does anyone else feel like a different person from the past? Like you’ve changed into a completely different person but, your past clings onto and you feel like you will never be as good as a person you see yourself?
I can relate to what you’re saying. I too feel like I’ve changed a lot from the person I was in the past. It’s a strange feeling when you look back and hardly recognize the person you used to be. But I believe that every experience, every change, makes us who we are. And it’s okay to feel like you’re not the same person. It’s a sign of growth and personal development.
You will always be your own hardest critics brother - it's only natural as time goes on that we change and grow, sometimes we become entirely different people Your memories serve to remind you of how things were once - the question is, will you continue to look to the past? Or will you keep your eyes firmly planted on the now, continuing to do the best you can for tomorrow? Becoming the best version of yourself happens a step at a time, good luck! I'll be rooting for ya.
I'm somehow grateful I'm not the only one feeling this...And how this complex feeling was put into words. Cuz sometimes I cannot explain it by myself. Take care bro❤
The image is FREAKING ME OUT: Back when I was an alcoholic I was at a party and got kicked out (deservedly) because of my behaviour, it was the depth of Winter and snow was falling, it was already thick on the ground. I was trying to walk home in the snow and realised my feet had gone fully numb "Wow" I thought "It must be really cold." Being drunk I soon stumbled and fell into a snow bank at the side of the road, I could feel the cold taking over and thought to myself maybe it would be better to just stay here and wait for the cold to take me away forever. I looked into the sky and thought how strange the sky looks when it snows at night and the street lights are on, not grey nor purple nor black nor orange but a wierd mix of all of them. I remembered having the same feeling as a child, confused by how wierd the world looks when it snows, how magical and eerie, calm but spooky, when I was a child I was frightened by the thought of how scary being lost outside in the snow would be, now here I was in exactly that situation, freezing and alone. That small amount of nostalgia was enough to get me to force myself back to my feet and try and go home again, I don't know how but I managed it. As I was walking home I saw a STOP sign and for some reason it hit me that it was meant for me and a literal sign to Stop drinking. I've been sober for ten years now. (Edit: Amazed at this response, so heartened and encouraged by all of your words so thank you. I talk about my journey on my channel you can find out more about my path on there. I am in the process of writing various pieces and the response to this has been the spur I needed to finish these projects. If you're out there lost in the snow yourself just get up and keep going, you will find your home one day.)
ive learned from experience that surreal shit like this always comes from someone whos suffered on levels most people will never experience, i empathize with this a lot.
Forgiveness isn’t about that person you’re forgiving, whether it’s someone who’s wronged you, or that past version of you that did those things you regret. It’s not about forgetting the harm that was caused, it’s not about evening the cosmic scales. It’s about letting go. Letting go of your anger, your resentment, your fear of history repeating. It’s about accepting reality for what it is, not what could have been. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s about choosing to move on.
Thank you for this, i've been thinking about this a lot lately and never really knew how to get the pain, the struggle out of my heart. This comment has helped me and so many others. ❤
mm thank you i just now had someone bring the my eyes of something i was still holding onto and this made it much more clear to me reading this. i just wish i could say sorry to the ones iv wronged for me still holding a grudge of someone that wronged me. i lost some great people being stuck in my head thinking of how they would do me the same way when in reality so many people are truly different and idk why i wanted them to change into someone there not just make me happy. now it’s time i put fourth all that love into myself i was trying to find in others. 🫶🏼🙏🏼
No? Like forgiving yourself is none of my business? Like if I treat someone wrong, I can't do anything, they either choose to forgive me or they don't, that's not my decision, not my action, no nothing I can and should treat them better if they even wanna have me around, but if I force myself in their life that's just icky
@@yuli161-daedalusI think they are saying that forgiving yourself when you hurt someone is only part of the way. The person you hurt requires reparations just as well and only focusing on yourself and how you feel is like stabbing someone and checking your own body for wounds. It’s not healing.
I think it has an important play. Past you was who you were then, and your actions of then also made up of who you were then. But that yes, does not mean that past you is suddenly now you today as well. Although, I think it's important not to forget what you've done and who you used to be. It's good to forgive yourself and to especially move on or strive to do/be better, but to keep in mind as to why you are who you now are. You did those things or felt those ways, and now you've learnt from them and changed that. Or you've realized you don't like it and want differently. It does not define you today nor should be how people perceive you if you've changed, but it should be respected that you have been there, realized it's not the place or thing for you, and changed for the better. Many people refuse to change or even like it when they're in those places or doing those things. You did it and chose not to anymore. That should be given credit to and realized more often. You didn't learn to be a good person today by having experienced and learned nothing.
@@ayana9741your life is YOUR life. Be happy with yourself at the end of the day and try to be good to others! We are all doing this thing called life and death. But most of us don’t see it that way on a day to day basis…
@@dassboot9332 You’re right, that change in perspective is essential for me. I really love the maturity in perspective you have, I’ll learn to tap into that thought process as well. Lately though, I’ve been doing better for myself, so there’s been progress!
Wow. Wow you're actually right and i needed to hear that, im in the middle of trying to be better and then i take twenty steps back, then ten ahead, then five back, then fifteen. like this is driving me insane, even though im SO much better than before, i just can't give myself any credit, im not good enough yet, why can't i just be perfect. So reading this personally helped me it touched me so, thanks. alot.
I often get lost in thoughts of the future, always taunted by delusions, telling me I am a genius, other times I get trapped in my past, all of the mistakes I have made reminding me I am a fool, most times I am stuck within my mind, hours go by in a moment, dreams blur into reality, demons telling me I am worthless, a few times I get locked without, mentally stuck outside my body, living life forgetting I even exist, but always I come back into that cycle, dissociating from within, disconnecting from without, a constant of forgiving myself, seeing hope, then falling right back down, hating myself for screwing up my chance, thinking of ending my life, but then the cycle starts all over again, a broken record on replay, just spinning around my head.
Keep your self strong hearted. Never forget there’s good in the world. We will all reach our end and that’s ok, we are meant to live as well. Be good. Do good. Live good , be happy that this right now is happening. Simply because it is. It’s ok to feel, and to not feel. Life is meant to be lived. It’s yours. Right now. This second. It will all be ok , just let it go and start sayin more stuff. Simply because you understand it will be ok
Friend, it may be hard for you, I’m trying to do it too, forgiving. Yourself or someone else. Drop everything, the hurt, the pain, the negativity, replace it with something else, invoke the feeling of what that good something else looks like, and hold onto it. Realize you are not your thoughts, rather an observer, do not run away from them, confront them, and laugh, and go on to something new, cultivate your mind so that it’s one you can live with. You’ll be alright friend.
I used to see myself as a heavy burden. I never appreciated my mind, my sould and the way I see the world. The years went by like this, it was tiring but the fatigueness was the only feeling I knew... So I clinged to it. One day, while my mother and I, we were looking to the old pictures, I found my childhood picture. It was a funny but a lovely one at the same time. I went to my room. I took an another picture from my drawer. I was in the second grade in that picture. She looked.. so naive. And then, all the things I said to myself appeared in my mind. "You're not enough, You'll never be enough, You're not pretty or smart, You are a failure, You are embarrasing." And I imagined myself saying those things to my childhood version. I could hear her quiet tears. She would probably cry herself to sleep, and next day would act like nothing happened. In the night, it would happen over again. After this, I stopped and realized a thing, the girl in that picture was enough, she would always be enough, she was pretty and smart, she was not a failure and she was not embarassing at the same time. So.. Why was I calling myself these? I was the same girl. I grew older, but I haven't grew for the worst. If someone is going tell me that I'm not enough, I'm not going to be that person. Now, I carry that picture wherever I go. They can call you a lot of things... But what you hear doesn't define you, but what you love does. Choose to love yourself and your soul. What a big blessing to be a person who doesn't exist anywhere. You are unique, there isn't any other YOU. You were created for a reason. If the world and the universe didn't need you, you wouldn't be here. You might say, how can it need me if I am not doing anything for it?. And I will say you're wrong. You are doing a lot. For example, you woke up today and breathe the air. You fed your beautiful body (if you haven't, go and do it now.. your beautiful body needs it!), you moved around the house and probably you didn't hurt a soul. And if you did, that's okay.. You can apologize and you won't hurt anyone tomorrow. See? You did a thing today for the universe.. You kept the scheme going. That's why you are enough. You are BORN TO BE ENOUGH. You can't be NOT ENOUGH even if you try to. You were born this way... To wake up and to be enough. So.. Go and live now. You are not lost, you just like travelling. Your faith will guide you and this letter from me to you will be here. Come back here and read this whenever you need it. I'm proud of you, traveller.
This is everyone’s first try at being a human being. There was no trial run or tutorial, so understand mistakes were always going to happen big and small. Don’t get so caught up forgiveness/regret/what could have been. Instead use those moments along with the good moments to structure the remainder of your life. If and when more bad happens, adjust tomorrow again in small increments. Seriously tiny increments where you know you can succeed with the new routine. Before you know it you’ll be overwhelmed with positivity and a drive to help others. That’s true forgiveness
To forgive is to grow and allow yourself to grow. Do not think forgiving is to forget the past mistakes you have made. When you forgive, you are acknowledging the fact that it has happened and it is something to learn from.
Forgiving myself is often difficult because of the deep sense of guilt and shame tied to my past mistakes, making me feel fundamentally flawed. This internalized shame attacks my sense of self-worth, creating a persistent barrier to self-forgiveness. Even though I have changed and become a better person, the dissonance between my current self and my past actions can be distressing. I believe that my past actions have irreversible consequences, which makes forgiveness seem impossible. As a result, even though I am now different, the haunting memories of my past continue to impede my ability to forgive myself.
@Dream-Eternal87 Um, hello, dear stranger. ^^" I've grown curious if I can offer any info that may help, so uh, here's something I had to respond with: I encourage the path of strength and discipline. It's not about the path you feel you should be taking but rather the one you may often most need. Over time, along this path, you will see your progress surely but slowly. I also encourage you to ask a friend if reflection is hard, sometimes it’s better to trust others, even though it feels blind. It's like taking a leap of faith. I only recommend strength cause the effects are usually positive, and hard work often rewards those willing to push themselves. Additionally, I don't want to presume anything, but with the last message you sent, I think you have acknowledged the main issue you have struggled with. The logical thing to do is to take actions to solve it; otherwise, learn how to solve it. (This is something I've been taught, I'm not sure it works for everyone. ^^") Alas, remember change will always take time and effort. Following that, with strength and practice, the work gets easier. Strength also makes you more confident and less vulnerable to bad thoughts. To overcome bad thoughts, you should realize you have strength, and you shouldn't focus your efforts and energy on something that is a constant reminder of your pain. You should cement a new idea of positive results and abilities you have; something along the lines of, "you can always do better, more positive things." Uh, pardon if this section is confusing. I just believe it would be best to build a new foundation or slate now that you know you can move on. Again, forgiveness is no emotional compensation, even though forgiveness can be given in many emotional forms. I still believe it's acknowledging the pain and past, stating what it is, summarizing it, and then just taking the next steps for the better (or for the worse, which is usually a decision made from ignorance, laziness, or other negative thoughts and feelings). Make sure to recognize your weaknesses and strengths, where you stand now, and where you will or want to go. (Try to say "I will" over. "I will try." Procrastination and laziness is a big hurdle for anyone.) I'm sorry if this was very long or sounded like something you don't want to hear. I just find everyone fascinating, and one day, I wish that people knew what they are capable of.
@@wanderingunluck5128 Thank you, no need to apologize. You tried to help me using the tools you know. I will try to move on and gain strength. Thank you my Friend. ❤
@@Dream-Eternal87I'm also burdened by a lot of shame over past deeds. All I can say is, remember to stay kind to yourself and forgiveness is the only way forward. That doesn't make it easier, but it is worthwhile. There's much to love about us - flaws and all 🩷
The rage gives you energy and passion that the depression shuts down. Your decision of where to apply that rage...And what to direct that energy to...Will determine whether or not you make it out of this hole, and actually get to enjoy some aspects of life.
Everyone deserves comfort. No matter who you are. Don’t think just because of your past actions, that you don’t deserve love, cause you do. Make up for the past, live a better future. I’m always here for you. Stay safe and healthy.‼️
I'm trying to learn to forgive my dad for my horrible excuse for a childhood. My mom got better, still improves herself regularly and I have no more resentment for her because she is no longer the person she was. But my dad is never going to move on. He's going to die with a bottle in his hand, struggling to forget what he did to me, my siblings, and to himself. I will never get to share closure with him. I will never get to forgive him to his face and mean it. By the time I finally learn to forgive him, he will be dead. But I accept that. I accept that not all closure is pretty, or fast. I accept that it will take me years more to truly process the depth of my trauma and let go of the remaining threads of resentment. I accept this and it's okay.
