This happens a lot when I'm in a group setting and everyone's chatty. The atmosphere created by every person's energy combined is overwhelming and I start to feel distant. Then I realise I've not spoken for a while and suddenly have this huge pressure to be interesting. This makes it even harder to create words, so I get stuck in that state.
I have never experienced situational mutism to the extent I was actually unable to speak, but when I am burnt out/fried//tired, it can be excruciating to get words out and requires an insane amount of effort.
thanks for the amazing videos, was surprised and thought it was pretty cool when you mentioned being on the spectrum in one of your recentish videos, nice to know we have some representation in the youth be finance space, even made a post in the autism and aspie subreddit saying hi with the hopes that you might see it, haha, but anyways great vids ty, go tesla! lol
I actually realise now that happens to me too. Especially if I need to communicate something out of the blur and I’m just waving my arms like AH AH AH hoping someone looks at me and realize I need help. My flat mate keeps asking me that I communicate what I need but he doesn’t seem to understand that at times I just can’t and I explained my struggles :/
Paul let me begin by saying the colorful green screen is a nice addition to your supportive and informative videos. Your videos have helped me and made a huge positive influence on my life.😊 I have experienced situational mutism like you described Paul. I have experienced Situational mutism in different ways at different times. One way I experience it is with an overwhelming feeling of social anxiety at different times. In The lunch room at work people are conversing under normal conversational conditions about whatever topics spontaneously prevail in the moment. Suddenly people who I am more or less comfortable talking to while doing a work task( one on one )will suddenly generate anxiety in me when I think about talking to them in liesurely group conversations. It's As if there is danger in no Rules talking. They could ask me ANYTHING and that causes anxiety. So sometimes when I'm in Zombie mode I just avoid people I like talking to even. Other times I just feel mentally Drained Which is a real Zombie mode where I don't try to talk at all.. There are other times where I try to get in on a conversation but I feel unacknowledged or ignored so I just withdraw into situational mutism. I think this social phenomena as well as years of experiencing Autistic burn out is one reason Yoga and or meditation is so helpful to autistic me. In Sitting Meditation like Zen, Yoga, Mantra or Vipassana a big element is what is called pratyahara in Yoga philosophy. Pratyahara has been translated as sense withdrawal. So we have five senses. Taste, smell, touch, vision , hearing. As an illustration of Pratyahara, imagine a tortoise pulling his head,tail and four limbs into his shell. Suddenly he is no longer vulnerable to the outside world. Likewise A Yogi or meditator will withdraw his or her senses as a prerequisite for inner awareness without the external sense objects distractions that are ceaselessly going away from and coming into the minds eye of awareness. He or She might focus on the breath,visualization or a mantra or simply just sit still and not indulge sense objects. I had a practice like that before I knew I was Asperger's. Now I know why this helps avoid autistic burnout with daily practice. When we withdraw senses as autistics we are sealing our mental/ emotional/ spiritual energy inside so it's not leaking everywhere following sense objects like sounds, movements, lights, smells etc. So for that 15 minutes or for that hour we meditate ,we are restoring and resetting our internal energy balance instead of it being dissipated and overwhelmed by outside stimulii. Just like the Turtle is Protected from harm to it's soft flesh, our senses are protected from the onslaught of sense objects. Another analogy for meditation practice for neuro diverse and typicals, is internal Battery recharge mode. When I sit on the floor meditating while staring at the floor or wall or with my eyes closed , I am like a walkie Talkie sitting on the charger restoring my energy. We don't expect a walkie talkie to never run out of juice so we recharge it. We should recharge ourselves with good sleep and good meditation.meditation teaches us that we have some control and options to anxiety,energy dissipation, sense overload and burnout. Plus meditation teaches us to let go of thoughts of liking or disliking so we gain deep waking rest energy that way as well ..A peaceful mind/ heart is also an energy charger because we can become drained by our own desires and Dislikes mentally as well. So let's give our minds a rest a little every day and meditate. Just observations I offer from my own life that helped me and many others who practice pratyahara I imagine. 😎🧘😎.
I’m glad it’s now called situational mutism. My parents at one point made me feel really uncomfortable speaking and like I was unsafe doing so. I did not speak to them for a year and a half. Everytime they saw “selective mutism” they thought “oh, she’s selectively being mute” or “oh, she’s choosing this”. My brain just refused to let the words out of my mouth.
Sometimes when I am very upset my brain tells me that it is dangerous to talk. I always thought it was because of PTSD but maybe it partly Autism. Or a combination of both.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I understand how much more this condition makes us unable to talk when we feel like we have to explain ourselves or feel shamed/anxious.
My parents just told me I was making it up. Le sigh. I learned sign language, that helped. Now I'm grown, adopted my husband's kids, one of whom also has it. Now I can be the adult I wish I had, for him. It's helpful. For the record, it runs in families. One of my father's brothers had it too.
Much better to call it “situational” than “selective”. Selective gives the impression that it’s a choice, and you’re giving someone “the silent treatment” which could not be further from the truth. Also, fun new green screen graphics you have going on. :)
Situational Mutism is this. However Selective Mutism is a thing too and different. The main reason I was compelled to see this specific video in the first place was because I have done both, no word of a lie. I chose "Selective Mutism" as a coping mechanism when I was a child I tried it out a few times and yes it is something much different to the silent treatment as it isn't done out of anger or annoyance for another or others at all. And as a teen I went at it something serious. I achieved it almost completely and it is much harder to do than anyone would expect, I don't believe anyone who wanted to could do it. Can you image the judgements people could have about you especially if while silent they thought you were mad, body language and facial expressions had to not imply anger (which by the way Body Language and Facial Expression Control takes more than physical skills such as Muscle Movement to do. It takes some particular skills to do that which involves focused regulating of emotional intelligence and more), and people knowing my good character before you became silent was helpful for me because it was more difficult for them to perceive me as doing it from a place of negativity and hard feelings about others in a hateful sense. On the other hand I also have kept my words to myself when I wanted to say something because I felt I'm too complicated and will be made to feel I am coming from some place opposite to what I was, which if I said what I wanted instead I knew I would have to Overexplain and drain myself and they wouldn't make effort to get my meaning was for good and not opposite. That keeping it to myself and letting them make what might be wrong guesses about me even if I didn't like it, That is Situational Mutism.
I’ve felt like I can’t speak while inside my head I’m screaming to say something but just can’t. Like I physically can’t bring myself to say anything. It’s like being trapped.
It got so bad for me once that I was literally just trying to scream to release the pressure, but I was physically unable to produce any sound at all. That didn't make it worse at all /s
I haven't had as much trouble with that in recent times, but I've also had an uptick on my thoughts spilling out of my mouth as well. In some ways, it feels like I can't resolve it well enough not to have issues with the divide between internal and external dialogue. It always felt to me like there was this wall in my head that was physically blocking the words from coming out. For most people, this kind of thing is mainly only a problem if they're absolutely terrified, but for some reason for folks like us it doesn't need to be anything at all scary. But, I'd take the mutism over when I'd completely lose my sense of sight randomly. As being unable to speak for short periods is usually not a major problem, but being unable to see can leave me stranded unable to cross the street.
Yeah! I haven't had it happen due to anxiety as far as I can tell. For me, it has only happened once (that I can identify) and it was just... absolute sensory overwhelm. Really strange feeling - it's not that my inner monologue shut up, just that speech wasn't happening even if I tried.
This happens to me as well. It helps for me to know that it’s easier for me to share these things in writing, because that gives me more time to think about the proper phrasing and words..
My parents called it "clamming up" and would switch to yelling at me until they got a response, which was invariably me lying on the floor and going catatonic.
In my case, I just learned how to not have meltdowns, as every time I did growing up, it resulted in punishment for my "extreme behavior." So now, I have a lot more shutdowns but with the same internal result of not being able to talk for a while. I did actually have a meltdown the other day (while by myself and *driving*), and it took me a good 15 minutes after it was over to make words come out again
@@SmallSpoonBrigadeit would help if you could say what more of the forms of having a meltdown are for people who don’t know. Also how can we find this information?
when people ask me questions that i am supposed to answer on the spot but i need to think about the answer, i can't talk. sometimes i can make some noises that let people know i am thinking but if there is any added pressure, all i can think of is that i am supposed to be speaking and how thinking about how i am supposed to be speaking is keeping me from thinking. and then i just kind of spiral. other times, i am just completely burnt out on communication and i am on such a long time lag that i can't follow anything that is happening. (those are times i am glad that i am meeting over zoom or on the phone rather than having to sit there in person like a deer caught in headlights)
I’m the exact same, I’m not diagnosed and thought everyone experienced this. I really struggle with thinking on the spot. My go to is “I’m in the middle of something, can you send me an email about this and I’ll get back to you”. It works like a charm to buy me more time 😃
Maybe this could help a bit, maybe not, but I often see this guy say "can I think for a second?" which I find nice , and kinda lets the other person know you're not going to reply instantly :) (while simultaneously you are kinda technically responding instantly haha)
I have this when there’s a direct question and I say something but it’s almost inaudible because I don’t have the confidence to say it louder. I really get to at deer in the headlights too, it’s like I’ve frozen and i just blurt out whatever might soften their questioning gaze. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I’m beginning to wonder tbh 😅
Yes. To be honest, for me it’s like I want to control the thoughts of other people to find a “better” word. Why do I need this control? May I stay authentic apart of them without seeking any approval?
@@More_readings that word "control" I know intimately. I NEED control of my environment, not in a narcissistic controlling kinda way, but in a "no surprises" "I know exactly what to expect" otherwise I feel "claustrophobic" kinda way. The fear of the unknown is horrifying.
@@theWinterWalker is it a fear of rejection? Why do we live expecting something horrible? We are not gods to be able to control everything. So, theoretically, nothing to worry about. But...
In discovering that I'm autistic, I've gained the ability to let me autistic traits show around others, and sometimes even in public. Traveling recently, I went completely mute while checking in and dropping bags off, going through security, getting to the gate, and for almost an hour after all that. My mother is a very chatty person and she takes things very personally, so in the past I've never been able to be silent around her because her reaction just causes more emotional distress. Now that she's starting to really see me, she didn't take my silence personally and let me stim and listen to music and process as I needed to, and it felt so good!
Omg, that sounds so nice! I want to manage to do that too around my family but sometimes i feel pushed to talk or like i need to give them a strong reason to not doing it. Sometimes talking it's just too much and i need to be silent (I discovered I'm autistic too recently) :)
I have a pragmatic speech impairment, I often choose to go mute when my words are failing me, so that I don’t accidentally say something the wrong way.
Although I realised this can happen when I have a migraine - and a tablet seems to calm the tiredness and I can talk again. I also found if I switch languages it is somehow easier. I guess using different circuit
It seems like if people can take something the wrong way they will and it feels like I am being micro-analyzed. It just seems like socializing isn't worth it in that case.
@@EaZiE01 it cuts both ways right? I have to model people and sometimes I get it badly wrong. And I force them to behave in such a way to agree with my model - later I realise I misjudged and it can be hard to recover a relationship from that. So I just ask now. I qualify some statements with "let me say what comes to mind then we can work out what I am trying to say".
@@stephenhookings1985 Yes, I learned awhile ago that is a good thing to let your body language go ahead and express how you feel (without words) and people will read it and respond properly (usually). Helps me to just mirror them before initializing chatter, that way you can be on the same page before talking. Knowing your routine can help you get in the headspace to handle socialization.
What if it's true that 80 or 90 percent of communication is non-verbal anyway. Perhaps some part of us knows this as is just totally ok with it. I'm involved with a spiritual community that has silent eye gazing as a fundamental practice. As an asp sufferer it's actually very very insightful and often wildly blissful thing to do. no words
This is one of my daughters biggest challenges. When she turned 10 she started teaching herself basic sign language so she could communicate when she goes mute.
My mom, my brother, and I have talked about learning sign language for when I go mute. We use gestures, texting, and hand-written notes to communicate which work most of the time.
I do experience situational mutism, when I'm really upset about something or when I feel like crying or when I'm really angry. Mostly it is only for a short period of time, but once I had a really bad meltdown when I was with my boyfriend and I wanted to explain, I wanted to talk, to tell him, what was okay and what he could and couldn't do to help in such a situation, but I was so... irritated and overwhelmed that I really began to choke on words and nothing came out. This scared me really badly and made the situation even worse. He noticed that I was not able to speak, but wanted to and handed me a piece of paper and a pen, so I finally could explain to him what was happening. It helped a lot in this situation and when I had the second meltdown in his presence he immediatly knew what to do. I'm not officially diagnosed yet, but those situations and a bit of stuff I experienced on a regular basis when I was a teen, made it clear to me that I have a valid reason to think that I am autistic. I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I'm really tired right now and english is not my mother tongue, but It helps to share those experiances with others who might understand. My family thinks I'm just weird.
I’m the same exact way, undiagnosed but I experience the same things, except when I can’t speak my boyfriend thinks I’m doing it because I’m ignoring him. I’ve tried to explain that I literally can’t physically speak at that moment but it still makes him feel that way just because of how he perceives it.
I'm honestly a bit relieved to hear someone else having the same kind of experience. When I was in a relationship I would have those really bad meltdowns once in a while. Often because of emotions I didn't know how to deal with or something that upset me, but I would be unable to tell my boyfriend what was wrong. Unfortunately he often thought that it meant I needed to be alone, which made it worse as I often was unable to exit my mute state if I didn't get some form of help or attention like you with the pen and paper. Now that I live on my own, I don't experience those big meltdowns any longer (only in smaller versions in social situations), and it honestly makes me reluctant to get a relationship again any time soon. I think it's great that your boyfriend can understand and come up with a creative idea to communicate and help in those situations, he sounds like a great guy!
