"I DON'T WANT TO SELF-LOVE, I WANT TO BE LOVED!"
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2022
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DO Y’ALL EVER WATCH THE VIDEO BEFORE COMMENTING? DAMN, I LOVE Y’ALL BUT SLOW DOWN MY LOVES ❤️
Watch on speed 😅😅
The title of the video surely gave me alot of things to comment about, until I watched the video 😂😂
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Breeny it's me from insta who brought this topic up with the crazy turquoise hair I love to hear this. Watching now. Self love as I said before has often been a coping mechanism as a way to deflect from the obvious. It's a trauma tactic in ways from not accepting that we have not been loved the way we desired by friends, family, and relationships. It kind of coincidences with the "strong black woman" or "independent" trop, and quite frankly I'm over it. I mean can getting your hair and quoting daily scriptures really take away from a man cheating on you and the stress induced pain that comes with it? I'll just luxury bag it away and sephora shopping spree my way to avoid facing the truth. I want my man to love me and not end me over. I just want real friends. Self love I s hoax! I'm not going to Applebee's alone anymore eff that!
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This is a message that isn't said enough. The self-love isn't a replacement for the love of another, (as Breeny said) it trains you to see how you should be treated by someone else. But I also want to add to something Breeny said from my own experience that might help someone else. When I stopped looking at the women in my life who had a man, and started looking at the QUALITY of those men, I realized that these women weren't doing better than I was, they were just more allowing of bad treatment. If you pay attention, most people are in bad, and mildly emotionally abusive relationships. Most people excuse emotionally abusive and manipulative behavior from their significant other, just so that they can have a relationship. So, many women may have a man, but ask yourself, is he a good man? Would I want a man who treats me the way her man does? For me, most of the time, the answer is no.
Very well said! ✨💕
Well SAID
I definitely agree with you, but the truth is no relationship can ever be perfect, so being surrounded by people in not so great relationship definitely does not negate the fact that being a loving relationship would be nice. Most people in successful relationships will tell you that it wasn’t easy getting there. And obviously you need to start a relationship in other to get to a perfect relationship. Seeing bad relationships around should definitely not be the reason why people shouldn’t want to get into relationship.
This comment should be pinned! Allowing of bad treatment in capitals!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@AnuOgunneye….well there’s no perfection but toxicity is not a woman’s destiny 😂🤣
Unfortunately, you can't self-love yourself out of deeply desiring a romantic partner. It's like a thorn in your side. I agree with you, it defo feels like everyone is far away and distant, I thought it was just me. The real pandemic is loneliness I feel. So many men and women feeling alone and yet struggling to connect
I felt the last statement...
Felt this ❤️
Men don’t feel nothing lol, just women
so true!
You definitely can. Take that love away from them and put it in you. Nobody is more important than yourself let alone a 3rd person
Self love is not enough. We even needs Gods love.
Amen
Yes
Exactly
amen ❤
AMEN! ❤
The girl who sent you that message is spitting facts. People are really over-dramatizing what "self-love" is. People act like loving yourself means never desiring love from someone else. Like yess I love myself deeply, but I still desire love from the opposite sex. We are humans...
“I’m not afraid of being alone, I just don’t like being lonely” exactly. We are social beings, even as introverts, even with a lot of self love…we need to feel love from others
I've never felt love from others. I have possible autistic traits. So I can't connect with people easily. I've always been alone so I don't know what I'm missing.
Sorry but as an introvert this isn't true for me, I'm not a social being and I get drained from social interactions and just being around people. Once I have myself, food, roof, clothes surrounded by nature and animals I'm great lmaoo
@@0fficialselena__90 Sometimes it's a trauma response. Having a loving partner and social interactions are 2 different things.
@@uzougwu1511 For me it isn't, this is how I've always been as a little kid that's why I'm saying it lmaoo everyone isn't a social being and works better alone and that's perfectly fine now when someone distance themselves from everyone and doesn't ask anyone for help and is all for themselves and avoids social interactions then THAT IS a trauma response
It's so annoying because on the rare occasion that I kind of connect with someone, I back out and my mind kinda goes blank. apparently I was a very quiet kid since the age of 4. Also social anxiety doesn't help at all lol
“No one should be nicer to you, than you are to yourself” 👈🏾 That part! Thanks sis
For me, I could not accept the kind of love I wanted until I learned how to truly love myself, flaws and all. For me, self-love is about listening to what I need and want, prioritizing myself, healing that hurt inner child. turning to myself with love , instead of turning to someone else for love. it's been the best experience of my life, developing a deep and loving relationship with myself.
