Why do I feel Sorry for the Narcissist?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 มิ.ย. 2024
- Here is the link to all my best resources:
beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
chapters
00:00 introduction
01:16 are you an HSP ?
02:25 leave the narcissist alone
04:06 There is no inner child to be saved in a narcissist
05:42 What to do with the empathy you feel
06:55 you have to channel the empathy
09:32 The conclusion
Here is the link to all my best resources:
beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
Thank you so much for this video! This has helped me tremendously,and has put so many things in perspective. ❤
Whatever u said is so true....i gave him time and space...he got married to someone else...then i understood that he can do whatever if it is in his favour...he did not even think about 8 years of relationship and how much i supported and cared for him....Your thoughts are really important if someone is suffering from the narcissistic abuse...Thanks Danish❤❤
Danish : is it ok to tell them (neighbor) that they are mentally ill ? Also family.member NPD.
I am empath- I am at a stage now where I do not have to change my core values of empathy but must be more protective of Me than I have ever been before.
@@cherylg.3465 The fact that you think this is a mental issue shows you dun understand narcissism at all
If you want to be kind and compassionate towards a narc give them your distance.
Your compassion is food for them. It makes them sicker
Well said
I feel sympathy for the narcissist, I just won’t be close to them or try to be kind to them
Love and forgiveness from a distance
Mdr .
From my experience with my narcissist of 25 years is that you have to feel all the emotions and truly accept that it's part of the process. When you can let it go and accept it as part of your learning process and realizing that it needed to happen as part of your growth you will be able to move on. Do not wait for an apology or accountability because it will never come from a narcissist. Rather give forgiveness to yourself for tolerating it. Say thank you that the veil was lifted and that everything served a purpose.
Feel it to heal it.
Well said👏🏻
Thank you for your kind and wise words of encouragement.
❤ very well said. Yet difficult initially.
No man can save a narcisist. Only God can save them and bring them back to Life. The best thing we can do for a narcisist is to leave them alone.
I can't believe in God. God was just an excuse to kill Native American children in those boarding schools. I'm thinking about writing an antireligious book like Sam Harris or Christopher Hitchens to convince the world that God believers are evil.
Amen 👍🏼
Yes, best to just place them in God's hands & let it be.
Yes! That empathy for my parent was a false compassion that I was trained to feel. They make you responsible for their happiness. And you become trained to believe that the more crap you take while denying yourself,makes you a good person. And that leads to loads of resentment towards them eventually,even hate , if you allow it to continue long enough. So glad I've been NC for over a decade. I've been happier than ever.
true, true, true. I was told that I was only "good" if I gave up what I wanted, what I needed and did not "bother" my mother with my wants and needs, otherwise, I was "bad" and so conditioning set in. our job is to wake up and take back our power. God bless us.
I've been no contact for 8 months after 38 years (my mother) the hate that started to bubble up at the six months mark is unlike anything I ever imagined experiencing.
I'm afraid if my aunt and mother in law weren't such angels among women I'd hate all boomer women.
stop with the "boomer" women thing. egads. your hate was there, you just didn't acknowledge it. under the hate is the hurt. the more you spend time in projecting onto others, the more time you waste in avoiding looking at how and why you attracted this. what is it showing you? what is it you need to learn? life is about learning and purifying ourselves so we can get back to God, meditation will help you. judgment keeps you stuck, remember that. @@imjustsam1745
I am so very sorry for anyone who, like me, experienced a 'mother' with this disorder. At 47 years old I still struggle to disentangle myself. What can hurt most is the coldness she exhibits towards my children. The gnawing fear that she may be consciously inflicting damage and getting off on it has persuaded me that distance is the only answer. It still hurts. I wish that it wouldn't but who doesn't crave a mothers love? The toxicity of these creatures is such that ,I am afraid, no contact really is the only answer. How I wish for a better one. A magic wand to transform this self-serving, nasty baggage into an appreciative flawed human Grandmother for my wonderful children . One genuine, heartfelt apology would turn the whole world round for me. I do know better, for she has told me herself, several times: she's not going to change and I am only hurting myself. It is probably currently politically incorrect to say that my mother is also high functioning autistic and that I have come across at least another three or four such females. Statement of fact. The advice in the vid stands: your empowerment comes from total no contact. It will drive them.., but, Stay Firm. Be True. My heart goes out to all who have ever loved such a frigid yet unfathomable Soul. Thank you for the video.
I feel sympathy for what a lot of narcissists had to go through as children. They often went through a lot of things no child should ever go through. But at the same time, this is not an excuse or justification for their abusive ways. Condoning their abuse of innocent people? no. Sorry for their childhood experiences? yes.
