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I know some "very good friends" who never started a relationship because they didn't wanna lose a friend. They all got married to other people and don't see each other for years (or never). One guy told me that he's very sorry because of this, because the old saying goes: "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."... He's the one who didn't want a relationship, the girl was willing.
+Marcos Arizpe I'm sorry for reacting so strongly, but that last paragraph of yours is complete and utter bullshit. You seem to be looking at men and women as almost completely different lifeforms- but in reality, we're all just human. Even though "love" is something that is held incredibly high up in our society, it is not everything, by far. And it is completely possible and very common to have friends with a different gender than you that are completely unromantic/non-sexual. It does sound like you've made some very bad experiences with some women, and if that's true, I'm sorry. But please, don't generalize that to all other people.
Platonic friendships have literally transformed how I view love. Letting go of the desire for sexual intimacy has brought me to see just how truly I love and am loved, completely and fully. You don't need sex for love. Just enjoy the being with a person, care for them, share compassion and invest in each other's well beings no matter what and you will see what true love can be. And you will find yourself in the Best relationships of your life, and who knows it may lead to a far more harmonious and caring intimate partner.
I remember reading this comment a few days ago, and thinking that I could never feel this way towards my bff, I thought of "Just being friends" as some kind of "humiliation", as a consolation prize if you will, I was so ignorant! It's far from the truth...!, it's soo dificult nowadays to find someone with whom to connect in a deeper level, and just be yourself. I would highly recomend whoever is going through the dilema of "Can we just be friends?", to get past the fact that probably nothing romantic is going to happen (easier said than done, believe you me, I KNOW), and just apreciate the value of your friendship and the countless things you gain with it!
@@barbarahammer9037 This usually has to do with personality. There are people who are just fine being alone and in fact would prefer it rather than being in the company of others. But there are also people that feel really lonely by themselves and those are usually the more social types of people. If you are in the latter group try spending more time with your family, adopting a pet, or going out and meeting more people to chat with.
Barbara Hammer Try volunteering if you are able. Just getting out and interacting with others a little bit, having a purpose, an obligation that you look forward to, can go a long way to combat loneliness.
I recently met a girl and we really seemed to hit it off. It's safe to say I developed a crush on her but over time it became apparent that she wasn't interested in a relationship with me, or anyone else for that matter. I was pretty depressed about it for some time and I even stopped talking to her for a bit. Then I realised, what's the point? If we can't be lovers, why is being friends so much of a step down? I actually feel a lot better around her now, my only motive to be a friend not a lover. This video couldn't have come at a better time.
Because being rejected on a DNA level as a potential romantic partner is actually a pretty big insult? Why would I be friends with someone who recoils at the mention of dating me? Seems like a weird reaction.
You can't fathom a female in place in life where she doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone, Spaceman X? I'm in one, and I haven't recoiled at the thought of dating any of the people I've had to explain that to. Just hearing no does not mean you turn someone off.
Part of the issue is that we put friendship on a pedestal and force ourselves to stay friends in situations where we would be better off taking a break. If you have strong feelings for a friend and they turn you down, you need to take time away from the friendship. You're not a bad guy for ending a friendship in which romantic feelings aren't reciprocated.
Yes, and friends who reject a friend wanting romantic attention shouldn’t feel guilty about not reciprocating. They should graciously accept the friendship might end, especially if it’s a “fake friendship” where the suitor only became friends hoping for romance. Friends should also be compassionate and respectful. Do not flirt or treat your friends like you MIGHT be romantically interested in them if you’re not.
@@amasion2882 sometimes the feelings just develop, it's not always in control. There are many relationships which have started from friendship, keeping the feelings within with the pretence of being friends makes the situation toxic, at some point or the other.
Right True friendship is Love. And is much more valuable than Romantic Love or SEX. People only focus on the sex and wonder why the relationship is messed up. I would. Be friends and love my friend Than be in love with one person and lose everything that made our friendship so amazing just to focus on sex sex sex and eventually lose everything
I’m kinda feeling like this now.. I’m best friends with her and we had a thing before her mom passed but now she clearly doesn’t like me but we do everything together. & she’s very attractive so I feel like if I just get the sexual thoughts out of my head , I’ll be fine. Like yes I miss the intimacy but I’m not going to lose her over her not liking me anymore. I basically feel like her bf as far as how much I see her and we talk but without the intimacy. So it’s a process but I have to accept it.. and if something happens in the future then so be it but if not then I’m happy we are great friends.
Yeah right lmao let me put him on the freind zone so that i can go and have multible lovers and when thats done i can go back to you. like really ? Come on that bs domt really work and men are starting to see that
CP Films Then I keep my fingers crossed that it works out between you two somehow. I have also made a best friend out of an old crush. A friend I truly don’t deserve but one I have always needed.
Except a lot of the time "let's just be friends" is just a polite way of saying "I don't see you that way and now it's gonna be awkward between us so please don't speak to me ever again".
George Marcus I personally have said that and actually meant it, I would never cut off a friend from my life just because they like me and I done like them back
Why should I want to be friends with her if she doesnt see me as a person who can give love and wants to get love back? It is a lie! And I dont like liars!
it's not the "love" lost that makes friendzoning terrible, it's the opportunity of intimacy that is thrown out. That alone makes one feel rejected and unwanted.
Social Media keeps pushing the idea, that being in a relationship is the ultimate goal to true happiness. Yet I'm most aware of my own existence and get my most fruitful ideas and thoughts, when I'm by myself. There are far more interesting things out there, which yet need to be discovered and experienced, so why wasting your time in a failed marriage?
Marriages don’t always end poorly. I get great ideas alone and in good healthy partnerships. There should be no difference when you get ideas as one can always be independent and put themselves first no matter what! Once you really are authentic and find yourself no relationship can define you or hold you back from your passions and dreams unless you let it!’
Moral of the story is that if you know your own worth and stop allowing other people's opinions to form the basis of your value as a human being then a rejection becomes what it is - another human being trying to gently tell you that you're not what they're looking for. There really is no reason to feel bad about it, we have all rejected someone before and none of us mean it to cause pain.
So how are you supposed to marry anyone who you can't be friends with....this parodox is insane! Or how are you supposed to find love if you only love your self and the partner doesn't love you? This is stupid
If a guy want to be friends with me it's because he wants sex. I'm never friend zoning anyone ever, that shit ends right there and then. More women need to understand this, with the wrong person they are playing a dangerous game.
Utterly not true. It always makes me so sad when I hear people say this. With all due respect Pancakes, if this is how you feel then that's a problem you might want to address within yourself. But plenty of us are capable of pushing our sexual attractions aside to develop meaningful friendships that don't revolve around sex.
Sorry Pancakes, I'm a dude. And I spend plenty of time with attractive female friends and remain friends. Heck, I've even managed to stay friends with most of my ex-girlfriends. That doesn't mean my monkey brain doesn't periodically run amuck and wonder what it would be like, but I have self control and the monkey brain doesn't rule me. Whether or not I act on my thoughts is completely and utterly under my control.
We should adopt more aspects of friendships into relationships that's for sure! Why have huge expectations from a partner? Just explain what is bothering you and actually listen to what they have to say, as you would with a friend.
@ Kelly - I did this to a girl, I just expressed that it's bothering me - without proposing to her - but she got so upset and flabbergasted that I got scared and felt utterly guilty. The friendship obviously hasn't remained.
This was exactly the video I was looking for. I’ve always been upset when I have friends who become so infatuated with their lover they forget about their friends, the people who care about them most. It’s so strange how a person can rise to such importance once the label “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is used. In my opinion, having many people around you who love and support you, who make you feel happy, is better than one person who you love so much that it causes you pain.
Being friendzoned by an ex is worse. You cling on to old memories when her love was still yours, Knowing that you are no longer the object of her desire, that she has buried you in the graveyard of dreams once she shared with you
the disrespect and undermining of self worth of another precious human being-self respect first before anything else. whats this friend-zone? " man that just utter stupid-imo
I was rejected by my friend, he said that " I don't like you like that, can we just be friends like before?" Surprise surprise, we still friends four years after that rejection, and sometimes i think back about what happened that day and glad, I accept his rejection and still be friend
I've been on both the friendzone's giving and receiving side. It stings either way. Here's the thing, though: None of us can help who we're attracted to. When put on the other side of the scenario, could we force ourselves to feel attraction to someone we don't? We all have the right to be attracted to whoever we're attracted to, without apologizing for, or justifying, that attraction, or lack thereof. But, that doesn't mean we don't enjoy and value all the other qualities of the other person. It doesn't mean that person isn't important to us. It doesn't mean that person is now meaningless and we wouldn't enjoy being with them anymore or want them in our lives. I know some men feel like 'a woman can get laid any time'. Besides that not being accurate, it's hurtful to be put in the 'fuckzone', where someone you value in many ways, who you thought also valued you, would only want you as a piece of meat. That's extremely dehumanizing. Guys might initially think, wow, I'd see nothing wrong with that! All the fun, none of ties. But, you wouldn't feel the same if the girl you would never want 'friendzoning' you, the girl you have all kinds of other feelings for (not just sexual), was the one doing it.
It becomes even more metaphysical when we remove gender or sex altogether and just see people as fellow humans. Some we will resonate with, some we won't. I agree, women have as many challenges as men. If you look globally, humans have so many issues. Enslavement programming, codependency programming. With respect to your point about women, I agree. I'm a woman and have not still been in a romantic relationship or had satisfactory friendships until recently, and even then I made friends with people who understood my mental health issues because they have mental health issues, so it's not all butterflies. That when I realised, when I lost everything and everyone I held dear over the course of a decade or more, that it's not about your gender, ethnicity, family (although they severely traumatise one sometimes)... It's really about energy and how we manifest things or experiences. But being alone and feeling whole is a state of consciousness I strive for. You become invincible and authentically yourself. Then hopefully you're energy can be put to financial independence and achieving goals and other milestones. And hopefully you'll finally attract good and decent people in your life, healed and loving and fun and wholesome people.