@@ComicNelli @Bees? Thank you for your replies. He actually is a great guy. We were already going through some trouble together and he helps me all the time. I hope you will both find someone like him in the future. It is amazing to hear from people who experience the same problems and I hope it helped you to hear that sometimes you will find someone who is able to accept who you are without feeling hurt or angry just because you are not able to speak in certain situations. I hope you will find someone like this too.
It happens to me unexpectedly and randomly. Does not matter when or where (or maybe it does) but my words begin to slur and my mind goes blank. Then I just try to push through whoever I’m talking to, hoping and praying something articulate comes out. I don’t fear talking to people. I fear what words may come out when I lose control
When I get an adrenaline rush from a bad situation (someone's yelling at me, I fell into the lake, to name a few examples from my life), my mouth becomes frozen. I'm still exploring Autism, but this might explain that aspect of myself that I had never been able to explain. When I fell into the lake when I was young, I held on to a tree branch for 30+ seconds until I could collect myself enough to actually shout at my dad for help. Most people, I think, would yell right away.
I have a hard time bringing words out in spontaneous situations or in groups. I can't react fast enough or focus on many people or simply get distracted. E.g. my neighbour and I were waiting for a parcel on the floor. I was new in this building so she began talking to me like: "So this is also a way to get to know your neighours, right?", I replied: "Yes.", took my parcel and went back in my appartment.
it's impossible to respond to two plus different stimuli / moods / personalities, at the same time ...unless one of them is very clearly a priority and the other/s obviously irrelevant, i'm stuck parcel situation made me laugh because is so true and so me 🐸
One of the things that I love about living where I do is that it's generally considered normal to have absolutely nothing to do with the neighbors unless there's an incredibly obvious sign that you've got something specific in common other than being located next to each other.
"Zombie Mode" is something I've often told to therapists/psychiatrists how I feel mostly at the end of the day when I'm beat. Glad I'm not the only one with that description, even though it can be an unfortunate experience if you're wanting to impress another.
I'd forgotten that, but me too. That would happen to me a lot. The camp workers were often the only ones I would speak a couple words to during my entire stays there.
totally relatable. I love the analogy of being in bed and wanting to stay there. sometimes I just don't have the energy to come out of my mind and engage with the world.
Definitely applies to me. In addition to Zombie Mode and Anxiety, there are other times when I am in "my space" which is a beautiful non-verbal space and I simply don't want to talk.
If I really don't like where things are at around me, I sometimes go into "tree mode". I feel very peaceful and centered there, just aggressively mute. If anyone tries to get me to come out of it, I just ignore them. I've always seen this as a basic human right, like pulling out the phone jack when you are taking a nap.
@Grey Muldoon I find a lot of times that talking is just wasting energy. Sometimes it’s a bit pointless, I’m either bored or just can’t be bothered to use that energy to mask and fit in.
gods i feel this so hard. a lifetime being the Quiet Girl and trying to break out of it even after going through therapy for my PTSD and depression, it was only then that i came realize that i am autistic and have pretty major situational mutism and i realized a lot of my PTSD came from people not understanding my level of sensitivity to normal life things like social encounters because people made me feel different. i get overwhelmed in restaurants that play music super loud, and in group conversations especially. even worse if everyone else in the group knows each other already and im new. they already know each others speech patterns but mine are so otherworldly compared to them. they bounce off each other so naturally that i spend so much energy just trying to find an opportunity to insert my input without the danger of being spoken over or interrupted that when it finally comes i have to stop and question its relevance and integrity,,, but by the time i feel confident to speak again its too late and i walk away feeling further away from social connection. so as you can tell, im a strong advocate of "Talking over/interrupting people in a conversation is Fucking Rude! Shut up and Listen! Give Everyone a Chance to Speak!!" in my social circles. have considered bringing a clicker or something to use every time someone talks over me in a group outing like this like im training dogs lol and i say this affectionately
It happens quite often for me when I'm in a major family gathering. Or any large gathering really. With some people, I just don't know what to say to them. I can ask them a few question about something they have been doing lately and have a small chat about it, but then I "run out of ideas", and then I just wrack my brain fruitlessly, trying to figure out how to show more interest in the person.
Thank you, Paul, for putting a name on something in my life. When I am completely overwhelmed in the midst of a stressful situation, at times I cannot speak. The last time, I was only able to get out the words, "I can't talk right now." Thanks for understanding.
Yes I get social anxiety with new people, but even with people I am very close to I notice often if the subject becomes too "deep" I start having long moments of silence where I dont know what to say or how to reply to them. I cant respond immediately to a lot of things if the conversation isn't about something im already very comfortable with. This effects my relationships a lot. The people I talk to or women I date need to be comfortable with talking for extended periods without me responding sometimes. I need time to think or sometimes never even have a response for them..
This is a well worn path in my life. Words not working or making sense and not finding alternative words to convey the message the way I wanted to. I literally had to forget all about something or write it down to forget it. If I was lucky, it would come to me at a later time/date, and in a number cases it really wasn't that important.
"I don't know how to grasp the many thoughts and feelings in my mind, hold one, identify it, and put it into speech for you to understand." Watched a presentation by Tony Attwood on ASD ("Could it be Aspergers?") and he explained this when talking about how it's difficult for aspies to answer the question "How are you feeling?" I haven't had something ring that loudly in explaining that aspect of my life before. Ask anyone I know what my 3 favorite words are. Guaranteed, most of them will say, "I don't know." This is something I find myself falling into constantly when asked how I'm feeling or what I want. It almost always results in situational mutism because I can't really compile what's going on in my head on the spot like that, almost ever. There's also the social anxiety aspect of it too, like Paul mentioned. So on top of my thoughts needing to compile, they also tend to get filtered first because I don't want to say the wrong thing, speak out of turn, be incorrect, etc etc. I'm almost always "the quiet one."
@@jessie3206 - I know that feeling well. The unpreparedness of something is a killer as it could be ANYTHING IN THE WORLD as your mind can be a vast plain and yet so focussed and laser-like when prepared.
@@Fortune090 - I've spent my whole life saying 'I don't know' but in adulthood carefully chose to say 'Give me a second to think about it' and then laugh it off as humour helped a great deal. I'd then get mildly chastised over my need for a 'thinking window of time' but I was okay with it. Best thing to do is to try and buy some time and opt for 'Give me a second, my brains in neutral... switching into 1st gear..... now!' But I really know the crucifying and nullifying feeling you get when you need to just think a little to compile your thoughts and then compose your wording properly.
Paul, you're more therapeutic than my therapist!! It's so empowering to hear your struggles validated in other people's stories. I can't tell you how much of a help you've been! Life saver! Friggin' angel! Also, your editing looks fantastic but I'm kind of going to miss seeing your plant grow. Maybe drop it a cameo every so often? lol
Due to some unfortunate first experiences with collectives as a child, i came to a conclusion, that people are just way too complicated for me to know how to speak to them. So i went my whole school life (from elementary to university) not talking to anyone, except one or two close friends. I felt really bad about not being able to speak and tried hard to change that. It didn't work, so sometime in the last years of university, i decided to embrace it and just accept the fact that peope can dislike me for not speaking, but that's their problem. Taking the pressure away made me feel a little bit better in social situations and it even made it easier to speak. I still can't speak in work with 16 people in our openspace, but i can with only our small team in meeting room. And i'm also able to comunicate in courses i attend, where there are only 6 of us. Doesn't seem like much, buf it still would be impossible for younger me. I still can't speak and only cry when very upset and when mentaly tired my speach is unintelligible but all my close people know about it :) Anyway, i'm still not entirely sure i'm on autistic spectrum, but even if not, this is something i can relate to.
This is very helpful to me, thank you for sharing your experience. I suffer for a very long time, days, weeks, months, even years, because I am worried about what I said. So its definitely simpler for me to not talk to people, except occasionally a person I trust, and still I might fret over being careful about what I say. Its so complicated and even painful and causes severe anxiety for me. If I don't say anything, then that's one less thing I have to worry about and save myself suffering. I still agonize over not being able to talk and connect with most people, but sometimes I try to tell them that I'm not good at reaching out, connecting, etc. I don't know if that helps or not, but at least I tried to tell them that I can't do it very much or very well. I like that you said that its not my problem. That is so helpful. 🙏🙂
For those that struggle with anxiety in social situations: What can help a lot is taking part in an amateur improvisational theater group. A lot of times it is a matter of "What if I don't know what to say" and your mind goes completely blank. Impro theater is ideal to train this, to get more relaxed in situations you cannot forsee and more flexible with how you respond.
This is something I experienced whenever I'm about to have an Asperger meltdown. Normally, like you said, I can talk just fine. In fact, I love talking with people! Normally I'm very talkative. But sometimes if I've had a long day, or if I made plans and those plans get disrupted, and someone who doesn't understand me or isn't used to being around me starts to irritate me, I'll completely shut down. I'll try to tell them what they're doing wrong, that they're really bugging me, but usually I'm cut off and not even listened to. And that causes me to go silent. All I can do sit there, rocking back and forth, stim and cry. And if it gets really bad, cry, be unable to stop the anger and stress, fight-or-flight takes hold, and I run out of the room crying, to a place that feels safe. I've gotten so frustrated at times, that I've actually tried not talking to those people at all, and instead learned(still learning) sign language to communicate. I know this probably isn't the same as some people's situational mutism, people who physically CAN'T talk in those kinds of situations, but I know for a fact that my brain can't process what to say that will come out in a way those people can understand. But maybe it is the same I don't know! It's just so wonkin' frustrating! And I don't know if I should keep trying to be silent and use ASL to talk, because they can't understand it, but they sure as heck can't understand me half the time when I do talk anyway! But on the other hand, not talking only leads to more communication confrontations and I don't know whether it's better to be silent or no. To anyone who read this far, thank you. I'm gonna pray for anyone else who's struggling through this, and I hope you'd find it in your hearts to pray for others and me too. Thanks again. (P.S. My brain was kinda fuzzy when writing this, so I'm not sure if came out right either. I hope you can still understand it.)
I think you have described my experience. Crying is the worst, and the more I hate it, the more it happens! My partner has become very good at covering for me. I give him a signal and just get up and leave when I feel I'm not being heard. I've learned to not care what the other person thinks; they didn't care about understanding me.
I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but this is definitely me a lot of the time! I’m glad that there is more people in this world who are like this and that it’s not just me! Thanks guys!!!
I get stuck in a fast food queue ... In UK McDonald's now has machines - they are known as Autist machines in our household. We don't have to talk to the machine. They even have some customisation buttons - super cool.
@@minksrule2196 awesome. Or a phone app that allows one to send the order thru. I hate having to say my name to get a coffee at an airport. I now say I am Ray. Seems to work. Stephen with a PH ... Google it. It's happened to me :-)
@@stephenhookings1985 I generally avoid eating out because of food intolerances or I make someone else order for me so I don't usually have that problem
I don't recall ever finding myself completely unable to speak, but I do have some of that "zombie mode" reaction when there's been too much stimulation. A common scenario is a large social gathering that's gone on for a while. I think your analogy of "not wanting to get up in the morning" fits quite well. There's a sense of being expected to do stuff that requires more energy than you feel you have.
I have definitely felt like my voice choked off in various stressful situations which always struck me as odd because I'm normally so articulate and accustomed to stress. I was a career coach at the time. On the second half of what you said, people tend to feel safe dumping their baggage on me. I don't understand why I feel like a safe space to strangers.
Maybe it's because you don't talk about personal info with anyone. I always became everyone's trusted confidant at my jobs during and just after high school because when I spoke, it was always work related (unless, of course, they brought up some other topic)
I've been diagnosed with Selective Mutism after not talking to anyone for 15 months. This was a very informative video and helps pieces things together I've thought about for years. I have always had moments were I'm just unable to speak and it's taken years to realize I've had (as I understand them) non-verbal and semi-verbal episodes where I simply didn't have the energy to speak and was either forcing myself (ending up making non-word noises and making gestures in place of words) or just unable to make my vocal chords work or even open my mouth. It wasn't until I had a traumatic recovery from surgery that left me unable to move my jaw and speaking intensely painful that I just stopped speaking and realized how much more energy and less anxiety I had once I stopped being verbal. It was such a relief and even nowadays there's only 3 people I speak to although only when I'm alone with them.
if person i'm with is stressing me out so much i can't speak, i get scared of making any noises because my brain might swear, but actively trying to not make a sound is very bad for me; first time i did that during extremely stressful meeting i had a seizure! more recently was invited for further assessment by social worker who wanted to discuss housing and money issues, but who also wanted therapist to attend so they might discuss family/social issues, as if not already clear that two people talking about two different things at same time doesn't work for me... your message made me realize that my 'delay' in accepting / declining that "offer" is a form of mutism ...clearly social worker not paying attention +/ has other agenda, so whichever way i go will lead to stress ...knowing that some professionals will transfer their "unwillingness to co-operate" onto us and use it as excuse to abandon us doesn't help either :(
yeah im afraid of it; afraid of getting 'stuck' in a weird situation ,when i go mute or when people want to talk to me out of the blue , i get very anxious and wanna hide. I feel like throwing up cause words dont come . Like im comitting a crime or something. I rarely go out. Poeple freak me out. If i look to long st them they wanna talk maybe . And i do look at people to scale in threats. because of this neighbourhod .
@@RebeccaEd its pretty rare ,even in Holland, its a scandinavian name meaning Day Maiden, im just generalising knowledge here. Awful isnt it, I hope it gets better.
