parents divorced until a man that i was actually in love relationship spit a word out about how actually iam a divorced child and told me i was not enough to accepted in society that i grew up without proper care and mannerisms. My bf was very manipulative, a narcissist... Later found out He was cheating on me...
I learnt to accept myself , love myself more and feel nothing bad to my parents.. And move on and pray to god to bless a good man
Fall in love with their heart. .. Don't let your children suffer please.
My parents didn't file divorced but I think that was their first mistake and true to them, "staying for the kids" made everything worst. For a long time, my mom was the sole provider of the family, my dad just help her with his business. Then after that, our family was chased out from our own house by her sinister sister-in-law (at that time, we lived in my grandma's house, as a traditional big fam) and we have to go to a new city, without much money or any support. Then slowly, my dad becomes more violent, towards my mom. I heard once my dad said to my mum "I thought your father was a wealthy family" and my mum just can't believe that my dad married her just to find the comfort of living a good life. He almost hit my mom several time, and because it happened in front of me, I shouted at him to stop. He is still not working (thankfully I and my 2 sisters now have a job and are able to provide for the fam), but the mental and verbal abuse didn't stop.
He never calls my mom (even once) by her name, just "Hey.." "Oy..!". He is violent (verbally) to my sisters and my mom (not me bec I will just shout at him to shut up!). But he portrayed himself as a great husband and father in front of others. When my mom try to discuss something about the kids, he said "thats your job, not mine". For a very long time, I questioned my mom, why didn't you file a divorce? She said he was thinking about it but never did it bec of the kids.
Until now, I am still trying to be open with relationships. It is still hard for me to believe that I can have a loving and tolerant relationship, and to believe not every man is the same just like my father. All the relationship I had failed because I recognize one or two my father's trait on them. Even the simplest thing that remind me of my father irritated me. But it was hard. On the positive side though, I and my sisters become very independent. But deep down, we still feel envy for our friends that have a great realtionship. Really, I think if you know the relationship isnt gonna work and worth, just don't deal with it for too long.
Now they both growing old, rarely talk, but the tension is decrease. I plan to buy a house soon, so I can put my mom there, and my dad can just leave in the old house. Now I feel that it's my part to take care of her. Sometimes when she cried bec of the argument with my father or my sis (well, we have our father's blood so its unavoidable if we still have some trait of our father), just like this morning,I just came to her room and hug her. I always said to her "Just be happy, do what you want. I dont need your care anymore, now I want to take care of you instead" and she just fall asleep while I hug her and slowly rub her back.
feels very heart-breaking to hear all these
My parents are not divorced but they don’t get along at all and it’s just daily arguments and fights where both of them just don’t want to understand each other’s perspectives. I never really liked going home but I’m stuck at home now due to the pandemic. I’m in a happy relationship though and we talk about our conflicts calmly. I learned a lot from my friends as well on how to resolve issues and swallow my ego because I’m determined to have a different relationship from my parents.
Yes, it's best to go for marriage counselling before deciding to take the plunge into marrying. Sometimes, it's thru this kind of courses that you may find out that both are not ready or suitable to be together.
I’m suffocating. Relate to me in every aspect. My parents doesn’t divorced but it hurts me so much growing up
Thank you for sharing this video! Trying to find solace through people who share similar experience but really everyone’s experience of their parents divorce is so different and affects us so differently.
I’m going through similar stuffs now and my parents are in the midst of divorce but it’s not looking good due to the different terms of divorce. Home has such a negative feeling and the sadness doesn’t stem from them separating but from this whole long torturing process… the video was right I wish they did it the first time when I was in primary school..
This reply is two months late, but I hope things are working out for you now, and that you find the strength to pull through this difficult time. Sending love.
I feel really like crying, I can't say I can empathize but I feel the pain in the words. :(
About a min in n I started crying cos I could really relate especially the boi with the pearl necklace both my parents divorced and they was NVR in a happy relationship
Those stories are heartbreaking 💔, so sorry that you guys went through hardship moments, those action what your parents decide is not your fault 😢. You guys doing great to survive on that painfully moments. Our prayers for you that God can heal your wounds.
One parent has to support the child no matter what the circumstances is.
My father divorced 7 times. All my step mothers used to beat me when my dad wasn’t around. I am still dealing with the trauma even I am in late 60s…
I know how it felt, hanging there...everything will be ok
I can feel the sorrow and the stress you get when you have to choose one and you are not able to say that you want both of them seeing them getting seprate is the biggest tragedy of my life.
racing is life but family is forever-vin diesel
i had a great childhood in my first 12 years of my life, my family and i went to the zoo, ate a good restaurant, travelled together. everything went very smooth until i was 14 when i found out one of them are cheating. At first i blamed my mom, but as i grow up, i realized it was both of them who failed to settle the conflict and i hate that they just gave up and remarried without letting me speak my heart out first. These circumtances kinda give me confusion, 12 years living my best childhood, and now im almost 22, haunted by the divorce phase of my parents. However, due to the divorce, i have a negative thoughts when it comes to the idea of marriage. Cuz the trauma was still there. Im confused
Youth of today, think properly before you get intimate with someone of the opposite sex. It might just lead to unhappy marriages and broken families.
5:15 its really not your fault kid :(
My parents were separated when I was 4, and divorced when I was 6. my mother wanted to commit suicide one day when we were very young. But lucky did not succeeded.
When I was young, I always see my siblings getting caned by my dad, when they did nothing wrong. I get fearful from being a young child to witnessed all this. It was an unhappy childhood.
