@@theUmovement two years after that I lost my only two remaining family members 4 weeks apart leaving me a sole survivor. That was two years ago.... I'm good now but its weird as fuck not having one person on this planet that knows your story from start to finish
@@theUmovement just let it go... Lick your wounds then get excited because you have a clean slate. You will never be the same person. I moved 2000 miles away knowing no one and with 800 bucks to my name and rebuilt. Don't build back what you had.. there is a reason it was taken away.
Glad I was able to find this video. Many comforting similarities to my struggles (weed not being in my life anymore, feeling shame for eating meat but craving it, abandoning tarot cards) and this gave me a feeling of "this is happening FOR me, you will be fine". Thank you ♡
This is wonderful! I'm so grateful to provide you with comfort. 🙏🏼 It's been quite a while since I made this video and I can assure you, things get so much better. ❤️
To all going through the dark night it is a seriously challenging time. You need to release all the lower level energies & emotions. Find a modality that works for you. There are so many out there, TRE exercises, EFT tapping, Spinal Flow, Breathwork, regulate your nervous system and try quitting 1 vice at a time, these just provide comfort from your lower self to keep you stuck. Raise your vibration with manifestation, sound healing, foods, essential oils, nature, gentle exercise. Sending love & light to you all ❤
Hey man I did a breathwork session with the intention of understanding why I don't feel safe. When I was holding my breath I realised I was scared of drowning and not being able to breathe not sure what happened but I'm scared to go deeper into it. All these images of me crying as a kid. I was in floods of tears with all these images coming into my consciousness. I don't know how to process any of it.
Same for me 3 years. I’ve lost my home , my job , my car, and my credit is shit now . My entire life is in a storage unit , my pictures childhood pictures , my sentimental stuff , diploma everything is in there and now it’s about to be auctioned off because I can’t come up with the funds to pay it and get it out . What’s the point anymore. You work work work for nice things and make memories just for it to be taken away every time. Life is crap. I’ve bed rotted for months now because I’ve lost motivation to walk to work which is miles away and I’m in a rural area, no government assistance will help me out . I’m 22 years old and I’ve lose everything . Pictures I can’t get back just gone. I had to move back in with my narcissistic mother and she’s broke as well so . I’ve wasted my early twenties just losing everything . My so called friends out here living their best life with no problems at all while I’m rotting away and letting life pass me by.
@@Makeup2456 That sounds incredibly hard to go through. It's been a month so hopefully things haven't gotten worse for you, but for what it's worth, I know that when I don't feel at my core like things are okay, staying still makes it worse. I started simply taking walks each morning for no reason other than to get out of the apartment. It doesn't fix your problems, but it does give you moments of simply existing and moving. It's instinctual for us all to move and think while we move... for me it helps me clear my mind. I'll chat with myself... about how I'm feeling, what I might be scared of, what I might be looking forward to or anything that I'm thankful for. Vocalizing your thoughts lets you process them in a different way than thinking about them internally. It honestly does help, at least for me. I recommend making that be a small goal for yourself. Just try to get up and go out. Listen to the birds. Feel the sunlight on your skin. Cry in the forest. By the time you get back, if you feel even the slightest bit less crappy, it's a step in the right direction.
Noticed your handle. I'm subbed to your channel. My "undoing" started in 2012. Finally, after great loss, I have come to acceptance and embracing. Your video on the chakras, how they are affected and ways to heal was full of wisdom and helped me a ton. It's been 6 months since you posted your comment here. I know so much can change.. just wanted to say you're making a difference in this world and offering something of value here and I appreciate you.
For me, the best thing that's come out of all the loss and upheaval, is that I feel my intuition, which I've always used to guide me since childhood, has become so much more refined to the point that I seem to rely on it more than over-thinking now, and this hasn't failed me... yet...
I ve have rejected and lost the people from my old life. Family friends and colleagues. 10 years in shadow, drugs, medicine, sickness, sex , mental and emotional problems. I woke up. I ve seen anunaki and so on. I am blessed and thankful. ❤❤❤
In an authentic awakening, it is impossible to avoid the Dark Night of the Soul, which could also be called "Regression in the Service of Transcendence". Understanding what is happening during the Dark Night is key. The only way to merge and unite the Soul with Spirit is to first purge and integrate the layers and layers of repressed instincts, emotions, feelings, and complexes from the unconscious body mind. This takes years if not decades in an authentic awakening. Yes, it is extremely difficult and can cause intense fears of going crazy, losing one's self, of never recovering from it, etc. One cannot simply stop the Dark Night and walk away. That's the warning of the myth of Pandora's Box. For an empirical detailed account devoid of religious symbolism and distortions, see "The Ego and the Dynamic Ground" by Michael Washbun. My initial awakening happened 25 years ago and it took me 23 years to complete the purgative phases of the process. Everyone is different. Peace.
this resonates with me. i was interested in enlightenment from a young age but was always scientifically minded, never took spirituality all that seriously. took psychedelics for about 2 years peaking with one beautiful breakthrough DMT trip that catalyzed my awakening. soon after my demons, shadow self, whatever you recognize it as, started lashing out severely. worse than it had ever been before (and it was always really bad). i quit my job and got kicked out of the family that had taken me in and became homeless again. i'd been homeless before (chronically unable to hold a job) but this was the worst period of homelessness for me. no money, no prospects, very little support. no hope. i was getting sick, not enduring the elements as well as i had. i thought i was just aging but i was only 25. had to do a lot of walking to get my needs taken care of. had to hike through snow with an emergency situation in my guts several times. it's hard to eat healthy out there. blizzards, rain, crushing heat, starvation, loneliness, depression, hopelesness. i got a sense that this suffering would pay off. this is the worst it had ever been, ever, but intuitively, like a storm clearing, i realized i would be okay. hope flooded back in for seemingly no reason. just before the car i lived in was going to be towed, literally the day before, i was accepted into a mental health/housing program. i hated that place, but i didnt lash out as much. in fact i noted a huge improvement in my emotional maturity. it surprised me, i didnt even try. both members and staff told me i was too advanced for this program, and the director wanted to kick me out but i only had a broken car. despite what had just happened to me, i wasnt scared of being homeless anymore. i think the universe gave me that program so i could meet some people there. it was great social practice, and some of them helped me fix my car. now good things just keep happening. at first, it was just my attitude that changed. then i got to observe my attitude having a positive impact on my mind and actions, which caused good things to happen to me. karma, i guess i feel i'm still learning detachment and studying my ego so i can socialize properly. that's where i'm at right now. it's a long road, but we're blessed to be on it. thanks for sharing your experience ❤
I've been going through something like this over the last 2 years. It's hard to surrender and let go. Im stuck in a comfort and familiar, safe but not fulfilling, zone. I have had a strong desire to quit smoking weed for the last year. I realized that it's been a coping mechanism for the last 7 years. I started when I was 12. Its used to be fun, social, and regulated. Then 2017 happened. That was a tough year and I became a daily smoker. Keeping my self in a low vibration and superficially happy, but it really creates more anxiety and hunger that spirals into poor eating habits, low self esteem, low enery, etc. A few weeks ago i was journaling and asked myself, "How long does the spiritual journey/awaking have to take?" My answer was, "until you start facing your truths."
Awakening is a process its a life time journey not a destination there's no end.u will always have room to grow. Learn to enjoy to the journey and have patience. That was so hard for me. I wanted to get it over with and just feel better and I wanted that now. Once I learned losing everyone and everything was happening for me and I realized my life falling apart completely and being completely alone in the process was a HUGE DEAL and it was so obvious the universe was doing that to give a better life and make me stronger and aware of myself. I had n clue who I was,my.purpose, talents, desires, or my true identity and to get those things we all have to start from scratch. Feel the pains we blocked for yrs, the emotions, lose the shame and guilt others made us feel etc. I knew if I wasn't alone I could be.swayed and distracted from the lessons the universe was showing me. So I decided to trust source myself and the process and learn to stay present and soak up all the wisdom that I was learning and make sure I would acknowledge even the little things. I don't have job outside of the home so I can't be wasting money on stupid things.i don't have friends so I can't be distracted by peer pressure or others opinions. I finally realized the dark night was so necessary to lose old habits thought patterns hobbies Just about everything from the past to be able to start over a new better happier authentic person. U can't become someone new by using old ways. So learn to just embrace the dark night. It won't last forever. Nothing does. Some day I will have to enter the real world again. And when I do I want to be complete whole And healed from old traumas so I don't slip back into past thoughts or actions. Loss and the pain n confusion is actually a gift from the universe. I hope you can see how important u r for source/creator to want to help little ol you. Its so obvious when the dark nite sets in its supernatural! The more u embrace it and become aware of your thoughts actions and feelings the faster u will come out of it. Resisting is a waste of time and just makes it harder and longer. Let ur ego die.mourn for it. The let it go. I have no.clue who I am anymore. I had to let the.woman I was pretending to be based on thoughts and programs I learned til age 7 die.completely. it was so hard and scary for a while but the more I learned about it I was grateful.better to be authentic even its only alittle than live a lie. Take time with yourself alot of time. Question everything about yourself and ask is this my thought or my parents. Not much was mine. Thank God for the internet and we can learn from millions of others experiences. I can't imagine doing this alone and no access to story's of hope and inspiration wisdom and great advice. Thats another thing I focused on was learning from anyone and everyone else.using discernment of course.im makin up.for 14 yrs of wasted time in the education system learning useless b.s.and lies. Anyway sorry so much I was was writing to myself also. Its good to remind yourself with writing becuz sometimes you get some advice and lessons that u write but u can't say u where u got those words from. Journaling releases trapped energies also. Good luck❤
Didn't know what was going on. Thought meditation and chakra stuff was for eastern people who smelled of tumeric whom i had a fondness for their exotic beauty and mystery, but knew nothing of. and rich board housewives trending to be like those people far away and the truth was what was right in front of my nose. within a year lost my land, my job, my cabin, my husband, my incredibly tight group of friends that I thought I would die with. Had a stroke, relearned to talk only to have my new house in a city where I didn't know anyone, start turning against me, ALL appliances / hvac system all breaking down at once while the trees in our yard kept crashing into our roof, and I started menopause early. In 100 degree heat with broken air conditioning. THEN i had my spiritual awakening. Then I understood. It's all part of it, it's how the universe wakes us up, breaks apart the old programming so we can remember who we are and that we came here for a reason. Nothing bad is happening . You are becoming. Just like the worm in the cocoon preparing to come out and spread it's newly grown wings and dry them in the sun.