When we get friend zoned, doesn't it mean that we're just not enough to be in a relationship with them? Everyone can be friends with everyone. But not everyone can be partners so basically we're just not enough isn't it.
I needed this. I was in a relationship and we broke up two weeks ago. I was devastated (still am a little) but now I realized that I'd blame him for my irritation and sadness. Truth is, my depression is something I MUST eradicate before being involved in romance with someone. And for this, I have to be surrounded by the good friends. :))
The best friendships are often destroyed when one of the friends falls in love. All that history goes down the drain and the other friend is out in the cold.
Depends on the person and their personality. Some people just view all humans as having equal value in their lives. Everyone there for a reason. If the friendship has outgrown or done what it needed in both people's lives, then yes it's best for both to move on. Attachment and codependency is what each of us needs to look out for in any of ourselves and relationships.
Not always like 100% but yes many do..There's such an unfortunate stigma around being being friends first or "act now or you'll get friend zoned" mostly pushed by those self-help dating assholes.
I just want to be friends means one of three things: 1. I don't want to see you (most common) 2. I want to use U. I will pretend to be your friend, but only when it benefits me. When you need my help, I'm gone... 3. I actually want to be your friend (this is awesome, but it happens soo rarely)
Friends can turn into lovers. A lot of people want to know you are real & care about them....are a good friend....before they get super intimate. That makes a lot of sense. ( But not to horny guys wanting sex in the moment, I know!3)
I don't know how these videos keep popping up at the exact moment I need them. This channel has really helped me to mature and only control what I can.
Erick Fromm pointed out, in his remarkable book "The Art Of Love" just how much effort and work it takes for true love to be possible, and indeed, friendship offers what could be often a far more intimate and sustainable manner of appreciation and companionship, thanks for youre great videos
If you are in love with someone, being in the friend zone is awful because you want to share your life with this person, have sex etc. But on another level i agree with the message of this video: I avoid jumping into bed with new male friends because it can ruin the friendship and a life long friendship is more important than some sexual pleasure. Another life lesson that might be extracted from this video is that lovers come and go but friends hopefully stay around: don’t neglect your friends when you are in a relationship.
@@nathansharp5743 Going by lust first instead of logic isn't a great idea for wanting a long term relationship, that's how you get played and emotionally manipulated. You need to have a foundation of friendship first to have a more safe way of defining your feelings for something long term. (Not that you can't do it the other way, but it is very dangerous doing so, because you're being irrational, and giving all this trust to someone, because you're lusting after them than seeing them for who they are.
This is the first video on this channel that I feel is way off the mark. While I totally agree with your description of friendship, I disagree with your portrait of love. Love is an extension of friendship, not an entirely separate thing. The love that I have experienced in my life has been none other than an enhancement on friendship, and while it does come with more hardships, it also comes with immensely greater returns. While I do love my friends, romantic love is, I find, unequivocally superior.
Exactly. The stakes are higher in love, and the apraised kindness of friendship is a way of distance. You don't usually live together with your friends, you usually only see them ocasionally and therefore you forgive things that you wouldn't in a partner, or avoid critics all on the sake of harmony. It's nicer, but it's also less transparent.
I guess I got your point and also some other people in the comment section have already pointed it out. Though I think - even though it doesn't seem too plausible from a logical point of view - our evalution depends on whether we regard love and friendship as general ideas or whether we take that example from the video with a "choice" of having someone either as your lover or as a friend. When you're loving someone romantically and that person turns you down of course you'll feel that the offered friendship is inferior. This is because love comes with an immense desire and in this scneario you actually _had_ something else in mind than just friendship. Though I would never ever claim that the friendships I have are inferior to romantic relationships. Quite the opposite: I could live without romantic lovers (even though it would be a sad life) but I definitely couldn't without a handful of platonic friends. In other words: While you might feel that friendship with your romantically beloved one is inferior to actual mutual love with that very same person it doesn't mean that a romantic relationship with any person is superior to friendship with any other. I've also never felt as if the returns were "immensely greater" with romantic love. And I've had _some_ beautiful relationships! Sorry for my English, it's not my mother tongue. I hope you got my point.
i agree completely. it is put as if love should only be agressive, while friendships never have fallbacks. all human relations have their issues, this video was way too unrealistic.
Depends how much you value exclusivity. If you don't think it's essential, then Romantic love could feel too in your face, too restrictive and takes away too much personal space. Friendship is way more flexible and no less deep.
Should you have friends of both sexes? Yes. Should you accept an offer of friendship when you're actually attracted to them? No. For the same reason you don't pull off your shirt and whip yourself with power cords for fun.
If the friendship is very good, it is worth it, though. Attraction does not equal heartbreak anyway. And i also have stayed friends with someone who actually did break my heart. Exes have stayed friends with me after i ended the relationship. Just have to be willing to move through the feelings.
@covid-19 There's nothing wrong with having female friends. It's just that it's an bad idea to stay friends when you want an romantic relationship. It hurt you and will strain the friendship plus you can't move on from an person when your around them. It's best to move on.
@covid-19 THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?🤣🤣🤣 this is the most bullcrap thing I've ever read 🤣🤣🤣 Im so embarrassed for you. Why even watch the video if y'all missing the point?
It would be nice to stay friends with most people we are attracted to, but let’s be honest, they propose it not to actually become your friend, but to reject you in the most polite way. Usually “let’s remain just good friends” doesn’t mean they really want to remain your friend - they never were your friend and never were interested in you platonically, they just hoped for the romantic connection that didn’t appear - it almost always means “I don’t want to be your partner, but total rejection would be too harsh, so I’ll pretend I’m at least interested in your personality in hopes that it doesn’t hurt you as much”. I’m saying this without even a drop of bitterness, I’ve been on both rejected and rejecting sides, so I’m just speaking from experience. It’s better to not invest your time and effort into this type of one-sided friendship, but to find yourself actual friends instead.
The info here is incomplete. It knocked down love and put friendship on the same pedestal neither one should have. There are four loves, all of which are necessary, all of which we can do well or badly. Eros, or sexual love is currently the only “love” our culture recognizes as such. And if sexual desire is *all* you base a relationship on, of course its rejection feels like the end of the world, and it’s continuation is going to go sour. You *must* have the others to succeed. Friendship is crucial, but it too can go sour, causing cliques, resentment, and bitterness. Family affection is also important. See how someone treats their own family, and you’ll know how they will end up treating everyone else. The final and hardest is agape, the self-sacrificing love that puts the other’s needs ahead of your own. In times of stress or sickness or hurt, you have to be able to learn how to do that. Do you see now why Eros can’t ever be enough, and that Friendship can’t simply take its place on the pedestal?
" Family affection is also important. See how someone treats their own family, and you’ll know how they will end up treating everyone else." lol "the info here is incomplete", huh. hey kimberly, why are we listening to you on the "four types of love"?
This video infers that being friend-zoned is a good thing because it means your love for that person will be “better” and less volatile as a friend than a lover. So would you say that being friend-zoned basically just cuts out the chance for sexual love, which can hold back a relationship from going further, but at the same time adding a sexual component helps the couple find out if the other loves are truly there.
"See how someone treats their own family, and you’ll know how they will end up treating everyone else." You're wrong. There are plenty of people with fucked up relationships with their entire families. And guess what: since those issues started when they were kids, it's not their fault at all. Still doesn't mean they'd treat those family members nicely.
I Control My Fate Speak for yourself. It's only settling if you feel that way. I prefer friends, I'm so not into dating. Every couple I know is always fighting. I don't need that garbage in my life.
When I was single I told my mum about my two male best friends whom I went to university with. They both are kind and patient, great friends, supportive, funny and I can have really good conversations with them. My mother asked me, then how come you're not with one of them. I said: because we are friends! It has always been a very fullfilling relationship, just not in an amorous way. I almost felt kind of offended by the thought that I somehow HAD to be with one of them because we get along well.
Anne Mehlfeld that's because the women and men of that time were not vapid people who just went physical prowess or sexual attractiveness. They did not have much choices and hence knew that if someone were caring, supportive, loving, etc., they would be a amazing partner. They were logical because they did not put much emphasis on emotional love but knew that marriage was about adjustment, that no love last forever and is fleeting, and the attributes you mentioned are the best characteristics expected from a partner willing to last long in marriage and keeping both the children together.
what time are you talking about when you say "of that time". My mother is now in her siexties. It's not like she has some old fashioned attitude about it, I think it's just that she didn't consider that a friendship between men and women can exists while being enough for both sides.
Anne Mehlfeld Yup. My mom didn't tell me that though. Literally I was friends with a guy who, we had sleep overs together, alone, and DIDN'T have sex! Can you believe that! The things we did, like having breakfast together. My goodness.
I found this video utterly charming. However I believe that if one wants romantic love, settling for friendship is downplaying oneself. Leave. Don't go to a restaurant who serves you potatoes when you asked for fries.
What if you want romantic love with someone who you also consider to be a dear friend? Personally, I value their existence in my life more than a possible romantic relationship. I still love them, but I know that in order to have them in my life and be happy I have to accept that we will just be happy as friends.
A long distance friend and I like each other, but we decided that it's better for us to stay friends because we value our friendship too much to compromise it with trying to be more than friends. It hurt like hell for a bit but I'm glad that's what we decided on. We'll be going to the same college in two months so if we were meant to be more than friends, it'll naturally progress, but I'm happy to be just friends too if it doesn't work out.
CeroCompleta just have a lot of friends that are girls and eventually you’ll meet one that just manifests a relationship from a friendship of its own will
Good. Let the pain burn inside you and be a powerful motivator to improve yourself! Embrace darwinian sexual selection and fight fight fight to be among the selected! I've been so much healthier thanks to getting rejected many times!
