How Therapists Treat Toxic Masculinity

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 88

  • @neurotransmissions
    @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +45

    Important note: The guidelines go into certain aspects of identity that I (intentionally) left out for time. They discuss intersectional identities, particularly individuals who suffer from discrimination based on race, sexual orientation, and gender expression, and the unique challenges that face them that are not faced by cis straight white men (like me). The guidelines are meant to address these concerns as well, but I could not sufficiently address all of these elements without ballooning this video to about 45 minutes. I may discuss this in a different video, preferably with the help of someone who has lived experience. Let me know if that is something you're interested in seeing.

    • @thebestgleek24
      @thebestgleek24 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Im still waiting for this video :)

    • @Competitive_Antagonist
      @Competitive_Antagonist 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      This is better than I expected. I don't know much about the therapeutic nature of this, but there are some behaviours that could be attributed to toxic masculinity, like belittling femguys. Though it doesn't help that a lot of the examples mentioned online are just absurd, and merely appear to be a way of pathologising them because men supposedly engage in them more than women. This makes the impression that all masculinity is toxic, which explains some of the backlash against the APA. Over pathologising will also just lead men further astray and encourage them to become genuinely toxic, not just a man that drinks Huel and vapes.

    • @NoPlus500
      @NoPlus500 ปีที่แล้ว

      Cis men don’t get discriminated only the woke can say this

  • @Corporis
    @Corporis 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    I loved the personal story before the extra professional and clear breakdown of the guidelines. I think this one's going to be a good resource for mental health professionals -- good work Micah!

  • @guazzolin
    @guazzolin 5 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    I indentified with what you told, I've been through similar experiences throughout my life. Now I am 20 and still have some issues caused by those years, I really want to go to a therapist to accept me better as man. Thank you for the awesome content, as always.

  • @jonno777
    @jonno777 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You don't need the odd music. Distracting. Great discussion and info. Thanks

  • @jamsistired
    @jamsistired ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Yknow I wish I could cry more easily, but I just can’t anymore because I always feel embarrassed when I do, mainly because “boys don’t cry” I’m glad I got to the point where those kinds of bully’s didn’t hurt me once I came out

    • @jamsistired
      @jamsistired ปีที่แล้ว

      Also, I know, replying to my own comment, wow, but I just wanted to say, and I know some people don’t like this: I always found masculinity to be more of a downside and an upside. But my reasoning is because, since it is expected of you as a kid, it’s so much stressful and really makes you feel like you can’t do anything

  • @nicolaiveliki1409
    @nicolaiveliki1409 5 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    Thanks for not turning this into a rant. Now I can do that for you ;-) ok no not really. I don't know any man who hasn't struggled with traditional masculinity, and honestly, I never understood why it was put on such a high pedestal. I was aggressive and violent as a young man, and I fought hard to get that under control, because while there are some circumstances where it's advantageous, it did a lot of damage and that was not acceptable. I still get flashes of this when I'm put under too much pressure, and luckily I haven't done anything I can't take back yet. Nobody can honestly afford to not care what anyone thinks about them, that's what makes us social animals, so I can't go into berserker rage whenever I'm frustrated. People are plenty intimidated by my stature...

    • @safiyas3373
      @safiyas3373 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      The thing is many men still believe that the traditional masculinity is the right way

  • @briansullivan3424
    @briansullivan3424 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Thanks for posting this. I'm in my mid-30s, I've had a history of depression, anxiety, and (up until recently was undiagnosed) OCD for easily 2/3 of my life. I was hospitalized about a month ago due to a major depressive episode where my safety became a concern. Boiled down, all of my issues have come down to not achieving any of the expected metrics of being a masculine man in society... I'm not making a ton of money (considerably less than my wife), I'm not decisive, I'm not very tall or terribly fit, I too was more creative than athletic, and, because of past trauma, bullying and publicly-spread rumors, I have many insecurities about my body and sex in general. Now understanding that I have OCD, it makes sense why these concerns literally have occupied my every thought in one way or another for over 20 years. But, even without my mental health ailments, many men are still suffering from the stress and anxiety of not meeting these rigid expectations. So many man in internet land get bent out of shape about people discussing toxic masculinity but, the fact they aren't able to be vulnerable, empathetic, or transparent about their emotions just further outlines how deep the roots of toxic masculinity run, and how damaging it is to so many men like me who want to be respected in a world where we are otherwise deemed as "weak", "sensitive", or "feminine". Well done, NeuroTransmissions.

