We slid past something too easily. She said that her mom wants her to stay in a “daughters place,” but her mother puts her in the position where she isn’t, and then holds it against her. Too many mothers, grandmothers do this exact thing as if someone other than them raised their children and put them in those situations.
I just got into an argument with my mother about this last week. She tells me to “stay in a child’s place” and “I’m your mother” but then contradicts herself by disrespecting me and expecting me to reach out to her like I’m a grown woman. It’s confusing and draining.
@@nayQ123 welcome to the western curse of covert vulnerable narcissism in the modern black BOOMER woman. We are the manifestation of breaking those curses. LOOK UP DR RAMANI. Her work could be seen as a psycho-spiritual equivalent to reparations.
Alcoholism is not a Black woman's disease. Millions of women from all races are suffering silently with Alcoholism, and most like this woman because they can function.
My mom was a functional alcoholic and had it not been for kidney failure she would have never stopped. My parents raised 11 children and my father was the primary financial provider. However all the responsibilities of nurturing, educating, cooking and maintaining the household rest solely on my mom. Late night affairs with a scotch bottle brought mom peace. This woman will have to have a medical crisis like my mom to stop drinking. By that time the physical damage would have already began to surface. The daughter is going to have stop worrying about an illness her mom wants no healing from. Prayer and removal from the situation before a generational curse destroys the entire family.
Yea i would say this is true (I’mma speak on black people cause I am one) and it’s a big issue and when we’re like hey parent this isn’t making your life better and now we all are suffering they start saying things like “well I’m grown I can do wtv I want” or “stay in a child lane” when all you want to do is help cause at the end of the day everyone’s suffering
@@kevinharris3993 thank you for offering your experience. I can tell how her drinking affected you in more ways than you expressed. I wish you all the best.
@@jaeforever2363 precisely. As the daughter, niece, sister, and cousin of black women I’ve experienced first hand how no one cares that they drown their sorrows with alcohol and how it’s affected their families. I lost an aunt to alcoholism, I’m estrange from a cousin and other women in my family because they can’t cope without it and it’s set them back so far in life that it’s become a crippling generational curse even to their family members who don’t drink.
7:48 see how the mum flip flops between telling her daughter 'i am your mum, we are not equals' then its 'BBbbUT IF i nEeD heLp' but this poor daughter was helping the mum PAY HER BILLS by working
That generation of older women ruined a lot of their children lives. So sad that they can not see the harm that they have caused. This is why a lot of children do not talk to their parents.
He's a part of the “healing” in her eyes. They gone keep having problems. One thing a man who does absolutely nothing gonna do is take up space, seem out of place, be annoying, and cause issues.
My older brother was murdered when I was 21, and my mom has not been the same in 16 years. Alcoholism and depression have taken a toll over her life. I'm just now realizing at age 37 that I never had a fair chance to be happy because I carried the weight of her hurt. Still to this day, I go thru so much. I lost my mom the day my brother was murdered and I just wish I could have her back. I just wish she realized she has 2 children left. When I say God is real, trust me, HE is. GOD is turning me into the person I've always wanted to be. I'm sorry for rambling on, but I understand the daughter pain. My mom is my only parent also. My father has been on drugs my entire life. God bless everyone who is going thru something similar on this post. I felt it in my spirit to write this, so I did. Peace and blessings
I wish it was that easy. I can’t speak for all blk women…majority of us can not and does not receive support when trying to seek help. There is no “f-ing around to find out”for us neither.
@@realashliful8656 that is true! I myself had to learn how to be vulnerable and be honest with myself when I wasn’t ok. Sadly as black women its us against the world.
@@nakkesha This isn't true. Black women have labeled themselves as strong. While women from other cultures are saying, y'all are so privileged that you could not last a day in their lives.
@@teresamarie7460 what isn’t true? There was a time when black women had no choice but to be strong and bottle every thing up. But now it’s time that we learn and tell ourselves that it’s ok to not be strong all the time. And I don’t understand what you’re trying to say in the second half of your comment
@@nakkesha I agree with what both of you said. As a black man that knows your struggle though, your statement hits different. Black women were forced to be strong. With that being said, you can only take what you know and continue to learn and then contribute to conversations. I am rooting for and i love all of my black women 💯💯
The mother is going through a mental depression . She thinks the drinking will numb the pain. She waited to be 50 years old to drink. The mother could also be going through menopause (depression, anxiety and mood swings)
I live in the UK. My mother is a highly functioning alcoholic and has been for the last 9 years. My mum has been jealous of me for becoming a nurse, for getting into a caring and long term relationship and so many other things. I cared for her before I moved out 4 years ago. I'm 28 now. I went through my 3 year nursing degree trying to pay her rent, give her money for 'food' but it was for drink, we argued, she fought me. I moved out and things got worse. She came to my house and beat me and my partner up or tried to atleast. She tried to smash my window in to get to me when she was drunk. She causes arguments. She sleeps with men she doesn't know, she drove drunk. She continues to say she doesn't drink. She drinks 2L vodka every day neat. I had to be HER mother for years. I didn't go put with friends or even have money to etc. I can't and couldn't do it anymore - she says I should respect her because SHES the mother and she's older than me and I should respect her yet she completely treats me as though I'm a piece of dirt on her shoe. I sat in a&e with her for 12 hours for her to sober up after she told me she was going to OD and continued to tell mental health teams she was OK. She manipulates and gaslight me. I feel this daughter's pain so so so much. I get it completely. You are validated. Your mum has an issue but you can't make someone stop drinking if they don't want to, as much as you'd like to.
