My anxiety as a man is the fear that I'll be abandoned and cast aside as soon as I can no longer provide value and work for others. No one genuinely cares about me as a person. The respect and love I receive from others is intrinsically tied to my output.
I'm in therapy now but they never bother to explain stuff like this to me. I have a practical mind and need stuff explained this way. Keep this stuff coming bro.
They didn't explain this stuff because they most likely don't know. I doubt many therapists are trained to deal with men specifically. That's part of the problem. Men rarely went for therapy in the past which leads to a lack of sample size and knowledge on the topic. Hopefully this is starting to get better with awareness but it'll take time.
Therapy is female-centered. I have been in therapy for many years and tried different therapists and they all think and approach the same way: Men and women are the same -> the right way is to think and feel like a woman -> you should be treated like a woman
@@mor9n243 happened yesterday and it is making me want stop since it occurred many times. Anything I do is wrong and everything a woman does (girlfriend, ex, random girl, gym buddy, etc.) is right and I am being too critical and harsh, or “you just picking the wrong women” Makes me sad honestly because the therapist is good in every other way and is trying to help.
> feel anxious about something > logic my way out of it > anxiety moves to something else > repeat > anxiety moves to something I can’t logic my way out of > try to ignore it > it stays there > try to use naive optimism > it’s still there > wait for it to go away > it doesn’t leave > go to sleep > wake up in the morning > it’s still there > help
Yup, same here. I fix one thing that i'm anxious about and my brain literally just goes "hah, ok what about this thing?" It's like I'm defeating bosses and leveling up, but then the next boss is just harder. I'm playing Dark Souls over here. I need cheat codes.
It gets worse if you’re smart enough to logic out of almost anything. Then you just get stuck with “well life is awful and it will never get better” *sigh*
My 28yo little brother took his own life 3 weeks ago and this is opening my eyes to why he did it. My heart is so broken but I must find out as much as I can about what his experience might have been like, so that I can honour his memory properly. Thank you for discussing these important topics. Our men need to know these things and women need to know them too so that we can all look after one another ❤
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I appreciate how difficult it must be to seek to learn while you grieve. I hope the world treats you with the same kindness you send out!
My condolences. Wanting to understand what he was going through shows how much you really cared. I hope you don’t blame yourself in any way for what happened with your brother, wanting to learn and spread positivity despite that happening so recently takes a lot of strength.
@@gem7459 😂 Lord grant me the strength to change things that are within my power to change, Patience to accept things that are not in my control, and wisdom to distinguish between the two. I'm interested to hear about secular and non Christian equivalents to this guidance.
@@liammhodonohueStoics have the same view on this: Something happened or will happen. it's either in your control or it's not. If it is, why worry? Control it. If it's not, why worry? It's going to happen anyways.
When you mean upset, do you mean discomfort or pain? Sorry, english is not my first language and I’m trying to understand. I think I feel the same way, and it’s been making me miserable the last couple months
@lopesmorrenofim might be a little late, but you are right. They are most likely using the word 'miserable' to explain how eating can be painful due to the anxiety making their stomach hurt. Like eating when you feel like vomiting. It is for sure a 'miserable' problem anxiety can cause
I'll be honest here, water is one of the most upsetting things for my stomach in this situation. Not THE most, as red meat and instant ramen exist, but water for me is just.. having stuff in my stomach. Nothing to ease the stomach, nothing with nutrition or anything (although I'm not calling water bad there). If my stomach has stuff in it, I'm usually uncomfortable. Water, as a food item, is basically pure stuff. And if I've thrown up recently? Good lord, no water please.
I use to feel anxiety a lot, but for me the solution was understanding that the anxiety was a cover up for anger and fear, once I started confronting my emotions and accepting them, things got way better
Once my therapist told me I might be depressed, and I was like, “please don’t say that. If I believe I’m depressed on top of all of my other problems. I’ll just start acting more depressed.”
So cool that Dr. K is improving in his handwriting. I could read most everything with only a few difficulties, truly a remarkable achievement for a doctor!
As someone with ADHD, I started countering stress from anxiety with apathy, and I started doing this in my late 20s. Whenever I understand that "failure is inevitable", I stop giving a sh*t. Sometimes this has actually helped me find a solution to a problem instead, and if not, "oh well". This attitude has not eliminated my anxiety, but it has helped me reduce the felt effects of it.
Tried to be stoic or helped calm me as I had high anxiety but made me lagged more cause I really didn’t care to anything submitting my homework’s for grad school. I have adhd too so It’s hard for me to find the right balance
My best friend is like this, it makes me a bit frustrated how they sometimes just go from doing something that's clearly important to them to being completely apathetic about it as soon as they hit a (seemingly) small roadblock. I didn't realize this could be anxiety. I also have ADHD but I don't think I could ever get myself to do this, I don't want to lose even more control and I feel like the anxiety is the only thing that helps me function "normally".
No.. 1. I fix the problem. With other men work together and provide safe and good environment for women. If you want to dwell on your feelings, you can be friendzone and disrespected by women because you are ineffective.
@@acht467 Yea, but then you try to accomplish a small task and it goes sideways. Then you try to accomplish another simple task and it doesn't go as planned. And you suddenly feel like just laying down and let the day just pass you by, because if you can't get a small simple task done, how the fuck will you fix your entire life that's inn pieces...
@@9xqspx6 You may be giving yourself a big problem, thinking it small. Something small, attainable would be like, make your bed every morning. Setting aside 30 minutes or so a day to go outside for a walk ect.
@@9xqspx6 thats what i feel too. i do a simple home improvement and it reveals a bigger problem thats beyond my level or finances to fix immediately, it gets put in the too hard basket for another day. or i do things i can do like painting inside only for something else to happen and take my focus as it now has to take priority and i lose my momentum on the original thing (painting) and have trouble getting back to it. i just keep trying to chip away, but many times it feels like im trying to eat an elephant by starting at the toe nails😆
@@9xqspx6those thing dont go as planned because they are out of your control (some people still try to pin this on themselves). let go. i struggle with this immensely, so this is for me too.
Your perception of things can help you overcome your anxiety or make it worse. The problems you suffer from are mostly problems you attached to yourself. Problems you didn't always have. Problems that sometimes have no solutions. The hardest part is admitting that not all of your problems are realistic, and that these problems have no solutions.
I think a lot of women with this pattern of anxiety also tend to be misdiagnosed with BPD. Much like how a lot of autism in women is misdiagnosed as bipolar, borderline, or schizotypal.
I was hinted at having BPD just because I sometimes get angry and depressed. I failed to say to the person that when I’m happy is when I don’t think about the problems. So I act differently.
@@nataliealliepage7155 i think that too, but what are exactly these diagnoses, they don't define u or nothing if u are scared about things and u react in a certain way, i think startin to solve the problems at the root will fix anxiety, there is hope, this is not an illness, it's just how we react to traumas
When i get really anxious I have physical symptoms, like an uncontrollable body shaking , my gut "shuts down", i lose appetite, my mouth gets dry af. After i calm down i feel so tired... It's really awful. Great video dr. k, it matches my experience.
Pretty much the same for me, but it's nausea and uncontrollable gag reflexes instead of a shaking body. I think this video describes very well what is going on, but it doesn't really give any advice on what we should do to prevent it (?). I feel like I understand how it works, but I still don't know what to do. I've gone through therapy, but it didn't help me much because she just focused on emotional support and being conscious of what I feel. Maybe it has helped a little, but it doesn't FIX the issue, does it?
@@redrocker1582oh, I am female but I was raised around a bunch of males..so I believe my anxiety presents like yours does...what I have learned is to find a healthy way (because I did the same as a lot of men used to,reach for the beer,smokes,food,sex) ..now I find Healthy distractions when I am physically crippled with anxiety..my counselor said to start by shocking your system with a Sour candy, then I immediately turn on a stand up comic I like ,while breathing deep ......distract for brain enough to get out of the shakes or headache....THEN go do dishes with music or laundry ..actively do something with upbeat background. It works to pull me out of it. Then ,once I am calmer ,I can look at things more logically. I hope this helped a little.
I feel you friend. I've had symptoms since I was 8, now i'm 25 and working through a deep rooted Depression/Anxiety disorder, it's not easy and most people wont really understand it, but actually acknowledging it and getting some professional support is the first step.
This video is literally for me today. I lost my job, its my tenth job, Im 38, I live alone, I go to therapy and Im diagnosed with CPTSD. After losing my job I got into this mental state where I just hate the idea of working for anyone else anymore. Its my tenth job! I feel trapped in an eternal rat race where I can't grow, I can't find stability, I feel trapped, like Im not in control. Ive done some investments to sell and all I need is to do it but I feel so scared about doing it, scared to even go outside. Im glad I got an appointment on thursday. I feel jitterry none stop
Man that sucks, I feel for ya, I can get that way too and it's not pleasant at all. I believe in you man, we can make it through this to the other side.
00:01 Anxiety is a gendered concept with differences in experience for men and women. 02:12 Anxiety creates perceptions of unsolvable events 04:14 Men's anxiety is often characterized by physical symptoms and low perceived control. 06:34 Men's anxiety is influenced by societal norms and restrictive emotionality. 08:50 Low perceived control shapes behaviors and creates unfixable situations 11:07 Perceived low control leads to blind anxiety in men 13:21 Amygdala amplifies perceived risks, leading to elevated anxiety levels 15:34 Anxiety increases stress levels in men when faced with unsolvable problems 17:50 Unacknowledged anxiety exacerbates problems in men's lives 19:41 Reducing anxiety leads to better problem-solving and lower stress. 21:29 Male type anxiety can make you feel out of control and trigger physical symptoms. 23:10 Addressing anxiety can lead to improvements in life. Anxiety is a gendered concept with differences in experience for men and women. - Male-type anxiety is characterized by low perceived control and physical symptoms. - Men may feel surrounded by unfixable problems, leading to a sense of lack of control over their lives. Anxiety creates perceptions of unsolvable events - Stealth anxiety leads to a perception of low control - Low perceived control then manifests as unsolvable life events Men's anxiety is often characterized by physical symptoms and low perceived control. - Men experiencing anxiety tend to report physical symptoms like headaches, loss of appetite, body tremors, and sensations of losing control. - Compared to women, men with anxiety are more likely to exhibit symptoms of social disruptions, tearing, and interpersonal distress. Men's anxiety is influenced by societal norms and restrictive emotionality. - Higher endorsement of masculine norms leads to increased anxiety in men. - Heterosexual preferences are associated with higher levels of anxiety due to restrictive emotionality, not genital preference. Low perceived control shapes behaviors and creates unfixable situations - Research shows low perceived control leads to greater dependent interpersonal stress - Perceived control predicts and creates anxiety and stress, not the other way around Perceived low control leads to blind anxiety in men - Men's restricted emotionality and societal norms prevent them from subjectively experiencing anxiety, despite it being active in the amygdala. - The amplification of perception by anxiety can lead to exaggerated difficulty in dealing with problems, impacting decision-making and actions. Amygdala amplifies perceived risks, leading to elevated anxiety levels - Emotional restriction can lead to misperception of difficulty, exacerbating anxiety - Masculine individuals tend to employ problem-based coping, impacting anxiety levels Anxiety increases stress levels in men when faced with unsolvable problems - Anxiety adds difficulty to fixing problems, leading to perception of higher stress levels. - Perception of control decreases, creating actual stressors in life. Unacknowledged anxiety exacerbates problems in men's lives - Unrecognized anxiety triggers a stress response and leads to interpersonal stressors - Targeting the underlying occult anxiety can help break the cycle and address the root cause Reducing anxiety leads to better problem-solving and lower stress. - By targeting anxiety, the cascade of overwhelming problems falls apart. - Reducing stress increases perception of control and leads to proactive problem-solving. Male type anxiety can make you feel out of control and trigger physical symptoms. - Recognize emotional awareness and uncover anxiety distortions to regain control. - Target anxiety through physical exercise and mind-body practices to calm amygdala and reduce emotional energy. Addressing anxiety can lead to improvements in life. - Seek professional help and work on managing anxiety seriously. - Heterosexual norms may contribute to increased anxiety levels.
My husband used to have this type of anxiety. The HARDEST PART is getting a man who doesnt FEEL ANXIOUS to understand that constantly feeling a lack to control and therefore motivation IS ANXIETY. To me this was always very obvious, but he couldnt see it until he saw an extreme version in it in a close family friend.
I think this is what I need to hear. What do you mean that constantly feeling a lack of control is anxiety? - Looked this up and saw "experiencing worry [about] something with an uncertain outcome." Guess this is correct, I am shocked. But how do you overcome experiencing worry about something with an uncertain outcome?
Honestly I always heard of the concept of anxiety and listened to what this is but never understood and still don´t really understand but could be that I have it? I really have no fking clue whatsoever but that at least explains why (although I am a very very sympathetic person) can not understand when people say they have anxiety, since I can´t feel it for myself.
For me I was only able to really tell I had it when I realized I was feeling light headed/dizzy for most of the day, lots of days in a row, for what seemed like no reason. It's like having a silent migraine with more of the dizzy aspect. Means I'm just stressed and holding it back
Yeah, I'm pretty much exactly the same as your husband. Which is why when you actually feel anxious it comes in a massive burst all at once out of (seemingly) nowhere and it's scares the pants off you.
Living with this for over 5 years now. Therapy, meditation, fitness... still haven't managed to solve it. Meanwhile, life flies by and the ever-changing symptoms continue to bring suffering. Thanks for creating and sharing this content. Every bit helps. I hope you can dive more into the practicalities of 'what can we do about it' at some future point, even though I understand most of that happens inside ourselves, making it hard to communicate.
Anxiety is definitely a real thing but if you have a lot of physical symptoms that don't go away regardless of what you try, do be careful. Not to worry you but a lot of multi year anxiety diagnoses turn out to be undiscovered brain tumors and things. If you have constant issues in your head/face always push for the MRI scan even just for your piece of mind. On the same token muscle aches are often associated with anxiety, disrupted sleep as well. These are all symptoms of more serious conditions but doctors tend to go for the easiest diagnosis first, which is mental health. If you try everything they advise for anxiety and still have symptoms then I'd go get a second opinion personally.
