As someone who has actual ocd, simply resolving the thought doesn’t occur or work out, and with the metaphor of everyone having ocd he used, id say learn to sit with the uncertainty that rumination may be ruining your happiness, then move on, in turn avoiding rumination
@awxuh I think you are right, I meant like if the source of the negative thought is something I can fix like a task I have been putting off, my room is a mess, I should focus on fixing that.
I would actually disagree. Even though it is broken into segments, the act of scrolling itself is actually separated from the individual videos and this is easy to prove because we will continue to scroll even after coming across multiple videos we don't enjoy. I would say doom-scrolling is so bad because of how many negative points it can hit on. In a few minutes you can be reminded that you are in poor shape, financially unstable, live in an imperfect world, ugly, stupid, unfunny, etc. The act of scrolling is so focused specifically on content that is unfocused (cat video followed by AI slop followed by science followed by standup comedy within minutes) that you are essentially in a flow state of "unpointedness". Focused specifically on taking in different unexpected and uncontrollable thoughts or information. I hope I am explaining this half as well as it's put together in my head. EDIT: I figured out how I want to word this. Doom scrolling is essentially the flow state of inviting in the exact opposite of flow state. The one-pointedness specifically aimed at un-pointedness. It is like being vaccinated for a disease, and then receiving that exact disease via the vaccination. It's the same disease, but it gets directly injected into your system in high concentration making it harder to fight. (I know this isn't really quite how disease and immunity works. but the way I wrote the example should make it fairly clear.)
@CryinOverSpilledTea doom scrolling is bad because your brain interprets videos you watch as reality, and you are experiencing too many opposite emotions in very short period of time. That's why you get unhealthy amount of domapine, which keeps you engaged. Even if YOU understand that you are simply loosing time, your BRAIN wants to keep getting dopamine and does not want to return to relatively hard work instead. Also, it has something to do with focus as well. You literally change the topic of information you get every lets say 10-60 seconds. People who doom scroll are less capable of watching simple TH-cam videos, because their brain says "naah, first 10 seconds of the vid are boring, lets watch something else". That is the opposite of meditation. That is untraining your mind to focus on one point. And the reason you keep scrolling is that short videos are doing all work for you, so that brain is always FOCUSED, but brain is not doing anything to achieve that, when meditation is using you brain to eliminate all thoughts and FOCUS on one thing
Yep. This is why one of the first things that I tell my friends who complain about their attention spans is to swap out short-form content with movies. Obviously the end-goal is not to watch movies all day, but a lot of the times people will notice that they actually can't just sit down and watch a movie in it's entirety without pausing anymore. But if you practice enough, then you can move on to reading a book or playing a game for long periods of uninterrupted time. Then just keep moving on to more boring but more fulfilling things from there.
I have ADHD and the "not enjoying games you think you should enjoy" is a daily experience. I came to realize that my mind not being able to be in the moment is what robs me of the enjoyment of the game. The "opportunity cost evaluation" my mind does is always active, part of my mind focuses on what I could be doing instead of being on what I am doing, this takes away my ability to enjoy what I am doing.
I have been experiencing this altered state of mind lately for longer than ever before. It feels surreal, I was close to saying to my psychologist that it seemed to be a super power just yesterday ! Only two years of (good) psychoterapy, getting out of home, trying, failing, seeking courage, keeping at it. Stay strongs brothers, Keep trying.
I think what Dr. K said about mindfulness actually being mindlessness really hits home when you watch Alan Watts illusion of ego video. a quote I like from him is “when all you do is think, you have nothing to think about but thoughts themselves “
2 minutes in but... The statement "we have forgot what happiness is" is actually really helpful for me. When talking to family/friends, oftentimes happiness is talked about as like the state of affairs in your life, vacation, ongoing events etc. but in reality it's simply, when you're feeling a particular kind of good. This kind of clashes with how people ask about positive emotions, socially those questions are more about interesting things you've done recently not actually what you're feeling and experiencing in one's mind.
I have never played a video game in my life, but I’m a medical student and I find your videos immensely helpful. I send them to literally everyone I know from my little brother in high school to my middle aged cousin and they find your videos amazing. Thank you Dr. K🍣
I've told my daughter so many times that she has to learn to be okay with being bored. I'm sending her this video. Maybe she'll understand when you say it.
I've been trying to get a close friend of mine who's suffered depression her whole life to start listening to him too. His videos took decades of my depression away as after just a few hours of his videos I knew what I needed to do to get better. 3+ months depression/sadness free now. Good luck with your daughter - hope she finds her own happiness
Hey man I just wanted to let you know as a child of a parent that often gives me this type of advice if it comes across like lecturing or that you know better than your child then it can often put us off and make us feel like you're just trying to impose on us even when it could come from a place of caring I just wanted to let you know that if you ask her questions about her experience of being bored and try to understand and then let her know what you've learned about it it can often come across a lot more sincere
This is so real. My happiness has increased dramatically because I completed those things that would linger on my mind. I take Nepali language classes because in my mind, I always thought, "I need to learn Nepali(my husband's native language)". The cost of Nepali lessons is a bargain if it means I will have more happiness! ढन्यवाद
The phrase "Pursuit of happiness," from the Declaration of Independence truly nails what happiness is-a roller coaster of feelings that has ups and downs and is something that isn't perpetually tied to an object. What do I mean by this? Happiness is often felt when there is a surge of positive emotion that fills us. The problem is we've wired ourselves to view external objects as the source of our happiness, when in reality, happiness is in our minds-which is why those with depression and anxiety (I have GAD myself) find it very difficult to be happy because our minds are constantly thinking about doom and gloom worst-case scenarios. Some of the happiness moments I've had is when I'm cleaning my room because my mind is empty and focused on the task at hand. No incessant whispers of doom, no arguing to myself, just pure peace of mind and focus working together. In that moment, I believe I am pursuing happiness via having peace of mind in the things that I'm doing, not in the rewards that I get. Happiness is not a perpetual thing. It will wax and wane like the moon in our sky. Having a healthy body and mind can help us prolong the feeling of happiness for a longer amount of time, but it will eventually pass, as well. If we understand this, I believe we'll be able to continue pursuing happiness and live our lives to the fullest. However, it'll take time to accept and appreciate the fleeting nature of happiness. After all, we don't want good things to end. But as the saying goes, "All good things must come to an end," happiness must also end. But worry not. It'll come back to you and you'll be able to pursue it again.
Fully agree ! Major tricky thing I find is that bringing about this mindset, feeling of sorts is already very hard but then, keeping it consistant, knowing how to tap into it that's what I find insanely challenging.
Yesterday I was happy. I reached a ton of goals, I felt great. Today I woke up and I had hypoglycemia during the night.. I feel a ton of pain on my hands and feet and I cried a little bit. The only one that can actually relate to me is Sisyphus, every day I make a lot of efforts to manage my conditions, I got a ton of diagnosis and I try my best to not let it get to me and just be. I have made a lot of progress, but every 2 months or so I get a new hypoglycemia thst damages my nerves and I wake up the next day like day zero. It is such a rinse and repeat situation that it is discouraging me. Anyway, I would love to see a video about dealing with the physical medical issues, because this is taking a toll on my mind, plus the brainfog that comes with this conditions make it hard for me to just exist.
