Sorry to hear about this Bethany - it's a completely believable story, if not a fine example of bad luck (and racism). Most Japanese people I know who would have seen your visible allergic reaction would have panicked and worried about you all day - even taken you to a local clinic - as opposed to have just ignored it and expected you to continue eating their bowls of pain and suffering the following day. Then again, this doesn't sound like your regular family. It's unfortunate you were stuck with these idiots. And if I ever heard someone refer to the UK as the land of the selfish, I would have gone absolutely ballistic, so well done on holding back.
+sinephase The posibility to make some easy money. They ignored her because they didn't really care to help her improve her Japanese vocabulary. If it hadn't been for her allergic reaction, they would have simply tolerated her living there until her stay was over.
+Elisabet Poncelas Well. It is inside you. And only SHE could'nt eat it. Also british people are known for their fish and chips. Like fish ... in selfish. Eh I think you got it.
+Elisabet Poncelas Japanese people are very very touchy about food. When you say something about it that's negative it's considered extremely offensive. Japan is also one of the most xenophobic cultures in the world and the older generations of Japanese adults view foreigners as inferior. It's a dying thing there, but they take their culture seriously and unfortunately it leads to confusion with some exchange students who are not used to the difference in what's viewed as respectful or simply just don't know.
+Elisabet Poncelas Japanese people are very very touchy about food. When you say something about it that's negative it's considered extremely offensive. Japan is also one of the most xenophobic cultures in the world and the older generations of Japanese adults view foreigners as inferior. It's a dying thing there, but they take their culture seriously and unfortunately it leads to confusion with some exchange students who are not used to the difference in what's viewed as respectful or simply just don't know.
I can't even begin to fathom how they would think having an allergy is selfish. And how does anyone discover they have an allergy to something? By being exposed to it and getting a reaction. If you've never been exposed to it then you wouldn't know. Isn't this common sense? I'm just so shocked by how they treated you! I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. :( I'm glad you had a much better experience at the next place, though!
+hp pc !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't get it! How can so many people not get this very simple thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T KNOW YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO SOMETHING BEFORE YOU'VE EVER EATEN IT. IT IS SO, SO, SO SIMPLE!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+hp pc that's literally not a thing. you have to have something to test for!!??! you can't just allergy test for every substance on earth! I think I'm going to make a TH-cam video explaining what allergies are because I can't believe people don't know :')
+Beffinee I have a question did your parents have to buy your ticket to fly over to japan or did the program give you it? Cause I've been thinking of becoming an exchange student but my mom might not be able to afford it
Zombie Girl The programme didn't book it for me I had to find my own flight, and I paid for it myself not my parents. Maybe you could save up/get a part-time job, even if you can't pay for it entirely on your own you could help your mum pay? :)
It's so hard for people who have never traveled to understand how emotionally difficult it can be to live with a host family. The food is different, the beds are different, the bathroom is different, the toilet doesn't flush the same way, meal times are different, table manners are different, and of course you have to negotiate all with the limited vocabulary of a two year old. It's emotionally draining, so the smallest weird thing can throw a wrench in your day. I remember being at a formal family dinner and I was served crawfish with all the eyes, antennae and legs still attached. I had never eaten anything more exotic than shrimp cocktail back in the US. Since I was stressed out, I didn't think to watch what other people were doing with their crawfish.(It turns out they were removing all the inedible parts with a knife and fork.) I just picked the whole thing up on a fork, legs and all, and told myself, "you have to eat this because it would be rude and picky not to". I moved the dead, leggy creature towards my mouth, but then I put it down and ran to hide in the kitchen. My host family couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Why would I cry over crawfish? Even after I explained how disgusted I was by the legs and eyes, they still didn't really understand why I was crying. Luckily they were sweet and gently teased me later about my squeamishness. It was embarrassing, though, because at every meal after that my host mother would ask me, in a tone you would use with a five-year-old, "Can you eat this?" before she would serve it to me.
+jhon viel . Are you being facetious? what's the point of leaving a negative and unhelpful comment? It was a story about me learning to adapt, not a complaint.
well yes its tough but you have to be willing to try new things and step out of your comfort. Traveling is for adventurous people. Crawfish arent as exotic as you think. Its really just like eating shrimp except you have to remove a lot more. Allergies are understandable for obvious reasons. But if you go a country where the people consume far more sea food than you thats what you should expect. I recommend trying things similar so you can get used to it before visiting. It'll make your experience more pleasant. Ive tried cooked pigs blood in Los reyes Michoacan over in mexico. It wasnt that bad but you wont see me doing it again unless i have too.
I was half expecting some rant about cultural differences and such, but wow - they were really cruel and unreasonable towards you. I've both lived in Asia and stayed with host families a lot of times and I've never had anything even remotely as unreasonable happen to me. Please don't let this discourage you from giving another host family a try in the future!
Um...no decent person could be on the family's or company's side. You are so polite and well-mannered, and the people you met at first (including the person at the company) were completely selfish and just horrible people. And I think that guy was racist. Definitely, there are racists all over, including in Japan. I bet they think of a "homestay" as a business...probably getting paid to angrily house "guests". I am glad that you got to a better place.
Stallya If you mean, "There are racists all over, especially in Japan", I would not really agree with that. I don't think that Japan has a higher proportion of racists than other countries. However, one difference is that minorities are less common in Japan. Thus, racist people have not come up with "code" like they have in many other countries. Most Japanese people are quite nice and not racist, but those who are racist can be quite up-front about it whereas racists elsewhere need to hide it more.
Rationalific This. There's also this lingering idea of higher race that has been regarded as highly taboo by westerners since ww2 but that still floats freely in Japan. But I'll agree they're generally a good bunch, but the mean ones have no limit.
Stallya Put simply: there's REALLY REALLY good and REALLY REALLY bad and no in between. I'v never had the bad experiences everyone here can relate to but I know from studying tourism that Japanese people are a forward country in that they say what they mean, they don't beat around the bush, much like many European countries. Its only the Western countries that I've known to be wishy-washy in their conversation, if they do or do not like something, its more often the Western countries that don't just come out and say it. < Not all people but the majority. That's why we have the saying 'being blunt', because its not common.
It definitely sounds like you were very unlucky with your host family! If they decide to take you on as a guest then they have the responsibility to look after you properly, which includes good communication and meals that are good for your health. I know Asian families can be a bit judgmental about picky eaters, but allergies is definitely another story and we would never insult our guests in their face! In many Asian cultures there is a saying that how you treat your guests reflects on yourself. We were all taught how to look after house guests from when we were little. So sorry you had to go through all this!
Their handling of you was wrong, yes. But Japanese do many things we in the West would consider childish, passive-aggressive or even basically dishonest to avoid insulting each other. I'm thinking they would have expected you to never directly tell them their cooking had given you an allergy, to seek medical attention on your own and then make polite excuses for not eating their food such as, "I'll be eating at a friend's house tonight. I'm sorry I won't be here." (With a big smile on your face.) or even to claim you were going to a tourist destination, leaving them to figure out alone that their food had made you unwell and that you were self-sacrificially avoiding hurting their feelings or showing ingratitude, and then finding somewhere you could eat something cheap. Yes, it is the one aspect of Japanese culture I find impossible to accommodate, specifically because this ultra-sensitive, ultra-insecure mindset leaves no room for life-threatening situations like yours. I even heard of one school that asked a family to hide the fact that their son had literally committed suicide because of school yard bullying. They were worried it would hurt their reputation.
That's true, but the thing is that if they volunteer to take in a foreigner for a time being and are being paid for it, they should also understand that those people come from different cultures aswell. This is where both of the sides need to improve a little bit with their behavior. I'm not saying that anyone was in the right here, I'm saying that maybe both of the sides need to improve a tiny bit with an issue like this.
Shona McCarthy definitely no Ur statement still remains in the conjecture to try to categorize Japanese people as such peoples from a limited basis just because they apparently seem so. Her agony is actually commonplace if we try to stay at someone's home expecting the warm hospitality everywhere.
My experience is not from Japan but from Korea but I experienced similar thing too. I was volunteer working in Korea and I had major allergic reaction to soy sauce they mainly use in korea. I basically got a horrible rash and my body was itchy all over and full of red spots. My host acted like it was the most difficult thing to do when I asked for them to write menu for me and what are the ingredients. And they always kept saying "why won't you eat this, you eat so little"... it was because they didn't get me any other food, if they had put soy sauce in the dinner I had to get snacks and eat after dinner on my own. And most of the time they acted like I was really rude and disrespectful when I didn't eat their food... but I didn't want to make my allergic reaction worse =_= So I totally understand you and how unfair that feels!
Lattebean_ hey what the heck?... did we both eat the same soy sauce? I didn’t think I had an allergy but I tried some weird soy sauce in korea on my rice and I broke out in bright red itchy hives (oh gosh idk why I made that so descriptive) all over my face and neck. And I was freaking out so I never ate it again. Just plain white rice- I mean you don’t need soy sauce with everything
As a toddler, I was allergic to soy sauce (it happened in a restaurant, but I had grown out of it by the time I was 6), and I had a serious allergic reaction randomly when I was 8. I had to stay in the hospital overnight and be given an IV. Immediately after they stabbed the IV into my arm (I was weak, but I hate needles... so I tried to fight them and they had to hold me down), I had blacked out. I'd woken up the next morning feeling weak and frail; I could barely sit up straight. I remember doing a lot of testing to find out what was wrong with me. To this day, I still have no idea what I'm allergic to, if anything at all. The doctors had tested me for over 50 allergies, and we still came up dry. However, I do get bubble-like and itchy bumps on my fingers after I've read for too long (it's a type of eczema caused by allergies). I think it has to do with the chemicals used in making the paper. They must seep into my skin due to the sweat from my fingers. I just know that if any of this happened while I was somewhere other than the confines of my own home, I would have died. If what happened to you were to happen to me, I would start vomiting in panic (that's what happens when I have a panic attack).
Hitomi Kanade he doesn’t realize he’s no different by the way he’s speaking... doesn’t realize there’s always bad eggs in every place who take things another level...
I've been both an international student and more recently a host, and I can't get over how awful that family was to you. It's already so awkward and disorienting to be in another country with minimal command of the language (no matter how prepared you think you are, you're not), you don't need an unhelpful and even antagonistic host family on top of that. You look to them to be your replacement family for the time you're with them, and it's sad when they don't think the same way about you. Also, it's embarrassing to get negative reactions for cultural differences, rather than a simple, "We don't do that here," or, "That behavior is actually considered rude in this culture" (to which you can say a simple, "Oh, thanks! Sorry!"). When we hosted, we tried to make foods we knew our students would like, even though we didn't completely change our diet. When we had a Korean student, we regularly drove into the city to a Korean store so we could buy Kimchi and snacks she was used to. One student loved instant coffee, so we always had some in the house for her, though none of us drank it. When we had a student who didn't eat pork, we went a year without pork unless she was out of the house (we knew in advance that she didn't eat it, since it was on her profile). When they used English wrong, we would just say something like, "Actually, a better way to say that would be..." That's just common consideration, the world over. Your experience should have been so much better, and I'm sorry it turned out the way it did.
Japanese take themselves way too seriously. In my family, ignoring someone the way they did with you warrants a thorough beatdown and accommodating someone's personal eating preferences is practically sacred. It's how we show respect for others.
+ThatOneGuy Yeah, some Japanese are extremely pretentious about their food and culture. Which is kind of ironic since they are the masters of "cultural appropriation" (putting that in "" because I don't actually like that stupid term) and the insult of western culture by badly copying it.
The problem is most westerners don't realize there is a thing called "Japanese (or Asian) ARROGANCE" and they use their "culture" as an excuse to treat us disrespectfully while claiming we are disrespectful. It's quite clever because it subconsciously causes you to be submissive, which means their ego is fed and you feel like the fool they wish you were.
If I ask nicely, YES. Especially when I let them know I am allergic to something and may possibly DIE from eating it!!! fyi She didn't ask them to cook something else. She simply said she couldn't eat what they prepared because she was allergic. Survival ALWAYS trumps manners and if I have to choose between risking life and injury or risking offending some petty person, then I will gladly spit in their food and slap them on the forehead. WEST IS BEST!!!!! Ichiban!!!!!!!!!!!!
+ThatOneGuy I am afraid that "Japanese (or Asian) Arrogance" is not a right term to use at all. Befinnee said herself that she was the only one who had such terrible experience and, everyone else on her course had a lovely time with their host family. Besides, there are 48 countries in Asia, with distinct culture. I doubt if all the people (or even majority) there treat people from other countries disrespectfully. That term is rather stereotyping.
As a person with a life threatening peanut allergy i understand how hard it is and frustrating it is to have an allergy. I constantly have to turn down food with peanuts or that might have peanuts. It was very rude of them to treat you that way.
+Urban Chaos 2.0 Yup, for sure. The essence of evilness is self-gratification, be it from making money from another or whatever, but at the expense of the other person(s) suffering, no matter how big or small. This could be from one person to another or from a multinational company to millions of people, such as with fracking. This is, as I said, the whole essence of evilness. And that is what they did; made money from her, but made her feel like shit. This will surely be credited to their 'Karma account'.
I feel so bad for you. Seems like you are trying to hold back tears during the entire video. Don't worry about those people! Just bad luck - that's all.
Vinona Chimo When I was 16 I spent 4 weeks with a host family (not in Japan but in Canada) and they were paid to have students live with them. And you could tell that's the only thing my family cared about. A few days after I had arrived back home they sent me an e-mail telling me I needed to pay their phone bill (which was very high) since I had probably used their phone to call my family in Germany. I told them that I hadn't and never heard of them again. I later regretted that I hadn't tried to switch to another family...
Beffinee Yea they usually do get paid but I'm trying to say that sometimes it seems they are getting paid well but after buying food like they are supposed to do there isn't as much left over as one would expect.
I'm commenting on the one who commented that this is typical in Japan. That they have might of perceived her comment as an insult! Are you crazy she just had a caption on her vlog stating she had someone explain to the family that it was an allergy not an insult. That family was horrible to her . They're behaviour should have taking their rights away to be a host family. I'm so sorry that happen to you. This is not the first horror story I've heard either!!!
+Janet Wayne Yeah, so many horror stories out there. I think when Japanese are lovely they are reaaaally lovely and if they are not they are the fucking worst as in total psychos.