I hear you and validate your feelings. As a 70yr (young) black woman🤭, I wish I could give you a never ending hug!! I applaud your achievements and I'm so proud you kept your heart open to find love!! You will be in my prayers forever daughter❣ Love, prayers and encouragement from Florida🥰🙏💯💜
Super Woman is a MYTH! Children require parents (both) who are present and supportive. I’m so happy adult children are starting to share their stories. A lot of these parents have failed…”I did the best I could with what I knew how” doesn’t cut it. IT WASN’T ENOUGH!
@@patriciacrowell2808 - it wasn’t enough. How many stories do people need to see, hear or live to get it? Excuse after excuse after excuse instead of accountability.
A alcoholic doesn't realize that they're a alcoholic especially if they think they don't need help. As long as she is in denial she won't get help not matter what people say.
motherhood is a lifelong commitment. You’re not even finished when your kids are grown! I’m 24 and im so happy that I can still call my mother when I need to vent or when I need help.
haven’t watched yet but my mother used to be an alcoholic and i’m telling you, until she got help she was literally straining our relationship. she went to rehab bc i woke up one morning before goin to school i told her how annoying it was to leave home from one person and to come home to another, and she went and got help that morning. she’s going to make a year clean next month❤️
Receive the assurance that you're very strong. You went through all that and yet attained success 😍. Receive love from Uganda, a country in the African continent
As a healthcare provider, whenever I have patients with alcoholism I screen them for depression and when they have depression, I screen them for alcohol abuse. More often than not, one is precipitated by the other and once the root cause is identified, there is a higher chance for successful treatment
What is a screening? I’m interested in getting a diagnosis and I’m not sure if it’s like an evaluative test or y’all are able to detect in us biologically? How does it work?
@destinyderamee8818 screening tool is a brief questionnaire or procedure that examines risk factors, mental health/trauma symptoms, or both to determine whether further, more in-depth assessment is needed on a specific area of concern, such as mental health, trauma, or substance use. An example of a screening tool for depression is called PhQ-9, and an example of a screening tool for alcohol abuse is CAGE. if you feel you need to be evaluated for any health ,medical or psychiatric concerns, kindly discuss with your Healthcare provider
So hard for the daughter. I hope the mom gets help but that’s a hard poison to drop. Pray she doesn’t have to hit rock bottom (or worse) before she turns it around for good.
I love how Keramo handled this empathy and humor! At the same time, I’m mad at her mother’s sense of entitlement to think that her daughter will pay for stuff. I’m glad that Keramo so forcefully denounced that strong Black woman trope.
I want to grab and hold this young lady with ALL my momma strength 🥺 My momma duties don't end cause mines is grown...I'm always here, they just need me on another level
Oh how I can relate to her. My mother is a functional alcoholic. I had to leave my mother alone because she would take her frustrations out on me and my children. When I put my foot down that is when I was told Im rude, selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful. My mother will never apologize for it either. I have reached a stage in my life where I don't want her apology. I just want nothing to do with her. She triggers me to anger and frustration. It's toxic and it's what I don't need in my life nor my children's lives.
Women need to stop doing this having a bunch of kids and later realizing that you can't take care of them. Then requiring your children to financially and emotionally support you. They are kids and they should not have to step into an adult role. Your support should be coming from the father(s) of your children.
The mother is in denial of her problem, she is trying to minimized the issue, she stated she didn't start drinking until 50 years od age, which is irrelevant the point is she's in the predicent, she has to acknowledge it and want to get help.
MOVE means - proceed, advance, shift, and go! So MOVE! Move into prayer, move into praise, move into the Word, Move out of distractions, move into position, and move out of offense! Don’t just stand there MOVE! So you can MOVE the enemy out of the way!!!! ~Vanisia Tapia
Anyone who says “she thinks that I have a problem” when referring to drinking most definitely has a problem Despite what has gone on in their life and caused this problem. She’s going to have to work at bettering herself and in turn be better for her daughter too
Beautiful caring devoted daughter. xxx Amazing beautiful and wonderful Mama. xxx Karamo is beautiful and great for providing the support and platform for understanding & peace to be the way forward for these two loving women. Smiling widely from the UK. x
She is going through exactly what I went through and it hurts and u do become ur parents care taker and when u speak up for urself the broken parents will say stay in a child's place..But u put me in this situation period!!!
I hope that her n mom will be able to fix there bond n grow n heal as individuals but also as a team, you only have one mom no matter what’s the situation a child/grown up need there parents by there side knowing life is hard. But all we can do is send prayers to those who just need help n guidance to push forward in life.
Nah if she can't pay her own bills, she's not functional at all. When you can get blackout drunk nearly every night and still make your 6am shift and handle all your affairs, that's when you've reached true functional (which is what I do. I wake up have my checklist do everything I need to do today and don't touch the bottle till I'm done with everything and have nobody around me)
I was raised by grandparents, my grandfather was a pure alcoholic. I can tell you when was the last time I had a drink. I don't care for it, I saw his downfall.
it’s extremely hard to watch situations like these, because they hit too close to home… hopefully someday her mom fixes her drinking, and so does mine.
A lot falls on. Single moms. It has to take a toll on their mental health. Unfortunately when the fathers are absent the children look to their mothers for everything. The pressure can take a toll.