This is true. My friend was diagnosed with anxiety for years and she accepted it, but she had an untreated tooth infection. After a root canal all her symptoms of anxiety stopped. They can be very vague.
With the way you talk about psychology and mention straight facts and statistics from papers really resonates with me and helps so much. Recently I started having health problems for the first time in my life and I've developed massive crippling health anxiety from being out of control.
Anxiety - worrying about the possible unknown future outcomes, often derived from historical events. Depression - looking at historical events and realizing how different choices may have produced better outcomes. That was the cycle for me at least until I learned to quit living in the past and stop imprinting it onto the future.
The concept of occult anxiety is interesting. I had and have overcome a severe panic disorder and no one ever explained that concept to me. It could have saved me so much time.
@@tonygicz8 You need to find some way to tell yourself that the danger is way lower than your brain makes it appear to be. I can't really tell the best way to do it since everyone is different. But having small exposures to your fears slowly, or taking your fear and finding out where you "comfort" dissapears and understanding the reason of why your brain thinks it is a problem. For example, if someone is afraid of leaving the house because he thinks people are going to judge and make fun out of him. One way he could deal with it is firstly challenge the reasons of why he thinks this way and why he cares about what other people thinks, and secondly exposing himself lightly to this discomfort. For example leaving their house at a time he know almost no one will be around, or maybe going somewhere that is quiet but still outside. Of course each one has their own versions of this and it requires ALOT of questioning. writing down what you think and trying to unfold these feelings is a great option. Your fears almost all the time are not entirelly logical, but our brains do understand logic. So if you can explain why you feel the way you feel, where does it come from and etc. You can most likelly find you own way to confront your fears with logic or any other way you find fit. I used to suffer from this and I managed to get over it. Never give up, one step at a time, if the step feels overwhelming, take a step even smaller, the important thing is to move, even if you move half an inch every month, it is still moving and it only gets easier. Remember this, you have survived your worst days.
@@jcplays1749 I do go outside and walk my dog but usually only when I know people aren't really going to be around makes me feel like a coward I at times do challenge myself to go outside when people are around sometimes I fail and feel horrible other times I feel strong and confident when I'm out there but yeah I'm trying to deal with this in a much healthier way I have to keep exposing myself and face my fears I do believe that will help me.
trauma from military stuff has me actually afraid i'm going to start hearing gunshots going off at any time :D going outside is really hard and crowds are an absolutely not kinda thing ya dig?
I found the best therapist. I can say that I am EXTREMELY thankful to have known most of this from him. Took years before I found him. Nobody else explained things like THIS, and only made me feel worse. Keep looking people! Those people that give a shit about you, are out there! I promise!
Dang that’s definitely why i have so many panic/anxiety attacks. I’m wrapped in all the things i can “control” and that I’m not doing, but I just have to prioritize what’s important/write it down in a list. I can’t do it all I’m not Johnny Sins. Journaling has helped me greatly from Dr. K’s vid. It’s helped me with processing emotions, organize what I want to do, and making a schedule.
Thankyou. That resonated with me. I'm 48, an underground miner, have a small farm. My life feels out of control, and things feel overwhelming. The only thing that crosses the mind is work harder on the problem, but your exhausted. What you have said makes a lot of sense and gives me a new problem to work on... In a healthy way of course. 😎
You probably don't absorb enough vitamin D3. Working underground is worse than working the night shift constantly. Take a supplement of vitamin D3 5,000 iu/day. A lack of this can cause fatigue and depression.
@@colleenpeck6347 I recently started taking D3/K2 and a Magnesium complex. I started feeling better almost immediately but was still having a lot of ups and downs. After about a month, I've stabilized and feel great. Better sleep, less anxiety, more energy. I'm not saying it's a miracle in a bottle but at least I don't feel like I'm operating at 50% everyday.
oh my god, years and years of therapy and none of them had any real understanding of where my anxieties/panic attacks stemmed from. This makes so much sense, every time I feel like I lose control of my life or a small problem is unsolvable it absolutely eats away at me. Thank you yet again for the incredibly easy to understand and in depth videos. I think this one more than any other is going to be a big help with helping keeping everything at a reasonable level.
yet again a video of a male problem that somehow is so so relatable for me, a female. thank you for bringing rhis up, it helps to broaden my view on my inner problems.
This is such a needed video right now; this isn't necessarily a confirmation of 'self fulfilling prophecy' bias, but there's a definite component when you combine 'things aren't getting better' and then you do actions as if it already has come to pass, so things get worse cycle is so ingrained in a lot of ways, and having it laid out like this really helps as always.
I recognize the patterns described in this video. I don’t always know how to fix my problems but I do recognize when I suffer from anxiety. To calm myself down I take a warm shower which increases oxytocin. This is the “cuddle” hormone. I then follow up with a 30-60 seconds (max) cold shower. This increases endorphins and dopamine. They help to decrease stress levels. The shower tactic might not fix the problems but it helps to get a calm mind again.
Your problem is psychology telling giving you an excuse to blame some condition and not taking control and doing something worthwhile and slowly building confidence and take on problems and fixing them. You rather focus on a diagnosis and believe in it blame it and feel sorry for yourself.. Wow great work psychology is making people much worse
Very scientific, you should also consider metaphysical experiences such as music or spirituality. The world is much bigger and unknown than some chemicals scientists have discovered.
I love that more men are talking about things like things. I hate when people say things like “you’re just weak” etc. No those people just aren’t dealing with their issues but I promise they’re coming out somewhere.
I mean a huge part of it for men and women is them always wanting to be more than just human instead of seeing the truth that ''I am human, my cells are real, I can adapt, relax and do things, You can seek all the outside forces you want and all distractions but at the end if you can't wake up and be silent inside and enjoy the mere feeling of just waking up and understanding things then good luck with the maze
There is some weakness to it though. It sounds incredibly mean to say it like that, but most of the people proudly talking about all the different things wrong with them are not happy and they’re not doing well in life. So to me it’s not always helpful. I’m also not sure how real a lot of these conditions are. If you ask enough doctors they’ll diagnose you with ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression etc. Sometimes it just seems like a crutch for people who don’t want to deal with life’s challenges and a way for the medical profession to make easy money. Those who do tend to live their lives and face those challenges tend to be the happiest, most well rounded people so I don’t agree we should encourage everyone to talk about it. Usually “pick yourself up and go again” is better advice than allowing people to wallow in self pity.
The problem of all of this is, as Dr. K stated, men don feel anxietsy. I always heard of the concept of anxiety and listened to what this is but never understood and still don´t really understand but could be that I have it? I really have no fking clue whatsoever but that at least explains why (although I am a very very sympathetic person) can not understand when people say they have anxiety, since I can´t feel it for myself or relate to it. So no wonder why men aren´t talking about it since they (and most therapist) don´t know that they could have it.
@@Dj0enderman3000 I mean I’m not sure that men in GENERAL don’t feel anxiety, as I have met a couple of men that feel anxiety the same way i do (as a woman), or at least, said they do. I feel like this could be the same as autism in women vs in men, there are different ways that autism could present itself differently in men and women, but there are still autistic women that relate more to “male autism” and vice versa. Btw, i’m very curious, you don’t feel anxiety? Like, you have never felt it before an important exam, or a date, or idk… Doing a job interview? I’m just curious because I have severe anxiety and have experienced it increasingly ever since I was a child, I’ve never known a life where anxiety was not present, so it’s fascinating to hear about someone with the opposite experience!😮
@@mel4340 I did have exam nerves and high stress situations. I usually experience this in little bowel cramps, stomach ache or sudden heat. Nothing that is unnormal but not something I would call anxiety, no, since I neither have this chronically, nor do I feel like it is an disorder in me. Fearing and being stressed is part of everyday life but as I understood is that anxiety goes over and above this. Maybe as Dr. K elaborated I have this, since sometimes what he describes is true and I seem to not find any solution to my problems and becoming less motivated to do sonething about it. But I never feel then the "classic" symptoms of anxiety. Maybe it is because I am used to brushing feelings off, Idk either, that's why this video is so interesting. And it could be, after all cardiac infarction for example has different symptoms for men and women as well.
Thank you for this video! I' m a woman so I when I saw the title I skipped this video but youtube autoplay decided to play it anyway. I was doing somthing else so I let it play. The definition of "male-anxiety" at the beginning made me stay because I recognized myself alot. Once you addressed the role of education and emphasis during childhood on "problem solving" rather than "emotional feeling" I understood why I identified with this pattern so much. This one may not have been initially intended for me but it helped me alot. Cheers 🎉
This actually answers alot for me, i've just been sitting here for 20mins unpacking my past and making connections I never realised. I'm glad I watched this.
Neat. As a data scientist I specialize in predictive analytics for a living. When I was a kid I had anxiety, much like the kind mentioned in the video. (Female, male, it doesn't matter.) What I ended up doing is the techniques I learned to predict the future to cure my anxiety disorder. I haven't had unnecessary anxiety in decades. How it works is I kept a journal of my stressful predictions. I didn't write long paragraphs just quick bullets. Quick and simple. Then after the stressful event passed I'd circle back usually once every two weeks and look over it. I'd then document what actually happened vs my predictions. Quick bullets here as well. What I found wasn't just that my predictions of the future were wrong when I was stressed out but how they were wrong, how I was over amplifying certain challenges, just like how it's talked about in this video. Seeing first hand how I was doing that I learned balance. I learned how to not underestimate challenge, but in a way that accurately predicted the future. It took me time as I continued to make predictions for up to a year where I had nearly 100% perfect predictions about the future. The better I predicted the future the less anxiety I had. What's cool is when there is real danger I need to take notice in, now it stands out like a sore thumb. I see it accurately and I address it. This helps keep me safe in dangerous situations. (edit: Oh also, I was cautious of self fulfilling prophecy. I get I could make a negative prediction real by procrastinating, which defeated the point, so I had to give it my all even when I didn't think it would succeed. This part is important. Without giving it your all you don't have the same learning opportunities. Learning is required for growth. Growth removes anxiety and depression. You have to give it your all. I'm ADHD so sometimes that would make it hard, but regardless I always tried my best.) I highly recommend journaling. Write down your predictions. If you suffer from depression write down small things you're grateful for every day, like a good tasting meal. It helps. I found journaling the happy parts of social situations helped me, so if I went to a party or a club and I didn't enjoy myself much I'd still try to find the parts I did enjoy and write it down. This helped me see more positivity in the world which reduced my social depression and social anxiety. That and vitamin D3 got rid of the rest of depression for me.
The therapist I visited just once(cuz no money lul) still helped me alot. He told me to write down what bothers me exactly, and to give it a score of how much it bothers me 1-10. And it really helped, cuz after some time most of the worries were actually quite silly. And the actually serious ones I could start focusing on and try to fix them. I no longer suffer from anxiety, it took me a lot of time. It wasn't easy and took me years. But since the visit, it became easier the longer I practiced it. (I haven't written down anything after a month, rather I calculated it in my head dealing with it as I should).
This is so super super helpful Cause like, while this is labelled here as 'man anxiety', i see it with my mum, whos a single parent taking this role of being a father and such. She often comments she feels like a guy more than female in regards in feeling like she cant relate to how female, or i guess for me, how i express anxiety. And in turn is also me not having understanding of what is truly feels like in her position. I thought us being of similar sex would make it more relatable, but now seeing this laid down, it really makes me accept that those times my mum saying that "she literally cannot feel anxiety", yet now showing symptoms of physical illness rings so true Im glad im able to understand what people who feels this way get to experience, and will be kinder and sympathetic!
I have been diagnosed with anxiety as a man it was linked to my perception of my health after I was told I only had 1 kidney. I made a lot of the problems in my head along with symptoms that was similar to kidney failure. Men doesn't break down crying but instead we just feel like we can't change our situation and we feel stuck in a crap situation.
This feels like "Just calm down bro" with extra steps, but oddly it works for me. Just noticing that my perception of having low control is making that feeling of unsolvable problems I experience just sort of melt. I feel more in control when I notice my perception of having low control.
Exactly. It's like as if feeling a sudden gush of wind, and you just sit through it, maybe shield from it, letting it pass you by, instead of trying to run with it and ending up caught in a freaking tornado that throws you around. When you focus on thoughts, you add more thoughts to the overall "noise", which adds to the stress. But when you focus on the feelings instead, those negative thoughts stop coming and you feel much lighter.
Recognizing that sometimes you don't make sense is able to help you forgive yourself for those moments... the next steps are picking up on when those moments are happening and figuring out how to reduce them. You don't want to get too comfortable with not making sense, but understanding it's going to happen sometimes... basically, patience for yourself.
Once i realized how over dramatic and stupid my brain is, i started feeling way less stress and anxiety...either be it social norms on me as man, childhood or genes, the brain doesnt really adjust to these correctly and creats anxiety as a defense mechanism (he thinks you suck so bad you shouldn't leave a cave), so once i realized this isnt rational or based on facs, but just an illusion created by chemicals, i really reseted and start a new life
It doesnt make sense to me. Why would i feel a low sense of control if i was in control? Sure low sense of control can do all he says but it rarely comes first. Why would you stress over non-stressers? Something makes you feel helpless. THEN you take on a helpless mindset THEN that mindset creates or discovers more problems If it works the opposite way its simply a nuerochem issue.
Very informative video, especially when speaking about men not feeling the anxiety but men are more inclined to feel the physical symptoms, which is what I’m going through right now! The physical symptoms has landed me in the ER for sensations of perceived chest pains that has me freaked out. They found nothing fortunately but has me in a stressed out state of thinking there is wrong with me medically. I have a cardiologist appointment coming up to see if there is anything, but chances are there really won’t be anything. The symptoms can be overwhelming but I’ve got to work with a therapist to figure out what’s causing me to stress out.
Dude you are having physical symptoms of anxiety, there is no need to go to the doctors. Your are feeding the fear loop doing this stuff. Stop taking the symptoms seriously, they are magnifying with you being fearful of them. Watch a guy named Shaam kasaam and listen to his videos carefully.
I fell into the same trap and after the doctors told me there ain't nothing wrong I knew it was all in my head, I hope you can come around similarly as I did. Felt like my heart was gonna explode and hands numb, all because I felt out of control.