Keep in mind there are plenty of people who deliberately decide to NOT harm others, having had those same kind of experiences. Narcissists have to conclude at some point that there's an easy way out of that victim role, and it's by deciding the world owes them something. But of course it doesn't, and the only healthy thing to do after abuse is to process through what has happened and, in fact, to try to live consciousnessly to break the cycle of victims turning into more abusers. ❤
The pathetic thing about narcissists is that a lot of people went through abuse by adults and/or bullying by their peers as kids and turned out just fine. You can choose not to be a jerk and stoop to the level of your enemies.
Of course we feel bad for the horrible things that happened to them,,,,,but yeah,,, don't take it out on us because frankly,, I went through some pretty horrible things also and didn't become that.....Go pound sand or something,,,,wth
@@cc1k435 that was my experience, when I was definitely still in my abusive family dynamics and sliding into narcissistic personality myself. It was meeting my wife and having my son that snapped me out.
I remember choosing to be better. I mean it and I agree with you it's a choice. Me there was a religious experience that I don't understand well enough to talk about but, I think it started with choosing to be better and anyone can make that choice.
@@cc1k435Exactly!! My siblings are narcs. I UNDERSTAND the pain from our childhood, but as an empath, I could never treat people the way they do.
He’s not wrong. The more I try to connect and understand these people the meaner they become. Rarely do they keep this cruelty to themselves. They always bring in other mutual people to reinforce their story that it is a necessity to torture devalue and discard you. 😢
Yup, my brother doing that to me while having his daughter there. What an effing joke.
so much insidious torture.
Thank you Danish for your channel it helps so much . Narcs ALWAYS take advantage of your empathy. Then turn around and become the devil. It’s like they are trying to become you and you become them . Don’t fall for it. Let GO !!! . Stop crying. And Smile more 😊
❤
they want to be little Gods. writing the script of their life as they choose.
Yes stop crying and smile more inshaAllah Ameen
One last thing (now I sound like Colombo). I just recently got this. I used to "feel so sorry" for them, but it only kept the game going. Truly, they just laughed at my kindness, believing it was "weakness" - secretly putting me down. Soon as I detached and worked on my freeing my own Self, (I AM WORTHY, etc.), the narc in my life starts finding excuses to be in my presence, has to "walk by where I am" to "invite conversation" as "it is lonely and bereft that I am not playing the game any more". But I know what it's all about now so if I have to interact, I keep my sentences short and "sweet" (only saying what is necessary) and leaving them with the uncomfortableness. I do not "rush in to rescue them". I really started detaching from my fear that I could not exist without them. I had to know instead that God is my Source! Not them! But this is what they desperately want you to believe! as it keeps them feeling powerful and in control over you (and everyone else). Like a spider 🕷
BUT SO WHAT? I am not doing anything "bad" by being Self protective. I am merely allowing the narc to feel where they put themselves. By always ignoring me, freezing me out, talking smack about me (lying about me to others) and taking credit for everything that I generously helped them with, putting me down, always having to be superior and outdo whatever I say, blah blah blah. The reality is I wanted my own mother to love me and yet I never loved my Self so what was I broadcasting to the World? That I DO NOT MATTER, that I was worthless, not worthy to receive because I felt bad and guilty for whatever crimes I did in whatever past life, blah blah blah. Instead I gave it all to God, I asked Him to forgive me and take whatever is not mine to carry any longer and to release it all to Him and in this way I no longer feel I deserve punishment nor do I feel that I have to "suffer". So I no longer feel sorry, I am only looking at what I have to do for my own Self to heal. THAT is all I am responsible for. Yes, Danish, you are right.
God bless you and I appreciate being able to be heard here, I was never listened to nor validated so this has helped a lot. Being acknowledged and acknowledging our own Self as being important enough to listen to and to be heard. Okay, I'm done. God bless all, thank you.
God IS our source, and how could we love ourselves when our mothers don't? It's been a long 62 years. May God bless us 🙏 ❤️
look to God, yes, remembering and knowing that HE ALONE is our Source, so let go of believing that your mother is your "source" as she was only the biological channel you came thru. God is your REAL PARENT, BOTH MOTHER AND FATHER. God created you and your Soul is from God and you are made in HIS IMAGE, so your mother and father are not your "real parents" but "channels" you came thru. do you understand? in this way, you can disconnect from being loyal to their ideas and conditionings, they did all they knew to do and you need to springboard from them, evolving UPWARDS back to God. God is your Source, not your parents. Your parents were the channel that got you here and into the realm of lessons you needed to evolve. LOVE SELF is 2nd commandment. maybe you didn't before and so you attracted your mother. or maybe you were unloving. we attract what we need to learn. use it as a learning experience. what does your experience tell you about your beliefs? then change it to what you want to experience. the Truth is you are already good, God in you is PERFECT, so learn to identify with God in you and forget the rest except for the lessons you can take with you. Bless all.@@dct1238
To let go when i cannot change the situation. Do my own work. That helps. I still have empathy. It's just more removed. We can't fix everything in life.