"We can be just good friends." Men used to most say that 30 years ago. They used to play love games only to get sex and wanted no emotional ties. Now, the table has turned around and I am very surprised by the reversal changes in today's men and women. What has ever happened? I am stumped.
Sometimes friendships offer more in-depth experiences than romantic relationships. We should value friendships on the same level as romantic relationships.
Depends on how much you have of each. If you only have romantic relationships, friendships would be more valuable. If you only make platonic friendships then romantic relationships are more valuable.
I feel this way as well. Once you are lovers, and you have let that person inside your body you are not friends. I do not have sex with my friends. It's best to move on and have space to healthily get over them. How can you go from all that time together and feeling so close to them just wanting to call you up when they need someone to whine to or go shopping with?
There have been a number of times where I was in a relationship with someone and in retrospect wish it was "just" a friendship, because they were genuinely wonderful people that I wish I could keep the friendship with after it ended.
Every serious relatinship I have had has included them saying something like "I could see us staying friends if we ever split up"... and its not impossible to do.
I love this. Recently been struggling with this and realized I feel most happy and loved when I have tons of people to turn to, a big community of people that I care about that care about me. Love is awesome, but friendship is so important too. Great message.
Well if my lover is loving someone else while i am just her friend then in that case i would leave her . there is thing called self respect and i need it for my survival .
Except "Let's just stay friends" has nothing to do with friendship most of the times. You're setting yourself for an even bigger embarrassment if you interpret this as a call to actually unironically be friends.
Very true... in most cases people just say that to make you feel better. I'd also say that most people don't really know the definition of the word 'friend' and classify anything that doesn't involve sex as friendship.
I agree. I think in this video they wanted to say how friendship is equally important as romantic relationship. They wanted to say that friendship is overlooked and made less than romantic relationship.
I recently developed feelings for one of my best friends and she didn't feel the same. But she explained most of what's in this video. Seeing it again kind of confirmed it for me and makes me happy that we are just best friends.
Irrational beliefs entrenched in undeserved expectation which are fueled by any number of “should,” “must,” and “ought” statements may lead to the highly emotive result of what we often perceive as rejection. It isn’t an easy outcome for many people, especially those who subscribe to societal indoctrination concerning the dreadful “friend zone.” I find videos such as this to be useful in reminding me how valuable friendship is and how difficult romantic relationships often are. Thanks for the reminder.
Yep. If I've let you in as a friend, you have gotten closer to me than most lovers I've had and our relationship will certainly last longer. I'm almost at the point where I feel like romanticism isn't worthwhile, especially when compared to friendship.
you can have both. You just need to re-evaluate your priorities and values in what you look for in a person. Seems your values are changing and you're realizing that, which is a great first step. (beware: get rid of the idealization of a person in your mind. doesn't exist, and no one will ever measure up. Best thing about us is none of us are perfect.) hope that helps.
Recovering hopeless romantic here. Love has caused me so much pain, and I relate to this video so much. But ever since mentally accepting the friendship of someone I used to have feelings for, and seeking love in its more casual and platonic forms, I’ve been so much happier. At first it felt like some kind of hedonistic sacrilege to give up my romantic idealisms and try to pursue casual sex instead of love, or like shallow self-degradation to talk to many people at once instead of cultivating close connections, but it ended up being the exact thing I needed. Not to say I’ve given up on romance, but I’ve found that loving specific people more casually, and refusing to project my self-worth onto them, has made me a better lover of the world instead. :)
Finding a good and true friend is like going through a warzone. Especially one of the opposite sex. It takes many tough battles and hardships before you can reach the end. I've noticed that I've met many guys who I just want to be friends with, but they always have other intentions, hence why I always lose them along the way, vice versa if I also get attracted to them, but the ones who stayed, the ones who fought the front lines with me and survived until the end without ever crossing the line, they're the friends who came out victorious.
FROM MY EXPERIENCE (obviously not for everyone), friendship has been better, longer lasting, and more fulfilling to me than romantic love has. I have a few friends from the past who have caused me pain, but that's nothing compared to the pain past lovers have caused me. I am at a point in life where I definitely prefer friendship.
The women I desire I obsess about. Therefore I can't mentally manage to shut down my desire completely, and every small rejection, may it be holding a hand, a small kiss, or a flirt attempt comes with a bitter aftertaste. To remain in that state is to suffer and I have decided I will no longer let myself down to be there for her, while I remain an afterthought. Eventually I suffer even more once she starts dating someone else. My advice is, have some self-respect and draw the line if she rejects you. You will (yes, will!) find someome else who values you as much as you value her/him.
I apologise I know it's cringe to reply 4 years old comment, but this is a true gem and unfortunately way more down in comments. Many people need to read this. I live by this quote - "Don't love your friend, don't become friend of your love".
I just did that. Last night I took my crush to a expensive but not fancy restraunt, so we sat down and looked at the menu. We laughed, shared thoughts like always and hinting me that I'm nothing more than a friend. So I calle the waiter and told him to split up the order becuase she was going to pay the drinks and her reaction was a bit funny, I did not told her anything about it. So later on we went to a bar (Drinks were on me this time). She wanted to go home, so I asked for a uber, we went home but she payed again. (Maybe I should have not went with her home, but I was the one who invited her so I had to accompany her. We watched movies and then she took me to her room and shared secrets, and childhood memories. That quite did make me feel vulnerable and once I left her house she kindly told to let her know I got home safe (Something she really never said to me once). It felt weird but not awkward hanging out with her with different intentions becuase I still have these strong feelings for her but she's about to leave town anyway, I just want to make the most of it and not have bitter memories of her before she leaves, but now I face the truth I'll never get intimate with her and she wouldn't give me more than a kiss.
To love is to give freely. To treat a person well freely without expecting anything in return is the action of love. The point is to be a whole not a half and If you watched the video it's also a tip to actually be a better person to your lover. She could have tried and didn't really liked you. Check up on yourself , and stop being co dependent. You're already counting beans that's very unhealthy. That's in the category of toxic relationships.
@James Cunico There will be girl who will like you and take similar efforts just like how you took efforts for the one whom you liked. Unfortunately, you won't notice that girl because your eyes will be blinded because of the "love" you have for other girl. 😂 Story of life. Nothing new under the sky 😂
I value friendships very highly. We trust each other. We can talk about anything. My best friends are the only ones I don’t mind touching my shoulder or holding my important items. We grew close over many years with no expectations but only the enjoyment of being together. To me that feels much more authentic than asking or being asked to date.
Having gone through so many rejections in my life.. I use to feel worthless.. but I continued to work on myself rather than work on any unbalanced relationship I may have settled into .. Now I m such a different person than I use to be and way better off than my peers I use to envy.. girls desire me and I literally have to be careful around them Bc they fall in love. Work on yourselves guys!!
this has shown me how to appreciate/heal my recent friendship with the "one that got away" - hes found his life partner and I havent. Ive had such a hard time dealing with this. but I realize from this perspective, I feel the first sign of possible relief.
God this comment section is pathetic and full of immature angst. No, being let down by a man or woman you were interested in physically never feels good. But don't complain or wallow in self pity, life's too short. Move on. It's called being an adult.
?? why do u cut off ties with someone just cause they felt they arent right fit with you romantically? if u truly cared about the person, y would u never want to see them again? get over your ego.
FUCKING THANK YOU, so many of these comments border on sociopathic unrequited love is part of life. its hard but quit whining about how unfair it is. go write a goddamn poem or something jfc nobody owes you romantic love.
@@sydandtaytum You can't ties with them because it hurts you to see them with other people plus you can't get over someone if your around. It's not that they care about you but they also have to do what's best for themselves.
Interesting perspective, I totally agree with the beauty of being just friends and continue to count on each other. Friends make life worth and help us in difficult times just being there to listen and moral support.
A sad think my boyfriend said to me was: "No guy ever becomes friend with a girl without thinking to be in a relationship with her or at least have sex with her." That made me sad, because it means that they don't stay with me because I am a good person to talk too. But he continued: "But eventually when both of them get along for years, they can just be friends." I know many guys who have best girlfriends. They told me they had sexual thoughts at first, but now they concider them as best buddys because they are so clever, funny and never acting like a girlfriend.
Men don’t look at women as friends. They have guy friends to joke with, watch the game, grab a drink. The only reason, esp younger men would be friends with a girl is bc they would like to date her. That’s the problem with the “friend zone” the males are not being up front from the start. Men and women can be friendly at school or work, superficial non sexual friendships....but as When Harry Met Sally taught us, men and women usually cannot be friends. Women think they can, but the men don’t see them as friends.
Dear School of Life. You are a gift for humanity. We need more. Way more of what you give us here on TH-cam. On the media. On the news. On the cardboard of our breakfast cereal. Thank you for providing always with a mildly painful but effective cure to an appalingly hurtful issue. Once again, you brilliantly hit a point that remains so elusive to some of us. Huge thanks from someone who today can breathe a little more relieved.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I AM GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL FOR ALL THE FRIENDS IN MY LIFE!!!! I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH YOU!!!! YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY AWSOME!!!! I AM SO BLESSED TO ENJOY THIS JOURNEY OF LIFE WITH YOU!!!
Finally! I have found THE video that explains not only where friendship differs from a relationship, but why friendship seems more alluring. It's not that it's more attractive (THAT would be disgusting). It's that it IS where we find the best in ourselves in full force! It bothered me that, up to this point, I gave the most heartwarming Christmas gift to my best friend and not a date. But after watching this video, it's clear that, indeed, my best friend and I not only bring out the best in us, but that our best talents VERY MUCH complements each other.