@Ignorance is Bliss ty. how i feel this world is dying. If majority of folks wanna stick their head in the sand so be it :'( . Pardon my french is a saying. Well nevermind. I love connecting to likeminded folk, especially women, but i dont got spoons for anything but every day life not that it matters cause thats all there is, well atleast theres people out there, thats why I exist, I get my connection via music artists primarily they convey emotion.
The thing the thing you described the thing! When it's really hard to get the words out because you're afraid of saying the wrong thing and being inappropriate without intending to! (Extra "fun" times when the other person starts getting worried because OMG, what is this thing that's so scary I can't even say it? Nothing, is what, my brain is just being a jerk at the moment.) But I can definitely relate to the "too tired, recharge now, words later" situational mutism too.
I've been dealing with this for most of my life. It was the bane of my existence until I was about 19 and developed a stronger awareness of autism and selective mutism. My go to method of explaining my mutism has been. "I'm feeling really tired for some reason" Usually I still have a lot of mental and physical energy but just not 'social energy'. Unfortunately this has lead to negative workplace situations where someone senior says something like "Whats wrong with you? You're always say your tired." or "You're just not trying hard enough (to engage)" I've found working with horses helps me to understand the kind of complex "freeze" reaction that's often occurring in my own mind. Still working on it but nowadays my social skills genuinely feel like I've gained a super power compared to how bad I used to be.
I should add that for most of my life until around 16 I could hardly verbalise anything in school etc. And so I tried to developed strong non-verbal cues of 'I'm tired' or 'I'm not angry but I dont want to talk' etc.
I'm facing similar troubles at work right now I do the best I can... But it's never good enough I wish I could find a place or work I could fit in better It's so hard to meet their expectations I'm exhausted I'm not sure I'm an aspie, but I relate too much to most of the struggles that an aspie faces
@@ecatcheshire9741 Horses often have a strong freeze response when they see or hear something that makes them feel anxious. Working with sensitive horses requires paying attention to subtle body language cues, such as the direction of their ears, the tenseness of their mouth and their general 'willingness to engage' with instructions. There is no one method that works to fix these freeze moments in a horse. Often, forcing the horse to follow orders using negative heavy reinforcement only worsens the problem. The horses mind is still panicked and unsettled when it does the work. Fixing the external freeze has not cured the internal mental panic, and so the anxiety carries through to the horse behaviour. The anxious horse will 'spook' at the slightest thing and start running amock or kicking wildly. Rather than forcing a frozen horse to move through whips etc. It is better to take the time to teach the horse how to relax and trust the trainer and itself. There isn't any one simple way to achieve this with all horses. Sometimes the horse needs to be given some time to acclimatise to new things, sometimes it needs to be given a bit of a break from negative stimuli, sometimes it just needs something positive to focus on... In order to grow, a horse needs to be taken just enough outside of its comfort zone that it can acclimatise to new situations without panicking. If the horse feels too stressed, it will panic and overreact. If it is too comfortable, it will never learn anything new or difficult. So horses need to be moved into new experiences at a balanced rate. Whatever approach is taken, the key to the horses growth is that they feel like they can trust their trainer. This is primarily achieved by establishing effective communication with the horse. If the horse feels like you listen to it's signs of stress, then it will slowly begin to feel more safe with the situations you place it in.
@@ecatcheshire9741 I'm still learning about horsecare myself, but so far I've found that working with the horses has allowed me to reflect on my own freezing. For example the unfreeze process is something that can't be rushed. It takes time for Ann anxious horse to wind down to a point where it's comfortable. It's simply a matter of biological limitations. I'm the same. It does take a little longer than usual for me to 'recover' from negative stimuli, but I do recover as long as I'm in an environment where I know that my wellbeing is a priority. It's also just helpful to witness things you already understand in theory occur in front of your eyes. For example the other day I noticed that when one of the horses unfreezes she sighs deeply. This is something that I myself do quite often. Being aware of my breathing is one technique that sometimes helps me unfreeze and seeing how it occurs in the horses built a strong memory in my mind about the connection breathing has to calmness. So it removed the uncertainty in my mind about the benefit of breathing practices.
Hear hear. Sound discussion points that are spookily accurate - I’d wager there’ll be a lot of people nodding as they watch/listen to this vid. Bravo! 👍🏼😎🇦🇺
I don't go mute often, but if I'm really sad and frustrated I'll go mute until someone can help me talk it out and/or I can calm down. It's frustrating on its own. Thank god texting exists for conversations after an upsetting event. But in general I hate small talk and I do go quiet on occasion unless someone is talking to me and I'm just listening.
I am never OK talking with strangers. I can force myself when I know it's necessary, but my default mode in most group situations is mute. If someone brings up one of my interest areas, and it's clear they are also interested in that topic, I will usually eventually join the conversation, but that is not the norm.
I feel this phenomenon all the time. I have something clever and insightful to say, and I'm afraid to say it because in the past people just don't get it. Then I get the group shun and I've lost all ability to just be normal, which is always our goal when trying to crack the interaction code. I spend the rest of the time, and usually days or weeks beating myself up about the one misstep. I've come to realize that nt's don't dwell on stuff like that and can remind myself and begin to start moving forward again much faster with the mantra "nobody cared". It doesn't make it easier in the moment but it prevents me from spiraling into a everyone hates me maelstrom. Thanks again for helping me and everyone else navigate this quagmire that is our brains
For some reason the background and presentation reminds me of a weather forecast map and feels very neutral. That is not a criticism at all , just a random visual correlation
Thank you for this! My son and I both experience this and recently I have had had to have very difficult conversations with my son's school because his mutism is being perceived as defiance. It has been very frustrating having to educate educators on this! I wish more resources were available and that, yes, as you pointed out, it was something more widely talked about. Again, thank you!
Thanks for making this vid. It's very helpful to me to understand I'm not the only one who goes through this. It happens at least a few times every year, sometimes more. For me, it's not just difficulty. It's impossible to speak for about one hour after the situation that caused it has been defused. It's very frustrating because normally I'm quite articulate. I imagine having this information will make it easier to deal with in the future. Thanks again!
Yeah i’ve always been known as the quiet one, rarely spoke in high school (and primary school to an extent). It feels like being stuck in tar and the more you try to break free, the harder it is to actually manage to. Especially with social anxiety, lack of sleep, misophonia and other sensory difficulties. At home I’m fine talking to my family. It’s still difficult now especially in group settings, but similarly it’s a lot easier talking to other autistic people (the barrier dissipates). Also, it’s often easier talking to strangers now, weirdly (I think I mask better). Thank you for the video! Glad to see it being widely recognised, especially as a typical characteristic of autism.
The more I learn about the autism community, the more I think the adaptive skills they developed are quite helpful & useful for persons struggling w. complex ptsd, like myself & others. > Paul - I am so appreciative for the work you do w. this channel, 😀🧡📂📖🌼😀
Thank you for making this video! I often struggle with talking when I feel stressed, under pressure or simply exhausted. I knew situational mutism was a thing, but it's really nice to hear someone explain it like this and connect it to autism!
Sometimes I feel like doing nothing and that is when I freeze. I can't speak or move for 1 hour to 3+ hours. When I am really stressed, this happens. My brain and body just go into stand-by mode, I just stare at something and only think about that thing that I am staring at.
@@NightOwlGames I think meditation music can help. There are many videos on TH-cam that can relax you to help with sleep. Also doing enough exercise can make you tired and fall asleep. Just a few suggestions. I am also a night owl and prefer to be awake at night. I think just accepting the way you are helps with a lot. Also stay away from caffeine before bedtime.
Thank you, this really explains specific situations when I’m anxious but have something important to me I need to say. I feel the aghhh coming a head of a potential meltdown. Hearing and comprehension seems to be affected too. Words sound like they’re being said underwater until I ask the person to repeat it when I focus and look at them.
I'm so glad this is being talked about now. I'd love to hear how some people cope with this when they're in social or even public situations. By the way, I've always found writing to be soooo much easier than speaking - also in other languages. People never understood why it would be easier for me to write them an email in another language than to just utter a couple basic sentences. So I guess writing is one way I manage to deal with this.
Love this background! It’s neutral and soothing! Thanks for bringing the topic of situational mutism. (Mine is mostly linked to exhaustion or my brain not being fully awake yet)
This happens to me at the end of almost every day. Working and interacting with people is draining and if I try to talk after a work day it is like trying to find words in a foggy place and they have to be dragged through the mud to finally be able to come out my mouth. I relate to the fear of choosing the wrong words because then the whole process of finding the right one starts over again.
When I get overloaded with emotions (which are processed extremely slowly in my brain) I genuinely cannot even think in words or talk. And forcing out words may cause dissociation and panic attacks for me.
I’m going to have to link this video in our own comment section when people question Dusty’s unusual ‘sometimes verbal sometimes not’ changes. Thanks so much for explaining!
Situational mutism sounds much better than selective mutism. Because "selective" implies that I have a choice in the occurrence when really I don't. And it implies rudeness and purposeful silent treatment or ignoring, to those that don't understand. (Speaking specifically of my parents when growing up) . I do both morning and emotional mutism among others. In the morning when I wake up, I need at least an hour if not 2 or more, whether I have my tea or coffee, or not. because my brain literally won't process speech. It's just a bunch of words that my brain can't string together to make sense of it. For emotional overloads, my brain is online and thinking a million things that I want and need to communicate but I can't get the words out. One time a few weeks ago my mom disciplined my 2 (almost 3 )year old (who has a significant speech delay and is possibly asd and/or adhd) in a way that I very much disapprove of and don't do for any of my kids which she knows. She apologized in a very pratonizing way and I went completely mute for like 2 hours.
Oh my God. Reading your comment, I realized I do the same thing in the mornings. It might not be for the same reason (i.e. it might stem from my sensitivity to sound), but I will rarely talk for about the first 30-45 minutes that I'm awake in the morning
Thank you! I relate to this so much. A couple of years ago I tried saying to people I know well "I'm feeling non-verbal at the moment" It worked kind of OK but I think I might need to explain in adavance a bit more too. I'm so appreciative of your videos :)
Situational mutism is the story of my social life - which I thoroughly tend to avoid now: it's an opportunity for many to feel good about themselves overwriting me, and make me feel even more displaced. When I was younger and had no choice but enduring social gatherings, I would "pop in" the conversation and try to say something "social", but would be dropping most of the time a question or topic that was already covered or would seem irrelevant. To all my AWEtistic fellows reading: all questions are relevant, but not everybody knows how to answer them. You're awesome and worthy of love and deep respect, you're a beautiful soul!
When I'm tired and/or stressed, in a noisy, distracting environment, perhaps talking to a doctor who asks open ended questions such as, "What happened?" [this just happened 2 days ago, after I broke my arm]..these all lead to forgetting words or not being able to get a coherent explanation out. ..I was also in a work situation where someone had bullied me, I had then stood up to her..afterward, I couldn't open my mouth to speak to her, as she was not trustworthy in the least, in my mind.. This continued throughout the next 10 years..unable to freely speak to her in most circumstances. If I had to speak to her, I could only say what had to be said to carry out my job. I wanted to be able to speak to her normally, in the course of a day, if I ran into her, but it wasn't possible.
Not able to talk :happens to me if i stress myself with the thought i should say something (exam nervs, giving a lecture or give a quick-witted answer if someone hurts me verbal unexpectedly). Hours, days or weeks later i could talk hours about that topic. But in that moment..? I' did not know much about mutism. But thinking, i am neurodivers, this could explain my troubles with expressing myself.
Thanks so much for this video! For me, it’s in groups of more than groups of 4-5. It’s due to not knowing when there’s space to get my voice heard and then the conversation moves on from what I was going to say! Thank you for saying I can give myself permission to not speak in these situations. I’ve been getting to this point but I’ve come from the mental health world where “recovery” is pushed and therefore you always have to be looking for techniques to get over your problems rather than accepting them! I feel so much better now I’m allowed to accept myself the way I am, I’m so much happier (with all sorts of things!)!
I experience this when I'm in a group and a topic comes up that seems to call for multiple people to pop in their examples. I find I just can't think of an example or when I do, I can't find the appropriate timing to jump in. So often I end up just being silent and not contributing to the conversation.
I really love the new graphics and background! It really adds a layer of professionalism to the channels look! Thanks as always for the amazing content and for helping us all feel more accepted and heard here in this community ✌️🙏
I agree! I've been enjoying your content for a while. This new background, editing, text and graphics gives it a bit of extra flair though! Did you do this yourself?
I can speak one-on-one with people (that I know) but once the group starts to increase in number, I find it harder to get a word in. I may have something to contribute to the topic at hand, or a joke, but then the conversation has changed or my window of opportunity has closed and I don't know how to bring the topic back around. I have always felt that it is because I am not assertive or an "alpha" or just... weak. This really sums it all up. Thank you!
(first time commenting -- I recently learnt that I am also on the spectrum and I appreciate your channel SO much! It's relieving to know I'm not crazy!) Thank you so much. I didnt realise that other people call it "zombie" mode, too! You've worded it so well! The way that I word it to people is that I need time to build some walls around me to protect me from extra emotions, and if I don't have time to build those walls - the words I hear and decisions I'm asked to make can literally become so overwhelming that I enter sensory overload (with thoughts and sounds) which means that I can overreact and snap back at things that I "normally" wouldn't or become mute and feel super alien/detached. I'm very interested in coaching from a psychological perspective (I'm a 2nd year psych student) and was hoping we might be able to chat about how you balance coaching and mental health/how I would get into this career-wise to support others like us?