I have started setting non-negotiable boundaries. If a person does not respect those boundaries, I will walk away from the conversation ONE TIME, just to give them a warning and to let them know that I am serious. If they try to push the boundaries again, I walk away PERMANENTLY. There will be NO MORE ignoring or dismissing my boundaries by ANYONE.
Please be careful. A lot of people get assaulted walking away the first time. If you've never set boundaries with a narcissist before please be ready for them to physically assault you in some way.
Bless you, I'm not criticizing you your comment just worried me.
@@imjustsam1745 I appreciate your concern and kind words! I have cut out my narc ex. He no longer has a way to contact or find me. I meant that this is what I do to people I first meet. Of course, I would never risk upsetting them if I am alone with them. I would remain polite and calm and noncommittal until I can draw my lines (or cut them off) from a safe distance. Basically, I'm treating everyone as a threat until they prove otherwise. Even if it makes me look a bit weird. It's definitely better to be safe than sorry!
How’s that going for you 😂
@@jayro1988 very well, thank you 😁
I think the abuse has to reach a constant and consistent nature for you to be done with the relationship. When you finally begin saying no it triggers a need inside of you to protect yourself.
For as long as you hang on in the false hope is your choice. What actually pulled me out was abuse beyond measure and a topic too long to go into. I found my no, and I'm sticking to it.
Until done is done is reached we keep getting flung further and harder with attempts at normalcy equalling a kick in the head, back stabs and conversations whereas, although it's us, they're playing their same old age victim syndrome.
No! ✊
You have so helped me in this journey with my daughter and I. Happiness and Peace are now a constant in my life. I have to give God every bit of the credit because I know He places the people in our lives and you my friend are one of them. Now I only listen to your words and one other besides the Holy Spirit. You are a blessing and God is using you in a tremendous way. Whether that is your belief or not.He can use anyone for good or bad. We go through all the experiences we do through life to hopefully learn. And in that learning hopefully not becoming bitter yet brave and testimonial to help others on this journey through life. May you be richly blessed.
Did you have to distance from your daughter, AnnaAnderson1470?
@@Patricia_Stewart337 Yes, for 3 months straight,no talk no text. And a very limited amount now and that's because my 3rd granddaughter is due this Monday. God has been far wiser than we!!!
This guy is amazing and a great healer. Your wisdom is amazing.
Doc., I feel like the biggest idiot. It has taken me almost 50 years of being married to a narcissist, to realize that’s what he is. I started googling his personality defects, nothing is ever his fault, his rage, and his voice escalating if you disagree with him, lack of empathy, acting as if he is superior to me, verbal abuse, changing the story to make him look good, to name a few. Listening to you has helped me so much, and taken a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you.
me too 40 years here . i just thought she would get better eventually.. Danish , please do a show for us long term survivors . why did we stick around 🤷🏼♂️
my break through has come at age 69. my family life of decades was hell. and only late in life I married a man for less than a year and ran. a Nrac and bragged about it. with his statement I learned about narcissimand he untangles the trauma of my life. so he gave me a gift very late in my life.
Thank you, Danish! I have always felt sorry for my narc husband and the pain he endured as child. His father told him he wished he was never born.
I know my husband hated himself but turned it back on me calling me a worthless stupid idiot etc. For 40 years I felt trapped and in a type of prison. He died last year and I felt so sad for him but also had an incredible feeling of relief and freedom.
And that's the truth, hard though it is and incredible as it sounds! Distance and no contact is the only way to peace. Thank you, Danish, for this talk to remind us that we've done all we can and that our empathy must be now directed to and for ourselves.
I used to say to myself, wow somebody really messed over this person saying they never had a chance at being a healthy person. But seconds after those thoughts I say they could have gotten help like others who seek to find peace. I stay towards my light..NOT THEIR DARKNESS..
Beautifully said. Always seems to be at the exact moment I need it free therapy. Please don’t stop making videos. I have learned so much just watching.
Another suggestion I have for those that like to "heal" and "take care" of others, you can do animal rescue and rehabilitation. That is a wonderful outlet with little harm, but the reward is amazing for yourself as well as the abandoned, neglected, abused, homeless animals you help to rehome or rehabilitate and set them free. God bless Danish.
