"Our individual differences outweigh the gender differences" This, for me, is the climax of her talk. We're all different individuals, so please stop treating everyone as "typical for their gender". Expectations can be so harmful.
They are our only way of measurement and generalisation. Obviously that isn’t always nice, but without it we wouldn’t be capable of learning and evolving and thus living
The planet of human being existed with two humans starting as friends and multiplying. The planet will continue with some individuals meeting as lovers and not so much friends and multiplying. We can't ignore feelings are real. I tried making lady friends without no attraction, listen it is hard.
@@elkastico7727 well let's see here they just did a study that everyone is is small percentage of African in their blood due to eve being the first mother of existence. So that means traces of Adam and eve are very strong.
This was a great talk, thank you. This message is rare but I agree with it and wish it were spoken more often. I''m male and have had a female friend for 14 years and I love her because we're the same in so many ways. It's complicated, however, as I have also had feelings for her since very early on. But I'm also committed to lifelong celibacy, because I believe love is a trick and I don't trust it. What I believe in is the true platonic connection between us. That's the real part to me. I love her for who she is. Of course not many, it seems, can see past the romantic lens, so my position is mocked. But I believe I'm right. The friendship is the true part.
It's fine if the feelings arise from time to time towards someone, they can do with anyone, even teachers! It's what is there most of the time is what counts.👍
@@Nitesh_9900 Well, the best tip I can give you is conviction. What works for me is to have 110% conviction. Romance is not an option in my mind. Not even a possibility. I behave as though I am asexual and she is my sister, and I never allow the slightest thought of romance to enter my mind, EVER! Because in my mind I am happy on my own and I only want friendship. I don't want romance because I believe it is a trick of nature. It's a drug that blinds people to the truth and traps people together. All the world's religions consider celibacy to be the higher path, along with many other great thinkers, so I believe I am right in my conviction. I remind myself of all the reasons why I believe I'm right; how relationships are hard, the honeymoon period fades, the divorce rate, the conflict, the loss of freedom, the dependency on the other, and how romance distorts our minds, it tells us looks are the measure of a woman's worth and resources are the measure of a man's, but I disagree. It gets jealous and possessive but if you truly love someone you should desire their freedom. So, to have 110% conviction in this is my best advice. I make peace with my aloneness. I am fine just as I am in my skin right now. I don't need love to be happy. Happiness is a choice that comes from within, not given from without.
There is some confusion towards the end of this talk. I think she's saying her lover is also her friend, and she's still really good friends with her childhood friend, but at first it sounds like she's saying her lover is her childhood friend, which would contradict a lot of the rest of the talk.
I, male, have quite some experience with female friends, and though sometimes the line can get blurry and in many cases either of catches feelings, i found that you just need to set boundaries and have self control, its not like you dont feel atracted to your friend, its just you choose where you stand and dont cross that line.
I’m so disappointed with how this ended. It feels like a total waste of my time. You start with how you’ve had this male friend that you love so much, you complain about how people were coupling you since you were children and you didn’t like that. And then you end with how you married him! This completely defeats the whole purpose of your talk and how men and women can be “just friends”. ☹️
The comments here are really depressing. Yes men and women can be friends, I've had a (straight) male best friend for 20 years and there's never once been any tension. If you believe that you can't then it means you a) don't have many friends, and b) don't have self control. If you start seeing people as individuals, rather than reducing them to their gender, you can experience wonderful, diverse platonic relationships. Romance doesn't have to be the end goal, sometimes friendships end up being the better alternative.
@@paramoremal Agreed. Men form relationships differently than women. If a man is physically or emotionally attracted to a women he'll never actually be JUST a friend - he'll always be trying \ hoping for me. He'll be secretly wishing her current relationship fails. He'll be constantly gauging her reactions - her every word - to see if she's coming around to liking him MORE than just a friend. He's playing the long odds. Then - eventually - he'll make a move on her - or be honest with her - and that will usually end the friendship, because she still sees him a JUST a friend. It's called the "friend zone" for a reason. No man wants to be stuck there. (unless you're not attracted to the woman at all, then it may be fine). And the truth is that most women know this, but they use the man's attention, knowing full well that he wants more, but they'll never give that to him, which is manipulation. If what I'm saying isn't true then why don't married men have lots of female single friends?
I needed this. I have a connection with a woman that I can't express in words. I have trouble defining it, and people think I'm mad or smitten for pursuing it. All I know is I'm drawn to her, and she is drawn to me. We're trying to work it out. I hope that we can.
I've had a few female best friends over the years. I'm now married and no I didn't marry any of my friends. I married the woman who is now my wife. No regrets but there are times I think back to those days and those talks. They were very special to me
From an evolutionary standpoint it's not very good to fall in love with someone you grew up with, because they're more likely to be a relative to you, therefore we're, IN GENERAL, wired to not fall in love with childhood friends. This is why I find it kind of disturbing when people hint at their toddlers being in love, instead of celebrating their toddlers' awesome friendships.
@@tobiaskoehler96 We humans haven’t always known or had the understanding of who are siblings are, especially biological siblings, that’s why it’s due to evolution, many animals work like this.
