Too much trauma to view your loved one
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2024
- In today's video Tracy answers a heart-wretching question from a mother who was unable to view her son after he was killed in a car accident.
Mortician/embalmer Tracy answers this one from the heart, having faced a similarly tragic situation.
We hope this video gives you closure and helps answer the question of why.
If you are struggling to deal with the loss of a young one, please seek professional help. 💜
Contact us:
insta: @are_you_dying_to_know
email: areyoudyingtoknow@gmail.com
WARNING:
This video contains graphic material that may disturb some viewers.
It is not suitable for children. Viewer discretion is advised.
The views, thoughts, explanations and opinions expressed in this video belong solely to the presenters Tracy & Trish and not necessarily to their employers, organisation, or other groups or individuals.
My brother committed suicide with a .357 Hydra-Shock literally between his eyes, causing massive trauma to his head and face. We hoped to be able to see him one more time, but the coroner said that was inadvisable. Our funeral director, a very kind lady, suggested that we ask someone we trusted to view his face, and then tell us what he thought. Our pastor was good enough to agree to do the task. The funeral director took him back to the embalming room and let him view my brother's face. About five minutes later, he came back to us and told us that we "should remember John as he was". Hearing that, we decided to follow the advice that we not see him, and today I'm glad we didn't.
So very sorry to hear 😔 how tragic for you all. Sending you our deepest condolences 🌹
Thank you for sharing your story take good care ❤️❤️
Hello. My 36 yr old son was hit by a truck while walking home from work. The damage was absolutely brutal. They recommended no one see him. Well, don't be telling this mama no. So they did what they could and I went to my boy and watched over him. I was the only one who could handle it. His dad died a long time ago. My heart goes out to anyone who goes through this.
Sending love to you. 💚
❤
I absolutely agree with you on the having to see and watch over our babies final time. I couldn't imagine not being there, I was there when he/she came into this world, I would be dang sure be there at their final time ❤
I am a retired EMT and have had the unfortunate happenstance to see MANY persons who perished in car accidents and people just don't understand how traumatic it is to view the remains and I feel this will cause MORE HARM than letting them view the body and have long term issues that they will regret (but complain and whine and cry about it). I have had a very few (fortunately) cases where I knew the deceased personally and would get family BEGGING to tell they how mangled they were and got very upset because I would not tell them what they looked like and I didn't go to the funeral and for years there was a lot of hard feelings. I don't think people are mentally strong enough to view the body. It's like people who are killed in a plane accident. Most chances are that there is not enough recoverable to fit in a shoe box. One grieving mother BEGGED the best friend who was a Fire Fighter killed in the 9/11 terrorist attack, to tell her was there a complete body in the casket (due to how heavy the coffin was) or just a wallet. People have NO IDEA of what thousands of tons of concrete and metal will do to a body. Maybe I am cold, but deep inside, I FIRMLY BELIEVE that more harm than is done by letting family view a severely traumatized body. And like you said, people WILL lift a sheet to view the body despite being warned about the trauma. When my father died, I went with my step monster to view him at the hospital morgue. As soon as the nurse pulled down the sheet, I could see the bruising from the CPR attempts and I said "you were dead before you hit the ground" and the nurse looked very surprised and I told her my experience. Current EMT's and paramedics are trained to do EVERYTHING possible to keep a person alive until they hit the ER.
So, I am not a cold person, just realistic and I realize everyone is different.
Keep up the great videos.
That may be but it still does not fall to you or anyone else to make that decision. What’s actually needed is more honesty about death and fatal injury to the body and to stop pretending all deaths are like a Hollywood set. Quite often, left to their own decision, people say they won’t look thank you, and then it’s for the best.
There was a saying my grandmother used to tell me many years ago. We never forget the pain, we never get over someone passing away. We just learn how to deal with it and we learn to move forward without them not being there with us.
So very true, thank you for sharing, take care xxx
They tell you to also make sure that a deceased person's pet can see the passed body. They can process death and they need that closure , otherwise they feel abandoned
Yes that's so true xxx
I agree with that statement
I did that with my dad's dog, mind you my father was taken horiffically and his dog sat beside him for three days as the police and coroner were doing the crime scene, he looks at my dad's picture once in awhile, my dad uncle looked so much alike, he ran to my uncle when we were having his first year death-aversary
@@oomachiw111 That poor baby. I bet he thought his daddy had come back to him.
Whats wrong with you animal people🤪 thats a sign of insanity, not humanity. See human ity
My 7 year old daughter Snowden was killed by a drunk driver on mother's day 2017... i saw the car on the way to the hospital. I knew she was gone... so, they were still doing CPR. The 1st question out of my mouth was "is she messed up?" I held her hand until they were ready to pronounce her. The crazy thing: not a mark on her AT ALL. I know that because, she only had her panties on. They kept asking later if i wanted to see her... ummmm already did and the image is burned in my brain. Also, i knew id grab her and run. She was cremated so just an urn was present at her funeral. It made it hard for me, because there was no damage to her. I had such a hard time forever with that. Even though i saw her deceased ...i still saw or looked for her everywhere. Until last year i waited for the school bus(looking out my front window) for her to get off... all the kids would get off... no Snowden. May 14th this year will be 7 years... 7 years i had her, and 7 years gone... i finally stopped watching for the bus. It took me THAT LONG to realize she wasnt coming home. The funeral home did cut off her pony tail for me. (((Hugs))) to all of you.