Thank you for demystifying meditation. I do not know what it was like before I learned about it (many years ago), but, by the time I did begin to "learm" (or thought I was learning), it had become a fad, a fashion for "truly superiot people." For years, I bought books on meditation, each each one was, in reality, nkthing more than a cash cow from the authors and publishers. Slowly, i began to realize that meditation is not about having "wise thoughts," but emptying the mind, clearing the mind of mental garbage (one fad that does have merit is sweeping compared to meditation). Thank you for presenting meditation in a way that is truly useful and beneficial.
That kind of fractured mind is exactly my experience with ADHD. Very rarely am I ever completely focused on one thing. I always have something else going on in my head. The only activities that consistently lead to focus are music production and highly competitive video games. This experience also leads me to use cannabis because, while high it seems like whatever I'm doing is the most important thing ever. My curiosity about the activities I engage in while high feels limitless. I can go down rabbit holes of seemingly innocuous topics and come out the other end with a greater appreciation for that thing and the world. I can't figure out how to feel that way during everyday life
i’m in the exact same spot with different interests. stimulants are horrible for my anxiety and getting high is one of the best ways to achieve this one pointed mind for an evening.
Following this logic, ADHD is basically just being bored 24/7 no matter what you do. Being triple E, this is funny to me. At least to the "smart" part of me, who's hanging out on the spectrum. ❤
Just when Dr. K was explaining at 10:59 how the human mind hates to be bored, I opened this video in a different window on my second monitor so I could read the comments on it while watching the video on my first screen. 😐
1 - Prioritize happiness and what that really means, over anything else 2 - Create your own happiness and embrace it when it comes from externally 3 - Resolve root obstacles and have gratitude towards any type or level of happiness 4 - Happiness and peace are neither an option nor expected, they're essential
Interesting point of view. It's not the object but if you do anything that can mentally consume your attention like a true maker. I can get true joy in making. From the age of 10 I have done woodworking. Learned how to freehand, draw, and paint. The consuming act of designing, creating, then owing or gifting the object for the recipients joy of getting your time, resources, and the final creation. As their gift. Their happiness in having a piece of me.
Funny enough, I did a "free-balled" road trip with just a destination last year, and it changed my life completely. I'm saving up to do another one soon, I based the idea on Dr K's other video on "reaching the end of thought." After my last road trip, I made a major life change that I've been hesitating about for years. My old medication was leaving me numb and unable to act(avolition), but it has am 89 day half life, so just now I've reached less than 5% of it in my bloodstream and I feel better with no positive symptoms, the new medication works so much better.
So much truth here!! This video is gold. I definitely find it very helpful to slow down craving or wanting things. To just stay in that moment of enjoyment (whatever that may be at the time) rather than slipping into wanting something different or slightly better is key for me. Not to mention squeeze as much juice out of my good experiences and emphasize liking. That way, the juice is worth the squeeze so to speak!
Dr. K, I've been following you since your podcast with DOAC, you are an amazing person, the world really needs your work, please keep doing what you are doing! ✨
I noticed this in myself that as soon as I saw what other's were upto I couldn't enjoy my own things so now I have basically banned myself from comparing. If I find myself comparing I just quickly try to distract myself and focus on something else.
"A wondering mind cant be a happy mind" I also heard “happiness is a direction not a destination” I like that one since in that analogy the lingering thoughts are like road signs telling tour where to go, but the road is also lined with cassinos and flashy neon sighs (short term distractions form the destination) There are no gas stations on this road, you have a set amount of gas (lifetime) left, oh and you don’t have a fuel gauge either. Do the boring thing and follow the sighs. Digging in to your self to find what the signs are for you is something everyone should do, sooner rather then later.
Great vid as always. I sometimes sit and just think about the topics and solutions you discuss. I'm pretty lonely and introvert, but I love reflecting on stuff like this. I'm a bit of a philosopher and nerd for sure lol. Anyways thanks so much. I work full time and I'm highly educated so perhaps not your main demographic, but I still like these videos as some sort of self therapy. //greetings from a healthcare social worker
YES I hve a feelng no one evr mentions how happiness mght be ovrrated in these kinda videos but I'm glad Dr K did. If tryna get somethng is gonna bring me pain and boredom, then sometimes the only way tht tht boredom needs to be dealt with is by doing the thng. Imma list all the thngs I need and all the thngs I want. Suffer and be bored a little bit to get evrthng I need and maybe a little bit of wht I want too. Only then will I bother with happiness and mindfulness and whtnot. Although ths means I got to be able to differentiate wht's somethng I need and wht's somethng I want. Cus if you realise too late tht one of the thngs you want is actually somethng you need, you may no longer be bothered to get it. I suppose you can undo all tht mindfulness by piling on more and more reasons for needng and wantng that thng. By being imaginative and seeing how the world as a whole can benefit frm tht thng, not jst yourself. And by being inspiring and tellng othr ppl you care abt abt tht thng. Tht way it won't be only your expectations you're tryna live up to but theirs too.
Not actually that confusing. Diavolo can see a few seconds ahead at all times and knows what people will do with 100% accuracy. When he activates his power he "skips" those few seconds. Everyone except Diavolo will continue to act the way he predicted, and Diavolo is free to act however he wants. Since he knows where you're going to move to, he can line up an attack to hit you the second the time skip ends.
The segment at the end about lingering thoughts really resonated with me, but now I have a new problem, because the things I "need to do" involve other people, and I'm afraid I'd end up just offloading my problems.
You can see that you're doing major work, K. I like how you derive conclusions through patterns and you match life patterns to science. You're onto becoming way bigger, good luck.
I've started turning off all music and everything whenever I'm driving my car, I'm still driving so it's not complete boredom, but I can tell that this already usually magically "fixes my brain" for the day
Back when I was on probation I didn't have access to computers or the internet. I spent a lot of time bored out of my mind, but it didn't teach me to be happy.
Some months ago I used to do a commute of about 3h to university and strangely the best thing that could happen to me was my phone getting out of charge, it was a bit frustrating but that happened enough times for me to start feeling much better with being bored, that helped a lot with studying after, suddenly the reading material was very interesting, but now that some negative stuff happened, all the feeling keep flooding in and my screen time has been of like 8h a day, it’s hard to focus now, I want to go back in track but it’s quite painful
If you choose to watch just one video in 2025 it should be this one. I literally restarted it after finishing it. So much clarity. Goals for this year to achieve one pointedness of the mind. I definitely started this journey, but this just put to words what I felt needs to be done.
Saved mine, depressed over 20 years but depression free 3+ months now after just a few hours of his videos (and many hours in my own time taking what he said into practice)
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, a lot thanks to you Dr K. I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo, cheers!
Thank you so much doctor for teaching us this concept. This really did help me a lot. i practiced only doing and thinking about 2 task cleaning the table and my room after it might sound funny but i actually find cleaning the table really boaring and avoid it but when i focused on my breath and totally removed the thought that make me think that this task is boring, i was actually able to clean it without feeling boring coz i did not let the thought of boring come to my mind i was focusing on my breath and just doing the task. and later i was satisfied or happy maybe that i actually did the cleaning. i will definitely practice this more and implement it in my daily life.
