7 Things You Must Know When Breaking Up With The Narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2024
- #narcissist #narcissism #hgtudor
You know you are dealing with a narcissist, you intend to break up and end the formal relationship, there are many things you need to know and HG Tudor explains seven fundamental things you need to know.
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I was with my ex narcissist for 9 years. I was once a kind, soft, empathetic, trusting and very happy person. I am no longer the same.....GET OUT!
You will be the old Joann again.
We all will.
I can totally relate, I too am no longer the same
♥️🙏 I hear you.
Didn't you feel their lies?
Dear, please read my comments above to Lauren E. You are still the same person who just got a bad wire you hooked up to.
Women hesitate leaving because they hope that they can talk sense to the narcissist and come to a mutual separation. This isn’t going to happen. Regardless of how much you try to act civilised, you WILL be smeared, blamed, you will lose friends, colleagues, reputation, money, family members, career and any other precious possessions. This is inevitable and can not be avoided. So, get out as soon as you can, understand that it has nothing to do with you and count your blessings that you’re still alive and sane.
Good observation.
Yes I agree; if the woman is NOT a Narcissist.
Different ball game if the woman is Narcissistic.
I'm married to one and it's mayham...
Alot of women dont know they are dealing with a narc or what one is..
@@user-zm9yc2kb8x you from Brum? Yes a lot of people don't know they're dealing with disordered thinking
Yes
Empaths listen up ... Use your logic over emotions.. think about all the bad times.. never the good ones.. block.. delete .. walk away and never look back 😉 Piece of mind is priceless..💯
Which is kind of what I did. I got to a point where enough was enough. The head eventually ruled the heart. Never looked back.
Once you detach emotionally it is easier to leave them in the dust!
You can’t break up with someone you were never with
I guess that's true, they were never "with" you, they were just there. Horrible thought.
Sure you can, just dry the eggshells in the oven first before sprinkling, that way they just have to Hoover them up!
are we empath meant to be alone in this lifetime, ive been living alone contently ofcourse
Its kinda sad some nights
If you don’t understand you were alone the whole time your still in a state of illusion
Period.
My exit was heaven sent. I had company over for dinner. The narcissist and I got into an argument and he decides to pack up his belongings and "leave". He left the house key and stormed out of the house thinking that I would chase after him. When he left, I slammed the door and double bolted the locks. He left without giving me a 30 day notice. Residence is terminated and I haven't looked back! It was perfect!!
Pretty much the same scenario with me. The ex narc wouldn't leave my house but he happened to lose his set of keys and the New supply contacted me to tell me they had been in a relationship for a year at that point. He lied and denied when confronted, mocked me, and he stepped out onto the porch bcuz ue was BBQ-ing. I locked and bolted all doors. Threw his car keys and wallet out the front door and I opened the gate so he could leave. Called his family told them what happened and that I would call the cops because he had gotten violent. He left and has never stepped foot into my home. He ran straight to the other woman and she's kept his attention still . THANK GOD. I was down and unable to function for the first 2 months. Practically quit my job, at 4 months I went on a 2 month vacation to another country which was life saving. I've lost weight and look absolutely beautiful because I no longer have the Narx making my life a living hell. GET OUT AND STAY OUT IS RIGHT !
Lucky you
Boy you need to thank god for that choreographed hail mary 🙏🏻🔥
I will NEVER explain myself to ANYONE who has abused me or has attempted to EVER AGAIN! For that matter, healthy people don't have explain themselves to other healthy people anyway, so there is no longer an issue. "Once you know YOU GO! " "You get out, and you STAY OUT!" 7 years of LIBERTAD Y FREEEDOM from ALL TOXIC people formerly in every corner of my life, and counting! Muchas gracias HG Tudor!
I felt like I was always having to explain myself to him. It was like we didn't speak the same language. He would respond by invalidating, or gaslighting me. I felt unseen and unheard. I was his doll on a shelf, until he was ready to play with me. It's over now, but will I ever truly be over it?
So correct. He came home and I was gone. Moved out without saying a word. My rock bottom? He threatened to head butt me. No man will threaten me with violence and still get to have any part of me. Yes. I cried so much that I damaged the skin under my eyes. I ask myself now - what was I crying about. Truly- he had nothing to offer me apart from harsh words, criticism and rage, rage and more rage.
I genuinely try to classify known narcissists as non human in my mind.
Hell walking demons.
Yep. Demonic...no doubt
They are not human. Navigating a world of emotions without empathy. The most humane emotion. Or without ever feeling real love. That's at least disabled if not non human.
Sub human of course
NPCs!
When I left the narcissist I was dealing with (for 14 years cuz we knew each other since highschool) he went to a therapist and complained about me, and the therapist told him I'm "obviously a narcissist" and that I had damaged and abused him.
So be careful y'all. Therapists will tell you anything if you pay them
Or the therapist said nothing of the sort and the narcissist lied to you about what the therapist said.
I believe you! Narcissist gravitate to careers where they get fuel and can mess with people: medical, psychology, legal, education & clergy are full of them. They know how to act like decent caring people but behind closed doors be manipulative to monsters.
