Mother In Law Made Up Awful Plan To Humiliate My Obese Daughter In Front Of Her 2nd Husband & Did...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- My mother in law remarried and her second husband owns a ranch with horses. However she made up an awful plan on how to humiliate my obese daughter and criticize my parenting...
#motherinlaw #familyproblems #listenablestory
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Ponies can't carry more weight than they can handle. Ponies are living animals, not toys.
While I agree with OPs mom’s concern, I think she should’ve had a discussion with them prior to the girls coming over. There had to be a better way of handling it than weighing the girls.
@@lorilancaster5917like what?
@@lorilancaster5917All new riders should be weighed prior to riding an animal. It is standard practice in the equestrian world. Any diligent owner does this. You can literally serious harm an animal's back and cause life-long pain if an inexperienced rider who is overweight rides said animal. Clearly you care more about the feelings of humans over the health and safety of an animal.
@@vincentlucario5450like the mom give OP and spouse a heads up before they come over that she will weigh them. I strongly agree that the ponies health shouldn’t be placed in jeopardy but I can see the daughter feeling upset and insecure with being weighed.
@@WildKat25so you just want to ignore that I said that I agree with the mom’s concerns. All I said is that the communication should’ve been better prior to the visit
Story 1: The equestrian actually proved the grandmother right. The little girl is OVER 110 lbs. The grandmother handled it with tact bc she only informed the parents to not hurt the child feelings.
You gotta love their lack of reading comprehension
@@blomingblossumwhere else but reddit
I agree they shouldn't be on the pony, but it's kinda sad their not willing to pay a bit more of attention and putting her on a horse and walking calmly with them, I rode peaceful horses with an adult walking beside me with the reins when I was a child
@@b.beth57Because kids these days are handled with way more fear than kids my generation were. Been born 1980. Unless we had lost a limb it was shrugged off. 😂
@@b.beth57 my son won't get on a bigger horse, too scared and my horse isn't suitable for someone to freak out on. Might be perfectly reasonable if they don't have something suitable available.
Can't risk the animal's back regardless of anyone's feelings.
True- but why was the girl not allowed to ride one of the horses instead of a pony?
The horses were not described as being too much for her to handle temperament-wise, they were just called “too big.”
You can absolutely ride a bigger horse at any size, just not a smaller one. Some of my earliest rides were on a 17hh retired warmblood, and draft horses
@@averycheesypotato Unless they had a very tall mounting block or could lift the child themselves the horses may have been too big for them to get her up there. But that's all guessing. Maybe they're jerks. I grew up around horses, my first was a 16hh TB.
@@TheCurseofGatau giving a leg up isn’t too hard, but doesn’t every rider use a fence from time to time?
@@averycheesypotato Depends on the fence, as a kid we had 3 board fence, but now I have wire fence. We can only postulate as to why; maybe the horses weren't safe, maybe the kid was afraid, falling off a horse would hurt more than falling off a pony. My only point was for the pony. Why they didn't use the horses only OP knows.
@@TheCurseofGatau not overloading a pony absolutely important. I guess I just focused on the fact they didn’t give any reason for not using the horses beyond “too small”
MOM is absolutely RIGHT. If you go to any place where you can ride animals THEY WILL WEIGH YOU BEFORE YOU GET A RIDING ANIMAL. They then give you an appropriate horse/pony to ride according to size, WEIGHT and experience. The grandmother didn't shame the child, she allowed the parents to handle it with the child. Grandma is totally kind and appropriate.
Exactly. The saying "your right to swing your fist ends at my nose" feels very appropriate. The daughter weighs enough for it to be unsafe for her to try to ride the available animal. Then is polite about it and let's her parents handle explaining it to her. The wife is just projecting and so are the comments calling him in the wrong.
I don't know,
I went horseback riding as a kid,
I was never weighted, when I did & on block parties w a petting zoo kids weren't.... And well
@@mikilacunningham6259neither did I, but people weren’t as lawsuit happy back then as they are now. This is likely mow a type of CYA policy at most riding places just in case.
The comment from the equestrian blows my mind. Pony is such a huge range of sizes. The rule we had as kids at gymkhana was max weight of child plus tack must be less than 15% of pony's weight. No mention of size of pony us given but based on 110 pounds limit add tack of around 25 pounds, probably a smaller pony around 900-1000 pounds.
@@mikilacunningham6259 Unfortunately abuse is pretty rife in petting zoos and traveling things like that. They're less likely to care about the long-term wellbeing of the animal.
The few times I was horse / pony riding as a kid it didn't include weighing, though it could have been part of the sign-up process my parents did to just report it, though neither I nor anyone in my family was overweight to the point of risking the animal's health. I don't doubt that someone extremely large (height or girth) would be checked for being able to safely ride a horse.
To me this sounds like the ponies are either smaller, older (both of which lower the weight limit) or they're basically pets, and the owners want less risk to their pets.
Ponies and horses are living animals, not machines or toys. If you're too heavy you hurt them, and a hurt animal might hurt you back.
I'm a twin. My brother and I were always thankful that we weren't made to be twins. We were given completely different names, weren't dressed alike, and allowed to develop our own interests. In high school we were friends with Ron and Don, who envied us for having parents who treated us as brothers who happened to be the same age.
I think that probably happened with the other twins, the parents and family treated them as a unit because 'it's sooo cute' and it caused resentment
I’m glad they did. The whole Pete and Repeat jokes actually make me cringe and I’m not a twin.
Twins run in my family as well, and I am a twin. We did dress the same as young children, to keep fights down. We were not treated as a single unit in two bodies though. We were known as Henri's girls, not the twins or Henri's twins.