  • @darkwolf4434
    @darkwolf4434 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I was bullied when I was 11 when I had changed school. But I started to play with the boys and played floorball every break.
    But I never got to do anything, when I got the ball I imidietly had to pass it, so I stopped playing and instead started to play with the girls, I played with them but stopped to play cause I didn't feel accepted into the group. But later people got to know my interest in Star Wars and after that many started to laugh to me and I lost almost all respect from all the boys and girls. The best thing that happened that year was that I got to visit my old school and everyone in my class was so happy to see me and we laughed and had fun together, and everyone in that class were boys.
    Then in the last days of the school days I actually started to get some respect from the other boys in the class when we were to a school trip to Stockholm.
    But next year I moved back to my old school and got to meet my old friends.
    Today I know many men that were in my class and they've changed because they've gotten older and I really respect them.

    • @darkwolf4434
      @darkwolf4434 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      But I was never taught to not cry, I just stopped to cry and I don't believe that that is toxic masculinity, I believe it is biological because I automaticly stopped crying.

  • @Robinson_Entertainment
    @Robinson_Entertainment 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Quite a nice little channel. Only came across this by chance, but its a very unique method of presenting a topic and a nice editing style. Keep up the good work!

  • @d.4.d.4
    @d.4.d.4 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Thanks for sharing and entering a vulnerable space in this video.
    Sending love

  • @danashurst8579
    @danashurst8579 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    This is one of the best videos I've seen on this subject. Thanks!

  • @The_Authentic_Experience
    @The_Authentic_Experience ปีที่แล้ว

    You are a great speaker and I love your presence! This is a great video, thank you!

  • @IvanDmitriev1
    @IvanDmitriev1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    "Stoicism, aggressiveness, competetiveness, and dominance" are a net negative. I haven't seen one person in my private or professional life who expressed those traits and wasn't a weight on the society, either being a social cost by being a broken machine instead of a human being, or offloading their social cost, by being a bully, a scheming degenerate (this type is particularly present among managerial staff, consultants, union activists and other people "working for the Big Man" while being envious of "the Big Man's" position/power etc.) or a frightened "no homo" man-child(in a sense of a child being fundamentally - a mental dependent - unable to self-regulate without substances, unable to form attachments, recognize other people and notably women, as people, and so on and so forth).
    Amen that those behaviors are finally recognized as personally harmful and socially harmful.
    Edit: I foresee people saying something about my environment etc etc - I can assure you, this is true regardless of the environment, regardless of the country and regardless of their educational attainment. You wouldnt' believe the amount of people like that having PhDs, MSc MA and MBAs

    • @macropusmacropode5813
      @macropusmacropode5813 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      A comment that is totally self-defeating, scheming, aggressive, competitive, and expressing dominance.
      So much for being an ape, the human, with their family-characteristc traits and fighting against your own nature.

  • @AbCDef-zs6uj
    @AbCDef-zs6uj 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    What are some characteristic traits of non-toxic masculinity? Nothing from the following categories counts:
    (a) characteristically feminine traits, only adopted by males (e.g., being more emotional, being less competitive),
    (b) fundamentally universal and genderless virtues (e.g., honesty, helping the poor).

    • @neurotransmissions
      @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Masculine traits, in and of themselves, are not bad. However, as stated in the video, rigidity and extreme versions of masculine traits can be harmful.

    • @AbCDef-zs6uj
      @AbCDef-zs6uj 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@neurotransmissions So what are some good ones, as per the question?

    • @neurotransmissions
      @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@AbCDef-zs6uj Literally listed them at 2:17

    • @neurotransmissions
      @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      There are no distinct "toxic masculine traits" and "non-toxic masculine traits". Toxicity comes from traits being expressed to such a degree that they result in harm to self or others.

    • @AbCDef-zs6uj
      @AbCDef-zs6uj 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@neurotransmissions You mean the items you described as "not neccessarrrrrrrilly bad" and later endorsed the APA's description of them as mainly bad? It's possible we may be operating with different conceptions of the word "good." Either that, or you're a disingenuous person. I'm inclined to believe the latter, given how, in the video, you're patronizingly dismissing anyone legitimately critical of the APA as, eo ipso, ignorant, followed by hand-waving and posturing in place of reasons for why.

  • @andersonrivero4997
    @andersonrivero4997 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thanks so much for you video!!!