Wait. ..you believed that? From a Narc?? Take everything they say with a grain of salt. They lie about everything for no reason.
No contact for 2 years and still...he sends presents, phones me non stop. His number is blocked so it doesn't ring and I realise days after. I haven't replied for almost 2years and I still get hoovered constantly. Never once replied. Never going back
I just tossed a 7 foot teddy bear in the dumpster. Valentine's hoover. Perfect gift in the mind of a nine year old. 🙄 i was worried about it having a camera in it because he's that kind of psycho.
Same here
How do you know he has called if the number is blocked?
@@candacetyndall1345 - on my iPhone X voicemail messages can be left even though calls can’t get through. I do not read them.
Flowers, gifts, voice mail messages... this after email and phone are both blocked.
I wish my girlfriend (now my wife) would have had this list when she left her narcissistic ex. She was like a junkie trying to kick a nasty habit. It took her about six months to get clear of the hoovers and go no contact. Thanks to your posts she got out the relationship. I’m very grateful.
Absolutely! I took your advice and he was served divorce papers on Christmas Eve Day! Best kept secret ever! After all, he ruined every holiday and special occasion for 11 stinking years. He didn't leave my house or even acknowledge the divorce decree. So, we proceeded without him and the Judge signed the divorce decree. Still he refused to move out. So, he was served with a 10 day eviction notice! He was forced to leave on Friday the 13th of March 2020! I'm free and I'm so happy! Thank you HG!
Talk about a mooch and a parasite!
😉 Do everything through a lawyer! Very good advice!
GOSO. Make a list of the horrible things they’ve done and post on the wall as a reminder. Do this so that cognitive dissonance doesn’t have you focusing on the “good times...” nothing was real, it wasn’t truly or authentically good.
Thank you.
As soon as you see the "Slightest" change.....Get out....No contact with THESE "Little boys", is the ONLY WAY to be Free of THEIR Childish games...... SORRY for your loss💔🙏🙏🙏🙏
These people truly believe you belong to them. They own you. Forever. And it's not an exaggeration
Correct.
Exactly, early in our marriage decades ago. He flat out told me “you are my wife and are supposed to do x y and z”. He’s always acted as if he owned me
@@madambutterfly5343 well he/"it" doesn't. And is extremely DELUSIONAL!
@@3Heartsxx , only in their mind 😁
My ex always told me that I'm stuck and belong to him
I wish I'd known all this years ago
I'm so glad my narc was a broke ass traumatised and government dependant man/child and that it was easy to walk away, albeit with all the typical narc attacks, didn't care though, I was done... it still took me 9 months to realise it (2 years ltr then 9 months living together so almost 3 yrs). Never knew what gaslighting in relationships was even in my 40's now and i seriously did some major growing up in the last 3 months since leaving him. I consider being in a relationship with him a pivotal point in my life, it was so traumatising and was such a huge wake up call that I learned self love and personal awakening from it. I love life now.
It 's harder when you have kids we're both needed to run the businesses. My counsellor tells me my husband only wants to work because he is avoiding our relationship, but he needs me to help run the business and solve the problems. The only thing we're good at is business and is the reason why we're so successful, but our marriage is about me serving him and doing his bidding, plus put up with his games, and devaluing which are used to make me work harder. Little reason why I'm exhausted, it's 7 days a week and I've become a very blunt knife.
amazing. can you give tips on self love and how to?
Urara-- please tell more about your government dependent ExNarc. I have one now--. I have a job and have had one. I used to have two until he made me leave my other one. HOW can they be so arrogant, etc when they ARE so broke-ass etc. Was YOUR Narc like that? Mine literally constantly criticizes my appearance, my clothes, shoes-- (I wear attire appropriate to my hands on caretaking job. He wants me to dress corporate (like I was before I met Narc)
I experienced escalated abuse last year with the narc at the outset of the pandemic before going into lockdown. He left after there was a huge argument. I had it. I came to my senses and realized it was time to end the 4 years of horror. I did it by text message because he was several hours drive away and couldn't come back to hurt me. The narc tried to control me by issuing a series of threats by text and phone call. I held my ground.Then lockdown happened and then he couldn't come back until over a month later to collect some of his stuff with the police.
Fantastic Timing ⏱ is everything Glad you are safe 🙏🏻
I got out before the physical abuse started . I learn first the verbal abuse starts the comes physical abuse starts
You can not reason with a narcissist, when trying to do anything!!!!
In tears right now ... I don't feel like myself . Please lord give me the strength
It will get better. I promise.
🙏🙏🙏🙏
Did you get away? I hope you did. There is always now to get away
In my personal opinion and experience, there's no worse tie than to a narcissistic father! I am 50 now but only broke free from him emotionally and physically at 26... it was like being a lobster being cooked extremely slowly in a pot...then boom! I cut all ties...forever! Was like there had been a power cut and I escaped!
Still always felt guilty... and years later It came to my attention he had been smearing my character... hes dead now..and I am free
Thankyou for your channel...
I relate to this. My narc father is now 80, slow, old and tired.
He didn't raise me so I know it could have been even worse, but as a 56 year old married woman and mother, and after years and years of therapy, I am permanently damaged because of that man.
