Las Vegas Is the Worst Place on Earth - John Oliver

แชร์
ฝัง
  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2019
  • John Oliver learns something about himself (and Mike Tyson) in Las Vegas, and recounts the best thing that’s ever happened to him on the New York City subway.
    About John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show:
    John Oliver hosts some of the best comedians around, including Reggie Watts, Pete Holmes, Rory Scovel and Paul F. Tompkins, in this stand-up series.
    Subscribe to Comedy Central Stand-Up: / @standup
    Watch more Comedy Central Stand-Up: / standup
    Follow Comedy Central Stand-Up:
    Twitter: / standup
    Facebook: / standup
    Instagram: / ccstandup
    Watch full Comedy Central stand-up specials: www.cc.com/topic/stand-up
    #Standup #JohnOliver .
    Comedy Central Stand-Up: Anti-Bias Statement: www.cc.com/info/k32ti7/ccsu-a...
  • ตลก

ความคิดเห็น • 1.6K

  • @sonofbelz
    @sonofbelz 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16088

    I sometimes forget this man has legs.

  • @horsegirlb7120
    @horsegirlb7120 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11995

    This is how we all _thought_ Neville Longbottom was going to look as an adult.

    • @JasperJanssen
      @JasperJanssen 4 ปีที่แล้ว +134

      So... before it turned out that he looks like “well, I’m not gay, buuuut”...

    • @prisonmike4971
      @prisonmike4971 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      The most accurate comment on youtube.

    • @desi1790
      @desi1790 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      😆

    • @NotThatGuy_YepThatGuy
      @NotThatGuy_YepThatGuy 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Fair.

    • @ingriddubbel8468
      @ingriddubbel8468 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Instead of hot?

  • @elithedabber875
    @elithedabber875 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7313

    *hears a woo for colorado* "you cannot possibly mean that" what a way to start😂

    • @elithedabber875
      @elithedabber875 4 ปีที่แล้ว +100

      @Raoul Fleckman -no one likes colorado-

    • @elithedabber875
      @elithedabber875 4 ปีที่แล้ว +121

      @Raoul Fleckman youre kidding by pretending to not realize thats the joke... right?

    • @jakehix8132
      @jakehix8132 4 ปีที่แล้ว +123

      @Raoul Fleckman This standup is from a decade that no one should have liked Colorado during. Over the last decade, we've went from decades of rural majority to a current Democratic trifecta--now, people love Colorado, as they should.

    • @turquoisesnowflake4613
      @turquoisesnowflake4613 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      My state seeps into it

    • @shovel264
      @shovel264 4 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      Raoul Fleckman we were purple in 2012 but in the last few years we have turned pretty solidly blue. I live in Boulder which is an incredibly liberal place (and its amazing) so I have more experience with the liberal side of Colorado so I do have some bias.

  • @vanikestewart8578
    @vanikestewart8578 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6045

    John Oliver's adult son is a really good comedian.

    • @jamesslick9879
      @jamesslick9879 4 ปีที่แล้ว +72

      Excellent.

    • @blackdogslivesmatter1568
      @blackdogslivesmatter1568 4 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Thats strange because both his children are under five years old. He doesnt have an adult son

    • @blackdogslivesmatter1568
      @blackdogslivesmatter1568 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@jamesslick9879 moron.

    • @shl6367
      @shl6367 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      I Have a Pony ur dumb

    • @flaskhjertako
      @flaskhjertako 4 ปีที่แล้ว +168

      @@blackdogslivesmatter1568 WELL WELL WELL, Looks like we've just caught us- A DOUCHEBAG

  • @sadsickman1116
    @sadsickman1116 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7275

    He looks like the guy from HBO who tells sad facts.

    • @royortega3721
      @royortega3721 4 ปีที่แล้ว +238

      This is his hippie twin

    • @pixiebells
      @pixiebells 4 ปีที่แล้ว +37

      You don't say......

    • @Cannibal713
      @Cannibal713 4 ปีที่แล้ว +100

      Except this one has bangs

    • @coopersherman207
      @coopersherman207 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      sadsickman111 he IS that guy.

    • @TheRisingFury
      @TheRisingFury 4 ปีที่แล้ว +93

      @@coopersherman207 whoosh

  • @veloc1tyTV
    @veloc1tyTV 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6215

    Haha he's funny. He should have his own TV show where he reports really sad things in a funny way.

