Nah, the marrige is not struggling, most likely there is allready atleast emotional cheating not physical. WIth that the relationship is dead allready to a big part, the former relationship is terminated.
If your partner so much as suggests that they want to sleep with other people, the proper response is, "You can sleep with whoever you want because you're single now."
I had a former coworker years ago try this. She was the one that initiated it too but her husband ended up leaving her for the other woman and they got married. She was devastated and said it was the worst decision she ever made. It was a little hard to feel sorry for her when she opened that Pandora’s box in her own marriage.
Exactly. She invited that risk into her marriage by turning to another man instead of working on her marriage from the beginning. Her values were not with her husband and the vow she took. There are consequences to poor decisions.
Aaaand that’s why people should never engage in polyamory 1) to fix a problem, or 2) by coercing or convincing the other person. Sounds like your coworker’s husband is still monogamous by nature, and she gave him permission to basically interview her own replacement 😬
this is typically how it ends when the wife basically forces a husband who is monogamous into this situation. This callers marriage is over. The husband doesn't look at her the same anymore, and now that he has realized he can replace her, its done. Very hard to get a man to change his feelings when he is just basically done. She is only calling in bc i have a feeling she knows this and realizes she blew up her marriage for a guy who was just using her (shocker no guy is going to take a married woman who wants to sleep with them serious).
@@letsgetjackdup9952 First, that's just objectively false. I personally know many successful nonmonogamous couples; some have an open relationship, others are polyamorous - they figure out what works best for the people involved. Secondly, a huuuuge percentage of _monogamous_ marriages don't work out, either, so.. But, thirdly, I think it'd be best for everyone - monogamous, and otherwise - if we started seeing relationship success in terms of things like: did we learn/grow alongside each other, are our lives both better for having been involved with each other, etc. While finding and maintaining a lifelong partner is the ideal/ultimate goal for most romantically-inclined people, I think we do ourselves a huge disservice by implying that JUST because a couple splits up, it means that relationship was a "waste" or a "failure."
My son’s wife cheated on him for 6 months before he found out. Once he found out, she suggested an open relationship. He asked my advice and I suggest not doing such thing, and also to just separate and try to be the best father he can be to his children. That was a few months ago, now she wants him back once her affair partner dumped her to go work things with his wife. My son has decided on a divorce . He will not forgive or forget what happened and his wife thinks that’s selfish of him! She is such a selfish , egotistical woman and she will reap what she sowed sooner and later .
Happened to a family member of ours. It was a super dark time in his life, but he married again, and they ended up being such a great couple. Energy wise, your son would have felt that disconnect when he was with her, even if it was subconsciously. when he meets someone who really loves him, something will click in his mind and he will say, "Oh, wow, so this is what it should feel like..." BTW, that family member- years later, the first wife is an absolute train wreck. She has nothing and no one. Egotistical selfish people don't do well with others.
I wish I could agree with what is being said here and I usually think it's pretty sound advice but somehow I think in this video he was too forgiving of her. Many ppl aren't 100% honest when they open up the relationship and even though then the partner also gets some dates, for the person who initiates it never stings as much because they are in the "affair fog" (in reality when ppl ask to open they are already interested in fucking somebody outside the marriage). And that parenthesis is the key point, 1 of 2 ppl interested in braking the vows. TBH I think most men could "play along" but in reality they will never get over that kind of betrayal. In reality this is a cheating case and about her betrayal to the marriage running away from problems and asking the guy to pickup the pieces now. Typical woman, fucks up but it's all "just some mistakes" and zero accountability and now it's up to the man to tolerate all kinds of BS and fix it. TBH I think simps like this are what makes so many women so toxic. There is always a dumb guy there waiting to save her just for a chance of some female attention or sex. Very weak men indeed. Your son was a strong man, you raised him right and you are a good and supportive mother. I've noticed in some families even the mothers are in this "toxic women club" where the mothers will make their son's life's miserable if that is needed as a stepping stone for another woman. Pretty sad to put family and bloodline on risk just because "girl power". No one in the right mind would want their sons and daughters (if they truly love them as much or more as themselves) going through what is described here... the same way nobody wants to experience it, unless they are insane.
She overlooks that SHE will be in that new fling which is why it won't turn out. She needs to fix her own delinquent mindset before she starts thinking it could ever work out with anyone.
She only cares about her self and her needs, then when you ask her about her husband she just says he is there. Divorce him, spare him and the damage you’ve done.
I get your point. She doesn't see being married to her husband as a union between man and woman. It's going to be hard moving forward. I hope they can both be happy.
As the husband, and i get asked, my answer is go with your plans but i will also start the life of a single aswell. You obviously did alreay in your mind if you not already has been cheating. I would end the marriage/relationship right if i get asked. I may give her a a very very smal chance for reconsiliation, if i get the whole story and she is willing to do a lot of work on her self in the right direction.
@RearviewWisdom, Why are people so obsessed with sex. My god. It's like the only thing they live for. Your reason to get in a marriage and stay in one seriously shouldn't be about sex.
I've known 10-ish couples who chose an open marriage. Only 2 are still together. I think the only ones that "work" are those that realized it wouldn't save their relationship. If you are stepping out to "save" your relationship, your relationship is over.
Perhaps you can share the details that kept the two couples together so we can learn from them. Maybe you could even let us know the details if you have tried it with their direct support.
I've seen a few that worked, and I think the main thing is that they aren't going outside the marriage to fix the marriage, but rather they believe that sex is just sex, or they feel that it is normal to romantically love more than one person. I don't agree with it, but its very different from cheating with permission from someone who is afraid of losing their wife.
Yeah, when you really think about it logically, seeing other people is something that will strain the relationship. People have to make more effort to manage their feelings and to stay connected, and if they are already having issues, they probably won’t have the resources and commitment to do that
It’s sickening that all of these married people are screwing up the dating pool. I’m sick to death of the married men who ask me out. You’re MARRIED! I do not want to be involved in adultery! Polyamory is NONSENSE. There is no love involved in cheating on your spouse and using single people who want to get married as emotional and physical tampons.
Im also sick to death of all the married women asking me to come f them. My neighbor wanted me to comw f her while her hubby is away on the night shift.
I just imagine some specialist weaseling his way in at the gym and convincing her he will solve her problems by sleeping with her, with his permission lol. Husband was probably done anyways and figured he would collect the BAH with dep while she did her thing 😂.
No kiddin... I yet have to read a single report of a man doing that to his wife and being applauded for wanting to "explore". John seems quick to excuse her behavior on the assumption that her husband is a scumbag... "Build something new from scratch, which is awesome." FFS John, let see how you'd approach it if there was such a breach of your trust like that from your wife...
@@Stantorr I have yet to hear a situation where John holds a woman responsible for choices she made; there is always something that excuses the behavior.
@@David-wo9un That is something I have noticed, a bit in the normal Ramsey show too where most of the responsibility is on the guy. Good thing that their baseline advice is good or else I'd drop them instantly.
@@jacksgl777 she was thinking about starting an open relationship. Sign number 1 that she isn’t trying to talk to him either. She then started and ended the open relationship all on her own and still isn’t even interested in what her husband has to say about it? Sign number 2 that she isn’t trying to communicate and would rather run from her problems or make excuses. Sounds like her man was unhappy with her before, agreed just to make her happy and maybe himself, and is now thinking of how to get out. No one walks around with zero thoughts in their head lol
I hate to break it to her but her husband will never think of her/their marriage in the same way again. Once you cross certain lines there’s no coming back from it.
Yeah people seem to think of open marriages as a switch. In reality, it's more like a fuse. From an old 1940's building. And you don't have a replacement. And you can never get one.
@@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559 just because they married at 18? I don't think so. People get divorced at high ages and maturity is not only about age. She was obviously not wise though to marry someone in the army if she knows she wants a certain type of attention that someone would have to be present daily to experience. I think anyone who married someone in the armed forces is not wise in general though and is short sighted.
A classic example of when the branch she tries to swing to breaks and when she reaches backwards the branch she let of has swung out of reach. The ground is going to hurt this one methinks!
Let's take to take the non hollywood approach. What do you think marriage was historically? If you say anything other than a means to improve a man's finance and politics, you need to open a history book. People have ALWAYS had a marriage for money and kids and lovers for romance, lust and love.
My ex wife asked for open relationship I divorced her on the spot, didn't regret it I know my worth...my ex wife never been the same...you cannot fix people with a broken childhood...the wholesome love you give them they don't know how to handle it as a man I can only complement my spouse's life not fix it....if you ever marry make sure you as a couple have the same values
Sorry that happened to you. That said, please don’t lump people with broken childhoods together. Some of us actually put in the work to end generational curses and heal.
@L_e_y_d_y-J_o_h_a_n_n_aBaby! You ate that. You are the woman you think you are. 😂I also refuse to date broken men who refuse to put their own pieces together. I married one and he added to my brokenness. I left him and did the inner work. Never again. Healed women deserve healed men. ✌🏿
These situations start with ego. The one wanting an open relationship feels dissatisfied with their partner because they see themselves as being more desirable. When it turns out the partner is more marketable they feel ripped off. If her husband waited at home while she had a great dating life she wouldn't be unhappy with the open marriage
5:00 - “after I cheated on my husband openly, I didn’t eat for two weeks POOR ME, now my husband doesn’t want me anymore! *surprise pikachu face*”. Jesus this woman takes zero accountability for the situation she created and is trying to play the victim. Pathetic.
I know a couple that's done this and it was obvious the wife wanted to have a relationship with someone else and the husband went along with it to try and keep her, the husband dated one lady and then hasn't ever again. Watching him suffer from the outside is terrible. He's basically staying for his daughter while his wife is literally dating his best friend. Don't do this to your partner just leave.
She’s garbage but he’s an idiot. I’m sorry but if he’s not okay with this he should get out. Staying for the daughter? A lot of us are products of parents staying together for the kids. Divorce is sometimes better. Also does the daughter know? Kids are not as dumb as most adults seem to think. If she knows (if she doesn’t yet she probably will eventually), what’s that going to do to her? She might end of very messed up and quite frankly disgusted with her parents. I would.
I know of something similar too. There was context to it. The wife already has a “business trip affair” with her boss, once she confessed to that being the real motivation for the “open marriage” idea. She nixed the idea but said he could have a “revenge affair…I’ll set you up with one of my friends.” Turns out part of the affair was from encouragement from her friends. Then they compromised and said they could sleep with others, long as it’s kept away from their house, etc. he got with 2 different women in 2 months. She got jealous and was taken back he was a “ladies man” (he was 33 and hooked up with some 23 year old college softball athlete). Then she wanted to call the whole thing off and move to a new city together (away from his family, no less). If you haven’t noticed it was all about control & isolating him.
This is called emotional cheating. Just like if a man talks to his "female friend" about his marriage problems. How do people not realize if you are married its supposed to be between you two. You become one. If you can't work it out then you divorce and go your separate ways.
He came in and saved her from a broken home. Went on deployment providing for her, and she did that to him? He agreed to it to make her "happy'. What a joke. I hope he finds the strength to take his manhood back and tell her to kick rocks.
I hate when people blame their failed marriage on getting married young. Plenty of marriages fail when they get married older. And plenty of marriages thrive when they get married young. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with maturity.
Amen! I was 18 and my husband was 20. We have been married for 10 years now, and we have a thriving, healthy, vibrant marriage and have been blessed with four beautiful children. Having discussed nonnegotiable issues, worldview, vision for the future, and having a biblical understanding of marriage was all established before we got engaged. That has given us a strong foundation. Lord willing, by His grace, we will be together for the rest of our lives.
