Discard A Narcissist FIRST And THIS Will Happen 👀
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ส.ค. 2023
- Ready to take control of your life and discard a narcissist first? In this empowering video, 'Discard a Narcissist First and This Will Happen,' we explore what happens when you discard the narcissist first, from the end of the devaluation phase to reclaiming your power post-love bombing. Discover the keys to ending the cycle of narcissistic abuse and taking back control of your life.
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
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I like your presentation
I thank Jesus for you. Thank you so much God bless.
Narc-"you'll never find anyone like me"
Me- "i certainly hope not"
What a great answer!
My nex used to say: "You think you can find someone better than me?" He used to say this to plant doubt in my decision to leave him.
When I finally had the courage to leave him I now can answer his question: Yes I can and I did found someone better than him..I found myself back😃✨💃💖
🤣🤣 that’s also what I told my ex narcissist I certainly hope. The other one was you’ll never find anyone who loves you like me. I told him I already did…me!
I LIKE YOUR STATEMENT! GOD PRESERVE US ALL, FROM THESE DEMONS!
My experience is a narcissist isn't going to actually dissolve a relationship. They'll just keep using and abusing for as long as they possibly can. They get whatever they can out of someone else, and when the other person finally walks away, the narcissist has proof they're not the bad guy.
Yes, and this way, the narcissist can tell everyone that the other person left them so that they can look like the victim and so that everyone will feel sorry for them.
Great comment. That's my experience as well. They're happy to let things rumble on as long as they feel we may be of some use to them, and they like to keep their options open. We have to bear the pain of being devalued and ignored, and treated like we don't matter. But when we finally get tired of that, we then have to feel the guilt of having walked away, and we have no right to feel hurt because they're the victim in all this, and we're the ones who abandoned them.
@@galaxy98765No, what they actually do is tell everyone that they left you because "reasons".
My ex broke up with me in September. And we continued to talk. She was going through family stuff so I stuck beside her for 4 months to get through it all. She constantly reminded me that we’d just be friends and never get back together. One day she loves me, one day, she can’t do this anymore. Even though we were already apart. Now, I finally broke and said we need to actually do this and work on our issues or stay out of each other’s lives. And I’m the horrible person now. And cruel. But the funny thing, this has all been over text because she doesn’t want to actually talk about it.
That's what I think too. The purpose is to have some reason to victimize themselves...
When a highly tolerant person decides they are done. They are done. No more indecision. No more cognitive dissonance. Done. It will be the most lengthy narcissistic encounter you will ever have. Tolerance goes to a very small limit. It must be. They tried to kill you and if they do by proxy of disease or a distracted accident will then show up at the funeral home commenting they knew this was going to happen. If your narc was a realtor, they will then contact your next of kin offering their services....
I discarded the narcissist first. She literally become the Wicked Witch with her army of flying monkeys. I don’t even respond to their childish behavior now. Keep in mind these people are in their 30s 😂
Same!! But i'm 41 and she's 46... So obviously they don't "grow up". Lol. I thought maybe menopause, bipolar, mid life crisis... But she checks EVERY narcissist box on check list now that I've learned more. Sad really because I've never loved someone so much and we now have a 5 yr old together. Perfect...
Yeah this happened to me as well, she was a pretty woman and the sex was mind blowing but I left after a year of continous belittling and i genuinely tried EVERYTHING to save the relationship, I did actually try to have a conversation with her about where things were heading, she turned everything around on me and saying she had other offers and kept comparing me to other men. And then I decided to cut things off. She turned into a wicked witch and spread rumours about me on social media. I never thought someone who was so sweet and caring and bought nice gifts for me could turn out like that. Had she been a normal person she would've agreed to have a mature, grown up conversaton about it. I still can't date or anything and its been two months now, I'm just all apathic and in a shock. Probably because I was financially abused and was watching lots of internet adult content to cope with the stress of that.
