This is a great discussion. You have no clue that you gave to much until you open your eyes to see what was given to you. You not only neglected oneself, you made it okay for others to do so as well. You allowed the leaching to happen. Balance is needed in any relationship. I am thankful to not have taken from others without giving in return. Being a leach is distasteful. Boundaries are always key.
If I may add, not all "loving ways" are audible. I have quietly and subtly changed circumstances to reduce the amount of work I am doing for my family so that each member would have to step up for themselves. For example, I always wake up in the mornings and make my husbands coffee as well as lunches and breakfast. On the weekend I don't want to get up and make my husbands coffee so I replaced my "availability" by going to the gym and working out first thing (me time) but I kindly placed all the accouterments out for my husband the night before. By making myself "unavailable" I have been able to transfer many projects and chores onto family members that should have that responsibility (Laundry, serving their own plates...)
Hi lady’s, oh my goodness I have been through this at my place of work. I always tried to keep everything & everyone happy, by helping others feel good about them self’s ( as my cup always runuth over) I love my work. I ended up leaving my job because of a manipulator, whom was quite disrespectful to clients our boss,& others of different cultures.It bothered me so much that I chose to leave, rather than speak up.The years passed,& I received a call from her, she had just been fired from that job,& was desperately looking for work.I could see she was very emotionally upset and needed support & had no money, I was empathetic, listened to her story,& we met up a few times for lunch,(on me,& whilst giving her money for grocery’s).She ended up getting a job, as a manager constantly asking me to come work there.I did,& she was having the same childish antics, I knew in the 2nd week it all came back to me, it was abusive.I loved my job, clients,& all the other wonderful people that worked in the facility (she had issues & nasty things to say about them also)It always made me think of what my mother would say,”when someone gossips to you about someone else, that means they are gossiping about you to” Well,I left my job there after 14 months, but not without reporting her to our supervisor,I felt good about it, as too many people get taken advantage of because they want others to feel good about them selfs. All the best, I still think respect is the only way to go! Cuddles 🇬🇧🇨🇦M
I was always the friend who would pay so my friends could go out to fun places because they always said they dnt have money or let them borrow my clothes or shoes anything they dnt have so they can look their best. But little by little i got distant from everyone and just focused on my family. Now the new friends I have I give give in the way of talking more trying to make conversations if they don't start talks which feels awkward. My sister says to go out with her friends but it's not the same and sometimes stresses me like why is it so hard to have a real friendship.. I had one like 12 years ago someone I could trust and felt we each gave and received but she moved to Mexico and that was that. It is my fault because they didn't ask me to do any of those things idk I think I need therapy haha 🙄 or just avoid having friends and go back to just hang out with my family
To elaborate how the baby steps are, once there is initiative from the taker, keep encouraging positive reinforcement. Eg when you ask someone to take over taking out the trash/ cleaning up instead of you doing all that, say “ I appreciate what you’re doing, I really needed that break. Good job and thk u.” Most likely it will take longer time then u cleaning up yrself, or the work will b so much less perfect than you do it yrself, but mindful not to nag n little by little it will get better.
This is a great discussion. You have no clue that you gave to much until you open your eyes to see what was given to you. You not only neglected oneself, you made it okay for others to do so as well. You allowed the leaching to happen. Balance is needed in any relationship. I am thankful to not have taken from others without giving in return. Being a leach is distasteful. Boundaries are always key.
If I may add, not all "loving ways" are audible. I have quietly and subtly changed circumstances to reduce the amount of work I am doing for my family so that each member would have to step up for themselves. For example, I always wake up in the mornings and make my husbands coffee as well as lunches and breakfast. On the weekend I don't want to get up and make my husbands coffee so I replaced my "availability" by going to the gym and working out first thing (me time) but I kindly placed all the accouterments out for my husband the night before. By making myself "unavailable" I have been able to transfer many projects and chores onto family members that should have that responsibility (Laundry, serving their own plates...)
Tammy Renault love the me time part that put in 👌💯 % important
I love this! Thank you.
Wow I really needed this today! Thank you so much!
Hi lady’s, oh my goodness I have been through this at my place of work. I always tried to keep everything & everyone happy, by helping others feel good about them self’s ( as my cup always runuth over) I love my work. I ended up leaving my job because of a manipulator, whom was quite disrespectful to clients our boss,& others of different cultures.It bothered me so much that I chose to leave, rather than speak up.The years passed,& I received a call from her, she had just been fired from that job,& was desperately looking for work.I could see she was very emotionally upset and needed support & had no money, I was empathetic, listened to her story,& we met up a few times for lunch,(on me,& whilst giving her money for grocery’s).She ended up getting a job, as a manager constantly asking me to come work there.I did,& she was having the same childish antics, I knew in the 2nd week it all came back to me, it was abusive.I loved my job, clients,& all the other wonderful people that worked in the facility (she had issues & nasty things to say about them also)It always made me think of what my mother would say,”when someone gossips to you about someone else, that means they are gossiping about you to” Well,I left my job there after 14 months, but not without reporting her to our supervisor,I felt good about it, as too many people get taken advantage of because they want others to feel good about them selfs. All the best, I still think respect is the only way to go! Cuddles
🇬🇧🇨🇦M
Michelle C She got you back cos she knows you are easily manipulated.
I was always the friend who would pay so my friends could go out to fun places because they always said they dnt have money or let them borrow my clothes or shoes anything they dnt have so they can look their best. But little by little i got distant from everyone and just focused on my family. Now the new friends I have I give give in the way of talking more trying to make conversations if they don't start talks which feels awkward. My sister says to go out with her friends but it's not the same and sometimes stresses me like why is it so hard to have a real friendship.. I had one like 12 years ago someone I could trust and felt we each gave and received but she moved to Mexico and that was that. It is my fault because they didn't ask me to do any of those things idk I think I need therapy haha 🙄 or just avoid having friends and go back to just hang out with my family
But how do you do that. Step back and be gracious and kind in telling them you are?
Expect imperfection. Accept it. Then it will come
I'm learning to stop doing this,because I feel like I'm lessening myself dealing with certain people.
To elaborate how the baby steps are, once there is initiative from the taker, keep encouraging positive reinforcement. Eg when you ask someone to take over taking out the trash/ cleaning up instead of you doing all that, say “ I appreciate what you’re doing, I really needed that break. Good job and thk u.” Most likely it will take longer time then u cleaning up yrself, or the work will b so much less perfect than you do it yrself, but mindful not to nag n little by little it will get better.
giving → Accommodating
Thinking and worrying isn't giving.
lots of manipulative people in this world
This is the ultimate life secret sauce.
You guys could have been less noisy, otherwise the content is great!
Hi
They gotta be from Canada talking like this