@@tobiaskoehler96 People have always adopted children, for example if something happened to a child’s biological parents, and in some cultures you see your cousins as siblings, and aunts and uncles as extra parents, which was much more common with early humans
I never been raised to be friends with males. Right now I struggle to be friends with males because i think there's no other connection between a man and woman but love and intimacy. I want to freed from that thought
You can find male friends who don't see you as a potential mate. I have a female friend who's very pretty but I'm not really attracted to her and given the chance to mess around with her I wouldn't. I value our friendship allot and could never even think of it. It's possible but it may be hard
It really depends on the males, how they grew up too. Some males do make friends regardless of the gender (like me). I look at interests, not gender. Other males just seek for more than just friendship from other gender. Btw my bestie is opposite gender, and we have literally just friendship values, nothing more. So I can confirm that it's possible :)
on the contrary, it means friendship doesn't end with marriage, because friendship is the pillar of every relationship. And she also said each friendship is unique, just like the individuals, so go figure.
I don't know about others but I was in a University where I was the only woman out of 420 student of my stream.. we're all friends good friends and some are my best friend but neither they were attracted to me neither I was...so I think man and woman can be friend
@@sagunmurmu8356 Actions with woman are almost always planned propaganda by men or maybe they just find you unattractive, but i can see how people in university can develop strong bonds of friendship. But i still think that if you ever tried to get intimate with the male friends they would accept it very quickly witch just prooves what men think about relationships right, we always want something from the woman, something deep and intimate.
@@zackofpersia5086 100% true. Male-friends usually keep some distance from female-friends for various reasons, but this does not mean that that friendship is not initially based on the physical attraction.
It seems like a lot of relationships come from friendships as it allows you to get to know the other person without any underlying expectation of it leading to dating, it’s the most natural way of finding your person, but once you find that person, you should probably make sure you have boundaries in place if you still have other friends of the gender you are attracted to. I don’t think her talk was a complete waste just because she ended up with the guy. Many have already stated this but it is really about ones discipline.
I’m 30 years old , I grow up in conservative family. I have dated between ages 18-24 and I decided to be friend with girls I like , the one that I like more than a friend told me no we are friends. The one that I like as friend they want to be in relationship. Still with one for the past 2 years that I have Mixed emotions about. I admit that I became a better person because I like my friend that I want to be more than that .
The whole point is: we have to think too much to make something natural because it is not. It is social. Can social always beat natural? This may be what someone expects. Why?
You know..i am in sixth grade and i have a friend that i known since 4, he's a boy. But now we don't even say hello anymore. Because we're afraid someone will tease us. My friend ship is so twist..can anyone help?(desperate in need)
I'm sorry that you have to sacrafice your friendship to avoid other people selfish gossip.... you have think about whatis more important to you. Having your friend or pleasing other people... Besides no matter what people is always going to find something to gossip about , no matter how old you are.... don't let those people who have no lives dictate how happy you are. Tell them wher to go.....
Thankyou ! The word friend gets thrown around too loosely. Just because I’m friendly and so is the women doesn’t mean she automatically becomes my friend. I think anyone who just says this person is my friend isn’t right in the head
Well yeah, that's another example why our society make more harm than good...Thank you! I am satisfied to hear your speech! It was very useful and important🔥👌
That is a negative. I cannot stand when a woman automatically starts calling me “my friend” whether its in social media, or what ever, especially if Im attracted to her. The ones that Im not attracted to? maybe..
women having friends = how many men do I have on hold and can choose from at any time. If you have any respect for yourself never let a woman friend zone you.
I love❤ it! Thank you for sharing! Some humans can be so narrow minded about relationships, trying to fit in everything into a few categories they know of. Romans had brotherhood marriages or something like that, I wonder what other interesting relationships humans can form, have formed but forgotten now. Some humans just keep trying to squeeze into the few current categories.
@@petros-petraI’m in that boat now. A girl I was sleeping with rejected my intentions to take it further. She ended up seeing another guy and said “why can’t we just be friends”. Nope, nope and nope. I have no desire to torture myself by hanging out with her and her new man.
Men and women very much can be just friends. When they’re either younger than 12 or both already married. Oh, this also happens when either of them is incredibly unattractive lmao.
Nah, I see non family women as acquaintances. Unless she really wants to get to know me and have something with me, then yes, we can start off as friends.
@@elkastico7727 true, but 85% of most males would not even question sleeping with an attractive woman if the opportunity presented itself, its just how we are. That "hope" is why most males and attractive female can be juuuust friends if you know what I mean.
@@zackofpersia5086 If she was attractive and I'm comfortable with her, of course I want it to be more than just friends. If she doesn't feel the same way, I'm out and not gonna be her friend. Just acquaintances.
Wow! Talking about living in fantasy land. She is basing the ability for men and women being friends based on some childhood relationship she had with a boy she knew.
@Nemuri Kayama - Midnight I could hop in and have my own TEDTalk about how men and women shouldn't be friends, based off my experiences, and you would come in the comments and say: well that's just you, you're naive and have yet to see it happen
I disagree. Men and women cannot be friends. At least not in my experience. I'll admit, maybe it's cultural upbringing but I see men as "other". I think they feel similarly about me. I'm a decent looking woman and I know men see me as different from themselves, and definitely not as their friend. I think there are quite a few attractive men out there, and I cannot see them as just friends. I could potentially be friends with a man I find unattractive but my interests are totally opposite of what most men care about, so I doubt we'd have much in common. Any time I thought a man was just being friendly, I was wrong. I am a married woman with female friends only.
@@llanoschoquedavidricardo428 Yea that is the case probably for the opposite gender, but that proves further that it is kinda imposible, yea maybe some shalow not meaningful friendship but life long lasting not realy.
