I agree with you and others here that when you're often criticized it's hard to believe you're worthy of praise, even when deserved. Imposter syndrome is something I suffer with. Well done on your million views! Your hard work and dedication is obvious in every video you make, and we appreciate it. 💜
You've been there with me for most of them & I truly appreciate it. I had no idea I'd still be doing this now, 6 years ago, let alone that I'd still be engaging with people that knew me in the early, not-so-slick, not so sure of where I was going, days. 💜🐈 Thank you SOO much👏🥂
I find myself appreciating praise very little at best, and it usually makes me uncomfortable. But if someone praises the outcome of my work, instead of me as a person, it feels very nice. I generally create things out of an appreciation for the beauty of some underlying complexity, or because some specific way of approaching a problem feels elegant. When someone comments on this quality that draws me to my work in the first place, that's the best compliment I could ever receive! When I try to point out something cool that I learned while building a project, and I'm just told "your brain is huge," I can't help but feel disappointed. Doubly so, once I realize that I "should" appreciate the compliment.
"Praise the work, not the worker.".. I've suggested. I know it's the opposite of most people's expectations, but it seems to suit a lot of us better than positive opinions.
Especially at work, I always feel my heart drop, when someone calls for me and I don't immediately know, it's just about a small task. My first thought is always "God, no. They are angry because I messed up somehow." or "Please not another task, that will break my flow and leave me overwhelmed, staring into space until my brain has sorted things out again."
I am like this when people praise me, it just makes me feel awkward. There is also an element for me of thinking deep down I dont deserve that praise too. Probably impostor syndrome involved. Probably no surprise, but I am autistic too. Oh and congratulations Quinn on the million milestone!
Same here, but it's gotten better as I've worked on my Toxic Shame. I know it's not exactly relevant (as I don't think I'm Autistic), but I can relate to that experience.
Hi Quinn! Just wanted to say that your channel helped me to realise that I am autistic. I'm 65 years old and got my formal diagnosis 10 days ago. My biggest surprise was that I am alexythymic so not I'm busy re watching your videos on it. You have been the clearest and most relatable person and your videos brought so much clarity. My assessor said that I am too hard on myself but I believe that I set myself high standards. I don’t want ill considered praise. What I can tell you is that those 1 million views have probably helped more than just me and that your content is well reasoned and communicated clearly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing me safely to a point where I feel seen and understood. I will be part of your next million as I join you on this journey ❤
I play in a band and one day at practice, the drummer said to me, "I like what you were doing in that song." My response: "I'm not sure it fits with the vocals." The thing is, it's a really cool bit of music that I wrote, which I was really happy with, but the moment I get a compliment about it, I immediately focus on a potential negative and can't accept the positive. Anything I do could be absolutely amazing, but if it's not some idealised version of perfect, I can't accept a compliment.
Sometimes I think that’s just a trait that most anyone autistic or not would have because they noticed room for improvement. I totally get what you’re saying, though. Depends on the context I suppose.?
That's me in most social situations. I want to be around others but the anxiety/disappointment from paralysis and subsequent rumination are so exhausting that I often just avoid people.
This hits home hard. I hate receiving what I judge to be false praise. My bias towards detecting false praise by others makes me do a doubletake on any genuine praise given to me. By the time I realize the praise was genuine, the delayed response ruins the moment.
I think that's a big part of the issue--discerning whether or not the praise was valid or just said out of politeness. And, secondarily, my brain might make a negative judgment about it, so even when the praise WAS legitimate, being so hypersensitive to false praise would make it hard to believe it was actually true. Further, even upon realizing it may be true, then comes that very awkward feeling upon receiving it. At that point, I usually find it hard to voice a response and hurry on to the next topic. Thanks for using words and media to explain this uncomfortable feeling. Your video and the comments reminded me of myself as an eight-year-old child. I wrote a little "book," which I typed out and drew pictures for. I was quite proud of it then, and (though it's hard to admit it), I'm still proud of today. My introductory words to that little book read that the pictures in the book were drawn to "accompany and elucidate" the book of drawings. Anyway, I went on to describe how some people liked my drawings, but others didn't really like my pictures; they'd just "clap and say, "beautiful!" Without insight into this, that just sounds boastful, but I was really trying to explain that I didn't feel that people were sincere in their compliments, and I didn't know how to put it into words. Thanks, Quinn, for another insightful video, and congratulations on your achievement (meant in total sincerity). 😊 P.S. I find the background very calming. Love it!
This video was incredibly impactful. I have been searching for documentation or articles on this experience and nothing has come this close to describing it in a way that felt relatable. When you spoke of numbers, I immediately felt a sense of solidarity. I have been struggling heavily with appreciating my own accomplishments and it wasn't until I started tracking things that I was able to work out what I could actually be proud of. The records of achievement were in, as you so eloquently put it, "currency that means something to me." Thank you for taking such great care to bring clarity and understanding to the autistic experience. And congratulations on 1,000,000 views.
Congratulations Quinn! This is a huge achievement and you have helped a lot of people with your videos. We're all behind you as you head to the next million! 🥳💛
i can only really take praise when - the praising person actually knows what they are talking about, a "peer review" so to speak and not a superficial or condescending thumbs up or smiley face - the praise isn't phony or forced or performative or transactional, like unctuous love bombing flattery to inflate my ego or get away with something or as a distraction - the praise aligns with my perception, if i get praised for doing something i do not like doing or for results i'm not satisfied with, or even something i didn't even achieve or some weird fluke... i am very ungracious with praise :) but sometimes it hits home
Oh I’m a bugger for not accepting praise. Squirming mess, yes that sums me up quite well edit: so sorry, I was rushing and didn’t say congratulations on that million. You are good, so it doesn’t surprise me. You’ve helped me
I didn’t fully understand how some say it’s like living life on Hard mode; then I realized: only an autistic person would need to explain receiving praise by giving themselves the homework of shooting, editing, posting, and promoting a 10+ minute video about receiving praise. Congrats on the views :)
Your work is the kind that I would show to a neurotypical person who wants to learn about the autistic experience. You're empowering me to more clearly express my own. Your efforts are invaluable. Thank you a million times!
I agree with @obnoxint. It's probably my journalist mindset: Enough emotion to show that it matters, along with enough 'facts' and discussion to show why it should matter to anyone else. That's what works for me, at least.
When I got praise in my youth, my parents would yell at me "Say THANK YOU!" before I finished processing the praise. I dont feel comfortable with praise. From a young age, I was taught pride was wrong (a sin they said). So, I dare not feel pride of anything, I'd just be bragging, which is also bad. I got so confused by all these rules everywhere.
I’m familiar with this issue. The pattern is self-contradictory: wanting recognition, to win a contest, and then doubting it if I got what I wished for - “Well, yay, but an orangutan could’ve won an award against that competition,” or “was my entry really that good? I’ve seen better,” or “why did they like that half-assed work but not my better stuff? What do they know?” A voice I call my Inner Liar is always ready to steal my joy. I’ve been fighting back recently. Last year, after my retirement from the local newspaper, the Board of Education recognized me for my contributions to education, through my reporting, commentary and sports coverage. I stood there in the meeting listening to this recital of all the wonderful things I’d done and wanted to say something like, “Who’s this interesting guy you were just talking about?” In a sign of personal growth, I told myself, “Be grateful. You should know by now that they mean it and enjoy the moment.” I later wrote that I didn’t do that work to win awards (mostly true 🤔) but I did appreciate the recognition. In a lifetime of now 65 years, the pattern is still (sometimes desperately) wanting praise and recognition (from my father most of all, but that’s another topic), but self-sabotaging when I got it. Behind all this is a burning question: “Why do I have to do something special to be seen?”
