There is a problem that all couples must confront over the course of their relationship: what should they do with their farts? Some hold them in and others let 'em rip. These two camps constitute two different approaches to the unpleasant realities of self and other: repress them to maintain harmony or express them to promote authenticity. Which approach is undertaken has non-trivial consequences for the future of the relationship. Join my community: the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: th-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/w-d-xo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #marriage
@psychacks Like most civilised people who care about others, I hold said fart to remove myself to outdoors or a suitable room (toilet, bathroom) before letting rip. I teach my children to do so as well. Figuratively, this can apply with the degree of response and timing of response. This one or another diametrically opposite analogy only presents extremes. As psychologists are learning with autism - with most things, there is a spectrum. Some are at the extremes. Most are not.
'kind of an off topic. I'd never fart in front of anyone on purpose. If my girl accidentally let one escape, I'd ignore that it happened. My recent Thai girlfriend had never seen a man pee before and was intrigued. We peed in front of each other but that's it.
@@k4ir0sLmao!!! I laughed so hard at this that I got horrible pain in my left abdominal area. Had to breathe it out for a moment. Thank you, I needed that.
National Geographics Narrator: The female has decided to let one rip, and it's a big one. Her male companion appears visibly shocked. The female looks nervous, as if second guessing her decision when suddenly, the male lets out an even bigger, louder, smellier fart signaling that he accepts her whole fartedly. Thus, concludes one of the many mating rituals of these fascinating species.
I love this man. I realized relationships aren't worth it if you aren't willing to pursue knowledge & wisdom. I am now a student of knowledge and wisdom
There are many happy couples living the simple life not particularly interested in the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom but merely companionship and sexual gratification..They simply rely on their innate common sense..So be wise enough to understand you speak only for yourself..Some do not thirst for knowledge and there is little you can do about it,but don't assume their elationships have no value..They may produce the next Einstein ..The endless numbers of childless academics and gurus won't !
One could explore that the desire for Authenticity correlates with a more Anxious Attachment style while the desire for Harmony correlates with a more Avoidant Attachment style. Secure Attachment types can more likely maturely balance and nuance their need and expression of authenticity and harmony for the relationship by being reasonable, understanding, and knowing when to hold em or when to flow em.
This reminds me! My first job, I shared an office with 3 guys. We were having farting competitions. I just let off a monster and my boss walked in and came and hovered over my shoulder pointing at my screen. "Jesus Christ, man, did you just fart?" he asked. Of course, do you think I normally smell like shit? He ran off and said he would come back later.
Interesting insight! Like everything else, nobody is 100% holder or sniffer 100% of the time. I sometimes sniff and sometimes hold depends on the seriousness of the conflicts. I think most of us value how we approach a conflict rather than actually solving the conflict itself. If you show yourself as an authentic person who strategically and considerately approach the conflict, then the other person would be more than willing to work it out with you.
Our society definitely needs more holders. Civility, self-respect, and most of all respect for others is being violated in ways many of us could never imagine being done 30 years ago.
It's like people who make room while approaching others on the sidewalk or store aisle. Some people just hold their line and refuse to move over even for the elderly, and others walk around the old man or lady with the cane.
"So if you're someone that values authenticity, at least try to find those who have already made an effort to clean up their acts." The unclarity of this sentence makes it very powerful. Great video!
I always hated that my ex-wife and I would fart around each other. We were married for 15 years, but I always hated the crass, stifling intimacy it implied. When I started dating again, I decided I would never fart in front of my partner again. I dated a woman for a year and never farted in front of her, and she never did in front of me and it was so nice.
This is a great way of thinking. i was kind of wondering about this aspect of relationships but then, do you get up and go to the bathroom? it's unhealthy to hold it in. I suppose one has to be diligent and go do the right thing. what if your partner figures out you just got up to go fart somewhere? is it still "respectful/romantic"
I always thought about this and here goes. I think the best holders are the ones that have great emotional regulation and can solve the issues they have or see themselves rather than hold grudes or at least subtle communication/calibration. While the best sniffers have empathy and patience when the other party is honest themselves. As well as a debriefing of their emotional state with their partner so they at least know where their head was at rather they think they were right or wrong.
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
I almost stopped watching cause I didn't want to delve into the fart analogy, but as I value your videos I listened. You just described my relationship with my ex wife. I'm a sniffer. She is holder
Interesting metaphore. I get and appreciate the core message. But being authentic in a couple doesn't imply, in my view, lack of consideration for what being fully seen for what you're at your worst does to your partner. I mean, it's certainly good and liberating to be seen for who we are but it's also advisable, for a relationship to last, to try and be the best version of yourself. You've gotta hold something, to same extent, I think.
I believe that when you practice harmony, it becomes authentic. We can share our most vulnerable and authentic parts of ourselves in conversation, while promising one another that in our actions, we will practice harmony. that’s how my husband and I can practice both harmony and authenticity. we realize that what we practice, we become
As someone who values authenticity, I have to say Dr. Orion is once again, absolutely right that you will have much greater success with like-minded individuals. If you feel like you can't even fart around me then you won't like me....
In my opinion, "every one believes their farts, smell ""better "" that every one else's" 😆 This subject is hilarious and there is so much truth in this concept of holders and sniffer. In fact the next thing you know, dating apps will have block you can tick if your are either a sniffer or a holder 🙃
I believe there can be somewhat of a happy medium. If you need to fart, try to be discreet. If it’s just noisy air and the couch or car seat catches and muffles it, then no harm no foul. If you try to let it out slowly with no announcement and it is smelly or loud, you just have to laugh about it. So I try to embrace a little of both sides to be balanced. Plus, once when I was a teenager I tried to make a very robust fart while mowing the yard and sharted down my leg. Even with it being the best possible scenario (was alone, outside, in shorts with sandals on) I never forgot the present I might receive for screwing around.