@@aletheazabelapadilla7337 platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic ones, and i think there's many problem with pushing these kind of rules on romantic relationships. like "you have to be best friends", or "you have to rely on each other for everything", or "you can't have any secrets". they are detrimental to the relationship itself because you shouldn't Just have your partner and have them be the sole center of your life. all the emphasis there is on your romantic relationship being the most important of your life and the only one you really need and should put all of your focus on, it's an easy slippery slope into toxic or unhappy relationships. now, i consider my partner to be my friend just on the same level as my other closest friends, i don't label anyone my best friend because it wouldn't be true or help in any way. for some things, i will go to my partner and talk to him about it, for others i can choose to instead rely on another friend who i think can help me better in that situation. this interaction with a friend is not any less valuable than when i confide in my partner. (and this is not an attack on you, i just think we all should check ourselves so that we don't end up in bad situations, but also so that we don't push what we want and out values on other people and bring them down in the process)
@@sethrayne8076 You have a point. I also think that friendships with people who aren't your partner are good and crucial, something you should not deprive yourself of. We all need different people in our lives because we cannot get all that we need from just a single person. I just meant that the most transparent, the most intimate relationship that one should have is the one with their partner.
She doesn't mean romantic love when she says that she loves her friend more, it's another type of love. I also think that she's trying to say that she has two best friends, one is her lover and one is her childhood friend, and they're not the same person. She loves her lover both as a lover and as a friend, and she loves her childhood friend as a friend.
Or once one gets into a relationship. Most weak guys who try to “nice guy” their way into a relationship after being friends just get left behind in the dust.
@Nemuri Kayama - Midnight seems to me that your guy friend is either 1) repressing himself 2) not straight or 3) straight but a low-end outlier in terms of his libido.
@@charmingmagican9821 Yeah. Sooooo….. re-analyze that. Because you just said what needed to be said…. Men do think with their pp’s. A ted talk is not going to change that. Guys do need someone around them that doesn’t think with their lust, to even them out…. when you shove a woman into their life it’s not as if they’re magically willing to say “hey you got boobs, but i ain’t aint interested in em!”. Hilarious that people would call that shallow, because it’s reality. Guys ought not to put themselves in positions where they will stumble. Either you’re going out with someone, OR your creating a problem. You’re in a relationship OR you want to be in a relationship. I’m well aware that you/others believe oppositionally, yes, haha, but as a guy….i’m telling you, we cannot just enter “best friend” type relationships where there is no future relationship. As a girl, you should be thankful for this, because it means we won’t waste your time.
@@quarantinechill_4530 I'm a dude And your argument is literally just "men are lustful and thats ok" Yeah guss what smarty pants Not every man on this rock thinks like that Ever heard of asexuals ?
Just think about it, if you have wife/girlfriend what she’s gonna say when you tell her ”I’m going out with this smoking hot girl, she is my friend. Yea we just gonna grab some drinks and maybe hit to the club. And btw I’m probably spend the night at her place because we are so good friend.” Come on 😂😂😂
That´s my problem with this concept..sure, male/female friendsihps are possible, but it is a different kind of friendship, that´s the thing..plus they are less likely I believe and more prone to ending or not being the primary friendship as in you would actually preffer your male friends over this..but ok
This talk is All lies - “A woman can become a man's friend only in the following stages - first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend.” ― Anton Chekhov, The Three Sisters
Just picture that cartoon of a dog who's only thinking about his bone to chew on 24/7. That's exactly how men only think about that organ between their legs to fulfill their desires. That's why this female can't be a spokeswoman on this, with all due respect.
@@MariaPerez-sb1xp I was born male, yet I don't feel like that but ok. Even if you have some biological urge does that u can't control it at all and u can't see women differently, as a people and not only as owners of that organ¿
Lol this is a funny video, but it’s okey, she is a woman, I get that, however, the truth is like this : man and woman can be friends only in the mind of the woman, only because the woman sees the man as friend, a straight man will always in his heart want to get out of the friend zone, that’s facts.
@@elkastico7727 Not if they are not attracted to them. But if they are not attracted, most are not interested in a friendship with her. Like, what are you going to do with her? Gonna hangout? Have a drink? Have conversations about things you're both into? They are likely not going to waste their time with hanging out, waste their money on a drink and waste again their time on something they could do with their male friends who know more about it and with whom they can vibe more about it. It's just the way it is. It will happen every now and then, but that is not a friendship. That's something between being friends and being acquaintances.
@@elkastico7727It's a bit more complex to explain but you can start with assertive,confident and honest.Also, self assured in a sense of knowing his strengths and weaknesses. A real masculine man will never let a woman walk over him. However, we men tend to lose ourselves once things get serious so it's a ups and downs
@@llanoschoquedavidricardo428We are different people. Don't call me sad ya don't know me yet. So you can genuinely say you have women in your life that are not family or co workers. That you don't have romantic feelings for / had romantic feelings for that you talk to casually on a regular basis?
@@codiserville593 A man who is attracted to women can have both a romantic partner who is a woman and a best friend who is a woman at the same time, you know
Women should take their male friends out all night and pay for everything. Then the next day she should go out with him and his current GF and also talk about why she's single to both of them! Then after that she should go home and take her dog out for a walk by herself at night...then just maybe then....she can get a glimpse of the rest of her life 😁💯
@@johanna6876 So... You don't think that if you were to hang out with a male friend and you'd get hit on/cat call and it escalated, your male friend would be the one fighting for you/protecting you? In that same regard, if you are both single, walking around with a male friend prevents you from getting cat called than if you were with one of your girl friends. In the man's case, he'd get even less attention and drops his chances of being approached by a woman from 2 to 0% because we know, women rarely approach men
For me female friends are always there when i am in trouble and male friends only want to party and they don't ask about me in holidays or ask if i am ok they only care about the moment and it's rare 1 out of 3 male friend to trully care.