Those "YTA" need to shut up! Unless you grew up on a farm or actually handled horses you don't know crap! I didn't grow up on a farm but I know to listen to someone who did and knows their horses and ponies better than folks on the internet! The grandma also didn't even call the girl fat, just check to see if she would be save riding the pony. I'm sure if everyone calling OP the idiot were to be given any and all medical bills for the pony they would either shut their traps or say something completely different.
Any working ranch will have cutting horses that are neck reined and a 7 year old will be able to safely ride such a horse. I was riding full sized horses (a 15 hand buckskin) bareback when I was 8 - so the Pony requirement was nonsensical.
The only ponies that were in the area had such a bad temperament a 12 year old girl had issues riding.
@@jaydee_0079 They never say it's a working ranch though. It might just be a ranch-style property, and they keep a few horses and ponies for their hobby. And then it's understandable that they may not have horses to match every experience level. You're right that size makes little difference to safety; training and temperament are far more important, and many small ponies are little terrors. But if someone says "my horse is not suitable for beginners", I think you should believe them.
@@tfrtrouble The fact that Grandma waited until day of to do the Weight Thing tells me it was a deliberate act, if it was sincere, she'd have notified daughter of the Weight Restrictions BEFORE they showed up at the ranch and not mentioned riding at all. But to allow one to ride and not the other, or disallow both because of the weight of one AFTER weighing them was cruelty to both children.
There needed to have been better communication about what a horse riding trip would involve. You don't just weigh other people's kids.. you get consent
That is the boundary cross. Granny should gave quietly told the parents what would happen.before she did it. Giving them the choice.
Both sides can learn from.this
@@jaydee_0079 what do you also think that weight and height requirements before you get on a carnival ride are also body shaming
I like how that one commentator said for no discernible reason, but this is different because the grandma actually had a reason
But she did not give a head up on the reason
@NM-ub6ml no she left it to the parents to explain it's in their ballpark now
That person was hella projecting
If the commenter that claims OP is TA and is really an equestrian then she isn't a good one to claim there is no way the pony couldn't handle over 100 lbs. She has no idea what kind of shape that Pony was in or anything and is ignorant for making such a bold claim
Healthwise they should be fine since the grandmother is using them for riding purposes 🤷🏻 average pony carry about 55 kg so she must have some pretty small ones. No reason why you couldnt hitch them to a one person carriage though, those buggies are awesome to ride 😂
Not to mention ponies vary in sizes.
idk i was also baffled when gma claimed the weight limit for the ponies was 110 lbs. if theyre shetlands or mini horses that would be reasonable, but pretty much any other pony breed...total lie. most ponies are not that much smaller than horses, and adults ride them all the time. how would a shetland pony be their only option? my judgment entirely depends on what kind of pony it was lmao
@@holyfreakinBLEACH i've found something that says it's closer to 20 to 30% of its own weight 🤷🏻. I rode them as a kid but only ever did it after school on a horse. No reason why you can't attach a buggy to them though, those things are awesome to ride
@blindbrad4719 training a horse to harness is a whole new process and you can't just grab a Pony, put a cart on and off you go. Yes fun but not automatically doable.
Re: Weighing the Daughter: NTA
1) It matters why the grandmother weighed the daughter. The grandmother didn't weigh the daughter to shame her. The grandmother weighed the daughter as a matter of safety. It's like making sure the kid is safely buckled into the car. You were trusting grandma to be responsible for your children's safety, and she was.
2) It matters what Grandma did with the info. Grandma did not shame the daughter for being overweight, and made another excuse for canceling the outing , which even other well-meaning grandmothers might make a mistake about. But not this one. And she definitely didn't go about shaming the girl as the sole purpose of the weighing, which is usually what comes up in these reddit posts. That would be an entirely different situation.
I don't see why your wife wants to punish your grandmother for being a responsible and thoughtful adult.
This. I also think grandma did well to weigh both girls. She didn't need to weigh the smaller one; only the one she could see might be borderline too heavy, but she was careful not to single out the bigger girl. This would apply equally if the girl was not obese but simply taller, and can totally be explained as "we always check rider weight to see which horse is strong enough". There are several sports where they need your weight to choose the right equipment. If mom turns it into "grandma thinks you're too fat", then she will be the one responsible for traumatizing her daughter.
Story 1: NTA. The former equestrian is unfortunately victim to reddit's lack of reading comprehension. The absolute weight limit for that particular pony is 110. That would include tack. Poor baby was *above* that. I feel so sorry for the little girl. Wife definitely needs a good talking to.
Story 1: YTA comments, not everything is a body shaming issue. Maybe an average pony can handle that way, but maybe this pony couldn’t and it’s not body shaming to make sure the horse carry weight amount they can’t handle. What that last comment went through it’s not the same thing at this situation.
I’m so sick of people always complaining when something has a weight limit. This is coming from someone who’s not exactly skinny, if you can’t do something because of your change or accept it, but don’t complain about it.
Those people are probably obtuse when it comes to parks having minimum age/height requirements for rides.
How people communicate is the shaming issue not weight requirements
@NM-ub6ml no one shamed anyone though. Grammy did a side bar with the mother.
Your feelings don’t outweigh a horse’s health and safety.
You can’t ride a horse if the horse is injured. Why does somebody think they can ride a horse and injure it at the same time?
I really have to wonder about the equestrian saying a pony can handle 110 lbs.
Ponies come in various sizes. So, how big was the pony? Was it the size of a Shetland or a Welsh, or somewhere in between? There's a big difference between what the Shetland can carry and what the Welsh can carry.