I'm a mix between a holder and sniffer. Sometimes you gotta keep the boat steady rather than rock it, other times a problem must be dealt with immediately. I live with my brother though, and he's a textbook case on how the sniffers should stick with sniffers, and the holders should stick with holders definitely isn't true. He often points out people's issues including myself, and they're often accurate and reasonable. However, when people point out his issues, including myself, he gets very defensive. His friends have said similar things whenever they suggest something to him and he has had a few relationships breakdown because of it. Not a bad guy for sure since I get on well with him very well for the most part, and he has a lot of close, long-term friends. However he definitely has issues accepting criticism. Also he's the type of person to say that "there is a communication issue" when he does not get his way or when he's losing an argument.
I recently booked a weekend trip with my lady and the hotel bathroom had a separate water closet for the toilet. She is younger and asked "what's this door?" I was like that's where you do your business and we don't bother each other with it. She promptly said "oh baby i don't do that". It was a running joke because whenever she stayed over my place, I mentioned she seems to leave the next day before ever needing to take a shit. The thing is we reinforce and encourage each other's roles regularly and I realized I prefer this. It's a subtle thing in most topics but it feels more rewarding. This video helped me with some insight for my past relationships and confirmation moving forward.
My wife used to have social anxiety and this caused her to fart alot as we got ready to go out, which meant I got a Pavlovian dislike for her perfume because it mingled with her farts! I also think women fart as a way of avoiding/ preventing sex.
I'd say that there is a spectrum. Most would fall somewhere in the middle, but because most people don't have a wide perspective, they tend to think they are either or. Balance is better. Know when to let it rip and when to hold it in. Even if you are made of gold there are things that if you let them loose will have your lady think twice about your future together.
What a fun topic... It is part of our human nature afterall... I am - and will always be a holder - lol --- my husband (RIP) -- insisted that we have separate bedrooms and bathrooms so I - his wife - could have her privacy in her own bathroom for such affairs.... I loved him for this thoughtfulness for both of us... in 10+ years of marriage - we never shared sniffing, nor bathroom duties - and we had a FANTASTIC relationship - I believe this kept a sense of mystery between us - that helped us maintain our attraction for each other every day!! Even when we travelled, he insisted we get two hotel rooms - with adjoining rooms - so we could continue to maintain this sense of privacy for each other... For us - it worked!!
Partners can endeavor to walk away for a moment, when necessary. When not possible, simply announce , ‘fart alert!’ Sometimes a person farts while alone. But then their partner walks into the room. Occasionally, you must shout, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Most people are holders early in the relationship but when the relationship matures can become more sniffers. I think the key is knowing when to hold and knowing when to sniff.
Very true. During dating a lot of holding went on. 28yrs later I will rip it anytime at home…just did while making dinner! I can recall receiving a Dutch oven/hot box before we were married. I’m an introvert.
What do I think? I think you are a lil genius, I’ve seen lots of yours videos ( at least for a couple of years already ) I’ve hear your insightful advice ( I’ve applied whatever I see fit of it in my life of what you suggested ) and I’m laughing my head off, literally right now! Holders & sniffers 😂😂😂👏👏👏👏👏 😂😂😂 “U have to like her farts” Accept each other farts 💨 it’s the key of harmony because everyone craps 💩, having someone beside you when one has diarrhea & brings you toilet paper 🧻 when you run out of it, it’s real partnership, I don’t think anyone can say it as it is, better than you, I’ll buy you book when I finish reading the 3 I already bought, I don’t spend money in unnecessary things…But You make me laugh so hard with this episode that I’ll buy you book, when I can, thank you.
I think it takes a balance between the 2. Pick your battles well. Some times you have to hold, others you gotta let them sniff. Just nothing silent but deadly
10:58 great metaphor. I would say that many more women are empowered to becoming sniffers, and think they want sniffers as partners too, but still ultimately 1want their partners to be holders. Being a sniffer can be rewarding, but it’s a lot of honesty with the self, needed.
Sounds like holders are agreeable avoidant introverts. While sniffers are disagreeable anxious extroverts. A bit like oil and water. Opposites may attract initially, but long-term opposites will probably fall out, especially over the timeline of a 50 year marriage.
Disagree. Opposites can also attract. With friendship, yes, generally being with a same kind of person encourages great friendships. But when it comes to matters of the heart, being with the opposite kind of person as yourself is what creates chemistry, attraction and sparks. The glue that sticks you both together is mutual understanding and benefit. Also forgiveness, old couples have probably forgiven their other half multiple times for mistakes they have made.
THIS IS FACTS! Just got out of a relationship with a holder and I couldn’t stand it because it just seemed like I couldn’t read her ever. I need another sniffer. It know it comes with its own challenges but still
"if you have to talk about the relationship, you ain't in the relationship" - Marlon Wayans you dont need to read anyone. their actions tell you everything YOU need to know...
@@ivanmeza7089 Not all communication is verbal. The people who need constant "clarification" or "processing" will completely drown a partner for their own selfish reassurance. Pour everything you have into a relationship and if it's not being reciprocated the way you like then just move on it's that simple!