This actually explains something I noticed in me growing up. I've thankfully haven't delt with anxiety as a dude. And I think with the whole control thing goes to something my dad told me: "The world is owned by the ones on top. We're the ants looking up at the gods. We cannot do anything about what's happening in the world scale. But we can hold onto things we can touch ourselves. So grab something and don't f*cking let go." I've looked at what's happening in the world now and said "Yeah, we're all screwed" but I've always aimed to gain control over the things happening now, rather than to be. That and knowing when I need to actually use energy to fix something, rather than something I have no power over. It helps, which is why I think I'm relatively healthy right now.
I see my anxiety come from very real things - not making my own money, feeling like I'm on borrowed time at home with the parents, getting older and not having the relationships I thought I'd have by now at 36, etc. It's more responsive to the external world around me, which if it changed I would change. If I won 10 million dollars I would feel relieved because financially there's no pressure to find a job, and I can work on vibing. And when your vibe is good, you're going to attract more people naturally, because in my case there is no overarching threat anymore. Any OCD or whatever I had would disappear as well because once the problems causing it are solved, it would fade.
Not having a job is real, societal expectations to have one is real too... But here's the thing: telling yourself you should have a job by now or are on borrowed time to get one, is you putting an unsolvable problem on yourself, as Dr K describes. Your mind simply can't make expectations you or others put yourself happen and trying to solve an unsolvable problem makes it worse. If you were framing this problem to a solvable problem then your experience would be different.
Those very real things do play into it! But pay close attention to what he's saying, because not all of it comes from the real world. I used to think exactly like you, and that wasn't even too long ago. But it was only just recently that I started uncovering some of my unhealthy perceptions, distortions, interpretations, etc, when it comes to to handling those problems. Yes, the problems were real. But I was absolutely making them more difficult than they needed to be. And those underlying problems would have prevented me from being happy, even after the immediate problems were addressed. There will always be more problems, even when these most prominent pass. If we don't fix the emotional side of anxiety, we'll always have problems that feel insurmountable. Even after the current problems finally get fixed.
I'm in a similar situation in my 30s. First off, winning $10mil will not get rid of your anxiety; you didn't earn a single penny from it so why do you think you're prepared for the problems that comes with wealth from a financial stand point? We're about talking how to invest for income, dealing with taxes, controlling spending, creating a budget, avoiding scams and watching out for people caring only about your money. The sign of relief will only be temporary because you are better off obviously away from poverty, but that's not the root cause of your anxiety to be honest. You're coming from a position of incompetence which is tough to overcome since society's demands to get a job seems to keep on growing while the payoff stagnant, or even declines due to inflation. Living off from your parents and not having a relationship stems from mainly you so I suggest reframing your situation to figure out a plan to develop qualities that will serve you a lifetime.
Well, fuck. I feel the same about living with my parents even though they say that they are fine, happy even that I'm still around... And I managed to kinda be okay with this. However, I just left a job after three months, because I got to the point when I got up, felt miserable, had chest pain and dizziness during the day, and realized that all of this is because my boss behaves like a very old 5 years old, if that makes sense. Not really with me, though that happened too, but with my coworkers, and it pisses me off, makes me feel like I'm back in school with all of the shitty drama. The man throws tantrums, speaks to his employees in a way I wouldn't speak to a stray dog, and gets offended when someone stands up for themselves. He fired three of the people who I actually cared about in the last month. Thing is, there's always one of these asshole in every workplace. Previous one? The younger brother of my boss who's in a manager position, same behavior, I lasted 1.5 years there. These people are everywhere, and I feel no matter where I go, I'll have to fight them even for tools and equipment required by law, I'll lose friends who get fired, and I'm just so fucking done with all of this.
I think we, in this modern era, tend to think if we had vast amounts of wealth, it will resolve the emptiness we feel inside. Looking at most celebrities, that seems not to be the case. I'm not in a great financial position either so I understand where you're coming from, but my biggest fear is that when I am successful, the dread will still be there.
I've been with my current therapist for three months. What has been working for me is being conscious of the symptoms of an anxiety attack (for me the big one is chest tightness), identifying the specific thought/action is causing it, and using techniques to short circuit it. So far that has involved establishing control for the rapid onset type of anxiety, and physical exercise as a maintenance piece to treat the slow build type.
I’m glad I stumbled across this video and actually decided to listen, as a person still in highschool and as a class president I realize that I have been slightly aware of these differences in men’s mental and been able to somewhat address in some of my peers. Im gonna use this information to not only address future problems for myself and for the future of my peers should it ever come.
This falls so much in line with my experiences of the last decade, some dreadful event happened that made me lose control over all aspects of my life and I became extremely despondent. My main point of suffering in life was that I had no control over anything, I'd lost most of my friends, I was forced to drop out of school, I was poor, I couldn't hope for a better job and there was no way that I could ever attract someone when I felt that low. There were so many things pressing down on me that the hopelessness turned into suicidality a couple of times. And then I finally got back into training, I gained experience, I accessed better jobs and only the fact of having more income lowered my anxiety levels so much that I don't even qualify for clinical depression anymore.
I love when Dr. K videos come out and they're talking about a problem I'm currently going through. It's been a while since the last one feeling like this (partially thanks to Dr. K videos that helped me target other problems in the past), but this one hits hard. Thanks a lot for doing this, it helps so much ❤
I had a half memory of reading something about hormones and fibromyalgia. So I Google testosterone metabolization and fibromyalgia. You should Google it too. If you're not already on testosterone gel therapy, maybe it could help manage your symptoms.
The physical symptoms you mention are such a recognition for me, I struggled with extreme anxiety, depression, panic attacks and low self perception for years, but no one around me seemed to notice, (I didn't ask for help because I am a guy and being vulnerable didn't seem manly). I started reading 2 years ago, watching videos like yours, and last year even started running. my life changed for the better and I can even go to parties and walk through crowds without my vision narrowing or feeling like i'm in a garbage compactor. I guess what I'm trying to say to you is THANK YOU, and to myself : keep it up.
This explanation of anxiety resonates alot with me. Personally, I've found Stoicism pretty helpful with refocusing on the things I can control and accepting what is out of my control.
So male anxiety essentially works like the reverse of Pygmalion effect (self-fulfilling prophecy), and may eventually leads to physical symptoms and shorter lifespan.
Please dont fill yourself with too much meds like antidepressants or even anti psychotics for that matter. By that i mean from not just 1 or but also 3 different medicinal preparations at the same time. Because i am actually one of the few people who believes that it actually does shorten the lifespan of someone
The one thing dr. K makes me more certain of with each video is that health school is like SWE: they get stuck with legacy code with no documentation, the only one who knows the code is not accessible anymore, no one has an exact idea of how it works, but every day someone get a small grasp of how it does (and they find out they were actually wrong the day before), and they have to figure all that and sort the bugs out while in production
Hey thanks for this doctor K! Lost my job out of nowhere back in November, and I've been experiencing some of those physical symptoms and a few other difficulties ever since. Couldn't quite pin things on a traditional understanding of anxiety, but this hits a bit closer to home. I truly had no idea wtf was going on, and that just made it even worse. This feels like a great starting point, and I really appreciate it =)
The consequences of anxiety are different between men, and women. Women have women's shelters. Women have a greater chance of being welcomed back home by parents in an emergency. Women have the option to use men for shelter and security. Men don't have the same safety nets. When our lives are out of control, we don't have any of the same contingency plans. When our lives fall apart, we are more likely to wake up in a gutter than on someone's couch, in someone's bed.
What's stopping men from going back to their parents or relying on another for help (even asking a woman shelter and security)? All I'm hearing is how toxic masculinity makes it harder for you. All it takes for those safety nets is to have good relationships with your friends, which honestly does take effort.
@@blackkittycat15 Ok. Prove your point with me then. I don't have loving parents, so they are not an option. Then there's my childhood friends at school, but i'm completely different than them. Like a christian to an atheist. I don't really trust them, and if i speak of my problems with, let's say my childhood best friend, my problems won't be solved and i'm just going to live rent free in his mind and i don't want to be a charge. What's left are distant family members who i don't get to see a lot, and even tho i've talked to one of my uncles, that was months ago and i didn't really get any feedback from him. He was shocked tho. I want to go to a therapist that helps me fix my problems, but im convinced they are all monkeys with diplomas that won't really break down anything. Of course i don't think that of Dr K, all he talked about in this video is basically my life until now. So if i could get a therapist like him, i wouldn't skip a single session. So tell me. Do i have toxic masculinity or not? Because i can't tell myself.
Dude I'm a guy but your problems are obvious to me, sorry to be rude Everything you are worry about, did not happen yet. You don't know any of that for sure, it is the lack of control that results in you having this anxiety about you futures and problems. You don't know the future and if you are really not that close to your friends, you are probably don't know them well enough to 100% predict their reaction to your problems. Nothing is certain, but you are spending your times and thoughts worry about something that might not be true at all. You need to let go of the rein you can't control and learn to accept that whatever happens AFTER you have tried your best is in the future. You can't stop yourself from healing just because you might not like everyone else reactions, it doesn't matter what everyone else opinion of you are like, you deserve to be healed even if you don't think that. Just trust the process, And it's going to be ok About your questions, yeah sure it could be a sign of toxic masculinity, which means you let the society so called 'masculine' traits control your life (need to be the one in control, independent, don't want to appear weak, worry about social status etc.) but it could also be a sign of trauma @@shadowyi3264
Yes, this actually applies to me very much and it explains very well how my anxiety related to life crises works. I was always told to fix my issues and learned to deal with most stressors by simply confronting them and finding a solution. But over last years I got into too many situations when there were simply too many severe issues at the same time and I could not resolve all of them at once. And that got very overwhelming because I did not know what to do about it and it lead to me getting stressed to the level of being sick. Nowadays I am better at handling stressful situations without making the issues bigger than what they actually are. But I am definitely not perfect and many situations still overwhelm me. Just not as much.
Not weird to me. All through your presentation I kept getting frissons of recognition. This really helps me understand my life experience with anxiety & MDD, and my problems with conventional psychotherapy & medications, I'm quite comfortable with my ambigendered sexuality, but I definitely absorbed the Fixit attitude as a kid, along with Stiff Upper Lip, Rugged Self-Reliance, and Perfectionism. It also explains a couple of near-breakdowns recently, from watching too much TH-cam news, and which I did successfully cope with in the end by using self-hypnosis & meditation--no doubt to calm my amygdala. I suspect occult anxiety also has a lot to do with my history of addictions, both chemical and behavioural. I apologize for posting such a long comment; I didn't have time to write a short one. 😉
I've been struggling with social anxiety for the past 15 years now at a young age i was extremely social loved being outside i played sports had many friends had a great social life until later on in life i experienced some trauma i made a fool of myself, a bunch of people started to pay attention to me would laugh at me everytime i would go outside that's where i developed this social anxiety it's taken control of my life and i haven't really been able to get my life back it gets emotionally exhausting depression kicks in i sometimes wonder if I'll ever get back to where i used to be i miss myself but even though i struggle with this i still try my best to workout eat healthy walk my dog.
@@speakingfacts3931 Thanks for the comment actually made me tear up a bit. And yeah man this is the worst thing I've ever gone through in my life I don't wish it upon anyone it's horrible I do believe that confidence and exposing yourself to what you're afraid of can help especially if you do it consistently and basketball is actually my favorite sport I went outside and played basketball a few weeks ago I used to play everyday when i was younger i dont anymore because of the fear of people paying attention to me but I should be strong and face those fears I do at times but not as much is I should i guess i can care too much about what others think of me.
I understand and hear ya because social anxiety is not only debilitating but can feel helpless. The two solutions to anxiety video that healthy gamer made was deep breathing and neutral experiences to said exposure and confidence that you will handle those. I’d recommend watching that video I’m not good at explaining it but, that you have enough neutral experiences away from that malevolence that people treated you with and will help you feel so much better and lesser that anxiety. Healthy gamer has a 30$ dollar meditation coaching program that is very well organized to where you start small and you exponentially grow in finding the right meditation for you. The first meditation is Nadi Shundi and is a great way to be introduced. Ive been doing the meditation one and its been great. They have an anxiety one and a depression one. They’re good at not overwhelming you like I am right now lol. The other video I’d recommend is journaling by Healthygamer. Journaling has helped me probably the most, I’ll be so stressed I just start writing and it’s so useful at helping lesser and processing negative emotions. To where they aren’t affecting you as much when you are out and about. If you have any questions feel free to ask this is just my opinion and what works for me
@@tonygicz8 it won't ever go back to the way things were, because you don't need to. Life is leading you down another path, this is the time to prepare.
I need to know what anxiety is like for women as comparison now. Cause all of this sounds like it applies to women too. What's the difference between them?
Me too, I'm a woman and this all just sounds like my understanding of anxiety (I have anxiety too). I recently saw a psych who said that all anxiety stems from lack of control, no mention of gender. I can understand the difference in how we interpret what we are feeling and how men may identify the physical symptoms more than the emotional but its all just anxiety? Womens anxiety will also stem from lack of control too? I'm open to this being more different than I've interpreted I just can't understand how it is as presented. To me a more accurate description of the video would be understanding how perception of anxiety is different between genders, not claiming there's a different kind of anxiety. I don't know a single woman who doesn't attempt to fix the problems we're anxious about...like what else would one do? He essentially describes what happens to everyone at about 20 mins where when you're rly anxious you can't fix things cause it all feel out of control and when you calm down you can. He then goes on to say men dont feel anxiety they feel stressed out and physcial symptoms, like whats the difference, stress = anxiety and women absolutely always physical symptoms...I'm either missing something, he doesn't treat women very often, or he interprets a different perception of how one feels or indentifies anxiety to a totally different kind of anxiety. Or I've misunderstood. I do think it raises an excellent point of educating people on how anxiety can feel for men (stereotypically) so we can help more men identify it and not be suffering and not understanding why becuase theyre not identifying the emotion, but I think it's odd and unhelpful to imply that woman type anxiety comes from a different place when it's more about how it's identified. I love Dr K but I do think he's a little too on the side of men are problem solvers and women are feelers when we both do both just sometimes a little differently.