General rule of thumb is the horse can carry 20% of it's own weight between tack and rider.
There's also a difference between someone being close to that limit who knows how to ride and one who doesn't.
Best way I know of to solve this is with a Haflinger. They're a small draft horse. Some people consider them to be a pony. But they're sturdy and can carry more than other horses the same size.
Paternity fraud and weight are two topics Reddit often has some very insane takes on.
What pony can't carry a 50kg or so kid? While these grandmother didn't have no reason, that's well below the cutoff for most pony breeds.
Story 4: NTA. She ask. You gave very helpful, none intrusive advice. The only world that is over stepping in is one where HE want to name the kid.
I hope SIL sees this flag and sails away.
ive worked with horses. Every poney we had could only be ridden by people under 100lb. The horses safety is whats most important. The YATA commenter was bullshitting and projecting HARD. I had an ed while working with the horses, i always understood that the weight limits were there for the horeses safety.
Story 1: NTA, tell the wife to let her daughter sit on her back and see how she’ll feel. Heck, the daughter doesn’t even know her weight is the issue.
Story 2: NTA, a spade is insulted for being called a spade.
Story 3: NTA, she disregarded every event for those around her and she thinks she still deserves full undivided attention?
Story 4: NTA, it ain’t interfering if you are literally asked for advice! At this point the husband is looking for excuses.
Story 5: NTA, sounds like the mom should not have any contact with op.
Story 4: oh I get it, your advice was a good way to give both of them a say, allows both of them to cross up names on their list, and doesn’t allow fighting to overwhelm either of them. Or other words, completely keeps BIL trying to step all over his wife so he can have whatever name he wants.
He can’t just let it go after everyone explained why he was in the wrong. He has to be the victim and get an apology from you because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, or worse wrong. I don’t know why he thinks he can keep pushing this on you when no one’s on his side. SIL ask you for advice and you gave her a really clever system on how to pick a name.
That's... actually a really plausible take here. BIL isn't angry at his wife getting advice, he's angry that the advice makes them equal and doesn't allow him to have the deciding vote.
S1 nta, putting the horse in danger, just to save the moms not kids feelings is wild plus we dont know how over weight the kid is
I heard £110. Ponies can carry a little more than that on average so they must've been pretty small ones she had. No reason you can't hitch a buggy to them though, those things are awesome to ride.
@@blindbrad4719 why are you using the Pound sign ( £) when describing weight? that signifies currency, not weight.
@@Arylwren1 clue is in the name, it all sounds the same with TTS
Story 1: kids get weighed at the doctors office all the time. Just because they are weighed doesn’t mean they will develop an unhealthy relationship with a scale. 😒
Yeah they also need your weight to select the right equipment for some sports (like cross country skiing). And the weight limit is not about body shape; it would apply equally if she was skinny but just weighed more because she was tall. It is up to the parents here to explain it in a way that it's not a big deal; "this is just something that needs to be done for this sport to find a good match". Grandma made it easy for them by weighing both girls, not just singling out the one she could see might be over the limit. If mom decides to instead make it a big thing about how grandma called the girl fat, then she will be the AH for traumatizing her daughter.
Neglectful mom:
This is why you don't pressure someone to have kids when they don't want them. I feel so bad for those kids and partially the mother but not for the father who decided to push someone to have children they didn't want. I say only partially the mom because she's a big girl too and unless her circumstances were complicated (we don't know) she could have stuck to her no and left rather than be a half a mother to her kids.
Yeah, it should have been talked about at the very beginning of the relationship in the first few dates. It's a deal breaker. People who want kids shouldn't be with those who don't.
@@akl2k7and definitely need to get rid of the “they’ll come around” mindset. No and it’s likely that the partner is thinking the same thing and both are at a standoff. Just divide the DVD collection and part ways
Story 1: The YTA comment from the "former equestrian" irked me because they clearly lack reading comprehension. Yes, the general rule of thumb is 20% of a pony's weight. This can be anywhere from 80 - 160 pounds, *_depending on the size of the pony._* In this instance, the weight limit is 110 pounds but the daughter exceeded that, which means the pony can't carry her safely. You don't risk injury to an animal to placate someone's feelings.
Story 1: Yeah it stings , and it probably hurts the mom to know that her daughter is missing out, but like it or not her daughter's weight WILL prevent her from doing certain things. A pony is a living thing, not a metal carnival ride. If she doesn't like her daughter being excluded then she needs to help her get from obesity back to a healthy weight.
there's a twenty percent rule, rider should not be on a horse if they are over that twenty percent
Not just the rider but the rider and tack
@@jessejjyami8909 you're right, thank you for the reminder
I hope the last OP is aware that if he stays with his family, they will reveal his brother as the biological father way before OP plans to. Unless he is willing to abandon his family, the best he can do is love that child, let them know that he will always love them, and hope when they turn 18 the bio family hasn't poisoned them into thinking OP stole them from their "careing" father
Story 1: NTA, wife is. Her feelings don't trump the safety of an animal or children.
Yeah so lets put our feelings over the animals wellbing. The grandma knows what her animals can handle. This isnt the average pony this is HER pony, lt could be older or have other issus. People are so selfish, i am obese and i would never ever subjuct an animal to carry my weight. they are not machines
The big thing is, even as a gradeschooler, I rode full size horses. I'm honestly surprised the grandparents didn't have a kid safe horse
This. I was riding a full sized horse at 8 and know people who did it even younger. I was in 4-H with a girl who barrel raced at 5 on a 16 hand mare. There's no way those 2 girls are too short for a horse, the bigger horses just aren't the right personality for an inexperienced rider.
maybe the horses they have are more for plowing fields or pulling carriages? not a horse person so could be wrong
Why would you be surprised that they didn't have kid-safe horses? Horse riders have horses that match their skill level and what kind of riding they want to do. It's not about size; many ponies are absolutely not safe for beginners either. Most people don't keep a bunch of beginner friendly horses around just in case an inexperienced rider visits and wants to ride.
