Yes! I used to get so annoyed because my boyfriend never did what I considered “romantic” things (based on what I saw from my father who I always thought was very romantic). One day I just said “You know, I always found it so romantic when my father surprised my mother with flowers. I would love that”. Now he is my fiancé and I get surprise flowers every so often🥰 it didn’t feel “romantic” to tell him at the time, but it sure feels romantic now!
The whole love language system is so important in platonic relationships too! I also love getting letters and using words to express love, and so my friends write me letters for my birthday, etc. it always makes me feel so loved!
That's so true! I really love to find out what my friends love and to surprise them with it and see them being joyful. And I feel so loved when their actions speak my love language! Since my friend's love language differ from mine, I need to remind myself sometimes that those little things matter so much to them because they wouldn't excite me so much and therefore don't come to my mind naturally. But I think that's the whole thing: learning what they need and love and doing that for them and so we can speak each other's love language :)
That is a hard one. It does seem less romantic to say exactly what you want VS your partner knowing and surprising you with it. Though it is more realistic to communicate and say your needs.😅
It definitely feels less romantic initially but It makes it better in the long run. If not communicated, disappointed comes up more and more and can lead to resentment or not feeling wanted/special, etc. My boyfriend isn’t very romantic and it’s definitely something I’m working on being clearer with what I’d appreciate and find romantic.
Expressing you'd like it if your partner planned something for the two of you isn't the same thing as you planning it yourself. It could still be a surprise because you don't know when they're going to plan it.
And if he does those specific things, it will be very romantic! I mean he now knows what you like and so can act on that :) I mean otherwise a person may become pretty upset and sad that the partner doesn't *magically* speak the own love language (when he just never knew those things that he may be not so excited about matter so much to me). So it actually is a win-win!
It is always worth remembering, for a gazillion reasons including the subject of this video, that your partner cannot read your mind. And yes, romance can change over time. The thousand things my husband selflessly did for me when my father died in 2010, and I had to plan his funeral, work with the co-executor on his estate, deal with his house and all its contents, and get my disabled sister transitioned to a group residence--the thousand things he did with no complaint, just concerned for my well-being...now THAT is romance.
EXCELLENT point about communicating, Emily! There is nothing wrong with that! It’s even more romantic when he listens and remembers what you said!😍😍😍swoooon! 🤩🤩🤩 A clean kitchen is amazing! It is the little things!🤣
Yes, if you have specific romantic things you want your significant other to do for you, tell him! BUT, if you DON'T want to tell him specifically, it is your job to see how HE thinks he is being romantic. If you would rather he surprise you than request a specific date or present, you can simply ask for a surprise--and then accept whatever that is as his romantic gesture. This is definitely not as specific and probably not for anyone who has strong preferences, but it is an option for those who prefer surprises and want to learn a little more about their significant other's expressions of love.
To not sound demanding one could say "it would feel soooo lovely if you gave me flowers," or "it would feel oh so wonderful to have a picnic on the beach with you Darling"😊
I think a common universal desire for romance is receiving flowers unexpectedly, or when a man takes you out to a special place and redeclares his love for you, or when he loves to give you affection. If I absolutely have to tell my significant other what I’d like I’d say the things I like in romance but I always tell him but only if it comes from your heart.
I love receiving flowers on birthdays, valentine's, christmas and love hugs, hand holding, kisses, but I've never met a guy who did any of that stuff. I also prefer one on one dates like a picnic, going to see a movie at a theater, over group outings because I'm an introvert and don't really feel comfortable in large crowds.
I believe that yes, you have to tell them what you want in romance... but also he should remember and keep doing what you told him, not keep repeating it to him like a mom does to his kids, you know?
My love language is receiving gifts. When I receive a gift of something I really desired, I truly feel loved and every time I see the gift, I think of the person as well as the time and consideration the person might’ve spent to choose the gift for me. But I feel that my love language is easy to be considered “materialistic,” and it frustrates me... Can you please help me with the wise delivery of my love language to my beloved one, so there is no misunderstanding? Thanks!
This is a cute video and really awesome advice. I'm just starting to understand how to be really romantic with my gf and we've been dating for 3 years. Within that time frame I've also gotten closer to God too tho... so that's definitely part of it. I wanna say, pray for your partner, peeps! It actually helps a lot to ask if there is something you can bring to prayer for them on a daily basis. We do that and, and since we started we've been getting to know each others hearts a little more each day and it helps us understand each others desires, which means romance comes more naturally.