    • @queenofeverything1313
      @queenofeverything1313 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Have u not seen his late show?

    • @ilovecody7514
      @ilovecody7514 4 ปีที่แล้ว +247

      @@queenofeverything1313 It is saracasm.

    • @queenofeverything1313
      @queenofeverything1313 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      @Arafat Khan shush

    • @mrterrific2323
      @mrterrific2323 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      He already has one.LAST WEEK TONIGHT

    • @veloc1tyTV
      @veloc1tyTV 4 ปีที่แล้ว +76

      @@mrterrific2323 The joke is so obvious. Yet people don't get it.

  • @carelessrex
    @carelessrex 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1578

    He's a masterful story teller. It's inspiring.

    • @xristootsirx4332
      @xristootsirx4332 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      its funny because you can tell he hadn't been in nyc that long when this transpired. after enough time, your senses are so dulled because you've realized that you have to adjust the bar on everything youve previously considered to be peculiar or shocking, so you just don't notice the details like this^^. But yes, he put a bow on it, for certain.

    • @ivonedefigueiredo9301
      @ivonedefigueiredo9301 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Teddygalbis He was correct. Trump is not a president.

    • @ivonedefigueiredo9301
      @ivonedefigueiredo9301 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Teddygalbis I couldn’t care less, Trumptard. Another 5 years or more still won’t make DonaldBlimp a president.
      In any case, it’s you that must live with him, and put up with his lack of intelligence. No skin off my nose if his supporters are too dumb to understand and live with nuance. They voted for him, so they deserve what they get.
      I’d rather continue enjoying life in my shithole country, laughing at his dumbfuckery, and what a laughing stock he makes the USA. It certainly had been a long time coming, and I’m glad the arrogance and foolishness is now impossible to hide to those that were suckered in by US propaganda.
      Seems safer, and certainly healthier here, than US citizens have it, but again, you get what you vote for.

    • @sinjai1337
      @sinjai1337 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Someone should pay him to do that on TV.

    • @DannySullivanMusic
      @DannySullivanMusic 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      this comment is precisely true!!

  • @vintagedoctor7128
    @vintagedoctor7128 4 ปีที่แล้ว +134

    This guy is good. He should be a small character in a show about a community college.

    • @churchA.I
      @churchA.I ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Sounds good, how bout afterwards he does a late night show?

    • @cityhawk
      @cityhawk ปีที่แล้ว

      @@churchA.I Who’s going to know that? 😝

    • @baoquoc3710
      @baoquoc3710 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@cityhawk and it could be aired in the tonight time, which is going to be spot on!

    • @walli7754
      @walli7754 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Six seasons and a movie

    • @justinczech1489
      @justinczech1489 หลายเดือนก่อน

      But not a professor

  • @JKennedy442
    @JKennedy442 4 ปีที่แล้ว +200

    This guys standup is great. I saw him in Albany, NY about 7-8 years back. He actually spent the first 30 minutes just ranting about how weird the venue was then went into his normal set. I was expecting him to be funny but he was really really funny. Was glad he ended up with his own show shortly after that he deserves it.

    • @ajs.7363
      @ajs.7363 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I saw that same show! I would love to know if he actually went to see Nipper after the show like he said he was going to.

  • @dragonnes
    @dragonnes 4 ปีที่แล้ว +459

    1:09 "I'm actually the least racist man here"... Why does this phrase sound so familiar ... oh right...

    • @DylanValenti
      @DylanValenti 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      damnnn i didn't even realize that

    • @chuxmecha6513
      @chuxmecha6513 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@DylanValenti Can you explain to me what this guy is saying? Is he talking about the youtuber Fitz or something?

    • @DylanValenti
      @DylanValenti 3 ปีที่แล้ว +59

      @@chuxmecha6513 hahaha Donald Trump famously said “I’m the least racist man in this room” during a debate with Joe Biden. (But he definitely is veryyyy racist so that’s why the phrase is funny)

    • @peterwagner958
      @peterwagner958 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @Shayne Madhlangobe wroosh?

    • @terracat3728
      @terracat3728 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Shayne Madhlangobe okay but what is the joke though i genuinely didnt get it

  • @streetfood7568
    @streetfood7568 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1666

    This guy looks like Daniel Radcliffe at first glance, but at second glance, he could not look less like him.