Especially when I'm at work or when I'm in a conversation and the other person is talking too fast for me to process. It's like another form of stuttering perhaps?
@@jacksonscully2537 I do this when I am tired or I have a clear concept / vision in my head but there are too many words that could explain it. I often find it easier to speak in other language because I have fewer words. I do speak VERY fast in English or mathematics and i find on TH-cam I have to speed some channel up to consume them - too slow otherwise. It's like NTs process info so slowly.
@@stephenhookings1985 Thats so funny I made a comment about speaking in other languages being easier a few minutes before you messaged. Yes I think you're spot on it's like an overwhelm of information that you can't decipher.
@@stephenhookings1985 You reflect my feelings exactly. I have also felt that NT's process too slowly. It's like tiny bites of food, it's frustrating for us to eat that way. Haha
Ever since earliest childhood I have been unable to speak if I was crying or even if tears threatened. It feels like my throat swells and paralyzes my vocal cords, but it can't be that simple as I can't whisper either. Situational mutism really resonated with me the first time I heard about it.
I don't know if it's just me but on regards to a topic Im upset about I might be unable to utter a word, but I might be able to communicate by text. Also if something happens where I need to put on my mask and it's unrelated, I might be able to speak again. Not sure if anyone has experienced anything similar.
As I said earlier like the Autist machines in McDonald's - so much easier than talking to someone. Everyone I ask for a black espresso ... "do you want milk with that?" ...I die a little. If I go to the trouble of asking precisely for something at least try to interpret it :-(. The extroversion doesn't come easy and after a while the stutters come becuase of the effort expended.
@Isuarez: I am the same way. Kinda like a selective situational mutism. I cannot speak when I get really emotional or upset, not with the person or people involved, but I can frequently talk or text with everyone else. And I have learned over the years (I’m 56), to tell people I need space to calm down and come back to resolve the issue (and I always come back, tho it may be minutes to weeks sometimes before I can do that).
For me it happens when I stop being mindful and present. It's like trying to keep my head above the water. The fear of drowning so to speak is the primary reason why I've gone on to drown a million times ironically. I found it's something to do with my self esteem ultimately. If I'm feeling good about myself, and I'm healthy, keeping my head above the water and being able to sustain mindfulness is a thousand times easier. At my worst it's practically impossible to be mindful. My focus has kinda been to stop trying to work out why I go mute and how I can learn to not do it. Instead I'm just focusing on my health, lifestyle and everything that contributes to a healthy sense of self. When I'm here, the problem still exists, but I don't drown in it and I can pretty much enjoy myself, form relationships, etc. As soon as I start thinking about it, I consequently stop being mindful and then it's just a matter of time before I start drowning.
Are you interacting with animals? They are free of prejudice, full of love and great teachers for body language and the communication over the modulation of the voice. My cats were fantastic.
I would turn mute in class all the time growing up and i couldn't read aloud or answer questions when called on. I was sent to the school counselor eventually and she told me i have an "attitude problem" I was still selectively mute after that and still am at times. Words can be hard.
Yes, school was particularly hard for me as well. Being forced to read out loud was hell and beyond. Besides the anxiety, besides the embarrassment of this situational mutism, there was punishment. Of course bullies could pick up on the whole vulnerability aspect and knew exactly how to target. My God, public schools were torture.
Yes I have experienced some situational mutism. Sometimes it’s because my trauma was triggered and I feel so unsafe that I feel like I should not and cannot squeeze any sound out of myself because that’s very unsafe. Sometimes it’s because I’m too tired or in meltdown so talking to people or try to organize my thoughts into any word becomes too challenging.
I notice this in myself I think, though I'll admit I rarely ever actually just don't talk. I've found that when talking with my 2 very good friends, both of whom I've known for years and have become quite comfortable talking with, I can talk very smoothly and can do it for literally hours on end. However, I've found that in conversation with, for example, someone from school, the process of getting words out in a clear and succinct manner is REALLY hard. I don't think this is an issue of not wanting to talk or actually being unable to talk, in fact, I'm a generally pretty talkative person, instead its more just an issue of having to think so much harder about my words because of my discomfort around the situation, which in turn causes me to talk less, stumble on my words, forget words, etc.
Completely relate. 1 on 1, I’m fine. Groups of 2 or 3, ok. Anything more than 4 and it’s harder, especially if they’re total strangers. I find myself either playing journalist and asking lots of questions, or just not saying much and chipping in where I can. I like it when the ice is broken, but in some cases there’s just so much ice to break first...
I would say if I'm experiencing high levels of anxiety one possible response is that I get to a point where I just don't want to talk. I can still function and do things but I just want to be left alone. and not interact with others. I can speak but it's more like please don't.
I’m diagnosed with ASD and have had this happening throughout my life of nearly 72 years. I have been diagnosed a couple times with selective mutism but I like the term situational mutism so much better because it really is totally dependent on the situation. The term selective made it sound like I was selecting when to freeze up and it totally was situational, not selective. I also liked your description of going momentarily “offline”. Perfect description.
I'm finding it difficult to even write about my situational mutism. Most people have a hard time reading my emotions and often interpret my stoicism as a general lack of sensitivity. In reality, I'm painfully sensitive and become less and less expressive as emotional as my distress rises. People who know me will notice, but most people can't tell anything is wrong. I look fine and I can sometimes talk about things unrelated to my upset, but my voice will come out completely toneless. During acute episodes I cannot speak or make eye-contact and my motor skills deteriorate. I move slower, drop things, and lose touch with where I exist in the world. Sometimes I feel it when people touch me. While I am internally screaming and weeping, my face is completely blank. It can be incredibly isolating.
Oh my god, this resonates so much. Thank you for putting it to words. People never understand, im like, "Im crying on the inside" :l Ive heard that allistic adhd make good besties for aspies... I wonder if it is because their eye for detail helps them keep up with our stress levels/sensitivity as they fluctuate. People always tell me im tough, but actually im just unflappable. Cant be flapped, because i live in my brain & not my body. I truly love my weird brain tho!
Thank you for sharing your experience! I have never experienced being unable to speak, but after a long day of people-ing and sensory overload, I really struggle to listen to what people are saying and I really really really don’t want to talk. I can but doing so is more exhausting than usual at those tiles, and I tend to be very irritable and terse.
I'm not sure if I'm autistic. I have several things I have noticed about myself over the years that I simply wrote off as "quirks", but am beginning to notice nearly all of these "quirks" match up to autistic experiences. One of those being is that I hate getting upset or yelled at because I will lose the ability to form words. My emotions are there, but suddenly I can't form a single word. I'll just stare at people and will begin to cry out of frustration when the words don't come. After awhile, I might be able to form extremely simple phrases like "yes" or "no" or "I don't know", but I will forget about 90% of my vocabulary and might just start repeating the phrase I was able to form over and over again because that is just suddenly the only words I know. Now this only happens when in person arguments. I can form more words when writing than I can with speaking in these situations, but if it is in person, it's still a small pool of words, just slightly more. But if I not near the person, I am able to calm myself down and type out proper responses because I don't feel as much pressure and can erase and form words properly.
Oh yes.A long time ago i was talking to somebody and made fun of me,because i was using so few words.I have so many feelings and thought but when i talk i can't express them.I remember sometimes when i was in argument with my boyfriend,i wasn't telling much in person,but i could send so many messages on his cellphone and he kept asking me why are you sending me these thing now and tell nothing when i was with you?
@@Eirini80 My parents would yell at me all the time for that sort of thing because I would be able to properly talk to them in text messages, but go silent on them in person or in a phone call.
@@Jeetaruey Maybe we should get a doctor's opinion,but i'm afraid i will be laughed at,because i feel like an imposter.I don't know if it makes sense.I don't have many sencory issues,but i read that its possible for an autistic person not to have this because its a big spectrum and noone is the same.But i'm afraid that everybody will say that i am not autistic enough.
@@Eirini80 It's a huge spectrum, and I've read this happens outside of autism too. Either way, I think symptoms of autism can be very environment dependent, sometime very noticeable, other times not at all, but the root always exists. I doubt a doctor would laugh, or in this case, maybe a psychologist for an eval, I think they go into the career because they have an interest in it, and want to find answers and guide people.
@@Eirini80 I have that worry, too. For the longest time I thought I didn't have any sensory issues because they aren't the commonly over the top ones usually spoken about. But after learning more on the topic, I am beginning to notice ones I have and passed off as anxiety. Allowing myself to be upset by these tiny things that don't bother other people has put less stress on me.
This happens to me when I'm angry or upset about something and need to be alone to think or to calm down. Many people want to talk about what's wrong and how to solve the issue and the more pressure I feel from someone to talk about things the harder it gets and I find myself trapped in an evil spiral that I cannot get out of. Sometimes it can take days to come out of that loop.
I've been calling this selective mutism, but after a quick google I found out that situational mutism is the new and more accurate name, because 'selective' implies a level of choice that isn't there. For me there are three reasons why sometimes I'm unable to speak. These can occur separately or together. 1. extreme fatigue, speaking feels like climbing a mountain. I can't push the words out. If I speak it's single words and almost no sound comes out. 2. no brainspace left for processing output, too much input. If you talk to me I might nod or say 'hm' but that's it. I probably will not look at you because there are too many other things to pay attention to. 3. no idea what would be appropriate to say in the situation. Give me ten minutes to think of a response and after I've analyzed everything I might be able to respond lol. During that time I will blankly stare at you like a deer in headlights. In middle and high school these three coincided a lot of the time, so I was basically unable to speak for 4+ years, almost all of the time. Before and after that period it's been more situational. It just happens when I'm really really tired, or when I'm driving a car, or in a crowded mall. I've gotten better at knowing what to say, so reason 3 doesn't really happen anymore. When I was a kid I'd pretend to fall asleep at the end of birthday parties just so I wouldn't have to talk anymore hehe. Would recommend. Parents will see right through it but other kids won't. I've also got pretty bad social anxiety (since middle school), but that just makes talking stressful. It doesn't make talking impossible. So I don't count that as a reason. Experiencing intense emotions also makes talking really hard, but not impossible. I suppose people yelling at me also makes talking impossible, but I'm cautiously classifying that under reason 2. People in my life know not to yell at me because I'll freeze and walk away and cry and it's just completely unproductive lol, so it doesn't tend to happen.
I never realised this happened to other people, thank you. I mostly experience mutism when emotions are envoled, having an argument/disagreement with a partner will normally endup with no words coming out of my mouth, what I want to say will be in my head but dose not make it out of my mouth and I then shutdown.
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This happens a lot when I'm in a group setting and everyone's chatty. The atmosphere created by every person's energy combined is overwhelming and I start to feel distant. Then I realise I've not spoken for a while and suddenly have this huge pressure to be interesting. This makes it even harder to create words, so I get stuck in that state.
I always thought that was normal.
That happens to me as well
similiar
This happens to me too, plus the speed at which conversations happen is overwhelming and contributes to me staying quiet
Relatable
I have never experienced situational mutism to the extent I was actually unable to speak, but when I am burnt out/fried//tired, it can be excruciating to get words out and requires an insane amount of effort.
thanks for the amazing videos, was surprised and thought it was pretty cool when you mentioned being on the spectrum in one of your recentish videos, nice to know we have some representation in the youth be finance space, even made a post in the autism and aspie subreddit saying hi with the hopes that you might see it, haha, but anyways great vids ty, go tesla! lol
Same. And if I am forced to say words during those times, I get angry .
I actually realise now that happens to me too. Especially if I need to communicate something out of the blur and I’m just waving my arms like AH AH AH hoping someone looks at me and realize I need help.
My flat mate keeps asking me that I communicate what I need but he doesn’t seem to understand that at times I just can’t and I explained my struggles :/
Paul let me begin by saying the colorful green screen is a nice addition to your supportive and informative videos. Your videos have helped me and made a huge positive influence on my life.😊 I have experienced situational mutism like you described Paul. I have experienced Situational mutism in different ways at different times. One way I experience it is with an overwhelming feeling of social anxiety at different times. In The lunch room at work people are conversing under normal conversational conditions about whatever topics spontaneously prevail in the moment. Suddenly people who I am more or less comfortable talking to while doing a work task( one on one )will suddenly generate anxiety in me when I think about talking to them in liesurely group conversations. It's As if there is danger in no Rules talking. They could ask me ANYTHING and that causes anxiety. So sometimes when I'm in Zombie mode I just avoid people I like talking to even. Other times I just feel mentally Drained Which is a real Zombie mode where I don't try to talk at all.. There are other times where I try to get in on a conversation but I feel unacknowledged or ignored so I just withdraw into situational mutism. I think this social phenomena as well as years of experiencing Autistic burn out is one reason Yoga and or meditation is so helpful to autistic me. In Sitting Meditation like Zen, Yoga, Mantra or Vipassana a big element is what is called pratyahara in Yoga philosophy. Pratyahara has been translated as sense withdrawal. So we have five senses. Taste, smell, touch, vision , hearing. As an illustration of Pratyahara, imagine a tortoise pulling his head,tail and four limbs into his shell. Suddenly he is no longer vulnerable to the outside world. Likewise A Yogi or meditator will withdraw his or her senses as a prerequisite for inner awareness without the external sense objects distractions that are ceaselessly going away from and coming into the minds eye of awareness. He or She might focus on the breath,visualization or a mantra or simply just sit still and not indulge sense objects. I had a practice like that before I knew I was Asperger's. Now I know why this helps avoid autistic burnout with daily practice. When we withdraw senses as autistics we are sealing our mental/ emotional/ spiritual energy inside so it's not leaking everywhere following sense objects like sounds, movements, lights, smells etc. So for that 15 minutes or for that hour we meditate ,we are restoring and resetting our internal energy balance instead of it being dissipated and overwhelmed by outside stimulii. Just like the Turtle is Protected from harm to it's soft flesh, our senses are protected from the onslaught of sense objects. Another analogy for meditation practice for neuro diverse and typicals, is internal Battery recharge mode. When I sit on the floor meditating while staring at the floor or wall or with my eyes closed , I am like a walkie Talkie sitting on the charger restoring my energy. We don't expect a walkie talkie to never run out of juice so we recharge it. We should recharge ourselves with good sleep and good meditation.meditation teaches us that we have some control and options to anxiety,energy dissipation, sense overload and burnout. Plus meditation teaches us to let go of thoughts of liking or disliking so we gain deep waking rest energy that way as well ..A peaceful mind/ heart is also an energy charger because we can become drained by our own desires and Dislikes mentally as well. So let's give our minds a rest a little every day and meditate. Just observations I offer from my own life that helped me and many others who practice pratyahara I imagine. 😎🧘😎.
