Yes, you can apologize. Even do restitution. But they will use that as ammounition for future shaming and blaming. So do it ONCE and when they bring it up (and they will, over and over) just say "That was then, and I'm moving on. Get professional help." and walk away.
If you never apologize to them then you run the risk of being like them because they never apologize. The key is to learn to discern when you’re actually in the wrong and only apologize then. Also, avoid narcissists altogether if possible and go “no contact” with the ones you currently know or associate with ASAP...
@@theeclecticcollective8279 I'm sure if you actually did something wrong and you're a normal individual you would apologize to anyone. However, most people dealing with a TRUE narcessistic or sociopathic person may already feel intimidated or always made to feel guilty or ashamed for their feelings or words, that aren't really wrong. They are just, most likely, made to feel like they did or said something wrong. It's just best to ghost them as much as possible and feel proud and secure with that, instead of guilty and wrong, like they always try to make you feel. In the end, they don't care about an apology per-se. They just need you to make it all about them regardless of anything.
As I was previously taught, you can always say "I'm sorry you feel that way. Or. I'm sorry it came across that way." It's a way of acknowledging the person's feelings without accepting blame.
Yep! A commonly noted FAUXPOLOGY tactic. The moment I start hearing some transparent nonsense like, that's when I back away (if not flat out run away from them all together forever!)
@@sophiashow3988Bruh I have covert narcissism and I’m not some evil person. Not everyone who is diagnosed with NPD will have the same exact traits as others. Same logic applies with BPD or even ADHD. I feel empathy and remorse but the self entitlement and blaming others and such is all ego related that I have to feel secure of and I’m guaranteed everyone feels that way to a certain extent. Yes, I will put myself ahead of others however, when it comes to family or close friends or even my relationship partner, I will care for them the most compared to unknown strangers. Yes, I have dramatic impulsive tendencies and such what this man described, but I still love and care for people who are close to me in life and will be help them out in every ways to because I care. And yes, some covert narcissists have tendencies to over care or solve problems even it doesn’t relate to them because we or especially I have empathy. Is there something to get out of it? Yes, and that same logic applies to everything to our modern society but what I get out of it for caring or helping would be a new established relationship that I would genuinely like. Whole part of any relationship os to grow a person out in a mature sense. So please don’t stigmatize or cause hysteria among covert narcissists.
@@keemstar8007I'm happy to see you coming out like that, I'm one myself. Realized after a series of broken relationships. Now that I sit and analyze my old self everything falls in place and covert narcissist is the label I'd have sadly. I see a lot of negative views about it such as staying away from covert narcissist or run away from them, that really hurts. From the time I analyzed myself with those traits I'm conscious and actively trying to not do things I'd do. Idk why I'm saying all these here, but I felt better 😅
@@manupatisanthosh7046 Yeah I was diagnosed with ADHD whenever I was younger but due to childhood and teenage traumas, it lead me to develop a cluster b personality disorder which was covert narcissism. Realized that an ADHD brain was very prone to develop a cluster b personality disorder and had a similar brain structure as an ASPD brain and it all makes sense now. Nevertheless, I was called selfish and even my family members know that but I still try to improve and care more. I do things impulsively without me realizing Im gaslighting or being manipulative or that or that but now I’m more self aware and me smoking weed helps a lot when it comes to that. Currently in a relationship and she understands how I am and she’s the one I listen to since I feel comfortable. Empathy can increase for a person who had covert narcissism and thats why a lot of self awareness, doing psychedelics, marijuana, mediation, etc. not only that, literally even all the Hollywood celebrities you see most or not all have covert narcissism however I’m sure they find ways to control it and still have a healthy functional relationship. These people are obviously going to stigmatize cover narcissists because they had a bad experience with one who was most likely not self aware or never grew up middle class-wealthy or around a healthy family etc. i’ve seen DS here BPD men, dangerous BPD women, dangerous bipolar men/women, etc. but also seen good. At the end of the day, we can’t judge but we can do is try to understand their childhood traumas and background and then truly determine if you wanna stay with them or not. But same I felt better knowing I’m not the only one and glad you have too. Don’t overthink it like I do, just keep self improving and know that you’re doing this all to make others and yourself happy by trying to have an ideal relationship you want or an ideal success you want for yourself and your family. Chasing success for yourself isn’t bad, don’t let these videos say otherwise. Success for your own will lead you to have a stable family and to provide for your gf and such. If you have the goals that benefits yourself first and then your family and gf or wife, then thats all fine. Just remember in the future try to at least put your kids first before yourself. Over time with a lot of self awareness and improvement, your cover narcissism will decrease and be a minimal thing since your EQ will increase. Just like how you could increase your IQ, you could as well increase your EQ. Hopefully this helps. Stay strong bro you ain’t alone. Anyone who reads this, understands that not every covert narcissist isn’t what the media always portray. Just be knowledgeable and understand their family background and childhood traumas.