  • @ThisisBarris
    @ThisisBarris 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    As usual, this was a great video but I really feel like we need to use another term than "toxic masculinity". I definitely think toxic masculinity is a thing - the fact that, for example, men shouldn't show their emotions is part of that and it is harmful. But I feel like when people read toxic masculinity, they don't see that but rather that their inherent masculinity is a bad thing, which isn't true as you state it.
    This is not a critique of you guys btw, you're just using the term that is commonly used. I just think a lot of guys are put off by the term itself because it seems like an attack against themselves. Why isn't "machismo" used instead which is a truly toxic form of masculinity?

    • @neurotransmissions
      @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Machismo is just the Spanish term for this same mindset. I think the honest truth is that some men would find difficulty with whatever words are used because it represents a threat to their identity. I agree that “toxic masculinity” is a polarizing term, but I don’t think that changes the underlying message. I could’ve used “traditional masculinity” in the title like the APA guidelines do, but that term, too, received criticism from the same folks. So what language can we use that everyone will agree on? I argue that is a fool’s errand. It’s too bad we need a label at all, but it’s necessary. In any case, I think the argument about what language to use distracts from the real point - what the language is meant to convey.

    • @ThisisBarris
      @ThisisBarris 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@neurotransmissions I always felt that "macho" was a pretty pejorative term (like being masculine to the point of being undesirable/backward, although there's definitely an image of it being "important" in Southern European regions, including where I come from) so that's why I felt it was a good word.
      But I agree that the word shouldn't matter but the truth is that it does and many guys seem to be put-off from learning anything about it because it seems like an attack to them, even though it helps them, too.

    • @elfinvale
      @elfinvale 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      I will point out - and please take this as a civil counterpoint, not an attack! - that femininity and associate attributes have been used perjoratively since time immemorial. What worse insult is there than to be called a girl? I feel like men, on the whole, just aren't used to the idea that they could have negative traits (as weakness is seen as "feminine), and that's why most hate the term.
      Just a thought I wanted to share.

    • @darkwolf4434
      @darkwolf4434 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Men do show emotions but mostly they don't choose to do it. A man has shared his emotions once to me and that was after a breakup with a girl and I respected him for that.
      I didn't tell anyone cause he didn't want me to and his relationship was a secret one.
      But after that he didn't share emotions with me anymore.
      And that is when I started to believe that men don't want to share their emotions like girls I think men uses other ways to remove their negative emotions as an example my tactic is just to wait for my emotions to pass.
      I don't want to share my emotions cause I don't see what I gain by doing it. It's my problem not anyone elses.

    • @vegaspony
      @vegaspony 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@elfinvale on average, how many women do you reckon would enjoy being called masculine?

  • @illio5180
    @illio5180 5 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    Nice video. It reminds me of the TH-cam channel “popCultureDetective” who shows how pop culture presents (toxic) masculinity. Worth to check out

    • @fairy5668
      @fairy5668 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I love that channel!

  • @myleonisd
    @myleonisd 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    @12:10 you say say that less than 50% of father feel like they're doing a very good job, but is there any occupation at which more than half the population ever feel "very good"? What's the number for mothers btw?

  • @rickharold69
    @rickharold69 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Thx for the info !!

  • @brynyard
    @brynyard 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Considering the tone of the "criticism" I find it highly unlikely that anyone who have watched any of those videos (unless for research purposes) would even consider watching this one. There would be "no need to" since they've already made up their mind.

    • @neurotransmissions
      @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      It is true that there are many people who have made up their minds and will not be dissuaded. But at the same time, I think there are also people who are on the fence or people who are just starting to explore the topic. I guess I hope those folks come across this video and find it useful in some small way. Thanks for watching!

    • @brynyard
      @brynyard 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ​@@neurotransmissions That's true. You should by the way really make a follow up to the "Can humans be objective" and expand it with D&K and a short overview of common cognitive biases. In these days with anti-intellectualism on the rise it's more relevant than ever.

    • @neurotransmissions
      @neurotransmissions  5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      That’s a great idea. It could be about how and when we are able to change our minds and when we get stuck.

  • @thisisyourfreedom
    @thisisyourfreedom 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    So well done. I am a doc student at the University of Florida come this fall for Counselor Education and I focus my work on the forensic population. Treating toxic masculinity is a MASSIVE part of that work and I really appreciate the care you guys put into this segment.

  • @androslim7716
    @androslim7716 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you for the sharing... the more I listening to your vlog it reinforce my act is right to stand up for peer bullying..