💯
Hope I can get there one day lol cuz I been chasing self love for mad long and no results
@@Kiah07 Then ask God to help you with that. Remember that God loves you, God is also the foundation of self-love because knowing He loves you for who you really are, better or worse, gives you validation to love yourself, to respect and prioritize yourself, to be firm, coherent in your thoughts and not back and forward due to every single opinion you hear. Who is greater than God? No one. So what better love, validation than His? No one's. So Love God and Love Yourself.
Being with the right person is more important than being in a relationship 🔥
Self Love is being able to rely on yourself to walk away from situations that don't serve you. You have to be able to be happy, whole and sufficient on your own so that when you unite with another you enhance each others lives, you don't co-depend in an unhealthy way.
I believe that self-love is where it all started but not necessarily where it stopped. Self love is not to fill the void needed from the opposite sex. To be genuinely loved is one of the most amazing experience one could ever have, but having love for yourself is what determine the kind of love you are ready to receive. Also, everyone can love you but if you don't love yourself, you are held captive by the enemy within. In the hope of attracting the kind of love that is pure, you must radiate self-love. This is what send out the signals that there are expectations, standards and boundaries here. Self love let you take care of your emotional wellbeing. So, while we wait on that special someone, let us love the heck out of self...lol...x
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very well said🎉
period !
Bravo!
Beautifully stated.
I agree with all you’ve said. Self loving doesn’t stop us from wanting or desiring to be loved. I mean we’re humans and we have feelings. You can practice self love and still be in a relationship. I feel the reason why self love is preached is because many people don’t take care of themselves enough to even take care of another person.
That is the most ACCURATE most thing I have EVER READ
People struggle with being alone because it's boring most times. No more, no less... who wants to do everything alone?!
That's true and fair but even if you are in a relationship there are going to be boring times as well, relationship is not fool proof to that, it just cushions the feeling. Personally I prefer to feel bored by myself, because being bored with someone creates a pressure thinking I'm suppose to be super happy all the time with them, that's not to say I'd prefer that long term, just a perspective
I agree, but that doesn’t necessarily means romantic relationships. It could mean friendships, work partnerships, family, etc. Being around my family instills a wholeness in me! It’s beautiful. Being in the wrong relationship makes you feel lonely
The way I was raised and the way how I've lived most of my life, I've been doing everything alone. I've had no choice. No friends, family or partners holding my hand. Just me and God's grace. The way a man would have to love me is near impossible for most men. They haven't got the emotional intelligence for it.
Well I've never experienced "being alone" as "boring" so...
I’ve always struggled to understand what is self love?? until recently, I’ve always let other peoples words control my life and absorbed it within me. When I should have been the one to acknowledge and listen to myself, I’ve never appreciated and praised myself, my inner child needs me to heal and be nourished
My understanding of self love is about loving my self enough to say No to things I can't tolerate in my partner, establishing boundaries , taking good care of my self ,so the people around me understand and know how to treat me.....
This video is a gem for those who are able to understand what you are saying!
I’am all in my self love journey. As a single child being alone was never a big deal for me, I’am confortable with it I love my own compagnie,I love myself for real, I’am good with myself,I talk to myself every time,I crack jokes to my own self;I cook amazing diners for myself,I buy flowers,books,holidays,chocolat, luxury things for MYSELF. I know my flaws and qualities and work on improving myself. Because of that I have no issue to set clear boundaries on my relationships(family,friends,work,dates)Because people will treat you depending of the way you treat yourself,you value yourself. You teach people how they can treat you period. Let’s be real it’s been a long journey sometimes the struggle is real!Because I’am more align with who I’AM day after day, God sees me, loves me,protect me and will put on my path the man he created for me,amen.
As a single independent woman I’am confortable with my singleness.
That’s being said yes I want a man who will treat me just as I treat myself,who will reciprocate the investissement, the energy, the love.
Sometimes when I come back at my peaceful lovely home I’m like “well it feels good to be at home after this long ass day,but it would be better to share this delicious diner with my love one”. I smile and say to myself “your time will come keep moving”and sometimes,rarely but it happens,I’am frustrated and mad. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Do I fell lonely?yes sometimes and that’s ok and perfectly normal.
God timing ain’t human’s timing I rather be by myself, alone, than being in couple and feeling lonely.
Our time will come, keep faith on God, do the inner work, enjoy yourself, your own company.
God will not give you something you ain’t ready to receive and appreciate, just like he ain’t letting a grown boy messed up your peace.
I’am under God protective custody that’s ok. Good luck to whoever read till the end this long ass paragraph 😅. Wishing you all the best ladies!