I am so grateful I found this video! I am IN IT right now and damn it's ugly and terrifying. I just watched 4 videos on the dark night of the soul and this is the only one that made sense to me. Crystal, your candor and authenticity is so relatable. I feel a little less alone.
You are not remotely alone mate I had a nervous breakdown during mine It took me a month to recover... It gets better I found the teachings of the likes of jesus, Buddhist and stoic philosophy helps me straighten my mind out and help to filter all the thoughts that are wrong and can you begin to flick those thoughts away and try to quiet the mind. I am still not totally through but the anxiety and feeling of doom fades away if you get your mind right. That's what jesus and Buddha teach us and it is gold!
Untethered soul by Michael Singer was a book that explained the true path of least resistance in the best way possible. i was alrady trough the worst a long time ago when i heard the audiobook. but i knew this was something everybody should know from childhood. you might experience how the path of least resistance works. but if you don't get it spoon fed or really higlighted how it works. you might not get the apiphany you need. not resisting and only observing without engagement is the only way. all that we resist gets stuck and build up over time. there is no free will if we don't understand this spesifically.
Wow! Yep! I had mine 6th June. I realised i was grieving something that never existed!! ❤ This vid got to me, especially the bit about eating meat, ive been veggie 34yrs but after beating cancer, n being very low in iron. Im being encouraged to eat small amounts of red meat. I cant get my head around it. ❤ sending peace from the valleys...❤
About 15 years ago I went through it. But it took 6 years of intense seeking n 20 years of meditation before the final 6 months of suddenly waking up not being able to locate myself in the room. But at some point I was too exhausted and simply surrendered. It then took a further 10 years to consolidate this experience and be OK with knowledge that this self is nothing but a transient moment to moment illusion.
@@CrystalRapoza After the event I laughed for about 2 weeks, so who gets enlightened? Yeah hilarious, right. I carried on with my zazen practices. Then one day I re-read the Heart Sutra and something in me went bang. I spent a further 2 years studying and trying to understand the concept of emptiness in Buddhist terminology. One night on the cushion a sound of a distant van driving by created a great Satori, all things are here, space between objects dissappeared which excluded the illusion of time. This was 10 years ago. That experience also took time to work it's way through the day to day life experiences. It's happened since, but not with such a hammer to the head. Sending you best of wishes.
@@sarahjaye4117. I realised that when that emotion set in I was boxing up or adding a familiar thought based concept to how I was feeling. So, when I felt anxiety rising I simply sat with the emotion without naming it at all. I realised that I'd never walked this way before and it was a new land, a new experience, so why be afraid. After all this is really all a faith building expedition, isn't it.
When you talked about waking up with a message about Moogie, I got chills. When you spoke of having MJ and it made you paranoid where it USED to help you sleep, I felt that too (happened to me this past Saturday!!! The terror it made me feel was unreal!! No more!) You have no idea how much this video helped me this morning. ❤ just popped up in my feed and your title caught my eye. Thank you. So glad your precious Moogie is safe, they're beautiful!! And so are YOU. Bless you!
its perfectly ok to completely completely let go, and go ahead and go crazy......if you don't, you'll just have to come back to that portal again and again.....full on surrender is super hard because its not a "doing", but an "undoing".....def "feels" crazy because it is feminine/dispersive rather than the linear/masculine of ego.... just keep going....you don't have to set up camp in "crazy"......that's the KEY to the whole biscuit.....just.....keep.....going.... if and when there is a "done", it will present itself ...unquestionably......
Just listening hits home in a way most couldn't understand, I spent a few months in a coma , I had no idea id go through what i did, and have to leave the hospital on my own and have been alone, my fiance just left after all the years and hasn't spoke one word to me since I got home , not even the few fam, members I have left, so I kinda fell back into the worst place I needed to even think about being, but there's was always something that was trying to pull me out of my own thoughts and depression , I started remembering a lot of things that made me happy and just want to be me again and it was what I needed to start and realize that id not been myself in years and I'd rather feel good than worry, stress and not sleep thinking on how I could fix everything to just making sure I try ten times harder to be thankful for every good thing other than complain about everything I thought was gonna be best for me, Im glad I came across your vids.
@@michaelslowmomccormick I don't buy the chemical imbalance b s.. I agree with the belief that depression is simply telling your sole telling you need to change something
thanks for sharing. ....all best on your journey.... Care of our soul is paramount. Whatever that looks like to each of us. it's a life long journey, keeping an open mind, and a kind heart.....covid turned us all on our heads.....
This resonates so much! Also have thyroid issues, nutritionist, former vegan currently transitioning to meat again. I am still in the dark night of the soul, health issues are very prevalent and working with 3 doctors and 3 hands on healers and herbalists. Been meditating for years and starting reading A course in miracles and it's helping me see the light through the darkness. Been doing heavy inner work the last 5 months and focusing on my health finally.
I'm having a very real reaction to this. I'm in one, coming out... maybe... This is so unbelievable. And, no, I had to go through the dark, for sure, but I'm not sure it works without the pain. Love.
Thank you so much my dear for sharing🙏🏼💜 Not my first dark night… so I do have some appreciation, awareness, and understanding. I have called it the Journey to becoming Butterfly for many years. But still I find that nothing helps like sharing the experience… as there is really nothing you can do but stand as still as possible and allow the transformation and metamorphosis 💜🦋 ow. Thank you again, I’m holding your hand as well😘🦋 I am understanding this is all going along with a greater dark night of the planet itself.🦋☀️
Hello Crystal 💜. Thank you for such open and honest communication about this Epic event happening in your life and so many others right now. I have awaited this my whole life but didn’t know exactly what I was waiting for. Looking back at my upbringing I’m sure it was the second coming of Jesus. Only I always thought it was not going to be like we are taught in churches. As I felt most of them did not fully even Understand what a MetaPhysical Being He would have to Be and he says We are the Same as him. Which is so awesome to consider how we can learn to live life very differently, Fearlessly as he Professed. Within US is Everything we need to be Prosperous and Joyful. We just need to let it All Surface . Amen and Hallelujah. Abundant Blessings! 🙏✌🏻
We didn't create ourselves. We are eternal beings filled with the breath of God. What a beautiful mystery that leads to a personal relationship. John 3:16.
@@dianepolk9878look into azmodeus. Idk how to spell it. Finally ending mine soon! Azmodeus is the “selfless” 1= government name/ hobbie relationship 2= who you think you want to be and 3= who you are not (but that which is)
You will. Be open to the idea that it won't look the same way it used to. I know it's hard. There's not much I can say besides cliches, but life does always seem to find a way. ❤️
Every word you said in this is what has been happening to me. I was guided to do Keto from being vegan which is the polar opposite. Unfortunately my housing situation is a bit iffy and cooking is hard so I had to have a break from it but I really want to get on it again.
I went through this, the only that kept me going was knowing that it was happening for a reason. To teach me something, I’m still growing and learning. I wouldn’t change it, at the time it was hell but it’s made me a better person. ❤️
@@CrystalRapoza thank you for having the strength to tell your story. At the time I thought I was alone, I now know we are all fighting our own battles. That is what brings us together, thank you again❤️🫂
My husband and I are on a twin flame journey...awakening started 9 years ago. We've been in the dark night for at least a couple years now. I unexpectedly got pregnant while we were already going through financial struggles (we already have 2 older kids and i was 43 years old at the time)...we lost everything, were homeless for almost 4 months with a newborn baby...lived in our truck for 2 weeks (family of 5 with 2 dogs living in a truck!!). We are still struggling and facing eviction now again and baby is almost 1 year old. When will this ever end?!?! This is the most heart breaking experience! We gave up everything...material things, eating meat,/dairy, drinking alcohol, shedding tons of layers of shadow self. I ask...what's left to do??? Why can we not finally have peace and restart a new life and have some peace and stability/abundance in our lives? My kids don't deserve this chaotic lifestyle. If it wasn't for our kuds, we would have both checked out by now (meaning suicide). That's really how painful this has been for us. Our entire extended family has literally attacked us and screwed us over. Every business endeavor my husband has done has stolen from him. We are honest and good people just seeking a better world...why all the pain? And when does it ever end???