Oh wow so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Snowden 😞 beautiful name ❤️
I totally understand the wait watching and everyday thinking she will be home again soon, I did the same with my mum when she was killed took me 10 years to stop waiting for my phone to ring the days and times she used to always call.
We are so sorry words are just never enough. Please always be kind to yourself and take good care ❤️❤️
May she rest in paradise
So much love & hugs
From one angel Mom to another❤
😢😢😢
So sry for your loss my grandmother loss her 5 year old lil boy David on his bike ran in the street he didn't make it. She is the strongest woman I know
Hi sweethearts. I had gone through this when my brother was killed in a car accident in 1981. The mortician had wrapped his head and allowed us to view but we could not touch his head. We didn’t want to. We just held his hand. It was like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders. Take care and God bless.👍🙏🏻❤
My husband passed in 2014 from pancreatic cancer. He was given 3 months but made it nine months, a long struggle for him. I know this isn't a traumatic injury like you have talked about but he didn't want a viewing . He always told everyone if you want to see me then come while I am still alive and he had dozens that came to see him. when he was sick. He wanted cremated so his body was transferred too the funeral home , before going to the crematorium . However I had to identify him for the funeral home. So they brought him into a room so I could ID him. It was traumatic for me because he had died with his tongue swollen and sticking out of his mouth. But I kissed his forehead and although I was traumatized I later was grateful I got to see him one last time. I was with him when he passed away, but seeing him the last time was definitely something I have taken comfort in.
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Always take good care of yourself 💗💗
I agree with you about needing to see. Our family cremates immediately. It messed me up when it was too ĺate to see my Dad though because we had been apart for several yearsbecause of a stupid argument. When you interact with older family don't leave mad. Be kind and be loving. My dad was 63, so you never know. Thank-you so much.
Agree be kind and loving 🤗❤️❤️
Your dad was young. I'm sorry that happened. We are going through the same thing with my son, I hope he can get over it before something happens to me and my husband.
Sending you love. I know how that feels.
Hughughughughug
My mother died in a car accident where the car caught fire. So she was burned beyond recognition. They funeral home recommended that i not see her, but i didnt want to anyway. I didn't want my last memory of her to be like that. I did ask how bad she was, they said you could see facial features but you couldn't tell it was her. Not being able to see her, i had the same feeling as you. I thought one day she will knock on my door and say it wasnt her in the accident.
I am so truly sorry 😔 I feel you every emotion and wondering, to this day I think I will bump into my mum somewhere and she was killed 20 years ago now 😞
Sending lots of love and hugs ❤️❤️
This happened to me 31 years ago when my husband was killed in a car accident. The undertaker told me he was pretty banged up so I said well keep him covered so I can at least hold his hand. He still refused. You're right, there is no closure and with my grieving mind I didn't think he was dead and felt it all a cruel trick.
Hughughughughug
My Mom passed away in 2000, six months after my Dad. I saw her 2 weeks before she died, and although I knew she would pass soon, she was still lucid. I lived 1000 miles away, and had gone back before she passed. I only needed 24 HOURS in order to get back. My extremely evil older half sister insisted on a burial the very next day so SHE could get on with her life. I never got to see and say goodbye to my Mom. To this day, it tears my heart to shreds… 💔
I’m so sorry that your rotten sister did that to you. That was very cruel indeed. If there really is an afterlife, your mum will know what your sister did. Sending you a big hug 🫂 ❤️
Oh No we are so very sorry to hear this 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
That's so awful to deal with sorry you never got that goodbye totally understand the importance of needing that last connection. Tracy here I feel the same never been able to see my mum too 😞 Please take good care of yourself ❤️🙏
I’m so sorry for your loss and a horrible family member.
This happened to my sister in law, wanting to see her brother one last time. He was in a horrific car accident and was in a state where there was little left. In the end they let her see a couple of his tattoos that were on body parts that weren't as badly damaged. So I do understand it. Thank you for your compassion and care Tracy and Trish.