The emotional thinking is the hardest thing to kill. Your videos truly helped and still help every time I need leveling. Sorry for trolling you before. I will try to behave from now on.
Self reflection is priceless. Bravo!
🙂 its ok, its part of the Recovery, just be patient and keep moving forward
So hard
I let my "emotional thinking" keep it going for way too long, he was basically my kryptonite, couldn't say no, no matter what, UNTIL he ripped me off, not little stuff, and texted from old account, made a new one before he came and stole from me, has at least 10 fb accounts, not friends on any, won't let me have his phone number, probably doesn't even know I haven't responded. To say I'm angry is an understatement, we've known each other since we were teenagers- 30+years, taking one day at a time, I have a lot of hurt, disappointment and anger to work through, caused by the one person I thought wouldn't do that
I am so sorry you are going through this. For me it was 24 years. I know.how you feel blessings to you blessings. It does get better. 2 years NC for me I am finally getting better. It's just unbelievable how someone we trusted betrayed us on every level. Mine is not going to find a new IPPS . He is to twisted.
But an empath is also equipped. Freedom is the empaths' best weapon of defense.
HG knows. Ultimate video, finally, by him.
When they can’t treat you right and can’t leave you alone and turn up the charm when it works in their favor. Thank u. I been on this channel for years and narcs still flock to me like moths to nightlights
I was labeled to be the Narcessist in the relationship, I know I'm not, I hold myself accountable for who I'm everyday...
Leaving will be challenging, I have two kids with my wife..
I was labelled the narc too-the narc was cheating, lying, even masturbated at my window in an illegal sex act, he is now on the run from police wanting to question him-just a cowardly and nasty human-and of course it was all my fault he did those things.
I was married for thirty four years to a narcissist my son told me, I had no idea, he played me very well. It was hard for years to understand this wasn’t just married life. I’m still learning about this, I’m not intending to enter any relationship ever. I was very young when we married. I’m out of it now. I’ve issued divorce papers. My son is annoyed that I didn’t do anything sooner, I didn’t know. I had a sheltered life, an ideal candidate I suppose.
I divorced one, it was horrid, exhausting, bankrupting, soul crushing. But I sure learned a lot about narcissism and myself. Finished raising the kids and decided I was done with men. A handful of years passed, I wasn't looking at all, but it seems I caught the eye of someone who worked in the building next to my office. I was so cautious, so suspicious had my eyes so wide open looking for red flags. He kept up the flowers and romance for almost two years. I figured who could fake for that long? We got married, and I swear, I saw it that same weekend. That gutted me. I no longer have any faith in my judgement and and am truly done. Been on my own for almost a decade and my stomach doesn't hurt any more. Coming home is such a pleasure! I wish you the very best. Sorry about your son, hopefully things are just a little raw and he'll get past it. You weren't stupid, you were tricked.
@@TheKim369 my bff married a long con narcissist like your 2nd one they are everywhere Thank God you are out 👋🏻time to heal besides they are always looking for a purse 👛 a nurse or both... Hell no 👺
Dont worry I did 15 years in narc prison-but go easy on yourself, they are masters of manipulation.
I was with a narcissist person for 4 years. It kills you inside just get out as soon as possible !!!
I’m thinking that if you tell the narc that you’ve left and it’s over between you, it will be a case of ‘I decide when it’s over, not you’.
Right?! 🤭 Exactly 💯
You're right. The more I told him that the relationship was over the more and more he made it almost impossible to end the relationship. They don't want you to be the one to leave THEM, so they do whatever they need to to appease you all the while they are cheating and lying preparing THEIR exit as to hurt you in the worse way after having you believe that he is changing because he loves you and doesn't want to lose you. Nope. He just wants the last laugh and upper hand as to leave you dumbfounded at what's happened. Either way, you getting out of the relationship is the BEST thing no matter how it happens. You survived to make the BEST future for yourself.
He left me, and made a big deal that it was HIM that left. He’s spent the past 8 months, and counting, stalking me and trying to pull me back in. When do they STOP??? 😫
@@hugsandkriss7959 sadly, never...:/
That's exactly what happened to me. When I told him I wanted to break up, he told me "he'd think about it". The absolute lunacy of these people
This is truth I planned and I prayed.mine was very violent I needed to be very careful. I'm 4 years out and at the end he knew I was different and he upped his game to get a reaction than the day came he pulled a gun police were called that was my opened door and I took it.27 years of marriage a dead son to suicide debt entanglements I was done I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
Dear, that was just terrible, and I feel for you. We are not born having all the answers, but God does. He is the archer and our lives the bow and he is aiming his arrow of truth at his mark, not ours. And this life is not the ultimate reality for us Christians, something much better looms ahead if we realize we were not meant to do this life alone, we need help. We have to keep our eyes on Jesus our file leader so we have backup when the enemy tries to attack us. If we read scripture out loud, it will go down into our spirit and grow a tree of life that will shelter us when things hurt us. God's word is alive. We have to have the mind of Christ and that's what this life is for. So we become wise and able to recognize the enemy of our soul. To become Christlike and be able to help others also on their journey. Did you know being a Christian starts out hard and becomes easier as we form a wiser mentality? And unbelievers just sail through life without a care, but here's the kicker. Their lives become harder and harder, then when they cross over to eternal life they are separated from God's spirit for eternity in the lake of fire. How horrible for them. The Word of God says the flesh is older than the spirit and the older shall serve the younger. So when a person is born , their spirit is ineffective at that time, then when they encounter evil they will reach out for something to help them. That is when they start growing spiritually, Spiritually younger. We are body soul and spirit according to God. When a soul crosses over to eternal life, whether it's to Heaven or Hell we call that the release of the spirit. So the flesh shall serve the spirit because we are not our own, we belong to God and he has the last say concerning our lives.We are in the train of a conqueror who has overcome all.God bless you
Also, every pain every sorrow will either break us or make us more like Jesus and he wants to heal our hearts if only we let him.