Thank you Breeny sending many blessings from Paris😘
Love this
@@sharonkantone9967 me too
Amazing 🤩
I agree with her, fuck self love. Being loved and loving is what is meaningful.
Being loved by God is the most amazing experience. I truly believe God put those feelings in our heart so we can connect with Him
Smh....
Searching for love in all the wrong places. I can't believe Breeny hearted this.
@@aprilwashington3150 I’m shocked as well
@@aprilwashington3150 lol you think breeny believes what she preached in this video ! she is just being politically correct here! in her personal life, she is searching for a good man relentlessly!
“Being with the right person is more important than being in a relationship” 🎯
I am redefining self-love God’s way.
I believe the world can twist the meaning of a lot of things.
I had to learn to truly love myself. My identity was formed through trauma. That trauma created brokenness and I became a product of my environment. That brokenness caused my pain to turn into hatred of myself, so much so that I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. It wasn’t until I truly accepted God into my life I began to love myself. I began to see myself as God sees me. I forgave myself, and found my identity. I pray more people understand that healing, freedom, and being made whole is only found in the One who created us, and choose to love God and allow that love to transform and show you that it’s ok to love yourself the way God sees you.
Build your relationship with God, let Him teach you how to love , and trust that you will be ready to receive the love God sends to you. Be blessed Beautiful Souls! 🤍
Yessss
I love that, praise the Lord!
I’m all for self love especially when it comes to enforcing boundaries in relationships. But I still want a man you know. I’ve seen women who have shitty personalities or lack of self esteem in relationships especially amazing ones. It’s not a crime for me to want a man to love me back. People always say there’s no formula but where is my man? Why can’t I get that chance to experience it?
I agree 100%. If you don't love yourself first before you enter a relationship, it can lead to abuse and dependancy. The bible also says guard your heart which is a form of self love and care.
I am in the same phase of jealousy and comparing myself to other women, it is a new phase, i have never felt that in my twenties, but approaching 35, seeing any pregnant woman can trigger me.. I am not sure about the love of friends and family, i have never been close to my family anyway, my friends have started their own families and we took different roads! I can’t blame anyone for this, which is frustrating! It is what is it, most men I meet are inadequate, it is sickening! All I am trying is to accept loneliness, instead of fighting it! I do not hate myself, but self love is an empty concept to me too!
I resonate with this so much. True love from friends and family is not actually present. Love from a partner is different because we can build love and a life with someone. Don't feel jealousy as those women are not in perfect relationships no matter what it looks like. I put so much effort into creating myself to be a great woman (career, put together appearance, self sufficient, honest and kind) and the men I meet can't even bother to wear clean clothing on dates. I'm also learning to accept loneliness.
Same. And agreed with every word.
I wish people who have a desire to get married get married and see how singleness is a blessing! married people get jealous of single people. I love my husband. I love my marriage but it is a lot of responsibility and suck the life out of you sometimes.
All of this!
But why ? I don’t understand when married people say that. Can you explain? @IIItek
“You were never designed to love yourself first.
You got to love God, and God teaches you to love yourself; by sharing His love for you, with you.”
It hit me deeply. It’s so deep, beautiful and true… ❤️
Thank you for sharing this message and for this great video. 🙏🏾
It took me 34 years to learn this. Self-love and self-worth are the most important things to grasp to be in healthy relationships of any type.
Self love is key it all starts with me when I love myself and have good thoughts of myself and other's. I feel good I vibrate high and i see this mirrored back to me by other's. If I am down on myself feeling low vibe, burnt-out I attract negative situations and things to reaffirm how feel. Self love is not trying to prove yourself and get people to love you that is insecurity. Self love valuing yourself and expecting good things and feeding the mind with positive thoughts and accepting yourself for who you are.
I want to take this conversation one step further. Self love often is a coping mechanism or strategy to trauma. The trauma of never being properly loved, taught our worth, and protected & provided for as a valuable human being.
It's bigger than not having a romantic partner/relationship.
It's the best or maybe only recourse to give yourself what no one else ever has so you don't fall into depression and despair.
Self love to me is also simultaneously an out cry and a way of hiding pain for a lot of us. It's saying, "See, I love me. I'm wonderful. I'm worthy... But, why am I the only one that really loves me? Why can't I find anyone to share their love with me? Share in my self love..." "An It can also say, "I don't feel safe to let anyone close enough to love me. They may not do it right." This needs to be talked about and explored. To many of us, especially women are left to "do it for ourselves". I don't believe this is what self love was meant to be, but it's a lot of what it's become.
Hmmm...that's something worth exploring further.
So true.
Securely-attached people without trauma have very healthy relationships with self-love.
