The reality is that narcissists do not really get away with everything. As they are unable to foster genuine caring relationships with people, they will over time end up more and more lonely, their children reaching adulthood will gradually want to spend less and less time with them, and they will grow old, bitter and alone and hate the world for not recognizing how great they are, wallowing in self-pity.
Yes, it's always other peoples' fault for abandoning them. Then they smear the target(s) to the fake friends, flying monkeys at how much they did for you, they don't know what our problem is because they want to have a relationship and we keep pushing them away. There's nothing like this on our planet.
You are an optimist. 26,000 men commit suicide as a result of the capricious action of malicious women. These men and their families will never see justice. Salem witch burnings is what we need to deal with feminism.
We all learn from it. It won't last forever with us. I moved on have a new family only my 1 daughters mom is like this. These kids become adults and then we can deal directly with the adult child and the mother will be salty she has 0 power.
Very important point. Material things and money don't matter in the long run. I have nothing in terms of material possessions, he makes tons of money and all of the parenting falls on me. But I am free from him and my life is significantly better than it ever was with him.
This video helped me immeasurably today. Thank you SO much! What my narc has gotten away with would make your jaw drop. Thank you for your comments here.
yes yes yes..everything you said resonated with me...when I sit with my checkbook and write bills or my kids say they need money for this school trip or project, when I'm sick and have to do everything on the house, get the car inspected...all triggers...you have to think and catch the thoughts..recognize why your thinking what you are and yes realizing its hard but so much better...I look at my ex narc like a 2 year old, they get away with things Bc I'm the "parent" them the child..on a lighter note, one thing that has drawn some humor is in my phone contacts I have for his contact photo a baby's body with his head on it so when he spills and vomits his verbal aggression on me I'm less impacted and makes it easier to ignore and not engage, great video!
That is nice Lisa with the baby's body and head - I've made a video about doing stuff like that before to minimize the cptsd that we get when their names/faces pop up (or we see them drive by). It really is pervasive how much they are intertwined in our lives.
There is a reason they call it "COVERT." Your abuser knows that it's "HIDDEN ABUSE." That is why documentation is so important because it will establish a "PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR." (Drama does not come out of nowhere... it is manufactured by "sick people" who are trying to get supply!) Document EXACTLY what they "SAY." (record your phone calls) Document all the times you've felt triggered. Document what the kids are saying. Keep all this private! You are dealing with a sadist who is deliberately trying to destroy you because it give them negative-sadistic supply. Build your case against them because they are going to build one against you. This is why you need to document everything they do toward you.
Amen. The biggest gift I received was finally understanding that the primary cause of the marital strife was not your fault, that there was never going to be any chance for a healthy relationship. The marriage was doomed from day one. This gift came to me after my wife lured me back after she discarded me over 2 years ago. I fell into a serious depression, but slowly began to recover, but without any understanding or closure. But after taking her back, the following two years allowed me to finally discover the truth, because the cycle of abuse escalated to the point that I could not take anymore. And toward the end I started confiding to friends and support groups. This is when I was told by many, you might be dealing with a covert narcissist and gaslighting. I read a lot on these things, watched videos, and it was an awakening. So my gift is that I finally understand the reason for all the chaos. The cloud of confusion has dissipated. Everything finally makes sense. And knowing this is a gift that allows me a chance to get the help I need to love myself enough to avoid falling prey to this in the future.
Never trust them. Make sure to document everything. Learn to respond and stop reacting to them. They set-you-up purposely to "look" like the "difficult" one. Keep interactions as brief as possible.
Thank you for understanding! It took hours to write that text and I almost didnt send, but I'm glad I did. I have been holding this in for so long, and didnt feel like anyone could ever understand. Thank you.
I’m glad you sent it Mitchell, it can feel so isolating and lonely when we are going through. Most of the time people we probably know do not have any concept of narcissistic abuse and just can’t really understand or relate to what we are going through. Without validation it can actually make things worse because you can start to feel like you’re going crazy. Your situation, with it being family, makes it even harder because people just can’t comprehend that things that like really happen. -Duane
I think the reason some many narcissist get away with their criminal activity is because non of the victims pursue action against them, they treat them like they are scared shrines. It's pretty pathetic to say these folks are evil and do evil things and all folks who get destroyed by them talk karma. It's a shame people don't fight back. That's essentially why they were targeted, is my opinion.
Thank you Duane. Your videos help me keep things in perspective whenever I fall back and doubt myself. I have been recovering from this last one for exactly one year and although most of the pain and confusion has subsided I sometimes have to come back and remind myself . It is a lengthy process and it's incredible the amount of people coming together and speaking out and supporting each other. I would have never gotten through this otherwise. We are very lucky in this day and age
John you are so correct - I couldn't imagine going through this before TH-cam (and all these channels) trying to figure out what was going on. The simple fact that this information is out there ready to be re-watched when needed is great. I can remember in the early stages of this binge watching videos from other channels (Richard Grannon mainly in my situation) and I would just put the video on repeat (or I'd pull the video and extract the audio) and just consume it over-and-over-and-over again just trying to force my brain to *see what was real*. Honestly John the idea that my channel is doing for you what Richard's channel did for me is very humbling. (I completely realize you're more than likely watching other channels as well but to be apart of your recovery process is what I'm talking about). I waited until I didn't *need* to keep doing that and felt that I was on the right path and had something to offer before I decided to even start this channel. In the end we can be our own worst enemies on this when the self doubt starts to creep up. Are they *really* a narcissist? Am I being to sensitive? Well, I've done some of the same things too so maybe I'm the narcissist? Narcissists don't *know* that they are so I could be one and not know it right? I'm sure you experienced those and probably a bunch of others. I know I sure did and those doubts can drive you crazy an derail ALL of your progress. John you're on the right path, you're learning and getting better. Do what you need to do to keep that momentum going and you'll definitely get through this! And hopefully, someday, you'll be the life line for someone you know or meet! -Duane
I whatch your videos a lot and it really helps me. I was hurt by my ex wife👭💔 who stole large amount of money💲, cheated on me with other men and women, gave me STDs😪. I am trying to overcome the confussion and sadness she caused in my mind and heart. I wanna get stronger mentally. And your videos are so great! Thank you for recording them🙏🏻👍👍👍❤
I really think the key in any narc relationship is to try to recognize red flags early, cut losses early. The longer the toxic relationship goes, the worse the damage. Obviously tricky when dealing with a woman and especially with kids involved.
They are not getting away with anything. You have to speak to the one ☝🏾 who can do something about it. I’ve seen every narc in my life that set out to do harm to me go down in flames 🔥. I call on the Lord. It may have taken a year but it happened. Vengeance is mine says the Lord. My husband taught this to a friend praying and calling on the Lord and documenting incidents and his friend won custody of his daughter. The Lord works. Amen 🙏🏾 He scriptures are correct but you have to have the faith of the mustard seed and say mountain move. Get thee behind me Satan.
Hi HeavyMetalPedal, yeah this one of the really big hurdles we have to overcome. Because of their lack of guilt, empathy and conscious they can just bounce right back up and keep moving. After a while you realize that holding on to that bitterness about them *getting away with everything* is really holding you back. That is when you start to change your perspective - it took me a couple years to work through that myself. -Duane
Must say how amazing person you are and how you realy open my eyes about this people if that is realy what they are. l begin to cope with their dinamics and start putting my being first. She destroyed my loving fathership and take the kids under her wings. But l now they suffer because true love is been taking away from them. So man you are balsam to my wounds. God bless you!
Hi Romario and welcome to the channel! I'm glad to hear that the videos/channel are helpful. It is really difficult when we are alone and isolated not truly understanding what is going on. Once you start to figure it out then their actions and tactics make sense. Well - I mean you understand they are damaged and these are the tactics they use. Just as an alcoholic is going to abuse alcohol a narcissist is going to manipulate and abuse your emotions. Romario just do everything you can to keep your environment as calm and chaos free and focus on your children when you have them! -Duane
These narcissists and sociopaths seem like they are getting away with it and that's why it's so frustrating. Your situation sounds a lot like mine. Why aren't they being held accountable? And how do I get an attorney? This has been making my life a living hell
I have a theory that the so called "justice" system is a joke made up by Narcissists for the advantage of Narcissists. If you're a normal and genuine human being, in most cases you just don't stand a chance, especially in the accountability department - seems like such a smooth ride for them. Just remember that they won't get away with their facade forever...they ALWAYS cave in on themselves.
Sometimes what helps me is knowing my concience is clear knowing Im doing my part and not descending to thier level. When they lie, manipulate and get revengeful that is thier choice and they'll have to answer to God for that. He is the ultimate Judge
I am grateful for you taking your time and helping others, that are in the same situation. I believe this is probably why we go through this,to help others and ourselves. This is the upside to our problems. They may get away with it, but in the end they are left without. I believe that the justice is that you grow into a better, stronger, person and they stay stuck in their own self deprecating cycle. They always blame someone therefore they never realize they are creating the problem. I am trying to learn as much as I can. I sincerely thank you.
It do seem like they don't get punished for their b.s. but, in the back of my mind there is still hope because that friend called KARMA doesn't forget what they have done.
Dude! First off I hope you are doing well! And thank you for posting. You might already know this but the "mother" narcissist wants to BREED narcissism , theres no doubt in my mind that you're taking good care of your kids! I just know this and have seen it so I wanted to add it... Haven't seen all your videos, but want to share the knowledge and love ASAP! In my case my father is the narcissist, but unfortunately alot of us -as Im sure a lot of us survivors know! We get into MULTIPLE relationships with these kind of people! Not just romantic ones! And unfortunately and it IS tragic and disgusting the "female" wants to actually "BREED" this sickness. Sending you loads of positive, and again! Thank you for posting and educating! My hope is that we can educate people about these things BEFORE! they have to go through the abuse! Lots of love and positive to all you survivors out there!