Hehe, I am dealing with this a bit. The possibility of love scares me, because it means the possibility of losing a friend. It also means those simple emotions one can have with friends could become so confusing when they become lovers... _"I am sorry, could we just be lovers?"_ What a fresh and kinda relieving way to put it. 😊
I agree so much with you. Modern love relationships are generally only "sensual" ones. However, to my mind, it's kinda weird. People sometimes talk about "friendzone" concept, but what is the issue ? It's true that you can't love someone you just considered as a friend, but how can you have a true love relationship without friendship ? The longest and most stable relationship are between people who talk to each others, share things and who could be considered as best friends. To my mind, that is the secret of "true love".
This only works if the supposition of being friends and lovers are separated and are not related. As a mate before said, if your lover isn't your best friend you are in the wrong relationship. Being lovers is a step up of being friends, with all the advantages of the latter and even more. We sometimes hurt the ones we love because we are more exposed and reveal more of ourselves to them than others, meaning we are more ourselves with our partner than with regular or even best friends.
For me, I can't fall in love with a person who doesn't love me back. I can feel it when we spend more and more time together my feelings for them grow as much as their feelings grow for me. If their feelings for me don't grow, I notice it, and that is like turning me off, and I won't fall in love. So I don't understand how you can say "I love you" to someone you definitelly know they won't love you back.
M Daria ? I just fell in love with someone who loved me too. It was also hard for me to confess to them ^^" it took 3 months, those months were pretty hurtful, even though I know he loves me back
Just reconciled with my once best friend. We have known each other for 7 years and then fought over some stuff that now doesn’t really matter. And for 1,5 year we both suffered enormously but were to proud to text or call to each other. And now, when we are back to our great friendship, these Alan’s words truly resonate with me. I am my best self with my friend, I am the most sincere, kind, fair versions of myself with him. Unlike in relationships with guys that I like, I am not trying to impress him or do something to look better in his eyes. And he truly accepts my worst parts, admires my best parts and so do I in return.
First video I watched was how to actively listen and now I'm up to my 6tg video I'm not lying this channel has clearly and shortly explained some/most of the mishaps and holes in my life. Thank you The School Of Life‼️
Threw meditation and contemplation I had realized this awhile ago. I no longer believe in "boy friends" or "girl friends" because I don't know what those are. I only believe in friendship. Great job The School of Life. Keep doing what you do best.
What you mention in friendship is what I expect especially in a relationship. I mean, how could you possibly love without appreciating the darkest and most obscure aspects of another person? How can a relationship possibly be worthwhile if two people don't interact kindly, patiently, encouragingly towards each other?
It CAN'T that's why, but people are too stupid to think about that. They believe that sex comes first when it comes to romance rather than being exclusive Best Friends with one another for a foundation. That's why so many relationships fail, because they put their feelings of lust first when deciding weither someone is relationship material or not rather than actual traits that someone has that would make them a good partner. You can't have Romance without respect, otherwise it's just a sexual relationship. People don't seem to think this through or think at all.
True from my experiences. Every time I tried a relationship it broke and I never saw the other person again. Now, I don't seek for partners, I don't flirt, I have a lot of manly friends and they do not disappoint me.
I have a couple thoughts on why this video is overall right, but not quite. First, I think if you are in a position to be disappointed by the offer of friendship, that means that you feel more for a person, and friendship will not fit/work for you. Although love has many downsides, the feeling of it is still real, so when a person doesn't reciprocate, it's unrealistic to just feel content with friendship. They are two totally different ways to relating and don't necessarily translate back and forth interchangeably. Secondly, when a person says, "I just want to be friends" that isn't an invitation to the kind of deep friendship described in this video. Often, it's just a white lie that means, I don't care if I see you again. Or, if it's an invitation to friendship, it's a very casual beginning and an entry to occasional small talk building, maybe, over years, to deeper intimacy. So I don't think that you necessarily should feel deeply complimented when someone said this to you after a date; it's at best a casual invitation to possible future acquaintanceship and at worst a polite brush off. However, I do agree with the video that true friendship is a wonderful thing and has many good qualities. I don't think it's fair to compare healthy friendship with unhealthy romantic relationship; as this does. I've seen friendships where people do terrible things to each other, and romances where people are truly respectful and inspirational to each other. In the end, all relationships require deep respect and they also need both parties on the same page.
Yes, thank you. I've learnt so much from you all and i want you to know i appreciate that very much. You make people so much easier to understand and have helped me realize that things are often better than they look.
I've been talking with a guy for quite a long time and after some months passed (we have never met in real life) I told him I was in love with him. He told me that he needed some time to think about it, also because we've never met. Remember that if you're in love with your best friend you don't have to fight for it, because what really matters is that he/her is with you, listens to your problem no matter what.
A former girl friend told me that after a on again off again relationship that lasted 8 years. We stayed in touch but We both went on to find other partners- I danced with her at her wedding. We have both been happily married for 30 years. We remain friends after 40 years.
This topic cuts deep but brings to mind an author (from the old guard, but still relevant..): “Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros (erotic love) betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important. In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole person into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all their facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away.” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
For the longest time I've been fantasizing about the time I meet a person to love and deeply understand and be understood. I was viewing that type of relationship as one that could only be present between lovers but I was so freaking wrong. I now have a friend and I my fantasy is now true but without the lover part.i was so foolish to think that I could never develop such a deep relationship with a friend. I genuinely feel very free now ,I've talked about topics that made very vulnerable but she admitted of feeling the same about those topics ,, I'm so happy
Have you ever had possitive experiences in the "friend zone"? Join us in America at the end of March to discuss many more interesting topics like this: goo.gl/qqWwMQ
first maybe
I know some "very good friends" who never started a relationship because they didn't wanna lose a friend.
They all got married to other people and don't see each other for years (or never). One guy told me that he's very sorry because of this, because the old saying goes: "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."... He's the one who didn't want a relationship, the girl was willing.
Marcos Arizpe Nicely Summarized! I've been best friends with a girl for 5 years a find finally kissed her LOL
So so
+Marcos Arizpe I'm sorry for reacting so strongly, but that last paragraph of yours is complete and utter bullshit. You seem to be looking at men and women as almost completely different lifeforms- but in reality, we're all just human. Even though "love" is something that is held incredibly high up in our society, it is not everything, by far. And it is completely possible and very common to have friends with a different gender than you that are completely unromantic/non-sexual.
It does sound like you've made some very bad experiences with some women, and if that's true, I'm sorry. But please, don't generalize that to all other people.
Platonic friendships have literally transformed how I view love. Letting go of the desire for sexual intimacy has brought me to see just how truly I love and am loved, completely and fully. You don't need sex for love. Just enjoy the being with a person, care for them, share compassion and invest in each other's well beings no matter what and you will see what true love can be. And you will find yourself in the Best relationships of your life, and who knows it may lead to a far more harmonious and caring intimate partner.
amazing comment. thank you
Same here.
I can confirm.
How’s that going for you?? I’m curious because I am about to see an exe right now lol
yesss!
I remember reading this comment a few days ago, and thinking that I could never feel this way towards my bff, I thought of "Just being friends" as some kind of "humiliation", as a consolation prize if you will, I was so ignorant! It's far from the truth...!, it's soo dificult nowadays to find someone with whom to connect in a deeper level, and just be yourself. I would highly recomend whoever is going through the dilema of "Can we just be friends?", to get past the fact that probably nothing romantic is going to happen (easier said than done, believe you me, I KNOW), and just apreciate the value of your friendship and the countless things you gain with it!
Being alone but not lonely is a wonderful place to be!! :-)
I am lonely and 71 years old..Pray for me . What is your secret not to be lonely in your life ???/ I need help from you my friend.. Thank you..
@@barbarahammer9037 This usually has to do with personality. There are people who are just fine being alone and in fact would prefer it rather than being in the company of others. But there are also people that feel really lonely by themselves and those are usually the more social types of people. If you are in the latter group try spending more time with your family, adopting a pet, or going out and meeting more people to chat with.
Barbara Hammer Try volunteering if you are able. Just getting out and interacting with others a little bit, having a purpose, an obligation that you look forward to, can go a long way to combat loneliness.
@@anneb889 that is true. I am going to church and meeting new people now again and i do feel better thank you very much . be safe and take care.
It's taken me almost 21 years to learn how to do that
True Friendships could simply be one of the most wholesome things that make life worth living
But friends with an opposite sex can be your downfall..... Be careful what you wish for......
@@StardustSpiritDragon but not everyone are straight
I recently met a girl and we really seemed to hit it off. It's safe to say I developed a crush on her but over time it became apparent that she wasn't interested in a relationship with me, or anyone else for that matter. I was pretty depressed about it for some time and I even stopped talking to her for a bit. Then I realised, what's the point? If we can't be lovers, why is being friends so much of a step down? I actually feel a lot better around her now, my only motive to be a friend not a lover. This video couldn't have come at a better time.
Because being rejected on a DNA level as a potential romantic partner is actually a pretty big insult? Why would I be friends with someone who recoils at the mention of dating me? Seems like a weird reaction.
You can't fathom a female in place in life where she doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone, Spaceman X? I'm in one, and I haven't recoiled at the thought of dating any of the people I've had to explain that to. Just hearing no does not mean you turn someone off.
Hey pal, I'm a nosy t*at and was just wondering, you still friends, everything turn out alright in the end? I'm just curious XD
Don’t lie to yourself. You still had feelings
Mr. Beta :D
"Couldn't we just be lovers?" is already the culture of dating apps.
Nord that's a major stretch
Nord Explain yourself, bub.
yeah but it doesn't mean that most people understand that friendship is not a consolation prize.
indrinita well that's the biggest stretch of all time.
With three hundred and ninety one thousand views you would think that one person is in a similar situation.
Part of the issue is that we put friendship on a pedestal and force ourselves to stay friends in situations where we would be better off taking a break. If you have strong feelings for a friend and they turn you down, you need to take time away from the friendship. You're not a bad guy for ending a friendship in which romantic feelings aren't reciprocated.
