#1 that I don't care about the status quo and often rock the boat. #2 that I don't suffer willful stupidity from adults. #3 that I'm too direct to the point of seeming rude; don't ask me questions you don't want to know the answer to. #4 lol I'm everythin' but passive agressive, cauz I don't mind judging others or be judged by them. #5 bullies hate me cauz I'm not a follower like them, nor do I collect yes-men who always agree with me.
when an infj grows up in a narc/s home, they have to hide who they are to survive. Acting dumb and dumbing down has saved many infjs. I am absolutely positive of that.
I can confirm that this is true. The sick part is, a narc will know on some level that this is what you are doing and take full advantage of it. Don't let narcissists or anyone else control you and harvest your mental energies. It's all a way for them to avoid or pospone having to turn inside and being confronted with their own insecurities, trauma and fear.
@@MzShonuff123 I scared myself with it! I only let it happen one time, because without knowing and without trying to I made a very big, very strong bully at work crumble and try to kill himself after confronting him in my full anger over what he did to others at work, giving him some hard insights into what and who he actually was. Now I don't deny any anger, but I "freeze" myself when I feel I might get to that state, totally calm and quietly spoken in my fury, but... deadly, saying things I didn't even realize I knew about him untill the words came out of my mouth.
The follower leader one absolutely resonates with me. I can’t stand being a follower but I have little to no interest in having followers to lead. 🤷♀️
It’s the worst knowing that we’re at a disadvantage at work because of this. I could be 25% more effective at my job, be more competent at my boss’ job, but only the people who leverage their social status outside of work get promoted.
I’ve always had issues because of that 5th trait. It’s especially difficult to get ahead without kissing ass. Finding a boss that values you for the quality of work you do and not the other is like winning the lotto.
I have one agenda. Don't mess with me. I treat people differently because people are different. I practice this in my personal life, which was essential in my professional life as a counselor.
Enneagram 8? Plus, it's pretty clear that Wenzes talks from a female experience. But then again, I've always avoided the alpha/beta dynamic so, I could easily be missing passive-aggressive male behavior.
My daughter is always in awe with strangers telling me their personal business. She always asks, “Do you know them?”, and when I reply no, she says, “You don’t know them and they just come up to you and tell you their personal business?!” It’s amazing to me too. Never knew why until recently, once I learned about the INFJ personality type. I can also relate to everything that you’re saying in this video. I had to grow to understand all of this on my own, before ever knowing anything about an INFJ. This was a very good and thorough video.
What are some of the traits that I believe irritate others about INFJs? One is being SIGMA. Me marching to the beat of my own drum. Doing things so much different than what they all do. I'm still getting it done. I just found a safer, efficient way of doing it. Sometimes it may mean me "leading from the back of the pack". That irritates people too. However, I don't worry. I'm just me.
Not you're definitely not the only it's waste of energy for me and people opinion doesn't matter to me at all... We see through them how they hate themselves how they're all fake 🤥 so they can fit in the society it's only logical that we don't even consider the slightest feeling that they have against us like like always say it is what it is
You are not!! I've realized these people are probably more upset and bothered by the fact we are indifferent to their judging (Like Chistian said) and don't care if we set our firm boundaries with them.
I think the thing with getting quiet when angry is wanting to take the time to process why we're angry and what the underlying issue is. And also rehearsing the best way to express or articulate the conclusion we come to after putting it all together. For me, too, all that can lead to feeling the need to shut down emotionally, and I get quiet when that happens too.
For me it's because I grew up with parents who blunted my child emotions by crushing me with their unregulated adult rage. By the time I was in high school I had learned it wasn't safe for me to express myself
I have the lone wolf issue at work. Luckily, it's a type of job where basically you jump in on whatever task needs help. I've cut out a niche of being the "filler." I see what needs to be done and I just do it on my own, but I get upset when others, especially betas refuse to do the proper steps when working with me. Everyone I work with shortcuts every chance they get and never think ahead and it's so infuriating 😤
I always called myself the chameleon of society, because of the way I look different to everyone, and I always had different reactions from different people, I thought there was something wrong with that. I'm glad to now know that it's not just me with that issue.
Same here. I feel like I can open up more with some people, like I can connect with them and other people, I just can't connect with them at all. I've been an outsider since I was six years old in school, so I'm used to some people not liking me. It used to bother me when I was younger, but now that I'm older, it doesn't bother me as much. I just consider my cat my best friend and hang out with my cat, read books and watch movies with my cat.
@@HaleyMary def. in the same boat, n I like my alone time a lot now, its freeing. Its very hard to fit in with just anyone, and after my last friend discarded me I've just been sticking with myself and my baby doggo. If someone gives me a chance to be a friend one day though, I wouldn't ignore it.
Same here. Was always a loner kid, and I’ve been told a couple times I come across as inauthentic. I could understand why some may think that but I never knew how to defend myself and explain how that’s not true.
Manager: I hate it that you got potential, but YOU NEVER INITIATE! Me: sori Manager: ok so follow this plan of mine Me: lol nope its shit. Manager: ???????
I don't wanna be a leader but I don't wanna follow - so true. I've thought it's something that pisses off people who think I am gonna be their puppet. It applies for romantic relationships as well- I want freedom and I want the other person to be free too. Some people will never understand this way of thinking, for them there must be a leader and follower. Not taking initiative is a trauma response for me, cause I think I am not enough interesting to take someone's attention. But this passive way of being never worked for me. I guess people perceive me as cold so they don't initiate as well.
When you announced #4 I just started laughing. I've just been stuck in a permanent stage of rage lately. The silence is deafening. I'm keeping quiet because I know I have absolutely destroyed people's ego in the past. Completely take them down to nothing. And I don't want to do that.
🤯 It makes sense to me now why people thought I was fake. I'm not the same with everyone. It was never intentional some people make me more comfortable to be myself than others.
The Leader/Follower at WORK!!! I am incapable of falling into line with this. I will do my job and do it well but I cannot fall into the Follower role and my supervisors hate it.
I’ve noticed that I do have a propensity to irritate people, even if I’m trying my best not to. I never thought about it being an INFJ thing. Interesting. 🤔
I have more problem with "followers" that think I'm a leader, than leaders that want me to follow. The Alphas doesn't bother me, I just do my own thing. But the Betas can drain me of energy. Just because I said Hi and we talk a week ago doesn't mean we have to do everything together. I sometimes just leave them at places to make them grow on their own. This comes especially to ESFJ.
Agreed. My first thought was "should I really care?" We do deserve to be who we are and not what others want us to be. I believe that being able to express my feelings to someone without being rude or nasty, but with genuineness and truth could be irritating; I do it anyway.
These were brilliant aspects. So many things ran through my mind while listening. I haven't learn of myself anywhere as much as here. Great job, Wenzes! I am so grateful.
❤🎯💯 It scares them. On the connection level, it's unmatched. For example, being friends with groups or people who are different or even enemies or competitors.
Cool to know I'm not the only person coded like this lol. Felt isolated and mostly alone my whole life and had no explanation or reason why since parents believe psychology was BS and never wanted to admit their kids were damaged goods with a diagnosis. Was told it's dangerous to try and diagnose yourself but at least seeing other people with the same symptoms can point you in the right direction I think.
At the age of 20, I have made a decision, that helped me with everyone in society. I decided to stop lying to Myself, in order to fit in. I have felt way less conflictions in life.