    • @afrog2666
      @afrog2666 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Second glance he looks like OLD Radcliffe

    • @maddy5972
      @maddy5972 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      His da

    • @kerrychristensen7204
      @kerrychristensen7204 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Oh, god! Now I can't understand that. It's either old epilogue Harry or Cursed Child Harry

    • @loversandlosers
      @loversandlosers 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      😂😂😂

    • @princessaria
      @princessaria 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Street Food I thought that with the bangs and nose he almost looks a bit like a less attractive David Tennant. He definitely looks better in the more modern Last Week Tonight era. Better haircut and much better clothes.

  • @crowridley8245
    @crowridley8245 4 ปีที่แล้ว +302

    You could dub John Oliver’s dialogue on how he pretended to gamble on an actual gambling documentary and the tone alone would convince me it’s the actual dub

  • @ClemensAlive
    @ClemensAlive 4 ปีที่แล้ว +863

    He aged for good...

  • @shivamjaiswal439
    @shivamjaiswal439 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1049

    It would be great if the date of the stand-ups were mentioned when posting these clips!

    • @loganwitte3477
      @loganwitte3477 4 ปีที่แล้ว +148

      @notes from The Beyond its not just about that, what if I wanna check out this full segment and now I have no idea what show it's from?

    • @fatmn
      @fatmn 4 ปีที่แล้ว +95

      @@loganwitte3477 I happen to know it's from the first season of John Oliver's New York Stand Up Show, roundabout 2011-ish?
      I get the point tho, not gonna be be some know-it-all like me in every comment thread 🤣🤣🤣

    • @ErykaSoleil
      @ErykaSoleil 4 ปีที่แล้ว +55

      notes from The Beyond : I can't speak for the OP, but I don't think that's what they meant. Knowing the time frame in which something was performed can add context that might be missing otherwise. It's also helpful to know the original date for purposes of finding the entire show.

    • @tomaskalinka5679
      @tomaskalinka5679 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Wait I thought this is new clip...why would they upload something with such a delay ?

    • @SEAsiaTraveler
      @SEAsiaTraveler 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      very old hair, for sure.

  • @vumulostratus
    @vumulostratus 4 ปีที่แล้ว +632

    Why didn't he just... Put his briefcase in the door..... Instead

    • @someguy2135
      @someguy2135 4 ปีที่แล้ว +149

      He wouldn't want to risk the briefcase. It was too valuable!

    • @vumulostratus
      @vumulostratus 4 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      @@someguy2135 oh yes of course!

    • @peacewillow
      @peacewillow 4 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      don't make me start laughing again... my stomach still hurts!! 💗

    • @FiddlebirdBlue
      @FiddlebirdBlue 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Or his foot, I usually use my foot in that situation

    • @yunpengzhang4944
      @yunpengzhang4944 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      I tried it once. Still haven't found my brief case.

  • @artemisfowldragon
    @artemisfowldragon 4 ปีที่แล้ว +415

    He needs a goddamn Netflix special oh my god I can’t breathe

    • @elliotunderhill3617
      @elliotunderhill3617 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      alpha reaperion He has a TV show!

    • @MyNameIsWes
      @MyNameIsWes 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Also if you have iTunes or Spotify you can find a podcast he was once on called "The Bugle".

    • @borismcgillicutty3042
      @borismcgillicutty3042 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Liberals are not funny, comedy died in 2001

    • @theglitch1815
      @theglitch1815 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Simple Waze For you maybe.

    • @artemisfowldragon
      @artemisfowldragon 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Simple Waze okay boomer go rant about how good it was when everyone was constantly racist, sexist and just made punchlines followed by “no respect”, because your generation is the single most incapable of taking criticism.

  • @kingcole55
    @kingcole55 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1311

    This Colorado bit has dated. Colorado definitely known for one thing these days.

    • @kamillefeldthaus325
      @kamillefeldthaus325 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      What things?

    • @kingcole55
      @kingcole55 4 ปีที่แล้ว +183

      Hassan Mohamed weed

    • @Ottovonostbahnhof
      @Ottovonostbahnhof 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      Why not south park

    • @starskiiguy1489
      @starskiiguy1489 4 ปีที่แล้ว +70

      I've visited Colorado several times and I just want to say: Colorado is about more than weed. If you want to go to a legal state we have Washington (state and DC), Michigan, Alaska, Oregon etc.
      Colorado has a lot of natural beauty that makes it a wonderful place to visit or live. Being the "legal weed" state is kind of a big generalization that's not fair to the state.