@@joebrat6809 I've been through it all. The smear campaigns. The flying monkeys. Everything. The hoovering is the most annoying though. When they try to worm their way back in after they shit on you and not even acknowledging it. I hope you're not going through the same thing
Same. My ex is 62
This is so spot on Christina, once your give a dam is busted,you decide to pick your life and sanity over the narcissist and just walk away and go no contact, they go and play the victim act, and they act like you're the bad guy and play the victim card to their next victim, I had it happen to me, and been no contact for a few years now, and I still get hoovered, but just on my phone thank God I moved far away and I just don't answer her text at all 👍 thanks for the video 🦋🙏
After 8 years with my ex, I was on medication for ADHD and anxiety and had a moment where I finally told her I was done and needed space (we had never spent a day apart in those years, not for lack of trying on my end). She melted down, packed her things, blamed it all on my medication, took our car and said she might not be alive in the morning. After 2 weeks with her friends she came back saying she was more understanding and wanted to try again, so I tried. 2 years after, she wanted to move to a new city with me and start college (something she didn’t let me do because of fear of me “finding someone better”), but I was happy for her, so we did. A year and a half later she met a guy online and left me for him in an instant and moved away. Narcs can discard so easily, but cannot handle being on the receiving end whatsoever. So now I’m stuck in a town I didn’t ask to be in, scared to make friends, and drank myself stupid for the last year and a half.
Moral of the story is:
Narcissists will ruin your life if you let them in. So please stay aware and stay away.
Thank you for your story. I left a covert narc very like my mother 6 weeks ago. At first, I was numbing with alcohol and weed. I’m feeling much better since I’ve decided to let myself mourn and not minimize my feelings or blame myself for staying so long. I encourage you to do the same. Therapy or AA or friends. Talk about it, write about it, cry, scream in a pillow. Otherwise you could ruin your life with numbing and avoiding. You’re worth real love and a real life and you can make it happen! Help is out there and inside you! Don’t let her win!!🌺💕
My ex husband moved me 12 hours away from family and friends quickly after we were married. We had a child together a few years later and left me when my child was a toddler. Come to find out he was cheating on me the entire marriage. Left me in the state he moved me to and relocated several states away with his new girlfriend. I moved back to my home state, got a job, raised my child and eventually remarried. Just wanted to let you know that living your best life and leaving the bad memories in the past is the most beneficial situation. He actually said that he couldn't believe I moved on. I honestly believe this is the best revenge ever, even though that wasn't my intention. I just wanted the best life I could have for my child and myself. You deserve to be happy, your ex did you a huge favor, enjoy your new found freedom!!
Can I ask what state youre in?
I found myself solo in new place three years ago. Knew no one.
@@blydnhvghn I’m in WA at the moment. I guess I should say that always have been
@@JSmith-np7zg I’m happy to hear that you were able to find a comfortable life after him. That can’t be easy, but I’m proud of you for reclaiming your sense of self ❤️
I left the narcissist... he cried because he couldn't lose me. I was done after 34 years of marriage. He tried to discredit me. I started to date someone 14 months after I left. He tried to make me sound like I was a sl__t. Luckily, it did not work. I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. Anyone who knows me, and believes my ex is not anyone that l want in my life anymore.
I dumped him and I'm done. The Super Empath wins lol.. 3 months no contact. Goodbye covert narcissist. I don't need closure. I got mine on my own. I don't want to hear I'm sorry.. because I know it's not true.
Thank you I needed that
Yes! We are on the same timeline by the way. We both left our narcs…. Mine was 8 months ago… and it was the best decision I made. I hope you are doing well. Keep going love. 🌸
I realized after 20 years I was married to a narcissist. I broke-down badly for a week or so and slowly got the courage to leave.
God give me strength!!
Thankfully my narcissist wife has married someone else. All I have to do now is get the financial clean break done and try to rebuild my relationship with my daughter. Roll on November.
I hate to see my wife as a narcissist. But your videos are like a checklist. I always took that i was the problem and continuously trying to upgrade my behaviors.
I already know I don't matter to him.....
It's a harsh realization but I hope you've found some freedom in it 🙏♥
Yeah me too..I'm hurt and sad he won't make any effort
Ho do you know?
They will not love you never.
Why do you think so? They can have their love for you.
Fauxpology. I'll remember that word! Thanks for your guidance.