I lost my father to alcoholism in 2020. He was 48 years old. At times in my life , he abused me , abused my mother , spent money we needed for bills and food on alcohol and drugs. Constant fights, arguing and pain. And yet, four years later. All I wish for is another chance to talk to him and to establish forgiveness. I know it's hard to see now. I know the pain and all that has happened has blinded you to it. That's okay. But don't ever count out forgiveness. Some day you will understand the value of the time you could spend, the fences you could have repaired. The wounds you can still mend. ❤
One day, maybe, I will. Until then I will work every night and every day to prove that I’m no longer that stupid person. The people I’ve hurt may never see that, and my goal may never be fulfilled. But at least I will have tried. I will forgive others, forever, for I know how it feels to need forgiveness. The living hell that it causes. I can’t wait for this shame to be over. So instead I will work for it.
Reflection is truly key. At least you're peering into the portal of fire and not averting your eyes. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (book I)
I get it... I could be writing this to myself. Do you think Jesus went through hell on the Cross for you, just so you'd turn back and stay in hell yourself? He came to set us free from shame. That's why he was shamed, when he didn't deserve to be.
Best thing I ever did is accept the past and embrace the present. If you fall, get back up..and keep fighting. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Everything will be okay.
You ever reflect and apologize for abusing your own body? I look at scars and put my hands over my heart and apologize to myself for smoking at a young age. If only I could forgive my mind.. lacking confidence and failure to maintain or even create relationships with other people. I just say to myself "it is what it is"
It's a good sign that you're apologizing to yourself steps to healing you'll be okay everything will be okay one day someone will love you and cherish you and make you forget about all your scars ❤
My own personal interpretation of that quote is no longer, "it is what it is," but rather, "it is what I make of it." Take that as you will, create your own new meaning when you reflect on something that has already happened and cannot be changed. Change what you can change, and that starts with the meaning you give it. Hope that provides any kind of comfort, just sharing thoughts.
@@nekotonin odd that you comment this on a day when I'm lower than I have been in awhile... loneliness can feel so suffocating at times. Thank you for sharing some wisdom. I appreciate that perspective and have used the same strategy to forgive my father who took his own life. We can't change the past, but we can change how we feel about the past.
@@Deadpool_4025 Not going to lie, this response made me smile (in the way that my comment was delivered on such good timing). I feel super comforted that the universe weaves people together like that, and that I had experienced this yet again! Anywho, I do wish you the best, and hope you're feeling better in any way :]
we are not paintings, we are human. we can never stay the same forever. discover new things about yourself, create new experiences, new passions, new hobbies. outweigh what you've lost.
Why is it so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself? Maybe its just a me thing, but I've always been someone who can forgive others quite easily, but when it comes to forgiving myself... lets just say I get less than stellar results.
It’s hard to take the advice we give to others, because we have a hard time seeing our actions from an outside perspective. If you saw someone you cared about, plagued with resentment and shame over the things they did, and those things were exactly the same things you’ve done, what would you tell that person? What words of comfort would you give them? And why don’t you feel as though you deserve that same grace? What makes you so much less worthy than them? Nothing at all.
In therapy there is this 2 chair technique where you take seat in 2 chairs and talk to the "you" in the other chair and try to give it some positive feedback
@@splattbinat1542 I’ve done that before! Would highly recommend it. It’s easy to lose perspective on what sort of person you are when you’re stuck inside your head the whole time
I say what truly makes a man is not how much weight he can carry but why is it that he continues to bare it each and every day with a smile. The will of a truly selfless, honorable man is that of a baobab tree, rigid and durable, unable to be burned in vain; however it is the fruit it continually produces that not only keeps itself alive for 1000’s of years, but also any and all of those that love it back. Do not acquiesce to the temptation of defeat when faced with malfeasance and all its abhorrent faces. Perseverance is only reserved for those who’ve already conquered conflict. Keep going my brothers/sisters/fellow humans.
Forgive yourself for the love you have given to others when you needed it for yourself. Its not lost. Youve shown you know how to love. Isnt it time you saved some for yourself? You deserve it. You always have. Just for existing but also and expecially for giving when you didnt have much and didnt know how to receive. Please. This world needs you and that heart of yours. Take care of yourself and nurture that heart. You need it and so does your world. I see you. Keep your head up, my fellow warrior of the heart.
Accept your memories and move beyond their reach. Memories hold the pieces of what built you, but you get to decide how to be built with those pieces. Now is not then...
I feel like I let my younger self down. But every time I cry, I hear a little voice asking me why. Almost as if it's me. I can't give up. I'd be giving up on the little girl from all those years ago. To anyone reading this, please don't give up. Sure, it already happened, but the only thing you can really do is forgive yourself and try to make a better future. Remember that mistakes don't make you any less of a person, they just add to your story and that *you* are a gorgeous person, never forget that
i think it’s beautiful that you’re who you are now. life is all about change whether we want it to happen or not, and that’s okay. it’s scary and it’s going to feel like you’re suffering at times, but never forget that you wouldn’t be here or where you are now because of your past, because you changed. maybe where you are now is good, maybe it isn’t, but you’re still here, right? there is always time for you to make things right, there’s always time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes. let go once you have come to terms with them; you don’t have to worry about what you did because you know that you have grown from it. i’m so proud of you. you are someone’s reason to breathe, to smile, to love; i hope that someone that you prioritize to make feel that way is you. you deserve to be here, to smile, to love. forgive and love the you for who you were, and be excited & in love with shaping who you will become. take care, stardust. please keep your light going, this world is so lucky to have you
@@yv0nne_1 i hope that the times you do cry remind you that you’re human and you’re still able to feel what life allows us to feel, my darling :) a mini reminder: it won’t always be or feel good in the moment, but being able to experience all feelings and life in its complexity & craziness is what living is all about. i hope you continue to choose living and make sure it’s so you can grow into the beautiful, wandering soul that you KNOW you are in this physical world
Haha same. I continually screw up my life and unintentionally the lives of the ones I love. Depression is a real bitch. Everybody forgives me every time, and want to see me succeed. But I always fall short.
it’s difficult to put yourself out there. I can’t do it. I can’t get personal with people because I’m always afraid I’m going to something strange that will make them dislike me. Even online I feel like I’m stepping boundaries or miscommunicating. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be social, but now I spend most of my time alone. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be human.
I feel exactly the same way and struggled with that for a long time, it's nice to know I'm not alone dealing with feelings like that. It'll get better mate, the biggest step forward is acknowledging it
Hey hey, same here. I've been trying to put myself out there lately, and share some of my own personal hobbies (art, making music) and I've come to terms lately that I'm rather deathly afraid of even opening those parts up, as if everything I make is some part of me too that is afraid of criticism or being misunderstood - Posting things online, even behind an anonymous handle does not make it any easier either. It does get easier once you acknowledge it though. I mean, it got you to type that comment right? No one said socializing is easy, but if you can have small victories like this and really put yourself out there, it will get easier overtime.
Right now, life feels like a mountain. I've ascended one side. Looking back down I'm too far to turn around now. Even if I did go back I wouldn't be the same person I was the first go round. No matter where I go it's new territory to navigate as this version of myself. Every season started off terrifying. I'm still scared tbh. But scared isn't dead and everything else is figure-out-able. Even so that's the risk, you could be everything you ever dreamed of or you could be whatever watered down version of yourself you deem the safest to be. Either way you could end up being as uncomfortable as you are right this second trying to decide the rest of your life at 3am. So if you ask me the fear is worth it. The pain, the hiccups, the red tape, the time it takes everything is worth it. At the end of my life I hope to meet myself in the mirror with gentle eyes and say "Old girl you tried and thats all we really wanted anyways." (Sorry I like to get existential in the YT comments)
The second track, "my head is empty - i was only temporary" was really good. It made me cry so hard. I haven't cried in years like this. The frequencies found in the intro sequence are compelling. I have no idea how this works but it makes me.... self reflective. How?
I want to forgive myself yet it's so difficult. I don't feel like who I used to be a year ago, I feel like a whole different person, but I still carry this guilt and shame on the inside. Part of it fuels me to become a better man and part of it reminds me of the things I've lost due to my mistakes. I know no amount of guilt will change the past I know that but I can't shake this feeling, it gnaws at the edges of my mind, it makes my chest cave in, and I grow numb. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I want to forgive myself and everyone else who's hurt me. I am so exhausted; I no longer wish to hate. I know there is love on the inside of me, she showed me that she allowed me too although we were in two different stages in life. I am just tired I no longer feel like hating anyone, I feel different in my skin and know I am on the right path but it has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.
Forgiving yourself is hard to build. It’s a long and hard process for others and for others it is difficult but tame. When I forgave myself for what I did. I felt a small trance of gratitude, sadness and nostalgia. Pieces of what happened still appear in my mind every so often but it doesn’t bother me the same way it did before.
I appreciate you describing what forgiveness felt like for you. I wasn’t sure I’d even know it if I found it, but that gives me an idea of what I might recognize it by. Thanks, man.
I cannot forgive myself for allowing such hurt and betrayal to fall onto the one closest to me. For not further pushing my own luck, disregarding the consequences that pale in comparison to the damage that has been done otherwise not only to them but to myself. For my own cowardice, I have ended up with severe trauma, as has someone else. I was complacent in it's happening, and for that, I don't think it's deserving to forgive. But maybe one day, if things do turn out okay. Right now, they aren't, and I can only hope I can find myself the resources to make things better.
Reflection is truly key. Better to stare into the portal of fire rather than to run and hide from it. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (book I)
My friend, the past is the past. You cannot change what was done, or how it happened, you can only move forward. Find it in yourself through reflection to appreciate the present. We have ALL messed up in the past, but that is why we have the future to be better! We have an opportunity every waking moment to change the way we perceive things, the way we act, and the way we live! This all lies up to you, but I'm sure you will do just fine if you try. You and I are human, we won't last forever and we all make mistakes every day, this is how we grow. You have the capacity to recognize what you did was wrong, meaning you are a good person, but I understand how hard it is to see that. I have done horrible things to the people around me as well, but it's over, there is nothing I can do but improve myself for the remaining people around me. Make most of your time while you are here. Forgive yourself and forgive others, so that you can appreciate and enjoy the true beauty of the world. I believe in you and I'm sure the people around you do too, and most importantly, from human to human, I love you! You got this, time & effort is all you need!
Hey, i understand the feeling or at least i think i do, i feel the same way about my regrets, and in a way i punish myself as a way to make amends about it, I just pray you know that you deserve happiness too, i think its okay to with hold a specific integrity to yourself to keep yourself in check to never make the mistakes or wind up in that situation of helpless vulnerability, everyone has something in the past they hate or feel absolute shame from, just keep moving forward and further away from that darkness, and towards a state of self love and acceptance, walk towards that light and take care
Ive done things in my past that were downright deplorable. They may follow me to the grave and people i meet and know will also know these things. But thats not who i am anymore. It took losing everything to realize that. I made a promise to myself that no matter what I will defy my past and become who i always wanted to be; someone to be proud of. Before I was arrested I had no humanity. I honestly had been through so much trauma it broke my spirit and i stopped caring. During that time i did a lot of damage to myself and my family. I went away thinking i would finally be allowed to wither away but instead i was given LIFE. How could someone so wretched be given this wonderful gift? Im no longer the same. I WANT TO LIVE. I I FOUND MY HEART. And it wasnt somewhere lost, it was in me the whole time...I promise that i will have the life ive envisioned for myself and those i love. What do you guys think? Can someone be forgiven for even the most terrible things if they truly want to be better? Where do we draw the line on forgiveness? Interested to hear different perspectives...
I have a saying that I’ve build due to my extensive trauma. Those who do bad but regret, deserve help, care, assistance and support. They regret it and maybe don’t know how to stop so assistance is good. Those people don’t DESERVE forgiveness but get forgiveness. Because forgiveness can’t be demanded.. But those who don’t regret, don’t deserve forgiveness. If they’re faced with the things they’ve done and are repeatedly let know of it yet still deny it then to hell with them. Of course they inherently deserve to have help too but it’s where I believe they deserve to feel the hurt they’ve inflicted to hopefully understand, get help and regret it. So once they regret it, finally the process to potential forgiveness can be a possibility. But again, forgiveness can’t be demanded.. So I believe it’s good you learned, got help and want to get better, that you’re doing what you can to be better! I’m Proud of you. But know people will never have to forgive you. And some might never will. And that’s okay.. I hope you’ll have a good weekend 🧡
Individuals who have experienced childhood trauma may be more prone to negative mental feedback loops. Epigenetic changes from trauma can contribute to: 1. -Increased stress reactivity-: Hyperarousal and exaggerated stress response can lead to negative feedback loops. 2. -Emotional dysregulation-: Difficulty managing emotions can result in rumination and self-reinforcing negative thought patterns. 3. -Hypervigilance-: A state of increased alertness can lead to excessive self-monitoring and criticism. 4. -Negative self-perception-: Epigenetic changes can influence self-perception, leading to self-blame, shame, and low self-esteem. 5. -Dissociation-: Disconnection from oneself and others can perpetuate negative feedback loops. 6. -Lack of self-compassion-: Difficulty practicing self-care and self-compassion can exacerbate negative mental states. 7. -Rumination and worry-: Epigenetic changes can contribute to excessive worry and rumination. 8. -Avoidance behaviors-: Avoiding challenges or emotions can reinforce negative feedback loops. These negative mental feedback loops can manifest in various ways, such as: - Anxiety and depression - Self-destructive behaviors - Substance abuse - Self-sabotaging patterns - Difficulty with intimacy and relationships It's essential to recognize that these feedback loops can be interrupted and rewritten through: - Mindfulness and self-awareness practices - Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) - Trauma-informed therapies (e.g., EMDR, somatic experiencing) - Self-compassion and self-care practices - Social support networks Remember, individuals who have experienced childhood trauma can develop resilience and work towards healing and positive change.