@@tfrtrouble💯
@@tfrtrouble so the ponies are meant to be ridden by adults then by this logic? Otherwise why keep ponies. If they intend for children to be riding, they should have options.
As a fat former equestrian, the wife is being the asshole. Not sure why the big horse would be too tall for the older girl, though. I was on full sized horses from about age five, and it wasn’t an issue due to size. Must have more to do with the horse’s temperament, but OP didn’t phrase it like that, so a little odd. In any case, grandma was right to protect the pony. They can’t do a job they aren’t fit for, the same way I couldn’t work construction.
Additionally, on the Mother’s Day story, no one is owed Mother’s Day or Father’s Day for shitting out a kid. Those days are for people who raise their kids, or for the people who take over those roles in someone’s life, like a grandparent, godparent, or mentor. Father’s Day was for my stepdad, grandpas, and godfather, not my ex father who did fuck all. In some families the parent in name/legality sucks and they aren’t owed a thing.
I don’t see the big deal with that OP’s mom having a baby either!
Story 2: The husband is actually being concerned about his kids and has every right to ponder on this. The OP's mother is a bully and the father is wrong. But apart from that, all the OP and her husband have to do is see where the husband's parents and family went wrong went wrong in parenting and make sure to use better methods that will last for a long time.
It’s a good thing that spouse is facing this concern and wanting to break the cycle. OPs parents need a huge time out. Like a 19 year time out.
Thank God your husband's man enough to go to therapy. And tell your father and your mother if you don't want to be called a bully don't act like one because that's exactly what she's doing she's bullying your husband, also kudos for you doing the right thing it's up to you to control your family like it's up to him to control his. And you did the right thing. God bless good luck with the little loves. I've not a lot of twins. And some get along and some don't. But I also think it's a lot to do with how they're raised and how the parents are.
Story 1- people like the YTA commenters are the reason I believe that there should be an IQ test to comment on Reddit
Omg yes.
And have children.
Probably was lying about being a horse rider
But then reddit would lose at least 90% of people
@@Symphonia30probably took riding lessons for one summer as a kid, now she’s a “former equestrian” 😂
I’m sorry, 9 yo and 110 lbs?? When will the parents starts to parent these girls??? You expect a little pony to bear the weight because your feelings are hurt?
NO, I expect her to be able to ride a HORSE, I rode our 15 hand buckskin bareback when I was 8, if it's a real ranch they will have cutting horses that are neck reined that can safely be ridden. In fact my experience with ponies is that their temperament is worse for smaller children.
@@jaydee_0079cutting horses are a specific discipline that cost a lot of money. A Metallic Cat foal can easily start at $50k. Most ranches don't have that kind of money, this isn't Yellowstone. 😂
What they're going to have is working ranch horses. Yes they will probably neck rein but that doesn't make them safer to ride. It takes skill to know how to neck rein correctly and that doesn't stop a horse from being broncy or spooky.
The kids are definitely big enough but that doesn't mean Grandma and Grandpa have a suitable kid's horse.
@@krn2683 Most ranchers I know train their own horses.
.
A cutting horse is a stock horse, typically an American Quarter Horse, bred and trained for cutting, a modern equestrian competition requiring a horse and rider to separate a single cow from a herd of cattle and prevent it from getting back to the herd.
I'm talking about Ranches, not Rodeo Competitions.
The daughter might need to see a specialist. It isn't always overeating that causes childhood obesity
Story 1 yta for allowing your child to become obese. That’s child abuse.
I'm questioning that equestrian's response in the first story. "Pony" defines the height/breed of the animal, but not all ponies are the same size and composition. Are there certain breeds of pony that can carry over 110lbs? Yes. But that doesn't mean this particular pony could. The grandmother didn't shame the girl. She brought the issue to the parents. NTA.
But the grandmother had full sized horses as well. She did not let the kids ride them because the kids were “too small.”
That is the sticking point. A child can ride a full sized horse, provided the horse is of a good disposition. They might need to climb up using a fence or tree stump, but that’s the only rub
@@averycheesypotatoBut that's not the sticking point. o.P's wife is mad that she weighed her.But she would have done to put her on the pony.Even if she had put her on the horse, she had already weighed her which is why op's wife was mad. Also maybe they didn’t have steps or a leg-up for the young children to use and couldn't deadlift lift a hundred and ten pounds on to a horse.
@@kp2223 Maybe the wife was being over protective, but she never said “put the kid on the pony anyway.”
It probably wasn’t really necessary to get the girl’s exact weight- you can estimate reasonably. Most people don’t weigh their horses to know the weight limit either, you just measure them around the girth and at the withers to come up with an “accurate enough” estimate. If she’s too big, she’s too big- no need to make a production of it. A horse can take 20% of its body weight, slightly more for some ponies but you have to allow room for tack, rider ability and the fitness of the horse so it’s usually less by varying degrees.
As for getting on the horse, you’d stirrup your hands to give someone a leg-up, not “deadlifting.” Even that is unnecessary when there’s bound to be a fence post, chair, table, or tree stump around even if you don’t have a proper mounting block.
