A note on the video title: Any other time I would agree you shouldn’t refer to a woman by just her relationship to a man but I had to make a decision in this case. 1) I still refer to her by her name throughout the whole video and see her as a complete and whole person 2) In my experience the longer the video title, the less well some videos perform and right now I have to prioritise video performance or my rent won’t be paid. 3) The name ‘Shane Dawson’ is known for getting clicks. Not many people known the name ‘Lisa Schwartz’ right now. I have to prioritise getting people to click on my video. 4) A substantial portion of this book was written by and is about Shane Dawson so in that respect, I think labelling the author’s relationship to him in the title IS important to the content.
I think it's completely fine to refer to a famous person's partner as the famous person's partner. People know about the famous person, so it's pretty much always beneficial for both, the viewer and the content creator to do so, as more people will be interested in the famous person. Same if there is a famous woman, I think its perfectly fine to refer to her husband as the famous woman's husband.
All good points. I also think it is important to acknowledge the types of people Shane has associated with and vice versa. While she is her own person, she seems like a truly unhappy person and Shane could have definitely affected her mindset, career, other relationships, etc.
I'm sick of the narrative that once a woman hits 30 she's going to have a giant breakdown. When I was 23, my peers made me feel like that was the beginning of the end for me. Looking back now I was very young at that age. Everyone I know who treats their age like the end of times is so miserable and I just don't wanna be apart of that.
I turned 30 last year and I think it was probably the best year of my life. So what if my chin now sprouts the occasional hair? That problem is easily solved with tweezers.
My parents are doing that as a Joke right now. Im 29 in will Turn 30 in three months. And apparently im gonna have a huge midlife crisis in three months, suddenly want children, and start hiding my age. Which is weird, because i never ever obsessed about my age. It's Always been weird to me, cuz aging is a Natural process. So to Hit back, im joking that i can brag about Dating a Younger man (my Partner is turning 28), finally can complain openly about my back pain, and can refer to people in their 20s as "Young people". Along with the grumpy grandma voice. If my Life ends at 30, i am going to enjoy the finer nuances of that ;) Gotta Hit back in some way.
There is definitely a difference between having an existential crisis every now and then like "what I am doing? is this truly where I want to be?" and talking with people about it vs. going full apocalyptic and tying your entire self worth to your age and what people around you are doing and bringing everyone down with you. It's kind of an immature mind set and it is definitely based in sexist views about a woman's value like I saw another top comment touch on.
It's super annoying that 30 is treated as the end of your life or the death of your youth or whatever bs people like to say. I'm 28 and I am so ready to say goodbye to my 20s. They weren't that great... I had relationship issues, friendship issues, major health issues, financial issues. Now as I'm approaching 30, I feel like my real life is just beginning because I've finally reached a point of stability in things that weren't stable all throughout my 20s. I feel sorry for people who actually believe 30 is the be all end all.
i've always thought things like that, that I had to have my life together by 20 (this was rough especially when my health went to shit in year 9) now I'm in my late 20s with no job, no relationships outside of platonic(thank god! aroace lol) & Im ok, not great but I still feel so young... also the moive 'Suddenly 30'/'13 going on 30' really helped cos it actually did feel like 30 isnt old, for me at least, also just a great movie
Me at 29: severely underweight, (anorexia), undiagnosed personality disorders, in and out of hospital constantly, in tonnes of debt, struggling with medication-resistant depression and anxiety, barely holding down a job and constantly exhausted Me at 35: physically strong, mentally strong, struggling with body image at minimum healthy weight but getting on with it, steady job, intolerance for other people’s bad behaviour, starting to date after bad past experiences, starting dance classes, planning for future events and travel that seemed impossible a few years ago
Thanks so much for sharing. I've been avoiding therapy because I think it's gonna involve a personality disorder diagnosis which makes it all real, it's good to see things can get better
Regarding Shane looking at men while on a date with Lisa, I actually think he was telling the truth and Lisa doesn't believe it. Shane is a formerly fat person with clear body dismorphia. As a fat woman with some level of dismorphia, I totally used to stare at other women to compare their body to mine. I'm bi as well and I can say that staring due to dismorphia and staring due to hot person are two very distinct behaviors that feel super different.
I also struggled with dysmorphia my entire life. Truth is, it never goes away 100%, but you learn to not give a shit and boy, is that liberating. Gives you a window to focus on maximizing your health, getting a good skincare routine, and whatever other self-care makes you feel good. Other people don't care nearly as much as we do!
I am a straight woman with body image issues and god how intensely I stare at other women's bodies in envy or for comparison. I agree so hard with this.
I don’t like the idea that there can even be a “downhill” for bodies. Gaining weight or growing body hair or having wrinkles should not be “downhill” traits. You’re not losing value when these things happen to you. No body trait is worse than the other, and it’s seriously harmful to think and tell people to think that way.
I get where you’re coming from… but the very fact that our cells have a lifetime, after a certain number of regenerations they just stop. After a certain amount of years, we just stop living. Maybe the trick is to not look at decline as a negative?
@@happydudemarius9404 im 22 and going through an existential crisis but it honestly brings me so much comfort to imagine being older and wiser and more comfortable in general even if my body changes with age
True. It's a very shallow way to view life and value of others and yourself. No doubt a biproduct of social media and capitalism trying to make us insecure. However, we should make sure we are taking care of ourselves mentally and physically and be mindful of our health declining.