@oryxxyro814 that's exactly what I've dealt with. Of course no excuse for my own mistakes I take full responsibility for that. Now I can understand things that played a part in my thinking and actions. That you ❤️
I used to think of myself as a burden, someone who bothered others by simply being there and I was really self-conscious. I was also timid and used to feel a lot of guilt. I thought that I didn't deserve anything good that I had and that I would never find love. With time I saw that I was wrong. I saw that I deserve good things happening to me, I deserve good people around me, and deserve to receive the same love I give out. I also notice that love is all around me in all sorts of forms. Nowadays people have said to me that I'm one of the most extroverted people they have ever met and that I make the room a more comfortable place bc I have good energy. So maybe you shouldn't go too hard on yourself and let the good in you blossom instead of only seeing your flaws.
To forgive always felt to me, to accept that someone did something bad to you. But that’s ok bc u don’t care and still love them. It feels like ur putting their need for redemption first because you understand that pain of not being forgiven since a lot of us always struggle with forgiving ourselves. People always say that forgiving yourself isn’t thinking what you did was ok, but rather that you don’t let self hatred and anger linger and continue to strive to be better to get peace of mind. But what do you do when you feel that you don’t deserve that peace of mind.
I made some mistakes that made things harder for someone that I loved very much, and who loved me very much too. That was a little over two years ago, and I spent all but the past month or so hating myself for those mistakes. For me, I think acceptance was too painful for me to know what else to do with it but feel angry toward myself. When I did accept it, it still hurt; in fact it hurt in a more raw way than before. But it was a cleaner kind of pain, not all cluttered up with bitterness and anger. And it just felt like I was suddenly becoming aware of the enormous weight that I’d been carrying and pushing off, and as I went through it it became a little lighter with time. I’m still working on total forgiveness for myself, but I think it starts with what I found now, which I think is letting in these hard feelings that I pushed back for so long. Don’t get me wrong, it’s freaking hard to let it in, and I wouldn’t rush it either. Just the right things came at the right time for me and suddenly I found another perspective on things. Keep that search alive, even if it just barely there some days. Also sorry if this was kind of all over the place, it’s like 2:30 in the morning lol
@@SparrowHawk784 nah man, I totally get that. 2 years ago is when the relationship with my first and so far only lover ended. God I loved her with every piece of my being and beyond. And she loved me to this level as well. But I hurt her so badly. And then everything came crashing burning down. I held her hand to help her move on, but the moment she did I was left behind for a while. She came back but I wasn’t having it and then left even tho there was nothing left to even leave behind me. And every time something bad happened between us after it would always be “I did this. I deserve this.” I really don’t know if I can ever allow myself true peace of mind. The idea of self forgiveness makes me sick, like I’m cheating her of understanding the pain I caused her. And it feels like cheating myself out of a very valuable lesson I learned. I don’t feel worthy enough of self forgiveness. All I can do is try and be better everyday. Because god I’m stubborn and I can’t shake away the idea that self forgiveness = justifying or trying to make excuses.
@@Motivated754 To me forgiving others was always about being the kind of person I wanted to be. I would rather be someone who doesn't hold a grudge and deciding this is easier than doing it but it is the first step. I totally agree that forgiving is about cleansing hatred. If you feel you don't deserve peace of mind I recommend writing a little bit. Doesn't have to be a full commitment like journaling but my question is, "do you always feel that you don't deserve peace of mind?" It may be that you feel you don't deserve peace of mind while you carry the past. Maybe it is when you're tired or depressed. Deep down there is a latent wish in everyone for inner peace. There is a part of you that deserves it, I hope you have a moment of stillness soon where you feel worthy.
@@bantter1649 you don’t have a single idea on how badly I needed to hear those words. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I can agree with that idea of forgiveness. It’s the very reason why I try to be as forgiving as possible to others. I’m always trying to be kinder. I’ll take your advice man.
Reflection is truly key. It's less about if *you* forgive yourself and a lot more about if those whom you've damaged forgive you. And if you've never done anything significantly heinous, then there remains only the work to be done regarding your upcoming 12th hour. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (book I)
good comments, great recommendation. forgive yourself, others, and internalize the remembrance. Heaven is inside us, we just have to find it. Miss ya dad❤
I wish i broke down during my teenage years instead of keeping it all in and ignoring the pain. Its caught up. Its bigger than i can handle. Now when everyone is finding themselves, im losing my mind.
I find a lot of my self hatred probably comes from big ego. I can forgive others maybe because i see them as more foolish, more dumb, more susceptible to mistakes than me. But "Me?" I cannot be held to the same standard as every other human. I have to be better, less mistake prone, etc. Why? I dont know. Its kinda like the closer someone is to you, the less you tolerate their mistakes. If a stranger accidentally pours milk on me and apologizes profusely, I give them immense grace and ensure them to not worry about it. My brother does it accidentally and I throw a fit. And who's closer to you than yourself?
i feel like i already disappointed my younger self. i promised that kid that i will be great. but im actually a loser now. its getting not that bad anymore but im still sorry for what had happened
I just attempted, making my friends and partner worry for me..but thankfully everything is okay. To take my mind off of the pain and stress, so I immediately clicked on this and now we're here..Goodnight yall.
I’m so happy you are okay! I hope you feel better and can come to forgive yourself and move on. I truly wish you only the best, we may not know one another, but no one truly deserves to experience anything close to what happened to you. I am so glad you are still around, you can attend to others needs, but you should still be here for you. I hope you can learn to love yourself. That is the strongest thing you can do. Sometimes we need to be a little egotistical. Do some things for you. Do what makes YOU happy. I hope you know that you’re worth something. A lot in fact. You may say that you can’t wait until you do something great and be someone. You are someone right now. You mean something right now. To a lot of people! Love from a random stranger, I hope you may never face any danger.
I get trapped in a cycle of forgiving and then hating myself for things I’ve done in the past when I forgive myself everything is great for weeks sometimes months to a year until that one thing reminds you and then you spiral back into what you got out of and then after being sorry for myself I forgive and it repeats
The thing about that is, if it comes back to despising yourself, it means you still haven't learned to forgive. I become convinced that I've forgiven myself, but time goes on to prove I still don't know how.
Think of it this way: if those who you forgave cannot forgive themselves, does your forgiveness mean anything to them? We all need to forgive ourselves in order to truly value the forgiveness of others.
This album reminds me of when i would go on 7:00 a.m. walks with my close friend during the Christmas break of 2023/January of 2024. I had just discovered Doomgaze & I was sharing that with my friend & we're both misic nerds, so we had a ball. We spent 3 or 4 mornings walking around near where he lived. Talking about music (which saved my life) which was nice. Just 2 musician friends planning for an album that would morph into a substatially different idea 7 months later. They've become some of my most cherished memories. But at the same time it also reminds me of some high schooler unrequited love that still hurts me even though I've been in a relationship for o er a year & a half. I showed a very cringy personal side to who I thought was a close friend, but she got uncomfortable & left & her view of friendship was... not as involved. But I'm moving on. Ill go months withiut thinking about her, so that must be a win. Hopefully I can keep it down to once a decade.
I may not forgive myself for mistakes that anyone can make. I hope that in adulthood I will become calmer about the world and myself. I don't want to be hard on myself all the time, but if I'm less strict at the moment, everything seems to fall apart. With this playlist, I imagine that I am from the future looking at the sea alone, lying in the grass, completely satisfied with my life.
Listen I don't know why I'm even writing this, I doubt anyone will actually read. But idk I always feel like I can push myself to do really good things but then again I have people around me who don't understand; they say they do but they don't. I'm called delusional for thinking that I could get a job or take care of myself and I'm genuinely trying to not be as angry or spiteful so that u can let go of who I used to be. I was called an ungrateful little bitch for not wanting to eat food, I get called 'victim' by my family when they're mad at me. Why is it that when I'm finally setting boundaries for myself, I suddenly become the bad guy??? Again idk why im writing this, i think its to get all this out of my head and out somewhere. Anywhere but keeping all of it inside my head
This was me with my parents when I was younger. Being a military kid who's dad was almost killed in a pointless war and got PTSD and a mom who was a single mother of 1 then more while her husband was at war didn't help. They had horrible parents, I still find it hard to talk to my grandparents even though my parents got better over the years during my adulthood. No matter who you blame, this is the struggle of mentally disturbed people passing their misery onto others. All I can say is get as much professional help as you need, and please keep strong. I really hope things get better for you.
A frozen moment captured. To remember it's existence. A moment that existed for the next moment to follow it. All things since harvested because of this moment. And this moment is all that exists.
I’m so glad I clicked on this video, was thinking to go to bed but I always need some background noise to fall asleep, I decided to go to the comments a oh my… reading a lot of the comments on here just reminded me that there are a lot of amazing people in the world. I’m so proud of each one of you may good things go your way and nothing but happiness you guys deserve it. In the end is the day we are all human we make mistakes and now after that we choose to what we want to do next about it. Stay strong everyone 🙌🫶
Music like this is where you just kinda sit an think and have a sense of peace, like in an empty parking lot after it rained, mostly empty spaces that are normally occupied by people but at night and its vacant. Night walks, 2am convenient store runs. When the nightlights come on is how I would put it I guess.
A comment section that actually feels like it’s full of real human beings, commenting on sentiments with opinions I can totally resonate with. Incredible
Well.. how do you forgive yourself when youve caused so much pain to people? In my own pain and suffering Ive hurt others blindly and only until I was out of my own despair did i see the nature of my wrongs. i dont feel i deserve forgiveness. im genuinely trying to be better, but the guilt is still there, and its something i constantly wrestle with. As i should, I guess. I dont want to go back to what i was before. So i dont let myself forget. But its hard to feel truly at peace when i dont feel i can redeem myself.
There's alot of good comments on here that have resonated with. Maybe they could with you. If that doesn't work, all I can say is, things will change. In time, I absolutely promise you that this all will be different, just keep going as you are right now. One day at a time.
we can’t change the past but we can do better now. you acknowledging pain you’ve caused shows strength in your ability to understand the impact you’ve had on different people in your life. some people never even realize the pain they’ve caused but you have. your own pain had its influence on how you treated other people. To forgive yourself you need to understand yourself first and why you did the things you did, which it seems like you’re on the right track in that area. the best thing you could do is to move differently and hold yourself to a higher vibration this point forward. you don’t have to be the person from your past forever, that person lives in the past. forgive yourself now by being the best possible version of yourself. a version of you that you can be proud of. it will take time and deep healing. be kind to yourself. Hope this was well received, wish you the best.
Just turned 17, ive been thinking alot about...well....everything, everything that i regret? Feel guilty about things i thought at the time wasnt a big deal. And now i will suffer for it.
Just a year older than you. Best you can do is leave it behind, and look forward to the future, make the best of what cards you have been dealt. It's a difficult thing, yes, but that's the only way we mature as people. Don't let the past weigh you down - I know you have it in you.
I don't think I could ever forgive myself for what I've done, for what I've said and the things I've seen. If my loved ones ever knew I know I'd be hated, and that doesn't bother me. The idea that even if I didn't go out of my way to hurt anyone but my actions were still wrong and is enough to hurt and disappoint them, the fact that they would know my past...that's what makes me want to end it the most. I hate myself. I'm scared. I'm sorry.
You're not alone. I know exactly how you feel. You might feel like you're worse than everyone else, like you are the exception, but you're not. I'm here with you. I hope this helps somehow.
Starting my day with this. It's cloudy and windy outside, just grey. It comforts me, as this playlist. I know that this pain won't go away in moment. I know it will come soon, but sure... I'll keep trying doing my best every time it hurts and one day i will realize that i have completely changed.
For anyone here, you have made a mistake, right, but you cant do anything but regret it, you cant solve the past, then stop this regretting endless painful regrettion inside of you, and forget about it and let clouds be clear in your mind, you dont have to feel regret, no one ever was clear of mistakes, everyone have flaws and dark spots, clear them, be great, and have a great life
I've learned so much, yet haven't changed a bit... I feel like the world is leaving me behind. It's suffocating. As much as I've changed, the world has changed and gone forward ten times faster. It feels like I don't know how to swim and am drowning. A futile struggle in slow motion as water enters your lungs. Arms flailing, legs kicking.. you fight for air, to be afloat. But inevitably sink. All you need is peace and calm, one piece of knowledge to save yourself. But no one is there to help. No one was there to teach you. So you drown. It's lonely.
Forgiving yourself can be a hard thing to forge your spirit into accepting naturally. Please don’t be hard on yourself, friend. Feel what you must feel, as long as you learn to let go and accept the terms of reality at hand. It’s not about making the mistake or regret; it’s about learning and shaping yourself into a better experienced being. Don’t lose yourself in the rage of your mistakes. I know the pain too well. You will find your peace, eventually. Time is your best medicine and your progress will show itself in good time.
