My mum has this idea that my brother is a better athlete than me, she used to scream at me “you’re crap” because she thought he was better at rugby than me. Just now she said to me that she and her friends had been discussing which sport they’d do at the Olympics, so I showed her my athlete profile showing me with the 70th fastest time in the UK at 800m, so I said that would be my event, to which she replied “that’s not impressive, most people wouldn’t have measured their time”. That was the point when I stopped seeking any approval from her.
I spent years seeking approval from my ex-husband’s family. After several years I stopped giving a f* and started divorcing the family one member at a time, down to my ex-husband last. I’m free of their drama 😂
Collective generational trauma is real. I'm in Germany. War fucks people up. They fuck their children up and this goes on like a pattern. It takes a lot of time to get that out of the system.
Yep! Too true. I moved to Berlin, Germany a few years ago and I notice this every fkn day. But it doesn’t only take time to get it out of the system - but emotionally processing the trauma, really dealing with it. Gabor mate spoke in Berlin a few weeks ago and he spoke exactly about that. That until the trauma is emotionally dealt with, the shit will just repeat.
I'm at day 28 now after 21 years of daily usage. Don't know how far you are in but stick to it. It will get better but it just takes time. Keep it going man, you are doing a great job for actualy doing it. ❤
20:00 Gradually get left out of conversations and not being asked certain things anymore is the exact place I've been in for the last couple of years. Painful, but also an indicator that I've left a much-trodden path and there's a certain adventure ahead just for me. Come what may
I think it’s not so much that emotions tell the truth or lie, it’s just that they are taking a guess. The trouble is that every time you act as if your emotions have guessed right, that reinforces that emotional response to that situation, and makes it more likely that your brain will guess to react that way in similar situations. Whereas, every time you stop and think and rationally decide that this emotional response was inappropriate, then that makes it less likely you will have that response to similar situations. This is why, for instance, the news is so pernicious. It repeatedly triggers anger and fear in people, and that primes them to respond with anger and fear to people they encounter in real life.
Very true insight about seeking approval of people who don’t deserve our time and attention. If you wouldn’t accept their advice, why would you care about their criticism.
Great episode guys! I just talked to my therapist about this, the last Tuesday. Finally I can control my emotions and my mind. So, I'm not sure to go out there, and sacrifice my inner peace for something. I have to feel it, to have some certainty about, just like. Ok, I'm going to to this, and I'm ready to take the outcome, whatever is good or bad. I'm in that point of my life. I'm 30.
0:57 The Civil War is absolutely still a trauma with its long term effects on land ownership, districts, residual discrimination, and the tension between Northern and Southern states. I think the issue is it’s not normalized in the US to look back reflectively on that time due to more recent national traumatic events, but I don’t think it has been long enough for the effects to not be present anymore
Agreed! Well put. Also, the comparison to Hungary makes no sense. WW 1 and 2 are still close and trauma is what people are still genuinely feeling. Epigenetics is such a welcome study to help people understand why their own histories effect them. It does not mean we can't move beyond them, but they matter.
@@sneakers_guy5488 gentrification, mismanagement and corruption, for starters. It’s got loads of potential, but it’s so badly run that it does get very depressing sometimes to live here.
@@bumblebee_ms interesting question! How can one do anything really to stop the powers that be? I guess at an individual level for me it’s about living your values, advocating for issues that defend the wellbeing of the whole, appreciating the little things, voting for the best people possible… I generally keep an optimistic view, Portugal is a beautiful and safe place to live, and where I’m from in particular, tourism and gentrification have made a real positive impact in some ways. But when I heard Mark say that, it struck a chord and I knew I had to say something about why that may be. Looking forward to see what he has discovered tho! 🫶🏻
I assumed that was a joke. Good job. Smile because you made me smile. Anyone who doesn't think it's a joke...why are you giving a fuck? Read it again and see the joke in what she said. It's legendary.
Interesting fact about Portugal! I live in Portugal and find the people here quite laid back compared to the people in the Netherlands or the UK where I have also lived. I'm looking forward to that video. (Fun fact... my father was from Portugal and he was the least laid back person I have ever known, though!)