What I find really strange is that Lisa seems to adopt these mantras of "women's bodies decline magically at 30" in order to be relatable. But ultimately these body-shaming views are also an invention of the beauty industry to pressure women to buy all these products to feel better about themselves. Her book is, from the sound of it, meant to be a funny, relatable piece of self-reflection, but she buys RIGHT into another calculated image of women in her thirties that she is trying to reject.
these ideas started thousands of years ago, when nutrition was low, sun exposure, grueling working hours and unlimited pregnancies took a toll on the woman's body that caused her health to deteriorate fast, making her appear tired, starving and old. they do not exist today.
Thank you for pointing this out!!! All of my struggles with my body have stemmed from being told that my body is doomed to “decline” and I never see people talk about how harmful that narrative is. I was 100% happy with myself until sour older women started telling me how my beauty was only temporary.
Unlike what I've gathered from Jeanette McCurdy's "I'm Glad My Mom Died," which I haven't had the pleasure of reading yet but have watched multiple reviews for, it seems like Lisa's going for "quirky and relatable" without any introspection or self-work, which makes her "self-deprecating" humor ultimately shallow and thoughtless. She's externalizing all her mental health problems and not doing any of the work needed to make herself a better person, and it shows.
That said, my body definitely started changing again around 27/28 for me. It's definitely not magically you hit 30 and you're old now, but I verifiably feel older than in my early 20s, and there is a mourning IF you feel behind in life that you're like "I still mentally feel the same, but my body is making it clear the passage of time stops for no one".
Lisa survived the Shane Dawson scandal by disappearing for a year or two, intense scrubbing of her channel, comment disabling on all remaining videos, and not posting about it. At all. She was brought up by people making videos but I think her lower profile and silence saved her from targeted scrutiny.
She basically has been cancelled though. Not officially but she doesn’t get any views anymore. Just had a look at her channel and if she pulls 2k views in a video she’s done well. There’s no way she can be paying the rent with views that low!
@@wolfchild9998 that wasn’t due to what came out though, she just lost popularity after they broke up and her views kept going down as the years went on because she couldn’t keep up with how trends change
I remember she was making fun of Michelle Phan, *the* beauty guru at the time (10+ ish years ago), for being Asian, in a make-up related video with Shane As an Asian, that really made me feel uncomfortable about her. And it wasn't just one sentence, it was about 5. And I was just an Asian teenager. It really hurt.
@@akatastrophe Thank you for your compassion and empathy. I barely remember what she said, but I clearly remember the way she was doing a mocking, stereotype 'Asian accent' imitation first, with a rigid silly movement, then Shane followed, as she was applying make up at Shane. It was ridiculous because Michelle Phan doesn't even have an 'Asian' accent, but the way that they jumped so casually at mocking someone for being Asian was shocking to my teenage brain.
That's so icky. She was also in that video of Shane being super weird with that little girl, I wanna say his niece or something. She was totally part of the whole creepiness.
I LOVED it when I turned 30 - I live in a college town and when you hit 30, you are officially "old" - and let me tell you, it's GREAT! I stopped comparing myself to the 20 something's surrounding me, I stopped caring about wearing trendy clothes etc. I recognize that I could have had this epiphany at any age. But I remember feeling like society was telling me that my expiration date as a woman was 30, and then I turned thirty and I realized how bs that was it was so freeing.
Im kinda looking forward to it, as it will enable me to Talk about some health issues and actually be taken seriously. Theres nothing more annoying than mentioning to my mum that my Back hurts from using the wrong mattress (i Had to justify buying an expensive af mattress, even though.... It's my Money?). Of course the Comeback was sth along the lines of "Young people dont have backpain". Well fine, maybe my Back didnt get the Memo. I will complain again in three months, when im officially old.
My 30s have been amazing because I know exactly who I am. It's like I shed the insecurities of my youth and am only interested in investing my energy into improving my health, relationships, and career.
I was pleasantly relieved when I turned 30, older women suddenly stopped saying I’d “change my mind when I’m older” about not having kids. 30 is old apparently and I LOVE IT.
is it just me or does Lisa just retell "sex and the city"? they freaked out about baby showers, slept with guys to numb the sadness, Charlotte went out with the guy who did repairs in her house.. except they were sometimes funny and didn't have a poop obsession.
I watched Shane as an edgy teen. Shane's self-depricative humor was mostly so weird and over the top that it took away a lot from the depressive undertones. I always felt that when Lisa did it, it was just sad. I think she tries to be relatable with this book (she always has been), but she is too disfunctional to sell her deep issues as relatable missteps, and her attempts to be heartwarming at the end feels forced. She sounds like she is childless by circumstances, and she tries to cope with it by not relating to other's children. That's why she flip-flpos around the issue.
I can empathize with wanting something and not being able to ever have it while witnessing others around you accomplish what you never could. However, she had a tone of being bitter about children even being around her or people celebrating having kids (which I agree that people can go way overboard, but also just be happy for your friends/family?) and assumes it was effortless for them. Maybe they were celebrating so hard because it was difficult to conceive and keep the baby, maybe they have been saving for years to even afford a kid, maybe they had other life events prevent them from conceiving, and so many other variables. It's really annoying when authors try to sound quirky and relatable but they end up seeming immature and self-centered.