I'm so sorry. I've been through enough to know there's nothing I can say. I'm glad you felt comfortable getting this off your chest. At least we can all share your burden through here. ❤️
@@OfficialWelshWoman8309 it's hell at the time ! I think I had the worst of three days and then kept coming back in little spurts ,I just went with it as hard as it was 🤣 it's all the weird stuff that happens in-between that just so profound and indescribable.
@joannaevans8247 yes! but soon as I made my decision, good things started to happen. Was wacky! I'm hoping the 3 days n nights was it, sometimes my thoughts go back there, the confusion, I wonder if it's truly over... take care ❤️
@@OfficialWelshWoman8309 I know where your coming from ,I think it's normal for the ego to try and creep in at times ,but gets better the more you ground yourself and work on your higher self ❤
Thank you for sharing that. Baking bread with different herbs? LOL glad you found your dog that’s so cool. People talk about letting go all the time. How do you know if you are letting go? Everything I say it all the time I surrender I am letting go of all attachments to this 3-D world. But yet I still have to be in it to Be able to pay my bills and drive a car and go to target! I just want to stay in my bed for days
Thanks for coming by and sharing! I might do a video on this so I can be more clear, but letting go isn't so much about letting go of anything. It's more about being present and not so stuck on the future that you're always worried. It's more of a flow state. Paying more attention to what's going on in your body -- how things feel on a physical level -- is a great start to feeling more present. And you can still go on Targer runs while doing it. 😉 Does that help?
Why is dark night of the soul? I left all and moved to spain and again left all and moved to Germany where i live now. It's, like a part of the process. The same way that one walks. I mean It's the path itself that which is called "dark night soul or Mara's night in Buddhismus, etc. If one just focus on that "dark night" then one call that path "dark night",etc. If one calls "light sunny day of the soul" 😅 it's again Thoughts. Both cases are the same. And the Ego is not dying. One Person needs an Ego, because without one Ego you can not even answer when someone calls you by your name. There is a lot of confussion and maybe due to fear about this. When Buddha was sit under the Bhody tree he apparently said" I will remain here sit....and don't care if die, etc." Apparently he passed that night with a lot of Thoughts in order to give up, past traumas, maybe, etc. That "dark night of the soul" apparently happened to him and at dawn when he opened his eyes he was Enlightened..."The sky and the Earth are my witness" he said.. A young girl gave him milk with rice. He was almost like a living skeleton because ascetism, etc. If someone just start to give some kind of answer, to classify this or that, it's maybe the same Thoughts which is fears and one try to put a classification to this feelings, states, etc. Because the brain feels safety with all classified (control)...so it "feels safety" to say: the ego is dying, dark night of the soul, samaddhi, etc." Perhaps such "Dark night of the soul" is not Dark and not Light. And not a night or a day... Maybe such "Dark night of the soul"👹 is just Oneself👻... calling oneself "Dark night of the soul"😉🙃👋🏾💚🤎💜💙💛🧡
Oh it's hard when she contacts me and I guess she doesn't realize I can see that she's just trying to act a way that I've never known in anyway, so when I know she's just wanting me to tell her everything going on in my life just shows me the truth . I told her I wouldn't have a problem telling you anything about how I'm doing and or if anything big is happening in my life ,the reason I want have anything good again is because I asked for it and so that you know there's nothing good gonna happen in my life like your going to have happen in yours, and i can only wish you nothing but the best. And then she ask how could you say that? How can you ask me ? Is what I said, you haven't done anything but seem to want to make sure things aren't better for me since you left so therefore you don't have to ask me how have I've been doing , Nope im not having any of the great things like your having now, The doctors haven't said anything yet , But I'm sure not saying anything different, That might not be the best way to handle it but I told her, I'm alone and it's not like other people or telling you about the neuro,doc and the other specialist on my autoimmune system , so if you could please just be happy with all the ways you wanted changed , if you truly cared you would be showing it in the sound of your voice, and the different times of the day that you'd check in because you wouldnt have a certain time to check youd want to know at all times, and a phonecall would not be off limits to you, if you had chosen a good one to leave for and im not mad or upset with you, just dont act like something your not, id rather you be real with me. I just don't want to waste our time anymore and you should just ask anything you want, I'm not the same as I was and I'm not hiding my thoughts or feelings ,beliefs nor my life choices from anyone here all I can say is love y'all and seeing is believing , I don't judge and only have one and it's not anyone I see around me at the time. I think I had to be a little bit harsher than I've thought I'd be but I don't need another thing to drag me down or look in the direction that isn't the way for me. Sorry to unload so much, I'm running out of notebooks ,each type of paper I never thought I'd use period🤔 but I guess it better sometimes to have someone other than yourself to talk to if that's making any sense , I'm just trying to find my way and like I said to her, if we don't have trust we simply don't have anything but thoughts that will only show us our separate, ways from one another and I don't, and wouldnt want to have to think can or should I just give the benefit of the doubt and trust again, when I know that's just me, not her intent at all. I've always let everyone take my kindness as my weakness , and like I say in the beginning , got to have trust or it will never work, its not a me or just you it is a relationship between us both, and it takes us to make work, (My heart will be pure as gold to you or if the trust is broken it can become as cold as steel ). I don't want that , but if I can be honest I've been cheated on 4 outa 5 times and proved it , Felt it in every way really. But everything happens for a reason , and not in my ways of wanting it to😊 and im alright with the hopes of finding out i just needed to slow down and be ready for all the great things i would have missed that is to come.
TO LET GO OF WANTING A HOME OR A FAMILY? TO LET GO OF WANTING DECENT HEALTH? ive decided to end my life, so i guess the soul can just start over.. I wont know about it.
@@daleqtusabes7 It's a really weird struggle. I haven't had a nice life. That's a long story. But I've tried to exit and I keep ending up alive, yet my health is bad. I've learned a lot. So if you aren't doing what make YOU happy, it's like the soul will make you ill... but I live where ppl can apply for euthanasia. Things were not going my way. I applied 4 months ago. When the date was coming up, the soul started to realize I wasn't messing and a few doors opened up. But not much. Not to be rude but life has not felt like a gift. It's felt like blockages and hurdles without rewards, but instead more hardships. I can't walk very well. I've had an amputation, I've injured the other leg last year. 17 feet of my intestines removed last year. My family is a huge mess. I didn't know you're supposed to leave ppl who mistreat you.. But now; the place I'm moving to was available and so I cancled the euthanasia and then the place I'm moving to didn't do the basic repairs & they didn't let me move in. Isn't that crazy? As if my soul is trying to keep me alive and miserable? I'd just want the simple basic chances I see all around me. My parents were very abusive & unstable. Ppl say that but I'm talking tie you up and burn you; whips and 2x4's and chains etc..Make you run up and down stairs to eat your food. They were a real pair of jerks for kids. Things have not been going my way no matter how hard I put effort in. I wasnt choosing to do what was best for me tho. I've always thought I have to do good for others first. That's a real problem. It's being taught backwards----and believing in religion. I'm not sure what's going on but this has been a real difficult journey for me. It hurts pretty badly to walk at all.. I'm very annoyed. I was in a wheelchair b4 and I fought for a few years to get up and walk. And then to have the other leg get so damaged, the person love left me because hey, who wouldn't?.. I wasnt a good catch for her even tho I tried to be. But my financial situation wasn't good. I've worked hard tho. Health, family issues and lack of knowledge kept me down a long time. So now, I've stopped the euthanasia andbtried once again just to find it looks like the world is holding me off one more time, for an extra 30 days... Just to add some misery wherever possble. I've had enough misery. My life has not been a happy one. I'm not sure whybtheres always a dark cloud over everything I'm trying to do or want. But I'm willing to try again. It's just turned into another sad story over & over. Everytime you swim to the top the water levels just get deeper and overflow again. I wish I was able to just enjoy my life. I feel like whatever dues I owed, I've paid over and over again.
What does let go mean. I feel during meditation when i somehow feel ego loss, letting go would mean im dying. I can possibly shift to a higher timeline but ive let this version of me die and my partner will have to live with that. That's the only resistance i fight but i think my dark night is ending.
Letting go, in this sense, means relinquishing control and trusting the divine. I don't think anyone fully let's go. That's normal and part of being human. ❤️
Hello Crystal, i would like to shere my story. I want to know if what im going through its the dark night. I had a spiritual awakening and kundalini and i really felt one with the divine. It wasnt easy, cause i did a lot of changes in a very short amount of time because of feelings that came to the surface. One time the feelings that came to the surface was to hard for me to handle and freaked me out. Since than i feel like i regressed. Im in big depression, full of anxiety and negetive feelings and its like im so disconnect from my self that i dont know who im anymore. Thanks for your answer :)
It certainly sounds like a dark night. It's like you got a glimpse of awakening, but now you have to clear all the crud before "leveling up." It happens. That said, I'd like to share something a friend said to me recently that made me feel better about my dark night: "The world is awakening. And those of us who have gone through our dark night already will be there for those who must go through it in the future." You are a warrior, my friend! Stay strong! ❤️
A Reiki practitioner would be able to help more than I could, but, in my experience, the only way to truly heal a Chakra is to address the trauma that created the block in the first place. That is easier said than done, of course. So, start by being kind to yourself.