Would the real me please stand up! We are so good at being what other people want that we forget who the core person is. This isn’t great for our mental health, it’s important to make the connection with our true selves.
~9.40 parallel. Last week a neighbor blocked me in the driveway with his U-haul because he and his family were moving. When I found myself unable to drive out in my car, he came over to explain they were moving away, and why, and sorry about the inconvenience. I said that was okay, but could they please clear the driveway so I could get to work. The two men continued to dodder about the trailer, trying to work out the best way to pack the goods for their move. I realized, they presumed I would patiently sit there until the trailer was filled and after they would done, trundle off to my work. The timeline did not make that possible. I went from quiet, all good, please clear the driveway, to Sigma INFJ. I got out of the car and walked up to the neighbor and explained that I was no longer delayed, but now late for my next appointment. Further, that if I had been advised of their needs, I would have parked my car in the street so they could do their early morning pack. By this stage several strangers (two older men loading trailer, and grandma looking after baby) had come to witness the fracas. I explained to my young neighbor that I had been home the whole evening prior, and if he had explained the situations, I would have gracefully parked on the street. I was given no warning I would be boxed in, and was now boxed in, and my attempt to clear the driveway had been brushed off. I pointed out that I was embarassed that I now looked like a cantankerous old woman unable to cooperate with her neighbors. In front of strangers, who had never met me. Further, that any of them had found themselves boxed in by myself and similar family - they would have called me rude, inconsiderate, presumptive, selfish. Yet, here I was being blocked in my own driveway. Why was this reasonable? Because I was a single older female and simply had to shut up and take abuse from inconsiderate males? They were depriving my ability to work, to reach my customers, to maintain my reputation as a reliable supplier. How was this fair or reasonable? The worst thing about all of this is that I was never given the chance to show my fair, collaborative, we can find a solution side. So I simply looked like a bitch. Next, if they were ever to find themselves in a situation that involved blocking a driveway, maybe they should think about the consequences and give others a chance to make alternative plans or set timelines for the driveway to be blocked/cleared. During this moment, the older males realized they had stuffed up, took down the boxes from the top load, lowered the bed to a safe level and got out of the driveway. They later apologised and it was forgiven. The young male did not apologize and refused to communicate. His loss - he has not matured to the next level.
Not liking to initiate, but not being a follower, I can relate to that so much. I don't like to make the first move a lot of the time to get to know people, I guess for fear that they won't like me. I'm also not a follower because I like to do my own thing a lot of the time and have my own opinions. I think a lot of my friends in my different social circles is confused by this aspect of myself.
I can relate. Not taking initiative is totally trauma response for me cause I feel unworthy of taking any attention by myself. I kind of "wait" for people to show me acceptance which sucks. If not the trauma, I probably stil wouldn't be a leader type, but at least I could initiate conversations with people I want to talk.
As a teenager I remember a friend telling me that I had a split personality. It bothered me at the time but it doesn't so much anymore. Maybe it's because I've ontinued to learn ways to use what I've got to connect with other people. It believe it can be done. We find our own way that works. The five points that you mentioned can help us form strategies to work with what we have, adjusting as we go along. And yes, people are going to be confused and sometimes annoyed. But it's been my experience that if I keep an open-hearted attitude it improves the odds of getting along better with people rather than annoying them, although we might still not always understood. Sometimes I used to feel bad when I wasn't understood, but my experience showed that life still went on and sooner or later I'd be able to find compatible people.
I wonder if all these traits are ways to keep people at a distance - either because we have intimacy issues or we know we are codependant and we don't want to be.
People hate it when they ask me what you going to do tonight do you have plans blah blah know INFJs have goals but if you try and plan something like an outing and it doesn't go exactly right which no plan ever goes exactly the way you plan it it's discontinuous for the infj. Spontaneous is the solution and the best way to go. That's where we shine the most. Specially on a one-on-one basis.
#3 is so relatable to me: 'the INFJ is a different person to every single person they know. There are even different ways to call my name for the different circles of friends I befriended in the different stages of life. And also I had a new nickname on my badge almost at every workplace. I just realized that fact after this video. But of course, I was always aware that all those people I ever met they all have different images and different impressions of me.
I just realized that I've been mirroring others actions,way of thinking and mannerism since forever and I'm f*cking done with that.Constantly repeating something in my head before saying it, constantly asking for reassurance and pointing out my shortcomings to others.This life is too precious to live as someone else! I'm taking charge of my life unapologetically!!
from what I have been shown and said, is its my attitude of not giving a fuk. if they aren't saying I'm crazy then I'm not living my best life right. 😁
I am always me but I do change from person to person I tend to stick to people who hold similar values so I don't have to compromise my own So I now have very few freinds..
I relate to all of these. The sigma thing just clicked explained in this particular manner. I didn't quite grasp it before. I can't be the same person with everyone. I have a calm side and a wild side. I get along best with people who have both. With the rest I show what is closer to their nature. When I do the opposite, I feel like I'm violating something, but I don't know what.
this comment is perfect. that 'violating' feeling is not something I had focused on before. Thank you for pointing it out. I'm going to focus on this feeling and try to understand it.
@@djhardcorehengst6356 Hierarchy is a huge topic. Within the confines of any relationship the hierarchy depends on the people involved and what function the play in each other's lives. The hierarchy that applies in your workplace is not the same you operate by in your, say, romantic relationship. Different roles, different dynamics, different rules. I'd place my bet on some kind of emotional trauma around self-expression.
So true, I have realized that sometimes I feel like my relationship with someone is getting better, so I think I should clear everything between us and start afresh for a better relationship. I end up saying something that makes them uncomfortable or they didn't even think about and they get further away from me or it ends. Sometimes it's all in our mind and the other person has moved on. Mentioning things again spoils everything.
Honestly, I'm at the point that I just don't care about putting others first, I gotta be me and love myself. I can't enable people and they gotta figure it out. We Gotta be assertive and let the Te and Se functions fly. It feels so good! However, I do feel I have a lot more life experience than most anyone.
I’m so glad I found this channel. The not a follower sections made me laugh out loud. I’ve not had those thoughts mirrored back to me before, but I’ve actually said similar words. Good job leading, but no thanks, I’m doing this instead. I didn’t realize that was an infj trait. I’m learning a lot about myself. Thank you!
Hi Wenzes! It's great to see you are still following this path. I can't imagine how many lives you've affected in your time creating content for this channel. Your channel has helped me a lot. I wanted to drop in and express my gratitude to you. ❤️ Thank you humbly ❤️
Appreciate you and your channel! You always provide insight into life long traits and how they can be perceived. Really want to join your boot camp and connect with other INFJ’s. Thx Wenze!
Interestingly, I don’t think I’m all that different in different relationships but because I like so many different kinds of people, who have very different interests, they tend not to get along when put in the same room. The last time I tried to get all of my friends together, I was in my mid 20s working a ridiculous restaurant job that kept me working pretty much six days a week. I decided to have a dinner party and invite all of my female friends over since I wasn’t able to see them one on one. Started out lovely but when the conversations got deeper a few of the women stood so differently on a number of points that they got into a fistfight, and I have never had a large dinner party again. 😂
The hard work you put into your content really shines through, Wenzes 💜!! I’ve just rediscovered your channel and am now so impressed by your recent content and insights, keep up the great work 🎉!!
You hit the nail on the head for me! I've said my entire life before I knew I was INFJ that my friends can't be friends with each other and I'm also more one on one than group friends. And I do act differently to each person but I don't think I'm being fake at all and yes! I hate when they meet each other.