God bless you! My husband and I married at 18 as well (dated for 3 years prior), married 8.5 years. I hate when people say that their problem was that they married young when in all reality most of them are having problems because of the responsibility of being mature adult and talking to their partner WITH RESPECT is a bit too much for them when the going gets tough. My husband and I actually went through something like this before. Shortly after being married he felt like he was "missing out" and wanted to feel attractive but by other woman, not me. Which I could understand having that desire but I wanted no part of it. With a lot of berating (3 months worth) he convinced me to open up our marriage and though I assumed we would divorce shortly after since why else would he bring this up if he wasn't alread talking to someone else sexually? I never dated anyone during and he couldn't get anyone to sleep with him of the opposite sex. After talking about our shame and other embarrassing things (like me giving in, out of feeling undesirable and him for wanting and having to come to terms with his child abuse which I didn't know the full extent of yet).. We decided that we didn't really feel safe or even okay being apart. Although that hurt us both tremendously we have a strong desire to cherish and fix what we have than separate each other. And YES our marriage was never the same after that and honestly I'm glad about it! I had the opportunity to fall in love again, with a man that was willing to admit his fault and suffer not just the consequences of it but the work to make it right. He's only human and so am I. Having a spouse that is gracious with you despite your fault is a blessing and he has done the same for me. There's an eastern kind of art where artists would fill broken plates or vases with gold. I discovered it while wondering if he would divorce me for another woman. Most of the vases only had one or two cracks filled with gold and then I came across one that was clearly shattered to bits (which I related to the most) that seemed to float on thin rivers of gold. I could only imagine how difficult it was to pick up all the tiny bits and to get the gold to comply. I didn't know if I'd be as successful as the artist but I wanted to try for the sake of our marriage. We're now, still together riding out life's bumps together, and even though it's not always sunshine and rainbows, I don't think I would have it any other way. P.S. That vase was very beautiful I should really get a print or painting of one.
Translation: I wanted to upgrade, but the man I cheated with was a downgrade, now my husband upgraded and doesn't want me back because the woman he's with is better and younger and hotter than me and I'm going absolutely insane because I'VE BEEN REPLACED AND I CAN'T STAND IT AND I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND NOW I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FIR MY ACTIONS!!! DELONY PLEASE TALK TO HIM TO GET HIM BACK!!!!
Right out the gate she opens with lack of accountability- “blame it on this or that, just not on me!” Also, the only reason she now wants to work on the marriage is the idea that SHE came up with is no longer working out for her. Smh.
@9INE PLANETS It's a marriage. You need about a year to set new financial patterns so that you can get divorced without any cancerous financial appendages. Let her go full affair fog and just get out as cheaply and patiently as possible.
"Polyamory is so new and exciting! It sounds so great!" I've never, ever seen it work out well lol. Not on the long term, and rarely even the short term.
Polyamory will never work unless you are just messing around with a bf/gf and having fun with it. If you actually care for the person 99% it should bother you if they even kiss another person.
My parents knew a couple (back in the 70s) that had a 4some and 2 of them guy/girl started hooking up privately. The one friend my parents said, he was at their house in tears he made a big mistake but he and his wife worked through their marriage. The the other woman was a serial cheater.
@@TheAgentmigsit's a small price to pay to divorce her now, split the assets, then to stay in the marriage, later get the divorce, and give her more assets and alimony due to the longevity of the marriage. The guy needs to cut his losses.
Geez! I’m not sure how a marriage comes back from something like that… I’ve been married for over 25 years and I just can’t imagine even think how an open marriage could possibly make things better?
Things don’t get better, they get worse. I’ve seen so many stories about people who decide to try this and it ends in disaster, divorce and a lot of bitterness.
What about your rights to experience all the love you can get? It is not like the equipment gets finished when the open partners use it too 😮. Let us encourage those who want to experience this to do so. We don't have enough numbers to make more conclusive. 😊
I hate to say they have big balls because that infers a positive quality over how big of a slimeball someone is to pretend to be a concerned ear to listen to all the ways that his supposed best friend falls short to use that as a weapon to win over his wife. The closest thing to courage he had was going to ten home that he did contribute one thing to
All my friends in open relationships who tell me “It’s the way. Monotony isn’t natural”, all I see is them arguing about situations with other people in clubs, jealousy etc. I’m there are some open couples who could prove to me it sometimes works, but personally not for me, and not for most people who think it’s right for them either.
It can sometimes work. It has for us. But it is not something for a couple with "problems" in their relationship. For it to work, your relationship has to be rock solid from the start. And you have to understand the difference between your partner and everyone else. You love and bond to your partner. The others are nothing more than "playthings". You can't ever attach feelings to the acts with the others. It is the physical act only. Sorry to sound callous, but the others are just walking / talking s*x toys.
Why was she talking to another man about her sex life? In most marriages there is a firecracker and a dud. No marriage partner can make you passionately happy all the time. That’s why the commitment is made. Sometimes it’s wonderful. Sometimes you fall asleep snuggling on the couch, exhausted. Sleeping with someone else doesn’t help anyone, but sure brings resentment and deep hurt. I would be devastated if my wife wanted someone else. She said no to me until marriage. That’s why I married her. Because she’s the real deal. 32 years and I love her more today.
@@bjkarana Except that scenario isn't actually marriage. You can change a definition in a dictionary but that doesn't change reality. God made marriage one man and one woman and no power on earth can overcome His design.
@@CE-vd2px everything she talked about. Her wants, her needs, her feelings. She hid all of it from her husband leaving him in the dark, but gave it all to the new guy, then threw it back in her husbands face as if to say “See?! HE gives me things.” But she never gave her husband that information
This is typical , she decided she wants to have sex outside of the marriage so she allowed him too as well , her thing didn’t go so good , and she got jealous that his thing with someone else was going better probably. Now she wants to work on her marriage.
Yea, she recked her marriage for a bad boy who abused her and now wants her good boy husband to take her back. She choose not to love husband and to disrespect him
I agree with kakarots offspring I hope the guy doesn’t take her back. Her little “need” to be with another man didn’t go so well so now the husband is plan B and she’s jealous that his fling was going well. I say it’s too late and the husband should leave her.
People have completely forgotten that the point of marriage is sanctification between both people.. it’s an institution where you can safely work out your insecurities, fears and lustful tendencies.
Yess exactly!!if i get married I just want tell her every insecurity i have, cry on her lap ,tell her how exaushting work was today and yk what? I wanna have a real serious fight with her (unintentionally) when we are so upset at each other to a point of not seeing each other and at that point i just wanna take a deep breath ignore all the hate , go to her room and give her massive hug right to bed and while she is trying to get away I'll just stay still and kiss her then we talk all night
It makes me sad that many marriages don’t involve commitment anymore. Now it’s when things get tough, just go find someone else. How about choosing to love each other even when you don’t feel like it [cause our feelings change constantly] and fighting for your marriage / working towards reconciliation. I know there are always exceptions but still…
AMEEEEEEEN Revelation 2:4-5 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.
It's more harder than that than you may think. When you you may feel you have your match but not having a need of intimacy is very challenging. It's childish to say but it's really like eating pizza at the same place every single day... Sometimes you need to try different things, It more than often doesn't work but It's a unrealistic standard to leave a fully invested situation for a short term sexual encounter. It doesn't justify it to be right or wrong, The perspective isn't fully understood or considered
Marriage is not easy!! The lust at the beginning goes. Stepping out of your marriage with someone else is totally pointless, as pretty soon that lust will fizzle out too. What are you left with then?! Be faithful. If you’re frustrated - SAY!! There is SO much you can do. This is coming from someone who has been with my husband for 15 years. I’m ashamed to admit at one point, I was repulsed by the thought of sex with my man. That scared me so much. So, I put my big girls pants on and focused on making it work. I was totally honest with myself and with him. He is a good man, heard me & we committed to improving things. Day by day. Marriage is a dance, it needs to be learned and relearned.
Agreed! I've been in the same spot with my husband.. married 35 years. Love is a choice to stay with the man you made a commitment with, despite changing feelings... I have gone through dry periods where l didn't feel like l loved my husband.. but l knew that it was because we were both running 100 mph in what felt like opposite directions.. him trying to work hard to provide for his family, and me trying to keep up a house full of five children.. there are some lonely times in every marriage.. not once did l ever think that bringing another person into the marriage would help it.. I thought we should separate for a short time just to think things out, but my husband was adamant that separating was one step short of divorce, and that living in the same house would force us to work through our issues.. we never did separate.. we worked it out.
OMG we have been married 27 years, both of us would be horrified and devastated if the other suggested an “Open Marriage” the marriage would be dead on arrival. I have such an awesome husband and he is is crazy about me, why the hell would I do such a stupid, stupid thing? People are insane.
Now, u are just plain bragging and acting superior! Many married people are hurting for whatever reason , feel ignored or mistreated by their spouses, etc! Just because u got lucky with ur spouse, do not devalue other people’s bad experiences in their marriages! People do not explore the idea of an ‘open marriage’ when they are ‘happy’ in their marriage! As u ought to know! Try to have empathy for people who are hurting and disillusioned with their relationships! Telling them how ‘wonderful and perfect’ ur own marriage is , is definitely not the way! It’s like pouring acid on their wounds!
She went to the streets and got rejected by the streets and now she came back with a bunch of flea's. Her husband said he's done but I'm pretty sure pandoras box is now open no pun intended.
You would think if she could/would not discuss marital issues with her husband, she should have sought out advice first from a professional (counselor/therapist/pyschologist) or a religious/faith leader, if she has one.
The best advice I have ever received is, "feelings are transient, they come and go". Do not make decisions based on feelings. You need to stay in the realm of logic!
@@janelleg597 No, you just choose to not put effort into watering and caring for the grass and let it get old. Flames run out when you stop adding fuel to the fire. You cannot expect the fire to keep going if you aren't putting effort into it.
@@javierhuizar4207 But what if the man is just trying to lay some seed in other soil? Maybe he has enough time to tend to other grass. Why cant they both be green?
@@magnusmagnusson146 You have a finite amount of water in your bucket. If you try to make it stretch over twice as much grass then neither patch will flourish and you will begin to crumble over how hard you are working for diminishing rewards. You could perhaps go through the motions with 2 partners, but it is impossible to have a mature and fulfilling relationship with 2 people at once over a meaningful length of time. It's not sustainable.
I wonder what’s worse… your wife telling you that YOUR friend suggested he sleeps with her? Her venting to the friend in the 1st place? Or your wife actually coming to you with this suggestion…
She was venting to him because she knew he wanted her and she already wanted him (you can always tell). She had a plan from the get go. She does not love her husband at all, she just realized that he treats her decently and the other guy just used her box so now she wants to fix it. If his friend was good to her she would still be sleeping with him if not already with him permanently. She hedged her bets because she knew the husband was weak.
Pay attention she said "she realized she still wanted to be with husband" at around 2:30. The open relationship was her trying to replace him. Stay vigilant guys
Yeah she all of a sudden realized it after she got dumped and saw her husband still happy with his girl😂Like at least take accountability and say it’s because he gets attention from outside parties and she doesn’t.
She acknowledges the marriage was broken and she now wants to fix it, I wish she’d come to this conclusion before suggesting sleeping with other people. Marriage is a covenant, it is not easy by any means, but it’s a commitment and trust and loyalty are a big part of it. I hope their marriage survives.
