😂, very unexpected reply to see here! I thought the video was kind of off for me. Seemed like he was too far left in certain aspects.... My other thought was I wonder how a single dad with this mindset might fare with small children..., because so many dads are stepping into single parenting....
Sorry but an emotionally unavailable man is a man that has some how been traumatized (as we all have!) and holds that unexpressed grief deeply to his core. If he is unable or unwilling to do the deep shadow work/grief work that is needed, then by god run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
The fact that you haven’t acted as a protector or provider is entirely due to your decision. There are tons of way women can be cared for, protected and helped in modern day times. They are more vulnerable by definition. You just chose to ignore the opportunities to do so. Don’t shift responsibility for your behavior onto other gender.
I have spent the last 6 years working on myself. And this concept wants me to help somebody else feel like a hero when he has done no work for him self. Why would you even want to be with a boy. Just get rid of him and find a real MAN. If a guy can't see that you're great and think you're the prize, he's just going to leave you anyway further next girl that blows smoke up his ass. And how long do you have to keep this up just for him to be a man to you. The only boy I need to worry about and being a good man is my son.
Firstly I have been enjoying your videos. Although, I think this video should be called “make her chase you”, because it seems like the Male is definitely not doing the chasing at all hahaha. I personally find it a little sad that a Woman has to go to these sorts of lengths to pursue a Male that has already expressed to her that he is “emotionally unavailable” anyway. It’s started off in a way in which it is almost like a challenge and if she is lucky enough she may just win the prize at the end. Throughout this pursuit the Male is getting his ego boosted, with all the attention being focused on him. To me that energy could be channeled on a Male that has expressed his mutual interest from the get go and has worked on himself enough to be "emotionally available". Where they can come together equally wanting to pursue one another and the relationship flows is a more organic direction.
Hi Louise, glad you've been enjoying the videos and thanks for leaving a comment! Everything you say makes complete sense. I don't think these things are black or white. Every situation is different. I think the "hero instinct" idea is interesting and worth exploring but sometimes it's better to move on from emotionally unavailable men.
ya- give me a break. The woman should " help" the man feel needed. Jesus- how about the man should do his own bloody work on his " defectiveness' syndrome so her "feels" like the hero he wants to be-and quit looking for " mommy to fix it " for him
@@shelleyugyan5157 there's a huge difference between "being his mommy" and make him feel needed. If you can guide and support a man to his own success, he will be forever thankful to you. Or you can find a man with all that from the start and you're just his trophy.
Why should women put in effort to trigger the hero instinct in men? Who cares if men want to be a hero or not? If a man is committed to a woman, the natural hero instinct in men would be triggered on their own. Emotionally unavailable men who cannot open up to women should get treatment and not to be dependent on women to help them trigger their hero instinct.
I don't think there's anything wrong with learning something interesting about how men are wired, and to your comment "who cares if men want to be a hero," it's well-documented in male psychology that the hero instinct is a real thing, whether you think it's worthy of indulging or not. No one is forcing you to follow his advice, but you don't have to crap on women who'd like to understand men better (something I'd be willing to bet you automatically expect men to do for women, but I digress.)
I think you should look into attachment types, especially dismissive avoidant. A man with this attachment style do need support and guidance for sure, and he can change. Dismissives has strong trauma of abandonment from childhood, this can be enotionally or physically. It could have happened when they were an infant,so they expect being left as a default, so they simply do not attach, as it is a coping mechanism. It is not a womans job to change a man. He needs to do this himself. It is not enough to be supportive to an emotionally unavailable man. How do you deal with conflicts in a relationships? How do you deal with bad behaviour? Playing games, gas lighting etc? You can not support a man out of coping mechanisms that are disrespectful towards yourself. Plus the hero thing is not a new concept, Carl Gustaf Jung did come up with archetypes. And Hero is one of them. Although these concepts has always been there, especially in religion.
As a strong, independent woman, what if I have the hero instinct?! Does this apply to me? I can’t hero a guy…having a past with a narcissist faux hero-
Is there a "meh' button.? What about mutual heroship? What about mutually "helping" each other? Isn't that partnership? Why as a woman is it our job to give the emotionally unavailable man what he needs? I have been called emotionally unavailable myself. Through lots of self work I have realized holy shit, I engage with emotionally unavailable men because I AM not available, but it is so much easier to put the blame elsewhere. ALSO I see that I delve so deeply into my emotions constantly, I AM emotionally available to me, but not to others. Maybe my bottom line, is that I somehow think that what I feel is not loveable or acceptable, (still working on it) so the walls continue with a different label in another form, but it is the same shit. What about mutual help and guidance between people? Isn't that real non egoic growth? I'm laughing because if our interview if it ever happens will be really hard to edit. Also honest question: what if an unemotional man meets a woman who is not a chaser, but is also not willing to be a damsel in distress? Also I have started saying" I have been emotionally unavailable" not "I AM emotionally unavailable".