Remember for unbelievers this life is the only Heaven they will ever know, for believers this life is the only Hell they will ever know.
OMG this story is like mine I too lost a beautiful son to suicide but it was the strength I needed to leave my abusive narc after thirty years. He also brandished a gun in our home sending prayers to you … I’m free now
I let my emotional thinking get the best of me. I let myself go and visit her on the basis of getting things and instead got drunk, went to sleep and she woke me up demanding I drive away. She contacted the police to tip them off and I got arrested. Pray for me
Narcs just don't seem to understand what FO means?! Stupid stalking,hoovering and all other BS.☠😤
😂🤣😂you are so right
Right, I just believe it's a special kind of stupid
My ex psychopath just vandalized my daughter’s car sitting in front of my house. He also vandalized an old boyfriend’s car a few years ago. I’ve been no contact since February of this year and he’s pissed off and trying to get me to respond. No words about how angry I am.
The ex narc broke my windshield when I left him !!! He has threatened me! I reported to the police but the police said they can’t do nothing until he does something real to me !!!
well, youre always useful to keep around for abuse...
People need to realize these narcs are just speed bumps in our lives. Go over them and don't look back unless you are trained in a spiritual battle. until they are ade accountable to God and they accept his judgment on sin there is no hope for them. Don't hate just don't be a doormat
Also, get the book by Jentzen Franklin " Love Like You Have Never Been Hurt " You have to operate in God's perspective or nothing works. And also a book written by John Bunyan called " Pilgrims Progress " that teaches spiritual principles. Everything that exists came from a spirit and can only be changed by the spirit of God. Faith is required to make it to Heaven and avoid Hell
@@risingspirit2229 Do you know the book THE FIRST WILL BE LAST - A Biblical Perspective on Narcissism by DC Robertson? The Bible teaches a lot about this topic.
"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." (Proverbs 4,23)
Be blessed in Jesus Christ!
Or Test Dummies that normal people have to go through?😁
You know what I learnt, BE the narc. Every time BE as narcy. Meet them same energy. Fucking freaks them out. And you have to rev yourself up. Empath two sides of the same coin, trust me it's deep inside.
I've learned how to do that many times. But IT'S EXHAUSTING!!! 😢
“SHE” had done everything you have spoken about. I ran for my life when the public humiliation , shouting , swearing at me. Then the physical abuse kicked in even harder. I was taunted to strike back . I stood paralyzed then would leave. No contact regime is in full force now. She even did the pity play twice on me to pay her rent because she lost 2 jobs in a six month span. Lesson learned .
3 source of supply contacted me at my employer yesterday wanting to know why she is the she is !!!! Who would ever ?!
I referred him to your videos lol!!! I am free
I hope you didn't pay her rent.
35yrs later finally learning wtf!!?? Ugh. He was a narcissist. Finally out ✊🔥
My ex Narcissist didn’t notice I was gone for 3 days.
If you are trying to leave the narcissis it's very helpful to have support friend who can talk the truth over the gaslighting you receive, and help you see the truth of what is happening. I had friends who could see the truth of my relationship and it really got me through it and out of it.
It's so much more difficult when you share children, it's never as simple as contact arrangements. Never
This is where I am at too. I don’t want her to end up the target.
😢
No contact can save your life and the lives of others...children, family members, fellow employees, friends, parents, other relatives, police officers, shelter staff, and again, YOUR valuable life.
Take it from someone who got away without the benefit of this information, this is EXCELLENT and accurate information, follow HG's directions to the absolute letter if you want success with minimum damage.
After 9 years living together he did the discard, out of the blue while on a summertime walk, bees buzzing, sun shining and then said I didn't have to leave and that he had no problem with our sex life!! Whoa... I then saw the 'evil darkness' and threats appear so I planned leaving without telling him and haven't had contact for 8 months. He was furious. He contacted my friends to try to get to me and threatened all sorts of madness. I stayed form but I am now suffering the effect of the hellhole I was in. It's better out than in but be prepared to take your time to heal and be gentle with yourself. You can do it! x
If you decide to leave do not give a hint of your plans, first it will enrage, second it will put them on guard.
Get your ducks in a row. Organise finances, place to live, forwarding of post, new phone, etc, etc.