From a literal standpoint... I have a hernia and 'holding in farts' actually does hurt... so while I try to be careful when/where I let them out, I'm far more apt to rip them than say when I was younger... that said, while I'm not in any relationship and almost see no point to being in one... I kinda see the figurative side of it in much the same way... let out what you need to whenever you can but also-and this depends-hold them too for both my sake and the sake of others... 🤷🏾♂️ or rather 💨💨
Listen man when I listen to this analogy, it instantly clicked. I’ve had exs who I’ve caught and still wanted to be a holder and sniffers come back to me. Keep in mind any action can be sniffer or holder but it’s an overall mindset that the Doctor is trying to say
Now metaphors aside, guys don't fart in front of your woman as a habit, while it's really no big deal, it doesn't do your masculine presence any favor.
@@gracerules2008 I knew someone would missunderstand, that's not the issue. It's not a matter of "overlooking", if you have everything else in place, that's a given. It's about setting an example and a high standard, as if communicating "I'm always on my best behavior and I expect the same from you". It keeps the bar high for both of you, added to the fact that you don't corrupt your own presence as I said. A rough equivalent would be to imagine the guy from 50 shades, billionaire, elegant, subtle and tempered, then rips a big one out mid play. Come on, as hilarious as that would be for us dudes, you can't argue that it's a huge turnoff from the incongruency alone. That's why I said, I'm not saying that farting will deduce points, I'm saying that it's the type of complacency that makes you lose that extra mile in domineering presence as a male. Not so much as a mitigation of damage, but as a pursuit of excellence if you will. Again, this is not to prioritize comfort and authenticity as the doc said, but as to prioritize high standards being met both ways.
My Dad basically farted on my Mom. Like if they weren't getting along he would push out extra hard to make them loud and do it on purpose when she would walk into the room and it might sound funny but on top on other bad behaviors it is actually abusive.
I’ll just throw it out there… In the same way that I feel like farting in someone else’s space is selfish I feel like being “authentic” is inherently selfish… there’s a fine line between authenticity and a lack of self-control. So I guess that makes me a holder!
It's not a fine line. Being authentic is not the same thing as being transparent or saying literally everything that you think. It just means not lying or holding your tongue about issues that really matter.
As my colleagues are less important for my life than my wife, I see no reason why she should see the "ugly" sides of me. I also don't sniff her farts. Have lived 25 years well with this approach.
Some guys let it rip on purpose, they think it's funny, and just don't care. 😁 Seriously though, there's actually a lot of politics behind it too, who holds the more power and control in the relationship, often pyschological but even economic, and from what I've seen, one usually becomes more dominant, and their personality leads the other, although the struggle can still continue.
I try to hold them but don't worry about it when they do come out. I think one of the reasons passion can fade in relationships is because people get too comfortable around each other, and the relationship feels more like friends, roommates, or even siblings. You should try to hold onto some decency and mystery most of the time when you can. My partner and I both try not to obviously fart around each other, but we can laugh about it when it does happen.
yeah thats the best way to approach. also i dont really agree with the implications of sniffers being more authentic/genuine/real whatevers aka only ones to be in secure relationships. u got to be savvy about it, you CAN be authentic and decent. Sometimes i will be like "ok babe gimme 5 seconds i need to fart real bad" and go to the washroom and it is simultaneously funny, authentic and decent. you cant just be lazy cuz it is authentic. Have authentic fights+be decent while at it
Yep, I totally agree with not getting too comfortable around your partner and trying to hold onto some mystery. I'm definitely a holder LOL but my husband has watched me push two babies out and has been exposed to all the extreme unpleasantries of that experience 😅
Problem with me is I get fart attacks regularly so leaving every 2-5 minutes would b extremely impractical. Drs. Told me some people are just inordinately gassy.
Holding back something doesn't mean you are hurting your authenticity. Sometimes, you have to be able to read the room and understand what is appropriate at the moment and when something is appropriate. True authenticity requires that balance and makes you more civilized and mature and even more likable. To just NEVER hold back and ALWAYS let loose with no self-control no matter what is just going to make you a disrespectful wild animal that thinks of no one but themselves and as a result, no one wants to be around. So the truth is that the only healthy option is to be a balance of holder and sniffer. Because a 100% holder will not be themselves and never have any fun, and a 100% sniffer is inconsiderate of others and not kind at all.
You get it. It is like most things about balance to get actually harmony. And not like how this dude claims that holders are more about harmony. No they are just more repressed. If they always are holding then that is for sure not the only thing they are holding back. I want it all both authenticity and care when needed. And I will provide that also.
The oldest joke on record is a farting joke. "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
This was so dang funny in it’s truth, yet completely serious “no big deal, as a matter of fact” delivery. I gotta say it depends on the situation. If I’m with my buddies you better bet I’m gonna be ripping them into submission. There’s only 1 other friend that can battle with me, and that in itself is an event to behold and laugh at (at your own risk). “This town ain’t big enough for the 2 of us”. Well, we don’t really talk like that, and instead of quickdraw on our 357 magnums, we just let it out as loudly, yet as stretched out as possible. It’s a very careful balancing act that’s really an art. Let em out too quick and either the volume goes down, or it just bangs but too quickly to have an impact, plus you run the risk of the barrel letting out sparks, if you will. A bit of muzzle flash that’s unwelcome by the shooter, but which will be absolutely deadly to the spectator in leaving him gasping for air from laughter. Let em out too slowly and it just doesn’t have quite the same snap to it, and it can fizzle out prematurely on you, leaving you waiting until you recover and have more ammo. When you hit the right balance, you get both the longest shootout, and the perfect rythm of succession between shots, (the right RPM) and the loud snap/bang of each one. There’s so much more to be said but I’mma leave it there, don’t wanna make this a dissertation.