That's wonderful, well done. All your hard work is definitely worth it. I have only recently found your channel and am a 51 year old female waiting for my autistic assessment at the end of September. I am watching and reading so much stuff to help me learn even more and so I thank you for your part in that.😊👍
I think my problems with praise mostly stem from the fact that I am, in many areas, a perfectionist*. So when my colleagues tell me that something I made is beautiful, all I can see is the flaws, so the praise feels fake. But on the flip side, when I make something I'm genuinely proud of, I get very excited, and my colleagues don't share the same level of excitement, so any praise I get feels patronising, like how you might react to a child's first macaroni and glue picture. *This perfectionism doesn't limit me, at least not anymore. I am capable of recognising when something is "good enough", "sellable", or "usable" and I can push down my urge to keep working or to discard it start over.
My therapist assumes I can’t take compliments because of trauma but I realise now it’s autism because I relate 100% to everything you said in this video. Congratulations on the views, well deserved 😊 I can tell you work really hard on your videos.
Congratulations. To me, the celebrating in this video is very obvious. But that might have something to do with that I'm autistic and someone doesn't have to jump in the air jubilating for me to notice.😂 Thank you for the content you create. I'm happy to be part of the million views.
Wow, this one hit especially strongly for me. It was the "why": the circumstances that make praise hard to accept, and my natural reaction being suspicion, and trying to figure out their motive. (I loved the rapid fire list of potential motivations.) I've gotten better at it over the years (I'm almost 60). It started as a conscious effort when people would get frustrated and ask, "Why can't you just take a compliment?" At first it was conscious masking: don't respond in a self-deprecating way, and simply say, "Thank you," even if I didn't believe them. Then, with people I trust, making an effort to just stop the "No, I don't deserve it" thoughts, clear my mind, and repeat what they just said (inside my own head, not out loud!). Then I could respond with a genuine, "Thank you." Then I started doing that with people that I wasn't sure I could trust. Just assume or pretend that they are being genuine. It turns out that if I do that with people I know are doing it maliciously, and add an extra helping of warm gratitude in my voice (as if I was deeply touched by their praise), those people get flustered and frustrated. I guess they were relying on my knowing the praise was sarcastic or a back-handed compliment, and then it appeared to backfire; they meant to hurt me, but my behavior tells them that it had the opposite effect. Just yesterday, I was watching your video about "exaggerated existence." In this video, as you were saying, "spiky," it occurred to me that "spiky existence" feels like a much better fit. I wonder if that would be a better starting point when trying to explain to other people. I suspect they'd be thoroughly confused at first, and not jump to any particular connotation or conclusion; that might make it easier to fill in a bit more detail.
I relate quite a lot to this. I struggle to accept compliments and if people keep pushing I'll just agree with them to keep the peace but I don't feel it. One way I disregard compliments is by seeing the logic that doesn't quite make sense. For example, someone might say "You're so talented" talent is something you're born with I worked very hard for this so this compliment doesn't count. In reality they probably just mean that my skills or abilities are impressive and exceptional.
Quinn, I have watched you for a few years but never commented before. I love your presence. Of all the Autistic creators I follow on TH-cam since my diagnosis, I most often feel like your insights resonate most closely with my own observations. I often use your videos to try to share some of my experiences with people close to me since I struggle to describe them myself. I am grateful for my presence in that million. 😊
Yeah, I have trouble receiving compliments, but also hate it when something that I've done that I think is good gets ignored. I have a strong suspicion that those two circles overlap, Venn diagram-style, which makes things difficult. Similarly, I think I want to be looked at adoringly, the way I've seen some women look at their boyfriends, but then realise I find extended eye-contact super weird. All that said, so far as I know, I'm not autistic, but i do have ADHD.
When people praise me or say nice things, even "I love you" from my sister, I feel like something is demanded of me. Now I *have* to reply in a certain way, show a certain expression on my face, or reciprocate. And it's too much; I end up freezing.
Congratulations, Quinn! I know you know this, but I'm saying it anyway - you truly deserve it. Your videos spread so much more understanding of the autistic experience, to us autistics and to our allistic allies. Please keep on keeping on - I have watched (I think) every one of your videos and am always so happy each and every time I see you've released a new one 😊😊😊😊
Thanks for the video. I thought its just me haveing problems with prais. Turns out nope I am not. When being praised at work I get scared and start looking for a new job as it happened to often that I was told to come to a meeting with my manager .. started getting praises for my work and than being told .. but ... followed by description of autistiv behaviour ..followed by my employment being terminated. Prais in my private live was often given for things which I thought are too easy and shoud not be praised, e.g. being able to follow the instructions of the simple knitting pattern and producing a scarf or jumper or preparing a simple meal following a recipe.
Congrats on this milestone! You've worked hard on these videos and helped change many lives for the better. It's absolutely worth celebrating! I love that you brought the point of concrete accomplishments as true compliments, because that is something that we can agree to celebrate. Something that depends on the perception of another person requires a leap of faith that we can't always afford (I immediately feel suspicious when someone praises me, it's like "great, I drew attention for existing again"). Even with the latter point, I appreciate when someone goes out of their way to tell me in what ways my presence has made them happy in some way. I suppose it's the recognition of one's impact in others what counts at the end of the day, as the sum of all things that brought this milestone is signifying. Thank you so much for your clarity of thought and labor of love! ♥️
Congratulations 🎉Quinn. You deserve. You’re a THINKER. that’s so cool. I have such a hard time accepting compliments and so does my PDA Autistic son. This sheds light on it. And maybe it comes down to simply accepting the situation.
This way of celebrating I can really enjoy. With something meaningful to think about to take away. Compliments are my bane as well. I actually feel disappointed, when I receive them. Praise has rarely been any use for me and you get it for the weirdest things. Effort plays no role, neither does quality. How much you sacrificed is irrelevant. It is fleeting, unpredictable and does not make any sense in a lot of cases, but still I am required to be thankful. And in the end, it gives a very shortlived little rush of excitement and bloats the ego. People seem to get addicted to it, too, craving more likes and compliments but never get really happy from that. But things that give these kinds of brief rushes have never been for me. So I would prefer others not to waste their breath on them for me, as I have decided to achieve happyness in other ways. I did not understand this before, so thank you for making this video.
I am a newer viewer since my diagnosis was more recent. I have been binge watching a ton of your videos so that I have vocabulary and understanding. I really like them. This video including it's really affirming to know that my theories on that are a shared experience. Thank you. Your voice also falls in the right decimals for me so it's very relaxing. So sincerely congratulations and please keep up the good work. 😊
Before I discovered that I was autistic I thought that I was a dis agreeable giver. For example if someone was to say " I really like that shirt" I would say something like " You should see it when it is ironed". Lately I force myself to say "Thank you".
Mazel tov! A million views is an amazing achievement by any measure. Morever, I can definitively tell you that you have been very helpful to me and my family. You have made a real difference in our lives. I have been very "successful" but praise means little to me, mostly because I know that most of the people who praise me have no idea what real challenges I face. I know that you know, however, and that you face many of the same challenges. I hope this means something to you: You are making a real difference in our lives. Helping me to help myself and my children. You are genuinely helping other autistic persons in a world in which our challenges can be overwhelming. Thank you Quinn. Peace be with you friend.