She should’ve never discussed her marriage with another man. If you have issues, you talk to your significant other. Once again it’s the woman who suggested opening the marriage because she already had a guy waiting that she thought was so great. She finds out he isn’t great at all and NOW she wants to work on the marriage like she should’ve done in the first place. These things always end in a train wreck.
Why would you ever want this marriage to be saved? This woman should be and stay single. She can bone everyone she wants that way. Casually boning is made for such people. No real problems to ever have to work through. No real commitment. It’s perfect.
The guy she cheated with ended up not treating her well? Who'd be surprised? Why should he respect her. She was willing to sleep around on her husband.
Yup and he was not evil and manipulative like John said, she wasn’t “taken advantage” of, she was stupid just that. He wanted to bang her, nothing evil about that. She, a married woman, wanted to be banged by him, that’s what is wrong. The other guy didn’t own her husband fidelity, they were not married, she was the one who owned her husband fidelity. I’m pissed how he excuse her bad decisions all the way through. She’s not a victim
I mean he should've been respectful but it's not shocking look what he saw a trifling wife he probably love bombed her til he quickly got everything he wanted and then once he felt like he got it in his back pocket he treated her like she was something to do when there's nothing to do
I had lived this lifestyle for several years back in the 80's and I feel as if I am the poster child for this insanity. Soon my book, "You Want to What", will be out and explain this does not work and why! Yep that was my comment when my "former" husband told me what he wanted to do.
If I knew that someone was intimate with my wife at all, the shear thought of them would make me cringe. I would never be able to look at them the same way except for "used". There would be no saving the marriage, regardless of how long we've been together. The thought of it makes me disgusted.
Biblical truth...multiple wives and over 700 hundred concubines for one man. No one ever talks about those Biblical marriages do they? Bible loves talking about polyamory.
@@basednwhitepilld Yes...that is what Christians always conveniently like to say. Old testament is a whole lot more than just teaching us what not to do. It is the story/history of God and his relationship with people from the very beginning. Christ himself used the OT in most of his teachings and referred to it often. It is called "breathed by God in the New Testament in the book of John. You dismissing it as nothing more than "teaching us what not to do" is dismissing who God was and is.
@@sueblack5794 Christ reiterated the model - male and female, leave and cleave from parents, partnered for life and the nucleus for the family. I’m paraphrasing, of course.
Let me resolve my marriage issues by sleeping with my husbands friend. This is arrogance to a whole new level. There is no perfect marriage so you might as well work on the negativity in the relationship instead of finding it somewhere else. I dont think he's gonna look at her the same.
The whole idea of open relationships just makes things worse, whether it’s affecting the person who wants to go along with it or their partner or even the person they’re looking to for their sexual needs, it’s all gonna end in a mess !
The respect for her is gone bc of what she was willing to do to their marriage, while he still retains respect in her eyes bc now he's the nice guy who didn't treat her like her crummy bf. This is disgusting.
Because the family court system has a 50-year record of incentivizing women to have poor behavior in marriages because no matter what, they win. They can have Chad’s pipe and Brad’s money. If no-fault divorce disappeared, so would this behavior.
I mean... I am not opposed to it. I am sexually attracted to other people all of the time. I can understand why you may want to explore. I just couldn't imagine doing it when my marriage is a hot mess
@@sobeliever1638 Which is why it’s important to have a court system that enforces them and is just for the greater good and not just for a woman’s whim at the time. If the party that initiated divorce 4/5 times suffered a little more from that decision, they would think twice before entering and exiting marriages. Thankfully young men are doing a lot of the court’s work for them and just aren’t signing the marital contract.
I think he handled this really well. He didn’t coddle her and held her accountable but still gave her some avenues for change and hope for the future in healing. It’s okay to just take the L and say you fucked up.
I have male friends who are in a sexless marriage. One in particular loves his wife and thinks she's a great mom, but they have sex maybe twice a year. He's deeply hurt by it. He tried to get her a therapist and couple's counseling, but she refused to resolve the issue. She's perfectly fine not having sex. He's not fine. She gave him the go to seek sex elsewhere, but he'd rather have it from her.
I was a hospice nurse for years. In medicine, no one wants to say, “it’s over,” and so we wait, and wait and treat and treat and talk about “not giving up.” Metastatic cancer, end stage heart failure, uncontrollable COPD. Can’t say “it’s over.” When I hear these relationship stories, and I hear the advice to keep going, I can see pretty clearly these relationships should be hospiced, but the “experts” tell them to keep going? Why? Life should be enjoyed because IT ENDS and ending a relationship or a marriage is not death. Move on. Live life while you still can. No emotional connection? Sorry, you don’t get that back. No, you don’t. I was a hospice nurse, remember? Do you know how many stories I’ve heard at the end of life? Stories of unhappiness because someone thought they should keep going..
Wow...this woman's husband loves her to no end. For a man to step aside and allow you to have a boyfriend who he has to listen to you talk about and sleep with, that man must be so in love. I can't even image the pain that he suffered watching all this. He only went and found a partner as a way to numb the pain and distract himself. Poor thing. Girl you better grab onto that man tight, kiss him and tell him you love him every single day and spend the rest of your waking days making it up to him.
I'm starting to see this more and more, mainly with couples who got together very early. It's like they feel like they're missing out especially nowadays where the majority are single and having multiple partners. She found out the grass ain't greener on the other side. Now she's trying to backtrack and say "SIKE. I was just playing"! Her husband probably had a better experience and she probably thought she was gonna be left behind. Maybe she's better off single. These are all my guesses though. Just sucks that marriages are broken up for some temporary fun.
Here is the sad truth...a LOT of women marry men they don't love. They marry to marry, marry because that is what you are supposed to do, marry the first man who asks. Then end up miserable the older they get because they married an idea rather than the person.
I mean I have been with my husband since I was 16 I don’t really think that’s the issue I think it’s more of her lack of maturity in general, if she thought the grass was greener on the other side that just shows she is naive and didn’t take accountability for issues in their marriage, blaming childhood trauma seems like a scape goat. She wanted to try out other men that’s it. She was bored and needed a hobby that didn’t involve sleeping with someone else
i think you're spot on. i saw this situation from the other standpoint. a colleague's husband asked to open things up. she didn't want to but felt she had to. they even had a spare room for their trysts. his flame was hot but it burned out fast. he basically had an excuse to sleep with his hot coworker, but she wasn't interested in anything beyond a quick hookup. turns out she just got off on the flirting. anyway, the wife eventually met someone and they're still going strong while her husband's tryst is over. he can't find anyone else. i think he just comes across as trying too hard and creepy. meanwhile, the wife's boyfriend practically lives in their spare room bc he's over all the time.
Most often "Christians " who go to church all the time are the ones who make the big mistakes like this ( not always) but but they make bad choices and sometimes want to work them out
This woman is nuts! Real adults make commitments and keep their promises. Wife and I have sometimes entertained a thought or two, or at least I suppose so, but we don't act on them and eventually fidelity becomes a habit. The satisfaction of knowing we're loyal exceeds anything I can imagine from playing around.
There is more to a relationship than just “you made a promise…” if a relationship isn’t working for one party, there has to be open communication. You have to say “I’m feeling this way or this or that isn’t working for me.” And then you address it or you will find that the relationship can’t continue. It’s so ridiculous to hold the belief that marriage is a binding contract that has to be kept regardless of whatever happens or changes during life. Your opinion about marriage seems so unhealthy.
This happens every time like clockwork when someone tries to open a marriage after the marriage was initially closed, Husband or wife meet someone through a friend or workplace and begin emotionally cheating on their significant other they want to have sex with this person however do not want to be strapped with the guilt of having an affair. Husband or wife suggests to their partner that an open relationship might fix their marital problems. Partner reluctantly agrees as a last ditch effort to save their marriage. Husband or wife thinks it's all great until they realise the connection they formed with the other person is only physical and they don't really like this person. Husband or wife realises that their partner is actually enjoying being in an open marriage and is dating and having sex with multiple people and now they want to close the marriage as they realised they've made a fatal error. Marriage finally breaks down.
She still sounds like she is filled with excuses, blaming everything/everyone else, justifying her poor decision and the consequences she's now facing. Is she sincerely remorseful that she turned away from her marriage or still just wanting what she can't have in the moment? If she doesn't even care enough about her husband's feelings to have pursued a deep understanding of what she did to him and how SHE needs to repair the trust she broke in their relationship, her selfishness is not going to turn this marriage around.
Standard female behavior is what you see played out. The husband needs to kick this chick to the curb. She’s a master at rationalizing poor beliefs and behaviors. Classic female statement. “I don’t FEEL emotionally connected” female translation: I wanna PHYSICALLY sleep with someone 🥴 straight delusional thinking
Exactly this woman is still a total selfish selfcentered woman. AND now when her main partner her affair partner ended the relationship, she wants now close it again and back to normality and now she cares that her husband has still outside fun. This woman has still only her own needs in focus. She does not care about her husband at all. ALl about what she cares is that she get attention and validation from out side to boost her own very fragil ego. I dont know if she can repair anything. She need to learn to build up a stable inner self esteem to be not depnding on attention and validation from out side. If the husband has still the patience and good will with her, than she might start to see what demage she cause at him. She might start with care ,mainly for him and than he might give anything back again. Now this husband has a seperate emotional satisfying life with another woman. They are only married on the paper and maybe FWB. I think she destroyed the marriage and when she asks about closing the relationship, he will go for seperation.
How could anyone be OK with their wife being intimate with another dude? Even if he went along with it to keep her happy, how/why would he want to touch her when she came home from a rendezvous?
His passivity was his downfall! She may have interpreted it as his not caring about her nor their relationship ! If he had acted decisively and rejected her suggestion outright and instead discussed together how to improve their marriage, etc, she would have likely been impressed and agreed with him, recommitting to each other!
I like how John knows how to give tough love. He goes a bit easier on women which is the right way to do it, as men we need the truth and need to be called out directly for our bad behavior. Women are different and he does a great job keeping it real.
I've never seen a long term happy healthy poly relationship. I've heard of a super very small % working long term. Normally poly relationship explode & leave a trail of destruction on many levels of the people involved & those around them.
Play stupid games - win stupid prizes. Obligation is what an adult uses to balance off gratification, so as to not destroy what is already a challenging endeavour.
Ouch, I feel bad for that guy. That’s rough. I had an ex want an open relationship and I went with it. Luckily she stopped it as I was out looking for someone. Learned my lesson, when someone asks this then the relationship is over. Time to move on.
She needs to acknowledge to him what she did, which was cheat, and repent of it. There’s no healing from that or anything else until she does. She can’t just decide “oh, I’m just gonna put down that shame and move on”. She damaged her marriage, she needs to acknowledge that. She’s ashamed for a real valid reason.
It's a really good thing that I don't have the job Dr. John Deloney does, because if this girl called and told me she started an open marriage, I would've been like, "What are you, stupid?"
People act like you should be accepting for others who choose polygamy. Nope. It’s wrong. Why even get or remain married if you just want to be with someone else? When i talk about this with friends everyone says “oh I wouldn’t choose that but others can” no I think we should absolutely condemn this type of behavior. It just leads to sadness and heartbreak. Especially in a marriage.
It takes work. Each spouse has to put in effort and be willing to spice things up with each other because boredom will come. Non monogamy is dangerous and can cause so much brokenness
God Bless John for not being judgmental, for being patient and walking this girl through this whole thing. This 18 minute call was probably better than any marriage counseling she would've gotten.