Or you are a narc/narc traits and people are actually calling you out and so you are projecting and blame shifting 😆. Finally fully educating myself on narcissim/narc traits after being raised by them and attracting them my whole life. I am 28 years old now and only just properly realising this and learning actual basic boundaries (that get wore down) and still get manipulated into feeling like a villian for calling people out on their toxic bs ? ? Sick of being treated like sh!t because people think their problems are bigger than mine. I am done falling for actual narcs/people wiv narc traits convincing me that i am the bad guy when I am actually too nice and easily manipulated because i see the best in people!
Also, Very poor to no insight 🤯 And they’ll hold grudges even when they did something wrong, to divert from their mistake they can’t/don’t want to apologize to you.
My ex displayed all five of these…was a liar over the smallest things, and used withholding affection or the silent treatment to punish. He also was a cheater and a conman
I stopped allowing my mom to help me when I got a job at 16. I wouldn’t let her buy clothes or school stuff even trips for school and now as a 32 year old I still won’t let her help and never ask. I do allow her to give money to buy our kids things but it’s NEVER money as in help I need money it’s we got this and can pay for it but if you want to gift it to your grandkids and we help them buy what they want then fine. If you dont take things or help from her then she can’t complain about it. Although if she’s like my mom she will complain about things from you being little or 15/20 years ago honestly there’s no winning but not letting them “help” you because you need help is useful to not allow them to guilt you into things or hold things over your head for years.
My mother also, I went to counseling for years as an adult. I didn't want to perpetuate damage done by her onto my own children. I'm grateful I knew enough to change the narrative in my family
I dated one, and he told me very sad story his childhood. I listened. I’ve tried to relate to it, since I had some challenges as a child.( hello no surprise that’s why he picked me) he quickly turned into what I would consider a competition of pain not on my side I had to step away from the conversation. Eventually the relationship. So many problems he had at work and with people in general
They will rarely ever tell you that they had a great day… it’s always a hectic day with lots of problems and stress but thankfully they are so wonderful that they handled it all
Unfortunately my Mother MASTERED the art of Overt AND Covert narcassism which allowed her to cover all angels of abusing others....When my Mother passed away she was alone.....everyone figured her out well before and stayed away
These people use this behavior as a form of manipulation to control others and get what they want. The fact you saw it as a flaw and not a tool is what is meaningful. They do not see their behaviors as flaws.
Narcissists cannot see fault in themselves only in others. You had a character flaw that you worked on fixing. Huge difference. Keep up the good work. ❤️
Narcissism isn't just a disorder, it's a personality trait. We are all somewhat narcissistic to some degree. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder(which is what this man is talking about) have narcissism to the extent that it interferes with their life and wellbeing. For instance, if you were so overly critical of others that only people who wanted something from you could tolerate being around you or if you were so overly critical that you didn't realize your own mistakes or blamed your coworkers for your mistakes. The mere fact that you realized you were overly critical of others shows that you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions. Definitely not a narcissist.
I don't think her husband is, she definitely is a covert narcissist.. I think he's just sucked in by her crap!! She's the victim, he's trying to protect her.. Hopefully one day he'll wake up!
Thank you, Jim. Your videos are priceless. I hope victims of narcissists find them as many of them still have no idea what they’re dealing with, and even when talking to many therapists they can’t find the assistance and support that they are in need of since the therapists don’t have the education that you have in this area to really help people. May God bless you, Jim.
"They're often fault finding and very critical of other people." I used ignore this one when they did it for me CLAIMING TO SYMPATHIZE with me..until they started doing it TO me. Looking back, it was quite bizarre how hypercritical they were of neighbors they didn't even know or have a relationships with. The way they talked down about those folks was very snobby. So when their STUCK-UP-NESS finally came at me too... I was not even surprised and just laughed at them and that of course caused a narcissistic RAGE from them. But that's totally okay because NO CONTACT cures all!
My MIL to an absolute T.. never ever in 17 yrs of knowing her has she ever apologized or acknowledged anything but her own feelings / perpetual victimhood. Fun times. 😵💫
Describing a "friend" I cut off this year, I got tired of the victim mentality and constant threats of self deletion. It gets old, I grew up with a narcissist and I have no more room for them in my life.
You just described my sister succinctly and accurately. I don’t trust her at all. When I was younger I believed her and protected her. I ALWAYS stood up for her. After a true, court approved decision of elder abuse on our mom I will NEVER, EVER trust or forgive her. That may make me the narcissist you described but wrong is wrong. Unfortunately my sister’s brainwashed my elderly mother with dementia. My mom thinks my sister loves and cares about her so she “chose” to live with her instead of me. Now my mom calls me to complain about her “treatment“ and asks me to help her. I only speak to my sister when she happens to answer the phone when I call to speak to my mom. It’s tragic and I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced behavior like this so if hating her is bad, we’ll I’m a bad person. Ty for posting this video! Maybe you can save someone else from grief. ❤🙌
wow.. add my x to the list when he was who broke my back and toss me across the front yard and played victim all over when he abused me..called my job and started the process of beat down over zeroooo..so many people are doing this.. actions speak louder than words... criticar yep...