İm 19 and having it again the second time it was at 11 beacuse of horrible life conditions i awakened and a lot of information come to me spiritually then due to survive i went to sleep again but now its so bad ive been suffering for 8 years and it did again 2 weeks ago and i fell one more time bc i got stuck in a truma. I was kinda lucky but lost a lot of oppurtinies in 2 years ive been walking around dead in my best years what should i do
Was it that or were you just afraid of thing you wanted to do?i think that there are two opposite ways.to kill your dreams and accept what is and what comes,or just love your ego and love your dreams and try a bit better for it.isnt or that?and as you go and dont progress with the things you pove you just accept ego death amd let go.but i dont think its rhe inly way.many people have found other ways.its up to you and what you are capable and willing to do with your life.and there are other many many things.everyone says about letting go.i sure accept a lot and loved life and myself.but i think that this is not the only thing
Fabulous content… i, like you have found cannabis a helpful tool to balance and keep in check my Ego there are times after many years smoking that this habit is interfering with my spiritual growth…. On the other hand there is a spiritual aspect to the effects of cannabis !?
Yes! Totally on the same page with you here. I wonder how our manipulation of the plant to make it more potent has changed our spiritual relationship to it, too.
@@CrystalRapoza yes I believe the industrial production of some cannabis is extremely strong( skunk for example)…. fortunately I can still procure what we used to call “grass” and I only use it when out in nature. Are you still abstaining? Can’t believe this video is 2 years old already- anyway I’ve subscribed to your channel and hope to receive more words of wisdom from you soon 🙂↕️
@steverussell9340 I know, right! Thanks so much for sticking around. I definitely want to explore this topic more on video form. As for me, I am no longer abstaining, but I have cut way back (relatively). I, too, have a way of getting grass and I've been mixing it with the dispo stuff to mellow it out.
You just said , you think we are all different from the norm...There is no norm, its just an average of everyone. So technically no one is "normal' No one is "normal" Normal is the sum of everyone divided by the number of everyone. See no-one is normal. 😊 ❤ I guess that makes everyone just different levels of abnormal.😅
Thank you for this video. I smiled like a child when you told about finding your cat - those things really are happening to me also, and this is so wild. I can't understand why I'm not more happier about it. After all, it's like a movie or a novel about supernatural intervention.... well, IT IS supernatural intervention :D And still Im so sad and tired of trying to reanimate my dying "old self". It feels like I can't let him go. But I do believe I wil. Sending hugs.
I am there right now. Just got home from a boring mundane job looking forward to relaxing and enjoying some TH-cam videos and maybe see what's happening in the world and was hit with these horrible feelings of I don't want to be here I don't want to be doing this it's just as bad as being at work. No, I'm not suicidal or depressed I just don't know where to go or what to do. Nothing fits. I don't care if an undeserving leader is elected to power, I don't care that Blake Lively has been outed as a nasty bitch, I don't care who is the best fighter or what team won the championship, or what new product can improve your life I literally don't care about anything and think it's all horse shit. From what I understand I am still looking for what I do care about hahaha
A lot of content online has gotten so inane. It's all just for money and there's no substance. You're not alone in this. I think we're all going through this as a collective. Stay strong. The dust will settle. It always does. 🫂
@@CrystalRapoza "It is impossible for you to go on as you have before.so you must go on as you never have," -Cheryl Strayed. I got this quote from a Heidi Priebe video about The Dark Night I am currently watching. Finally feel like I'm starting to understand. I have always put being liked and accepted to a friend group above everything, including my own success. Every time I am near the finish line or getting ready to move up the ladder or start a new positive chapter, I go off on a tangent, get distracted and convince myself I really want something else ,then throw myself back down the rabbit hole all over again. This is toxic self-sabotage. I need to unlock my driven, competitive side, embrace it and apply it to something, not a bunch of different things, just one, forget everything else and grab onto it with a lockjaw mentality until I succeed or die trying. Now I need to pick something ay thanks for the pep talk 🙂
Who is it in and as us that sees His human imperfections (in the appearance of the sinful flesh God came in according to the Bible) when we see them in ourselves? "Those who are already spiritual, and those who are still carnal have You made;" for so the Son Himself says, "Your Eyes have seen My imperfect being. That which is imperfect in My body, Your eyes have seen." ~St. Augustine, Sermon 85 § 6. According to Jesus in the NT, anyone saying "He is here", or "He is there" pointing at one particular person, excluding everyone else, including him- or herself, is a false teacher, as is anyone saying "I am the Christ" excluding the rest of us. The Second Coming is in the human appearance of all of us. Yet God is not our human appearance, because no human is good, only God is. We know Jesus taught everyone not to judge by human appearances. Who are we all really (thanks to God) according to the early Christian writers after the authors of Scripture? Who in us believes in himself "I am Christ" when we believe it? "This is the work in which we may be doing the works of Christ, for even our very believing in Christ is the work of Christ. It is this He works in us, not certainly without us.” ~St. Augustine, Homilies on John, Tractate 71 (John 14:10-14) "I will restore you to yourself, when I shall have restored you unto Me." ~St. Augustine, Sermon 73 on the New Testament "He rightly returns to himself, because he departed from himself. For he who returns to God restores himself to himself, and he who departs from Christ rejects himself from himself." ~St. Ambrose, Catena Aurea, Luke 15:17 "What a joy for those who, after they have suffered for the love of God, know themselves in possession of an ineffably reward, which is no other than God Himself." ~St. Augustine "Blessed be God, for so bountifully providing for us that He even bestows on us His very Self." ~St. John of Avila, Finding Confidence in Times of Trial. "What God seeks, he being himself God by nature, is to make us gods through participation, just as fire converts all things into fire." ~St. John of the Cross, Sayings of Light and Love, #107. "Accordingly, souls possess the same goods by participation that the Son possesses by nature. As a result they are truly gods by participation, equals and companions of God." ~St. John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticles. Stanza 39. More: Wikipedia: "Divinization (Christian)"
Absolutely brutal for me as well.. happily married with nice house, business,reputation, friends/family to absolutely none of that in a year
Happening to me now. Hope you better now.
@@theUmovement two years after that I lost my only two remaining family members 4 weeks apart leaving me a sole survivor. That was two years ago.... I'm good now but its weird as fuck not having one person on this planet that knows your story from start to finish
@@theUmovement just let it go... Lick your wounds then get excited because you have a clean slate. You will never be the same person. I moved 2000 miles away knowing no one and with 800 bucks to my name and rebuilt. Don't build back what you had.. there is a reason it was taken away.
@@troybonham9829 I am totally surrendered to whatever gods will is.
It’s just waiting and seeing what that is and how it plays out.
I'm so sorry! All the things that I've longed for, and haven't experienced Feeling the loss without ever having
This is by far the closest description of the Dark Night of The Soul that resonate with my experience. Thank you so much 🤍
Glad to help. I hope you're hanging in there okay. Sending love! ❤️
I'm so happy I listened to you! I'm in it and the world is beyond upside down at the moment. But I get it. Surrender is the only way.
It's tough. But you are not alone! I'm glad I could help a little. Hang in there! ❤
Glad I was able to find this video. Many comforting similarities to my struggles (weed not being in my life anymore, feeling shame for eating meat but craving it, abandoning tarot cards) and this gave me a feeling of "this is happening FOR me, you will be fine".
Thank you ♡
This is wonderful! I'm so grateful to provide you with comfort. 🙏🏼 It's been quite a while since I made this video and I can assure you, things get so much better. ❤️
I could have written this comment! ❤
To all going through the dark night it is a seriously challenging time. You need to release all the lower level energies & emotions. Find a modality that works for you. There are so many out there, TRE exercises, EFT tapping, Spinal Flow, Breathwork, regulate your nervous system and try quitting 1 vice at a time, these just provide comfort from your lower self to keep you stuck. Raise your vibration with manifestation, sound healing, foods, essential oils, nature, gentle exercise. Sending love & light to you all ❤
Hey man I did a breathwork session with the intention of understanding why I don't feel safe. When I was holding my breath I realised I was scared of drowning and not being able to breathe not sure what happened but I'm scared to go deeper into it. All these images of me crying as a kid. I was in floods of tears with all these images coming into my consciousness. I don't know how to process any of it.
Still in this. It’s been 3 years of loss after loss after loss.
I pray 🙏 to help me learn to surrender.
Same for me 3 years. I’ve lost my home , my job , my car, and my credit is shit now . My entire life is in a storage unit , my pictures childhood pictures , my sentimental stuff , diploma everything is in there and now it’s about to be auctioned off because I can’t come up with the funds to pay it and get it out . What’s the point anymore. You work work work for nice things and make memories just for it to be taken away every time. Life is crap. I’ve bed rotted for months now because I’ve lost motivation to walk to work which is miles away and I’m in a rural area, no government assistance will help me out . I’m 22 years old and I’ve lose everything . Pictures I can’t get back just gone. I had to move back in with my narcissistic mother and she’s broke as well so . I’ve wasted my early twenties just losing everything . My so called friends out here living their best life with no problems at all while I’m rotting away and letting life pass me by.