Seems to me that we all don't mind holding some farts and sniffing other farts depending on which farts are within our comfort zones and which are in our shame zones. Like, you might be proud to rip a loud one if you play it for laughs but you'll avoid launching that weapon of ass destruction until your dying breath for fear of the toxic fallout. Or vice versa: you might get stage fright around playing a big trombone solo but you'll be comfortable enough letting out a stinker and jokingly blame it on the dog even though everyone knows what you did. i.e. People will "own" certain abrasive aspects of their character and say "hey, that’s just me" while hiding those aspects they're truly ashamed of.
@@Jan-qv8ku Because you are human my guy. We all short very short of "perfection" no matter how hard we strive. I put perfection in quotes because perfection is subjective, making it even more elusive and impossible to attain. Those farts are coming out one way or another.
That thumbnail reminds me of my dogs reaction to her own, ha. She looks embarrassed/troubled just like that, sometimes. (Dogs can't control theirs & are often suprised when it happens.)
This is a disgustingly accurate metaphor. Personally, there's little I loathe more than a person who's chummy to my face but talks trash behind my back. If you have an issue, talk. We can figure it out. But if I do something you don't like, you don't give me the courtesy of letting me know but you're happy to discuss it with other people, then I've lost all respect for you in an instant.
What do you want more? To keep the traits about you that your partner is annoyed by or do you want to keep your partner? All depend on whether or not you KNOW you CAN find a similar or better value of partner who is willing to accept your traits. But then there are some people who don't KNOW, they only THINK they can find someone of similar or greater value willing accept their traits, and they find out too late they were wrong and end up single.
Let him go if you can’t fart around him and laughing it off. If you see a frown line and not a fun line on his face when you fart, run. The relationship is already 79 percent dead.
I’ve been married for 26 years and for the past 15 or so my wife and I have used farts to replaced some of language with each other. Instead of saying “good morning” we now just fart down the stairs if the other is near by. I guess that makes us both “sniffers” but only with each other. I would never fart around any other woman.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
There is a problem that all couples must confront over the course of their relationship: what should they do with their farts? Some hold them in and others let 'em rip. These two camps constitute two different approaches to the unpleasant realities of self and other: repress them to maintain harmony or express them to promote authenticity. Which approach is undertaken has non-trivial consequences for the future of the relationship.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #marriage
Its always a pleasure to listen to you.
@psychacks Like most civilised people who care about others, I hold said fart to remove myself to outdoors or a suitable room (toilet, bathroom) before letting rip. I teach my children to do so as well.
Figuratively, this can apply with the degree of response and timing of response.
This one or another diametrically opposite analogy only presents extremes. As psychologists are learning with autism - with most things, there is a spectrum. Some are at the extremes. Most are not.
'kind of an off topic. I'd never fart in front of anyone on purpose. If my girl accidentally let one escape, I'd ignore that it happened. My recent Thai girlfriend had never seen a man pee before and was intrigued. We peed in front of each other but that's it.
Well,... since we hold you in highest esteem, perhaps letting us know your chosen camp might be more instructive!😂🎉
Im a hybrid Sniffer/Holder. You gotta know when to sniff 'em, know when to hold 'em.
And you gotta know when to walk away and when to run! 😀
Spoken like Kenny Rogers.
This is the way
Slyly tuck the blanket around your hips and let it out slowly. Then when she's asleep, air out the blankets.
@@k4ir0sLmao!!! I laughed so hard at this that I got horrible pain in my left abdominal area. Had to breathe it out for a moment. Thank you, I needed that.
National Geographics Narrator: The female has decided to let one rip, and it's a big one. Her male companion appears visibly shocked. The female looks nervous, as if second guessing her decision when suddenly, the male lets out an even bigger, louder, smellier fart signaling that he accepts her whole fartedly. Thus, concludes one of the many mating rituals of these fascinating species.
😂😂😂😂😂😂👌
Demonstrating the superiority and dominance of the male over the female.
😂
oh goddamn it. i heard ALL of that in David Attenborough's voice. take your upvote and get out of here... :)
Whole fartedly is the one 🏆🤣
I love this man. I realized relationships aren't worth it if you aren't willing to pursue knowledge & wisdom.
I am now a student of knowledge and wisdom
How much is the tuition
You can't pursue knowledge while in a relationship? Why? I'm genuinely curious
There are many happy couples living the simple life not particularly interested in the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom but merely companionship and sexual gratification..They simply rely on their innate common sense..So be wise enough to understand you speak only for yourself..Some do not thirst for knowledge and there is little you can do about it,but don't assume their elationships have no value..They may produce the next Einstein ..The endless numbers of childless academics and gurus won't !
Truer words were never spoken on this channel or anywhere for that matter
@@znojnyjTuition costs 350 SBDs per credit hour.
My wife said back when we were dating that she only knew I was serious about the relationship when I started letting them rip.
She's a _KEEPER!_ ✨
Letting what rip?
farts
@@dokjakim2304 Beyblades
That helps me a lot😂
I think the more accurate terminology would be "holders" vs. "blasters."
so anyways I just started blasting
I do be blasting after a good round of taco bell 💀
😂😂😂😂
I haven't watched the video yet but sniffers is clearly superior terminology
But you are correct technically 😊
He’s one Fart Smeller! 😂😂😂 I mean Smart Feller
😂😂😂
@@ethan-sq6zv underrated comment 😂
@@genarodiaz4590 thanks
🤣🤣🤣🤣 what a great comment!
Nice!
One could explore that the desire for Authenticity correlates with a more Anxious Attachment style while the desire for Harmony correlates with a more Avoidant Attachment style. Secure Attachment types can more likely maturely balance and nuance their need and expression of authenticity and harmony for the relationship by being reasonable, understanding, and knowing when to hold em or when to flow em.
Great point. The balance is possible and key.