Oh damn. You just described someone who decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore. She frequently crossed the boundaries of others. I politely addressed the matter, and expressed concern that she was going to say "woe is me!" instead of attempting to change her ways. She tried an Uno Reverse; calling me the problem, bawling that she's always the victim. She was waving the giant red flag she refused to let go of: demonstrating the exact behavior I had seen before. I could practically smell the gaslighting. I told her I would always care about her and pray for her, but I needed to distance myself. She told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore. When I saw her last in person, I was kind, polite, and friendly... She didn't even look me in the eyes, grunting in half-assed acknowledgement... I suppose it wasn't a strong friendship on her end if she dropped me that quickly.
most people find out they have cancer and want to make amends, and clear their conscience, my mother in law is hell bent on getting revenge on everyone who wronged her, only problem is that she is the perpetrator, and it’s her warped perception projected onto others!!!
This is my father to a T and my mother was his narcissistic trophy wife. She protected and made excuses for him while gaslighting me. For her devotion to him she got love bombed with diamonds, presents and fancy trips. I was the scape goat. Never meeting their expectations and always wrong for speaking up. They had family members bully me too. It was a fucked up childhood.
They never ever apologize. But their targets are their victims. So if you dare to share what you're dealing with, you are a victim this labelled the narcissist(?) so therefore we must suffer in the silence. Lose-lose
My sister and I prayed to get her back because we are the last of our family and I missed her, warts and all! I am not so perfect either and Yashua worked in her heart ❤️ and I am so thankful! Screw the labels we have come to rely on, when they are gone it’s over and life is short. I just want to know she is there to reach out to in the time we have left.
Life is short. Last week I called my sister whom I’ve not spoken to in 22 years. It was wonderful to hear her voice again. Going to visit her in 128 days for 1 month. I don’t want to wait!! Forgiveness is freeing.
yup fits my mother who has npd hpd traits. she is paranoid, introverted angry . And doesn't want supply. she hated me because of my development disabilities.
@@susan9630 I have no idea what you’re talking about. I didn’t say anything about sexual predators. They should get the 💀 penalty as far as I’m concerned.
@@Tracywhited2 you compared what you call "cancel culture" to narcissism. What you call cancel culture is about holding predators accountable. That is not narcissism.
Every single characteristic you described 100% matches my stepmom’s temperament that she’s had towards me throughout all the years that I lived with her, and even after moving out 15 years ago. She still talks about drama (between my mom and her) that still affects her today that occurred 20+ years ago.
My Brother's one, because I wouldn't pander to him 24/7 he's cut me off. He did me a massive favour, I no longer have to put up with his constant drama and negative behaviour 🥳
Ex wife was a grandiose. Step daughter was a covert. Both took my 3 children from me. I hope the truth will be exposed. If not I hope my children understand later on and are not damaged beyond my reach.
This is the worst. I love it when you screw up, feel bad, apologize, and they accuse you of not meaning it. “You’re not sorry” they’ll say, which is a devastating thing to hear if you’re feeling genuine remorse
Remember, there are people who have been truly victimized, very different from the sob stories narcs share. Don’t mistake a genuine person who’s struggling with narcissistic abuse, confusion, fear, people pleasing, as being a covert narc. Is not forgetting holding a grudge? I won’t forget what the narcs have done!
Every single trait relates to me one way or the other, its a shame to realize that i ended up as one. Ive realized this over time after a series of broken relationships. My turning point is my last girlfriend, she is just happy all the time, smiling, positive and playful and love way more than i deserve, i never acknowledged it properly nor appreciated what i had, she kept up with me for an year and till last week she called it quits, she couldn't take it i guess She cried a lot and im taking all the blame. Im not writing this to get some sympathy or anything, just putting out my mind as i cannot share this with anyone or have someone that i can share this kind of news. Ive been very conscious from few days and working on myself. I hope it progresses well. Damn i lost an amazing girl. Im really worried id hurt her again subconsciously if i win her back, shes a kind one, as much as i want her she probably would be better off without me in her life. This feeling sucks soo bad.
The 2x's she verbally offered,as though it would be a relief for me ...I never considered your question before, I'll have to consider it and get back to you...humm!!
I pray you distance yourself from your mother. Find a great friend at church or a mother figure. Read read read your Holy Bible. God will be with you if you obey His commands and rules.