This video was very needed today. Thank you. The irony is that I am listening to this while I was unpacking the dish washer 😅. I watch this video, accompanied by a video made by Ali Abdaal, titled "How to reset your dopamine". Together, both this video and that video gives a clear picture on why most people are unhappy. Both these videos deal with how bordom must not be feared and that it is okay to be bored. The other video talks about how bordom actually recharges your dopamine reserves in your dopamine receptors and why addictions + distractions makes you unhappy by crashing those dopamine reserves. Might explain why people who do this, are more happy than most.
Maybe this is why my Bible study and prayer time in the morning is my most peaceful? I am putting effort into not letting my thoughts wander during that time.
Amazing video! Helps a ton. Its so mutch fun to actually try to understand with what is going on in our minds. Mental health and these kind of informations should really be thaught in school. Would be so mutch value to our current society.
I am beyond happy to hear a professional state that the DIY pop psych mindfulness scene is a scam. All it's ever done is make me more miserable, and the amount of times I've had to clean up life/work/etc messes left in the wake of someone using mindfulness as their get-out-of-responsibility-free card are too high to count.
Is no one gonna comment on who they could beat in a fight in BG3? I’m going with Mayrina’s brothers cause no matter what I did they ended up as swamp fertilizer.
4:29 the thing is, even if i thought so too at first. My happiness comes from friends, like if we play together and interact with each other often. It feels as if my burden got lifted up. That's why it's miserable being alone to me (but idk i am not done watching anyways)
22:18 if i always wanted a girlfriend (or a normal close friend that goes on a vaction with you or something lika that, not someone you „just“ talk to sometimes like most friendships are nowadays), how can i just do the damn thing? Everything else is pretty much fine but the craving for REAL social stuff stays. Should i kidnap people or what? Still very good video tho
@@gesgald2266 I dont know how. I am introverted, a bit depressed and just dont talk to people. I live in germany, one of the worst countries to find friends sadly. You just dont talk to strangers on the street here, thats pretty uncommon, not like in america. Germans hate smalltalk and if you dont have friends already, its hard to find new one without other friends in the first place.
@@gesgald2266 thanks for the tip, i am in therapy so i hope this will help me get real connections. I have a few online friends, but that just isnt the same, even thought its something
Here's where I think online engagement with strangers really interferes with happiness-- anonymous people, for whatever reason, are ready to convince you that you're somehow not happy when you otherwise would be. For example, I don't really *want* a house. Having one would be nice, sure. But a small apartment is just fine for me and my cat. But sure enough, you say something like that because you felt like sharing, and almost certainly someone's waiting from under the manhole covers to say "WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU THINK GIRLS WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT? YOU WANT TO PISS AWAY MONEY ON RENT INSTEAD OF BUILDING EQUITY? WHAT YOU *SHOULD* BE DOING IS (insert irrelevant and unhelpful advice here)" Dr. K is right on the money: a single-pointed mind is the key to moving through this world with happiness and grace. Allowing others to disrupt that grace is wilfully surrendering your happiness.
If happiness is simply not being aware, then is it really such a good thing? Perhaps people should focus more on overcoming their negative feelings, rather than chasing positive ones.
I missed my turn on a paid highway once, and figured: I like driving, why not pay for driving half an hour more than usual 😅 It was hard reconciling with this thought at first, but then it did become quite enjoyable.
One of the best questions I had as a kid talking about climate change in 2000 was that may be true son, what are you going to do about it? There's some things the citizen can change, and there is some things they can't. Some things are so far past our comprehension as people, that our meddling will inevitably mess it up worse.
Sometimes i'm so bored on the computer that i start a game of TFT or HSBG and force myself to learn the new meta in order to enjoy, later, one pointed mind moments where i shut down my thoughts about the work i have to do
Out of all the Dr. K video's I've watched recently, this one is definitely one of the most resonant *and* immediately applicable!!! Thank you Dr. K (and team)!!
I'd love for Dr. K to elaborate on lingering thoughts and why we need to "do the thing" but not to fulfill a goal but instead to make the lingering thoughts go away. This is very abstract, why is it different than striving? Is it because we're not looking to do it for some major purpose? But doesn't it mean you're still too attached to an outcome? Like if Dr. K always wanted to be a mental health teacher but for whatever reason wasn't able to do it (say it's banned in his country), does that mean this will haunt him forever and he'll never be happy? But I thought happiness was simply that relative contentment and peace of a tranquil mind, it's not something you achieve? My thought is that maybe what he's saying is because some lingering thoughts are so prominent that it's just easier to do them and more peaceful than to try to abstain from them and ignore them. That's why he says you can be a level 1000 monk (and therefore not care if you fulfill the lingering thought) but for 99 percent of us, if there's something so deep rooted in us, and it's not from some toxic place (like I should be a lawyer because my parents will love me) but related to true dharma/purpose, this will allow the most persistent gnawing at us to dissipate. And therefore it's the closest thing to having peace within oneself and not some external object, while still also gratifying our best desires/hopes in the world. Anyone agree/disagree with my assessment?
Because a goal isn’t something you can actually do. It’s not an action. You can’t be sober for a year - you can be sober for a day, and then another day, and then another day, but it’s the “being sober for today” that is what you can actually DO. You can have goals and you should, but the problem with focusing on the GOAL and not the action you need to take to actually accomplish it is what trips people up and is why a lot of self helpers never actually make any improvements, despite consuming a ton of knowledge on how they could. They know where they want to be and are constantly consuming content on how they can get there and they have the goal in mind, but they’re not actually DOING anything. If you focus on your goal of wanting to get in shape, that’s great to have that image of yourself in your mind, but what you need to do is actually gear ALL of your mental power towards simply GOING to the gym, just for that one day. Focusing on the action creates goal fulfillment by default, but you need to actually do the thing and focus everyday on doing the thing, rather than constantly thinking about the long term end goal, since that will solve itself.
@ right but many people want to excel at that action. For instance, he uses the painter analogy. Is it just wanting to enjoy painting like a child? Is there some judgment of if the person is a good painter, a successful one, etc. I know he talks about how you focus on the action and not the result. So when you study for a test don’t focus on getting a good grade focus on the studying itself, but when dr k says something like “if you don’t deal with the lingering thoughts you won’t be happy” (paraphrasing) that sounds very dire. That’s not simply a hobby, that’s if you don’t do the thing it could gnaw on you forever. But people naturally want some result from it.