+hp pc If someone is allergic to it, British culture is MORE than accomodating. You seem to think Japan can do no wrong. Their culture is very backward and xenophobic, and hostile to foreigners. Sticking up for that just makes you look like an arrogant fool.
+hp pc " Your rejection of food ingredients come from unfamiliarity with Japanese food." Actually it comes from an ALLERGY, something Japanese people are not immune to. My god, you are arrogant beyond words.
I think they treated you horribly and saying 'it's their culture' is ridiculous to say no matter what country you're in. They should've got you medical help as soon as they saw you were having an allergic reaction! You could've died dear girl. They need to do a better job screening the host families and training them to deal properly with medical concerns with their guests & not getting offended where there was no offense to be had. You're a very lovely young girl and I'd have been exceedingly happy to have been your host if I could have been in their situation. I hope you're doing okay and that you discovered what you're actually allergic to. I have to keep an epi pen with me because I'm highly allergic to bee stings and they almost killed me once. You might want to check into getting one as well and carry it in your purse.
Dear God! I'm almost crying just listening to this! You poor kid!! We had foreign students stay with us (one from Portugal, one from Germany) and cannot IMAGINE a host family treating a child so cruelly! I am tempted to be vulgar and mean spirited here so just let me say, please don't lose heart. Such experiences make us stronger and more confident. You sound like a person who is healing. Keep up the good work!
from the video and the way you talk a can tell that you are a nice person, i'm sorry for your bad experience, but you know there is all kind of people in all kind of places so don't worry your self about it, it'a not you fault, it's just life, stay nice and polite and fine people you will find, good luck.
I'm on your side. I've been in the medical field for 30+ yrs. People can develop allergies in no time. even with food they Eaten for years and never had a problem with. That this family wasn't empathetic to that ...... Hope they never have a relative in a Foreign country have this happen to them. I also would alert potential students to this company. so they can avoid it and go with another company
***** bullshit. I'm not eating something that will kill me. They can kiss my ass. Our i sent my child to a foreign country and this shit happened. I'd sue the company i intrusted my child too. I've heard of exchange students getting raped by host families.
I am definitely on your side. It only makes sense one could have allergies for foods they never knew of because they've never eaten it, and your host family should've been more understanding about it. Their behaviour in general, the fact they'd ignore you when you spoke to them and will treat you the way you did, it's a whole different story but still quite rude of them. In my country, we do have some specific types of food which are known to sometimes cause allergic responses in foreigners, to Swedes in particular, and it is a common thing to ask foreigners "are you allergic to anything?" or even just tell them straight that this food could cause an allergy and so they should probably not try it just to go on the safe side. Maybe in Japan they aren't aware that some foods can cause allergies, still your host family should've at least told you, what you were eating the other day, instead of just kicking you out so rudely. No one should be treated the way you were treated there, that's quite a shame.
Lumina Lucius This, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicia_faba It's some kind of... a fruit? I'm not very sure how to describe it. It's very healthy, very popular in many countries in West Asia but it can kill people who are allergic to it, even its smell can cause an allergic reaction to those who are allergic to it without knowing it - this is why if you are curious to try it, it's best to just smell it before. Smelling it won't risk you the same as eating it while not knowing, you're allergic. I hope that helped!
Lumina Lucius Of course that not ALL Swedes are allergic to it; however, it was mostly Swedish people who developed allergic reactions to it unfortunately. :(
Oh, fava beans! It's actually people of Mediterranean descent (Italy, Spain, Greece, etc.) that are mostly allergic to them. That's because they have a higher chance of having a genetic condition that causes red blood cells to die when they eat fava beans. If they only have one copy of that genetic mutation, it's not so serious, but if they inherit it from both parents and get the full effects of the mutation, then it can be very serious. And the reason it's common in people around the Mediterranean is because before the invention of modern medicine, fava beans were used as a primitive medicine against malaria. If people who have that mutation (the less serious form) eat fava beans, that causes some red blood cells to die off and since malaria lives in the red blood cells, that kills off the disease as well. Thus, people who lived in that area and had that mutation were able to survive malaria, and they went on to have children and pass that gene on to future generations, while the people without it died off from malaria at higher rates.
Thats the bad thing about learning formal Japanese... Everyone else pretty much uses informal! Lol. Except my Japanese teacher, all of my pen pals would be like, "Why speak such formal Japanese?! We're friends!" And i would always say "Thats all i learned." And they were really confused? All of my pen pals thought the classes would teach formal and informal Japanese.
Breanna Baozi That seems like almost learning two completely different languages. Would a school in the space of a year be able to cover as many phrases and words if they had to teach two ways to say each individual phrase and also explain when and where to use them? What a load of wok that would be! I would say this: Being formal all the time is better than being informal because too much always trumps too little.
Benjamin Landgren That's why we have different years of Japanese... Year one learns introductions, year two learns Katakana and how to say different foods, objects, things like that, year three learns conjunctions and Kanji, year four learns Kanji and sentence structure.
Benjamin Landgren in my case they told us both at the same time and made us talk to each other in informal and then with teachers in formal on the 1st semester, ofc i dont remember all of it, but in the end they told us like we can use informal and its ok since we are foreigners unless we are aiming for a job or something like that we should really dedicate ourselves to formal
Wow, that sounds so traumatic! I'm sorry that happened to you. It must have been a sweet relief to get to the nice little community at the hotel. Also, your attitude is really good - you went on to appreciate and enjoy the people and culture of Japan. :)
I'm sorry for your experience :( From their point of view, perhaps it's not realized that food allergies and dietary restrictions aren't such a common thing in East Asia, so you refusing the food was probably assumed as you just not wanting it, which would be a very rude gesture. However, they handled the situation very poorly and didn't even try to understand you or see things from your perspective. Clearly they weren't interested in sharing their culture or learning about yours. They were probably only doing homestay for the money!
This is horrible. I stayed with a Japanese family in 2007 and had issues as well. They blamed me for things I didn't understand culturally when I never claimed to know everything about the Japanese culture. I think they might have expected that I would have because I am a quarter Japanese, but I never claimed knowledge. It was my first time ever outside the US, and I was only just turned 19. The saddest thing is I knew their daughter personally because she was an exchange student at my high school in the US. She actually had issues with her American host family (!!) and I'd helped her out a lot, but she never even defended me against things her family was saying against me. I was there a very long 5 weeks. I still had a nice experience outside of their home, but they did dampen the experience. You'd like to think people who work with others from an international community would be understanding and open minded, but sadly it's not always the case. I stayed with a couple of families in Korea as well and was always extremely welcome and understood (my absolutely wonderful in-laws are Korean, so I have family in Korea now). Of course not every Japanese family is like the one you or I stayed with, in fact I've never had anything but good experiences with people in Japan besides this family, but it's not the first time I've heard of similar stories here on TH-cam.
"Oh no, I'm sure he wasn't racist." Which is funny because that's probably exactly what he was. Xenophobia tends to happen when your country is 99% homogenous.
Hazy you said that racism occurs when the population is 99% homogenous. And so i said that in the u.s. it's more like 50% white people and 50% minorities. and yet racism still occurs a lot. unless you meant something else
I can't believe people are blaming you for not knowing you were allergic to something you didn't even know existed until that moment. SMH. Please don't let these crazy comments get to you. You did NOTHING wrong. Some people just want to be mean on social media. I'm glad you were okay and didn't end up in the hospital. Hopefully your experiences will be better in the future. :)
I had sort of the same problem with my 3rd host family. When I arrived at my new host family (it was normal to have 4 or 5 host families while on my year abroad since alot of the families didn't want to have the responsibility for a whole year),I got to my 3rd host family, I heard the one daughter just came back from a year abroad in Ireland. I got excited thinking "Someone who knows what it feels like to be away from your family for so long!" But the minute I got there my host family was really rude to me, my host sister locked herself in her room and didn't talk to me, I was getting in trouble for the smallest things. Where I ended up spending a whole month when not in school, taking the train and just leaving for the day because I couldn't stand being around them. One day my host dad came up to me and said that "Because I am the man of the house, you must listen to my rules!" And was super rude. Wouldn't let me eat during the day when I was home alone because it was HIS food, trying to buy my own snakes he got super up tight about it and wouldn't let me have them. I got really frustrated and upset that I left my trip early .I Knew if I Tried to even talk to my program they would tell me it was my fault. Urg.... I was in Japan for 6 months and I still miss it everyday. I loved my second host family (They were a young couple with two kids, super nice).
LuluMedly That's so awful, there definitely are some bad egg homestay families that just want your money. I've heard about homestay families charging the student extra for 'spending too much time in the shower' or using too much electricity. I remember my homestay mother said that she'd make me a lunch bento for 1000 yen a day??? I said no because that's more expensive than buying lunch at a café or restaurant, I saw that as them trying to squeeze extra money from me.
LuluMedly Ha, I was gonna say, if you were really trying to keep snakes at their house I can understand that being an issue. Snacks makes more sense. That does sound pretty bad.
When I visited Japan nearly 8 years ago now, I made the mistake of removing my black Ugg boot with stark white tube socks underneath [they became fuzzy from the boot] on the subway to itch an insatiable itch on the bottom of my foot. Don't do that. Ever. Ever. Ever. Oops. Also, one of the first times my dad visited Japan [he goes several times a year for work] he left a nice tip for a waiter at a restaurant he ate at. Don't do that, either. He chased him down 3 blocks to return the money and gave him quite an earful. Moral of the story, different culture=different customs.
+piepiepia guessing they stared her down. Often happens on the trains and bus in Japan if someone does something other then sit quietly lol. Either that or an elder will give you an ear full
+Soundsoul Fox I think they were shocked because feet are considered very dirty in japan lol I heard that they even clean their feet with wet wipes before going to bed
+Audrey Scanlon "Moral of the story, different culture=different customs." so in japan, if you're offered a certain food item that you're allergic to, just eat it to show respect. got it.
+Audrey Scanlon "Moral of the story, different culture=different customs." so in japan, if you're offered a certain food item that you're allergic to, just eat it to show respect. got it.
Not that surprised about what happened to you. When I came to Japan on the JET programme (1989), we expected some help from the people at the prefectural government to help us adjust to life here. Instead, we were subjected to jaw-dropping generalizations (I could use another word instead here) about us and our cultures. Many of the people hired to help us were put in that position because they were incompetent at their other jobs. So, let them take care of the gaijin. They were made aware of this and they took out their frustrations on us. Luckily I was able to find people outside the bureaucracy who were nice and decent.
(Long comment, but my crazy story is worth the read) A lot of these company do it just for the money, and when there is a problem, they don't support you at all, quite the contrary actually. I've had three Japanese host families in Japan. The first one was good, the second horrible, and the third one was great. I used to go to a Japanese language school for francophones (I'm French) in Shibuya during my summer holiday, and just like you, I wanted a host family to really experience Japanese life and culture. I went one year, and everything went well with the host family, so the following year I decided to go back to the same school and was placed in a host family in Kagurazaka. I was happy when I found out because it's in a very good spot near my school (my previous host family was one hour away from the school by train). The family consisted of just one old lady. Her husband had died, and her son lived in the countryside, so she was alone. Her appartment was filthy. When I arrived in my room, it was not clean at all. A girl had been homestaying there for 6 months before me, and it looked like the old lady had not bothered cleaning. I found used Q-tips and used piercings in a drawer, the trash can was not emptied, the bed looked like somebody had been sleeping in it, the bathroom was filthy, so was the kitchen, she had mold in her fridge, etc. I was shocked because the school I was attending has a very good reputation, and they usually check the host families beforehand, but I later learned that they had not checked her in 6 years, and in the meantime her husband had died, and I suppose she let herself go. I didn't want to cause any trouble, she was an old lady without anyone else, and she was also very sweet with me, so I stayed there anyway (at first). She asked me to help her clean, and I thought "okay, this is an old lady, she has noone else, i'm going to help her." I thought she wanted me to just participate a bit, like doing my own dishes, cleaning my own room, hoovering around, because that would be normal, but no, she wanted me to clean her whole appartment. She also didn't give me enough food. She was always talking about her unmarried 40 year old son, telling me how she would like to find a good woman for him and everything. She asked me if I liked Japanese men, and I told her that I had a Japanese boyfriend. It started to be a bit weird. I thought: "Japanese families generally want only Japanese people to marry their children, especially for their son, so she can't possibly be hinting at what I think she is." Then after a week of staying there, she told me that she was going to go visit her son in the countryside, and she wanted me to go with her. I told her that I couldn't because I had my Japanese classes and activities already paid for at school. She said that I could miss them for just a week, that her son had a big old Japanese style house, and that it would be good for me to see it. She told me that I would like her son and his house. I told her that my school was pretty expensive and I had worked to pay for my Japanese trip, so I didn't want to miss any classes. She got really offended. She complained that the previous girl who stayed with her had also refused to go to the countryside with her. She got pushy, but I still refused. She ended up going without me for a week, leaving me alone in her appartment. Keep in mind that I had paid to have a host family for a month, that I had paid to have breakfasts and dinners at home, but she was taking a week off just like that. She told me "I'll just leave you food in the fridge, you can take it." She left me the equivalent of four meals for an entire week. I started to get really pissed because I had to buy food, and I was basically paying her to go on vacation and to be her maid. While she was gone, we had two typhoons and two earthquakes, and I freaked out because I was alone. I told my school about it and they said that it was no big deal, that they didn't have any other families, and that it was better for me to stay there. They also didn't believe me when I told them that the appartment was filthy and that I had to clean it. After arguing for a bit, they said that they would find me another family but I had to wait for a week. Then on the third evening, I take a shower and go to my room. It was about 10pm, I was on the phone with my Japanese boyfriend, and I wasn't wearing much because hot summer night+alone in an appartment+just took a shower. The whole appartment was dark except for my room, and the door of my room is made of an opac piece of glass. That's when I hear someone entering the front door of the appartment with their key. I didn't expect anyone. The mother and the son are supposed to be in the countryside (2 hours away), and the husband is dead, so I thought "Well, they have a key, so it must be a neighbor who came to water the plants or something, even if it's weird to do it at 10pm." I tried to not freak out by talking with my boyfriend on the phone, and I told him that somebody was inside. I saw the lights of the living room being switched on, and the silhouette of a guy going to the kitchen. That person could see the light in my bedroom. After a minute, he knocked on my door. I didn't answer and I quickly took my bathrobe to cover myself. He knocked again and he entered without my permission. He inroduced himself and it turns out that it was the 40 year old son. He told me that he was worried about me and that his mom was sad that I couldn't come with her, so he thought he would check on me. Right, like they couldn't give me a call or something. Anyway, I was so scared that I didn't speak a word to him the whole time, I just kept talking to my boyfriend in French on the phone (he studied in France) while staring at him. The guy understood that he was creeping me out (and he really was, I didn't like the way he looked at me from top to bottom when I was just in a bathrobe). The whole time my boyfriend was telling me that he was calling the police, but I told him: "To say what? That the son introduced himself in the house with his own key and that he talked to me?" The guy then said that he was going back home, that he was just checking. The next morning, I tell the school what happened, and they still say that it's no big deal, that they found another family for me, but that I still have to wait for the end of the week. Meanwhile, there was another guy at my school who was also asking for a change of host family because he had had leucemia, his immune system was still pretty weak and he needed to be in a clean environment, which his host family's house wasn't. He told me that the house where he was staying was very dirty, and that the school had found him a new family. I said: "Oh, really? So where are you going to stay?" He told me that it was going to be in Kagurazaka. That's when I found out that the school was going to send him to my host family, even if I just told them that the lady was not clean, and that they could endanger his health. I told him that he could not go there, and he went to speak to the headmaster of the school. I'm going to spare you all the details because this comment is already super long, but we both ended up in the same host family after that, and the headmaster is a total cunt (if you'll excuse my French). That third host family was really great, but we never got any apologies from the school. On the contrary, the headmaster called me a liar several times.