How the hell did Orion not break out laughing recording this one? 😄
Answer: he was a "holder." Ha
he's a professional. and he's holding one in for the whole video. maybe? :)
The magic of cameras is that you are allowed to keep taking takes until you get it right.
This reminds me! My first job, I shared an office with 3 guys. We were having farting competitions. I just let off a monster and my boss walked in and came and hovered over my shoulder pointing at my screen. "Jesus Christ, man, did you just fart?" he asked. Of course, do you think I normally smell like shit? He ran off and said he would come back later.
I am glad I took the time to read this 😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
So by this story you’re a sniffer and as you experienced, sometimes your personality stinks 😂
Hahaha 😂😂😂 shiiiiiiieeeeeeeettt you ain't serious
/\ This wins the award of the day. Great comeback? Speaking of which, did he ever come back, later? Haha!
Interesting insight! Like everything else, nobody is 100% holder or sniffer 100% of the time. I sometimes sniff and sometimes hold depends on the seriousness of the conflicts. I think most of us value how we approach a conflict rather than actually solving the conflict itself. If you show yourself as an authentic person who strategically and considerately approach the conflict, then the other person would be more than willing to work it out with you.
Our society definitely needs more holders. Civility, self-respect, and most of all respect for others is being violated in ways many of us could never imagine being done 30 years ago.
It's like people who make room while approaching others on the sidewalk or store aisle. Some people just hold their line and refuse to move over even for the elderly, and others walk around the old man or lady with the cane.
On opposite, we need more honesty, civility and freedom just like it was 30 years ago (tm)
We need genuine integrity, let them fly baby! God bless America!
"So if you're someone that values authenticity, at least try to find those who have already made an effort to clean up their acts." The unclarity of this sentence makes it very powerful. Great video!
Haha, I didn’t expect this as the conversation 😂
Basically, the extremes ends of the personality trait Conscientiousness + Agreeableness don’t mix !
@innerauthority2439, yes! That's it!
Does conscientousness represent the retainer or the detonator?
@@reallyhappenings5597 detonator lol…
I always hated that my ex-wife and I would fart around each other. We were married for 15 years, but I always hated the crass, stifling intimacy it implied. When I started dating again, I decided I would never fart in front of my partner again. I dated a woman for a year and never farted in front of her, and she never did in front of me and it was so nice.
Right?
This is a great way of thinking. i was kind of wondering about this aspect of relationships but then, do you get up and go to the bathroom? it's unhealthy to hold it in. I suppose one has to be diligent and go do the right thing. what if your partner figures out you just got up to go fart somewhere? is it still "respectful/romantic"
It only worked for a year though.
Can you do a deeper dive into conditional and unconditional love and expectations in relationships? This touched on it lightly, and was useful
It has a lot to do with what you eat. And having your own space and time for yourself simplifies it a lot.
I always thought about this and here goes. I think the best holders are the ones that have great emotional regulation and can solve the issues they have or see themselves rather than hold grudes or at least subtle communication/calibration.
While the best sniffers have empathy and patience when the other party is honest themselves. As well as a debriefing of their emotional state with their partner so they at least know where their head was at rather they think they were right or wrong.
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
I almost stopped watching cause I didn't want to delve into the fart analogy, but as I value your videos I listened. You just described my relationship with my ex wife.
I'm a sniffer. She is holder
F-ing brilliant
Orion did it again
Please how ?
Am a born Christian and sometimes I feel so down 😭 of myself because of low finance but I still believe God😞
It's Maria Angelina Alexander doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
$356K monthly is something you should feel differently about....
Lovely! I enjoyed it like I enjoy a $100k monthly around the turn!!!
Interesting metaphore. I get and appreciate the core message. But being authentic in a couple doesn't imply, in my view, lack of consideration for what being fully seen for what you're at your worst does to your partner. I mean, it's certainly good and liberating to be seen for who we are but it's also advisable, for a relationship to last, to try and be the best version of yourself. You've gotta hold something, to same extent, I think.
I believe that when you practice harmony, it becomes authentic. We can share our most vulnerable and authentic parts of ourselves in conversation, while promising one another that in our actions, we will practice harmony. that’s how my husband and I can practice both harmony and authenticity. we realize that what we practice, we become
This is funny, thank you, glad to hear and learn from this. I will be thinking about this.
As someone who values authenticity, I have to say Dr. Orion is once again, absolutely right that you will have much greater success with like-minded individuals. If you feel like you can't even fart around me then you won't like me....
Just when I thought I couldn’t be more confused about getting into a relationship..Thank you for the insight!😂
In my opinion, "every one believes their farts, smell ""better "" that every one else's" 😆 This subject is hilarious and there is so much truth in this concept of holders and sniffer. In fact the next thing you know, dating apps will have block you can tick if your are either a sniffer or a holder 🙃
This has to be one of the best analogy I've ever heard, for real!
True compatibility is when two people can agree on where/when to hold and where/when to sniff.
THIS
I confound and 'gas' light by blaming mine on other people
don't light that gas
The only person you are fooling is yourself.
Excellent plan! That *always* works!
So you are in a throuple? Or are you falsely accusing your only partner?
I believe there can be somewhat of a happy medium. If you need to fart, try to be discreet. If it’s just noisy air and the couch or car seat catches and muffles it, then no harm no foul. If you try to let it out slowly with no announcement and it is smelly or loud, you just have to laugh about it. So I try to embrace a little of both sides to be balanced.
Plus, once when I was a teenager I tried to make a very robust fart while mowing the yard and sharted down my leg. Even with it being the best possible scenario (was alone, outside, in shorts with sandals on) I never forgot the present I might receive for screwing around.