Single moms are usually working while their children are with daycares and babysitters all day. Then, they spend only a few minutes with them during dinner and bedtime. And they usually have time to date when they could be learning how to become an awesome mother.
No one has been their for that mom her whole life now she's 50 and drinking and NOW SHE HAS THE PROBLEM. leave this woman alone and let her have a drink.
Wow, I see this in one of my family members. She drunk dials, and has begun to have health problems from the drinking. 30 years of heavy drinking starts talking to you when you hit 60! I feel for her sons because she does things and is always right. She got divorced 25+ years ago, and ran through both my parents guilting them to pay for stuff, and not they are both gone.I don't have all day to tell it all. But I check in with my kids to make sure we are on an even keel. I drink, but I thank the Lord that I take it or leave it. If I buy a six pack it usually lasts a week, because its not at the top of my mind. Now chocolate and cheesecake are my weaknesses.But even with those I can't eat them all the time. As a mother we have to own up to our stuff. Even till the end I don't interfere in their lives, and I don't want them to feel burdened with me due to my shortfalls.
I relate to this so much like I was in the exact situation w/ my egg donor she does the same thing she’s a alcoholic and a drug addict and at a young age she gave up on being a parent and told me I was to raise the kids but got mad when we didn’t look at her as a mother like you can’t even make us dinner but you want to show us off on fb and got mad when the kids stop calling her mom because she was never around it was always me and I hated it because all my friends got to go on field trip & go to summer camp but I had to stay home because if I left who would take care of them…. And that alone kinda stopped me from running away that and the fact that no one’s gonna take in 3 kids and a baby and it didn’t help that she would get violently drunk and attack us one night I caught her hitting the baby so I came and snatched her away and ran then she grabbed a machete and chased us out the house I ran to the neighbors house and he let us in but what pissed me off was that he tried to blame me for everything saying I was a trouble maker and that my egg donor was a good woman she’s just having a hard time atp I left went back to the house to see if she was there and she wasn’t so I got my kids and went to my friends house up the block and told her everything and she let us stay til her mom came then we went to my grandparents but that wasn’t any better because she called her saying come get these damn kids EVEN AFTER I TOLD HER WHAT HAPPENED so I just gave up and decided that I will be the one to protect them because no one else will and and I did just that…. I’m glad they don’t remember this part of life as much but I can tell they remember some of it because they get so protective over me when we’re around her but I just pray that things get better for me and everyone around me……🍀
Honey…. It’s the families with culture. My mother is European. As a matter of fact we need to find our way on this show because honestly this man may actually help. 😂😢
The mom is not ready and she can’t make her. Daughter should go to Alanon and figure out how to gain some acceptance and love her mother with what we ever emotional capacity SHE chooses.
The people who watch the shorts need to watch the full video. They defending these abusive parents cause they saw a 10 second clip where they were obviously toxic there too but I digress. They just hear belligerent "I'm right, I'm the parent, what I say goes" and think that's good parenting even though she is neglecting/abusing her daughter. We are breaking the cycle way too slow, but at least we are even trying.
The reality is when there is a single parent household. In most cases the kids end up working to get things for themselves or help pay bills. The amount of wages that women receive needs to change. This will help alleviate that issue.
I feel her so bad cause my mom the same way she feels like she can turn the switch off to being a grandma and a mother she act kind after her kids got older we ain’t need her nomore which was not true 😢😢😢😢
I'm in the mom shoes as far as drinking go and passing the threshold of not remembering things the next day but most people think I remember when I truly don't have a clue
Chile, I put good money on time the mom got home she got drunker than Cooter Brown. The daughter is unfortunately going to need to cut her mom off for her own mental health and wellbeing. If her mom is so concerned about her household and bills, she will pay them herself. Also, what is up with her male drinking buddy that she made sure was not mentioned on the show? Those two drunks need to put their heads together and see if they can figure out how the bills will get paid. Isn't he supposed to be her helpmate??? Her daughter is just that her daughter; she did not sign up to be her substitute mom. I bet that house is a toxic mess and her mom is giving me narcissistic vibes. The mom said out of her own mouth I do not worry about you; you a strong Black woman you will be all right. She has more care and concern for her drinking buddy than her own child. SMH 🥲🥲🥲
Man.. I rather be homeless with a parent that shows all the care in the world towards me than a parent that is always busy at work, shows nothing to their child after work. Parents, spend time with the child YOU brought to the world.. they don’t owe you nothing, but you owe them the world.
This mom needs help! Your daughter is not responsible for anything you have going on. I hate when women say what they had to do. You chose to have children and thats beautiful, but you cant tell someone they are indebted to you forever. That women needs to go on her way and create a life that she wants!
Why do black parents always use the phrase “you ain’t on my playing field…or you not on my level.” Any time their children bring out valid concerns. It’s so dismissive and overall just not taking accountability for how your mental health can impact your children negatively
My mother was an alcoholic but she quit drinking in 2013 growing up my mother used to drink all the time especially when she was working at the bar but she quit drinking in 2013 she has a drink every now and then but she's not as bad as she used to be like she's not the drunk that she used to be
she needs to own to it SHES AN ALCOHOLIC hell im an alcoholic most times but end of the day the daughter needs to love from a distance and do her OWN THING cause she wont be in a safe space like dat im learning to control who i be around dats not a safe space for me
If she doesn't stop soon she will have another medical issue on her hands. Ironically, she's drinking to help with pain from surgeries, while her kidneys and liver are taking a beating.