If she meant so much to him, why didn’t he open up to her with emotional intimacy. I personally don’t believe in non-monogamy but I n on know women in DEAD marriages… where the man doesn’t connect emotionally at all, If she wanted emotional intimacy and she went to the lengths to propose to get it elsewhere and he said OK rather than… yeah let’s go to counseling so I can not be a dead person in a marriage… it’s messed up both ways. It’s a terrible thing to be with someone, married, and yet feel utterly alone and lonely. And women are in a thought bind when they’re married to a dead man… it’s why most women initiate divorce… my guess is it would be the biggest reason for that. So maybe these mistakes can at at least shake things up since they both already did the mistake… certainly better than a secret affair done by either sex.
@@BobDevV yes. The thing is, we’ve stopped shaming people and people need to be reminded that there are consequences to their actions. It’s uncomfortable for everyone but it’s how people grow.
You need a Red Pill and so does he. She does not lovr him. He should of left her the minutr she suggested it. If he decides to stay, he is only doing it so he wobt get raped in the courts. I would demote her to room mate until I make a good case for divorce assuming he does not live in a no fault state. Either ways, I would of divorced the Garden tool.
@@juneelle370 she goes to him about opening up the marriage with a partner in mind … and we’re questioning him about his emotional intimacy???? She’s killing him and he’s the problem? I wish that it was him who called into the show because he needs an advocate in the worst way. He needs someone close to him to tell him that he’s worth more than what she’s putting him through. Of course he’s dead inside. I would be too if she was my wife.
Husband deserves way better. She initiated it, and things didn’t workout. This ‘friend’ just sweet talked her for some quick vagina under the guise of “I’ll be your shoulder to cry on”. The oldest trick in the book. And she gave it to him because of her lack of impulse control. The friend bounced after it wasn’t hitting the same a few months in. She made a big decision to make more commitment to this strange man friend to the sacrifice of her marriage. That’s selfish. She was hoping this friend would commit to her and she could move on from the husband. But the friend wasnt asking for more commitment. He didn’t want that. He liked seeing her on occasion. He just wanted to hit. She chased him away. Shes an immature idiot who got ‘got’. First if I were the husband I would’ve consulted a divorce attorney as soon as she came to me with that open marriage bullshit. I mean hello. But if I were him now, I’d be like “Nope I want to stay open, I’m very happy where things are right now.” In reality I would be dating other women for marriage. And if I found someone who I was sure would fit that, I would divorce my wife. Just as she likely intended to do me. She deserves to be left behind. She wanted to test the waters, well it works both ways. It’s a hard lesson, but an important one about loyalty and commitment. It ain’t always easy but sleeping outside the marriage is never the solution. Ultimately that’s me though. The husband seems like a doormat with how she basically said he’s the one that wants to keep things going, despite everything she did to him.
JP made it like this: It’s like lifting weights. If you’re having trouble lifting 150, the solution is not to add another 150, the solution is dialing everything back and figuring out where your weakness is, figure out if there are any injuries you might not be aware of, bad form in certain lifts that are hurting you etc. same thing with marriage, when the marriage dull, or difficult, the answer is not to add more complications, especially when it’s designed to dilute your partner. Not that nobody can ever do that, but everyone whose done it in order to “help” a distressed marriage has always ended up by injuring the marriage and in a sense, ruining its lifting career.
In my opinion, the marriage is not open to others, it is open-honest between two people. Every day my husband and I practice gratitude and act of kindness. I must be very selfish but I can't imagine sharing my husband with others.
If anyone suggests an “open” relationship, man or woman, you open the door and send them on their way. They’ve made a lifelong decision. When you take the garbage to the curb you don’t bring it back into your house and sift through it. It’s done. Move on.
Thats a big generalization. There are many couples who feel more so connected with each other who are involved with swinging, threesomes etc. A lot of people can seperate sex and love. To a lot of people sex is just a fun activity and doesn't need to be an emotional thing.
6:08 No, she actually took advantage of herself by letting herself be taken advantaged of. The fact that she went for an abusive guy probably shows she never fully healed from her “childhood trauma.” There is more to this story.
Marriage is hard and we’re struggling. Let’s make it harder and improve our relationship by complicating it with more people.
Lol exactly
It's crazy thinking this could help, gotta be 1 time in 20 it doesn't lead to disaster.
She's crazy. He's even crazier with going through with this
@@Joel-pg4yi hes not crazy, just weak. Hes for allowing it and weaker for staying.
Nah, the marrige is not struggling, most likely there is allready atleast emotional cheating not physical. WIth that the relationship is dead allready to a big part, the former relationship is terminated.
If your partner so much as suggests that they want to sleep with other people, the proper response is, "You can sleep with whoever you want because you're single now."
Love this.
Yep, get the hell out while it's still early. Especially when no kids are involved!
That’s exactly what I did to my ex girlfriend. Once you find yourself dealing with a whore, kick them to the curb immediately.
@Jacob Rodriguez wow big strong guy here, super tough
@Jacob Rodriguez Dork
I had a former coworker years ago try this. She was the one that initiated it too but her husband ended up leaving her for the other woman and they got married. She was devastated and said it was the worst decision she ever made. It was a little hard to feel sorry for her when she opened that Pandora’s box in her own marriage.
Exactly. She invited that risk into her marriage by turning to another man instead of working on her marriage from the beginning. Her values were not with her husband and the vow she took. There are consequences to poor decisions.
Aaaand that’s why people should never engage in polyamory 1) to fix a problem, or 2) by coercing or convincing the other person. Sounds like your coworker’s husband is still monogamous by nature, and she gave him permission to basically interview her own replacement 😬
this is typically how it ends when the wife basically forces a husband who is monogamous into this situation. This callers marriage is over. The husband doesn't look at her the same anymore, and now that he has realized he can replace her, its done. Very hard to get a man to change his feelings when he is just basically done. She is only calling in bc i have a feeling she knows this and realizes she blew up her marriage for a guy who was just using her (shocker no guy is going to take a married woman who wants to sleep with them serious).
Open marriages never work
@@letsgetjackdup9952
First, that's just objectively false. I personally know many successful nonmonogamous couples; some have an open relationship, others are polyamorous - they figure out what works best for the people involved.
Secondly, a huuuuge percentage of _monogamous_ marriages don't work out, either, so..
But, thirdly, I think it'd be best for everyone - monogamous, and otherwise - if we started seeing relationship success in terms of things like: did we learn/grow alongside each other, are our lives both better for having been involved with each other, etc. While finding and maintaining a lifelong partner is the ideal/ultimate goal for most romantically-inclined people, I think we do ourselves a huge disservice by implying that JUST because a couple splits up, it means that relationship was a "waste" or a "failure."
My son’s wife cheated on him for 6 months before he found out. Once he found out, she suggested an open relationship. He asked my advice and I suggest not doing such thing, and also to just separate and try to be the best father he can be to his children. That was a few months ago, now she wants him back once her affair partner dumped her to go work things with his wife. My son has decided on a divorce . He will not forgive or forget what happened and his wife thinks that’s selfish of him! She is such a selfish , egotistical woman and she will reap what she sowed sooner and later .
I'm very sorry that happened. I hope your son recovers and finds a better woman.
Happened to a family member of ours. It was a super dark time in his life, but he married again, and they ended up being such a great couple. Energy wise, your son would have felt that disconnect when he was with her, even if it was subconsciously. when he meets someone who really loves him, something will click in his mind and he will say, "Oh, wow, so this is what it should feel like..." BTW, that family member- years later, the first wife is an absolute train wreck. She has nothing and no one. Egotistical selfish people don't do well with others.
I commed you for backing up your son and giving him sage advice.
Tell your son to forget the cheater woman..... she betrayed him.....
I wish I could agree with what is being said here and I usually think it's pretty sound advice but somehow I think in this video he was too forgiving of her.
Many ppl aren't 100% honest when they open up the relationship and even though then the partner also gets some dates, for the person who initiates it never stings as much because they are in the "affair fog" (in reality when ppl ask to open they are already interested in fucking somebody outside the marriage).
And that parenthesis is the key point, 1 of 2 ppl interested in braking the vows.
TBH I think most men could "play along" but in reality they will never get over that kind of betrayal.
In reality this is a cheating case and about her betrayal to the marriage running away from problems and asking the guy to pickup the pieces now.
Typical woman, fucks up but it's all "just some mistakes" and zero accountability and now it's up to the man to tolerate all kinds of BS and fix it.
TBH I think simps like this are what makes so many women so toxic. There is always a dumb guy there waiting to save her just for a chance of some female attention or sex.
Very weak men indeed.
Your son was a strong man, you raised him right and you are a good and supportive mother.
I've noticed in some families even the mothers are in this "toxic women club" where the mothers will make their son's life's miserable if that is needed as a stepping stone for another woman. Pretty sad to put family and bloodline on risk just because "girl power".
No one in the right mind would want their sons and daughters (if they truly love them as much or more as themselves) going through what is described here... the same way nobody wants to experience it, unless they are insane.
If my husband even suggested it, I'd instantly lose all my love for him. It's such a slap in the face 😂
Yeah nothing says i love you like saying i wanna sleep with other people.
Yeah my ex fiancé suggested this and I gave him back the ring, packed my bags and moved out. I was totally done.
@emilyslaton2100 at least you weren't married
What about your body your choice? Don't you deserve all the loving you can get in a life time?
Ain’t no man gonna only use your useless ass
It's always funny when an open marriage backfires on the person that initiated it
True. I'm glad this man got away from this self-centered woman.
It really does make me feel warm
It’s the way it always should be to
She’s for the streets
Like 90% of the time the woman initiates it. Because already has somebody in mind.
It's okay to be single. She thought she was missing something until she realized she wasn't. The grass is greener where you water it.
She overlooks that SHE will be in that new fling which is why it won't turn out. She needs to fix her own delinquent mindset before she starts thinking it could ever work out with anyone.
She realized the dating pool had pee in it.
@@joyaustin6581 hilarious
No she's still missing something. Her husband isn't paying any attention to her. It takes two to make it work, and it's work.
The grass is greener over the septic tank, too
She only cares about her self and her needs, then when you ask her about her husband she just says he is there. Divorce him, spare him and the damage you’ve done.
SURPRISE SURPRISE
That's sad she doesn't even know how he feels. She wants to rebuild her marriage, but she doesn't even talk to him?
I get your point. She doesn't see being married to her husband as a union between man and woman. It's going to be hard moving forward. I hope they can both be happy.
Divorce is never the answer
As the husband, and i get asked, my answer is go with your plans but i will also start the life of a single aswell. You obviously did alreay in your mind if you not already has been cheating. I would end the marriage/relationship right if i get asked. I may give her a a very very smal chance for reconsiliation, if i get the whole story and she is willing to do a lot of work on her self in the right direction.
My husband tried to pull this on me, and when I said no, he started cheating. He’s became my ex really quick.
You are better off without him.
Did you both communicate about WHY he wanted to open the marriage ? Did you both communicate about your sex life and if it was mutually pleasing ?
@@RearviewWisdomyes cause it was obviously her fault 🙄
@RearviewWisdom, Why are people so obsessed with sex. My god. It's like the only thing they live for. Your reason to get in a marriage and stay in one seriously shouldn't be about sex.
@@MsLauraLove626 I never said all that, I’m looking for context. You know, that thing they taught us in English class before drawing conclusions? 🙄.