I truly believe you deserve all the recognition you get, because I know how much you put into these videos and how much they mean to you. Through you I have learned so much. Thank you for being here and I wish that you are here for many years to come.
Congrats! 🥳It is very well deserved! My idea of celebration is making some good food, have some good chocolate and quiet evening by myself. Or when celebrating with family, it is a fine meal and chatting around the table. I think a lot of us are like this. It is a feeling, not a scream or flashy lights 😉
congratulations, quinn :) fantastic job! some folks were talking about imposter syndrome, but what it reminds me of (in me) is 'emotional backdraft,' where feeling an emotion triggers its opposite. this is something i've been struggling with. i think i enjoy praise all right, but i absolutely HATE It when people are nice to me. it makes me feel awful.
Receiving praise does make me smile however, if somebody says "good job" I smile but my brain is All like "Be more specific!!" And sometimes I think it gives me a very awkward smile instead of a "thank you" smile.
Super agreed on the "Be more specific!!" part! When I show someone some really cool program I wrote, and they call me "smart" for it, I almost want to say "Yeah, obviously I am, but please look at how cool this is!! You can't even see my thought process, so don't comment on that. Comment on this!! You see how fast it is?? Look at this elegant solution!!"
That's an NT thing, communication is not about information, it's about ego/identity. They fail to understand what you value and project their own onto you.
Thank you Quinn for this video. I also cringe inside when I receive "praise" of any kind and - at 63 years old - I still am learning how to deal with it. My partner has said "say 'thank you'" but even that is difficult for me. So much to learn from this.
Congrats! Well worth celebrating. Praise is definitely tricky to handle - my "first line of defence" is to not actually hear it, for my brain to not even notice it's been said. My family have learned to check for that, because it happens almost all the time; once they've made me register it I can get to the squirming and deflecting. Also, I flipflop between thinking I'm not worthy (85% of the time) and true arrogance, never hitting a comfortably confident middle ground. Hey ho.
I've NEVER had this issue, with one exception: if my action is just as much about myself as it is about anyone else, I will say that when I'm complimented for what others see as my unselfish actions. Two examples: 1. If an object that is broken or a space that is disorganized triggers an obsessive response in me, I feel compelled to correct the flaw, even if it isn't my job. When someone tells me how nice it was that I did that, I tell the person the truth about my motivation for the action: that it was easier for me to correct the flaw than to be distracted by the obsession. 2. I have SO MUCH empathy that if someone I care about is hurting, I physically feel their pain myself; therefore, by trying to help that person feel better, I'm also helping to relieve the pain that I personally feel due to their situation.
Congrats on 1M views Quinn, and congrats in advance on 25K subscribers (which you'll no doubt get to)! As for compliments, I find it hard to take them myself. I know some of them are heartfelt, but I believe many of them are rather backhanded because many people appear to be surprised that I'm able to accomplish so much in spite of my autism. In other words, the focus is on the autism, not the accomplishment. I just want to be left alone to do my thing and let the accomplishment speak for itself.
This hit home, and hard. Every experience you described, I share as an ADHD/Autistic. I can make a thing. I can feel happy/relieved that I have finished making the thing. I can appreciate the thing. I can get joy from using the thing. I can even find my quality of work in building it acceptable. I can show someone else the thing, and enjoy them saying how cool the thing is. When they point out that I came up with and made the thing, my brain just goes "weird right?" It is like the sense of success and the dopamine that goes with it is no different from scratching off an item on a grocery list when I put it in the basket. Failure feels like getting beat down hard, but success just feels like a matter of fact that no one cares about. Getting praised about success feels like walking into a baited trap, or being set up for some very unrealistic expectations yet to come. There is also the other side of it. Success as part of a team. When I do something that contributes to the success of the team, the team is praised, only the team. If I fail at something as part of the team, I get scrutinized, only me, even if it was a group failure. Both feel very wrong to me, even though I can't actually "feel good" about the praise. I always come back to something my mother told me once when I was young, still in primary/elementary school I think. "You have no sense of accomplishment." She said it with a very concerned expression on her face, like it troubled her. As far as I can tell it is the only emotion that I don't think I can experience.
Thanks for ALL (Yes, I watched them ALL by now) the videos you made and helped me to understand what, 4 Years ago (at age 38) turned out to be autism (and possible ADHD), made me struggle so hard my whole life.
Well done! And a lot of great points! For me, recognition meant my attempts to be inconspicuous failed. Praise is so often inauthentic/manipulative. And people often praised things I didn't care about and my greatest personal achievements would go unnoticed.. reinforced feeling misunderstood.
The goal that is “objective” and “technically achievable” hits home. Call it childhood trauma or whatever, but many of us learn to strife for goals that are cleaned of needing other people to “rate” us. When you get praised for doing something trivially easy and overlooked for the thing you poured your heart, soul, and tears into you get broken. The system is broken. Eventually I learned to mask around the fake praise being the social construct that it is. Does not make it any less meaningless, but it does remove a lot other awkwardness. It also makes it hard when your brain is binary. One of my favorite quotes is Yoda’s “Do, or do not, there is no try”. If I set out to do a task I fully expect to succeed and will consider it a failure if I don’t. If I know I cannot do it, I will not even bother. Which also makes it pointless to praise, because I assumed success before even starting. All that said, the other day I achieved a life goal, one that was 99% depending on “making it in the normal world”. It hits so hard when you made it to adulthood without learning to process the emotion of success. Typing this caused a 1minute break as tears started flowing. It is still extremely overwhelming. I don’t need to share this with my loved ones, but it feels awkwardly fitting in this comment. PS: really enjoy your videos for your linguistic mastery. It it obvious that wordsmithing is something you care about. And if not, you should reflect a little and see how you feel about it. Such a skill is quite rare.
I suffer from this too, I never celebrate praise. It's nice to get the recognition sometimes but I don't like lots of fuss. Congratulations, I enjoy your channel. Keep up the great work. 😊
Congratulations on reaching the milestone. Praise, no thank you. I've never felt comfortable receiving it probably because I feel I was doing nothing special or out of the ordinary to command it.
I love the way you put pauses in what you are saying, it makes it so much easier to understand the information you are giving. I wish everyone did that
I don't think it is acquired, but inherent. I remember rejecting praise from a parent at 5 years old (for a crayon drawing) and I don't think there would have been enough time/interactions to become so jaded/cynical by then. I also feel just as awkward/wrong praising/complimenting someone else. My own theory is that 1- it's because it's a hierarchy thing. Praising someone is an act of dominance, accepting it certainly feels like submission. I don't like or participate in that hierarchy garbage. (We are all people, and the idea that some are above others is patently offensive.) And 2- accepting it allows someone else to define you from the outside. This has always been a no-go for me. I decide my abilities, my talents, my worth. Who are you to think you know me better than I do? (You can't even figure out your own worth and need compliments and praise to prop up your own sense of self!) I suppose I might have acquired additional resistance to it because people are often insincere about it, but I don't think that is the root of it.
Oh the "not safe" alarm that go on when someone praise me ... I always feels off. But for the sake of the exercise "I do not know you very much yet but I hear how important it is to you and it makes me feel happy for you" I understand. And for what's worth you make me feel better since I watch your video. Whether I am on the spectrum or not I am grateful you and your message exists.
I've trained myself to accept praise when it is deserved cause I spent and had many many people not do that and say horrible things to me and training my brain and my heart to accept praise when it's genuine has helped a lot ❤ it's a process
Sincere heartfelt congratulations on your 1M view achievement for your channel, Quinn! And thank you for taking this as an opportunity to delve into another aspect of autistic living experiences.