I am No Contact with narcissistic ex-husband and am no longer in love with him. I do think that I was crushed and thrown away like an old soda can. When I do think of him, I think of him as being surrounded by family members who are at his beck and call to attend to his every need. I also think that the main focus of his life is recruiting and expanding a harem of women who also are happy to attend to his every need.
Thanks Duane. We have a responsibility to try and live the best life possible. Meditation does help let go of the charge and “the pocket of stress” may never disappear but we can look at it and have compassion. I agree with some of the other comments: it’s exhausting to live with this level of posturing and not being genuine. Hence I do agree that narcissistic people are not really happy. They really have no serenity and do not really attract people who nurture them or even help them grow. They live in a transactional world, impersonal and impervious. After they no longer have any leverage all they do is talk to whoever listens about how wronged and abused they have been.
Hello! I want to thank you for sharing your experiences, I have learned so much from watching your videos. I'm not sure if you can help me, but I thought, if I could just explain the situation to someone who understands, that I would feel better. And having a fresh perspective is always a good thing. My narc stepdad died last year having given my 'golden child' sister POA. She didn't waste any time stepping into his shoes and assuming her narc powers. For example, when I asked her what my stepdad's financial situation was, I was told it was none of my business. She did eventually give me my copy of the will. I knew the house was mortgaged and that there is lots of credit card debt. My mother however, has a savings account, which I feel should be used to take care of her. Or it could be used to pay the credit card debt off, or maybe even finish making repairs to the house, things like taking the 100 year old furnace out and putting in one that works. After that, mom would be eligible for assistance from the state. Right now, she isn't eligible for anything even though she is in her 80's, has Alzeimers and needs constant care. My sister has the POA and her name is on my moms bank account. She refuses to spend any of the money to take care of my mom. Even though my sister has accused me of trying to kill her and my mom, she wants us to take turns watching my mom. Not only that, if something comes up and I am unable to take my turn, I am expected to pay for a caretaker, even though I have a limited income. I believe my sister would be estatic if I moved in with my mother. I could help pay the bills, while taking care of my mom full time. Not only that, she would then be in total control of both of us. I don't think that would be a good idea, because she keeps trying to set me up and has been/is smearing me. I am so done with the situation! I've gone no contact on my sister, but that also means no contact with my mom. I miss spending time with her. I love my mother and I believe its my duty to help take care of her. I don't know what to do. I'm sure there is a better way of handling the situation, but I haven't been able to figure it out. Do you have any suggestions? Any help you could give me would be appreciated! Thanks again for everything!
Hi Mitchell I’m sorry you’re going through that. The level of chaos and destruction these people are capable of is just overwhelming. The problem is there is nothing you are really going to be able to do to make your sister act like a human with compassion and empathy. You already know this. Most of the time they really leave us with bad choices or double binds. Now you’re left with the question of what to do. It really is going to depend on what you can endure. You obviously care and miss your mother and if that “is enough” to trump all the chaos from your sister then that’s what you do. However if being in the midst of the situation knowing you are being manipulated and used by her - if that is too much to endure then you continue *no contact*. The problem with these type of situations, or choices, is that you’re the only one who really knows what you can do and what you can’t do. But we are a lot stronger then we think. I say that because there were times, especially in the first few years of this, where I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue or endure. I was able to keep hanging on. It’s not easy - heck it’s still not easy today - but I’ve found “my” grove on this and have been able to make it work. But I’m telling you had my relationship with the kids soured (or soured more) I’m not sure if I would have been able to do it. The difficulty in your situation is that with Alzheimers you don’t necessarily get “the positive” of the relationship and that coupled with a narcissistic abusive POA sister is a pretty bad mix. With that being the case (if that is the case) then continuing no contact might be the only way to ensure your own sanity and ability to survive this nightmare. I know that doesn’t really give you a definitive answer but maybe it will help you step back and have an objective look at your situation. -Duane
Exactly like that. I need to focus on how much life has improved despite the hell I have been through but can handle better and better for each day. Every day of no contact is a day to celebrate!
Dad Surviving Divorce it's really really hard. The more broken down you have been the longer is the journey back. It's a life changing experience indeed.
That is the truth Therese! That is a good example as to why our "journey" back from the brink is so long and complicated. I am always grateful that I have been free from the illusion for the last 5 1/2 years. It makes me cringe to think I could still be living in that nightmare. -Duane
Thank you, Duane for sharing tips, thoughts that help other people. You have been throgh s-o difficult times, and now you are sharing helpful tips for others. Respect! God bless you with All The Best.
They do get away with what they do for now (I'm amazed at what they get away with), but their life will never be happy because they are dead inside. When you watch them grow older, they become sad people, they have no self respect or joy in themselves to sustain them.
Loch121 a disordered person can not live a best life because it isn’t genuine and it’s not real. Sure she can have the facade of a good life and she is more than likely doing to the new husband what she did with you. Patterns generally repeat. I hope you get to spend time with your child and that she hasn’t ruined your relationship with them.
You were in love with a child...was an adult...but a child and then you decide you don't want to be with a child, but you signed up for it and now need to unsign and just deal with it. What power over you?
I've had to let go of my relationships with my oldest boys because of this. They started parroting what he said. The thing is though, they are not narcissist. So when I confronted them with the lies they are telling, they actually started to change their attitude and actually thought about what they were saying and whether it made sense. Previously, I had been trying to convince them that I wasn't as bad as they were saying, and they were always trying to prove me wrong. Let go of the outcome of your relationships with others and confront them as to what they are saying. If they are accusing you of the NPD's lies, they are also using the NPD projection, but because it doesn;t belong to them, they can't defend them.
He sucked everything from me! Im still in hopes someway I can pull up to visit the kids in a NEW CAR or something. He is VERY COMPETITIVE and it DOES eat him up when I do better! They want you destroyed when you hurt them!
God bless you .there is not any prayer i havent prayed for him to pay for what he have done to me and my kid. He left me in crisis never supported me fincialy or with anything i do everything my self dropping picking taking the kid to doc you name it and that is overwhelming .he made my life a living hell while his having a good time and traveling with some women and im here struggling . but God takes forever to answer a prayer and i dont know how karma work but yes like you said its best to move on
I just found out my ex wife told a woman’s aid group I was mentally abusing her so that they would help her find a house when our marriage broke down. The group wanted social services to take my daughter from me after my ex left. My ex apparently told them I wasn’t abusive to our daughter just her. Same thing had been said to mutual friends. I just found this out 3 years on and I’m really angry and hurt. Tempted to take action against her for slander and abusing a system to help genuine cases of abuse get out of that situation. At the same time I’m thinking I should just let it go as I am not mentally prepared to go through that kind of shit storm. Plus I don’t want my daughter to witness how nasty things could become because of this.
They try to make people who are onto them and they know it believe that they can get away with anything to maintain their control. The truth is that narcissism takes a lot more of a toll on the narcissist's mental functioning and a toll on their body while being determined to stay in full control of others. Sometimes those who have to work harder and longer every day for years longer than ever planned for while having to learn greater self discipline to not ruminate on their resentments than most end up living a lot longer with a better quality of life in their later years than many of those who seem to be at first being able to get away with anything.
Hi Duane! I have a lot to say about this, but for the moment I'll keep it short and sweet because I am still in the middle of a court battle and I think I'm being stalked here. Yes, you can and do start to get there. Until you have to get back into a legal battle and it all comes flooding back. Now, I will say that I don't get AS triggered and upset as I used to, mostly because I expect it. However, that being said, believe me, when you are back in the trenches, doing hand to hand combat it's very difficult to NOT feel this way. Maybe you have forgotten how much they do get away with. I know I sure had. Anyway, I agree with you for the most part, and I do know that once this court stuff is over, I will be be able to just go back to "normal everyday aggravation" about the shenanigans, but right now it's really really overt and it is hard not to get frustrated.
I can definitely relate to that MaryLee - when I was notified that she had petitioned to take 100% of the retirement savings (there was an error in the court order and technically the paperwork said she was supposed to get it). It brought *EVERYTHING* crashing back down around me. I nearly broke - actually I did break - luckily Debby was able to bring me back from the brink on it and ultimately after a year of attorneys going back and forth we "settled" for what she was basically entitled too (maybe a little bit more). But it brought everything back. It is good to hear that you weren't triggered as badly as before - so that's progress right! Thank you for clarifying this AND giving me an opportunity to share/clarify my experience. When I made the video I wasn't thinking about the *new* court crap - just the normal things they get away with. -Duane
Dad Surviving Divorce , Thanks for replying. As I re read my comment,I realize I came across as a bit snarky and for that I apologize and didn't mean it. The current shenanigans include his refusal to get required docs into his attorney. He has had 3 months. I am filing a motion to compel but they stall saying they want to settle, but wont ever come back with the offer. I know its a stall tactic. There is a whole steamship full of their lies, perjured docs, etc... that is also gumming up the works and yet, he is getting away with it. Anyhow, I'm saying too much. I really wanted to just apologize for my attitude. I know that once I'm past this It will be better, but right now it's DAILY and aggravated. Thanks for your great channel. I am a real fan and watch every new one.
MaryLee absolutely no worries here - I completely understand and I didn't take any offense with your comment so no reason to apologize. This is a huge balancing act in our situation and even for me with all of you guys. I haven't lost the fact that if someone said the same thing to me I say sometimes I wouldn't take it well or it would trigger me (there are times that Debby does it by accident). I'm glad that you were able to comment and give me an opportunity to clarify what I was talking about - I think the discussion is very positive and helpful for anyone else reading it. My hope is that the channel *helps* people get through their mess (and sometimes just the day). Honestly sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this but it really is all about helping - sometimes it feels like I'm helping myself back during those dark days if that makes any sense. -Duane
Duane, You most certainly help! I've been on the internet in various support and message boards for 15 years. I've watched how much it's grown and evolved. I'm new to youtube as being one of the tools. I subscribe to 3 of them and 2 of them are from the fathers/male experience. Through the years I have known only a handful of guys who talked about their abuse. I'm glad you have a channel for the dads because your challenges are unique. The bottom line is abuse thrives in silence! Thanks for doing what you are doing.