Kids learn to ride on big horses all the time. Going out and buying a pony just for them when you don’t know if they even enjoy riding yet would be a waste, and older horses who have been ridden by experienced adults previously are best for beginners anyway
@averycheesypotato No, she just demanded an apology for weighing her daughter, when the weight limit had previously been expressed to her
So I have a horse. If i advertise for a sharer (someone who rides for you a few days a week) I always set a weight limit and its lighter than me. Couple of reasons, while im not at the weight limit for my horse i don't know this person or their riding ability only what they've told me it is (there are a lot of fantasists in the horse world) and Im not prepared to put my slightly older horses back at risk to spare someones feelings, sorry not sorry
Ponies aren't built to carry large people and are more for small children. You have to protect their backs and legs. Maybe the child should be educated about this, as well as your wife.
That last comment has some reading problems. The girls weighs more than 110 pounds
Story 1 - Long time fat equestrian here, I vote NTA. Even big animals like ponies and horses can only carry so much weight comfortably and safely. I do think grandma could have handled it a little better by checking the weights before making the plans, but ultimately she is making sure her animals will not be taking on more than they can handle. If the kids were more accustomed to riding horses, I’d question why the oldest couldn’t be on a fully grown horse, but it can be scary being on an animal that big when you’re not used to horseback riding often and horses pick up on that fear so I do see the danger it poses there. I think maybe it’d be good to still start with the most relaxed or lesson horse for the oldest so she can learn how to ride, but that’d probably be something OP and his wife have to look into outside of his mom’s ranch since she probably would have put oldest on an appropriate horse if she had one.
I was openly the only student at a stable I took lessons at that could ride an older pony there. She was older and I was maybe 85lbs soaking wet. No one batted an eye when told they were too big for an old pony. Even with my tiny self, a walk was basically all we could do. But the exercise was good for her and she was always soooooo excited when she saw me grabbing her bridle. Literally shoved her face into it lol. A pony is a living animal with feelings and limitations, they can only carry what they can carry. And, sure, maybe grandma's pony *could* hold a 110lb rider, but that doesn't mean it *should* carry one. The kid being overweight doesn't even need to me mentioned. Could put it that the pony was just "too small" for a grown up big kid, let's go look at one of the horses maybe. Unless the horses are just not kid safe, my tiny self even took lessons on a draft cross. Literally had to do the splits to sit on him bareback (saddle was literally impossible lmao, he was HUGE) but he was perfectly rideable. Even if my feet couldn't go past his back 😂
OP if you want to adopt cool but I would adopt a different kid instead of your brother's kid. It is gonna be a mess. But you are doing a kind thing regardless.
This "cultural" method of fobbing off a child onto other relatives or friends, with no work done by the actual parents, is a lousy culture by always punishing those who are willing to do the right thing. "Dad" or "mom" gets credit while someone else does all the heavy lifting in early childhood.
We all know that everyone's gonna be whispering in that kid's ear that they aren't Opie's child from the day they come home.
The "equestrian" have no idea what they are talking about. The weight of the rider have to do with the weight of the pony (15%) and also the individual (the pony, some just hate carrying heavy). Op's mother is 100% right. The wellfare of animals goes first. I suspect the mother of the child isn't willing to pay the vet bills after her kid hurts the horse.
By the way, there are several fully grown horse breeds suitable for kids. Like the Icelandic horse.
I’ve had horses throughout the majority of my life. You don’t need to weigh someone to see if they are to big for the horse or pony. You can see it quite clearly by eye. If you have so many horses and ponies you can just pop her on a quiet horse. Just because a pony is smaller dosnt mean that that animal is safe for small kids. This smacks of bringing attention to the child’s weight. Maybe just talking to the parents about the issue instead of making up a huge drama would have been the better way to go.
Having a lot of horses is no guarantee that any are kid safe. People need to get that through their heads. My riding instructor owns 19 horses and if those only 3 are kid safe, one pony, her retired show horse, and an older quarter horse gelding.
@@krn2683 totally agree having lots of horses is no guarantee that they have one that is kid safe. I would have to talk to the owner as I can’t do that I don’t know. I have three horses one pony and the pony and one horse are kid safe.
Last story: I don’t want to be disrespectful to a whole culture, but this whole set up you describe just sounds like long-term enabling babysitting, until the deadbeat parent finally gets off their butt and act like a parent. With the convenience of not needing to do any of the work or responsibilities of raising a child. I’m sorry, but that is exactly what this sounds like from my perspective.
I’m not saying the child shouldn’t know their parent or the situation when they’re at a certain aid they can understand it, but I’m saying if you want to adopt that baby and not be forced to give that child back to your brother when he finally gets ready to take care of the life, he brought into this world. I’m on your side 100%.
I wonder how many of those 'borrowed out childeren' have been taken back by their bio-parents when they are old enough to help care for the younger siblings they have with the person with who their have their crap together
NTA: It's like the safety restrictions at amusement parks (but with living creatures that the rider could injure.). MIL gave an alternate excuse as to not bring up the kids weight as well.
S1: some people just can’t handle simple truths. Blame the parents for their actions regarding the daughter’s weight
I like that the YTA comments on Story 1 add context that wasn't there to justify themselves.
Story 2: I mean, you could’ve use more adult words instead of the bully if your dad prefers, I can think of a couple. it’s funny how your mom understands feelings when it’s about her but not when it’s anyone else.
Your mom is a bully. Your dad can be mad. You said it all he wants that doesn’t make it less true. You told her to stop and she decided to do it behind your back, expecting your husband not to tell you. Maybe you should take a break from your parents, your mom doesn’t know how to behaving and your dad just gonna keep enabling her.