Thank you so much so kind, so sorry to hear your story sending lots of love & hugs xxx
Yes, when my mom died I HAD to see her in the casket just to make sure it was her and they didn't send the wrong body across two states. Thank you for all y'all do.☺
Thank you, take good care big hugs xxx
Thank you for discussing this topic. My baby sister (aged 39) passed suddenly in a very traumatic way in 2017. My parents and her husband identified her body although due to massive head injuries they only saw her left side through a window. They couldn’t touch her or give her one last kiss. I wanted to see her too but the morgue and then the funeral home wouldn’t let me. I so badly wanted to see her, be with her, say I love you to her one more time but I wasn’t allowed. I was so upset and angry that other people decided something that I wholeheartedly believed should have been my decision. They did give me a brief rundown of her condition and yes it was bad but I still feel it should have been my choice. 6 years later and I still get mad when I think about it. My sister was so young, so beautiful and so very very loved! ❤💔
So sad. Take care lovely, thanks for sharing your story. X
Diana my heart goes out to you. Hard to imagine much worse than what you've gone through with your son. Sending you lots of love and healing❤
❤️❤️🤗
Two special ladies dealing with a very tough subject with class
Thank you so much. xxx
My hus❤band son n daughter was killed in horrific wreck .,.my daughter was ejected out back glass n my husband n son was trapped in a burning truck n I was offered a open casket for daughter then when I asked to see her to at least get clipping of her hair n say good bye I was refused n now the guilt of not seeing my babygirl haunts me. They were 50,23 and21 1/24/2015
Ooooh no what an absolute traumatic story 😞 we are so very sorry for the loss of your family 🙏 that's just heartbreaking. We have no words, hope you have lots of support around you 🙏 please take really good care of yourself ❤️❤️
I’m so sorry for your horrific loss. You did what you thought was best for yourself at that time so pls don’t be hard on yourself for this. 😔
Awfully emotional. I don't think I would like to see the body of a loved one, who had passed by extreme trauma, but even the touch of a hand, a final kiss of a forehead can be closure for parents or loved ones...Give a little and help the loved ones❤ Thank you ladies 😔
Thank you so much Gaggy xxxx
You are exactly right. I lost one of my brothers in 2012 and was in denial that he was gone. I even bought mini urns for all of us family and friends for necklaces, hand crushed his ashes myself, thinking it would help me accept that he was gone, and yet I still couldn't get that ending piece of my relationship with him. He had been deceased for months in his apt before being discovered, so the ME wouldn't allow us to view him, nor the funeral home. The positive id was done through his DMV death notice in case of emergency contact. Months after his military memorial service, Dallas County biohazard contacted me to pick up the remaining of his belongings that were salvageable. Only then, when I got his things home and went through them, and had to re-clean and sanitize some of his things that his body matter was still on, that I was able to feel it in my heart and soul that he truly was gone. Not to be gross, or disgusting, but I will never, NEVER be able to get that smell out of my memory of what was on his belongings. That's what made it final for me.
So very sorry for your loss 😔 thank you for sharing your story. Heartbreaking and we are so very sorry. Please take good care of yourself and always be kind to yourself too ❤️❤️
My nephew was found dead in his home and his body was in full decomp. They estimated he’d been gone 3-5 days. We never got to see him but the smell is something that just added to our grief. In fact his coffin was unsealed to add a couple of items and the resealing did not prevent the smell to seep through at the funeral. It was traumatic and I know for a whole year I could not accept his death.
My SIL's 16 yr old stepson committed suicide by putting a gun under his chin and pulling the trigger. He blew off the lower part of his face. I don't know how the funeral home managed it but using photos they built back what had been blown away. They had an open casket and unless you knew the gory details you would never guess what happened. God Bless the gentleman that was able to do that for the family.
So very sorry to hear 😞
It's wonderful to hear the mortician who cared for him was able to do an amazing job on making him viewable 🤗 they are many skilled reconstruction artist in the mortuary world.
Take good care ❤️❤️
When my son father died in a farming accident 8 weeks tomorrow. When we got the phone call that he was in a terrible accident we race to the scene and at that stage he was being worked on. When my son and I arrived at the scene he had only just passed away. The police and ambulances were all there. At first they weren't going to let us see him, but they covered most of the trauma with a sheet so they would shield us from the trauma of the accident and what treatments they tried to save him
We were so thankful we were able to see him and to say goodbye at the scene and when they took my husband away we saw him again before he went away
It was confronting but it was closure for myself and for my son who is only 19 who has just lost his dad.
Sending love. We are sorry your family went through this xx
Aww, so very sorry! So tragic.
Tracey, I’m so sorry you had such grief with not being allowed to view your mum. The fact that you’ve been able to turn that grief into such a gift that you give to the deceased you care for and to their families is truly a wonder. ❤
Thank you so much Kathy. xxx
Yes Tracey I agree with Kathy, you explain everything in a way that is easy to understand. My mom passed away 2 weeks ago and the Funeral Home staff was wonderful. My mom looked beautiful and at peace. 97 years old.
My childhood bestfriend died in a plane crash so you can imagine what he or what was left of him looked like and they still let his mother see him...I couldn't believe it.