I think ive masked so long you sometimes lose sight of your true self. Ive started focusing on the traits about myself im happy to share with everyone and won't change no matter who im around. Not everything has to be shown either.❤❤
Things I’ve been told by others that I do that is annoying 😂. I’m happy to have ‘impolite’ discussions at parties (sex, religion and politics), I don’t get offended enough, I talk to people who don’t dress or act suitable enough and I see things on both sides of the fence which makes me seem wishy-washy. Oh and I’m hard to get along with because learned helplessness frustrates me even though I understand it and also I think gossip is a useless waste of time and is none of my business and the gossipy person is too.
People sometimes get annoyed by my not wanting to be a leader, but not wanting to be a follower at the same time. I'm not alpha (unless in my own way), and I'm not beta (unless in the way I see it and want to be). Equally, I hate followers and worshippers. I pick that straightaway from the 'sheep-like', and it deeply irritates me. This behaviour is only appropriate in teenagers (in my view), so I don't understand adults worshipping friends, politicians or religious leaders. I feel like saying: 'work on your daddy issues, acknowledge them, or work on your sexuality, come out of the closet; work on your insecurities and co-dependency. I have my issues, but I can't worship anyone.' Then again, it's just my INFJness talking. However, the most contradictory thing is that we don't want to upset others and we also want to feel accepted in a group, which is difficult with so much complexity.
Wow. I truly feel “felt” in this talk. Thank you ❤ I must say that as I’ve entered my 40’s, I am much more accepting of my idiosyncratic ways as an INFJ, but it’s still nice to know I’m not alone in them. 🎉
Thank you I do love creating options to choose from and I love jumping into a frequency of people and practice and test to see if I am improving and what can be improved The mastery of your emotions gives you more abilities to connect with different people. And it's said bring service and value to the marketplace. Be omnipresent all the time become naturally installed in the subconscious. So people start to auto remember you. Make noise by being committed to your true self. And never staying down no matter how dumb or embarrassing you do. Own your thoughts and eliminate all distractions. And constantly lay days over each other with repetitiveness in between
Some day, I'd like someone to evaluate me (maybe another INFJ lol) and tell me if I actually act all that different around different people. The only time I would expect a difference is when I'm around someone I really like. Maybe, since I was such an extreme loner, I never developed this? I didn't subscribe to any social group (peer pressure), and still don't. I do what I want (which is pretty conservative and respectful) with little concern since I know I'm within the bounds of what is socially acceptable (not peer social, but basic social rules). If I have any concern about doing something, it is consistently applied regardless of who is around. Now I'm intrigued. I would like to see a video or something highlighting an INFJ acting different around different people.
I'm a big enough arrogant prick that people who know me have, unfortunately, enough to criticize me... If people are scared of my deepness, they can make different friends. I'm fine with staying acquaintances with those people.
Hi Wenzes! Thank you for the video and all of the time and effort you put into all of your videos. One thing that drives others crazy is that I pick up on every detail and pattern. My memory being rock solid remembering every detail amazes some and others not so much 😂
This explains EXACTLY what happened to me when my family moved to a new town in the middle of the school year when I was 10 years old. The local girls all seemed to know each other well and were very comfortable and gleeful as they ganged up together and ate me for lunch. I was toast for not following them like i was supposed to
@@allysonwhite6261 I understand-- we moved a lot and I went to 6 different elementary schools. The 5th grade one was so snobby and they're who I graduated with so I never felt comfortable in that town.
All my life I dreaded having different people in my life getting mixed and connecting with each other, it always has been important to me to keep everything focused. This also happens when an individual friend tries to add me to a friend group of their own, though generally unsuccessful, at least I don't "risk" damaging a connection with someone like it happens in the first situation.
I alway tried to invite all my various good friends for my birthdays, and that never worked out well. They were all so different. 😂Learned to separate them to different smaller parties late in life. Live and learn.
A thought to share becomes my art of life. A fun idea Go for a simple walk. Some bread dozen roses from a park Or church anywhere. On the walk stop in park to feed some ducks. Take the roses peddle throw one in the water and make easy wishes out load. Animals bring peace to the heart And it always fun feeding anything hungry. The roses and wishes will guarantee it becomes a memory. The wishes is a easy why to open the door to learn a lot about each other. Without asking a hole lot of question. With the info you collect. you can start creating different moments out of the blue as time goes on. To earn the smile from the heart is the relationship
Holding anger inside, dropping hints that are not received or understood, then finally the door slam. Been there done that. I'm amazed at these videos and how they make me feel not so weird, I'm just a normal INFJ lol.
You are so right with these 5 traits that I never heard it put so perfectly. I could relate to all of these. Thanks for explaining it so I could understand.
This is the first time I've heard of the Sigma type, but it makes SO MUCH SENSE to me. I don't want to lead. I'll be part of your group, and be an active member, and join in enthusiastically, but I'm going to ask questions and challenge you, and make lots of tangential connections (intuition!). And then I'm going to move ahead on my own when I feel frustrated or unappreciated. I need to keep learning and growing; it's what feeds my soul. I really want to belong and be part of your group, as long as you don't bore me or dismiss my ideas too often. If you feel threatened by me and act dismissively to me, then I'll see that you don't value me, and I'll move on. (Door slam.) That may sound harsh, but I'd rather be alone than bored and unappreciated. I've wasted too much of my life trusting other people who lied to me and damaged me. Now that I see the pattern, I'm less vulnerable, and more aware of my own values. And my value as a quirky, unique, intuitive, smart, and innovative older woman. ALSO, IMO the very best group leaders/teachers are the ones who are confident and don't feel threatened by questions and strong students. They're wise enough to know they can use that member/student as a resource and a fulcrum! They recognize and admire the passion and challenge. Thank you so much! (I think this video held a light-bulb message for me.)
Another good one Wenzes. Once I got it that I would irritate people no matter how much I wanted to make them happy, life became infinitely simpler. "I'm doing the best I can and I'm trying hard to do the right thing. If we can't agree, then so be it." Life is too short to feel bad when you're really trying. I know I'm not dumb. So, don't even go there.
Yep,...explains a lot...I've understood this to some degree. I don't give the Alpha's the respect they want. I don't disrespect them and in an organizational hierarchy I respect their position as long as I'm not asked to do something that is unethical or against my own well-being. But they want more....they want obedience and submissiveness at a level that I'm not willing to go along wirh. They sense that and there are consequently ALWAYS tensions and. problems. I wanted to join the Navy when I was young but had to scratch it because it terrified my mother who had experienced war. It's a good thing I didn't go....it wouldn't have worked out well. Ha! Excellent, brilliant exposition on INFJ Wenzel. Thanks!
Alpha irritation example #673 I noticed that physicalenergy kinds of runs together in your poster so, not to drag on your idiom, I decided to check to see if this was some derivative of a Jungian or other German philosophical wordsmithery and the best I could find was tatkraft. I'm fascinated by what I'm learning here and since I'm in my 6th decade I've got quite a lot of bingo type experiences that relate to the stories you tell and the curious fascinations of INFJ's...apostrophe included.
Hahaha! My pastor knows I dislike the CC music he wants, but as music leader, I use it out of respect for others. It drives him nuts. He would rather I argued.
This is why I can really respect ESTPs and their drive and initiative but I can't stand to be around them too long. Sometimes barely even hours before I need to get away. I don't want to follow what drives them or even what they initiate but I can be around just long enough to support them or advise them...then I'm out.