@ well yeah, if you never got results, you’d probably stop taking actions altogether. But the point remains that if the results are what you’re focused on, you’re far LESS likely to actually TAKE action. If you’re focused on the result you want from going to the gym(getting ripped), and considering that achieving that requires a consistent application of action over a long period of time, you’re more likely to stop the action when you don’t see the result that you want, within a time frame that you think is acceptable. If you want to be an amazing painter, but you’re focused on the result of being able to make art that someone would want to purchase, you’re far more likely to quit painting when you don’t see marked improvements fast enough, or nobody wants to buy your art. But if you focus on the action(which is literally just paint), you’ve got a far better chance of actually meeting your goal, because it’s something you actually CAN control and DO, every single day. If you think too far out or plan too much then most people simply won’t ever start because the idea of actually achieving the goal seems too daunting, so just DOING THE THING as he puts it is how you actually achieve your goals. If you don’t step foot in the gym, it doesn’t matter how badly you want to get ripped or how fed up you are with the way you look. If you don’t actually paint a damn picture, then it doesn’t matter how much you like to paint and how badly you wish you could do it for a living. Like 75% of success is literally just showing up and doing the thing whether you make any progress that specific day or not and by training your brain to take action instead of fantasize over the end game, you build discipline and will be far more likely to achieve success in whatever it is you want to do. What he’s saying is stop fantasizing about where you want to be and start doing what it is you actually need to start doing, because otherwise it’s literally impossible to actually achieve what it is you want to achieve. Daydreaming doesn’t do you any good.
@ right but I took what he was talking about specifically at the end of this video as a much more dire thing than what you’re talking about (which he speaks about often.), I could be wrong though
@ well I mean depending on your perspective it is pretty dire, otherwise you’ll keep thinking about it, keep regretting that you’re not doing it, and keep feeling miserable about not being where you want to be - and that’s how you get caught in the self-helpery trap of always researching how you can improve but never actually improving. Too much of your mental energy is spent thinking about everything you want to accomplish and never actually taking a step toward achieving any of them. Even if you don’t get there immediately you’ll feel a huge sense of relief by just showing up and doing the thing as often as you can because you’ll feel better about yourself for taking action, and the more you take action, the easier taking action actually becomes and you simply become a person who takes action rather than fantasizes and that’s wildly transformative.
I'm distilling this down to a sentence on purpose, but the main thing I heard watching this whole video is "If something is making you unhappy, don't think about it and carry on." I don't know how someone living in reality can do this. Don't want anything, don't strive for anything, don't do anything and you'll be happy. I'll say this again. Not everyone can be a monk.
I think a different way to say this that may make more sence is "life is about the journy NOT the destination so don't get hung up on the little things or the end goal". When you have a goal to strive for it can bring you happiness to strugle and work towards it, but once you achieve the goal that happiness quickly turns to despair because now you're bored. So don't think about it in the moment after a success/failure and let that unhelpful emotion pass so you can then think about (with logic) what you want/or need to do next to get where you want to go.
That’s not what he said at all. He points out that your inability to focus your mind and the scattering of the mind causes panic and a need for distraction. We call this boredom. Constant distraction makes it worse. The more you can focus your mind without relying on distraction, the less you require drugs or video games or whatever to achieve that focus, and then you can have happiness and contentment. The “something bothering you” seems more like the lingering thought, which he says needs to be dealt with directly.
To get the most out of this video, here's a good practice: 1) Find a place to sit or lay down; 2) Put your headphones on; 3) Try to FOCUS the next 23:49 minutes ONLY on this video and what Dr. K is saying. 4) Close your eyes and start the video 00:00. Tip: If you get any "lingering thoughts" then gently get rid of them by: a) becoming aware of the thought (don't worry about how to become aware, you will do it naturally) and b) refocus your mind on the video.
a good way i found to adress thoughts of inadequacy is something like this: painfull thought: you should be x! do x! you are not good enough! resolve: nah, i'm not an x doer. its not for me. lets give it a try. shitty career? nah i'm not a career person but i give it a shot. can't play an instrument? nah, i'm no musician. i'll give it a try. all with a chuckle, as not being good enough is kinda chill. its good enough to not be good enough. the universe kinda wings it. then there is no shame in trying and kinda being shitty, that just fits. and it can lead somewhere. no girlfriend? nah, i'm not a boyfriend kinda guy. lets check whats aviable. nobody is anything, nothing is enough, and thats enough. you can still be polite, makes things work. and invest to increase your unobstructed totaly enough head heavy inadequate chill
The Solanin manga had the MC realize that by avoiding life's low lows he was skipping on high highs and his "regular" life was actually tepid and stagnant.
The last point was super confusing for me. The way I interpret it is: Just do what you need to / want to do. Don't bother if your goals get accomplished or not. Just work towards it. This way, at least you can't beat yourself up anymore for not even trying / making the effort. Is this the correct interpretation? Someone pls correct me if I got this wrong.
I love your videos so much I started watching the channel recently ❤ outside i would get frostbite rn like you said in the vid but I can take the other advice 😂
Yes, it IS a Jojo reference.
:O Oh! You're approaching me?
Wouldn't this be contentment, not "happiness"?
Purple guy
Honestly probably going to be one of the most important videos of 2025 on this platform
lol year just started dog
High praised! We're honored.
important video and channels lol
This is the most amazing time to be alive - to witness the the re-birthing of America
@@Mushkiepotamus into a regarded child?
Note to self: Meditation to focus on one thing, be bored more, stop ruminating thoughts by noticing, resolving.
Resolving?? Do not understand
As someone who has actual ocd, simply resolving the thought doesn’t occur or work out, and with the metaphor of everyone having ocd he used, id say learn to sit with the uncertainty that rumination may be ruining your happiness, then move on, in turn avoiding rumination
@awxuh I think you are right, I meant like if the source of the negative thought is something I can fix like a task I have been putting off, my room is a mess, I should focus on fixing that.
Is this why doom scrolling is so bad? You can never have a one-pointed mind when you’re constantly moving to the next topic after 60 seconds or less
@@jakejulian7452 good point
I would actually disagree. Even though it is broken into segments, the act of scrolling itself is actually separated from the individual videos and this is easy to prove because we will continue to scroll even after coming across multiple videos we don't enjoy.
I would say doom-scrolling is so bad because of how many negative points it can hit on. In a few minutes you can be reminded that you are in poor shape, financially unstable, live in an imperfect world, ugly, stupid, unfunny, etc. The act of scrolling is so focused specifically on content that is unfocused (cat video followed by AI slop followed by science followed by standup comedy within minutes) that you are essentially in a flow state of "unpointedness". Focused specifically on taking in different unexpected and uncontrollable thoughts or information. I hope I am explaining this half as well as it's put together in my head.
EDIT: I figured out how I want to word this.
Doom scrolling is essentially the flow state of inviting in the exact opposite of flow state. The one-pointedness specifically aimed at un-pointedness. It is like being vaccinated for a disease, and then receiving that exact disease via the vaccination. It's the same disease, but it gets directly injected into your system in high concentration making it harder to fight. (I know this isn't really quite how disease and immunity works. but the way I wrote the example should make it fairly clear.)
@CryinOverSpilledTea doom scrolling is bad because your brain interprets videos you watch as reality, and you are experiencing too many opposite emotions in very short period of time. That's why you get unhealthy amount of domapine, which keeps you engaged. Even if YOU understand that you are simply loosing time, your BRAIN wants to keep getting dopamine and does not want to return to relatively hard work instead.
Also, it has something to do with focus as well. You literally change the topic of information you get every lets say 10-60 seconds. People who doom scroll are less capable of watching simple TH-cam videos, because their brain says "naah, first 10 seconds of the vid are boring, lets watch something else". That is the opposite of meditation. That is untraining your mind to focus on one point.