Those other concepts you mentioned sound like Insecure attachment style and Avoidant attachment style.
@@Heyu7her3, 2 things can be true at once. You can love yourself and practice self love while having a poor/improper attachment style. Or you can love yourself and practice self love while having a proper attachment style.
Also, just because someone suffered trauma doesn't mean they don't love themselves nor does it mean they're dealing with poor/improper attachment.
People suffer through traumatic things, events, and situations all the time and yet it doesn't impact them as significant or trauma.
It's all very individual and personal.
I was speaking for a certain type of person. You're speaking for another.
I’ll be honest the more I learned to love myself and do for myself the less and less I really felt like love from a man is as valuable as women make it in their minds. The majority of things women are looking to a man to give them you really can do yourself if you really think about it. I don’t really care if men call me beautiful or are doing something for me personally because I do it for myself so attention from a man is just extra in my mind.
Most of the men that women deal with are not even that amazing but women gush over them doing the bare minimum. I think the issue is women fantasize about romance and love way too much to the point where it becomes a god.
I totally agree, and the half I can attest to because that was recently me.
Sis preach! Women are so obsessed with romance and relationships they idolize it! As a Christian that's actually idolatry. Anyways I had this conversation with my sis this morning and she said exactly what you said. Women have the ability to be by themselves and enjoy their own company but they've put men on the pedestal so high that they start to see them as gods or something. They've conditioned themselves to believe that they must need a man but the thing is humans need each other but why is always women crying all over social media that they need men? You never see men nagging online or in real life about wanting women most of them believe women have nothing to offer hence the question what do you bring to the table. Alot of women dont pedestalize themselves or value themselves enough. when you make yourself a priority a "you're beautiful " from a man means nothing. I tell myself I'm beautiful alot of that times and it makes me feel so confident, because I've dealt with low self esteem in the past so seeing that I love my own self is a win to me. I know I'm beautifully made my God I don't need someone else telling me.
How about different women need different things. Maybe you can be happy with just you but some women can't. I love myself I have no other choice because I wasn't raised with love. However I still want companionship. I want someone to be with me when I experience the beauty of life. That's not alot to ask for and it's nothing to be ashamed of for wanting.
@@Wholelottarosie-lc8ed it's not a lot to ask for but you risk putting your want for companionship in the hands of another human being who you haven't know your whole life. A person who can deceive you and give you an illusion of who they truly are, only to finally reveal themselves as betrayers. Then women feel that there must be something wrong with them because "they can't even get a man to see worth in them enough to treat them right". Wanting companionship in a man and if unsuccessful, creates a feeling of you being somewhat of a failure because you are unable to get just 1 man to WANT to desire an ultimate companion in YOU. Companionship comes in so many forms not just romantic relationships. Even when you get married the romance you speak off declines. Marriage was never even about romance in the past. It's the countless romantic movies and books that has brainwashed you into thinking that companionship must come in a specific package or it's not "true love"
I think it’s also important to know that self love still needs to be practiced even when you finally find that love you’re looking for and even when you’ve found that person who you can do and share life with. Self love is not a means to an end, it’s a practice that should be done all through life, not just while you wait for your person. This is what I’ve learnt in my self love journey
Preach 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Loving yourself is a baseline. When I had really low self esteem I allowed people to mistreat me or speak to me harshly. However, as a baby you had no concept of self love. Someone had to show you affection and attention. The Maslow experiment showed the importance of affection when all the babies died who didn’t receive affection even though they had food and water. But, I also think love is all around us, but we want a specific type of love and don’t appreciate the love given to us by those already in our lives. The times I feel lonely, I had people I could just call or who would be glad to see me. But we get so fixated on romantic love because it’s not the relationship we want but we want to distract ourselves from something deeper. Sometimes it’s feelings of inadequacy or just a void or emptiness. But, I know plenty of people who have the career, kids, family, and it’s still not enough because that self love and gratitude is missing. Comparison is a thief of joy.
well saiddddd !!
Attachment theory and codependency
I do reject other forms of love, and I don’t give a shit. I don’t want anyone’s love if they can’t give me what I want. And what I want, ALL I’ve ever wanted, is to have my own family. If someone can’t give me that, their love is fucking worthless and it’s a waste of fucking time to hang out with them. It’s all just a fucking distraction, everything you could possibly do outside of a romantic relationship. You’re just distracting yourself from the fact that nobody wants you. You can twist it however you want to but that’s reality. You’re lying to yourself and somehow succeeding. Good for you. But don’t act like you’ve found the answer to life. You’re just as fucking empty and lost and undesirable as the rest of us, or you wouldn’t be here. Some people were not meant to be born, and that is why they never experience love-because as beings who exist by mistake, there is no love out there for them. I’m one of those people and I accept that. Don’t lie to me and tell me that loving myself will make others love me. I was supposed to die at childbirth, there is nobody out there for me.