My best friend's growing up were twins and the only way most people could tell them apart was a scar one had on his cheekbone from getting shot with an arrow at close range by his twin, they were pretty awful to each other at times
Story 3: NTA. I do think you need to stop framing this as some sort of vengeance on her. But no, you are not the idiot for doing more for someone who means more to you. That’s how emotional investments work.
Story 1: NTA. That YTA comment clearly didn't pay attention. The daughter weights MORE than 110 lbs (the recommended max weight for a pony). Having her ride a pony would put unnecessary stress and strain on the animal, which isn't right or fair to it. And she isn't shaming her granddaughter, she made a viable excuse (the weather isn't good for riding) and told the parents so it would be up to them to explain to her about why she couldn't go riding. She put the ball in the parents court.
At least the granny was sensitive enough not to tell the kids though... they should just ask around and see if a beighbour of other set up has suitable sized ponies to let both ride
Problem solved
Last story. Caring for a child for a short-term while the family gets their act together is something that actually happened in my distant family. It was never a system to raise a child for a decade, and then just hand them over. It was meant to carry a family over when the crops were bad. Do you know your cousin could feed the kid, but you couldn't. So they took care of your child for a few months or a year.
It also was something they needed if one mother couldn't nurse, but another mother had ample milk but didn't live near by. They didn't have social services and infant formula in the grocery store back then.
Ehhhhh lots of parents like to work and provide without doing the emotional labor of parenting. She's a lowkey parent so she gets low key mother's day so NTA.
Yet, she's so narcissistic that she thinks she should get the same, or better, treatment for Mother's Day than her husband, who actually does all the parenting, should get for Father's Day.
When did 9 years care about weight? I was 13 or 14 when I started caring how much I weighed.
Agreed. I didn't care about my weight until at least 13. However the parents should be concerned, More than 110 is a lot for a child only 9.
You know what's really cruel: as parent letting your young child becoming this heavy in the first place. And when OP said "they are working on it", I kinda doubt, that dearest mother is on board with that.
Story 2: NTA. You’re getting Twins right? So drop your Mom, you know, to even things out. Because that attitude is not helping anyone.
Learning from how you were raised, and deciding that’s not how you want to parent isn’t hypocrisy, I mean just common sense wise, you didn’t make the first choice so you couldn’t be a hypocrite. That’s called just learning from experience and changing your mind, being a hypocrite is when the answer is both yes and no at once.
Story 1, If i were OP, I'd have said, Horses and ponies are not F'ing trucks, cars or any other inanimate objects, they have a physical limit (especially on their backs) and you are stupid to think they can't be hurt by a heavy weight.
S3: There’s a song about this - Cats in the Cradle. Mom is reaping what she sowed.
Is cats in the cradle is more saddening because he at least wants to be involved in his kid's lives.Opie's mother doesn't even want to be involved in their lives.She just wants them to praise her .
As someone who's taken care of horses, they'll throw you off in a millisecond, And then kick you
And if you make noise from being kicked they'll kick you again- I say as having had to walk them down a road repeatedly because they were getting chubby over the summer, My poor knees
Smaller horses will make their dislikes and likes known, I've been bitten and kicked more times than I can count, and used as a bed for one baby horse because it liked me so much that it was willing to crush me and a few chairs by jumping up on my lap- Not fun
That last horse reminds me of my dog. Big, 100 lbs, and thinks he's a lap dog.
I feel like everyone keeps forgetting.This is grandma's house not an equestrian center
I call BS on the "former equestrian here" commenter. There is no such thing as "an average pony". Some are large and robust and can easily carry a full grown man, others are tiny and delicate. Also, beginner riders like these girls are not balanced in the saddle; they slide and bounce around a lot so the weight is much harder to carry. This is why trekking centers all have weight limits and these limits are lower for inexperienced riders. And "a nine year old is perfectly safe riding a horse" is also total nonsense. Some horses would safely carry a 5 year old; other horses (and ponies) would not be safe at all for a beginner rider of any size. If you don't know the horse in question, you have no business commenting on whether it is safe for a beginner.
The temperaments of the animals were not mentioned. The only comment about the horses was that the girls were too small for them, which makes no sense. You can put a small rider on a large animal; they may need a leg-up or a fence to climb up with, but it certainly doesn’t hurt the horse!
If you have 3 sets of twins in the family and they all hate one another it sounds like a deeper family issue. But OP is NTA. People like the mother are why men suffer in silence.
ETA: So, upon googling it, ponies can safely carry 80 to 160% of their body weight. And, seeing OP's daugher is in the upper percentile for weight (doesn't mean shes fat imo), she cannot ride a pony safely because that leaves a greater chance that either the daughter or the horse could get hurt. I don't blame grandma, nor OP, for NOT wanting to chance that risk.
S1: So, she wanted the pony to potentially be injured because one of her daughters was overweight? NTA.
You should maybe check up on your maths. By your numbers, the daughter could have safely ridden the pony since the average weight of a pony is less than £800. The Shetland pony is £300-£500. that means with your percentages, only the smallest to medium sized Shetland pony would struggle with that top percentage you gave, there generally considered the smallest breed of ponies in the world. Meaning everything bigger would have little trouble carrying a kid, theyd struggle more to ride a Shetland probably due to leg length. 😂
She might be a tubby little girl, depending on height.
110 is a lot for 9yo.
Uhmmmm....... the average pony can absolutely and easily handle 110 pounds, unless it's a miniature pony (which is too small to be ridden by people).