Sorry to hear you have severe anxiety, but I just wanted to say that anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders, and Dr. K regularly puts out mental health content that's typically of broad appeal and relevance to his audience. It's an unsurprising coincidence that this video appeared shortly after your anxiety diagnosis. It wouldn't be a surprise if there are other viewers in the same boat as you. This happens to his viewers regularly, and many seem to find this spooky. Yes, it's incredibly fortunate when this happens, but there's no reason to believe there's any special significance to it, or that Dr. K has supernatural powers, as some people's reactions seem to suggest.
@@pablogonzales-aden3865 No probs. I just see people having that reaction a lot and it bugs me. Sorry to target you! Hope you are able to overcome your anxiety 🙂
@@VimDoozy Youre right but to be fair google listens and advertises to us depending on what we say or search, and youtube probably falls under that umbrella too. It might just be the algorithm picking up on whats going on in our lives and advertising it to us. Just a thought.
Dude, you're amazing. I love you're modern informed speaking approach to these topics, and that you also don't baby your audience, you speak to us as if we are intelligent people trying to learn and not idiots with an agenda.
When I try to take control I still fail. That only made my depression worse but my anxiety is actually a lot better now as I face my fears. Now my anxiety only revolves around dating and building a career. I've had zero success with dating and it's the last remnant from my severe OCD days that I havent been able to expose myself to and rectify the incessant obsessive thoughts. 😢
I experienced anxiety as described recently. My gut is not keeping my shit together (literally) and the trains here don't have toilets or they may not work, while stations may not have them either or I have to pay. So, I was stressing out a few times already about this because I don't want to shit myself with so many people around. Over time, I have improved my gut and I know that there should be no issue, yet the mind is still taking control. One day, I travelled for one stop, only a few minutes of travel time and as soon as the train got into motion, I felt a warmth around my body, which was caused by the anxiety. During that moment, there's no way I can get out of the train and to a toilet, which is the exact description of having no control anymore. Currently, I have the goal to find a remote therapist to get my mind to trust my gut for longer travels on a train, since riding a bike for an hour doesn't cause a similar issue. It's really manifesting about this lack of control of the situation, although I am actually able to control my body (at least better than in the past).
@@colinreeter777 Psyllium husk seeds are helping, but other fibers just tear my gut apart through bloating, and then I start bleeding. I got Crohn's disease and I have to be careful with my fiber intake.
@@Yuusou. oh crohns that sucks.. You ever had a food allergy test? Even minor food allergies that you can’t really feel can lead to chronic inflammation. Good luck on your healing journey mate.
@@colinreeter777 I haven't. Although my gastroenterologist offered it, but the machine to test it was broken. I'll have to get an appointment for it. Thank you for the reminder.
During covid i had some major personal tragedies and wound up having what i thought were heart attacks collapsing, spasming and passing out from hyperventilation, once on the side of the road and having an ambulance called on me. Full work up, strangers said it was a seizure. Absolutely nothing physiologically wrong with me. Spent a good few months getting everything from heart monitors to CT scans and so many bloods. What fixed it was antidepressants and a GP who actually understood that this wasnt "anxiety" like pop-psychology explains it, but a panic disorder that manifests physical, real symptoms that weren't all in my head
I really like Jordan Peterson's approach to this: If you can't find something to fix, you are not aiming low enough. Start with as small of a thing as you can picture and go up from there, it really snowballs into something great.
Basically some problems can be fixed and some can't and the mindset that everything is one way leads to distress and hopelessness. Before you jump to fixing a problem more emotional than putting dishes away or some menial thing, think about how you feel first and then judge whether you can actually fix it, and you'll be right reliably more often than just "I can do it" or "I can't do it"
I'm still in the early part of the video but i wanted to comment on my experience with what DR. K is talking about. I used to be extremely depressed, and part of that was from things that were directly or indirectly affect me in a negative way that I wanted to change but had no control over. Eventually I got to a point where i sat down with everything that was affecting me and wrote down every single one i could think of and put next to them a yes or no to if they were things i could do something about and change them at that point. Every single thing was a no so i looked at the paper again and in that moment changed my perspective from "this sucks and i cant do anything about it" to " this sucks but i can work toward changing these things ". Ever since changing my perspective i've been much happier and have been able to succeed like i never thought i would be able to. Im not wealthy or own a house or am married but im living in my own apartment with my girlfriend in a state where none of us have any family and are entirely self sufficient.
Damn, it’s really loud in here. Completely changed my perspective on some past errors. The lack of control, the appetite, after a particularly stressful event, I felt out of control, but that feeling led to me actually being more out of control. Rather than leading to direct confrontation it led to cowardice, and more problems, and more severe problems.
When I was about eleven years old, I had a cousin, 6 months older than me, pinning me to the ground, with his knee over my head. I, naturally, was crying. After my release, I went to tell my parents, and my father told me to hit him with a brick or a rock. He could not understand how on Earth there wasn't any rock or boulder or anything for me to use a weapon, and my cousin was simply sronger than me. When my sister was about the same age, every time she came home crying, my father would ran out of the house to confront (or hit, as he intended to do) whatever made my sister cry. He wouldn't stand up for me, but he did for her. I think he would understand why I didn't shed a single tear when he died, while my sister did shed a few.
@@daniel_rossy_explica And that is the problem with traditional gender roles; they force some people into a box against their natural temperament. Your father probably thought he was doing you a favour in keeping bullies at bay.
Great video. While watching the part he says that not being in control of a situation leads to stress, I noticed that I think a little different. I fell more stressed when there is a situation that has a solution but I can't find it and there is pressure for me to solve it. If a situation/event doesn't have a solution, there is nothing I can do to change it, so I don't even bother thinking about it and just "go with the flow". So, for me, having a problem that can't have a solution is less stressful than having a problem that has a solution but I don't know it (it multiplies the stress if there is pressure from other people and myself to solve it).
When I'm good, I can do things that other people sometimes consider brave or very tiring, but I persevere through and get them done. When I go into a bad time, sometimes is a big struggle even going to the grocery store.
As someone who has been to the ER 5 times the last 2 years because of issues I couldn’t identify I was finally told it might be anxiety. These videos really help me understand this stuff, thank you so much.
Hey, for what it's worth, I also went to the ER a couple of months ago. I was told it was anxiety related (blood pressure and heart rate were extremely high), but I couldn't necessarily accept "anxiety" as a cause because I don't feel like I got anything to be anxious about in life at the moment. Followed up with my doctor who ordered some more blood work and so far it seems that my thyroid is overactive and causing my blood pressure and heart rate (along with anxiety symptoms) to skyrocket. Been taking medication for it and have been feeling much better. Long story short, if you've been to the ER multiple times for "anxiety", there may be a deeper health issue at play, but you'll need to find out what it is (could be thyroid or something else). Get some blood work done and hopefully you'll be able to find out what's going on. Along with that, diet and exercise is always going to help, no matter what your situation is with your health. Wish you the best!
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my good friend. He was telling me about a book he had read about positive thinking and changing stuff or whatever. He basically said, you know, you can choose to make changes for the better. My argument was about the fact that we have no free will and we can't control what we do. That we have an illusion of control that we think is "consciousness" that gives executive control over our actions. And we can simply choose to change this executive control. What I was trying to convey is that, no, you can't. Your subconscious and conscious cannot be separated. You have little to no control over your subconscious--you can't control what thoughts you have. Your conscious self bubbles from the subconscious. So basically, yes, _you_ can choose to change and you'll do it and you'll think that you have chosen to do so. In reality, your subconscious chose for you. There are many people that _want_ to change but can't. Is it because they choose not to change? Is it because they are too weak willed? Or is it because this is what their subconscious, physics-based, brain is doing and it's going to do what it's going to do one way or another?
I'm a singer and I go to voice therapy after an injury to my vocal chords. It's so hard for me to keep up doing my excercises because I get overwhelmed when it doesn't go well, and I just shut down. My voice therapist is threatening to throw me out of therapy because she says I'm not taking the therapy seriously...
Morning anxiety is the worst for me. I’m not sure why but it’s like I wake up in flight mode, my body just has a sense of impending doom for the first 15 minutes of the day Yes I blame work
This resonates big time for me. I am looking to unpack what he means by “dependent stressors” and that general concept. Can anyone shed light on this? Thanks.
The most interesting reflection for me personally is how before 2020 I had anxiety but it was very obvious in its symptoms in hindsight, but then during the pandemic the lack of control (!) i felt caused my anxiety to change and hide in an emotional blindspot. I'm always weighing how much I want to do things versus the often inflated discomfort I have and of course the discomfort typically wins. I got very close to understanding this between myself and my therapist but having it spelled out for me makes it clear.
I never knew it could be physical. If i get extremely worried about something, I'd find myself twitching my fingers or other small muscles. Always made me feel like i needed to keep moving around, because if i was moving i was fixing the problem.
ive been looking for some understanding of my situation and this couldnt have been more perfectly timed to come out. not that anyone wants to hear my story, but i can confirm all of this to be true as a young straight male. (not that my sexuality matters much but it is mentioned on this topic) i struggle to feel decent most days, my anxiety physically affects me so much i feel like its impossible to do the things i need to fix/help myself. ive begun to self medicate for a few years now and im seeing the negative effects, now im wanting some better understanding of myself and WHY, thanks for this video.
This is a good video!! Ah so it acts as a sort of unnoticed self fulfilling prophecy (probably influenced by the individual's desire to conserve energy with something they perceive as being unable to change)(also thank you for being clear on the fact that one can't just get over it easily!). As for it being less diagnosed it makes sense if something is more difficult to be internally sensed then individuals will be less likely to get it analyzed by a professional unless they have overwhelming physical effects. That in combination with female anxiety having long history of being conflated with 'hysteria' lead to men being less diagnosed. I'm glad you're making these videos! They are very well thought out and helpful.
My anxiety as a man is the fear that I'll be abandoned and cast aside as soon as I can no longer provide value and work for others. No one genuinely cares about me as a person. The respect and love I receive from others is intrinsically tied to my output.
I’ve had very similar ideas myself
I care about you bro
Same here. If I can’t provide I serve no purpose. They’ll love you for what you do for them but they won’t love you beyond that.
Yup
wow. same lol. u legit just described everything ive felt since i was a kid bro god damn.
I'm in therapy now but they never bother to explain stuff like this to me. I have a practical mind and need stuff explained this way. Keep this stuff coming bro.
They didn't explain this stuff because they most likely don't know. I doubt many therapists are trained to deal with men specifically. That's part of the problem. Men rarely went for therapy in the past which leads to a lack of sample size and knowledge on the topic. Hopefully this is starting to get better with awareness but it'll take time.
Therapy is a female structure bruh stop it 😅
Therapy is female-centered. I have been in therapy for many years and tried different therapists and they all think and approach the same way:
Men and women are the same -> the right way is to think and feel like a woman -> you should be treated like a woman
@@impulse894 it also excuses female behavior and shames males
@@mor9n243 happened yesterday and it is making me want stop since it occurred many times. Anything I do is wrong and everything a woman does (girlfriend, ex, random girl, gym buddy, etc.) is right and I am being too critical and harsh, or “you just picking the wrong women”
Makes me sad honestly because the therapist is good in every other way and is trying to help.
> feel anxious about something
> logic my way out of it
> anxiety moves to something else
> repeat
> anxiety moves to something I can’t logic my way out of
> try to ignore it
> it stays there
> try to use naive optimism
> it’s still there
> wait for it to go away
> it doesn’t leave
> go to sleep
> wake up in the morning
> it’s still there
> help
Real
Maybe action or illogical methods are the answer
Yup, same here. I fix one thing that i'm anxious about and my brain literally just goes "hah, ok what about this thing?" It's like I'm defeating bosses and leveling up, but then the next boss is just harder. I'm playing Dark Souls over here. I need cheat codes.
It gets worse if you’re smart enough to logic out of almost anything. Then you just get stuck with “well life is awful and it will never get better” *sigh*
Literally me this morning
My 28yo little brother took his own life 3 weeks ago and this is opening my eyes to why he did it. My heart is so broken but I must find out as much as I can about what his experience might have been like, so that I can honour his memory properly. Thank you for discussing these important topics. Our men need to know these things and women need to know them too so that we can all look after one another ❤
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I appreciate how difficult it must be to seek to learn while you grieve. I hope the world treats you with the same kindness you send out!
I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks for your point of view ❤
Sorry for your loss.
Condolences for your loss
My condolences. Wanting to understand what he was going through shows how much you really cared. I hope you don’t blame yourself in any way for what happened with your brother, wanting to learn and spread positivity despite that happening so recently takes a lot of strength.
"Stop trying to fix things just listen!"
"Not fixing things is literally killing me. "
😐😑
Sometimes it’s hard listening to my wife’s daily issues because she’s the problem some times.
@@gem7459based
@@gem7459 😂
Lord grant me the strength to change things that are within my power to change,
Patience to accept things that are not in my control,
and wisdom to distinguish between the two.
I'm interested to hear about secular and non Christian equivalents to this guidance.
@@liammhodonohueStoics have the same view on this:
Something happened or will happen. it's either in your control or it's not. If it is, why worry? Control it. If it's not, why worry? It's going to happen anyways.
That “loss of appetite” symptom is so real. My stomach is always upset when I’m anxious, and it makes consuming anything besides water miserable.
When you mean upset, do you mean discomfort or pain? Sorry, english is not my first language and I’m trying to understand. I think I feel the same way, and it’s been making me miserable the last couple months
@lopesmorrenofim might be a little late, but you are right. They are most likely using the word 'miserable' to explain how eating can be painful due to the anxiety making their stomach hurt. Like eating when you feel like vomiting. It is for sure a 'miserable' problem anxiety can cause
@@McBreezyCTF for me I'm just never hungry
I'll be honest here, water is one of the most upsetting things for my stomach in this situation. Not THE most, as red meat and instant ramen exist, but water for me is just.. having stuff in my stomach. Nothing to ease the stomach, nothing with nutrition or anything (although I'm not calling water bad there).
If my stomach has stuff in it, I'm usually uncomfortable. Water, as a food item, is basically pure stuff. And if I've thrown up recently? Good lord, no water please.