Live this so much I can piss people off with # 4 and #5. I will voice my opinion before I completely ignore you. I don’t hide the truth and for # 5 I feel like work best alone and I certainly don’t like to boss anyone around.
They're really good videos though, don't get me wrong, I just don't really like admitting things I'm good at because it always makes other people uncomfortable for some reason... Very tragic.
Thank you so much for this. As ENTP I finally understand why I feel like I don't get along with some INFJs. As far as I know no one ever door slammed me but I had this image of INFJs being this emotionally superior beings and then they behaved completely disrespectful and horrible towards others or me and I was disappointed and walked away. It never occurred to me what the reasons behind this were. They simply don't understand themselves and even though on the surface our types can look similar in some aspects, the angles are very different. Most of my motivations are 'from outside myself'. With two of them I was convinced I met the most insidious narcissists on earth - since most people don't seem to be able to detect those subtleties. Appearing very kind, becoming extremely loud in that, outshining everyone else and then saying really nasty things behind the scenes that would wound others very deeply and they wouldn't even understand why they feel a certain negative way.
I'm sure all of us greatly appreciate your insights and guidance. I'd like to suggest that the reason we INFJs seem to be a different versions of ourselves to each individual is because we are shapeshifters...our emotional bodies naturally take the shape of the other person's unique emotional shape and resonance. This happens quite quickly as we all know. Now reading this, it's no wonder we don't even try to explain ourselves to others lol
Thank you Wenzes. Wow! Your so right about being different with each person. Amazing it’s so easy and helps keep peace. Bam door slam so right. Wenzes you’re a Great communicator. I don’t follow anyone that way I can get to the truth about people it’s INFJ camouflage. Not harmful!
The more a pertain needs to be 'babysat', the further you need to keep then away from you.. they are responsible for their own drama abd they are responsible for carrying their own luggage OF COURSE give honest input BUT don't nanny them.
Beauty,perfection,money,social status,being the open leader which is Alpha yes I became an alpha INFJ now I need a sigma one in my life as a friend female friends because I'm an INFJ-A type of female the assertive one who speaks her mind without fearing any judgement
Thank u for the leader follower thing. I am literally an outcast at my female-dominated work place coz i am a total INFJ 😮 Glad I have understood this now. The games is shitty though. Sucks
My ex used to get mad at me after making me mad while verbally abusing me and I'd go quiet. (Until I blew it back at him one day and he looked at me like I grew three heads lol) I didn't realize the "why" I went quiet until this video. Like, I never analyzed it.
Bottom line: INFJs happily tromp thru the meadows of life with or without friends, on our own schedule, enjoying our terminal sense of wonder knowing the universe was created for us.
I will be honest, I have spoken to quite a few people about INFJs and none of these are the reasons that we get irritated at INFJs. This whole video, however, embodies one of the things that drives us insane. Unable to see any of your faults. Every single one of these "traits" are portrayed in a positive light and diverting the blame on others for getting annoyed, and not at your own problematic behaviour. While I am at it, here is the list I have accumulated of more traits 1. Unable to actually talk about your emotions, without it turning into a blaming game. 2. The moral high horse 3. Manipulative, you will try and coax people into what you think is best for them, without caring what they want. INFJs are have a lot of emotional intelligence, and they often wield it as a weapon. Please, take some time to actually talk to others about your own faults. Mbti is not meant to be used as justification for your shortcomings, instead it serves as a mirror for you to work on your faults, instead of pretending they dont exist, or seeing them theough rose colored lenses.
The INFJ that has the indwelling of the Holy Spirit knows that God will strengthen and avenge them, which removes the temptation for the INFJ to lose control when angered, and instead maintain the ability to take control.
wenzes i first saw you about 10 years ago- but its now that i have almost no friends that this is really sinking in. i need this info more than ever- thank you for explaining!
At the end of the day we INFJ's are humans we do need people to support us which is interdependence a healthy dependence thank you also narcissists,toxic people are actually goners which means crazy people
Oh man, I’m heavily into the silent anger area a lot especially when dealing with a narc blood relative for the past few months now. Ironically I scare the shit of them to the point that they don’t even dare mess with me directly (though they do indirectly mess with me but fortunately my NI already knew their harmful motivations before hand). My predictions of these narcs are so detailed it scares the rest of my family when it does happen.
Sounds like the codependent demon! I think you guys need to learn how to process your feelings instead of retaining them all the time , acknowledge your feelings accept your feelings with love especially the wounded and hard feelings you have for other people that you retain let them surface let them come up acknowledge them accept them give them some love, let them process that's the only way you're going to mature and move from your dark side of your woundedness into the light side of your healing! The retention of feelings makes your life miserable you need to process please understand this and remember another thing you are not your feelings you are the mother or father of your feelings, feelings are represented as your inner child so the wounded feelings would be your wounded inner child your healed feelings would be your healed in her child. Become self-aware and understand this, and your life will be simplified by 100 fold.
What are some of the traits that you believe irritate others about INFJs?
How easy we make life look. How we know ourselves so well and stay true to ourselves no matter how difficult things can get or through change.
Over analyzing (drives me up the wall, too!)
Big dick energy
@@Aldo-Hugo yes our confidence is big big big!
#1 that I don't care about the status quo and often rock the boat.
#2 that I don't suffer willful stupidity from adults.
#3 that I'm too direct to the point of seeming rude; don't ask me questions you don't want to know the answer to.
#4 lol I'm everythin' but passive agressive, cauz I don't mind judging others or be judged by them.
#5 bullies hate me cauz I'm not a follower like them, nor do I collect yes-men who always agree with me.
when an infj grows up in a narc/s home, they have to hide who they are to survive. Acting dumb and dumbing down has saved many infjs. I am absolutely positive of that.
this is so true for me. never thought there was anyone like me in this regard
Im so sorry that both of you had know that from first hand knowledge :(
I can confirm that this is true. The sick part is, a narc will know on some level that this is what you are doing and take full advantage of it. Don't let narcissists or anyone else control you and harvest your mental energies. It's all a way for them to avoid or pospone having to turn inside and being confronted with their own insecurities, trauma and fear.
I have been dumbing down myself for like ever
@@chocovanille5809 same. I get tired of it sometimes, but Ive managed to have longer periods of peace and only 1 or 2 big arguments a year.
I remember the moment I gave myself permission to get angry and express that anger. I surprised everyone.
It's taken me a lot of time to allow myself to express anger openly. It is a life-changer. Like a spice tho, a little can go a long way.
Wow self control.
I wasn't able or willing to shrink from my sister while growing up
I scared folks with it 😂
@@MzShonuff123 me too-- manifestor energy is BIG. Many INFJ s are manifestors in Human Design. If you don't, know plug in your info for a free chart.
@@MzShonuff123
I scared myself with it!
I only let it happen one time, because without knowing and without trying to I made a very big, very strong bully at work crumble and try to kill himself after confronting him in my full anger over what he did to others at work, giving him some hard insights into what and who he actually was.
Now I don't deny any anger, but I "freeze" myself when I feel I might get to that state, totally calm and quietly spoken in my fury, but... deadly, saying things I didn't even realize I knew about him untill the words came out of my mouth.
The follower leader one absolutely resonates with me. I can’t stand being a follower but I have little to no interest in having followers to lead. 🤷♀️
People are irritated by me cause they think am unnecessarily secretive😅don’t like to over share little details about my life.