    • @buca117
      @buca117 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@starskiiguy1489 Not everyone is into plus size marbled legs, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
      I hear in some cultures obesity is considered highly attractive.

  • @bv-swifty7704
    @bv-swifty7704 4 ปีที่แล้ว +197

    Mike Tyson: The hero we need in today's crisis.

  • @paytonkilmer1920
    @paytonkilmer1920 4 ปีที่แล้ว +154

    I was fully expecting the business man to just throw his briefcase, get it through the door, and have it still close anyway.

    • @Tkieron
      @Tkieron 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I was expecting the doors to close as the briefcase hits it and takes off.

  • @Funkopedia
    @Funkopedia 4 ปีที่แล้ว +253

    "and I promise this is true..." he really has been saying that forever!

  • @modernotaku1764
    @modernotaku1764 4 ปีที่แล้ว +689

    “Next time there’s a riot, don’t fire tear gas at people just release Mike Tyson”
    ... thanks John... wish the cops were following this advice now....

    • @andriana5311
      @andriana5311 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      Big oooooof
      That didn't age well did it

    • @maddixdasilva64
      @maddixdasilva64 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Andriana Holubka this was made yesterday

    • @andriana5311
      @andriana5311 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@maddixdasilva64I am talking about the video lol, look at the date

    • @collinamazing6348
      @collinamazing6348 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Modern Otaku dude I just commented the same thing 😂

    • @itzelramirez4801
      @itzelramirez4801 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      If you don’t mind me asking what’s your glasses pose pfp from? :)

  • @Arthur-bz9ps
    @Arthur-bz9ps 4 ปีที่แล้ว +503

    "Standing in the middle of a Klan rally and saying interesting fact about me I'm actually the least racist man here" 🤣🤣🤣

    • @stevenhernandez3406
      @stevenhernandez3406 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Sounds eerily familiar.....

    • @isimioyekunlemarktaiwo3643
      @isimioyekunlemarktaiwo3643 4 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      Sounds like trump

    • @ridanann
      @ridanann 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      put tyson in the rally lol his 20yrs on me an i still wouldn't pick a fight with him an il pick a fight with the kkkfc lol

  • @dylemmaio
    @dylemmaio 4 ปีที่แล้ว +134

    TH-cam recommended this to me today and the bit about releasing Mike Tyson into a riot to get people to disperse is weirdly topical

  • @ZnotQ633
    @ZnotQ633 4 ปีที่แล้ว +86

    "Well, well, well... Looks like we've just caught us a DOUCHEBAG!"
    Now I really, REALLY wish I were on that subway.

  • @smalllghost
    @smalllghost 4 ปีที่แล้ว +299

    "Next time there's a riot-"
    '>' Um. John. You may have miscalculated something.

    • @portlandgoose4727
      @portlandgoose4727 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      what is it that he miscalculated?

    • @smalllghost
      @smalllghost 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@portlandgoose4727 I don't think he'd expect it this damn soon

    • @portlandgoose4727
      @portlandgoose4727 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      this footage is at least 7 years old. John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show ended in 2013

    • @smalllghost
      @smalllghost 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@portlandgoose4727 Jesus my guy it was a joke, I didn't go on a whole scavenger hunt on tracking down the dates of his shows

    • @portlandgoose4727
      @portlandgoose4727 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@smalllghosta quick Google search isn't exactly a scavenger hunt 🤷‍♂️ I was just confused by your joke, which now makes sense to me considering there was zero logic or reason behind it.
      If anything, John calculated things correctly more than he miscalculated them

  • @missybarbour6885
    @missybarbour6885 4 ปีที่แล้ว +398

    As a perpetually late person, I would definitely shove my head in a train door. Just try and leave without me. I. Will. Make. This. Train.

    • @melonlord1414
      @melonlord1414 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      People lost their head for something like that. Literally

    • @evm6177
      @evm6177 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yeah yours was funny..!

    • @bluv3535
      @bluv3535 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      I thought he was going to say he threw the bag or stuck out the briefcase to stop the door. Never thought someone would use their head.

    • @elenamathis5572
      @elenamathis5572 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Once in high school I stuck my head in an SF Muni train, a woman screamed in horror. I took the train home everyday tho so I knew there were censors and the doors would automatically open back up. Still, wouldn’t do it again!