I've known 10-ish couples who chose an open marriage. Only 2 are still together. I think the only ones that "work" are those that realized it wouldn't save their relationship.
If you are stepping out to "save" your relationship, your relationship is over.
Perhaps you can share the details that kept the two couples together so we can learn from them. Maybe you could even let us know the details if you have tried it with their direct support.
@@kwadwog8168 you don’t have to know because it’s a matter of time before everything falls apart
@@MR.33133what
I've seen a few that worked, and I think the main thing is that they aren't going outside the marriage to fix the marriage, but rather they believe that sex is just sex, or they feel that it is normal to romantically love more than one person. I don't agree with it, but its very different from cheating with permission from someone who is afraid of losing their wife.
Yeah, when you really think about it logically, seeing other people is something that will strain the relationship. People have to make more effort to manage their feelings and to stay connected, and if they are already having issues, they probably won’t have the resources and commitment to do that
It’s sickening that all of these married people are screwing up the dating pool. I’m sick to death of the married men who ask me out. You’re MARRIED! I do not want to be involved in adultery! Polyamory is NONSENSE. There is no love involved in cheating on your spouse and using single people who want to get married as emotional and physical tampons.
I was reading this so intently until I got to “tampons” and then I burst out laughing 😂 but you’re right, that is what it is
I agree I had a woman ask me to be in an open relationship because her husband and her agreed to it well I did not say goodbye
Exactly. Here in San Diego it is rampant
Omg yes!! Couldn’t have put it better myself I am not a living breathing sex toy/therapist who has to listen to your marital problems. Sod right off!
Im also sick to death of all the married women asking me to come f them.
My neighbor wanted me to comw f her while her hubby is away on the night shift.
"Blame Covid, or *deployments* "
Not even a pandemic will stop Jody.
There’s no accountability for her actions. Covid did it
I just imagine some specialist weaseling his way in at the gym and convincing her he will solve her problems by sleeping with her, with his permission lol. Husband was probably done anyways and figured he would collect the BAH with dep while she did her thing 😂.
ho ho ho
🤣 Only enemy the military hasn't been able to defeat.
Who’s Jody?
I can only imagine how hurt this guy felt when his wife said she wanted to openly cheat on him.
No kiddin... I yet have to read a single report of a man doing that to his wife and being applauded for wanting to "explore".
John seems quick to excuse her behavior on the assumption that her husband is a scumbag...
"Build something new from scratch, which is awesome." FFS John, let see how you'd approach it if there was such a breach of your trust like that from your wife...
@@Stantorr I have yet to hear a situation where John holds a woman responsible for choices she made; there is always something that excuses the behavior.
@@David-wo9un That is something I have noticed, a bit in the normal Ramsey show too where most of the responsibility is on the guy. Good thing that their baseline advice is good or else I'd drop them instantly.
@@David-wo9un TBH it was the husbands fault for agreeing, i would have told her "no problem i will contact divorce attorneys, best of luck."
To be fair, it isn't cheating.
When she said her husband was just "there" when asked how he was..that told me all I needed to know. I feel the poor dude.
Right..?
That was just sad..
She's for the streets
When she said that, to me it meant he’s not very active in participating in their relationship. So, yeah, he’s just “there”
@@jacksgl777 she was thinking about starting an open relationship. Sign number 1 that she isn’t trying to talk to him either. She then started and ended the open relationship all on her own and still isn’t even interested in what her husband has to say about it? Sign number 2 that she isn’t trying to communicate and would rather run from her problems or make excuses. Sounds like her man was unhappy with her before, agreed just to make her happy and maybe himself, and is now thinking of how to get out. No one walks around with zero thoughts in their head lol
This channel is the positive influence so many of us need in a society devoid of morals.
I hate to break it to her but her husband will never think of her/their marriage in the same way again. Once you cross certain lines there’s no coming back from it.
💯
Yeah people seem to think of open marriages as a switch. In reality, it's more like a fuse. From an old 1940's building. And you don't have a replacement. And you can never get one.
She married at 18 - that alone shows how immature they were/are. It's like the blind leading the blind.
@@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559 just because they married at 18? I don't think so. People get divorced at high ages and maturity is not only about age. She was obviously not wise though to marry someone in the army if she knows she wants a certain type of attention that someone would have to be present daily to experience. I think anyone who married someone in the armed forces is not wise in general though and is short sighted.
This...
“I murdered our marriage but now I want to bring it back to life” holy heck…. The guy is gone, just accept it.
A classic example of when the branch she tries to swing to breaks and when she reaches backwards the branch she let of has swung out of reach. The ground is going to hurt this one methinks!
For real. The woman is an idiot, husband is gone.
I agree ... a guy will never look at a woman the same once she sleeps with someone else.
She’s for the streets
Yes it never happened to a man in a history 😂
Marriage means absolutely nothing to so many people anymore. Just sad 😔
It means everything to me.
Me too
Lol as if cheating is a new thing. Some people have no clue.
Let's take to take the non hollywood approach. What do you think marriage was historically? If you say anything other than a means to improve a man's finance and politics, you need to open a history book. People have ALWAYS had a marriage for money and kids and lovers for romance, lust and love.
Sad indeed. 😔
My ex wife asked for open relationship I divorced her on the spot, didn't regret it I know my worth...my ex wife never been the same...you cannot fix people with a broken childhood...the wholesome love you give them they don't know how to handle it as a man I can only complement my spouse's life not fix it....if you ever marry make sure you as a couple have the same values
Done exactly how it should be done.....
Sorry that happened to you. That said, please don’t lump people with broken childhoods together. Some of us actually put in the work to end generational curses and heal.
🙌
@L_e_y_d_y-J_o_h_a_n_n_aBaby! You ate that. You are the woman you think you are. 😂I also refuse to date broken men who refuse to put their own pieces together. I married one and he added to my brokenness. I left him and did the inner work. Never again. Healed women deserve healed men. ✌🏿
@@heatherchandler1184what he said is correct though you cannot fix people with broken childhoods they have to fix themselves
These situations start with ego. The one wanting an open relationship feels dissatisfied with their partner because they see themselves as being more desirable. When it turns out the partner is more marketable they feel ripped off. If her husband waited at home while she had a great dating life she wouldn't be unhappy with the open marriage
Bingo! Excellent comment Brenda, worded that excellently.
EXACTLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
5:00 - “after I cheated on my husband openly, I didn’t eat for two weeks POOR ME, now my husband doesn’t want me anymore! *surprise pikachu face*”. Jesus this woman takes zero accountability for the situation she created and is trying to play the victim. Pathetic.
I know a couple that's done this and it was obvious the wife wanted to have a relationship with someone else and the husband went along with it to try and keep her, the husband dated one lady and then hasn't ever again. Watching him suffer from the outside is terrible. He's basically staying for his daughter while his wife is literally dating his best friend. Don't do this to your partner just leave.
She’s garbage but he’s an idiot. I’m sorry but if he’s not okay with this he should get out. Staying for the daughter? A lot of us are products of parents staying together for the kids. Divorce is sometimes better. Also does the daughter know? Kids are not as dumb as most adults seem to think. If she knows (if she doesn’t yet she probably will eventually), what’s that going to do to her? She might end of very messed up and quite frankly disgusted with her parents. I would.
I know of something similar too. There was context to it. The wife already has a “business trip affair” with her boss, once she confessed to that being the real motivation for the “open marriage” idea. She nixed the idea but said he could have a “revenge affair…I’ll set you up with one of my friends.” Turns out part of the affair was from encouragement from her friends. Then they compromised and said they could sleep with others, long as it’s kept away from their house, etc. he got with 2 different women in 2 months. She got jealous and was taken back he was a “ladies man” (he was 33 and hooked up with some 23 year old college softball athlete). Then she wanted to call the whole thing off and move to a new city together (away from his family, no less). If you haven’t noticed it was all about control & isolating him.
@Tgogators let's not infantilize men though, he is making his own choices too
@@becky5569 yes, this type of men are very weak and feminized.
Wtf??? She started to date his best friend? No... That is no friend anymore..
Women who talk to another guy about marriage problems are inviting trouble and seeking for outside marraige attention
Married women shouldn't be talking to other guys period.
This is called emotional cheating. Just like if a man talks to his "female friend" about his marriage problems. How do people not realize if you are married its supposed to be between you two. You become one. If you can't work it out then you divorce and go your separate ways.
Same with husbands...my ex is still married to his confidant 35 years. Although, I'm glad I'm not married to him anyway! LOL!
Exactly. She was going to cheat either way.
definitely. and the same can be said for men who talk to women about their marriage.
He came in and saved her from a broken home. Went on deployment providing for her, and she did that to him? He agreed to it to make her "happy'. What a joke. I hope he finds the strength to take his manhood back and tell her to kick rocks.
I hate when people blame their failed marriage on getting married young. Plenty of marriages fail when they get married older. And plenty of marriages thrive when they get married young. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with maturity.
Excellent point... it's like they are using marrying young as an excuse. 👍
It boils down to putting themselves before anyone else.
Immature and not having the skills needed to thrive, can happen at any age
Amen! I was 18 and my husband was 20. We have been married for 10 years now, and we have a thriving, healthy, vibrant marriage and have been blessed with four beautiful children. Having discussed nonnegotiable issues, worldview, vision for the future, and having a biblical understanding of marriage was all established before we got engaged. That has given us a strong foundation. Lord willing, by His grace, we will be together for the rest of our lives.
God bless you! My husband and I married at 18 as well (dated for 3 years prior), married 8.5 years.
I hate when people say that their problem was that they married young when in all reality most of them are having problems because of the responsibility of being mature adult and talking to their partner WITH RESPECT is a bit too much for them when the going gets tough.
My husband and I actually went through something like this before. Shortly after being married he felt like he was "missing out" and wanted to feel attractive but by other woman, not me. Which I could understand having that desire but I wanted no part of it.
With a lot of berating (3 months worth) he convinced me to open up our marriage and though I assumed we would divorce shortly after since why else would he bring this up if he wasn't alread talking to someone else sexually? I never dated anyone during and he couldn't get anyone to sleep with him of the opposite sex.
After talking about our shame and other embarrassing things (like me giving in, out of feeling undesirable and him for wanting and having to come to terms with his child abuse which I didn't know the full extent of yet).. We decided that we didn't really feel safe or even okay being apart.
Although that hurt us both tremendously we have a strong desire to cherish and fix what we have than separate each other.
And YES our marriage was never the same after that and honestly I'm glad about it!
I had the opportunity to fall in love again, with a man that was willing to admit his fault and suffer not just the consequences of it but the work to make it right. He's only human and so am I. Having a spouse that is gracious with you despite your fault is a blessing and he has done the same for me.
There's an eastern kind of art where artists would fill broken plates or vases with gold. I discovered it while wondering if he would divorce me for another woman. Most of the vases only had one or two cracks filled with gold and then I came across one that was clearly shattered to bits (which I related to the most) that seemed to float on thin rivers of gold. I could only imagine how difficult it was to pick up all the tiny bits and to get the gold to comply. I didn't know if I'd be as successful as the artist but I wanted to try for the sake of our marriage.
We're now, still together riding out life's bumps together, and even though it's not always sunshine and rainbows, I don't think I would have it any other way.
P.S. That vase was very beautiful I should really get a print or painting of one.
John's videos have the best titles on TH-cam and they aren't even click bait😄
you see the norms/expectations of BOTH males & females
Makes me so grateful to be single when I hear this 😆
Right and his facial expression in the thumbnail also makes me click 😂
@@Coastpsych_fi99 yeah nah. Being 50s alone at a home with no children to grow and make more legends. Nah that ain’t it
@@TheDaumWorld it's not great but it's better than being trapped in n abusive relationship.