I think that Carmela He hugs certain people like he heard the first person to come on stage and when they spouse or they friends or cousins come on the stage he don’t shake their heads or give them a hug he’ll just tell them to have a seat I really don’t think that’s fair I think he’s a shake everybody’s here I’ll give everybody a hug
So I use to believe that drinking helped me sleep, it doesnt you simply pass out and then suddenly wake up when you sober up. It doesnt help with sleep my angel, it doesnt mama but I understand
Karamo has No right to correct this young woman and her trauma that she's endured. As she stated "in the AA community, we're taught to keep all feelings and things that go on bottled up and swept" and that right there is Not healthy and no matter what he says "every one" goes through this 🙄 But what he's not understanding is that it's not about every other race,it's about what she knows and experience 🎯
Black people from the USA tend to believe everything only happens to them. It's beneficial that they learn that all cultures have it the same and worse than them.
She said she doesn’t know if it happens everywhere or just the AA community. He chipped in and said it’s everywhere. He didn’t correct her. This man is a doing a great job
I'm confused. Does the daughter want to live in her moms house without paying bills?? I'm sorry but I don't feel like this episode cleared up or healed any of their true pain. They'll be arguing in the car on the way home I'm sure.Repeating some words Karamo said ain't gone magically fix her drinking problems or the daughter's issues with paying bills in a house that she lives in. They both need therapy. Sidebar: Telling your 5th grade daughter that ur motherly duties are complete and you done your job is crazy! Like wow 😳
I think it's more about the fact that her daughter has been paying bills since she was 14. She should never have to pay bills during her schooling age.
I feel like this episode was so incomplete, it was handled too lightly, yes you have to survive but karamo did you hear she said she has been paying bills since early teens, her mom can be using that same money she uses on the bottle on her damm light bill. Let the girl save her money to get a car and move out if she would like.
This is a long comment. It’s so much wrong with this situation. The mom like many mothers have a hard time excepting the fact that they have done their children wrong in any kind of way. I hate it when my mom dismisses my experience and make the excuse I don’t remember. Nah you remember and you know how wrong you are but when you need your child to take care of you you are as sweet as they come. She made her child grow up to fast and now that the child is mature enough to recognize your bullshit you try to put them back in a child’s mouth place but the child has grown up. Parents need to get it together. I could never make my child feel less than or invalidate his experience.
victoria....leave distance with your mother immediately. change your life. find a husband and have a family, with peace. victoria dont waste your youth trying to fix your mother
We slid past something too easily. She said that her mom wants her to stay in a “daughters place,” but her mother puts her in the position where she isn’t, and then holds it against her. Too many mothers, grandmothers do this exact thing as if someone other than them raised their children and put them in those situations.
I just got into an argument with my mother about this last week. She tells me to “stay in a child’s place” and “I’m your mother” but then contradicts herself by disrespecting me and expecting me to reach out to her like I’m a grown woman. It’s confusing and draining.
That’s happened to me so much growing up, as an adult now it irritated me to point to not wanting to talk anymore.
@@nayQ123 welcome to the western curse of covert vulnerable narcissism in the modern black BOOMER woman. We are the manifestation of breaking those curses. LOOK UP DR RAMANI. Her work could be seen as a psycho-spiritual equivalent to reparations.
@@LexiLex444same here
I felt that daughters pain. Paying bills for your parent at a young age. Not being able to be a teenager.
You’re not done being a mom until you leave this earth. Alcoholism in black women has gone unaddressed for far too long. This needed to be addressed.
Alcoholism is not a Black woman's disease. Millions of women from all races are suffering silently with Alcoholism, and most like this woman because they can function.
My mom was a functional alcoholic and had it not been for kidney failure she would have never stopped. My parents raised 11 children and my father was the primary financial provider. However all the responsibilities of nurturing, educating, cooking and maintaining the household rest solely on my mom. Late night affairs with a scotch bottle brought mom peace. This woman will have to have a medical crisis like my mom to stop drinking. By that time the physical damage would have already began to surface. The daughter is going to have stop worrying about an illness her mom wants no healing from. Prayer and removal from the situation before a generational curse destroys the entire family.
Yea i would say this is true (I’mma speak on black people cause I am one) and it’s a big issue and when we’re like hey parent this isn’t making your life better and now we all are suffering they start saying things like “well I’m grown I can do wtv I want” or “stay in a child lane” when all you want to do is help cause at the end of the day everyone’s suffering
@@kevinharris3993 thank you for offering your experience. I can tell how her drinking affected you in more ways than you expressed. I wish you all the best.
@@jaeforever2363 precisely. As the daughter, niece, sister, and cousin of black women I’ve experienced first hand how no one cares that they drown their sorrows with alcohol and how it’s affected their families. I lost an aunt to alcoholism, I’m estrange from a cousin and other women in my family because they can’t cope without it and it’s set them back so far in life that it’s become a crippling generational curse even to their family members who don’t drink.
7:48 see how the mum flip flops between telling her daughter 'i am your mum, we are not equals' then its 'BBbbUT IF i nEeD heLp' but this poor daughter was helping the mum PAY HER BILLS by working
the entitlement is so palpable
the mother is a taker
Than the mom is a functioning alcoholic after all.