"Our individual differences outweigh the gender differences"
This, for me, is the climax of her talk. We're all different individuals, so please stop treating everyone as "typical for their gender".
Expectations can be so harmful.
To me, it's been obvious for years. I always wonder why it's not obvious to most men and women. (Or maybe it is, but they aren't heard.)
They are our only way of measurement and generalisation. Obviously that isn’t always nice, but without it we wouldn’t be capable of learning and evolving and thus living
The planet of human being existed with two humans starting as friends and multiplying. The planet will continue with some individuals meeting as lovers and not so much friends and multiplying. We can't ignore feelings are real. I tried making lady friends without no attraction, listen it is hard.
@@christianhenry4173 What 2 humans?!
@@elkastico7727 well let's see here they just did a study that everyone is is small percentage of African in their blood due to eve being the first mother of existence. So that means traces of Adam and eve are very strong.
There is a diffrence between being friendly and being friends.
most honest answer! :)
🎯🎯🎯🎯
This was a great talk, thank you. This message is rare but I agree with it and wish it were spoken more often. I''m male and have had a female friend for 14 years and I love her because we're the same in so many ways. It's complicated, however, as I have also had feelings for her since very early on. But I'm also committed to lifelong celibacy, because I believe love is a trick and I don't trust it. What I believe in is the true platonic connection between us. That's the real part to me. I love her for who she is. Of course not many, it seems, can see past the romantic lens, so my position is mocked. But I believe I'm right. The friendship is the true part.
It's fine if the feelings arise from time to time towards someone, they can do with anyone, even teachers! It's what is there most of the time is what counts.👍
I am also in the same situation, Can you tell me how I can see her as just a friend not as a girlfriend, please reply 🙏
@@Nitesh_9900 Well, the best tip I can give you is conviction. What works for me is to have 110% conviction. Romance is not an option in my mind. Not even a possibility. I behave as though I am asexual and she is my sister, and I never allow the slightest thought of romance to enter my mind, EVER!
Because in my mind I am happy on my own and I only want friendship. I don't want romance because I believe it is a trick of nature. It's a drug that blinds people to the truth and traps people together. All the world's religions consider celibacy to be the higher path, along with many other great thinkers, so I believe I am right in my conviction.
I remind myself of all the reasons why I believe I'm right; how relationships are hard, the honeymoon period fades, the divorce rate, the conflict, the loss of freedom, the dependency on the other, and how romance distorts our minds, it tells us looks are the measure of a woman's worth and resources are the measure of a man's, but I disagree. It gets jealous and possessive but if you truly love someone you should desire their freedom.
So, to have 110% conviction in this is my best advice. I make peace with my aloneness. I am fine just as I am in my skin right now. I don't need love to be happy. Happiness is a choice that comes from within, not given from without.
@@rowanjthomas Thankyou bro 🙏
Sometimes I think it's better to be by yourself
Agreed 👍😂
I wanna be a murderer
@@moodymonstrosity1423 ayo?
but then you remember we evolved for millions of years as social creatures and rates and depression and loneliness are through the roof.
No such thing as being yourself, there’s no friendship in opposite sexes
There is some confusion towards the end of this talk. I think she's saying her lover is also her friend, and she's still really good friends with her childhood friend, but at first it sounds like she's saying her lover is her childhood friend, which would contradict a lot of the rest of the talk.
I think she meant "she loves the friend" (in her lover)
More than the "lover" in her lover
I think she tried to say that she has two best friends, one is her childhood friend and one is her lover.
From her accent, I gather she's not a native English speaker.
No, you got it right. That was exactly what she was saying. Complete waste of a talk.
I, male, have quite some experience with female friends, and though sometimes the line can get blurry and in many cases either of catches feelings, i found that you just need to set boundaries and have self control, its not like you dont feel atracted to your friend, its just you choose where you stand and dont cross that line.
I’m so disappointed with how this ended. It feels like a total waste of my time. You start with how you’ve had this male friend that you love so much, you complain about how people were coupling you since you were children and you didn’t like that. And then you end with how you married him! This completely defeats the whole purpose of your talk and how men and women can be “just friends”. ☹️
The comments here are really depressing. Yes men and women can be friends, I've had a (straight) male best friend for 20 years and there's never once been any tension. If you believe that you can't then it means you a) don't have many friends, and b) don't have self control. If you start seeing people as individuals, rather than reducing them to their gender, you can experience wonderful, diverse platonic relationships. Romance doesn't have to be the end goal, sometimes friendships end up being the better alternative.
I'm guessing you've never been a guy.
@@emanuelmota7217 irrelevant
@@paramoremal Women will never understand that men are different than women.
@@emanuelmota7217 Yes that's true. but we're all different from each other, period. We all form relationships differently.
@@paramoremal Agreed. Men form relationships differently than women. If a man is physically or emotionally attracted to a women he'll never actually be JUST a friend - he'll always be trying \ hoping for me. He'll be secretly wishing her current relationship fails. He'll be constantly gauging her reactions - her every word - to see if she's coming around to liking him MORE than just a friend. He's playing the long odds. Then - eventually - he'll make a move on her - or be honest with her - and that will usually end the friendship, because she still sees him a JUST a friend. It's called the "friend zone" for a reason. No man wants to be stuck there. (unless you're not attracted to the woman at all, then it may be fine). And the truth is that most women know this, but they use the man's attention, knowing full well that he wants more, but they'll never give that to him, which is manipulation. If what I'm saying isn't true then why don't married men have lots of female single friends?