And in that silence we are isolated, confused, and allow the abuse to continue. It is really difficult because *most* of us can't talk about this with family and friends because they will not acknowledge or validate what we are going through. That makes it worse because we further isolate and get even more depressed. When I created this channel I really thought it would be a "dads" channel but I quickly learned how broad this abuse is and that women can have the same alienation from their children that men do. That was a huge eye opener for me for fortunately it happened early on this channel so I was able to adjust. I know sometimes I hear from guys that this should be a "guys only" channel but I want to help *anyone* who is going through this because I think this is the most pervasively evil form of abuse (especially when our children are used as pawns) someone can do to someone else. Thank you again MaryLee I really do appreciate the support! -Duane
Hi Duane, I have a question . Prior to discard my soon to be ex said he never loved me in the 27 years of our marriage. He said I don't know what he has been having to process in his head and this is maybe just who he is and maybe he isn't a good person. He said he just isn't happy and doesn't know why. Then proceeds to say I was an embarrassment to him since he is a firefighter and I should of lost weight and dressed better because I represented him. He said he tried the first 7 years . he still Denys his double life of affairs even though I have a lot of proof and him lying about chewing tobacco even with proof of receipts and in his blood stream. He apparently was subscribing secretly to cosmopolitan magazines and is currently into sex toys . It's been 9 months since discard and I have had no contact with him since November. I was a huge supply source for him and thought by now he would try to Hoover me and has not . After 27 faithful years on my end I'm kinda feeling crazy in my thoughts as to why it bothers me so much that he doesn't even ask my kids how I am or try to contact me . I hate that feeling too because he has treated me like trash and it's hard process how Evil he really is . He told me prior to leaving he dreaded coming home knowing he had to even talk to me . Then he said didn't you notice I purposely was ignoring you.... Who does that ????
My wife of twenty-two years didn't tell me she never loved me but that's what she told our close friends. Although, hindsight being what it is, she made it pretty clear during our marriage. After our divorce, she was giving me crap about something and I said "Hey, I get it. You never loved me and should have never married me." You should have seen the look of shock on her face. I don't think she ever thought that I'd talk to those friends again. It's hard to wrap our heads around it but these people are evil. I really believe my ex never loved me and didn't have the guts to back out before or during our marriage. Narcs would rather put us and our kids through hell instead of being honest with everyone. I believe now that my ex was trying to piss me off enough to leave her because she didn't want to be the one to initiate a divorce. It's the same reason she won't give me custody of our daughter now. She's too worried about what people will say. If she hadn't found a new form of supply in a boyfriend from her high school days and discarded me we'd probably still be married. As hard as it was/is to go through, I count my blessing every day. My life is better now and I'm happier than I ever imagined I could be. Like Duane says, don't beat yourself up. All of us got duped because we're loving, caring, individuals. They're the problem. It will get better.
Well Lisa it's because he doesn't care about you - when he said that he didn't love you he was probably being honest. My ex would beat around the bush on that one and say things like, "It's really sad that you don't think I loved you". But that's the way she operates - honestly you have to look at their actions and even if there were times that you "thought" they cared you have to step back and see if that was manipulation just to continue their game. I used to ask my kids (well technically I do still ask ever once in a while) if I ever come up in conversation - the answer was always "no" BUT she sure seemed to know *everything* that is going on with me - that's probably the same situation in your case. Any time our exes do something that they should have done with us it is going to hurt but that is why I say the "absolute" thinking is really important because if you don't go in with the position that they have a personality disorder then you are going to drive yourself crazy (I did the same thing). Bottom line trying to second guess anything our exes do is a waste of time - they aren't good for us - they never will be good for us - and they are going to cause as must devastation as they possibly can. Everything he says and does is to get supply and a reaction out of you and that is one of the critical things that we all have to remember. And it goes both ways they can say nice things or they can say really mean things the end result or the end goal is the same thing to continue the manipulation and control -Duane.
Can you please make a video about how your new partner supports you during the moment of being overwhelmed or how you can prevent your stress from wearing her down? Thank you!
Hi xiaoyu I've made some in the past - here is a playlist that address that - I will see if I can work one for your specific issue - if you want add some more questions so I can deep dive into your particular situation. th-cam.com/play/PL_m6CcV-0KF6l8qdwVmAX8m1qOcSc96hI.html
My narcissist stole money from my mother, incited me to commit suicide, refuse to provide medical help and food for two weeks while I was sick (it's the law here), she alienates our children and traumatizes them, she lied in court and is in a permanent state of gaslighting. The court, here in Croatia, determined I had no sufficient evidence for these serious crimes despite the paper trail and bank information. On the other had, all a woman has to do is make a false accusation, provide no evidence and we, men, lose everything. Jack The Ripper was a misunderstood man, ahead of his time. Women keep telling me they are not like "that", while suspiciously insinuating that I may have been deserving of the treatment. No matter what personality disorder a woman has, men are not safe from ANY malicious woman empowered by institutionalized misandry.
Man I hate to say in Franco but you’re right in a lot of ways with what you’re saying. Unfortunately society has setup a system and environment where it is really dangerous for men to have relationships. To be honest, if I was to become single again I’m not sure if I would even entertain the idea of dating anyone ever again. Not because of my current LTR but because can you really trust anyone anymore. It is so easy for the system to be manipulated and your life nearly ruined because of a vicious and vindictive women - well technically men are starting to learn how to use the system but it is more common for women to be the instigators of all of this (heck - John Deep and Amber Heard is a prime example of that). We are really left to “learn” from this experience and NEVER let it happen again. If you are around women that are saying “you must have done something to deserve this or to lose” well you need to just remove those people from your life. I hope you are doing better now Franco but it takes a while to heal from this. We all lose a lot and to be honest I never though I’d ever get over the anger, bitterness, and hurt that was caused by this “experience”.
Like refuse to pay for a court mandated class (and come up with reasons they “can’t”), was allowed to attend despite not paying and then was still allowed to attend, and got a certificate of completion 🤦♀️
I agree with what you are saying but the biggest parts that sucks is what my son must be going through as a 5 year old??? She has done so much damage and has tried to get me to react on things that my son has had problems with in school and once again she is blaming me and bashing me with her email threats. We have settled out of court on 50/50 custody and is paying me some money on the 15th of every month and she will continue to bitch and is wanting to seek mediation which she tried in the past and got shot down. and then says if I don't show up or agree then she will force me into court to get FULL CUSTODY. It never seems to stop. The Narcissist Pig just comes and goes like waves. She just thrives on this Drama. I am so glad I never married her and only that I have a son has continued to be in my life. I want things to get better and I am now going to go with more courage by hearing what you are saying and what my support system has been saying to me. Thank you Duane!
I left four yearz ago my frustration is my son and his girlfriend live with him. The grandchildren are now subject to this and used as tools. If I say something I feel isn't right with the children, I get punished the children get punishe d. They stop me from seeing my grandchildren for no reason. Just because I show them love and nuture them when I have them.
Its so hard, however you will never ever feel content or have any form of closure because they are unfair, unreal and unreasonable. This won't change..ever.
Not jumping to her defense or to clean up her mess or be the go-between. Last week she got an email from someone that things didn't go as she had planned, she called me to complain and express her disappointment expecting me to interrupt my time with my husband and fire off an email to the person to fix the problem (the reason she didn't want to address it herself was because she knew she would respond in anger and she needs something from this person so she can't afford to anger them). I listened, waited, then told her "well, you need to contact her and ask her about it." Her reaction, in a sad, hurt tone "oh. Okay. Thank you. Bye." I didn't feel guilty or pressured to still do what she wanted. YAY!!!😛 Beautiful, baby, beautiful!
I haven't heard of her or that but I can tell you from personal experience gratitude is a tremendous force that WILL change your life in a positive way. I hope you've already started to see improvements as a result of it. I'll check out Melody Beattie - it sounds like something I would appreciate. Thanks!
Yeah, it's a real mess out there nowadays... And even if you are just dating you need to make sure it doesn't turn into a common law marriage. The system is definitely broken although I think (at least men) are starting to understand most relationships just aren't worth the risk...
I feel like the narc. gets away with everything. I feel resentful, frustrated, angry. Dont know how to get out of this ferris wheel of emotions. Somebody help.
Hi Salonika, I used to struggle with that myself. It seemed I was always jumping through flaming hoops and they were getting away scott free without any consequences. After a while I realized that I was spending all my time feeling resentful, frustrated, bitter, and angry and I just didn't want that in my mind any longer. I think we all go through what you are going through Salonika and then we just wake up one day and decide we've had enough. The thing I'll say is even when I was first starting to feel like that - like you are now - it was still hard to make that pivot. A lot of it comes by accepting that your past is the past and that the future you envisions is gone. I had to re-baseline my life and start over instead of comparing my today with my yesterday. For me when it *really* got bad and therapy wasn't pushing me through I started using hypnosis files (I like to them on my website) and those really started to change my internal subconscious programming. The last thing I'll leave you with is we can get past what you are feeling today. I say that because when I was in the middle of it I really thought those feelings were going to be with me for the rest of my life, I can tell you now those feelings are gone and I'm so grateful for that. You'll get there too.
@@DSD Thank you so much reaching out. Sometimes i feel like I'm just drowning, worst part is NOONE understands the torture we go thru. They think we're exxagerating or being overly sensitive or overly dramatic. Even best friends just scoff off the abuse saying, "it's not that bad, it can't be that bad" "everybody goes thru rough time" they don't understand how deep the pain & hurt really goes, Don't we need Atleast One person to understands us? One person to take our side & remind us to stand up for ourselves?