    • @luhan558
      @luhan558 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      The attitude of EVERY NEW YOKER

  • @erinwalsh2425
    @erinwalsh2425 4 ปีที่แล้ว +121

    The tear gas joke hits different in June 2020...

    • @danielcunningham4339
      @danielcunningham4339 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yeah it really does

    • @thraxbottom549
      @thraxbottom549 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Let's redeem it: if only Iron Mike was in DC on January 6th.

  • @bushbasher85
    @bushbasher85 2 ปีที่แล้ว +111

    It feels weird to have John Oliver do actual comedy and not depressed me about the state of our world.

  • @elil8094
    @elil8094 4 ปีที่แล้ว +63

    I can’t stop laughing imagining a businessman with his head stuck in the train doors 😂😂

  • @dudesayingthings
    @dudesayingthings 2 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    I actually forgot that John Oliver used to be a regular standup comedian. He's surprisingly good without scriptwriters.

  • @faceoctopus4571
    @faceoctopus4571 4 ปีที่แล้ว +128

    0:03 INSTANT comedic retort. Wow.

  • @BlownMacTruck
    @BlownMacTruck 4 ปีที่แล้ว +60

    Let us all appreciate the laugh from the depths of that person's soul at 5:34.

    • @rossburns2905
      @rossburns2905 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      it sounded like a chicken

    • @saoghail9769
      @saoghail9769 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      There's always that one guy.

    • @khirsah666
      @khirsah666 ปีที่แล้ว

      I was literally that person when I was watching it. I almost pissed myself

  • @AxeKick80
    @AxeKick80 4 ปีที่แล้ว +408

    He looks like the dad from Lizzie McGuire.

  • @hahayesitme3671
    @hahayesitme3671 4 ปีที่แล้ว +247

    its easy to forget just how good john oliver actually is

  • @shmavster4209
    @shmavster4209 4 ปีที่แล้ว +50

    I would pay 1000 dollars to see a clan member use the word “chaps”

  • @Hollowsmith
    @Hollowsmith 4 ปีที่แล้ว +104

    Someone with talent: PLEASE turn the audio from the subway story into a cartoon!

  • @BuildingCenter
    @BuildingCenter 4 ปีที่แล้ว +310

    Mike Tyson is the most effective example of human reformation and search for redemption that I can believe in.

    • @tylerperkinson1677
      @tylerperkinson1677 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      That poor fellas childhood must have been horrendous

    • @ryanclancy2295
      @ryanclancy2295 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      tyler perkinson It definitely was, Mike talks about it in interviews. Hes a kind soul

    • @tylerperkinson1677
      @tylerperkinson1677 4 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      @@ryanclancy2295 i heard only ond interview with Mike, where he talked about his pigeons being the first things he felt anything like love for. I teared up at what that implied about his environment. Almost scared to hear him talk about his childhood more.

    • @ncorp2668
      @ncorp2668 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Well, it's simple to see really...humans ruin everything, animals are genuine and innocent. Makes sense that he would feel that way.

    • @MC-er4fo
      @MC-er4fo 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      The whole joke was kind of ruined because he has a podcast

  • @Misschocoluvr
    @Misschocoluvr 4 ปีที่แล้ว +170

    John Oliver: tells joke
    Me: laughs in American

    • @jayweh
      @jayweh 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      how's that different from other people?

    • @brockmurphy1747
      @brockmurphy1747 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      ja weh freedom

    • @jayweh
      @jayweh 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@brockmurphy1747 ha, I feel so much more free in *my* country. you can't even exercise your constjtutional rights of 1A and voting in the US w/o being oppressed by the state.

    • @brockmurphy1747
      @brockmurphy1747 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      ja weh I’m literally Brazilian lol

    • @jayweh
      @jayweh 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@brockmurphy1747 then let me rephrase my reply: why do you as a brazilian think the difference of an american laugh is freedom?

  • @humboldtharry4248
    @humboldtharry4248 4 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    “Lady Card” 🤣

    • @anthonylong9067
      @anthonylong9067 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Humboldt Harry that sounds like terminology for feminists to use

  • @curuvari2247
    @curuvari2247 4 ปีที่แล้ว +52

    Lmaooo, that guy looks like Professor Duncan from Community.

    • @chrisjohnston4445
      @chrisjohnston4445 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Probably 'cause it is!