I have spent decades being the parent to the child I was. In my minds eye, as the adult I am, I hold the child I was, I reassure her, I tell her the truths she needs to hear and I sit with her through her darkness. Some things are harder than others; I dont assign blame, I only recognise the needs of the child. I am the only one who knows what she needs.
The N parents and Ns in the extended toxic family had no concern. I cant empathise with them, as I am not the same as them. I know neglect, chaos, abuse, SA* etc, and having those experiences does not afford anyone to rationalise repeating those behaviours.
We all have a choice, somewhere, someone has face their own abyss to break the cycle.
I do feel very sorry for the narcissist. From waaaaay over here
😂😂😂🍿
😊and we're not even bothering them, anymore, letting them know that. We're done comparing an equal amount of sharing every little problem which has come our way with them, drama drama drama!
love it.
😂
😂😂😂😂
I feel no sadness towards people who know they are causing trouble and pain in others because they are weak.
While in a narcissistic relationship, I sought therapy, and it uncovered, underlining emotional and mental abuse. Eventually I left the relationship. I had to begin my life over again. I am at peace with God’s help and listening to Danishes videos and others. I’m still in the healing process. I try my best to live a positive life.
LEAVE THEM ALONE to be on their own. this is true. it is not unkind if you emotionally detach and you remain neutral. you are being self protective. let them sit in it. don't cater, don't enable. it is part of our healing to do this, it is not all about catering to their needs to "them" but to see that we attracted this negativity into our life because we believed and felt that we were unworthy and "bad". let (allow!) them do their own healing, sometimes people have to sit in prison with their own thoughts and to introspect. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR OWN HEALING. Co-dependence is about trying to heal someone else instead of concentrating on your own Self, it is Self avoidance. stop feeling sorry! this does not make you a "good person" it just makes you ignorant.
Know that, "I am not responsible for others", so quit being an enabler, it is not "holy" or "godly" to try to "get someone to wake up and heal". God gives everyone free will and your job is YOU.
Forgiveness is about "letting go of what happened in the past" - not that it was okay that they did it, but you are giving it back to God to deal with them. Instead LEARN TO VALUE GOD IN YOU. It is only then we can quit attracting evil. Remember love Self, it's the 2nd commandment. it's our fear of being without the narcissist that enables them to continue their vampirism of sucking up your energy and your life source.
God is their Source, not you. God is YOUR Source, not them.
WAKEY, WAKEY. Danish, God bless you, thank you!
Well said! ❤❤
thank you - I am only sharing what I am learning myself, we are to become WARRIORS not sniveling weaklings cowering and bowing and scraping. God is within us as our Soul, He breathed that spark into us and we are honoring God when we remember this. God bless all, this is the TRUE awakening, love God first and all shall be added. @@jeannieotb8491
I am HSP. Sometimes I still feel empathy but now I become angry and protect myself
Sending a big hug to all of us survivors of narcissistic abuse. Feel empowered by Danish’s recommendation on this video and leave the narc alone. It’s the best decision I’ve made in my life! Thanks to videos like these, I keep reassuring myself that I deserve to surround myself with people who are kind, healthy and as beautiful inside as I am.
After all his stalking and using his ex to stalk me .. demanding my address and what not when we are clearly done... nothing he does surprises me anymore. The empathy yes...def feel sorry for how he is now. He's emotionally insane and I can't blame anyone. All I can do is walk away with my kid and be miles away from him hoping we never run into each other again
But of course but we've sacrificed ourselves enough to no avail, no sense in both of us having meaningless lives!
When my narc mother died last year, tears abounded, but they were not out of loss or being bereft.
Those tears were out of relief for my sister and me and pity for our deceased mother.
The priest at the hospital gave her the Last Rites, and we prayed that God would be merciful to her.
She can't gaslight God or contradict or give Him that rictus grin or invalidate Him, can she?
If we told her to her face that we forgave her for her toxic narc behaviour, she'd have sneered at us and asked us 'Who are we to 'forgive' her?' and then do some gaslighting, projection and behave like a spoilt infant!
We have forgiven her, which does not mean we forget the gravity of what she did to us and our late dad.
Forgiveness is a way of kick-starting the process of moving on with our lives.
The ball of what to do with that forgiveness is in the court of the narcissist; we've done our part.
I thanked God out loud the moment MY father passed. everyone else was shocked in the room. only I faced the reality of his decades of evil. relief OH YES.
Well said...this has really helped me, I'm only one month of healing after 28yrs of the relationship 😢
Keep going, then, because time away is always helping you along. Eventually, you'll feel pretty good again, even if that was the only thing you did. Since you're here trying to grasp the toxic behavior of such people, though, you'll be that much better on the other side, and it will likely get you there faster. I love the internet for letting us all know we aren't crazy and we aren't alone in this. ❤
You are a good and loving person.