Translation: I wanted to upgrade, but the man I cheated with was a downgrade, now my husband upgraded and doesn't want me back because the woman he's with is better and younger and hotter than me and I'm going absolutely insane because I'VE BEEN REPLACED AND I CAN'T STAND IT AND I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND NOW I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FIR MY ACTIONS!!! DELONY PLEASE TALK TO HIM TO GET HIM BACK!!!!
Exactly
Yep!!!
💯 if he were my friend or relative I’m advising him to get rid of this garden tool.
@@AmitPatel_. "garden tool" lmfao 😆😂 that's awesome.
@@AmitPatel_. man that is a great one. I'm going to have to use that
Right out the gate she opens with lack of accountability- “blame it on this or that, just not on me!” Also, the only reason she now wants to work on the marriage is the idea that SHE came up with is no longer working out for her. Smh.
@9INE PLANETS It usually means she's already cheating.
Facts. RIP K.S
zero accountability. It was all about making sure she got what she wanted. Making her feelings #1 not her marriage.
@9INE PLANETS It's a marriage. You need about a year to set new financial patterns so that you can get divorced without any cancerous financial appendages. Let her go full affair fog and just get out as cheaply and patiently as possible.
And she's going to do it again
"Polyamory is so new and exciting! It sounds so great!" I've never, ever seen it work out well lol. Not on the long term, and rarely even the short term.
Polyamory will never work unless you are just messing around with a bf/gf and having fun with it. If you actually care for the person 99% it should bother you if they even kiss another person.
...the "amory" part is the problem...
Weird, it’s almost as if humans are a monogamous species…
My parents knew a couple (back in the 70s) that had a 4some and 2 of them guy/girl started hooking up privately. The one friend my parents said, he was at their house in tears he made a big mistake but he and his wife worked through their marriage. The the other woman was a serial cheater.
Are we? If so then why do so many people cheat?? @@invisiblespirit5476
So, only reason she "got back" to her husband was because the "boyfriend" treated her bad. No. Goodbye. I would not have you back lassie.
He should divorce her immediately.
Pretty much this. If John was any type of real man, he'd tell her to have the husband call and he will work with it that way.
He should have divorced her the first time she mentioned it
@@randybobandy9828exactly
I mean, she would get half tho. So there's that.
@@TheAgentmigsit's a small price to pay to divorce her now, split the assets, then to stay in the marriage, later get the divorce, and give her more assets and alimony due to the longevity of the marriage. The guy needs to cut his losses.
Geez! I’m not sure how a marriage comes back from something like that… I’ve been married for over 25 years and I just can’t imagine even think how an open marriage could possibly make things better?
@Bart Jenkins exactly!!!!
Some people don't have a good upbringing and example.
22 years and neither can I.
Things don’t get better, they get worse. I’ve seen so many stories about people who decide to try this and it ends in disaster, divorce and a lot of bitterness.
What about your rights to experience all the love you can get? It is not like the equipment gets finished when the open partners use it too 😮. Let us encourage those who want to experience this to do so. We don't have enough numbers to make more conclusive. 😊
Who ever listens to their friends marriage problems and then suggests they can be their side-piece has bigger balls than anyone I know.
Sure it happens way more than we know. Not everyone gets caught.
I hate to say they have big balls because that infers a positive quality over how big of a slimeball someone is to pretend to be a concerned ear to listen to all the ways that his supposed best friend falls short to use that as a weapon to win over his wife. The closest thing to courage he had was going to ten home that he did contribute one thing to
😂😂😂
That's why she said YES to him lol!
Balls full of jizz 😅. Their "mutual" friend suggested it, and I am sure that friend tapped it really well.
All my friends in open relationships who tell me “It’s the way. Monotony isn’t natural”, all I see is them arguing about situations with other people in clubs, jealousy etc.
I’m there are some open couples who could prove to me it sometimes works, but personally not for me, and not for most people who think it’s right for them either.
@@troyhaileyexactly, who wants “friends”like that? Not me!
It's not uncommon in other societies for a partner to have more than one lover.
@paulmckenzie4103 ...you mean like the kind of societies where women can be stoned for adultery? 🙄
@@paulmckenzie4103 That’s the minority. Children do best when their parents are monogamous, and that’s why humans became that way.
It can sometimes work. It has for us. But it is not something for a couple with "problems" in their relationship.
For it to work, your relationship has to be rock solid from the start.
And you have to understand the difference between your partner and everyone else.
You love and bond to your partner. The others are nothing more than "playthings".
You can't ever attach feelings to the acts with the others. It is the physical act only.
Sorry to sound callous, but the others are just walking / talking s*x toys.
I'll blame HER.
Why was she talking to another man about her sex life? In most marriages there is a firecracker and a dud. No marriage partner can make you passionately happy all the time. That’s why the commitment is made. Sometimes it’s wonderful. Sometimes you fall asleep snuggling on the couch, exhausted. Sleeping with someone else doesn’t help anyone, but sure brings resentment and deep hurt. I would be devastated if my wife wanted someone else. She said no to me until marriage. That’s why I married her. Because she’s the real deal. 32 years and I love her more today.
oh so true; but I'd say: _In most marriages there is a man and a woman_
@@bjkarana In ALL marriages, there is a man and a woman. Marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman. 😉
That's so beautiful. Dont let that woman go.
@@Living4YHWH I don't exclude our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters from being married, hence the "most" qualifier.
@@bjkarana Except that scenario isn't actually marriage. You can change a definition in a dictionary but that doesn't change reality.
God made marriage one man and one woman and no power on earth can overcome His design.
The worst part of any disloyalty is watching the person you love give information you desperately need… to another man.
What info did he desperately need?
@@CE-vd2px everything she talked about. Her wants, her needs, her feelings. She hid all of it from her husband leaving him in the dark, but gave it all to the new guy, then threw it back in her husbands face as if to say “See?! HE gives me things.” But she never gave her husband that information
@@SidewaysEightSix ah, i see.
YEP
And then had the audacity to blame covid and deployments. Put her on the streets. Zero accountability on this one.
This is typical , she decided she wants to have sex outside of the marriage so she allowed him too as well , her thing didn’t go so good , and she got jealous that his thing with someone else was going better probably. Now she wants to work on her marriage.
Yea exactly. And it was her idea to begin with. So typical.
Woman moment?
facts
Yea, she recked her marriage for a bad boy who abused her and now wants her good boy husband to take her back. She choose not to love husband and to disrespect him
I agree with kakarots offspring I hope the guy doesn’t take her back. Her little “need” to be with another man didn’t go so well so now the husband is plan B and she’s jealous that his fling was going well. I say it’s too late and the husband should leave her.
Despite what our culture tells you, we aren't made to engage is BS.
Congrats…you played yourself.
People have completely forgotten that the point of marriage is sanctification between both people.. it’s an institution where you can safely work out your insecurities, fears and lustful tendencies.
Such a mockery to marriage to think that adding another lover will fix all your problems..🙄 talk about twisted thinking
Yess exactly!!if i get married I just want tell her every insecurity i have, cry on her lap ,tell her how exaushting work was today and yk what? I wanna have a real serious fight with her (unintentionally) when we are so upset at each other to a point of not seeing each other and at that point i just wanna take a deep breath ignore all the hate , go to her room and give her massive hug right to bed and while she is trying to get away I'll just stay still and kiss her then we talk all night
You think this is new?? Monogamy has never been successful
@@kbanghartwhat a nonsense answer. It works for plenty of people and works way better than poly does
@@edgaraf9411 I never said it doesn't work for people, I said it's not very successful. Unless you consider 40 to 50% failure rate successful.
It makes me sad that many marriages don’t involve commitment anymore. Now it’s when things get tough, just go find someone else. How about choosing to love each other even when you don’t feel like it [cause our feelings change constantly] and fighting for your marriage / working towards reconciliation. I know there are always exceptions but still…
AMEEEEEEEN
Revelation 2:4-5
Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.
Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.
It's more harder than that than you may think. When you you may feel you have your match but not having a need of intimacy is very challenging. It's childish to say but it's really like eating pizza at the same place every single day... Sometimes you need to try different things, It more than often doesn't work but It's a unrealistic standard to leave a fully invested situation for a short term sexual encounter. It doesn't justify it to be right or wrong, The perspective isn't fully understood or considered
@@Brandnnzzz do those pizza toppings include hpv, HIV, gonorrhea, herpes..... Protection? There is no self control when you are out of control
some people cant ride a bike with 2 wheels
We live in an overly sexualized society, temptation is unreal these days and it’s easier than ever to allow it to control you.
Relationships don’t solve problems, it reveals them .
Marriage is not easy!! The lust at the beginning goes. Stepping out of your marriage with someone else is totally pointless, as pretty soon that lust will fizzle out too. What are you left with then?!
Be faithful. If you’re frustrated - SAY!! There is SO much you can do. This is coming from someone who has been with my husband for 15 years. I’m ashamed to admit at one point, I was repulsed by the thought of sex with my man. That scared me so much. So, I put my big girls pants on and focused on making it work. I was totally honest with myself and with him. He is a good man, heard me & we committed to improving things. Day by day.
Marriage is a dance, it needs to be learned and relearned.
Don't build on lust! That's the problem! Lust has no place in marriage. Lust will never be satisfied. Replace lust with love and healing!
Agreed! I've been in the same spot with my husband.. married 35 years. Love is a choice to stay with the man you made a commitment with, despite changing feelings... I have gone through dry periods where l didn't feel like l loved my husband.. but l knew that it was because we were both running 100 mph in what felt like opposite directions.. him trying to work hard to provide for his family, and me trying to keep up a house full of five children.. there are some lonely times in every marriage.. not once did l ever think that bringing another person into the marriage would help it.. I thought we should separate for a short time just to think things out, but my husband was adamant that separating was one step short of divorce, and that living in the same house would force us to work through our issues.. we never did separate.. we worked it out.
OMG we have been married 27 years, both of us would be horrified and devastated if the other suggested an “Open Marriage” the marriage would be dead on arrival. I have such an awesome husband and he is is crazy about me, why the hell would I do such a stupid, stupid thing? People are insane.
Now, u are just plain bragging and acting superior!
Many married people are hurting for whatever reason , feel ignored or mistreated by their spouses, etc! Just because u got lucky with ur spouse, do not devalue other people’s bad experiences in their marriages!
People do not explore the idea of an ‘open marriage’ when they are ‘happy’ in their marriage! As u ought to know!
Try to have empathy for people who are hurting and disillusioned with their relationships!
Telling them how ‘wonderful and perfect’ ur own marriage is , is definitely not the way! It’s like pouring acid on their wounds!
She went to the streets and got rejected by the streets and now she came back with a bunch of flea's. Her husband said he's done but I'm pretty sure pandoras box is now open no pun intended.
XX NPC common sit
😂😂😂
Nothing like having an open affair and expecting things to work out. And at no point did you think that this might not be a good idea.
Ya she barely goes over the fact she was putting her "marriage problems" on a "friend". This is called emotional cheating.
@@johnsmith-kt7ef Agree, and she just happens to interested in having sex with this guy.
You would think if she could/would not discuss marital issues with her husband, she should have sought out advice first from a professional (counselor/therapist/pyschologist) or a religious/faith leader, if she has one.