@@Makeup2456 That sounds incredibly hard to go through. It's been a month so hopefully things haven't gotten worse for you, but for what it's worth, I know that when I don't feel at my core like things are okay, staying still makes it worse. I started simply taking walks each morning for no reason other than to get out of the apartment. It doesn't fix your problems, but it does give you moments of simply existing and moving. It's instinctual for us all to move and think while we move... for me it helps me clear my mind. I'll chat with myself... about how I'm feeling, what I might be scared of, what I might be looking forward to or anything that I'm thankful for. Vocalizing your thoughts lets you process them in a different way than thinking about them internally. It honestly does help, at least for me. I recommend making that be a small goal for yourself. Just try to get up and go out. Listen to the birds. Feel the sunlight on your skin. Cry in the forest. By the time you get back, if you feel even the slightest bit less crappy, it's a step in the right direction.
start meditating
Noticed your handle. I'm subbed to your channel. My "undoing" started in 2012. Finally, after great loss, I have come to acceptance and embracing. Your video on the chakras, how they are affected and ways to heal was full of wisdom and helped me a ton. It's been 6 months since you posted your comment here. I know so much can change.. just wanted to say you're making a difference in this world and offering something of value here and I appreciate you.
For me, the best thing that's come out of all the loss and upheaval, is that I feel my intuition, which I've always used to guide me since childhood, has become so much more refined to the point that I seem to rely on it more than over-thinking now, and this hasn't failed me... yet...
I don't see how it could get any worse but I don't want to go through that pain of losing myself ever again. I will keep being who I am meant to be.
I ve have rejected and lost the people from my old life. Family friends and colleagues.
10 years in shadow, drugs, medicine, sickness, sex , mental and emotional problems.
I woke up. I ve seen anunaki and so on.
I am blessed and thankful. ❤❤❤
What could possibly go wrong? - everything, several times over. Eventually, you stop worrying those events into being 😊
In an authentic awakening, it is impossible to avoid the Dark Night of the Soul, which could also be called "Regression in the Service of Transcendence". Understanding what is happening during the Dark Night is key. The only way to merge and unite the Soul with Spirit is to first purge and integrate the layers and layers of repressed instincts, emotions, feelings, and complexes from the unconscious body mind. This takes years if not decades in an authentic awakening. Yes, it is extremely difficult and can cause intense fears of going crazy, losing one's self, of never recovering from it, etc. One cannot simply stop the Dark Night and walk away. That's the warning of the myth of Pandora's Box. For an empirical detailed account devoid of religious symbolism and distortions, see "The Ego and the Dynamic Ground" by Michael Washbun. My initial awakening happened 25 years ago and it took me 23 years to complete the purgative phases of the process. Everyone is different. Peace.
“ can cause intense fears of going crazy, losing one's self, of never recovering from it, etc. ”
Intense anxiety?
@@potekechufelt when he said that, swear music one of few things keeps me going
Sheesh:( Over 15 years for me
💚
@@Magik1369 heard it refered to as positive desentigration.
this resonates with me. i was interested in enlightenment from a young age but was always scientifically minded, never took spirituality all that seriously. took psychedelics for about 2 years peaking with one beautiful breakthrough DMT trip that catalyzed my awakening.
soon after my demons, shadow self, whatever you recognize it as, started lashing out severely. worse than it had ever been before (and it was always really bad). i quit my job and got kicked out of the family that had taken me in and became homeless again. i'd been homeless before (chronically unable to hold a job) but this was the worst period of homelessness for me. no money, no prospects, very little support. no hope. i was getting sick, not enduring the elements as well as i had. i thought i was just aging but i was only 25.
had to do a lot of walking to get my needs taken care of. had to hike through snow with an emergency situation in my guts several times. it's hard to eat healthy out there. blizzards, rain, crushing heat, starvation, loneliness, depression, hopelesness. i got a sense that this suffering would pay off. this is the worst it had ever been, ever, but intuitively, like a storm clearing, i realized i would be okay. hope flooded back in for seemingly no reason.
just before the car i lived in was going to be towed, literally the day before, i was accepted into a mental health/housing program. i hated that place, but i didnt lash out as much. in fact i noted a huge improvement in my emotional maturity. it surprised me, i didnt even try. both members and staff told me i was too advanced for this program, and the director wanted to kick me out but i only had a broken car.
despite what had just happened to me, i wasnt scared of being homeless anymore. i think the universe gave me that program so i could meet some people there. it was great social practice, and some of them helped me fix my car.
now good things just keep happening. at first, it was just my attitude that changed. then i got to observe my attitude having a positive impact on my mind and actions, which caused good things to happen to me. karma, i guess
i feel i'm still learning detachment and studying my ego so i can socialize properly. that's where i'm at right now. it's a long road, but we're blessed to be on it.
thanks for sharing your experience ❤
Thank you so much for sharing and for persevering. The world is better with you in it. ❤️
@@Myatalanta-l4x thank you! youre not the first person to tell me that. every time it happens i get closer to actually doing it
I've been going through something like this over the last 2 years. It's hard to surrender and let go. Im stuck in a comfort and familiar, safe but not fulfilling, zone.
I have had a strong desire to quit smoking weed for the last year. I realized that it's been a coping mechanism for the last 7 years. I started when I was 12. Its used to be fun, social, and regulated. Then 2017 happened. That was a tough year and I became a daily smoker.
Keeping my self in a low vibration and superficially happy, but it really creates more anxiety and hunger that spirals into poor eating habits, low self esteem, low enery, etc.
A few weeks ago i was journaling and asked myself, "How long does the spiritual journey/awaking have to take?"
My answer was, "until you start facing your truths."
Thank you so much for sharing all that. I totally understand the push-pull between the low vibes and just doing whatever you can to survive. 🫂
Awakening is a process its a life time journey not a destination there's no end.u will always have room to grow. Learn to enjoy to the journey and have patience. That was so hard for me. I wanted to get it over with and just feel better and I wanted that now. Once I learned losing everyone and everything was happening for me and I realized my life falling apart completely and being completely alone in the process was a HUGE DEAL and it was so obvious the universe was doing that to give a better life and make me stronger and aware of myself. I had n clue who I was,my.purpose, talents, desires, or my true identity and to get those things we all have to start from scratch. Feel the pains we blocked for yrs, the emotions, lose the shame and guilt others made us feel etc. I knew if I wasn't alone I could be.swayed and distracted from the lessons the universe was showing me. So I decided to trust source myself and the process and learn to stay present and soak up all the wisdom that I was learning and make sure I would acknowledge even the little things. I don't have job outside of the home so I can't be wasting money on stupid things.i don't have friends so I can't be distracted by peer pressure or others opinions. I finally realized the dark night was so necessary to lose old habits thought patterns hobbies Just about everything from the past to be able to start over a new better happier authentic person. U can't become someone new by using old ways. So learn to just embrace the dark night. It won't last forever. Nothing does. Some day I will have to enter the real world again. And when I do I want to be complete whole And healed from old traumas so I don't slip back into past thoughts or actions. Loss and the pain n confusion is actually a gift from the universe. I hope you can see how important u r for source/creator to want to help little ol you. Its so obvious when the dark nite sets in its supernatural! The more u embrace it and become aware of your thoughts actions and feelings the faster u will come out of it. Resisting is a waste of time and just makes it harder and longer. Let ur ego die.mourn for it. The let it go. I have no.clue who I am anymore. I had to let the.woman I was pretending to be based on thoughts and programs I learned til age 7 die.completely. it was so hard and scary for a while but the more I learned about it I was grateful.better to be authentic even its only alittle than live a lie. Take time with yourself alot of time. Question everything about yourself and ask is this my thought or my parents. Not much was mine. Thank God for the internet and we can learn from millions of others experiences. I can't imagine doing this alone and no access to story's of hope and inspiration wisdom and great advice. Thats another thing I focused on was learning from anyone and everyone else.using discernment of course.im makin up.for 14 yrs of wasted time in the education system learning useless b.s.and lies. Anyway sorry so much
I was was writing to myself also. Its good to remind yourself with writing becuz sometimes you get some advice and lessons that u write but u can't say u where u got those words from. Journaling releases trapped energies also. Good luck❤
How do you face that truth? I'm going through the phase now and nothing is just making sense or coming to light.
Didn't know what was going on. Thought meditation and chakra stuff was for eastern people who smelled of tumeric whom i had a fondness for their exotic beauty and mystery, but knew nothing of. and rich board housewives trending to be like those people far away and the truth was what was right in front of my nose. within a year lost my land, my job, my cabin, my husband, my incredibly tight group of friends that I thought I would die with. Had a stroke, relearned to talk only to have my new house in a city where I didn't know anyone, start turning against me, ALL appliances / hvac system all breaking down at once while the trees in our yard kept crashing into our roof, and I started menopause early. In 100 degree heat with broken air conditioning. THEN i had my spiritual awakening. Then I understood. It's all part of it, it's how the universe wakes us up, breaks apart the old programming so we can remember who we are and that we came here for a reason. Nothing bad is happening . You are becoming. Just like the worm in the cocoon preparing to come out and spread it's newly grown wings and dry them in the sun.