After seeing my narc sadist mother put me in a room with others and bring up something that had happened when I was 7hr old to humiliate me...I knew when I walked away there was no going back. She had held that grudge (which was actually anger she had toward my dad) for over 50yrs. No going back. Had to agree to be the 'bad' or 'crazy' person to family and others around her, but Im 1 1/2yrs into my escape-goat decision and I have times that I flip back and forth as to my decision. I started writing everything down so I would have visual reminder that if I ever went back I would pay. Thank you for your videos to help remind me I did the right thing for ME.
I had an interesting discard. I was told multiple times over 4 months that she was going to leave me, “not now, I’m just letting you know , so when it happens it’s not a surprise” this out of the blue after 30 years of marriage. Trying to find out what was going on, I was told that I did “nothing” to help around the house. When I pointed out the tasks I did every day, more than 50%, she acknowledged that yes I did those, then went right back to looking me in the eye and saying that I did “nothing” to help around the house. It was one of the many stories she’d chosen for her narrative, and yes, I think she believed it, and the more she told it to herself, the more it was real to her. When I couldn’t cope anymore and ended our relationship, I became the one who had left her!
Your videos are a wonderful resource to help people escape and recover. Thank you.
I experienced the same lack of reality with mine. He created a narrative that was untrue, but he was going to stick with it even after proof was given that his complaint was invalid. There is no shame or recognition of their cognitive lapses either! So strange! Somehow, his constant rages and screaming at me were "us fighting", long after I had learned to not engage in the abuse, and just sit tight. Narcs actually change reality in their minds and believe it!
Yes .. I discarded first .. After her rages she tried to begin amor with my own brother !!!! Who can believe!!😮
I had a woman say this to me, "No woman will ever love you like I do." This, after barely 3 months of dating let alone a live-in or an actual comitted relationship. It makes me wonder if these people are eve self-aware of the stuff that comes out of their mouth.
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. My X insecurities took a toll on the relationship. I tired too be a good man. But it wasn't good enough. In any case, I allowed my X to discard me. I decided logically it would be best. This was my closure. Salvation and peace of mind.
"I Can Change"
SouthPark
Thank You, Much Respect 🙏
I met someone online, we became besties... She was in a toxic relationship with her ex or so she says. Her best friend stole her girlfriend, she lived together with the other girl and couldn't move out, nowhere to go. She started talking to me more seriously about coming over, she sold everything and bought a ticket. Apparently, she had a huge crush on the guy that was with her ex and they sexted for a good year and a half. I told her repeatedly to stop and I wasn't OK with it. She didn't stop, she just changed where they would talk to hide it. Whenever I would tell her to stop, she would say it was my fault she didn't have any friends. However, I would ask her to elaborate how me asking her not to sext another person makes me a bad person... she couldn't answer and evaded massively in every shape or form to answer.
Keep in mind this whole time she was living rent free, no job or nothing. She says that she was ex military, etc. Fine, be a housewife, but don't freaking cheat on me. That's all I asked. Oh no, she was sexting multiple people on online games, trash talked me behind my backs to my social circles (lost my circle of friends because of her). Tried to get into very awkward polyamorous relationships multiple times full knowingly I didn't want it.
I had very low self esteem so I felt I couldn't find anyone better. Her grandma got sick overseas. I quit my job and packed everything to take care of her, she passed. During this whole time she was still sexting the same guy she has been sexting for 3 years. She would wait for me to fall asleep to talk to him on the phone. I would pretend to fall asleep and listen to everything she would say. It broke my heart how someone could be so ... evil. The first time she did it was the day of her grandmas funeral, just decided it was the greatest idea to call him while I was asleep next to her. I gave her everything, love, care, romanticism, a shoulder, listen to her. It was never enough.
All my friends warned me, I refused to listen. I cut a lot of the story because it's just too long. I'm scared to leave her because now she is living with her mom and I came back to Texas. She doesn't work and is not willing to. The mom is trying to kick her out and get me to buy her an airplane ticket to get her over here. Hell no. The worse part is, she made up a many horrible stories about me to her mom. Many times she would lie to her mom about stories that never happened in front of me, it was very awkward. How could I befriend the mom knowing all these stories not to be true.
Now I'm trying to find a job in my field again, I have family that love me and care for me. I survived a narcissist and stayed for far too long just to be punched down and emotionally abused.