And the reason you keep scrolling is that short videos are doing all work for you, so that brain is always FOCUSED, but brain is not doing anything to achieve that, when meditation is using you brain to eliminate all thoughts and FOCUS on one thing
Its just another word for mindless action. In actuality you can suffer the same problems from other actions if you dont let control of the thoughts
Yep. This is why one of the first things that I tell my friends who complain about their attention spans is to swap out short-form content with movies. Obviously the end-goal is not to watch movies all day, but a lot of the times people will notice that they actually can't just sit down and watch a movie in it's entirety without pausing anymore. But if you practice enough, then you can move on to reading a book or playing a game for long periods of uninterrupted time. Then just keep moving on to more boring but more fulfilling things from there.
I have ADHD and the "not enjoying games you think you should enjoy" is a daily experience. I came to realize that my mind not being able to be in the moment is what robs me of the enjoyment of the game.
The "opportunity cost evaluation" my mind does is always active, part of my mind focuses on what I could be doing instead of being on what I am doing, this takes away my ability to enjoy what I am doing.
I have been experiencing this altered state of mind lately for longer than ever before. It feels surreal, I was close to saying to my psychologist that it seemed to be a super power just yesterday !
Only two years of (good) psychoterapy, getting out of home, trying, failing, seeking courage, keeping at it.
Stay strongs brothers,
Keep trying.
I think what Dr. K said about mindfulness actually being mindlessness really hits home when you watch Alan Watts illusion of ego video. a quote I like from him is “when all you do is think, you have nothing to think about but thoughts themselves “
@@Shannendetro a person who thinks all the time has nothing to think except toughts
@@triachinidx436 Yup
2 minutes in but... The statement "we have forgot what happiness is" is actually really helpful for me. When talking to family/friends, oftentimes happiness is talked about as like the state of affairs in your life, vacation, ongoing events etc. but in reality it's simply, when you're feeling a particular kind of good. This kind of clashes with how people ask about positive emotions, socially those questions are more about interesting things you've done recently not actually what you're feeling and experiencing in one's mind.
thiiiiisssss !!!
I have never played a video game in my life, but I’m a medical student and I find your videos immensely helpful. I send them to literally everyone I know from my little brother in high school to my middle aged cousin and they find your videos amazing. Thank you Dr. K🍣
Good day, I too love mangoes and 26 is my favorite number
I've told my daughter so many times that she has to learn to be okay with being bored. I'm sending her this video. Maybe she'll understand when you say it.
I've been trying to get a close friend of mine who's suffered depression her whole life to start listening to him too. His videos took decades of my depression away as after just a few hours of his videos I knew what I needed to do to get better. 3+ months depression/sadness free now. Good luck with your daughter - hope she finds her own happiness
i just wanna say what an amazing parent giving advice that’s actually useful for this generation
Hey man I just wanted to let you know as a child of a parent that often gives me this type of advice if it comes across like lecturing or that you know better than your child then it can often put us off and make us feel like you're just trying to impose on us even when it could come from a place of caring I just wanted to let you know that if you ask her questions about her experience of being bored and try to understand and then let her know what you've learned about it it can often come across a lot more sincere
This is so real. My happiness has increased dramatically because I completed those things that would linger on my mind. I take Nepali language classes because in my mind, I always thought, "I need to learn Nepali(my husband's native language)". The cost of Nepali lessons is a bargain if it means I will have more happiness! ढन्यवाद
The phrase "Pursuit of happiness," from the Declaration of Independence truly nails what happiness is-a roller coaster of feelings that has ups and downs and is something that isn't perpetually tied to an object. What do I mean by this?
Happiness is often felt when there is a surge of positive emotion that fills us. The problem is we've wired ourselves to view external objects as the source of our happiness, when in reality, happiness is in our minds-which is why those with depression and anxiety (I have GAD myself) find it very difficult to be happy because our minds are constantly thinking about doom and gloom worst-case scenarios.
Some of the happiness moments I've had is when I'm cleaning my room because my mind is empty and focused on the task at hand. No incessant whispers of doom, no arguing to myself, just pure peace of mind and focus working together. In that moment, I believe I am pursuing happiness via having peace of mind in the things that I'm doing, not in the rewards that I get.
Happiness is not a perpetual thing. It will wax and wane like the moon in our sky. Having a healthy body and mind can help us prolong the feeling of happiness for a longer amount of time, but it will eventually pass, as well.
If we understand this, I believe we'll be able to continue pursuing happiness and live our lives to the fullest. However, it'll take time to accept and appreciate the fleeting nature of happiness. After all, we don't want good things to end. But as the saying goes, "All good things must come to an end," happiness must also end. But worry not. It'll come back to you and you'll be able to pursue it again.
Fully agree !
Major tricky thing I find is that bringing about this mindset, feeling of sorts is already very hard but then, keeping it consistant, knowing how to tap into it that's what I find insanely challenging.
You cooked with this one Dr. K. Hit a lot of points from the membership livestreams
Always love it when we get an instant Dr. K classic quote 16:38 hahaha
Lingering thoughts also come from past regrets as they creep in during boredom.
Yesterday I was happy. I reached a ton of goals, I felt great. Today I woke up and I had hypoglycemia during the night.. I feel a ton of pain on my hands and feet and I cried a little bit. The only one that can actually relate to me is Sisyphus, every day I make a lot of efforts to manage my conditions, I got a ton of diagnosis and I try my best to not let it get to me and just be. I have made a lot of progress, but every 2 months or so I get a new hypoglycemia thst damages my nerves and I wake up the next day like day zero. It is such a rinse and repeat situation that it is discouraging me.
Anyway, I would love to see a video about dealing with the physical medical issues, because this is taking a toll on my mind, plus the brainfog that comes with this conditions make it hard for me to just exist.
Omg i hope you wil get better 😭😭😭😭
Sorry English is not my native language
@MADDCLOWN thank you, I came to work today and I feel kind of better, I mean I lost sensation (again), but not having pain helps a lot
Thank you for demystifying meditation. I do not know what it was like before I learned about it (many years ago), but, by the time I did begin to "learm" (or thought I was learning), it had become a fad, a fashion for "truly superiot people." For years, I bought books on meditation, each each one was, in reality, nkthing more than a cash cow from the authors and publishers. Slowly, i began to realize that meditation is not about having "wise thoughts," but emptying the mind, clearing the mind of mental garbage (one fad that does have merit is sweeping compared to meditation). Thank you for presenting meditation in a way that is truly useful and beneficial.
You've been a big help to me Dr. K, love your videos!
That kind of fractured mind is exactly my experience with ADHD. Very rarely am I ever completely focused on one thing. I always have something else going on in my head. The only activities that consistently lead to focus are music production and highly competitive video games. This experience also leads me to use cannabis because, while high it seems like whatever I'm doing is the most important thing ever. My curiosity about the activities I engage in while high feels limitless. I can go down rabbit holes of seemingly innocuous topics and come out the other end with a greater appreciation for that thing and the world. I can't figure out how to feel that way during everyday life
this is such a mood.
Oh yes! Good point
i’m in the exact same spot with different interests. stimulants are horrible for my anxiety and getting high is one of the best ways to achieve this one pointed mind for an evening.
Deff needed this video today
Same
Relatable
Following this logic, ADHD is basically just being bored 24/7 no matter what you do.