I think we all should activate the hero instinct in each other. It just happens that this video focuses more on men being emotionally unavailable because that's something I know more about.
You missed the part where it says is biology. If you care to notice most men gravitate towards very kind or slightly helpless (in an emotional way) women, women who need some type of help or women who know how to give gratitude and ask advice without being "I don't need him to mansplain me". Ofc helping each other is a thing, but it will work in different ways inside each person. In other words... Men want to feel needed.
Emotionally unavailable men are great until you seem to serve tgem no purpose. When you both hit a hard place where stress is great for you or him, his hero runs away, and leaves you stuck in primal distress and bleeding out.... At least that is what my hero did when I was sick, pregnant, and in recovery..... He can unlock his iwn hero in the community before connecting with a women for that purpose, and then they both can enjoy a life partnership in which they enjoy each other's presence because they are both great humans of balance character.
Don’t want to focus on your emotions?? Haha men should work on that then. Why do women need to repress themselves so men don’t feel overwhelmed. Crazy.
I'll give the best advice for you ladies... 'Leave'
Yea men like this have major issues.
Exactly narcissist.
@@Denzella2154 disgusting. Hypnotherapy helps for narcs depending where they are on the spectrum.
😂, very unexpected reply to see here!
I thought the video was kind of off for me. Seemed like he was too far left in certain aspects....
My other thought was I wonder how a single dad with this mindset might fare with small children..., because so many dads are stepping into single parenting....
Sorry but an emotionally unavailable man is a man that has some how been traumatized (as we all have!) and holds that unexpressed grief deeply to his core.
If he is unable or unwilling to do the deep shadow work/grief work that is needed, then by god run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
6:16 finally points are mentioned
The fact that you haven’t acted as a protector or provider is entirely due to your decision. There are tons of way women can be cared for, protected and helped in modern day times. They are more vulnerable by definition. You just chose to ignore the opportunities to do so. Don’t shift responsibility for your behavior onto other gender.
So well put 👏 a man can also activate a woman's femininity by protecting and providing. The dynamic goes both ways.
What a bunch of nonsense. Women, date men that want you... That's all.... It's less stressful....
I have spent the last 6 years working on myself. And this concept wants me to help somebody else feel like a hero when he has done no work for him self. Why would you even want to be with a boy. Just get rid of him and find a real MAN. If a guy can't see that you're great and think you're the prize, he's just going to leave you anyway further next girl that blows smoke up his ass. And how long do you have to keep this up just for him to be a man to you. The only boy I need to worry about and being a good man is my son.
I think the answer is to heal. Who made you emotionally unavailable?
Firstly I have been enjoying your videos. Although, I think this video should be called “make her chase you”, because it seems like the Male is definitely not doing the chasing at all hahaha. I personally find it a little sad that a Woman has to go to these sorts of lengths to pursue a Male that has already expressed to her that he is “emotionally unavailable” anyway. It’s started off in a way in which it is almost like a challenge and if she is lucky enough she may just win the prize at the end. Throughout this pursuit the Male is getting his ego boosted, with all the attention being focused on him. To me that energy could be channeled on a Male that has expressed his mutual interest from the get go and has worked on himself enough to be "emotionally available". Where they can come together equally wanting to pursue one another and the relationship flows is a more organic direction.
Hi Louise, glad you've been enjoying the videos and thanks for leaving a comment!
Everything you say makes complete sense. I don't think these things are black or white. Every situation is different. I think the "hero instinct" idea is interesting and worth exploring but sometimes it's better to move on from emotionally unavailable men.
Men are prizes. Historically, they provide and protect for their woman for the rest of her life. That is one hell of a prize.
@@ThePimpedOutPlatypus
So are women. They nurture and take care of a man. Etc
ya- give me a break. The woman should " help" the man feel needed. Jesus- how about the man should do his own bloody work on his " defectiveness' syndrome so her "feels" like the hero he wants to be-and quit looking for " mommy to fix it " for him
@@shelleyugyan5157 there's a huge difference between "being his mommy" and make him feel needed. If you can guide and support a man to his own success, he will be forever thankful to you. Or you can find a man with all that from the start and you're just his trophy.
