Im glad you picked the question about cbt feeling like gaslighting. I was one of the people in the comments agreeing, and I ended up having to stop the treatment altogether as the therapist (she wasnt a therapist but a psychiatric nurse with "special training") I went to refused to do any other treatment. I have never felt less validated. She truly made me feel like I didn't know what I wanted and like only she knew what was best. It was an overall horrible experience.
Despite losing precious sleep, completely un-balancing me and shaking me to my core, I love my nightmares. It's me releasing some of the stuck, old trauma. Nightmares point me directly and very clearly to it and give me a release or a starting point. Therefore I appreciate my night'scares' and see them as a natural self-healing tool. I love my body for such a cool superpower.
Image Rehearsal has completely rewired my bad dreams. It is used to treat ptsd nightmares. Worth looking into- it can be done with a therapist or on your own.
I was so excited to get some inside on how to deal with nightmares. I've struggled with those a lot lately. It's not easy to funktion on so few hours of sleep
I really enjoy and gain great wisdom from your podcast. However, I wanted to talk about what you might say to the person that self harms that seems to be unable stop cutting. "Do you want your grandchildren to see it and comment on it?" The answer is no. I don't. But that wouldn't stop me from self harming. That just adds an extra layer of shame. At least to me. How do I explane this? Like... I do understand that I would stop because I want better life for me, the already existing scars would fade, other people wouldn't be able to see, therefore wouldn't ask, which would be nice. I'd love that for me. But it still feels like I would have to stop because other people are uncomfortable. And that wouldn't be a reason for me. It would be a reason for others. At least it feels like. That's the sentence I didn't have the courage to tell my therapist. I went all in talking about how wonderful my life would be making others more comfortable around me. I don't like that approach. It led me to lieing I no longer cut. Years later I still do. But in places my grandchildren or anyone's children even at the pool won't see.
Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time still. Self harm behaviour is very sticky, I dealt with it for 10 years. I guess you could be honest and say what you've already said, how their comments only lead to more shame and this is something you need to work on for you and not anyone else, because really it isn't sustainable to do it for someone else. Its your experience and your body, you need to heal for you, not anyone else.
It's hard, because you gotta find a substitute for the behavior that isn't self-harm but somehow produces the same affect. I'm still trying to figure out what that affect is.
Hey Kati!! My thoughts on why the therapist might not ask about self harm:. Sometimes people with BPD will self harm to get attention...so maybe the therapist doesn't want to feed into that? XO
TW: self harm Is it self harm when I poke my hand with a pencil or bang my head against a wall or put my finger in boiling water for 2-3 seconds? It helps me calm down and it doesn't really hurt, but it's still some kind of harm. What do you think? (Just for context, I'm not in therapy and I don't think I've experienced trauma)
Hi Lucia, not sure if this helps. My therapist once mentioned, that if the Action is on purpose, its typically SH. As far as I understood the duration of the action is not that relevant, but it's rather about the purpose the action serves. If the self harming action is soothing and calming, than it's a coping skill, which helps you to regulate. I also experience the "inability to feel the pain" and this is typically a form of dissociation (somehow a disconnection from reality). So all in all I would guess that it's SH and that the SH is one of your coping skill. Kati has some vids on SH and dissociation if you need more input. I personally benefitted from therapy and my therapist helped me to find triggers and new ways to cope. Although I was very sceptical at the beginning, therapy has made my life so much easier in many ways. In the meantime, I have become a huge fan of therapy and therefore advise everyone to try out a few trial sessions of therapy.
@@kleinersalamander2465 Hi, thank u for your advice. I want to go to therapy, but I don't know how to ask for it, but I will try my best to make it work. Btw I'm so happy that therapy worked for u :)
Timestamps
Q1 - 0:35
Q2 - 4:10
Q3 - 8:36
Q4 - 17:45
Q5 - 25:35
Q6 - 30:22
Q7 - 34:51
Q8 - 39:42
Q9 - 43:58
Im glad you picked the question about cbt feeling like gaslighting. I was one of the people in the comments agreeing, and I ended up having to stop the treatment altogether as the therapist (she wasnt a therapist but a psychiatric nurse with "special training") I went to refused to do any other treatment. I have never felt less validated. She truly made me feel like I didn't know what I wanted and like only she knew what was best. It was an overall horrible experience.