Great point about love languages! Self love allows you to understand your own love language & can help you understand how to love another person in the best way. Even when you’re in a relationship, it’s still important to keep practicing self love and self care. When my wife and I stop taking care of ourselves, it definitely affects how well we can love and be there for each other
Thanks for this video. I used to cry myself to sleep when I felt lonely. I later started listening to gospel music that elevates my spirit and from there I start praying. I allowed myself to be consumed by people's negative opinion of me especially men. I grew into listening to sermons as well and reading the bible when I can. I'm not there yet but I thank God for growth and I'm better than where I was.
AMEN
Glad to read this, hope you're doing better today
THISSSSS! 👏🏽 Self Love Habits and Self Care are completely different. The best self love habit is ongoing healing and reflection. That craving of external love/validation could be based on a lack of love or understanding of what relationship love looks like (absent parent, not witnessing romantic love, no love from parents) so self love is a journey of implementing self love habits so we can truly appreciate and RECEIVE love when it does show up.
I wish we knew to girl's age bc that would explain a lot.
She doesn't fully understand what self-love is. If she did, such a letter would have never surfaced from her soul (and that's okay) because it gives an opportunity to learn what self-love really means. When you learn YOU-ARE-ENOUGH, you don't yearn for another person to fill your empty space(s) because it's already filled.
People are confusing "Love" with other people's relationship highlight reel shared on social media or what's displayed as "love" in movies.
THAT'S NOT LOVE, that's companionship, entertainment, acting, even lying to cover up the dysfunction going on behind the scene.
Just say you want someone to enjoy life with (cuddle on couch, go out to dinner, attend functions, have sex with, etc...) You want to emulate what you see displayed on television and social media. Little do u know, IT'S - ALL - FAKE lol...
That is not everyday actuality! I'm 47, never married, and no children. I've had relationships and enjoyed them while they lasted BUT, I enjoy my single life more #Peace #NoDrama #DoWhatIWant without having to consult a partner.
I think we want fulfillment which we think we can find in another person or by being with a person and it's not true.
My advice to everyone, Go And Live "YOUR" Best Life and stop waiting for someone to come and fulfill you. That's a personal responsibility that you can only give yourself. 💯
P.s.
Celibacy is hard, but being someone's booty call just isn't an option for me 🙅
✌💕💃😊
This pushed me to be open and honest about my desires. As a long time single I feel so much shame for still wanting love that I hid my desire because I haven’t found love yet and often wonder if I will. There’s no shame in wanting to be loved by someone else and letting that be known. Self love is where it starts but not where the love journey ends. We are created for connection and love. 💜
As a perpetual single, I have a hard time discerning whether I want a romantic relationship because
A) I'm trying to prove to others + to myself that I'm capable of romantic love, OR
B) I actually want romantic love.
Because *men are trash,* I feel like I'm going to be single foreve. But it confused me when I do get emotional about the thought because I don't know the true reason for my emotional response.
It's another level when you're genuinely loving yourself and not waiting for someone or others to love you. The energy you emit from genuinely loving yourself will draw your ideal partner and your tribe aswell as your life purpose (if you haven't found it yet). And lets not forget, some relationships (romantic or friendships) are meant to be temporary (lessons to be learnt or taught) .
Self love works because it heals u you are a powerful being it makes u more powerful
agreed 💯
As a person with no famiky or friends. It's to hard to just LOVE yourself it gets old asf . Im actually tired of hearing about it. eventually you wish you had love from family friends or a partner . It's a cold world out here no one will ever love like your family does if your lucky to have one. I will be ending my existence soon 💜
First you have to move yourself by setting boundaries and then you stand up for yourself via communication with people who test your boundaries and you let then know this is not an acceptable way to treat you and then you move forward and accomplish your goals.
The loneliness epidemic is because everyone is searching outside of themselves for what can only be found by nurturing it within ourselves.
I recommend everyone watch as many videos as they can on self-love, read as many books as they can on self-love, do as many workbooks as they can on self-love. Then and only then will they be able to understand what you're saying Breeny.
They have to adjust that internal dialogue. For example when you mentioned you sitting on the balcony watching the sunset. You 'THOUGHT' it would be better if you had a man there with you to share that moment. Why? Where did that 'thought' come from??? Why wasn't that moment with you and the creator enough??? You and others would have to explore that internal dialogue within yourself.