I think that’s why you feel SAD.
This is a kinder and more healthy response than outrage, demonizing them, and evangelizing hate awareness towards these deeply troubled people.
Sadness FOR them. ( FROM A DISTANCE….I am not suggesting letting them accrue MORE negative Karma from abusing, getting supply from us)
Understanding
Forgiveness
And appreciative GRATITUDE that we have learned that the distance is the best course for US, as well as for them
Thank you for this video, I really needed to hear this! I also go for forgiveness especially when you can feel their emptiness and have already tried compassion but it only made it worse. Forgiveness is the best option as it helps to move on and realize that only God can heal them.
A narcissist doesn't care about your boundaries only what you can do for them and how far you're willing to go to please them. You try to help them and show them love only to end up with emotional scars which may never heal. I'm almost 2 and a half years away from my ex and it's been rough many of these days. Stay strong while remembering you matter and so do your emotions.
Hi Danish, your words are working like a medicine. Distance and no contact these are the two most powerful tools to disconnect from a narc. Thank you Danish you are an angel and I always believe in God 🙏🏻. Please keep posting your videos that many survivers like me, that can move with their life journey. Hare Krishna 🙏🏻
The empathy part is a big one
My mother is trying to guilt trip me and my siblings for keeping our distance from dad but he's on one of his "THE WORLD IS ENDING SOON!" benders we've heard our whole lives and it's super triggering for all of us. That would have worked in the past but I have had a massive awakening, thanks to channels like this, thank you.
Is your Dad super introverted & sensitive? Or a “religious fanatic?” Interesting, because I am a Christian and I believe we are close to Jesus return. Praying for your peace, Dear One. 🙏🏼🤍🕊
I am also a Christian but Dad's said for years "THE WORLD WILL END NEXT SPRING!" even though it's come and gone so many times he still buys into these "prophets" that give exact dates and then they say "oh i guess I was wrong this time! This is the REAL date." and of course that's not right either and then the time comes and goes and still doesn't see.
Forgiveness is not indifference. It is a long and difficult path.
Excellent video Danish!!! This was a bullseye, you broke it down BEAUTIFULLY. I am a Healing empath. I believe the Healing process might be forever. If the trauma was from childhood, then we should heal allow ourselves to heal for the rest of our lives. We spent most our time TRYING to heal others, we can do it for ourselves. My ways are no contact, focusing on my kids mental and emotional health, alot of time alone thinking about what's next, enjoying the deliverance from the stronghold and self care (skin, hair, nails, feet, seamoss gel) everything I can do to feel better 😂🤷♀️❤🙏
Right!
The guilt from abandoning them( my own daughter… a feeling of responsibility to her)
Is really a very sad effect coming up for me!
Thank you, Danish, this helps me make peace with my best path forward.
“Walking, breathing meat suit”. LMAO. Humour saves us too.
Realmente pensé que este video sería como otros más, con información sobre este tema. Estoy tratando de salir de una situación con un narcisista pero es tan difícil y duro, porque esa persona no me deja respirar casi sin que el esté al lado, me necesita todo el tiempo, no me da espacio, hay mucha manipulación y control, tanto de mi que no puedo distanciarme. Estoy tratando de buscar una salida a esta situación pero lo que si me ha dado este video es, que ha conectado conmigo como ningún otro, lo sigo repitiendo, hay cosas que no había escuchado, no lo quiero dejar de escuchar porque no quiero que mi empatía y mis ganas de ayudar me sigan hundiendo en esta situación por más tiempo.
Thanks a lot for this video, is calming the way you express and yet very informative in a way that touches me. I needed to hear this ❤
This video was really good Danish! It helps sooooo much! I have been working on turning my empathy towards myself. Every word you spoke is the truth!!!
Brilliant video. Thank you so much . I needed this right now because I do feel sorry for him and can’t seem to stop it that’s why I am anxious about any hover he tries. I know i must feel more compassion for me and choose me first but it’s hard when you have been trauma bonded. I listen to meditations throughout the night which are based in positive affirmations, healing emotional wounds and calming the vagus nerve as I have had fibromyalgia. I have been listening to transformation videos every night for 2 years and after a 23 year relationship with a covert narcissist I am almost out the other side with a big spiritual awakening to boot.
It is all about transmuting sensitive perception. If you block it or ignore it it comes back stronger. A practical way to do it is, I would say, observe every perception from the superior mind (crown chakra, upper part of the head). Stay high and above an ever evolving perception that it is possible to accompany.
Thank you Dear Danish Sir..😊...I was just thinking and feeling on this topic..... actually I was feeling guilty and bad for them...
But as you said...My presence in their life is not needed at all...Its 10000 percent true.