I think that is a fair counter point.
Thank you! Really needed to read that.
Thank you. I really needed this.
Yes, and friends who reject a friend wanting romantic attention shouldn’t feel guilty about not reciprocating. They should graciously accept the friendship might end, especially if it’s a “fake friendship” where the suitor only became friends hoping for romance.
Friends should also be compassionate and respectful. Do not flirt or treat your friends like you MIGHT be romantically interested in them if you’re not.
@@amasion2882 sometimes the feelings just develop, it's not always in control. There are many relationships which have started from friendship, keeping the feelings within with the pretence of being friends makes the situation toxic, at some point or the other.
To the ones who've missed the point: Friendship is more valuable than , not love, but "romantic" love.
Right True friendship is Love. And is much more valuable than Romantic Love or SEX. People only focus on the sex and wonder why the relationship is messed up. I would. Be friends and love my friend Than be in love with one person and lose everything that made our friendship so amazing just to focus on sex sex sex and eventually lose everything
I’m kinda feeling like this now.. I’m best friends with her and we had a thing before her mom passed but now she clearly doesn’t like me but we do everything together. & she’s very attractive so I feel like if I just get the sexual thoughts out of my head , I’ll be fine. Like yes I miss the intimacy but I’m not going to lose her over her not liking me anymore. I basically feel like her bf as far as how much I see her and we talk but without the intimacy. So it’s a process but I have to accept it.. and if something happens in the future then so be it but if not then I’m happy we are great friends.
Nice. Clasic love by goethe is real love
Yeah right lmao let me put him on the freind zone so that i can go and have multible lovers and when thats done i can go back to you. like really ? Come on that bs domt really work and men are starting to see that
CP Films Then I keep my fingers crossed that it works out between you two somehow.
I have also made a best friend out of an old crush. A friend I truly don’t deserve but one I have always needed.
Except a lot of the time "let's just be friends" is just a polite way of saying "I don't see you that way and now it's gonna be awkward between us so please don't speak to me ever again".
George Marcus I personally have said that and actually meant it, I would never cut off a friend from my life just because they like me and I done like them back
George Marcus
Late roll Butt That is actually more cruel in the long run.
True.
Why should I want to be friends with her if she doesnt see me as a person who can give love and wants to get love back?
It is a lie! And I dont like liars!
it's not the "love" lost that makes friendzoning terrible, it's the opportunity of intimacy that is thrown out. That alone makes one feel rejected and unwanted.
You can get intimacy even in platonic relationships...it seems like people only believe that intimacy starts from sharing bodily fluids WTF.
Social Media keeps pushing the idea, that being in a relationship is the ultimate goal to true happiness. Yet I'm most aware of my own existence and get my most fruitful ideas and thoughts, when I'm by myself. There are far more interesting things out there, which yet need to be discovered and experienced, so why wasting your time in a failed marriage?
Society simply has always been this way, it only evolved into social media. However, I do get your overall point.
That's why i deleted my Twitter it's just toxic everybody keeps pushing the same agenda and everyone thinks they have the right to give life tips
This👏👏
EXACTLY!!!! Thank you!!!
Marriages don’t always end poorly. I get great ideas alone and in good healthy partnerships. There should be no difference when you get ideas as one can always be independent and put themselves first no matter what! Once you really are authentic and find yourself no relationship can define you or hold you back from your passions and dreams unless you let it!’
Moral of the story is that if you know your own worth and stop allowing other people's opinions to form the basis of your value as a human being then a rejection becomes what it is - another human being trying to gently tell you that you're not what they're looking for. There really is no reason to feel bad about it, we have all rejected someone before and none of us mean it to cause pain.
Keric the Pally your correct, don't feel bad about it. But you better move on
this
Yess
So how are you supposed to marry anyone who you can't be friends with....this parodox is insane! Or how are you supposed to find love if you only love your self and the partner doesn't love you? This is stupid
👏👏
Having friends of both sexes is just as vital as having a relationship.
melkerart not true
If a guy want to be friends with me it's because he wants sex. I'm never friend zoning anyone ever, that shit ends right there and then. More women need to understand this, with the wrong person they are playing a dangerous game.
Utterly not true. It always makes me so sad when I hear people say this. With all due respect Pancakes, if this is how you feel then that's a problem you might want to address within yourself. But plenty of us are capable of pushing our sexual attractions aside to develop meaningful friendships that don't revolve around sex.
I like how dumb people see men as some sort of dog that would have sex even with a toaster.
Sorry Pancakes, I'm a dude. And I spend plenty of time with attractive female friends and remain friends. Heck, I've even managed to stay friends with most of my ex-girlfriends. That doesn't mean my monkey brain doesn't periodically run amuck and wonder what it would be like, but I have self control and the monkey brain doesn't rule me. Whether or not I act on my thoughts is completely and utterly under my control.
I'm over 60 years old and the school of life is helping me finally come to realistic terms with my relationships. Thank you
We should adopt more aspects of friendships into relationships that's for sure! Why have huge expectations from a partner? Just explain what is bothering you and actually listen to what they have to say, as you would with a friend.
It's funny that's the relationship advice in most School of Life videos, now all of a sudden that behavior is unique to friendships, what?
Expectations set you up for disappointment
@ Kelly - I did this to a girl, I just expressed that it's bothering me - without proposing to her - but she got so upset and flabbergasted that I got scared and felt utterly guilty. The friendship obviously hasn't remained.
Deepanjan Sengupta You know shiity friendships/ relationships will just end new ones will begin and maybe old ones will find you in your life again:).
For some that's like asking them to be given the world.. not everyone can pull it off... I struggle with it daily..
This was exactly the video I was looking for. I’ve always been upset when I have friends who become so infatuated with their lover they forget about their friends, the people who care about them most. It’s so strange how a person can rise to such importance once the label “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is used. In my opinion, having many people around you who love and support you, who make you feel happy, is better than one person who you love so much that it causes you pain.
So true!
Thank you. I feel better now reading this 🥲
Being friendzoned by an ex is worse. You cling on to old memories when her love was still yours, Knowing that you are no longer the object of her desire, that she has buried you in the graveyard of dreams once she shared with you
Forreal
Or by ex husband and father of three of ur children. Fuck You I hate you I don't wanna be buddies.
sociopath you mean - codependent you sound - love yourself
I have been "friendzoned" by my girlfriend and went over it in less than a week, tbh.
the disrespect and undermining of self worth of another precious human being-self respect first before anything else. whats this friend-zone? " man that just utter stupid-imo
I was rejected by my friend, he said that " I don't like you like that, can we just be friends like before?"
Surprise surprise, we still friends four years after that rejection, and sometimes i think back about what happened that day and glad, I accept his rejection and still be friend
Still friends? :D
@@gokulkrishm51 apparently not!
I've been on both the friendzone's giving and receiving side. It stings either way. Here's the thing, though: None of us can help who we're attracted to. When put on the other side of the scenario, could we force ourselves to feel attraction to someone we don't? We all have the right to be attracted to whoever we're attracted to, without apologizing for, or justifying, that attraction, or lack thereof.
But, that doesn't mean we don't enjoy and value all the other qualities of the other person. It doesn't mean that person isn't important to us. It doesn't mean that person is now meaningless and we wouldn't enjoy being with them anymore or want them in our lives.
I know some men feel like 'a woman can get laid any time'. Besides that not being accurate, it's hurtful to be put in the 'fuckzone', where someone you value in many ways, who you thought also valued you, would only want you as a piece of meat. That's extremely dehumanizing. Guys might initially think, wow, I'd see nothing wrong with that! All the fun, none of ties. But, you wouldn't feel the same if the girl you would never want 'friendzoning' you, the girl you have all kinds of other feelings for (not just sexual), was the one doing it.
Kermit's Hermits Very true.
Nice comment 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
It becomes even more metaphysical when we remove gender or sex altogether and just see people as fellow humans. Some we will resonate with, some we won't.
I agree, women have as many challenges as men. If you look globally, humans have so many issues. Enslavement programming, codependency programming.
With respect to your point about women, I agree. I'm a woman and have not still been in a romantic relationship or had satisfactory friendships until recently, and even then I made friends with people who understood my mental health issues because they have mental health issues, so it's not all butterflies.
That when I realised, when I lost everything and everyone I held dear over the course of a decade or more, that it's not about your gender, ethnicity, family (although they severely traumatise one sometimes)... It's really about energy and how we manifest things or experiences.
But being alone and feeling whole is a state of consciousness I strive for. You become invincible and authentically yourself.
Then hopefully you're energy can be put to financial independence and achieving goals and other milestones.
And hopefully you'll finally attract good and decent people in your life, healed and loving and fun and wholesome people.
When we get friend zoned, doesn't it mean that we're just not enough to be in a relationship with them? Everyone can be friends with everyone. But not everyone can be partners so basically we're just not enough isn't it.
This is a damn good comment. 🎉
I needed this. I was in a relationship and we broke up two weeks ago. I was devastated (still am a little) but now I realized that I'd blame him for my irritation and sadness. Truth is, my depression is something I MUST eradicate before being involved in romance with someone. And for this, I have to be surrounded by the good friends. :))
And now you are better ?
The best friendships are often destroyed when one of the friends falls in love. All that history goes down the drain and the other friend is out in the cold.
Depends on the person and their personality. Some people just view all humans as having equal value in their lives. Everyone there for a reason.
If the friendship has outgrown or done what it needed in both people's lives, then yes it's best for both to move on.
Attachment and codependency is what each of us needs to look out for in any of ourselves and relationships.
Damn! I feel this. I am repenting it.
What happens when you remain friends and the other person eventually gets with someone else?
Naah.. The best friendships are often destroyed by neglecting the boundaries and the limit of friendship..