My paternal grandmother was brutally murdered in 1989. The guy that did it cut her throat, stabbed her several times and ra*ed her. This was actually meant for me. We found out later he had been watching her house and knew I came to visit her every Sunday afternoon. For 5 straight years I never missed a Sunday. This particular day was 2 days before the 4th of July. I went by her house and almost went inside, but something told me not to. I turned around and drove away. The neighbors saw her lights on later that day and called the police. They found her in the bathtub. She had been drowned. She didn't die fast enough for the SOB who killed her, so he drowned her. An 89 year old woman. Of course the funeral home wouldn't let us see the body and I'm glad they didn't. They said it would be too traumatic and I know they were right.
Oh that is such a sad story. Sending love xx
A friend of mine passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2021. I went with his mom and wife to the funeral home to finalize the arrangements. She asked if she could see him. The mortician told her that he would let her but he warned her that she could be in for a shock. He’d been in hospice for the last month so he didn’t look like any of us were used to seeing him. He’d asked to see photos of Jake so that he could do his best to make him look as good as possible. He told her that the combination of disease and treatment did a number on his physique and skin. I asked if I could go in and see him and then let them know how he looked and then they could decide if they really wanted to. So that’s what we did. He was right. He didn’t look the same way I’d remembered seeing him before he went into hospice. Before he looked ill. That day he looked like he was at peace. Yes it was clear what the treatment and the disease had done a number on him. And I told them both what I saw in as much detail as I could without scaring them. We were all 3 grateful that the mortician was up front with us. But it gave us all a bit of peace knowing that he was being treated with respect even in death. It also allowed us to move on in that chapter of our grief. I’d known Jake for almost 15 years. We sang in our college and community choir together for most of that time. We’d also had several classes as did his wife and I. They actually met during one of our study groups for biology. They had 13 years and 3 kids together. I remember at the service the mortician told the kids that their daddy was at peace and he was no longer in pain. Which I know helped them a lot. It’s also not something we see or hear from a funeral home owner here in the US very often. Not that I’ve known of at least.
I am so thankful that after losing my brother in 985 due to a motorcycle accident, that the funeral director personally did a EXCELLENT reconstruction to be able to see my beloved little brother one more time. Yes he had serious facial trauma. My career included witnessing literally ANY kind of trauma a body can experience, including autopsies. But losing a loved one is to me a totally different experience.
Absolutely agree with you both, if the dead person is so badly injured, if possible then give something to touch to hold be it a hand or an arm, so sad if that isn't possible - the need to say goodbye is so powerful, watching this made me think of the 911 victims who couldn't leave anything because of the catastrophic way they died, I can't imagine how hard that must be for the families, to not even have that. I saw both my mum then my dad who both unfortunately died from cancer, this was bad enough but my heart goes out to people who don't even get that. 😢
I couldn't imagine not being able to see my loved one. Sending all my love,hugs and prayers. I had to have a picture of my son in his casket and everyone told me that was a bad idea but I'm glad to have a 8 x10 on my wall.
Thank you for your kind words. Glad you have your special photo to hold on to sending hugs xxx
I too have a pic of my mom, sister and brother in their caskets. To some people it’s morbid but it’s my personal and private way of seeing them for the last time.
As a Mortician myself . I always allow and figure out ways what can be shown to the family so it won’t be traumatic for the family. But if it’s too bad I would say I wouldn’t recommend viewing bc they are off to pieces where there is nothing we could do to put them back together . But in the midst of it all we as funeral directors we must be sensitive to the families emotions during this time
Always, thank you for sharing xxx
My son died of suicide in '03. He sat in the middle of a highway in the dark. He then lay in the coroner's cooler for 11/2 months til they found me. They told me and my dad flatly-you don't want to see him...that was that😢
So very sorry to hear this. Sending you are very best, big hug xxx
So sorry for your loss
My dad passed away when I was 15 years old, after several months battling with cancer. During that period I lived with relatives and met him three or four times when he got back home from the hospital for a few days. He ended dying at the hospital and I, who had never gone to a funeral, didn't go to his because it was something I thought I wouldn't be able to cope with - I never saw him dead. Now, 27 years after his passing, I believe this has impacted on my personality and the way I deal with people. I regret I didn't see him and until today I didn't have closure. You're absolutely correct when you say people should be able to see their loved ones if that's what they need to go on with their lives.
Hughughughughug.
I’m so sorry for what you had to go through.. The loss of your father, as well as the loss of all closure.
I can relate to this, a similar thing happened to me. My dad died at 46, i had just had my 11th birthday a few days before. It was Easter holidays, dad was there when i went out with friends that morning and gone when i returned. I wasnt allowed to go to funeral. I never got to say goodbye in any form. It has had so many complications in different stages of my life and for me no closure 😢
My mother was only twelve when her mother died in a car train accident. She was torn to pieces so they had a closed casket. I can only imagine what she went through.
So very sorry to hear the tragic story 😔 big hugs ❤️❤️
My cousin fell asleep at the wheel and smashed into the back of a trailer truck his parents were not allowed to see him in the morgue or the funeral home. My grandfather identified him and said he would never forget it. He said his eyes were wide open and the rest of his face was gone smashed into the back of his seat. So sad I still think of him often and it happened many years ago. May he be resting in peace.