    • @andrewhearst4749
      @andrewhearst4749 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      No i think he looks more like the birdy fact funny man

    • @Tkieron
      @Tkieron 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You know what? He does now that you mention it.

    • @MzuMzu-nx1em
      @MzuMzu-nx1em 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Actually I had a professor with a great research to oliver

  • @lorenrenee1
    @lorenrenee1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +145

    That was the BEST set up I’ve ever heard. This guys got a gift.

    • @gregoryglass9040
      @gregoryglass9040 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Then you missed a whole alot then he béen doing this

    • @87edrag
      @87edrag 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      you cannot possibly mean that

    • @Mateo-et3wl
      @Mateo-et3wl 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      This is sloppy, VERY lazy "comedy"

  • @kiratastic7048
    @kiratastic7048 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    “I was in Colorado recently-“
    Me, a person who lived in Colorado: Oh no.

    • @Lazzie_the_Psilocybe_Deity
      @Lazzie_the_Psilocybe_Deity 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Kira Tastic right??

    • @jestersreign7530
      @jestersreign7530 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      i replayed that part over and over again. The speed at which he syud you cannot possibly mean that smh.

    • @nd0136
      @nd0136 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jestersreign7530 Right? This man is damn quick lmao

  • @shs3739
    @shs3739 4 ปีที่แล้ว +32

    Funny enough, I am listening to this at my bedtime. Thanks Mike Tyson; I guess it's time for me to get off TH-cam and go to bed.

  • @EatBugsSeeGod
    @EatBugsSeeGod 4 ปีที่แล้ว +180

    Precisely two claps for las vegas.

    • @greenyawgmoth
      @greenyawgmoth 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      One more than you'll catch by going to Vegas.

  • @edisonbrendel97
    @edisonbrendel97 4 ปีที่แล้ว +61

    I grew up outside of Vegas in Henderson and my dad met Mike Tyson once in a Toys r Us. Apparently he loves action figures haha

    • @ingriddubbel8468
      @ingriddubbel8468 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That's because Mike Tyson is very stupid.

    • @ingriddubbel8468
      @ingriddubbel8468 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @Bigfoot I'm sure he does have a hobby but I doubt he is keeping action figures in the box for future profit. Playing with toys is better than his previous habit of sexually assaulting women so I guess there is something positive about it.

    • @Toomuchbullshitt
      @Toomuchbullshitt 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I always though that Henderson was a part of Las Vegas just like Summerlin and North Las Vegas. Just mostly a place for upper middle class residents.

  • @MKMK-bj2sk
    @MKMK-bj2sk 4 ปีที่แล้ว +221

    Zazu is that you?

    • @heatherkotrla7323
      @heatherkotrla7323 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Yes it actually is LMAO in the live action movie lol

    • @julessaviour5931
      @julessaviour5931 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      @@heatherkotrla7323 that's the joke

  • @arthurleonepimenta2266
    @arthurleonepimenta2266 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I pre-like any John Oliver video before watching just in case I die laughing before I can properly hit the button

  • @pmurraymusic
    @pmurraymusic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Walked in the house as this was playing on my phone, and by the time he got to, "well well well," I was on my knees on the kitchen floor because I couldn't stop the hysterics. This is one of the most New York stories I've ever heard and I've lived here all my life.

  • @nateds7326
    @nateds7326 4 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    Why does john oliver sound like a nature documentary narratar

  • @snekburrito
    @snekburrito 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    5:35 John absolutely murdered someone in the crowd with that one LMFAO

  • @JPlayMaker
    @JPlayMaker 4 ปีที่แล้ว +389

    Is it just me or does he look like one of the Beatles members?

    • @aidanc9838
      @aidanc9838 4 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      PlayMaker.R6 all*

    • @JPlayMaker
      @JPlayMaker 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@aidanc9838 lol

    • @ryantaylor3073
      @ryantaylor3073 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Their accountant

    • @0860317
      @0860317 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Just you

    • @JPlayMaker
      @JPlayMaker 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@0860317 clearly not.

  • @ziernielsen3337
    @ziernielsen3337 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    "You cannot possibly mean that" IM DEAD

  • @QuarkXQuasar
    @QuarkXQuasar 2 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    Back when John Oliver was merely your British friend that made you feel more confident about your life choices.

