One thing people should know is that, according to the double empathy hypothesis, which actually holds quite a bit of water, having an autistic best friend may be the best sign you’re autistic yourself.
Does it go the other way? I'm autistic. I sometimes wonder if my best friend is autistic, purely because I feel like I understand, communicate with, and "read" her better than pretty much anyone else (except my wife). In my experience, people I can understand, communicate with, and "read", are likely to be autistic, too. But it's also possible that I've gotten to know her well enough that I can do a much better job interpreting her non-verbal communication.
My best friend - now wife of almost forty-eight years- and I self diagnosed early last year. I had previously figured out that we were two people of the rarest personalities: sigma. Apparently sigma people make the best friends for other sigmas. I’ve often wondered if a “sigma” personality isn’t simply an undiagnosed autistic.
3:04 me wearing the decade-old hoodie with the design that's almost completely faded, because it's really soft inside and the fabric doesn't touch my neck.
I have a T-shirt featuring the Avengers (in a 1970s marvel style) bursting into action, with the legend "Lad's Night Out" on it (coincidentally) which I loved for the same reasons. I wore it for years and it was the softest, most comfortable garment I've ever owned. I cried when finally it wasn't wearable.
My red thin sweater I feel truly happy, truly safe, truly in my colour in in. It is getting frayed, I’m afraid, soon to be relegated as « inside clothes »
She told me. We've been BFF's since we were 13 & 14. We're 48 & 49. She wasn't diagnosed until we were in our 40's. We were weirdos in different ways but our weirdness fit. They still do
@@faeriesmak I'm genuinely blessed to have the relationship we have. We might not see each other for 6 months but the conversation starts like I just walked back in the room after stepping out for a minute. It's joyful
@@AlexirLife Those are the best kinds of friendships to have. I am lucky in that I also have one of those, but my friend also has about a million friendships that are similar. I believe that she is also autistic but she is a VERY socially active, extroverted autistic!
@@faeriesmak Does she have ADHD? Those of us with both can appear more extroverted and social than someone who is only autistic (it doesn't mean we are actually extroverted, but the ADHD social butterfly side can sometimes mask the introverted autistic side).
I remember being super heartbroken when my "best" friend at age 12 told me i wasn't her best friend, and was in fact one of two "good" friends. She never mentioned her other friend before, for a whole year. Turns out it's her neighbor. I took it really hard. Didn't know I was autistic and needed the friendship defined sooner. I let that friendship fade because i was so embarassed i'd been mistaken about my "bestie" status.
This has been my experience, too. Somebody is my “best” friend, but, to them, I am just “a” friend. And figuring that out hurts a lot when you don’t understand that you aren’t neurotypical and that NTs can actually have multiple really good friends. It felt like a huge betrayal that, looking back understanding that I am autistic and see friendships differently, wasn’t actually a betrayal.
Thanks for the interesting video! It took me 48 years to realize I was autistic. I assumed everyone else thought and experienced life like I do. I told my few close friends on my Birthday and they all basically said "We know". My autistic friend John first suggested I might be too over a year ago. Months of research, self reflection, and talking to friends, family, and the community later and I finally know who I am :)
When things reach that critical mass where people break into groups, the Auditory Processing Disorder kicks in and I can't hear what someone is saying. I also experience anxiety because I don't think I fit into any of the groups
I can’t follow conversations or actually make out what people are saying in groups and just end up doing a lot of smile and nod, smile and nod. Then I need to go home and sleep for a week. 😂
@@faeriesmak That's exactly how I feel. It's completely exhausting sitting there and hearing the barrage of a group of voices, desperately trying to process them, and being unable to do it. I've spent most of my life being unable to hear or understand people in groups and them not knowing why. I also didn't know why myself, but I could tell something wasn't right with me
@@N4BWR I have had the same experience. Not being able to process what people in groups are saying and not knowing why. Meeting a group of people at a restaurant is one of the most difficult things. They are usually noisy and once a group is larger than about a total of 3-4 people I am totally lost. I cannot follow anything. It is like being trapped in a whirlwind of sound.
@@faeriesmak That perfectly describes how it is for me. I can vividly remember situations in which someone in a group at a restaurant was a few seats away and saying something to me and they felt like it was funny or ridiculous that i literally understood nothing of what they were saying.
If they don't know either, and you follow the suggestion at the end of the video, they might just go on an information exploration and find out for themselves - which could be really helpful for them, especially with a best friend to hash it out with.
Since me discovering my own autism…all of my friends are suddenly coming out of the woodwork with diagnoses too 🤣😂 my sweet kindred spirits - sharing about yourself inspires others to do the same ♥️
I am autistic and I have a friend who I also think is autistic, but she doesn't think she is, because she can read people (but hey, so can I, sometimes, I think, perhaps). She can believe whatever she wants to believe, her happiness is none of my business. She knows everything there is to know about the Titanic though. :)
This is awesome! I missed a chance to make a great, local new friend. I was into that mobile phone Pokemon game a few years ago, that was location based, and you could buy incubators and hatch eggs while walking. I encountered a gentlemen a smidge older than I, walking with 2 phones. He ignored me completely, but then I asked him if he was catching pokemon too. He talked pokemon for 5 minutes straight, as we walked together and captured the critters. He freely shared many tips and tricks to help my game. And then we parted, never to be seen again. My loss, if you ask me.