I really love the lines where she basically said that usually guy + guy = active, guy + girl = guy deep & active, girl + girl = deep
I needed this.
I have a connection with a woman that I can't express in words. I have trouble defining it, and people think I'm mad or smitten for pursuing it. All I know is I'm drawn to her, and she is drawn to me. We're trying to work it out. I hope that we can.
Update us!!
I've had a few female best friends over the years. I'm now married and no I didn't marry any of my friends. I married the woman who is now my wife. No regrets but there are times I think back to those days and those talks. They were very special to me
From an evolutionary standpoint it's not very good to fall in love with someone you grew up with, because they're more likely to be a relative to you, therefore we're, IN GENERAL, wired to not fall in love with childhood friends. This is why I find it kind of disturbing when people hint at their toddlers being in love, instead of celebrating their toddlers' awesome friendships.
I don't get it. If they ain't your siblings which you would know then the chance of being related is very very low? 🤷🏽♂️
@@tobiaskoehler96 We humans haven’t always known or had the understanding of who are siblings are, especially biological siblings, that’s why it’s due to evolution, many animals work like this.
@@SqueamishNerd ah OK now I get it but what do you mean by especially biological siblings. Are there any other ones?
@@tobiaskoehler96 People have always adopted children, for example if something happened to a child’s biological parents, and in some cultures you see your cousins as siblings, and aunts and uncles as extra parents, which was much more common with early humans
@@SqueamishNerd OK makes sense. Thank you 🙏🏽😊
I never been raised to be friends with males. Right now I struggle to be friends with males because i think there's no other connection between a man and woman but love and intimacy. I want to freed from that thought
You can find male friends who don't see you as a potential mate. I have a female friend who's very pretty but I'm not really attracted to her and given the chance to mess around with her I wouldn't. I value our friendship allot and could never even think of it.
It's possible but it may be hard
It really depends on the males, how they grew up too. Some males do make friends regardless of the gender (like me). I look at interests, not gender. Other males just seek for more than just friendship from other gender.
Btw my bestie is opposite gender, and we have literally just friendship values, nothing more. So I can confirm that it's possible :)
@@shadw4701why do u think that when we make friends we choose the people who are on our mating standards.
13:39 disproved her entire speech😂
on the contrary, it means friendship doesn't end with marriage, because friendship is the pillar of every relationship. And she also said each friendship is unique, just like the individuals, so go figure.
I don't know about others but I was in a University where I was the only woman out of 420 student of my stream.. we're all friends good friends and some are my best friend but neither they were attracted to me neither I was...so I think man and woman can be friend
U can read their minds ?
@@mrk3815 to read their minds ,I have to read their actions which I always do
@@sagunmurmu8356 Actions with woman are almost always planned propaganda by men or maybe they just find you unattractive, but i can see how people in university can develop strong bonds of friendship. But i still think that if you ever tried to get intimate with the male friends they would accept it very quickly witch just prooves what men think about relationships right, we always want something from the woman, something deep and intimate.
@@zackofpersia5086 100% true. Male-friends usually keep some distance from female-friends for various reasons, but this does not mean that that friendship is not initially based on the physical attraction.
They were pretending.
It seems like a lot of relationships come from friendships as it allows you to get to know the other person without any underlying expectation of it leading to dating, it’s the most natural way of finding your person, but once you find that person, you should probably make sure you have boundaries in place if you still have other friends of the gender you are attracted to. I don’t think her talk was a complete waste just because she ended up with the guy. Many have already stated this but it is really about ones discipline.
straight people try not to sexualize the other half of the population challenge
LOL
You mean unstraight😂😂
lmao😭😭
"Just Friends" is how men treat unattractive women and women treat unattractive men.
Aww you were so close, but there’s no such thing as an unattractive woman or man. Try again next time.
@@cat_man5334 For the most part beauty is objective.
i have attractive female friends i don't find a problem
@@cat_man5334 what? Some people are fugly! Some scar my mind just by getting into a bathing suit and going to the beach!
Why are there so many incells in the comment section
you can't even spell it right lmao
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I’m 30 years old , I grow up in conservative family. I have dated between ages 18-24 and I decided to be friend with girls I like , the one that I like more than a friend told me no we are friends. The one that I like as friend they want to be in relationship. Still with one for the past 2 years that I have Mixed emotions about. I admit that I became a better person because I like my friend that I want to be more than that .
The whole point is: we have to think too much to make something natural because it is not. It is social. Can social always beat natural? This may be what someone expects. Why?
Best comment that defines the male- female friendship gimmick
You know..i am in sixth grade and i have a friend that i known since 4, he's a boy. But now we don't even say hello anymore. Because we're afraid someone will tease us. My friend ship is so twist..can anyone help?(desperate in need)
Be in touch with each other..
And pray for each other if you think you can't talk
Don't worry about this till you get to college.
Give it some years, you will find out the truth
ignore everyone, they are dum
I'm sorry that you have to sacrafice your friendship to avoid other people selfish gossip.... you have think about whatis more important to you. Having your friend or pleasing other people...
Besides no matter what people is always going to find something to gossip about , no matter how old you are.... don't let those people who have no lives dictate how happy you are. Tell them wher to go.....
You can’t say something like this because friendship has such a broad definition
Thankyou ! The word friend gets thrown around too loosely. Just because I’m friendly and so is the women doesn’t mean she automatically becomes my friend. I think anyone who just says this person is my friend isn’t right in the head
Well yeah, that's another example why our society make more harm than good...Thank you! I am satisfied to hear your speech! It was very useful and important🔥👌
Different but equal
Never equal
Nice video, you hit the mark!