Hi Mark! I was happily surprised that you made a video in my little country, Hungary. It was very traumatizing indeed to loose all the land and population but in my opinion the avarage 30-40 years old people (and younger) don't really suffer from it anymore. There is a certain group of Hungarians who hope that someone will make Hungary big again for them but it's more the people who lost their country and have to live in a different one now are the one's who are still affected by it. However I'm very curious how you're going to discuss this matter and maybe it affects me as well but I've never thought about it before. I'm a big fan of yours, listening to the podcast every week and I'm excited to see the video about Hungary.
Helló Eszter, én sem tartozom azok közé akik álmodoznak arról hogy mennyire jó lehetett "a nagy Magyarország", /persze nagy veszteség volt ez akkor/, de ez az amerikai pökhendi nagyképűség sem tetszik! Valaki erre azt mondta, hogy idősebb épületeink vannak mint az amerikai alkotmány. Amerika az az ország ahol élnek olyan fanatikusok akik újra játszák a nagy polgárháborút....
I feel like Drew is becoming more and more comfortable in being his introverted reserved self while at the same time releasing more experience and thought process with each episode. Im an OG fan and have always enjoyed his contrast to Mark but this episode really did something to him - hes somewhere else now, he is evolving and growing into his co-host role and in a *good* way. As always, keep up the gr8 content
"Spiritual narcissism" - you are so right. The belief that the world aka the universe owes you something is totally absurd. No accountability for your own behavior and self-development. Great podcast, thank you.
Re suppressing emotions vs. listening to emotions: I think it's almost always harder mentally to achieve balance as opposed to just going to one extreme or the other (in pretty much any area of life).
as a south african i have always thought that the entire country has complex post traumatic stress...from colonisation, then the boer war, then apartheid and now crime and state capture and growing poverty.
Yes, that’s it! If I wouldn’t ask someone for advice, I shouldn’t pay attention to their criticism! If that criticism is not based on competence (or at least trying to be helpful ) it’s best to politely ignore it😅
Stuff like adding brominated vegetable oil to sodas in order to make them more homogenous could have only happened in America. Here in Denmark the food quality is actually not that great because people are stingy, but we are definetely more healthy in general than the US population.
Looking forward to the podcast about Portugal. I think I know what the take will be because I am Portuguese. Hopefully it will validate the reason I've lived with these feelings my entire life.
Cooking at home is my preferred choice. Never heard of Shick Shack until today. A good Impossible Burger is hard to find. Don't get me wrong, places do offer veggie burgers, they just can't make it taste good for some reasons.
I would love to listen to Mark‘s content but I can‘t as nearly every other word is „like“ and this is really annoying to me. I take the time to write this because I care, not to offend.
Hi Mark, The discussion about normal reminds me of this book by Dr. Gabor Maté- The Myth of Normal, an amazing take at life and society in general. Interested to know your take(“pseudophilosophy” 😅) on it
Mark very enlightening the documentaries about nations trauma.Iam following your writings since 2011.But i think the same as Portugal and a lot worse is in Hellas (Greece). Come here for a documentary and i can help you. It is going to be very interesting for your audience to understand what happened and is happening ,socially economicaly politically and how traumatized we are as nation ,especially the last 14 after the memorandum and the huge economically crisis.
And all the men who've been SAed, and the intergenerational trauma of slavery and the holocaust, etc., etc. Just because it's in vogue right now to mock the broader use of the word trauma doesn't mean it ain't real. Definitely not his finest moment!
Wait, the average Hungarian, which is a European, smokes. This negates pretty much any more healthful eating. I too just got back from eastern Europe and it's hard to lump them in with western Europe when it comes to health. Though, there is a lot of smoking in the west, also.
Why would you need to make a video about how to not give a fu-k in a world filled with people who don't give a fu-k? Fu-k you I love you and your videos. Personally I don't believe in not giving a fu-k, I'm into a more refined attitude: I don't give a damn.
My mum has this idea that my brother is a better athlete than me, she used to scream at me “you’re crap” because she thought he was better at rugby than me. Just now she said to me that she and her friends had been discussing which sport they’d do at the Olympics, so I showed her my athlete profile showing me with the 70th fastest time in the UK at 800m, so I said that would be my event, to which she replied “that’s not impressive, most people wouldn’t have measured their time”. That was the point when I stopped seeking any approval from her.
You deserved better.
Dang. It's tough with family.