I spent a good 20 minutes trying to read what the brand of her sweater was (it was covered up by her hair for the most part), then googling to try and find their website, then searching the entire website for this sweater only to determine that it’s probably not being sold anymore :( the brand has a lot of other cool sweaters tho so I might get one of those
@@Aeiouaaaaaaaaa it's The Ragged Priest! They're a bit pricey to buy on their site (especially if you aren't on the pound x.x), but it's findable on resale sites like depop :)
I watched Lisa up to the point where that video came out, and I remember being so disgusted with her response that I unsubbed. I believe she just tweeted something that was basically the worst non-apology ever and turned off all comments on her channel for a while. That's probably why you can't find any backlash, but it definitely affected her channel because she was still getting 20-100k views on videos at that time and now she's lucky to get 2k.
@@Octobris I think the video that she got backlash for is played in this video at 1:24 . It might be a shortened clip, but they're talking to Shane's young relative about sex in a weird/inappropriate way Edit: Also, I'm probably missing a lot of details because it's been a long time since I had heard about all of this
I cringed so hard when Rachel said Lisa does videos about being an "empath" lmao not because there's anything wrong with being empathetic, but I can't hear "I'm an empath" without immediately thinking of Shane Dawson. 🤢
I don't want to be too harsh on her, but the way Rachel describes it makes me feel like the whole book is Lisa saying, 'My life didn't turn out how I thought it would and I'm not enjoying it much, here's some destructive coping mechanisms I developed to deal with it.' Honestly, it's quite sad and I hope she got help.
But in your 30s you can’t say it “didn’t turn out” a certain way because your 30s are not the end of your life by any means. It’s constant change and progress and sometimes that progress is backwards but that’s just how it is. I just felt weird about your phrasing here.
@@introusas Probably a bit late to reply to this, but you're right, it was too definitive of me to say. The better thing to say would have been "hasn't turned out." I genuinely hope Lisa is doing better now and she's enjoying her 30s.
Small side note: your point about new parents caring less about their pets is really interesting, particularly when you said "imagine if you had a second kid and stopped caring about the first." This happens more often than you'd think, after divorces particularly. Myself and many other people I know experienced being ignored or neglected in favor of their parents' spouse's kids, or the new kids they had together. The parents can even become resentful of the "old" kids. Some people view being a caretaker as something that gives them personal purpose and value, more than they actually care about who or what they're responsible for.
While for me it wasn't as traumatic or even dramatic.. when my younger sister was born I wasn't as important anymore. My sister was very sick as a baby and was close to hospitalization multiple times (if our dad wasn't a doctor she probably would have been hospitalized).. so yeah, the whole "taking more care of the child with more needs" is absolutely true, even without the added stresses.
Shane Dawsons foreword to this book is cringy, shameful and disgusting….. He is a vile human…… Love the snark and sarcasm you inject into this video ….. and loving the jumper too… Keep up the fab work Rachel
Why does he think he is at all funny? Everything he touches turns disgusting. It's toilet humor that seems to be trying to cater to young kids, yet extremely sexual so its not at all appropriate arguably any minor or person with a still developing brain. Everyone thinks he's a nonce because of it, rightfully so.
Yeah unfortunately shelters in the USA can 10000% be awful. We have so many people who hoard animals, or have dog fighting rings, or puppy mills, and when the state takes all the animals from these horrible situations, many of them can’t be rehomed. Even no kill shelters sometimes have to put down dogs because of health issues or behavioral issues- but those shelters are usually pretty nice if they have a good group of volunteers. Edit- anyways, spay and neuter your pets💗
My dog was born in a dog hoarders home and it's just heart breaking. She has a lot of health problems because of it and is currently on anti-seizure medication. How people can do that shit to animals is horrifying.
I don't understand why would anyone hoard animals. I can get that horrible people want to use animals to get money but why would someone have too many pets just for the sake of having (too many) pets? Having just one pet is such a responsibility. I have one dog and I honestly couldn't handle owning another pet. Shots, food, accessories, care, vet, time, space and so many more thing I need to take care of and for. I'm dogsitter so I do have like 6 dogs rn but only one is mine and although I'm responsible for all the dogs under my care I don't need to spend thousands on all of them. I couldn't afford having more than one dog (especially since he discovered new hobby - visiting vets). I'd really like to have some rats or mice or maybe a hamster but I know I can't give them everything they'd need and deserve so I simply won't get them. So I don't understand why a person would want to have more pets then they can take care for (if not for profit of course). If you like animals you want what's good for them, right?
@@ERYN__ I also recommend the Kitten Lady's video on supporting your local kill shelters (because it's not like the staff there WANT to kill the pets, it's that they're required to take every animal in, and they run out of space)
I'm not 30 yet, but I'm very close (I'm going to be 29 in June). The last time that I felt bad about being single was when I was in high school. I didn't have a boyfriend for all of middle school and most of high school (and I didn't even know that a girlfriend was an option). My friends would tell me that they felt sorry for me, I felt ugly, weird and unlovable. But I finally got a boyfriend when I was 16. And you know what? It was so fcking BORING. Kissing was boring, flirting was boring, even going on dates was boring. Repeat for every partner I've ever had (which was only 3 but still). I thought for a while that I just had bad partners (that was certainly part of it but not the whole reason), because I LOVE love. I love romance, Valentines Day is legit my favorite holiday and I love seeing people be happy with each other in a romantic way. But I realized at some point that I was aroace who just happens to be a hopeless romantic when it comes to fictional characters, parasocial relationships or my friends. These days even the mere thought of someone holding my hand in a romantic way makes me want to gag like a seven year old watching their parents kiss. But I love watching my best friend hold hands with his wife and seeing how happy they make each other. TL;DR: I'm too queer and neurodivergent to relate to this book in the slightest.