We really do Salonika and unless someone has been through this they just don't understand. They really do think we are just being overdramatic. Plus, if the ex is saying, "Oh, she's just overreacting to everything" or something else then it tends to validate that "illusion". The problem is someone just can't understand how deep the hurt and betrayal really goes. And I'm not talking about cheating - but just the betrayal of loyalty and love and the violation of trust. It just hurts so much that is is difficult to NOT react... On the "at least one person" honestly that was the driving force for making this channel. I had some great friends who did everything that could to help support me (even though they didn't understand all of the dynamics of this) and I often thought about the person who has NO ONE. So I often hoped - or my vision - was being able to pop up in a search maybe late at night when someone was at their wits end and ready to give up AND THEN FINALLY finding some answers...
@@DSD i found your channel in my recommended feed, i subscribed while i was watching my first video. you actually get it. thankyou so much again. you have no idea the hope you are creating by sharing the info. and with your channel. thanks again DSD
Thank you for giving me a chance Salonika and I hope the channel and videos will continue to be helpful for you. All of this is just so darn difficult and until we find the answers we are just lost. God I know I was for YEARS and my life was just out of control and I didn't understand what the heck was happening. First just getting validation that our experiences are REAL and that we are not going insane is HUGE. They comes the knowledge and healing of what we've went through. I know you're early into this but what I can tell you once you get to the other side of this your life with transform in a truly positive way. It probably doesn't feel/seem like that today but it will...
I appreciate your videos. but I have a question. why a narcissist will never give up.? She was able to manipulate the court even when the judge expressed that he know it's all BS
Hi Hamed and let me welcome you to the channel. I think the reason is because they are looking for supply not necessarily "victory" so the *fight* is their victory and if they give up then they can no longer get supply from you. Our best bet is to demonstrate to them that they can get a reaction from us anymore and that whatever they do just doesn't bother us (even if it does) because then we starve them and they have to look for supply someplace else. But - they will *always* be watching to see if they can do it again - meaning get a reaction from you. -Duane
Yup! It's difficult tho, if you are feeling forever stuck in those beginning stages (even over a year later.... & after 26 yrs in!) I was the one who always worked as a medical accountant (while he job hopped or was out of work, etc etc... am sure you know the drill!) I get sick.... become disabled.... Have to try & struggle on disability w/ his sometimes, unreliable. contributions to the house. He's not contributing much, acting worse & worse.... I'm grey-rocking & BAM.... 5am one day he has taken everything, wiped everything, took any transportation, $, everything & POOF, gone! Went & bought himself a new car, filed some fraudulent quicky divorce (he KNEW I wouldn't even be able to afford to reply/appear at.... considering he left us penniless & I have to find a way to feed our teenager on the daily) Zero support from him, nor anyone else.................. sick, can't drive & STILL stressed, still trying to dig our way out of this mess over a year later. Day to day survival & merely trying to keep the lights on, heat on, food in my sons belly... (while sacrificing big time myself.... him too.... my health, his emotional health) esp when our rent is a good 85% of my only income---- has been quite the struggle! (understatement of the year)! Calculated, cold & horrific these people can be. All while (I've been total NC, so has our son) people continue to send me crap he's posted smearing US.... living it up..... buying any/everything, lovebombing................ ALL while trying to hoover, stalk, find, contact.... us. Pfffft..... not bothered & never falling for it again, BUT.... just sucks when such bad things happen to good people. IDK what has happened to friends family, support system, that should be there! ESP considering. They dont even call to check up... unless I call them. Even if they never liked him to begin with........... they just don't 'get it'... Compassion much? How you can allow your child/grandchild to starve, struggle... when you have the means & then some to make it a LITTLE easier on them?! Can you say toxic. ugh, definitely need a 2018 miracle, that's-a-for sure!!!!! Be well...
Ok it’s taken me months to write this - I did want to write in response to your most recent video but I need to get it out ........ MY SON IS A NARCISSIST!!!!!! From the time he could talk I could see more and more examples of his words and actions as being way out of kilter and way over the top by anyone’s standards. I have sweated blood for my 4 sons. I’ve worked myself into the ground in an attempt to compensate for their narcissistic fathers behaviour. What’s happened now is my eldest has ground myself, his siblings and his step father into the ground with his narcissistic actions. He is now a father himself and we all hoped being a parent would “change” him. Not. The fact that there is a child involved now has given him exactly what he needs..... a weapon, a toy, to play with that he can control. We were in a state of denial prior to this but now we, as a family, have finally stood up and said “NO”.... this behaviour is NOT acceptable.... we cannot continue to stand by and let him wreak havoc over us anymore. It’s the hardest thing to say.... I’m ashamed of him, I cannot believe this is my child and he’s an out of control narcissist. I have decided to document the journey now because it’s the only outlet I have. Thank you for nudging me into naming it up and please tell me how to survive the enormous hurt he is causing on a daily basis.
You need to save his child. If you can get the government involved to remove that child then go full steam ahead. Maybe talking to the child to see if the child knows he/she is being abused. If the child knows he/she is being abused , ask the child if they are prepared to work with you to get away from the narc. If they are then call child protective services and alert them. Under no circumstances leave that child in harms way. Outside resources must be brought in to help.
It is true I did all the work to keep the relationship together. I listened to all the ex issue with his sick mother, all the time his work took away from us being together, etc. We were not having the time to nurture our relationship to keep it going yet when my ex got hooked up with a married OW online the offline his time was consumed with being with OW. No excuses he gave me with his issues we could not be together yet he gives all his time to her. Work or sick mom does not get in the way of them being together. 15 years with him I have nothing to show for it. Thank god no children from the ex with endless issues. I get pissed of to come out of this with nothing while the OW gets everything and is treated like a queen.
I feel really pi's*sed off that I am doing all the work to pick up the pieces of my life. This is not deserved and not fair. Even if they do get justice... I don't care. I didn't start this silent war. I didn't set out to fk my life up. Sick game..I want out Universe! 😋
Is there any effort to end this? We seem like pitiful giants that are incapable of bringing this cleat abuse to a divisive end. It's like Germany in the 40s. There should be an unconditional surrender to ensure this can't happen to anyone again.
The focus should not be on them, but on self. They are not the problem. The relationship that is codependent/narcissist attracts. The N is like a kid who never grew up and wants supply. The N uses and the codependent gives. No expect anything...what you see is what you get. Just get away and find a healthy relationship.
I finally took custody of My Daughters from their Mother in 2011 due to neglect. I have been paying child support since they were very young and haven't filed taxes in years because I could barely afford to survive let alone having to buy clothes for the kids for school despite having paid child support because she wouldn't buy them anything. I have gotten my Drivers license suspended multiple times had cars taken from me multiple times. Flash forward to today I was able to get both of My Daughters to Graduate High School and My Punishment for bringing this up at the time was 2 more years of Child Support 2016-2018 ( filed free of charge to her, of course, compliments of child support services), despite having a court order for Joint Custody. Lawyers and Paralegals I spoke to at the time felt sorry for me and advised it was better to leave it alone because I was close to them being 18 and once the court knew how much money I was making they would probably end up making me pay more on top of the legal fees. I go to their house to pickup My Daughters and her Mom has the exact car her daughter told her she wanted (OneUp). My Daughters Mom's Father who She told me abused her when she was a child and incidentally has been advising her on how to manipulate the system against me Got the same color sports car that I had White on Black and his classic truck fully restored I'm sure all those years of claiming my children probably paid off. But I am not Bitter I just think it's lame that people can be so childish and do things out of Spite to others even their own children. I'm trying to get my daughters to see these people for who they really are so they can protect themselves but A therapist I used to take them to helped me understand that although I may see them this way My Daughters see them as their family. Now I just have to figure out how to pay the 90k + backpay that I owe at a 23% interest rate something I will gladly pay As long as I'm not with her anymore Lol.
The reality is that narcissists do not really get away with everything. As they are unable to foster genuine caring relationships with people, they will over time end up more and more lonely, their children reaching adulthood will gradually want to spend less and less time with them, and they will grow old, bitter and alone and hate the world for not recognizing how great they are, wallowing in self-pity.
lee comstock sooooo true. Our 2 oldest children have nothing or very little to do with him .... he’s still got the youngest under his thumb still 😥
lee comstock - I hope so.
yup..happening right now with my ex
Yes, it's always other peoples' fault for abandoning them. Then they smear the target(s) to the fake friends, flying monkeys at how much they did for you, they don't know what our problem is because they want to have a relationship and we keep pushing them away. There's nothing like this on our planet.
You are an optimist. 26,000 men commit suicide as a result of the capricious action of malicious women. These men and their families will never see justice. Salem witch burnings is what we need to deal with feminism.
I'm so sorry for all the guys like me that fell in love with these sick women. It's like falling in love with Satan.
Well the good Lord definitely didn't send her
Women fall in love with these kind of people as well. It sucks for everyone.
We all learn from it. It won't last forever with us. I moved on have a new family only my 1 daughters mom is like this. These kids become adults and then we can deal directly with the adult child and the mother will be salty she has 0 power.
@@kangarooklown9841 😂😂😂
Mostly these narcs are women though on a large scale
Very important point. Material things and money don't matter in the long run. I have nothing in terms of material possessions, he makes tons of money and all of the parenting falls on me. But I am free from him and my life is significantly better than it ever was with him.
This goes for men and women when dealing with a Covert Narcissist. Life is much better having them not around.
This video helped me immeasurably today. Thank you SO much! What my narc has gotten away with would make your jaw drop. Thank you for your comments here.
yes yes yes..everything you said resonated with me...when I sit with my checkbook and write bills or my kids say they need money for this school trip or project, when I'm sick and have to do everything on the house, get the car inspected...all triggers...you have to think and catch the thoughts..recognize why your thinking what you are and yes realizing its hard but so much better...I look at my ex narc like a 2 year old, they get away with things Bc I'm the "parent" them the child..on a lighter note, one thing that has drawn some humor is in my phone contacts I have for his contact photo a baby's body with his head on it so when he spills and vomits his verbal aggression on me I'm less impacted and makes it easier to ignore and not engage, great video!