So it sounds like me in different situations…lol…how do you know someone is a narcissist when it comes to apologizing. How do you know the story is being used to gain trust. Hearing this stuff makes me feel like everyone needs to go to their room and never come out…lol
How dangerous are they if they’re caught and thrown in prison for assaulting someone…and thought he was above the law as a volunteer fire fighter and was part of a weird group that included other people with the same kind of unhealthy interests that held really good jobs ….and made the threats to do worse if it got reported
Just sounds like people with low self esteem trying to reach out or perhaps someone trying to build a cult following determines on what they about really.
Describes one of my daughters exactly as you described. How to treat them to overcome their covert narcissism. She is seeing some type of help for what I don’t know. A very closed person and has a 15 yo daughter. Takes prescription drugs for ? Probably for symptoms (is that the cure?) take these and go away. What can I do as a parent to help?
If the apology came on the heels of hitting me very hard am I supposed to just accept it? Not a grudge, I just have boundaries. He's the one who's 49 and lives with his dad.
Bad relationship with mother Children with issues Autoimmune issues I cant be in a commited relationship and i need to be single for a while but please don't leave me.
I'm scared of being a covert narcissist (and I just got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist 😂😂😂). Omg, what do I do? I'm really scared of being the selfish one in the relationship and making everything wrong. But now it just came to my mind that my ex told me in the beggining that I should stay away cause he was really broken inside. I should have listened, but I wanted to save him, and I understand that I can't save people if they are not doing their job
I’ve be leveraged by my wife so getting out at this time is impossible due to financial reasons..we had 3 unplanned kids(love them dearly) that kept me around for obvious reasons. As a result I had a vasectomy because it was getting out of control(3 kids in about 5 years). I never seen it especially because we where barely having sex. My 3 girls all grown up can’t stand being around her for any length of time and think she’s evil..this woman triggers the hell out of everyone in her direct family then plays victim…her body count sex is upsetting..life sucks and very lonely..be smart listen to ur heart don’t be stupid like me please!!
Never apologize to these people because chances are you didn't do anything. They are, most likely, the ones that did you wrong
Yes, you can apologize. Even do restitution. But they will use that as ammounition for future shaming and blaming. So do it ONCE and when they bring it up (and they will, over and over) just say "That was then, and I'm moving on. Get professional help." and walk away.
If you never apologize to them then you run the risk of being like them because they never apologize. The key is to learn to discern when you’re actually in the wrong and only apologize then.
Also, avoid narcissists altogether if possible and go “no contact” with the ones you currently know or associate with ASAP...
@@theeclecticcollective8279 I'm sure if you actually did something wrong and you're a normal individual you would apologize to anyone.
However, most people dealing with a TRUE narcessistic or sociopathic person may already feel intimidated or always made to feel guilty or ashamed for their feelings or words, that aren't really wrong. They are just, most likely, made to feel like they did or said something wrong.
It's just best to ghost them as much as possible and feel proud and secure with that, instead of guilty and wrong, like they always try to make you feel. In the end, they don't care about an apology per-se. They just need you to make it all about them regardless of anything.
Apologize and back away slowly, like it’s a grizzly bear and you just interrupted it’s dinner.
As I was previously taught, you can always say "I'm sorry you feel that way. Or. I'm sorry it came across that way." It's a way of acknowledging the person's feelings without accepting blame.
“I’m sorry you were hurt.”
Closest thing to an apology I ever got. Lol
Yep! A commonly noted FAUXPOLOGY tactic. The moment I start hearing some transparent nonsense like, that's when I back away (if not flat out run away from them all together forever!)
I was always told, I am sorry you feel that way
Same
Wow yeah idemdito. It’s basically: “I am sorry that you see everything so wrong and overreacted”
If you come across a covert narcissist don't walk away....RUN!!!!
I can’t run I live with one and it’s my dad I wish I could run
@@wonderfulwatermelon3033 Please make your plans to get out as soon as you can....don't let fear guide you....Good luck.
@@sophiashow3988Bruh I have covert narcissism and I’m not some evil person. Not everyone who is diagnosed with NPD will have the same exact traits as others. Same logic applies with BPD or even ADHD. I feel empathy and remorse but the self entitlement and blaming others and such is all ego related that I have to feel secure of and I’m guaranteed everyone feels that way to a certain extent.
Yes, I will put myself ahead of others however, when it comes to family or close friends or even my relationship partner, I will care for them the most compared to unknown strangers.
Yes, I have dramatic impulsive tendencies and such what this man described, but I still love and care for people who are close to me in life and will be help them out in every ways to because I care.
And yes, some covert narcissists have tendencies to over care or solve problems even it doesn’t relate to them because we or especially I have empathy. Is there something to get out of it? Yes, and that same logic applies to everything to our modern society but what I get out of it for caring or helping would be a new established relationship that I would genuinely like.
Whole part of any relationship os to grow a person out in a mature sense. So please don’t stigmatize or cause hysteria among covert narcissists.
@@keemstar8007I'm happy to see you coming out like that, I'm one myself. Realized after a series of broken relationships. Now that I sit and analyze my old self everything falls in place and covert narcissist is the label I'd have sadly.