I'm a mix between a holder and sniffer. Sometimes you gotta keep the boat steady rather than rock it, other times a problem must be dealt with immediately.
I live with my brother though, and he's a textbook case on how the sniffers should stick with sniffers, and the holders should stick with holders definitely isn't true. He often points out people's issues including myself, and they're often accurate and reasonable. However, when people point out his issues, including myself, he gets very defensive. His friends have said similar things whenever they suggest something to him and he has had a few relationships breakdown because of it.
Not a bad guy for sure since I get on well with him very well for the most part, and he has a lot of close, long-term friends. However he definitely has issues accepting criticism. Also he's the type of person to say that "there is a communication issue" when he does not get his way or when he's losing an argument.
The poet ,Robert Burns had a saying “wherever you be let your wind go free,for you can’t hold what’s not in your hand “
James Joyce was big into his wife's farts. His private letters to her are absolutely wild.
I recently booked a weekend trip with my lady and the hotel bathroom had a separate water closet for the toilet. She is younger and asked "what's this door?" I was like that's where you do your business and we don't bother each other with it. She promptly said "oh baby i don't do that".
It was a running joke because whenever she stayed over my place, I mentioned she seems to leave the next day before ever needing to take a shit.
The thing is we reinforce and encourage each other's roles regularly and I realized I prefer this. It's a subtle thing in most topics but it feels more rewarding. This video helped me with some insight for my past relationships and confirmation moving forward.
That sounds like a wonderful idea 😊
bro, if she doesn't even pee that's a T-X sent back from the future
My wife used to have social anxiety and this caused her to fart alot as we got ready to go out, which meant I got a Pavlovian dislike for her perfume because it mingled with her farts!
I also think women fart as a way of avoiding/ preventing sex.
I'd say that there is a spectrum. Most would fall somewhere in the middle, but because most people don't have a wide perspective, they tend to think they are either or. Balance is better. Know when to let it rip and when to hold it in. Even if you are made of gold there are things that if you let them loose will have your lady think twice about your future together.
I'm a 'sniffer'. I'd never again get into a relationship with a 'holder' again. If they can hide something, they can hide anything.
What a fun topic... It is part of our human nature afterall... I am - and will always be a holder - lol --- my husband (RIP) -- insisted that we have separate bedrooms and bathrooms so I - his wife - could have her privacy in her own bathroom for such affairs.... I loved him for this thoughtfulness for both of us... in 10+ years of marriage - we never shared sniffing, nor bathroom duties - and we had a FANTASTIC relationship - I believe this kept a sense of mystery between us - that helped us maintain our attraction for each other every day!! Even when we travelled, he insisted we get two hotel rooms - with adjoining rooms - so we could continue to maintain this sense of privacy for each other... For us - it worked!!
It's mostly figurative. Get the point.
What a topic!
😅
He's a gas!
Partners can endeavor to walk away for a moment, when necessary. When not possible, simply announce , ‘fart alert!’ Sometimes a person farts while alone. But then their partner walks into the room. Occasionally, you must shout, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
😂😂😂😂😂
Most people are holders early in the relationship but when the relationship matures can become more sniffers. I think the key is knowing when to hold and knowing when to sniff.
Very true. During dating a lot of holding went on. 28yrs later I will rip it anytime at home…just did while making dinner! I can recall receiving a Dutch oven/hot box before we were married. I’m an introvert.
What do I think? I think you are a lil genius, I’ve seen lots of yours videos ( at least for a couple of years already ) I’ve hear your insightful advice ( I’ve applied whatever I see fit of it in my life of what you suggested ) and I’m laughing my head off, literally right now! Holders & sniffers 😂😂😂👏👏👏👏👏 😂😂😂 “U have to like her farts” Accept each other farts 💨 it’s the key of harmony because everyone craps 💩, having someone beside you when one has diarrhea & brings you toilet paper 🧻 when you run out of it, it’s real partnership, I don’t think anyone can say it as it is, better than you, I’ll buy you book when I finish reading the 3 I already bought, I don’t spend money in unnecessary things…But You make me laugh so hard with this episode that I’ll buy you book, when I can, thank you.
I think it takes a balance between the 2. Pick your battles well. Some times you have to hold, others you gotta let them sniff. Just nothing silent but deadly
10:58 great metaphor. I would say that many more women are empowered to becoming sniffers, and think they want sniffers as partners too, but still ultimately 1want their partners to be holders. Being a sniffer can be rewarding, but it’s a lot of honesty with the self, needed.
Sounds like holders are agreeable avoidant introverts. While sniffers are disagreeable anxious extroverts. A bit like oil and water. Opposites may attract initially, but long-term opposites will probably fall out, especially over the timeline of a 50 year marriage.
I like this concept. Holders should be with holders, and sniffers should be with sniffers.
Disagree. Opposites can also attract. With friendship, yes, generally being with a same kind of person encourages great friendships.
But when it comes to matters of the heart, being with the opposite kind of person as yourself is what creates chemistry, attraction and sparks.
The glue that sticks you both together is mutual understanding and benefit. Also forgiveness, old couples have probably forgiven their other half multiple times for mistakes they have made.
THIS IS FACTS! Just got out of a relationship with a holder and I couldn’t stand it because it just seemed like I couldn’t read her ever. I need another sniffer. It know it comes with its own challenges but still
"if you have to talk about the relationship, you ain't in the relationship" - Marlon Wayans
you dont need to read anyone. their actions tell you everything YOU need to know...
@@drewmorg. terrible quote. Communication is king.