I can "read" people as well, but I'm still autistic. Understanding social cues & non-verbal behavior is not a determining factor on whether or not someone is autistic. Obviously, it does play a role, but the reason why autism is a spectrum is because it manifests differently in each autistic person. There are different levels of severity for each autistic trait and we may express certain traits differently from others. My younger brother, who is also autistic, can't handle being around screaming kids, whereas screaming kids don't really bother me but a fly buzzing around me will annoy the crap out of me. If she's interested, I'd suggest reading the book Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. I'd suggest this book to autistic and allistic folks, everyone should read it. There's so much good information in it and different exercises you can do. One of the exercises ask you to think about autism stereotypes you've seen in the media and how has it shaped your views of autism. One of the biggest stereotypes portrayed in media is that autistic people can't understand non-verbal & social cues, and one of the reasons I (like your friend) thought I couldn't be autistic was because I do understand those cues (my brother doesn't, which is probably one of the reasons why he's been diagnosed since he was a kid and I only found out about mine this year at 34 years old). Also, we both have ADHD, which I was only diagnosed with 3 years ago, so having both is it's own unique experience as well.
I've come to realize that all the long-lasting friendships I've had were with other ND or autistic individuals. My two closest friends from college have OCD and ADHD respectively, and my close friend I met back in middle school suspects she is autistic as well.
I have known I was autistic at an early age. This was in the 70s My diagnosis was my own since it wasn’t really recognized at that time. I got kicked out of Second grade just for reading. I wasn’t supposed to read yet according to my teacher. I never actually attended middle school. I was just beginning ninth grade at new school. After the first month there I found out about a nation wide testing in high school. I ended up taking the test too because our 9th graders were put in the same school as high school because of overcrowding. I was the last one to get my test scores. They wanted to do one more test on me. The results were hand delivered to my parents and principal. I was told that my lucky numbers are 16. SAT-1650. IQ-165. I didn’t even know what being in the upper 99% meant. I was told that I really didn’t have be in this school. I wasn’t being challenged enough in their curriculum. So here’s the bottom line: I had only had 5 classes in elementary school. I never really attended high school. My high school gave me the red carpet treatment. Anything I needed they’d go out of their way to get it for me. I could wander around the school and stop in any class I wanted to. But I couldn’t tell anyone or I would have to attend classes. Here’s the rub, I found out that I was a part of the upper 99%. In the Midwest but I was the highest scoring in all Minnesota! I was told that I have put their school on the map for having the highest score in Minnesota. I was also told, that I had to keep it SECRET or it would crush the honor role students who had been studying for this all year. Although I could leave school anytime, I decided to stay and hang out with my friends. So how do I know if I’m autistic? I never really went to school but I could be accepted by any college in America!
Interesting topic, Quinn. I feel like [for me] it's pretty easy to tell [if someone else is autistic], but I'm autistic myself, so it's a bit different. I feel like being educated about ASD is really what will help you be able to tell.
I just knew it last week, when I told one of my best friends from high school (I'm 50) that my son was autistic. I had no idea! I was shocked, and I was so happy too, because her grades were better than mine and she has a good job (middle-level boss in a huge supermarket store) so I'm happy for my son. Thank you for the video, and sorry for my English.
Late diagnosed of 4 years ago. So cruel when you form a close friendship and they act like they reciprocate but don't really see you as a friend really
10:38 For me, it is *the* friend group, rather than *a* friend group. Multiple friend groups sound like such a hassle to maintain. I have three best friends (sounds like cheating, but they’re all simply equally close friends… don’t you dare making me have to choose). They were initially just *my* friends and they saw each other on my birthdays. But now, we do things with the four of us more regularly. And they do things without me sometimes. I’m proud to have been the catalyst of this friend group. And I know for sure one of us is an AuDHD’er. He got diagnosed really early on. And I’m autistic. I got diagnosed… not late, at 16, but… a couple years earlier would’ve had a lot of things make sense.
Another excellent video. Loved the Michael Palin Ripping Yarns inclusion. I loved watching that show in my youth. As for standing out due to our "fashion sense" .. I've always dressed oddly. I have about 50 asst crsvats because I don't like wearing ties. I dress on the more formal side of smart-casual. The linen suit or the three piece tweed XD hardly practical.. but certainly a very "Pete Look"
"Comfortable" means many things. Physical comfort is most important for many of us and it's certainly my priority of late, but for me that's because my lifestyle now permits me to favour ease & simplicity. When I worked with other people, especially in a "professional" capacity, I dressed to favour *social* comfort. The "look" was a much bigger consideration & I erred towards the smart & formal until I gave up on the idea of a conventional career path. The challenge was to find a balance between sensory needs, social convention and my own expression. Cravats didn't figure, but muttonchop sideburns and weskits did. How cultural expectations like fashion interlace with autistic sensibilities is a topic all on it's own IMO 🤔
I was diagnosed about 6 months ago and have been struggling with imposter syndrome. I didn't want to admit I had special interests until the "...and branches of Games Workshop" line. I guess having collected seven large 40K armies over the years DOES qualify as a special interest. Thank you for this video. It helped me be able to accept my diagnosis and start my unmasking process.
In middle school I met my best friend for the first time. I had no clue he was autistic and sure he was a bit different than other people but I just accepted him for who he was and moved on. 5 years later in high school he mentioned that he was autistic out of nowhere. Apparently he thought I knew since we first met. I did not know at all but ultimately it didn't change how I treated him. Funny enough about 3 years after that I learned I was autistic. The world just works wonders sometimes.