@@RenSako i get this whole heartedly, water may as well be fire when the stomach anxiety hits
I use to feel anxiety a lot, but for me the solution was understanding that the anxiety was a cover up for anger and fear, once I started confronting my emotions and accepting them, things got way better
I can relate to that. (Self) Acceptance makes a huge difference.
what does "confronting emotions" even mean?
@@solitaryclusterofneurons598 it means not denying them and accepting to feel them in a fully aware manner, as opposed to cover up states
@@relivoaddad And what do you do with that?
@@Ur0nsorry what do you do with what?
Once my therapist told me I might be depressed, and I was like, “please don’t say that. If I believe I’m depressed on top of all of my other problems. I’ll just start acting more depressed.”
"To stop anxiety, sugondese."
- Dr. Gay
The Sugendees were exterminated by Carthage whixh started the second punic war
underrated
Sorry but I miss the meaning of this reference, could you plz explain further?
@@TheTariqibnziyad *pubic war
Ryan Gosling Screaming God Damnit
We stepping out the apartment door with less anxiety with this one 🔥
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
hell yea
rahhhhhhh🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🦅🦅🦅🔥🔥🔥🔥
Poggiestrappies!! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
So cool that Dr. K is improving in his handwriting. I could read most everything with only a few difficulties, truly a remarkable achievement for a doctor!
As someone with ADHD, I started countering stress from anxiety with apathy, and I started doing this in my late 20s. Whenever I understand that "failure is inevitable", I stop giving a sh*t. Sometimes this has actually helped me find a solution to a problem instead, and if not, "oh well".
This attitude has not eliminated my anxiety, but it has helped me reduce the felt effects of it.
Tried to be stoic or helped calm me as I had high anxiety but made me lagged more cause I really didn’t care to anything submitting my homework’s for grad school. I have adhd too so It’s hard for me to find the right balance
I keep learning I have adhd and some autism everyday
My best friend is like this, it makes me a bit frustrated how they sometimes just go from doing something that's clearly important to them to being completely apathetic about it as soon as they hit a (seemingly) small roadblock. I didn't realize this could be anxiety. I also have ADHD but I don't think I could ever get myself to do this, I don't want to lose even more control and I feel like the anxiety is the only thing that helps me function "normally".
@@krunch3444well, unfortunately anxiety is one of the few things that can motivate us, so you aren’t wrong there.
I'm in my late 20s - with ADHD and now some kind of anxiety condition. Maybe that's the mentality I need to have to move forward
I man
I simple
I feel anxious
I try to forget anxiety
Mmmm rock 🪨
i f*p so i can be anxiety free for 10 seconds
@@phantom.wreathhmm yes rock
No.. 1. I fix the problem. With other men work together and provide safe and good environment for women.
If you want to dwell on your feelings, you can be friendzone and disrespected by women because you are ineffective.
@@billjones642and make it worse for the rest of the day
Something that helped me was noticing two things:
● My attitudes affect me
● My attitudes can create me anxiety
@@acht467 Yea, but then you try to accomplish a small task and it goes sideways. Then you try to accomplish another simple task and it doesn't go as planned. And you suddenly feel like just laying down and let the day just pass you by, because if you can't get a small simple task done, how the fuck will you fix your entire life that's inn pieces...
@@9xqspx6 You may be giving yourself a big problem, thinking it small. Something small, attainable would be like, make your bed every morning. Setting aside 30 minutes or so a day to go outside for a walk ect.
@@9xqspx6 thats what i feel too. i do a simple home improvement and it reveals a bigger problem thats beyond my level or finances to fix immediately, it gets put in the too hard basket for another day.
or i do things i can do like painting inside only for something else to happen and take my focus as it now has to take priority and i lose my momentum on the original thing (painting) and have trouble getting back to it.
i just keep trying to chip away, but many times it feels like im trying to eat an elephant by starting at the toe nails😆
@@9xqspx6those thing dont go as planned because they are out of your control (some people still try to pin this on themselves). let go. i struggle with this immensely, so this is for me too.
Your perception of things can help you overcome your anxiety or make it worse. The problems you suffer from are mostly problems you attached to yourself. Problems you didn't always have. Problems that sometimes have no solutions. The hardest part is admitting that not all of your problems are realistic, and that these problems have no solutions.
as a woman who experiences anxiety like this too in some ways, this is really helpful
I think a lot of women with this pattern of anxiety also tend to be misdiagnosed with BPD. Much like how a lot of autism in women is misdiagnosed as bipolar, borderline, or schizotypal.
I was hinted at having BPD just because I sometimes get angry and depressed.
I failed to say to the person that when I’m happy is when I don’t think about the problems. So I act differently.
What's BPD?
@@theflaminggroundon632 borderline personality disorder
@@nataliealliepage7155 i think that too, but what are exactly these diagnoses, they don't define u or nothing if u are scared about things and u react in a certain way, i think startin to solve the problems at the root will fix anxiety, there is hope, this is not an illness, it's just how we react to traumas
I wonder if the lower rate of autism diagnoses in women are partially due to less pressure for team involvement in young girls.
When i get really anxious I have physical symptoms, like an uncontrollable body shaking , my gut "shuts down", i lose appetite, my mouth gets dry af. After i calm down i feel so tired... It's really awful. Great video dr. k, it matches my experience.
Pretty much the same for me, but it's nausea and uncontrollable gag reflexes instead of a shaking body. I think this video describes very well what is going on, but it doesn't really give any advice on what we should do to prevent it (?). I feel like I understand how it works, but I still don't know what to do. I've gone through therapy, but it didn't help me much because she just focused on emotional support and being conscious of what I feel. Maybe it has helped a little, but it doesn't FIX the issue, does it?
@@redrocker1582oh, I am female but I was raised around a bunch of males..so I believe my anxiety presents like yours does...what I have learned is to find a healthy way (because I did the same as a lot of men used to,reach for the beer,smokes,food,sex) ..now I find Healthy distractions when I am physically crippled with anxiety..my counselor said to start by shocking your system with a Sour candy, then I immediately turn on a stand up comic I like ,while breathing deep ......distract for brain enough to get out of the shakes or headache....THEN go do dishes with music or laundry ..actively do something with upbeat background. It works to pull me out of it. Then ,once I am calmer ,I can look at things more logically.
I hope this helped a little.
*your brain, not for brain lol
I feel you friend. I've had symptoms since I was 8, now i'm 25 and working through a deep rooted Depression/Anxiety disorder, it's not easy and most people wont really understand it, but actually acknowledging it and getting some professional support is the first step.
I'm a woman and I feel this too
This video is literally for me today. I lost my job, its my tenth job, Im 38, I live alone, I go to therapy and Im diagnosed with CPTSD. After losing my job I got into this mental state where I just hate the idea of working for anyone else anymore.
Its my tenth job! I feel trapped in an eternal rat race where I can't grow, I can't find stability, I feel trapped, like Im not in control.
Ive done some investments to sell and all I need is to do it but I feel so scared about doing it, scared to even go outside.
Im glad I got an appointment on thursday. I feel jitterry none stop
You might want to look into starting your own business.
@@kaitlin8669 Gotta have money for that. And a marketable thing you can do. And a market for whatever it is you're selling.
@@kaitlin8669 bad idea unfortunately, the complexities multiply, only start a business when your mental state is good.
Man that sucks, I feel for ya, I can get that way too and it's not pleasant at all. I believe in you man, we can make it through this to the other side.
Do you want to start your own business? I ask since you said you can’t see yourself working for someone
00:01 Anxiety is a gendered concept with differences in experience for men and women.
02:12 Anxiety creates perceptions of unsolvable events
04:14 Men's anxiety is often characterized by physical symptoms and low perceived control.
06:34 Men's anxiety is influenced by societal norms and restrictive emotionality.
08:50 Low perceived control shapes behaviors and creates unfixable situations
11:07 Perceived low control leads to blind anxiety in men
13:21 Amygdala amplifies perceived risks, leading to elevated anxiety levels
15:34 Anxiety increases stress levels in men when faced with unsolvable problems
17:50 Unacknowledged anxiety exacerbates problems in men's lives
19:41 Reducing anxiety leads to better problem-solving and lower stress.
21:29 Male type anxiety can make you feel out of control and trigger physical symptoms.
23:10 Addressing anxiety can lead to improvements in life.
Anxiety is a gendered concept with differences in experience for men and women.
- Male-type anxiety is characterized by low perceived control and physical symptoms.
- Men may feel surrounded by unfixable problems, leading to a sense of lack of control over their lives.
Anxiety creates perceptions of unsolvable events
- Stealth anxiety leads to a perception of low control
- Low perceived control then manifests as unsolvable life events
Men's anxiety is often characterized by physical symptoms and low perceived control.
- Men experiencing anxiety tend to report physical symptoms like headaches, loss of appetite, body tremors, and sensations of losing control.
- Compared to women, men with anxiety are more likely to exhibit symptoms of social disruptions, tearing, and interpersonal distress.
Men's anxiety is influenced by societal norms and restrictive emotionality.
- Higher endorsement of masculine norms leads to increased anxiety in men.
- Heterosexual preferences are associated with higher levels of anxiety due to restrictive emotionality, not genital preference.
Low perceived control shapes behaviors and creates unfixable situations
- Research shows low perceived control leads to greater dependent interpersonal stress
- Perceived control predicts and creates anxiety and stress, not the other way around
Perceived low control leads to blind anxiety in men
- Men's restricted emotionality and societal norms prevent them from subjectively experiencing anxiety, despite it being active in the amygdala.
- The amplification of perception by anxiety can lead to exaggerated difficulty in dealing with problems, impacting decision-making and actions.
Amygdala amplifies perceived risks, leading to elevated anxiety levels
- Emotional restriction can lead to misperception of difficulty, exacerbating anxiety
- Masculine individuals tend to employ problem-based coping, impacting anxiety levels
Anxiety increases stress levels in men when faced with unsolvable problems
- Anxiety adds difficulty to fixing problems, leading to perception of higher stress levels.
- Perception of control decreases, creating actual stressors in life.
Unacknowledged anxiety exacerbates problems in men's lives
- Unrecognized anxiety triggers a stress response and leads to interpersonal stressors
- Targeting the underlying occult anxiety can help break the cycle and address the root cause
Reducing anxiety leads to better problem-solving and lower stress.
- By targeting anxiety, the cascade of overwhelming problems falls apart.
- Reducing stress increases perception of control and leads to proactive problem-solving.
Male type anxiety can make you feel out of control and trigger physical symptoms.
- Recognize emotional awareness and uncover anxiety distortions to regain control.
- Target anxiety through physical exercise and mind-body practices to calm amygdala and reduce emotional energy.
Addressing anxiety can lead to improvements in life.
- Seek professional help and work on managing anxiety seriously.
- Heterosexual norms may contribute to increased anxiety levels.
thank you
thanks for writing this, it's helpful for those who understand better when reading instead of hearing and are not English native speakers. 👍
Very good summary
bless your soul
Thanks
Biggest thing my therapist ever said to me- “You can’t think your way out of anxiety. Action of the body will help the mind.”
My husband used to have this type of anxiety. The HARDEST PART is getting a man who doesnt FEEL ANXIOUS to understand that constantly feeling a lack to control and therefore motivation IS ANXIETY. To me this was always very obvious, but he couldnt see it until he saw an extreme version in it in a close family friend.
I think this is what I need to hear. What do you mean that constantly feeling a lack of control is anxiety? - Looked this up and saw "experiencing worry [about] something with an uncertain outcome." Guess this is correct, I am shocked. But how do you overcome experiencing worry about something with an uncertain outcome?
Honestly I always heard of the concept of anxiety and listened to what this is but never understood and still don´t really understand but could be that I have it? I really have no fking clue whatsoever but that at least explains why (although I am a very very sympathetic person) can not understand when people say they have anxiety, since I can´t feel it for myself.
For me I was only able to really tell I had it when I realized I was feeling light headed/dizzy for most of the day, lots of days in a row, for what seemed like no reason. It's like having a silent migraine with more of the dizzy aspect. Means I'm just stressed and holding it back
The key is to have a "healthy" level of anxiety. You NEED some stress to stay motivated and enthusiastic for the future.
Yeah, I'm pretty much exactly the same as your husband. Which is why when you actually feel anxious it comes in a massive burst all at once out of (seemingly) nowhere and it's scares the pants off you.
Living with this for over 5 years now. Therapy, meditation, fitness... still haven't managed to solve it. Meanwhile, life flies by and the ever-changing symptoms continue to bring suffering.
Thanks for creating and sharing this content. Every bit helps. I hope you can dive more into the practicalities of 'what can we do about it' at some future point, even though I understand most of that happens inside ourselves, making it hard to communicate.
I feel you there. I'm currently trying to let the obstacles become the way forward. The struggle is beyond real though.
@@RealestSteve6969 cheers, hope it helps mate. If you haven't checked them already I highly recommend the folks over at DARE Response as well
Could be an Vitamine/Mineral deficiency
Anxiety is definitely a real thing but if you have a lot of physical symptoms that don't go away regardless of what you try, do be careful. Not to worry you but a lot of multi year anxiety diagnoses turn out to be undiscovered brain tumors and things. If you have constant issues in your head/face always push for the MRI scan even just for your piece of mind. On the same token muscle aches are often associated with anxiety, disrupted sleep as well. These are all symptoms of more serious conditions but doctors tend to go for the easiest diagnosis first, which is mental health. If you try everything they advise for anxiety and still have symptoms then I'd go get a second opinion personally.
This is true. My friend was diagnosed with anxiety for years and she accepted it, but she had an untreated tooth infection. After a root canal all her symptoms of anxiety stopped. They can be very vague.
With the way you talk about psychology and mention straight facts and statistics from papers really resonates with me and helps so much.
Recently I started having health problems for the first time in my life and I've developed massive crippling health anxiety from being out of control.
Anxiety - worrying about the possible unknown future outcomes, often derived from historical events.
Depression - looking at historical events and realizing how different choices may have produced better outcomes.
That was the cycle for me at least until I learned to quit living in the past and stop imprinting it onto the future.