My partner died in the night beside me at first the police took me identifying him as being ok then they changed and decided it needed to be a forensic post mortem and I had to take someone with me as they needed two people, I was so pleased with how they had him it looked like he was sleeping, it was lovely to spend time with him. A few weeks later his mum wanted an open casket but I didn’t because the lady at the funeral parlour was saying it wouldn’t be a good idea so I told his mum that we weren’t going to get any better than the time we spent with him before his post mortem so we had it closed . I remember seeing someone who had bad mortuary make up and it scared me, I couldn’t have had something like that as my last memory of him. This was 2019 x
Sometimes it's best not to do that last viewing. thank you for sharing sending you all our best, big hugs xxxx
Diana’s story is so tragic & sad. I’m very very sorry for her. My only sibling, my brother, was bludgeoned about the head 13 times with a hammer. He was out of state & on a leave from the military at the time so he was returned to us embalmed & dressed 5 days later. We were allowed to view him but he was unrecognizable~ EXCEPT for his hands. I knew those hands. However, not seeing his “real” face did not give closure. I imagined all sorts of scenarios where it wasn’t him. I saw him everywhere I went like “oh I just missed him around the corner” or in a passing car. This took years to get past.
Hi Cyndy again thank you for sharing your story, we have to learn to adjust without our loved ones but is always hard, sending much love, take care xxx
Tracy, every time you share the loss of your Mum, my heart breaks for you. And my admiration grows. Helping others to better understand, possibly, why, certain situations happen you offer a piece of your heart to them at your expense. This shows the boundless compassion you have for others. I pray your heart stays strong and is comforted in the way you give comfort to others. Thanks for showing her pictures as well, you look so much like her! - Suzel
Hi Suzel, thank you so much for your kind caring words means a lot. I do still struggle with mums' loss and still ask in my head why her she was such a kind innocent caring woman but then we probably all ask that same question when we lose someone so special to us. I do look very much like my mum, so I can of still see her every day I look in the mirrow. Take good care lovely xxxx
Y'all are so compassionate.
Thank you xx
Bless both of you for tackling this sensitive subject. It is important for individuals to have closure - whatever that
may include for them. Thank you
Excellent presentation. I was not allowed to see my Brother and it still bothers me 12 years later. We were never told why.
So very sorry to hear this. sending you all our best xxx
Thank you for your insight and respect for the deceased. And your appreciation of how the family needs to process in different ways.
Thank you so much. xxx
Your videos are so sensitive thoughtful and beautiful, thank you for sharing your experiences it means a lot, as a mental health worker I’ve seen some awful things and personally have some terrible lived experience but your vlogs are so sensitive and respectful. Thank you for what you do 🥹🌈💙💙
Thank you so much for your very kind words, take good care xxx
A huge part of being human is our connection with others, as so in life , we still need it when it ends.
losing someone dear is the worst pain anyone can go through in life, they cannot feel any worse, wud'nt it be a good thing to listen to what the bereaved needed in order to support them during the worst time of their life. I know people think their protecting you, but as you both lovely ladies said, the body can be covered, and many things can be done as to make it possible . I know not all cases that may not be possible, but if it can ,why not? There's healing in that personal journey, i would never wish to deny anyone of that!
As always total respect ladies for your compassion, kindness x
Love is something you hold it's never lost
My husband died two weeks ago from a sudden massive heart attack. I call us blessed because we were able to see him, touch him and kiss him on the head and face. My heart bleeds for those who don’t get to have that final goodbye. 💔
Hi Donna, we are both so very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹
Hope you are doing ok, big hugs ❤️❤️
I love how caring and genuine you both are. How you both show real emotion for others who've lost and your own losses. I've noticed many people in the funeral and coroner industry get calloused over time, just another day another body because of being used to it.
When that happens it's time to leave the job, I think. Thank you take care xxx
@@Areyoudyingtoknow You're welcome and yes it is.
Thank you ladies - so much - for the courage and truth of this channel and it’s content. You are modern day medicine women…giving life and love to a dark and seemingly ‘unhappy’ topic. Death can be terrible…but it can also be beautiful. And you are bringing people together under a banner of acceptance, love, and care. Thank you so much! It is so important and necessary.
Oh wow thank you so much for your beautiful kind words ❤️❤️
You guys are so kind and good hearted . I really really have deep respect for you both . It’s clear that you are empathetic and you care deeply ! ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words, take care xxx
@@Areyoudyingtoknow 🩵🩵🩵
You both are so kind and feeling. I am happy. I found this channel as it helps with the loss of my parents and sister that happened suddenly.