  • @IvanDmitriev1
    @IvanDmitriev1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    wow he literally says half the things I wrote in my comment in the second part of the video.

  • @cosmicdeven5976
    @cosmicdeven5976 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Can you make a vid on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It seems to be really interesting and effective

  • @Spikeygal
    @Spikeygal 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Absolutely fantastic video. Thanks so much for this deep dive. :)

  • @Its_d.nice_gurl
    @Its_d.nice_gurl 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Great breakdown on and explanation of a very important topic.

  • @KeeliaSilvis
    @KeeliaSilvis 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I so so want to watch this full video, but my anxiety has been bad lately. I'm honestly afraid this will be too triggering for me right now. 😟
    Even though I can't watch the whole video, thank you for posting it. This is such an important topic.

    • @mikesanders8621
      @mikesanders8621 ปีที่แล้ว

      I know this is 4 years old but I hope you're feeling better.

  • @drewelias7266
    @drewelias7266 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I'll be completely honest here I really tried to watch this with an open mind. I'm against everything you're saying but I'm trying to embrace that maybe I'm wrong. I think that when you make statements such as "saying men have power can make men angry" you dismiss their arguments as nothing but anger, rather than cite one argument they've made which you disagree with and can make an argument against. I can't see how any reasonable person will go along with your assertion that men "generally" have more privileges, given the fact that in a socioeconomic sense men perform worse than women on so many factors its too obvious (more homeless men than women, more incarcerated men, more school dropouts are men, I could go on for quite a while) along with the fact that men commit suicide way more than women. I just don't see how you could make such a claim, unless your only response to me is that I'm angry. I'm going to actually read the full guidelines since you haven't covered all the factors as you say.

    • @alexter001122
      @alexter001122 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I agree with you Drew, this "toxic masculinity" umbrella people like to lump certain men under is just a scapegoat for lacking qualities. Let me say this, I was also bullied, and I could just say "oh, it was the toxic males on their power trips and I'm just a victim". Or, I could say instead "this is unfortunately part of human nature, we form tribes, we attack other tribes, we rise on a hierarchy, I need to figure out how to carry my burdens and rise also but in a better way". This new guideline for males by the APA is breeding victims and weak men. Men must be strong, if they weren't we wouldn't have the infrastructure, we wouldn't win wars, we wouldn't have solid families. This liberal narrative that goes against men is only useful if you want to cripple society.

    • @drewelias7266
      @drewelias7266 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@alexter001122 I heard a great man say once that we live in a world where being what a man is an awful thing, and no matter what a woman is its always a wonderful thing. I honestly couldn't agree more.
      Since my first comment I went ahead and read the apa guidelines for the treatment of boys and men. It really seems to me that "manhood" and "boyhood" are ideas that ought to be negotiated in society, and that men are held responsible for negotiating their behavior and what makes them toxic, since they clearly can't judge for themselves what toxic behavior looks like naturally (with whom they negotiate their existence is left pretty vague, but my guess is women). I can imagine if someone said that women should negotiate their behavior with men or society there would be nothing but pure outrage.

    • @alexter001122
      @alexter001122 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@drewelias7266 Agreed. It's crazy brother, I'm currently in school for counseling, granted it's a conservative Christian college, but everytime I do research for an essay half of the search results push a woke anti-man narrative. The universities are flooding with this nonsense, not to mention most college students are women, less men are getting educated. When I was doing my undergrad in a State school, the English teacher taught us that masculinity was toxic, word for word. What does that have to do with English? Who pushes the coursework agenda? Why have colleges quadrupled in price and education quality diminished? These are all valid questions, and if you answer them with a truthful answer you will be censored on media.

    • @eae6572
      @eae6572 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@alexter001122 Men these days are weak, its an objective truth. This is how the romans fell, and we are seeing the same thing happen in Europe and America. Nobody wants to serve their country too.

  • @thisisyourfreedom
    @thisisyourfreedom 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    micah is amazing, love your transparency!!!!!

  • @LiveTilliDie
    @LiveTilliDie 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This video actually makes a ton of sense. Could use without the really loud music though.