I live in a town of about 5,000 people. The closest city where I might be able to meet other Autistic people is 45 minutes away driving but I have major anxiety with driving so that's actually way too far. I'm very much alone here.
Oh yes my daughter is fabulous at masking. In school but out of school we sure know she's autistic. I'm struggling to get anyone to look at even assessing her because school don't see anything 😢
I am sorry. I am lucky that my sons high school had such a good special education program that they sent him for further testing when I was just trying to get accommodations for his ADHD struggles. This didn’t come without years of fighting his previous schools and having them deny him services even though they were the ones telling me that he was having some problems. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.
Lack old fashioned sensibility that I've been trying to explain to people for years. I had co-workers and a few people that were friends at the time and even a boyfriend tried to help me put things together, but nothing felt right or looked right. I just couldn't tell the difference of what was in style, and would look good on me, and what was trendy. 46 years later and now I've accepted the fact that my lack of a 'look' is my look
0:45 I'm Autistic and watching this mostly to try to confirm my reasoning for what I believe to be the case is sound (and also because your channel is enjoyable)
A very good video. The strategy you recommend at the end would certainly work for me. There is no chance I could resist talking about it. It might be hard to get me to stop, though.
I find busy social situations awkward to navigate and stressful yet I feel compelled to place my self in to them regardless. I think, whether rightly or not, perhaps as a consequence of facing a never ending succession of hurdles, I have come to the conclusion that I must face what I find challenging head on or risk forever being trapped in a cage of my own making.
It was me. I was the autistic friend. Or, that is, my friend who turned out to be autistic after his daughter was diagnosed struggled approaching me about what he suspected was my own autism. He had just learned about it and was talking with me in the hopes that I would catch on. After 3 years or so, I finally did. At the time there was just to much going on my life to add that to the mix, but once things settled down it couldn't have been more obvious.
My best friend of 12 years was recently diagnosed as autistic and neither I nor he even suspected. The weird thing is that I'm autistic but still didn't notice.
I had a friend for over 20 years with an autistic son. Neither of them ever said they thought I may be autistic too. I haven't seen him since I was diagnosed, but I don't think he would believe me if I did tell him.
Love your content, love the transition @8:32. The like % is incredible ... 2,600 views, with 361 likes, strong testament to the quality of your work. Cheers!
There is also the fact that Autism is used as a derogatory slur. We are factually seen as lesser and used as an insult. That adds to the burden of telling anyone. What surprises me is it isn't okay to say the n word though you can literally take an entire group of people and use them as slur to hurt others. I don't see a difference. Sure the former word has a deep history though it's nowhere near the same as taking a literal group of people and using them as a slur. There are so many reasons we might not tell you. Over text they blend in very well and you would never know. There is also the fact that in telling people think we are stating we need special treatment and there is a stigma in just telling people. I just want you to know so you know why I do things a certain way. I don't care about special treatment. If I mess up tell me so I can correct it and avoid doing it again. Don't just yell at me and expect me to know what I did wrong. Don't just think I want you to coddle me. Help me grow as a person. It's all anyone of us want.
Actually the word is cognate with negro, which means black, and it's used to refer to a whole group of people, so it is an even stronger support of your argument than you realized..
Just over a month ago, I saw a video on Warographics (one of Simon Whisler’s channels) about the new head of NATO, Mark Rutte of The Netherlands, & I commented that some of his traits appear to be autistic. I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED when someone replied to my comment, “It is no wonder many Dutch citizens call him a psychopath or a sociopath.” Is that sort of what you are referring to?
@@augiegirl1 it's because they don't know the difference between cognitive and affective empathy. Psychopaths and such lack affective empathy but often have cognitive empathy so they can fool you. Autists often(myself included) lack cognitive empathy, seeming cold, but we actually have tons of affective empathy. People get confused on nuance so if they don't like someone(politician, you say?) they'll call them a psychopath or sociopath but not know what they're talking about. Hope that helps
I haven't told anyone outside my family. I don't use the word. I just describe my differences. "This is how I am. This is what I need." It's just what I'm comfortable with. I know some people know, but I prefer they not say anything and just treat me with decency. I've always been treated so differently, I can't bring myself to add a public label to further add justification to others treating me differently.
I loathe being forced to make eye contact, took me 20 years to learn that. My mom never let me have any noisy stims. I wish we didnt have to hide ourselves from the general population in order to survive.
I grew up with friends that had received their diagnosis in early school years, I understood their struggles and never questioned it. sadly i have only recieved my diagnosis at the age of 30 and at this stage of life all of my friends have had to outcast me because of my struggles and as far as today goes, I dont feel it would do any good to tell anyone about my diagnosis. it upsets me how life altering a simple diagnosis can be.
12:24 i think i have to add one more reason: They are not sure if they are autistic and dont want to selfdiagnose because they are absolutly not sure if they really are
If you are autistic, the friends and relationships you have made over your life that have been the strongest, had the easiest rapport and you had the easiest communication with, the chances are those people are also autistic, have ADHD or both.
I heard a lot from this channel and others about eye contact. I for one am told to make less of it rather than more. Though that may be because I don’t blink though less because of excess though. And yes I am on the spectrum.
Star Trek Conventions and baking contests... Ow I dont wanna baseball in my face! I feel called out. hehe being silly. This video is relatable in so many ways. Best friendships I've had are usually with other autistics like myself.