I see a lot of negative views about it such as staying away from covert narcissist or run away from them, that really hurts. From the time I analyzed myself with those traits I'm conscious and actively trying to not do things I'd do.
Idk why I'm saying all these here, but I felt better 😅
@@manupatisanthosh7046 Yeah I was diagnosed with ADHD whenever I was younger but due to childhood and teenage traumas, it lead me to develop a cluster b personality disorder which was covert narcissism. Realized that an ADHD brain was very prone to develop a cluster b personality disorder and had a similar brain structure as an ASPD brain and it all makes sense now. Nevertheless, I was called selfish and even my family members know that but I still try to improve and care more. I do things impulsively without me realizing Im gaslighting or being manipulative or that or that but now I’m more self aware and me smoking weed helps a lot when it comes to that. Currently in a relationship and she understands how I am and she’s the one I listen to since I feel comfortable. Empathy can increase for a person who had covert narcissism and thats why a lot of self awareness, doing psychedelics, marijuana, mediation, etc. not only that, literally even all the Hollywood celebrities you see most or not all have covert narcissism however I’m sure they find ways to control it and still have a healthy functional relationship.
These people are obviously going to stigmatize cover narcissists because they had a bad experience with one who was most likely not self aware or never grew up middle class-wealthy or around a healthy family etc. i’ve seen DS here BPD men, dangerous BPD women, dangerous bipolar men/women, etc. but also seen good. At the end of the day, we can’t judge but we can do is try to understand their childhood traumas and background and then truly determine if you wanna stay with them or not.
But same I felt better knowing I’m not the only one and glad you have too. Don’t overthink it like I do, just keep self improving and know that you’re doing this all to make others and yourself happy by trying to have an ideal relationship you want or an ideal success you want for yourself and your family. Chasing success for yourself isn’t bad, don’t let these videos say otherwise. Success for your own will lead you to have a stable family and to provide for your gf and such. If you have the goals that benefits yourself first and then your family and gf or wife, then thats all fine. Just remember in the future try to at least put your kids first before yourself. Over time with a lot of self awareness and improvement, your cover narcissism will decrease and be a minimal thing since your EQ will increase. Just like how you could increase your IQ, you could as well increase your EQ.
Hopefully this helps. Stay strong bro you ain’t alone. Anyone who reads this, understands that not every covert narcissist isn’t what the media always portray. Just be knowledgeable and understand their family background and childhood traumas.
The trouble is, narcissists always accuse other people of being narcissists. Will the real narcissist please stand up.
😂
Or you are a narc/narc traits and people are actually calling you out and so you are projecting and blame shifting 😆.
Finally fully educating myself on narcissim/narc traits after being raised by them and attracting them my whole life. I am 28 years old now and only just properly realising this and learning actual basic boundaries (that get wore down) and still get manipulated into feeling like a villian for calling people out on their toxic bs ? ?
Sick of being treated like sh!t because people think their problems are bigger than mine. I am done falling for actual narcs/people wiv narc traits convincing me that i am the bad guy when I am actually too nice and easily manipulated because i see the best in people!
Also, Very poor to no insight 🤯
And they’ll hold grudges even when they did something wrong, to divert from their mistake they can’t/don’t want to apologize to you.
My ex displayed all five of these…was a liar over the smallest things, and used withholding affection or the silent treatment to punish. He also was a cheater and a conman
They lack empathy and cannot self reflect
You literally just described my mom who I presume is RIGHT NOW complaining to someone about her various martyrdoms.
Right there with ya! My mom too.
I stopped allowing my mom to help me when I got a job at 16. I wouldn’t let her buy clothes or school stuff even trips for school and now as a 32 year old I still won’t let her help and never ask. I do allow her to give money to buy our kids things but it’s NEVER money as in help I need money it’s we got this and can pay for it but if you want to gift it to your grandkids and we help them buy what they want then fine. If you dont take things or help from her then she can’t complain about it. Although if she’s like my mom she will complain about things from you being little or 15/20 years ago honestly there’s no winning but not letting them “help” you because you need help is useful to not allow them to guilt you into things or hold things over your head for years.
@@love.wildly.live.fearlessly The problem of a career martyr, they never give up. Good you got a strong mind to realize this
People that hold grudges for long periods If time . Sound familiar! Hahha
My mother also, I went to counseling for years as an adult. I didn't want to perpetuate damage done by her onto my own children. I'm grateful I knew enough to change the narrative in my family
I dated one, and he told me very sad story his childhood. I listened. I’ve tried to relate to it, since I had some challenges as a child.( hello no surprise that’s why he picked me) he quickly turned into what I would consider a competition of pain not on my side I had to step away from the conversation. Eventually the relationship.