This is a fabulous story! Thank you for sharing. Very inspiring. ❤️
This is so true is me going back to who i really am the real me not the false ego self that i tought i was
I am so grateful I found this video! I am IN IT right now and damn it's ugly and terrifying. I just watched 4 videos on the dark night of the soul and this is the only one that made sense to me. Crystal, your candor and authenticity is so relatable. I feel a little less alone.
I'm so happy to help. 🤗 Just know you'll come out on the other side so much better. I believe in you.
You are not remotely alone mate I had a nervous breakdown during mine It took me a month to recover... It gets better I found the teachings of the likes of jesus, Buddhist and stoic philosophy helps me straighten my mind out and help to filter all the thoughts that are wrong and can you begin to flick those thoughts away and try to quiet the mind. I am still not totally through but the anxiety and feeling of doom fades away if you get your mind right. That's what jesus and Buddha teach us and it is gold!
Untethered soul by Michael Singer was a book that explained the true path of least resistance in the best way possible. i was alrady trough the worst a long time ago when i heard the audiobook. but i knew this was something everybody should know from childhood. you might experience how the path of least resistance works. but if you don't get it spoon fed or really higlighted how it works. you might not get the apiphany you need. not resisting and only observing without engagement is the only way.
all that we resist gets stuck and build up over time. there is no free will if we don't understand this spesifically.
#1 book I recommend to anybody coming down THIS road.
Uplifting to see someone find truth
Wow! Yep! I had mine 6th June. I realised i was grieving something that never existed!! ❤ This vid got to me, especially the bit about eating meat, ive been veggie 34yrs but after beating cancer, n being very low in iron. Im being encouraged to eat small amounts of red meat. I cant get my head around it. ❤ sending peace from the valleys...❤
I'm sorry you've had to be so strong and grateful you are. 🫂
About 15 years ago I went through it. But it took 6 years of intense seeking n 20 years of meditation before the final 6 months of suddenly waking up not being able to locate myself in the room. But at some point I was too exhausted and simply surrendered. It then took a further 10 years to consolidate this experience and be OK with knowledge that this self is nothing but a transient moment to moment illusion.
You're awesome! That's so intense and you made it through! ❤️
@@CrystalRapoza After the event I laughed for about 2 weeks, so who gets enlightened? Yeah hilarious, right. I carried on with my zazen practices. Then one day I re-read the Heart Sutra and something in me went bang. I spent a further 2 years studying and trying to understand the concept of emptiness in Buddhist terminology. One night on the cushion a sound of a distant van driving by created a great Satori, all things are here, space between objects dissappeared which excluded the illusion of time. This was 10 years ago. That experience also took time to work it's way through the day to day life experiences. It's happened since, but not with such a hammer to the head. Sending you best of wishes.
Dang, over 15 for me, the panic and despair won't quit
@@sarahjaye4117. I realised that when that emotion set in I was boxing up or adding a familiar thought based concept to how I was feeling. So, when I felt anxiety rising I simply sat with the emotion without naming it at all. I realised that I'd never walked this way before and it was a new land, a new experience, so why be afraid. After all this is really all a faith building expedition, isn't it.
I am not surrender to anything without knowing for sure what that thing is.
Find out what you really are and then you’ll know what it is
When you talked about waking up with a message about Moogie, I got chills.
When you spoke of having MJ and it made you paranoid where it USED to help you sleep, I felt that too (happened to me this past Saturday!!! The terror it made me feel was unreal!! No more!)
You have no idea how much this video helped me this morning. ❤ just popped up in my feed and your title caught my eye.
Thank you.
So glad your precious Moogie is safe, they're beautiful!! And so are YOU.
Bless you!
Thank you so much! I'm so glad I could help. You guys are helping me more than you know, too. ❤️
its perfectly ok to completely completely let go, and go ahead and go crazy......if you don't, you'll just have to come back to that portal again and again.....full on surrender is super hard because its not a "doing", but an "undoing".....def "feels" crazy because it is feminine/dispersive rather than the linear/masculine of ego.... just keep going....you don't have to set up camp in "crazy"......that's the KEY to the whole biscuit.....just.....keep.....going.... if and when there is a "done", it will present itself ...unquestionably......
Just listening hits home in a way most couldn't understand, I spent a few months in a coma , I had no idea id go through what i did, and have to leave the hospital on my own and have been alone, my fiance just left after all the years and hasn't spoke one word to me since I got home , not even the few fam, members I have left, so I kinda fell back into the worst place I needed to even think about being, but there's was always something that was trying to pull me out of my own thoughts and depression , I started remembering a lot of things that made me happy and just want to be me again and it was what I needed to start and realize that id not been myself in years and I'd rather feel good than worry, stress and not sleep thinking on how I could fix everything to just making sure I try ten times harder to be thankful for every good thing other than complain about everything I thought was gonna be best for me, Im glad I came across your vids.
I'm so sorry. That's so much. I can tell your spirit is strong. And you'll get through. Just the compassion you have for yourself is admirable. ❤️🫂
@@michaelslowmomccormick I don't buy the chemical imbalance b s.. I agree with the belief that depression is simply telling your sole telling you need to change something
thanks for sharing. ....all best on your journey.... Care of our soul is paramount. Whatever that looks like to each of us. it's a life long journey, keeping an open mind, and a kind heart.....covid turned us all on our heads.....
This resonates so much! Also have thyroid issues, nutritionist, former vegan currently transitioning to meat again. I am still in the dark night of the soul, health issues are very prevalent and working with 3 doctors and 3 hands on healers and herbalists. Been meditating for years and starting reading A course in miracles and it's helping me see the light through the darkness. Been doing heavy inner work the last 5 months and focusing on my health finally.
Glad to hear you're getting better. Thanks for sharing, ex-vegan fam. 🤗
I'm having a very real reaction to this. I'm in one, coming out... maybe... This is so unbelievable. And, no, I had to go through the dark, for sure, but I'm not sure it works without the pain. Love.
SPEAK ON! I AM FULLY IN THE THROES OF IT!!❤❤❤
🫂
Learning to swim before the floods...meditation as medicine...suffering ripens towards beneficial changes...
Thank you so much my dear for sharing🙏🏼💜 Not my first dark night… so I do have some appreciation, awareness, and understanding. I have called it the Journey to becoming Butterfly for many years. But still I find that nothing helps like sharing the experience… as there is really nothing you can do but stand as still as possible and allow the transformation and metamorphosis 💜🦋 ow. Thank you again, I’m holding your hand as well😘🦋 I am understanding this is all going along with a greater dark night of the planet itself.🦋☀️
Exactly! Thanks for being there with me, my friend! :hugs:
Hello Crystal 💜. Thank you for such open and honest communication about this Epic event happening in your life and so many others right now. I have awaited this my whole life but didn’t know exactly what I was waiting for. Looking back at my upbringing I’m sure it was the second coming of Jesus. Only I always thought it was not going to be like we are taught in churches. As I felt most of them did not fully even Understand what a MetaPhysical Being He would have to Be and he says We are the Same as him. Which is so awesome to consider how we can learn to live life very differently, Fearlessly as he Professed. Within US is Everything we need to be Prosperous and Joyful. We just need to let it All Surface . Amen and Hallelujah. Abundant Blessings! 🙏✌🏻
Thank you for sharing your journey 💛💛💛
Thank you Crystal! This is really amazing rhetorical question!!! You really helped me fighting my demons
We didn't create ourselves. We are eternal beings filled with the breath of God. What a beautiful mystery that leads to a personal relationship. John 3:16.
We "IS" an eternal being
@@forestsnow6508 That is very interesting. The definition of "is"=the "third person" singular of the present tense of be 1 and be 2, hmm.
@@dianepolk9878look into azmodeus. Idk how to spell it. Finally ending mine soon! Azmodeus is the “selfless” 1= government name/ hobbie relationship 2= who you think you want to be and 3= who you are not (but that which is)
I don’t what to do ? It’s just feels different . I was so happy , don’t know where it’s going . I hope I find happiness again .
You will. Be open to the idea that it won't look the same way it used to. I know it's hard. There's not much I can say besides cliches, but life does always seem to find a way. ❤️
@@CrystalRapoza thankyou
Thank you, Crystal.😊
Beautiful, beautiful video. Subscribed!
Great insight
Every word you said in this is what has been happening to me. I was guided to do Keto from being vegan which is the polar opposite. Unfortunately my housing situation is a bit iffy and cooking is hard so I had to have a break from it but I really want to get on it again.
There is no ego.
I SURRENDER❤
I went through this, the only that kept me going was knowing that it was happening for a reason. To teach me something, I’m still growing and learning. I wouldn’t change it, at the time it was hell but it’s made me a better person. ❤️
I totally get it. I would never choose the events that led me into the transformation, but I'm so thankful to be the person I am today. ❤️
@@CrystalRapoza thank you for having the strength to tell your story. At the time I thought I was alone, I now know we are all fighting our own battles. That is what brings us together, thank you again❤️🫂
Of course! This makes my heart warm. 🫂 I felt alone at the time, too.