The narcissism
That outfit the daughter is wearing is sooooo cute
That generation of older women ruined a lot of their children lives. So sad that they can not see the harm that they have caused. This is why a lot of children do not talk to their parents.
You wrong ....
Right
@@neverfeltlikethis2419she’s not
This is BIG FACTS💯
@neverfeltlikethis2419 this is not wrong is def right yall think we dont have feelins to were humans treat us like one tyvm
She's talking about her daughter need to help with the bills, what about that man she has there? Obviously, he's not elevating anything.
She didn't want to talk about the man...like at all! Smh
He's a part of the “healing” in her eyes. They gone keep having problems. One thing a man who does absolutely nothing gonna do is take up space, seem out of place, be annoying, and cause issues.
My older brother was murdered when I was 21, and my mom has not been the same in 16 years. Alcoholism and depression have taken a toll over her life. I'm just now realizing at age 37 that I never had a fair chance to be happy because I carried the weight of her hurt. Still to this day, I go thru so much. I lost my mom the day my brother was murdered and I just wish I could have her back. I just wish she realized she has 2 children left. When I say God is real, trust me, HE is. GOD is turning me into the person I've always wanted to be. I'm sorry for rambling on, but I understand the daughter pain. My mom is my only parent also. My father has been on drugs my entire life. God bless everyone who is going thru something similar on this post. I felt it in my spirit to write this, so I did. Peace and blessings
Powerful words, thank you so much for sharing and helping others with your insights.
You deserve all of the happiness coming to you.
@@melreal7881 thank you so much
hope you are doing ok and pushing forward and through. peace
To black women: it’s ok to not be ok and ask for help. DO NOT fall into the trap of the “strong black woman”
I wish it was that easy. I can’t speak for all blk women…majority of us can not and does not receive support when trying to seek help. There is no “f-ing around to find out”for us neither.
@@realashliful8656 that is true! I myself had to learn how to be vulnerable and be honest with myself when I wasn’t ok. Sadly as black women its us against the world.
@@nakkesha This isn't true. Black women have labeled themselves as strong. While women from other cultures are saying, y'all are so privileged that you could not last a day in their lives.
@@teresamarie7460 what isn’t true? There was a time when black women had no choice but to be strong and bottle every thing up. But now it’s time that we learn and tell ourselves that it’s ok to not be strong all the time. And I don’t understand what you’re trying to say in the second half of your comment
@@nakkesha I agree with what both of you said. As a black man that knows your struggle though, your statement hits different. Black women were forced to be strong. With that being said, you can only take what you know and continue to learn and then contribute to conversations. I am rooting for and i love all of my black women 💯💯
This is everything! Breaking generational curses & healing people... Karamo you're Pure Love at its finest 🤍✊🏾
The mother is going through a mental depression . She thinks the drinking will numb the pain. She waited to be 50 years old to drink. The mother could also be going through menopause (depression, anxiety and mood swings)
This is sooooooo true!
I live in the UK. My mother is a highly functioning alcoholic and has been for the last 9 years. My mum has been jealous of me for becoming a nurse, for getting into a caring and long term relationship and so many other things. I cared for her before I moved out 4 years ago. I'm 28 now. I went through my 3 year nursing degree trying to pay her rent, give her money for 'food' but it was for drink, we argued, she fought me. I moved out and things got worse. She came to my house and beat me and my partner up or tried to atleast. She tried to smash my window in to get to me when she was drunk. She causes arguments. She sleeps with men she doesn't know, she drove drunk. She continues to say she doesn't drink. She drinks 2L vodka every day neat. I had to be HER mother for years. I didn't go put with friends or even have money to etc. I can't and couldn't do it anymore - she says I should respect her because SHES the mother and she's older than me and I should respect her yet she completely treats me as though I'm a piece of dirt on her shoe. I sat in a&e with her for 12 hours for her to sober up after she told me she was going to OD and continued to tell mental health teams she was OK. She manipulates and gaslight me.
I feel this daughter's pain so so so much. I get it completely. You are validated. Your mum has an issue but you can't make someone stop drinking if they don't want to, as much as you'd like to.
I’m so sorry you went through that, hugs from NY.
Sending you love, light, and strength❤️
I hear you and validate your feelings. As a 70yr (young) black woman🤭, I wish I could give you a never ending hug!! I applaud your achievements and I'm so proud you kept your heart open to find love!! You will be in my prayers forever daughter❣ Love, prayers and encouragement from Florida🥰🙏💯💜
@N.R. Smith this just made me cry!😪 thankyou so much for your kind words! ❤❤❤❤❤ xx
Sending peace from Brooklyn, NY
Super Woman is a MYTH! Children require parents (both) who are present and supportive.
I’m so happy adult children are starting to share their stories. A lot of these parents have failed…”I did the best I could with what I knew how” doesn’t cut it. IT WASN’T ENOUGH!
IT WAS ALL THEY HAD.
Tell that your parents and see wat happens
@@patriciacrowell2808 - it wasn’t enough. How many stories do people need to see, hear or live to get it? Excuse after excuse after excuse instead of accountability.
@@patriciacrowell2808 They still sure knew how to love that man or woman tho...
@@thatbemefool 👏👏👏👏
A alcoholic doesn't realize that they're a alcoholic especially if they think they don't need help. As long as she is in denial she won't get help not matter what people say.