Omg, my feelings exactly!!! So boring and unnecessary, such a chore. This is what made me confused for the longest time - I'd be very emotionally invested in on-screen fictional couples (like, most people would watch for one character they imagine themselves with, but I need to see a couple be happy), but in real life... dating feels like such a chore, I'd rather do anything else.
I feel like I have to reply here because woah... name twins... Completely agree though - I only felt bad about being single when I was in high school. Now I know I'm a lesbian but I'm still just happier being single!
I turned 30 last year and I really can't relate to all of the panic around turning 30. I feel like my 20s were defined by instability and my journey of self-discovery but I entered my 30s feeling more secure in myself and more content in my life path than ever.
Exactly the same for me. Sure, I'm afraid of my body looking older, but thats about it. I'm in a better mental state than I ever was in my twenties... and I'm recently diagnosed with a chronic progressive disease. 25 year old me would not be able to handle that in a safe and sane matter. At all.
While in principle I agree with being angry at people who give up animals after having kids, there are some cases where it's the best choice. For example I took on my friends cat that they had before their kid. The cat hated the kid as it hit toddler years and despite all work to give her safe spaces she was extremely stressed. Then the family had to downsize from a house to a flat, making it even more stressful for the cat. So me taking on the cat was the best thing for them and the most caring thing they could do. They still visit and get updates.
Yeah there's a massive difference between ditching them cuz you're bored or busy or found a replacement love source than it being an unexpected bad situation. my parents had to rehome their dog when my daughter and I had to move in with them. The dog was old, the humane society my mom got him from knew he didn't like kids from his previous home histories. We kept my kid away and tried not to stress him with toddler noises, but he was getting aggressive anytime he even saw my kid and nothing we were told to do by professionals helped. Then he started lunging across the room to bite her the second she walked in and it was just not safe. In that situation, we were told it was better to rehome him with a childless home than have him forcibly put down after injury incidents.
We all want animals to be able to stay with their people, but in some cases it's not possible. Not only because some animals just can't cope with all the disruptions of life with a baby, but a lot of people go through unexpected financial issues when having a baby. I know Rachel is British, so maybe she doesn't know how hard it is for parents in the US, not having parental leave or even health insurance. I have relatives who had kids born premature and/or disabled, and the cost of their treatment was so high that they couldn't afford to keep their pets. It doesn't make them bad people; they're just doing their best under a horrible system.
@@Anna-yy9so no, that (most of the time) makes them irresponsible parents. If you can't afford to have a disabled child just don't have a child instead of making an entire human being and hoping for the best
@@emmyjulianne6850 yes? Why would you want to bring a person into poverty? Like, unless you can't legally get an abortion and get pregnant, why would you want to bring a child into a world that will not bring them the best life possible? The only reasons for that I can see is selfishness and entitlement
i was gonna say that we shouldn't always judge people by who they hang out with but then i realised that this is not just her being friends with him, its her being comfortable enough with his reputation and brand of humor to work with him in a proffessional, official capacity on a goddamn book with her face and name on it, that she had to then sign off on, and thats very different
"But this time she's marrying a lovely woman" Probably my favorite line in this video, lol. Congratulations to your sister! I never watched SD, outside of knowing about all the bs that happened awhile back. This book just sounds like a really sad woman trying to cope with that and makes me feel bad for her, though.
Bodies definitely change with age. I feel like I had a second puberty in my twenties that I wasn't expecting. Mostly with hair and skin. I know things will change quite a bit in my thirties, they already are, but for me it's more food sensitivities. Lifestyle and pharmaceuticals are having more impact on my body than age.
I feel sorry for Liza. That book sounds like self gaslighting to accept and be okay with Shane waisting her time and taking away the best years of her life. She had expected another life.
Brushing your teeth is awful when you have sensory issues and admittedly I do skip it sometimes, but never when I'm planning on leaving the house or being close to other people. Not cleaning yourself isn't funny, it's inconsiderate.
Not cleaning yourself is also a symptom of depression and other mental illnesses. I agree that it’s not funny, but if we’re talking about inconsiderate vs considerate then let’s also be considerate ourselves of the struggles others have so that we don’t inadvertently purport the mental health stigma in our condemnations
I’m autistic and suffer from depression myself, and hygiene is a difficult topic for me. Showers are exhausting and tooth brushing is absolutely disgusting. I do those things somewhat regularly, but mostly always right before I have something scheduled. Same with cleaning my room. I use copious amounts of deodorant. Vacations tend to be sort of catastrophic.