@@CrystalRapoza❤
My husband and I are on a twin flame journey...awakening started 9 years ago. We've been in the dark night for at least a couple years now. I unexpectedly got pregnant while we were already going through financial struggles (we already have 2 older kids and i was 43 years old at the time)...we lost everything, were homeless for almost 4 months with a newborn baby...lived in our truck for 2 weeks (family of 5 with 2 dogs living in a truck!!). We are still struggling and facing eviction now again and baby is almost 1 year old. When will this ever end?!?! This is the most heart breaking experience! We gave up everything...material things, eating meat,/dairy, drinking alcohol, shedding tons of layers of shadow self. I ask...what's left to do??? Why can we not finally have peace and restart a new life and have some peace and stability/abundance in our lives? My kids don't deserve this chaotic lifestyle. If it wasn't for our kuds, we would have both checked out by now (meaning suicide). That's really how painful this has been for us. Our entire extended family has literally attacked us and screwed us over. Every business endeavor my husband has done has stolen from him. We are honest and good people just seeking a better world...why all the pain? And when does it ever end???
I'm so sorry. I've been through enough to know there's nothing I can say. I'm glad you felt comfortable getting this off your chest. At least we can all share your burden through here. ❤️
Hope your dark night ends soon and your luck turns around!
@jamesallen5872 Thank you, me too! We are forced to face these fears and transmute the energy into love. Toughest thing I've ever been through!
Quitting weed has been big for me. Still an adamant vegan and have no guilt about it. Working on losing the ego, anti materialism, letting go etc
If you use your car everything you said is for nothing 😂
@@thatdude3977 what's wrong with a car?
@@thatdude3977😦
I went through this on a twin flame journey, wow what a journey in three and half months ,lucky not lasting years 🙏 ❤
I have always been spiritual, but I have learnt so much more since this journey 😊
Mine lasted 3 days n nights. I'm peaceful now.. and thankful for it..❤
@@OfficialWelshWoman8309 it's hell at the time ! I think I had the worst of three days and then kept coming back in little spurts ,I just went with it as hard as it was 🤣 it's all the weird stuff that happens in-between that just so profound and indescribable.
@joannaevans8247 yes! but soon as I made my decision, good things started to happen. Was wacky! I'm hoping the 3 days n nights was it, sometimes my thoughts go back there, the confusion, I wonder if it's truly over... take care ❤️
@@OfficialWelshWoman8309 I know where your coming from ,I think it's normal for the ego to try and creep in at times ,but gets better the more you ground yourself and work on your higher self ❤
Thank you for sharing that. Baking bread with different herbs? LOL glad you found your dog that’s so cool. People talk about letting go all the time. How do you know if you are letting go? Everything I say it all the time I surrender I am letting go of all attachments to this 3-D world. But yet I still have to be in it to Be able to pay my bills and drive a car and go to target! I just want to stay in my bed for days
Thanks for coming by and sharing!
I might do a video on this so I can be more clear, but letting go isn't so much about letting go of anything. It's more about being present and not so stuck on the future that you're always worried. It's more of a flow state.
Paying more attention to what's going on in your body -- how things feel on a physical level -- is a great start to feeling more present. And you can still go on Targer runs while doing it. 😉
Does that help?
Why is dark night of the soul?
I left all and moved to spain and again left all and moved to Germany where i live now. It's, like a part of the process. The same way that one walks. I mean It's the path itself that which is called "dark night soul or Mara's night in Buddhismus, etc. If one just focus on that "dark night" then one call that path "dark night",etc. If one calls "light sunny day of the soul" 😅 it's again Thoughts. Both cases are the same. And the Ego is not dying. One Person needs an Ego, because without one Ego you can not even answer when someone calls you by your name.
There is a lot of confussion and maybe due to fear about this.
When Buddha was sit under the Bhody tree he apparently said" I will remain here sit....and don't care if die, etc." Apparently he passed that night with a lot of Thoughts in order to give up, past traumas, maybe, etc. That "dark night of the soul" apparently happened to him and at dawn when he opened his eyes he was Enlightened..."The sky and the Earth are my witness" he said.. A young girl gave him milk with rice. He was almost like a living skeleton because ascetism, etc.
If someone just start to give some kind of answer, to classify this or that, it's maybe the same Thoughts which is fears and one try to put a classification to this feelings, states, etc. Because the brain feels safety with all classified (control)...so it "feels safety" to say: the ego is dying, dark night of the soul, samaddhi, etc."
Perhaps such "Dark night of the soul" is not Dark and not Light.
And not a night or a day...
Maybe such "Dark night of the soul"👹 is just Oneself👻... calling oneself "Dark night of the soul"😉🙃👋🏾💚🤎💜💙💛🧡
Thank u 😊. I really needed that
Oh it's hard when she contacts me and I guess she doesn't realize I can see that she's just trying to act a way that I've never known in anyway, so when I know she's just wanting me to tell her everything going on in my life just shows me the truth .
I told her I wouldn't have a problem telling you anything about how I'm doing and or if anything big is happening in my life ,the reason I want have anything good again is because I asked for it and so that you know there's nothing good gonna happen in my life like your going to have happen in yours, and i can only wish you nothing but the best. And then she ask how could you say that?
How can you ask me ? Is what I said, you haven't done anything but seem to want to make sure things aren't better for me since you left so therefore you don't have to ask me how have I've been doing , Nope im not having any of the great things like your having now, The doctors haven't said anything yet , But I'm sure not saying anything different, That might not be the best way to handle it but I told her, I'm alone and it's not like other people or telling you about the neuro,doc and the other specialist on my autoimmune system , so if you could please just be happy with all the ways you wanted changed , if you truly cared you would be showing it in the sound of your voice, and the different times of the day that you'd check in because you wouldnt have a certain time to check youd want to know at all times, and a phonecall would not be off limits to you, if you had chosen a good one to leave for and im not mad or upset with you, just dont act like something your not, id rather you be real with me. I just don't want to waste our time anymore and you should just ask anything you want, I'm not the same as I was and I'm not hiding my thoughts or feelings ,beliefs nor my life choices from anyone here all I can say is love y'all and seeing is believing , I don't judge and only have one and it's not anyone I see around me at the time.
I think I had to be a little bit harsher than I've thought I'd be but I don't need another thing to drag me down or look in the direction that isn't the way for me. Sorry to unload so much, I'm running out of notebooks ,each type of paper I never thought I'd use period🤔 but I guess it better sometimes to have someone other than yourself to talk to if that's making any sense , I'm just trying to find my way and like I said to her, if we don't have trust we simply don't have anything but thoughts that will only show us our separate, ways from one another and I don't, and wouldnt want to have to think can or should I just give the benefit of the doubt and trust again, when I know that's just me, not her intent at all. I've always let everyone take my kindness as my weakness , and like I say in the beginning , got to have trust or it will never work, its not a me or just you it is a relationship between us both, and it takes us to make work,
(My heart will be pure as gold to you or if the trust is broken it can become as cold as steel ).
I don't want that , but if I can be honest I've been cheated on 4 outa 5 times and proved it , Felt it in every way really. But everything happens for a reason , and not in my ways of wanting it to😊 and im alright with the hopes of finding out i just needed to slow down and be ready for all the great things i would have missed that is to come.
Great video
Mine was in 2021. My 2 father ,mother, father in law, uncle and friends died.. people were just dieing around me.
🫂
found this video today.. thank you so much 🥰
Sending hugs, my friend.
I feel like after 15 years it is no longer a dark night 😮
TO LET GO OF WANTING A HOME OR A FAMILY? TO LET GO OF WANTING DECENT HEALTH? ive decided to end my life, so i guess the soul can just start over.. I wont know about it.
Life is a gift. You can talk to anybody, somebody if you need to. How are you?
@@daleqtusabes7 It's a really weird struggle. I haven't had a nice life. That's a long story. But I've tried to exit and I keep ending up alive, yet my health is bad. I've learned a lot. So if you aren't doing what make YOU happy, it's like the soul will make you ill... but I live where ppl can apply for euthanasia. Things were not going my way. I applied 4 months ago. When the date was coming up, the soul started to realize I wasn't messing and a few doors opened up. But not much. Not to be rude but life has not felt like a gift. It's felt like blockages and hurdles without rewards, but instead more hardships. I can't walk very well. I've had an amputation, I've injured the other leg last year. 17 feet of my intestines removed last year. My family is a huge mess. I didn't know you're supposed to leave ppl who mistreat you.. But now; the place I'm moving to was available and so I cancled the euthanasia and then the place I'm moving to didn't do the basic repairs & they didn't let me move in. Isn't that crazy? As if my soul is trying to keep me alive and miserable? I'd just want the simple basic chances I see all around me. My parents were very abusive & unstable. Ppl say that but I'm talking tie you up and burn you; whips and 2x4's and chains etc..Make you run up and down stairs to eat your food. They were a real pair of jerks for kids. Things have not been going my way no matter how hard I put effort in. I wasnt choosing to do what was best for me tho. I've always thought I have to do good for others first. That's a real problem. It's being taught backwards----and believing in religion. I'm not sure what's going on but this has been a real difficult journey for me. It hurts pretty badly to walk at all.. I'm very annoyed. I was in a wheelchair b4 and I fought for a few years to get up and walk. And then to have the other leg get so damaged, the person love left me because hey, who wouldn't?.. I wasnt a good catch for her even tho I tried to be. But my financial situation wasn't good. I've worked hard tho. Health, family issues and lack of knowledge kept me down a long time. So now, I've stopped the euthanasia andbtried once again just to find it looks like the world is holding me off one more time, for an extra 30 days... Just to add some misery wherever possble. I've had enough misery. My life has not been a happy one. I'm not sure whybtheres always a dark cloud over everything I'm trying to do or want. But I'm willing to try again. It's just turned into another sad story over & over. Everytime you swim to the top the water levels just get deeper and overflow again. I wish I was able to just enjoy my life. I feel like whatever dues I owed, I've paid over and over again.