I told a romantic interest before that I'm autistic. I'm high functioning, and it would take a particularly observant person who has a lot of knowledge about autism to really pick it out. Heck having learned a bit from your videos there are several signs I'm broadcasting that I wasn't aware of. Like liking to have pockets for example and may wear ill-fitting clothing to have them. However in spite of this just by telling him that I'm autistic was enough for him to decided I was not worth being interested in.
I too, was a teen goth! I think I use a similar technique for ascertaining if someone is LGBT. Drop in things I've heard, read, seen, different talking points or signifiers that show I have an interest and therefore safe to open up to. My old boss had a rainbow mask on once, and I said to her, I love your mask it's very LGBT! It was a gamble, but it was how I found out she was gay. "I am very LGBT!"
I think my best friend is autistic. We were friends since we were 16 in the same slow math and reading class. I was diagnosed at age 47. He sees that I tested now he wants to. He is a tad different flavor from me in that he’s more adhd and I’m more anxious. But we are a lot alike in many ways. Not to say he isn’t anxious, he gets anxious differently. We both mask. Stim. Have special interests. Etc…
The joke's cruel: with my best friend, we've been throwing 'autistic' at each other's weird behaviours for years, in a playful but kind of derogatory manner. 10 years later, I turned out to be actually autistic. He laughed hard but wasn't surprised. Now, it would have been cool to check him too. There are no good professionals to get a diagnosis where he lives, but we'll start with tests online)
Thanks for commenting, and it might not surprise you that I've heard people say similar things before. The main positive that I hope comes out of this is that people you know will hold a less derogatory view of autistic folks in general. Whatever you discover, I hope you continue to have a rewarding friendship 😊
@@quinndexter6727 Thank you! After the late diagnosis, my existing friendships haven't changed. But, well, all the current attempts and relationships with new people changed drastically. At least for me.
I'm watching this cause I have a sneaking suspicion I'm also autistic aspbergers possibly because ive passed all the online tests for having autism ...😊
None of the three sir. I subscribe to you. So I watch my inbox. I hide because I dont want to be hit with shame and blame from others. Also, I already know my best friends are autistic (as am I). I have no need to ask what I already know.
Social gatherings become increasingly more difficult to maneuver with the increasing number of participants because of the hive mind: everyone settles on a frequency band of thought and they lose their individuality. We, as autists, I believe, are unable to limit ourselves in such a manner and thus will fall out of sync with the gathering altogether.
I'm awaiting a diagnosis at age 32 😅. I'd eqaute My journey of self advocacy to the scene from the planet of the apes when the chimpanzee says no 😂. It's changed my life, I always knew I was probably autistic from when I was about 14 years old when I met somebody else who was diagnosed and the realisation hit me that they was just like me. At the time I just tried to brush it off as me not wanting to confirm to all of the stupid social rules we're expected the follow but I could never get the thought out of my head and I developed a really intense obsession with this person. A couple years later I went to a summer camp with him and just spent my entire time there watching him. It probably sounds really creepy but it was interesting seeing how he changed his behaviour around other people to blend in. I like to think of masking like Schrödinger's cat, people act differently when they're being observed to when they aren't being observed. I'm trying to fall more on the "alive" side of this thought experiment these days by being myself and not worrying what other people might think 😅.
I had one friend suggest I had asperger syndrome when we were 18. My gp mentioned it too and I ignored it for several years. Then by age 23 I sought formal diagnosis and they diagnosed me with ASD. iam 32 now.
@@RavinBallard yes, but Bart is the only one ik of that we actually see his closet is truly all the same clothes. It's appeared in a few episodes. We don't notice it in others because why draw them differently each time, but no emphasis is given tho pointing it out. In the Simpsons, they show that they're not lazy lol, he really only does wear the same outfit, of which he has multiple of the same shirt and shorts.
One thing people should know is that, according to the double empathy hypothesis, which actually holds quite a bit of water, having an autistic best friend may be the best sign you’re autistic yourself.
I sent a video to my exes that said there was a high chance they were autistic too lol. It was humorous and made to sound like an STD lol
Does it go the other way? I'm autistic. I sometimes wonder if my best friend is autistic, purely because I feel like I understand, communicate with, and "read" her better than pretty much anyone else (except my wife). In my experience, people I can understand, communicate with, and "read", are likely to be autistic, too. But it's also possible that I've gotten to know her well enough that I can do a much better job interpreting her non-verbal communication.
My maid of honor, my best friend from college, & I were both diagnosed as adults.
My best friend - now wife of almost forty-eight years- and I self diagnosed early last year. I had previously figured out that we were two people of the rarest personalities: sigma. Apparently sigma people make the best friends for other sigmas.
I’ve often wondered if a “sigma” personality isn’t simply an undiagnosed autistic.
3:04 me wearing the decade-old hoodie with the design that's almost completely faded, because it's really soft inside and the fabric doesn't touch my neck.
I have a T-shirt featuring the Avengers (in a 1970s marvel style) bursting into action, with the legend "Lad's Night Out" on it (coincidentally) which I loved for the same reasons. I wore it for years and it was the softest, most comfortable garment I've ever owned. I cried when finally it wasn't wearable.
My red thin sweater
I feel truly happy, truly safe, truly in my colour in in. It is getting frayed, I’m afraid, soon to be relegated as « inside clothes »
The neck thing, yes! That's a thing for me, too.