Why should women put in effort to trigger the hero instinct in men? Who cares if men want to be a hero or not? If a man is committed to a woman, the natural hero instinct in men would be triggered on their own. Emotionally unavailable men who cannot open up to women should get treatment and not to be dependent on women to help them trigger their hero instinct.
I don't think there's anything wrong with learning something interesting about how men are wired, and to your comment "who cares if men want to be a hero," it's well-documented in male psychology that the hero instinct is a real thing, whether you think it's worthy of indulging or not. No one is forcing you to follow his advice, but you don't have to crap on women who'd like to understand men better (something I'd be willing to bet you automatically expect men to do for women, but I digress.)
I think you should look into attachment types, especially dismissive avoidant. A man with this attachment style do need support and guidance for sure, and he can change. Dismissives has strong trauma of abandonment from childhood, this can be enotionally or physically. It could have happened when they were an infant,so they expect being left as a default, so they simply do not attach, as it is a coping mechanism.
It is not a womans job to change a man. He needs to do this himself. It is not enough to be supportive to an emotionally unavailable man. How do you deal with conflicts in a relationships? How do you deal with bad behaviour? Playing games, gas lighting etc? You can not support a man out of coping mechanisms that are disrespectful towards yourself.
Plus the hero thing is not a new concept, Carl Gustaf Jung did come up with archetypes. And Hero is one of them. Although these concepts has always been there, especially in religion.
Its biology 101. You dont have to like it, but it is natural for a man to be motivated by hero instinct. Women are just motivated by different things.
What can I ask him to do for me while in a LDR?
As a strong, independent woman, what if I have the hero instinct?! Does this apply to me? I can’t hero a guy…having a past with a narcissist faux hero-
Is there a "meh' button.? What about mutual heroship? What about mutually "helping" each other? Isn't that partnership? Why as a woman is it our job to give the emotionally unavailable man what he needs? I have been called emotionally unavailable myself. Through lots of self work I have realized holy shit, I engage with emotionally unavailable men because I AM not available, but it is so much easier to put the blame elsewhere. ALSO I see that I delve so deeply into my emotions constantly, I AM emotionally available to me, but not to others. Maybe my bottom line, is that I somehow think that what I feel is not loveable or acceptable, (still working on it) so the walls continue with a different label in another form, but it is the same shit. What about mutual help and guidance between people? Isn't that real non egoic growth? I'm laughing because if our interview if it ever happens will be really hard to edit. Also honest question: what if an unemotional man meets a woman who is not a chaser, but is also not willing to be a damsel in distress? Also I have started saying" I have been emotionally unavailable" not "I AM emotionally unavailable".
I think we all should activate the hero instinct in each other. It just happens that this video focuses more on men being emotionally unavailable because that's something I know more about.
You missed the part where it says is biology. If you care to notice most men gravitate towards very kind or slightly helpless (in an emotional way) women, women who need some type of help or women who know how to give gratitude and ask advice without being "I don't need him to mansplain me".
Ofc helping each other is a thing, but it will work in different ways inside each person. In other words... Men want to feel needed.
@@veronicaalmeda8014 completely incorrect. They gravitate towards women who make them chase, period. Not worth it.
I salute the humility it must take to admit to one’s emotional unavailability
He seems to be ignorant
This video was a little infuriating
If he is unemotionally unnavailable, just go elsewhere
Emotionally unavailable men are great until you seem to serve tgem no purpose. When you both hit a hard place where stress is great for you or him, his hero runs away, and leaves you stuck in primal distress and bleeding out.... At least that is what my hero did when I was sick, pregnant, and in recovery..... He can unlock his iwn hero in the community before connecting with a women for that purpose, and then they both can enjoy a life partnership in which they enjoy each other's presence because they are both great humans of balance character.
where are the questions in the description you mentioned at 7:24?
How about just get in touch with emotions 🙄
This is not a new concept.
Don’t want to focus on your emotions?? Haha men should work on that then. Why do women need to repress themselves so men don’t feel overwhelmed. Crazy.
Because you are the one seeking a relationship with him so you have to do all the work
This is extremely invaluable information! Thanks so much for making this video 👍
You're welcome!
Men. NEVER chase a woman. This is the kind of behavior that will push them away. Women like to chase
I will never chase a man
In nature, the males pursue. The females decide whether to accept. I will never chase a man.