My yardstick for "good job" versus "not good" is pretty internal. This helps when others' validation is either not sincere or not there. It doesn't help if I am struggling to figure out "how good is good enough?" Because I don't use what others are doing to figure that out, I sometimes continue to work on things longer than is really needed or warranted.
My own handling of praise has always been contextual. If I work hard on a project or an award and achieve it, I have no difficulty with it. (My mother taught me it was good manners to humbly accept a compliment after all). However, I will never really know how I come across to people so there is always an area of uncertainty - a constant almost-inaudible low rumble for which there is no high-pass filter which says 'not proven worthy'. Yours is a milestone worth reflection and praise from all of us who have and do benefit from your wisdom and reason. Aroha nui
Congratulations on that accomplishment Quinn! I do really enjoy your channel. You are one of my favorite autistic TH-cam creators. As an autistic it’s nice to see content that I can relate to. (Although of course I don’t relate to everything because we are all unique individuals.) Thank you for the work you do on your channel. Here’s hoping it has helped some neurotypicals understand us better. 😉
Congratulations for your undeniable accomplishment ! I watch 'in silence' your videos because I like what you do and how you do deliver your messages very much. Thank you Sir for your kindness, energy, your patience and care of you and 'us'.
Congrats Quinn. Recently coming to this diagnosis, your vids are probably some of the best. Don't like listening to neurotypicals explaining whats 'wrong' with me. Don,t particularly like vids by some autistic contributors who just speak about their experiences. I like your intelligent analytical thoughtful approach. All of your hardwork is now paying off. Well done. Now.....crack on
Great video Quinn. I gave up drumming as a kid because I found it too overwhelming to accept praise from family members, so I'm glad to see it's not just me.
Thanks for commenting and for being my first ever "thanks" contribution on TH-cam, If you've read through the rest of the comments on this video - it's definitely NOT just you😉
I struggle accepting compliments that I perceive as incorrect, but between my friend group we often try to remind each other of our achievements, and worth to each other, because almost all of us struggle to believe it. So, a source of constant reassurance can help when anxiety says aha what if that's not true and you're actually useless and mean nothing to people you care about :)
Hey, congrats, you earned this and I’m proud of what you’ve achieved! Btw I’m autistic too and compliments usually help me feel seen, because most of the time I don’t seem to be noticed.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable when I am praised. Just as you mentioned, I get the feeling that people don't really mean it or that they say that sort of thing to anyone. Having said that, I have no problem in praising other people when it is deserved, so CONGRATULATIONS Quinn, all the work you put into these videos is greatly appreciated 🤗
You are so spot on with your description of how you feel when someone praises you. I cringe or freeze too. There are a lot of cases where people who give this 'praise' don't mean a word of it but are looking to get an advantage or to dump something onto you. It happens a lot in the workplace. It leads me to have a general doubt of this 'praise' Even when it is genuine I don't feel comfortable. Great learning video.
Thanks, Quinn, congratulations! I kind of felt awkward saying that no pun intended 😊just ran across your channel. the idea of doing more research on autism never really clicked. It’s comforting to listen to watch you. Thank you so much. You’ve given me and a lot of people hope and encouragement!🎉 I wish we could all be together because we can really let go with others that we understand and that can understand us when no words need to be said… think about that I love you all very much
well deserved quinn , im undiagnosed on waiting list ,ive been trying to understand my own mind and starting to understand why i did so many things wrong in life , not many channels on you tube that have made much sense to me , lots are click bait rubbish , yours has helped my understanding , i never tell anyone my birthdays i dont do xmas , im a tallented craftsman , but always think my skills could be better ,im a good artist /photographer , but i dont like exhibiting things , they are just for me , i dont understand winning , im happy to lose , i dont see the need for competition , i get where your coming from on many levels although we have very differng issues some things you mention i have no problem with , thankyou , and good luck for the future
As far as I can say so far, difficulty accepting praise - at least for me - is a typical ADHD problem. Since I have been on Ritalin, I can accept praise and *much* better than before because it truly _reaches_ me and I can _experience_ it emotionally. It seems to me to be the dopamine deficiency of ADHD that prevents positive experiences of _any_ kind to transition from purely rational *knowledge* to _feeling_ gratitude or contentment.
I remember when I was little, I would be afraid to do anything "smart" because the adults would cheer me on for it. Also, thanks. I would say more but I'd get very emotional, but thanks so much for what you do.
I haven't reached out to you before so.. Thank you. Thank you for your time, effort, thoughts and energy you've (and most likely will) put into sharing.
Thanks for this. It is a thing I have always struggled with. I feel so awkward when I receive praise. I thought it was largely due to my abusive childhood. Hearing something good about me has always felt so foreign. However, this gives me further food for thought.
its took until very recently for me to accept a compliment as should be accepted, always confused at how to respond, and didnt ever feel i deserved it, like a few already said, when you expect everyone to be lying or disingenuous, manipulative for so long you end up dont believe any compliment at all is genuine, and also yes i feel never really got them much either, teachers calling me names or disappintment from parents continual put downs/critisisms of everything, my chronic stammer , struggles to read and write, even just looks, thoughts all generally received as i was weird, wrong-thought or stupidity, dismissed as idiot. i had really bad stammer for years, returns sometimes if im tiring from effort to speak, eventually gave up trying to talk at all because of being ridiculed as sub standard failure from the off not many ever had patience to listen past tge stutter and they made up mind already i was just a dickhead (autism didnt really get recognised at all then i was just ridiculed by the system supposed to teach my teachers were worse bullies than the other kids
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I agree with you and others here that when you're often criticized it's hard to believe you're worthy of praise, even when deserved. Imposter syndrome is something I suffer with.
Well done on your million views! Your hard work and dedication is obvious in every video you make, and we appreciate it. 💜
You've been there with me for most of them & I truly appreciate it. I had no idea I'd still be doing this now, 6 years ago, let alone that I'd still be engaging with people that knew me in the early, not-so-slick, not so sure of where I was going, days.
💜🐈 Thank you SOO much👏🥂
@@Autistamatic 🥰🥂
I find myself appreciating praise very little at best, and it usually makes me uncomfortable. But if someone praises the outcome of my work, instead of me as a person, it feels very nice.
I generally create things out of an appreciation for the beauty of some underlying complexity, or because some specific way of approaching a problem feels elegant. When someone comments on this quality that draws me to my work in the first place, that's the best compliment I could ever receive!
When I try to point out something cool that I learned while building a project, and I'm just told "your brain is huge," I can't help but feel disappointed. Doubly so, once I realize that I "should" appreciate the compliment.
"Praise the work, not the worker.".. I've suggested. I know it's the opposite of most people's expectations, but it seems to suit a lot of us better than positive opinions.
@@Autistamatic That's a nice and succinct way of putting it! I'll adopt that phrase for sure!
If anyone mentions my name I get uncomfortable and when I get praised even more so... I just want to disappear in social situations
I can relate
Hearing my actual name can defi itely set me into a bit of a panic.
Especially at work, I always feel my heart drop, when someone calls for me and I don't immediately know, it's just about a small task. My first thought is always "God, no. They are angry because I messed up somehow." or "Please not another task, that will break my flow and leave me overwhelmed, staring into space until my brain has sorted things out again."
@@HeavensMemory yeah. “Hey, can you meet me in the office?”
Ohnoohgodwhatdidido?!?!?!