I don't know why I was reluctant yesterday to see this video. Sometimes we really think they should read minds...but it's true, they can't. And what's important is that if we communicate how we want things and the other part just dismisses it that's a deal to solve.
This is very refreshing!! Do you think the roles of movies and tv shows influence our idea of what romance is?? If so, do we have to be prudent with our expectations?
I think romance is knowing each other, understanding each other and how to work with each other in different situations. Also doing things personal. Anyone can send flowers and chocolate, but if one knows their spouse well enough,they'll know that perhaps something else makes them feel loved. For me,I would prefer being surprised with movie night ( nothing like classic movies and tv shows!)or music night ( listening to classic rock songs) or going out for a walk downtown. But then what do I know. I'm just a girl who's never dated. I've just thought on this because, well I'm an introvert and have lots of time to think lol.
Emily I just want to take the time to tell you your content is amazing, you are SUCH a great communicator, seriously. Thank you so much. I started watching your videos very recently, when I came across your video on "If you've ever been called "intense" or "too much" and it reaaaally resonated with me , Thank you , thank you, thank you.
This is such a good point!! I think it's SO important to communicate and even more special when that person does so and acts on your wants. Have never really thought about it in this way though so sure enough this video has made it to my saved playlist ☺️👏🏽
So true! I'm not the typical kind of romantic. I find things like nature and certain ethereal music "romantic." In my relationship, I actually had to let him know that I don't really want long letters or gifts...that I care most about quality time...receiving. My giving is slightly different and all over the place. That's important to understand as well. Your "receiving" love language can vary from your "giving" love language. Enjoy the process of learning those things, because that's when you'll see the effort each of you is willing to put in! :D
How about when people are always saying that you need to make sure you’re getting to know eachother on a firm friendship level first, before all of the sweet stuff... when you’re in a dating relationship, what do you think is the limit of romance (if there is a limit.. like puppy love, yk?)
After a few years into a relationship i can definetly confirm- do not wait for the suprises that might never happen. I try to see romance as a thing that I have to express just as boundries and ask the same questions. Can I expect this person to exactly know what I want?
I think a lot of people have this idea of romance from movies of big romantic gestures, and guys who already know how to woo someone, but I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t even like those big gestures, they just like the mind reading part lol The idea that it’s “less romantic” to communicate is a familiar feeling to me, but now that I think about it, it’s kind of a silly notion. People have different priorities and backgrounds. If someone loves you, they want you to be happy, even if they don’t know how right away. It’s part of getting to know someone to find out what makes them feel loved. It’s a complicated and nuanced thing, so it doesn’t make much sense for it to just happen quickly.
Emily could you please make another video about physical attraction. My boyfriend is not the type that I usually am attracted too, I feel awful for saying this. We have been together for almost a year now. I have always wanted a man with hair, unfortunately my boyfriend is loosing his hair and I keep praying to God that he would at least keep the remaining hair he has. My boyfriend says that I will leave him because of this, but I don't want my love to be based on looks. How can I get through this? Also, if God knew that I wanted a man with hair, why is my boyfriend loosing his hair? My boyfriend is not as tall as I'd like or as bulky, but I can get passed that, its just the hair situation...i sound like an awful person:(
My boyfriend says that flowers are not his thing, so he never gives them to me. I communicated that to him, but it is not like I said “his thing”, so I have to live my life without that. He does other things of course, he’s expressing his love in other ways that are great, so yeah.Sometimes communication can’t be a cure, when this romantic gesture is not something that somebody wants.
That’s just silly to me, romantic gestures are supposed to be about the other person, not you. Unless it’s something that compromises one’s conscience or involves some big undertaking then I don’t see why someone should have any trouble doing what makes their partner feel loved.
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Yes! I used to get so annoyed because my boyfriend never did what I considered “romantic” things (based on what I saw from my father who I always thought was very romantic). One day I just said “You know, I always found it so romantic when my father surprised my mother with flowers. I would love that”. Now he is my fiancé and I get surprise flowers every so often🥰 it didn’t feel “romantic” to tell him at the time, but it sure feels romantic now!
Exactly!! This is a great example. Congratulations on your engagement!
The whole love language system is so important in platonic relationships too! I also love getting letters and using words to express love, and so my friends write me letters for my birthday, etc. it always makes me feel so loved!
That's so true! I really love to find out what my friends love and to surprise them with it and see them being joyful. And I feel so loved when their actions speak my love language! Since my friend's love language differ from mine, I need to remind myself sometimes that those little things matter so much to them because they wouldn't excite me so much and therefore don't come to my mind naturally.