@@E.Hunter.Esquire I can't wear ties.
Same@@RaunienTheFirst
She told me. We've been BFF's since we were 13 & 14. We're 48 & 49. She wasn't diagnosed until we were in our 40's. We were weirdos in different ways but our weirdness fit. They still do
That is beautiful!
@@faeriesmak I'm genuinely blessed to have the relationship we have. We might not see each other for 6 months but the conversation starts like I just walked back in the room after stepping out for a minute. It's joyful
@@AlexirLife Those are the best kinds of friendships to have. I am lucky in that I also have one of those, but my friend also has about a million friendships that are similar. I believe that she is also autistic but she is a VERY socially active, extroverted autistic!
@@faeriesmak Aren't we lucky?
@@faeriesmak Does she have ADHD? Those of us with both can appear more extroverted and social than someone who is only autistic (it doesn't mean we are actually extroverted, but the ADHD social butterfly side can sometimes mask the introverted autistic side).
I remember being super heartbroken when my "best" friend at age 12 told me i wasn't her best friend, and was in fact one of two "good" friends. She never mentioned her other friend before, for a whole year. Turns out it's her neighbor. I took it really hard. Didn't know I was autistic and needed the friendship defined sooner. I let that friendship fade because i was so embarassed i'd been mistaken about my "bestie" status.
This has been my experience, too. Somebody is my “best” friend, but, to them, I am just “a” friend. And figuring that out hurts a lot when you don’t understand that you aren’t neurotypical and that NTs can actually have multiple really good friends. It felt like a huge betrayal that, looking back understanding that I am autistic and see friendships differently, wasn’t actually a betrayal.
Thanks for the interesting video! It took me 48 years to realize I was autistic. I assumed everyone else thought and experienced life like I do. I told my few close friends on my Birthday and they all basically said "We know". My autistic friend John first suggested I might be too over a year ago. Months of research, self reflection, and talking to friends, family, and the community later and I finally know who I am :)
Briefly mentions science fiction conventions and then minutes later sounds the Star Trek red alert. Nice
When things reach that critical mass where people break into groups, the Auditory Processing Disorder kicks in and I can't hear what someone is saying. I also experience anxiety because I don't think I fit into any of the groups
I can’t follow conversations or actually make out what people are saying in groups and just end up doing a lot of smile and nod, smile and nod. Then I need to go home and sleep for a week. 😂
@@faeriesmak That's exactly how I feel. It's completely exhausting sitting there and hearing the barrage of a group of voices, desperately trying to process them, and being unable to do it. I've spent most of my life being unable to hear or understand people in groups and them not knowing why. I also didn't know why myself, but I could tell something wasn't right with me
@@N4BWR I have had the same experience. Not being able to process what people in groups are saying and not knowing why. Meeting a group of people at a restaurant is one of the most difficult things. They are usually noisy and once a group is larger than about a total of 3-4 people I am totally lost. I cannot follow anything. It is like being trapped in a whirlwind of sound.
@@faeriesmak That perfectly describes how it is for me. I can vividly remember situations in which someone in a group at a restaurant was a few seats away and saying something to me and they felt like it was funny or ridiculous that i literally understood nothing of what they were saying.
If they don't know either, and you follow the suggestion at the end of the video, they might just go on an information exploration and find out for themselves - which could be really helpful for them, especially with a best friend to hash it out with.
Since me discovering my own autism…all of my friends are suddenly coming out of the woodwork with diagnoses too 🤣😂 my sweet kindred spirits - sharing about yourself inspires others to do the same ♥️
I am autistic and I have a friend who I also think is autistic, but she doesn't think she is, because she can read people (but hey, so can I, sometimes, I think, perhaps).
She can believe whatever she wants to believe, her happiness is none of my business. She knows everything there is to know about the Titanic though. :)
This is awesome! I missed a chance to make a great, local new friend. I was into that mobile phone Pokemon game a few years ago, that was location based, and you could buy incubators and hatch eggs while walking. I encountered a gentlemen a smidge older than I, walking with 2 phones. He ignored me completely, but then I asked him if he was catching pokemon too. He talked pokemon for 5 minutes straight, as we walked together and captured the critters. He freely shared many tips and tricks to help my game. And then we parted, never to be seen again. My loss, if you ask me.
I can "read" people as well, but I'm still autistic. Understanding social cues & non-verbal behavior is not a determining factor on whether or not someone is autistic. Obviously, it does play a role, but the reason why autism is a spectrum is because it manifests differently in each autistic person. There are different levels of severity for each autistic trait and we may express certain traits differently from others. My younger brother, who is also autistic, can't handle being around screaming kids, whereas screaming kids don't really bother me but a fly buzzing around me will annoy the crap out of me.
If she's interested, I'd suggest reading the book Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. I'd suggest this book to autistic and allistic folks, everyone should read it. There's so much good information in it and different exercises you can do. One of the exercises ask you to think about autism stereotypes you've seen in the media and how has it shaped your views of autism. One of the biggest stereotypes portrayed in media is that autistic people can't understand non-verbal & social cues, and one of the reasons I (like your friend) thought I couldn't be autistic was because I do understand those cues (my brother doesn't, which is probably one of the reasons why he's been diagnosed since he was a kid and I only found out about mine this year at 34 years old). Also, we both have ADHD, which I was only diagnosed with 3 years ago, so having both is it's own unique experience as well.
My autistic friend is starting to wonder if I am autistic. I don't know whether my odd movements are stimming or something else.