She already had the new partner in mind when she proposed this nonsense. The husband is likely out the door at least mentally already.
@@fancynancy2888 That would defeat her purpose. She wanted to legally fool around. Most likely will backfire.
Remember: Into every relationship …. You bring yourself.
Thats amazing. Plse elaborated
For every relationship, you bring your emotional baggage. It affects the people you attract, and the way you react to others.
Yep. She’s the problem.
Dr. John don’t blame it on the other guy. It’s all her fault 100%.
The best advice I have ever received is, "feelings are transient, they come and go". Do not make decisions based on feelings. You need to stay in the realm of logic!
The grass is not always greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it. She chose to stop trying with her husband.
🎯
The same patch of grass gets really old after decades of use
@@janelleg597 No, you just choose to not put effort into watering and caring for the grass and let it get old. Flames run out when you stop adding fuel to the fire. You cannot expect the fire to keep going if you aren't putting effort into it.
@@javierhuizar4207 But what if the man is just trying to lay some seed in other soil? Maybe he has enough time to tend to other grass. Why cant they both be green?
@@magnusmagnusson146 You have a finite amount of water in your bucket. If you try to make it stretch over twice as much grass then neither patch will flourish and you will begin to crumble over how hard you are working for diminishing rewards.
You could perhaps go through the motions with 2 partners, but it is impossible to have a mature and fulfilling relationship with 2 people at once over a meaningful length of time. It's not sustainable.
I wonder what’s worse… your wife telling you that YOUR friend suggested he sleeps with her? Her venting to the friend in the 1st place? Or your wife actually coming to you with this suggestion…
well said brother
Damn it was her husband friend? She is ruthless. 😅😅… the whole thing is terrible.
Or, you going through with it
Yup. Yup.
She was venting to him because she knew he wanted her and she already wanted him (you can always tell). She had a plan from the get go. She does not love her husband at all, she just realized that he treats her decently and the other guy just used her box so now she wants to fix it. If his friend was good to her she would still be sleeping with him if not already with him permanently. She hedged her bets because she knew the husband was weak.
“We had problems in our marriage, so we decided to fix it by completely abandoning all sense of commitment.”
Huh??
the frailty of human wisdom
Lol the way you put it 😂
Had a guy ask me what I was into (I’m single) and I said “monogamy”. He replied with “oooh that sounds kinky, what’s that!?”
🤦♀️
wooooooow
😂😂😂😂😂
He's illiterate
😂😂😂🤭
Hahaha he sounds funny he might be just sarcastic clown
Pay attention she said "she realized she still wanted to be with husband" at around 2:30. The open relationship was her trying to replace him. Stay vigilant guys
Yeah she all of a sudden realized it after she got dumped and saw her husband still happy with his girl😂Like at least take accountability and say it’s because he gets attention from outside parties and she doesn’t.
“Open” in “open marriage” means “the door is open to leave because I have one foot out.” Keep striding, sister.
She acknowledges the marriage was broken and she now wants to fix it, I wish she’d come to this conclusion before suggesting sleeping with other people. Marriage is a covenant, it is not easy by any means, but it’s a commitment and trust and loyalty are a big part of it. I hope their marriage survives.
she was already cheating by confiding in a "friend" about her marriage problems instead of her husband.
She should’ve never discussed her marriage with another man. If you have issues, you talk to your significant other.
Once again it’s the woman who suggested opening the marriage because she already had a guy waiting that she thought was so great. She finds out he isn’t great at all and NOW she wants to work on the marriage like she should’ve done in the first place.
These things always end in a train wreck.
I hope they find people they deserve, this marriage can't and shouldn't be saved
Why would you ever want this marriage to be saved? This woman should be and stay single. She can bone everyone she wants that way. Casually boning is made for such people. No real problems to ever have to work through. No real commitment. It’s perfect.
She had options then. Now she doesn’t and wants to work on the marriage 🤣🤣
The guy she cheated with ended up not treating her well? Who'd be surprised? Why should he respect her. She was willing to sleep around on her husband.
And she still kept in contact 8 months after she stopped sleeping with him!!!
Yup and he was not evil and manipulative like John said, she wasn’t “taken advantage” of, she was stupid just that. He wanted to bang her, nothing evil about that. She, a married woman, wanted to be banged by him, that’s what is wrong. The other guy didn’t own her husband fidelity, they were not married, she was the one who owned her husband fidelity. I’m pissed how he excuse her bad decisions all the way through. She’s not a victim
@@marteumar8429 he wanted to bang a married woman. That's what's evil about that
And now she doesn’t like her husband having someone🤔
I mean he should've been respectful but it's not shocking look what he saw a trifling wife he probably love bombed her til he quickly got everything he wanted and then once he felt like he got it in his back pocket he treated her like she was something to do when there's nothing to do
I had lived this lifestyle for several years back in the 80's and I feel as if I am the poster child for this insanity. Soon my book, "You Want to What", will be out and explain this does not work and why! Yep that was my comment when my "former" husband told me what he wanted to do.
If I knew that someone was intimate with my wife at all, the shear thought of them would make me cringe. I would never be able to look at them the same way except for "used". There would be no saving the marriage, regardless of how long we've been together. The thought of it makes me disgusted.
What a mess! As marriages and families all around us crumble, I'm reminded to be so very thankful for biblical truth and wisdom.
Biblical truth...multiple wives and over 700 hundred concubines for one man. No one ever talks about those Biblical marriages do they? Bible loves talking about polyamory.
@@sueblack5794 old testament is there to teach us what not to do.
@@basednwhitepilld Yes...that is what Christians always conveniently like to say. Old testament is a whole lot more than just teaching us what not to do. It is the story/history of God and his relationship with people from the very beginning. Christ himself used the OT in most of his teachings and referred to it often. It is called "breathed by God in the New Testament in the book of John. You dismissing it as nothing more than "teaching us what not to do" is dismissing who God was and is.
@@sueblack5794 God always wanted it to be one man and one woman. Sin caused men to disobey God.
@@sueblack5794 Christ reiterated the model - male and female, leave and cleave from parents, partnered for life and the nucleus for the family. I’m paraphrasing, of course.
Let me resolve my marriage issues by sleeping with my husbands friend. This is arrogance to a whole new level. There is no perfect marriage so you might as well work on the negativity in the relationship instead of finding it somewhere else. I dont think he's gonna look at her the same.
The whole idea of open relationships just makes things worse, whether it’s affecting the person who wants to go along with it or their partner or even the person they’re looking to for their sexual needs, it’s all gonna end in a mess !
The respect for her is gone bc of what she was willing to do to their marriage, while he still retains respect in her eyes bc now he's the nice guy who didn't treat her like her crummy bf. This is disgusting.
Yeah, and then come back and be "honest" about the details... this is another level lol
What is wrong with people? This is crazy. Why be married if you want to sleep with other people? Doesn’t matter what the circumstances are.
@WheresPaul#1981 right!!! they had their own issues prior to covid.
Because the family court system has a 50-year record of incentivizing women to have poor behavior in marriages because no matter what, they win. They can have Chad’s pipe and Brad’s money.
If no-fault divorce disappeared, so would this behavior.
I mean... I am not opposed to it. I am sexually attracted to other people all of the time. I can understand why you may want to explore. I just couldn't imagine doing it when my marriage is a hot mess
@@Evil-Rod-Farva pretty sure there are other factors involved here. This is a morality issue.
@@sobeliever1638 Which is why it’s important to have a court system that enforces them and is just for the greater good and not just for a woman’s whim at the time.
If the party that initiated divorce 4/5 times suffered a little more from that decision, they would think twice before entering and exiting marriages.
Thankfully young men are doing a lot of the court’s work for them and just aren’t signing the marital contract.
I think he handled this really well. He didn’t coddle her and held her accountable but still gave her some avenues for change and hope for the future in healing. It’s okay to just take the L and say you fucked up.
My ex-girlfriend basically wanted this but fortunately the other guy she was chasing didn’t want her… and neither did I. Pathetic.
Sweet! 😂
..you dodged a bullet there!
If you're with someone who suggests an open relationship, you're with someone DEEPLY selfish and emotionally abusive. Period.
Yep, your relationship is over. Leave.
Very true
That is not always true.
Delusional
I have male friends who are in a sexless marriage. One in particular loves his wife and thinks she's a great mom, but they have sex maybe twice a year. He's deeply hurt by it. He tried to get her a therapist and couple's counseling, but she refused to resolve the issue. She's perfectly fine not having sex. He's not fine.
She gave him the go to seek sex elsewhere, but he'd rather have it from her.
If I was him, I would divorce her. She wanted fun, thought the grass was greener on the other side. It wasn’t. Now, she’s looking for sympathy.
Single or married these stories are always a dumpster fire you can’t turn away from.
I was a hospice nurse for years. In medicine, no one wants to say, “it’s over,” and so we wait, and wait and treat and treat and talk about “not giving up.” Metastatic cancer, end stage heart failure, uncontrollable COPD. Can’t say “it’s over.” When I hear these relationship stories, and I hear the advice to keep going, I can see pretty clearly these relationships should be hospiced, but the “experts” tell them to keep going? Why? Life should be enjoyed because IT ENDS and ending a relationship or a marriage is not death. Move on. Live life while you still can. No emotional connection? Sorry, you don’t get that back. No, you don’t. I was a hospice nurse, remember? Do you know how many stories I’ve heard at the end of life? Stories of unhappiness because someone thought they should keep going..
Wow...this woman's husband loves her to no end. For a man to step aside and allow you to have a boyfriend who he has to listen to you talk about and sleep with, that man must be so in love. I can't even image the pain that he suffered watching all this. He only went and found a partner as a way to numb the pain and distract himself. Poor thing. Girl you better grab onto that man tight, kiss him and tell him you love him every single day and spend the rest of your waking days making it up to him.
thats not love
No he needs to leave he dumps his gf . Next month she will find another man lol
The husband doesn't love her. He loves not being alone and it's easier to stay with her than finding someone else. he has low self esteem.
He is way too passive about this!
that's not love. man or woman anyone who stays in this situation is trauma bonded. A victim of abuse similar to stockholm syyndrome
I'm starting to see this more and more, mainly with couples who got together very early. It's like they feel like they're missing out especially nowadays where the majority are single and having multiple partners. She found out the grass ain't greener on the other side. Now she's trying to backtrack and say "SIKE. I was just playing"! Her husband probably had a better experience and she probably thought she was gonna be left behind. Maybe she's better off single. These are all my guesses though. Just sucks that marriages are broken up for some temporary fun.
Here is the sad truth...a LOT of women marry men they don't love. They marry to marry, marry because that is what you are supposed to do, marry the first man who asks. Then end up miserable the older they get because they married an idea rather than the person.
"they'' you mean ''she''
I mean I have been with my husband since I was 16 I don’t really think that’s the issue I think it’s more of her lack of maturity in general, if she thought the grass was greener on the other side that just shows she is naive and didn’t take accountability for issues in their marriage, blaming childhood trauma seems like a scape goat. She wanted to try out other men that’s it. She was bored and needed a hobby that didn’t involve sleeping with someone else
Dont blame it on early marriage. I've seen plenty of young marriages work beautifully. Its immaturity thats the problem.
i think you're spot on. i saw this situation from the other standpoint. a colleague's husband asked to open things up. she didn't want to but felt she had to. they even had a spare room for their trysts. his flame was hot but it burned out fast. he basically had an excuse to sleep with his hot coworker, but she wasn't interested in anything beyond a quick hookup. turns out she just got off on the flirting. anyway, the wife eventually met someone and they're still going strong while her husband's tryst is over. he can't find anyone else. i think he just comes across as trying too hard and creepy. meanwhile, the wife's boyfriend practically lives in their spare room bc he's over all the time.