Life is too short, most times no one will stand up for you... so we have to do it ourselves. Be brave everyone, thank you for the video. You really helped me.🥰
They just latch on stronger.
Thank you for this Spot on information. This is exactly the case.
"You'll never find anyone like me."
My narc ex said something similar after I broke up with her. She told me "Not everyone is as nice as I am" when talking me about me dating other people in the future.🙄She genuinely believes that of the billions of people on Earth that not a single one of them would be capable of treating me with love and respect. Very telling of how she thinks of me...
Great video!
I didnt know he was a narcissist (always thought he was just "sensitive and a little difficult/controling") untill after i couldn't have his energy in my life and we said goodbye he started the smear campaign... because im not allowed to choose for myself.. i was not thinking and being how he wants me to be and i wanted to be myself again.. we said goodbye in a hard but respectful way, its notmal that sometimes people say goodbe... but that was all temporary because when he realized i am done he couldn't allow that... he started the Hate, blame shifting, smear.. i never experienced so much hate and knew it was not something normal...i knew it must be some attachment disorder... thats when i researched shat the heck is that and learned what a narcissist even is.. he was book example... crazy how many people have the same problem, these people are bringing so much stress without any consequences.. horrible.. i never experienced it before..
Thanks for sharing ❤️
I did that... after about 5 months or so I got sick and tired of their lies and mind games.
so I walked and blocked and they "LOST THEIR SHIT!!!" 🤣
He is smearing me all over social media right now and twisting the story
She said You will be curse if you leave the one who really loves you!!
Excellent. I have been hoovered as long as 5 years after discarding with no contact.
I discarded first lauhing at him and all before blocking. He didn't try to reach out I thought he moved on. Then he contacted me after 3 weeks asking why I was so rude to him tried to gaslight me and make me look like a bad guy. He's been thinking all this time about it😂
I called him crazy liar who needs help and blocked him again😂
Bet he doesn't like me now. Being hated by narc is a honour😇
What happens when YOU pull a pacifier out of a babys mouth?....
👍😆 like you comment!
(Narcissist 😠)
Great analogy
I discarded my narcissistic wife after a 37 year long and painful relationship. I separated from her about four month ago and no regrets. Still living under the same roof I managed to have our verbal communication cut to a maximum of 10 words per month since I insist any communication strictly in writing, and this is for good reasons. Since separation I have noticed that she developed a very nice approach when talking to our mutual adult children who are still living at the same premises. A complete change compared to her usual way to talk to them. Besides this she seems to be very happy and laughing almost nonstop like a toddler. But apart from this, she refuses to engage in communication with my divorce lawyer, although being informed and fully aware that the longer it takes to come to a settlement agreement out of Court, the costlier it will get. She seems to be on a path to self destruct.
Wow man, Im in almost exactly the same position as you. Keep strong, remember YOU/WE deserve a happy life.
I have a similar experience.
I was told, “You're such a negative person”…. But this was mild compared to other labels I've been assigned by the Narcissist❕ He has left me alone (thankfully), & now that I'm out (yes I discarded him) it is a relief, should he attempt to hoover in the future (nope that won't happen) I'm OUT 👌👌👌👌👌👌
I left my covert narcissist in April leaving a letter explaining why . As usual she totally ignored the reasons just was very angry I left.
In june after no contact I text her to ask if she'd like to meet up for old times sake ( we were together 20 years) also it was her birthday.
She accepted . I gave her a present and took her to dinner. I also insisted on going to the issual family birthday party her sister throws as I'd done nothing to be ashamed of only objecting to being treated like an old coat kept for utility purposes only. Constant working on handyman jobs for her and her family over 20years so why should I be shunned? She reckoned the family hated me ! I went anyway just to see! Everyone was fine of course like normal. I also got her a present. The next day she switched to being hostile and said its over!! A month later she hoovered me back because she had freinds coming to stay and lots of jobs needed doing. Muggins did the work and she was very nice even saying stay over. As soon as her friends were gone she didnt want me around . I've had therapy for my depression,anxiety etc.now I,'ve got my self esteem back I left her 4 months ago following her last moody outburst. I no longer want anymore of it. I'm happier living alone in peace without her constant drama and crazy mind games. Than feeling alone in that toxic relationshit . I wondered why she came back around before? Just to use me and have the chance to dump me. Only I dumped her and this time she's left me alone as she knows the games are over.