@@1everydayconsumer same here
I’m glad it’s now called situational mutism. My parents at one point made me feel really uncomfortable speaking and like I was unsafe doing so. I did not speak to them for a year and a half. Everytime they saw “selective mutism” they thought “oh, she’s selectively being mute” or “oh, she’s choosing this”. My brain just refused to let the words out of my mouth.
Sometimes when I am very upset my brain tells me that it is dangerous to talk. I always thought it was because of PTSD but maybe it partly Autism. Or a combination of both.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I understand how much more this condition makes us unable to talk when we feel like we have to explain ourselves or feel shamed/anxious.
Now that selective mutism has become situational mutism we need to find a replacement term for autistic burnout.
My parents just told me I was making it up. Le sigh.
I learned sign language, that helped.
Now I'm grown, adopted my husband's kids, one of whom also has it. Now I can be the adult I wish I had, for him. It's helpful.
For the record, it runs in families. One of my father's brothers had it too.
@@chrismccaffrey8256 That's a huge situational trigger for me.... when I have to explain myself. Thanks for mentioning that.
Does anyone else ever feel physically frozen at the same time they can't talk?
Yes, I can appear physically catatonic, but I'm aware of what is going on around me.
@@LaraSatoriHarris Yes, I am aware of what is going on around me also.
Yes! There's some videos on autistic shutdowns (different from meltdowns) which you might relate to
somtimes
I always freeze and can remain in that position for an hour to 3+ hours.
Yeah 98% of my life has been mutism. My “sometimes” is experiencing being fully verbal.
love ya Tay
Yeah. More often than not, humans are a very difficult species to talk to and have any meaningful conversation with.
It feels so good to see your comment here Tay; Chocolate Rain was a very affective piece of work for me as I grew up trying to understand the world.
I’m glad I saw this Tay I feel a lot less alone knowing this is more common than I thought.
Collab in the house
Much better to call it “situational” than “selective”. Selective gives the impression that it’s a choice, and you’re giving someone “the silent treatment” which could not be further from the truth.
Also, fun new green screen graphics you have going on. :)
Hbomberguy's last video made the autism-community proud.
Seen it, i hope?
I never thought of that I love the word situational more than selective
It is definitely situational and I didn’t even realise it had a name
Situational Mutism is this. However Selective Mutism is a thing too and different. The main reason I was compelled to see this specific video in the first place was because I have done both, no word of a lie. I chose "Selective Mutism" as a coping mechanism when I was a child I tried it out a few times and yes it is something much different to the silent treatment as it isn't done out of anger or annoyance for another or others at all. And as a teen I went at it something serious. I achieved it almost completely and it is much harder to do than anyone would expect, I don't believe anyone who wanted to could do it. Can you image the judgements people could have about you especially if while silent they thought you were mad, body language and facial expressions had to not imply anger (which by the way Body Language and Facial Expression Control takes more than physical skills such as Muscle Movement to do. It takes some particular skills to do that which involves focused regulating of emotional intelligence and more), and people knowing my good character before you became silent was helpful for me because it was more difficult for them to perceive me as doing it from a place of negativity and hard feelings about others in a hateful sense. On the other hand I also have kept my words to myself when I wanted to say something because I felt I'm too complicated and will be made to feel I am coming from some place opposite to what I was, which if I said what I wanted instead I knew I would have to Overexplain and drain myself and they wouldn't make effort to get my meaning was for good and not opposite. That keeping it to myself and letting them make what might be wrong guesses about me even if I didn't like it, That is Situational Mutism.
I’ve felt like I can’t speak while inside my head I’m screaming to say something but just can’t. Like I physically can’t bring myself to say anything. It’s like being trapped.
It got so bad for me once that I was literally just trying to scream to release the pressure, but I was physically unable to produce any sound at all. That didn't make it worse at all /s
I’ve experienced this too. It’s scary really.
Yes. I relate to this a lot! Especially if I have any physical illness. This gets to be much more of an issue.
I haven't had as much trouble with that in recent times, but I've also had an uptick on my thoughts spilling out of my mouth as well. In some ways, it feels like I can't resolve it well enough not to have issues with the divide between internal and external dialogue. It always felt to me like there was this wall in my head that was physically blocking the words from coming out. For most people, this kind of thing is mainly only a problem if they're absolutely terrified, but for some reason for folks like us it doesn't need to be anything at all scary.
But, I'd take the mutism over when I'd completely lose my sense of sight randomly. As being unable to speak for short periods is usually not a major problem, but being unable to see can leave me stranded unable to cross the street.
My mutism occures, when I am too overwhelmed with emotions. Due to sensory overload, or due to havy emotional (inner) conflict.
Yeah! I haven't had it happen due to anxiety as far as I can tell. For me, it has only happened once (that I can identify) and it was just... absolute sensory overwhelm. Really strange feeling - it's not that my inner monologue shut up, just that speech wasn't happening even if I tried.
This happens to me as well. It helps for me to know that it’s easier for me to share these things in writing, because that gives me more time to think about the proper phrasing and words..
Yeah.
I have it similar. The most frustrating thing about it is, that I am in such cases quite often accused of being evasive or offended...
@@amurape5497 Same.
My parents called it "clamming up" and would switch to yelling at me until they got a response, which was invariably me lying on the floor and going catatonic.
That’s absolutely terrible, you poor thing.
In my case, I just learned how to not have meltdowns, as every time I did growing up, it resulted in punishment for my "extreme behavior." So now, I have a lot more shutdowns but with the same internal result of not being able to talk for a while. I did actually have a meltdown the other day (while by myself and *driving*), and it took me a good 15 minutes after it was over to make words come out again
@@shadowfox933 It's worth noting that there are a lot of forms of having a meltdown, some of them are more obvious than others.
@@SmallSpoonBrigadeit would help if you could say what more of the forms of having a meltdown are for people who don’t know. Also how can we find this information?
Sorry to hear you got yelled at
when people ask me questions that i am supposed to answer on the spot but i need to think about the answer, i can't talk. sometimes i can make some noises that let people know i am thinking but if there is any added pressure, all i can think of is that i am supposed to be speaking and how thinking about how i am supposed to be speaking is keeping me from thinking. and then i just kind of spiral. other times, i am just completely burnt out on communication and i am on such a long time lag that i can't follow anything that is happening. (those are times i am glad that i am meeting over zoom or on the phone rather than having to sit there in person like a deer caught in headlights)
I’m the exact same, I’m not diagnosed and thought everyone experienced this. I really struggle with thinking on the spot. My go to is “I’m in the middle of something, can you send me an email about this and I’ll get back to you”. It works like a charm to buy me more time 😃
Same.
Maybe this could help a bit, maybe not, but I often see this guy say "can I think for a second?" which I find nice , and kinda lets the other person know you're not going to reply instantly :) (while simultaneously you are kinda technically responding instantly haha)
I have this when there’s a direct question and I say something but it’s almost inaudible because I don’t have the confidence to say it louder. I really get to at deer in the headlights too, it’s like I’ve frozen and i just blurt out whatever might soften their questioning gaze. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I’m beginning to wonder tbh 😅
I sometimes talk during those times, but the subject is not the same or even related.
Knowing that the other peson understands makes all the difference.
This.
So true
Yes. To be honest, for me it’s like I want to control the thoughts of other people to find a “better” word. Why do I need this control? May I stay authentic apart of them without seeking any approval?
@@More_readings that word "control" I know intimately.
I NEED control of my environment, not in a narcissistic controlling kinda way, but in a "no surprises" "I know exactly what to expect" otherwise I feel "claustrophobic" kinda way.
The fear of the unknown is horrifying.
@@theWinterWalker is it a fear of rejection? Why do we live expecting something horrible? We are not gods to be able to control everything. So, theoretically, nothing to worry about. But...
In discovering that I'm autistic, I've gained the ability to let me autistic traits show around others, and sometimes even in public. Traveling recently, I went completely mute while checking in and dropping bags off, going through security, getting to the gate, and for almost an hour after all that. My mother is a very chatty person and she takes things very personally, so in the past I've never been able to be silent around her because her reaction just causes more emotional distress. Now that she's starting to really see me, she didn't take my silence personally and let me stim and listen to music and process as I needed to, and it felt so good!
Hbomberguy's last video made the autism-community proud.
Seen it, i hope?
Omg, that sounds so nice! I want to manage to do that too around my family but sometimes i feel pushed to talk or like i need to give them a strong reason to not doing it. Sometimes talking it's just too much and i need to be silent (I discovered I'm autistic too recently) :)
I have a pragmatic speech impairment, I often choose to go mute when my words are failing me, so that I don’t accidentally say something the wrong way.
Although I realised this can happen when I have a migraine - and a tablet seems to calm the tiredness and I can talk again. I also found if I switch languages it is somehow easier. I guess using different circuit
It seems like if people can take something the wrong way they will and it feels like I am being micro-analyzed. It just seems like socializing isn't worth it in that case.
@@EaZiE01 it cuts both ways right? I have to model people and sometimes I get it badly wrong. And I force them to behave in such a way to agree with my model - later I realise I misjudged and it can be hard to recover a relationship from that. So I just ask now. I qualify some statements with "let me say what comes to mind then we can work out what I am trying to say".
@@stephenhookings1985 Yes, I learned awhile ago that is a good thing to let your body language go ahead and express how you feel (without words) and people will read it and respond properly (usually). Helps me to just mirror them before initializing chatter, that way you can be on the same page before talking. Knowing your routine can help you get in the headspace to handle socialization.
What if it's true that 80 or 90 percent of communication is non-verbal anyway. Perhaps some part of us knows this as is just totally ok with it. I'm involved with a spiritual community that has silent eye gazing as a fundamental practice. As an asp sufferer it's actually very very insightful and often wildly blissful thing to do. no words
This is one of my daughters biggest challenges. When she turned 10 she started teaching herself basic sign language so she could communicate when she goes mute.
I've thought about doing that myself, but I can also just type things out on my phone in the meantime
I’ve done the same! Thank goodness for phones and typing.
My mom, my brother, and I have talked about learning sign language for when I go mute. We use gestures, texting, and hand-written notes to communicate which work most of the time.
I've never thought about doing that before. Good tip.
I do experience situational mutism, when I'm really upset about something or when I feel like crying or when I'm really angry. Mostly it is only for a short period of time, but once I had a really bad meltdown when I was with my boyfriend and I wanted to explain, I wanted to talk, to tell him, what was okay and what he could and couldn't do to help in such a situation, but I was so... irritated and overwhelmed that I really began to choke on words and nothing came out. This scared me really badly and made the situation even worse. He noticed that I was not able to speak, but wanted to and handed me a piece of paper and a pen, so I finally could explain to him what was happening. It helped a lot in this situation and when I had the second meltdown in his presence he immediatly knew what to do. I'm not officially diagnosed yet, but those situations and a bit of stuff I experienced on a regular basis when I was a teen, made it clear to me that I have a valid reason to think that I am autistic. I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I'm really tired right now and english is not my mother tongue, but It helps to share those experiances with others who might understand. My family thinks I'm just weird.
I hope your family comes to understand what you're experiencing soon.
So amazing he gave you a paper and pen. Good partner
I’m the same exact way, undiagnosed but I experience the same things, except when I can’t speak my boyfriend thinks I’m doing it because I’m ignoring him. I’ve tried to explain that I literally can’t physically speak at that moment but it still makes him feel that way just because of how he perceives it.
I'm honestly a bit relieved to hear someone else having the same kind of experience. When I was in a relationship I would have those really bad meltdowns once in a while. Often because of emotions I didn't know how to deal with or something that upset me, but I would be unable to tell my boyfriend what was wrong. Unfortunately he often thought that it meant I needed to be alone, which made it worse as I often was unable to exit my mute state if I didn't get some form of help or attention like you with the pen and paper.
Now that I live on my own, I don't experience those big meltdowns any longer (only in smaller versions in social situations), and it honestly makes me reluctant to get a relationship again any time soon.
I think it's great that your boyfriend can understand and come up with a creative idea to communicate and help in those situations, he sounds like a great guy!
@@ComicNelli @Bees?
Thank you for your replies. He actually is a great guy. We were already going through some trouble together and he helps me all the time. I hope you will both find someone like him in the future. It is amazing to hear from people who experience the same problems and I hope it helped you to hear that sometimes you will find someone who is able to accept who you are without feeling hurt or angry just because you are not able to speak in certain situations. I hope you will find someone like this too.