I don’t think it’s fair to call it inconsiderate. I think if anyone is offended by someone’s body odour or hygiene, it’s inconsiderate of *them* to make assumptions of the person in question
@@xhappyponyxwasmyoldname1395 I'm also autistic and have extreme sensory issues specifically in regards to bathing. I can't spend more than 7 minutes in the shower without having a meltdown. Trust me, I get that it's hard.
Same boat my friend. Brushing my teeth makes me gag, sometime even throw up. I also can't handle to noise of the shower, or standing in one place for a long time, so I rush through everything to get in and out as quickly as possible. If it's gonna take longer than 7 minutes then I have to sit and turn the water off.
Who cares if she loved her friends baby? I totally get not relating to it, but you kind of lost me how it was a count against her being “cliche” just because you haven’t experienced it.
I’m so confused about your thoughts about the end. Why is it a disservice to women for one to change her mind along her journey of life and growth? I don’t understand this idea of something being bad or “a disservice” just because it something that you don’t personally agree with. That’s the beauty of being around and learning from others. You get insights and perspectives that ordinary would be lost. I think the message of adapting to circumstances and being excited for a new adventure is wonderful. I also think pet shaming is a bit harsh. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got 4 little fur babies that I would cross the world for, but they aren’t humans, they are animals and should be treated that way. They have needs that are different from a humans, and if someone discovers they can’t meet those needs, for whatever reason, they shouldn’t be shamed for finding a better home for that animal. Every animal deserves an exceptional home. That said, it is the responsibility of pet owners to prepare their animals for a new baby, of course. It just doesn’t always work out, unfortunately.
I’m tired of the response to pushing children on women being “ew children are awful and disgusting”. Children are a type of people, and it isn’t acceptable to outright hate or be disgusted by any other demographic. Literally no one has to want kids, and it’s exhausting having kids be pushed on us, but I think kids aren’t the issue there- it’s the people doing the pushing.
While I’m child free by choice, I do take issue with the way that she talks about the downsides of having children, particularly the physical ones. Having colleagues that work in perinatal mental health, I’ve become increasingly aware of the genuine trauma that can result from the physical effects and changes of childbirth for many people that give birth, and I think that if I were one of those people reading her talk about how it “destroys your body” or what she said about it’s effect on vaginas I would feel pretty damn awful. Not to mention the way that she places so much value in appearance reinforces the message that women are only as useful in so far as they can be physically attractive by societal standards. All and all just seems really gross and outdated.
I think we should get rid of this thinking of what bodies look like before and after pregnancy altogether. I'm tired of some misogynistic women who happen to be also childfree bragging about having no stretch marks - I've never been pregnant, I'm in my 20s and I have stretch marks from adolescence. Also I know a girl who at 21 was convinced that something must be severely wrong with her because she had "less tight boobs" than her mom who was in her mid-40s and a mother of two, as if women can't just be built differently? Pregnancy does change bodies, but in different ways for everyone and to varying degrees and it's important to remember that even teenagers who've never been pregnant can have sagging skin or stretch marks, even wrinkles sometimes
I just want to note that sometimes people have to give up a pet after having a kid. When my mom was born my grandparents had to get rid of their German shepherd because the dog did not like my mom and it was a dangerous situation. They didn’t want to give up the dog, my grandma loved her and they had many other dogs over the years, but their kids safety was more important
Now, the 30 life crisis is real for many women, and it’s not about feeling old. I had never heard of a 30s crisis until I experienced it, and watched so many women around me have one. When I turned 30 I suddenly found myself out of touch with popular culture and fashion. For the first time in my life I was at a point where I didn’t care about or need my parent's approval, and I was confident that they didn’t know what was best for me. This made me deeply question if I was where I was in life because I chose it, or if it was chosen for me. I ended up leaving a high control religion that I had been raised in from birth. And yes, I also noticed some of the early signs of aging in my 30s. I noticed may of my female family and friends go through similar crises when they hit 30. Many of them had gotten married very early, and suddenly announced their divorce, some had a sudden career change, or decided to have children. It was a very weird time. I’m sure this doesn’t happen to everyone, but it happens to a lot of women. I don’t know who the lady is who wrote this book, but what she describes seems to be something I’ve seen and experienced, some more self destructive than others. Perhaps this lady isn’t a great writer, but I do think this is a thing that happens to a lot of women, and it doesn’t make them pathetic or having a breakdown, even though my family definitely felt that way about me because I left my family’s religion and refused to raise my kids in it. I think, sometimes, family and friends believe that having an existential crisis is the same thing as having a breakdown, especially when it involves women taking a huge U-turn in their life and values.
i totally feel what you said about “real women have ___” posts. seeing posts about “real women” having curves or bigger bodies is inclusive at the cost of excluding thinner women. i struggle with feeling boy-ish in a bad way and the posts only decreases how feminine i feel.
I get where the shelter rant came from but it felt a little "The UK is perfect and The US always sucks." There are plenty of amazing shelters in the US that do their best with the facilities they have. I've volunteered and been to shelters that are spotless and new, as well as shelters that are kept clean with the limited means they have and donated buildings. It all depends on the financial situation of the area as well as how big it is(IE Cities tend to have much more funding then rural areas). The current shelter I work with is clean, no kill, and uses their excess means to literally donate food to the community. The UK has it's fair share of terrible shelters and shelters that are struggling. The US probably has more given that it's about 39 times bigger. That means it probably has many more good shelters too. Sorry not sorry if this comes off as defensive, but it's one thing to criticize the specific shelter. It's quite another to put on blinders and pretend it's not a nuanced situation that is common in both countries. Before commenting on every US shelter because the "UK is generally better," please look in your own backyard.