This doesn`t work.
attraction gets in the way wheter it`s physical or emotional.
It does work.
not really
Not true, my best friend is male
You can think your friends are hot, it's okay.
@@Sam-tf9ip he wants to nail you
That is a negative. I cannot stand when a woman automatically starts calling me “my friend” whether its in social media, or what ever, especially if Im attracted to her. The ones that Im not attracted to? maybe..
How is this even a question?
Yes. The answer is clearly no
Unfortunately I think sometimes we cannot but then again I guess it all depends on what the man really wants
Yeah sadly it depends on what the man want and not what they both want.
The „men and women can’t be friends“ argument falls apart, if you bring non-binary or genderfluid into the discussion.
We're talking about humans
American moment💀
we are talking about what's real here sir
Lol are you completely blind to context? People are talking about straight people here
Girls & guys can be bestfriends
I have male friends. They are not attracted to me. One male friend and I are both aromantic asexual.
Damn i swallow every word she says. So true and well elaborated.
If you swallow you must have a LOT of male friends.
Except it’s not reality. Z
( swallow)
@@colorgreen7 ?
@@elkastico7727 lol
I’m a girl and I get nervous to talk to boys and I have no clue why! 😒😅
You are goodwoman
My best friend's a boy too, I'm in 6th grade
Prepare yourself. He will fall in love with you soon
christos barabas it's been 5 years and that hasn't happened yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@luvcookiezz3945 that doesn't mean anything as long as puberty didn't hit lol
@@luvcookiezz3945 you're still too young give it another 4 years and you'll see.
@@bastel19951 spider man into the spiderverse: Heyy...
women having friends = how many men do I have on hold and can choose from at any time. If you have any respect for yourself never let a woman friend zone you.
Thanks for the advice god bless everyone
I agree friends is better for those who hang out more
This is the 2nd TED talks speaker I've come across that doesn't seem to know what they are talking about.
Hahahahaha true
I love❤ it! Thank you for sharing! Some humans can be so narrow minded about relationships, trying to fit in everything into a few categories they know of. Romans had brotherhood marriages or something like that, I wonder what other interesting relationships humans can form, have formed but forgotten now. Some humans just keep trying to squeeze into the few current categories.
The same ted talk where the speaker would be a man would have been very different lecture :D
Woman have different perspectives and that's what can make them very great and valuable friends.
no
Thank you
Hate to say this, some can but most can't I say this because the most of them end up in a marriage or relationship
Or never talk to each other again after one of them tries to become more than "just friends".
I have lot of female friends and i don't want anything to do with them outside of friendship, you can still respect them and set your boundaries.
@@petros-petraI’m in that boat now. A girl I was sleeping with rejected my intentions to take it further. She ended up seeing another guy and said “why can’t we just be friends”.
Nope, nope and nope. I have no desire to torture myself by hanging out with her and her new man.
Men and women very much can be just friends.
When they’re either younger than 12 or both already married.
Oh, this also happens when either of them is incredibly unattractive lmao.
Obviously the speakers a woman in this situation
Problem?
@@elkastico7727
she may not be able to understand men, men tends to hide their love for a long time.
Can men and women just be friends?
Women: Yes
Men: NO!
Speak only for yourself
@@elkastico7727 IM man if you ask me that i would said "NO" too
@@gematria_truth What do you mean
Women: Yes, unless he looks like Tom Cruise
@@elkastico7727 You're the exception, but most people, including me, would agree with him
13:34 proves that man and woman can be friends 👫 and live together 💯 and have children etc
No comment
That's a relationship
That’s just a romantic relationship bruh
I hope everyone understands my sense of humor!
@@musiccer7446 I know.
Nah, I see non family women as acquaintances. Unless she really wants to get to know me and have something with me, then yes, we can start off as friends.
and if she was attractive? you wouldn't want it to be more than just a friendship?
@@zackofpersia5086 Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean you're attracted
@@elkastico7727 true, but 85% of most males would not even question sleeping with an attractive woman if the opportunity presented itself, its just how we are. That "hope" is why most males and attractive female can be juuuust friends if you know what I mean.
@@zackofpersia5086 Source?
@@zackofpersia5086 If she was attractive and I'm comfortable with her, of course I want it to be more than just friends. If she doesn't feel the same way, I'm out and not gonna be her friend. Just acquaintances.
Wow! Talking about living in fantasy land. She is basing the ability for men and women being friends based on some childhood relationship she had with a boy she knew.
Gonna have to agree with you. She sounds too..... faithful in others.
She's sooo naive it's kinda funny
@Nemuri Kayama - Midnight I could hop in and have my own TEDTalk about how men and women shouldn't be friends, based off my experiences, and you would come in the comments and say: well that's just you, you're naive and have yet to see it happen
it's called anecdotal evidence
they are still close friends
are you dum?
@@eikichionizuka9422 no, morooon - obviously there are instances where it doesn't work
that doesn't exclude it from working - holy geez
Men and women CAN BE FRIENDS
END OF THE LINE
I agree with you.
Yes, finally not a single disagreer
I disagree. Men and women cannot be friends. At least not in my experience. I'll admit, maybe it's cultural upbringing but I see men as "other". I think they feel similarly about me. I'm a decent looking woman and I know men see me as different from themselves, and definitely not as their friend. I think there are quite a few attractive men out there, and I cannot see them as just friends. I could potentially be friends with a man I find unattractive but my interests are totally opposite of what most men care about, so I doubt we'd have much in common. Any time I thought a man was just being friendly, I was wrong. I am a married woman with female friends only.