It’s the worst knowing that we’re at a disadvantage at work because of this.
I could be 25% more effective at my job, be more competent at my boss’ job, but only the people who leverage their social status outside of work get promoted.
It's true I know Jesus told us about judas and why the prophecy was fulfilled for a reason. Jesus told us we will be betrayed.
I’ve always had issues because of that 5th trait. It’s especially difficult to get ahead without kissing ass. Finding a boss that values you for the quality of work you do and not the other is like winning the lotto.
I have one agenda. Don't mess with me. I treat people differently because people are different. I practice this in my personal life, which was essential in my professional life as a counselor.
Enneagram 8?
Plus, it's pretty clear that Wenzes talks from a female experience. But then again, I've always avoided the alpha/beta dynamic so, I could easily be missing passive-aggressive male behavior.
@@m2pozad 5w4
Solid 👊
Yes!
@@WarnerElliott integration into 8 FTW
My daughter is always in awe with strangers telling me their personal business. She always asks, “Do you know them?”, and when I reply no, she says, “You don’t know them and they just come up to you and tell you their personal business?!” It’s amazing to me too. Never knew why until recently, once I learned about the INFJ personality type. I can also relate to everything that you’re saying in this video. I had to grow to understand all of this on my own, before ever knowing anything about an INFJ. This was a very good and thorough video.
Same!!! I feel like a walking bartender 😂. Thought I was an empath, nope just an INFJ!
I always do the INFJ door slam. ✌️😁
What are some of the traits that I believe irritate others about INFJs? One is being SIGMA. Me marching to the beat of my own drum. Doing things so much different than what they all do. I'm still getting it done. I just found a safer, efficient way of doing it. Sometimes it may mean me "leading from the back of the pack". That irritates people too. However, I don't worry. I'm just me.
You’re not an infj 🤣
@@Keralasha444 😂
@Keralasha444 yes he is so is me.
@@Keralasha444 Sigma INFJ
Please tell me I'm not the only INFJ who doesn't care if someone doesn't like them and would voice my opinions if I need to
Not you're definitely not the only it's waste of energy for me and people opinion doesn't matter to me at all... We see through them how they hate themselves how they're all fake 🤥 so they can fit in the society it's only logical that we don't even consider the slightest feeling that they have against us like like always say it is what it is
You are not!! I've realized these people are probably more upset and bothered by the fact we are indifferent to their judging (Like Chistian said) and don't care if we set our firm boundaries with them.
Number 5 - totally. I love to be independent. I dont mind leading but I don’t care about it really.
@Mmonika5 this is me at times I let other people lead.
I think the thing with getting quiet when angry is wanting to take the time to process why we're angry and what the underlying issue is. And also rehearsing the best way to express or articulate the conclusion we come to after putting it all together. For me, too, all that can lead to feeling the need to shut down emotionally, and I get quiet when that happens too.
Yeah I often don't feel comfortable talking about something until I've got a grip on it myself
Absolutely, especially when you live with emotionally hare triggered people.
For me it's because I grew up with parents who blunted my child emotions by crushing me with their unregulated adult rage. By the time I was in high school I had learned it wasn't safe for me to express myself
I have the lone wolf issue at work. Luckily, it's a type of job where basically you jump in on whatever task needs help. I've cut out a niche of being the "filler." I see what needs to be done and I just do it on my own, but I get upset when others, especially betas refuse to do the proper steps when working with me. Everyone I work with shortcuts every chance they get and never think ahead and it's so infuriating 😤
I always called myself the chameleon of society, because of the way I look different to everyone, and I always had different reactions from different people, I thought there was something wrong with that. I'm glad to now know that it's not just me with that issue.
Me too
Same here. I feel like I can open up more with some people, like I can connect with them and other people, I just can't connect with them at all. I've been an outsider since I was six years old in school, so I'm used to some people not liking me. It used to bother me when I was younger, but now that I'm older, it doesn't bother me as much. I just consider my cat my best friend and hang out with my cat, read books and watch movies with my cat.
@@HaleyMary def. in the same boat, n I like my alone time a lot now, its freeing. Its very hard to fit in with just anyone, and after my last friend discarded me I've just been sticking with myself and my baby doggo. If someone gives me a chance to be a friend one day though, I wouldn't ignore it.
Same here. Was always a loner kid, and I’ve been told a couple times I come across as inauthentic. I could understand why some may think that but I never knew how to defend myself and explain how that’s not true.
@@HaleyMary I know what you mean. I love your name Hayley, I almost named my daughter Hayley💕
Manager: I hate it that you got potential, but YOU NEVER INITIATE!
Me: sori
Manager: ok so follow this plan of mine
Me: lol nope its shit.
Manager: ???????
Some good old bs to make you work harder for them… thanks but no, thanks
Okaay!😀
I don't wanna be a leader but I don't wanna follow - so true. I've thought it's something that pisses off people who think I am gonna be their puppet. It applies for romantic relationships as well- I want freedom and I want the other person to be free too. Some people will never understand this way of thinking, for them there must be a leader and follower. Not taking initiative is a trauma response for me, cause I think I am not enough interesting to take someone's attention. But this passive way of being never worked for me. I guess people perceive me as cold so they don't initiate as well.
When you announced #4 I just started laughing. I've just been stuck in a permanent stage of rage lately. The silence is deafening. I'm keeping quiet because I know I have absolutely destroyed people's ego in the past. Completely take them down to nothing. And I don't want to do that.
🤯 It makes sense to me now why people thought I was fake. I'm not the same with everyone. It was never intentional some people make me more comfortable to be myself than others.
The Leader/Follower at WORK!!! I am incapable of falling into line with this. I will do my job and do it well but I cannot fall into the Follower role and my supervisors hate it.
I’ve noticed that I do have a propensity to irritate people, even if I’m trying my best not to. I never thought about it being an INFJ thing. Interesting. 🤔
I have more problem with "followers" that think I'm a leader, than leaders that want me to follow. The Alphas doesn't bother me, I just do my own thing. But the Betas can drain me of energy. Just because I said Hi and we talk a week ago doesn't mean we have to do everything together. I sometimes just leave them at places to make them grow on their own. This comes especially to ESFJ.
Agreed. My first thought was "should I really care?" We do deserve to be who we are and not what others want us to be. I believe that being able to express my feelings to someone without being rude or nasty, but with genuineness and truth could be irritating; I do it anyway.
These were brilliant aspects. So many things ran through my mind while listening. I haven't learn of myself anywhere as much as here. Great job, Wenzes! I am so grateful.
True!..never anywhere I've seen myself...as clear as wenzes does
❤🎯💯 It scares them. On the connection level, it's unmatched. For example, being friends with groups or people who are different or even enemies or competitors.
Cool to know I'm not the only person coded like this lol. Felt isolated and mostly alone my whole life and had no explanation or reason why since parents believe psychology was BS and never wanted to admit their kids were damaged goods with a diagnosis.
Was told it's dangerous to try and diagnose yourself but at least seeing other people with the same symptoms can point you in the right direction I think.
At the age of 20, I have made a decision, that helped me with everyone in society. I decided to stop lying to Myself, in order to fit in.
I have felt way less conflictions in life.
Still the loneliest soul, for years.. but I'd rather be alone, than fake to myself.
Sigma - Male - INFJ.
Would the real me please stand up! We are so good at being what other people want that we forget who the core person is. This isn’t great for our mental health, it’s important to make the connection with our true selves.