She sounds like a raging asshole.
Jeez man, I'm sorry you have to deal with that sort of thing :/
Divorce from your mother
I spent years seeking approval from my ex-husband’s family. After several years I stopped giving a f* and started divorcing the family one member at a time, down to my ex-husband last. I’m free of their drama 😂
I pushed the like button at the part “self-help is like porn, no one respects it but everyone uses it” 💀
I loved this line! So f**king true.
Collective generational trauma is real. I'm in Germany. War fucks people up. They fuck their children up and this goes on like a pattern. It takes a lot of time to get that out of the system.
yeah. trauma and addiction are also related - look at those hungary stats
Yep! Too true. I moved to Berlin, Germany a few years ago and I notice this every fkn day. But it doesn’t only take time to get it out of the system - but emotionally processing the trauma, really dealing with it. Gabor mate spoke in Berlin a few weeks ago and he spoke exactly about that. That until the trauma is emotionally dealt with, the shit will just repeat.
That's the story in pretty much all of eastern europe.
@@manupareja2397 are you still believe in the stats??? You are sooo naive!!! The stats made by people behind desks, not by real data
Just finished your book mark and i really found it a tremendous help. I’ve quit weed after 15 years of smoking everyday and I can’t thank you enough ❤
I'm at day 28 now after 21 years of daily usage. Don't know how far you are in but stick to it. It will get better but it just takes time. Keep it going man, you are doing a great job for actualy doing it. ❤
Hungary cannot have the most drunks in Europe. That would be Romania but we were too drunk to even measure it correctly.
Estonia too
Nahhhh
All I know is the people in Hungary seemed a lot more depressed than the people in Prague or Vienna. As a whole…
mark is looking so much healthier and younger these days. sobriety looks great on him
Idk his face looks kinda swollen to me
20:00 Gradually get left out of conversations and not being asked certain things anymore is the exact place I've been in for the last couple of years.
Painful, but also an indicator that I've left a much-trodden path and there's a certain adventure ahead just for me. Come what may
Same happening with me
Mark, I noticed you have a rich people laugh now. I like it.
Isn't that just how older people laugh lol?
@@sneakers_guy5488 pffff shut uuup, mark is not old
uhhh... thanks? 😂
😂😂🤣🤣
Huh, your right. I did not notice until I saw this comment
I'm a Hungarian, our nations has gone through worse since Trianon and our people are known to be very pessimistic
I think it’s not so much that emotions tell the truth or lie, it’s just that they are taking a guess. The trouble is that every time you act as if your emotions have guessed right, that reinforces that emotional response to that situation, and makes it more likely that your brain will guess to react that way in similar situations. Whereas, every time you stop and think and rationally decide that this emotional response was inappropriate, then that makes it less likely you will have that response to similar situations.
This is why, for instance, the news is so pernicious. It repeatedly triggers anger and fear in people, and that primes them to respond with anger and fear to people they encounter in real life.
Very true insight about seeking approval of people who don’t deserve our time and attention.
If you wouldn’t accept their advice, why would you care about their criticism.
Great episode guys! I just talked to my therapist about this, the last Tuesday. Finally I can control my emotions and my mind. So, I'm not sure to go out there, and sacrifice my inner peace for something. I have to feel it, to have some certainty about, just like. Ok, I'm going to to this, and I'm ready to take the outcome, whatever is good or bad. I'm in that point of my life. I'm 30.
0:57 The Civil War is absolutely still a trauma with its long term effects on land ownership, districts, residual discrimination, and the tension between Northern and Southern states. I think the issue is it’s not normalized in the US to look back reflectively on that time due to more recent national traumatic events, but I don’t think it has been long enough for the effects to not be present anymore
Agreed! Well put. Also, the comparison to Hungary makes no sense. WW 1 and 2 are still close and trauma is what people are still genuinely feeling. Epigenetics is such a welcome study to help people understand why their own histories effect them. It does not mean we can't move beyond them, but they matter.
Portugal is becoming increasingly appealing to visitors, and increasingly depressing for Portuguese 😅
Why more depressing for the Portuguese? Just the problems of more people or something else?
@@sneakers_guy5488 gentrification, mismanagement and corruption, for starters. It’s got loads of potential, but it’s so badly run that it does get very depressing sometimes to live here.