So many problems he had at work and with people in general
They will rarely ever tell you that they had a great day… it’s always a hectic day with lots of problems and stress but thankfully they are so wonderful that they handled it all
Unfortunately my Mother MASTERED the art of Overt AND Covert narcassism which allowed her to cover all angels of abusing others....When my Mother passed away she was alone.....everyone figured her out well before and stayed away
I don't think I'm a narcissist but I been overly critical of people in the past and have been much happier since I have worked on this character flaw.
These people use this behavior as a form of manipulation to control others and get what they want. The fact you saw it as a flaw and not a tool is what is meaningful. They do not see their behaviors as flaws.
The fact that you saw a flaw in yourself and are working on it to be a better and kinder human being means you are not a narcissist.
Narcissists cannot see fault in themselves only in others. You had a character flaw that you worked on fixing. Huge difference. Keep up the good work. ❤️
Look at the names ☕ some people just seem so delusional these days 🤡
Narcissism isn't just a disorder, it's a personality trait. We are all somewhat narcissistic to some degree. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder(which is what this man is talking about) have narcissism to the extent that it interferes with their life and wellbeing. For instance, if you were so overly critical of others that only people who wanted something from you could tolerate being around you or if you were so overly critical that you didn't realize your own mistakes or blamed your coworkers for your mistakes. The mere fact that you realized you were overly critical of others shows that you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions. Definitely not a narcissist.
Oh,right on! The difference between most sad stories and a Covert Narc's is the N gets all the sympathy, center stage attention, even gifts or favors.
It’s really hard because everyone hates a narcissistic but they don’t want to see that they were created by abusive people usually parents.
I think we have a couple that are perpetually in the news these days
I Was thinking the exact same thing. Amazing how on point it is.
👍👍👍👍. Yes we do and they won’t shut up!!!🤮
Narkle and 'her husband'.
Exact.
Perfectly described Horrid and Megain.
I don't think her husband is, she definitely is a covert narcissist.. I think he's just sucked in by her crap!! She's the victim, he's trying to protect her.. Hopefully one day he'll wake up!
Thank you, Jim.
Your videos are priceless.
I hope victims of narcissists find them as many of them still have no idea what they’re dealing with, and even when talking to many therapists they can’t find the assistance and support that they are in need of since the therapists don’t have the education that you have in this area to really help people.
May God bless you, Jim.
except for the zooming close & back out, got me a bit dizzy 😵
"They're often fault finding and very critical of other people." I used ignore this one when they did it for me CLAIMING TO SYMPATHIZE with me..until they started doing it TO me. Looking back, it was quite bizarre how hypercritical they were of neighbors they didn't even know or have a relationships with. The way they talked down about those folks was very snobby. So when their STUCK-UP-NESS finally came at me too... I was not even surprised and just laughed at them and that of course caused a narcissistic RAGE from them. But that's totally okay because NO CONTACT cures all!
My MIL to an absolute T.. never ever in 17 yrs of knowing her has she ever apologized or acknowledged anything but her own feelings / perpetual victimhood. Fun times. 😵💫
Sounds like the Duchess of Sussex to a tee.
Because you know her personally? 🙄😑
Thank you for these truths. Please don’t fall for the narcissist’s deception. It could ruin your life.
I just watched a 6-part series whose main character falls exactly into this category. That's very unfortunate for her family... and for England...
For England?
I just watched a show on Netflix that reminds me of everything he said. Some docuseries…gosh…wish I could remember what it was 😏
was it about Joe Biden?
@@deered1149you political losers are everywhere
All of that, yep! This is describing the worst one in my life to an absolute tee
Describing a "friend" I cut off this year, I got tired of the victim mentality and constant threats of self deletion. It gets old, I grew up with a narcissist and I have no more room for them in my life.
My mother in a nutshell, pun intended....
You just described my sister succinctly and accurately. I don’t trust her at all. When I was younger I believed her and protected her. I ALWAYS stood up for her. After a true, court approved decision of elder abuse on our mom I will NEVER, EVER trust or forgive her. That may make me the narcissist you described but wrong is wrong. Unfortunately my sister’s brainwashed my elderly mother with dementia. My mom thinks my sister loves and cares about her so she “chose” to live with her instead of me. Now my mom calls me to complain about her “treatment“ and asks me to help her. I only speak to my sister when she happens to answer the phone when I call to speak to my mom. It’s tragic and I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced behavior like this so if hating her is bad, we’ll I’m a bad person. Ty for posting this video! Maybe you can save someone else from grief. ❤🙌
This sounds EXACTLY like Meghan Markle! WOW! It's like you were describing all of her characteristics.
wow.. add my x to the list when he was who broke my back and toss me across the front yard and played victim all over when he abused me..called my job and started the process of beat down over zeroooo..so many people are doing this.. actions speak louder than words... criticar yep...
Yes it's never there fault.... And yes they will buy your trust... Sob storys so get what they want....
My ex was a narcissist. I did not realize this until years after I left him. He messed my head up really bad and it took me years to get over it.