But I think that's the whole thing: learning what they need and love and doing that for them and so we can speak each other's love language :)
That is a hard one. It does seem less romantic to say exactly what you want VS your partner knowing and surprising you with it. Though it is more realistic to communicate and say your needs.😅
It definitely feels less romantic initially but It makes it better in the long run. If not communicated, disappointed comes up more and more and can lead to resentment or not feeling wanted/special, etc. My boyfriend isn’t very romantic and it’s definitely something I’m working on being clearer with what I’d appreciate and find romantic.
Expressing you'd like it if your partner planned something for the two of you isn't the same thing as you planning it yourself. It could still be a surprise because you don't know when they're going to plan it.
And if he does those specific things, it will be very romantic! I mean he now knows what you like and so can act on that :) I mean otherwise a person may become pretty upset and sad that the partner doesn't *magically* speak the own love language (when he just never knew those things that he may be not so excited about matter so much to me). So it actually is a win-win!
It is always worth remembering, for a gazillion reasons including the subject of this video, that your partner cannot read your mind. And yes, romance can change over time. The thousand things my husband selflessly did for me when my father died in 2010, and I had to plan his funeral, work with the co-executor on his estate, deal with his house and all its contents, and get my disabled sister transitioned to a group residence--the thousand things he did with no complaint, just concerned for my well-being...now THAT is romance.
EXCELLENT point about communicating, Emily! There is nothing wrong with that! It’s even more romantic when he listens and remembers what you said!😍😍😍swoooon! 🤩🤩🤩
A clean kitchen is amazing! It is the little things!🤣
Yes, if you have specific romantic things you want your significant other to do for you, tell him! BUT, if you DON'T want to tell him specifically, it is your job to see how HE thinks he is being romantic. If you would rather he surprise you than request a specific date or present, you can simply ask for a surprise--and then accept whatever that is as his romantic gesture. This is definitely not as specific and probably not for anyone who has strong preferences, but it is an option for those who prefer surprises and want to learn a little more about their significant other's expressions of love.
To not sound demanding one could say "it would feel soooo lovely if you gave me flowers," or "it would feel oh so wonderful to have a picnic on the beach with you Darling"😊
I think a common universal desire for romance is receiving flowers unexpectedly, or when a man takes you out to a special place and redeclares his love for you, or when he loves to give you affection.
If I absolutely have to tell my significant other what I’d like I’d say the things I like in romance but I always tell him but only if it comes from your heart.
I love receiving flowers on birthdays, valentine's, christmas and love hugs, hand holding, kisses, but I've never met a guy who did any of that stuff. I also prefer one on one dates like a picnic, going to see a movie at a theater, over group outings because I'm an introvert and don't really feel comfortable in large crowds.
I believe that yes, you have to tell them what you want in romance... but also he should remember and keep doing what you told him, not keep repeating it to him like a mom does to his kids, you know?
Yes - if that is the case - that's a flag that says a lot!
Hey Emily! Thanks for doing what you do!!
I would like to say the same to her!! Thank you Emily, I loved that video haha
My love language is receiving gifts. When I receive a gift of something I really desired, I truly feel loved and every time I see the gift, I think of the person as well as the time and consideration the person might’ve spent to choose the gift for me. But I feel that my love language is easy to be considered “materialistic,” and it frustrates me... Can you please help me with the wise delivery of my love language to my beloved one, so there is no misunderstanding? Thanks!
This is a cute video and really awesome advice. I'm just starting to understand how to be really romantic with my gf and we've been dating for 3 years. Within that time frame I've also gotten closer to God too tho... so that's definitely part of it. I wanna say, pray for your partner, peeps! It actually helps a lot to ask if there is something you can bring to prayer for them on a daily basis. We do that and, and since we started we've been getting to know each others hearts a little more each day and it helps us understand each others desires, which means romance comes more naturally.
I don't know why I was reluctant yesterday to see this video. Sometimes we really think they should read minds...but it's true, they can't. And what's important is that if we communicate how we want things and the other part just dismisses it that's a deal to solve.
This is very refreshing!! Do you think the roles of movies and tv shows influence our idea of what romance is?? If so, do we have to be prudent with our expectations?