@@pyztni That is so sad to hear. Is there anything you can do about it? (in a positive way).
@@bumblebee_ms interesting question! How can one do anything really to stop the powers that be? I guess at an individual level for me it’s about living your values, advocating for issues that defend the wellbeing of the whole, appreciating the little things, voting for the best people possible… I generally keep an optimistic view, Portugal is a beautiful and safe place to live, and where I’m from in particular, tourism and gentrification have made a real positive impact in some ways. But when I heard Mark say that, it struck a chord and I knew I had to say something about why that may be. Looking forward to see what he has discovered tho! 🫶🏻
I assumed that was a joke. Good job. Smile because you made me smile.
Anyone who doesn't think it's a joke...why are you giving a fuck? Read it again and see the joke in what she said. It's legendary.
the trap that people are falling into, is that judgment is something you can avoid.. wow!💡
min 13:30
Interesting fact about Portugal! I live in Portugal and find the people here quite laid back compared to the people in the Netherlands or the UK where I have also lived. I'm looking forward to that video. (Fun fact... my father was from Portugal and he was the least laid back person I have ever known, though!)
Loved ones listen to you the least, I don't think they mean anything by it, but it's just the nature of close relationships.
thx for this, it gives me hope for me and my other half
Hi Mark!
I was happily surprised that you made a video in my little country, Hungary.
It was very traumatizing indeed to loose all the land and population but in my opinion the avarage 30-40 years old people (and younger) don't really suffer from it anymore.
There is a certain group of Hungarians who hope that someone will make Hungary big again for them but it's more the people who lost their country and have to live in a different one now are the one's who are still affected by it.
However I'm very curious how you're going to discuss this matter and maybe it affects me as well but I've never thought about it before.
I'm a big fan of yours, listening to the podcast every week and I'm excited to see the video about Hungary.
Helló Eszter, én sem tartozom azok közé akik álmodoznak arról hogy mennyire jó lehetett "a nagy Magyarország", /persze nagy veszteség volt ez akkor/, de ez az amerikai pökhendi nagyképűség sem tetszik! Valaki erre azt mondta, hogy idősebb épületeink vannak mint az amerikai alkotmány. Amerika az az ország ahol élnek olyan fanatikusok akik újra játszák a nagy polgárháborút....
I feel like Drew is becoming more and more comfortable in being his introverted reserved self while at the same time releasing more experience and thought process with each episode. Im an OG fan and have always enjoyed his contrast to Mark but this episode really did something to him - hes somewhere else now, he is evolving and growing into his co-host role and in a *good* way. As always, keep up the gr8 content
"Spiritual narcissism" - you are so right. The belief that the world aka the universe owes you something is totally absurd. No accountability for your own behavior and self-development. Great podcast, thank you.
Re suppressing emotions vs. listening to emotions: I think it's almost always harder mentally to achieve balance as opposed to just going to one extreme or the other (in pretty much any area of life).
I have a PhD, and I can confirm that 90% of PhDs aren't worth it, including my own in neuroscience.
😮😮
as a south african i have always thought that the entire country has complex post traumatic stress...from colonisation, then the boer war, then apartheid and now crime and state capture and growing poverty.
Anyone notice the descriptions of Mark and Drew in the beginning? Love this video editor 😂😂😂
Yes, that’s it! If I wouldn’t ask someone for advice, I shouldn’t pay attention to their criticism! If that criticism is not based on competence (or at least trying to be helpful ) it’s best to politely ignore it😅
That is such a eyeopening Podcast. More People should listen to it. 🎉
Stuff like adding brominated vegetable oil to sodas in order to make them more homogenous could have only happened in America. Here in Denmark the food quality is actually not that great because people are stingy, but we are definetely more healthy in general than the US population.
We lost the 70% of our territorry, not just third. Before Trianon Hungary had 325 411 square kilometers. No we have 93,030 square kilometres.
Can't wait to see Robert Greene in your podcast
Love from INDIA❤
This was absolutely one of my favorite episodes, the time just flew by!!!!
Looking forward to the podcast about Portugal. I think I know what the take will be because I am Portuguese. Hopefully it will validate the reason I've lived with these feelings my entire life.