That is nice Lisa with the baby's body and head - I've made a video about doing stuff like that before to minimize the cptsd that we get when their names/faces pop up (or we see them drive by). It really is pervasive how much they are intertwined in our lives.
Lol, that idea is super! Thank you so much.
There is a reason they call it "COVERT."
Your abuser knows that it's "HIDDEN ABUSE."
That is why documentation is so important
because it will establish a "PATTERN OF
BEHAVIOR."
(Drama does not come out of nowhere...
it is manufactured by "sick people" who
are trying to get supply!)
Document EXACTLY what they "SAY."
(record your phone calls)
Document all the times you've felt triggered.
Document what the kids are saying.
Keep all this private!
You are dealing with a sadist who is
deliberately trying to destroy you because
it give them negative-sadistic supply.
Build your case against them because
they are going to build one against you.
This is why you need to document
everything they do toward you.
Good idea. LOL
Amen. The biggest gift I received was finally understanding that the primary cause of the marital strife was not your fault, that there was never going to be any chance for a healthy relationship. The marriage was doomed from day one. This gift came to me after my wife lured me back after she discarded me over 2 years ago. I fell into a serious depression, but slowly began to recover, but without any understanding or closure. But after taking her back, the following two years allowed me to finally discover the truth, because the cycle of abuse escalated to the point that I could not take anymore. And toward the end I started confiding to friends and support groups. This is when I was told by many, you might be dealing with a covert narcissist and gaslighting. I read a lot on these things, watched videos, and it was an awakening. So my gift is that I finally understand the reason for all the chaos. The cloud of confusion has dissipated. Everything finally makes sense. And knowing this is a gift that allows me a chance to get the help I need to love myself enough to avoid falling prey to this in the future.
Never trust them.
Make sure to document everything.
Learn to respond and stop reacting to them.
They set-you-up purposely to "look" like
the "difficult" one. Keep interactions as
brief as possible.
Amen to that!!
Yep Exactly! 🤦🏾♂️ Just disgusting 😒
Thank you for understanding! It took hours to write that text and I almost didnt send, but I'm glad I did. I have been holding this in for so long, and didnt feel like anyone could ever understand. Thank you.
I’m glad you sent it Mitchell, it can feel so isolating and lonely when we are going through. Most of the time people we probably know do not have any concept of narcissistic abuse and just can’t really understand or relate to what we are going through. Without validation it can actually make things worse because you can start to feel like you’re going crazy. Your situation, with it being family, makes it even harder because people just can’t comprehend that things that like really happen. -Duane
I think the reason some many narcissist get away with their criminal activity is because non of the victims pursue action against them, they treat them like they are scared shrines. It's pretty pathetic to say these folks are evil and do evil things and all folks who get destroyed by them talk karma. It's a shame people don't fight back. That's essentially why they were targeted, is my opinion.
Thank you Duane. Your videos help me keep things in perspective whenever I fall back and doubt myself. I have been recovering from this last one for exactly one year and although most of the pain and confusion has subsided I sometimes have to come back and remind myself . It is a lengthy process and it's incredible the amount of people coming together and speaking out and supporting each other. I would have never gotten through this otherwise. We are very lucky in this day and age
John you are so correct - I couldn't imagine going through this before TH-cam (and all these channels) trying to figure out what was going on. The simple fact that this information is out there ready to be re-watched when needed is great. I can remember in the early stages of this binge watching videos from other channels (Richard Grannon mainly in my situation) and I would just put the video on repeat (or I'd pull the video and extract the audio) and just consume it over-and-over-and-over again just trying to force my brain to *see what was real*. Honestly John the idea that my channel is doing for you what Richard's channel did for me is very humbling. (I completely realize you're more than likely watching other channels as well but to be apart of your recovery process is what I'm talking about). I waited until I didn't *need* to keep doing that and felt that I was on the right path and had something to offer before I decided to even start this channel.
In the end we can be our own worst enemies on this when the self doubt starts to creep up. Are they *really* a narcissist? Am I being to sensitive? Well, I've done some of the same things too so maybe I'm the narcissist? Narcissists don't *know* that they are so I could be one and not know it right? I'm sure you experienced those and probably a bunch of others. I know I sure did and those doubts can drive you crazy an derail ALL of your progress. John you're on the right path, you're learning and getting better. Do what you need to do to keep that momentum going and you'll definitely get through this! And hopefully, someday, you'll be the life line for someone you know or meet! -Duane
I whatch your videos a lot and it really helps me. I was hurt by my ex wife👭💔 who stole large amount of money💲, cheated on me with other men and women, gave me STDs😪. I am trying to overcome the confussion and sadness she caused in my mind and heart. I wanna get stronger mentally. And your videos are so great! Thank you for recording them🙏🏻👍👍👍❤
I really think the key in any narc relationship is to try to recognize red flags early, cut losses early. The longer the toxic relationship goes, the worse the damage. Obviously tricky when dealing with a woman and especially with kids involved.
They are not getting away with anything. You have to speak to the one ☝🏾 who can do something about it. I’ve seen every narc in my life that set out to do harm to me go down in flames 🔥. I call on the Lord. It may have taken a year but it happened. Vengeance is mine says the Lord. My husband taught this to a friend praying and calling on the Lord and documenting incidents and his friend won custody of his daughter. The Lord works. Amen 🙏🏾 He scriptures are correct but you have to have the faith of the mustard seed and say mountain move. Get thee behind me Satan.
Amen
This is exactly how I feel right now. Thanks for all your videos!
Hi HeavyMetalPedal, yeah this one of the really big hurdles we have to overcome. Because of their lack of guilt, empathy and conscious they can just bounce right back up and keep moving. After a while you realize that holding on to that bitterness about them *getting away with everything* is really holding you back. That is when you start to change your perspective - it took me a couple years to work through that myself. -Duane
Must say how amazing person you are and how you realy open my eyes about this people if that is realy what they are. l begin to cope with their dinamics and start putting my being first. She destroyed my loving fathership and take the kids under her wings. But l now they suffer because true love is been taking away from them. So man you are balsam to my wounds. God bless you!
Hi Romario and welcome to the channel! I'm glad to hear that the videos/channel are helpful. It is really difficult when we are alone and isolated not truly understanding what is going on. Once you start to figure it out then their actions and tactics make sense. Well - I mean you understand they are damaged and these are the tactics they use. Just as an alcoholic is going to abuse alcohol a narcissist is going to manipulate and abuse your emotions. Romario just do everything you can to keep your environment as calm and chaos free and focus on your children when you have them! -Duane
Ur the man, Duane! Thank you so much for your incredible advice.😎🍀
Absolutely
This life sucks! I sometimes feel like giving up I swear I’m over the endless torment
Amd I’m not in the relationship anymore just a small daughters involved
Please don't give up. It does get better I promise
I’m with you
Thank you.
😀
Thanks for those kind and wise words Duane and lm glad to be part of the channel!
Absolutely Romario! I host a livestream every Tuesday at 6pm Pacific you should check that out as well! -Duane
These narcissists and sociopaths seem like they are getting away with it and that's why it's so frustrating. Your situation sounds a lot like mine. Why aren't they being held accountable? And how do I get an attorney? This has been making my life a living hell
I have a theory that the so called "justice" system is a joke made up by Narcissists for the advantage of Narcissists. If you're a normal and genuine human being, in most cases you just don't stand a chance, especially in the accountability department - seems like such a smooth ride for them. Just remember that they won't get away with their facade forever...they ALWAYS cave in on themselves.
Sometimes what helps me is knowing my concience is clear knowing Im doing my part and not descending to thier level. When they lie, manipulate and get revengeful that is thier choice and they'll have to answer to God for that. He is the ultimate Judge
I am grateful for you taking your time and helping others, that are in the same situation. I believe this is probably why we go through this,to help others and ourselves. This is the upside to our problems. They may get away with it, but in the end they are left without. I believe that the justice is that you grow into a better, stronger, person and they stay stuck in their own self deprecating cycle. They always blame someone therefore they never realize they are creating the problem. I am trying to learn as much as I can. I sincerely thank you.
It do seem like they don't get punished for their b.s. but, in the back of my mind there is still hope because that friend called KARMA doesn't forget what they have done.
Dude! First off I hope you are doing well! And thank you for posting. You might already know this but the "mother" narcissist wants to BREED narcissism , theres no doubt in my mind that you're taking good care of your kids! I just know this and have seen it so I wanted to add it... Haven't seen all your videos, but want to share the knowledge and love ASAP! In my case my father is the narcissist, but unfortunately alot of us -as Im sure a lot of us survivors know! We get into MULTIPLE relationships with these kind of people! Not just romantic ones! And unfortunately and it IS tragic and disgusting the "female" wants to actually "BREED" this sickness. Sending you loads of positive, and again! Thank you for posting and educating! My hope is that we can educate people about these things BEFORE! they have to go through the abuse! Lots of love and positive to all you survivors out there!
I am No Contact with narcissistic ex-husband and am no longer in love with him. I do think that I was crushed and thrown away like an old soda can. When I do think of him, I think of him as being surrounded by family members who are at his beck and call to attend to his every need. I also think that the main focus of his life is recruiting and expanding a harem of women who also are happy to attend to his every need.
Thanks Duane. We have a responsibility to try and live the best life possible. Meditation does help let go of the charge and “the pocket of stress” may never disappear but we can look at it and have compassion. I agree with some of the other comments: it’s exhausting to live with this level of posturing and not being genuine. Hence I do agree that narcissistic people are not really happy. They really have no serenity and do not really attract people who nurture them or even help them grow. They live in a transactional world, impersonal and impervious. After they no longer have any leverage all they do is talk to whoever listens about how wronged and abused they have been.