I’ve been getting my ducks in a row and all I need is a body cam but I’ve been opening my mouth . I love seeing her reaction …. It’s been a long time coming she knows she’s loosing control , but I just help it. I tell her she’s going to so much happier when I’m gone….your going to have such a good time on the dating apps…hopefully she doesn’t poison me
Some years ago, i told him that i was leaving. He said i can leave but he will not allow me to take the kids. He knew that i would never leave my kids behind. Because of that, i stayed. I was not working but was a stay at home mom. i decided the go back to school. And the closer i am getting to.my degree, the darker the are becoming. Now i know it is my fault because i told him! I told him the tides will change when i do and he wont have control. I wish i knew better....i will not give him any further details of my plan.
They do not even do this for you when they discard you. Why even give them anything.
HG, this is one of the most informative videos I’ve listened to. I’ve been married to a narcissist for 7 years and in that time I did everything you said not to do as it all done with extreme emotional thinking. I had not yet found your channel. The emotional thinking is what I want to change more than anything. Any advice? ...
I did however learn through other sources that “zero contact” is the only chance anyone has at escaping. It resonated, and I found the strength through faith to do it. I asked him to leave as he had relapsed with alcohol which was a deal we’d made. I changed the locks, filed for divorce, blindsided him, and blocked him and his entire family and anyone associated with him. Got off all social media, and got my ducks in a row. Thought I would not survive, middle of the pandemic...all 4 of our parents elderly needing lots of care, then both of our moms die of COVID within a month of each other. Still did not break “no contact.” I credit the information you and others put out on this subject for that.
I have a question though.. I did not think narcissistic people had much if any self awareness or true empathy. Since you identify as a narcissist, how do you have such self reflection? I can’t imagine you do all that you do to help those dealing with this if you don’t possess empathy. Curious..but also very grateful.
I know this is old, but don't get excited. I believe he started blogging and doing TH-cam as part of his therapy. He is a high-functioning Narcissistic psychopath with NO emotionall empathy. He can "help" you because it benefits him to do so, NOT because he cares about you. Listen to his voice: Does it sound warm and loving to you? Does it sound like empathy or matter-of-fact instruction and cold hard facts? HG doesn't care what you sctually do in the end, but he IS correct when he tells you to do it.
This kind of emotional thinking will lead you right back into the arms of another abusive Narc. Be careful.
His subscribers and followers are his fuel. He’s not being helpful to be helpful, it’s just a smart idea for a successful TH-cam channel.
It ended before I watched this. I told him, and he told me, “Ok. Go.” And I did.
He was too proud of himself to throw a preventative hoover.
I tried one last time to explain how I felt...it was answerd with threats of breaking my things and how dare I say this, etc and that is when I knew he would never hear me. I fawned out of what I said like I had for years at this point and left 3 days later...pretending everything was cool. It was the hardest thing I did....I had to trick him to get out...called his siblings to have them outside since he wouldn't act so terrible in front of them...when he stepped outside to talk to them I locked the door behind him and called the police.
Long story short I ran out of state and changed my number going NC. We are married but I've blocked his emails (he's sending hundreds) but I'm not answering anything at all until I get a lawyer to communicate through.
I toggled with wanting to leave a letter...to explain....to say he needs help...but I stuck with NC.
I loved this man with everything.....but because of him I've learned I am codependent and I'm learning how to love me and know I am enough.
Please Do Not Break NC it can be deadly Make sure get a Female pitbull attorney to get you on a safe course... You can do this Im very proud of you 👏🏻 Also join an online abuse group ( under an alias due to crzy folks and you will feel safer telling your story..Even if he never physically harmed you its abuse and you need a support group... 🙏🏻1-800477-2937 prayer hotline 🎚🙏🏻You Got this
It’s been almost 6 months of no contact. There’s seems to be a message in my spam box at least once a week from him trying to appeal to my morals and employing me to do what’s right. I see him for who his is and I feel nothing for him anymore.
Yes! Do it earlier than later!!! Listen to HG.
I would bet that a lot of people who claim to be empaths (especially in the comments section of these videos) really aren't at all. I think a lot of people want to *think* they are empaths, because it sounds great and the title would make you feel pretty special. I am an *empathetic* person, and I do feel others' pain, but I'm not sure I'm really an empath. I, like most people, also have some narcissistic traits.
Everyone has some narcissistic traits. I call myself an empath, but I consider it more of a curse than a blessing. Being different does not equal "special" Being different is okay, and sometimes it helps to have a label to identify with. It helps to know that there are others like you that understand what you're going through.
It seems to me being an empath isn’t a weakness, but strength and who we were created to be. Many of us find our life’s purpose/profession like nursing, caring for children, and the like. Being an empath is strength and very much needed in this world. Does it make us vulnerable to have our gift/ calling move over into the realm of abuse? Oh Yes it does! Hopefully we learn the lesson , gain understanding, get back up and go back out there to love and care for the ones who deserve what we have to offer, while not looking for every demon around the corner. I come from a place of a long term relationship with an ultra who’s in the public eye everyone thinks he’s a hero and in public speaking I’m hailed as the one woman who saved his life also written in his book and used in his web of triangulation for other relationships. Haha I’d rather be in my shoes and be the one put up on the pedestal as his savior and not the next victim. HG. Is correct in everything I’ve listened to, his kind is totally addicting and you don’t even know how your being manipulated like the frog in the preverbal pot, slowly, intentional, methodical. Sigh! It’s a delicious nightmare! Until it’s not!