It happens to me unexpectedly and randomly. Does not matter when or where (or maybe it does) but my words begin to slur and my mind goes blank. Then I just try to push through whoever I’m talking to, hoping and praying something articulate comes out. I don’t fear talking to people. I fear what words may come out when I lose control
When I get an adrenaline rush from a bad situation (someone's yelling at me, I fell into the lake, to name a few examples from my life), my mouth becomes frozen. I'm still exploring Autism, but this might explain that aspect of myself that I had never been able to explain. When I fell into the lake when I was young, I held on to a tree branch for 30+ seconds until I could collect myself enough to actually shout at my dad for help. Most people, I think, would yell right away.
Same but with certain types of doctors. It usually breaks into a stutter which then stops after a couple of minutes, then fine :)
Any emergency triggers that response... 😳 fear that nobody will believe me ... and then not help.
I have a hard time bringing words out in spontaneous situations or in groups. I can't react fast enough or focus on many people or simply get distracted.
E.g. my neighbour and I were waiting for a parcel on the floor. I was new in this building so she began talking to me like: "So this is also a way to get to know your neighours, right?", I replied: "Yes.", took my parcel and went back in my appartment.
it's impossible to respond to two plus different stimuli / moods / personalities, at the same time
...unless one of them is very clearly a priority and the other/s obviously irrelevant, i'm stuck
parcel situation made me laugh
because is so true
and so me 🐸
One of the things that I love about living where I do is that it's generally considered normal to have absolutely nothing to do with the neighbors unless there's an incredibly obvious sign that you've got something specific in common other than being located next to each other.
"Zombie Mode" is something I've often told to therapists/psychiatrists how I feel mostly at the end of the day when I'm beat. Glad I'm not the only one with that description, even though it can be an unfortunate experience if you're wanting to impress another.
I remember going to bed at the end of a day at summer camp and thinking about how I couldn’t remember speaking to anyone that whole day.
I'd forgotten that, but me too. That would happen to me a lot. The camp workers were often the only ones I would speak a couple words to during my entire stays there.
@@colin781 Hbomberguy's last video made the autism-community proud.
Seen it, i hope?
Consider this info my holiday-gift for you.
totally relatable. I love the analogy of being in bed and wanting to stay there. sometimes I just don't have the energy to come out of my mind and engage with the world.
Being misunderstood is the worst feeling ever, to the point where even not being understood in any way is better
Definitely applies to me. In addition to Zombie Mode and Anxiety, there are other times when I am in "my space" which is a beautiful non-verbal space and I simply don't want to talk.
Yasss
If I really don't like where things are at around me, I sometimes go into "tree mode". I feel very peaceful and centered there, just aggressively mute. If anyone tries to get me to come out of it, I just ignore them. I've always seen this as a basic human right, like pulling out the phone jack when you are taking a nap.
@Grey Muldoon I find a lot of times that talking is just wasting energy. Sometimes it’s a bit pointless, I’m either bored or just can’t be bothered to use that energy to mask and fit in.
I almost never want to talk. I do, of course. But I don’t want to.
gods i feel this so hard. a lifetime being the Quiet Girl and trying to break out of it even after going through therapy for my PTSD and depression, it was only then that i came realize that i am autistic and have pretty major situational mutism and i realized a lot of my PTSD came from people not understanding my level of sensitivity to normal life things like social encounters because people made me feel different. i get overwhelmed in restaurants that play music super loud, and in group conversations especially. even worse if everyone else in the group knows each other already and im new. they already know each others speech patterns but mine are so otherworldly compared to them. they bounce off each other so naturally that i spend so much energy just trying to find an opportunity to insert my input without the danger of being spoken over or interrupted that when it finally comes i have to stop and question its relevance and integrity,,, but by the time i feel confident to speak again its too late and i walk away feeling further away from social connection. so as you can tell, im a strong advocate of "Talking over/interrupting people in a conversation is Fucking Rude! Shut up and Listen! Give Everyone a Chance to Speak!!" in my social circles. have considered bringing a clicker or something to use every time someone talks over me in a group outing like this like im training dogs lol and i say this affectionately
It happens quite often for me when I'm in a major family gathering. Or any large gathering really.
With some people, I just don't know what to say to them. I can ask them a few question about something they have been doing lately and have a small chat about it, but then I "run out of ideas", and then I just wrack my brain fruitlessly, trying to figure out how to show more interest in the person.
Thank you, Paul, for putting a name on something in my life. When I am completely overwhelmed in the midst of a stressful situation, at times I cannot speak. The last time, I was only able to get out the words, "I can't talk right now." Thanks for understanding.
Yes I get social anxiety with new people, but even with people I am very close to I notice often if the subject becomes too "deep" I start having long moments of silence where I dont know what to say or how to reply to them. I cant respond immediately to a lot of things if the conversation isn't about something im already very comfortable with. This effects my relationships a lot. The people I talk to or women I date need to be comfortable with talking for extended periods without me responding sometimes. I need time to think or sometimes never even have a response for them..
This is a well worn path in my life. Words not working or making sense and not finding alternative words to convey the message the way I wanted to. I literally had to forget all about something or write it down to forget it. If I was lucky, it would come to me at a later time/date, and in a number cases it really wasn't that important.
My sister is always putting me on the spot.. suddenly asking ?? & I can't think. Mind goes blank.
"I don't know how to grasp the many thoughts and feelings in my mind, hold one, identify it, and put it into speech for you to understand."
Watched a presentation by Tony Attwood on ASD ("Could it be Aspergers?") and he explained this when talking about how it's difficult for aspies to answer the question "How are you feeling?" I haven't had something ring that loudly in explaining that aspect of my life before. Ask anyone I know what my 3 favorite words are. Guaranteed, most of them will say, "I don't know."
This is something I find myself falling into constantly when asked how I'm feeling or what I want. It almost always results in situational mutism because I can't really compile what's going on in my head on the spot like that, almost ever. There's also the social anxiety aspect of it too, like Paul mentioned. So on top of my thoughts needing to compile, they also tend to get filtered first because I don't want to say the wrong thing, speak out of turn, be incorrect, etc etc. I'm almost always "the quiet one."
@@jessie3206 - I know that feeling well. The unpreparedness of something is a killer as it could be ANYTHING IN THE WORLD as your mind can be a vast plain and yet so focussed and laser-like when prepared.
@@Fortune090 - I've spent my whole life saying 'I don't know' but in adulthood carefully chose to say 'Give me a second to think about it' and then laugh it off as humour helped a great deal. I'd then get mildly chastised over my need for a 'thinking window of time' but I was okay with it.
Best thing to do is to try and buy some time and opt for 'Give me a second, my brains in neutral... switching into 1st gear..... now!'
But I really know the crucifying and nullifying feeling you get when you need to just think a little to compile your thoughts and then compose your wording properly.
Paul, you're more therapeutic than my therapist!! It's so empowering to hear your struggles validated in other people's stories. I can't tell you how much of a help you've been! Life saver! Friggin' angel!
Also, your editing looks fantastic but I'm kind of going to miss seeing your plant grow. Maybe drop it a cameo every so often? lol
This is me. The more i watch your videos, the more i think I'm on the spectrum.
Due to some unfortunate first experiences with collectives as a child, i came to a conclusion, that people are just way too complicated for me to know how to speak to them. So i went my whole school life (from elementary to university) not talking to anyone, except one or two close friends. I felt really bad about not being able to speak and tried hard to change that. It didn't work, so sometime in the last years of university, i decided to embrace it and just accept the fact that peope can dislike me for not speaking, but that's their problem. Taking the pressure away made me feel a little bit better in social situations and it even made it easier to speak. I still can't speak in work with 16 people in our openspace, but i can with only our small team in meeting room. And i'm also able to comunicate in courses i attend, where there are only 6 of us. Doesn't seem like much, buf it still would be impossible for younger me. I still can't speak and only cry when very upset and when mentaly tired my speach is unintelligible but all my close people know about it :) Anyway, i'm still not entirely sure i'm on autistic spectrum, but even if not, this is something i can relate to.
This is very helpful to me, thank you for sharing your experience. I suffer for a very long time, days, weeks, months, even years, because I am worried about what I said. So its definitely simpler for me to not talk to people, except occasionally a person I trust, and still I might fret over being careful about what I say. Its so complicated and even painful and causes severe anxiety for me. If I don't say anything, then that's one less thing I have to worry about and save myself suffering. I still agonize over not being able to talk and connect with most people, but sometimes I try to tell them that I'm not good at reaching out, connecting, etc. I don't know if that helps or not, but at least I tried to tell them that I can't do it very much or very well. I like that you said that its not my problem. That is so helpful. 🙏🙂
For those that struggle with anxiety in social situations: What can help a lot is taking part in an amateur improvisational theater group. A lot of times it is a matter of "What if I don't know what to say" and your mind goes completely blank. Impro theater is ideal to train this, to get more relaxed in situations you cannot forsee and more flexible with how you respond.
Thanks. Never heard of situational mutism but now a whole lot of things in my life make sense.
This is something I experienced whenever I'm about to have an Asperger meltdown. Normally, like you said, I can talk just fine. In fact, I love talking with people! Normally I'm very talkative.
But sometimes if I've had a long day, or if I made plans and those plans get disrupted, and someone who doesn't understand me or isn't used to being around me starts to irritate me, I'll completely shut down. I'll try to tell them what they're doing wrong, that they're really bugging me, but usually I'm cut off and not even listened to.
And that causes me to go silent. All I can do sit there, rocking back and forth, stim and cry. And if it gets really bad, cry, be unable to stop the anger and stress, fight-or-flight takes hold, and I run out of the room crying, to a place that feels safe.
I've gotten so frustrated at times, that I've actually tried not talking to those people at all, and instead learned(still learning) sign language to communicate.
I know this probably isn't the same as some people's situational mutism, people who physically CAN'T talk in those kinds of situations, but I know for a fact that my brain can't process what to say that will come out in a way those people can understand. But maybe it is the same I don't know! It's just so wonkin' frustrating! And I don't know if I should keep trying to be silent and use ASL to talk, because they can't understand it, but they sure as heck can't understand me half the time when I do talk anyway! But on the other hand, not talking only leads to more communication confrontations and I don't know whether it's better to be silent or no.
To anyone who read this far, thank you. I'm gonna pray for anyone else who's struggling through this, and I hope you'd find it in your hearts to pray for others and me too. Thanks again.
(P.S. My brain was kinda fuzzy when writing this, so I'm not sure if came out right either. I hope you can still understand it.)
I think you have described my experience. Crying is the worst, and the more I hate it, the more it happens!
My partner has become very good at covering for me. I give him a signal and just get up and leave when I feel I'm not being heard. I've learned to not care what the other person thinks; they didn't care about understanding me.
I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but this is definitely me a lot of the time!
I’m glad that there is more people in this world who are like this and that it’s not just me!
Thanks guys!!!
Way to go on all the snazzy editing, I especially love the words popping up - it really helps me stay focused and not zone out. Thanks Paul!!
I stop talking when my mum makes me asks a retail worker something without much warning or when I'm at the doctor's
I get stuck in a fast food queue ... In UK McDonald's now has machines - they are known as Autist machines in our household. We don't have to talk to the machine. They even have some customisation buttons - super cool.
@@stephenhookings1985 they have that in Australia too
@@minksrule2196 awesome. Or a phone app that allows one to send the order thru. I hate having to say my name to get a coffee at an airport. I now say I am Ray. Seems to work. Stephen with a PH ... Google it. It's happened to me :-)
@@stephenhookings1985 I generally avoid eating out because of food intolerances or I make someone else order for me so I don't usually have that problem
@@minksrule2196 sorry to hear that - there again in the other hand one less thing to worry about:-)
I don't recall ever finding myself completely unable to speak, but I do have some of that "zombie mode" reaction when there's been too much stimulation. A common scenario is a large social gathering that's gone on for a while. I think your analogy of "not wanting to get up in the morning" fits quite well. There's a sense of being expected to do stuff that requires more energy than you feel you have.
I have definitely felt like my voice choked off in various stressful situations which always struck me as odd because I'm normally so articulate and accustomed to stress. I was a career coach at the time.
On the second half of what you said, people tend to feel safe dumping their baggage on me. I don't understand why I feel like a safe space to strangers.
Maybe it's because you don't talk about personal info with anyone. I always became everyone's trusted confidant at my jobs during and just after high school because when I spoke, it was always work related (unless, of course, they brought up some other topic)
I've been diagnosed with Selective Mutism after not talking to anyone for 15 months. This was a very informative video and helps pieces things together I've thought about for years. I have always had moments were I'm just unable to speak and it's taken years to realize I've had (as I understand them) non-verbal and semi-verbal episodes where I simply didn't have the energy to speak and was either forcing myself (ending up making non-word noises and making gestures in place of words) or just unable to make my vocal chords work or even open my mouth. It wasn't until I had a traumatic recovery from surgery that left me unable to move my jaw and speaking intensely painful that I just stopped speaking and realized how much more energy and less anxiety I had once I stopped being verbal. It was such a relief and even nowadays there's only 3 people I speak to although only when I'm alone with them.
if person i'm with is stressing me out so much i can't speak, i get scared of making any noises because my brain might swear, but
actively trying to not make a sound is very bad for me; first time i did that during extremely stressful meeting i had a seizure!
more recently was invited for further assessment by social worker who wanted to discuss housing and money issues, but who also wanted therapist to attend so they might discuss family/social issues,
as if not already clear that two people talking about two different things at same time doesn't work for me...
your message made me realize that my 'delay' in accepting / declining that "offer" is a form of mutism
...clearly social worker not paying attention +/ has other agenda, so whichever way i go will lead to stress
...knowing that some professionals will transfer their "unwillingness to co-operate" onto us and use it as excuse to abandon us doesn't help either
:(
yeah im afraid of it; afraid of getting 'stuck' in a weird situation ,when i go mute or when people want to talk to me out of the blue , i get very anxious and wanna hide. I feel like throwing up cause words dont come . Like im comitting a crime or something. I rarely go out. Poeple freak me out. If i look to long st them they wanna talk maybe . And i do look at people to scale in threats. because of this neighbourhod .