Being triple E, this is funny to me. At least to the "smart" part of me, who's hanging out on the spectrum. ❤
Just when Dr. K was explaining at 10:59 how the human mind hates to be bored, I opened this video in a different window on my second monitor so I could read the comments on it while watching the video on my first screen. 😐
1 - Prioritize happiness and what that really means, over anything else
2 - Create your own happiness and embrace it when it comes from externally
3 - Resolve root obstacles and have gratitude towards any type or level of happiness
4 - Happiness and peace are neither an option nor expected, they're essential
Interesting point of view. It's not the object but if you do anything that can mentally consume your attention like a true maker. I can get true joy in making. From the age of 10 I have done woodworking. Learned how to freehand, draw, and paint. The consuming act of designing, creating, then owing or gifting the object for the recipients joy of getting your time, resources, and the final creation. As their gift. Their happiness in having a piece of me.
Funny enough, I did a "free-balled" road trip with just a destination last year, and it changed my life completely. I'm saving up to do another one soon, I based the idea on Dr K's other video on "reaching the end of thought."
After my last road trip, I made a major life change that I've been hesitating about for years. My old medication was leaving me numb and unable to act(avolition), but it has am 89 day half life, so just now I've reached less than 5% of it in my bloodstream and I feel better with no positive symptoms, the new medication works so much better.
Road trip!!! Chat, into the car, @@TheMarmadukian is driving
So much truth here!! This video is gold. I definitely find it very helpful to slow down craving or wanting things. To just stay in that moment of enjoyment (whatever that may be at the time) rather than slipping into wanting something different or slightly better is key for me. Not to mention squeeze as much juice out of my good experiences and emphasize liking. That way, the juice is worth the squeeze so to speak!
Dr. K, I've been following you since your podcast with DOAC, you are an amazing person, the world really needs your work, please keep doing what you are doing! ✨
Binge-watching this video gave me a one-pointed mind, and by the end, I found a solution to my lingering thoughts
I noticed this in myself that as soon as I saw what other's were upto I couldn't enjoy my own things so now I have basically banned myself from comparing. If I find myself comparing I just quickly try to distract myself and focus on something else.
"A wondering mind cant be a happy mind"
I also heard “happiness is a direction not a destination”
I like that one since in that analogy the lingering thoughts are like road signs telling tour where to go, but the road is also lined with cassinos and flashy neon sighs (short term distractions form the destination) There are no gas stations on this road, you have a set amount of gas (lifetime) left, oh and you don’t have a fuel gauge either.
Do the boring thing and follow the sighs.
Digging in to your self to find what the signs are for you is something everyone should do, sooner rather then later.
Great vid as always. I sometimes sit and just think about the topics and solutions you discuss. I'm pretty lonely and introvert, but I love reflecting on stuff like this. I'm a bit of a philosopher and nerd for sure lol. Anyways thanks so much. I work full time and I'm highly educated so perhaps not your main demographic, but I still like these videos as some sort of self therapy. //greetings from a healthcare social worker
YES I hve a feelng no one evr mentions how happiness mght be ovrrated in these kinda videos but I'm glad Dr K did. If tryna get somethng is gonna bring me pain and boredom, then sometimes the only way tht tht boredom needs to be dealt with is by doing the thng.
Imma list all the thngs I need and all the thngs I want. Suffer and be bored a little bit to get evrthng I need and maybe a little bit of wht I want too. Only then will I bother with happiness and mindfulness and whtnot.
Although ths means I got to be able to differentiate wht's somethng I need and wht's somethng I want. Cus if you realise too late tht one of the thngs you want is actually somethng you need, you may no longer be bothered to get it.
I suppose you can undo all tht mindfulness by piling on more and more reasons for needng and wantng that thng. By being imaginative and seeing how the world as a whole can benefit frm tht thng, not jst yourself. And by being inspiring and tellng othr ppl you care abt abt tht thng. Tht way it won't be only your expectations you're tryna live up to but theirs too.
We need Dr. K explaning how King Chrismon stand works.
😂 yessss
Not actually that confusing. Diavolo can see a few seconds ahead at all times and knows what people will do with 100% accuracy. When he activates his power he "skips" those few seconds. Everyone except Diavolo will continue to act the way he predicted, and Diavolo is free to act however he wants. Since he knows where you're going to move to, he can line up an attack to hit you the second the time skip ends.
The segment at the end about lingering thoughts really resonated with me, but now I have a new problem, because the things I "need to do" involve other people, and I'm afraid I'd end up just offloading my problems.
Timing of the video coming up is incredible, Thank You and wish me luck❤
You can see that you're doing major work, K. I like how you derive conclusions through patterns and you match life patterns to science. You're onto becoming way bigger, good luck.
I've started turning off all music and everything whenever I'm driving my car, I'm still driving so it's not complete boredom, but I can tell that this already usually magically "fixes my brain" for the day
Back when I was on probation I didn't have access to computers or the internet. I spent a lot of time bored out of my mind, but it didn't teach me to be happy.
I love how y'all being like the old school dr k. Love y'all work❤
Some months ago I used to do a commute of about 3h to university and strangely the best thing that could happen to me was my phone getting out of charge, it was a bit frustrating but that happened enough times for me to start feeling much better with being bored, that helped a lot with studying after, suddenly the reading material was very interesting, but now that some negative stuff happened, all the feeling keep flooding in and my screen time has been of like 8h a day, it’s hard to focus now, I want to go back in track but it’s quite painful
like the editing on this one, it's not too edit-y and has good progression still. even funny when it cuts 5:54
Woo!!! Our editing team has been working hard trying out new stuff 🎉
If you choose to watch just one video in 2025 it should be this one. I literally restarted it after finishing it.
So much clarity. Goals for this year to achieve one pointedness of the mind. I definitely started this journey, but this just put to words what I felt needs to be done.
Thank you Dr. K, perfect timing on this video fr
Creating a practice to tolerate boredom is different than having to do something that is boring with no control over it's duration or frequency.
Or I can refraim it as getting paid to practice tolarating boredom at an elite level daily 😅.
Yep lmao, paid to tolerate boredom is probably like 99% of jobs
Thanks Dr K needed to hear this honesty
16:43
My new life's mantra. Thanks Dr. K
You should put that on a t-shirt ❤
🤔👀
This is the earliest I've ever been
Same
same
It looks like his last video on how to not procrastinate help you!
Bro you're really gonna save my life
Saved mine, depressed over 20 years but depression free 3+ months now after just a few hours of his videos (and many hours in my own time taking what he said into practice)
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, a lot thanks to you Dr K. I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo, cheers!
Thank you so much doctor for teaching us this concept. This really did help me a lot. i practiced only doing and thinking about 2 task cleaning the table and my room after it might sound funny but i actually find cleaning the table really boaring and avoid it but when i focused on my breath and totally removed the thought that make me think that this task is boring, i was actually able to clean it without feeling boring coz i did not let the thought of boring come to my mind i was focusing on my breath and just doing the task. and later i was satisfied or happy maybe that i actually did the cleaning. i will definitely practice this more and implement it in my daily life.