I am like this when people praise me, it just makes me feel awkward. There is also an element for me of thinking deep down I dont deserve that praise too. Probably impostor syndrome involved. Probably no surprise, but I am autistic too. Oh and congratulations Quinn on the million milestone!
Same here, but it's gotten better as I've worked on my Toxic Shame.
I know it's not exactly relevant (as I don't think I'm Autistic), but I can relate to that experience.
Hi Quinn! Just wanted to say that your channel helped me to realise that I am autistic. I'm 65 years old and got my formal diagnosis 10 days ago. My biggest surprise was that I am alexythymic so not I'm busy re watching your videos on it. You have been the clearest and most relatable person and your videos brought so much clarity. My assessor said that I am too hard on myself but I believe that I set myself high standards. I don’t want ill considered praise. What I can tell you is that those 1 million views have probably helped more than just me and that your content is well reasoned and communicated clearly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing me safely to a point where I feel seen and understood. I will be part of your next million as I join you on this journey ❤
I play in a band and one day at practice, the drummer said to me, "I like what you were doing in that song." My response: "I'm not sure it fits with the vocals." The thing is, it's a really cool bit of music that I wrote, which I was really happy with, but the moment I get a compliment about it, I immediately focus on a potential negative and can't accept the positive. Anything I do could be absolutely amazing, but if it's not some idealised version of perfect, I can't accept a compliment.
Sometimes I think that’s just a trait that most anyone autistic or not would have because they noticed room for improvement. I totally get what you’re saying, though. Depends on the context I suppose.?
My mind just goes blank and I don’t know what to say. Later I ruminate about what I should have said and done.
That's me in most social situations. I want to be around others but the anxiety/disappointment from paralysis and subsequent rumination are so exhausting that I often just avoid people.
This hits home hard. I hate receiving what I judge to be false praise. My bias towards detecting false praise by others makes me do a doubletake on any genuine praise given to me. By the time I realize the praise was genuine, the delayed response ruins the moment.
I think that's a big part of the issue--discerning whether or not the praise was valid or just said out of politeness. And, secondarily, my brain might make a negative judgment about it, so even when the praise WAS legitimate, being so hypersensitive to false praise would make it hard to believe it was actually true. Further, even upon realizing it may be true, then comes that very awkward feeling upon receiving it. At that point, I usually find it hard to voice a response and hurry on to the next topic.
Thanks for using words and media to explain this uncomfortable feeling.
Your video and the comments reminded me of myself as an eight-year-old child. I wrote a little "book," which I typed out and drew pictures for. I was quite proud of it then, and (though it's hard to admit it), I'm still proud of today.
My introductory words to that little book read that the pictures in the book were drawn to "accompany and elucidate" the book of drawings. Anyway, I went on to describe how some people liked my drawings, but others didn't really like my pictures; they'd just "clap and say, "beautiful!"
Without insight into this, that just sounds boastful, but I was really trying to explain that I didn't feel that people were sincere in their compliments, and I didn't know how to put it into words.
Thanks, Quinn, for another insightful video, and congratulations on your achievement (meant in total sincerity). 😊
P.S. I find the background very calming. Love it!
This video was incredibly impactful. I have been searching for documentation or articles on this experience and nothing has come this close to describing it in a way that felt relatable. When you spoke of numbers, I immediately felt a sense of solidarity. I have been struggling heavily with appreciating my own accomplishments and it wasn't until I started tracking things that I was able to work out what I could actually be proud of. The records of achievement were in, as you so eloquently put it, "currency that means something to me."
Thank you for taking such great care to bring clarity and understanding to the autistic experience. And congratulations on 1,000,000 views.
💜🐈 Thank you!
Congratulations Quinn! This is a huge achievement and you have helped a lot of people with your videos. We're all behind you as you head to the next million! 🥳💛
i can only really take praise when
- the praising person actually knows what they are talking about, a "peer review" so to speak and not a superficial or condescending thumbs up or smiley face
- the praise isn't phony or forced or performative or transactional, like unctuous love bombing flattery to inflate my ego or get away with something or as a distraction
- the praise aligns with my perception, if i get praised for doing something i do not like doing or for results i'm not satisfied with, or even something i didn't even achieve or some weird fluke... i am very ungracious with praise :) but sometimes it hits home
Thanks for that👍Whilst I never WANT to come over as ungracious, I know I don't always succeed. Very relatable comment.
Oh I’m a bugger for not accepting praise. Squirming mess, yes that sums me up quite well
edit: so sorry, I was rushing and didn’t say congratulations on that million. You are good, so it doesn’t surprise me. You’ve helped me
"This looks like a celebration, an autistic one" bro, I felt that xD
I didn’t fully understand how some say it’s like living life on Hard mode; then I realized: only an autistic person would need to explain receiving praise by giving themselves the homework of shooting, editing, posting, and promoting a 10+ minute video about receiving praise. Congrats on the views :)
Well done and congratulations. As someone recently diagnosed I really appreciate how you communicate. It is helping me to understand myself more.
💜🐈 Thank you! Feedback like that is why I do it😊
Always tried to ignore insults because they don't mean anything. Same logic used for compliments.
Your work is the kind that I would show to a neurotypical person who wants to learn about the autistic experience. You're empowering me to more clearly express my own. Your efforts are invaluable. Thank you a million times!
💜🐈 Thank you!
I agree with @obnoxint. It's probably my journalist mindset: Enough emotion to show that it matters, along with enough 'facts' and discussion to show why it should matter to anyone else. That's what works for me, at least.
When I got praise in my youth, my parents would yell at me "Say THANK YOU!" before I finished processing the praise. I dont feel comfortable with praise.
From a young age, I was taught pride was wrong (a sin they said). So, I dare not feel pride of anything, I'd just be bragging, which is also bad. I got so confused by all these rules everywhere.
I’m familiar with this issue. The pattern is self-contradictory: wanting recognition, to win a contest, and then doubting it if I got what I wished for - “Well, yay, but an orangutan could’ve won an award against that competition,” or “was my entry really that good? I’ve seen better,” or “why did they like that half-assed work but not my better stuff? What do they know?” A voice I call my Inner Liar is always ready to steal my joy. I’ve been fighting back recently. Last year, after my retirement from the local newspaper, the Board of Education recognized me for my contributions to education, through my reporting, commentary and sports coverage. I stood there in the meeting listening to this recital of all the wonderful things I’d done and wanted to say something like, “Who’s this interesting guy you were just talking about?” In a sign of personal growth, I told myself, “Be grateful. You should know by now that they mean it and enjoy the moment.” I later wrote that I didn’t do that work to win awards (mostly true 🤔) but I did appreciate the recognition. In a lifetime of now 65 years, the pattern is still (sometimes desperately) wanting praise and recognition (from my father most of all, but that’s another topic), but self-sabotaging when I got it. Behind all this is a burning question: “Why do I have to do something special to be seen?”
Oops! Congrats, Quinn. Give yourself the gift of taking it in.
That's wonderful, well done. All your hard work is definitely worth it. I have only recently found your channel and am a 51 year old female waiting for my autistic assessment at the end of September. I am watching and reading so much stuff to help me learn even more and so I thank you for your part in that.😊👍
💜🐈 Thank you!
I think my problems with praise mostly stem from the fact that I am, in many areas, a perfectionist*. So when my colleagues tell me that something I made is beautiful, all I can see is the flaws, so the praise feels fake. But on the flip side, when I make something I'm genuinely proud of, I get very excited, and my colleagues don't share the same level of excitement, so any praise I get feels patronising, like how you might react to a child's first macaroni and glue picture.