Iv got a story. I had a horrible break up that was destroying me. It was constantly a part of my life. Go to the store, it was there, go to work it was there, try to sleep it was there. Never a moment when it wasint existing in my brain. Constantly trying to think of ways to fix the problem. Maybe if i send her this message about this memory. Or maybe if i say things have changed. My mind was trying to fix a problem that was unfixxable. So one day i was on my balcony to my apartment with my 4 yearold nephew and as always obsesivly trying to fix the problem in my head. And my nephew brough out a pink ballon that was the shap of a heart. I told him you dont want to bring that out side you could lose it. And he said its okay if i lose the ballon. I said it will fly away and you will never see it again if you let go. And he said i just wont let go. And i said its not that easy i knot if you bring it out here your going to lose that ballon. He ignored me a started playing with it outside. At first he held on to it tight. But as time went on i could tell his attention wasint focused on the ballon and i knew it was gona happen any moment. And then it happend. The red heart driffted off into the big open sky. I watched it as it flew away with ronin we both didint say a word and i must of watched it take off into the big open sky for 20 minutes. Just becoming smaller and smaller and smaller. Until finaly i couldint see it any more. The whole time im thinking that this is what i need. Just watch my thoughts become smaller and smaller and smaller untill they were gone. I needed to let go of the ballon.
The thing about concrete. It's a shell. I wrap it around me so nothing leaks out, and no one gets exposed. It's nice, really. No risk, no worry. But now I can't get in, either. I used to think I'm just apathetic, but I think I did that to myself. And now everything's locked away. Its not alright. That's the thing about concrete. I can't seem to get rid of it. I can't break through it. I think if I had help, it would be enough, but the words to ask are stuck in there as well, the keys locked in the car. Most of what's actually me isn't here, and now all I have is a mouth to say yeah and a head to nod to my friends' interests. Although, one thing about concrete. It doesn't expand. But I think I do. So, I guess someday the dam will overflow and I'll be able to be someone. But that involves waiting, passively, for something that sounds out of my control. Because of that, I'm not sure if that's actually how it'll work. Because passively waiting doesn't really do anything. A final thing, and it's not about concrete. It's about this whole thing, and everything I think of as something I truly made. How could I do this if it's all locked up? Maybe I'm parroting the actual artists and genuine people I know. Maybe this is all fake. I'm not tragic, I'm just stupid. Wisdom and knowledge come with hardship, not scrolling and watching profound short films online all day. I don't relate to the teary beautiful comments on every video their siblings and parents died, and it's pitiful enough just to write this as if Ben, 6 foot 3 and a life shorter than a sentence can compare. I don't relate I just pretend and wish for artistic tragedy to befall me so someone can point and say wow, how profound. Maybe I'm not even original. Maybe there's a well known phenomenon where people with ADHD or any other thing will just blame a series of personal problems and shortcomings that look like ADHD but I'm actually just stupid or even worse that's extactly what this whole thing is and I'm just falling for the same stupid trap that gets everyone. I'm not special, I'm not wiser by writing this, I'm a human with a perfect life and a stupid brain that decides to wall up everything inside and say yes to everything outside. I don't think that last part even made sense. Ok. Or, on the other hand, maybe I did leave some of me outside the concrete, in this analogy. Or there's a leak in the wall. That's another possibility. Maybe I can get through the concrete, or ask for help. I don't know who would care though. Would my friends? Or is sitting with them at lunch already a lot? Maybe they too have concrete. Would they call me dumb for having feelings? Well, I don't know a lot of things, even myself, but I think optimism is kind of alright, despite all I've said. I mean, more concrete won't help. That thing I know. I want to try living sometime. I don't know how, but I guess I'll have to do something. Like I already said, passive waiting changes nothing. I don't know how to end this. The best I can think of is a quote, so goodbye, and I hope I said something. "After another two days they concluded Bill was not going to die, so his mother had all the flowers removed from his room. She also had to have his casket returned at great expense and inconvience. Bill had to go back to work the following Tuesday." -Don Hertzfeldt, Everything Will Be OK
Hi! I don't want to bother you or something, but I saw your comment and I wanted you to know that you're not alone in this. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you, okay?
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you” take responsibility for yourself and your actions, for holding onto past energies, let it go heal your self, heal what others have put onto you, heal what you have put into others, ho’oponopono
I found self forgiveness when I realized there is a sovereign power who already had done it for me. That version of myself, that sad young man, that identity was never meant to be taken on. I’m worth forgiving, worth loving. Every dark moment that felt so broken, there was love there, though I could not feel or understand it. It felt my pain, it cried with me, it watched me in agony, but it knew all was well, that it was temporary. Now some days I pick it all back up, I walk around in the space I used to inhabit, but then am pulled back. I’m forced to move on by another part of me. Sometimes it’s a dark nostalgic feeling. But I’ve outgrown that burden and need to remember it’s not mine anymore, I’ve been cut loose. Those memories aren’t mine anymore. The attitude is not appropriate anymore. Now when I find myself in patterns like I used to live, I remember that part of me isn’t even truly real, I don’t need to do that anymore. Then somehow it all makes sense, I feel the feeling of real warmth and love. It all crashes together. I remember who I truly am. I remember what life truly felt like when I was free and whole, and young enough to know innocence. As a jaded, grown man I can feel those feelings of innocence, peace, wonder, joy. The darkness subsides and so the coldness is no longer inviting. I’d like to invite anyone who’s reading this, to this same journey as me. Call out to love, call out to a higher power. It will show itself. And you’ll be amazed who it is. Jesus Christ is real, God is real, his Spirit truly created your life with a purpose. All the pain and brokenness is the byproduct of people who don’t truly know who they are and how they were created to live. So they destroy. Maybe you are the destroyer. We all need this love, it’s so powerful it will wash away every inkling of falsehood and show you what love and life truly is. You will slowly become that love. You will become the person you wished you had in your life when you were young, and alone and hurting so badly. Become everything you were meant to become, and you will realize the bigger picture. Blessings
Im trying to battle many addictions atm and even undergone surgery for one of them. In my world at this moment its what i need to do for my soul and its a way of love towards myself. Its not easy at all. But im slowly building a stronger self. Every single day...
Its hard to forgive yourself when you know you f*cking up during the act but dont stop. I know they say recognizing it is a step forward but time is running out. It is. The world is not waiting for me. I get tired of breathing some times.
you matter and you are still worthy to try again even if you mess up on a new day with new chances. those are your days to conquer or fail, but they are your days to do so with a gift of life my dear friend. keep holding on, it will get better.
Thank you so much Navo. Your playlists helps a lot to soothe my dysthymia. I'm always waiting for your next upload. I hope you'll keep doing this beautiful work for a long time while seeing your channel grow. You deserve it.
Life is beautiful, life is worth it, so that's why I feel like I don't deserve to live if all I do is stain the specks of which I affect. This background image makes me feel disturbed and yet comforted with how stark the black is contrasting against the white and in which. . . it felt like this was made for only my eyes to see. Nothing special but it lingers with a darker, quiet purpose. I'm so used to seeing the world be so vibrant and bright and so imagining this image exists as its own identity into this world, I am reminded of true beauty. I love seeing the stars but a whole sky of clouds provides me rest and a sense of a shelter away from the frightening and cold universe.
Anyone else get those distinct moments of peace/clarity when you're at the end of your rope? Where you just accept everything for what it is, and would let death take you if it asked?
TW: S*cidal ideation, SH "What was the worst pain youve felt in your life?" 2021. I was 16. And i was experiencing the worst depression of my life. It started just as a memory of the past. But, slowly, i began to uncover parts of myself i was never able to recognize before. And thats when i realized what a terrible person I used to be. From ages 12-14, I made a lot of terrible decisions. And I just... Couldnt bear the thought of living with myself, knowing how terrible I'd been in my past. So i stopped eating. I skipped school. I slept 12-14 hours every day. I couldnt find the strength to even get off the couch, most days. And while time went by so slowly, it also felt like it stopped existing all together. I found a way to punish myself for what a terrible person i percieved myself as. And it became the only way that i found peace, though every injury provided only a moment of catharsis before sending me even deeper into my spiral. And I thought to myself, endlessly,, "I am too scared to end it. But i cant see how a person like me could go on. I don't deserve to be in this world anymore." Finally, one last breakdown to my therapist was the breaking point. And i asked to go to the hospital. The healing process from there on out wasnt easy. But it made me realize... That I, as flawed as i was in my youth, was not unworth of redemption. But not only that. I knew that if i couldnt forgive myself, I would suffer a slow decline until i took my own life. And i suppose that was enough to snap me out of it. Recovery is hard. But, i did research. So much research. I focused on nothing but my health, my recovery. And... I started journaling again. And, i would go out on morning walks, before anyone else was out. I would reflect on how hard ive been trying to grow, and how sorry i was. And there is just something so peaceful, so divine, about a winters sunrise. It made me realize that i am but a blip in this world, let alone the universe. And i finally gave myself permission to let go. Memories still haunt me from time to time. But, I don't sleep through the day anymore. I dont cry myself to sleep. I dont despise who i am, and not even who i used to be. Because, while i was deeply flawed, all of my circumstances/unrecognized cries for help had led up to how I behaved. At least I know better now. And, I thank that 14 year old kid. Because without this journey, i wouldnt have become the person that i am today. Deeply flawed, yes. But recovering. Growing. And a part of me finally feels whole.
It's really weird but listening to this after a very traumatic week has actually somewhat made me feel normal for the first time in days. It feels like a fog has been lifted from my mind.
Best tracks from my channel on a SPOTIFY playlist:
spoti.fi/4aH2Phn (Daily updated)
does anyone else feel like a different person from the past? Like you’ve changed into a completely different person but, your past clings onto and you feel like you will never be as good as a person you see yourself?
Yeah man
I can relate to what you’re saying. I too feel like I’ve changed a lot from the person I was in the past. It’s a strange feeling when you look back and hardly recognize the person you used to be. But I believe that every experience, every change, makes us who we are. And it’s okay to feel like you’re not the same person. It’s a sign of growth and personal development.
Thankfully I know I'm forgiven because of him. I laid my problems at his feet.❤
You will always be your own hardest critics brother - it's only natural as time goes on that we change and grow, sometimes we become entirely different people
Your memories serve to remind you of how things were once - the question is, will you continue to look to the past? Or will you keep your eyes firmly planted on the now, continuing to do the best you can for tomorrow?
Becoming the best version of yourself happens a step at a time, good luck! I'll be rooting for ya.
I'm somehow grateful I'm not the only one feeling this...And how this complex feeling was put into words. Cuz sometimes I cannot explain it by myself. Take care bro❤
The image is FREAKING ME OUT: Back when I was an alcoholic I was at a party and got kicked out (deservedly) because of my behaviour, it was the depth of Winter and snow was falling, it was already thick on the ground. I was trying to walk home in the snow and realised my feet had gone fully numb "Wow" I thought "It must be really cold." Being drunk I soon stumbled and fell into a snow bank at the side of the road, I could feel the cold taking over and thought to myself maybe it would be better to just stay here and wait for the cold to take me away forever.
I looked into the sky and thought how strange the sky looks when it snows at night and the street lights are on, not grey nor purple nor black nor orange but a wierd mix of all of them. I remembered having the same feeling as a child, confused by how wierd the world looks when it snows, how magical and eerie, calm but spooky, when I was a child I was frightened by the thought of how scary being lost outside in the snow would be, now here I was in exactly that situation, freezing and alone. That small amount of nostalgia was enough to get me to force myself back to my feet and try and go home again, I don't know how but I managed it. As I was walking home I saw a STOP sign and for some reason it hit me that it was meant for me and a literal sign to Stop drinking. I've been sober for ten years now.
(Edit: Amazed at this response, so heartened and encouraged by all of your words so thank you. I talk about my journey on my channel you can find out more about my path on there. I am in the process of writing various pieces and the response to this has been the spur I needed to finish these projects. If you're out there lost in the snow yourself just get up and keep going, you will find your home one day.)
This was beautiful to read!
ive learned from experience that surreal shit like this always comes from someone whos suffered on levels most people will never experience, i empathize with this a lot.
I'm happy for you bro 🙌✨
that was really beautiful!! Keep going like that!
That is a beautiful story.. And what a coincidence! Maybe this playlist was made for you (:
try not to break your own heart
Too late..
Now that hit good , thanks !
I’ll try
Already broken in dozens of pieces
Challenge(impossible)
Forgiveness isn’t about that person you’re forgiving, whether it’s someone who’s wronged you, or that past version of you that did those things you regret. It’s not about forgetting the harm that was caused, it’s not about evening the cosmic scales.
It’s about letting go.
Letting go of your anger, your resentment, your fear of history repeating. It’s about accepting reality for what it is, not what could have been.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s about choosing to move on.