So soooo exactly happening to me
The guy who is the one doesn’t know he’s the big narcissist
He used to say... We are soul mate.. Or we have ro get thru it or us and we.... But i was like i am doing it. Very illusionary..😅
Hey Christina!! 😉😘🙏♥️
Hi Pete! 🙏♥
I left first and called her out on all her behavior, she was on vacation at the time. She came home went back hiking where we met and met a dude there a few weeks later that she had approached in front of me at a pizza shop in that town smh.
Everything your saying is wat im going through at the moment early stage of legal separation
If you find out your narc cheated on you, they will never trust you again
Since Ive gone no contact with my narcissistic mother she's telling my siblings ( in an oh so caring way) how I have some "worryingly strange ideas" and "seem to be confused" over a lot of things. We're all well over 50, and luckily know what shes doing..its really rather pathetic.
Just cut contact with my parents
… as a German Biologist -
With intense Endurance and Inner Strength Training
I repel the Predators with my Firewall and No trespassing
Weakness attracts all sorts of Predators and Cannibals
Und? Bist du jemals mit einer Narzisstin zusammen gewesen?
I did myself too. Text and call and sent fake crying video.. But when i called police and got escart from officers.. To get my stuff and left... But durning time police was there.. He was sayinh.. I love this women.. Whatnis gojngon.. Wait wait.. Then ignored and grabbed stuff. Then he start saying to police why she is taking our stuf. I invested to her.. Can not do this bruah bruh.. I left.. Then he was calling.. Text..... Sending me.. Video. But i did no contact. Done!!
Exactly what happened to me, i get tired of the gaslightnings and decide to move away, we are "best friends", she imediately applied me a Silence Treatment and, since then, she treats me as i dont matter nothing, we fight, and now she says that i never mean nothing to her (even that she was the one to put me in a pedestal and made me fall in love)...
He went nuts, broke restraing, hasseled my kids when he couldn't get to me. I'm lucky, the police here have my back.
When I went full no contact with my violent malignant narcissist sister, she stalked me.
For 15 years. Until I got a friend to write on her last letter "RTS DEC'D" and sent it back.
That was in 2009. In 2021 she came to my door again, but I have security cameras and I didn't answer the door.
She always blame shifted and gaslit me. She never, ever love-bombed me.
Not all narcs use the love-bombing method.
But the more cunning ones tend to.
My ex discarded me first but I went one step further and divorced him.
Bit would he not have taken the further step too?
My love bombing, is shady cheesy cheap,they can't come up to my league,Im giving quality presents love empathy
time, easy to discard some person who's all cheep FAUX.!
I was called a Narcissist..too many women..I will never chase..next..
I discarded him after I caught him cheating on me. He didn’t saw it coming. We had FaceTime confrontation:me, the new supply and him (they were together during confrontation). He denied me to her that we were still in a relationship. He didn’t even admitted to her that I was his gf. So, dumped his ass.
When they tell you that you're never going to find another one like me tell them to their face that would be a good thing but I highly doubt it and walk away casually the next few minutes will tell you all you need to know. I know some of you aren't brave enough to try that but things become very clear after that.
What must happen that things get clear then?
I think I am dealing with a narcissist, or at least someone with narcissistic traits. It’s extremely confusing…I tried to break up in a very gentle way a few days ago but he apologized right away after he understood I was serious and done with him and started to be so kind again…. He acted so in love again and like he realized he almost lost me and he said he would fix his personality. He said he could never keep someone in his life, that his personality was too hard for other people so that he understood me…. I guess it’s the Hoover phase. I am quite scared of a possible revenge as he knows a lot about me (if not everything) stuff that I would not want out… could someone please help me ? 🙏
Block and go NO Contact. They are highly manipulative toxic individuals that don’t change ❤
Dated her for 2 and a half months, love bombed me for the first month, started going cold over the following month. During the last date she was completely cold and didn't mind the date I took her on. I noticed during the final date she said some rude comments and then I put the pieces together and came to the conclusion that she was a narc. Later that night I sent her a text that I was done, she agreed, a few hours later she deletes me off Facebook but keeps me on Snapchat. The following day I'm still on her snapchat and she is blowing up her stories with pictures of herself and I could see the thumbnails of her story but would not check her actual stories. She proceeds to delete me off snapchat that night which really confirmed that she was a narcissist. I'm pretty sure I was at her discard phase I just took the chance to end before she did. She did not block me on anything just unfriended me so I'm pretty sure she is trying to keep that door open when she wants to hoover me back in. What really sucks is I'm a narc too so it's funny watching these games from my perspective (I'm currently working on my narcissism). Like let's be together with our narc lives LOL.