@@soupisgood44 You understand that 'average' doesn't mean shit when you haven't seen the poney, right?
e.g. The average person isn't afraid of heights either so according to that logic, everybody would be safe and willing to do mountain climbing! /s
Where were you googling?! 80 to 160 % of it's bodyweight? Those numbers are insane! Are you sure you didn't look up how much of it's weight a horse can pull? Or maybe you meant 8 to 16 %? The horse I ride weighs around 500 kilos. By your numbers, she should be able to carry 800 kilos (1750 lbs)! Obviously that's absurd. The normal rule is that the weight of the rider AND saddle shouldn't exceed 15-20 % of the horse's own weight.
Story 1: Grandma did absolutely everything right in my opinion and the mom makes a massive mistake by not adressing the weight issue early on. You don't have to tear down the kid, but you definitely need to do something. I was that kid growing up and because my brother had an eating disorder growing up my mother furiously forbade everyone from mentioning anything weight related to me and she always told me something alone the lines of "You'll grow into it" except I never did and I also had Hashimoto, so that didn't go over too well. Weight has been an issue for me WELL into my adult years now.
What is American's obsession with therapy?
That's kind of specific. There's a whole huge swath of Americans who believe that it is weak to attend therapy.
Last one- OP should absolutely NOT adopt the child, PURELY because of her family culture. Her mother and family will try to overrule her every step of the way and constantly tell the child that OP isn't her parent and that when the 'real dad' is ready the child will 'go back' to him. I would fully support OP adopting a 'new' child. But this one? The family is to toxic and stuck in their ways.
The “too short for a horse” thing is BS. I’ve been around horses for 25 years and as long as the horse is suitable for the kid? There is no such thing as a horse that’s too tall.
Last story 1 it sounds like part of the brothers. Irresponsible behavior about the child comes from the cultural way they handle children. He learned there are no real consequences for being a bad parent. Someone else will just step up.
Mother in law is right! You can injure the pony by putting a person who weighs more than 20% of the pony's weight!
If your 9yo is so overweight they can’t safely ride a pony without possibly injuring the animal… then it’s time to swallow that hard pill and do something about it.
But nah, the pony should take the L to spare some feelings. They’re basically the same as cars right?
OK. She's too big for a pony, so you give her a bigger animal. What's the problem? I was riding a full grown horse at eight.
Do they not have steps to help her get on the full grown horse? And can't lift her up onto the full grown horse? That's my best explanation.
Sigh. Because the size isn't the point. To be safe for a beginner rider, you need a patient calm horse (or pony) who is used to inexperienced riders. If the horses on this ranch are young or feisty, they will not be safe for beginners. Horses are not motorbikes; you can't just step on the brakes and they stop. They are very sensitive to the rider's weight and position. Beginner riders bounce and slide around, sit tense and grip with their legs, and lean forward when they feel insecure, all of which will make a young horse anxious or be interpreted as "go fast" by energetic horses who aren't used to beginners. Beginners may also pull hard on the reigns to get their balance or try to make the horse slow down, which is painful for the horse and may cause more sensitive horses to freak out and start rearing or bucking. I've been riding for over two decades and there are plenty of horses that are a bit too much of a handful for me, let alone a little girl who doesn't know how to ride.
I don't know about you, but I'm not trying to deadlift 110 pounds onto a horse. Particularly if I were old enough to have grandchildren.
#2: "Get the fuck out of my house. Don't you ever disrespect my husband again, or you'll never meet your grandkids. Your feelings DO NOT matter."
Story 1:
There's no winning in this one.
When it comes to weight, there never seems to be a good answer, even if it's for the safety of others, animals included because we made weight such a near-taboo subject to talk about because it's opening a door to insecurity and bullying.
I *don't know* the grandma personally so I can't say what her intentions are, thereforth I can't judge her son either. I just know once again we see the issue is weight and our human inability to accept it.
💯 It feels more like op's wife is projecting her own insecurity on to the situation entirely.
Adoption story: OP should be careful. Her entire family will continue to be crappy to her and her spouse. They will constantly say awful things around the child and perhaps to the child. If brother dearest decides he wants the kid later, this will all ramp up. And, since there's no way the child will not know the full story, if/when brother has other children, that will make all of the "what's wrong with me" "why didn't he want me" questions harder than they are for most children who've been adopted.
OP needs to think hard on how this will affect this child and her/her spouse. It may require moving and going no contact.
Last story: Like you said OP, a child is not a toy. If the brat wants to parent he can pull up his big strong man pants and do it.
Tragedeigh! 😀😂🤣😅
1/200,000 chance of having multiple sets of twins.
Look. I was overweight in elementary school and obese in middle school. Yes, it was awful, and yes I knew and didn’t need anyone to remind me. However, and maybe I’m weird here, as a 9 year old and especially beyond I was aware that animals aren’t toys and I would’ve been concerned without anyone telling me about riding a pony. The kid knows she’s fat. I knew I was fat. I promise you as sad as it is that child is told she’s fat all the time. I was. I’m not saying to tell your kid she’s fat. But don’t do pretend-land about the pony needing to work out and the horse being too tall like one person suggested (unless this child is cognitively impaired). Just be kind and honest. Don’t lie. Say the pony has a weight limit it can only carry a certain weight. You can’t ride the horse because it takes practice and skill and you could be injured.
I’m sorry the little girl is overweight. But don’t lie to her and treat her like she’s an idiot. She already knows she’s overweight. The advice is wild on this post. Is this how you people treat kids of her age, like they’re stupid idiots? You like to them? There’s so much going on here but the pony shouldn’t be abused and the child shouldn’t be lied to.