6:52 Male vs female friendships
And it's generalization
I cant belive that this is still discussed, short friendship maybe posible but long lasting meaningful not really i just feel it is imposible.
@@llanoschoquedavidricardo428 Yea that is the case probably for the opposite gender, but that proves further that it is kinda imposible, yea maybe some shalow not meaningful friendship but life long lasting not realy.
I dont need half of population as a friend i have 1 so meaningful frienship that i wouldnt change it for all the fame, wealth, power on this world
But the point of my main coment is that there is more important things to spend time thinking about than this
@@user-bu6nq1ve6m Not with half the population but with people who belong to a group that is half the population you can't be friend and that's sad
that's your delusion probably based off fear
I just don't want to talk to men the same way I would talk to women
You have a lover but you love your friend even more? 🤔
that in my opinion doesn't make any sense, your lover should be your best friend
@@aletheazabelapadilla7337 platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic ones, and i think there's many problem with pushing these kind of rules on romantic relationships. like "you have to be best friends", or "you have to rely on each other for everything", or "you can't have any secrets". they are detrimental to the relationship itself because you shouldn't Just have your partner and have them be the sole center of your life. all the emphasis there is on your romantic relationship being the most important of your life and the only one you really need and should put all of your focus on, it's an easy slippery slope into toxic or unhappy relationships.
now, i consider my partner to be my friend just on the same level as my other closest friends, i don't label anyone my best friend because it wouldn't be true or help in any way. for some things, i will go to my partner and talk to him about it, for others i can choose to instead rely on another friend who i think can help me better in that situation. this interaction with a friend is not any less valuable than when i confide in my partner.
(and this is not an attack on you, i just think we all should check ourselves so that we don't end up in bad situations, but also so that we don't push what we want and out values on other people and bring them down in the process)
@@sethrayne8076 You have a point. I also think that friendships with people who aren't your partner are good and crucial, something you should not deprive yourself of. We all need different people in our lives because we cannot get all that we need from just a single person. I just meant that the most transparent, the most intimate relationship that one should have is the one with their partner.
this whole speech is contradictory on to itself, something that is contradictory can almost never be true.
She doesn't mean romantic love when she says that she loves her friend more, it's another type of love. I also think that she's trying to say that she has two best friends, one is her lover and one is her childhood friend, and they're not the same person. She loves her lover both as a lover and as a friend, and she loves her childhood friend as a friend.
Men and women cannot be platonic friends . Period.
Yes they can. Literally all my friends are women
They can be bestfriends. I have a girl bestfriend. I told her I choose her to be my bestfriend. I made sure she like me as a friend
Once married these so called opposite gender friendships vanish
Or once one gets into a relationship. Most weak guys who try to “nice guy” their way into a relationship after being friends just get left behind in the dust.
6:52 Generalization
No such thing as true friendship between a man and a woman. You go ahead and believe your fairy tales and see where it gets you. Good talk.
Wrong
@Nemuri Kayama - Midnight seems to me that your guy friend is either 1) repressing himself 2) not straight or 3) straight but a low-end outlier in terms of his libido.
@@MiguelSanchez-tu2en Or he's a normal person, not a Rich Cooper fan
@@elkastico7727 What do you define as a normal person tho?
@@user-yv7nh1mb8jyes because you can 100% know exactly every thought that goes on in another person’s head?? 🤡
Women focus on words, men actions, that's just our innate nature.
Do we have to try and change each other, or complement each other?
That means, men and women are different.
It's individual
Fascinating that this specific Ted talk comes from…not a man….. jus sayin.
Because they needed someone who think with their brain not pp
@@charmingmagican9821 Yeah. Sooooo….. re-analyze that. Because you just said what needed to be said…. Men do think with their pp’s. A ted talk is not going to change that. Guys do need someone around them that doesn’t think with their lust, to even them out…. when you shove a woman into their life it’s not as if they’re magically willing to say “hey you got boobs, but i ain’t aint interested in em!”. Hilarious that people would call that shallow, because it’s reality. Guys ought not to put themselves in positions where they will stumble. Either you’re going out with someone, OR your creating a problem. You’re in a relationship OR you want to be in a relationship.
I’m well aware that you/others believe oppositionally, yes, haha, but as a guy….i’m telling you, we cannot just enter “best friend” type relationships where there is no future relationship. As a girl, you should be thankful for this, because it means we won’t waste your time.
@@quarantinechill_4530 I'm a dude
And your argument is literally just "men are lustful and thats ok"
Yeah guss what smarty pants
Not every man on this rock thinks like that
Ever heard of asexuals ?
@@charmingmagican9821 men are lustful and that’s ok. cause it’s reality.
@@charmingmagican9821 asexuals got nothing to do with this
Its always women who want the friendship simply because they can use men for their own benefit not of men!!!
?
I like having female friends that are just friends. I don't see the big deal
Ah yes the average woman will use you argument
How i hate it
Just think about it, if you have wife/girlfriend what she’s gonna say when you tell her ”I’m going out with this smoking hot girl, she is my friend. Yea we just gonna grab some drinks and maybe hit to the club. And btw I’m probably spend the night at her place because we are so good friend.” Come on 😂😂😂
That´s my problem with this concept..sure, male/female friendsihps are possible, but it is a different kind of friendship, that´s the thing..plus they are less likely I believe and more prone to ending or not being the primary friendship as in you would actually preffer your male friends over this..but ok
Of course it’s a woman talking about this subject..,,
And?