Logically speaking Abuse is not Love..I can't think of any physical object worth staying for at the determent of one's self. Freedom is the prize to yourself.. Your videos are a treasure trove of information for those who can HEAR....
Having been the vplunteer psychologist consultant to two womens shelters during my academic career...much of this is very good advice....anyone in an abusive relationship must first get out make plans later...we have lost more than one woman with a violent narcissist. Then I step in to provide therapy to the staff suffering from post traumatic stress sometimes...and sometimes the director. Never threaten an abusive spouse at all not with abadonment, not with exposure, not with legal ,measures. Work out a plan with shelter staff or a professional....do not stay...leave. Do not engage in any way. Shelters can sometimes arrange placement in a farawy town etc. Do not go to your relatives if you are with a violent abuser.Excellent advice here to get out and not be concerned at all with the abusers feelings. Great advice to not give any details at all to other people.....you did a real service here.
Thank you Sybil. I appreciate your endorsement of this logical approach.
A Narc I broke up with attempted to literally destroy my life.
Oh they will bit by bit they are very dangerous 🚨👺
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂This video is soooo true. It really cracks me up looking back over things and how I abruptly left and went no contact😂This is like comedy looking back ecspecially when you've seen it play out just as he stated in the video. I had the experience of living with a narcissist husband for 20 yrs. I knew he was a narcissist 3 yr. before I left. So I had the opportunity for three years (before I came to my senses to GOSO)to try things on him and wait for the reaction to see if I predicted correctly. I got better and better and realized I must leave because I was participating in evil by playing this game, plus it was still painful for me after I laughed at the predicted response I thought he would have and did have. He thought he was winning even though I already predicted and set up the play. He really was winning though because I would still be there after the staged play. Being there literally began to plague me more and more. I love GOSO!!!! Its the best piece of advice EVER in a case like the one experienced. Thank you for sharing.
What things did you try on him, to confirm he was a narc?
Just leaving speaks volumes.
Thanks again
I am divorcing a malignant narcissist was married a little over two years he said don’t think about him life is beautiful out here 😂 hovering nah no contact from me ever again.
I waa pregnant and had a baby and older child . I found help getting out . Through my church and friends . Because of my kids . I still had to deal with him . 15 years had to deal with him .
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, HG. Great work at advising us 👏. We need all the information we can get. The advice not to tell the narcissists that we are leaving is superb it saved my life because my husband had made me know that he was going to kill me because he did not need me anymore, hence I had already made him a very rich man, he went on telling me everything he had planned for my passing away. If I had told him anything about my plan to leave, he would certainly kill me. Yet he convinced everyone that he was going to die of a broken heart because the love of his life had abandoned him, and many years later, when he died, everyone blamed me. Thanks for your video and your time.
Oh HG where were u 4 yrs ago? I tried to leave 5 times, he came and got me. My son and daughter in law came and got me. I wouldn't be here if that didn't happen. This is SO good to hear. Thank you.
No one says it like you HG. Truth. Knowledge. A once again brilliant video. Simply the best 👌⛧
Have you ever ripped off a bandaid really FAST? Remember how it hurt? But the pain went away much sooner too, right? So, you got it over with sooner too. Then on your way to the airport or car rental etc, BLOCK ALL your mutual friends. While you're "no contact", grit your teeth, take the pain, and take it a day at a time. One day, you'll wake up, go through a day, and notice the Narc was not your first thought of the day. You'll be amazed. More and more days will be like that.
EXCELLENT HG!! Can't wait I just received the book Fuel tonight so Excited!! First of many books to come. I will own them all lol!! Much Appreciation to you.
I moved out of the narcs house while he was at work, took me 18 months to finally have the cash. Had rented an apt two weeks before. He stalked me at my work, followed me, banged on my door at 3:00 a.m. (didn’t think to call the police). What saved me was he moved to Bermuda with his job. Then, fast forward 20 years he tracked me down and showed up at my work. Told me he had to go into therapy because of me leaving. (He was physically, emotionally, spiritually abusive to me. ) Whatever Dude.
I don’t know what or why you teach us the way you do, but I appreciate you in ways that I can not express!!!!!!!!! I understand narcissism in so many more ways!!!!! I wish years ago I had this knowledge, it would have saved me so much pain, but I had to go through this in order to find the me that I am today, so I would have to say thank you 🙏 so very very much for your brilliant honesty, because the truth is always the light 💡!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel exactly the same. HG has literally changed me and my sisters life. I am forever grateful
These rules also apply to parental narcissists. I saw someone give some very bad advice on a social media site, a few weeks ago. Someone was asking for advice on how to deal with their narcissistic mother, and someone else told them that if they're planning on moving away from their parents, they owe it to them to give them advance notice, no matter how abusive they have been. It really is mindboggling, and sometimes worrisome, to see the bad advice that some people give over the internet, and probably in person too.