Agreed
motherhood is a lifelong commitment. You’re not even finished when your kids are grown! I’m 24 and im so happy that I can still call my mother when I need to vent or when I need help.
haven’t watched yet but my mother used to be an alcoholic and i’m telling you, until she got help she was literally straining our relationship. she went to rehab bc i woke up one morning before goin to school i told her how annoying it was to leave home from one person and to come home to another, and she went and got help that morning. she’s going to make a year clean next month❤️
omg my name is victoria too period
Receive the assurance that you're very strong. You went through all that and yet attained success 😍. Receive love from Uganda, a country in the African continent
That "strong Black woman" label is strangling so many Black daughters smh
Yes lord.
she will waist her youth for her mothers delusion
Yes so true
Black women silly and narcissist
You tell black women nothing and they don’t like to be corrected
How do you sit down and start with I don’t have a problem, I drink because of the pain? 🙄 Lady that’s clearly a problem.
No empathy at all here.
As a healthcare provider, whenever I have patients with alcoholism I screen them for depression and when they have depression, I screen them for alcohol abuse. More often than not, one is precipitated by the other and once the root cause is identified, there is a higher chance for successful treatment
What is a screening? I’m interested in getting a diagnosis and I’m not sure if it’s like an evaluative test or y’all are able to detect in us biologically? How does it work?
@destinyderamee8818 screening tool is a brief questionnaire or procedure that examines risk factors, mental health/trauma symptoms, or both to determine whether further, more in-depth assessment is needed on a specific area of concern, such as mental health, trauma, or substance use. An example of a screening tool for depression is called PhQ-9, and an example of a screening tool for alcohol abuse is CAGE. if you feel you need to be evaluated for any health ,medical or psychiatric concerns, kindly discuss with your Healthcare provider
So hard for the daughter. I hope the mom gets help but that’s a hard poison to drop. Pray she doesn’t have to hit rock bottom (or worse) before she turns it around for good.
This hit home for me 💔🥺 it’s hard being a mom to your mom. Til this day !
I love how Keramo handled this empathy and humor! At the same time, I’m mad at her mother’s sense of entitlement to think that her daughter will pay for stuff. I’m glad that Keramo so forcefully denounced that strong Black woman trope.
I want to grab and hold this young lady with ALL my momma strength 🥺
My momma duties don't end cause mines is grown...I'm always here, they just need me on another level
the pressure this poor daughter has
I’m sipping Taylor Port feeling exposed while behind the screen👀
Lmaooooo. Sipping my wine too.
🤣🤣 picking up my wine glass typing this
😂😂😂😂😂 not you feel attacked 😂😂😂😂 I'm weak!
aggy lol i hope u didnt black out after dat that tay tay aint no joke i almost blacked out at work with dat shit
Oh how I can relate to her. My mother is a functional alcoholic. I had to leave my mother alone because she would take her frustrations out on me and my children. When I put my foot down that is when I was told Im rude, selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful. My mother will never apologize for it either. I have reached a stage in my life where I don't want her apology. I just want nothing to do with her. She triggers me to anger and frustration. It's toxic and it's what I don't need in my life nor my children's lives.
Women need to stop doing this having a bunch of kids and later realizing that you can't take care of them. Then requiring your children to financially and emotionally support you. They are kids and they should not have to step into an adult role. Your support should be coming from the father(s) of your children.
as a black woman being 21 years old and living with 62 year old parents, this brought me to tears.
The mother is in denial of her problem, she is trying to minimized the issue, she stated she didn't start drinking until 50 years od age, which is irrelevant the point is she's in the predicent, she has to acknowledge it and want to get help.
Said "I been here longer than you" as the reason for why she feels the daughter doesn't know what she's talking about #ProblemNumber1
MOVE means - proceed, advance, shift, and go! So MOVE! Move into prayer, move into praise, move into the Word, Move out of distractions, move into position, and move out of offense! Don’t just stand there MOVE! So you can MOVE the enemy out of the way!!!! ~Vanisia Tapia
I hope she stops for her own safety 💕
Anyone who says “she thinks that I have a problem” when referring to drinking most definitely has a problem
Despite what has gone on in their life and caused this problem. She’s going to have to work at bettering herself and in turn be better for her daughter too
Beautiful caring devoted daughter. xxx
Amazing beautiful and wonderful Mama. xxx
Karamo is beautiful and great for providing the support and platform for understanding & peace to be the way forward for these two loving women.
Smiling widely from the UK. x
She is going through exactly what I went through and it hurts and u do become ur parents care taker and when u speak up for urself the broken parents will say stay in a child's place..But u put me in this situation period!!!
I hope that her n mom will be able to fix there bond n grow n heal as individuals but also as a team, you only have one mom no matter what’s the situation a child/grown up need there parents by there side knowing life is hard. But all we can do is send prayers to those who just need help n guidance to push forward in life.
Why is every episode starting mid conversation 🥲
DISPELLING THE MYTH OF A STRONG BLACK WOMAN!!!!! YAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
No cap the daughter is super gorgeous
OMG I love this … let’s get rid of that string black Woman mindset .. we all need help and we are allowed to be vulnerable
Your a functional DRUNK! I felt those words smh 🤦🏾♀️
Nah if she can't pay her own bills, she's not functional at all. When you can get blackout drunk nearly every night and still make your 6am shift and handle all your affairs, that's when you've reached true functional (which is what I do. I wake up have my checklist do everything I need to do today and don't touch the bottle till I'm done with everything and have nobody around me)
Hurt little girl raise hurt daughters
🙄
Yeah the familys problems do pass on easily until someone breaks the cycle black or white.