There’s a reason why one of the vows says, “forsaking all others.”
Good sir I agree completely, but I'm pretty sure these people aren't following biblical principles in the least.
Most often "Christians " who go to church all the time are the ones who make the big mistakes like this ( not always) but but they make bad choices and sometimes want to work them out
This woman is nuts! Real adults make commitments and keep their promises. Wife and I have sometimes entertained a thought or two, or at least I suppose so, but we don't act on them and eventually fidelity becomes a habit. The satisfaction of knowing we're loyal exceeds anything I can imagine from playing around.
She’s for the streets
Wow MichaelWoods your statement is awesome
Michael Woods I saw your comment.This how I also think.This woman in certified 100% nuts.
There is more to a relationship than just “you made a promise…” if a relationship isn’t working for one party, there has to be open communication. You have to say “I’m feeling this way or this or that isn’t working for me.” And then you address it or you will find that the relationship can’t continue. It’s so ridiculous to hold the belief that marriage is a binding contract that has to be kept regardless of whatever happens or changes during life. Your opinion about marriage seems so unhealthy.
@@johnhorner1969 It's worked for us so far. 54 years so far!
Dr John is exactly right...day to day make a decision to be alive with your husband, it is totally worth it, have happily married 48 years.
Wow 🤩
This happens every time like clockwork when someone tries to open a marriage after the marriage was initially closed,
Husband or wife meet someone through a friend or workplace and begin emotionally cheating on their significant other they want to have sex with this person however do not want to be strapped with the guilt of having an affair.
Husband or wife suggests to their partner that an open relationship might fix their marital problems.
Partner reluctantly agrees as a last ditch effort to save their marriage.
Husband or wife thinks it's all great until they realise the connection they formed with the other person is only physical and they don't really like this person.
Husband or wife realises that their partner is actually enjoying being in an open marriage and is dating and having sex with multiple people and now they want to close the marriage as they realised they've made a fatal error.
Marriage finally breaks down.
She still sounds like she is filled with excuses, blaming everything/everyone else, justifying her poor decision and the consequences she's now facing. Is she sincerely remorseful that she turned away from her marriage or still just wanting what she can't have in the moment? If she doesn't even care enough about her husband's feelings to have pursued a deep understanding of what she did to him and how SHE needs to repair the trust she broke in their relationship, her selfishness is not going to turn this marriage around.
this is normal: excuses, high expectations, over-valued....
Standard female behavior is what you see played out. The husband needs to kick this chick to the curb. She’s a master at rationalizing poor beliefs and behaviors. Classic female statement. “I don’t FEEL emotionally connected” female translation: I wanna PHYSICALLY sleep with someone 🥴 straight delusional thinking
Exactly this woman is still a total selfish selfcentered woman. AND now when her main partner her affair partner ended the relationship, she wants now close it again and back to normality and now she cares that her husband has still outside fun.
This woman has still only her own needs in focus. She does not care about her husband at all. ALl about what she cares is that she get attention and validation from out side to boost her own very fragil ego.
I dont know if she can repair anything. She need to learn to build up a stable inner self esteem to be not depnding on attention and validation from out side. If the husband has still the patience and good will with her, than she might start to see what demage she cause at him. She might start with care ,mainly for him and than he might give anything back again.
Now this husband has a seperate emotional satisfying life with another woman. They are only married on the paper and maybe FWB.
I think she destroyed the marriage and when she asks about closing the relationship, he will go for seperation.
How could anyone be OK with their wife being intimate with another dude? Even if he went along with it to keep her happy, how/why would he want to touch her when she came home from a rendezvous?
nope.....monk--mode
Right? Just gross
Sewer pit! 🤮🤮
His passivity was his downfall! She may have interpreted it as his not caring about her nor their relationship ! If he had acted decisively and rejected her suggestion outright and instead discussed together how to improve their marriage, etc, she would have likely been impressed and agreed with him, recommitting to each other!
@@lenitaa7938 Or her lack of commitment was her downfall. You're assigning zero agency and responsibility to the woman and all of it to the man.
I feel like some ppl forget that shame can have its appropriate place…
I keep telling people that shame can be a healthy , useful emotion.
I like how John knows how to give tough love. He goes a bit easier on women which is the right way to do it, as men we need the truth and need to be called out directly for our bad behavior. Women are different and he does a great job keeping it real.
I've never seen a long term happy healthy poly relationship. I've heard of a super very small % working long term. Normally poly relationship explode & leave a trail of destruction on many levels of the people involved & those around them.
Don’t say we! You said it yourself, you told your husband and he agreed just to make you happy.
The fact that he agreed to this is what bothers me, obviously this guy has zero self worth and respect for himself
Regardless of his answer, its over. Saying yes might buy him time for a proper escape plan.
That is on him. He is grown. She asked. He lied.
Play stupid games - win stupid prizes. Obligation is what an adult uses to balance off gratification, so as to not destroy what is already a challenging endeavour.
Ouch, I feel bad for that guy. That’s rough. I had an ex want an open relationship and I went with it. Luckily she stopped it as I was out looking for someone. Learned my lesson, when someone asks this then the relationship is over. Time to move on.
Easy to take things for granted when you have options. This is sn important lesson that needs to be taught earlier in life
Props to Dr.John for being so kind and patient with this train wreck, if I was with a person like this I would be out so fast
I had an open marriage to but my wife forgot to tell me about it
That’s just an “entanglement”. Celebrities do it so that means it’s ok! 😉
:( Glad you can joke about it.
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240 Time 😇
@JCV Christianson 🤣🤣🤣 it would be nice if they had left us in on it huh LOL
@@dgkallday9 and I'm a celebrity in my own mind so I guess I'm good
The husband has no respect for her any longer- she broke marriage vows and there's no fixing this.
She needs to acknowledge to him what she did, which was cheat, and repent of it. There’s no healing from that or anything else until she does. She can’t just decide “oh, I’m just gonna put down that shame and move on”. She damaged her marriage, she needs to acknowledge that. She’s ashamed for a real valid reason.
It's a really good thing that I don't have the job Dr. John Deloney does, because if this girl called and told me she started an open marriage, I would've been like, "What are you, stupid?"
People act like you should be accepting for others who choose polygamy. Nope. It’s wrong. Why even get or remain married if you just want to be with someone else? When i talk about this with friends everyone says “oh I wouldn’t choose that but others can” no I think we should absolutely condemn this type of behavior. It just leads to sadness and heartbreak. Especially in a marriage.
Well said!
Completely agree! 👍🏻
Polygamy is entirely different from an open marriage!
It takes work. Each spouse has to put in effort and be willing to spice things up with each other because boredom will come. Non monogamy is dangerous and can cause so much brokenness
She isn’t getting the action she wants, so she wants to end it. If the script was flipped, she would still have the open marriage. 100%
God Bless John for not being judgmental, for being patient and walking this girl through this whole thing. This 18 minute call was probably better than any marriage counseling she would've gotten.
If she meant so much to him, why didn’t he open up to her with emotional intimacy. I personally don’t believe in non-monogamy but I n on know women in DEAD marriages… where the man doesn’t connect emotionally at all, If she wanted emotional intimacy and she went to the lengths to propose to get it elsewhere and he said OK rather than… yeah let’s go to counseling so I can not be a dead person in a marriage… it’s messed up both ways. It’s a terrible thing to be with someone, married, and yet feel utterly alone and lonely. And women are in a thought bind when they’re married to a dead man… it’s why most women initiate divorce… my guess is it would be the biggest reason for that. So maybe these mistakes can at at least shake things up since they both already did the mistake… certainly better than a secret affair done by either sex.
@@BobDevV yes. The thing is, we’ve stopped shaming people and people need to be reminded that there are consequences to their actions. It’s uncomfortable for everyone but it’s how people grow.
You need a Red Pill and so does he. She does not lovr him. He should of left her the minutr she suggested it. If he decides to stay, he is only doing it so he wobt get raped in the courts. I would demote her to room mate until I make a good case for divorce assuming he does not live in a no fault state. Either ways, I would of divorced the Garden tool.
@@juneelle370 she goes to him about opening up the marriage with a partner in mind … and we’re questioning him about his emotional intimacy???? She’s killing him and he’s the problem? I wish that it was him who called into the show because he needs an advocate in the worst way. He needs someone close to him to tell him that he’s worth more than what she’s putting him through. Of course he’s dead inside. I would be too if she was my wife.
@@jmkiser33 100%
Husband deserves way better. She initiated it, and things didn’t workout. This ‘friend’ just sweet talked her for some quick vagina under the guise of “I’ll be your shoulder to cry on”. The oldest trick in the book. And she gave it to him because of her lack of impulse control. The friend bounced after it wasn’t hitting the same a few months in. She made a big decision to make more commitment to this strange man friend to the sacrifice of her marriage. That’s selfish. She was hoping this friend would commit to her and she could move on from the husband. But the friend wasnt asking for more commitment. He didn’t want that. He liked seeing her on occasion. He just wanted to hit. She chased him away. Shes an immature idiot who got ‘got’.
First if I were the husband I would’ve consulted a divorce attorney as soon as she came to me with that open marriage bullshit. I mean hello. But if I were him now, I’d be like “Nope I want to stay open, I’m very happy where things are right now.” In reality I would be dating other women for marriage. And if I found someone who I was sure would fit that, I would divorce my wife. Just as she likely intended to do me. She deserves to be left behind. She wanted to test the waters, well it works both ways. It’s a hard lesson, but an important one about loyalty and commitment. It ain’t always easy but sleeping outside the marriage is never the solution.
Ultimately that’s me though. The husband seems like a doormat with how she basically said he’s the one that wants to keep things going, despite everything she did to him.
JP made it like this:
It’s like lifting weights. If you’re having trouble lifting 150, the solution is not to add another 150, the solution is dialing everything back and figuring out where your weakness is, figure out if there are any injuries you might not be aware of, bad form in certain lifts that are hurting you etc. same thing with marriage, when the marriage dull, or difficult, the answer is not to add more complications, especially when it’s designed to dilute your partner.
Not that nobody can ever do that, but everyone whose done it in order to “help” a distressed marriage has always ended up by injuring the marriage and in a sense, ruining its lifting career.
In my opinion, the marriage is not open to others, it is open-honest between two people. Every day my husband and I practice gratitude and act of kindness. I must be very selfish but I can't imagine sharing my husband with others.
If anyone suggests an “open” relationship, man or woman, you open the door and send them on their way. They’ve made a lifelong decision.
When you take the garbage to the curb you don’t bring it back into your house and sift through it.
It’s done. Move on.
🙏
Thats a big generalization. There are many couples who feel more so connected with each other who are involved with swinging, threesomes etc. A lot of people can seperate sex and love. To a lot of people sex is just a fun activity and doesn't need to be an emotional thing.
That’s good! Nicely put.
@@cb4354 “having fun” is exactly what emotions are. Saying to not have emotions during sex is ridiculous.
💯
The Lord is the only marriage healer.
Nothing else will work and will Still leave you empty.
6:08 No, she actually took advantage of herself by letting herself be taken advantaged of. The fact that she went for an abusive guy probably shows she never fully healed from her “childhood trauma.” There is more to this story.
So she expects open marriage when she wants now she wants to close the marriage when she wants.