Great advice not just for showing solidarity and openness for autisrics but folks from other marginalized groups. Thanks Quinn! 💜
I've come to realize that all the long-lasting friendships I've had were with other ND or autistic individuals. My two closest friends from college have OCD and ADHD respectively, and my close friend I met back in middle school suspects she is autistic as well.
I have known I was autistic at an early age. This was in the 70s My diagnosis was my own since it wasn’t really recognized at that time.
I got kicked out of Second grade just for reading. I wasn’t supposed to read yet according to my teacher. I never actually attended middle school. I was just beginning ninth grade at new school. After the first month there I found out about a nation wide testing in high school. I ended up taking the test too because our 9th graders were put in the same school as high school because of overcrowding.
I was the last one to get my test scores. They wanted to do one more test on me. The results were hand delivered to my parents and principal. I was told that my lucky numbers are 16. SAT-1650. IQ-165. I didn’t even know what being in the upper 99% meant.
I was told that I really didn’t have be in this school. I wasn’t being challenged enough in their curriculum. So here’s the bottom line: I had only had 5 classes in elementary school. I never really attended high school. My high school gave me the red carpet treatment. Anything I needed they’d go out of their way to get it for me. I could wander around the school and stop in any class I wanted to. But I couldn’t tell anyone or I would have to attend classes. Here’s the rub, I found out that I was a part of the upper 99%. In the Midwest but I was the highest scoring in all Minnesota! I was told that I have put their school on the map for having the highest score in Minnesota. I was also told, that I had to keep it SECRET or it would crush the honor role students who had been studying for this all year. Although I could leave school anytime, I decided to stay and hang out with my friends. So how do I know if I’m autistic? I never really went to school but I could be accepted by any college in America!
Interesting topic, Quinn.
I feel like [for me] it's pretty easy to tell [if someone else is autistic], but I'm autistic myself, so it's a bit different.
I feel like being educated about ASD is really what will help you be able to tell.
I just knew it last week, when I told one of my best friends from high school (I'm 50) that my son was autistic. I had no idea! I was shocked, and I was so happy too, because her grades were better than mine and she has a good job (middle-level boss in a huge supermarket store) so I'm happy for my son. Thank you for the video, and sorry for my English.
Late diagnosed of 4 years ago. So cruel when you form a close friendship and they act like they reciprocate but don't really see you as a friend really
10:38
For me, it is *the* friend group, rather than *a* friend group. Multiple friend groups sound like such a hassle to maintain. I have three best friends (sounds like cheating, but they’re all simply equally close friends… don’t you dare making me have to choose). They were initially just *my* friends and they saw each other on my birthdays. But now, we do things with the four of us more regularly. And they do things without me sometimes. I’m proud to have been the catalyst of this friend group. And I know for sure one of us is an AuDHD’er. He got diagnosed really early on. And I’m autistic. I got diagnosed… not late, at 16, but… a couple years earlier would’ve had a lot of things make sense.
Another excellent video. Loved the Michael Palin Ripping Yarns inclusion. I loved watching that show in my youth.
As for standing out due to our "fashion sense" .. I've always dressed oddly. I have about 50 asst crsvats because I don't like wearing ties. I dress on the more formal side of smart-casual. The linen suit or the three piece tweed XD hardly practical.. but certainly a very "Pete Look"
"Comfortable" means many things. Physical comfort is most important for many of us and it's certainly my priority of late, but for me that's because my lifestyle now permits me to favour ease & simplicity. When I worked with other people, especially in a "professional" capacity, I dressed to favour *social* comfort. The "look" was a much bigger consideration & I erred towards the smart & formal until I gave up on the idea of a conventional career path. The challenge was to find a balance between sensory needs, social convention and my own expression. Cravats didn't figure, but muttonchop sideburns and weskits did.
How cultural expectations like fashion interlace with autistic sensibilities is a topic all on it's own IMO 🤔
I was diagnosed about 6 months ago and have been struggling with imposter syndrome. I didn't want to admit I had special interests until the "...and branches of Games Workshop" line. I guess having collected seven large 40K armies over the years DOES qualify as a special interest. Thank you for this video. It helped me be able to accept my diagnosis and start my unmasking process.
In middle school I met my best friend for the first time. I had no clue he was autistic and sure he was a bit different than other people but I just accepted him for who he was and moved on. 5 years later in high school he mentioned that he was autistic out of nowhere. Apparently he thought I knew since we first met. I did not know at all but ultimately it didn't change how I treated him. Funny enough about 3 years after that I learned I was autistic. The world just works wonders sometimes.
I live in a town of about 5,000 people. The closest city where I might be able to meet other Autistic people is 45 minutes away driving but I have major anxiety with driving so that's actually way too far. I'm very much alone here.
Oh yes my daughter is fabulous at masking. In school but out of school we sure know she's autistic. I'm struggling to get anyone to look at even assessing her because school don't see anything 😢
I am sorry. I am lucky that my sons high school had such a good special education program that they sent him for further testing when I was just trying to get accommodations for his ADHD struggles. This didn’t come without years of fighting his previous schools and having them deny him services even though they were the ones telling me that he was having some problems. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.