Despite losing precious sleep, completely un-balancing me and shaking me to my core, I love my nightmares. It's me releasing some of the stuck, old trauma.
Nightmares point me directly and very clearly to it and give me a release or a starting point. Therefore I appreciate my night'scares' and see them as a natural self-healing tool. I love my body for such a cool superpower.
Always time well-spent, listening to this extraordinary woman.
Kati always brightens my day. 😊 Excellent episode as usual.
I needed to hear this today. It encouraged me to attend hospital for an infection! Love your videos! Thank you
Image Rehearsal has completely rewired my bad dreams. It is used to treat ptsd nightmares. Worth looking into- it can be done with a therapist or on your own.
That sounds like it's worth a try. Thanks for the advice 😊
Lindsey Sterling the violinist? She is an incredible musician.
I was so excited to get some inside on how to deal with nightmares. I've struggled with those a lot lately. It's not easy to funktion on so few hours of sleep
I feel you
You ever click on a video because it sounds interesting, watch some of it and then realize it just got uploaded not long before?...
I really enjoy and gain great wisdom from your podcast.
However, I wanted to talk about what you might say to the person that self harms that seems to be unable stop cutting.
"Do you want your grandchildren to see it and comment on it?"
The answer is no. I don't. But that wouldn't stop me from self harming. That just adds an extra layer of shame. At least to me.
How do I explane this?
Like... I do understand that I would stop because I want better life for me, the already existing scars would fade, other people wouldn't be able to see, therefore wouldn't ask, which would be nice. I'd love that for me.
But it still feels like I would have to stop because other people are uncomfortable. And that wouldn't be a reason for me. It would be a reason for others. At least it feels like. That's the sentence I didn't have the courage to tell my therapist. I went all in talking about how wonderful my life would be making others more comfortable around me.
I don't like that approach. It led me to lieing I no longer cut. Years later I still do. But in places my grandchildren or anyone's children even at the pool won't see.
Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time still. Self harm behaviour is very sticky, I dealt with it for 10 years.
I guess you could be honest and say what you've already said, how their comments only lead to more shame and this is something you need to work on for you and not anyone else, because really it isn't sustainable to do it for someone else. Its your experience and your body, you need to heal for you, not anyone else.
It's hard, because you gotta find a substitute for the behavior that isn't self-harm but somehow produces the same affect. I'm still trying to figure out what that affect is.
What is IOP?
Hey Kati!! My thoughts on why the therapist might not ask about self harm:. Sometimes people with BPD will self harm to get attention...so maybe the therapist doesn't want to feed into that?
XO
9:56 ❤
TW: self harm
Is it self harm when I poke my hand with a pencil or bang my head against a wall or put my finger in boiling water for 2-3 seconds? It helps me calm down and it doesn't really hurt, but it's still some kind of harm. What do you think?
(Just for context, I'm not in therapy and I don't think I've experienced trauma)
Hi Lucia,
not sure if this helps. My therapist once mentioned, that if the Action is on purpose, its typically SH. As far as I understood the duration of the action is not that relevant, but it's rather about the purpose the action serves. If the self harming action is soothing and calming, than it's a coping skill, which helps you to regulate.
I also experience the "inability to feel the pain" and this is typically a form of dissociation (somehow a disconnection from reality).
So all in all I would guess that it's SH and that the SH is one of your coping skill.
Kati has some vids on SH and dissociation if you need more input.
I personally benefitted from therapy and my therapist helped me to find triggers and new ways to cope.
Although I was very sceptical at the beginning, therapy has made my life so much easier in many ways. In the meantime, I have become a huge fan of therapy and therefore advise everyone to try out a few trial sessions of therapy.
@@kleinersalamander2465 Hi, thank u for your advice. I want to go to therapy, but I don't know how to ask for it, but I will try my best to make it work.
Btw I'm so happy that therapy worked for u :)
I think eating disorders stem from a desire for control in ones life.