This right here is the reason why so many people are estranged from their parents
It’s hard for her to take accountability and she’s finally taking accountability! Now it’s time for her to take care of herself and stop drinking .
This is the face of being a strong independent woman and not dealing with your trauma.
Alcohol does not ease pain because after you are sober .. your problems are still hanging around ...
That's like saying your herpes medication doesn't ease the pain because once you stop taking it, the herpes come right back, lol
Not even 1min into the video and I’m already relating to it like that’s crazy
Microdosing alcohol for pain works... It's when you can't control the alcohol consumption its a problem...saved my life
I was raised by grandparents, my grandfather was a pure alcoholic. I can tell you when was the last time I had a drink. I don't care for it, I saw his downfall.
it’s extremely hard to watch situations like these, because they hit too close to home… hopefully someday her mom fixes her drinking, and so does mine.
A lot falls on. Single moms. It has to take a toll on their mental health. Unfortunately when the fathers are absent the children look to their mothers for everything. The pressure can take a toll.
Single moms are usually working while their children are with daycares and babysitters all day. Then, they spend only a few minutes with them during dinner and bedtime. And they usually have time to date when they could be learning how to become an awesome mother.
Uncle Ramo is the best!
That was powerful
No one has been their for that mom her whole life now she's 50 and drinking and NOW SHE HAS THE PROBLEM. leave this woman alone and let her have a drink.
This was heartbreaking to watch her mom not being compassionate and understanding towards her daughter.
Wow, I see this in one of my family members. She drunk dials, and has begun to have health problems from the drinking. 30 years of heavy drinking starts talking to you when you hit 60! I feel for her sons because she does things and is always right. She got divorced 25+ years ago, and ran through both my parents guilting them to pay for stuff, and not they are both gone.I don't have all day to tell it all. But I check in with my kids to make sure we are on an even keel. I drink, but I thank the Lord that I take it or leave it. If I buy a six pack it usually lasts a week, because its not at the top of my mind. Now chocolate and cheesecake are my weaknesses.But even with those I can't eat them all the time. As a mother we have to own up to our stuff. Even till the end I don't interfere in their lives, and I don't want them to feel burdened with me due to my shortfalls.
I relate to this so much like I was in the exact situation w/ my egg donor she does the same thing she’s a alcoholic and a drug addict and at a young age she gave up on being a parent and told me I was to raise the kids but got mad when we didn’t look at her as a mother like you can’t even make us dinner but you want to show us off on fb and got mad when the kids stop calling her mom because she was never around it was always me and I hated it because all my friends got to go on field trip & go to summer camp but I had to stay home because if I left who would take care of them…. And that alone kinda stopped me from running away that and the fact that no one’s gonna take in 3 kids and a baby and it didn’t help that she would get violently drunk and attack us one night I caught her hitting the baby so I came and snatched her away and ran then she grabbed a machete and chased us out the house I ran to the neighbors house and he let us in but what pissed me off was that he tried to blame me for everything saying I was a trouble maker and that my egg donor was a good woman she’s just having a hard time atp I left went back to the house to see if she was there and she wasn’t so I got my kids and went to my friends house up the block and told her everything and she let us stay til her mom came then we went to my grandparents but that wasn’t any better because she called her saying come get these damn kids EVEN AFTER I TOLD HER WHAT HAPPENED so I just gave up and decided that I will be the one to protect them because no one else will and and I did just that…. I’m glad they don’t remember this part of life as much but I can tell they remember some of it because they get so protective over me when we’re around her but I just pray that things get better for me and everyone around me……🍀
Honey…. It’s the families with culture. My mother is European. As a matter of fact we need to find our way on this show because honestly this man may actually help. 😂😢
The mom is not ready and she can’t make her. Daughter should go to Alanon and figure out how to gain some acceptance and love her mother with what we ever emotional capacity SHE chooses.
The people who watch the shorts need to watch the full video. They defending these abusive parents cause they saw a 10 second clip where they were obviously toxic there too but I digress. They just hear belligerent "I'm right, I'm the parent, what I say goes" and think that's good parenting even though she is neglecting/abusing her daughter. We are breaking the cycle way too slow, but at least we are even trying.
Me and my mother have the best relationship…. Yet this has me crying 😢
The reality is when there is a single parent household. In most cases the kids end up working to get things for themselves or help pay bills. The amount of wages that women receive needs to change. This will help alleviate that issue.
This brought me to tears
With that being said everyone has a choice to choose a healthy life style not only for themselves but their family and loved ones
Mom might really benefit from therapy.
Can someone tell me where I can get that bomb baby blue set??
I feel her so bad cause my mom the same way she feels like she can turn the switch off to being a grandma and a mother she act kind after her kids got older we ain’t need her nomore which was not true 😢😢😢😢
Black mothers mostly are jealous of their daughters especially when the daughter is doing better. I’ve experienced too
Not universally, but there are instances of this behavior type, and MANY more of loving mother daughter relationships w
🙏 for mom strength
I'm in the mom shoes as far as drinking go and passing the threshold of not remembering things the next day but most people think I remember when I truly don't have a clue
People drink and do drugs needs to stop these things
If it was easy EVERYBODY would do it, it's caused by sum kinda trauma.