Oh damn. You just described someone who decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore. She frequently crossed the boundaries of others. I politely addressed the matter, and expressed concern that she was going to say "woe is me!" instead of attempting to change her ways. She tried an Uno Reverse; calling me the problem, bawling that she's always the victim. She was waving the giant red flag she refused to let go of: demonstrating the exact behavior I had seen before. I could practically smell the gaslighting. I told her I would always care about her and pray for her, but I needed to distance myself. She told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore. When I saw her last in person, I was kind, polite, and friendly... She didn't even look me in the eyes, grunting in half-assed acknowledgement... I suppose it wasn't a strong friendship on her end if she dropped me that quickly.
most people find out they have cancer and want to make amends, and clear their conscience, my mother in law is hell bent on getting revenge on everyone who wronged her, only problem is that she is the perpetrator, and it’s her warped perception projected onto others!!!
Love this roadmap about these people, the jerky camerawork, not so much.
Sounds like victimhood to me 😂
This is my father to a T and my mother was his narcissistic trophy wife. She protected and made excuses for him while gaslighting me. For her devotion to him she got love bombed with diamonds, presents and fancy trips. I was the scape goat. Never meeting their expectations and always wrong for speaking up. They had family members bully me too. It was a fucked up childhood.
They never ever apologize. But their targets are their victims. So if you dare to share what you're dealing with, you are a victim this labelled the narcissist(?) so therefore we must suffer in the silence. Lose-lose
My sister and I prayed to get her back because we are the last of our family and I missed her, warts and all! I am not so perfect either and Yashua worked in her heart ❤️ and I am so thankful! Screw the labels we have come to rely on, when they are gone it’s over and life is short. I just want to know she is there to reach out to in the time we have left.
Life is short. Last week I called my sister whom I’ve not spoken to in 22 years. It was wonderful to hear her voice again. Going to visit her in 128 days for 1 month. I don’t want to wait!! Forgiveness is freeing.
@@chakkakon ...forgiveness Is freeing, but be careful...
This describes Meagan Markle
You don't even know her. stfu
Or Amber Heard
Their actions show what their about.
yup fits my mother who has npd hpd traits. she is paranoid, introverted angry . And doesn't want supply. she hated me because of my development disabilities.
Soooooo. Cancel culture. Got it. 😂😂. Seriously though this is invaluable information you’re sharing. Much respect
No. Consequences for sexual predators is not the same as covert narcissism.
@@susan9630 I have no idea what you’re talking about. I didn’t say anything about sexual predators. They should get the 💀 penalty as far as I’m concerned.
@@Tracywhited2 you compared what you call "cancel culture" to narcissism. What you call cancel culture is about holding predators accountable. That is not narcissism.
@@susan9630 sorry hun but it’s waaaay more than just predators. It’s anybody you don’t agree with these days and that is narcissistic.
Gosh, meet many people (since 2000) with the expert's description of 'covert narcissist.'
My boss... a very abusive relationship. The one thing I kept repeating was.. their words snd actions do not match.
My mother, she is an extreme covert-Narcissist
Wow you just described my Evil Mother exactly 😢
Well that proves it. I'm just a regular bitter asshole. Also
Every single characteristic you described 100% matches my stepmom’s temperament that she’s had towards me throughout all the years that I lived with her, and even after moving out 15 years ago. She still talks about drama (between my mom and her) that still affects her today that occurred 20+ years ago.
I KNOW I LIVED WITH ONE..ALWAYS MY FAULT..
... time to find a BENEVOLENT boss...
How can I spot a narcissist in a job interview?
My daughter. Gosh.
So then what? I’m trying to make peace, particularly to see my grandkids, but I’m accused of gaslighting.
I’m heartbroken. Help?!
My Brother's one, because I wouldn't pander to him 24/7 he's cut me off. He did me a massive favour, I no longer have to put up with his constant drama and negative behaviour 🥳
Omg, this was my mother and it was a living hell for me.
Ex wife was a grandiose. Step daughter was a covert. Both took my 3 children from me. I hope the truth will be exposed. If not I hope my children understand later on and are not damaged beyond my reach.
Bob Singer for President!! I support you!!!
This is the worst. I love it when you screw up, feel bad, apologize, and they accuse you of not meaning it. “You’re not sorry” they’ll say, which is a devastating thing to hear if you’re feeling genuine remorse
See them around a lot. Work with a few of them.
You are so intuitively amazing! Thankyou for yr effort to post..so helpfull!
I wonder how many viewers were thinking the same thing I was: "this describes him/her to a T"
Hi Jim, what a helpful chap you are. Thank you. Nice calm voice.
Remember, there are people who have been truly victimized, very different from the sob stories narcs share. Don’t mistake a genuine person who’s struggling with narcissistic abuse, confusion, fear, people pleasing, as being a covert narc. Is not forgetting holding a grudge? I won’t forget what the narcs have done!