Raphanne That's awful! How can they do that to people who have paid them a lot of money and travelled all the way across the world. There's so many home stay horror stories in the comments now, it's such a shame :(
Beffinee Yeah, and they have the nerve to blame it on you somehow. Luckily, the rest of the Japanese population make up for those stories by being incredibly kind. :)
Raphanne I just have to say that your English is INCREDIBLE.... I'm learning french and I really hope that one day I will be as fluent as you in my foreign language >_
Raphanne holy shit that sounds so bad :( i live in japan and now im just like if only my family had let you homestay at our house even though its a different school and this is completely random lol sorry but wow i feel really bad for you...glad your other host families were good!!
Lol there are indeed assholes in every country. I'm assuming they get paid for letting you stay. A lot of families do that for the money but they really don't want people in their home.
NyantasticRainbows well thats what i think weird. because come to think about it. the agency should be more picky to people that want to be host. like how are they and are they open minded or not. and so on so on... so this kind of experience dont need to be happen.... and it can seriously leave trauma to some people and they dont want that as foreigner give the visa right....
It's a shame this video is already a year old and that you're likely out of japan already. I would have insisted that the university bring this homestay manager into talk with you and the dean at the same time and i would have absolutely demanded a professional translator there so you could make sure everybody understood what was going on. being treated like this over an allergy is wholly unacceptable. i had a VERY similar experience with an allergic reaction at a getemono bar with a bee infused liquor that landed me in hospital. I was almost kicked out of my uni because i shouldn't have drank this liquid knowing i have a grave bee allergy. I had to demand a translator be brought in to explain to them that i had no idea what the liquid was and that i hadn't done it purposefully or to miss school. It was a nightmare and i can totally relate.
Host families volunteer and are PAID to host foreign students!! It is their JOB to make you comfortable during your stay. This family was rude and did not deserve to be a host family at all. I can't beilieve they would ruin such a special experience for you, how often does one travel across the world in their lifetime?? These people are stuck up and spoiled to ignore you and treat you like that.
wow... im japanese and i live in japan (i used to live in england!), and whenever i hear stories like this i always start to wish that my family couldve taken in the person instead somehow like i feel weirdly responsible and i apologize on behalf of the family :( i feel really bad for you and im sorry that happened but im glad you enjoyed the rest of your trip!!
Oh this is so horrible you must be sweetly tempered dear I know if anyone talked down to me like that the last thing they would have seen would have been my jack ring. Like really how can someone be so rude and unsympathetic especially when dealing with teens and younger people who don't know the language.
+CoTeCiOtm True, but it'd be unfortunate to allow one awful family to prejudice her to the experience of Japan. Not much better than the "Land of the Selfish" type prejudice displayed by them. Thankfully it's clear she isn't.
jv2014 p You're right, but what happened was something quite traumatic. I've never been to Japan but I assume not all families are like that and while something like this can happen, I bet there are amazing experiences waiting to be lived by those who visit the country.
Awe! You look on the verge of tears! I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like a huge break down of communication. But it also sounds like the family was not even trying to be understanding! It's weird that they would volenteer to host.
Oh yikes! I did a home stay in Japan in HS and I had a TERRIBLE program. Lessons were useless, terrible teachers but the home stay family I had made the trip worth every penny. It was amazing. I'm so sorry that you had such a terrible experience. You didn't do a thing wrong, it just sounds like you got really unlucky. I hope you will try again if you have the chance thought!
That's SOOOO sad omg! I heard that Japan didn't even understand the concept of allergies for awhile but either way they sounded terribly rude. I would've probably just started crying and made them feel bad (if they even do ever feel bad)
Kari senpai! Yeah I don't think they felt bad at all. We were supposed to go to the Ghibli Museum together but when they kicked me out they sold two to me so I could take a friend. We happened to be at the museum at the same time as the family, so I said good morning to them and they just completely ignored me and wouldn't even look at me. Very strange!
I lived in Japan for 5 years and they know damn well when they're being kind or rude just like the rest of us, even if they have other cultural quirks. I love the Japanese to pieces and would go there again in a heart beat but that first family was rude and wrong for treating you like that. In Japan they grow up learning to be hospitable and understanding to guests. That was a bad family and I would have pushed it further because they will get other students and treat them the same now. But it's not your responsibility to do so, it's just what I would have don't. ***I am on your side on this*** You didn't do anything wrong and I can believe you tried to be as polite as possible as you seem to project a very nice personality even speaking normally on TH-cam just stick up for yourself better like when that organizer bad mouthed you as if you were some snob or something.
About your experience, I'm a bit shocked, because Japanese tend to be very caring about people they invite to their home up to a level of patronising. When I got a stomach inflammation when I stayed at a family (that was about 20 years ago, though) they drove me right to the hospital and were super worried and even apologised thinking it could have been their food (which it wasn't). So I think you just ended up staying with weird folks. Happens. (BTW I've been living and working in Japan for 18 years now).
That sounds absolutely terrible! I'm so sorry this has happened to you! What made me extremely irritated was when you said that the guy in charge of the homestays also didn't back you up and said those racist remarks.
Oh no.. Poor you. As being Japanese myself, this is such a shame on your homestay. I assume that they just wanted to be a homestay only because of the money. I wish that these kind of homestay will be banned forever. I wish all the best for you:) Don't worry, there are plenty of nice and polite people in Japan.
As a Japanese person, I feel really bad for her. I'm really sorry. I watched your video in one class today, and we discussed your experience. Some said (well, many) you should've checked what kinda food there are in Japan before you came here. And yeah, you could've done that, but even if you had done that, you could have never known that you were allergic to the food. I swear, Japanese people are nice. I can say that. But it seems there are some idiots. I'm really sorry.
But she can't recognize what she is allergic to if she doesn't know the food and the ingredients. She is from England. The food there is different from Japan so she never encountered allergic reactions. But yes, checking what food to eat and what not to eat is very important. Then again, I think the host family is a bit of a prick. I mean, being a host family means you are providing shelter and food to a complete stranger from another culture. You can't expect the person to know everything about the host's culture. Kicking out someone because they turn down food, calling them selfish and ignoring them because they can't speak fluent Japanese is kinda overeating and judgmental. Japanese is very hard to learn for a foreigner, since you have to memorize the letters and pronounce it correctly. Instead of ignoring her, why can't they just help her to learn more about the language and the culture. Turning down food because of allergic reaction is known as normal since allergies might cause sickness or death. But telling someone selfish because they can't eat it? What? She even kindly told them that she would eat rice instead. And yet they look at her in horror and began to scold her like a child that just did something really bad. Then again, different culture, different custom, different teachings, I can't judge that. Just my opinion
+Psychotic tEMMiE yes, exactly. But, what I want everyone from other cultures to know, is generally speaking Japanese people are kind. Her host family was literally like sh*t. Hope everyone else can enjoy staying in Japan.
This angered me beyond belief. I can't stand when people choose to not think and understand and that god damn guy on the phone.. I literally have no words to express how I feel about what happened. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! I really do hope that any more trips abroad you take are extremely better with more loving and understanding hosts!
I can't believe some of these comments. I got here from another "bad homestay" video, and it was the same story there -- for some reason, some (non-Japanese!) people get really upset at anything that could somehow be interpreted, in bizarro-world, as criticism of Japan. I hope you're no longer hesitant about practicing Japanese on native speakers. I had a similar experience in learning Arabic; most people were very helpful and nice, and then one instance of someone mocking my pronunciation (of 3ayn: that letter is of the fucking devil, I tell you) totally robbed me of all confidence. Being able to actually try out the language on a native speaker is very important, so it's an awful thing to do to someone! But being able to speak and understand anything at all is a triumph, so screw 'em and keep going.
I saw some comments down there and I think they're really rude. You had a bad experience and that family was not nice and understanding in any way, literally. I know Japanese people can be very distant to foreigners, I've seen that myself. But those people usually don't want contact to foreigners and certainly wouldn't offer as a host family. So your case is rare, like you said, the other families seemed to be okay. And ignoring someone is rude, not only in the western world. I think it's amazing how you tried to deal with the situation. Please don't listen and answer too much to the trolls and rude people, it's not your fault and the majority knows that. If they can't even be nice on the internet, how would they have dealt with an experience like yours.
finetuna Thank you very much for this comment! I think the majority of comments where they disagree, they tend to have misunderstood something so I used to reply. But some people are so determined to blame me that they will just make stuff up and defy logic and it's just not worth my time to respond >_
Is there an evaluation on your side as a visitor? Your opinion (someone with direct experience from the family) should have some weight on whether or not the family should continue to be a partner in these homestay companies. This is pretty crucial since you are paying them and any negative experiences such as this would influence other potential 'customers' to back out. It's not good for business in the end and therefore, your opinion matters.
One thing I can say, is that there will be stupid and rude people everywhere in the world. I did have a so-so experience with my homestay in Spain but I managed to make it an incredible experience and it forced me to practice the language even more. So my homestay "mother" was much better in the end. I like the fact that you said that it isn't like this everywhere, because you're right. It's an unfortunate experience but I think it probably made you stronger. I do hope you might want to experience this again and try with a different family, because most Japanese people are awesome!! :)
You're so cute and kind, I'm on your side. What the family did was extremely insensitive and rude, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But I'm glad at the end you were moved and had a good time xx
I feel for you, you seem like such a sweet girl. You were young, overseas and having an allergic reaction which would have been very scary. You did not have anyone to help you and I believe you tried your best. My son moved to japan straight from school and has been living there for 18 months. I would be so sad if that was his experience. There are so many kind people out there thankfully not everyone is unfriendly.
I'm on your side. How could you've possibly known that you were allergic to something that you didn't know it existed in the first place? Hope you had a better time afterwards thought! :D
oh my gosh I am so sorry for your experience! When I had trouble with my host family (not due to me being a troublemaker or anything like that) the host company said the same things! They called me a horrible selfish girl and were just so mean! (sorry, holy run-on sentence time) I had told the company I wanted to go home to America one night, 3 months into the year program, because they'd put me in a home with people that didn't want me, ignored me, was 3 hours away from my school, I was barely given food or able to sleep so I was around 80lbs, and I'd literally just blacked out and fallen down 2 flights of concrete stairs at the train station where I was luckily found by nice people... yet I was selfish for wanting to go home and not be in the program anymore. I found out later that 20 out of 25 students went home early from the program I was in that year. Not a great number. So, absolutely am I on your side! Japan is fantastic in a lot of ways but they really need to work on their host programs.
To add, I found out later too that the family really, truly didn't want me and that the program couldn't find me a host family in time for my group, so instead of just saying that and having me wait (which would have been fine), they shoved me off onto a friend of one of the employees of the host company because he owed the employee a favor... like "here ya go, you owe me, so take this girl." or something. @-@
I'm so sorry you had this experience. I was in South Korea, teaching, when I fell ill to kidney stones. I was told I was selfish (for selling medical help, getting surgery), that I should think of the kids, that I only came to South Korea so I could have the surgery cheaper (I'm Canadian, I wouldn't have paid for the surgery at all in Canada, but the American coworker had explained to them about no job = no insurance = expensive surgeries in the USA; lol bizarrely enough he was on their side). I was told to "stop eating poorly" because that was the cause of it, (it's not). They assumed that because what they've stereotyped about Americans must be true for Canadians as well (honestly my American coworker ate way more McDonald's and such than I ever did). No amount of arguing or explaining could change their minds about their stereotypes. So while I'm really sorry you went through this I'm not entirely shocked that it still happens, or that the aide on the phone sided with them. Just terrible really. Glad that you met some nice, understanding people!
I used to be interested in learning Japanese and going over one day since i love anime and Japanese food and am interested in the culture and history, but my American friend went for 6 months and hated it. She is very fluent in Japanese and spent years learning the language but she told me that a lot people she met wanted to take pictures of her for the novelty of being white and that most people (especially older people) didn't like foreigners and an old man just came up to her and told her to go home.
+Kirito Kun It probably made her feel like a freak, or like she was some kind of strange animal. Having random people come up to you to take your picture when you're just trying to enjoy your experience in a foreign country sounds terrible imo.
+Kirito Kun They weren't taking pictures with her, they were coming up and taking pictures OF her. The thing that offended her was the man telling her to go home, if you wouldn't be offended by that then good for you, well done, but you sound like you're just wishful thinking.
+Kirito Kun It's not about being offended, it's about having your personal space invaded just so someone can snap a photo of you without your permission.
When I did my homestay in Niigata, Japan luckily it was only for a weekend for the people at our school who all lived in Dorms. But that weekend we all went to our homestay house in Niigata it was during the snowy season, and Japanese houses are so fricken freezing and I only stayed one night and then a girl I was dating picked me up and we went to Sado Island instead. But everyone came back to the school and the teachers said how was it, and all anyone could say is it was so freezing and these were people who came from Southern Illinois where it gets cold, but I'm from Southern California and I've never lived in Snow and it was like living outside how cold the houses were. But now I live in a Japanese house and I can't stand winter which is about 7 months of the year. It's so fricken crazy that the houses don't have central healing and the insulation in the walls is non-existent. But I'm still friends with the family that I stayed with one night 11 years ago and we hang out all the time. So they are great but don't go during winter if you don't want to freeze to death.