So very sorry to hear of your losses. Glad we are able to help a little, sending hugs xxx
First of all you ladies are both so compassionate and sweet so I love watching your videos but this video is the best of them all because it hits home. My mom and sister were killed in a tragic car accident in the 70's and they didn't let us view them. It's always bothered me. They had just left my house and five minutes later we heard the sirens. Their injuries were so horrific that one of the firefights quit the department. My question to you ladies is, and I know it's asking a lot, but could you explain a little how the injuries could have looked. Maybe it would help me accept a little better why they recommended we not view them. Thank you for being such compassionate women and for your awesome videos.
Your channel is amazing!! The way you present your topics and explanation with so much dignity, respect and healthcare ethics - thank you ladies!! Sooo much!!!❤
Wow, thank you! Such kind caring words and support 🤗❤️❤️
You thoughtful, lovely Ladies. I have that much respect for you both. Such a sensitive subject, which you both deal with as always lovingly, thoughtfully & with the utmost respect 🥰
Thank you so very much. xxx
As a Retired RN in the States, this subject is STILL a difficult subject and even a more difficult decision. I do not think that certain people could or would handle what their deceased loved one looks like post-traumatic fatal accident. I agree with you both; I think it was their best efforts to protect you, Diane and I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine. I do think people believe that the last imagine of that loved one is the one you’ll remember and it will keep traumatizing you. With a child, grown or not, that is a part of YOU in that casket. I think that the Coronor, etc, tell in a gentle way, the condition of the loved one. Gently. I do believe that a hand would be healing because I would know my children’s’ hands and would want that time with them. God Bless You. ❤❤❤
Love you guys , lots of love from leeds west yorkshire england , love the care respect , and transparency x
Thank you, hugs back to you in Leeds England xxx
Such a sad heart hearing this. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you ❤️❤️
Thany you for being so brilliantly honest!
My brother was killed in a car wreck and my mom was desperate to see him. My other brother and myself talked to mortician and he adamantly declined her to view him. We went and looked at his truck and by the carnage in the cab it was a smart move.
So very sorry to hear of the tragic death of your brother 😔 sending you our deepest condolences to you and your family 🌹❤️❤️
You guys do a great job giving advice degree or not. Its a human connection ❤❤❤❤
Thank you ladies for this video. Honest and sincere. Please continue to post.
Thank you! Will do! ❤️❤️
Thank you both so much for this discussion. It eased my mind.
You are very welcome. take care xxx
after something like that people dont even look like themselves, i've seen many who have died they dont look the same especially after a horrible car crash or even after a disease or medical journey. i also agree let her hold his hand but not see the damage i can agree i admire you ladies that is one hard job.
Wow, so terribly sorry. I just lost my mom in Jan of this year. I can't imagine if I couldn't view her body. I was able to see her after she passed in the hospital as well as the viewing and funeral. Definitely made me cry along with you ladies 😭.
Thank you so much big hugs xxxx
I feel the exact opposite . After my dad died I saw him. Now 40 years on that is still the vision of him that I remember. I can't put it behind me. I so wish I hadn't seen him that way.
So very sorry to hear 😔
Yes not everyone wants to view after death, that's why we are totally honest and upfront to family when asking the condition of their loved ones. Take good care ❤️❤️
You two are amazing ladies (and Cal) I look forward to seeing your videos and am never disappointed.
Thank you so much! xxx
Hi beautiful ladies
You are so kind and just loving and caring and that's what we the people need
Thank you for all you do for our loved ones I truly love you guys
Thank you big love and hugs back xxxx
My baby sister passed 3 years ago after septicemia from a uti. She had a stroke and never regained consciousness. So she was on life support and passed away after more complications 24 hours later. I was thankful even though I was at the hospital for her passing, our family had a wonderful funeral home and allowed me and my niece to be a part of fixing her hair. It sounds morbid, but that meant a tremendous amount to me! Of course she wasn't damaged tramatically but it was definitely a help with closure.
Thank you ladies!! I enjoy you and your ability to answer questions everyone has!! Greetings from USA!
So very sorry to hear you lost your sister 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹 It's definitely not morbid going and caring for your sister it's a beautiful thing to do ❤️❤️ Take good care 💚
Thank you for your response!!! I know you are busy, so it means a lot you took the time! Thank you for your channel and all the information you provide! It's questions most people want to know when they lose a loved one, but don't feel comfortable asking. Thank you from Cedartown, Georgia, United States!!!
@Areyoudyingtoknow Thank you so very much!! It was done out of deep love and the last thing I could do for her!
Thank you so much for your channel!! So many intelligent, informative answers to "taboo" questions!
I’ve seen horrific, gruesome photos online of all kinds of tragic deaths & some have disturbed me so badly. People I didn’t even know. Showing a hand or something, ok maybe. But….it WILL traumatize you to see a loved one this way. Sure, if you’re willing to trade ‘closure’ & acceptance for flashbacks of seeing your love one mangled & horribly disfigured, (think-industrial accident), which would take an emotional toll for many reasons.