~9.40 parallel. Last week a neighbor blocked me in the driveway with his U-haul because he and his family were moving. When I found myself unable to drive out in my car, he came over to explain they were moving away, and why, and sorry about the inconvenience. I said that was okay, but could they please clear the driveway so I could get to work. The two men continued to dodder about the trailer, trying to work out the best way to pack the goods for their move. I realized, they presumed I would patiently sit there until the trailer was filled and after they would done, trundle off to my work. The timeline did not make that possible. I went from quiet, all good, please clear the driveway, to Sigma INFJ. I got out of the car and walked up to the neighbor and explained that I was no longer delayed, but now late for my next appointment. Further, that if I had been advised of their needs, I would have parked my car in the street so they could do their early morning pack. By this stage several strangers (two older men loading trailer, and grandma looking after baby) had come to witness the fracas. I explained to my young neighbor that I had been home the whole evening prior, and if he had explained the situations, I would have gracefully parked on the street. I was given no warning I would be boxed in, and was now boxed in, and my attempt to clear the driveway had been brushed off. I pointed out that I was embarassed that I now looked like a cantankerous old woman unable to cooperate with her neighbors. In front of strangers, who had never met me. Further, that any of them had found themselves boxed in by myself and similar family - they would have called me rude, inconsiderate, presumptive, selfish. Yet, here I was being blocked in my own driveway. Why was this reasonable? Because I was a single older female and simply had to shut up and take abuse from inconsiderate males? They were depriving my ability to work, to reach my customers, to maintain my reputation as a reliable supplier. How was this fair or reasonable? The worst thing about all of this is that I was never given the chance to show my fair, collaborative, we can find a solution side. So I simply looked like a bitch. Next, if they were ever to find themselves in a situation that involved blocking a driveway, maybe they should think about the consequences and give others a chance to make alternative plans or set timelines for the driveway to be blocked/cleared. During this moment, the older males realized they had stuffed up, took down the boxes from the top load, lowered the bed to a safe level and got out of the driveway. They later apologised and it was forgiven. The young male did not apologize and refused to communicate. His loss - he has not matured to the next level.
Not liking to initiate, but not being a follower, I can relate to that so much. I don't like to make the first move a lot of the time to get to know people, I guess for fear that they won't like me. I'm also not a follower because I like to do my own thing a lot of the time and have my own opinions. I think a lot of my friends in my different social circles is confused by this aspect of myself.
I can relate. Not taking initiative is totally trauma response for me cause I feel unworthy of taking any attention by myself. I kind of "wait" for people to show me acceptance which sucks. If not the trauma, I probably stil wouldn't be a leader type, but at least I could initiate conversations with people I want to talk.
@@kobra4422 so relatable, everything you said.
As a teenager I remember a friend telling me that I had a split personality. It bothered me at the time but it doesn't so much anymore. Maybe it's because I've ontinued to learn ways to use what I've got to connect with other people. It believe it can be done.
We find our own way that works. The five points that you mentioned can help us form strategies to work with what we have, adjusting as we go along. And yes, people are going to be confused and sometimes annoyed. But it's been my experience that if I keep an open-hearted attitude it improves the odds of getting along better with people rather than annoying them, although we might still not always understood.
Sometimes I used to feel bad when I wasn't understood, but my experience showed that life still went on and sooner or later I'd be able to find compatible people.
I always focus on not making people uncomfortable. The thought of making anybody uncomfortable bothers me alot. I will walk on eggshells.
I wonder if all these traits are ways to keep people at a distance - either because we have intimacy issues or we know we are codependant and we don't want to be.
People hate it when they ask me what you going to do tonight do you have plans blah blah know INFJs have goals but if you try and plan something like an outing and it doesn't go exactly right which no plan ever goes exactly the way you plan it it's discontinuous for the infj. Spontaneous is the solution and the best way to go. That's where we shine the most. Specially on a one-on-one basis.
#3 is so relatable to me: 'the INFJ is a different person to every single person they know. There are even different ways to call my name for the different circles of friends I befriended in the different stages of life. And also I had a new nickname on my badge almost at every workplace. I just realized that fact after this video. But of course, I was always aware that all those people I ever met they all have different images and different impressions of me.
I just realized that I've been mirroring others actions,way of thinking and mannerism since forever and I'm f*cking done with that.Constantly repeating something in my head before saying it, constantly asking for reassurance and pointing out my shortcomings to others.This life is too precious to live as someone else! I'm taking charge of my life unapologetically!!
from what I have been shown and said, is its my attitude of not giving a fuk. if they aren't saying I'm crazy then I'm not living my best life right. 😁
I am always me but I do change from person to person I tend to stick to people who hold similar values so I don't have to compromise my own
So I now have very few freinds..
I relate to all of these. The sigma thing just clicked explained in this particular manner. I didn't quite grasp it before.
I can't be the same person with everyone. I have a calm side and a wild side. I get along best with people who have both. With the rest I show what is closer to their nature. When I do the opposite, I feel like I'm violating something, but I don't know what.
this comment is perfect. that 'violating' feeling is not something I had focused on before. Thank you for pointing it out. I'm going to focus on this feeling and try to understand it.
You're disrupting the stability of the social hierarchy
@@djhardcorehengst6356 Hierarchy established by whom? It's a friendship or an acquaintanceship. It's up to us. So there's gotta be sth else...
@@light5634 Nah hierarchy is determined and is being reinforced by everybody
@@djhardcorehengst6356 Hierarchy is a huge topic. Within the confines of any relationship the hierarchy depends on the people involved and what function the play in each other's lives. The hierarchy that applies in your workplace is not the same you operate by in your, say, romantic relationship. Different roles, different dynamics, different rules. I'd place my bet on some kind of emotional trauma around self-expression.
So true, I have realized that sometimes I feel like my relationship with someone is getting better, so I think I should clear everything between us and start afresh for a better relationship. I end up saying something that makes them uncomfortable or they didn't even think about and they get further away from me or it ends. Sometimes it's all in our mind and the other person has moved on. Mentioning things again spoils everything.
Awesomely accurate and descriptive presentation, thank you
Honestly, I'm at the point that I just don't care about putting others first, I gotta be me and love myself. I can't enable people and they gotta figure it out. We Gotta be assertive and let the Te and Se functions fly. It feels so good! However, I do feel I have a lot more life experience than most anyone.
I’m so glad I found this channel. The not a follower sections made me laugh out loud. I’ve not had those thoughts mirrored back to me before, but I’ve actually said similar words. Good job leading, but no thanks, I’m doing this instead. I didn’t realize that was an infj trait. I’m learning a lot about myself. Thank you!
I relate with all 5 but I don't think I'll change one bit. 😁
Hi Wenzes! It's great to see you are still following this path. I can't imagine how many lives you've affected in your time creating content for this channel. Your channel has helped me a lot. I wanted to drop in and express my gratitude to you. ❤️ Thank you humbly ❤️
Appreciate you and your channel! You always provide insight into life long traits and how they can be perceived. Really want to join your boot camp and connect with other INFJ’s. Thx Wenze!