I'm sorry about that. I say to you on behalf of Japanese, but I want you to know that these people are few people. Just that family was unpleasant. Japan has a lot of kinds of people and attractive things, so I want you to know more about Japan.
I’m sorry that bad thing happened to you. I’m not good at speaking or writing English so I’m sorry if there is a lots of mistakes. I feel so sad coz I’m Japanese and have some bad experience of homestay in another country too. I understand your situation and thank you for sharing your experience. It’s sad for Japanese to know that like things you go through happened sometimes in our country but we have to know that. I hope you had good days rest of your staying. Even I want to take you some fun places. I’m sorry as one of Japanese but I hope you to have good memories in Japan.
you are very nice girl,soft spoken and full of manners,thank god you finally found a good place to stay,being a foreigner in a foreign country can be very tough especially when you're alone,stay strong! ps : i've been to tokyo last march,by far best city i ever visit.
I don't know how I came across this video, but you're super sweet! and I'm sorry you had to go through that :( You're so positive about it though, I'm glad it was a good ending!
You sound like such a sweet girl. And it must have been a difficult experience. Even the way you talk about it reveals how affected you were. You were apologetic throughout. I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope that family never gets to host students again. And I hope that homestay company runs out of business. Clearly not equipped to handle it. However, I think they were just panicking because they thought you'd hold them liable for your health. Scared of lawsuits probably. But they were very unprofessional and very inconsiderate.
Im sorry that happened to you. Japanese is gorgeous and most of the ppl there are amazing. I hope you wont let this experience spoil your impression of this wonderful country.
You're such a polite girl it's obviously not your fault, western culture is different. When we don't like or can't eat something we say so and people accept it. But in Japanese society it's considered extremely rude to deny meals. It's not your fault though! He should of been more understanding.
I was once an exchange student in Kyoto and was supposed to stay at a host family for 3 months. I lasted for only 1 week. Apparently the host family hadn't given me the correct info of house rule etc. I was 20 years old by that time but I was treated like a kid. I had to eat dinner at home at 6 pm and if I was going out with friends I had to call the host mother and had to be home at latest 10 pm. The room I stayed in smelled of cigarettes because the mother smoked(which wasn't in the info when I applied for host family). I applied for a non smoking home due to my strong hay fever. The host family I stayed with was a divorced mother to a 10 year old daughter. The mother's ex husband was an Australian man, who was never home, so yeah of course the woman spoke fluently English and she didn't speak Japanese to me, even though I was told beforehand that they all would be speaking Japanese, so I could get better in Japanese. After 1 week I asked my school to get me a student apartment. It went very quick. After 1 day I got refund for the host family and I got a student apartment, thank god. Apparently the mother was used to host exchange students but her place was so so small it wasn't fit for 3 people at all. Due to the stay at that host family I had really bad experience and my point of view of host family in Japan is bad. I luckily studied bit Japanese before I went to Kyoto so didn't had any problems with contacts, getting around etc. My dad also had a colleague from his company partnership Mitsubishi Corporation so I had those contacts in case I would get lost in Japan. I had a pocket WiFi which my school gave and I had rented a mobile so people could get in touch with me(also international). Because of the bad experience of host family I don't wanna try that again ever. All host family get paid for having you stay at them so therefore I don't think 'all' think it thoroughly before they take in students and then they set their own house rules etc.because nobodies gonna check up on you because you got paid beforehand.
I am TOTALLY on your side. That family and guy so called England the land of the selfish are absolutely horrible, sick people. The way they treated you is absolutely inexcusable. I am so sorry this happened to you!!
What are you talking about? Of course we're on your side. You actually made the right choice in choosing to stay in a homestay since you're new to the coutry. It could be helpful to have some company. But I guess you weren't really that lucky. You're actually 30% lucky though since you said that your family lived in abroad for 5 years and they could speak in english. Some people just couldn't understand other people's feelings and they would just listen to themselves. They should try putting theirselves in other people's shoes next time. I do hope it doesn't happen to you again. Because if I were you, I could have called my parents and told them that I had already enough of this selfish people. I know the feeling of getting left out and being ignored by people you thought who can help you and never leave you behind. I just wished people could be fair with other people. If you're putting so much effort to be friendly with them and to be able to communicate with them they should also try their best to help you and make you comfortable. Some people are just not that humble to welcome other people to their homes.
You seem like the sweetest person. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't like you! I honestly think there's a culture clash between Western countries and Japan. We've hosted three Japanese students over the last two summers because my daughter is learning Japanese. We thought it would be a great experience to have someone she could talk to over dinner and in the evenings. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. Part of the problem was that their English wasn't very good but it was mostly just simply an unwillingness to talk and open up. They would only speak when spoken to and never try to initiate any conversation. I think in most Western cultures we're taught to try to engage with people but none of the three kids made much, if any effort, to try to speak. It got pretty frustrating pretty fast and honestly, by the end of it, we were actually happy they left!
Horrible experience. Good on you for being able to get passed it and move to Japan. I would love to try living in Japan with my family but it's a very daunting task. I admire you.
I really love the way you presented this situation! I've watched so many videos where foreign exchange students have just acted as if their family was evil or something, but you really presented this as the misunderstanding it is and I think that's a really good way of doing it. The other thing is a lot of foreign exchange students complain about things their family does (like curfews, etc.) when really it's just the culture and the thing they're complaining about is the very thing they should be embracing. Thanks for making it clear that they're not evil people, and presenting the situation in the manner that you did. It's very refreshing to finally discover somebody who doesn't think everyone different to them is horrible.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I'm going to share this because homestay families need to be more aware of student needs. I think it'd be good to publish the name of the company who organized the homestay and the family. They need to be shut down, if the university wouldn't help, maybe word of mouth could. Definitely on your side as a future homestay provider in the US. Good on you too for getting back to Japan.
Sorry to hear this. I'm half Japanese myself and know the culture, and I can tell you for a fact this family is in the wrong and ignore all the people who think you are culturally ignorant. It is the duty of the host to take care of the guest. To the point of their own inconvenience. Especially if they are receiving money for you. Of course, maybe it would have been better to take the mother aside and explain before dinner, but if you said it politely, the ball is still in their court. They sound weird and rude. They probably used your lack of Japanese to make up things about you to the uni guy. The fact that he works with foreign students and says this is disgusting... I hope your experience turned out for the better.
We can't assume that the behavior of any person is the standard behavior for everyone in that culture. We had several Japanese exchange students and each was a different person. Some ate everything and anything, others were very limited. Some made faces and spit out foods they did not like. We had no problem with that because we felt the same way about some of the foods we ate in Japan even though we avoided making faces. I never experienced anyone in Japan who was offended if I did not want to continue eating a food I did not like. Usually they thought it was funny.
I just read the comment by the person who said you were being selfish and needy by bringing up the issue at the dinner table. What pure rubbish. Many ignorant people think food allergies are not serious. They can in fact KILL you. You were absolutely right and polite in what you did. You weren't "making your problem their problem" you were trying to avoid a serious allergic reaction (and if you get hives and trouble breathing, it's serious).
Peter DeForest Thank you so much for this comment! So many people just don't seem to care about my health in the situation, and I also get a lot of comments like 'why did you leave it until dinner time to bring it up' which I've explained in the FAQ. But I honestly didn't think it was so mental that the family would be concerned about my health, it makes me really sad that they didn't even care if I was going to be okay or not :(
The responses are funny Bef! You are such a nice person and people from all parts of the world are stepping on your niceness. Japanese people can be cruel and cold.... even to their own family members. Some of these people should not be hosting students. Good luck and hope your confidence is back up to par. :)
I suppose the family gets money for let you stay, so it seems they only cared about the money. It is sad, really. At least it was only for three days. And yes, it seems that guy was a racist, that are ugly things to say to someone! I feel sorry for that kind of people. They don't try to meet other cultures and people, when it is really fascinating! I myself moved to other country and discovered how much can you learn from others, and other cultures. That makes you rich. I am glad you had a wonderful stay at the end :)
That's so true! I met some Japanese people in the guesthouse and they stay there so they can meet people from all different cultures and they were such nice people! I think I was just a bit unlucky with the family :/
Beffinee i am sooooo sorry to hear that a girl as beautiful as you shouldn't even experience that kind of toture on a foreign country it doesn't matter if u are from England or American or japanese u are a human beign and u especially u deserve better btw were do u go to school because i am gonna attend after i do my military service
Oh my! How frustrating! It's a shame you had to go through that, I would have just had a fit and cried and asked to be moved, sounds like they weren't a very good host family. You cannot just ignore and not engage with your guest. They seem very insensitive, and inconsiderate of other people. How horrible. So are you with a new host family? or on your own? From this experience will you join another host family?
+ROXANNAARIES It was just a short summer course so I was only there for 3 weeks so I spent the rest of my time in a guesthouse and then returned to England. At first I was so adamant that I wouldn't do a homestay again but recently I've really come around to the idea because it's clear to me now that what I experienced was just an anomaly and some people have the best time of their lives and make lifelong friends.
There are unpleasant people everywhere , and it seems like you got unlikely and landed a family of them . While there were chances that they were just misunderstood with the allergic reaction fiasco , that fact that they ignored your attempts to talk and didn't try to reach out to you , a guest in their house , shows a lot . And I hope anyone doesn't go to ' oh it's a different culture ' , she mentioned in the video that the other exchange students didn't have this problem and had helping families . Also, I think you reacted pretty well with your allergic reaction, it's actually the most responsible way . You couldnt have gone to a doctor , all they would've done is prohibit you from eating popular foods that people get allergic to ( this is coming from experience because I had a skin allergic reaction and so they tried stopping me from eating a lot of foods and in the end never found out what I was allergic to ) . And calling the company would end up with a scolding of ' why didn't you get this checked out at the doctors or something like that .
I feel sorry for what has happened to you. I'm not familiar with host family business so I can't tell if this is a common problem or not... Anyway I want you to know that ordinary Japanese include myself would appreciate people who are interested in our culture and language and try our best to establish good relationship and atmosphere. for allergy, I just can't believe someone even thought about complaint...I'll be too busy for worrying about your health...
I'm so sorry for your experience :'( you shouldn't have had to go through this, you seem so sweet! I hope that people can realize that not everyone in Japan is extremely nice, and that many families can be traditionally strict or simply rude. I do understand that many foreigners take traditional customs as Japanese people being rude, but there are time when the hosts are just inconsiderate or irresponsible. I plan on traveling abroad for a year in uni and thanks to stories like yours I'll be more prepared on what to possibly expect (not from every family of course) and how to deal with it.
Sorry to hear about this Bethany - it's a completely believable story, if not a fine example of bad luck (and racism).
Most Japanese people I know who would have seen your visible allergic reaction would have panicked and worried about you all day - even taken you to a local clinic - as opposed to have just ignored it and expected you to continue eating their bowls of pain and suffering the following day. Then again, this doesn't sound like your regular family. It's unfortunate you were stuck with these idiots.
And if I ever heard someone refer to the UK as the land of the selfish, I would have gone absolutely ballistic, so well done on holding back.
+Abroadin Japan I would have been so insulted by my entire country being called selfish.
+Abroadin Japan I would have been so insulted by my entire country being called selfish.
+Abroadin Japan what I don't get is why morons like that even want to host someone foreign? XD
+Abroadin Japan Go back to your country you selfish prick
nah just kidding, you're awesome. love ya innit m8
+sinephase The posibility to make some easy money. They ignored her because they didn't really care to help her improve her Japanese vocabulary. If it hadn't been for her allergic reaction, they would have simply tolerated her living there until her stay was over.
WOW! Go back to the land of the selfish!?. I didn´t know that having an allergy was selfish.
Elisabet Poncelas
"i didn't realize have an allergy to shellfish"
"okay so go back to the land of the selfish!"
WOW... two self haters flaming each other! Welcome to the TH-cam comment section :-D
+Elisabet Poncelas Well. It is inside you. And only SHE could'nt eat it. Also british people are known for their fish and chips. Like fish ... in selfish. Eh I think you got it.
+Elisabet Poncelas Japanese people are very very touchy about food. When you say something about it that's negative it's considered extremely offensive. Japan is also one of the most xenophobic cultures in the world and the older generations of Japanese adults view foreigners as inferior. It's a dying thing there, but they take their culture seriously and unfortunately it leads to confusion with some exchange students who are not used to the difference in what's viewed as respectful or simply just don't know.
+Elisabet Poncelas Japanese people are very very touchy about food. When you say something about it that's negative it's considered extremely offensive. Japan is also one of the most xenophobic cultures in the world and the older generations of Japanese adults view foreigners as inferior. It's a dying thing there, but they take their culture seriously and unfortunately it leads to confusion with some exchange students who are not used to the difference in what's viewed as respectful or simply just don't know.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience :( Man I would have started crying by the time the guy on the phone was a jerk too!!
I love your videos. You seem so sweet. I hope I can meet you one day.
Panda_ ranger123MC You're creepy
+evanne farmer um no it's not I'm just being nice
Sharla in Japan OMG Sharla!
Sharla in Japan thats exactly what i was thinking, i'd be crying and fed up by then
Allergies can get deadly, quick. It wasn't your fault.
I can't even begin to fathom how they would think having an allergy is selfish. And how does anyone discover they have an allergy to something? By being exposed to it and getting a reaction. If you've never been exposed to it then you wouldn't know. Isn't this common sense? I'm just so shocked by how they treated you! I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. :( I'm glad you had a much better experience at the next place, though!
+hp pc !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't get it!