Wow you have no idea how much I needed this! Thank you for always saying what needs to be said💛
I think romance is knowing each other, understanding each other and how to work with each other in different situations. Also doing things personal. Anyone can send flowers and chocolate, but if one knows their spouse well enough,they'll know that perhaps something else makes them feel loved. For me,I would prefer being surprised with movie night ( nothing like classic movies and tv shows!)or music night ( listening to classic rock songs) or going out for a walk downtown. But then what do I know. I'm just a girl who's never dated. I've just thought on this because, well I'm an introvert and have lots of time to think lol.
Emily I just want to take the time to tell you your content is amazing, you are SUCH a great communicator, seriously. Thank you so much. I started watching your videos very recently, when I came across your video on "If you've ever been called "intense" or "too much" and it reaaaally resonated with me , Thank you , thank you, thank you.
This is such a good point!! I think it's SO important to communicate and even more special when that person does so and acts on your wants. Have never really thought about it in this way though so sure enough this video has made it to my saved playlist ☺️👏🏽
So true! I'm not the typical kind of romantic. I find things like nature and certain ethereal music "romantic." In my relationship, I actually had to let him know that I don't really want long letters or gifts...that I care most about quality time...receiving. My giving is slightly different and all over the place. That's important to understand as well. Your "receiving" love language can vary from your "giving" love language. Enjoy the process of learning those things, because that's when you'll see the effort each of you is willing to put in! :D
You have no idea how much this helped me right now. Thank you ❤️
So true! I would love a letter over gifts any day!
How about when people are always saying that you need to make sure you’re getting to know eachother on a firm friendship level first, before all of the sweet stuff... when you’re in a dating relationship, what do you think is the limit of romance (if there is a limit.. like puppy love, yk?)
Really good question!
Ahhh yes very well said , Emily! 💙
After a few years into a relationship i can definetly confirm- do not wait for the suprises that might never happen. I try to see romance as a thing that I have to express just as boundries and ask the same questions. Can I expect this person to exactly know what I want?
You are SO encouraging to me. This could not have been more well timed for me. God bless you God bless you!!!!!
I absolutely appreciate your videos and I think this is an awesome concept that so many people need to hear.
Communication is best!
Thanks so much Mia!
Yesss thank you for talking about this topic!!
👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽yess!
Hi 👋🏻 Emily, its nice to see you. Hope you‘re & family is fine.
I think a lot of people have this idea of romance from movies of big romantic gestures, and guys who already know how to woo someone, but I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t even like those big gestures, they just like the mind reading part lol
The idea that it’s “less romantic” to communicate is a familiar feeling to me, but now that I think about it, it’s kind of a silly notion. People have different priorities and backgrounds. If someone loves you, they want you to be happy, even if they don’t know how right away. It’s part of getting to know someone to find out what makes them feel loved. It’s a complicated and nuanced thing, so it doesn’t make much sense for it to just happen quickly.
Thank you for this video !!!
I love love love your videos. God bless!
We keep learning 🙂
Emily could you please make another video about physical attraction. My boyfriend is not the type that I usually am attracted too, I feel awful for saying this. We have been together for almost a year now.
I have always wanted a man with hair, unfortunately my boyfriend is loosing his hair and I keep praying to God that he would at least keep the remaining hair he has. My boyfriend says that I will leave him because of this, but I don't want my love to be based on looks. How can I get through this? Also, if God knew that I wanted a man with hair, why is my boyfriend loosing his hair?
My boyfriend is not as tall as I'd like or as bulky, but I can get passed that, its just the hair situation...i sound like an awful person:(
Here ya go! th-cam.com/video/4ko6mig9Ovg/w-d-xo.html
My boyfriend says that flowers are not his thing, so he never gives them to me. I communicated that to him, but it is not like I said “his thing”, so I have to live my life without that. He does other things of course, he’s expressing his love in other ways that are great, so yeah.Sometimes communication can’t be a cure, when this romantic gesture is not something that somebody wants.
I don’t see why he wouldn’t give you flowers. They’re cheap, it’s not hurting anyone
That’s just silly to me, romantic gestures are supposed to be about the other person, not you. Unless it’s something that compromises one’s conscience or involves some big undertaking then I don’t see why someone should have any trouble doing what makes their partner feel loved.
That's a little strange to me. I agree with Annie and Victoria.
Huge red flag.🚩🚩🚩🚩
Could you explain more about what he means exactly. Not his thing? He’s allergic to flowers or what?
I think romance is over rated by movies ... I want an emotional support and a friend not chocolate n flowers ... I can buy them myself 😜
💯💯💵🤝🙏🏼