  • @johnnyrr2643
    @johnnyrr2643 4 ปีที่แล้ว +37

    I love the person losing it in the crowd. They're right tho, amazing performance

  • @k29king1
    @k29king1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    As a NY’er I can attest the veracity of his statement the Train Operator said. Sometimes these dudes even sing over the PA system, they’re hilarious sometimes.

  • @kuntamdc
    @kuntamdc 4 ปีที่แล้ว +91

    Comedian references Mike Tyson....
    Time for me to go to bed...

    • @michaelbolton7094
      @michaelbolton7094 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Don't know If your comment positive or negative but either way its funny

  • @rtnightmare
    @rtnightmare 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I love John Oliver’s comedy. It’s so great!

  • @onniestone442
    @onniestone442 4 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    The god awful LAUGH that I let out at the end-

  • @denizbesikcioglu
    @denizbesikcioglu 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    He got me at “You cannot possibly mean that”

  • @Yellow-dx8uk
    @Yellow-dx8uk 4 ปีที่แล้ว +69

    Hey he’s pretty good he should have his own show

    • @lydiawheeler4514
      @lydiawheeler4514 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Last week tonight

    • @chumoholic
      @chumoholic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Lydia Wheeler ever heard of sarcasm

    • @lydiawheeler4514
      @lydiawheeler4514 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Its not always easy to tell without hearing the tone of voice

    • @chumoholic
      @chumoholic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Lydia Wheeler its obvious because not many people would be watching and not know about his show

  • @Danielson1818
    @Danielson1818 2 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Some of my greatest stories happened on NYC subways. I was a contractor, so we often wore the bright orange vests and a hard hat. For some reason, there would be some people who thought that meant I have authority on anything at all, and try to report things to me.

    • @Emlizardo
      @Emlizardo ปีที่แล้ว

      See that guy over there? He jumped the turnstile.

  • @cohemiwrites
    @cohemiwrites 4 ปีที่แล้ว +69

    He's such a gifted comedian, but every time I see him doing standup, my immediate instinct is to shout ALRIGHT POTTAAAAH! WHERE'S RON? WHERE'S RON?? at my computer screen thanks to that one Seth Meyers interview

  • @patw9175
    @patw9175 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    He would be PERFECTLY cast as Boris the hacker in a jacked up backyard remake of GoldenEye.

  • @zackmckenzie3582
    @zackmckenzie3582 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Yo!! That last bit caught me off guard...😂

  • @Graghma
    @Graghma 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    That driver is a legend doing Gods work XD

  • @pramienjager2103
    @pramienjager2103 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    I think I might’ve just pushed his head out with full foot to his face. THE REST OF US WEREN’T LATE TO THE TRAIN KENNY!

  • @hyacinth1320
    @hyacinth1320 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    This driver is a legend.

  • @abbaa711
    @abbaa711 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Driver should have said: “Holding the doors open will never get you ahead in life”

    • @cityhawk
      @cityhawk ปีที่แล้ว

      Or, “In life, you use your head to open doors.” 😝

  • @pmbluemoon
    @pmbluemoon 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Who here is watching this in September 2020 while he's on break and needed a John Oliver fix??

  • @Kendratree
    @Kendratree 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    That was legit funny!!

  • @lauriemarie6902
    @lauriemarie6902 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I've never seen this man but I love him immediately if not sooner, I know I'm crazy like that!!!!!!! Philadelphia USA

  • @NuSpirit_
    @NuSpirit_ 4 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    So... isn't Mike available right now or what gives?

    • @tonishort3503
      @tonishort3503 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I can’t believe that was ten months ago...the TH-cam recommended works in strange ways considering today was the trial

  • @Deopunk
    @Deopunk 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    Just realized Ronny Chieng uses almost the exact same subway premise for a joke in his Netflix special.

    • @sema6008
      @sema6008 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Same here. However, that subway situation is common in NYC. Every damn day.

  • @ariana9618
    @ariana9618 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    me: *lives in las vegas*
    me: *sees this*
    me:*immediately clicks because only im allowed to diss my city*

    • @justsomeguy1136
      @justsomeguy1136 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      If you think you're the only one allowed to diss lv you're quite special.

    • @ariana9618
      @ariana9618 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@justsomeguy1136 it's a joke my guy and you clearly dont live in a shithole for your hole life lmao

    • @cheyennenevada7029
      @cheyennenevada7029 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I think all of Nevada gets to diss Vegas.