Thank you for this comment. It really helped put things into perspective for me. Bless. 🤍
Thank you for this, i've been thinking about this a lot lately and never really knew how to get the pain, the struggle out of my heart. This comment has helped me and so many others. ❤
❤
mm thank you i just now had someone bring the my eyes of something i was still holding onto and this made it much more clear to me reading this. i just wish i could say sorry to the ones iv wronged for me still holding a grudge of someone that wronged me. i lost some great people being stuck in my head thinking of how they would do me the same way when in reality so many people are truly different and idk why i wanted them to change into someone there not just make me happy. now it’s time i put fourth all that love into myself i was trying to find in others. 🫶🏼🙏🏼
@@mo4meh ❤️
Sometimes it's nice to forgive yourself, sometimes it's a heavy burden.
Depends on what it is that you've done.
Tax evasion, for starters.
I started cackling😭😭
Tax evasion is a virtue, there is nothing to forgive.
Canada
i'd thank myself for that
But it's a victimless "crime"
Forgiving yourself for doing wrong to yourself. Forgiving means doing good to the victim from now on, which in my case was myself.
No? Like forgiving yourself is none of my business? Like if I treat someone wrong, I can't do anything, they either choose to forgive me or they don't, that's not my decision, not my action, no nothing
I can and should treat them better if they even wanna have me around, but if I force myself in their life that's just icky
@@yuli161-daedalusI think they are saying that forgiving yourself when you hurt someone is only part of the way. The person you hurt requires reparations just as well and only focusing on yourself and how you feel is like stabbing someone and checking your own body for wounds. It’s not healing.
the past doesn't define who you are today, but man. it sure does define what people think of you sadly
That is exactly whats so scary. People are scary. But im realizing caring too much about what others think is a problem in itself.
I think it has an important play. Past you was who you were then, and your actions of then also made up of who you were then. But that yes, does not mean that past you is suddenly now you today as well. Although, I think it's important not to forget what you've done and who you used to be. It's good to forgive yourself and to especially move on or strive to do/be better, but to keep in mind as to why you are who you now are. You did those things or felt those ways, and now you've learnt from them and changed that. Or you've realized you don't like it and want differently. It does not define you today nor should be how people perceive you if you've changed, but it should be respected that you have been there, realized it's not the place or thing for you, and changed for the better. Many people refuse to change or even like it when they're in those places or doing those things. You did it and chose not to anymore. That should be given credit to and realized more often. You didn't learn to be a good person today by having experienced and learned nothing.
@@ayana9741your life is YOUR life. Be happy with yourself at the end of the day and try to be good to others! We are all doing this thing called life and death. But most of us don’t see it that way on a day to day basis…
@@dassboot9332 You’re right, that change in perspective is essential for me. I really love the maturity in perspective you have, I’ll learn to tap into that thought process as well. Lately though, I’ve been doing better for myself, so there’s been progress!
It’s never as quickly as you want, but never as slow as you fear. Just try your best.
Thats so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.
Agreed. Great comment. Gonna keep this one in my back pocket
Everyone needs to hear that.
Wow. Wow you're actually right and i needed to hear that, im in the middle of trying to be better and then i take twenty steps back, then ten ahead, then five back, then fifteen. like this is driving me insane, even though im SO much better than before, i just can't give myself any credit, im not good enough yet, why can't i just be perfect. So reading this personally helped me it touched me so, thanks. alot.
🙏🙏
I often get lost in thoughts of the future, always taunted by delusions, telling me I am a genius, other times I get trapped in my past, all of the mistakes I have made reminding me I am a fool, most times I am stuck within my mind, hours go by in a moment, dreams blur into reality, demons telling me I am worthless, a few times I get locked without, mentally stuck outside my body, living life forgetting I even exist, but always I come back into that cycle, dissociating from within, disconnecting from without, a constant of forgiving myself, seeing hope, then falling right back down, hating myself for screwing up my chance, thinking of ending my life, but then the cycle starts all over again, a broken record on replay, just spinning around my head.
Wonderfully said, I resonate heavy with this.
Everything will be okay ❤ it may not seem like it but this time will pass away and you'll be happier
Jesus forgives
Keep your self strong hearted. Never forget there’s good in the world. We will all reach our end and that’s ok, we are meant to live as well. Be good. Do good. Live good , be happy that this right now is happening. Simply because it is. It’s ok to feel, and to not feel. Life is meant to be lived. It’s yours. Right now. This second. It will all be ok , just let it go and start sayin more stuff. Simply because you understand it will be ok
Friend, it may be hard for you, I’m trying to do it too, forgiving. Yourself or someone else. Drop everything, the hurt, the pain, the negativity, replace it with something else, invoke the feeling of what that good something else looks like, and hold onto it. Realize you are not your thoughts, rather an observer, do not run away from them, confront them, and laugh, and go on to something new, cultivate your mind so that it’s one you can live with. You’ll be alright friend.
Forgive self is like best option you can do for yourself
Press L1 to forgive self
I used to see myself as a heavy burden. I never appreciated my mind, my sould and the way I see the world. The years went by like this, it was tiring but the fatigueness was the only feeling I knew... So I clinged to it. One day, while my mother and I, we were looking to the old pictures, I found my childhood picture. It was a funny but a lovely one at the same time. I went to my room. I took an another picture from my drawer. I was in the second grade in that picture. She looked.. so naive. And then, all the things I said to myself appeared in my mind.
"You're not enough,
You'll never be enough,
You're not pretty or smart,
You are a failure,
You are embarrasing."
And I imagined myself saying those things to my childhood version. I could hear her quiet tears. She would probably cry herself to sleep, and next day would act like nothing happened. In the night, it would happen over again.
After this, I stopped and realized a thing, the girl in that picture was enough, she would always be enough, she was pretty and smart, she was not a failure and she was not embarassing at the same time.
So.. Why was I calling myself these? I was the same girl. I grew older, but I haven't grew for the worst. If someone is going tell me that I'm not enough, I'm not going to be that person. Now, I carry that picture wherever I go.
They can call you a lot of things... But what you hear doesn't define you, but what you love does. Choose to love yourself and your soul. What a big blessing to be a person who doesn't exist anywhere. You are unique, there isn't any other YOU. You were created for a reason. If the world and the universe didn't need you, you wouldn't be here. You might say, how can it need me if I am not doing anything for it?. And I will say you're wrong. You are doing a lot. For example, you woke up today and breathe the air. You fed your beautiful body (if you haven't, go and do it now.. your beautiful body needs it!), you moved around the house and probably you didn't hurt a soul. And if you did, that's okay.. You can apologize and you won't hurt anyone tomorrow. See? You did a thing today for the universe.. You kept the scheme going. That's why you are enough. You are BORN TO BE ENOUGH. You can't be NOT ENOUGH even if you try to. You were born this way... To wake up and to be enough. So.. Go and live now. You are not lost, you just like travelling. Your faith will guide you and this letter from me to you will be here.
Come back here and read this whenever you need it. I'm proud of you, traveller.
Thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much I needed to hear these words.
@@arronfields2992 I am so so glad it helped!
thank you
@@fireworksforme2 you're very welcome..
❤❤❤❤❤❤ “whoever you are , thank you “ - Lisa Simpson
This is everyone’s first try at being a human being. There was no trial run or tutorial, so understand mistakes were always going to happen big and small.
Don’t get so caught up forgiveness/regret/what could have been. Instead use those moments along with the good moments to structure the remainder of your life. If and when more bad happens, adjust tomorrow again in small increments. Seriously tiny increments where you know you can succeed with the new routine. Before you know it you’ll be overwhelmed with positivity and a drive to help others. That’s true forgiveness
somehow thinking about it this way is really helpful. thank you for this comment :]
To forgive is to grow and allow yourself to grow. Do not think forgiving is to forget the past mistakes you have made. When you forgive, you are acknowledging the fact that it has happened and it is something to learn from.
Forgiving myself is often difficult because of the deep sense of guilt and shame tied to my past mistakes, making me feel fundamentally flawed. This internalized shame attacks my sense of self-worth, creating a persistent barrier to self-forgiveness. Even though I have changed and become a better person, the dissonance between my current self and my past actions can be distressing.
I believe that my past actions have irreversible consequences, which makes forgiveness seem impossible. As a result, even though I am now different, the haunting memories of my past continue to impede my ability to forgive myself.
@Dream-Eternal87
Um, hello, dear stranger. ^^" I've grown curious if I can offer any info that may help, so uh, here's something I had to respond with:
I encourage the path of strength and discipline. It's not about the path you feel you should be taking but rather the one you may often most need. Over time, along this path, you will see your progress surely but slowly. I also encourage you to ask a friend if reflection is hard, sometimes it’s better to trust others, even though it feels blind. It's like taking a leap of faith. I only recommend strength cause the effects are usually positive, and hard work often rewards those willing to push themselves.
Additionally, I don't want to presume anything, but with the last message you sent, I think you have acknowledged the main issue you have struggled with. The logical thing to do is to take actions to solve it; otherwise, learn how to solve it. (This is something I've been taught, I'm not sure it works for everyone. ^^")
Alas, remember change will always take time and effort. Following that, with strength and practice, the work gets easier. Strength also makes you more confident and less vulnerable to bad thoughts. To overcome bad thoughts, you should realize you have strength, and you shouldn't focus your efforts and energy on something that is a constant reminder of your pain. You should cement a new idea of positive results and abilities you have; something along the lines of, "you can always do better, more positive things." Uh, pardon if this section is confusing. I just believe it would be best to build a new foundation or slate now that you know you can move on.
Again, forgiveness is no emotional compensation, even though forgiveness can be given in many emotional forms. I still believe it's acknowledging the pain and past, stating what it is, summarizing it, and then just taking the next steps for the better (or for the worse, which is usually a decision made from ignorance, laziness, or other negative thoughts and feelings). Make sure to recognize your weaknesses and strengths, where you stand now, and where you will or want to go. (Try to say "I will" over. "I will try." Procrastination and laziness is a big hurdle for anyone.)
I'm sorry if this was very long or sounded like something you don't want to hear. I just find everyone fascinating, and one day, I wish that people knew what they are capable of.
Thank you though it was for another have A great day you precious soul😊
@@wanderingunluck5128
Thank you, no need to apologize. You tried to help me using the tools you know. I will try to move on and gain strength.
Thank you my Friend. ❤
@@Dream-Eternal87I'm also burdened by a lot of shame over past deeds. All I can say is, remember to stay kind to yourself and forgiveness is the only way forward. That doesn't make it easier, but it is worthwhile. There's much to love about us - flaws and all 🩷
The depression turns into a pure rage when you realize it's not your fault, however don't know which one is worse
that's what scares me. i feel actual rage at her sometimes. but i dont want to.
The rage is telling you something needs to change in your life, or the current system.
Neither really does any good. I've spent like a decade trying to get that energy to go somewhere else, but I sometimes feel like nothing has changed.
What to do with it is where I get caught. It’s never safe enough to let it out so it stays in. And when it stays in it’s dying to get out.
The rage gives you energy and passion that the depression shuts down. Your decision of where to apply that rage...And what to direct that energy to...Will determine whether or not you make it out of this hole, and actually get to enjoy some aspects of life.
Everyone deserves comfort. No matter who you are. Don’t think just because of your past actions, that you don’t deserve love, cause you do. Make up for the past, live a better future. I’m always here for you. Stay safe and healthy.‼️
STAY SPOTTED
I'm trying to learn to forgive my dad for my horrible excuse for a childhood. My mom got better, still improves herself regularly and I have no more resentment for her because she is no longer the person she was. But my dad is never going to move on. He's going to die with a bottle in his hand, struggling to forget what he did to me, my siblings, and to himself. I will never get to share closure with him. I will never get to forgive him to his face and mean it. By the time I finally learn to forgive him, he will be dead. But I accept that. I accept that not all closure is pretty, or fast. I accept that it will take me years more to truly process the depth of my trauma and let go of the remaining threads of resentment. I accept this and it's okay.
this really hurt to read because I feel your pain, sending love.
I lost my father to alcoholism in 2020. He was 48 years old. At times in my life , he abused me , abused my mother , spent money we needed for bills and food on alcohol and drugs. Constant fights, arguing and pain.
And yet, four years later. All I wish for is another chance to talk to him and to establish forgiveness. I know it's hard to see now. I know the pain and all that has happened has blinded you to it. That's okay. But don't ever count out forgiveness. Some day you will understand the value of the time you could spend, the fences you could have repaired. The wounds you can still mend. ❤
it could be worse, at least you had a dad
One day, maybe, I will. Until then I will work every night and every day to prove that I’m no longer that stupid person.
The people I’ve hurt may never see that, and my goal may never be fulfilled. But at least I will have tried.
I will forgive others, forever, for I know how it feels to need forgiveness. The living hell that it causes.
I can’t wait for this shame to be over. So instead I will work for it.
Reflection is truly key. At least you're peering into the portal of fire and not averting your eyes.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (book I)
I get it... I could be writing this to myself.
Do you think Jesus went through hell on the Cross for you, just so you'd turn back and stay in hell yourself? He came to set us free from shame. That's why he was shamed, when he didn't deserve to be.
Trying is all that matters.
Stay with it friend. You know the road, its just one step at a time. I'm there too. I can relate. You've got this. 😊
Best thing I ever did is accept the past and embrace the present. If you fall, get back up..and keep fighting. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Everything will be okay.