@@ivanmeza7089 Not all communication is verbal. The people who need constant "clarification" or "processing" will completely drown a partner for their own selfish reassurance. Pour everything you have into a relationship and if it's not being reciprocated the way you like then just move on it's that simple!
From a literal standpoint... I have a hernia and 'holding in farts' actually does hurt... so while I try to be careful when/where I let them out, I'm far more apt to rip them than say when I was younger... that said, while I'm not in any relationship and almost see no point to being in one... I kinda see the figurative side of it in much the same way... let out what you need to whenever you can but also-and this depends-hold them too for both my sake and the sake of others... 🤷🏾♂️ or rather 💨💨
Holders and sniffers: a simplified Myer-Briggs personality test.
my kind of humor! hahah
Excellent! The first time anyone in the world touched reality! Bravo!!! 💙🙏🏼
Do both, depends on the situation 🤷🏻♂️
I was going to say, don't you have to hold in order to sniff?
Listen man when I listen to this analogy, it instantly clicked. I’ve had exs who I’ve caught and still wanted to be a holder and sniffers come back to me. Keep in mind any action can be sniffer or holder but it’s an overall mindset that the Doctor is trying to say
Thank you! I real felt this talk and am definitely a sniffer. I am going to use this analogy in the future
This is what all the build up and prior learning was leading to
I'm definitely a holder. LOL I don't need to know EVERYTHING about someone I'm in a relationship with. What about people who do it and blame the dog?
Omg! Dr Taraban, how did you NOT crack up when recording this? Farts are so f**ing funny!!!
Now metaphors aside, guys don't fart in front of your woman as a habit, while it's really no big deal, it doesn't do your masculine presence any favor.
If a man is doing everything else right then she'll learn to overlook farting no matter how frequently it happens.
@@gracerules2008 I knew someone would missunderstand, that's not the issue. It's not a matter of "overlooking", if you have everything else in place, that's a given.
It's about setting an example and a high standard, as if communicating "I'm always on my best behavior and I expect the same from you".
It keeps the bar high for both of you, added to the fact that you don't corrupt your own presence as I said. A rough equivalent would be to imagine the guy from 50 shades, billionaire, elegant, subtle and tempered, then rips a big one out mid play.
Come on, as hilarious as that would be for us dudes, you can't argue that it's a huge turnoff from the incongruency alone.
That's why I said, I'm not saying that farting will deduce points, I'm saying that it's the type of complacency that makes you lose that extra mile in domineering presence as a male. Not so much as a mitigation of damage, but as a pursuit of excellence if you will.
Again, this is not to prioritize comfort and authenticity as the doc said, but as to prioritize high standards being met both ways.
Well you are looking at from a socially conservative perspective and that is fine. Social conservatives are into striving for excellence.
My Dad basically farted on my Mom. Like if they weren't getting along he would push out extra hard to make them loud and do it on purpose when she would walk into the room and it might sound funny but on top on other bad behaviors it is actually abusive.
I’ll just throw it out there… In the same way that I feel like farting in someone else’s space is selfish I feel like being “authentic” is inherently selfish… there’s a fine line between authenticity and a lack of self-control. So I guess that makes me a holder!
Agree.
It's not a fine line. Being authentic is not the same thing as being transparent or saying literally everything that you think. It just means not lying or holding your tongue about issues that really matter.
Agree. If it's an accident, I understand but if no F is given, letting them rip, I'm out. I prefer polite people who make an effort to be considered.
Authenticity is the way to go.
As my colleagues are less important for my life than my wife, I see no reason why she should see the "ugly" sides of me.
I also don't sniff her farts. Have lived 25 years well with this approach.
*I'm glad you made this video,* it reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, $89k biweekly and a good daughter full of love..
Please how ?
Am a born Christian and sometimes I feel so down 😭 of myself because of low finance but I still believe God😞
It's Maria Angelina Alexander doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
$356K monthly is something you should feel differently about....
Lovely! I enjoyed it like I enjoy a $100k monthly around the turn!!!
Authenticity is a requirement for [true] harmony…
It's easier just to become an enlightened saint
you've got to know when to hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. from farts
Some guys let it rip on purpose, they think it's funny, and just don't care. 😁 Seriously though, there's actually a lot of politics behind it too, who holds the more power and control in the relationship, often pyschological but even economic, and from what I've seen, one usually becomes more dominant, and their personality leads the other, although the struggle can still continue.
I try to hold them but don't worry about it when they do come out. I think one of the reasons passion can fade in relationships is because people get too comfortable around each other, and the relationship feels more like friends, roommates, or even siblings. You should try to hold onto some decency and mystery most of the time when you can. My partner and I both try not to obviously fart around each other, but we can laugh about it when it does happen.
yeah thats the best way to approach.
also i dont really agree with the implications of sniffers being more authentic/genuine/real whatevers aka only ones to be in secure relationships.
u got to be savvy about it, you CAN be authentic and decent. Sometimes i will be like "ok babe gimme 5 seconds i need to fart real bad" and go to the washroom and it is simultaneously funny, authentic and decent. you cant just be lazy cuz it is authentic. Have authentic fights+be decent while at it
Yep, I totally agree with not getting too comfortable around your partner and trying to hold onto some mystery. I'm definitely a holder LOL but my husband has watched me push two babies out and has been exposed to all the extreme unpleasantries of that experience 😅
Problem with me is I get fart attacks regularly so leaving every 2-5 minutes would b extremely impractical. Drs. Told me some people are just inordinately gassy.
Even better when you have a partnership where you both love when each other fart.
What an excellent analogy.
It's technically an oralogy.