I LOVE.........going to the boardwalk in Chesapeake Maryland with my smoothie or breakfast and watch the sunrise. It's so peaceful and I feel so connected with the devine. No man can replace that! No one to be exact! No one!
I've shared these moments with friends, family and romantic partners before but it just doesn't compare to the one-on-one relationship with me and The Most High 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💪💪💪💪💪💯💯💯💯💯
This! I put off watching this video because I didn't think I was ready to hear the message. After watching, I had to comment. What stuck with me was the fact that a lot of us seek out romantic love because we don't get other forms of love elsewhere.
I believe some women sought out marriage (and even motherhood) to make up for the fact that they have no close familial ties or true friendships (or sisterhood) with other women. The stigma of being a single woman in modern society doesn't help, either.
I also think part of the reason we as women lean so much into self-love is because we've seen and heard stories of the alternative: putting all your love and time into just the other person in a romantic relationship--and it's not reciprocated at all or to the degree that we give it. So the logical conclusion (to us) is, "If I’m going to love someone hard and passionately, it might as well be ME!"
Why? Because we know we do so,much for the people we love. When we do for ourselves, at least it's not time and investment wasted, especially when self-love puts us in a better place than where we were before; and what woman doesn't want to do and become more than what she was before? Just some thoughts.
You hit the nail on the head. There is love that exists from God, friends, family, yourself, and romantic partners! This is what I reminded myself of a few days when I was feeling jealous. And btw, sometimes when we get jealous of others relationships we think they are perfect, when truly we have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.
Having Jesus in your heart is key to self love.
Oh the verse just came to me , Jesus said love your neighbour as yourself that your joy may be full. Start loving others and stop focusing just on yourself, Jesus said thats where the fullness of joy is . But if you are talking about romantic love Jesus said first seek the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added. If you are doing all the above then just be patient or ask God if its his will that you have a partner. The bible says Eunuchs' and unmarried women is something some people have been destined for, but God gives you the desire of your heart too.
9:00 Yes!
Breeny you said so much in this video that resonates with me...it's mind blowing. Too many women don't understand the concept of self love and how we speak to ourselves affects our day to day lives. I used to be a group leader for a body acceptamce group for women. I would guesstimate 90% did not know how to accept a compliment. Partly because they rarely received them, but also because they didn't feel worthy.
Especially Black women, it takes a lot to look at ourselves and TRULY love who we are. Forget the facade so many of us put up about being strong and independent, when we aren't. We compare ourselves to White women. If we have dark skin we compare ourselves to lighter skin/biracial women. If our hair is short and kinky, we see long flowing hair and covet it. The color of our eyes, whiteness of our teeth, size of our lips, nose, thighs....we constantly compare how we look vs other women.
As you said Breeny, even if and when we truly embrace self love, and are happy spending time with ourselves, that does not mean moments of loneliness won't creep in. It is not a sign of weakness to admit we are lonely at times. I don't have to have a man, but Lord knows I want one.
I date when I crave to hear a male voice on the phone or want a man sitting across from me at dinner. However because I know I love myself and don't want to settle, I am fine being alone until the right man enters my life. We must all stop labeling moments of loneliness, depression as being vulnerable. We are simply human. To not feel those emotions at times would make us abnormal. Humans need touch, companionship and validation.
Wonderful video and topic as usual Breeny.😘
FACTS!!
“Being with the right person is more important that being in a relationship” wow!
Hey guys, please watch the video before you say anything. She is not discrediting self-love and it’s importantance in your life. It’s more about worth and accepting all types of love 💕
You hit the nail on the head. Any love starts with self. In the pursuit to obtaining my Bachelors degree in 2017 I was given an assignment where I had to develop a mission statement for my life. It had to be a statement that would carry me each day of my life and reflect how I wanted to show up in the world. After taking a few weeks to develop this statement this is what I came with "To live each day better than the day before, reminding myself to be kind and gentle with myself and others; fostering and promoting change within others, seeing the good in all living things while preparing to deal with all challenges and obstacles gracefully". This is my mission for my life which allows me to show up as an authentic me. Now it's not easy but it's worth the effort and when I have those days that I want to say F this shit, I gently remind myself of my mission and purpose. I hope this helps some one.
Breeny it's me from insta who brought this topic up with the crazy turquoise hair I love to hear this. Watching now. Self love as I said before has often been a coping mechanism as a way to deflect from the obvious. It's a trauma tactic in ways from not accepting that we have not been loved the way we desired by friends, family, and relationships. It kind of coincidences with the "strong black woman" or "independent" trop, and quite frankly I'm over it. I mean can getting your hair and quoting daily scriptures really take away from a man cheating on you and the stress induced pain that comes with it? I'll just luxury bag it away and sephora shopping spree my way to avoid facing the truth. I want my man to love me and not end me over. I just want real friends. Self love Is a hoax! I'm not going to Applebee's alone anymore eff that!