I am an alcoholic in recovery and I've been sober for 2 years. She definitely seems like she needs to maybe get some help with the way she talks about drinking. It sounds exactly like me when I was drinking!
Aging is a privilege that many people never get to experience. I hate the whole "when a woman turns 30 your looks/body declines" they make it seem like you turn into a 70-year-old woman because you have some wrinkles or gained some weight...
I turned 30 last year and I’m hoping my 30s go this way also! Physically I’ve been going downhill for several years (perks of being run over at 21), but I’ve heard nothing but good things from friends who have already been in their 30s for a bit
You know, I’m really tired of your 30s being portrayed as some dreaded period in your life because, personally, I love being in my 30s! Sure, I’m not as young or as spry as I used to be, but I have better control over my life, I got my shit together, and I know myself more than I did in ten years ago. It’s pretty empowering, actually!
A month after this she announced her pregnancy ❤ I’m honestly thinking she was having a bit of a crisis and wanted these things but didn’t have the opportunity
When I saw the title of the video, my first thought was: So, Ryland has finally left him then... But I guess not. Maybe next year. Anyway, I didn't even know that Lisa was still around on TH-cam. I'd have quietly disappeared if I'd been her, I think.
Epilogue I don't have a problem with it. She's admitting that she was happy with her life and with the state of the book when she finished it, but also stating that life can change. She could have tossed out the entire book and decided nah, I'm getting married no one is going to believe that a book about coming to a place of contentment with yourself being single in your thirties now that I have a ring. Actually with the lens of 2023, a book that came out in 2019 talking about how much things can change in 1 year...yeesh! A brief look at Google, I think she also had the drama of being a pandemic bride.
yeah exactly. The epilogue is her personal experience. People can change even in a year. I didn't read it so maybe she made it seem like all women will have this change and that's wrong but if it was just her personal experience then that's fine. Especially since during the entire book she was talking about how she is constantly changing her mind about kids and marriage
I just turned 30 in October and I feel exactly the same as I do the day before I turned 30. I don't feel like my life is over at all and I also didn't magically fell apart in the last year before turning 30. 30 isn't old and society needs to stop acting like it is. I'm the child of older parents so maybe that's why I have such a different relationship to getting older compared to other people. I mean my mom is 71 now and yes that's old but also she'll probably still have at least another 10+ years to go before actually dying. How can I be old if even she isn't at the end of her life quite yet? I have 50+ years more in this world I'm not even close to old yet.
I feel like the conversation is sometimes hijacked by people who are in their 30s feeling tired constantly and convinced that that's what happens to everyone in their 30s unless you're "super rich" but honestly, that's not generally normal to feel tired all the time as a 30 year old and we shouldn't act as it is? Of course, there are underlying medical problems and mental health issues like depression which have effects that might cumulate over time, but then, it's those problems and not just the age. People act as if 30 is basically 70, meanwhile physical strength peaks in people in their 30s, both men and women (not stamina though, but in terms of energy alone, aren't we all in "decline" since our toddler years? After all, small kids are infinitely more energetic than teenagers)
I don't know, the cover of the book is actually kind of offensive. I'm not the type of person to make a big deal out of nothing.. However as a similarly childfree woman who's around your age.. I think you know how I feel when I say stereotypes about CF women nearing or in her 30s are degrading, hurtful, & twisted. Men often devalue us as what she encapsulated on the cover. Sad lonely alcoholics who "cope" with pets. Also, she may be childless instead of childfree which changes things. *Its different.* Regardless, you and I both know that's not how most of us feel. Though I may be speaking to soon, I did not watch your entire video yet and I don't know the point she makes in her book. Frustrates me to attract that sort of sentiment though.
With the whole dating someone just so they'd help with housework thing, I was thinking that I'd totally be willing to do that sort of work for my friends if there was a reason they couldn't do it themselves, or if I was staying at their house. I don't get how she can decide that manipulation is better than doing it herself, hiring a handyman, or asking a friend.
This reminds me of someone I used to work with who had recently turned 30 at the time. He was constantly complaining about how your life goes downhill once you hit 30 and I just wasn't buying any of it. I think that people who are feeling bad about themselves use turning 30 as an excuse because it's such a cliche so you don't have to own up to your own personal issues
I’ve been saying he has an M.O. . In the beginning he def loves first and more and hard and then after a while he slowly starts with the deprecating jokes and teasing until he is just straight up mean and no longer seems to love his partner.
God I hate this... Okay as 36 year old by now, heading for 37, please don't be afraid. I didn't feel like my body changed any more or less than it has my entire life, like yes your body changes as you age but that is something that always happens, you don't always stay a baby, you don't always stay a toddler, a child, a teen, a tween, an adult, etc... And that journey will look different for everyone but it's not like everyone will wake up 2 weeks after their 30th birthday and don't recognise their body. Like for God's sakes, why would you even put that in women's heads, like society isn't focussed enough on our bodies already. I am so annoyed with this book. You'd kind of hope to have some feel of 'social pressure sucks', which it does. But this book sadly just seems to feed into the whole 'childless women are sad doomed singleton booze-hounds.' Like ufck that! No I'm not. I'm happy, I barely drink, I love my family, my friends, my partner, my pets, there's a million ways to be a happy healthy adult, it's not just either with a partner and some kids, or alone, drinking your nights away.