my disgarded me again. this the 2nd. I realized that when i first broke up with him the first time...he continue this cycle and break with me... although he was the one reach out to me again, I ask me dont I want more and fell for it... and discarded me again it 7 months away and i.she the damages...
What damages? Like what?
These lessons have been extremely helpful to me in putting the pieces together of a relationship that ended years ago. Here's my short breakup story.
I tried to end things amicably and didn't want things to go sour between us so I suggested a breakup on peaceful terms. She insisted on talking about it face to face and I didn't realize that the sexbombing that took place after was no mere accident. I knew it was wrong but I unintentionally gave her all the ammunition to turn around and accuse me using her for sex. She went as far as pulling away and going "abstinent" and ends up with new supply just a week or two later. She destroyed parting ways in a peaceful manner just so she could have the upper hand in dumping me in her head for a new person. I guess she never really believed in her words of "never want to lose you in my life."
There is no way their psychological disorder is so patterned. Give credit where credit is... do. It's effective.
How do you handle the victim blaming? My ex ended things 4 months ago and would always go back and forth between “I love you” and “we’re never getting back together”. I finally broke and said I can’t do this and now I’m a cruel person that she doesn’t know anymore and she never thought in a million years I’d be so mean to her. I’m emotionally spent. I’ve cared for so long until I’m just numb to it and walked away. Part of me still loves her but my sanity can’t take it anymore.
Did that was in devaluing stage said some harsh stuff to me No body that love you would say hurtful things to you when he started that eent bye bye on him. I won did it before him it was coming was cheating on me anyway with trash down the street have that im out
Dont matter if i discardedy exwife first or not, I'll always ending myself the blame and villified for leaving. I still "lose" our fake marriage.
Here's a good question I never hear the answer to. If you end up taking them back after you discard them, how long does it usually take before they discard you to win the game?
How long is a piece of string? I think the answer is however long it takes for you to be fully hooked again. They'll bide their time if they have to, but it will be the point where you start to feel like everything's going to be ok and you're home and dry. That's when they'll do it.
Yes. they play the long game and have plenty of patience when it comes to hurting you. @@tjfSIM
My experience was two days.
Yes, it was brutal.
Are the rules the same if the relationship is a friendship? I.e not a romantic relationship.
Yes.
Narc friends behave in very much the same way as narc romantic partners.
Most of the advice about narc lovers also apply to narc friends.
I dumped him and went no contact, he showed up to a night club I showed him/we went together with a new supply 😂 he acted super ghetto and it was just embarrassing. got no reaction out of me
Covering their insecurities.. Thats why they need women like me.. Doing business and independent and but still caring women... Image... They always want look good from outside. I did not care soni saw it thru about 3 to 4monts.. Very crazy spirits they have.
I don’t. Are what my ex narc thinks about me. I have no respect for him so why would his opinion or blame matter. The only opinions I listen to are from people I respect. He chose the wrong woman to use his narc ways on!!! He got is so wrong so very wrong!
He did everything to keep me with him. he begged me and said he'd do anything and become anyone i ask him. He was there everyday saying how much they are hurting and that he needs me. He talked to all my friends and did things i asked him to. He said he is sorry for all his wrongdoings and that im in the right. He wouldn't leave me no matter what i said. It slowly made me feel like im the bad one and that out connection is special and deeper than others and I'm actually loved. I have bpd so this whole "valuing and not abandoning" got to me. And he wanted me as a friend too not as a romantic patner. I have never felt this special and valued. I still have not left him...
Some can love you, coverts can, mine does love me, there are bonds, soul bonds and traumabonds, both, then they also love you.