You ever reflect and apologize for abusing your own body? I look at scars and put my hands over my heart and apologize to myself for smoking at a young age. If only I could forgive my mind.. lacking confidence and failure to maintain or even create relationships with other people. I just say to myself "it is what it is"
It's a good sign that you're apologizing to yourself steps to healing you'll be okay everything will be okay one day someone will love you and cherish you and make you forget about all your scars ❤
My own personal interpretation of that quote is no longer, "it is what it is," but rather, "it is what I make of it."
Take that as you will, create your own new meaning when you reflect on something that has already happened and cannot be changed. Change what you can change, and that starts with the meaning you give it.
Hope that provides any kind of comfort, just sharing thoughts.
@@nekotonin odd that you comment this on a day when I'm lower than I have been in awhile... loneliness can feel so suffocating at times. Thank you for sharing some wisdom. I appreciate that perspective and have used the same strategy to forgive my father who took his own life. We can't change the past, but we can change how we feel about the past.
@@Deadpool_4025 Not going to lie, this response made me smile (in the way that my comment was delivered on such good timing). I feel super comforted that the universe weaves people together like that, and that I had experienced this yet again! Anywho, I do wish you the best, and hope you're feeling better in any way :]
@@nekotonin thanks! I hope you have a good day tomorrow😄❤️
I feel like I've changed but i also feel that i lost something that i will never be able to find...
🫂
say sorry. that fixed it for me. knowing they are alright and happy i apologized was enough.
same. And i’m forever searching for it
we are not paintings, we are human. we can never stay the same forever. discover new things about yourself, create new experiences, new passions, new hobbies. outweigh what you've lost.
@@gracia8348 ive found ive discovered too much. to satisfy my curiosity, i have to create more things to discover.
Why is it so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself? Maybe its just a me thing, but I've always been someone who can forgive others quite easily, but when it comes to forgiving myself... lets just say I get less than stellar results.
It’s hard to take the advice we give to others, because we have a hard time seeing our actions from an outside perspective. If you saw someone you cared about, plagued with resentment and shame over the things they did, and those things were exactly the same things you’ve done, what would you tell that person? What words of comfort would you give them?
And why don’t you feel as though you deserve that same grace? What makes you so much less worthy than them? Nothing at all.
Ive been that way my whole life. It's a living hell in itself.
@@R0S3inC0NCR33T*hugs* ur god sent
In therapy there is this 2 chair technique where you take seat in 2 chairs and talk to the "you" in the other chair and try to give it some positive feedback
@@splattbinat1542 I’ve done that before! Would highly recommend it. It’s easy to lose perspective on what sort of person you are when you’re stuck inside your head the whole time
I say what truly makes a man is not how much weight he can carry but why is it that he continues to bare it each and every day with a smile. The will of a truly selfless, honorable man is that of a baobab tree, rigid and durable, unable to be burned in vain; however it is the fruit it continually produces that not only keeps itself alive for 1000’s of years, but also any and all of those that love it back.
Do not acquiesce to the temptation of defeat when faced with malfeasance and all its abhorrent faces. Perseverance is only reserved for those who’ve already conquered conflict.
Keep going my brothers/sisters/fellow humans.
God knows I've fucked up many many times, thanks for the vid.
and God still loves you homie, keep your heart planted in him. Sending love.
Some of these songs remind me of old flash game menus, this weird stillness of nostalgia and isolation. It's very healing actually.
Try Flight main menu music ;)
Try not to have a crisis while browsing youtube challenge
I failed
real
😢
same🙃
Forgiveness is to free one's self from burdens and give self a peaceful mind, and soul. Each of us deserve peace
Forgive yourself for the love you have given to others when you needed it for yourself. Its not lost. Youve shown you know how to love. Isnt it time you saved some for yourself? You deserve it. You always have. Just for existing but also and expecially for giving when you didnt have much and didnt know how to receive. Please. This world needs you and that heart of yours. Take care of yourself and nurture that heart. You need it and so does your world. I see you. Keep your head up, my fellow warrior of the heart.
Forgiving yourself is a synonim of moving forward
Accept your memories and move beyond their reach.
Memories hold the pieces of what built you, but you get to decide how to be built with those pieces.
Now is not then...
I feel like I let my younger self down. But every time I cry, I hear a little voice asking me why. Almost as if it's me. I can't give up. I'd be giving up on the little girl from all those years ago. To anyone reading this, please don't give up. Sure, it already happened, but the only thing you can really do is forgive yourself and try to make a better future. Remember that mistakes don't make you any less of a person, they just add to your story and that *you* are a gorgeous person, never forget that
i think it’s beautiful that you’re who you are now.
life is all about change whether we want it to happen or not, and that’s okay. it’s scary and it’s going to feel like you’re suffering at times, but never forget that you wouldn’t be here or where you are now because of your past, because you changed.
maybe where you are now is good, maybe it isn’t, but you’re still here, right? there is always time for you to make things right, there’s always time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes. let go once you have come to terms with them; you don’t have to worry about what you did because you know that you have grown from it.
i’m so proud of you. you are someone’s reason to breathe, to smile, to love; i hope that someone that you prioritize to make feel that way is you. you deserve to be here, to smile, to love.
forgive and love the you for who you were, and be excited & in love with shaping who you will become.
take care, stardust. please keep your light going, this world is so lucky to have you
You made me cry.
@@yv0nne_1 i hope that the times you do cry remind you that you’re human and you’re still able to feel what life allows us to feel, my darling :)
a mini reminder: it won’t always be or feel good in the moment, but being able to experience all feelings and life in its complexity & craziness is what living is all about. i hope you continue to choose living and make sure it’s so you can grow into the beautiful, wandering soul that you KNOW you are in this physical world
Does anybody else feel like they want to forgive themselves and everybody else but feel too worthless or bad to do that?
Like you don’t deserve to get away from the pain?
Yes. In fact I know everyone has forgiven me but myself.
Haha same. I continually screw up my life and unintentionally the lives of the ones I love. Depression is a real bitch.
Everybody forgives me every time, and want to see me succeed. But I always fall short.
it’s difficult to put yourself out there. I can’t do it. I can’t get personal with people because I’m always afraid I’m going to something strange that will make them dislike me. Even online I feel like I’m stepping boundaries or miscommunicating.
I wasn’t always like this. I used to be social, but now I spend most of my time alone. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be human.
I feel exactly the same way and struggled with that for a long time, it's nice to know I'm not alone dealing with feelings like that. It'll get better mate, the biggest step forward is acknowledging it
I feel you
Hey hey, same here. I've been trying to put myself out there lately, and share some of my own personal hobbies (art, making music) and I've come to terms lately that I'm rather deathly afraid of even opening those parts up, as if everything I make is some part of me too that is afraid of criticism or being misunderstood - Posting things online, even behind an anonymous handle does not make it any easier either.
It does get easier once you acknowledge it though. I mean, it got you to type that comment right? No one said socializing is easy, but if you can have small victories like this and really put yourself out there, it will get easier overtime.
Right now, life feels like a mountain. I've ascended one side. Looking back down I'm too far to turn around now. Even if I did go back I wouldn't be the same person I was the first go round. No matter where I go it's new territory to navigate as this version of myself. Every season started off terrifying. I'm still scared tbh. But scared isn't dead and everything else is figure-out-able. Even so that's the risk, you could be everything you ever dreamed of or you could be whatever watered down version of yourself you deem the safest to be. Either way you could end up being as uncomfortable as you are right this second trying to decide the rest of your life at 3am. So if you ask me the fear is worth it. The pain, the hiccups, the red tape, the time it takes everything is worth it. At the end of my life I hope to meet myself in the mirror with gentle eyes and say "Old girl you tried and thats all we really wanted anyways." (Sorry I like to get existential in the YT comments)
I don't think I've actually forgiven myself for anything yet. I just distract myself and forget...
Ambient music makes me fill so alive. It was therapy when I was depressed and now it’s just a comfort for me. I love ambient.
The second track, "my head is empty - i was only temporary" was really good.
It made me cry so hard. I haven't cried in years like this. The frequencies found in the intro sequence are compelling. I have no idea how this works but it makes me.... self reflective. How?
I want to forgive myself yet it's so difficult. I don't feel like who I used to be a year ago, I feel like a whole different person, but I still carry this guilt and shame on the inside. Part of it fuels me to become a better man and part of it reminds me of the things I've lost due to my mistakes. I know no amount of guilt will change the past I know that but I can't shake this feeling, it gnaws at the edges of my mind, it makes my chest cave in, and I grow numb. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I want to forgive myself and everyone else who's hurt me. I am so exhausted; I no longer wish to hate. I know there is love on the inside of me, she showed me that she allowed me too although we were in two different stages in life. I am just tired I no longer feel like hating anyone, I feel different in my skin and know I am on the right path but it has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.
in this moment, as you are, you are right where you are meant to be. have courage and honour your choices.
Forgiving yourself is hard to build. It’s a long and hard process for others and for others it is difficult but tame.
When I forgave myself for what I did. I felt a small trance of gratitude, sadness and nostalgia. Pieces of what happened still appear in my mind every so often but it doesn’t bother me the same way it did before.
I appreciate you describing what forgiveness felt like for you. I wasn’t sure I’d even know it if I found it, but that gives me an idea of what I might recognize it by. Thanks, man.
@@SparrowHawk784 hope you’re doing good bro in these current times.
I cannot forgive myself for allowing such hurt and betrayal to fall onto the one closest to me. For not further pushing my own luck, disregarding the consequences that pale in comparison to the damage that has been done otherwise not only to them but to myself. For my own cowardice, I have ended up with severe trauma, as has someone else. I was complacent in it's happening, and for that, I don't think it's deserving to forgive.
But maybe one day, if things do turn out okay. Right now, they aren't, and I can only hope I can find myself the resources to make things better.
Reflection is truly key. Better to stare into the portal of fire rather than to run and hide from it.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (book I)
My friend, the past is the past. You cannot change what was done, or how it happened, you can only move forward. Find it in yourself through reflection to appreciate the present. We have ALL messed up in the past, but that is why we have the future to be better! We have an opportunity every waking moment to change the way we perceive things, the way we act, and the way we live! This all lies up to you, but I'm sure you will do just fine if you try. You and I are human, we won't last forever and we all make mistakes every day, this is how we grow. You have the capacity to recognize what you did was wrong, meaning you are a good person, but I understand how hard it is to see that. I have done horrible things to the people around me as well, but it's over, there is nothing I can do but improve myself for the remaining people around me. Make most of your time while you are here. Forgive yourself and forgive others, so that you can appreciate and enjoy the true beauty of the world. I believe in you and I'm sure the people around you do too, and most importantly, from human to human, I love you! You got this, time & effort is all you need!
forgive yourself. You care about this person and that's what matters.
Hey, i understand the feeling or at least i think i do, i feel the same way about my regrets, and in a way i punish myself as a way to make amends about it, I just pray you know that you deserve happiness too, i think its okay to with hold a specific integrity to yourself to keep yourself in check to never make the mistakes or wind up in that situation of helpless vulnerability, everyone has something in the past they hate or feel absolute shame from, just keep moving forward and further away from that darkness, and towards a state of self love and acceptance, walk towards that light and take care
Forgiving yourself is not optional. You have one chance in the driver's seat. Make as much out of the ride as you can.
amen
Ive done things in my past that were downright deplorable. They may follow me to the grave and people i meet and know will also know these things. But thats not who i am anymore. It took losing everything to realize that. I made a promise to myself that no matter what I will defy my past and become who i always wanted to be; someone to be proud of. Before I was arrested I had no humanity. I honestly had been through so much trauma it broke my spirit and i stopped caring. During that time i did a lot of damage to myself and my family. I went away thinking i would finally be allowed to wither away but instead i was given LIFE. How could someone so wretched be given this wonderful gift? Im no longer the same. I WANT TO LIVE. I I FOUND MY HEART. And it wasnt somewhere lost, it was in me the whole time...I promise that i will have the life ive envisioned for myself and those i love. What do you guys think? Can someone be forgiven for even the most terrible things if they truly want to be better? Where do we draw the line on forgiveness? Interested to hear different perspectives...
I have a saying that I’ve build due to my extensive trauma.
Those who do bad but regret, deserve help, care, assistance and support. They regret it and maybe don’t know how to stop so assistance is good. Those people don’t DESERVE forgiveness but get forgiveness. Because forgiveness can’t be demanded..
But those who don’t regret, don’t deserve forgiveness. If they’re faced with the things they’ve done and are repeatedly let know of it yet still deny it then to hell with them. Of course they inherently deserve to have help too but it’s where I believe they deserve to feel the hurt they’ve inflicted to hopefully understand, get help and regret it. So once they regret it, finally the process to potential forgiveness can be a possibility. But again, forgiveness can’t be demanded..
So I believe it’s good you learned, got help and want to get better, that you’re doing what you can to be better!
I’m Proud of you.
But know people will never have to forgive you. And some might never will. And that’s okay..
I hope you’ll have a good weekend 🧡
@romanticsecret6365 Thank you! ❤️
Individuals who have experienced childhood trauma may be more prone to negative mental feedback loops. Epigenetic changes from trauma can contribute to:
1. -Increased stress reactivity-: Hyperarousal and exaggerated stress response can lead to negative feedback loops.