This video was very needed today. Thank you. The irony is that I am listening to this while I was unpacking the dish washer 😅. I watch this video, accompanied by a video made by Ali Abdaal, titled "How to reset your dopamine". Together, both this video and that video gives a clear picture on why most people are unhappy. Both these videos deal with how bordom must not be feared and that it is okay to be bored. The other video talks about how bordom actually recharges your dopamine reserves in your dopamine receptors and why addictions + distractions makes you unhappy by crashing those dopamine reserves. Might explain why people who do this, are more happy than most.
Ali's a friend of ours, sounds like a great pairing to us!
Now I know on what should I meditate. Love it
instructions unclear;
*TITTY MEDITATION ACTIVATED*
Oh no
Maybe this is why my Bible study and prayer time in the morning is my most peaceful? I am putting effort into not letting my thoughts wander during that time.
Thank you so much for your great helpful videos, you are the only one TH-camr that I watch for a long time 💙
Thank you so much for your videos. Your guidance and information is my safe place.
Amazing video! Helps a ton. Its so mutch fun to actually try to understand with what is going on in our minds. Mental health and these kind of informations should really be thaught in school. Would be so mutch value to our current society.
Thank you ❤ this is a really important video! I needed it!
I dunno how exactly I did it, but my happiness started increasing when I started practicing a meditation focused on self compassion.
I am beyond happy to hear a professional state that the DIY pop psych mindfulness scene is a scam. All it's ever done is make me more miserable, and the amount of times I've had to clean up life/work/etc messes left in the wake of someone using mindfulness as their get-out-of-responsibility-free card are too high to count.
You are saving so many tortured minds. Thank you Dr. K!!!!
Is no one gonna comment on who they could beat in a fight in BG3? I’m going with Mayrina’s brothers cause no matter what I did they ended up as swamp fertilizer.
So far, we've got your tally for the brothers, one Shadowheart, and two "I could beat Astarion"s. 👀
@@HealthyGamerGG😂Sounds like they’re more thirsty than Astarion was for Tav/Durge’s neck in Act 1.
@@HealthyGamerGG do you ever think you will cover sickle cell and how depression and anxiety tight into that
Fr I've played it 3 times and I somehow always start a fight with them
I can take halsin.
it's like the only video about your messed up mental health you need👏
4:29 the thing is, even if i thought so too at first. My happiness comes from friends, like if we play together and interact with each other often. It feels as if my burden got lifted up. That's why it's miserable being alone to me
(but idk i am not done watching anyways)
8:34 alright.. now i kind of get how it happens
You're da man Dr k. Keep it up!
Another great video that almost EVERYONE i know needs to see lol
22:18 if i always wanted a girlfriend (or a normal close friend that goes on a vaction with you or something lika that, not someone you „just“ talk to sometimes like most friendships are nowadays), how can i just do the damn thing? Everything else is pretty much fine but the craving for REAL social stuff stays. Should i kidnap people or what?
Still very good video tho
Talk to a lot of people everywhere. Most of the time you will be met with awkwardness but there are times you find a good friend
@@gesgald2266 I dont know how. I am introverted, a bit depressed and just dont talk to people. I live in germany, one of the worst countries to find friends sadly. You just dont talk to strangers on the street here, thats pretty uncommon, not like in america. Germans hate smalltalk and if you dont have friends already, its hard to find new one without other friends in the first place.
@@SilverSoulGD I get you my man. Best of luck to you and maybe try hitting discord servers but those are quite random
@@gesgald2266 thanks for the tip, i am in therapy so i hope this will help me get real connections. I have a few online friends, but that just isnt the same, even thought its something
Work places, new hobbies, gym, climbing classes, places you need or can interact with people help a lot if you are introverted
Here's where I think online engagement with strangers really interferes with happiness-- anonymous people, for whatever reason, are ready to convince you that you're somehow not happy when you otherwise would be.
For example, I don't really *want* a house. Having one would be nice, sure. But a small apartment is just fine for me and my cat.
But sure enough, you say something like that because you felt like sharing, and almost certainly someone's waiting from under the manhole covers to say "WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU THINK GIRLS WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT? YOU WANT TO PISS AWAY MONEY ON RENT INSTEAD OF BUILDING EQUITY? WHAT YOU *SHOULD* BE DOING IS (insert irrelevant and unhelpful advice here)"
Dr. K is right on the money: a single-pointed mind is the key to moving through this world with happiness and grace. Allowing others to disrupt that grace is wilfully surrendering your happiness.
If happiness is simply not being aware, then is it really such a good thing? Perhaps people should focus more on overcoming their negative feelings, rather than chasing positive ones.
I missed my turn on a paid highway once, and figured: I like driving, why not pay for driving half an hour more than usual 😅
It was hard reconciling with this thought at first, but then it did become quite enjoyable.
16:40 🤣I'm so glad that wasn't edited out
LMAO - as SOON as I heard it I KNEW what you were talking about.
My lingering thought that keeps coming up is to become rich. It haunts me. And i thought the answer is to detach from this crippling goal.
Level 100 yogi doesn't sound so bad after all :D Great video!
It all makes sense to me now. I FINALLY GET IT!
One of the best questions I had as a kid talking about climate change in 2000 was that may be true son, what are you going to do about it? There's some things the citizen can change, and there is some things they can't. Some things are so far past our comprehension as people, that our meddling will inevitably mess it up worse.
Sometimes i'm so bored on the computer that i start a game of TFT or HSBG and force myself to learn the new meta in order to enjoy, later, one pointed mind moments where i shut down my thoughts about the work i have to do
Another perfect video in the perfect time.
16:33 drill sargent guru made me laugh out loud.
Yes! I cracked up and kept rewatching it
All I know is that people says that “money can’t buy happiness” is bullshxt
Out of all the Dr. K video's I've watched recently, this one is definitely one of the most resonant *and* immediately applicable!!! Thank you Dr. K (and team)!!
dr.K gets better and better each video my meals at work are way less (boring lol) with these videos
That's because he's really... cooking 😎 YEAHHHHHH
Yeah this is gonna be needed for the next 4 to 10 years
Thank you 😊
i get extremly happy listening and watching to dr K!:))) he is honestly a legend!!! thank you so much ❤❤❤
I'd love for Dr. K to elaborate on lingering thoughts and why we need to "do the thing" but not to fulfill a goal but instead to make the lingering thoughts go away. This is very abstract, why is it different than striving? Is it because we're not looking to do it for some major purpose?
But doesn't it mean you're still too attached to an outcome? Like if Dr. K always wanted to be a mental health teacher but for whatever reason wasn't able to do it (say it's banned in his country), does that mean this will haunt him forever and he'll never be happy? But I thought happiness was simply that relative contentment and peace of a tranquil mind, it's not something you achieve?
My thought is that maybe what he's saying is because some lingering thoughts are so prominent that it's just easier to do them and more peaceful than to try to abstain from them and ignore them. That's why he says you can be a level 1000 monk (and therefore not care if you fulfill the lingering thought) but for 99 percent of us, if there's something so deep rooted in us, and it's not from some toxic place (like I should be a lawyer because my parents will love me) but related to true dharma/purpose, this will allow the most persistent gnawing at us to dissipate. And therefore it's the closest thing to having peace within oneself and not some external object, while still also gratifying our best desires/hopes in the world. Anyone agree/disagree with my assessment?