Every divorce utimately root cause always be money, more or less. All couple always fight over money.. resulted unhappiness, discord and fear in children... My wisdom is discuss money first before baby and children. If no money, don't even think of baby.. Money is the root of all evil with either lazy husband or lazy wife.. Unless both have early agreement and intention to share burden financially, utimately no point get married and have children to blame you..
When your home is a constant world war 3, when your dad is a degenerate gambler and never knowing when loansharks might come knocking, a straight-up divorce would have been much better. I hated people saying they are staying for the kids, because it did more harm than good.
One of my friend is in such situation. Her father is a well to do Man whereas her mum's job isn't permanent (both being College professors). So her Dad is the one earning and her mum is the one taking care of her and her sisters. She told me about her dad's affair (since 2020) and how her respect towards her Father vanished. It's a hopeless case since she can't reveal her Dad's affair to her mum as she knows it'll just end into a dirty divorce. I wonder what can I do to help her..
im 29 and its hell still every month i have suicidal tendecies
that's really hearbreaking. Thankfully, I don't have kids when I separated.
Ive got a sister who is a single mom for 7 years. Separated since her pregnancy due to domestic v. Divorced then. Still single now but seeing some1 better at d mo. Her is d 1st divorce in our family. A new concept in my family. Yet, since then we have been v v much involved in d child's life. So far d girl is doing good. Once a while she does ask abt her daddy whom she never sees. We adults be extra careful in handling this. I shud say it is d way d adults handle separation n divorce really matters to d involved kids.
my parents are not divorced but they dont talk to each other they dont acknowledge each other and my father is an absent father
sometimes when people ask questions about my father i will feel so lost and unsure because im not sure if i know my father if i know this stranger that is connected to me by blood
We were married for 22 years. I never cheated on her and I always encouraged her to be the human she wanted to be. We fell out of love with each other and that was fine with me but we had two kids together. When we divorced, we were nothing if not amicable but I gave her everything, to the point that I ended up living in a tiny shack. Sixteen years later and neither of my kids have anything to do with me and they like her new husband. They all blame my fondness for drink but I have always been a happy drunk and never hurt anyone. I have a lot more money in the bank than I ever did and I have reached out to the kids telling them that anything I have is theirs but alas it has been many years since I have heard from either of them. I will go to my grave loving my kids and I have perhaps a foolish hope that they will grow up and love me some day.
My parents divorced when i was 12 and at that same time i started middle school and got bullied throughout it and as u can know that didnt help my depression i wanted to end it all at 13 years old i hate both of my parents now and its all because of my shity mother who cheated and made me have no childhood it feels so lonely and sad
I believe it is critical for parents to talk it out somewhere far away from their children, whether they shout or discuss it. Regardless of their age. Make sure they don't hear anything. Only tell them when the timing is appropriate. Sit them down and have a conversation with them. Leaving them in the dark will only make them fearful of the upcoming changes. They live their lives in a traumatized state, constantly doubting. DO NOT let it be. It really affects them as they grow up.
We all thought like this at some point or maybe I wish they didn’t meet at all
I went through so much in my life my parents filed for a divorce in March 2021 my mom calling the cops and evict my dad from the house I knew it was gonna happen cause in late 2020 to March 2021 I would always hear them argue and fight and I saw my moms stuff in the other room me and my 2 sisters were in that situation I lived with the guilt I felt like it was my fault i felt like I was the problem in their marriage cause they had to put up with my shit they said it wasn’t my fault it’s hard I always live with the guilt sometimes I wish it was a bad dream but it’s not I cry myself to bed every night I feel ill everytime they talk bad about each other
I feel sorry for the kids
And most of them don't get happy endings 😢
Only children whose parents are seperated can relate to this video
. A lot of single families now. Poor thing😭
my parents are not sure whether to get a divorce and it hurts more for me as an adult child seeing two incompatible humans live their lives together just because it's easier not to get a divorce. my mum's business revolves around our house, which we would have to sell if they divorce, but my dad's had an affair and is literally still sleeping in my mum's room. I'm so angry at him for not moving out and giving us space to process things. coward
i am an only son and my parents divorced when i was 4, before that they Always fight abusively that i have to witness, after the divorce i lived wt my dad, my dad is an alcoholic and have financial problems, he used to either bring me to illegal drinking place or leave me alone at home.. it effected my studies until my mom needed to take me under her custody, my mom met a lot of guys and "girls" that i havd to go through with, she sometimes bring guys home or to the hotel and they will have intimate things while i was on the same bed crying facing the wall, years pass by, i still don't have a good relationship with both of my parents, and i live wt my grandparents, mom just left me few months ago, im 21 now
and im still trying to understand and figure things out
I am sorry that you had such a tough time growing up. I can only pray for you. God can help you . HE helped me with my issues. I called our to Jesus and He helped me .
031 the girl is my primary school classmate
the issue with asian parents they always think children are too young or they didn't have to know adult things. it is ok to divorce if the marriage didn't work, parents have to talk to children about their decision and also the plan for the children and listen to children what they think and feel and work together,
Even god would cry for his forgotten children
my ass watching this video at 3 am after my parents said they are divorcing (im cooked😭😭)
Also from a divorced fam since i was 5y/o. Never affected by it, but I do see the consequences now with my partner. Thankfully my partner is caring and patient, guiding me.
Albeit the average divorce may not be so jia lat. These stories here wah...fucking rough man =(
You should do one video on children of mistresses too where the man was a pauper and the woman was itchified! Not the rich or wealthy ones ya cos they could well afford to have as many mistresses as they want!
are there any millennials here who's divorced father is trying hard to be present but u r not engaging?
Find your peace in Christ.
0:54 girl your generation will be different okay
8:59 wow she feel that divorce sooner is better. yes indeed parents shouldn't use kids as the reason to stay together