The concept of occult anxiety is interesting. I had and have overcome a severe panic disorder and no one ever explained that concept to me. It could have saved me so much time.
I wish this channel existed 10 years ago. This info is absolute gold. Dr K's approach is the best I've seen
How did you get over it? I've been struggling with social anxiety for 15 years I get really bad panic attacks when I'm outside around people.
Dr k made a video on social anxiety. I’m going to watch it since you reminded me
@@tonygicz8 You need to find some way to tell yourself that the danger is way lower than your brain makes it appear to be. I can't really tell the best way to do it since everyone is different. But having small exposures to your fears slowly, or taking your fear and finding out where you "comfort" dissapears and understanding the reason of why your brain thinks it is a problem. For example, if someone is afraid of leaving the house because he thinks people are going to judge and make fun out of him. One way he could deal with it is firstly challenge the reasons of why he thinks this way and why he cares about what other people thinks, and secondly exposing himself lightly to this discomfort. For example leaving their house at a time he know almost no one will be around, or maybe going somewhere that is quiet but still outside. Of course each one has their own versions of this and it requires ALOT of questioning. writing down what you think and trying to unfold these feelings is a great option. Your fears almost all the time are not entirelly logical, but our brains do understand logic. So if you can explain why you feel the way you feel, where does it come from and etc. You can most likelly find you own way to confront your fears with logic or any other way you find fit. I used to suffer from this and I managed to get over it. Never give up, one step at a time, if the step feels overwhelming, take a step even smaller, the important thing is to move, even if you move half an inch every month, it is still moving and it only gets easier. Remember this, you have survived your worst days.
@@jcplays1749 I do go outside and walk my dog but usually only when I know people aren't really going to be around makes me feel like a coward I at times do challenge myself to go outside when people are around sometimes I fail and feel horrible other times I feel strong and confident when I'm out there but yeah I'm trying to deal with this in a much healthier way I have to keep exposing myself and face my fears I do believe that will help me.
it becomes stupid when you're just traumatized and your amygdala is hyper active 24h/7
No days off bro gotta get them amygdagains
Amygdalamaxxing 💪
@@pumbo777 lmao
Yup yup
trauma from military stuff has me actually afraid i'm going to start hearing gunshots going off at any time :D going outside is really hard and crowds are an absolutely not kinda thing ya dig?
I found the best therapist. I can say that I am EXTREMELY thankful to have known most of this from him. Took years before I found him. Nobody else explained things like THIS, and only made me feel worse. Keep looking people! Those people that give a shit about you, are out there! I promise!
This is 100% how my anxiety is, I am supposed to be able to fix problems that are presented to me and if/when I can’t, I lose my mind.
Dang that’s definitely why i have so many panic/anxiety attacks. I’m wrapped in all the things i can “control” and that I’m not doing, but I just have to prioritize what’s important/write it down in a list. I can’t do it all I’m not Johnny Sins. Journaling has helped me greatly from Dr. K’s vid. It’s helped me with processing emotions, organize what I want to do, and making a schedule.
Ooh yes I used to get panic attacks with HBP all the time
High blood pressure does that to you? Sheesh I didn’t know that, but makes sense, mine came from not eating
Theyre so excruciating sorry to hear
As Johnny Sins, I just want you to know that I also benefit from Dr K
"I can’t do it all, I’m not Johnny Sins," is a hell of a line.
Thankyou. That resonated with me. I'm 48, an underground miner, have a small farm. My life feels out of control, and things feel overwhelming. The only thing that crosses the mind is work harder on the problem, but your exhausted. What you have said makes a lot of sense and gives me a new problem to work on... In a healthy way of course. 😎
💯🙏🏼
You probably don't absorb enough vitamin D3. Working underground is worse than working the night shift constantly. Take a supplement of vitamin D3 5,000 iu/day. A lack of this can cause fatigue and depression.
Also, try magnesium glycinate 500 mg /day.
@@colleenpeck6347 I recently started taking D3/K2 and a Magnesium complex. I started feeling better almost immediately but was still having a lot of ups and downs. After about a month, I've stabilized and feel great. Better sleep, less anxiety, more energy. I'm not saying it's a miracle in a bottle but at least I don't feel like I'm operating at 50% everyday.
An Underground Miner sounds so cool until I actually understand the difficulties you face everyday.
oh my god, years and years of therapy and none of them had any real understanding of where my anxieties/panic attacks stemmed from. This makes so much sense, every time I feel like I lose control of my life or a small problem is unsolvable it absolutely eats away at me. Thank you yet again for the incredibly easy to understand and in depth videos. I think this one more than any other is going to be a big help with helping keeping everything at a reasonable level.
I keep having conflict between my wife and my girlfriend
What?.
@@Inconstructionmaybe-x5v yeah its the cause of my anxiety i wish they would get along
Reminds me of a Polish joke: "When a marriage fails, both parties are at fault - the wife and the mother in law."
my wife's boyfriend is being a big meanie toward me :( what do?
@@kaczok1985 😂
yet again a video of a male problem that somehow is so so relatable for me, a female. thank you for bringing rhis up, it helps to broaden my view on my inner problems.
Were all gonna make it broette
I think he doesn’t preference it by saying women as well because he isn’t one so he doesn’t want to claim he’s all knowledgeable in that area
After all, it's labeled as "male type" because it's more common in men, but it doesn't mean women are precluded to 'work' this way.
There will always be problems where some people of differing sexes will intersect. I hope we both can make it through both of our struggles.
I’m glad you and everyone else here is able to get the information they need to succeed in life! Dr. K is a saint
I have had anxiety and panic disorder since my early 20s and I’ve never hear it more perfectly, accurately articulated than this.
This is such a needed video right now; this isn't necessarily a confirmation of 'self fulfilling prophecy' bias, but there's a definite component when you combine 'things aren't getting better' and then you do actions as if it already has come to pass, so things get worse cycle is so ingrained in a lot of ways, and having it laid out like this really helps as always.
I recognize the patterns described in this video. I don’t always know how to fix my problems but I do recognize when I suffer from anxiety. To calm myself down I take a warm shower which increases oxytocin. This is the “cuddle” hormone. I then follow up with a 30-60 seconds (max) cold shower. This increases endorphins and dopamine. They help to decrease stress levels. The shower tactic might not fix the problems but it helps to get a calm mind again.
Your problem is psychology telling giving you an excuse to blame some condition and not taking control and doing something worthwhile and slowly building confidence and take on problems and fixing them.
You rather focus on a diagnosis and believe in it blame it and feel sorry for yourself..
Wow great work psychology is making people much worse
Very scientific, you should also consider metaphysical experiences such as music or spirituality. The world is much bigger and unknown than some chemicals scientists have discovered.
That kind of explains why i always stay under the hot water for hours.
@@shadowyi3264 Same. A warm bath or blanket works too.
@@naraferalina2308Ya, that's what i meant. I stay on warm baths for hours. I'm not american so i probably fucked up the idea with my bad english xd
I love that more men are talking about things like things. I hate when people say things like “you’re just weak” etc. No those people just aren’t dealing with their issues but I promise they’re coming out somewhere.
I mean a huge part of it for men and women is them always wanting to be more than just human instead of seeing the truth that ''I am human, my cells are real, I can adapt, relax and do things, You can seek all the outside forces you want and all distractions but at the end if you can't wake up and be silent inside and enjoy the mere feeling of just waking up and understanding things then good luck with the maze
There is some weakness to it though. It sounds incredibly mean to say it like that, but most of the people proudly talking about all the different things wrong with them are not happy and they’re not doing well in life. So to me it’s not always helpful. I’m also not sure how real a lot of these conditions are. If you ask enough doctors they’ll diagnose you with ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression etc. Sometimes it just seems like a crutch for people who don’t want to deal with life’s challenges and a way for the medical profession to make easy money. Those who do tend to live their lives and face those challenges tend to be the happiest, most well rounded people so I don’t agree we should encourage everyone to talk about it. Usually “pick yourself up and go again” is better advice than allowing people to wallow in self pity.
The problem of all of this is, as Dr. K stated, men don feel anxietsy. I always heard of the concept of anxiety and listened to what this is but never understood and still don´t really understand but could be that I have it? I really have no fking clue whatsoever but that at least explains why (although I am a very very sympathetic person) can not understand when people say they have anxiety, since I can´t feel it for myself or relate to it. So no wonder why men aren´t talking about it since they (and most therapist) don´t know that they could have it.
@@Dj0enderman3000 I mean I’m not sure that men in GENERAL don’t feel anxiety, as I have met a couple of men that feel anxiety the same way i do (as a woman), or at least, said they do. I feel like this could be the same as autism in women vs in men, there are different ways that autism could present itself differently in men and women, but there are still autistic women that relate more to “male autism” and vice versa.
Btw, i’m very curious, you don’t feel anxiety? Like, you have never felt it before an important exam, or a date, or idk… Doing a job interview? I’m just curious because I have severe anxiety and have experienced it increasingly ever since I was a child, I’ve never known a life where anxiety was not present, so it’s fascinating to hear about someone with the opposite experience!😮
@@mel4340 I did have exam nerves and high stress situations. I usually experience this in little bowel cramps, stomach ache or sudden heat. Nothing that is unnormal but not something I would call anxiety, no, since I neither have this chronically, nor do I feel like it is an disorder in me. Fearing and being stressed is part of everyday life but as I understood is that anxiety goes over and above this. Maybe as Dr. K elaborated I have this, since sometimes what he describes is true and I seem to not find any solution to my problems and becoming less motivated to do sonething about it. But I never feel then the "classic" symptoms of anxiety. Maybe it is because I am used to brushing feelings off, Idk either, that's why this video is so interesting. And it could be, after all cardiac infarction for example has different symptoms for men and women as well.
Anxiety is such a powerful thing. Recently my psych made me see that stress has led to physical symptoms and those can destroy you. Wise stuff man
Thank you for this video! I' m a woman so I when I saw the title I skipped this video but youtube autoplay decided to play it anyway. I was doing somthing else so I let it play. The definition of "male-anxiety" at the beginning made me stay because I recognized myself alot. Once you addressed the role of education and emphasis during childhood on "problem solving" rather than "emotional feeling" I understood why I identified with this pattern so much. This one may not have been initially intended for me but it helped me alot. Cheers 🎉
Thank you for all that you do
This actually answers alot for me, i've just been sitting here for 20mins unpacking my past and making connections I never realised. I'm glad I watched this.
Yup, it made me write an email to one of my coaches.
Neat. As a data scientist I specialize in predictive analytics for a living. When I was a kid I had anxiety, much like the kind mentioned in the video. (Female, male, it doesn't matter.) What I ended up doing is the techniques I learned to predict the future to cure my anxiety disorder. I haven't had unnecessary anxiety in decades.
How it works is I kept a journal of my stressful predictions. I didn't write long paragraphs just quick bullets. Quick and simple. Then after the stressful event passed I'd circle back usually once every two weeks and look over it. I'd then document what actually happened vs my predictions. Quick bullets here as well. What I found wasn't just that my predictions of the future were wrong when I was stressed out but how they were wrong, how I was over amplifying certain challenges, just like how it's talked about in this video. Seeing first hand how I was doing that I learned balance. I learned how to not underestimate challenge, but in a way that accurately predicted the future. It took me time as I continued to make predictions for up to a year where I had nearly 100% perfect predictions about the future. The better I predicted the future the less anxiety I had. What's cool is when there is real danger I need to take notice in, now it stands out like a sore thumb. I see it accurately and I address it. This helps keep me safe in dangerous situations. (edit: Oh also, I was cautious of self fulfilling prophecy. I get I could make a negative prediction real by procrastinating, which defeated the point, so I had to give it my all even when I didn't think it would succeed. This part is important. Without giving it your all you don't have the same learning opportunities. Learning is required for growth. Growth removes anxiety and depression. You have to give it your all. I'm ADHD so sometimes that would make it hard, but regardless I always tried my best.)
I highly recommend journaling. Write down your predictions. If you suffer from depression write down small things you're grateful for every day, like a good tasting meal. It helps. I found journaling the happy parts of social situations helped me, so if I went to a party or a club and I didn't enjoy myself much I'd still try to find the parts I did enjoy and write it down. This helped me see more positivity in the world which reduced my social depression and social anxiety. That and vitamin D3 got rid of the rest of depression for me.
The therapist I visited just once(cuz no money lul) still helped me alot. He told me to write down what bothers me exactly, and to give it a score of how much it bothers me 1-10. And it really helped, cuz after some time most of the worries were actually quite silly. And the actually serious ones I could start focusing on and try to fix them.
I no longer suffer from anxiety, it took me a lot of time.
It wasn't easy and took me years. But since the visit, it became easier the longer I practiced it. (I haven't written down anything after a month, rather I calculated it in my head dealing with it as I should).
As soon as i have the money, I'll go to therapy.
This is what I've been saying for years. I 'just' got a job with good insurance, so its time.
Yeah same:/
Same, so never… America sucks lol
I said this and still didn’t
@@c.aldersopyou got this!!! 💪 that is real strength bro!!!🙏🏼
This is so super super helpful
Cause like, while this is labelled here as 'man anxiety', i see it with my mum, whos a single parent taking this role of being a father and such. She often comments she feels like a guy more than female in regards in feeling like she cant relate to how female, or i guess for me, how i express anxiety. And in turn is also me not having understanding of what is truly feels like in her position. I thought us being of similar sex would make it more relatable, but now seeing this laid down, it really makes me accept that those times my mum saying that "she literally cannot feel anxiety", yet now showing symptoms of physical illness rings so true
Im glad im able to understand what people who feels this way get to experience, and will be kinder and sympathetic!
If your moms into reading, I recommend "when the body says no." My mom loved the book. Its all about how stress manifests physically.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety as a man it was linked to my perception of my health after I was told I only had 1 kidney. I made a lot of the problems in my head along with symptoms that was similar to kidney failure. Men doesn't break down crying but instead we just feel like we can't change our situation and we feel stuck in a crap situation.
I think this "stress creates (!) the problems, not the other way around" is as important for women as ot is for men or anyone else. Amazing Video~!