Because a goal isn’t something you can actually do. It’s not an action. You can’t be sober for a year - you can be sober for a day, and then another day, and then another day, but it’s the “being sober for today” that is what you can actually DO. You can have goals and you should, but the problem with focusing on the GOAL and not the action you need to take to actually accomplish it is what trips people up and is why a lot of self helpers never actually make any improvements, despite consuming a ton of knowledge on how they could.
They know where they want to be and are constantly consuming content on how they can get there and they have the goal in mind, but they’re not actually DOING anything. If you focus on your goal of wanting to get in shape, that’s great to have that image of yourself in your mind, but what you need to do is actually gear ALL of your mental power towards simply GOING to the gym, just for that one day. Focusing on the action creates goal fulfillment by default, but you need to actually do the thing and focus everyday on doing the thing, rather than constantly thinking about the long term end goal, since that will solve itself.
@ right but many people want to excel at that action. For instance, he uses the painter analogy. Is it just wanting to enjoy painting like a child? Is there some judgment of if the person is a good painter, a successful one, etc. I know he talks about how you focus on the action and not the result. So when you study for a test don’t focus on getting a good grade focus on the studying itself, but when dr k says something like “if you don’t deal with the lingering thoughts you won’t be happy” (paraphrasing) that sounds very dire. That’s not simply a hobby, that’s if you don’t do the thing it could gnaw on you forever. But people naturally want some result from it.
@ well yeah, if you never got results, you’d probably stop taking actions altogether. But the point remains that if the results are what you’re focused on, you’re far LESS likely to actually TAKE action. If you’re focused on the result you want from going to the gym(getting ripped), and considering that achieving that requires a consistent application of action over a long period of time, you’re more likely to stop the action when you don’t see the result that you want, within a time frame that you think is acceptable. If you want to be an amazing painter, but you’re focused on the result of being able to make art that someone would want to purchase, you’re far more likely to quit painting when you don’t see marked improvements fast enough, or nobody wants to buy your art. But if you focus on the action(which is literally just paint), you’ve got a far better chance of actually meeting your goal, because it’s something you actually CAN control and DO, every single day. If you think too far out or plan too much then most people simply won’t ever start because the idea of actually achieving the goal seems too daunting, so just DOING THE THING as he puts it is how you actually achieve your goals. If you don’t step foot in the gym, it doesn’t matter how badly you want to get ripped or how fed up you are with the way you look. If you don’t actually paint a damn picture, then it doesn’t matter how much you like to paint and how badly you wish you could do it for a living. Like 75% of success is literally just showing up and doing the thing whether you make any progress that specific day or not and by training your brain to take action instead of fantasize over the end game, you build discipline and will be far more likely to achieve success in whatever it is you want to do. What he’s saying is stop fantasizing about where you want to be and start doing what it is you actually need to start doing, because otherwise it’s literally impossible to actually achieve what it is you want to achieve. Daydreaming doesn’t do you any good.
@ right but I took what he was talking about specifically at the end of this video as a much more dire thing than what you’re talking about (which he speaks about often.), I could be wrong though
@ well I mean depending on your perspective it is pretty dire, otherwise you’ll keep thinking about it, keep regretting that you’re not doing it, and keep feeling miserable about not being where you want to be - and that’s how you get caught in the self-helpery trap of always researching how you can improve but never actually improving. Too much of your mental energy is spent thinking about everything you want to accomplish and never actually taking a step toward achieving any of them. Even if you don’t get there immediately you’ll feel a huge sense of relief by just showing up and doing the thing as often as you can because you’ll feel better about yourself for taking action, and the more you take action, the easier taking action actually becomes and you simply become a person who takes action rather than fantasizes and that’s wildly transformative.
I'm distilling this down to a sentence on purpose, but the main thing I heard watching this whole video is "If something is making you unhappy, don't think about it and carry on." I don't know how someone living in reality can do this. Don't want anything, don't strive for anything, don't do anything and you'll be happy. I'll say this again. Not everyone can be a monk.
what about the "just do the fucking thing" part?
You can’t be a monk all the time. Not even monks do that. But practicing the skill of monkhood so you can flex it when appropriate will set you free.
I think a different way to say this that may make more sence is "life is about the journy NOT the destination so don't get hung up on the little things or the end goal". When you have a goal to strive for it can bring you happiness to strugle and work towards it, but once you achieve the goal that happiness quickly turns to despair because now you're bored. So don't think about it in the moment after a success/failure and let that unhelpful emotion pass so you can then think about (with logic) what you want/or need to do next to get where you want to go.
That’s not what he said at all. He points out that your inability to focus your mind and the scattering of the mind causes panic and a need for distraction. We call this boredom. Constant distraction makes it worse. The more you can focus your mind without relying on distraction, the less you require drugs or video games or whatever to achieve that focus, and then you can have happiness and contentment.
The “something bothering you” seems more like the lingering thought, which he says needs to be dealt with directly.
That's why I'm always doing things that are on my mind, I think.
To get the most out of this video, here's a good practice:
1) Find a place to sit or lay down;
2) Put your headphones on;
3) Try to FOCUS the next 23:49 minutes ONLY on this video and what Dr. K is saying.
4) Close your eyes and start the video 00:00.
Tip: If you get any "lingering thoughts" then gently get rid of them by:
a) becoming aware of the thought (don't worry about how to become aware, you will do it naturally) and
b) refocus your mind on the video.
20:30 I think this also comes from comparison, another life to be lived.
Wow. This makes so much sense. Time to sort my life out.
a good way i found to adress thoughts of inadequacy is something like this:
painfull thought: you should be x! do x! you are not good enough!
resolve: nah, i'm not an x doer. its not for me. lets give it a try.
shitty career? nah i'm not a career person but i give it a shot.
can't play an instrument? nah, i'm no musician. i'll give it a try.
all with a chuckle, as not being good enough is kinda chill. its good enough to not be good enough. the universe kinda wings it.
then there is no shame in trying and kinda being shitty, that just fits. and it can lead somewhere.
no girlfriend? nah, i'm not a boyfriend kinda guy. lets check whats aviable.
nobody is anything, nothing is enough, and thats enough.
you can still be polite, makes things work. and invest to increase your unobstructed totaly enough head heavy inadequate chill
Don’t seek happiness, but achieve being content with your life
The Solanin manga had the MC realize that by avoiding life's low lows he was skipping on high highs and his "regular" life was actually tepid and stagnant.
The last point was super confusing for me. The way I interpret it is: Just do what you need to / want to do. Don't bother if your goals get accomplished or not. Just work towards it. This way, at least you can't beat yourself up anymore for not even trying / making the effort. Is this the correct interpretation? Someone pls correct me if I got this wrong.
I love your videos so much I started watching the channel recently ❤ outside i would get frostbite rn like you said in the vid but I can take the other advice 😂
I did everythig right. Now it's just me and my lingering thoughts slowly becoming reality. Hard as fuck.
Great video! Classic Santana dharma philosophy right here 🙂
The video I was looking so much 😊
I thought it was mindfulness in the sense you are "filling your mind" with what you are observing
❤🎉😂 thank you!