I am kind of a super empath I just feel dishonesty , manipulation and BS from miles away...when I meet people with narcissistic tendencies I literally get goosebumps... the hair goes up at the back of my head and all my instincts scream RUN 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ ... I grew up with parents super narcissistic and violent ... I know all the games they play , all the manipulation they can pull... and I have all my defenses to neutralize their attacks... it took me a childhood to learn... I still have fallen for a narcissist, how ironic... he is like a child , 50 years old but still tennis and motorbike... a really sexy guy though and he knows it... gets always what he wants from anyone ... he is really charming and unresistable... but really no empathy for anyone but for himself... justice means nothing to him ... unless it favors him... if someone hurts him he takes his revenge in return... Our relationship was really strange he really wanted sex , the chemistry between us is something I have never experienced before , it literally physically hurts ... he thought I will be an easy pray but no matter the attraction I knew who I was dealing with I wanted his soul first... I wanted his heart... strange combination ... I didn’t give up and he was shocked ... not that easy after all... we were a challenge to each other... I was pilling the layers of his soul’s resistance like you pill an onion layer by layer... opening up to who he is layer by layer analyzing how good he is deep down under all his ego and low self-esteem... raising him up to gain self-respect for the right reason ... making him realize that ego is a prison and life is much greater out of this prison... its was like summoning a ghost... he was coming out of the mist , he opened his soul, but than he closed it again and sank back into darkness... like explaining to an ant who lives in a box that there is a whole universe beyond the box with magical things ... of course the ant 🐜 won’t understand... he wanted to use psychological manipulation to get what he wants with me... met the wrong woman haha 😆 ... he was talking about shame and guilt and how I should be lucky to be accepted by him... OMG so rude so I turned it all back on him...I was super kind but down to the last point I explained him why his behavior is unacceptable by me, I simply live by higher standards and his standards are just not good enough... I value kindness, empathy, generosity, appreciation and I told him he is welcome to join me we can grow together... I don’t think he really understood what I was talking about... at the end I told him all the beautiful things I see in him ... I tried to make him see how valuable he is if he dials down his ego , than I also told him I will never see him again and I walked away... 1.5 years ago...I don’t regret meeting him , just reinforces what I learned from dealing with my parents ... think with your mind over your heart when you realize you deal with a narcissist... how do you know he is not normal? If he makes you question your reality and question your good values than that is a major red flag 🚩... never compromise your good values ... keep your high standards of being a just , kind and loving human being who respects others and treats them nice... if anyone acts other than this with you walk away ... because for a narcissist love that means real love to you means nothing to him... he thinks you love him if you let yourself to be abused and be his psychological or physical toy... if you are his slave and give up all who you are in all kinds of ways...how sad sad human being a narcissist is... my narcissist I call him ‘ The prince with the frozen heart’ and I feel really sorry for him... what a waste of life... what a suffering all through life... a dead dead life ...
So related.
I have just experienced the same. Dito. I didn't realise he was a narcissus at the time. Going through these videos has brought it all to light. I am feeling much better now about it all as now I can put a reason to his behaviour.
Thank you HG, for teaching us the truth about narcissism. I was unexpectedly discarded by my ex narcissist of 6 years (about 18 months ago). I’m STILL an empty shell of a person and feel I will never be the same again. And my family and friends don’t understand because she was always ‘charmimg’ and so much ‘fun’ around them. ☹️
“I’d better settle back down now....”
No!
This speaker, HG Tudor, is very intelligent and such a good writer of speeches.
You are correct, apart from the surname is Tudor, although I am of course a tutor.
@@hgtudor-theultra Yes you are a tutor I will edit to change the spelling. Thank you
Reading these comments, it definitely seems there’s a few undiagnosed narcsies in here and they don’t even know what they are.
Tell me why I went completely no contact .He used my daughter to come to my house walk up to my face I could have just died.He have a new supply. WTF it's been 4 months now my anxiety is sky high seems like I'm back to square one and 5 minutes people five minutes can flip you for a loop it did me
RUN 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️
Hey Richelle, Please read my comments above to Lauren at the top of this page. We do not give our body, soul, and spirit to any created being without them proving themselves to us. We belong to our Creator. These people are like twisted smoking bare wires and you will get the shock of your life.
I made the mistake of telling my narc that we should not chat anymore. I got my first hoover the very next day and the second one came 7 days later. I ignored all hoover attempts, including the many that came after, but my emotional thinking was still quite dominant, which means I felt some guilt for a while and was therefore probably more impacted than my narc over the short term.
I worried that going no contact (i.e. blocking) would have adverse effects for me, but HG is correct that it's the only solution. Even if you ignore the messages of narcs, just seeing them is enough to keep you in a state of anxiety and tension that increases the likelihood that you will give in and respond.
It’s hard to believe you are what you say you are. I hear compassion in you videos. That’s emotional thinking lol
He’s an ultra, like a split personality, can choose when to be narcissistic and when not to be.