My cats were my fur babies pre baby. Post baby, they are still my fur babies. I feel sad for people whose hearts are so limited that a child can supplant an animal.
I started weightlifting at 31. I'm the strongest and biggest I've ever been. I have much more muscle than I ever had in my teens and 20s. It's awesome. Fuck anyone who says it's downhill at 30.
Fun fact, in terms of sheer strength alone, humans are at their maximum capability in their 30s not early 20s, yes women too (and that doesn't include individual variation ofc)
i feel like she could’ve saved the epilogue by adding something along the lines of “having said that: just because i changed my mind, doesn’t mean you have to or will. we needn’t change to fit society’s norm if it’s not for us so just continue to do you” im not a writer so it’s not the best but maybe the message of the entire book could’ve been salvaged if she’d closed it out like that. anyway, great review as always ♡
The loving the dog less thing is absolutely wild. My parents did a lot of messed up things but something I'm glad they taught me was that animals are not worth less than people and they don't need an innate reason to exist they can just exist, like us. They're apart of the family, regardless of their species
I really feel like this wasn't your best video. A lot of other book reviews you engage with why they're bad messages or bad writing, but most of this was "it's not for me, it's not what I wouldve felt/wanted, it's not my experience, it's not how I feel comfortable" Which, this is your channel, that's fine, but it kinda feels like a very condescending review when that's what you're basing this book being bad on. It's Lisa biography and there are enough shitty things in it to critique that don't need to be "I disagree with how she feels about her life (back in 2019)"
Before even starting the video one thing I never understood about her is why she NEVER has spoken up about the gross stuff Shane has done, especially while they were dating… like she co-signed that stuff whether she thinks so or not
Hey, as someone who thought, "well maybe my body has gone to shit because I'm 30+" and later found out, "oh, my thyroid doesn't work anymore." Go see a doctor if your body just suddenly goes to shit. You should be aging gradually. Go see a doctor. The first one may try to put you off having tests run, the first three did for me. Get the tests run. You may be grateful later
i agree with you on a lot of points usually but i can't seem to understand why it's so hard or bothersome if your friends were to have/want kids? i understand you don't want them but i can't see the bigger picture
I do dislike the idea of euthanizing healthy animals in shelters, many shelters that do this deal with a lot of animal overpopulation with not enough funding. If they don't create space, they'd be dooming many other animals to less peaceful deaths or take on so many animals that all the animals suffer without care. It's more of a systemic issue, and I don't really think the shelters that are doing the best they can with their resources should be shamed for choosing to give an animal a painless end versus dying of disease/starvation/hit by car/etc. Additionally, as overpopulation problems improve, the need for these kinds of shelters decrease.
This is one of the reasons I am against purebred animals and their production, besides being a veterinary student and knowing that 90% of purebred animals have congenital diseases and spend their entire lives suffering with pain. Many buy animals and do not adopt others and those imbeciles are against neutering too, this in 2023, where EVERYONE has access to the internet and a simple Google search would already bring results, in addition to having public neutering campaigns (since it is a zoonosis protection activity as well) and discounted ones too.
The way Rachel talks about Kyra makes me feel that they’re so lucky to have found each other! The fact that Kyra’s a rescued dog makes it all the more heartwarming knowing she’s now with someone who loves her so much and takes such good care of her! 💖
i think it's okay to be a stereotype. i love it when women/femme people choose to be stay-at-home parents, for example, or dress 'traditionally', do all the traditionally 'womanly' things to do and if it looks like a cliche, all the better for them if they chose it. it's all about choice for me. it can feel diminishing to be called a stereotype or cliche - but it's not bad to simply, genuinely enjoy a cliche thing or think in a cliche way like you called out Lisa for at a few points. i think it's entirely okay if she agrees on certains things with the 'status quo'. [putting aside whether it has value as part of a for-sale-and-profit book/memoir because that's another thing entirely, like you often mention in your other reviews. it can certainly breed misoginystic discourse and give them 'fuel they don't need' when put in this context as an undisputed fact true to all women and/or afab people]
This book felt like those ones that I read when I became a teenager: facts about periods and tips on how to deal with cramps, facts about acne and tips on how to dry a pimple, tips about dating and stuff like that... But, come on! We are 30 and the "changes" we experience (if so), are made up by society and really dated. This book is not a guide on anything at all. I find more relatable the things you shared, Rachel! However, I enjoyed the video. Thank you for skipping the dog shelter part. I couldn't take it 🫣
I wonder about Lisa Schwartz sometimes. I don't support some of the things she did when she was with Shane Dawson but I wish her a happy life all the same.