I was looking for this statement to be said by somebody having a mass following. Thank you for putting it out in world
thank you for highlighting this quote
And I would like to add: the best romantic relationship is one where both partners are or become very good friends as well
Not always like 100% but yes many do..There's such an unfortunate stigma around being being friends first or "act now or you'll get friend zoned" mostly pushed by those self-help dating assholes.
I just want to be friends means one of three things:
1. I don't want to see you (most common)
2. I want to use U. I will pretend to be your friend, but only when it benefits me. When you need my help, I'm gone...
3. I actually want to be your friend (this is awesome, but it happens soo rarely)
Damn bro your heart got destroyed lol
Lmfao😂
the 3rd one like never happens
I did the 3ed one I found a really good friend
Friends can turn into lovers. A lot of people want to know you are real & care about them....are a good friend....before they get super intimate. That makes a lot of sense. ( But not to horny guys wanting sex in the moment, I know!3)
Honestly, I believe friendship is one of the most beautiful things in life. Romantic relationships are less dependable.
Agree
Romantic relationships are a want, not a needd
I don't know how these videos keep popping up at the exact moment I need them. This channel has really helped me to mature and only control what I can.
Erick Fromm pointed out, in his remarkable book "The Art Of Love" just how much effort and work it takes for true love to be possible, and indeed, friendship offers what could be often a far more intimate and sustainable manner of appreciation and companionship, thanks for youre great videos
If you are in love with someone, being in the friend zone is awful because you want to share your life with this person, have sex etc. But on another level i agree with the message of this video: I avoid jumping into bed with new male friends because it can ruin the friendship and a life long friendship is more important than some sexual pleasure. Another life lesson that might be extracted from this video is that lovers come and go but friends hopefully stay around: don’t neglect your friends when you are in a relationship.
The thing is you want to make sure first that you're romantically compatible.
@@nathansharp5743 Going by lust first instead of logic isn't a great idea for wanting a long term relationship, that's how you get played and emotionally manipulated.
You need to have a foundation of friendship first to have a more safe way of defining your feelings for something long term. (Not that you can't do it the other way, but it is very dangerous doing so, because you're being irrational, and giving all this trust to someone, because you're lusting after them than seeing them for who they are.
This is the first video on this channel that I feel is way off the mark. While I totally agree with your description of friendship, I disagree with your portrait of love. Love is an extension of friendship, not an entirely separate thing. The love that I have experienced in my life has been none other than an enhancement on friendship, and while it does come with more hardships, it also comes with immensely greater returns. While I do love my friends, romantic love is, I find, unequivocally superior.
MD Louis Beautiful.
Exactly. The stakes are higher in love, and the apraised kindness of friendship is a way of distance. You don't usually live together with your friends, you usually only see them ocasionally and therefore you forgive things that you wouldn't in a partner, or avoid critics all on the sake of harmony. It's nicer, but it's also less transparent.
I guess I got your point and also some other people in the comment section have already pointed it out. Though I think - even though it doesn't seem too plausible from a logical point of view - our evalution depends on whether we regard love and friendship as general ideas or whether we take that example from the video with a "choice" of having someone either as your lover or as a friend.
When you're loving someone romantically and that person turns you down of course you'll feel that the offered friendship is inferior. This is because love comes with an immense desire and in this scneario you actually _had_ something else in mind than just friendship.
Though I would never ever claim that the friendships I have are inferior to romantic relationships. Quite the opposite: I could live without romantic lovers (even though it would be a sad life) but I definitely couldn't without a handful of platonic friends.
In other words: While you might feel that friendship with your romantically beloved one is inferior to actual mutual love with that very same person it doesn't mean that a romantic relationship with any person is superior to friendship with any other. I've also never felt as if the returns were "immensely greater" with romantic love. And I've had _some_ beautiful relationships!
Sorry for my English, it's not my mother tongue. I hope you got my point.
i agree completely. it is put as if love should only be agressive, while friendships never have fallbacks. all human relations have their issues, this video was way too unrealistic.
Depends how much you value exclusivity. If you don't think it's essential, then Romantic love could feel too in your face, too restrictive and takes away too much personal space. Friendship is way more flexible and no less deep.
Should you have friends of both sexes? Yes. Should you accept an offer of friendship when you're actually attracted to them? No. For the same reason you don't pull off your shirt and whip yourself with power cords for fun.
I don't do women friends
If the friendship is very good, it is worth it, though. Attraction does not equal heartbreak anyway. And i also have stayed friends with someone who actually did break my heart. Exes have stayed friends with me after i ended the relationship. Just have to be willing to move through the feelings.
@covid-19 There's nothing wrong with having female friends. It's just that it's an bad idea to stay friends when you want an romantic relationship. It hurt you and will strain the friendship plus you can't move on from an person when your around them. It's best to move on.
@covid-19 THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?🤣🤣🤣 this is the most bullcrap thing I've ever read 🤣🤣🤣 Im so embarrassed for you. Why even watch the video if y'all missing the point?
Char Gandz so what is the point? I’m lost
It would be nice to stay friends with most people we are attracted to, but let’s be honest, they propose it not to actually become your friend, but to reject you in the most polite way. Usually “let’s remain just good friends” doesn’t mean they really want to remain your friend - they never were your friend and never were interested in you platonically, they just hoped for the romantic connection that didn’t appear - it almost always means “I don’t want to be your partner, but total rejection would be too harsh, so I’ll pretend I’m at least interested in your personality in hopes that it doesn’t hurt you as much”. I’m saying this without even a drop of bitterness, I’ve been on both rejected and rejecting sides, so I’m just speaking from experience. It’s better to not invest your time and effort into this type of one-sided friendship, but to find yourself actual friends instead.
The info here is incomplete. It knocked down love and put friendship on the same pedestal neither one should have. There are four loves, all of which are necessary, all of which we can do well or badly. Eros, or sexual love is currently the only “love” our culture recognizes as such. And if sexual desire is *all* you base a relationship on, of course its rejection feels like the end of the world, and it’s continuation is going to go sour. You *must* have the others to succeed. Friendship is crucial, but it too can go sour, causing cliques, resentment, and bitterness. Family affection is also important. See how someone treats their own family, and you’ll know how they will end up treating everyone else. The final and hardest is agape, the self-sacrificing love that puts the other’s needs ahead of your own. In times of stress or sickness or hurt, you have to be able to learn how to do that. Do you see now why Eros can’t ever be enough, and that Friendship can’t simply take its place on the pedestal?
Kimberly Hartman Beautifully put.
" Family affection is also important. See how someone treats their own family, and you’ll know how they will end up treating everyone else."
lol "the info here is incomplete", huh. hey kimberly, why are we listening to you on the "four types of love"?
This video infers that being friend-zoned is a good thing because it means your love for that person will be “better” and less volatile as a friend than a lover. So would you say that being friend-zoned basically just cuts out the chance for sexual love, which can hold back a relationship from going further, but at the same time adding a sexual component helps the couple find out if the other loves are truly there.
Brilliant.
"See how someone treats their own family, and you’ll know how they will end up treating everyone else."
You're wrong. There are plenty of people with fucked up relationships with their entire families. And guess what: since those issues started when they were kids, it's not their fault at all. Still doesn't mean they'd treat those family members nicely.
Now why can't this be taught more often?
SWATDRUMMUH Because very few people get it
I Control My Fate woke comment!
I Control My Fate Speak for yourself. It's only settling if you feel that way. I prefer friends, I'm so not into dating. Every couple I know is always fighting. I don't need that garbage in my life.
Because not all the people interesting in deep knowledge
Putra Samosir not good to assume.
When I was single I told my mum about my two male best friends whom I went to university with. They both are kind and patient, great friends, supportive, funny and I can have really good conversations with them. My mother asked me, then how come you're not with one of them. I said: because we are friends! It has always been a very fullfilling relationship, just not in an amorous way. I almost felt kind of offended by the thought that I somehow HAD to be with one of them because we get along well.
Anne Mehlfeld that's because the women and men of that time were not vapid people who just went physical prowess or sexual attractiveness. They did not have much choices and hence knew that if someone were caring, supportive, loving, etc., they would be a amazing partner. They were logical because they did not put much emphasis on emotional love but knew that marriage was about adjustment, that no love last forever and is fleeting, and the attributes you mentioned are the best characteristics expected from a partner willing to last long in marriage and keeping both the children together.
what time are you talking about when you say "of that time". My mother is now in her siexties. It's not like she has some old fashioned attitude about it, I think it's just that she didn't consider that a friendship between men and women can exists while being enough for both sides.
Anne Mehlfeld Yup. My mom didn't tell me that though. Literally I was friends with a guy who, we had sleep overs together, alone, and DIDN'T have sex! Can you believe that! The things we did, like having breakfast together. My goodness.
One day after a month of being so close, he called me a bitch and I NEVER spoked to him again.
Oh my gosh, why did he call you a bitch? Do you think maybe he wanted more and was angry because he didn't get it?
I found this video utterly charming. However I believe that if one wants romantic love, settling for friendship is downplaying oneself. Leave.
Don't go to a restaurant who serves you potatoes when you asked for fries.
Sneaky Suzanne That’s is perfectly put. Well said.
But potatoes are healthier
@@lorymaypel good point
Sneaky Suzanne well said
What if you want romantic love with someone who you also consider to be a dear friend? Personally, I value their existence in my life more than a possible romantic relationship. I still love them, but I know that in order to have them in my life and be happy I have to accept that we will just be happy as friends.
A long distance friend and I like each other, but we decided that it's better for us to stay friends because we value our friendship too much to compromise it with trying to be more than friends. It hurt like hell for a bit but I'm glad that's what we decided on. We'll be going to the same college in two months so if we were meant to be more than friends, it'll naturally progress, but I'm happy to be just friends too if it doesn't work out.