This feels like "Just calm down bro" with extra steps, but oddly it works for me. Just noticing that my perception of having low control is making that feeling of unsolvable problems I experience just sort of melt. I feel more in control when I notice my perception of having low control.
Exactly. It's like as if feeling a sudden gush of wind, and you just sit through it, maybe shield from it, letting it pass you by, instead of trying to run with it and ending up caught in a freaking tornado that throws you around. When you focus on thoughts, you add more thoughts to the overall "noise", which adds to the stress. But when you focus on the feelings instead, those negative thoughts stop coming and you feel much lighter.
Recognizing that sometimes you don't make sense is able to help you forgive yourself for those moments... the next steps are picking up on when those moments are happening and figuring out how to reduce them. You don't want to get too comfortable with not making sense, but understanding it's going to happen sometimes... basically, patience for yourself.
Once i realized how over dramatic and stupid my brain is, i started feeling way less stress and anxiety...either be it social norms on me as man, childhood or genes, the brain doesnt really adjust to these correctly and creats anxiety as a defense mechanism (he thinks you suck so bad you shouldn't leave a cave), so once i realized this isnt rational or based on facs, but just an illusion created by chemicals, i really reseted and start a new life
It doesnt make sense to me. Why would i feel a low sense of control if i was in control? Sure low sense of control can do all he says but it rarely comes first. Why would you stress over non-stressers?
Something makes you feel helpless. THEN you take on a helpless mindset THEN that mindset creates or discovers more problems
If it works the opposite way its simply a nuerochem issue.
Its Prescription-Strength Triactin
Very informative video, especially when speaking about men not feeling the anxiety but men are more inclined to feel the physical symptoms, which is what I’m going through right now! The physical symptoms has landed me in the ER for sensations of perceived chest pains that has me freaked out. They found nothing fortunately but has me in a stressed out state of thinking there is wrong with me medically. I have a cardiologist appointment coming up to see if there is anything, but chances are there really won’t be anything. The symptoms can be overwhelming but I’ve got to work with a therapist to figure out what’s causing me to stress out.
Dude you are having physical symptoms of anxiety, there is no need to go to the doctors. Your are feeding the fear loop doing this stuff. Stop taking the symptoms seriously, they are magnifying with you being fearful of them. Watch a guy named Shaam kasaam and listen to his videos carefully.
I fell into the same trap and after the doctors told me there ain't nothing wrong I knew it was all in my head, I hope you can come around similarly as I did. Felt like my heart was gonna explode and hands numb, all because I felt out of control.
This actually explains something I noticed in me growing up.
I've thankfully haven't delt with anxiety as a dude. And I think with the whole control thing goes to something my dad told me:
"The world is owned by the ones on top. We're the ants looking up at the gods. We cannot do anything about what's happening in the world scale.
But we can hold onto things we can touch ourselves. So grab something and don't f*cking let go."
I've looked at what's happening in the world now and said "Yeah, we're all screwed" but I've always aimed to gain control over the things happening now, rather than to be. That and knowing when I need to actually use energy to fix something, rather than something I have no power over.
It helps, which is why I think I'm relatively healthy right now.
So thankful for this content. Don’t feel these sort of discussions are being had anywhere else!
I see my anxiety come from very real things - not making my own money, feeling like I'm on borrowed time at home with the parents, getting older and not having the relationships I thought I'd have by now at 36, etc. It's more responsive to the external world around me, which if it changed I would change. If I won 10 million dollars I would feel relieved because financially there's no pressure to find a job, and I can work on vibing. And when your vibe is good, you're going to attract more people naturally, because in my case there is no overarching threat anymore. Any OCD or whatever I had would disappear as well because once the problems causing it are solved, it would fade.
Not having a job is real, societal expectations to have one is real too... But here's the thing: telling yourself you should have a job by now or are on borrowed time to get one, is you putting an unsolvable problem on yourself, as Dr K describes. Your mind simply can't make expectations you or others put yourself happen and trying to solve an unsolvable problem makes it worse. If you were framing this problem to a solvable problem then your experience would be different.
Those very real things do play into it! But pay close attention to what he's saying, because not all of it comes from the real world.
I used to think exactly like you, and that wasn't even too long ago. But it was only just recently that I started uncovering some of my unhealthy perceptions, distortions, interpretations, etc, when it comes to to handling those problems.
Yes, the problems were real. But I was absolutely making them more difficult than they needed to be. And those underlying problems would have prevented me from being happy, even after the immediate problems were addressed. There will always be more problems, even when these most prominent pass. If we don't fix the emotional side of anxiety, we'll always have problems that feel insurmountable. Even after the current problems finally get fixed.
I'm in a similar situation in my 30s. First off, winning $10mil will not get rid of your anxiety; you didn't earn a single penny from it so why do you think you're prepared for the problems that comes with wealth from a financial stand point? We're about talking how to invest for income, dealing with taxes, controlling spending, creating a budget, avoiding scams and watching out for people caring only about your money. The sign of relief will only be temporary because you are better off obviously away from poverty, but that's not the root cause of your anxiety to be honest. You're coming from a position of incompetence which is tough to overcome since society's demands to get a job seems to keep on growing while the payoff stagnant, or even declines due to inflation. Living off from your parents and not having a relationship stems from mainly you so I suggest reframing your situation to figure out a plan to develop qualities that will serve you a lifetime.
Well, fuck. I feel the same about living with my parents even though they say that they are fine, happy even that I'm still around... And I managed to kinda be okay with this.
However, I just left a job after three months, because I got to the point when I got up, felt miserable, had chest pain and dizziness during the day, and realized that all of this is because my boss behaves like a very old 5 years old, if that makes sense. Not really with me, though that happened too, but with my coworkers, and it pisses me off, makes me feel like I'm back in school with all of the shitty drama. The man throws tantrums, speaks to his employees in a way I wouldn't speak to a stray dog, and gets offended when someone stands up for themselves. He fired three of the people who I actually cared about in the last month.
Thing is, there's always one of these asshole in every workplace. Previous one? The younger brother of my boss who's in a manager position, same behavior, I lasted 1.5 years there. These people are everywhere, and I feel no matter where I go, I'll have to fight them even for tools and equipment required by law, I'll lose friends who get fired, and I'm just so fucking done with all of this.
I think we, in this modern era, tend to think if we had vast amounts of wealth, it will resolve the emptiness we feel inside. Looking at most celebrities, that seems not to be the case.
I'm not in a great financial position either so I understand where you're coming from, but my biggest fear is that when I am successful, the dread will still be there.
I've been with my current therapist for three months. What has been working for me is being conscious of the symptoms of an anxiety attack (for me the big one is chest tightness), identifying the specific thought/action is causing it, and using techniques to short circuit it. So far that has involved establishing control for the rapid onset type of anxiety, and physical exercise as a maintenance piece to treat the slow build type.
I’m glad I stumbled across this video and actually decided to listen, as a person still in highschool and as a class president I realize that I have been slightly aware of these differences in men’s mental and been able to somewhat address in some of my peers. Im gonna use this information to not only address future problems for myself and for the future of my peers should it ever come.
This falls so much in line with my experiences of the last decade, some dreadful event happened that made me lose control over all aspects of my life and I became extremely despondent. My main point of suffering in life was that I had no control over anything, I'd lost most of my friends, I was forced to drop out of school, I was poor, I couldn't hope for a better job and there was no way that I could ever attract someone when I felt that low. There were so many things pressing down on me that the hopelessness turned into suicidality a couple of times. And then I finally got back into training, I gained experience, I accessed better jobs and only the fact of having more income lowered my anxiety levels so much that I don't even qualify for clinical depression anymore.
I love when Dr. K videos come out and they're talking about a problem I'm currently going through. It's been a while since the last one feeling like this (partially thanks to Dr. K videos that helped me target other problems in the past), but this one hits hard.
Thanks a lot for doing this, it helps so much ❤
I present with the “feminine” presentations of anxiety at home and in relationship, but the “masculine” presentation he’s describing at work.
I had a half memory of reading something about hormones and fibromyalgia. So I Google testosterone metabolization and fibromyalgia. You should Google it too. If you're not already on testosterone gel therapy, maybe it could help manage your symptoms.
The physical symptoms you mention are such a recognition for me, I struggled with extreme anxiety, depression, panic attacks and low self perception for years, but no one around me seemed to notice, (I didn't ask for help because I am a guy and being vulnerable didn't seem manly). I started reading 2 years ago, watching videos like yours, and last year even started running. my life changed for the better and I can even go to parties and walk through crowds without my vision narrowing or feeling like i'm in a garbage compactor. I guess what I'm trying to say to you is THANK YOU, and to myself : keep it up.
The most enlightening 24 minutes of the past 8 months for me.
This explanation of anxiety resonates alot with me. Personally, I've found Stoicism pretty helpful with refocusing on the things I can control and accepting what is out of my control.
So male anxiety essentially works like the reverse of Pygmalion effect (self-fulfilling prophecy), and may eventually leads to physical symptoms and shorter lifespan.
That shouldn't be a bad thing
@@the_expidition427 🙄
How does Pygmalion effect work out?
Please dont fill yourself with too much meds like antidepressants or even anti psychotics for that matter. By that i mean from not just 1 or but also 3 different medicinal preparations at the same time. Because i am actually one of the few people who believes that it actually does shorten the lifespan of someone
The one thing dr. K makes me more certain of with each video is that health school is like SWE: they get stuck with legacy code with no documentation, the only one who knows the code is not accessible anymore, no one has an exact idea of how it works, but every day someone get a small grasp of how it does (and they find out they were actually wrong the day before), and they have to figure all that and sort the bugs out while in production
this is why anxiety about balding can spiral out of control. it's often a problem that can't be fixed
Hey thanks for this doctor K! Lost my job out of nowhere back in November, and I've been experiencing some of those physical symptoms and a few other difficulties ever since. Couldn't quite pin things on a traditional understanding of anxiety, but this hits a bit closer to home. I truly had no idea wtf was going on, and that just made it even worse. This feels like a great starting point, and I really appreciate it =)
The consequences of anxiety are different between men, and women.
Women have women's shelters. Women have a greater chance of being welcomed back home by parents in an emergency.
Women have the option to use men for shelter and security.
Men don't have the same safety nets. When our lives are out of control, we don't have any of the same contingency plans. When our lives fall apart, we are more likely to wake up in a gutter than on someone's couch, in someone's bed.
What's stopping men from going back to their parents or relying on another for help (even asking a woman shelter and security)? All I'm hearing is how toxic masculinity makes it harder for you. All it takes for those safety nets is to have good relationships with your friends, which honestly does take effort.
@@blackkittycat15 Ok. Prove your point with me then. I don't have loving parents, so they are not an option. Then there's my childhood friends at school, but i'm completely different than them. Like a christian to an atheist. I don't really trust them, and if i speak of my problems with, let's say my childhood best friend, my problems won't be solved and i'm just going to live rent free in his mind and i don't want to be a charge. What's left are distant family members who i don't get to see a lot, and even tho i've talked to one of my uncles, that was months ago and i didn't really get any feedback from him. He was shocked tho. I want to go to a therapist that helps me fix my problems, but im convinced they are all monkeys with diplomas that won't really break down anything. Of course i don't think that of Dr K, all he talked about in this video is basically my life until now. So if i could get a therapist like him, i wouldn't skip a single session. So tell me. Do i have toxic masculinity or not? Because i can't tell myself.
Dude I'm a guy but your problems are obvious to me, sorry to be rude
Everything you are worry about, did not happen yet. You don't know any of that for sure, it is the lack of control that results in you having this anxiety about you futures and problems. You don't know the future and if you are really not that close to your friends, you are probably don't know them well enough to 100% predict their reaction to your problems. Nothing is certain, but you are spending your times and thoughts worry about something that might not be true at all. You need to let go of the rein you can't control and learn to accept that whatever happens AFTER you have tried your best is in the future. You can't stop yourself from healing just because you might not like everyone else reactions, it doesn't matter what everyone else opinion of you are like, you deserve to be healed even if you don't think that. Just trust the process, And it's going to be ok
About your questions, yeah sure it could be a sign of toxic masculinity, which means you let the society so called 'masculine' traits control your life (need to be the one in control, independent, don't want to appear weak, worry about social status etc.) but it could also be a sign of trauma
@@shadowyi3264
I wasn't ready for this one, but I needed this one. Thank you.
Yes, this actually applies to me very much and it explains very well how my anxiety related to life crises works. I was always told to fix my issues and learned to deal with most stressors by simply confronting them and finding a solution. But over last years I got into too many situations when there were simply too many severe issues at the same time and I could not resolve all of them at once. And that got very overwhelming because I did not know what to do about it and it lead to me getting stressed to the level of being sick.
Nowadays I am better at handling stressful situations without making the issues bigger than what they actually are. But I am definitely not perfect and many situations still overwhelm me. Just not as much.
Not weird to me. All through your presentation I kept getting frissons of recognition. This really helps me understand my life experience with anxiety & MDD, and my problems with conventional psychotherapy & medications, I'm quite comfortable with my ambigendered sexuality, but I definitely absorbed the Fixit attitude as a kid, along with Stiff Upper Lip, Rugged Self-Reliance, and Perfectionism. It also explains a couple of near-breakdowns recently, from watching too much TH-cam news, and which I did successfully cope with in the end by using self-hypnosis & meditation--no doubt to calm my amygdala. I suspect occult anxiety also has a lot to do with my history of addictions, both chemical and behavioural.
I apologize for posting such a long comment; I didn't have time to write a short one. 😉
I've been struggling with social anxiety for the past 15 years now at a young age i was extremely social loved being outside i played sports had many friends had a great social life until later on in life i experienced some trauma i made a fool of myself, a bunch of people started to pay attention to me would laugh at me everytime i would go outside that's where i developed this social anxiety it's taken control of my life and i haven't really been able to get my life back it gets emotionally exhausting depression kicks in i sometimes wonder if I'll ever get back to where i used to be i miss myself but even though i struggle with this i still try my best to workout eat healthy walk my dog.