Self love can come in any form that makes sense to the individual in question. But also know that self love doesn't just stop at taking a bubble bath or indulging in shopping sprees, it also lies deep within you. In those darker corners of your mind that you dare not look too closely at. Self love mean to heal yourself on all levels eventhough most people stop at the surface. It can be hard and painful and so some people avoid it and just all around ignore it but if you can push through it you will learn what it means to love yourself and feel loved even when you don't have someone to love you.
Valid points were made, Breeny you articulated this perfectly
I totally get what that lady means - the self love journey is tiring sometimes, let's not lie
If you’re still yearning outside love, you’re not ready. Period. When you find real love within yourself and connect with God you’ll attract people who want to love you and who are obsessed with you without even trying. Heal 🖤
I hear this and understand this. While I agree, we are created to be LOVED by someone else romantically.
I love this video and I'm so glad you made it. You're the only person I'll really listen to about this subject.
Honesty Breeny you're absolutely right ✅️ I've been in and out of this feeling for a while now. I love and accept myself completely but I still have that yearning for a partnership for my life. This was right on time for me 🙏🏾❤️
Such a vulnerable moment with breeny
I love you Lady
This is one of your best videos. It’s raw, it’s honest and it’s authentic. You’re speaking from the heart and the words are so true. There’s no bs or things that just sound good but don’t have real practical substance. Amazing Breeny. 👌🏻
Love is what you give and receive from others. Self love is just a way that people who lack love cope.
I have been learning that it is actually okay to be lonely. For me I have been learning to tell God that I am lonely and why I am lonely in detail. Sometimes a good honest cry in front of the throne of grace is the best. I often contrast how I feel or the things that I am experiencing with God’s promises for His children and what He says.
I know what my heritage in Christ is, but Lord I feel weak, I feel lonely, I feel poor, I don’t feel like I am more than a conqueror, the head, loved, or valuable. Holy Spirit help me believe, and live in your promises and truth about me.
I have learned to be honest with God. And tell him what I feel and where I am instead of what I think I should feel, or should be, or what he wants to hear (I used to try to protect Jesus from my real thoughts and feelings).
I once watched a sermon that said you telling God where you are does not mean He is unaware of your location. It means YOU have come to an agreement of the truth of where you are. And from there He can start guiding you to where He desires for you to be.
And also Ephesians reminds us that love actually comes through a revelation. And to pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal to us how wide, deep, high God’s love is for us.
You were so right. As a society we don’t know what love is or even how to love.
And that scripture gave me comfort.
Bottom line (for me) is talk to God with 100% honesty, pray about everything. Because it turns out He cares about every tiny detail about you. I tell people all the time that I pray for my nails. And one day my sister was like “why would you bother God with that?” And I said it is because my nails are important to me. Needless to say I have pretty and strong nails. In place of the weak ones I once had {little miracles haha☺️}.
Thank you for this lovely video.
I truly hope for open hearts and open minds so that your messages are received to the fullest. 🙏🏾
I love how beautiful your home is. How beautiful you are. You are truly an inspiration.
You’re so right. I feel like self love temporarily works until you start craving comfort in other people again. It’s not a bad thing to want love from other people and I used to think it was.
The relatable content I needed ❤️
Self love has to be a priority in or out of a relationship. Speaking from experience even if someone else loves you demonstrative they won't be able to do it all day long every moment of the day and you won't be able to receive it if it isn't an inherent belief that you are worthy.
Thank you for being vulnerable!!
We barely have influencers and motivational speakers that are genuinely vulnerable.
Thank you for being authentic!
Breeny and her videos always comes at the right times!! Thank you I needed this 💜
Your message is always right on time. ❤️ The self love break down was just what I needed, “Self Love” in today’s society is so toxic. Love isn’t supposed to be hard or puffed up and honestly I want to be a soft and loving person. To achieve that it’s definitely by looking to our creator as you said especially since he is love. I really appreciate who you are and your journey that led you here to help other women dealing with similar emotions and ideas. 💕
I love this... I cannot even point out a specific part. Just all of it. Amazing ❤️ Thank you
So spot on, thank you Breeny ❤️
This defo is a deep subject, and thank you Breeny Lee for opening yourself up to us so bravely and willingly! We got it good 😊 So many of us feel lonely whilst discovering what self-love is but it’s good to know I’m not the only one! Love ya’ll! ❤️😘✌🏽
Literally, the beauty of the elegance is the way you speak, explaining everything that is beautiful about you. I am an Arab girl. But I want to be like you, a successful girl in his life, but every time I shed a tear because of this, I want to achieve something. I will hear every letter you say 🦋💙
This was beautiful and perfect. Thank you for this. ❤️
thank you for real, honest, calm and lovely speech💕
i really resonate with the part where you said we crave romantic relationships because our needs are not being met from the other types of love from our friends and family. I know my friends and family probably love me but i just don't feel it. I don't feel the closeness at all. I don't get touch from them either and my love language is physical touch.