How can so many people not get this very simple thing
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU CAN'T KNOW YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO SOMETHING BEFORE YOU'VE EVER EATEN IT. IT IS SO, SO, SO SIMPLE!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+hp pc that's literally not a thing. you have to have something to test for!!??! you can't just allergy test for every substance on earth! I think I'm going to make a TH-cam video explaining what allergies are because I can't believe people don't know :')
+hp pc oh my goodness I have never read such a bunch of nonsense 😂😂😂
+Beffinee I have a question did your parents have to buy your ticket to fly over to japan or did the program give you it? Cause I've been thinking of becoming an exchange student but my mom might not be able to afford it
Zombie Girl The programme didn't book it for me I had to find my own flight, and I paid for it myself not my parents. Maybe you could save up/get a part-time job, even if you can't pay for it entirely on your own you could help your mum pay? :)
It's so hard for people who have never traveled to understand how emotionally difficult it can be to live with a host family. The food is different, the beds are different, the bathroom is different, the toilet doesn't flush the same way, meal times are different, table manners are different, and of course you have to negotiate all with the limited vocabulary of a two year old. It's emotionally draining, so the smallest weird thing can throw a wrench in your day. I remember being at a formal family dinner and I was served crawfish with all the eyes, antennae and legs still attached. I had never eaten anything more exotic than shrimp cocktail back in the US. Since I was stressed out, I didn't think to watch what other people were doing with their crawfish.(It turns out they were removing all the inedible parts with a knife and fork.) I just picked the whole thing up on a fork, legs and all, and told myself, "you have to eat this because it would be rude and picky not to". I moved the dead, leggy creature towards my mouth, but then I put it down and ran to hide in the kitchen. My host family couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Why would I cry over crawfish? Even after I explained how disgusted I was by the legs and eyes, they still didn't really understand why I was crying. Luckily they were sweet and gently teased me later about my squeamishness. It was embarrassing, though, because at every meal after that my host mother would ask me, in a tone you would use with a five-year-old, "Can you eat this?" before she would serve it to me.
+H Shepard awww poor baby so unfortunate to travel and be treated poorly awwwwwww
+jhon viel . Are you being facetious? what's the point of leaving a negative and unhelpful comment? It was a story about me learning to adapt, not a complaint.
+H Shepard this story is adorable
well yes its tough but you have to be willing to try new things and step out of your comfort. Traveling is for adventurous people. Crawfish arent as exotic as you think. Its really just like eating shrimp except you have to remove a lot more. Allergies are understandable for obvious reasons. But if you go a country where the people consume far more sea food than you thats what you should expect. I recommend trying things similar so you can get used to it before visiting. It'll make your experience more pleasant. Ive tried cooked pigs blood in Los reyes Michoacan over in mexico. It wasnt that bad but you wont see me doing it again unless i have too.
+hp pc Why the fuck would you look down into a portal toilet? You're disgusting.
I was half expecting some rant about cultural differences and such, but wow - they were really cruel and unreasonable towards you. I've both lived in Asia and stayed with host families a lot of times and I've never had anything even remotely as unreasonable happen to me. Please don't let this discourage you from giving another host family a try in the future!
Um...no decent person could be on the family's or company's side. You are so polite and well-mannered, and the people you met at first (including the person at the company) were completely selfish and just horrible people. And I think that guy was racist. Definitely, there are racists all over, including in Japan. I bet they think of a "homestay" as a business...probably getting paid to angrily house "guests". I am glad that you got to a better place.
Rationalific Especially in Japan, you mean -.-
Stallya If you mean, "There are racists all over, especially in Japan", I would not really agree with that. I don't think that Japan has a higher proportion of racists than other countries. However, one difference is that minorities are less common in Japan. Thus, racist people have not come up with "code" like they have in many other countries. Most Japanese people are quite nice and not racist, but those who are racist can be quite up-front about it whereas racists elsewhere need to hide it more.
Rationalific This. There's also this lingering idea of higher race that has been regarded as highly taboo by westerners since ww2 but that still floats freely in Japan. But I'll agree they're generally a good bunch, but the mean ones have no limit.
Stallya Put simply: there's REALLY REALLY good and REALLY REALLY bad and no in between. I'v never had the bad experiences everyone here can relate to but I know from studying tourism that Japanese people are a forward country in that they say what they mean, they don't beat around the bush, much like many European countries. Its only the Western countries that I've known to be wishy-washy in their conversation, if they do or do not like something, its more often the Western countries that don't just come out and say it. < Not all people but the majority. That's why we have the saying 'being blunt', because its not common.
Rationalific well said :)
It definitely sounds like you were very unlucky with your host family! If they decide to take you on as a guest then they have the responsibility to look after you properly, which includes good communication and meals that are good for your health. I know Asian families can be a bit judgmental about picky eaters, but allergies is definitely another story and we would never insult our guests in their face! In many Asian cultures there is a saying that how you treat your guests reflects on yourself. We were all taught how to look after house guests from when we were little. So sorry you had to go through all this!
amesakurako1 a true man/ woman of culture.. sorry I can’t tell by pic
Their handling of you was wrong, yes. But Japanese do many things we in the West would consider childish, passive-aggressive or even basically dishonest to avoid insulting each other. I'm thinking they would have expected you to never directly tell them their cooking had given you an allergy, to seek medical attention on your own and then make polite excuses for not eating their food such as, "I'll be eating at a friend's house tonight. I'm sorry I won't be here." (With a big smile on your face.) or even to claim you were going to a tourist destination, leaving them to figure out alone that their food had made you unwell and that you were self-sacrificially avoiding hurting their feelings or showing ingratitude, and then finding somewhere you could eat something cheap. Yes, it is the one aspect of Japanese culture I find impossible to accommodate, specifically because this ultra-sensitive, ultra-insecure mindset leaves no room for life-threatening situations like yours. I even heard of one school that asked a family to hide the fact that their son had literally committed suicide because of school yard bullying. They were worried it would hurt their reputation.
That's true, but the thing is that if they volunteer to take in a foreigner for a time being and are being paid for it, they should also understand that those people come from different cultures aswell. This is where both of the sides need to improve a little bit with their behavior. I'm not saying that anyone was in the right here, I'm saying that maybe both of the sides need to improve a tiny bit with an issue like this.
Shona McCarthy
definitely no
Ur statement still remains in the conjecture to try to categorize Japanese people as such peoples from a limited basis just because they apparently seem so.
Her agony is actually commonplace if we try to stay at someone's home expecting the warm hospitality everywhere.
My experience is not from Japan but from Korea but I experienced similar thing too. I was volunteer working in Korea and I had major allergic reaction to soy sauce they mainly use in korea. I basically got a horrible rash and my body was itchy all over and full of red spots. My host acted like it was the most difficult thing to do when I asked for them to write menu for me and what are the ingredients. And they always kept saying "why won't you eat this, you eat so little"... it was because they didn't get me any other food, if they had put soy sauce in the dinner I had to get snacks and eat after dinner on my own. And most of the time they acted like I was really rude and disrespectful when I didn't eat their food... but I didn't want to make my allergic reaction worse =_= So I totally understand you and how unfair that feels!
Robert Arpanet No need to insult them like that....
They asked for it. I have had trouble with Koreans, too.
Lattebean_ hey what the heck?... did we both eat the same soy sauce? I didn’t think I had an allergy but I tried some weird soy sauce in korea on my rice and I broke out in bright red itchy hives (oh gosh idk why I made that so descriptive) all over my face and neck. And I was freaking out so I never ate it again. Just plain white rice- I mean you don’t need soy sauce with everything
As a toddler, I was allergic to soy sauce (it happened in a restaurant, but I had grown out of it by the time I was 6), and I had a serious allergic reaction randomly when I was 8. I had to stay in the hospital overnight and be given an IV. Immediately after they stabbed the IV into my arm (I was weak, but I hate needles... so I tried to fight them and they had to hold me down), I had blacked out. I'd woken up the next morning feeling weak and frail; I could barely sit up straight.
I remember doing a lot of testing to find out what was wrong with me. To this day, I still have no idea what I'm allergic to, if anything at all. The doctors had tested me for over 50 allergies, and we still came up dry. However, I do get bubble-like and itchy bumps on my fingers after I've read for too long (it's a type of eczema caused by allergies). I think it has to do with the chemicals used in making the paper. They must seep into my skin due to the sweat from my fingers.
I just know that if any of this happened while I was somewhere other than the confines of my own home, I would have died. If what happened to you were to happen to me, I would start vomiting in panic (that's what happens when I have a panic attack).
Hitomi Kanade he doesn’t realize he’s no different by the way he’s speaking... doesn’t realize there’s always bad eggs in every place who take things another level...
I've been both an international student and more recently a host, and I can't get over how awful that family was to you.
It's already so awkward and disorienting to be in another country with minimal command of the language (no matter how prepared you think you are, you're not), you don't need an unhelpful and even antagonistic host family on top of that. You look to them to be your replacement family for the time you're with them, and it's sad when they don't think the same way about you. Also, it's embarrassing to get negative reactions for cultural differences, rather than a simple, "We don't do that here," or, "That behavior is actually considered rude in this culture" (to which you can say a simple, "Oh, thanks! Sorry!").
When we hosted, we tried to make foods we knew our students would like, even though we didn't completely change our diet. When we had a Korean student, we regularly drove into the city to a Korean store so we could buy Kimchi and snacks she was used to. One student loved instant coffee, so we always had some in the house for her, though none of us drank it. When we had a student who didn't eat pork, we went a year without pork unless she was out of the house (we knew in advance that she didn't eat it, since it was on her profile). When they used English wrong, we would just say something like, "Actually, a better way to say that would be..."
That's just common consideration, the world over. Your experience should have been so much better, and I'm sorry it turned out the way it did.
Momsy Lovey hi,I plan to go abroad next year,I wanna know about home stay ,could u reply me to facebook
somerone who doesn't know how japan culture works. It's okay to be passive aggressive there
Japanese take themselves way too seriously. In my family, ignoring someone the way they did with you warrants a thorough beatdown and accommodating someone's personal eating preferences is practically sacred. It's how we show respect for others.
+ThatOneGuy Yeah, some Japanese are extremely pretentious about their food and culture. Which is kind of ironic since they are the masters of "cultural appropriation" (putting that in "" because I don't actually like that stupid term) and the insult of western culture by badly copying it.
The problem is most westerners don't realize there is a thing called "Japanese (or Asian) ARROGANCE" and they use their "culture" as an excuse to treat us disrespectfully while claiming we are disrespectful. It's quite clever because it subconsciously causes you to be submissive, which means their ego is fed and you feel like the fool they wish you were.
If I ask nicely, YES. Especially when I let them know I am allergic to something and may possibly DIE from eating it!!! fyi She didn't ask them to cook something else. She simply said she couldn't eat what they prepared because she was allergic. Survival ALWAYS trumps manners and if I have to choose between risking life and injury or risking offending some petty person, then I will gladly spit in their food and slap them on the forehead. WEST IS BEST!!!!! Ichiban!!!!!!!!!!!!
+ThatOneGuy I am afraid that "Japanese (or Asian) Arrogance" is not a right term to use at all. Befinnee said herself that she was the only one who had such terrible experience and, everyone else on her course had a lovely time with their host family. Besides, there are 48 countries in Asia, with distinct culture. I doubt if all the people (or even majority) there treat people from other countries disrespectfully. That term is rather stereotyping.
+hp pc wouldn't be surprised if they even asked before-hand what they like to eat. that's how Canada is at least.
As a person with a life threatening peanut allergy i understand how hard it is and frustrating it is to have an allergy. I constantly have to turn down food with peanuts or that might have peanuts. It was very rude of them to treat you that way.
Holy shit. That Japanese family must have been EVIl. Otherwise, they wouldn't behave like that.
+Urban Chaos 2.0 Yup, for sure. The essence of evilness is self-gratification, be it from making money from another or whatever, but at the expense of the other person(s) suffering, no matter how big or small. This could be from one person to another or from a multinational company to millions of people, such as with fracking. This is, as I said, the whole essence of evilness. And that is what they did; made money from her, but made her feel like shit. This will surely be credited to their 'Karma account'.
Well not evil just proud, they valued their honor
+CheekyLittleBliker They valued their ego, not their honor.
*****
Bullshit.
... Nah.. I've been to a host family who accepted my allergies and adjusted the food accordingly.
I feel so bad for you. Seems like you are trying to hold back tears during the entire video. Don't worry about those people! Just bad luck - that's all.
I don't understand why a family with no sense of hospitality would offer to take in someone for homestay. Poor you :(
Vinona Chimo Probably for the money :(
Vinona Chimo When I was 16 I spent 4 weeks with a host family (not in Japan but in Canada) and they were paid to have students live with them. And you could tell that's the only thing my family cared about. A few days after I had arrived back home they sent me an e-mail telling me I needed to pay their phone bill (which was very high) since I had probably used their phone to call my family in Germany. I told them that I hadn't and never heard of them again. I later regretted that I hadn't tried to switch to another family...
***** It depends. Usually they get a small allowance to help buy foods but besides that it is basically volunteer.
Kelsey Ogden The family I stayed with did get paid, I'm not sure if they still got it after I got kicked out but they would have made about £420.
Beffinee Yea they usually do get paid but I'm trying to say that sometimes it seems they are getting paid well but after buying food like they are supposed to do there isn't as much left over as one would expect.
I'm commenting on the one who commented that this is typical in Japan. That they have might of perceived her comment as an insult! Are you crazy she just had a caption on her vlog stating she had someone explain to the family that it was an allergy not an insult. That family was horrible to her . They're behaviour should have taking their rights away to be a host family. I'm so sorry that happen to you. This is not the first horror story I've heard either!!!
+Janet Wayne Yeah, so many horror stories out there. I think when Japanese are lovely they are reaaaally lovely and if they are not they are the fucking worst as in total psychos.
+hp pc If someone is allergic to it, British culture is MORE than accomodating. You seem to think Japan can do no wrong. Their culture is very backward and xenophobic, and hostile to foreigners. Sticking up for that just makes you look like an arrogant fool.
+hp pc " Your rejection of food ingredients come from unfamiliarity with Japanese food."
Actually it comes from an ALLERGY, something Japanese people are not immune to. My god, you are arrogant beyond words.
+Mike F Don't even try talking to him. It's like hitting your head on a brick wall.
@Ken narville But not everyone!
I think they treated you horribly and saying 'it's their culture' is ridiculous to say no matter what country you're in. They should've got you medical help as soon as they saw you were having an allergic reaction! You could've died dear girl. They need to do a better job screening the host families and training them to deal properly with medical concerns with their guests & not getting offended where there was no offense to be had. You're a very lovely young girl and I'd have been exceedingly happy to have been your host if I could have been in their situation. I hope you're doing okay and that you discovered what you're actually allergic to. I have to keep an epi pen with me because I'm highly allergic to bee stings and they almost killed me once. You might want to check into getting one as well and carry it in your purse.