Interestingly, I don’t think I’m all that different in different relationships but because I like so many different kinds of people, who have very different interests, they tend not to get along when put in the same room. The last time I tried to get all of my friends together, I was in my mid 20s working a ridiculous restaurant job that kept me working pretty much six days a week. I decided to have a dinner party and invite all of my female friends over since I wasn’t able to see them one on one. Started out lovely but when the conversations got deeper a few of the women stood so differently on a number of points that they got into a fistfight, and I have never had a large dinner party again. 😂
The hard work you put into your content really shines through, Wenzes 💜!! I’ve just rediscovered your channel and am now so impressed by your recent content and insights, keep up the great work 🎉!!
You hit the nail on the head for me! I've said my entire life before I knew I was INFJ that my friends can't be friends with each other and I'm also more one on one than group friends. And I do act differently to each person but I don't think I'm being fake at all and yes! I hate when they meet each other.
I think ive masked so long you sometimes lose sight of your true self. Ive started focusing on the traits about myself im happy to share with everyone and won't change no matter who im around. Not everything has to be shown either.❤❤
Finally i got it. the #5 step explains so much about my life, no more. like you said - i am not going to play that game anymore, i had enough.
Things I’ve been told by others that I do that is annoying 😂. I’m happy to have ‘impolite’ discussions at parties (sex, religion and politics), I don’t get offended enough, I talk to people who don’t dress or act suitable enough and I see things on both sides of the fence which makes me seem wishy-washy.
Oh and I’m hard to get along with because learned helplessness frustrates me even though I understand it and also I think gossip is a useless waste of time and is none of my business and the gossipy person is too.
People sometimes get annoyed by my not wanting to be a leader, but not wanting to be a follower at the same time. I'm not alpha (unless in my own way), and I'm not beta (unless in the way I see it and want to be). Equally, I hate followers and worshippers. I pick that straightaway from the 'sheep-like', and it deeply irritates me. This behaviour is only appropriate in teenagers (in my view), so I don't understand adults worshipping friends, politicians or religious leaders. I feel like saying: 'work on your daddy issues, acknowledge them, or work on your sexuality, come out of the closet; work on your insecurities and co-dependency. I have my issues, but I can't worship anyone.' Then again, it's just my INFJness talking. However, the most contradictory thing is that we don't want to upset others and we also want to feel accepted in a group, which is difficult with so much complexity.
Wow. I truly feel “felt” in this talk. Thank you ❤ I must say that as I’ve entered my 40’s, I am much more accepting of my idiosyncratic ways as an INFJ, but it’s still nice to know I’m not alone in them. 🎉
No. 5 people cannot understand how it works. And that they are all equal to me..."naked" in all their opposites.
Thank you I do love creating options to choose from and I love jumping into a frequency of people and practice and test to see if I am improving and what can be improved
The mastery of your emotions gives you more abilities to connect with different people. And it's said bring service and value to the marketplace. Be omnipresent all the time become naturally installed in the subconscious. So people start to auto remember you. Make noise by being committed to your true self. And never staying down no matter how dumb or embarrassing you do. Own your thoughts and eliminate all distractions. And constantly lay days over each other with repetitiveness in between
❤
Does not everyone have different layers to theirs personality. People are complec - It is not feasible to show all the sides .
Some day, I'd like someone to evaluate me (maybe another INFJ lol) and tell me if I actually act all that different around different people. The only time I would expect a difference is when I'm around someone I really like. Maybe, since I was such an extreme loner, I never developed this? I didn't subscribe to any social group (peer pressure), and still don't. I do what I want (which is pretty conservative and respectful) with little concern since I know I'm within the bounds of what is socially acceptable (not peer social, but basic social rules). If I have any concern about doing something, it is consistently applied regardless of who is around.
Now I'm intrigued. I would like to see a video or something highlighting an INFJ acting different around different people.
Can you make a video on ADHD/infj
Right??
I'm a big enough arrogant prick that people who know me have, unfortunately, enough to criticize me...
If people are scared of my deepness, they can make different friends. I'm fine with staying acquaintances with those people.
OMG! People are irritated at someone's harmony. Isn't that shocking? Aauw, isn't that so sad.
Hi Wenzes! Thank you for the video and all of the time and effort you put into all of your videos. One thing that drives others crazy is that I pick up on every detail and pattern. My memory being rock solid remembering every detail amazes some and others not so much 😂
This explains EXACTLY what happened to me when my family moved to a new town in the middle of the school year when I was 10 years old. The local girls all seemed to know each other well and were very comfortable and gleeful as they ganged up together and ate me for lunch. I was toast for not following them like i was supposed to
Nicely said. I went to 8 different grade schools and moved because of Dad's Navy. Always, the new kid.
Wow! I had this exact experience.
@@allysonwhite6261 I understand-- we moved a lot and I went to 6 different elementary schools. The 5th grade one was so snobby and they're who I graduated with so I never felt comfortable in that town.
All my life I dreaded having different people in my life getting mixed and connecting with each other, it always has been important to me to keep everything focused. This also happens when an individual friend tries to add me to a friend group of their own, though generally unsuccessful, at least I don't "risk" damaging a connection with someone like it happens in the first situation.
I alway tried to invite all my various good friends for my birthdays, and that never worked out well. They were all so different. 😂Learned to separate them to different smaller parties late in life. Live and learn.
A thought to share becomes my art of life.
A fun idea
Go for a simple walk.
Some bread
dozen roses
from a park Or church anywhere.
On the walk stop in park to feed some ducks.
Take the roses peddle throw one in the water and make easy wishes out load.
Animals bring peace to the heart
And it always fun feeding anything hungry.
The roses and wishes will guarantee it becomes a memory.
The wishes is a easy why to open the door to learn a lot about each other.
Without asking a hole lot of question.
With the info you collect.
you can start creating different moments out of the blue as time goes on.
To earn the smile from the heart is the relationship
Holding anger inside, dropping hints that are not received or understood, then finally the door slam. Been there done that. I'm amazed at these videos and how they make me feel not so weird, I'm just a normal INFJ lol.
You are so right with these 5 traits that I never heard it put so perfectly. I could relate to all of these. Thanks for explaining it so I could understand.
Being “open”. has not worked for me!
This is the first time I've heard of the Sigma type, but it makes SO MUCH SENSE to me.
I don't want to lead.
I'll be part of your group, and be an active member, and join in enthusiastically, but I'm going to ask questions and challenge you, and make lots of tangential connections (intuition!).
And then I'm going to move ahead on my own when I feel frustrated or unappreciated. I need to keep learning and growing; it's what feeds my soul.
I really want to belong and be part of your group, as long as you don't bore me or dismiss my ideas too often.
If you feel threatened by me and act dismissively to me, then I'll see that you don't value me, and I'll move on. (Door slam.)
That may sound harsh, but I'd rather be alone than bored and unappreciated.
I've wasted too much of my life trusting other people who lied to me and damaged me. Now that I see the pattern, I'm less vulnerable, and more aware of my own values. And my value as a quirky, unique, intuitive, smart, and innovative older woman.
ALSO, IMO the very best group leaders/teachers are the ones who are confident and don't feel threatened by questions and strong students.
They're wise enough to know they can use that member/student as a resource and a fulcrum! They recognize and admire the passion and challenge.
Thank you so much!
(I think this video held a light-bulb message for me.)
Being my AUTHENTIC SELF despite how others react is making me very content and happy with myself. I demand RESPECT not ADMIRATION ❤
Another good one Wenzes. Once I got it that I would irritate people no matter how much I wanted to make them happy, life became infinitely simpler.
"I'm doing the best I can and I'm trying hard to do the right thing. If we can't agree, then so be it." Life is too short to feel bad when you're really trying. I know I'm not dumb. So, don't even go there.