*This perfectionism doesn't limit me, at least not anymore. I am capable of recognising when something is "good enough", "sellable", or "usable" and I can push down my urge to keep working or to discard it start over.
My therapist assumes I can’t take compliments because of trauma but I realise now it’s autism because I relate 100% to everything you said in this video. Congratulations on the views, well deserved 😊 I can tell you work really hard on your videos.
I don't like praise, it feels like people are trying to manipulate me even when they are not and I know they are not
Congratulations. To me, the celebrating in this video is very obvious. But that might have something to do with that I'm autistic and someone doesn't have to jump in the air jubilating for me to notice.😂
Thank you for the content you create. I'm happy to be part of the million views.
Wow, this one hit especially strongly for me. It was the "why": the circumstances that make praise hard to accept, and my natural reaction being suspicion, and trying to figure out their motive. (I loved the rapid fire list of potential motivations.)
I've gotten better at it over the years (I'm almost 60). It started as a conscious effort when people would get frustrated and ask, "Why can't you just take a compliment?" At first it was conscious masking: don't respond in a self-deprecating way, and simply say, "Thank you," even if I didn't believe them. Then, with people I trust, making an effort to just stop the "No, I don't deserve it" thoughts, clear my mind, and repeat what they just said (inside my own head, not out loud!). Then I could respond with a genuine, "Thank you."
Then I started doing that with people that I wasn't sure I could trust. Just assume or pretend that they are being genuine. It turns out that if I do that with people I know are doing it maliciously, and add an extra helping of warm gratitude in my voice (as if I was deeply touched by their praise), those people get flustered and frustrated. I guess they were relying on my knowing the praise was sarcastic or a back-handed compliment, and then it appeared to backfire; they meant to hurt me, but my behavior tells them that it had the opposite effect.
Just yesterday, I was watching your video about "exaggerated existence." In this video, as you were saying, "spiky," it occurred to me that "spiky existence" feels like a much better fit. I wonder if that would be a better starting point when trying to explain to other people. I suspect they'd be thoroughly confused at first, and not jump to any particular connotation or conclusion; that might make it easier to fill in a bit more detail.
I relate quite a lot to this. I struggle to accept compliments and if people keep pushing I'll just agree with them to keep the peace but I don't feel it. One way I disregard compliments is by seeing the logic that doesn't quite make sense. For example, someone might say "You're so talented" talent is something you're born with I worked very hard for this so this compliment doesn't count. In reality they probably just mean that my skills or abilities are impressive and exceptional.
Thank you Quinn. Your videos have been both informative and soothing for me over the past month.
Quinn, I have watched you for a few years but never commented before. I love your presence. Of all the Autistic creators I follow on TH-cam since my diagnosis, I most often feel like your insights resonate most closely with my own observations. I often use your videos to try to share some of my experiences with people close to me since I struggle to describe them myself. I am grateful for my presence in that million. 😊
Yeah, I have trouble receiving compliments, but also hate it when something that I've done that I think is good gets ignored. I have a strong suspicion that those two circles overlap, Venn diagram-style, which makes things difficult. Similarly, I think I want to be looked at adoringly, the way I've seen some women look at their boyfriends, but then realise I find extended eye-contact super weird.
All that said, so far as I know, I'm not autistic, but i do have ADHD.
Fundamentally I feel unloveable..any praise I receive must be insincere...
Appreciation, Quinn.
Well done Quinn 👍👍
💜🐈 Thank you!
There are more options of feelings when it comes to praise than robot or "JUMPING FORTHE MOON WITH MIRTH AND PRIDE!!!!!!"
Yes and
Congratulations! Those views are validation that it is worth the effort and that you are helping people. You deserve many millions more.
When people praise me or say nice things, even "I love you" from my sister, I feel like something is demanded of me. Now I *have* to reply in a certain way, show a certain expression on my face, or reciprocate. And it's too much; I end up freezing.
Congratulations, Quinn! I know you know this, but I'm saying it anyway - you truly deserve it. Your videos spread so much more understanding of the autistic experience, to us autistics and to our allistic allies. Please keep on keeping on - I have watched (I think) every one of your videos and am always so happy each and every time I see you've released a new one 😊😊😊😊
Thanks for the video. I thought its just me haveing problems with prais. Turns out nope I am not. When being praised at work I get scared and start looking for a new job as it happened to often that I was told to come to a meeting with my manager .. started getting praises for my work and than being told .. but ... followed by description of autistiv behaviour ..followed by my employment being terminated. Prais in my private live was often given for things which I thought are too easy and shoud not be praised, e.g. being able to follow the instructions of the simple knitting pattern and producing a scarf or jumper or preparing a simple meal following a recipe.
Congrats on this milestone! You've worked hard on these videos and helped change many lives for the better. It's absolutely worth celebrating!
I love that you brought the point of concrete accomplishments as true compliments, because that is something that we can agree to celebrate. Something that depends on the perception of another person requires a leap of faith that we can't always afford (I immediately feel suspicious when someone praises me, it's like "great, I drew attention for existing again"). Even with the latter point, I appreciate when someone goes out of their way to tell me in what ways my presence has made them happy in some way. I suppose it's the recognition of one's impact in others what counts at the end of the day, as the sum of all things that brought this milestone is signifying.
Thank you so much for your clarity of thought and labor of love! ♥️
Congratulations 🎉Quinn. You deserve. You’re a THINKER. that’s so cool.
I have such a hard time accepting compliments and so does my PDA Autistic son. This sheds light on it. And maybe it comes down to simply accepting the situation.
This way of celebrating I can really enjoy. With something meaningful to think about to take away.
Compliments are my bane as well. I actually feel disappointed, when I receive them. Praise has rarely been any use for me and you get it for the weirdest things. Effort plays no role, neither does quality. How much you sacrificed is irrelevant. It is fleeting, unpredictable and does not make any sense in a lot of cases, but still I am required to be thankful. And in the end, it gives a very shortlived little rush of excitement and bloats the ego. People seem to get addicted to it, too, craving more likes and compliments but never get really happy from that. But things that give these kinds of brief rushes have never been for me. So I would prefer others not to waste their breath on them for me, as I have decided to achieve happyness in other ways.
I did not understand this before, so thank you for making this video.
1 million chances for true connection, understanding, education, validation, and discovery; that amazing! Congratulations and on to a million more 🥳🖖🍀
💜🐈 Thank you!
Thank you and congratulations.
I am a newer viewer since my diagnosis was more recent.
I have been binge watching a ton of your videos so that I have vocabulary and understanding. I really like them. This video including it's really affirming to know that my theories on that are a shared experience. Thank you.
Your voice also falls in the right decimals for me so it's very relaxing.
So sincerely congratulations and please keep up the good work. 😊
Before I discovered that I was autistic I thought that I was a dis agreeable giver. For example if someone was to say " I really like that shirt" I would say something like " You should see it when it is ironed". Lately I force myself to say "Thank you".
Mazel tov! A million views is an amazing achievement by any measure. Morever, I can definitively tell you that you have been very helpful to me and my family. You have made a real difference in our lives. I have been very "successful" but praise means little to me, mostly because I know that most of the people who praise me have no idea what real challenges I face. I know that you know, however, and that you face many of the same challenges. I hope this means something to you: You are making a real difference in our lives. Helping me to help myself and my children. You are genuinely helping other autistic persons in a world in which our challenges can be overwhelming. Thank you Quinn. Peace be with you friend.