Dear God! I'm almost crying just listening to this! You poor kid!! We had foreign students stay with us (one from Portugal, one from Germany) and cannot IMAGINE a host family treating a child so cruelly! I am tempted to be vulgar and mean spirited here so just let me say, please don't lose heart. Such experiences make us stronger and more confident. You sound like a person who is healing. Keep up the good work!
Aww thank you for your sweet comment
Waaah, poor you! I think I would have cried if something like this happened to me at a foreign country.That idiotic family!
An account Haha I did cry, a lot!
FuckTheHaters:) haha u mad cutie ?
I can join you for a double run over, he deserves it.
Cross4241 You should seriously shut up.
Awww, *hugs* Oh well, I think life's plan is to make you forget this unfair experience with many awesome experiences! :)
from the video and the way you talk a can tell that you are a nice person, i'm sorry for your bad experience, but you know there is all kind of people in all kind of places so don't worry your self about it, it'a not you fault, it's just life, stay nice and polite and fine people you will find, good luck.
Yahya Marcil well said :)
I'm on your side. I've been in the medical field for 30+ yrs. People can develop allergies in no time. even with food they Eaten for years and never had a problem with. That this family wasn't empathetic to that ...... Hope they never have a relative in a Foreign country have this happen to them. I also would alert potential students to this company. so they can avoid it and go with another company
***** bullshit. I'm not eating something that will kill me. They can kiss my ass. Our i sent my child to a foreign country and this shit happened. I'd sue the company i intrusted my child too.
I've heard of exchange students getting raped by host families.
@@honestytoafault wow~ becareful !
I am definitely on your side. It only makes sense one could have allergies for foods they never knew of because they've never eaten it, and your host family should've been more understanding about it. Their behaviour in general, the fact they'd ignore you when you spoke to them and will treat you the way you did, it's a whole different story but still quite rude of them.
In my country, we do have some specific types of food which are known to sometimes cause allergic responses in foreigners, to Swedes in particular, and it is a common thing to ask foreigners "are you allergic to anything?" or even just tell them straight that this food could cause an allergy and so they should probably not try it just to go on the safe side. Maybe in Japan they aren't aware that some foods can cause allergies, still your host family should've at least told you, what you were eating the other day, instead of just kicking you out so rudely. No one should be treated the way you were treated there, that's quite a shame.
+s luska i'm a swede plz i'm curious what kind of food could we react to if we ate ?
Lumina Lucius This,
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicia_faba
It's some kind of... a fruit? I'm not very sure how to describe it. It's very healthy, very popular in many countries in West Asia but it can kill people who are allergic to it, even its smell can cause an allergic reaction to those who are allergic to it without knowing it - this is why if you are curious to try it, it's best to just smell it before. Smelling it won't risk you the same as eating it while not knowing, you're allergic.
I hope that helped!
Lumina Lucius Of course that not ALL Swedes are allergic to it; however, it was mostly Swedish people who developed allergic reactions to it unfortunately. :(
+s luska They're called fava beans in English
Oh, fava beans! It's actually people of Mediterranean descent (Italy, Spain, Greece, etc.) that are mostly allergic to them. That's because they have a higher chance of having a genetic condition that causes red blood cells to die when they eat fava beans. If they only have one copy of that genetic mutation, it's not so serious, but if they inherit it from both parents and get the full effects of the mutation, then it can be very serious. And the reason it's common in people around the Mediterranean is because before the invention of modern medicine, fava beans were used as a primitive medicine against malaria. If people who have that mutation (the less serious form) eat fava beans, that causes some red blood cells to die off and since malaria lives in the red blood cells, that kills off the disease as well. Thus, people who lived in that area and had that mutation were able to survive malaria, and they went on to have children and pass that gene on to future generations, while the people without it died off from malaria at higher rates.
Thats the bad thing about learning formal Japanese... Everyone else pretty much uses informal! Lol. Except my Japanese teacher, all of my pen pals would be like, "Why speak such formal Japanese?! We're friends!" And i would always say "Thats all i learned." And they were really confused? All of my pen pals thought the classes would teach formal and informal Japanese.
Breanna Baozi That seems like almost learning two completely different languages. Would a school in the space of a year be able to cover as many phrases and words if they had to teach two ways to say each individual phrase and also explain when and where to use them? What a load of wok that would be! I would say this: Being formal all the time is better than being informal because too much always trumps too little.
Benjamin Landgren That's why we have different years of Japanese... Year one learns introductions, year two learns Katakana and how to say different foods, objects, things like that, year three learns conjunctions and Kanji, year four learns Kanji and sentence structure.
Benjamin Landgren in my case they told us both at the same time and made us talk to each other in informal and then with teachers in formal on the 1st semester, ofc i dont remember all of it, but in the end they told us like we can use informal and its ok since we are foreigners unless we are aiming for a job or something like that we should really dedicate ourselves to formal
Mastermism you think I haven't tried to learn by myself? Its hard! Don't even fucking think I havent put in any effort.
Mastermism no thanks. Have a nice day. Blocked
Wow, that sounds so traumatic! I'm sorry that happened to you. It must have been a sweet relief to get to the nice little community at the hotel. Also, your attitude is really good - you went on to appreciate and enjoy the people and culture of Japan. :)
I'm sorry for your experience :(
From their point of view, perhaps it's not realized that food allergies and dietary restrictions aren't such a common thing in East Asia, so you refusing the food was probably assumed as you just not wanting it, which would be a very rude gesture. However, they handled the situation very poorly and didn't even try to understand you or see things from your perspective. Clearly they weren't interested in sharing their culture or learning about yours. They were probably only doing homestay for the money!
This is horrible. I stayed with a Japanese family in 2007 and had issues as well. They blamed me for things I didn't understand culturally when I never claimed to know everything about the Japanese culture. I think they might have expected that I would have because I am a quarter Japanese, but I never claimed knowledge. It was my first time ever outside the US, and I was only just turned 19. The saddest thing is I knew their daughter personally because she was an exchange student at my high school in the US. She actually had issues with her American host family (!!) and I'd helped her out a lot, but she never even defended me against things her family was saying against me. I was there a very long 5 weeks. I still had a nice experience outside of their home, but they did dampen the experience. You'd like to think people who work with others from an international community would be understanding and open minded, but sadly it's not always the case. I stayed with a couple of families in Korea as well and was always extremely welcome and understood (my absolutely wonderful in-laws are Korean, so I have family in Korea now). Of course not every Japanese family is like the one you or I stayed with, in fact I've never had anything but good experiences with people in Japan besides this family, but it's not the first time I've heard of similar stories here on TH-cam.
I just love the honesty in your face. Seems like you still feel awkward about the whole situation. I am glad it all worked out for you.
"Oh no, I'm sure he wasn't racist."
Which is funny because that's probably exactly what he was. Xenophobia tends to happen when your country is 99% homogenous.
Hazy lol tell that to americans.....there are just as many minorities here as there are european americans and there are still a lot of racists
2cool0
I don't understand what you're getting at.
Hazy you said that racism occurs when the population is 99% homogenous. And so i said that in the u.s. it's more like 50% white people and 50% minorities. and yet racism still occurs a lot. unless you meant something else
2cool0
Racism can occur anywhere, especially in the US. The Japanese just happen to be a lot better about masking it.
Hazy So basically racism can be the result of cultural ignorance or over-familiarity?
I can't believe people are blaming you for not knowing you were allergic to something you didn't even know existed until that moment. SMH. Please don't let these crazy comments get to you. You did NOTHING wrong. Some people just want to be mean on social media. I'm glad you were okay and didn't end up in the hospital. Hopefully your experiences will be better in the future. :)
+hp pc get a hobby.
I had sort of the same problem with my 3rd host family. When I arrived at my new host family (it was normal to have 4 or 5 host families while on my year abroad since alot of the families didn't want to have the responsibility for a whole year),I got to my 3rd host family, I heard the one daughter just came back from a year abroad in Ireland. I got excited thinking "Someone who knows what it feels like to be away from your family for so long!" But the minute I got there my host family was really rude to me, my host sister locked herself in her room and didn't talk to me, I was getting in trouble for the smallest things. Where I ended up spending a whole month when not in school, taking the train and just leaving for the day because I couldn't stand being around them. One day my host dad came up to me and said that "Because I am the man of the house, you must listen to my rules!" And was super rude. Wouldn't let me eat during the day when I was home alone because it was HIS food, trying to buy my own snakes he got super up tight about it and wouldn't let me have them. I got really frustrated and upset that I left my trip early .I Knew if I Tried to even talk to my program they would tell me it was my fault. Urg.... I was in Japan for 6 months and I still miss it everyday. I loved my second host family (They were a young couple with two kids, super nice).
LuluMedly That's so awful, there definitely are some bad egg homestay families that just want your money. I've heard about homestay families charging the student extra for 'spending too much time in the shower' or using too much electricity. I remember my homestay mother said that she'd make me a lunch bento for 1000 yen a day??? I said no because that's more expensive than buying lunch at a café or restaurant, I saw that as them trying to squeeze extra money from me.
LuluMedly ... was that a typo or were you actually trying to buy snakes while there?
snacks ! Oh my gosh lol I typed it on my phone so it must have auto corrected me lol
Wow that Sound terrible ._.
LuluMedly Ha, I was gonna say, if you were really trying to keep snakes at their house I can understand that being an issue. Snacks makes more sense. That does sound pretty bad.
When I visited Japan nearly 8 years ago now, I made the mistake of removing my black Ugg boot with stark white tube socks underneath [they became fuzzy from the boot] on the subway to itch an insatiable itch on the bottom of my foot.
Don't do that.
Ever.
Ever.
Ever.
Oops.
Also, one of the first times my dad visited Japan [he goes several times a year for work] he left a nice tip for a waiter at a restaurant he ate at.
Don't do that, either.
He chased him down 3 blocks to return the money and gave him quite an earful.
Moral of the story, different culture=different customs.
+piepiepia guessing they stared her down. Often happens on the trains and bus in Japan if someone does something other then sit quietly lol. Either that or an elder will give you an ear full
+Soundsoul Fox I think they were shocked because feet are considered very dirty in japan lol I heard that they even clean their feet with wet wipes before going to bed
+hp pc There are many reasons for an itch that have nothing to do with 'bugs' or even a skin condition.
+Audrey Scanlon "Moral of the story, different culture=different customs."
so in japan, if you're offered a certain food item that you're allergic to, just eat it to show respect. got it.
+Audrey Scanlon "Moral of the story, different culture=different customs."
so in japan, if you're offered a certain food item that you're allergic to, just eat it to show respect. got it.
Ohh she's super beautiful and polite! ❤️ but yeah those were really bad homestay parents! I hope you had a great time in japan afterwards!
Not that surprised about what happened to you. When I came to Japan on the JET programme (1989), we expected some help from the people at the prefectural government to help us adjust to life here. Instead, we were subjected to jaw-dropping generalizations (I could use another word instead here) about us and our cultures. Many of the people hired to help us were put in that position because they were incompetent at their other jobs. So, let them take care of the gaijin. They were made aware of this and they took out their frustrations on us. Luckily I was able to find people outside the bureaucracy who were nice and decent.
(Long comment, but my crazy story is worth the read)
A lot of these company do it just for the money, and when there is a problem, they don't support you at all, quite the contrary actually. I've had three Japanese host families in Japan. The first one was good, the second horrible, and the third one was great. I used to go to a Japanese language school for francophones (I'm French) in Shibuya during my summer holiday, and just like you, I wanted a host family to really experience Japanese life and culture.
I went one year, and everything went well with the host family, so the following year I decided to go back to the same school and was placed in a host family in Kagurazaka. I was happy when I found out because it's in a very good spot near my school (my previous host family was one hour away from the school by train).
The family consisted of just one old lady. Her husband had died, and her son lived in the countryside, so she was alone. Her appartment was filthy. When I arrived in my room, it was not clean at all. A girl had been homestaying there for 6 months before me, and it looked like the old lady had not bothered cleaning. I found used Q-tips and used piercings in a drawer, the trash can was not emptied, the bed looked like somebody had been sleeping in it, the bathroom was filthy, so was the kitchen, she had mold in her fridge, etc. I was shocked because the school I was attending has a very good reputation, and they usually check the host families beforehand, but I later learned that they had not checked her in 6 years, and in the meantime her husband had died, and I suppose she let herself go.
I didn't want to cause any trouble, she was an old lady without anyone else, and she was also very sweet with me, so I stayed there anyway (at first). She asked me to help her clean, and I thought "okay, this is an old lady, she has noone else, i'm going to help her." I thought she wanted me to just participate a bit, like doing my own dishes, cleaning my own room, hoovering around, because that would be normal, but no, she wanted me to clean her whole appartment. She also didn't give me enough food. She was always talking about her unmarried 40 year old son, telling me how she would like to find a good woman for him and everything. She asked me if I liked Japanese men, and I told her that I had a Japanese boyfriend. It started to be a bit weird. I thought: "Japanese families generally want only Japanese people to marry their children, especially for their son, so she can't possibly be hinting at what I think she is."
Then after a week of staying there, she told me that she was going to go visit her son in the countryside, and she wanted me to go with her. I told her that I couldn't because I had my Japanese classes and activities already paid for at school. She said that I could miss them for just a week, that her son had a big old Japanese style house, and that it would be good for me to see it. She told me that I would like her son and his house. I told her that my school was pretty expensive and I had worked to pay for my Japanese trip, so I didn't want to miss any classes. She got really offended. She complained that the previous girl who stayed with her had also refused to go to the countryside with her. She got pushy, but I still refused. She ended up going without me for a week, leaving me alone in her appartment.
Keep in mind that I had paid to have a host family for a month, that I had paid to have breakfasts and dinners at home, but she was taking a week off just like that. She told me "I'll just leave you food in the fridge, you can take it." She left me the equivalent of four meals for an entire week. I started to get really pissed because I had to buy food, and I was basically paying her to go on vacation and to be her maid. While she was gone, we had two typhoons and two earthquakes, and I freaked out because I was alone. I told my school about it and they said that it was no big deal, that they didn't have any other families, and that it was better for me to stay there. They also didn't believe me when I told them that the appartment was filthy and that I had to clean it. After arguing for a bit, they said that they would find me another family but I had to wait for a week.