  • @bdub8522
    @bdub8522 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    When I’m happy and feeling great a good bit of JO always brings me down.

  • @merfolkdragonkin
    @merfolkdragonkin 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    “Next time there’s a riot somewhere in the world don’t fire tear gas at people like they’re animals”
    Well that aged beautifully

  • @nathanalbrightmusic
    @nathanalbrightmusic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    John: I was in Colorado recently
    Person: *cheers*
    Me, a Colorado citizen: Oh hell yeah
    John: You can *_not_* possibly mean that
    Me: *frowns*

  • @MorrisDugan
    @MorrisDugan 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    When I stopped in Vegas with a friend in 1981, I called it "The Grossest Town in the World."

  • @tinachristine4573
    @tinachristine4573 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    'You cannot possibly mean that!' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @rasarmusic1
    @rasarmusic1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    “I’m the *least* racist person in this room”
    John is a prophet.

  • @sunnyy1322
    @sunnyy1322 4 ปีที่แล้ว +351

    Since when does Harry Potter do stand up?😂

    • @anthonymedina9425
      @anthonymedina9425 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      How do you think he started? 😂🤣😂

    • @timcampbell4132
      @timcampbell4132 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      *CRUCIO!!!!*

    • @Germatti13489
      @Germatti13489 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Everyone was young once including John Oliver.

    • @BJDragon-zm4lq
      @BJDragon-zm4lq 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Maybe the boy-who-lived thing isn't working anymore

    • @URKillingme100
      @URKillingme100 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      He's a lot funnier than your comment, my friend.

  • @RinRin_c
    @RinRin_c 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The best story teller.

  • @matthewspotnitz8223
    @matthewspotnitz8223 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    That was just incredibly funny.

  • @MrSinthan
    @MrSinthan 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I've seen that train thing happen in Stockholm, too. It was a wonderful moment.

  • @elaikehler6030
    @elaikehler6030 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    He’s so good at stand up i wish he would do it more

  • @Someloser3232
    @Someloser3232 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    "Blue Sky creative thinking..." 🤣

  • @Anil18834
    @Anil18834 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Hahaaaaa I'm crying with laughter at the subway story 😂😂😂😂😂

  • @MaiCohWolf
    @MaiCohWolf 4 ปีที่แล้ว +44

    you know you've succeeded at stand up comedy when you graduate to sit down comedy

  • @TurboShotIncredible
    @TurboShotIncredible 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    that was great

  • @Honk4frogs
    @Honk4frogs 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    3:21 "next time there's a riot somewhere in the world, don't fire teargas at people like they're animals"
    Thats a yikes from me mate

  • @abasmansour1541
    @abasmansour1541 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Its time to go to bed im dead🤣🤣🤣

  • @susanvinson2667
    @susanvinson2667 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I died at the train story.🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @Defnotaraccoon
    @Defnotaraccoon 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    As a Vegas escapee, I can confirm Vegas is the worst place on Earth.

  • @EveChelios
    @EveChelios 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING SO LONG FOR THIS

  • @yasisoufi
    @yasisoufi 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Mike Tyson = tear gas ! So true I’m crying right now!😂😂🤣

  • @LoadingTED
    @LoadingTED 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Greatest quote from a conductor ever.

  • @MKMK-bj2sk
    @MKMK-bj2sk 4 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    So how is he related to Harry Potter again? I can't be the only one who sees some resemblane 😂

    • @andrewharper1609
      @andrewharper1609 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      He doesn't have the scar, nor to my knowledge a pet owl. But then not every myopic Englishman with brown hair is related to Daniel Radcliffe. I speak as a similarly brown haired myopic Englishman who has been likened to the boy wizard.

  • @anthonyzullo
    @anthonyzullo 4 ปีที่แล้ว +84

    I know this is bottom shelf here, I get it. Seriously I do, but really. Why does he not have an entire 15 minute but about how life has been after vanquishing the dark lord and had to transition into a real career?

    • @Tlahuiltezcatl
      @Tlahuiltezcatl 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Lmao

    • @chrissiek8706
      @chrissiek8706 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Cause Secrecy Act is still intact that would be awfully lot of muggles to obliviate

  • @joseph-ow1hf
    @joseph-ow1hf 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The train story made my day.

  • @kathrynpitt4973
    @kathrynpitt4973 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Brilliant 😂 one of my favourite comedians