I truly believe you deserve all the recognition you get, because I know how much you put into these videos and how much they mean to you. Through you I have learned so much. Thank you for being here and I wish that you are here for many years to come.
Congrats! 🥳It is very well deserved! My idea of celebration is making some good food, have some good chocolate and quiet evening by myself. Or when celebrating with family, it is a fine meal and chatting around the table. I think a lot of us are like this. It is a feeling, not a scream or flashy lights 😉
congratulations, quinn :) fantastic job!
some folks were talking about imposter syndrome, but what it reminds me of (in me) is 'emotional backdraft,' where feeling an emotion triggers its opposite. this is something i've been struggling with. i think i enjoy praise all right, but i absolutely HATE It when people are nice to me. it makes me feel awful.
Woohoo well done... I'm glad to have done my small part to the 1 million views...🎉
Receiving praise does make me smile however, if somebody says "good job" I smile but my brain is All like "Be more specific!!" And sometimes I think it gives me a very awkward smile instead of a "thank you" smile.
Super agreed on the "Be more specific!!" part! When I show someone some really cool program I wrote, and they call me "smart" for it, I almost want to say "Yeah, obviously I am, but please look at how cool this is!! You can't even see my thought process, so don't comment on that. Comment on this!! You see how fast it is?? Look at this elegant solution!!"
That's an NT thing, communication is not about information, it's about ego/identity. They fail to understand what you value and project their own onto you.
This is defo what I feel it is too! A NT thing @@LiftPizzas
Thank you Quinn for this video. I also cringe inside when I receive "praise" of any kind and - at 63 years old - I still am learning how to deal with it. My partner has said "say 'thank you'" but even that is difficult for me. So much to learn from this.
Congrats! Well worth celebrating. Praise is definitely tricky to handle - my "first line of defence" is to not actually hear it, for my brain to not even notice it's been said. My family have learned to check for that, because it happens almost all the time; once they've made me register it I can get to the squirming and deflecting. Also, I flipflop between thinking I'm not worthy (85% of the time) and true arrogance, never hitting a comfortably confident middle ground. Hey ho.
I've NEVER had this issue, with one exception: if my action is just as much about myself as it is about anyone else, I will say that when I'm complimented for what others see as my unselfish actions. Two examples:
1. If an object that is broken or a space that is disorganized triggers an obsessive response in me, I feel compelled to correct the flaw, even if it isn't my job. When someone tells me how nice it was that I did that, I tell the person the truth about my motivation for the action: that it was easier for me to correct the flaw than to be distracted by the obsession.
2. I have SO MUCH empathy that if someone I care about is hurting, I physically feel their pain myself; therefore, by trying to help that person feel better, I'm also helping to relieve the pain that I personally feel due to their situation.
Congrats on 1M views Quinn, and congrats in advance on 25K subscribers (which you'll no doubt get to)!
As for compliments, I find it hard to take them myself. I know some of them are heartfelt, but I believe many of them are rather backhanded because many people appear to be surprised that I'm able to accomplish so much in spite of my autism. In other words, the focus is on the autism, not the accomplishment. I just want to be left alone to do my thing and let the accomplishment speak for itself.
This hit home, and hard. Every experience you described, I share as an ADHD/Autistic.
I can make a thing. I can feel happy/relieved that I have finished making the thing. I can appreciate the thing. I can get joy from using the thing. I can even find my quality of work in building it acceptable. I can show someone else the thing, and enjoy them saying how cool the thing is. When they point out that I came up with and made the thing, my brain just goes "weird right?" It is like the sense of success and the dopamine that goes with it is no different from scratching off an item on a grocery list when I put it in the basket. Failure feels like getting beat down hard, but success just feels like a matter of fact that no one cares about. Getting praised about success feels like walking into a baited trap, or being set up for some very unrealistic expectations yet to come.
There is also the other side of it. Success as part of a team. When I do something that contributes to the success of the team, the team is praised, only the team. If I fail at something as part of the team, I get scrutinized, only me, even if it was a group failure. Both feel very wrong to me, even though I can't actually "feel good" about the praise.
I always come back to something my mother told me once when I was young, still in primary/elementary school I think. "You have no sense of accomplishment." She said it with a very concerned expression on her face, like it troubled her. As far as I can tell it is the only emotion that I don't think I can experience.
Thanks for ALL (Yes, I watched them ALL by now) the videos you made and helped me to understand what, 4 Years ago (at age 38) turned out to be autism (and possible ADHD), made me struggle so hard my whole life.
Well done! And a lot of great points!
For me, recognition meant my attempts to be inconspicuous failed. Praise is so often inauthentic/manipulative. And people often praised things I didn't care about and my greatest personal achievements would go unnoticed.. reinforced feeling misunderstood.
The goal that is “objective” and “technically achievable” hits home.
Call it childhood trauma or whatever, but many of us learn to strife for goals that are cleaned of needing other people to “rate” us.
When you get praised for doing something trivially easy and overlooked for the thing you poured your heart, soul, and tears into you get broken. The system is broken.
Eventually I learned to mask around the fake praise being the social construct that it is. Does not make it any less meaningless, but it does remove a lot other awkwardness.
It also makes it hard when your brain is binary. One of my favorite quotes is Yoda’s “Do, or do not, there is no try”. If I set out to do a task I fully expect to succeed and will consider it a failure if I don’t. If I know I cannot do it, I will not even bother. Which also makes it pointless to praise, because I assumed success before even starting.
All that said, the other day I achieved a life goal, one that was 99% depending on “making it in the normal world”. It hits so hard when you made it to adulthood without learning to process the emotion of success. Typing this caused a 1minute break as tears started flowing. It is still extremely overwhelming. I don’t need to share this with my loved ones, but it feels awkwardly fitting in this comment.
PS: really enjoy your videos for your linguistic mastery. It it obvious that wordsmithing is something you care about. And if not, you should reflect a little and see how you feel about it. Such a skill is quite rare.
I suffer from this too, I never celebrate praise. It's nice to get the recognition sometimes but I don't like lots of fuss.
Congratulations, I enjoy your channel. Keep up the great work. 😊
Congratulations on reaching the milestone. Praise, no thank you. I've never felt comfortable receiving it probably because I feel I was doing nothing special or out of the ordinary to command it.
“The people who paid me the most complements often turns to be the folks who had the least interest in my well-being”. I can relate
Congratulations, Storyteller. You are doing so much good work.
I love the way you put pauses in what you are saying, it makes it so much easier to understand the information you are giving. I wish everyone did that
I don't think it is acquired, but inherent. I remember rejecting praise from a parent at 5 years old (for a crayon drawing) and I don't think there would have been enough time/interactions to become so jaded/cynical by then. I also feel just as awkward/wrong praising/complimenting someone else.
My own theory is that 1- it's because it's a hierarchy thing. Praising someone is an act of dominance, accepting it certainly feels like submission. I don't like or participate in that hierarchy garbage. (We are all people, and the idea that some are above others is patently offensive.)
And 2- accepting it allows someone else to define you from the outside. This has always been a no-go for me. I decide my abilities, my talents, my worth. Who are you to think you know me better than I do? (You can't even figure out your own worth and need compliments and praise to prop up your own sense of self!)
I suppose I might have acquired additional resistance to it because people are often insincere about it, but I don't think that is the root of it.
Oh the "not safe" alarm that go on when someone praise me ... I always feels off.