If a girl ever asks me "if we could be lovers?", then I would not believe her to be human.
CeroCompleta just have a lot of friends that are girls and eventually you’ll meet one that just manifests a relationship from a friendship of its own will
CeroCompleta LMAO
CeroCompleta me neither because nobody talks like that lmfao
I actually said yes to that
I can't escape her
CeroCompleta but an animal
School of Life just read my mind... This just happened to me
They always post at the best time.
Good. Let the pain burn inside you and be a powerful motivator to improve yourself! Embrace darwinian sexual selection and fight fight fight to be among the selected! I've been so much healthier thanks to getting rejected many times!
I feel you mam
"We can be just good friends." Men used to most say that 30 years ago. They used to play love games only to get sex and wanted no emotional ties. Now, the table has turned around and I am very surprised by the reversal changes in today's men and women. What has ever happened? I am stumped.
Man, I on the other hand am about to ask someone out today. This is a bad omen
Sometimes friendships offer more in-depth experiences than romantic relationships. We should value friendships on the same level as romantic relationships.
Depends on how much you have of each. If you only have romantic relationships, friendships would be more valuable. If you only make platonic friendships then romantic relationships are more valuable.
It's too painful to remain "just as good friends". I'd rather move on.
I feel this way as well. Once you are lovers, and you have let that person inside your body you are not friends. I do not have sex with my friends. It's best to move on and have space to healthily get over them. How can you go from all that time together and feeling so close to them just wanting to call you up when they need someone to whine to or go shopping with?
There have been a number of times where I was in a relationship with someone and in retrospect wish it was "just" a friendship, because they were genuinely wonderful people that I wish I could keep the friendship with after it ended.
Every serious relatinship I have had has included them saying something like "I could see us staying friends if we ever split up"... and its not impossible to do.
@@Heligany I wish I never got into a relationship, but I love this girl so much that I'll do it agajn
*again
I love this. Recently been struggling with this and realized I feel most happy and loved when I have tons of people to turn to, a big community of people that I care about that care about me. Love is awesome, but friendship is so important too. Great message.
Thank you so much, you just firmly established my belief that the whole idea of friendship and romance is upside down.
So true
YES.
exactly
How exactly?
How is it upside down?
Well if my lover is loving someone else while i am just her friend then in that case i would leave her . there is thing called self respect and i need it for my survival .
If you’re just her friend then she is not your lover.
Being friends is a lot better than being in Love relationship , No jealousy, No drama, No Heartbreak, Being just friends is less risky, and more Fun✌🏻
All of my "let's just be friends" are friends I don't have anymore.
It's understandable
Same!!
I'm best friends with my ex girlfriend, and I can say that our relationship is way better now than before.
still dating?
Red Maw no.
still best friends?
@@ReubMann yup.
Bit simpy
Except "Let's just stay friends" has nothing to do with friendship most of the times. You're setting yourself for an even bigger embarrassment if you interpret this as a call to actually unironically be friends.
Very true... in most cases people just say that to make you feel better. I'd also say that most people don't really know the definition of the word 'friend' and classify anything that doesn't involve sex as friendship.
MultiPAVEL86 THANK YOU! Hey everybody please listen!
Margaux he means *SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU*
I agree. I think in this video they wanted to say how friendship is equally important as romantic relationship. They wanted to say that friendship is overlooked and made less than romantic relationship.
aspalathos friendship is important, but trying to compare it in the context of romance and intersex relations is pretty foolish.
The best relationships begin as friends.
So true
Omg what a shocker! Being a good friend makes one as a better partner to br with. Why didn't I think of that!
There is always one of the couple who wants and keeps on hoping for more
I recently developed feelings for one of my best friends and she didn't feel the same. But she explained most of what's in this video. Seeing it again kind of confirmed it for me and makes me happy that we are just best friends.
Irrational beliefs entrenched in undeserved expectation which are fueled by any number of “should,” “must,” and “ought” statements may lead to the highly emotive result of what we often perceive as rejection. It isn’t an easy outcome for many people, especially those who subscribe to societal indoctrination concerning the dreadful “friend zone.”
I find videos such as this to be useful in reminding me how valuable friendship is and how difficult romantic relationships often are. Thanks for the reminder.
Yep. If I've let you in as a friend, you have gotten closer to me than most lovers I've had and our relationship will certainly last longer. I'm almost at the point where I feel like romanticism isn't worthwhile, especially when compared to friendship.
Amy > and i’m at the point where i feel like romanticism isn’t wothwhile, especially when compared to sex.
If I could friend zone a couple of girls, I would.... sadly only they've friend zoned me...
hi Nord, are you as equally loud about your antisemitism in real life?
You get to know someone for a longer time when it’s friendship.
you can have both. You just need to re-evaluate your priorities and values in what you look for in a person. Seems your values are changing and you're realizing that, which is a great first step. (beware: get rid of the idealization of a person in your mind. doesn't exist, and no one will ever measure up. Best thing about us is none of us are perfect.) hope that helps.
Recovering hopeless romantic here. Love has caused me so much pain, and I relate to this video so much. But ever since mentally accepting the friendship of someone I used to have feelings for, and seeking love in its more casual and platonic forms, I’ve been so much happier. At first it felt like some kind of hedonistic sacrilege to give up my romantic idealisms and try to pursue casual sex instead of love, or like shallow self-degradation to talk to many people at once instead of cultivating close connections, but it ended up being the exact thing I needed. Not to say I’ve given up on romance, but I’ve found that loving specific people more casually, and refusing to project my self-worth onto them, has made me a better lover of the world instead. :)
#loveroftheworld 👌👆
Finding a good and true friend is like going through a warzone. Especially one of the opposite sex. It takes many tough battles and hardships before you can reach the end. I've noticed that I've met many guys who I just want to be friends with, but they always have other intentions, hence why I always lose them along the way, vice versa if I also get attracted to them, but the ones who stayed, the ones who fought the front lines with me and survived until the end without ever crossing the line, they're the friends who came out victorious.
FROM MY EXPERIENCE (obviously not for everyone), friendship has been better, longer lasting, and more fulfilling to me than romantic love has. I have a few friends from the past who have caused me pain, but that's nothing compared to the pain past lovers have caused me. I am at a point in life where I definitely prefer friendship.
A nice song says" luckily I'm in love with my best friend"
It applies for the meaning here too .
Greetings to all TSOLers from Egypt :)
The women I desire I obsess about. Therefore I can't mentally manage to shut down my desire completely, and every small rejection, may it be holding a hand, a small kiss, or a flirt attempt comes with a bitter aftertaste. To remain in that state is to suffer and I have decided I will no longer let myself down to be there for her, while I remain an afterthought. Eventually I suffer even more once she starts dating someone else. My advice is, have some self-respect and draw the line if she rejects you. You will (yes, will!) find someome else who values you as much as you value her/him.
Limbis
I completely agree. I can't be friends with someone who rejects me or I've rejected because that painfully awkward.
I apologise I know it's cringe to reply 4 years old comment, but this is a true gem and unfortunately way more down in comments. Many people need to read this.
I live by this quote - "Don't love your friend, don't become friend of your love".
That sounds unhealthy, I’d advise not befriending them at all if you can’t draw the line at being friends without feeling so hurt.
If she says she wants be "just friends" after you've taken her out and all that nah bih you gotta pay gas money cause we friends now.
Daniel 😂 you stupid
I just did that. Last night I took my crush to a expensive but not fancy restraunt, so we sat down and looked at the menu. We laughed, shared thoughts like always and hinting me that I'm nothing more than a friend. So I calle the waiter and told him to split up the order becuase she was going to pay the drinks and her reaction was a bit funny, I did not told her anything about it. So later on we went to a bar (Drinks were on me this time). She wanted to go home, so I asked for a uber, we went home but she payed again. (Maybe I should have not went with her home, but I was the one who invited her so I had to accompany her. We watched movies and then she took me to her room and shared secrets, and childhood memories. That quite did make me feel vulnerable and once I left her house she kindly told to let her know I got home safe (Something she really never said to me once). It felt weird but not awkward hanging out with her with different intentions becuase I still have these strong feelings for her but she's about to leave town anyway, I just want to make the most of it and not have bitter memories of her before she leaves, but now I face the truth I'll never get intimate with her and she wouldn't give me more than a kiss.
Jajaziel8amtz lol fuck dude
To love is to give freely. To treat a person well freely without expecting anything in return is the action of love. The point is to be a whole not a half and If you watched the video it's also a tip to actually be a better person to your lover.
She could have tried and didn't really liked you. Check up on yourself , and stop being co dependent. You're already counting beans that's very unhealthy. That's in the category of toxic relationships.
@James Cunico There will be girl who will like you and take similar efforts just like how you took efforts for the one whom you liked. Unfortunately, you won't notice that girl because your eyes will be blinded because of the "love" you have for other girl. 😂
Story of life.
Nothing new under the sky 😂
I value friendships very highly. We trust each other. We can talk about anything. My best friends are the only ones I don’t mind touching my shoulder or holding my important items. We grew close over many years with no expectations but only the enjoyment of being together. To me that feels much more authentic than asking or being asked to date.
The most flattering thing my husband has ever said to me is,"You are my best friend!"
just say no to friend zone.If you say it politly and with a smile , it's even better.
Fantastic video. I like how The School of life gets down the most best issues and analyses them.
Having gone through so many rejections in my life.. I use to feel worthless.. but I continued to work on myself rather than work on any unbalanced relationship I may have settled into .. Now I m such a different person than I use to be and way better off than my peers I use to envy.. girls desire me and I literally have to be careful around them Bc they fall in love. Work on yourselves guys!!
physical desire fades in time...at the end of that needs to be a great friendship that lasts a lifetime. that is true love...
this has shown me how to appreciate/heal my recent friendship with the "one that got away" - hes found his life partner and I havent. Ive had such a hard time dealing with this. but I realize from this perspective, I feel the first sign of possible relief.