It also sucks that i don't get to see my friends much because everyone is busy hustling and just trying to survive this messy capitalistic society. I think capitalism is really the cause for our lack of community and separateness
but anyways i still believe that one day i will be able to be feel like i am a part of a community and my soulmate will also find me. I'll never give up on love.
Thank you for this message. i felt like I was trying to love myself in order to get love from others. This was helpful and changed my perspective. Now I'm going to try really doing this for me
Always appreciate your wisdom Breeny ❤️ my love language is words of affirmation and so from young on even now at almost 19, I still notice myself needing compliments or approval others for me to feel worthy I guess, and I'm doing my best to heal but I still struggle with the approval of people, so videos like this encourage me and I want to be loved and I also want to love myself too. Slowly I'm getting there, so thanks again Breeny, love you ❤️
I think we need both.
How Breeny became so enlightened….is beyond amazing!!!
Thank you. please never stop making videos.
Enjoyed watching this video and self love can mean different things to different people, no one can teach you how to live yourself, you shared so many truths in this video honestly. You have to learn to be happy by yourself and fully accept yourself. Thanks for sharing this 🌹♥️
This is the most beautiful way I have heard self loved explained💖 to many people focus on the superficial aspects of self love it is much to often misconstrued. I personally have dealt with feeling like self love is a hoax but this really reminded me of the deeper more important meaning of it all.
This video speaks volumes 💖💖💕💕
Thank you Breeny, you are spot on. Even with a man you can become lonely as well, depends on what’s happening in life. But I have come to realize that feelings of loneliness come to inform me that I am not filling up my loving capacity. Something I tried is to reach out to others who may need intimacy such as an older person or have scheduled Time with kids. I think its hardest when you are expecting that male and waiting and it doesn’t come or it comes just not in the package you expect. I like your vibe it reminds me of the saying bloom where you are planted . I could sense a bit of sadness or disappointment in your voice but just know the love you put out I pray you are allowed to fully feel every bit of it back to you.
Self love is embracing the shadow self
What I’ve learned about self-love is making good decisions for myself. They normally hurt and feel very uncomfortable at the time but later I know those decisions came from a true place of self-love as they made my life better in the long run. Not easy but necessary. Thank you for your talks, they put a pep in my step ❤
Thank you for saying what I've been thinking about for the past month.
This video was so necessary. Thank you for sharing this message 💕
Girl thanks so much for this video, it literally made me get so emotional because you spoke to the feelings I have been battling with. I prioritize and treat myself well and enjoy my own company but I’m just at that point now where I would like to be loved by a man. Family and friends are absolutely lovely but they for sure do not fill the void I feel when I’m home alone and enjoying a moment that I feel would be perfect if shared with a partner. This video allows me to feel less alone and that other people have the same feeling I’m experiencing.👌
The way you love yourself is how others will show their love to you!
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Im so glad you talked about this.. I thought I was the only one. I am not afraid to admit that I want to be loved. ❤️
I appreciate the honesty, vulnerability and transparency. Its what's lacking these days, the superhuman facade is superficial and temporary. The sooner we realize, the better, we were not created to be in a vacuum.
I love Breeny videos and her accent ❤️ In order to love someone else. We have to love ourselves first.
I really loves your perspective on this very honest and practical
God speaks through you with the harsh realities! Thanks for sharing 💕
I think Self love is a life long journey
thank you so much breeny♥️✨
I literally needed this! Thank you!❤️
This video is RIGHT ON TIME xoxo thank you ❤️ LOADED commentary hunny!
This Quote is my screensaver - SELF -LOVE is a constant choice. It's not a magical feeling that appears to you one day. It's a commitment to your boundaries, well-being, mental and emotional health, and body.
Breeny u look amazing💛🖤
breeny is just so beautiful
I relate soo much because you have to love yourself first which is true then when you finally get there after all the work, there comes a time when you want to be loved and not just self-love. Great video 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