A very, very conning trickster...deserve an Oscar for acting
Sadly this encapsulates a large majority of the younger people in our society at this moment.
Wow that’s a eye opener 😮😮😮thank you
I'm reading Spare by Prince Harry. It's strikingly descriptive of him
Yep
And their career criminal children they raise
Their off their rockers!!!
They do all this and more
It's truly SAD
Holding grudges--yes! 😔
You hit the nail on the head 💯😇
How is this healed? Sounds like someone in my family and I see a deep brokenness and he’s kinda hurt, empty and always tightly wound and stressed out.
Every single trait relates to me one way or the other, its a shame to realize that i ended up as one. Ive realized this over time after a series of broken relationships.
My turning point is my last girlfriend, she is just happy all the time, smiling, positive and playful and love way more than i deserve, i never acknowledged it properly nor appreciated what i had, she kept up with me for an year and till last week she called it quits, she couldn't take it i guess She cried a lot and im taking all the blame. Im not writing this to get some sympathy or anything, just putting out my mind as i cannot share this with anyone or have someone that i can share this kind of news.
Ive been very conscious from few days and working on myself. I hope it progresses well. Damn i lost an amazing girl.
Im really worried id hurt her again subconsciously if i win her back, shes a kind one, as much as i want her she probably would be better off without me in her life.
This feeling sucks soo bad.
Thank you for this clear description.
Sounds like Meg and Harry , every box ticked .
Mother...she offered to kill me twice
Just offers not attempts?
The 2x's she verbally offered,as though it would be a relief for me
...I never considered your question before, I'll have to consider it and get back to you...humm!!
I pray you distance yourself from your mother. Find a great friend at church or a mother figure. Read read read your Holy Bible. God will be with you if you obey His commands and rules.
So it sounds like me in different situations…lol…how do you know someone is a narcissist when it comes to apologizing. How do you know the story is being used to gain trust. Hearing this stuff makes me feel like everyone needs to go to their room and never come out…lol
Narcissists don’t apologize…that’s how u know lol…
How dangerous are they if they’re caught and thrown in prison for assaulting someone…and thought he was above the law as a volunteer fire fighter and was part of a weird group that included other people with the same kind of unhealthy interests that held really good jobs ….and made the threats to do worse if it got reported
Learned things the hard way. After 14 years. I don't bother apologising. I also stopped being affectionate. I am on my way out.
Right on point!
Just sounds like people with low self esteem trying to reach out or perhaps someone trying to build a cult following determines on what they about really.
Describes one of my daughters exactly as you described. How to treat them to overcome their covert narcissism. She is seeing some type of help for what I don’t know. A very closed person and has a 15 yo daughter. Takes prescription drugs for ? Probably for symptoms (is that the cure?) take these and go away. What can I do as a parent to help?
If the apology came on the heels of hitting me very hard am I supposed to just accept it? Not a grudge, I just have boundaries. He's the one who's 49 and lives with his dad.
Why the jumpy camera? Very distracting!
#6 Parental Alienation, they are classic “divide and conquer” experts.
They have a hand full of stones while living in a house made of glass.
This describes SO MANY dysfunctional individuals including alcoholics.
Spot on!!! 👌
My mother and an Ex. Pure hell, I struggled with CPTSD for all my life. Until I realised what happened.
You described my husband.
Bad relationship with mother
Children with issues
Autoimmune issues
I cant be in a commited relationship and i need to be single for a while but please don't leave me.
My mom described with every word.
I'm scared of being a covert narcissist (and I just got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist 😂😂😂). Omg, what do I do? I'm really scared of being the selfish one in the relationship and making everything wrong. But now it just came to my mind that my ex told me in the beggining that I should stay away cause he was really broken inside. I should have listened, but I wanted to save him, and I understand that I can't save people if they are not doing their job
I’ve be leveraged by my wife so getting out at this time is impossible due to financial reasons..we had 3 unplanned kids(love them dearly) that kept me around for obvious reasons. As a result I had a vasectomy because it was getting out of control(3 kids in about 5 years). I never seen it especially because we where barely having sex. My 3 girls all grown up can’t stand being around her for any length of time and think she’s evil..this woman triggers the hell out of everyone in her direct family then plays victim…her body count sex is upsetting..life sucks and very lonely..be smart listen to ur heart don’t be stupid like me please!!
Described my ex to a "T". ♥️🤗👍
He must have met my brother.
Oh my goodness.....this is my daughter 😳
This can be so confusing because many of the signs he speaks of are also how a victim of narc abuse may feel or act at times.
Which turned them into one
Sure do know one of them they are scary
Yep.. I just got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist. It's freaking horrible. I had a child with him. I love my baby.
Described my dad to a T
Lets just play with the zoom lens function all day.
What fun.
Said every 9 year old ever.
Oh so you’ve met my family 😂
That's correct half the time
And they can turn into stalkers after a break up . And do it for years .