Then on the third evening, I take a shower and go to my room. It was about 10pm, I was on the phone with my Japanese boyfriend, and I wasn't wearing much because hot summer night+alone in an appartment+just took a shower. The whole appartment was dark except for my room, and the door of my room is made of an opac piece of glass. That's when I hear someone entering the front door of the appartment with their key. I didn't expect anyone. The mother and the son are supposed to be in the countryside (2 hours away), and the husband is dead, so I thought "Well, they have a key, so it must be a neighbor who came to water the plants or something, even if it's weird to do it at 10pm." I tried to not freak out by talking with my boyfriend on the phone, and I told him that somebody was inside. I saw the lights of the living room being switched on, and the silhouette of a guy going to the kitchen. That person could see the light in my bedroom. After a minute, he knocked on my door. I didn't answer and I quickly took my bathrobe to cover myself. He knocked again and he entered without my permission. He inroduced himself and it turns out that it was the 40 year old son. He told me that he was worried about me and that his mom was sad that I couldn't come with her, so he thought he would check on me. Right, like they couldn't give me a call or something. Anyway, I was so scared that I didn't speak a word to him the whole time, I just kept talking to my boyfriend in French on the phone (he studied in France) while staring at him. The guy understood that he was creeping me out (and he really was, I didn't like the way he looked at me from top to bottom when I was just in a bathrobe). The whole time my boyfriend was telling me that he was calling the police, but I told him: "To say what? That the son introduced himself in the house with his own key and that he talked to me?" The guy then said that he was going back home, that he was just checking. The next morning, I tell the school what happened, and they still say that it's no big deal, that they found another family for me, but that I still have to wait for the end of the week.
Meanwhile, there was another guy at my school who was also asking for a change of host family because he had had leucemia, his immune system was still pretty weak and he needed to be in a clean environment, which his host family's house wasn't. He told me that the house where he was staying was very dirty, and that the school had found him a new family. I said: "Oh, really? So where are you going to stay?" He told me that it was going to be in Kagurazaka. That's when I found out that the school was going to send him to my host family, even if I just told them that the lady was not clean, and that they could endanger his health. I told him that he could not go there, and he went to speak to the headmaster of the school. I'm going to spare you all the details because this comment is already super long, but we both ended up in the same host family after that, and the headmaster is a total cunt (if you'll excuse my French). That third host family was really great, but we never got any apologies from the school. On the contrary, the headmaster called me a liar several times.
Raphanne That's awful! How can they do that to people who have paid them a lot of money and travelled all the way across the world. There's so many home stay horror stories in the comments now, it's such a shame :(
Beffinee Yeah, and they have the nerve to blame it on you somehow. Luckily, the rest of the Japanese population make up for those stories by being incredibly kind. :)
Raphanne I just have to say that your English is INCREDIBLE.... I'm learning french and I really hope that one day I will be as fluent as you in my foreign language >_
Raphanne holy shit that sounds so bad :( i live in japan and now im just like if only my family had let you homestay at our house even though its a different school and this is completely random lol sorry but wow i feel really bad for you...glad your other host families were good!!
Megnifiko Haha, don't worry, I appreciate the sentiment.
Lol there are indeed assholes in every country. I'm assuming they get paid for letting you stay. A lot of families do that for the money but they really don't want people in their home.
NyantasticRainbows well thats what i think weird. because come to think about it. the agency should be more picky to people that want to be host. like how are they and are they open minded or not. and so on so on... so this kind of experience dont need to be happen.... and it can seriously leave trauma to some people and they dont want that as foreigner give the visa right....
It's a shame this video is already a year old and that you're likely out of japan already. I would have insisted that the university bring this homestay manager into talk with you and the dean at the same time and i would have absolutely demanded a professional translator there so you could make sure everybody understood what was going on. being treated like this over an allergy is wholly unacceptable. i had a VERY similar experience with an allergic reaction at a getemono bar with a bee infused liquor that landed me in hospital. I was almost kicked out of my uni because i shouldn't have drank this liquid knowing i have a grave bee allergy. I had to demand a translator be brought in to explain to them that i had no idea what the liquid was and that i hadn't done it purposefully or to miss school. It was a nightmare and i can totally relate.
PS-you are obviously a lovely young lady. I'm on your side because I can just tell you were probably very polite and apologetic.
You did not deserve that. They were completely unreasonable, don't ever blame yourself for this. I'm so glad you found a nice place afterwards :)
Host families volunteer and are PAID to host foreign students!! It is their JOB to make you comfortable during your stay. This family was rude and did not deserve to be a host family at all. I can't beilieve they would ruin such a special experience for you, how often does one travel across the world in their lifetime?? These people are stuck up and spoiled to ignore you and treat you like that.
"You should have told us about this allergy that you didn't know you had!" I can't even fathom what was going through their heads omvk!
wow...
im japanese and i live in japan (i used to live in england!), and whenever i hear stories like this i always start to wish that my family couldve taken in the person instead somehow like i feel weirdly responsible and i apologize on behalf of the family :( i feel really bad for you and im sorry that happened but im glad you enjoyed the rest of your trip!!
Oh this is so horrible you must be sweetly tempered dear I know if anyone talked down to me like that the last thing they would have seen would have been my jack ring. Like really how can someone be so rude and unsympathetic especially when dealing with teens and younger people who don't know the language.
+Nova Young haha your Jack Ring be careful they ban foreigners forever if you assault a Japanese citizen.
+Brohamulous Chronicles Well, if you get treated like that, I don't think you'd ever want to go to Japan again...
+CoTeCiOtm True, but it'd be unfortunate to allow one awful family to prejudice her to the experience of Japan. Not much better than the "Land of the Selfish" type prejudice displayed by them. Thankfully it's clear she isn't.
jv2014 p You're right, but what happened was something quite traumatic. I've never been to Japan but I assume not all families are like that and while something like this can happen, I bet there are amazing experiences waiting to be lived by those who visit the country.
Awe! You look on the verge of tears! I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like a huge break down of communication. But it also sounds like the family was not even trying to be understanding! It's weird that they would volenteer to host.
Oh yikes! I did a home stay in Japan in HS and I had a TERRIBLE program. Lessons were useless, terrible teachers but the home stay family I had made the trip worth every penny. It was amazing. I'm so sorry that you had such a terrible experience. You didn't do a thing wrong, it just sounds like you got really unlucky. I hope you will try again if you have the chance thought!
Mikayla Eats Books That's so nice, I'm glad you got such a lovely family! :D
That's SOOOO sad omg! I heard that Japan didn't even understand the concept of allergies for awhile but either way they sounded terribly rude. I would've probably just started crying and made them feel bad (if they even do ever feel bad)
Kari senpai! Yeah I don't think they felt bad at all. We were supposed to go to the Ghibli Museum together but when they kicked me out they sold two to me so I could take a friend. We happened to be at the museum at the same time as the family, so I said good morning to them and they just completely ignored me and wouldn't even look at me. Very strange!
I lived in Japan for 5 years and they know damn well when they're being kind or rude just like the rest of us, even if they have other cultural quirks. I love the Japanese to pieces and would go there again in a heart beat but that first family was rude and wrong for treating you like that. In Japan they grow up learning to be hospitable and understanding to guests. That was a bad family and I would have pushed it further because they will get other students and treat them the same now. But it's not your responsibility to do so, it's just what I would have don't. ***I am on your side on this*** You didn't do anything wrong and I can believe you tried to be as polite as possible as you seem to project a very nice personality even speaking normally on TH-cam just stick up for yourself better like when that organizer bad mouthed you as if you were some snob or something.
no they make zero efforts to understand foreigners.
About your experience, I'm a bit shocked, because Japanese tend to be very caring about people they invite to their home up to a level of patronising. When I got a stomach inflammation when I stayed at a family (that was about 20 years ago, though) they drove me right to the hospital and were super worried and even apologised thinking it could have been their food (which it wasn't). So I think you just ended up staying with weird folks. Happens. (BTW I've been living and working in Japan for 18 years now).
Definitely on your side. I nearly flipped my lid hearing "go back to the land of the selfish people".
That sounds absolutely terrible! I'm so sorry this has happened to you! What made me extremely irritated was when you said that the guy in charge of the homestays also didn't back you up and said those racist remarks.
Oh no.. Poor you. As being Japanese myself, this is such a shame on your homestay. I assume that they just wanted to be a homestay only because of the money. I wish that these kind of homestay will be banned forever. I wish all the best for you:) Don't worry, there are plenty of nice and polite people in Japan.
As a Japanese person, I feel really bad for her. I'm really sorry. I watched your video in one class today, and we discussed your experience. Some said (well, many) you should've checked what kinda food there are in Japan before you came here. And yeah, you could've done that, but even if you had done that, you could have never known that you were allergic to the food. I swear, Japanese people are nice. I can say that. But it seems there are some idiots. I'm really sorry.
But she can't recognize what she is allergic to if she doesn't know the food and the ingredients. She is from England. The food there is different from Japan so she never encountered allergic reactions.
But yes, checking what food to eat and what not to eat is very important. Then again, I think the host family is a bit of a prick. I mean, being a host family means you are providing shelter and food to a complete stranger from another culture. You can't expect the person to know everything about the host's culture.
Kicking out someone because they turn down food, calling them selfish and ignoring them because they can't speak fluent Japanese is kinda overeating and judgmental. Japanese is very hard to learn for a foreigner, since you have to memorize the letters and pronounce it correctly. Instead of ignoring her, why can't they just help her to learn more about the language and the culture.
Turning down food because of allergic reaction is known as normal since allergies might cause sickness or death. But telling someone selfish because they can't eat it? What? She even kindly told them that she would eat rice instead. And yet they look at her in horror and began to scold her like a child that just did something really bad.
Then again, different culture, different custom, different teachings, I can't judge that. Just my opinion
+Psychotic tEMMiE yes, exactly. But, what I want everyone from other cultures to know, is generally speaking Japanese people are kind. Her host family was literally like sh*t. Hope everyone else can enjoy staying in Japan.
My boyfriend is staying with a host family right now and they sound absolutely lovely!
+Beffinee I'm so happy to hear that :) where is your boyfriend staying now?
+eternalsunshine I mean which part of Japan?
This angered me beyond belief. I can't stand when people choose to not think and understand and that god damn guy on the phone.. I literally have no words to express how I feel about what happened. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! I really do hope that any more trips abroad you take are extremely better with more loving and understanding hosts!
I can't believe some of these comments. I got here from another "bad homestay" video, and it was the same story there -- for some reason, some (non-Japanese!) people get really upset at anything that could somehow be interpreted, in bizarro-world, as criticism of Japan.
I hope you're no longer hesitant about practicing Japanese on native speakers. I had a similar experience in learning Arabic; most people were very helpful and nice, and then one instance of someone mocking my pronunciation (of 3ayn: that letter is of the fucking devil, I tell you) totally robbed me of all confidence. Being able to actually try out the language on a native speaker is very important, so it's an awful thing to do to someone! But being able to speak and understand anything at all is a triumph, so screw 'em and keep going.
I saw some comments down there and I think they're really rude. You had a bad experience and that family was not nice and understanding in any way, literally. I know Japanese people can be very distant to foreigners, I've seen that myself. But those people usually don't want contact to foreigners and certainly wouldn't offer as a host family. So your case is rare, like you said, the other families seemed to be okay. And ignoring someone is rude, not only in the western world. I think it's amazing how you tried to deal with the situation. Please don't listen and answer too much to the trolls and rude people, it's not your fault and the majority knows that. If they can't even be nice on the internet, how would they have dealt with an experience like yours.
finetuna Thank you very much for this comment! I think the majority of comments where they disagree, they tend to have misunderstood something so I used to reply. But some people are so determined to blame me that they will just make stuff up and defy logic and it's just not worth my time to respond >_
if they're all distants, they doesn't make good hosts
Is there an evaluation on your side as a visitor? Your opinion (someone with direct experience from the family) should have some weight on whether or not the family should continue to be a partner in these homestay companies. This is pretty crucial since you are paying them and any negative experiences such as this would influence other potential 'customers' to back out. It's not good for business in the end and therefore, your opinion matters.
One thing I can say, is that there will be stupid and rude people everywhere in the world. I did have a so-so experience with my homestay in Spain but I managed to make it an incredible experience and it forced me to practice the language even more. So my homestay "mother" was much better in the end. I like the fact that you said that it isn't like this everywhere, because you're right. It's an unfortunate experience but I think it probably made you stronger. I do hope you might want to experience this again and try with a different family, because most Japanese people are awesome!! :)
Yeah I'm definitely going back to Japan, next time I'll be going with my boyfriend and a couple friends :)
I hope this experience will be great! Have fun! :)
You're so cute and kind, I'm on your side. What the family did was extremely insensitive and rude, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But I'm glad at the end you were moved and had a good time xx
I feel for you, you seem like such a sweet girl. You were young, overseas and having an allergic reaction which would have been very scary. You did not have anyone to help you and I believe you tried your best. My son moved to japan straight from school and has been living there for 18 months. I would be so sad if that was his experience. There are so many kind people out there thankfully not everyone is unfriendly.
Your health is more important than their "views" on your behavior.
I'm on your side. How could you've possibly known that you were allergic to something that you didn't know it existed in the first place? Hope you had a better time afterwards thought! :D
If England is the land of the selfish, I don't want to know what America is! Jkjk
The land of the obese ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Lmao
JESSEKETZLER I'm American ^.^
+JESSEKETZLER hhahaha made my day
JESSEKETZLER No, I do, and I wasn't offended or anything, I was just mentioning
oh my gosh I am so sorry for your experience!
When I had trouble with my host family (not due to me being a troublemaker or anything like that) the host company said the same things! They called me a horrible selfish girl and were just so mean!
(sorry, holy run-on sentence time) I had told the company I wanted to go home to America one night, 3 months into the year program, because they'd put me in a home with people that didn't want me, ignored me, was 3 hours away from my school, I was barely given food or able to sleep so I was around 80lbs, and I'd literally just blacked out and fallen down 2 flights of concrete stairs at the train station where I was luckily found by nice people... yet I was selfish for wanting to go home and not be in the program anymore. I found out later that 20 out of 25 students went home early from the program I was in that year. Not a great number.
So, absolutely am I on your side! Japan is fantastic in a lot of ways but they really need to work on their host programs.