God this comment section is pathetic and full of immature angst. No, being let down by a man or woman you were interested in physically never feels good. But don't complain or wallow in self pity, life's too short. Move on. It's called being an adult.
?? why do u cut off ties with someone just cause they felt they arent right fit with you romantically? if u truly cared about the person, y would u never want to see them again? get over your ego.
FUCKING THANK YOU, so many of these comments border on sociopathic
unrequited love is part of life. its hard but quit whining about how unfair it is. go write a goddamn poem or something jfc nobody owes you romantic love.
I Control My Fate just hope you don’t get rejected a lot, cause you’d have to cut off A LOT of ties 🤷♀️
@@StormhawkJuzo if I wanna end a friendship, I will
@@sydandtaytum You can't ties with them because it hurts you to see them with other people plus you can't get over someone if your around. It's not that they care about you but they also have to do what's best for themselves.
Interesting perspective, I totally agree with the beauty of being just friends and continue to count on each other. Friends make life worth and help us in difficult times just being there to listen and moral support.
A sad think my boyfriend said to me was: "No guy ever becomes friend with a girl without thinking to be in a relationship with her or at least have sex with her." That made me sad, because it means that they don't stay with me because I am a good person to talk too. But he continued: "But eventually when both of them get along for years, they can just be friends." I know many guys who have best girlfriends. They told me they had sexual thoughts at first, but now they concider them as best buddys because they are so clever, funny and never acting like a girlfriend.
Big Green lmao do u think he’s gonna leave her... idk why he’d tell you that honey
MaryArts sorry but this is mostly true
Men don’t look at women as friends. They have guy friends to joke with, watch the game, grab a drink. The only reason, esp younger men would be friends with a girl is bc they would like to date her. That’s the problem with the “friend zone” the males are not being up front from the start. Men and women can be friendly at school or work, superficial non sexual friendships....but as When Harry Met Sally taught us, men and women usually cannot be friends. Women think they can, but the men don’t see them as friends.
@@anneb889 I'm starting to doubt you've ever talked to another person before
Not true at all... even less true as you grow up and old. I have several friends that I’d never wanted to sleep with.
Dear School of Life. You are a gift for humanity. We need more. Way more of what you give us here on TH-cam. On the media. On the news. On the cardboard of our breakfast cereal. Thank you for providing always with a mildly painful but effective cure to an appalingly hurtful issue. Once again, you brilliantly hit a point that remains so elusive to some of us. Huge thanks from someone who today can breathe a little more relieved.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I AM GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL FOR ALL THE FRIENDS IN MY LIFE!!!! I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH YOU!!!! YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY AWSOME!!!! I AM SO BLESSED TO ENJOY THIS JOURNEY OF LIFE WITH YOU!!!
I wish I hadn’t fallen in love with my best friend. Now I have lost a lover and a best friend. A mistake that I’ve repeated few too many times
same :/
Did that twice... however mental health was the reason for it...
Hey NoName I feel you
Another advantage: blue balls. They accessorise great with many colour combinations.
Friendships develop and are not something to agree on.
Finally! I have found THE video that explains not only where friendship differs from a relationship, but why friendship seems more alluring. It's not that it's more attractive (THAT would be disgusting). It's that it IS where we find the best in ourselves in full force!
It bothered me that, up to this point, I gave the most heartwarming Christmas gift to my best friend and not a date. But after watching this video, it's clear that, indeed, my best friend and I not only bring out the best in us, but that our best talents VERY MUCH complements each other.
That ending was stellar!!
Hehe, I am dealing with this a bit. The possibility of love scares me, because it means the possibility of losing a friend. It also means those simple emotions one can have with friends could become so confusing when they become lovers...
_"I am sorry, could we just be lovers?"_
What a fresh and kinda relieving way to put it. 😊
I agree so much with you. Modern love relationships are generally only "sensual" ones. However, to my mind, it's kinda weird. People sometimes talk about "friendzone" concept, but what is the issue ? It's true that you can't love someone you just considered as a friend, but how can you have a true love relationship without friendship ? The longest and most stable relationship are between people who talk to each others, share things and who could be considered as best friends. To my mind, that is the secret of "true love".
This only works if the supposition of being friends and lovers are separated and are not related. As a mate before said, if your lover isn't your best friend you are in the wrong relationship. Being lovers is a step up of being friends, with all the advantages of the latter and even more. We sometimes hurt the ones we love because we are more exposed and reveal more of ourselves to them than others, meaning we are more ourselves with our partner than with regular or even best friends.
idk what i would do without this channel
Literally. I always think love doesn't last forever and the people I love are worthyer than that❤️
For me, I can't fall in love with a person who doesn't love me back. I can feel it when we spend more and more time together my feelings for them grow as much as their feelings grow for me. If their feelings for me don't grow, I notice it, and that is like turning me off, and I won't fall in love. So I don't understand how you can say "I love you" to someone you definitelly know they won't love you back.
MaryArts you loved,but you've never fallen in love, then
M Daria ? I just fell in love with someone who loved me too. It was also hard for me to confess to them ^^" it took 3 months, those months were pretty hurtful, even though I know he loves me back
Love comes in many forms. You can have a friend and love them, the trick is both people are on the same page about expectations.
Just reconciled with my once best friend. We have known each other for 7 years and then fought over some stuff that now doesn’t really matter. And for 1,5 year we both suffered enormously but were to proud to text or call to each other. And now, when we are back to our great friendship, these Alan’s words truly resonate with me. I am my best self with my friend, I am the most sincere, kind, fair versions of myself with him. Unlike in relationships with guys that I like, I am not trying to impress him or do something to look better in his eyes. And he truly accepts my worst parts, admires my best parts and so do I in return.
You don't have to impress your partner though
First video I watched was how to actively listen and now I'm up to my 6tg video I'm not lying this channel has clearly and shortly explained some/most of the mishaps and holes in my life. Thank you The School Of Life‼️
Friendship is the basis for romantic love...which may or may not occur, and that is ok.
This video is spot on.
Threw meditation and contemplation I had realized this awhile ago. I no longer believe in "boy friends" or "girl friends" because I don't know what those are. I only believe in friendship. Great job The School of Life. Keep doing what you do best.
What you mention in friendship is what I expect especially in a relationship. I mean, how could you possibly love without appreciating the darkest and most obscure aspects of another person? How can a relationship possibly be worthwhile if two people don't interact kindly, patiently, encouragingly towards each other?
It CAN'T that's why,
but people are too stupid to think about that. They believe that sex comes first when it comes to romance rather than being exclusive Best Friends with one another for a foundation. That's why so many relationships fail, because they put their feelings of lust first when deciding weither someone is relationship material or not rather than actual traits that someone has that would make them a good partner.
You can't have Romance without respect, otherwise it's just a sexual relationship. People don't seem to think this through or think at all.
Thank you for this 🤗 I have thought this for a long time. "Just friends" discredits and devalues your friendships! Xx
The most wisdom I ever obtained from a video. Profoundly transformed my value and perspective on relationships.
Annnddd this is why it can be so ideal when a long term friendship blossoms into something more 🌷
True from my experiences. Every time I tried a relationship it broke and I never saw the other person again. Now, I don't seek for partners, I don't flirt, I have a lot of manly friends and they do not disappoint me.
I have a couple thoughts on why this video is overall right, but not quite. First, I think if you are in a position to be disappointed by the offer of friendship, that means that you feel more for a person, and friendship will not fit/work for you. Although love has many downsides, the feeling of it is still real, so when a person doesn't reciprocate, it's unrealistic to just feel content with friendship. They are two totally different ways to relating and don't necessarily translate back and forth interchangeably.
Secondly, when a person says, "I just want to be friends" that isn't an invitation to the kind of deep friendship described in this video. Often, it's just a white lie that means, I don't care if I see you again. Or, if it's an invitation to friendship, it's a very casual beginning and an entry to occasional small talk building, maybe, over years, to deeper intimacy. So I don't think that you necessarily should feel deeply complimented when someone said this to you after a date; it's at best a casual invitation to possible future acquaintanceship and at worst a polite brush off.
However, I do agree with the video that true friendship is a wonderful thing and has many good qualities. I don't think it's fair to compare healthy friendship with unhealthy romantic relationship; as this does. I've seen friendships where people do terrible things to each other, and romances where people are truly respectful and inspirational to each other. In the end, all relationships require deep respect and they also need both parties on the same page.
Yes, thank you. I've learnt so much from you all and i want you to know i appreciate that very much. You make people so much easier to understand and have helped me realize that things are often better than they look.
I've been talking with a guy for quite a long time and after some months passed (we have never met in real life) I told him I was in love with him. He told me that he needed some time to think about it, also because we've never met. Remember that if you're in love with your best friend you don't have to fight for it, because what really matters is that he/her is with you, listens to your problem no matter what.
Lovely, lighthearted but profound vid, as usual. Thanks again
A former girl friend told me that after a on again off again relationship that lasted 8 years. We stayed in touch but We both went on to find other partners- I danced with her at her wedding. We have both been happily married for 30 years. We remain friends after 40 years.
This channel made me realize the impact of Romanticism on love.
This topic cuts deep but brings to mind an author (from the old guard, but still relevant..): “Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros (erotic love) betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important. In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole person into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all their facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away.” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
thank u.
For the longest time I've been fantasizing about the time I meet a person to love and deeply understand and be understood. I was viewing that type of relationship as one that could only be present between lovers but I was so freaking wrong. I now have a friend and I my fantasy is now true but without the lover part.i was so foolish to think that I could never develop such a deep relationship with a friend. I genuinely feel very free now ,I've talked about topics that made very vulnerable but she admitted of feeling the same about those topics ,, I'm so happy