Says she doesn’t have a problem then literally admits to having a problem right after it. Black people need emotional awareness classes
Chile, I put good money on time the mom got home she got drunker than Cooter Brown. The daughter is unfortunately going to need to cut her mom off for her own mental health and wellbeing. If her mom is so concerned about her household and bills, she will pay them herself. Also, what is up with her male drinking buddy that she made sure was not mentioned on the show? Those two drunks need to put their heads together and see if they can figure out how the bills will get paid. Isn't he supposed to be her helpmate??? Her daughter is just that her daughter; she did not sign up to be her substitute mom. I bet that house is a toxic mess and her mom is giving me narcissistic vibes. The mom said out of her own mouth I do not worry about you; you a strong Black woman you will be all right. She has more care and concern for her drinking buddy than her own child. SMH 🥲🥲🥲
Mom: I don't have a problem
Also mom: I drink to ease the pain ☠️☠️☠️☠️
Man.. I rather be homeless with a parent that shows all the care in the world towards me than a parent that is always busy at work, shows nothing to their child after work. Parents, spend time with the child YOU brought to the world.. they don’t owe you nothing, but you owe them the world.
If you were homeless you'll definitely be violated. Wishing homelessness is worst than having a mom who drinks because of pain
This mom needs help! Your daughter is not responsible for anything you have going on. I hate when women say what they had to do. You chose to have children and thats beautiful, but you cant tell someone they are indebted to you forever. That women needs to go on her way and create a life that she wants!
the mother needs to acknowledge that she needs help
This reminds me so much of my mom is disgusting
I hate women that use being a single mom has an excuse for their bad behaviors.
her mom needs her own healing before she can even try to give it to someone else
Why do black parents always use the phrase “you ain’t on my playing field…or you not on my level.” Any time their children bring out valid concerns. It’s so dismissive and overall just not taking accountability for how your mental health can impact your children negatively
My mother was an alcoholic but she quit drinking in 2013 growing up my mother used to drink all the time especially when she was working at the bar but she quit drinking in 2013 she has a drink every now and then but she's not as bad as she used to be like she's not the drunk that she used to be
she needs to own to it SHES AN ALCOHOLIC hell im an alcoholic most times but end of the day the daughter needs to love from a distance and do her OWN THING cause she wont be in a safe space like dat im learning to control who i be around dats not a safe space for me
If she doesn't stop soon she will have another medical issue on her hands. Ironically, she's drinking to help with pain from surgeries, while her kidneys and liver are taking a beating.
Angelaaaa😂
I think that Carmela He hugs certain people like he heard the first person to come on stage and when they spouse or they friends or cousins come on the stage he don’t shake their heads or give them a hug he’ll just tell them to have a seat I really don’t think that’s fair I think he’s a shake everybody’s here I’ll give everybody a hug
So I use to believe that drinking helped me sleep, it doesnt you simply pass out and then suddenly wake up when you sober up. It doesnt help with sleep my angel, it doesnt mama but I understand
Karamo has No right to correct this young woman and her trauma that she's endured. As she stated "in the AA community, we're taught to keep all feelings and things that go on bottled up and swept" and that right there is Not healthy and no matter what he says "every one" goes through this 🙄 But what he's not understanding is that it's not about every other race,it's about what she knows and experience 🎯
Black people from the USA tend to believe everything only happens to them. It's beneficial that they learn that all cultures have it the same and worse than them.
She said she doesn’t know if it happens everywhere or just the AA community. He chipped in and said it’s everywhere. He didn’t correct her. This man is a doing a great job
Oh yeah that Taylor is some drunk juice frfr
I'm confused. Does the daughter want to live in her moms house without paying bills?? I'm sorry but I don't feel like this episode cleared up or healed any of their true pain. They'll be arguing in the car on the way home I'm sure.Repeating some words Karamo said ain't gone magically fix her drinking problems or the daughter's issues with paying bills in a house that she lives in. They both need therapy.
Sidebar: Telling your 5th grade daughter that ur motherly duties are complete and you done your job is crazy! Like wow 😳
I think it's more about the fact that her daughter has been paying bills since she was 14. She should never have to pay bills during her schooling age.
So what should mum do to " do her " now ?? Doesn't she have to choose her "happy pill"?
I feel like this episode was so incomplete, it was handled too lightly, yes you have to survive but karamo did you hear she said she has been paying bills since early teens, her mom can be using that same money she uses on the bottle on her damm light bill. Let the girl save her money to get a car and move out if she would like.
This is a long comment. It’s so much wrong with this situation.
The mom like many mothers have a hard time excepting the fact that they have done their children wrong in any kind of way. I hate it when my mom dismisses my experience and make the excuse I don’t remember. Nah you remember and you know how wrong you are but when you need your child to take care of you you are as sweet as they come. She made her child grow up to fast and now that the child is mature enough to recognize your bullshit you try to put them back in a child’s mouth place but the child has grown up. Parents need to get it together. I could never make my child feel less than or invalidate his experience.
plz anyone get help my mama died of alcohol she was 63 a high functioning alcoholic it dint matter the race or age it will kill u rip ma jan17 2023
Not her saying she was working in fifth grade.
MOM AIN'T GOING ANYTHING WRONG
Wait did the daughter just infere she was working in the 5th grade? Because, who works in the 5th grade?
victoria....leave distance with your mother immediately. change your life. find a husband and have a family, with peace. victoria dont waste your youth trying to fix your mother
Being a 45 year old Black woman and working with a 30 year old black women has been a complete nightmare.