I hope you read this. How are you
Hru now?
You will just incarnate back in. Trapped. Again.
Going through this now.
🫂
Thank you 🙏
Let go of what? So I want abundance of everything. Why do I need to let go of desires? Can you explain better?
What does let go mean. I feel during meditation when i somehow feel ego loss, letting go would mean im dying. I can possibly shift to a higher timeline but ive let this version of me die and my partner will have to live with that. That's the only resistance i fight but i think my dark night is ending.
Letting go, in this sense, means relinquishing control and trusting the divine. I don't think anyone fully let's go. That's normal and part of being human. ❤️
Beautiful 🐈⬛❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ You just got a new sub. I have a black 🐈⬛ too!
Black cat fam! 🤗🖤
Hello Crystal, i would like to shere my story. I want to know if what im going through its the dark night. I had a spiritual awakening and kundalini and i really felt one with the divine. It wasnt easy, cause i did a lot of changes in a very short amount of time because of feelings that came to the surface. One time the feelings that came to the surface was to hard for me to handle and freaked me out. Since than i feel like i regressed. Im in big depression, full of anxiety and negetive feelings and its like im so disconnect from my self that i dont know who im anymore. Thanks for your answer :)
It certainly sounds like a dark night. It's like you got a glimpse of awakening, but now you have to clear all the crud before "leveling up." It happens.
That said, I'd like to share something a friend said to me recently that made me feel better about my dark night:
"The world is awakening. And those of us who have gone through our dark night already will be there for those who must go through it in the future."
You are a warrior, my friend! Stay strong! ❤️
@@CrystalRapoza thanks alot this is so hard, but im strong :)
Buy the way. My heart chackra is blocked and because of it i feel like crap. How do i open her ?
A Reiki practitioner would be able to help more than I could, but, in my experience, the only way to truly heal a Chakra is to address the trauma that created the block in the first place. That is easier said than done, of course. So, start by being kind to yourself.
@DINXX8 how Is it now ?
I'm happy to find you. I can't be the person that changes the number of subscribers from 555 but I will subscribe soon.
How bad? It can nearly wipe you out.
İm 19 and having it again the second time it was at 11 beacuse of horrible life conditions i awakened and a lot of information come to me spiritually then due to survive i went to sleep again but now its so bad ive been suffering for 8 years and it did again 2 weeks ago and i fell one more time bc i got stuck in a truma. I was kinda lucky but lost a lot of oppurtinies in 2 years ive been walking around dead in my best years what should i do
Hru now?
It's really hard to answer you without knowing your whole situation. Do you have friends and community around you?
I been doing this at 25-26 esp now at 26
so we r forced to heal and come back to source 2 look for peace unless we get shi on? is waht im understanding
Was it that or were you just afraid of thing you wanted to do?i think that there are two opposite ways.to kill your dreams and accept what is and what comes,or just love your ego and love your dreams and try a bit better for it.isnt or that?and as you go and dont progress with the things you pove you just accept ego death amd let go.but i dont think its rhe inly way.many people have found other ways.its up to you and what you are capable and willing to do with your life.and there are other many many things.everyone says about letting go.i sure accept a lot and loved life and myself.but i think that this is not the only thing
How to surrender!!!
Fabulous content… i, like you have found cannabis a helpful tool to balance and keep in check my Ego
there are times after many years smoking that this habit is interfering with my spiritual growth…. On the other hand there is a spiritual aspect to the effects of cannabis !?
Yes! Totally on the same page with you here. I wonder how our manipulation of the plant to make it more potent has changed our spiritual relationship to it, too.
@@CrystalRapoza yes I believe the industrial production of some cannabis is extremely strong( skunk for example)…. fortunately I can still procure what we used to call “grass”
and I only use it when out in nature.
Are you still abstaining?
Can’t believe this video is 2 years old already- anyway I’ve subscribed to your channel and hope to receive more words of wisdom from you soon 🙂↕️
@steverussell9340 I know, right! Thanks so much for sticking around. I definitely want to explore this topic more on video form.
As for me, I am no longer abstaining, but I have cut way back (relatively). I, too, have a way of getting grass and I've been mixing it with the dispo stuff to mellow it out.
Let go of what? I'm sitn in the woods by myself while others are in the hospital and or sitn in the woods like me themselves..........
location of your shadow self; your etheric subconcious realm and a portion of your ego.
You just said , you think we are all different from the norm...There is no norm, its just an average of everyone. So technically no one is "normal' No one is "normal" Normal is the sum of everyone divided by the number of everyone. See no-one is normal. 😊 ❤ I guess that makes everyone just different levels of abnormal.😅
I don't know who I am anyway so how can I turn back to it?
Your one of the lucky people who didn't end up a ward of the state for acting odd
Thank you for this video. I smiled like a child when you told about finding your cat - those things really are happening to me also, and this is so wild. I can't understand why I'm not more happier about it. After all, it's like a movie or a novel about supernatural intervention.... well, IT IS supernatural intervention :D And still Im so sad and tired of trying to reanimate my dying "old self". It feels like I can't let him go. But I do believe I wil. Sending hugs.
🫂 You will. Be patient with yourself. ❤️
I just call it zen.
I surrender.
🫂
How do you wanna turn to spirituality if spirit has put back down liké an animal
I am there right now. Just got home from a boring mundane job looking forward to relaxing and enjoying some TH-cam videos and maybe see what's happening in the world and was hit with these horrible feelings of I don't want to be here I don't want to be doing this it's just as bad as being at work. No, I'm not suicidal or depressed I just don't know where to go or what to do. Nothing fits. I don't care if an undeserving leader is elected to power, I don't care that Blake Lively has been outed as a nasty bitch, I don't care who is the best fighter or what team won the championship, or what new product can improve your life I literally don't care about anything and think it's all horse shit. From what I understand I am still looking for what I do care about hahaha
A lot of content online has gotten so inane. It's all just for money and there's no substance. You're not alone in this. I think we're all going through this as a collective. Stay strong. The dust will settle. It always does. 🫂
@@CrystalRapoza "It is impossible for you to go on as you have before.so you must go on as you never have," -Cheryl Strayed. I got this quote from a Heidi Priebe video about The Dark Night I am currently watching. Finally feel like I'm starting to understand. I have always put being liked and accepted to a friend group above everything, including my own success. Every time I am near the finish line or getting ready to move up the ladder or start a new positive chapter, I go off on a tangent, get distracted and convince myself I really want something else ,then throw myself back down the rabbit hole all over again. This is toxic self-sabotage. I need to unlock my driven, competitive side, embrace it and apply it to something, not a bunch of different things, just one, forget everything else and grab onto it with a lockjaw mentality until I succeed or die trying. Now I need to pick something ay thanks for the pep talk 🙂
Lol@ 'night'...like its just one.
FR! 😭
❤❤❤🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
311, cannabis and psilocybin hold the secret
💓
4.20 you said butt hihihi
Who is it in and as us that sees His human imperfections (in the appearance of the sinful flesh God came in according to the Bible) when we see them in ourselves?
"Those who are already spiritual, and those who are still carnal have You made;" for so the Son Himself says, "Your Eyes have seen My imperfect being. That which is imperfect in My body, Your eyes have seen."
~St. Augustine, Sermon 85 § 6.
According to Jesus in the NT, anyone saying "He is here", or "He is there" pointing at one particular person, excluding everyone else, including him- or herself, is a false teacher, as is anyone saying "I am the Christ" excluding the rest of us. The Second Coming is in the human appearance of all of us. Yet God is not our human appearance, because no human is good, only God is.
We know Jesus taught everyone not to judge by human appearances.
Who are we all really (thanks to God) according to the early Christian writers after the authors of Scripture? Who in us believes in himself "I am Christ" when we believe it?
"This is the work in which we may be doing the works of Christ, for even our very believing in Christ is the work of Christ. It is this He works in us, not certainly without us.”
~St. Augustine, Homilies on John, Tractate 71 (John 14:10-14)
"I will restore you to yourself, when I shall have restored you unto Me."
~St. Augustine, Sermon 73 on the New Testament
"He rightly returns to himself, because he departed from himself. For he who returns to God restores himself to himself, and he who departs from Christ rejects himself from himself."
~St. Ambrose, Catena Aurea, Luke 15:17
"What a joy for those who, after they have suffered for the love of God, know themselves in possession of an ineffably reward, which is no other than God Himself."
~St. Augustine
"Blessed be God, for so bountifully providing for us that He even bestows on us His very Self."
~St. John of Avila, Finding Confidence in Times of Trial.
"What God seeks, he being himself God by nature, is to make us gods through participation, just as fire converts all things into fire."
~St. John of the Cross, Sayings of Light and Love, #107.
"Accordingly, souls possess the same goods by participation that the Son possesses by nature. As a result they are truly gods by participation, equals and companions of God."
~St. John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticles. Stanza 39.
More:
Wikipedia: "Divinization (Christian)"
Nonsense
Only what is alive can die