I already suffered beyond.... sexually... mentally... physically... emotionally for 20 years...Now No.
Thank you so much for your guidance😊😊.
And for the question you asked here....I have been on awakening journey since 2019...so obviously it's the path of healing and knowing who you truly are 😊
One of your best discussions. Great actions to take.
In my case, I got alone with 2 kids, the narcissistic father is still in our lives, but I made a conciouss decition of taking care of the kids alone, having as little contact as possible with him so our children have the most healthy childhood as possible. Not going into a fight with him about them I now realize was the best decition, as he in reality does not care, he never asked about their custody, he does not want responsabilities, of course. For me the first step of working with all this situation mentally was going from pure sadness (with anxiaty episodes) to rage, I really hated him for a while, and then for me the key was FORGIVNESS, which I think may always take some time, because I thought this may be impossible at the beginning. Not only forgiving him, but most of all forgiving myself about choosing such a person to be the father of my children, I felt so so guilty about that. Then recognition of the situación. Today is still a fight that goes day after day on how to mantain mental health in my family, how to buildt love relations with my kids, strategicaly stop their father on trying to destroy that (as he do every time he see the kids), and appreciating to be even a stronger person than befere having this all experience, assuming that it is unchangeble and that I still have to learn in this all process... thank you Danish from your videos!!!
Thank you danish! It feels so godsent because the other day i requested on your insta post that we could do with some healing videos. And by coincidence you did! The message of this video never occured to me and i am so grateful!!
I am so happy you talk about this, because I fel to struggle with this. Thank you so much.
You try being sympathetic (I HAVE tried, but still fail) to a malignant narcissist, who would not stop beating your head against the wall even after it must have become apparent to her that something had just gone TERRIBLY WRONG.
Even I noticed something had gone wrong and I was 6 or 7. SOMETHING had gone noticeably wrong, but SHE kept right on doing she'd started as if NOTHING had happened - and she created lifelong, irreversible traumatic brain injury.
I spent the rest of my school years, college time and even my first job getting mistreated for something the bullies were too stupid to understand and decided I should be treated as an outsider; separate from the others, failing all their tests.
I grew up when Nazis still spouted their beliefs with sa certain impunity & hardly anyone cares that handicapped people were part of their ridiculous hatred.
I was born handicapped but that never would've ruled my entire life. The handicap she forced onto me & several of her other children has affected me for over 45 years.
Beating my head against the wall is not why I can't forgive her. What it did to every aspect of my life is. Even though the choices of stupid people weren't her fault, she still did what caused the avalanche and chaos in my life.
She went to her grave blaming her bad life on Children's Services. She never once thought she did ANYTHING wrong.
It makes me want to throw up to this day.
Hi Danish. Could it actually be said that your empathy and compassion actually produce the opposite of what you intend for a narcissist? Perhaps it actually triggers their inner rage that they cannot ever have any empathy themselves.
I think so! I always think of the narcissist as oil on water. You can try to add a drop of soap to clean up, but...😂
My experience is that they hate it when your nice to them,,,, they literally hate themselves.. very sad really.
Very consistent with my experience, they love praise but, seem to become enraged by any kindness that doesn't come from deference or fear.
@@Binknewi agree . my ex truely hated her self 😢 it still breaks my heart to know that …. but she could have tried more to be a nicer person, but she didn’t. i understand where all her pain came from but there comes a time to put all that aside and move forward
@@heyoldman2003 You would think there would come a time where they might reach out for help..
I feel sorry for them but it’s their own challenge and problem. When you support you become the victim 😏It take a long time to become aware you are high sensitive and open to support but they misused it by many people and when I needed support nobody was their so decided to dismiss them. Spend spared energy to find a happy life 😊
I need to be here for myself like I’m there for others. I need to heal myself. 😭 😭 🙌🏻 🤯❤️thank you 🙏
They never will take responsibility for their behaviour and actions😏🚩🏃♀️
So true!
That's why it's hard to feel sorry for most of them. Narcissists know exactly what they're doing when causing pain to others.
@@fallenlotus9572 They know alright,they couldn't care less😏🚩🏃♀️
@@angelakeely5859 I agree, that's why I say to hell with them. They don't deserve empathy for the havoc they cause. Everyone can change, but narcissists choose not to out of ego.
@@fallenlotus9572 💯they are not worth our time , resources, energy or thinking 😏🚩🏃♀️
No one deserves to be disrespectful by a narcissist that used you and then take advantage of you! 😢
Perfect timing of this video
Thank god
I often feel so guilty for keeping distance with people who used me and somehow they are such charmers that I tend to fall for it as they guilt trap me always
Thank you. Sadly your words are pure truth. Fare too late for me. Hopefully your words will warn others. For those your words of wisdom help my most grateful thanks.