@@speakingfacts3931 Thanks for the comment actually made me tear up a bit. And yeah man this is the worst thing I've ever gone through in my life I don't wish it upon anyone it's horrible I do believe that confidence and exposing yourself to what you're afraid of can help especially if you do it consistently and basketball is actually my favorite sport I went outside and played basketball a few weeks ago I used to play everyday when i was younger i dont anymore because of the fear of people paying attention to me but I should be strong and face those fears I do at times but not as much is I should i guess i can care too much about what others think of me.
I understand and hear ya because social anxiety is not only debilitating but can feel helpless. The two solutions to anxiety video that healthy gamer made was deep breathing and neutral experiences to said exposure and confidence that you will handle those. I’d recommend watching that video I’m not good at explaining it but, that you have enough neutral experiences away from that malevolence that people treated you with and will help you feel so much better and lesser that anxiety. Healthy gamer has a 30$ dollar meditation coaching program that is very well organized to where you start small and you exponentially grow in finding the right meditation for you. The first meditation is Nadi Shundi and is a great way to be introduced. Ive been doing the meditation one and its been great. They have an anxiety one and a depression one. They’re good at not overwhelming you like I am right now lol. The other video I’d recommend is journaling by Healthygamer. Journaling has helped me probably the most, I’ll be so stressed I just start writing and it’s so useful at helping lesser and processing negative emotions. To where they aren’t affecting you as much when you are out and about. If you have any questions feel free to ask this is just my opinion and what works for me
I’m sorry :(
I hope you find the strength to heal. Sending you virtual hugs.
Also please give your dog lots of head pats for me
@@marissahicks3529 thank you and will do 👍
@@tonygicz8 it won't ever go back to the way things were, because you don't need to. Life is leading you down another path, this is the time to prepare.
16:35 I actually got up and washed my hands here because I thought it'd be cool if someone in this world actually followed him up on this lol.
I need to know what anxiety is like for women as comparison now. Cause all of this sounds like it applies to women too. What's the difference between them?
Seconding this; Without a control definition to compare this to, I'm not sure how this isn't just...anxiety? It's not quite clear.
Me too, I'm a woman and this all just sounds like my understanding of anxiety (I have anxiety too). I recently saw a psych who said that all anxiety stems from lack of control, no mention of gender. I can understand the difference in how we interpret what we are feeling and how men may identify the physical symptoms more than the emotional but its all just anxiety? Womens anxiety will also stem from lack of control too? I'm open to this being more different than I've interpreted I just can't understand how it is as presented. To me a more accurate description of the video would be understanding how perception of anxiety is different between genders, not claiming there's a different kind of anxiety. I don't know a single woman who doesn't attempt to fix the problems we're anxious about...like what else would one do? He essentially describes what happens to everyone at about 20 mins where when you're rly anxious you can't fix things cause it all feel out of control and when you calm down you can. He then goes on to say men dont feel anxiety they feel stressed out and physcial symptoms, like whats the difference, stress = anxiety and women absolutely always physical symptoms...I'm either missing something, he doesn't treat women very often, or he interprets a different perception of how one feels or indentifies anxiety to a totally different kind of anxiety. Or I've misunderstood.
I do think it raises an excellent point of educating people on how anxiety can feel for men (stereotypically) so we can help more men identify it and not be suffering and not understanding why becuase theyre not identifying the emotion, but I think it's odd and unhelpful to imply that woman type anxiety comes from a different place when it's more about how it's identified. I love Dr K but I do think he's a little too on the side of men are problem solvers and women are feelers when we both do both just sometimes a little differently.
I was just diagnosed with severe anxiety, dr k’s timing is scary
statistics
Sorry to hear you have severe anxiety, but I just wanted to say that anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders, and Dr. K regularly puts out mental health content that's typically of broad appeal and relevance to his audience.
It's an unsurprising coincidence that this video appeared shortly after your anxiety diagnosis. It wouldn't be a surprise if there are other viewers in the same boat as you. This happens to his viewers regularly, and many seem to find this spooky.
Yes, it's incredibly fortunate when this happens, but there's no reason to believe there's any special significance to it, or that Dr. K has supernatural powers, as some people's reactions seem to suggest.
😂 yeah I know it’s just a coincidence I just thought it was funny, thanks for your concern
@@pablogonzales-aden3865 No probs. I just see people having that reaction a lot and it bugs me. Sorry to target you! Hope you are able to overcome your anxiety 🙂
@@VimDoozy Youre right but to be fair google listens and advertises to us depending on what we say or search, and youtube probably falls under that umbrella too. It might just be the algorithm picking up on whats going on in our lives and advertising it to us. Just a thought.
Take the headphones out of your head at the gym and you'll realize that everyone else is suffering in the same boat you are so chill and take it easy
@@A_Caatthey just vent and open their cheeks and they get their support 😂
@@A_Caatwhat does this have to do with the comment
Dude, you're amazing. I love you're modern informed speaking approach to these topics, and that you also don't baby your audience, you speak to us as if we are intelligent people trying to learn and not idiots with an agenda.
When I try to take control I still fail. That only made my depression worse but my anxiety is actually a lot better now as I face my fears. Now my anxiety only revolves around dating and building a career. I've had zero success with dating and it's the last remnant from my severe OCD days that I havent been able to expose myself to and rectify the incessant obsessive thoughts. 😢
thank you for everything Dr K
I experienced anxiety as described recently. My gut is not keeping my shit together (literally) and the trains here don't have toilets or they may not work, while stations may not have them either or I have to pay. So, I was stressing out a few times already about this because I don't want to shit myself with so many people around. Over time, I have improved my gut and I know that there should be no issue, yet the mind is still taking control. One day, I travelled for one stop, only a few minutes of travel time and as soon as the train got into motion, I felt a warmth around my body, which was caused by the anxiety. During that moment, there's no way I can get out of the train and to a toilet, which is the exact description of having no control anymore.
Currently, I have the goal to find a remote therapist to get my mind to trust my gut for longer travels on a train, since riding a bike for an hour doesn't cause a similar issue. It's really manifesting about this lack of control of the situation, although I am actually able to control my body (at least better than in the past).
Would you consider EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)?
Eat more fiber bro. Veggies, psyllium husk powder, chia seed, etc..
@@colinreeter777 Psyllium husk seeds are helping, but other fibers just tear my gut apart through bloating, and then I start bleeding. I got Crohn's disease and I have to be careful with my fiber intake.
@@Yuusou. oh crohns that sucks.. You ever had a food allergy test? Even minor food allergies that you can’t really feel can lead to chronic inflammation. Good luck on your healing journey mate.
@@colinreeter777 I haven't. Although my gastroenterologist offered it, but the machine to test it was broken. I'll have to get an appointment for it. Thank you for the reminder.
During covid i had some major personal tragedies and wound up having what i thought were heart attacks collapsing, spasming and passing out from hyperventilation, once on the side of the road and having an ambulance called on me. Full work up, strangers said it was a seizure. Absolutely nothing physiologically wrong with me. Spent a good few months getting everything from heart monitors to CT scans and so many bloods.
What fixed it was antidepressants and a GP who actually understood that this wasnt "anxiety" like pop-psychology explains it, but a panic disorder that manifests physical, real symptoms that weren't all in my head
I really like Jordan Peterson's approach to this:
If you can't find something to fix, you are not aiming low enough. Start with as small of a thing as you can picture and go up from there, it really snowballs into something great.
Thank you for this video, oh my god. I never even thought anxiety would bave been a problem until you started listing the examles at the beginning.
Basically some problems can be fixed and some can't and the mindset that everything is one way leads to distress and hopelessness. Before you jump to fixing a problem more emotional than putting dishes away or some menial thing, think about how you feel first and then judge whether you can actually fix it, and you'll be right reliably more often than just "I can do it" or "I can't do it"
I'm still in the early part of the video but i wanted to comment on my experience with what DR. K is talking about.
I used to be extremely depressed, and part of that was from things that were directly or indirectly affect me in a negative way that I wanted to change but had no control over. Eventually I got to a point where i sat down with everything that was affecting me and wrote down every single one i could think of and put next to them a yes or no to if they were things i could do something about and change them at that point. Every single thing was a no so i looked at the paper again and in that moment changed my perspective from "this sucks and i cant do anything about it" to " this sucks but i can work toward changing these things ". Ever since changing my perspective i've been much happier and have been able to succeed like i never thought i would be able to. Im not wealthy or own a house or am married but im living in my own apartment with my girlfriend in a state where none of us have any family and are entirely self sufficient.
Damn, it’s really loud in here. Completely changed my perspective on some past errors. The lack of control, the appetite, after a particularly stressful event, I felt out of control, but that feeling led to me actually being more out of control. Rather than leading to direct confrontation it led to cowardice, and more problems, and more severe problems.
When I was about eleven years old, I had a cousin, 6 months older than me, pinning me to the ground, with his knee over my head. I, naturally, was crying. After my release, I went to tell my parents, and my father told me to hit him with a brick or a rock. He could not understand how on Earth there wasn't any rock or boulder or anything for me to use a weapon, and my cousin was simply sronger than me.
When my sister was about the same age, every time she came home crying, my father would ran out of the house to confront (or hit, as he intended to do) whatever made my sister cry.
He wouldn't stand up for me, but he did for her. I think he would understand why I didn't shed a single tear when he died, while my sister did shed a few.
He was being very traditional in protecting his daughter, but wanted his son to learn how to fight back.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I'm not a confrontative person, at all.
@@daniel_rossy_explica And that is the problem with traditional gender roles; they force some people into a box against their natural temperament. Your father probably thought he was doing you a favour in keeping bullies at bay.
1:00 well if you put it like that..
Great video. While watching the part he says that not being in control of a situation leads to stress, I noticed that I think a little different. I fell more stressed when there is a situation that has a solution but I can't find it and there is pressure for me to solve it. If a situation/event doesn't have a solution, there is nothing I can do to change it, so I don't even bother thinking about it and just "go with the flow". So, for me, having a problem that can't have a solution is less stressful than having a problem that has a solution but I don't know it (it multiplies the stress if there is pressure from other people and myself to solve it).
When I'm good, I can do things that other people sometimes consider brave or very tiring, but I persevere through and get them done. When I go into a bad time, sometimes is a big struggle even going to the grocery store.
As someone who has been to the ER 5 times the last 2 years because of issues I couldn’t identify I was finally told it might be anxiety. These videos really help me understand this stuff, thank you so much.
Hey, for what it's worth, I also went to the ER a couple of months ago. I was told it was anxiety related (blood pressure and heart rate were extremely high), but I couldn't necessarily accept "anxiety" as a cause because I don't feel like I got anything to be anxious about in life at the moment. Followed up with my doctor who ordered some more blood work and so far it seems that my thyroid is overactive and causing my blood pressure and heart rate (along with anxiety symptoms) to skyrocket. Been taking medication for it and have been feeling much better. Long story short, if you've been to the ER multiple times for "anxiety", there may be a deeper health issue at play, but you'll need to find out what it is (could be thyroid or something else). Get some blood work done and hopefully you'll be able to find out what's going on. Along with that, diet and exercise is always going to help, no matter what your situation is with your health. Wish you the best!
The lack of control can be many things.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my good friend. He was telling me about a book he had read about positive thinking and changing stuff or whatever. He basically said, you know, you can choose to make changes for the better.
My argument was about the fact that we have no free will and we can't control what we do. That we have an illusion of control that we think is "consciousness" that gives executive control over our actions. And we can simply choose to change this executive control. What I was trying to convey is that, no, you can't. Your subconscious and conscious cannot be separated. You have little to no control over your subconscious--you can't control what thoughts you have. Your conscious self bubbles from the subconscious.
So basically, yes, _you_ can choose to change and you'll do it and you'll think that you have chosen to do so. In reality, your subconscious chose for you. There are many people that _want_ to change but can't. Is it because they choose not to change? Is it because they are too weak willed? Or is it because this is what their subconscious, physics-based, brain is doing and it's going to do what it's going to do one way or another?
I'm a singer and I go to voice therapy after an injury to my vocal chords. It's so hard for me to keep up doing my excercises because I get overwhelmed when it doesn't go well, and I just shut down. My voice therapist is threatening to throw me out of therapy because she says I'm not taking the therapy seriously...
Morning anxiety is the worst for me. I’m not sure why but it’s like I wake up in flight mode, my body just has a sense of impending doom for the first 15 minutes of the day
Yes I blame work
This resonates big time for me. I am looking to unpack what he means by “dependent stressors” and that general concept. Can anyone shed light on this? Thanks.
For the longest time, I thought that I was dissociating from my anxiety, this video has total reframed my perception of this!! This is so helpful.
The most interesting reflection for me personally is how before 2020 I had anxiety but it was very obvious in its symptoms in hindsight, but then during the pandemic the lack of control (!) i felt caused my anxiety to change and hide in an emotional blindspot. I'm always weighing how much I want to do things versus the often inflated discomfort I have and of course the discomfort typically wins. I got very close to understanding this between myself and my therapist but having it spelled out for me makes it clear.
Just in: fixing your problems doesnt work if you cant fix your problems
Lmao TH-cam stop recommending me this I'm trying to be stoic mysterious loner anime protagonist
I never knew it could be physical. If i get extremely worried about something, I'd find myself twitching my fingers or other small muscles. Always made me feel like i needed to keep moving around, because if i was moving i was fixing the problem.
ive been looking for some understanding of my situation and this couldnt have been more perfectly timed to come out. not that anyone wants to hear my story, but i can confirm all of this to be true as a young straight male. (not that my sexuality matters much but it is mentioned on this topic) i struggle to feel decent most days, my anxiety physically affects me so much i feel like its impossible to do the things i need to fix/help myself. ive begun to self medicate for a few years now and im seeing the negative effects, now im wanting some better understanding of myself and WHY, thanks for this video.
This is a good video!! Ah so it acts as a sort of unnoticed self fulfilling prophecy (probably influenced by the individual's desire to conserve energy with something they perceive as being unable to change)(also thank you for being clear on the fact that one can't just get over it easily!). As for it being less diagnosed it makes sense if something is more difficult to be internally sensed then individuals will be less likely to get it analyzed by a professional unless they have overwhelming physical effects. That in combination with female anxiety having long history of being conflated with 'hysteria' lead to men being less diagnosed. I'm glad you're making these videos! They are very well thought out and helpful.