2. -Emotional dysregulation-: Difficulty managing emotions can result in rumination and self-reinforcing negative thought patterns.
3. -Hypervigilance-: A state of increased alertness can lead to excessive self-monitoring and criticism.
4. -Negative self-perception-: Epigenetic changes can influence self-perception, leading to self-blame, shame, and low self-esteem.
5. -Dissociation-: Disconnection from oneself and others can perpetuate negative feedback loops.
6. -Lack of self-compassion-: Difficulty practicing self-care and self-compassion can exacerbate negative mental states.
7. -Rumination and worry-: Epigenetic changes can contribute to excessive worry and rumination.
8. -Avoidance behaviors-: Avoiding challenges or emotions can reinforce negative feedback loops.
These negative mental feedback loops can manifest in various ways, such as:
- Anxiety and depression
- Self-destructive behaviors
- Substance abuse
- Self-sabotaging patterns
- Difficulty with intimacy and relationships
It's essential to recognize that these feedback loops can be interrupted and rewritten through:
- Mindfulness and self-awareness practices
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Trauma-informed therapies (e.g., EMDR, somatic experiencing)
- Self-compassion and self-care practices
- Social support networks
Remember, individuals who have experienced childhood trauma can develop resilience and work towards healing and positive change.
@oryxxyro814 that's exactly what I've dealt with. Of course no excuse for my own mistakes I take full responsibility for that. Now I can understand things that played a part in my thinking and actions. That you ❤️
I see you, you're doing great
Look like a joke
thanks friend
I’m not
@@Negan82682 😘
@@Negan82682 what's up?
I used to think of myself as a burden, someone who bothered others by simply being there and I was really self-conscious. I was also timid and used to feel a lot of guilt. I thought that I didn't deserve anything good that I had and that I would never find love. With time I saw that I was wrong. I saw that I deserve good things happening to me, I deserve good people around me, and deserve to receive the same love I give out. I also notice that love is all around me in all sorts of forms. Nowadays people have said to me that I'm one of the most extroverted people they have ever met and that I make the room a more comfortable place bc I have good energy. So maybe you shouldn't go too hard on yourself and let the good in you blossom instead of only seeing your flaws.
Thank you for this! Im not in depression (maybe), but when i hear something from your list, I feel myself soo lite and cheezy.
To forgive always felt to me, to accept that someone did something bad to you. But that’s ok bc u don’t care and still love them. It feels like ur putting their need for redemption first because you understand that pain of not being forgiven since a lot of us always struggle with forgiving ourselves.
People always say that forgiving yourself isn’t thinking what you did was ok, but rather that you don’t let self hatred and anger linger and continue to strive to be better to get peace of mind. But what do you do when you feel that you don’t deserve that peace of mind.
I made some mistakes that made things harder for someone that I loved very much, and who loved me very much too. That was a little over two years ago, and I spent all but the past month or so hating myself for those mistakes. For me, I think acceptance was too painful for me to know what else to do with it but feel angry toward myself. When I did accept it, it still hurt; in fact it hurt in a more raw way than before. But it was a cleaner kind of pain, not all cluttered up with bitterness and anger. And it just felt like I was suddenly becoming aware of the enormous weight that I’d been carrying and pushing off, and as I went through it it became a little lighter with time. I’m still working on total forgiveness for myself, but I think it starts with what I found now, which I think is letting in these hard feelings that I pushed back for so long. Don’t get me wrong, it’s freaking hard to let it in, and I wouldn’t rush it either. Just the right things came at the right time for me and suddenly I found another perspective on things. Keep that search alive, even if it just barely there some days.
Also sorry if this was kind of all over the place, it’s like 2:30 in the morning lol
@@SparrowHawk784 nah man, I totally get that. 2 years ago is when the relationship with my first and so far only lover ended. God I loved her with every piece of my being and beyond. And she loved me to this level as well. But I hurt her so badly. And then everything came crashing burning down. I held her hand to help her move on, but the moment she did I was left behind for a while. She came back but I wasn’t having it and then left even tho there was nothing left to even leave behind me. And every time something bad happened between us after it would always be “I did this. I deserve this.” I really don’t know if I can ever allow myself true peace of mind. The idea of self forgiveness makes me sick, like I’m cheating her of understanding the pain I caused her. And it feels like cheating myself out of a very valuable lesson I learned. I don’t feel worthy enough of self forgiveness. All I can do is try and be better everyday. Because god I’m stubborn and I can’t shake away the idea that self forgiveness = justifying or trying to make excuses.
@@Motivated754 To me forgiving others was always about being the kind of person I wanted to be. I would rather be someone who doesn't hold a grudge and deciding this is easier than doing it but it is the first step. I totally agree that forgiving is about cleansing hatred.
If you feel you don't deserve peace of mind I recommend writing a little bit. Doesn't have to be a full commitment like journaling but my question is, "do you always feel that you don't deserve peace of mind?" It may be that you feel you don't deserve peace of mind while you carry the past. Maybe it is when you're tired or depressed. Deep down there is a latent wish in everyone for inner peace. There is a part of you that deserves it, I hope you have a moment of stillness soon where you feel worthy.
@@bantter1649 you don’t have a single idea on how badly I needed to hear those words. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I can agree with that idea of forgiveness. It’s the very reason why I try to be as forgiving as possible to others. I’m always trying to be kinder. I’ll take your advice man.
i'll never forgive myself, but this is a good playlist
Reflection is truly key. It's less about if *you* forgive yourself and a lot more about if those whom you've damaged forgive you. And if you've never done anything significantly heinous, then there remains only the work to be done regarding your upcoming 12th hour.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (book I)
Love u mannn
good comments, great recommendation.
forgive yourself, others, and internalize the remembrance. Heaven is inside us, we just have to find it.
Miss ya dad❤
I needed to hear this
Actually maybe read this right?
I wish i broke down during my teenage years instead of keeping it all in and ignoring the pain. Its caught up. Its bigger than i can handle. Now when everyone is finding themselves, im losing my mind.
I find a lot of my self hatred probably comes from big ego. I can forgive others maybe because i see them as more foolish, more dumb, more susceptible to mistakes than me. But "Me?" I cannot be held to the same standard as every other human. I have to be better, less mistake prone, etc. Why? I dont know.
Its kinda like the closer someone is to you, the less you tolerate their mistakes. If a stranger accidentally pours milk on me and apologizes profusely, I give them immense grace and ensure them to not worry about it. My brother does it accidentally and I throw a fit. And who's closer to you than yourself?
i feel like i already disappointed my younger self. i promised that kid that i will be great. but im actually a loser now. its getting not that bad anymore but im still sorry for what had happened
Kratos words helped me to
Dont be sorry.. Be better
Incomparable. The best I've heard yet online ... Do preserve these melodies for posterity, PLEASE !!!
i give myself warm, embracing hugs while I meditate and tell myself i am forgiven.
I just attempted, making my friends and partner worry for me..but thankfully everything is okay. To take my mind off of the pain and stress, so I immediately clicked on this and now we're here..Goodnight yall.
I’m so happy you are okay! I hope you feel better and can come to forgive yourself and move on. I truly wish you only the best, we may not know one another, but no one truly deserves to experience anything close to what happened to you. I am so glad you are still around, you can attend to others needs, but you should still be here for you. I hope you can learn to love yourself. That is the strongest thing you can do. Sometimes we need to be a little egotistical. Do some things for you. Do what makes YOU happy. I hope you know that you’re worth something. A lot in fact. You may say that you can’t wait until you do something great and be someone. You are someone right now. You mean something right now. To a lot of people! Love from a random stranger, I hope you may never face any danger.
@@ineedhelp9428 Tysm!! That means alot :3
Prayers for continued health and wellness ❤🙏❤️
Wishing the best for you
Thank you for choosing to still be here with us today... stay strong ❤
I get trapped in a cycle of forgiving and then hating myself for things I’ve done in the past when I forgive myself everything is great for weeks sometimes months to a year until that one thing reminds you and then you spiral back into what you got out of and then after being sorry for myself I forgive and it repeats
The thing about that is, if it comes back to despising yourself, it means you still haven't learned to forgive.
I become convinced that I've forgiven myself, but time goes on to prove I still don't know how.
I feel you
I've forgiven everyone, but I can't forgive myself. And I am very sorry that the past Self will become like this.
The past doesn't define you live the present 🎁 and make up your future
Think of it this way: if those who you forgave cannot forgive themselves, does your forgiveness mean anything to them? We all need to forgive ourselves in order to truly value the forgiveness of others.
I think forgiveness starts with making peace with the person in the mirror that you are trying to start war with...
This album reminds me of when i would go on 7:00 a.m. walks with my close friend during the Christmas break of 2023/January of 2024. I had just discovered Doomgaze & I was sharing that with my friend & we're both misic nerds, so we had a ball. We spent 3 or 4 mornings walking around near where he lived. Talking about music (which saved my life) which was nice. Just 2 musician friends planning for an album that would morph into a substatially different idea 7 months later. They've become some of my most cherished memories.
But at the same time it also reminds me of some high schooler unrequited love that still hurts me even though I've been in a relationship for o er a year & a half. I showed a very cringy personal side to who I thought was a close friend, but she got uncomfortable & left & her view of friendship was... not as involved. But I'm moving on. Ill go months withiut thinking about her, so that must be a win. Hopefully I can keep it down to once a decade.
I may not forgive myself for mistakes that anyone can make. I hope that in adulthood I will become calmer about the world and myself. I don't want to be hard on myself all the time, but if I'm less strict at the moment, everything seems to fall apart.
With this playlist, I imagine that I am from the future looking at the sea alone, lying in the grass, completely satisfied with my life.
Listen I don't know why I'm even writing this, I doubt anyone will actually read. But idk I always feel like I can push myself to do really good things but then again I have people around me who don't understand; they say they do but they don't. I'm called delusional for thinking that I could get a job or take care of myself and I'm genuinely trying to not be as angry or spiteful so that u can let go of who I used to be. I was called an ungrateful little bitch for not wanting to eat food, I get called 'victim' by my family when they're mad at me. Why is it that when I'm finally setting boundaries for myself, I suddenly become the bad guy??? Again idk why im writing this, i think its to get all this out of my head and out somewhere. Anywhere but keeping all of it inside my head
This was me with my parents when I was younger. Being a military kid who's dad was almost killed in a pointless war and got PTSD and a mom who was a single mother of 1 then more while her husband was at war didn't help. They had horrible parents, I still find it hard to talk to my grandparents even though my parents got better over the years during my adulthood. No matter who you blame, this is the struggle of mentally disturbed people passing their misery onto others. All I can say is get as much professional help as you need, and please keep strong. I really hope things get better for you.
Asking for help isn't giving up, it's refusing to give up. Be more kind to yourself :)
i will succeed. i have a good heart and a focused mind. and i deserve to feel my love for the world.
What's done is done, and there'll be no redemption.
Don't be a bad bohemian.
A frozen moment captured.
To remember it's existence.
A moment that existed for the next moment to follow it.
All things since harvested because of this moment.
And this moment is all that exists.
I’m so glad I clicked on this video, was thinking to go to bed but I always need some background noise to fall asleep, I decided to go to the comments a oh my… reading a lot of the comments on here just reminded me that there are a lot of amazing people in the world. I’m so proud of each one of you may good things go your way and nothing but happiness you guys deserve it. In the end is the day we are all human we make mistakes and now after that we choose to what we want to do next about it. Stay strong everyone 🙌🫶
I betrayed myself and since I don’t feel alive it’s been years now
Music like this is where you just kinda sit an think and have a sense of peace, like in an empty parking lot after it rained, mostly empty spaces that are normally occupied by people but at night and its vacant. Night walks, 2am convenient store runs. When the nightlights come on is how I would put it I guess.
A comment section that actually feels like it’s full of real human beings, commenting on sentiments with opinions I can totally resonate with. Incredible
Well.. how do you forgive yourself when youve caused so much pain to people? In my own pain and suffering Ive hurt others blindly and only until I was out of my own despair did i see the nature of my wrongs. i dont feel i deserve forgiveness. im genuinely trying to be better, but the guilt is still there, and its something i constantly wrestle with. As i should, I guess.
I dont want to go back to what i was before. So i dont let myself forget. But its hard to feel truly at peace when i dont feel i can redeem myself.
💜
There's alot of good comments on here that have resonated with. Maybe they could with you.
If that doesn't work, all I can say is, things will change. In time, I absolutely promise you that this all will be different, just keep going as you are right now. One day at a time.
we can’t change the past but we can do better now. you acknowledging pain you’ve caused shows strength in your ability to understand the impact you’ve had on different people in your life. some people never even realize the pain they’ve caused but you have. your own pain had its influence on how you treated other people.
To forgive yourself you need to understand yourself first and why you did the things you did, which it seems like you’re on the right track in that area.
the best thing you could do is to move differently and hold yourself to a higher vibration this point forward. you don’t have to be the person from your past forever, that person lives in the past. forgive yourself now by being the best possible version of yourself. a version of you that you can be proud of. it will take time and deep healing. be kind to yourself. Hope this was well received, wish you the best.