She’s 9 not 4. “Tell her the pony needs to work out more and the horse is like an amusement park ride you’re not tall enough”-this is what you’d say to a 4 year old, not a 9 year old. This is crazy. The girl is fat. I was fat or obese the first half of my 43 years of life and I knew it. I’m not saying be mean to the girl but don’t treat her like an idiot. That helps nothing. No one in my family was mean to me about my weight but no one treated me like I was missing brain cells and somehow missed that I was fat. Get a grip.
The people saying she could just ride a horse, that's only if they actually had a horse with the right temperment for a kid to ride. Lesson horses and horses you see at clubs, camps, etc were all picked because they were chill enough to handle kids, and would actually listen (or listen well enough). You cant just stick a kid on any riding horse.
Same with the ponies. If only a handful are trained and vetted for kid riders, then you gotta work within that group, weight limit included. Weight limit includes tack and gear, not just the rider, too.
Story one - maybe get your kids weight under control than crying about no being able to abuse an animal
i first was put on a horse at seven : choose a calm horse, be there and nothing will happen.
Story 1: NTA. … Can your Wife carry anything? Because if not it stands to reason the pony can’t just carry anything. I’m sure your Daughter is trying to get to a healthier weight but stuff like this happens in the mean time.
💯
I don’t know much about horses but, why should horse’s risks their backside just for a overweight child with hurt feelings? there was obviously no body shaming here. That yta comment is probably lying about being a horse rider for how long, a day or so?
First, Granny haven't did anything wrong by making sure her horses and ponies not getting harmed by carrying excessive weight
2nd, a person should know at any age that they are obese as obesity brings lots of diseases and one should always take care of health instead of pulling body positivity crap, grandma didn't mistreated her grandkid, she handled the situation with grace...parents need to take care of their kids with lovingly and tackfully
LOL, I'd be asking my adoptive mum when my biological dad became ready to raise a kid then? because it certainly wasn't during the first seven years, and it didn't happen in later life either.
Men shouldn't be feeling like this. Weak.
Story 1: NTA, the grandma is right to protect her ponies. That wife of OP is an entitled Karen. It is never worth risking the health and well being of an animal just to make their kid happy.
Growing up, my parents NEVER let me nor my siblings get overweight nor obese. My sisters and I were especially expected to keep control of our weight. At age 9 I was 45 pounds, yet my parents called me “a disgusting fat-body” and put me on a diet. In retrospect I don’t think I was really that fat, but it was what it was I guess…
WHY didn't the grandmother put the girl behind her saddle and ride double on the horse she was riding ? Most horses don't mind carrying 2 people, especially when one is a child. That way, both kids could've ridden. Depends on the size of the pony as to whether it could handle a 110 lb child.
That kid already weighs as much as some adults. Add on another adult woman plus tack and that will probably exceed the 20% weight limit. Plus it's pretty uncomfortable to ride that way for rider and horse, the horse may tolerate it but that doesn't mean they're OK with it.
For this Specific conversation The concept of them being a child kind of goes out the window when they wear as much as an adult.
S1. Does the mother also demand an apology from the dr when they weight the daughter ?
St. 1 - I've been an event planner for 15 years, and nothing pisses off Mom's more than hiring ponies for an event. Ponies CANNOT handle the weight. Period. End of story. We will also weigh children to ensure the safety of the animals. If their small child is overweight, then the grandparents are correct. The child is too small and inexperienced for a full grown horse , and unfortunately, they are too large to ride the pony. It is what it is. If anyone has rode horses, then you know a full-grown horse can be dangerous for small kids who are not experienced rider's. The fact that they love the grandparents shows me that the mom is overreacting. I get it.... it sucks for overweight children. Other kids (their same age) get to ride ponies while they cannot. However, that's not the grandparents' fault either.
At every event I advertise the EXACT weight the child needs to be under (in hopes the parent will weigh their child before the event). Yet every time we have ponies, there is ALWAYS at least one overweight child with a mom ready to scream that her child deserves to ride the pony!!! Every. Single. Time.
Story 1: Ahh yes, Mom wants to not injure an animal she cares for…but because she’s the MIL then she MUST be the bad guy…
No NTA.
Final Story: NTA. Ya there is more paperwork involved, but this is this same outcome. How are you the bad guy when your Brother knocked up a girl while cheating on her AND not raising the baby himself. I get he’s 17, but still.
My guess is that mom wants brother to take back his kid when he feels ready or when he is married and has popped out some more kids so the family has a free babysitter
@@velvety2006 ding ding we have winner! As someone who grew up in a similar culture, it's just kind of assumed that the person gets a free past to not be a parent.And when they choose to they get to play mommy or daddy.But the person doing the actual work usually has some kids of their own.And this is just one extra mouth into the jumble .
I don't know who the commentor is that said ponies can carry that much weight and said they were a former equestrian, but that is probably why they arena FORMER equestrian! The kid being fat is on the parents. And there is no point in being all p.c. when someone is fat. Call a spade a spade. That much weight at 9 years old is just ridiculous!
lol i hope op never take the kids to the doctor
Happy Friday!
I love when people cherry pick traditional roles and use the 60s etc as a basis for anything. One short period doesn't dictate history. Traditional families of the past hundreds of years had very involved mothers and fathers. Yes, the 60s and surrounding years had fathers taking a step away. Now the current time has both parents stepping away with increasing regularity in favour of their devices. Traditional families should be the goal where all parents are very involved with raising their children and they raised competent and emotionally intelligent adults not the people that are being raised today. These families also had very hard working parents, they ate real food and had strong values relating to morals and integrity.
First story:
Depending on the pony breed, the daughter could be to heavy, or she could ride that pony for some years.
Where grandma is a YTA, is that the girl could have been riding a horse, and the grandma had it on a leash.