But for the sake of the exercise "I do not know you very much yet but I hear how important it is to you and it makes me feel happy for you" I understand.
And for what's worth you make me feel better since I watch your video. Whether I am on the spectrum or not I am grateful you and your message exists.
I've trained myself to accept praise when it is deserved cause I spent and had many many people not do that and say horrible things to me and training my brain and my heart to accept praise when it's genuine has helped a lot ❤ it's a process
Sincere heartfelt congratulations on your 1M view achievement for your channel, Quinn!
And thank you for taking this as an opportunity to delve into another aspect of autistic living experiences.
My yardstick for "good job" versus "not good" is pretty internal. This helps when others' validation is either not sincere or not there. It doesn't help if I am struggling to figure out "how good is good enough?" Because I don't use what others are doing to figure that out, I sometimes continue to work on things longer than is really needed or warranted.
My own handling of praise has always been contextual. If I work hard on a project or an award and achieve it, I have no difficulty with it. (My mother taught me it was good manners to humbly accept a compliment after all). However, I will never really know how I come across to people so there is always an area of uncertainty - a constant almost-inaudible low rumble for which there is no high-pass filter which says 'not proven worthy'.
Yours is a milestone worth reflection and praise from all of us who have and do benefit from your wisdom and reason.
Aroha nui
Thank you so much, Quinn, and congratulations on your 1 million views!
Thank you for helping me understand myself better. 🤩❤️
Congratulations on that accomplishment Quinn! I do really enjoy your channel. You are one of my favorite autistic TH-cam creators. As an autistic it’s nice to see content that I can relate to. (Although of course I don’t relate to everything because we are all unique individuals.) Thank you for the work you do on your channel. Here’s hoping it has helped some neurotypicals understand us better. 😉
I could hear the excitement in you voice. It was there, but very subtle.
Congrats on the achievement my dude.👍
Congratulations for your undeniable accomplishment !
I watch 'in silence' your videos because I like what you do and how you do deliver your messages very much. Thank you Sir for your kindness, energy, your patience and care of you and 'us'.
Congrats Quinn. Recently coming to this diagnosis, your vids are probably some of the best. Don't like listening to neurotypicals explaining whats 'wrong' with me. Don,t particularly like vids by some autistic contributors who just speak about their experiences. I like your intelligent analytical thoughtful approach. All of your hardwork is now paying off. Well done. Now.....crack on
I've had people compliment me on my playing and I think they are just normal people doing what they do, because I'm not that good.
Great video Quinn. I gave up drumming as a kid because I found it too overwhelming to accept praise from family members, so I'm glad to see it's not just me.
Thanks for commenting and for being my first ever "thanks" contribution on TH-cam, If you've read through the rest of the comments on this video - it's definitely NOT just you😉
Congrats Quinn! You definitely deserve to feel proud. This channel has helped me since I found you a few months ago, so thank you!
I struggle accepting compliments that I perceive as incorrect, but between my friend group we often try to remind each other of our achievements, and worth to each other, because almost all of us struggle to believe it. So, a source of constant reassurance can help when anxiety says aha what if that's not true and you're actually useless and mean nothing to people you care about :)
Hey, congrats, you earned this and I’m proud of what you’ve achieved!
Btw I’m autistic too and compliments usually help me feel seen, because most of the time I don’t seem to be noticed.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable when I am praised. Just as you mentioned, I get the feeling that people don't really mean it or that they say that sort of thing to anyone. Having said that, I have no problem in praising other people when it is deserved, so CONGRATULATIONS Quinn, all the work you put into these videos is greatly appreciated 🤗
You are so spot on with your description of how you feel when someone praises you. I cringe or freeze too. There are a lot of cases where people who give this 'praise' don't mean a word of it but are looking to get an advantage or to dump something onto you. It happens a lot in the workplace. It leads me to have a general doubt of this 'praise' Even when it is genuine I don't feel comfortable. Great learning video.
Well done and well deserved! Thank you for increasing awareness and understanding of our experiences! Looking forward to watching more!
congrats on the million views!! it's been fun to watch these videos!
Thanks, Quinn, congratulations! I kind of felt awkward saying that no pun intended 😊just ran across your channel. the idea of doing more research on autism never really clicked. It’s comforting to listen to watch you. Thank you so much. You’ve given me and a lot of people hope and encouragement!🎉 I wish we could all be together because we can really let go with others that we understand and that can understand us when no words need to be said… think about that I love you all very much
well deserved quinn , im undiagnosed on waiting list ,ive been trying to understand my own mind and starting to understand why i did so many things wrong in life , not many channels on you tube that have made much sense to me , lots are click bait rubbish , yours has helped my understanding , i never tell anyone my birthdays i dont do xmas , im a tallented craftsman , but always think my skills could be better ,im a good artist /photographer , but i dont like exhibiting things , they are just for me , i dont understand winning , im happy to lose , i dont see the need for competition , i get where your coming from on many levels although we have very differng issues some things you mention i have no problem with , thankyou , and good luck for the future
Well done Quinn you totally deserve it
Yeah, I noticed for me it's veracity... Because like, I may be good and smart now, but what happens if I'm not later? Lol
Your statement on being forced into competition that you didn't want hit so very close to home.
As far as I can say so far, difficulty accepting praise - at least for me - is a typical ADHD problem. Since I have been on Ritalin, I can accept praise and *much* better than before because it truly _reaches_ me and I can _experience_ it emotionally. It seems to me to be the dopamine deficiency of ADHD that prevents positive experiences of _any_ kind to transition from purely rational *knowledge* to _feeling_ gratitude or contentment.
Congratulations Quinn! Well deserved. I think I’ve seen all your videos and I am looking forward to your future ones. 👍😊 Best wishes! 🙏
I remember when I was little, I would be afraid to do anything "smart" because the adults would cheer me on for it.
Also, thanks. I would say more but I'd get very emotional, but thanks so much for what you do.
Congratulations!! 🎉 That’s huge! It really helps to know a late diagnosed adult and learn from you’
I haven't reached out to you before so.. Thank you. Thank you for your time, effort, thoughts and energy you've (and most likely will) put into sharing.
I appreciate you commenting. Thank you.
Thanks for this. It is a thing I have always struggled with. I feel so awkward when I receive praise. I thought it was largely due to my abusive childhood. Hearing something good about me has always felt so foreign. However, this gives me further food for thought.
You DEFINITELY DO MAKE A GOOD DIFFERENCE!! 🎉Congratulations on reaching MM view(ers) and for helping us too!! 🥂 🍾 Thank you 😊
Congratulations Quinn!
its took until very recently for me to accept a compliment as should be accepted, always confused at how to respond, and didnt ever feel i deserved it, like a few already said, when you expect everyone to be lying or disingenuous, manipulative for so long you end up dont believe any compliment at all is genuine,
and also yes i feel never really got them much either, teachers calling me names or disappintment from parents continual put downs/critisisms of everything, my chronic stammer , struggles to read and write, even just looks, thoughts all generally received as i was weird, wrong-thought or stupidity, dismissed as idiot. i had really bad stammer for years, returns sometimes if im tiring from effort to speak, eventually gave up trying to talk at all because of being ridiculed as sub standard failure from the off not many ever had patience to listen past tge stutter and they made up mind already i was just a dickhead (autism didnt really get recognised at all then i was just ridiculed by the system supposed to teach my teachers were worse bullies than the other kids
Always appreciate your work.
Why don’t you have more subscribers your channel? It’s literally clear to the point and understandable even for typical.
Congratulations on a million views! 🙂