Sounds pretty familiar. Also my name is also Dagmar, well, my second name. I don't see it often.
@@RebeccaEd its pretty rare ,even in Holland, its a scandinavian name meaning Day Maiden, im just generalising knowledge here. Awful isnt it, I hope it gets better.
@Ignorance is Bliss thank you
@Ignorance is Bliss ty. how i feel this world is dying. If majority of folks wanna stick their head in the sand so be it :'( . Pardon my french is a saying. Well nevermind. I love connecting to likeminded folk, especially women, but i dont got spoons for anything but every day life not that it matters cause thats all there is, well atleast theres people out there, thats why I exist, I get my connection via music artists primarily they convey emotion.
I have had selective mutism since I was a small child. I never know when it is going to affect me or when I am going to be completely unable to speak.
💜 Same here, it doesn't even matter how long or how well I know someone, it just does what it does.
The thing the thing you described the thing! When it's really hard to get the words out because you're afraid of saying the wrong thing and being inappropriate without intending to! (Extra "fun" times when the other person starts getting worried because OMG, what is this thing that's so scary I can't even say it? Nothing, is what, my brain is just being a jerk at the moment.) But I can definitely relate to the "too tired, recharge now, words later" situational mutism too.
That’s it exactly! “My brain is just being a jerk at the moment” I can so relate to that!
I've been dealing with this for most of my life. It was the bane of my existence until I was about 19 and developed a stronger awareness of autism and selective mutism.
My go to method of explaining my mutism has been. "I'm feeling really tired for some reason" Usually I still have a lot of mental and physical energy but just not 'social energy'.
Unfortunately this has lead to negative workplace situations where someone senior says something like "Whats wrong with you? You're always say your tired." or "You're just not trying hard enough (to engage)"
I've found working with horses helps me to understand the kind of complex "freeze" reaction that's often occurring in my own mind.
Still working on it but nowadays my social skills genuinely feel like I've gained a super power compared to how bad I used to be.
I should add that for most of my life until around 16 I could hardly verbalise anything in school etc. And so I tried to developed strong non-verbal cues of 'I'm tired' or 'I'm not angry but I dont want to talk' etc.
I'm facing similar troubles at work right now
I do the best I can... But it's never good enough
I wish I could find a place or work I could fit in better
It's so hard to meet their expectations
I'm exhausted
I'm not sure I'm an aspie, but I relate too much to most of the struggles that an aspie faces
Working with horses has helped you understand the complex ‘freeze’ reaction.... I would love to understand this.... can you say more please?
@@ecatcheshire9741 Horses often have a strong freeze response when they see or hear something that makes them feel anxious. Working with sensitive horses requires paying attention to subtle body language cues, such as the direction of their ears, the tenseness of their mouth and their general 'willingness to engage' with instructions.
There is no one method that works to fix these freeze moments in a horse. Often, forcing the horse to follow orders using negative heavy reinforcement only worsens the problem. The horses mind is still panicked and unsettled when it does the work. Fixing the external freeze has not cured the internal mental panic, and so the anxiety carries through to the horse behaviour. The anxious horse will 'spook' at the slightest thing and start running amock or kicking wildly.
Rather than forcing a frozen horse to move through whips etc. It is better to take the time to teach the horse how to relax and trust the trainer and itself. There isn't any one simple way to achieve this with all horses. Sometimes the horse needs to be given some time to acclimatise to new things, sometimes it needs to be given a bit of a break from negative stimuli, sometimes it just needs something positive to focus on...
In order to grow, a horse needs to be taken just enough outside of its comfort zone that it can acclimatise to new situations without panicking. If the horse feels too stressed, it will panic and overreact. If it is too comfortable, it will never learn anything new or difficult. So horses need to be moved into new experiences at a balanced rate.
Whatever approach is taken, the key to the horses growth is that they feel like they can trust their trainer. This is primarily achieved by establishing effective communication with the horse. If the horse feels like you listen to it's signs of stress, then it will slowly begin to feel more safe with the situations you place it in.
@@ecatcheshire9741 I'm still learning about horsecare myself, but so far I've found that working with the horses has allowed me to reflect on my own freezing. For example the unfreeze process is something that can't be rushed. It takes time for Ann anxious horse to wind down to a point where it's comfortable. It's simply a matter of biological limitations.
I'm the same. It does take a little longer than usual for me to 'recover' from negative stimuli, but I do recover as long as I'm in an environment where I know that my wellbeing is a priority.
It's also just helpful to witness things you already understand in theory occur in front of your eyes. For example the other day I noticed that when one of the horses unfreezes she sighs deeply. This is something that I myself do quite often. Being aware of my breathing is one technique that sometimes helps me unfreeze and seeing how it occurs in the horses built a strong memory in my mind about the connection breathing has to calmness. So it removed the uncertainty in my mind about the benefit of breathing practices.
Hear hear. Sound discussion points that are spookily accurate - I’d wager there’ll be a lot of people nodding as they watch/listen to this vid. Bravo! 👍🏼😎🇦🇺
I don't go mute often, but if I'm really sad and frustrated I'll go mute until someone can help me talk it out and/or I can calm down. It's frustrating on its own. Thank god texting exists for conversations after an upsetting event. But in general I hate small talk and I do go quiet on occasion unless someone is talking to me and I'm just listening.
I am never OK talking with strangers. I can force myself when I know it's necessary, but my default mode in most group situations is mute. If someone brings up one of my interest areas, and it's clear they are also interested in that topic, I will usually eventually join the conversation, but that is not the norm.
I feel this phenomenon all the time. I have something clever and insightful to say, and I'm afraid to say it because in the past people just don't get it. Then I get the group shun and I've lost all ability to just be normal, which is always our goal when trying to crack the interaction code. I spend the rest of the time, and usually days or weeks beating myself up about the one misstep. I've come to realize that nt's don't dwell on stuff like that and can remind myself and begin to start moving forward again much faster with the mantra "nobody cared". It doesn't make it easier in the moment but it prevents me from spiraling into a everyone hates me maelstrom. Thanks again for helping me and everyone else navigate this quagmire that is our brains
Hbomberguy's last video made the autism-community proud.
Seen it, i hope?
Consider this info my holiday-gift for you.
This background is very pleasing to me. It makes it less distracting because you're the focus.
For some reason the background and presentation reminds me of a weather forecast map and feels very neutral. That is not a criticism at all , just a random visual correlation
Thank you for this! My son and I both experience this and recently I have had had to have very difficult conversations with my son's school because his mutism is being perceived as defiance. It has been very frustrating having to educate educators on this! I wish more resources were available and that, yes, as you pointed out, it was something more widely talked about. Again, thank you!
I had no idea situational mutism was a thing until I experienced it myself--in a therapy situation, ironically enough.
Thanks for making this vid. It's very helpful to me to understand I'm not the only one who goes through this. It happens at least a few times every year, sometimes more. For me, it's not just difficulty. It's impossible to speak for about one hour after the situation that caused it has been defused. It's very frustrating because normally I'm quite articulate. I imagine having this information will make it easier to deal with in the future. Thanks again!
Yeah i’ve always been known as the quiet one, rarely spoke in high school (and primary school to an extent). It feels like being stuck in tar and the more you try to break free, the harder it is to actually manage to. Especially with social anxiety, lack of sleep, misophonia and other sensory difficulties.
At home I’m fine talking to my family. It’s still difficult now especially in group settings, but similarly it’s a lot easier talking to other autistic people (the barrier dissipates). Also, it’s often easier talking to strangers now, weirdly (I think I mask better). Thank you for the video! Glad to see it being widely recognised, especially as a typical characteristic of autism.
Thank you! I can relate a lot to this especially when I'm exhausted or nervous and intimidated. 🙏
Wow. The more I learn about autism, the more it just seems like a textbook explaining my brain. Thank you for this!
The more I learn about the autism community, the more I think the adaptive skills they developed are quite helpful & useful for persons struggling w. complex ptsd, like myself & others.
> Paul - I am so appreciative for the work you do w. this channel,
😀🧡📂📖🌼😀
Thank you for making this video! I often struggle with talking when I feel stressed, under pressure or simply exhausted. I knew situational mutism was a thing, but it's really nice to hear someone explain it like this and connect it to autism!
Wow. I thought it was just me.
Thank you, Paul! I am giving myself permission to be silent more now, too. You are such a gift!
A video about me. You have my attention.
Facts lol
Sometimes I feel like doing nothing and that is when I freeze. I can't speak or move for 1 hour to 3+ hours. When I am really stressed, this happens. My brain and body just go into stand-by mode, I just stare at something and only think about that thing that I am staring at.
Yes, I have experienced this before where I just shut down. Too much stress can have that effect. Taking a nap, getting rest can help (for me).
wish i could sleep im shattered tried 3 times to sleep thoughts of past events keeping me up, what helps you sleep?
@@NightOwlGames I think meditation music can help. There are many videos on TH-cam that can relax you to help with sleep. Also doing enough exercise can make you tired and fall asleep. Just a few suggestions. I am also a night owl and prefer to be awake at night. I think just accepting the way you are helps with a lot. Also stay away from caffeine before bedtime.
Thank you, this really explains specific situations when I’m anxious but have something important to me I need to say. I feel the aghhh coming a head of a potential meltdown.
Hearing and comprehension seems to be affected too. Words sound like they’re being said underwater until I ask the person to repeat it when I focus and look at them.
I'm so glad this is being talked about now. I'd love to hear how some people cope with this when they're in social or even public situations. By the way, I've always found writing to be soooo much easier than speaking - also in other languages. People never understood why it would be easier for me to write them an email in another language than to just utter a couple basic sentences. So I guess writing is one way I manage to deal with this.
Love this background! It’s neutral and soothing! Thanks for bringing the topic of situational mutism. (Mine is mostly linked to exhaustion or my brain not being fully awake yet)
Thank you for bringing awareness to this.
This happens to me at the end of almost every day. Working and interacting with people is draining and if I try to talk after a work day it is like trying to find words in a foggy place and they have to be dragged through the mud to finally be able to come out my mouth. I relate to the fear of choosing the wrong words because then the whole process of finding the right one starts over again.
When I get overloaded with emotions (which are processed extremely slowly in my brain) I genuinely cannot even think in words or talk. And forcing out words may cause dissociation and panic attacks for me.
I’m going to have to link this video in our own comment section when people question Dusty’s unusual ‘sometimes verbal sometimes not’ changes. Thanks so much for explaining!
Situational mutism sounds much better than selective mutism. Because "selective" implies that I have a choice in the occurrence when really I don't. And it implies rudeness and purposeful silent treatment or ignoring, to those that don't understand. (Speaking specifically of my parents when growing up) . I do both morning and emotional mutism among others. In the morning when I wake up, I need at least an hour if not 2 or more, whether I have my tea or coffee, or not. because my brain literally won't process speech. It's just a bunch of words that my brain can't string together to make sense of it. For emotional overloads, my brain is online and thinking a million things that I want and need to communicate but I can't get the words out. One time a few weeks ago my mom disciplined my 2 (almost 3 )year old (who has a significant speech delay and is possibly asd and/or adhd) in a way that I very much disapprove of and don't do for any of my kids which she knows. She apologized in a very pratonizing way and I went completely mute for like 2 hours.
Oh my God. Reading your comment, I realized I do the same thing in the mornings. It might not be for the same reason (i.e. it might stem from my sensitivity to sound), but I will rarely talk for about the first 30-45 minutes that I'm awake in the morning
Thank you! I relate to this so much. A couple of years ago I tried saying to people I know well "I'm feeling non-verbal at the moment" It worked kind of OK but I think I might need to explain in adavance a bit more too. I'm so appreciative of your videos :)
ha my life in a youtube video...and they said i was just shy ....
He have been blessed. Now let's wait for the countdown to finish XD
Makes me wonder, what is a shy person then, if not someone who's situationally mute?
Situational mutism is the story of my social life - which I thoroughly tend to avoid now: it's an opportunity for many to feel good about themselves overwriting me, and make me feel even more displaced. When I was younger and had no choice but enduring social gatherings, I would "pop in" the conversation and try to say something "social", but would be dropping most of the time a question or topic that was already covered or would seem irrelevant. To all my AWEtistic fellows reading: all questions are relevant, but not everybody knows how to answer them. You're awesome and worthy of love and deep respect, you're a beautiful soul!
When I'm tired and/or stressed, in a noisy, distracting environment, perhaps talking to a doctor who asks open ended questions such as, "What happened?" [this just happened 2 days ago, after I broke my arm]..these all lead to forgetting words or not being able to get a coherent explanation out.
..I was also in a work situation where someone had bullied me, I had then stood up to her..afterward, I couldn't open my mouth to speak to her, as she was not trustworthy in the least, in my mind.. This continued throughout the next 10 years..unable to freely speak to her in most circumstances. If I had to speak to her, I could only say what had to be said to carry out my job. I wanted to be able to speak to her normally, in the course of a day, if I ran into her, but it wasn't possible.
Great video, Paul! Very nice change of format, by the way 😊
Not able to talk :happens to me if i stress myself with the thought i should say something (exam nervs, giving a lecture or give a quick-witted answer if someone hurts me verbal unexpectedly). Hours, days or weeks later i could talk hours about that topic. But in that moment..? I' did not know much about mutism. But thinking, i am neurodivers, this could explain my troubles with expressing myself.