Yep,...explains a lot...I've understood this to some degree. I don't give the Alpha's the respect they want. I don't disrespect them and in an organizational hierarchy I respect their position as long as I'm not asked to do something that is unethical or against my own well-being. But they want more....they want obedience and submissiveness at a level that I'm not willing to go along wirh. They sense that and there are consequently ALWAYS tensions and. problems. I wanted to join the Navy when I was young but had to scratch it because it terrified my mother who had experienced war. It's a good thing I didn't go....it wouldn't have worked out well. Ha! Excellent, brilliant exposition on INFJ Wenzel. Thanks!
My gf (enfp) says I put out a "don't F with me" vibe. It makes sense because I don't let many into my deep inner world. They'd never understand it!
Alpha irritation example #673
I noticed that physicalenergy kinds of runs together in your poster so, not to drag on your idiom, I decided to check to see if this was some derivative of a Jungian or other German philosophical wordsmithery and the best I could find was tatkraft.
I'm fascinated by what I'm learning here and since I'm in my 6th decade I've got quite a lot of bingo type experiences that relate to the stories you tell and the curious fascinations of INFJ's...apostrophe included.
Hahaha! My pastor knows I dislike the CC music he wants, but as music leader, I use it out of respect for others. It drives him nuts. He would rather I argued.
Very good and concise definition of the Beta and Alpha dance and where the INFJ fits in...or rather doesn't fit in.
Just because we CAN get along with anyone doesn't mean we SHOULD.
This is why I can really respect ESTPs and their drive and initiative but I can't stand to be around them too long. Sometimes barely even hours before I need to get away. I don't want to follow what drives them or even what they initiate but I can be around just long enough to support them or advise them...then I'm out.
Live this so much I can piss people off with # 4 and #5. I will voice my opinion before I completely ignore you. I don’t hide the truth and for # 5 I feel like work best alone and I certainly don’t like to boss anyone around.
Not gonna lie, I sometimes feel a bit narcissistic binging videos like this.
They're really good videos though, don't get me wrong, I just don't really like admitting things I'm good at because it always makes other people uncomfortable for some reason... Very tragic.
Thank you so much for this. As ENTP I finally understand why I feel like I don't get along with some INFJs. As far as I know no one ever door slammed me but I had this image of INFJs being this emotionally superior beings and then they behaved completely disrespectful and horrible towards others or me and I was disappointed and walked away. It never occurred to me what the reasons behind this were. They simply don't understand themselves and even though on the surface our types can look similar in some aspects, the angles are very different. Most of my motivations are 'from outside myself'. With two of them I was convinced I met the most insidious narcissists on earth - since most people don't seem to be able to detect those subtleties. Appearing very kind, becoming extremely loud in that, outshining everyone else and then saying really nasty things behind the scenes that would wound others very deeply and they wouldn't even understand why they feel a certain negative way.
I'm sure all of us greatly appreciate your insights and guidance. I'd like to suggest that the reason we INFJs seem to be a different versions of ourselves to each individual is because we are shapeshifters...our emotional bodies naturally take the shape of the other person's unique emotional shape and resonance. This happens quite quickly as we all know. Now reading this, it's no wonder we don't even try to explain ourselves to others lol
Thank you Wenzes. Wow! Your so right about being different with each person. Amazing it’s so easy and helps keep peace. Bam door slam so right. Wenzes you’re a Great communicator. I don’t follow anyone that way I can get to the truth about people it’s INFJ camouflage. Not harmful!
Excellent Video ….This explains everything ….. Spot On ….Thank You 🙏🦋
Hi wenzes....can you make a video about the basic similarities and differences between INFJ and INFP...please..??
I'd check out CPT for accurate information pertaining to cognitive types
The more a pertain needs to be 'babysat', the further you need to keep then away from you.. they are responsible for their own drama abd they are responsible for carrying their own luggage OF COURSE give honest input BUT don't nanny them.
Beauty,perfection,money,social status,being the open leader which is Alpha yes I became an alpha INFJ now I need a sigma one in my life as a friend female friends because I'm an INFJ-A type of female the assertive one who speaks her mind without fearing any judgement
Thank u for the leader follower thing. I am literally an outcast at my female-dominated work place coz i am a total INFJ 😮 Glad I have understood this now. The games is shitty though. Sucks
My ex used to get mad at me after making me mad while verbally abusing me and I'd go quiet. (Until I blew it back at him one day and he looked at me like I grew three heads lol) I didn't realize the "why" I went quiet until this video. Like, I never analyzed it.
Bottom line: INFJs happily tromp thru the meadows of life with or without friends, on our own schedule, enjoying our terminal sense of wonder knowing the universe was created for us.
Very accurate, I don’t follow 😅!!
But I’m also not bothered leading
I will be honest, I have spoken to quite a few people about INFJs and none of these are the reasons that we get irritated at INFJs.
This whole video, however, embodies one of the things that drives us insane. Unable to see any of your faults. Every single one of these "traits" are portrayed in a positive light and diverting the blame on others for getting annoyed, and not at your own problematic behaviour.
While I am at it, here is the list I have accumulated of more traits
1. Unable to actually talk about your emotions, without it turning into a blaming game.
2. The moral high horse
3. Manipulative, you will try and coax people into what you think is best for them, without caring what they want. INFJs are have a lot of emotional intelligence, and they often wield it as a weapon.
Please, take some time to actually talk to others about your own faults. Mbti is not meant to be used as justification for your shortcomings, instead it serves as a mirror for you to work on your faults, instead of pretending they dont exist, or seeing them theough rose colored lenses.
The INFJ that has the indwelling of the Holy Spirit knows that God will strengthen and avenge them, which removes the temptation for the INFJ to lose control when angered, and instead maintain the ability to take control.
wenzes i first saw you about 10 years ago- but its now that i have almost no friends that this is really sinking in. i need this info more than ever- thank you for explaining!
At the end of the day we INFJ's are humans we do need people to support us which is interdependence a healthy dependence thank you also narcissists,toxic people are actually goners which means crazy people
Thanks dear ❤
I fear my anger too damn! 😂 Funny u call it a demon coz it truly feels like damn. Gosh u are so helpful hun. Thank you.
When these kinds of ppl become focused it can get dangerous. Like warming up to something over time.
Sometimes Irritate myself with negative thoughts :P
Oh man, I’m heavily into the silent anger area a lot especially when dealing with a narc blood relative for the past few months now. Ironically I scare the shit of them to the point that they don’t even dare mess with me directly (though they do indirectly mess with me but fortunately my NI already knew their harmful motivations before hand). My predictions of these narcs are so detailed it scares the rest of my family when it does happen.
Boy...Point 3 really hit the point....I love this channel - thank you so much.
The 5th point is pretty savage. Hey, you are doing great but I don't follow you.
Sounds like the codependent demon!
I think you guys need to learn how to process your feelings instead of retaining them all the time , acknowledge your feelings accept your feelings with love especially the wounded and hard feelings you have for other people that you retain let them surface let them come up acknowledge them accept them give them some love, let them process that's the only way you're going to mature and move from your dark side of your woundedness into the light side of your healing!
The retention of feelings makes your life miserable you need to process please understand this and remember another thing you are not your feelings you are the mother or father of your feelings, feelings are represented as your inner child so the wounded feelings would be your wounded inner child your healed feelings would be your healed in her child. Become self-aware and understand this, and your life will be simplified by 100 fold.