  • @clararose4057
    @clararose4057 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I like the video but the background music is loud and annoying

  • @Ricardo-mk2et
    @Ricardo-mk2et 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Masculinity is not toxic. Being a punk and bad person is not masculine

    • @ieatpotato8719
      @ieatpotato8719 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      watch the video

    • @ShadowWizard
      @ShadowWizard 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@ieatpotato8719 when ppl see the title they usually don't want to see it cause the term Toxic Masculinity is widely used by certain nutjob group to attack males and defend certain movies so ppl jump to conclusions about the video when they see title like this (even i did) ppl will think oh god another nutjob bashing male and preaches nonsense

    • @ieatpotato8719
      @ieatpotato8719 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@ShadowWizard whatever i was like you at some point of my life, the faster toxic masculinity disappears the better it is for everyone in our society. Just relax and watch the video

    • @TheLivingGuildpact
      @TheLivingGuildpact 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      No he did not say that, watch the fucking video. Masculinity and masculine traits are not toxic. Being masculine is NOT A BAD thing!
      However TOXIC masculinity are shaped from social and cultural norms.

    • @TheLivingGuildpact
      @TheLivingGuildpact 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @Pulpito Müde I can tell there is a language barrier preventing you from really understanding what I mentioned.
      Being masculine itself is not toxic. To understand what is being discussed you must look up the real definition of ‘toxic masculinity’. It’s not a word the internet made up, but in fact a real term that psychologists invented to describe a certain set of behaviors.

  • @IvanDmitriev1
    @IvanDmitriev1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Well, the onus of treatment here is on the bullies (who actually are insane - that is mentally incapable ).

  • @markaurelius61
    @markaurelius61 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Stoicism and healthy competitiveness are a good thing that men have more than women. Dominance and aggression are perhaps less healthy.

  • @anatole8788
    @anatole8788 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thanks a lot from France

  • @oreradovanovi5204
    @oreradovanovi5204 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    The YT statistics 13 000 views, 700 likes and 69 comments 🤔, I'll come back to this, it a hidden topic so i have to make up my mind

  • @tim3609
    @tim3609 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Interesting and unexpected topic.
    I personally don't care what others might expect from me regarding masculinity or stereotypical masculine behaviour. I am an individual. Deal with it.

  • @madsloth601
    @madsloth601 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    thank you

  • @tristanf6645
    @tristanf6645 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Guideline three does not follow the wording of the other guidelines. This may be a typo since every other guideline starts with "Psychologists strive to..." when guideline three starts with "Psychologists understand..." I do not like this assumption, and it still puts me off about why this "mistake" was not seen or changed. It should not be assumed that psychologists understand how the environment has affected their client. Even if we assume that they know the environment, they still don't know how their client reacted to that environment. As Micah said, men and boys are complex individuals. The guidelines shouldn't tell that Psychologists already understand part of their client.
    I realize this may seem like a small thing to get agitated over, but it's small things like these that allow human beings to criticize the article as a whole, even if it's beneficial. It allows them a place to latch onto and say "there's a leftist agenda behind this" when it may not be true.
    Overall I think the guidelines are good because it tries to promote thinking. It promotes the idea that people, including white males, are complex individuals who exist on many axes. That we should take people on their individual level, not a level of their group.
    "The time is to interpret it [the world] again, to start thinking" - Slavoj Zizek

  • @vivekverma1081
    @vivekverma1081 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    Love your videos..... it's exciting to know about how our brain works.
    Please make a video on OCD.

  • @kieran3415
    @kieran3415 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Needs more cat's , maybe interpretative dance by the cat's showing toxic masculinity in the conformity of society.

  • @Festerbestertester6
    @Festerbestertester6 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I found it rather amazing that this subject was never addressed at any time in primary and secondary education. We had to survive this highly adversarial subculture without one bit of help by adults. Perhaps the adults were all as lacking in self-awareness as were the children. Is the situation any better these days? Maybe now that we recognize the problem and even have terminology for it, it has been made component of the socialization of children. (wishful thinking?)

  • @mylee627
    @mylee627 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    Hey.......YOU THERE.....stop scrolling down
    HELLO!!! Are you with me
    NOW LISTEN TO ME
    Dont look away
    Oh here is my pledge......,
    I
    Have
    Nothing
    To
    Say

  • @beamiranda9926
    @beamiranda9926 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Please, read Rita Sagato, she develop a theory about a "mandate of masculinity", in spanish is mandato de masculinidad. Great vídeo!!!

  • @voltrondefenderoftheuniver6222
    @voltrondefenderoftheuniver6222 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Come for the perceived femanism, stay for the mra stats

  • @fishstickbio594
    @fishstickbio594 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    How do you treat male entitlement ? Thank you .