Thanks so much for this video! For me, it’s in groups of more than groups of 4-5. It’s due to not knowing when there’s space to get my voice heard and then the conversation moves on from what I was going to say! Thank you for saying I can give myself permission to not speak in these situations. I’ve been getting to this point but I’ve come from the mental health world where “recovery” is pushed and therefore you always have to be looking for techniques to get over your problems rather than accepting them! I feel so much better now I’m allowed to accept myself the way I am, I’m so much happier (with all sorts of things!)!
I experience this when I'm in a group and a topic comes up that seems to call for multiple people to pop in their examples. I find I just can't think of an example or when I do, I can't find the appropriate timing to jump in. So often I end up just being silent and not contributing to the conversation.
This is me! I seldom speak in groups. I totally agree with the idea of just not being able to think of anything to say lots of times.
I really love the new graphics and background! It really adds a layer of professionalism to the channels look! Thanks as always for the amazing content and for helping us all feel more accepted and heard here in this community ✌️🙏
I agree! I've been enjoying your content for a while. This new background, editing, text and graphics gives it a bit of extra flair though! Did you do this yourself?
Ooh fancy new presentation!
I can speak one-on-one with people (that I know) but once the group starts to increase in number, I find it harder to get a word in. I may have something to contribute to the topic at hand, or a joke, but then the conversation has changed or my window of opportunity has closed and I don't know how to bring the topic back around. I have always felt that it is because I am not assertive or an "alpha" or just... weak. This really sums it all up. Thank you!
In certain situations (provocation), it's an advantage.
(first time commenting -- I recently learnt that I am also on the spectrum and I appreciate your channel SO much! It's relieving to know I'm not crazy!)
Thank you so much. I didnt realise that other people call it "zombie" mode, too! You've worded it so well! The way that I word it to people is that I need time to build some walls around me to protect me from extra emotions, and if I don't have time to build those walls - the words I hear and decisions I'm asked to make can literally become so overwhelming that I enter sensory overload (with thoughts and sounds) which means that I can overreact and snap back at things that I "normally" wouldn't or become mute and feel super alien/detached.
I'm very interested in coaching from a psychological perspective (I'm a 2nd year psych student) and was hoping we might be able to chat about how you balance coaching and mental health/how I would get into this career-wise to support others like us?
Especially when I'm at work or when I'm in a conversation and the other person is talking too fast for me to process. It's like another form of stuttering perhaps?
I often likened it to stuttering too. Occassionally I stutter slightly when I talk.
Talking too fast, which is a problem that so many nowdays among the neurotypicals have in abundance, is indicative of a lack of mental control.
@@jacksonscully2537 I do this when I am tired or I have a clear concept / vision in my head but there are too many words that could explain it. I often find it easier to speak in other language because I have fewer words. I do speak VERY fast in English or mathematics and i find on TH-cam I have to speed some channel up to consume them - too slow otherwise. It's like NTs process info so slowly.
@@stephenhookings1985 Thats so funny I made a comment about speaking in other languages being easier a few minutes before you messaged. Yes I think you're spot on it's like an overwhelm of information that you can't decipher.
@@stephenhookings1985 You reflect my feelings exactly. I have also felt that NT's process too slowly. It's like tiny bites of food, it's frustrating for us to eat that way. Haha
It's like my mind goes in several directions at once. I have no words, or too many words, and my face goes blank. A black hole of empathy.
TH-cam recommended this to me and now I have to wait 10 hours for the premiere 😭
Ever since earliest childhood I have been unable to speak if I was crying or even if tears threatened. It feels like my throat swells and paralyzes my vocal cords, but it can't be that simple as I can't whisper either. Situational mutism really resonated with me the first time I heard about it.
I don't know if it's just me but on regards to a topic Im upset about I might be unable to utter a word, but I might be able to communicate by text. Also if something happens where I need to put on my mask and it's unrelated, I might be able to speak again. Not sure if anyone has experienced anything similar.
As I said earlier like the Autist machines in McDonald's - so much easier than talking to someone. Everyone I ask for a black espresso ... "do you want milk with that?" ...I die a little. If I go to the trouble of asking precisely for something at least try to interpret it :-(. The extroversion doesn't come easy and after a while the stutters come becuase of the effort expended.
@Isuarez: I am the same way. Kinda like a selective situational mutism. I cannot speak when I get really emotional or upset, not with the person or people involved, but I can frequently talk or text with everyone else. And I have learned over the years (I’m 56), to tell people I need space to calm down and come back to resolve the issue (and I always come back, tho it may be minutes to weeks sometimes before I can do that).
When my son goes mute he usually draws me a picture of what is wrong or how he's feeling. It sounds similar to being able to text....he's 6
For me it happens when I stop being mindful and present. It's like trying to keep my head above the water. The fear of drowning so to speak is the primary reason why I've gone on to drown a million times ironically. I found it's something to do with my self esteem ultimately. If I'm feeling good about myself, and I'm healthy, keeping my head above the water and being able to sustain mindfulness is a thousand times easier. At my worst it's practically impossible to be mindful. My focus has kinda been to stop trying to work out why I go mute and how I can learn to not do it. Instead I'm just focusing on my health, lifestyle and everything that contributes to a healthy sense of self. When I'm here, the problem still exists, but I don't drown in it and I can pretty much enjoy myself, form relationships, etc. As soon as I start thinking about it, I consequently stop being mindful and then it's just a matter of time before I start drowning.
Are you interacting with animals? They are free of prejudice, full of love and great teachers for body language and the communication over the modulation of the voice.
My cats were fantastic.
I would turn mute in class all the time growing up and i couldn't read aloud or answer questions when called on.
I was sent to the school counselor eventually and she told me i have an "attitude problem"
I was still selectively mute after that and still am at times. Words can be hard.
Yes, school was particularly hard for me as well. Being forced to read out loud was hell and beyond. Besides the anxiety, besides the embarrassment of this situational mutism, there was punishment. Of course bullies could pick up on the whole vulnerability aspect and knew exactly how to target. My God, public schools were torture.
@@jonmars9559 i went to a private school 😅 but yes i feel you it's ridiculous.
Yes I have experienced some situational mutism. Sometimes it’s because my trauma was triggered and I feel so unsafe that I feel like I should not and cannot squeeze any sound out of myself because that’s very unsafe. Sometimes it’s because I’m too tired or in meltdown so talking to people or try to organize my thoughts into any word becomes too challenging.
I notice this in myself I think, though I'll admit I rarely ever actually just don't talk. I've found that when talking with my 2 very good friends, both of whom I've known for years and have become quite comfortable talking with, I can talk very smoothly and can do it for literally hours on end. However, I've found that in conversation with, for example, someone from school, the process of getting words out in a clear and succinct manner is REALLY hard. I don't think this is an issue of not wanting to talk or actually being unable to talk, in fact, I'm a generally pretty talkative person, instead its more just an issue of having to think so much harder about my words because of my discomfort around the situation, which in turn causes me to talk less, stumble on my words, forget words, etc.
Completely relate. 1 on 1, I’m fine. Groups of 2 or 3, ok. Anything more than 4 and it’s harder, especially if they’re total strangers. I find myself either playing journalist and asking lots of questions, or just not saying much and chipping in where I can. I like it when the ice is broken, but in some cases there’s just so much ice to break first...
I would say if I'm experiencing high levels of anxiety one possible response is that I get to a point where I just don't want to talk. I can still function and do things but I just want to be left alone. and not interact with others. I can speak but it's more like please don't.
I’m diagnosed with ASD and have had this happening throughout my life of nearly 72 years. I have been diagnosed a couple times with selective mutism but I like the term situational mutism so much better because it really is totally dependent on the situation. The term selective made it sound like I was selecting when to freeze up and it totally was situational, not selective. I also liked your description of going momentarily “offline”. Perfect description.
I'm finding it difficult to even write about my situational mutism. Most people have a hard time reading my emotions and often interpret my stoicism as a general lack of sensitivity. In reality, I'm painfully sensitive and become less and less expressive as emotional as my distress rises. People who know me will notice, but most people can't tell anything is wrong. I look fine and I can sometimes talk about things unrelated to my upset, but my voice will come out completely toneless. During acute episodes I cannot speak or make eye-contact and my motor skills deteriorate. I move slower, drop things, and lose touch with where I exist in the world. Sometimes I feel it when people touch me. While I am internally screaming and weeping, my face is completely blank. It can be incredibly isolating.
Oh my god, this resonates so much. Thank you for putting it to words. People never understand, im like, "Im crying on the inside" :l Ive heard that allistic adhd make good besties for aspies... I wonder if it is because their eye for detail helps them keep up with our stress levels/sensitivity as they fluctuate. People always tell me im tough, but actually im just unflappable. Cant be flapped, because i live in my brain & not my body. I truly love my weird brain tho!
Thank you for sharing your experience! I have never experienced being unable to speak, but after a long day of people-ing and sensory overload, I really struggle to listen to what people are saying and I really really really don’t want to talk. I can but doing so is more exhausting than usual at those tiles, and I tend to be very irritable and terse.
I'm not sure if I'm autistic. I have several things I have noticed about myself over the years that I simply wrote off as "quirks", but am beginning to notice nearly all of these "quirks" match up to autistic experiences. One of those being is that I hate getting upset or yelled at because I will lose the ability to form words. My emotions are there, but suddenly I can't form a single word. I'll just stare at people and will begin to cry out of frustration when the words don't come. After awhile, I might be able to form extremely simple phrases like "yes" or "no" or "I don't know", but I will forget about 90% of my vocabulary and might just start repeating the phrase I was able to form over and over again because that is just suddenly the only words I know. Now this only happens when in person arguments. I can form more words when writing than I can with speaking in these situations, but if it is in person, it's still a small pool of words, just slightly more. But if I not near the person, I am able to calm myself down and type out proper responses because I don't feel as much pressure and can erase and form words properly.
Oh yes.A long time ago i was talking to somebody and made fun of me,because i was using so few words.I have so many feelings and thought but when i talk i can't express them.I remember sometimes when i was in argument with my boyfriend,i wasn't telling much in person,but i could send so many messages on his cellphone and he kept asking me why are you sending me these thing now and tell nothing when i was with you?
@@Eirini80 My parents would yell at me all the time for that sort of thing because I would be able to properly talk to them in text messages, but go silent on them in person or in a phone call.
@@Jeetaruey Maybe we should get a doctor's opinion,but i'm afraid i will be laughed at,because i feel like an imposter.I don't know if it makes sense.I don't have many sencory issues,but i read that its possible for an autistic person not to have this because its a big spectrum and noone is the same.But i'm afraid that everybody will say that i am not autistic enough.
@@Eirini80 It's a huge spectrum, and I've read this happens outside of autism too. Either way, I think symptoms of autism can be very environment dependent, sometime very noticeable, other times not at all, but the root always exists. I doubt a doctor would laugh, or in this case, maybe a psychologist for an eval, I think they go into the career because they have an interest in it, and want to find answers and guide people.
@@Eirini80 I have that worry, too. For the longest time I thought I didn't have any sensory issues because they aren't the commonly over the top ones usually spoken about. But after learning more on the topic, I am beginning to notice ones I have and passed off as anxiety. Allowing myself to be upset by these tiny things that don't bother other people has put less stress on me.
This happens to me when I'm angry or upset about something and need to be alone to think or to calm down. Many people want to talk about what's wrong and how to solve the issue and the more pressure I feel from someone to talk about things the harder it gets and I find myself trapped in an evil spiral that I cannot get out of. Sometimes it can take days to come out of that loop.
I've been calling this selective mutism, but after a quick google I found out that situational mutism is the new and more accurate name, because 'selective' implies a level of choice that isn't there.
For me there are three reasons why sometimes I'm unable to speak. These can occur separately or together.
1. extreme fatigue, speaking feels like climbing a mountain. I can't push the words out. If I speak it's single words and almost no sound comes out.
2. no brainspace left for processing output, too much input. If you talk to me I might nod or say 'hm' but that's it. I probably will not look at you because there are too many other things to pay attention to.
3. no idea what would be appropriate to say in the situation. Give me ten minutes to think of a response and after I've analyzed everything I might be able to respond lol. During that time I will blankly stare at you like a deer in headlights.
In middle and high school these three coincided a lot of the time, so I was basically unable to speak for 4+ years, almost all of the time. Before and after that period it's been more situational. It just happens when I'm really really tired, or when I'm driving a car, or in a crowded mall.
I've gotten better at knowing what to say, so reason 3 doesn't really happen anymore.
When I was a kid I'd pretend to fall asleep at the end of birthday parties just so I wouldn't have to talk anymore hehe. Would recommend. Parents will see right through it but other kids won't.
I've also got pretty bad social anxiety (since middle school), but that just makes talking stressful. It doesn't make talking impossible. So I don't count that as a reason.
Experiencing intense emotions also makes talking really hard, but not impossible.
I suppose people yelling at me also makes talking impossible, but I'm cautiously classifying that under reason 2. People in my life know not to yell at me because I'll freeze and walk away and cry and it's just completely unproductive lol, so it doesn't tend to happen.
I never realised this happened to other people, thank you. I mostly experience mutism when emotions are envoled, having an argument/disagreement with a partner will normally endup with no words coming out of my mouth, what I want to say will be in my head but dose not make it out of my mouth and I then shutdown.
Hbomberguy's last video made the autism-community proud.
Seen it, i hope?
Consider this info my holiday-gift for you.