I used to feel sorry for my father knowing the horror he went through as an 8 yr old child. But by the time I realized he was a narc, he was old enough to know better and know he actions/ words towards me were wrong.
He needs help, he won't get it. Now Alzheimer's is ravaging his brain making it all worse. I let him go after he called the police on me to get his truck back after his neurologist said he shouldn't drive. He used crooked cops to try to physically harass me and scare me into giving him what he wanted. That was the end of everything for me.
I took a temp position with a company that I knew were filled with narcissists. In the short time that I was there, I "grey rocked and yellow rocked" them. I could see that they were trying to get me to react emotionally, but I didn't react but responded appropriately. They thought I was wonderful, but little did they know that I was aware of the type of people they were at the interview. Just my "two cents".
I was in a similar situation. Narcissistic supervisors tried to turn me into their victim but I had been reporting them to HR the entire time once I knew what their game plan was. They fired me as expected, I started a retaliation lawsuit and they were forced to settle.
Danish your understanding has broken through the veil. Thank you for persevering...
HSP EMPATH. Breathing, Praying, Stretching, letting go of punitive or psychopathic people
FR,,,, this is the most crazy interaction ever...... It's almost hard to even believe,, that this is a thing,,,but it is becoming all too real in my mind.... wrapping my head around such a thing...☄️☄️
I agree with Danish with going no contact. I divorced my narc 20 years ago and I feel absolutely no sympathy for it, it is a sick and incurable animal. i just wish it to slowly burn on the inside. If you don't feel any sympathy for it that's perfectly OK. Going no contact is the only way to happiness. Thank you Danish
You are so right. Pray for them and have pity for them, but do not trust them! I've learned the hard way,
like ya'll! You Have To Save You❤
My dad is a sociopath. He had my mother in a terrible state emotionally for over 40yrs. We finally managed to get him out of our lives 6 yrs ago. My mother did not know how to think for herself afterwards - he had controlled her every move and thought. Throughout my childhood, my dad bullied my brother to the point he struggled with his life. I was more difficult for my dad to control. Sometimes it appeared he almost had a little respect for me. I observed him closely and saw through him from a very young age. I stood up for myself and spoke back to him. I told him very little about me and hid my emotions from him and generally gave him no attention. It was the only way to survive the narcissistic abuse in the family home.
Yes, I felt guilty abandoning the narcissist. But, his narcissism was the reason for my leaving, to save myself.
Thanks for the video! you give me exactly the answers I've been looking for for a long time. You are my teacher who takes me by the hand and shows me the way out of the darkness. You discovered it and show us all! THANK YOU, FROM ❤️ THANK YOU. It's hours, it's pain that you spare us!❤️❤️❤️
In love J.
i took the “ turn the other cheek “ to the extreme.. and am working on self love ….. but that make me feel selfish 🤷🏼♂️. i don’t know ??? just glad i’m free from that toxic pain
I am an empath..I didn't heal till now .
..am looking forward to work with u for healing and growing
Absolutely fact everything you said
As a highly sensitive empath, I feel totally called out.
I am notorious for making sure and reminding others take time to recoup, yet I neglect my own needs for it.
☆ I must make a date with myself to do something just for me, then make it a regular thing.
I was very aware that he and I had gone through similar radical abuse in our formative years.
I choose to be truthful at all costs and empathetic. and he chose to be the lying predator. in the end it was lies on top of lies that made me question what was the truth in everything... including his childhood. so I left. and he showed me he is absolutely committed to his deception. and my destruction in order to maintain his false reputation. not my job to fix him.
Will be officially divorced from my narc in a few days time. He came to visit our daughter today and seeing his face and how he looked sad really made me feel sorry for him. Part of me wishes i could have a happy family for my daughter but every time i come on youtube and i watch videos it reminds me of why i should never take him back. Il send prayers and blessings his way from a far. I cant go into depression again.
Thank you for everything 🙏
Facing your narcissist everyday at work is like facing the devil. Always looking for endless mistakes and make you feel stupid
Danish please don't stop your videos. You are helping me soooo much. Everytime you post its like you are describing exactly whT I experienced. I thought I was losing my mind. You have brought so much clarity to my life. God bless you and thank you thank you thank you.
Raised by Narc parent's. I made the Choice of 5, Not too Be Like these Cruel, Evil, Jealous, Sadistic, Abusive, etc. People. It Only gets worse with age.
This is a Choice. 1st you are a Child, then you Become an adult. They know Exactly what they are doing. All of us have the opportunity to be the Best versions of ourselves. My back story aint Pretty @ all.