Just turned 17, ive been thinking alot about...well....everything, everything that i regret? Feel guilty about things i thought at the time wasnt a big deal. And now i will suffer for it.
Just a year older than you. Best you can do is leave it behind, and look forward to the future, make the best of what cards you have been dealt. It's a difficult thing, yes, but that's the only way we mature as people. Don't let the past weigh you down - I know you have it in you.
@@nerd2814 thx
I don't think I could ever forgive myself for what I've done, for what I've said and the things I've seen. If my loved ones ever knew I know I'd be hated, and that doesn't bother me. The idea that even if I didn't go out of my way to hurt anyone but my actions were still wrong and is enough to hurt and disappoint them, the fact that they would know my past...that's what makes me want to end it the most. I hate myself. I'm scared. I'm sorry.
you will be okay. Forgive yourself. Let go. Or talk to someone.
You're not alone. I know exactly how you feel. You might feel like you're worse than everyone else, like you are the exception, but you're not. I'm here with you. I hope this helps somehow.
we are in this together
Starting my day with this. It's cloudy and windy outside, just grey. It comforts me, as this playlist. I know that this pain won't go away in moment. I know it will come soon, but sure... I'll keep trying doing my best every time it hurts and one day i will realize that i have completely changed.
For anyone here, you have made a mistake, right, but you cant do anything but regret it, you cant solve the past, then stop this regretting endless painful regrettion inside of you, and forget about it and let clouds be clear in your mind, you dont have to feel regret, no one ever was clear of mistakes, everyone have flaws and dark spots, clear them, be great, and have a great life
I've learned so much, yet haven't changed a bit...
I feel like the world is leaving me behind. It's suffocating.
As much as I've changed, the world has changed and gone forward ten times faster.
It feels like I don't know how to swim and am drowning.
A futile struggle in slow motion as water enters your lungs.
Arms flailing, legs kicking.. you fight for air, to be afloat.
But inevitably sink.
All you need is peace and calm, one piece of knowledge to save yourself. But no one is there to help. No one was there to teach you.
So you drown.
It's lonely.
Forgiving yourself can be a hard thing to forge your spirit into accepting naturally.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, friend. Feel what you must feel, as long as you learn to let go and accept the terms of reality at hand. It’s not about making the mistake or regret; it’s about learning and shaping yourself into a better experienced being.
Don’t lose yourself in the rage of your mistakes. I know the pain too well. You will find your peace, eventually.
Time is your best medicine and your progress will show itself in good time.
Ppl say to me that i changed a lot, and i say to them: a lot has changed me
You are enough, you were never stupid, just let go and everything will move forward on its own.
Iv got a story. I had a horrible break up that was destroying me. It was constantly a part of my life. Go to the store, it was there, go to work it was there, try to sleep it was there. Never a moment when it wasint existing in my brain. Constantly trying to think of ways to fix the problem. Maybe if i send her this message about this memory. Or maybe if i say things have changed. My mind was trying to fix a problem that was unfixxable. So one day i was on my balcony to my apartment with my 4 yearold nephew and as always obsesivly trying to fix the problem in my head. And my nephew brough out a pink ballon that was the shap of a heart. I told him you dont want to bring that out side you could lose it. And he said its okay if i lose the ballon. I said it will fly away and you will never see it again if you let go. And he said i just wont let go. And i said its not that easy i knot if you bring it out here your going to lose that ballon. He ignored me a started playing with it outside. At first he held on to it tight. But as time went on i could tell his attention wasint focused on the ballon and i knew it was gona happen any moment. And then it happend. The red heart driffted off into the big open sky. I watched it as it flew away with ronin we both didint say a word and i must of watched it take off into the big open sky for 20 minutes. Just becoming smaller and smaller and smaller. Until finaly i couldint see it any more. The whole time im thinking that this is what i need. Just watch my thoughts become smaller and smaller and smaller untill they were gone. I needed to let go of the ballon.
I'll come back here (every day if I have to) util I can forgive myself for all the bad things I did to myself.
The thing about concrete.
It's a shell. I wrap it around me so nothing leaks out, and no one gets exposed.
It's nice, really. No risk, no worry.
But now I can't get in, either. I used to think I'm just apathetic, but I think I did that to myself. And now everything's locked away. Its not alright.
That's the thing about concrete.
I can't seem to get rid of it. I can't break through it. I think if I had help, it would be enough, but the words to ask are stuck in there as well, the keys locked in the car.
Most of what's actually me isn't here, and now all I have is a mouth to say yeah and a head to nod to my friends' interests.
Although, one thing about concrete.
It doesn't expand. But I think I do. So, I guess someday the dam will overflow and I'll be able to be someone.
But that involves waiting, passively, for something that sounds out of my control. Because of that, I'm not sure if that's actually how it'll work. Because passively waiting doesn't really do anything.
A final thing, and it's not about concrete. It's about this whole thing, and everything I think of as something I truly made.
How could I do this if it's all locked up?
Maybe I'm parroting the actual artists and genuine people I know. Maybe this is all fake. I'm not tragic, I'm just stupid. Wisdom and knowledge come with hardship, not scrolling and watching profound short films online all day. I don't relate to the teary beautiful comments on every video their siblings and parents died, and it's pitiful enough just to write this as if Ben, 6 foot 3 and a life shorter than a sentence can compare. I don't relate I just pretend and wish for artistic tragedy to befall me so someone can point and say wow, how profound.
Maybe I'm not even original. Maybe there's a well known phenomenon where people with ADHD or any other thing will just blame a series of personal problems and shortcomings that look like ADHD but I'm actually just stupid or even worse that's extactly what this whole thing is and I'm just falling for the same stupid trap that gets everyone. I'm not special, I'm not wiser by writing this, I'm a human with a perfect life and a stupid brain that decides to wall up everything inside and say yes to everything outside. I don't think that last part even made sense.
Ok.
Or, on the other hand, maybe I did leave some of me outside the concrete, in this analogy. Or there's a leak in the wall. That's another possibility. Maybe I can get through the concrete, or ask for help.
I don't know who would care though. Would my friends? Or is sitting with them at lunch already a lot? Maybe they too have concrete. Would they call me dumb for having feelings?
Well,
I don't know a lot of things, even myself, but I think optimism is kind of alright, despite all I've said.
I mean, more concrete won't help.
That thing I know.
I want to try living sometime. I don't know how, but I guess I'll have to do something. Like I already said, passive waiting changes nothing.
I don't know how to end this. The best I can think of is a quote, so goodbye, and I hope I said something.
"After another two days they concluded Bill was not going to die, so his mother had all the flowers removed from his room. She also had to have his casket returned at great expense and inconvience. Bill had to go back to work the following Tuesday."
-Don Hertzfeldt, Everything Will Be OK
I read the whole thing and it was great
same, much love
Kk
sometimes you just have to let go
no matter how valuable it is
you just have to let go
recently i’ve been living with an anger i can’t let go, im angry at myself, and i just wanna turn it into something good
Hi! I don't want to bother you or something, but I saw your comment and I wanted you to know that you're not alone in this. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you, okay?
Nobody’s perfect it’s okay to make mistakes that way the consequences of your actions help you mature as a person…
I'm in a better place mentally then I think I've ever been. But I really don't think I'll ever really be able to forgive myself.
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you” take responsibility for yourself and your actions, for holding onto past energies, let it go heal your self, heal what others have put onto you, heal what you have put into others, ho’oponopono
We are all worthy of love and peace. God bless you all.
thank you
I found self forgiveness when I realized there is a sovereign power who already had done it for me. That version of myself, that sad young man, that identity was never meant to be taken on. I’m worth forgiving, worth loving. Every dark moment that felt so broken, there was love there, though I could not feel or understand it. It felt my pain, it cried with me, it watched me in agony, but it knew all was well, that it was temporary. Now some days I pick it all back up, I walk around in the space I used to inhabit, but then am pulled back. I’m forced to move on by another part of me. Sometimes it’s a dark nostalgic feeling. But I’ve outgrown that burden and need to remember it’s not mine anymore, I’ve been cut loose. Those memories aren’t mine anymore. The attitude is not appropriate anymore. Now when I find myself in patterns like I used to live, I remember that part of me isn’t even truly real, I don’t need to do that anymore. Then somehow it all makes sense, I feel the feeling of real warmth and love. It all crashes together. I remember who I truly am. I remember what life truly felt like when I was free and whole, and young enough to know innocence. As a jaded, grown man I can feel those feelings of innocence, peace, wonder, joy. The darkness subsides and so the coldness is no longer inviting. I’d like to invite anyone who’s reading this, to this same journey as me. Call out to love, call out to a higher power. It will show itself. And you’ll be amazed who it is. Jesus Christ is real, God is real, his Spirit truly created your life with a purpose. All the pain and brokenness is the byproduct of people who don’t truly know who they are and how they were created to live. So they destroy. Maybe you are the destroyer. We all need this love, it’s so powerful it will wash away every inkling of falsehood and show you what love and life truly is. You will slowly become that love. You will become the person you wished you had in your life when you were young, and alone and hurting so badly. Become everything you were meant to become, and you will realize the bigger picture. Blessings
Im trying to battle many addictions atm and even undergone surgery for one of them. In my world at this moment its what i need to do for my soul and its a way of love towards myself. Its not easy at all. But im slowly building a stronger self.
Every single day...
Don't judge yesterdays mistakes with todays knowledge
This is great for contemplation or work. Thank you for putting this together, you've made my day a bit brighter.
Its hard to forgive yourself when you know you f*cking up during the act but dont stop. I know they say recognizing it is a step forward but time is running out. It is. The world is not waiting for me. I get tired of breathing some times.
you matter and you are still worthy to try again even if you mess up on a new day with new chances. those are your days to conquer or fail, but they are your days to do so with a gift of life my dear friend. keep holding on, it will get better.
Thank you so much Navo. Your playlists helps a lot to soothe my dysthymia. I'm always waiting for your next upload. I hope you'll keep doing this beautiful work for a long time while seeing your channel grow. You deserve it.
Ohhhhh
Life is beautiful, life is worth it, so that's why I feel like I don't deserve to live if all I do is stain the specks of which I affect.
This background image makes me feel disturbed and yet comforted with how stark the black is contrasting against the white and in which. . . it felt like this was made for only my eyes to see. Nothing special but it lingers with a darker, quiet purpose. I'm so used to seeing the world be so vibrant and bright and so imagining this image exists as its own identity into this world, I am reminded of true beauty. I love seeing the stars but a whole sky of clouds provides me rest and a sense of a shelter away from the frightening and cold universe.
comment section passes the vibe check - grateful to be reading everyone’s shares as I work to forgive myself 🙏
Anyone else get those distinct moments of peace/clarity when you're at the end of your rope? Where you just accept everything for what it is, and would let death take you if it asked?
TW: S*cidal ideation, SH
"What was the worst pain youve felt in your life?"
2021. I was 16. And i was experiencing the worst depression of my life. It started just as a memory of the past. But, slowly, i began to uncover parts of myself i was never able to recognize before. And thats when i realized what a terrible person I used to be. From ages 12-14, I made a lot of terrible decisions. And I just... Couldnt bear the thought of living with myself, knowing how terrible I'd been in my past. So i stopped eating. I skipped school. I slept 12-14 hours every day. I couldnt find the strength to even get off the couch, most days. And while time went by so slowly, it also felt like it stopped existing all together. I found a way to punish myself for what a terrible person i percieved myself as. And it became the only way that i found peace, though every injury provided only a moment of catharsis before sending me even deeper into my spiral. And I thought to myself, endlessly,, "I am too scared to end it. But i cant see how a person like me could go on. I don't deserve to be in this world anymore."
Finally, one last breakdown to my therapist was the breaking point. And i asked to go to the hospital.
The healing process from there on out wasnt easy. But it made me realize... That I, as flawed as i was in my youth, was not unworth of redemption. But not only that. I knew that if i couldnt forgive myself, I would suffer a slow decline until i took my own life. And i suppose that was enough to snap me out of it.
Recovery is hard. But, i did research. So much research. I focused on nothing but my health, my recovery. And... I started journaling again. And, i would go out on morning walks, before anyone else was out. I would reflect on how hard ive been trying to grow, and how sorry i was. And there is just something so peaceful, so divine, about a winters sunrise. It made me realize that i am but a blip in this world, let alone the universe.
And i finally gave myself permission to let go.
Memories still haunt me from time to time. But, I don't sleep through the day anymore. I dont cry myself to sleep. I dont despise who i am, and not even who i used to be. Because, while i was deeply flawed, all of my circumstances/unrecognized cries for help had led up to how I behaved. At least I know better now. And, I thank that 14 year old kid. Because without this journey, i wouldnt have become the person that i am today. Deeply flawed, yes. But recovering. Growing. And a part of me finally feels whole.
I'm so glad that you let it go. Well, as they say that let the past be the lesson for you to learn, not to hurt yourself .❤
It's really weird but listening to this after a very traumatic week has actually somewhat made me feel normal for the first time in days. It feels like a fog has been lifted from my mind.