Lack old fashioned sensibility that I've been trying to explain to people for years. I had co-workers and a few people that were friends at the time and even a boyfriend tried to help me put things together, but nothing felt right or looked right. I just couldn't tell the difference of what was in style, and would look good on me, and what was trendy. 46 years later and now I've accepted the fact that my lack of a 'look' is my look
0:45 I'm Autistic and watching this mostly to try to confirm my reasoning for what I believe to be the case is sound (and also because your channel is enjoyable)
A very good video. The strategy you recommend at the end would certainly work for me. There is no chance I could resist talking about it. It might be hard to get me to stop, though.
I find busy social situations awkward to navigate and stressful yet I feel compelled to place my self in to them regardless. I think, whether rightly or not, perhaps as a consequence of facing a never ending succession of hurdles, I have come to the conclusion that I must face what I find challenging head on or risk forever being trapped in a cage of my own making.
That's pretty much the pattern matching I do whenever I get to know people. And the hit rate is close to 100%.
It was me. I was the autistic friend.
Or, that is, my friend who turned out to be autistic after his daughter was diagnosed struggled approaching me about what he suspected was my own autism. He had just learned about it and was talking with me in the hopes that I would catch on.
After 3 years or so, I finally did. At the time there was just to much going on my life to add that to the mix, but once things settled down it couldn't have been more obvious.
My best friend of 12 years was recently diagnosed as autistic and neither I nor he even suspected. The weird thing is that I'm autistic but still didn't notice.
I am officially adding 'autistipeeps' to my vocabulary. :)
I love that!
I had a friend for over 20 years with an autistic son. Neither of them ever said they thought I may be autistic too. I haven't seen him since I was diagnosed, but I don't think he would believe me if I did tell him.
Why don't you think he'd believe you?
Love your content, love the transition @8:32.
The like % is incredible ... 2,600 views, with 361 likes, strong testament to the quality of your work. Cheers!
This was actually really helpful for me understanding my own autism. You are a fantastic educator. Thank you!
There is also the fact that Autism is used as a derogatory slur. We are factually seen as lesser and used as an insult. That adds to the burden of telling anyone. What surprises me is it isn't okay to say the n word though you can literally take an entire group of people and use them as slur to hurt others. I don't see a difference. Sure the former word has a deep history though it's nowhere near the same as taking a literal group of people and using them as a slur. There are so many reasons we might not tell you. Over text they blend in very well and you would never know.
There is also the fact that in telling people think we are stating we need special treatment and there is a stigma in just telling people. I just want you to know so you know why I do things a certain way. I don't care about special treatment. If I mess up tell me so I can correct it and avoid doing it again. Don't just yell at me and expect me to know what I did wrong. Don't just think I want you to coddle me. Help me grow as a person. It's all anyone of us want.
Actually the word is cognate with negro, which means black, and it's used to refer to a whole group of people, so it is an even stronger support of your argument than you realized..
Just over a month ago, I saw a video on Warographics (one of Simon Whisler’s channels) about the new head of NATO, Mark Rutte of The Netherlands, & I commented that some of his traits appear to be autistic. I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED when someone replied to my comment, “It is no wonder many Dutch citizens call him a psychopath or a sociopath.” Is that sort of what you are referring to?
@@augiegirl1 it's because they don't know the difference between cognitive and affective empathy. Psychopaths and such lack affective empathy but often have cognitive empathy so they can fool you. Autists often(myself included) lack cognitive empathy, seeming cold, but we actually have tons of affective empathy. People get confused on nuance so if they don't like someone(politician, you say?) they'll call them a psychopath or sociopath but not know what they're talking about. Hope that helps
Thank you Quinn, this is really interesting.
The sound effects slay me! Grange Hill intro speaks through the decades! 😂❤
I'm Autumn Rose, and I'm autistic ❤❤❤❤
With our ten steps you can get better! Lol jk
It is believable from how you wrote it. 😅
@punitadatta lol, no joke! 🤦♀️🤭❤️🙏🫶🪷
I haven't told anyone outside my family. I don't use the word. I just describe my differences. "This is how I am. This is what I need." It's just what I'm comfortable with. I know some people know, but I prefer they not say anything and just treat me with decency. I've always been treated so differently, I can't bring myself to add a public label to further add justification to others treating me differently.
I loathe being forced to make eye contact, took me 20 years to learn that.
My mom never let me have any noisy stims.
I wish we didnt have to hide ourselves from the general population in order to survive.
I grew up with friends that had received their diagnosis in early school years, I understood their struggles and never questioned it. sadly i have only recieved my diagnosis at the age of 30 and at this stage of life all of my friends have had to outcast me because of my struggles and as far as today goes, I dont feel it would do any good to tell anyone about my diagnosis. it upsets me how life altering a simple diagnosis can be.
12:24 i think i have to add one more reason: They are not sure if they are autistic and dont want to selfdiagnose because they are absolutly not sure if they really are
Thanks you so much Quinn 💖☺️🎉
Or maybe the viewer is thinking, "Should I tell my friend that I'm autistic?" and thinks it would be easier if the friend were autistic, too.
Thank you for this video.
If you are autistic, the friends and relationships you have made over your life that have been the strongest, had the easiest rapport and you had the easiest communication with, the chances are those people are also autistic, have ADHD or both.
I have found this to be wildly accurate.
I suspect that my husband has ADHD.
Very well explained. Hope this goes both ways as ever! ❤
I heard a lot from this channel and others about eye contact. I for one am told to make less of it rather than more. Though that may be because I don’t blink though less because of excess though. And yes I am on the spectrum.