My brother was incarcerated when our sister died. He was not permitted to come to her funeral. He once said that out of our family, that maybe he was the ‘lucky’ one bc he didn’t have to see her that way, and so to him, he could imagine her as ‘away’ on a long vacation from which she wouldn’t be returning from.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your sister 😔 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹❤️
Aww i love how passionate and caring you both are, you couldn't have done a better job of this video, Tracey im sorry that you went through that with your mum, that must have been really hard, im sorry you lost your mum like that, and im sorry for this persons loss too, i guess im lucky in a way that when i lost my mum and my brother they were both at home so i got to see both of them just after they died, it was a comfort but with my brother because it was cancer he didn't look as at peace as my mum did, which was hard but im glad i saw him.
I think it does bring closure to be able to view them and know their gone.
Take care all 💜x💜
Aww thank you as always Lucy, you are so right some of us need that closure. Take good care big love & hugs xxxx
Big love and hugs back, take care both, and thankyou xxxx
Sheer disbelief is such a big part of the trauma of a sudden death. It’s not pleasant, of course, but seeing the body (if someone wishes to) can be a really big help in the process of accepting the death and the loss of a loved one. I think a lot of people think “it’s awful, so you can’t see it”… and it *is* awful… but for some (many) of us, it really does help in the grieving process. Seeing the deceased is not an instant fix for grief - the actual doing of it can be traumatic - but in hindsight, when all the pieces start to come together and after time has passed and things have settled, it can be a remarkable part of the healing process when someone was able to see their loved one, after death, for the final time. Thanks for talking about it and answering the question so honestly and personally. ❤️
Thank you as always, take good care xxx
My niece was found after a week so she did not have an open casket. Her immediate family were allowed to feel her arms through the body bag which helped immensely
My Mom didn’t want my children to see her dead, because she thought that’s the way they’d remember her. I did let them know, it was around 2am. but they went back to sleep. So I tried to please both sides. 🤷🏼♀️
You ladies are very honest and explain things very well. Thankful for you both. ❤🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷❤
Thank you so much for your kind words xxxx
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Prayers for you and your family.
So sorry for your loss. 😞
How terribly sad and uncalled for. I am so sad for you Diane. God bless you.
It is very sad xx
A lot of time not having that last goodbye is worse than the actual loss. A sudden death is when you need that goodbye. Been in both situations i couldnt see my parents as i had nursed them to their last breath and had done my grieving and goodbyes during that time. My sister in law was sudden and unexplained and i needed that goodbye.
It can be so painful for some not getting that last goodbye agreed. xxx
I can't imagine what that mom, Diana went though, I can't imagine what you went through as well Tracy. So now I need to watch the vid of Trish's tattoos!!!
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Thank you for answering this question bc I have asked you multipal times why my brother and I were told (bt the hospital) that we could not see our 51 father after suffering a heart attack in CA, US. (1999) NO ONE identified his body. It was awful. I saw my dad everywhere I went! I STILL dream that he is still alive and living a different life without us....... it will forever haunt me. Horrible!
We are sorry, we lost some qs when Tracys phone broke. We hope you can find some peace 💜
I like the way you described as being thrown into trauma. A very good example. God bless you both.
Thank you! You too! ❤️❤️
This was a hard video to watch. I couldn’t imagine what people go through when denied the choice to say goodbye. Diana, Tracy, and anyone else that has experienced this, my heart breaks for you and I’m so sorry that you were denied that choice.
Diana, I hope you find some peace and comfort through this video. I know it doesn’t change the circumstances, but I do hope you got the much sought for answer x
Tracy, thank you for sharing such a personal experience, and I also hope that you have found some peace too….hugaroonies
Thank you so very much as always xxxx
My sister’s only son took his own life via gunshot to the head. She was the one to find his body. While she said it was traumatic at first, she now says that she would’ve felt more trauma he she hadn’t gotten to see him in that state. I now understand it. Thank you for helping me to understand this. Obviously it’s still caused some mental health issues for her, but not because of what she saw. It’s because her boy took his own life and is no longer here.
So very sorry to hear this tragic story 😔 sending you our deepest condolences to you and your family 🌹 do hope your sister is doing ok ❤️❤️
So sorry for your loss Diana. May your beautiful son continue to RIP 😢
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You guys are the best. Know that you are appreciated ❤
Awww thank you so much that's lovely of you 🥰❤️❤️
As always ladies I love your videos. Very informative. Tracy I love your gorgeous hair!