They dont in the end..They always get exposed..Trust me..
I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you.
great video thank you ,,,, thumbs up !!!
Fantastic video
Thanks! 😃
I have tears listeing and watching your video and how encouraging you are .you are an angel sent from above for me thank you God bless you
Hello! I want to thank you for sharing your experiences, I have learned so much from watching your videos. I'm not sure if you can help me, but I thought, if I could just explain the situation to someone who understands, that I would feel better. And having a fresh perspective is always a good thing.
My narc stepdad died last year having given my 'golden child' sister POA. She didn't waste any time stepping into his shoes and assuming her narc powers. For example, when I asked her what my stepdad's financial situation was, I was told it was none of my business. She did eventually give me my copy of the will. I knew the house was mortgaged and that there is lots of credit card debt. My mother however, has a savings account, which I feel should be used to take care of her. Or it could be used to pay the credit card debt off, or maybe even finish making repairs to the house, things like taking the 100 year old furnace out and putting in one that works. After that, mom would be eligible for assistance from the state. Right now, she isn't eligible for anything even though she is in her 80's, has Alzeimers and needs constant care. My sister has the POA and her name is on my moms bank account. She refuses to spend any of the money to take care of my mom. Even though my sister has accused me of trying to kill her and my mom, she wants us to take turns watching my mom. Not only that, if something comes up and I am unable to take my turn, I am expected to pay for a caretaker, even though I have a limited income. I believe my sister would be estatic if I moved in with my mother. I could help pay the bills, while taking care of my mom full time. Not only that, she would then be in total control of both of us. I don't think that would be a good idea, because she keeps trying to set me up and has been/is smearing me. I am so done with the situation! I've gone no contact on my sister, but that also means no contact with my mom. I miss spending time with her. I love my mother and I believe its my duty to help take care of her. I don't know what to do. I'm sure there is a better way of handling the situation, but I haven't been able to figure it out. Do you have any suggestions? Any help you could give me would be appreciated! Thanks again for everything!
Hi Mitchell I’m sorry you’re going through that. The level of chaos and destruction these people are capable of is just overwhelming.
The problem is there is nothing you are really going to be able to do to make your sister act like a human with compassion and empathy. You already know this.
Most of the time they really leave us with bad choices or double binds. Now you’re left with the question of what to do. It really is going to depend on what you can endure. You obviously care and miss your mother and if that “is enough” to trump all the chaos from your sister then that’s what you do. However if being in the midst of the situation knowing you are being manipulated and used by her - if that is too much to endure then you continue *no contact*.
The problem with these type of situations, or choices, is that you’re the only one who really knows what you can do and what you can’t do. But we are a lot stronger then we think. I say that because there were times, especially in the first few years of this, where I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue or endure. I was able to keep hanging on. It’s not easy - heck it’s still not easy today - but I’ve found “my” grove on this and have been able to make it work. But I’m telling you had my relationship with the kids soured (or soured more) I’m not sure if I would have been able to do it.
The difficulty in your situation is that with Alzheimers you don’t necessarily get “the positive” of the relationship and that coupled with a narcissistic abusive POA sister is a pretty bad mix. With that being the case (if that is the case) then continuing no contact might be the only way to ensure your own sanity and ability to survive this nightmare. I know that doesn’t really give you a definitive answer but maybe it will help you step back and have an objective look at your situation. -Duane
Exactly like that. I need to focus on how much life has improved despite the hell I have been through but can handle better and better for each day. Every day of no contact is a day to celebrate!
Very true Theresa - sometimes it's hard to do when we are in the middle of it. It really is all about perspective! -Duane
Dad Surviving Divorce it's really really hard. The more broken down you have been the longer is the journey back. It's a life changing experience indeed.
That is the truth Therese! That is a good example as to why our "journey" back from the brink is so long and complicated. I am always grateful that I have been free from the illusion for the last 5 1/2 years. It makes me cringe to think I could still be living in that nightmare. -Duane
Thank you, Duane for sharing tips, thoughts that help other people. You have been throgh s-o difficult times, and now you are sharing helpful tips for others. Respect! God bless you with All The Best.
They do get away with what they do for now (I'm amazed at what they get away with), but their life will never be happy because they are dead inside. When you watch them grow older, they become sad people, they have no self respect or joy in themselves to sustain them.
Great stuff!! Powerful message.
Thank you Jenny I really appreciate the support! -Duane
My ex is living her best life married and pregnant with kid number 2 while I'm still disgusted.
Loch121 a disordered person can not live a best life because it isn’t genuine and it’s not real. Sure she can have the facade of a good life and she is more than likely doing to the new husband what she did with you. Patterns generally repeat. I hope you get to spend time with your child and that she hasn’t ruined your relationship with them.
@@DSD Fortunately never had kids but was together 8 yrs.2 months after I left she got pregnant,later married,now pregnant again.
Amen!! Have a great day!
Hi Katharine, thank you and I hope you have a great day (valentine's day) as well! -Duane
You were in love with a child...was an adult...but a child and then you decide you don't want to be with a child, but you signed up for it and now need to unsign and just deal with it. What power over you?
I've had to let go of my relationships with my oldest boys because of this. They started parroting what he said. The thing is though, they are not narcissist. So when I confronted them with the lies they are telling, they actually started to change their attitude and actually thought about what they were saying and whether it made sense. Previously, I had been trying to convince them that I wasn't as bad as they were saying, and they were always trying to prove me wrong. Let go of the outcome of your relationships with others and confront them as to what they are saying. If they are accusing you of the NPD's lies, they are also using the NPD projection, but because it doesn;t belong to them, they can't defend them.
He sucked everything from me! Im still in hopes someway I can pull up to visit the kids in a NEW CAR or something. He is VERY COMPETITIVE and it DOES eat him up when I do better! They want you destroyed when you hurt them!
God bless you .there is not any prayer i havent prayed for him to pay for what he have done to me and my kid. He left me in crisis never supported me fincialy or with anything i do everything my self dropping picking taking the kid to doc you name it and that is overwhelming .he made my life a living hell while his having a good time and traveling with some women and im here struggling . but God takes forever to answer a prayer and i dont know how karma work but yes like you said its best to move on
I just found out my ex wife told a woman’s aid group I was mentally abusing her so that they would help her find a house when our marriage broke down.
The group wanted social services to take my daughter from me after my ex left.
My ex apparently told them I wasn’t abusive to our daughter just her.
Same thing had been said to mutual friends.
I just found this out 3 years on and I’m really angry and hurt.
Tempted to take action against her for slander and abusing a system to help genuine cases of abuse get out of that situation.
At the same time I’m thinking I should just let it go as I am not mentally prepared to go through that kind of shit storm. Plus I don’t want my daughter to witness how nasty things could become because of this.
Absolutely and parental alienation I’m pissed off!😡
Great video. So very helpful to me.
Thank is great to hear Pamela I'm glad the video was helpful! -Duane
Flaming hoops🤣🔥🔥🔥thank you for the laughter😇
They try to make people who are onto them and they know it believe that they can get away with anything to maintain their control. The truth is that narcissism takes a lot more of a toll on the narcissist's mental functioning and a toll on their body while being determined to stay in full control of others. Sometimes those who have to work harder and longer every day for years longer than ever planned for while having to learn greater self discipline to not ruminate on their resentments than most end up living a lot longer with a better quality of life in their later years than many of those who seem to be at first being able to get away with anything.
Hi Duane!
I have a lot to say about this, but for the moment I'll keep it short and sweet because I am still in the middle of a court battle and I think I'm being stalked here. Yes, you can and do start to get there. Until you have to get back into a legal battle and it all comes flooding back. Now, I will say that I don't get AS triggered and upset as I used to, mostly because I expect it. However, that being said, believe me, when you are back in the trenches, doing hand to hand combat it's very difficult to NOT feel this way. Maybe you have forgotten how much they do get away with. I know I sure had. Anyway, I agree with you for the most part, and I do know that once this court stuff is over, I will be be able to just go back to "normal everyday aggravation" about the shenanigans, but right now it's really really overt and it is hard not to get frustrated.
I can definitely relate to that MaryLee - when I was notified that she had petitioned to take 100% of the retirement savings (there was an error in the court order and technically the paperwork said she was supposed to get it). It brought *EVERYTHING* crashing back down around me. I nearly broke - actually I did break - luckily Debby was able to bring me back from the brink on it and ultimately after a year of attorneys going back and forth we "settled" for what she was basically entitled too (maybe a little bit more). But it brought everything back. It is good to hear that you weren't triggered as badly as before - so that's progress right! Thank you for clarifying this AND giving me an opportunity to share/clarify my experience. When I made the video I wasn't thinking about the *new* court crap - just the normal things they get away with. -Duane
Dad Surviving Divorce ,
Thanks for replying.
As I re read my comment,I realize I came across as a bit snarky and for that I apologize and didn't mean it. The current shenanigans include his refusal to get required docs into his attorney. He has had 3 months. I am filing a motion to compel but they stall saying they want to settle, but wont ever come back with the offer. I know its a stall tactic. There is a whole steamship full of their lies, perjured docs, etc... that is also gumming up the works and yet, he is getting away with it. Anyhow, I'm saying too much. I really wanted to just apologize for my attitude.
I know that once I'm past this It will be better, but right now it's DAILY and aggravated. Thanks for your great channel. I am a real fan and watch every new one.