I was thinking the same. I wonder if he has compassion in his personal life. Or if he hurts his girlfriend or people he loves. He must. No one can act against their nature. No matter how aware or how ultra he is.
@@jasoncampbell4723 He can choose but he can't feel. Like an actor.
@@ig7424 he admits he "hurts" the people around him. Watch his video "why I do this". He has to harm the people around him for fuel. For his psychological survival. He admits this freely.
Right. Ir worse. My cousin posted on fb that she was leaving in the morning and was holding up a drink to cheers. she was beat to death with a bat that night . Never let on you are leaving
HG Tudor is so right! Use wisdom and knowledge when leaving a narcissist, please. And (know) the behavior of your partner before making that decision to leave. I want to acknowledge, out of respect, that I love HG Tudor voice, it is distinguish and sexy. lol Thanks for all your help!
Wish I had heard this advice before escaping from narcissistic boss! I got out and have been no contact since, but made some mistakes so that he anticipated my resignation. His response was despicable and designed to wound me, ruin my professional reputation, etc. It did not (no one believed the piece of shit), and I’m in a great place now. Much wiser now. Thank you for your superb education HG!
I very much appreciate your work and wish I'd had your knowledge years ago HG.
Hopefully, others will act on your advice, get out, stay out, no contact.
Leaving tomorrow, doing my luggage and going to friends' house until I get my new house keys...Never felt so empty nor so full in my life, that's their thing nothing makes you feel more alive. Damn! I will need to come back yet to feed the dog and pick up my furniture but at least he will never know when I am there and will come back when he is at work...so hard to erase almost 4 years of relationship
One must be ready, willing, and able to break off all contact and maintain it. That includes wishful thinking that you can remain friends, that time will make them see the light (it doesn't), etc. Fortunately, for me I never had children with a narcissist so I cannot imagine that nightmare after a divorce. And if one is smart one will give up any notion of trying to exact revenge on the narcissist. It will be lost on them.
HG u have helped me more in 24 hours than anyone else, since he finished with me on 20th feb....fool thought he could get me back the very next day......but i ignored his pleas and changed my phone no......ty ❤
Brilliant channel. Wish i had been smart enough to know about narcissism years ago. Now i know.
Where is the police when we need them?
Where is the government when we need them?
The family court is a joke for this matter: they do not comprehend covert abuse, or maybe they don't care.
They/the system do not care. Any case infront of them is money in their pockets!!!
I’m my circumstance, the narcissist lived in my home. Very difficult situation.
Yes, I've been there. If you didn't have children with the narcissist, you are very lucky. I have a daughter with a narcissist. Believe me when I say... It's been a long hard road.
@@SkyePhoenix I’m there right now myself. Have daughter with mental illness and absolutely do not want her to have to be with him without me. Thankfully I emotionally divorced him already so my emotions are not in play.
I'm in this situation right now for 13 years not only do I have three children. I ended things in May and it's the same merry-go-round. He's fine with it he agrees with The Break-Up but the moment he knows of another man he has an emotional breakdown and calls his mother. Trying his best to make me in the wrong when the separation has been in place. This dude did not help with anything for 3 years never kept a job two weeks every other month on a job and act as if that's acceptable. He definitely thinks I belong to him but I am this narcs LifeSource. Sad can't even make it on his own. I have to play this silent shit for 60 days, I have no family which makes this sooo hard!
It will be almost one year since I left my 31-year marriage. I said nothing to him or his favorite child or his favorite child's sibling. The plan was set in 2 days and executed in one day. I took my clothes, personal effects, and my dog.
I'm still so angry at all the sh*t he put us through. I dont care that I hurt him by leaving. I just want to find a way to stop being so pissed off
This video is so true! I wish I would of heard some of it before, but I’m so happy to have your work now HG! You say it exactly how it is!
This was a very validating video. Because this has always been how I’ve handled this situation and I’ve felt bad, wondered if I’m wrong and if it would be more mature to sit them down and say it. But I’ve also felt that it was pointless because I wasn’t going to change my mind and I prefer avoiding the inevitable unpleasant scene that would occur. Sadly I’ve attracted quite a few narcissist in my lifetime but hopefully not anymore.
Now that you now how to spot narcies. Do you still attract them? Are you still attracted to them? If so, what do you think would help not attract that energy? Curious because I’ve done the same.
I'm exactly the same, a narc-sociopath magnet. Hence I keep myself to myself
Platinum grade advice. Brilliant HG!
I agree, thank you MB.
HG you have become the only source of narcissistic information I source. Thank You.
You are eminently sensible.
Logic over emotion.
Repeat. Endlessly.
I’m so thankful for these videos as I’ve had a very difficult time being a man formerly engaged to a female covert narcissist.
Great material, it's helped me prevent getting caught up in other entanglement with these kinds of individuals. Thank you hg.
Indeed. Keep it moving 😘
I think leaving without a word would make anyone sad..
Excellent advice. I look back & know that each of these 7 steps would have made my early adulthood so much saner & healthier. Thank you. I can now share this knowledge with my grandkids. Never too late!!
Yes yes hg tudor you are a gem in this world. The work you do is greatly appreciated👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯💖
H.G's best video up to this point.