Thank you so much! always so kind xxx
Such a great video! My husband could never view a trauma. I, however, am the one who would never able to accept they are gone, without witnessing with my own eyes. Seeing is believing, has always been my problem 😢. We have been so removed from death and the reality of it that it has changed our society. I want to go back to the old ways. Clean and touch the body and give a day or two, in the home, before burial. Know that isn’t always possible, but it’s what I wish for myself. Plant me in the back yard, but probably won’t happen in in New York State, USA 😢
Yes, agree with you. We need to go back to that and not be afraid of the deceased. ❤️❤️
SHE UNDERSTANDS BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO HER RESPECT TO HER‼️
Thank you so much for that support 🤗 means a lot. Take care ❤️❤️
I was told by my mum's undertaker not to see my mum, she hadn't been in an accident she had died of cancer, a very aggressive cancer (ovarian) that did terrible things to her body prior to death never mind post death. My last images of my mum was when she died and that was heartbreaking enough. I took his words and didn't request a final viewing. I think, see your loved ones as they were, my mum was a very proud woman who washed her hair every day nearly, I knew she would not want me or anyone else to see her and I respected that. I feel the same about myself, in death, don't go there because that person has gone and all there is is a physical shell. On a different note, the lady (the Geordie) does a magnificent job, one that the majority could not do, and all respect to her ❤
Im not sure how ANYONE can prevent u from seeing your loved ones! Who is paying for the funeral??
Not them! As long as u know what to expect it should be up to the person. I would never take NO for an
answer. Sorry u went through this, Diana and Tracy. Tracy your mom is beautiful and u look just like her. 💙💜
Aww Kim thank you so much for that, I don't know why but you have brought tears to my eyes, thank you mum was a beautiful person too, kind, caring and always helping others, I truly miss her so much. Thank you lovely, take good care. xxxxxx
sending my deepest sympathy to Diana no mother should have to go through that and not being able to say her final goodbye to her son
Thank you xxx
Love your videos sorry for your loss and the lady's son
Thank you so much xxx
Beautiful video. I totally understand the issue, but folks need the option
Yes, we do, no one should stop us. Thank you. xxx
This really hits home with me. I lost my best friend in 2000 aged 26 and we were told by the funeral home it was family only. I never got to say goodbye to him and even 24 years on I still can't believe he's gone. The only reason we think they wouldn't allow us to see him was because he was found face down in bed so obviously his face would've been purple. To not even be able to touch him though. So sorry about your mum Tracy. Xxx
Thank you for your caring words. Yes, it can be so hard some days to cope with your loses of loved ones. Sendy hugs xxx
I haven't lost anyone to trauma but I'm the last one left of my immediate family. I have to say that the whole process of funerals and saying goodbye has given me ptsd, I was able to touch and see all of them (mom, dad, and 2 brothers) though and it helped, I do see them in other people though, but it's if they look strikingly like them.
I send my condolences to you and what you say is so true about the West.
I think people should always have the choice. At least, if they regret it, they don't live without closure. They staunchly refused my second-cousins seeing their mom, but she had been in the woods in the summer for 10 days. She was badly decomposed, probably unrecognizable, and had been misshapen by trauma and animals. I think it was the right decision, as they were both still very young adults...but would it have offered them some closure? The ribbon thing is so beautiful. Like would that have helped them? A lock of hair? Something?
Thank you. So sorry to hear that would have been so hard for your family. take care xxx
It's way better to see them here and there, then to have severe PTSD from seeing total devastation to their body. That would be for ever in your mind the second you thought of them. The normal mind, can only handle so much before cracks start.
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Couldn't view my cousin, the funeral director told her mom and dad It's best to remember her they way she was. In a horrible car accident on her way to work, looked down for a second, when she looked up the traffic in front of her stopped. She served to avoid hitting cars in front of her , but slammed into a tree😢😢😢😢😢
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
I am a trauma and grieve counselor in South Africa and in my country no one can refuse family to view their loved ones, they do inform and will advise against viewing if the body is badly affected but the choice remains with the family. I know that not everyone can handle traumatic deaths, but some absolutely need that last farewell as part of the grieving process. Thank you for your care and informative videos.❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing, yes totally agree it's up to the family as long as the family have all the details then it's certainly their choice. ❤️❤️
Sending love to all affected here ❤❤❤❤ You 2 ladies look so pretty today by the way. X
Thank you so much xxx
Hello beautiful ladies. Great video. I can say that I, personally, would not want to see that trauma. But at least holding a hand or being able to rub an arm should be encouraged if they really want to "see" their loved one, but they are not in a viewable state. Much love.
Thank you as always David, much love back xxx
I’m so sorry for diana and her loss , i hope Tracy’s guidance via this video has helped . ❤❤❤
Thank you so much Andy 🥰❤️❤️
I can understand the need to see a loved one. I also believe you should have a choice. But on the other hand I can understand the reasons behind saying no viewing. And sometimes in our state of grief we believe the funeral director or coroner is being rude or mean when they are probably just being matter of fact. Neither job can let you be emotionally involved because you would drive yourself crazy. Some people are better than others in empathy. Like doctors some have better bedside manners than others. Thank you ladies for doing what you do answering so many hard questions.
Thank you ❤️❤️
Hi,lovely ladies.Diana,i am so sorry for your loss.I think that there is a huge difference losing a family member to illness compared to a accident.The only thing worse would be a murder or unknown death.I hope you find peace with your loss.
Thank you so much xx
Sending love ladies ❤🙏🏻 Wonderful channel !
Thank you so much as always xxx