MaryLee absolutely no worries here - I completely understand and I didn't take any offense with your comment so no reason to apologize. This is a huge balancing act in our situation and even for me with all of you guys. I haven't lost the fact that if someone said the same thing to me I say sometimes I wouldn't take it well or it would trigger me (there are times that Debby does it by accident). I'm glad that you were able to comment and give me an opportunity to clarify what I was talking about - I think the discussion is very positive and helpful for anyone else reading it. My hope is that the channel *helps* people get through their mess (and sometimes just the day). Honestly sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this but it really is all about helping - sometimes it feels like I'm helping myself back during those dark days if that makes any sense. -Duane
Duane,
You most certainly help! I've been on the internet in various support and message boards for 15 years. I've watched how much it's grown and evolved. I'm new to youtube as being one of the tools. I subscribe to 3 of them and 2 of them are from the fathers/male experience. Through the years I have known only a handful of guys who talked about their abuse. I'm glad you have a channel for the dads because your challenges are unique.
The bottom line is abuse thrives in silence! Thanks for doing what you are doing.
And in that silence we are isolated, confused, and allow the abuse to continue. It is really difficult because *most* of us can't talk about this with family and friends because they will not acknowledge or validate what we are going through. That makes it worse because we further isolate and get even more depressed.
When I created this channel I really thought it would be a "dads" channel but I quickly learned how broad this abuse is and that women can have the same alienation from their children that men do. That was a huge eye opener for me for fortunately it happened early on this channel so I was able to adjust. I know sometimes I hear from guys that this should be a "guys only" channel but I want to help *anyone* who is going through this because I think this is the most pervasively evil form of abuse (especially when our children are used as pawns) someone can do to someone else.
Thank you again MaryLee I really do appreciate the support! -Duane
Hi Duane, I have a question . Prior to discard my soon to be ex said he never loved me in the 27 years of our marriage. He said I don't know what he has been having to process in his head and this is maybe just who he is and maybe he isn't a good person. He said he just isn't happy and doesn't know why. Then proceeds to say I was an embarrassment to him since he is a firefighter and I should of lost weight and dressed better because I represented him. He said he tried the first 7 years . he still Denys his double life of affairs even though I have a lot of proof and him lying about chewing tobacco even with proof of receipts and in his blood stream. He apparently was subscribing secretly to cosmopolitan magazines and is currently into sex toys . It's been 9 months since discard and I have had no contact with him since November. I was a huge supply source for him and thought by now he would try to Hoover me and has not . After 27 faithful years on my end I'm kinda feeling crazy in my thoughts as to why it bothers me so much that he doesn't even ask my kids how I am or try to contact me . I hate that feeling too because he has treated me like trash and it's hard process how Evil he really is . He told me prior to leaving he dreaded coming home knowing he had to even talk to me . Then he said didn't you notice I purposely was ignoring you.... Who does that ????
My wife of twenty-two years didn't tell me she never loved me but that's what she told our close friends. Although, hindsight being what it is, she made it pretty clear during our marriage. After our divorce, she was giving me crap about something and I said "Hey, I get it. You never loved me and should have never married me." You should have seen the look of shock on her face. I don't think she ever thought that I'd talk to those friends again.
It's hard to wrap our heads around it but these people are evil. I really believe my ex never loved me and didn't have the guts to back out before or during our marriage. Narcs would rather put us and our kids through hell instead of being honest with everyone. I believe now that my ex was trying to piss me off enough to leave her because she didn't want to be the one to initiate a divorce. It's the same reason she won't give me custody of our daughter now. She's too worried about what people will say. If she hadn't found a new form of supply in a boyfriend from her high school days and discarded me we'd probably still be married. As hard as it was/is to go through, I count my blessing every day. My life is better now and I'm happier than I ever imagined I could be. Like Duane says, don't beat yourself up. All of us got duped because we're loving, caring, individuals. They're the problem. It will get better.
Well Lisa it's because he doesn't care about you - when he said that he didn't love you he was probably being honest. My ex would beat around the bush on that one and say things like, "It's really sad that you don't think I loved you". But that's the way she operates - honestly you have to look at their actions and even if there were times that you "thought" they cared you have to step back and see if that was manipulation just to continue their game.
I used to ask my kids (well technically I do still ask ever once in a while) if I ever come up in conversation - the answer was always "no" BUT she sure seemed to know *everything* that is going on with me - that's probably the same situation in your case. Any time our exes do something that they should have done with us it is going to hurt but that is why I say the "absolute" thinking is really important because if you don't go in with the position that they have a personality disorder then you are going to drive yourself crazy (I did the same thing).
Bottom line trying to second guess anything our exes do is a waste of time - they aren't good for us - they never will be good for us - and they are going to cause as must devastation as they possibly can. Everything he says and does is to get supply and a reaction out of you and that is one of the critical things that we all have to remember. And it goes both ways they can say nice things or they can say really mean things the end result or the end goal is the same thing to continue the manipulation and control -Duane.
Can you please make a video about how your new partner supports you during the moment of being overwhelmed or how you can prevent your stress from wearing her down? Thank you!
Hi xiaoyu I've made some in the past - here is a playlist that address that - I will see if I can work one for your specific issue - if you want add some more questions so I can deep dive into your particular situation.
th-cam.com/play/PL_m6CcV-0KF6l8qdwVmAX8m1qOcSc96hI.html
my ex is still messing with me and my son 18years it's never gonna end
15 here. It is so devastating. How do you do it.?
My narcissist stole money from my mother, incited me to commit suicide, refuse to provide medical help and food for two weeks while I was sick (it's the law here), she alienates our children and traumatizes them, she lied in court and is in a permanent state of gaslighting. The court, here in Croatia, determined I had no sufficient evidence for these serious crimes despite the paper trail and bank information. On the other had, all a woman has to do is make a false accusation, provide no evidence and we, men, lose everything. Jack The Ripper was a misunderstood man, ahead of his time. Women keep telling me they are not like "that", while suspiciously insinuating that I may have been deserving of the treatment. No matter what personality disorder a woman has, men are not safe from ANY malicious woman empowered by institutionalized misandry.
Man I hate to say in Franco but you’re right in a lot of ways with what you’re saying. Unfortunately society has setup a system and environment where it is really dangerous for men to have relationships. To be honest, if I was to become single again I’m not sure if I would even entertain the idea of dating anyone ever again. Not because of my current LTR but because can you really trust anyone anymore. It is so easy for the system to be manipulated and your life nearly ruined because of a vicious and vindictive women - well technically men are starting to learn how to use the system but it is more common for women to be the instigators of all of this (heck - John Deep and Amber Heard is a prime example of that). We are really left to “learn” from this experience and NEVER let it happen again. If you are around women that are saying “you must have done something to deserve this or to lose” well you need to just remove those people from your life. I hope you are doing better now Franco but it takes a while to heal from this. We all lose a lot and to be honest I never though I’d ever get over the anger, bitterness, and hurt that was caused by this “experience”.
@@DSD Thank you for your kind reply. I really appreciate your timeless work. For some us, it's the therapy we cannot afford no have.
this is so unfair, my late husband once said do you want to be like them, the accountability and there out to destroy
Like refuse to pay for a court mandated class (and come up with reasons they “can’t”), was allowed to attend despite not paying and then was still allowed to attend, and got a certificate of completion 🤦♀️
Yeah, that whole bit of them getting away with everything.. Sigh.
Very true Grace! -Duane
I agree with what you are saying but the biggest parts that sucks is what my son must be going through as a 5 year old??? She has done so much damage and has tried to get me to react on things that my son has had problems with in school and once again she is blaming me and bashing me with her email threats. We have settled out of court on 50/50 custody and is paying me some money on the 15th of every month and she will continue to bitch and is wanting to seek mediation which she tried in the past and got shot down. and then says if I don't show up or agree then she will force me into court to get FULL CUSTODY. It never seems to stop. The Narcissist Pig just comes and goes like waves. She just thrives on this Drama. I am so glad I never married her and only that I have a son has continued to be in my life. I want things to get better and I am now going to go with more courage by hearing what you are saying and what my support system has been saying to me. Thank you Duane!
I left four yearz ago my frustration is my son and his girlfriend live with him. The grandchildren are now subject to this and used as tools. If I say something I feel isn't right with the children, I get punished the children get punishe d. They stop me from seeing my grandchildren for no reason. Just because I show them love and nuture them when I have them.
The are and will forever be emotionally stunted. That alone is the biggest consequence
Its so hard, however you will never ever feel content or have any form of closure because they are unfair, unreal and unreasonable. This won't change..ever.
Good video helpful advice.
Not jumping to her defense or to clean up her mess or be the go-between. Last week she got an email from someone that things didn't go as she had planned, she called me to complain and express her disappointment expecting me to interrupt my time with my husband and fire off an email to the person to fix the problem (the reason she didn't want to address it herself was because she knew she would respond in anger and she needs something from this person so she can't afford to anger them). I listened, waited, then told her "well, you need to contact her and ask her about it." Her reaction, in a sad, hurt tone "oh. Okay. Thank you. Bye." I didn't feel guilty or pressured to still do what she wanted. YAY!!!😛 Beautiful, baby, beautiful!
Narc free on youtube is helpful also. 👍
I'll check it out!
Noone helps the victim.
It’s called pain patterns, and we just got to be able to maneuver around it and prepare for it so that we don’t react. We can log it down and move on.
I am listening to MAKE MIRACLES IN FORTY DAYS by Melody Beattie - an exercise in gratitude to change your outlook on life.
I haven't heard of her or that but I can tell you from personal experience gratitude is a tremendous force that WILL change your life in a positive way. I hope you've already started to see improvements as a result of it. I'll check out Melody Beattie - it sounds like something I would appreciate. Thanks!
One can understand why many people no longer marry and just date.
Yeah, it's a real mess out there nowadays... And even if you are just dating you need to make sure it doesn't turn into a common law marriage. The system is definitely broken although I think (at least men) are starting to understand most relationships just aren't worth the risk...
Hey DSD, you were one of the first channels that opened my mind to narcissism. I recently made a channel. check it out and let me know what you think.
They audaciously turn everything on you.
Sometimes I hope she keeps pushing so far that it's clearly just not worth living like this. Then there can be some real decisions to make.