My best friend is 2 cats
Social situation with group large enough that discussion splits into 2 or more? That is nightmare. I will not be able to fallow any.
Star Trek Conventions and baking contests... Ow I dont wanna baseball in my face!
I feel called out. hehe being silly. This video is relatable in so many ways.
Best friendships I've had are usually with other autistics like myself.
I told a romantic interest before that I'm autistic. I'm high functioning, and it would take a particularly observant person who has a lot of knowledge about autism to really pick it out. Heck having learned a bit from your videos there are several signs I'm broadcasting that I wasn't aware of. Like liking to have pockets for example and may wear ill-fitting clothing to have them. However in spite of this just by telling him that I'm autistic was enough for him to decided I was not worth being interested in.
I too, was a teen goth!
I think I use a similar technique for ascertaining if someone is LGBT. Drop in things I've heard, read, seen, different talking points or signifiers that show I have an interest and therefore safe to open up to. My old boss had a rainbow mask on once, and I said to her, I love your mask it's very LGBT! It was a gamble, but it was how I found out she was gay. "I am very LGBT!"
I think my best friend is autistic. We were friends since we were 16 in the same slow math and reading class. I was diagnosed at age 47. He sees that I tested now he wants to. He is a tad different flavor from me in that he’s more adhd and I’m more anxious. But we are a lot alike in many ways. Not to say he isn’t anxious, he gets anxious differently. We both mask. Stim. Have special interests. Etc…
Autistic and have been BFF with my ADHD friend for 20+ years.
The joke's cruel: with my best friend, we've been throwing 'autistic' at each other's weird behaviours for years, in a playful but kind of derogatory manner. 10 years later, I turned out to be actually autistic. He laughed hard but wasn't surprised. Now, it would have been cool to check him too. There are no good professionals to get a diagnosis where he lives, but we'll start with tests online)
Thanks for commenting, and it might not surprise you that I've heard people say similar things before. The main positive that I hope comes out of this is that people you know will hold a less derogatory view of autistic folks in general. Whatever you discover, I hope you continue to have a rewarding friendship 😊
@@quinndexter6727 Thank you! After the late diagnosis, my existing friendships haven't changed. But, well, all the current attempts and relationships with new people changed drastically. At least for me.
I'm watching this cause I have a sneaking suspicion I'm also autistic aspbergers possibly because ive passed all the online tests
for having autism ...😊
None of the three sir. I subscribe to you. So I watch my inbox.
I hide because I dont want to be hit with shame and blame from others.
Also, I already know my best friends are autistic (as am I). I have no need to ask what I already know.
Social gatherings become increasingly more difficult to maneuver with the increasing number of participants because of the hive mind: everyone settles on a frequency band of thought and they lose their individuality. We, as autists, I believe, are unable to limit ourselves in such a manner and thus will fall out of sync with the gathering altogether.
I'm awaiting a diagnosis at age 32 😅. I'd eqaute My journey of self advocacy to the scene from the planet of the apes when the chimpanzee says no 😂. It's changed my life, I always knew I was probably autistic from when I was about 14 years old when I met somebody else who was diagnosed and the realisation hit me that they was just like me. At the time I just tried to brush it off as me not wanting to confirm to all of the stupid social rules we're expected the follow but I could never get the thought out of my head and I developed a really intense obsession with this person. A couple years later I went to a summer camp with him and just spent my entire time there watching him. It probably sounds really creepy but it was interesting seeing how he changed his behaviour around other people to blend in.
I like to think of masking like Schrödinger's cat, people act differently when they're being observed to when they aren't being observed. I'm trying to fall more on the "alive" side of this thought experiment these days by being myself and not worrying what other people might think 😅.
I recognise it in people sometimes. But depending on how well u know them depends on if u should tell them Ur thoughts x
I had one friend suggest I had asperger syndrome when we were 18. My gp mentioned it too and I ignored it for several years. Then by age 23 I sought formal diagnosis and they diagnosed me with ASD. iam 32 now.
I think I m autistic, and wonder if one of my friend is and doesn t know.
GAWD DARN IT HE GOTHED TOO 😱
People with autism just make sense to me.
"Take a look in our wardrobe." Still LMAO. Autistic or not; practicality trumps fashion and preparedness trumps pain every time.
I'm doing the opposite, I'm trying to work out if he thinks I'm autistic o.o
"Nerd": until adulthood, I thought Nerd (and Geek) were compliments :)
Not "Dweeb" or "Dork" though. I knew they were insults.
I think people just expect women to ♀️ to be weird.
So don't notice it in women..
😂😂😂
AuDHD'er might enjoy a party or two ;-)
Or maybe the viewer is the autistic best friend and has a few as well.
"Is YOUR Best Friend AUTISTIC?"
No, but thanks for asking.
😀
Was Bart Simpson autistic? His wardrobe would suggest it lol
Lisa probably was too!
@@faeriesmak agreed
most cartoon characters repeat outfits though
@@RavinBallard yes, but Bart is the only one ik of that we actually see his closet is truly all the same clothes. It's appeared in a few episodes. We don't notice it in others because why draw them differently each time, but no emphasis is given tho pointing it out. In the Simpsons, they show that they're not lazy lol, he really only does wear the same outfit, of which he has multiple of the same shirt and shorts.
@@Baptized_in_Fire. it’s much more to it than a wardrobe
I thought this was a shit post horror thing
MY best friend IS AUTISTIC, and SO AM I. We're GAY LOVERS