Holding back something doesn't mean you are hurting your authenticity. Sometimes, you have to be able to read the room and understand what is appropriate at the moment and when something is appropriate. True authenticity requires that balance and makes you more civilized and mature and even more likable. To just NEVER hold back and ALWAYS let loose with no self-control no matter what is just going to make you a disrespectful wild animal that thinks of no one but themselves and as a result, no one wants to be around.
So the truth is that the only healthy option is to be a balance of holder and sniffer. Because a 100% holder will not be themselves and never have any fun, and a 100% sniffer is inconsiderate of others and not kind at all.
You get it. It is like most things about balance to get actually harmony.
And not like how this dude claims that holders are more about harmony.
No they are just more repressed. If they always are holding then that is for sure not the only thing they are holding back.
I want it all both authenticity and care when needed. And I will provide that also.
It was the dog, I swear!
😂😂😂😂
You don't have a dog!😂😂😂😂😂
Good luck discussing that on a first date
I don’t hold and I don’t sniff, I just step away for a minute
Sharing is caring!
Doesnt matter what he talks about. He is always so handsome
Strange
Well, this is definitely an internet subject.
This seems to hold true for non romantic relationships as well
if i hadnt been a sniffer i wouldnt be single, so for my next relationships im being a holder 100%
This is why couples should be living a separate bedrooms even better separate houses..
Correct
The oldest joke on record is a farting joke. "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
This was so dang funny in it’s truth, yet completely serious “no big deal, as a matter of fact” delivery. I gotta say it depends on the situation. If I’m with my buddies you better bet I’m gonna be ripping them into submission. There’s only 1 other friend that can battle with me, and that in itself is an event to behold and laugh at (at your own risk). “This town ain’t big enough for the 2 of us”. Well, we don’t really talk like that, and instead of quickdraw on our 357 magnums, we just let it out as loudly, yet as stretched out as possible. It’s a very careful balancing act that’s really an art. Let em out too quick and either the volume goes down, or it just bangs but too quickly to have an impact, plus you run the risk of the barrel letting out sparks, if you will. A bit of muzzle flash that’s unwelcome by the shooter, but which will be absolutely deadly to the spectator in leaving him gasping for air from laughter. Let em out too slowly and it just doesn’t have quite the same snap to it, and it can fizzle out prematurely on you, leaving you waiting until you recover and have more ammo. When you hit the right balance, you get both the longest shootout, and the perfect rythm of succession between shots, (the right RPM) and the loud snap/bang of each one. There’s so much more to be said but I’mma leave it there, don’t wanna make this a dissertation.
Seems to me that we all don't mind holding some farts and sniffing other farts depending on which farts are within our comfort zones and which are in our shame zones. Like, you might be proud to rip a loud one if you play it for laughs but you'll avoid launching that weapon of ass destruction until your dying breath for fear of the toxic fallout. Or vice versa: you might get stage fright around playing a big trombone solo but you'll be comfortable enough letting out a stinker and jokingly blame it on the dog even though everyone knows what you did.
i.e. People will "own" certain abrasive aspects of their character and say "hey, that’s just me" while hiding those aspects they're truly ashamed of.
@@umbrascitor2079 so true
I try to fix the unpleasant parts of myself.
Why isn’t that a choice?
Try not to have stinky sniffs?
@@Jan-qv8ku Because you are human my guy. We all short very short of "perfection" no matter how hard we strive. I put perfection in quotes because perfection is subjective, making it even more elusive and impossible to attain. Those farts are coming out one way or another.
That thumbnail reminds me of my dogs reaction to her own, ha. She looks embarrassed/troubled just like that, sometimes. (Dogs can't control theirs & are often suprised when it happens.)
Holders don't mix with sniffers. It's like the Hatfields & McCoys
@@josealexi5141 Montagues and Capulets, look how that ended 😆
This is a disgustingly accurate metaphor. Personally, there's little I loathe more than a person who's chummy to my face but talks trash behind my back. If you have an issue, talk. We can figure it out. But if I do something you don't like, you don't give me the courtesy of letting me know but you're happy to discuss it with other people, then I've lost all respect for you in an instant.
Maybe they don't talk to you directly about what it is they don't like because they don't expect you will ever change it so what is the point?
@@gracerules2008 And how would they know if they never tried?
What do you want more? To keep the traits about you that your partner is annoyed by or do you want to keep your partner?
All depend on whether or not you KNOW you CAN find a similar or better value of partner who is willing to accept your traits.
But then there are some people who don't KNOW, they only THINK they can find someone of similar or greater value willing accept their traits, and they find out too late they were wrong and end up single.
Can we get one about "Flushers" vs "Floaters?" Seriously though, great talk as usual.
This was a really great video. Outstanding mam
You crack me up! Your premise is true, if I can stop laughing.
Let him go if you can’t fart around him and laughing it off. If you see a frown line and not a fun line on his face when you fart, run. The relationship is already 79 percent dead.
This is the expended of the saying "opinions are like assholes; everybody got one and nobody likes them"
I let my flaws be what they are. Humor is a way to keep it real.
This idea can actually be taken literally!
Thanks for this awesome perspective.👍🏼
Well, I guess I’m not eating anything on my lunch break… 🤨
I’ve been married for 26 years and for the past 15 or so my wife and I have used farts to replaced some of language with each other. Instead of saying “good morning” we now just fart down the stairs if the other is near by. I guess that makes us both “sniffers” but only with each other. I would never fart around any other woman.
😂😂😂😂.....Where wisdom and humor collide. 🤭🤌 Thanks Doc. 👍
I pinch it back til i get to bathroom.
I'm definitely a sniffer but I've worked on getting mine to smell better.
Another great video!
Holding it in only damages you in the long run.... (applies to farts and emotions)....