Hahahahaha
@@elkastico7727 And she's presenting only a woman's perspective, which men do not subscribe to. Because we men know better.
@@emanuelmota7217 How can you know that you know better?
@@elkastico7727 Because I'm a man in my 60's and I know men. We're different from women.
Of course men and women can be friends, thats called love :D Case closed
Period.
Yes Disneyland...
This talk is All lies - “A woman can become a man's friend only in the following stages - first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend.”
― Anton Chekhov, The Three Sisters
Quote from someone who was not an expert on this))
So, ignore the gender norms and hold on to people who makes feel happy?
Yes.
Humanity
What she is saying " I need more male attention because I'm a sorry person."
Or you just don't understand English
Agreed
Just picture that cartoon of a dog who's only thinking about his bone to chew on 24/7. That's exactly how men only think about that organ between their legs to fulfill their desires. That's why this female can't be a spokeswoman on this, with all due respect.
So men are the problem?
@@elkastico7727 No, they can't help how they are wired by their biological nature.
@@MariaPerez-sb1xp That wasn't my question
@@MariaPerez-sb1xp I was born male, yet I don't feel like that but ok. Even if you have some biological urge does that u can't control it at all and u can't see women differently, as a people and not only as owners of that organ¿
no
These speeches fell so low.
Lol this is a funny video, but it’s okey, she is a woman, I get that, however, the truth is like this : man and woman can be friends only in the mind of the woman, only because the woman sees the man as friend, a straight man will always in his heart want to get out of the friend zone, that’s facts.
So straight men inevitably fall in love with all the women they know??‽
@@elkastico7727 Not if they are not attracted to them. But if they are not attracted, most are not interested in a friendship with her. Like, what are you going to do with her? Gonna hangout? Have a drink? Have conversations about things you're both into? They are likely not going to waste their time with hanging out, waste their money on a drink and waste again their time on something they could do with their male friends who know more about it and with whom they can vibe more about it. It's just the way it is. It will happen every now and then, but that is not a friendship. That's something between being friends and being acquaintances.
@@eikichionizuka9422 "if they're not attracted" yeah of course
@@eikichionizuka9422 Things that friends do
@@elkastico7727 You don’t have to answer obviously, but are you a man or a woman ? I’m interested to know
No. We are now competitors.
I know right. An that’s never good if you as me.
Lmao
Education
And of course this one comes from a woman. Just skip this one bro
Said no real masculine man ever!....
nonsense
What is a real masculine man anyway
@@elkastico7727It's a bit more complex to explain but you can start with assertive,confident and honest.Also, self assured in a sense of knowing his strengths and weaknesses. A real masculine man will never let a woman walk over him. However, we men tend to lose ourselves once things get serious so it's a ups and downs
@@petkoandreev7869 "assertive, confident and honest" are human's traits, not just men's or do you think that women usually don't have those traits?
You mean *toxic masculine* men
I agree with you paramoremal. I have a girl best friend
Reads title: oh this is going to be good. Grand, we get to listen to a woman's utopian fantasy for 15mins
@Aaron NoneYa men still need a romantic connection
@@llanoschoquedavidricardo428We are different people. Don't call me sad ya don't know me yet. So you can genuinely say you have women in your life that are not family or co workers. That you don't have romantic feelings for / had romantic feelings for that you talk to casually on a regular basis?
@@llanoschoquedavidricardo428 i think he never had any female friends lol
@@Coralbonezzz he sure is a sad incel
@@codiserville593 A man who is attracted to women can have both a romantic partner who is a woman and a best friend who is a woman at the same time, you know
Nope. Men and women can't be friends.
Women should take their male friends out all night and pay for everything. Then the next day she should go out with him and his current GF and also talk about why she's single to both of them! Then after that she should go home and take her dog out for a walk by herself at night...then just maybe then....she can get a glimpse of the rest of her life 😁💯
A women's view! lol
I’d just like to ask anyone to give me 5 advantages girl friends have over guy friends There’s actually nothing
Imagine cracking women jokes with a female friend ^^
They don't male friends are better
@@johanna6876 So... You don't think that if you were to hang out with a male friend and you'd get hit on/cat call and it escalated, your male friend would be the one fighting for you/protecting you? In that same regard, if you are both single, walking around with a male friend prevents you from getting cat called than if you were with one of your girl friends. In the man's case, he'd get even less attention and drops his chances of being approached by a woman from 2 to 0% because we know, women rarely approach men
For me female friends are always there when i am in trouble and male friends only want to party and they don't ask about me in holidays or ask if i am ok they only care about the moment and it's rare 1 out of 3 male friend to trully care.
This woman knows nothing about men
@@llanoschoquedavidricardo428 I think you are a woman. Am I correct?
no, you know nothing about indoctrination socialization and reality
Social constructionism
so you, as a child had a sens of what the adults did and took offence. Not likely.
Lmao yeah............ I thought that too.
Cringe fest
Never
What a silly girl you are....😢😅
The same person giving this lecture, a few years ago, probably can’t even tell the difference between men and women today.
No they should not .
Why?
@@elkastico7727 Because in the overwhelming majority of cases the (straight) guy ends up disproportionately repressing his libido and/or his emotions.
@@MiguelSanchez-tu2en Towards any woman he knows ??
Bs
If women would not wear make up, it would be a lot easier!
Lmao spoken like a true insecure man.
@@wl415 Period.
Kkkkkk