To add, I found out later too that the family really, truly didn't want me and that the program couldn't find me a host family in time for my group, so instead of just saying that and having me wait (which would have been fine), they shoved me off onto a friend of one of the employees of the host company because he owed the employee a favor... like "here ya go, you owe me, so take this girl." or something. @-@
I'm so sorry you had this experience. I was in South Korea, teaching, when I fell ill to kidney stones. I was told I was selfish (for selling medical help, getting surgery), that I should think of the kids, that I only came to South Korea so I could have the surgery cheaper (I'm Canadian, I wouldn't have paid for the surgery at all in Canada, but the American coworker had explained to them about no job = no insurance = expensive surgeries in the USA; lol bizarrely enough he was on their side). I was told to "stop eating poorly" because that was the cause of it, (it's not). They assumed that because what they've stereotyped about Americans must be true for Canadians as well (honestly my American coworker ate way more McDonald's and such than I ever did). No amount of arguing or explaining could change their minds about their stereotypes. So while I'm really sorry you went through this I'm not entirely shocked that it still happens, or that the aide on the phone sided with them. Just terrible really. Glad that you met some nice, understanding people!
I used to be interested in learning Japanese and going over one day since i love anime and Japanese food and am interested in the culture and history, but my American friend went for 6 months and hated it. She is very fluent in Japanese and spent years learning the language but she told me that a lot people she met wanted to take pictures of her for the novelty of being white and that most people (especially older people) didn't like foreigners and an old man just came up to her and told her to go home.
+Gonk lol, what's the problem with people taking pictures?
+Kirito Kun It probably made her feel like a freak, or like she was some kind of strange animal. Having random people come up to you to take your picture when you're just trying to enjoy your experience in a foreign country sounds terrible imo.
LEAD i think it's very cute, people wanting to take pictures with you like you are special, people get offended by anything this days
+Kirito Kun They weren't taking pictures with her, they were coming up and taking pictures OF her. The thing that offended her was the man telling her to go home, if you wouldn't be offended by that then good for you, well done, but you sound like you're just wishful thinking.
+Kirito Kun It's not about being offended, it's about having your personal space invaded just so someone can snap a photo of you without your permission.
When I did my homestay in Niigata, Japan luckily it was only for a weekend for the people at our school who all lived in Dorms. But that weekend we all went to our homestay house in Niigata it was during the snowy season, and Japanese houses are so fricken freezing and I only stayed one night and then a girl I was dating picked me up and we went to Sado Island instead. But everyone came back to the school and the teachers said how was it, and all anyone could say is it was so freezing and these were people who came from Southern Illinois where it gets cold, but I'm from Southern California and I've never lived in Snow and it was like living outside how cold the houses were. But now I live in a Japanese house and I can't stand winter which is about 7 months of the year. It's so fricken crazy that the houses don't have central healing and the insulation in the walls is non-existent. But I'm still friends with the family that I stayed with one night 11 years ago and we hang out all the time. So they are great but don't go during winter if you don't want to freeze to death.
I'm sorry about that. I say to you on behalf of Japanese, but I want you to know that these people are few people. Just that family was unpleasant. Japan has a lot of kinds of people and attractive things, so I want you to know more about Japan.
I’m sorry that bad thing happened to you.
I’m not good at speaking or writing English so I’m sorry if there is a lots of mistakes.
I feel so sad coz I’m Japanese and have some bad experience of homestay in another country too.
I understand your situation and thank you for sharing your experience.
It’s sad for Japanese to know that like things you go through happened sometimes in our country but we have to know that.
I hope you had good days rest of your staying. Even I want to take you some fun places.
I’m sorry as one of Japanese but I hope you to have good memories in Japan.
you are very nice girl,soft spoken and full of manners,thank god you finally found a good place to stay,being a foreigner in a foreign country can be very tough especially when you're alone,stay strong!
ps : i've been to tokyo last march,by far best city i ever visit.
they're paid to take care of u!they need to be fined!!!
I'm Japanese. I feel so sorry for you and I think the host family is so rude. I hope you are going to enjoy rest of your time in Japan.
I don't know how I came across this video, but you're super sweet! and I'm sorry you had to go through that :(
You're so positive about it though, I'm glad it was a good ending!
You sound like such a sweet girl. And it must have been a difficult experience. Even the way you talk about it reveals how affected you were. You were apologetic throughout. I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope that family never gets to host students again. And I hope that homestay company runs out of business. Clearly not equipped to handle it. However, I think they were just panicking because they thought you'd hold them liable for your health. Scared of lawsuits probably. But they were very unprofessional and very inconsiderate.
Im sorry that happened to you. Japanese is gorgeous and most of the ppl there are amazing. I hope you wont let this experience spoil your impression of this wonderful country.
I just moved here last month! haha
Oh my god. It's one of Leafy's minions. Please dont prey on her innnocent sweet soul!
at least it aint a keemstar gnome
Duh Sushi
oh lol. But you know. I do mean it. Japan is great. Also, Im sure my Lord would like her too. :)
Reptilian Army
Sometimes allergies just show up, I didn't find out about mine until I was 20... :O
I am on your side. Having an allergy is not selfish and there is no way you could have known!
You're such a polite girl it's obviously not your fault, western culture is different. When we don't like or can't eat something we say so and people accept it. But in Japanese society it's considered extremely rude to deny meals. It's not your fault though! He should of been more understanding.
I was once an exchange student in Kyoto and was supposed to stay at a host family for 3 months. I lasted for only 1 week. Apparently the host family hadn't given me the correct info of house rule etc. I was 20 years old by that time but I was treated like a kid. I had to eat dinner at home at 6 pm and if I was going out with friends I had to call the host mother and had to be home at latest 10 pm. The room I stayed in smelled of cigarettes because the mother smoked(which wasn't in the info when I applied for host family). I applied for a non smoking home due to my strong hay fever. The host family I stayed with was a divorced mother to a 10 year old daughter. The mother's ex husband was an Australian man, who was never home, so yeah of course the woman spoke fluently English and she didn't speak Japanese to me, even though I was told beforehand that they all would be speaking Japanese, so I could get better in Japanese. After 1 week I asked my school to get me a student apartment. It went very quick. After 1 day I got refund for the host family and I got a student apartment, thank god. Apparently the mother was used to host exchange students but her place was so so small it wasn't fit for 3 people at all. Due to the stay at that host family I had really bad experience and my point of view of host family in Japan is bad. I luckily studied bit Japanese before I went to Kyoto so didn't had any problems with contacts, getting around etc. My dad also had a colleague from his company partnership Mitsubishi Corporation so I had those contacts in case I would get lost in Japan. I had a pocket WiFi which my school gave and I had rented a mobile so people could get in touch with me(also international). Because of the bad experience of host family I don't wanna try that again ever. All host family get paid for having you stay at them so therefore I don't think 'all' think it thoroughly before they take in students and then they set their own house rules etc.because nobodies gonna check up on you because you got paid beforehand.
I am TOTALLY on your side. That family and guy so called England the land of the selfish are absolutely horrible, sick people. The way they treated you is absolutely inexcusable. I am so sorry this happened to you!!
What are you talking about? Of course we're on your side. You actually made the right choice in choosing to stay in a homestay since you're new to the coutry. It could be helpful to have some company. But I guess you weren't really that lucky. You're actually 30% lucky though since you said that your family lived in abroad for 5 years and they could speak in english. Some people just couldn't understand other people's feelings and they would just listen to themselves. They should try putting theirselves in other people's shoes next time. I do hope it doesn't happen to you again. Because if I were you, I could have called my parents and told them that I had already enough of this selfish people. I know the feeling of getting left out and being ignored by people you thought who can help you and never leave you behind. I just wished people could be fair with other people. If you're putting so much effort to be friendly with them and to be able to communicate with them they should also try their best to help you and make you comfortable. Some people are just not that humble to welcome other people to their homes.
Totally on your side. Why do they want a foreigner if they don't want to even communicate what you.
musca1musca
I think they wanted money...
Awww I feel so bad for you. You handled the situation well though. If they started yelling at me I would've burst into tears at the dinner table =(
omg so sorry about your experience.. nd don't worry you are very polite 💓💓
You seem like the sweetest person. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't like you! I honestly think there's a culture clash between Western countries and Japan. We've hosted three Japanese students over the last two summers because my daughter is learning Japanese. We thought it would be a great experience to have someone she could talk to over dinner and in the evenings. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. Part of the problem was that their English wasn't very good but it was mostly just simply an unwillingness to talk and open up. They would only speak when spoken to and never try to initiate any conversation. I think in most Western cultures we're taught to try to engage with people but none of the three kids made much, if any effort, to try to speak. It got pretty frustrating pretty fast and honestly, by the end of it, we were actually happy they left!
How did you manage not to explode on that guy on the phone?
Wow, I am really sorry to hear that...:(
Horrible experience. Good on you for being able to get passed it and move to Japan. I would love to try living in Japan with my family but it's a very daunting task. I admire you.
I really love the way you presented this situation! I've watched so many videos where foreign exchange students have just acted as if their family was evil or something, but you really presented this as the misunderstanding it is and I think that's a really good way of doing it. The other thing is a lot of foreign exchange students complain about things their family does (like curfews, etc.) when really it's just the culture and the thing they're complaining about is the very thing they should be embracing. Thanks for making it clear that they're not evil people, and presenting the situation in the manner that you did. It's very refreshing to finally discover somebody who doesn't think everyone different to them is horrible.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I'm going to share this because homestay families need to be more aware of student needs. I think it'd be good to publish the name of the company who organized the homestay and the family. They need to be shut down, if the university wouldn't help, maybe word of mouth could. Definitely on your side as a future homestay provider in the US. Good on you too for getting back to Japan.
Sorry to hear this. I'm half Japanese myself and know the culture, and I can tell you for a fact this family is in the wrong and ignore all the people who think you are culturally ignorant.
It is the duty of the host to take care of the guest. To the point of their own inconvenience. Especially if they are receiving money for you. Of course, maybe it would have been better to take the mother aside and explain before dinner, but if you said it politely, the ball is still in their court. They sound weird and rude. They probably used your lack of Japanese to make up things about you to the uni guy. The fact that he works with foreign students and says this is disgusting...
I hope your experience turned out for the better.
We can't assume that the behavior of any person is the standard behavior for everyone in that culture. We had several Japanese exchange students and each was a different person. Some ate everything and anything, others were very limited. Some made faces and spit out foods they did not like. We had no problem with that because we felt the same way about some of the foods we ate in Japan even though we avoided making faces. I never experienced anyone in Japan who was offended if I did not want to continue eating a food I did not like. Usually they thought it was funny.
I just read the comment by the person who said you were being selfish and needy by bringing up the issue at the dinner table. What pure rubbish. Many ignorant people think food allergies are not serious. They can in fact KILL you. You were absolutely right and polite in what you did. You weren't "making your problem their problem" you were trying to avoid a serious allergic reaction (and if you get hives and trouble breathing, it's serious).
Peter DeForest Thank you so much for this comment! So many people just don't seem to care about my health in the situation, and I also get a lot of comments like 'why did you leave it until dinner time to bring it up' which I've explained in the FAQ. But I honestly didn't think it was so mental that the family would be concerned about my health, it makes me really sad that they didn't even care if I was going to be okay or not :(
You're such a lovely person Bethany. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience.
The responses are funny Bef! You are such a nice person and people from all parts of the world are stepping on your niceness. Japanese people can be cruel and cold.... even to their own family members. Some of these people should not be hosting students. Good luck and hope your confidence is back up to par. :)
I suppose the family gets money for let you stay, so it seems they only cared about the money. It is sad, really. At least it was only for three days. And yes, it seems that guy was a racist, that are ugly things to say to someone!
I feel sorry for that kind of people. They don't try to meet other cultures and people, when it is really fascinating! I myself moved to other country and discovered how much can you learn from others, and other cultures. That makes you rich.
I am glad you had a wonderful stay at the end :)
That's so true! I met some Japanese people in the guesthouse and they stay there so they can meet people from all different cultures and they were such nice people! I think I was just a bit unlucky with the family :/
Beffinee i am sooooo sorry to hear that a girl as beautiful as you shouldn't even experience that kind of toture on a foreign country it doesn't matter if u are from England or American or japanese u are a human beign and u especially u deserve better btw were do u go to school because i am gonna attend after i do my military service
Beffinee But i truly am sorry and i am glad it all worked out and also just to get this out of the way i really like ur accent and ur twin tails nice
Moises Maldonado Anybody should be treated like this, regardless their appearance (or beauty, as you said)...
Oh my! How frustrating! It's a shame you had to go through that, I would have just had a fit and cried and asked to be moved, sounds like they weren't a very good host family. You cannot just ignore and not engage with your guest. They seem very insensitive, and inconsiderate of other people. How horrible. So are you with a new host family? or on your own? From this experience will you join another host family?
+ROXANNAARIES It was just a short summer course so I was only there for 3 weeks so I spent the rest of my time in a guesthouse and then returned to England. At first I was so adamant that I wouldn't do a homestay again but recently I've really come around to the idea because it's clear to me now that what I experienced was just an anomaly and some people have the best time of their lives and make lifelong friends.
There are unpleasant people everywhere , and it seems like you got unlikely and landed a family of them . While there were chances that they were just misunderstood with the allergic reaction fiasco , that fact that they ignored your attempts to talk and didn't try to reach out to you , a guest in their house , shows a lot . And I hope anyone doesn't go to ' oh it's a different culture ' , she mentioned in the video that the other exchange students didn't have this problem and had helping families . Also, I think you reacted pretty well with your allergic reaction, it's actually the most responsible way . You couldnt have gone to a doctor , all they would've done is prohibit you from eating popular foods that people get allergic to ( this is coming from experience because I had a skin allergic reaction and so they tried stopping me from eating a lot of foods and in the end never found out what I was allergic to ) . And calling the company would end up with a scolding of ' why didn't you get this checked out at the doctors or something like that .
I feel sorry for what has happened to you. I'm not familiar with host family business so I can't tell if this is a common problem or not... Anyway I want you to know that ordinary Japanese include myself would appreciate people who are interested in our culture and language and try our best to establish good relationship and atmosphere. for allergy, I just can't believe someone even thought about complaint...I'll be too busy for worrying about your health...
I'm so sorry for your experience :'( you shouldn't have had to go through this, you seem so sweet! I hope that people can realize that not everyone in Japan is extremely nice, and that many families can be traditionally strict or simply rude. I do understand that many foreigners take traditional customs as Japanese people being rude, but there are time when the hosts are just inconsiderate or irresponsible. I plan on traveling abroad for a year in uni and thanks to stories like yours I'll be more prepared on what to possibly expect (not from every family of course) and how to deal with it.