I feel like the narc. gets away with everything. I feel resentful, frustrated, angry. Dont know how to get out of this ferris wheel of emotions. Somebody help.
Hi Salonika, I used to struggle with that myself. It seemed I was always jumping through flaming hoops and they were getting away scott free without any consequences. After a while I realized that I was spending all my time feeling resentful, frustrated, bitter, and angry and I just didn't want that in my mind any longer. I think we all go through what you are going through Salonika and then we just wake up one day and decide we've had enough. The thing I'll say is even when I was first starting to feel like that - like you are now - it was still hard to make that pivot. A lot of it comes by accepting that your past is the past and that the future you envisions is gone. I had to re-baseline my life and start over instead of comparing my today with my yesterday. For me when it *really* got bad and therapy wasn't pushing me through I started using hypnosis files (I like to them on my website) and those really started to change my internal subconscious programming. The last thing I'll leave you with is we can get past what you are feeling today. I say that because when I was in the middle of it I really thought those feelings were going to be with me for the rest of my life, I can tell you now those feelings are gone and I'm so grateful for that. You'll get there too.
@@DSD Thank you so much reaching out. Sometimes i feel like I'm just drowning, worst part is NOONE understands the torture we go thru. They think we're exxagerating or being overly sensitive or overly dramatic. Even best friends just scoff off the abuse saying, "it's not that bad, it can't be that bad" "everybody goes thru rough time" they don't understand how deep the pain & hurt really goes, Don't we need Atleast One person to understands us? One person to take our side & remind us to stand up for ourselves?
We really do Salonika and unless someone has been through this they just don't understand. They really do think we are just being overdramatic. Plus, if the ex is saying, "Oh, she's just overreacting to everything" or something else then it tends to validate that "illusion". The problem is someone just can't understand how deep the hurt and betrayal really goes. And I'm not talking about cheating - but just the betrayal of loyalty and love and the violation of trust. It just hurts so much that is is difficult to NOT react...
On the "at least one person" honestly that was the driving force for making this channel. I had some great friends who did everything that could to help support me (even though they didn't understand all of the dynamics of this) and I often thought about the person who has NO ONE. So I often hoped - or my vision - was being able to pop up in a search maybe late at night when someone was at their wits end and ready to give up AND THEN FINALLY finding some answers...
@@DSD i found your channel in my recommended feed, i subscribed while i was watching my first video. you actually get it. thankyou so much again. you have no idea the hope you are creating by sharing the info. and with your channel. thanks again DSD
Thank you for giving me a chance Salonika and I hope the channel and videos will continue to be helpful for you. All of this is just so darn difficult and until we find the answers we are just lost. God I know I was for YEARS and my life was just out of control and I didn't understand what the heck was happening. First just getting validation that our experiences are REAL and that we are not going insane is HUGE. They comes the knowledge and healing of what we've went through. I know you're early into this but what I can tell you once you get to the other side of this your life with transform in a truly positive way. It probably doesn't feel/seem like that today but it will...
I appreciate your videos. but I have a question. why a narcissist will never give up.? She was able to manipulate the court even when the judge expressed that he know it's all BS
Hi Hamed and let me welcome you to the channel. I think the reason is because they are looking for supply not necessarily "victory" so the *fight* is their victory and if they give up then they can no longer get supply from you. Our best bet is to demonstrate to them that they can get a reaction from us anymore and that whatever they do just doesn't bother us (even if it does) because then we starve them and they have to look for supply someplace else. But - they will *always* be watching to see if they can do it again - meaning get a reaction from you. -Duane
No it’s not
Beautiful hands 😊
Yup! It's difficult tho, if you are feeling forever stuck in those beginning stages (even over a year later.... & after 26 yrs in!) I was the one who always worked as a medical accountant (while he job hopped or was out of work, etc etc... am sure you know the drill!) I get sick.... become disabled.... Have to try & struggle on disability w/ his sometimes, unreliable. contributions to the house. He's not contributing much, acting worse & worse.... I'm grey-rocking & BAM.... 5am one day he has taken everything, wiped everything, took any transportation, $, everything & POOF, gone! Went & bought himself a new car, filed some fraudulent quicky divorce (he KNEW I wouldn't even be able to afford to reply/appear at.... considering he left us penniless & I have to find a way to feed our teenager on the daily) Zero support from him, nor anyone else.................. sick, can't drive & STILL stressed, still trying to dig our way out of this mess over a year later. Day to day survival & merely trying to keep the lights on, heat on, food in my sons belly... (while sacrificing big time myself.... him too.... my health, his emotional health) esp when our rent is a good 85% of my only income---- has been quite the struggle! (understatement of the year)! Calculated, cold & horrific these people can be. All while (I've been total NC, so has our son) people continue to send me crap he's posted smearing US.... living it up..... buying any/everything, lovebombing................ ALL while trying to hoover, stalk, find, contact.... us. Pfffft..... not bothered & never falling for it again, BUT.... just sucks when such bad things happen to good people. IDK what has happened to friends family, support system, that should be there! ESP considering. They dont even call to check up... unless I call them. Even if they never liked him to begin with........... they just don't 'get it'... Compassion much? How you can allow your child/grandchild to starve, struggle... when you have the means & then some to make it a LITTLE easier on them?! Can you say toxic. ugh, definitely need a 2018 miracle, that's-a-for sure!!!!! Be well...
Hello. I hear ya on family. Maybe God doesn't want their bad energy around you. Find other support groups. Head to a church.
@@shanyahilliard29 thank you 💜
Ok it’s taken me months to write this - I did want to write in response to your most recent video but I need to get it out ........
MY SON IS A NARCISSIST!!!!!! From the time he could talk I could see more and more examples of his words and actions as being way out of kilter and way over the top by anyone’s standards.
I have sweated blood for my 4 sons. I’ve worked myself into the ground in an attempt to compensate for their narcissistic fathers behaviour.
What’s happened now is my eldest has ground myself, his siblings and his step father into the ground with his narcissistic actions. He is now a father himself and we all hoped being a parent would “change” him. Not. The fact that there is a child involved now has given him exactly what he needs..... a weapon, a toy, to play with that he can control. We were in a state of denial prior to this but now we, as a family, have finally stood up and said “NO”.... this behaviour is NOT acceptable.... we cannot continue to stand by and let him wreak havoc over us anymore.
It’s the hardest thing to say.... I’m ashamed of him, I cannot believe this is my child and he’s an out of control narcissist. I have decided to document the journey now because it’s the only outlet I have.
Thank you for nudging me into naming it up and please tell me how to survive the enormous hurt he is causing on a daily basis.
You need to save his child. If you can get the government involved to remove that child then go full steam ahead. Maybe talking to the child to see if the child knows he/she is being abused. If the child knows he/she is being abused , ask the child if they are prepared to work with you to get away from the narc. If they are then call child protective services and alert them. Under no circumstances leave that child in harms way. Outside resources must be brought in to help.
It is true I did all the work to keep the relationship together. I listened to all the ex issue with his sick mother, all the time his work took away from us being together, etc. We were not having the time to nurture our relationship to keep it going yet when my ex got hooked up with a married OW online the offline his time was consumed with being with OW. No excuses he gave me with his issues we could not be together yet he gives all his time to her. Work or sick mom does not get in the way of them being together. 15 years with him I have nothing to show for it. Thank god no children from the ex with endless issues. I get pissed of to come out of this with nothing while the OW gets everything and is treated like a queen.
I feel really pi's*sed off that I am doing all the work to pick up the pieces of my life. This is not deserved and not fair. Even if they do get justice... I don't care. I didn't start this silent war. I didn't set out to fk my life up. Sick game..I want out Universe! 😋
Is there any effort to end this? We seem like pitiful giants that are incapable of bringing this cleat abuse to a divisive end. It's like Germany in the 40s. There should be an unconditional surrender to ensure this can't happen to anyone again.
The focus should not be on them, but on self. They are not the problem. The relationship that is codependent/narcissist attracts. The N is like a kid who never grew up and wants supply. The N uses and the codependent gives. No expect anything...what you see is what you get. Just get away and find a healthy relationship.
Yes; dsd they do!
Great
I finally took custody of My Daughters from their Mother in 2011 due to neglect. I have been paying child support since they were very young and haven't filed taxes in years because I could barely afford to survive let alone having to buy clothes for the kids for school despite having paid child support because she wouldn't buy them anything. I have gotten my Drivers license suspended multiple times had cars taken from me multiple times. Flash forward to today I was able to get both of My Daughters to Graduate High School and My Punishment for bringing this up at the time was 2 more years of Child Support 2016-2018 ( filed free of charge to her, of course, compliments of child support services), despite having a court order for Joint Custody. Lawyers and Paralegals I spoke to at the time felt sorry for me and advised it was better to leave it alone because I was close to them being 18 and once the court knew how much money I was making they would probably end up making me pay more on top of the legal fees. I go to their house to pickup My Daughters and her Mom has the exact car her daughter told her she wanted (OneUp). My Daughters Mom's Father who She told me abused her when she was a child and incidentally has been advising her on how to manipulate the system against me Got the same color sports car that I had White on Black and his classic truck fully restored I'm sure all those years of claiming my children probably paid off. But I am not Bitter I just think it's lame that people can be so childish and do things out of Spite to others even their own children. I'm trying to get my daughters to see these people for who they really are so they can protect themselves but A therapist I used to take them to helped me understand that although I may see them this way My Daughters see them as their family. Now I just have to figure out how to pay the 90k + backpay that I owe at a 23% interest rate something I will gladly pay As long as I'm not with her anymore Lol.
Sometimes I think he won. He tried to destroy me. I tried making recordings... oh well. I'm the one in trouble
Did you get in trouble for making the recordings? In some areas it isn't legal unless both parties know about it. Hope you can get out of this Dove.
They are immature idiots