😄 Mark: "Dude, self-help is kind of like porn in that nobody respects it, but everybody uses it." 27:42 😆🤣
"Can a nation experience trauma?"
Ask your 90 year old grandmother thats a good place to start.
Useless comment, but the way Mark described his profession, it sounds like he's a philosophy communicator.
My thoughts exactly, and a valuable role.
Yet he is making tons of money from people liking him. Who is the chump here?
@ 6:40 it’s called “familiarity breeds contempt.”
33.19.."We don't act on information. We act on emotion."
Not if you're autistic. If you're autistic, you act of information I think.
How dare you attempt to besmirch the In-n-Out name! Cancelled!!! 😂😂
Lolll
Hey now, easy on my In-N-Out, I love that place. Quality ingredients and they actually pay and treat their employees well.
Cooking at home is my preferred choice. Never heard of Shick Shack until today. A good Impossible Burger is hard to find. Don't get me wrong, places do offer veggie burgers, they just can't make it taste good for some reasons.
Mind blown as usual, great show!
Great conversation! Last 10 mins were my fav...
Hi (anxious) from Portugal 👋🇵🇹
Great podcast! Please don’t stop and make more !
A lot of insights. Thank you for this discussion.
Go watch Godzilla Minus One, then try to tell me that isn't Japan resolving some national trauma.
I would love to listen to Mark‘s content but I can‘t as nearly every other word is „like“ and this is really annoying to me. I take the time to write this because I care, not to offend.
Invite Robert Green 💚
Hey Drew, new hairstyle suits very well! You look badass
Why I am only finding out about that Mark have been in Budapest????
I had no idea you had a podcast. Fantastic!
What is he trying to achieve and what are his qualifications?
Hi Mark, The discussion about normal reminds me of this book by Dr. Gabor Maté- The Myth of Normal, an amazing take at life and society in general. Interested to know your take(“pseudophilosophy” 😅) on it
This made my day
liked and subscribed
it has lost 2/3 of its territory, not 1/3, Mark
It's proud to be a Hungarian 🫠
Where's the Hungary vid mentioned at the start?
2/3 is more accurate
Mark very enlightening the documentaries about nations trauma.Iam following your writings since 2011.But i think the same as Portugal and a lot worse is in Hellas (Greece). Come here for a documentary and i can help you. It is going to be very interesting for your audience to understand what happened and is happening ,socially economicaly politically and how traumatized we are as nation ,especially the last 14 after the memorandum and the huge economically crisis.
Love this!☝️
Check out Thomas Hübl and his book “Healing Collective Trauma” and I know you will like the book. No BS.
They lost 2/3
My guess for Portugal is.....a huge fall from grace from being a world leader in the 1600s and also being in the shadow of their neighbors, Spain
OK, love you guys but don't be fucking flippant about trauma in a world with the % of children and women that have been beaten and SAd, dudes
And all the men who've been SAed, and the intergenerational trauma of slavery and the holocaust, etc., etc. Just because it's in vogue right now to mock the broader use of the word trauma doesn't mean it ain't real. Definitely not his finest moment!
The South hasn't forgotten about the civil war
Wait, the average Hungarian, which is a European, smokes. This negates pretty much any more healthful eating. I too just got back from eastern Europe and it's hard to lump them in with western Europe when it comes to health. Though, there is a lot of smoking in the west, also.
szürreális volt hirtelen Mark bácsit trianonról beszélni
word
Neopseudopsychology
Yes, a nation can have a trauma
Too many "like" in a sentence, sorry.
You have a successful podcast?
Why would you need to make a video about how to not give a fu-k in a world filled with people who don't give a fu-k? Fu-k you I love you and your videos. Personally I don't believe in not giving a fu-k, I'm into a more refined attitude: I don't give a damn.
For whatever reason, this podcast reminded of an old movie quote:
th-cam.com/video/eSijB9-Hw7g/w-d-xo.html
shake shack rules!
Shake Shack is better than In ‘n’ Out. More menu choices (they also have chicken), better tasting burgers, better fries.
I never understood In and Out. Five Guys is way better.
Podcast had potential but then you had to say In-N-Out is overrated so I had to stop watching. Sorry😊
First. :)
Dont give a f*uck ;)
Man in the first time in life, experienced an american talks about my little country. Trianon and alcoholism came up😂