I dated someone for 2 months, however there were times when I noticed the ‘avoiding’ happening abruptly without knowable prompts from my end. I went into it kind of knowing to be calm and non-coercive. Unfortunately, towards the end she said she needed space. I gave a week of no contact and caved into writing an email of just giving gratitude and open arms. She called as me saying ‘goodbye’ was enough for her to say she didn’t want to lose me - she just didnt want to feel trapped. I saw that as a sign of hope. But… over a month plus has passed of no further contact and its forced me to give up. Its definitely uncertain how an avoidant scales their time/space. Is the space the size of the intensity to dissolve? Is she waiting for all feelings to neutralize before we reconnect?
My partner is struggling with mental and physical health issues along with misery in their career and some trust issues being triggered even though there was no betrayal or infidelity. Needless to say it’s been very difficult and they’ve needed a lot of space. But I choose to stand by them and love them anyway because I don’t believe in leaving when things get tough. I think what resonates most with me was you talking about how we idealize a relationship only to realize later on that it’s actually a lot of work and not always bliss and sunshine. I definitely think my partner and I are going through that. We both talked big about how important communication and transparency are to us in the beginning and although it’s true, it’s a lot harder than we thought. This is my first serious relationship and it’s my partner’s first healthy relationship ever even though she’s been in many.
It's good that you're able to give space when she's needing it! Relationships are always harder than they first appear. They demand a lot out of us but also provide so much for us. They're also a great way to learn about ourselves and what makes us happy. Much luck to you in your relationship!
I dated someone for 2 months, however there were times when I noticed the ‘avoiding’ happening abruptly without knowable prompts from my end. I went into it kind of knowing to be calm and non-coercive. Unfortunately, towards the end she said she needed space. I gave a week of no contact and caved into writing an email of just giving gratitude and open arms. She called as me saying ‘goodbye’ was enough for her to say she didn’t want to lose me - she just didnt want to feel trapped. I saw that as a sign of hope. But… over a month plus has passed of no further contact and its forced me to give up. Its definitely uncertain how an avoidant scales their time/space. Is the space the size of the intensity to dissolve? Is she waiting for all feelings to neutralize before we reconnect?
Happy you’re posting again 💜
Thank you! 😁
My partner is struggling with mental and physical health issues along with misery in their career and some trust issues being triggered even though there was no betrayal or infidelity. Needless to say it’s been very difficult and they’ve needed a lot of space. But I choose to stand by them and love them anyway because I don’t believe in leaving when things get tough.
I think what resonates most with me was you talking about how we idealize a relationship only to realize later on that it’s actually a lot of work and not always bliss and sunshine. I definitely think my partner and I are going through that. We both talked big about how important communication and transparency are to us in the beginning and although it’s true, it’s a lot harder than we thought. This is my first serious relationship and it’s my partner’s first healthy relationship ever even though she’s been in many.
It's good that you're able to give space when she's needing it! Relationships are always harder than they first appear. They demand a lot out of us but also provide so much for us. They're also a great way to learn about ourselves and what makes us happy. Much luck to you in your relationship!
I didn't know that the Swedish word "snöstorm" is used in English as snowstorm.
I don't anyone anyway...so It't not a problem...lol