But, Thank God i decided to be an Empathetic, Compassionate woman.......Still as i journey thru my life. Karma is Real.
#StayStrong
I, finally, accepted the person for who they were. I stopped trying to change them. I allowed myself to become angry. Left. Called the police when I needed to. Filed charge s when I needed to. Turned my energy to finding my goals. Started to express feelings about my work, environment and relationships. I did lose my job a year after I left the narcissist. Hopefully, the universe favors me.
I don't feel sorry for my narc husband. He has tortured me for over 3 decades. You don't get to abuse someone just because you had a shitty life, you learn to be a better person and live a better life. I will never forget what I'm going through and have gone through. I pray he gets some kind of punishment for all he has put me through
You have been so helpful in my recovery from narcissistic abuse . Education and understanding allow me to be healed more each day
I am highly sensitive. I am wracked with guilt if I so much as get in the way with my shopping cart in the grocery store.
Thank you Danish. You are absolutely right. Also i love the humor about a meat suit 😂. You are right and have a Way with words and i am grateful for you and your resources! ❤
This video, I have to say, has revealed to me, the most powerful confirmation of what I have experienced over may years. There is no genuine emotion (except anger) and trying to witness some kind of warmth or willingness to work in harmony with anyone, is futile. Adversarial, belligerent and completely insufferable.
My Dad was extra nice to my cousin because he was mis-treated by his father.
I continued the tradition.
But I stopped and have gone no-contact
This is one of your best videos Danish. I tried very hard to be good and nice, almost motherly nurturing as a wife but he cheated on me. He is very miserable. And I burnt myself in this process. I have started taking baby steps on my own healing.
I wish narcissists to be saved, the ones’ that I’ve encountered did not change. I distanced from them through the years and I take care of me now. Music, drawing, tending to my house plants, and practicing good health habits have helped me. I’ve also put all my time into studying and now I’m a graduate of two degrees. Shows we are stronger than they thought.
Thankyou❤.....you are helping alot
Narcissistic collapse? Highly rare, I'd imagine.
Overwhelmed humans who were not protected, never had, or at least never consistently experienced someone having their back, I would imagine get corralled into experiencing more of the same without a consistent break to develop life skills which enable them, finally, to have their own back in a healthy, successful way. This is not a world of cookie cutter people. Every life story is unique. No story is exactly the same, so the results are naturally complex for each. Individualized attendance to the damage is something there is little willingness, it seems, to rationally accept. Impatience, judgments, condemnation, punishments, destruction. This world is filled with pain.
Thank you❤
Thank you for existing. every post of yours is a wonderful relief. I respect your work very much, it brings me light every day... because the recovery is very painful.. and it seems too long.. Thank you
All I feel is anger and hate because after ten years af a toxic marriage I couldn't get divorce in peace I wish to forgive and let it go but these demons have still alot to harm you
This is hard because my daughter is the narcissist.
I know I unknowingly fed into her problems. I did the best with what I knew at the time.
I learned that I myself come from a narcissistic family.
I ask God for forgiveness and I forgive myself
It's not my job to fix damaged and broken people.........
This video also highlights how much of you are an empath, since you are able to understand and detail the psychology and mindset underneath a narcissist
Thank you, Danish. Excellent video!
might sound cold-hearted lol, but nothing worse than what a narcissist would do to you.
the narcissist's greatest contribution to mankind is when they take their forever map. kind of like a darwin award.
meaning they can't ruin people's lives anymore.
cheers 🍻 from southern ontario, canada 🍁
I'm a self aware empath. I have figured that Epsom salt baths has been especially helpful concerning my grounding. I see some changes there now in terms of me not getting sucked into another person's emotional vortex. I'm able to hold on to myself alot better now. I read to my kids. That somehow helps to regulate me. Sometimes I put on my favourite music and I dance. That also helps me to feel rested and at ease once that sucked in energy is out of my body.
This one hit home.
Actually, yes I do, I feel really sorry for him. He auto destroys himself trying to destroy me, he lost everything and made his life miserable trying to make my life miserable, he lost the best thing he had in his life: our sons that are amazing boys, an amazing wife, and even that looks like he isn't able to see that we are amazing and the best thing ever happened to him I know deep down he knows it! But his proud or his sickness don't allows him to say: I am wrong, I am sorry, I did a mistake. In the beginning I used to think: dan! I lost my time with this guy, I was through a lot! But poor guy, he was through a lot! All the time spent pretending to be someone he is not just to try to fit. All the time and effort putted to stalk me, to isolate me, always thinking about how to keep me from leaving him, how to keep me to see who he really are, and didn't work, I saw, I left, poor guy, he needs to start over, with someone that don't know him, all the time scared she will see it and leave like I did...