As someone who has turned 30 a few months ago, I definitely find myself more in your camp than Lisa's. To be honest, this doesn't feel like a book about what it's like to turn 30 (I feel that's quite misleading tbh) but what it's like to not be in a very healthy place in your life. I was happy to turn 30 - I'm an old soul - and I don't feel the pressure of the many, many weddings I've attended in the last few years because I'm happy where I am in life. I feel for Lisa and hope she's in a better place now, and I hope that she knows that turning 30 isn't the problem. It seems to me that she needs to focus on figuring out what she wants in life and ignoring what other people say she should need. Thanks for the great video Rachel x
The 3-part analysis was so well done, as is this. On the note of bodies and whatnot, I'm also in the camp of people who hasn't physically changed much in decades. I'm 35 right now (afab) and am mid clear out of things I had in...5th grade (10 or 11) in some cases. Also that's not a brag, just for illustration purposes and clarity. For anyone who needs to hear it dramatic physical changes aren't always a scary inevitable thing, especially if there's not also associated medical/health related issues that could impact that. Hoping you all are doing well ❤️
@51:00 everytime I hear about someone abandoning their pet/child for a child, I think of 'Barbie as the Island Princess' Always More: "if we make room for someone new, doesnt mean that there's less for you, only that our circle has grown" highly recommend that song/movie, a lesson to be learned there (also everyone talks about how hard Disney vilain songs slap but nobody talks baout Barbie villains, they've got some of the BEST bangers (aint nothing beat 'How Can I Refuse' to this day, though 'Love is for Peasants' comes close, shoutout Luciana, your mum remains the 2nd most evil Barbie villain & you remain the most precious of beans)
times when poop talk is relevant for a memoir: it has to do with a major life event (ie:seeing blood in your stool and getting diagnosed with colon cancer) times when poop talk is irrelevant for a memoir: hehe poop
this is my own personal theory but i think people who struggle with internalizing their feelings (being “emotionally constipated”) are usually the people who are way fixated on poop and think it’s quirky. i had a friend who would tell me tmi about her dumps a lot and i finally asked her “did you keep an anxious upset stomach when you were little?” and she was like “yeah, why????” lol i love her but it reads as immaturity
In Paul and Morgan's defense they have a good reason to have given Fluffy to a family member. As they explained in a video they had arranged before the birth to have Paul's aunt (if I am not mistaken) take her for a few weeks while they get settled. Then Morgan had a very traumatic birth and was struggling mentally and they simply could not give Fluffy all the attention and care that she deserves as she is a very needy dog. She is still in their life and I believe them when they say it was a hard decision. Also, children trump dogs, obviously don't get a pet if you are not prepared to keep it forever but things happen in life and you just gotta do what you gotta do.
I'm 23, I am so excited to be 30. You guys don't even know. Like I'm trying to enjoy my life now but I'm working so hard, I'm not taken seriously, I feel like men my age are really lame, etc etc. I wanna age, I work in a day care and my two co-workers are 35 and 52. These women have taught me so much about not caring, letting go of inhibitions, and just enjoying life. I know there's no magical age but I can tell that my BRAIN ISN'T DEVELOPED YET. I wonder if people think women go crazy because they're like, fully developed and not as subservient or push overs by the time they hit 30. I feel like I'm expected to be a people pleaser right now.
I also think it’s important to emphasize that this was written pre 2020. A lot has changed culturally since then. She also got married and has spoken openly about starting a family within the next few years. None of us are the same people prior to the pandemic.
Your right, Lisa has avoided and dodged all the bullets that Shane took somehow. Shane made himself more public and made every video worse then the last one. He wanted the attention. He thrived off of it for a while when his documentary series were getting 5+ million views a video. Lisa is bland yes. So she stuck in the shadows and kept a low profile when Shane’s past kept getting brought up. Even though she was also involved way more then people realize. It’s honestly crazy. How she was able to matrix dodge everything tbh
Honestly, my late 20s and now into my mid 30s have been some of the best years of my life. Both my mental and physical health are stable and that’s a HUGE accomplishment when before that, all I knew was hospitalizations and misery. I finally feel like I’ve come into my own & know who I am in my 30s.
I have cared about exactly two (2) babies in my whole life. One is my little cousin who I grew up babysitting because I was so obsessed with him and now he is 17 and I'm so glad I can still be there in his life (especially because LGBTQ+ family members gotta stick together). The second is my little nephew who is about 6 months old. I am literally in love with that little guy - but also will immediately hand him off if he starts crying. I will still never have my own kid. No ty no way. But I too am tired of the "it'll be like this when you have a baby of your own!" and I'm just like absolutely no I will not.
A bit on shelters in the US. Shelters should absolutely never be filthy or wealing dead animals through the doors where the general public can see them. For "kill" shelters in the U.S. though, they're not doing it out of laziness, maliciousness, it's sadly out of necessity. City run shelters are required by law to take in every animal that comes through their doors regardless of health or behavior. They are severely limited in space and funds. When cages are full and more and more animals keep coming in there unfortunately isn't another option. Young, healthy animals without behavioral issues are prioritized while old, sick animals or ones with behavioral problems will sadly be euthanized. A single county can see 10,000+ each of cats and dogs per year come through their doors. No-kill shelters are more picky. They will only take adoptable animals, and if they're full, they don't accept anymore. It's them up to the kill shelters to take in them in. Kill shelters should not be demonized. They are the ones that need as much support and financing as we can give them so they have the means to help more animals. Other organizations like Abandoned Pet Project work with kill shelters to take in animals that would otherwise be euthanized for injury/illness. Vet Ranch is an awesome channel I recommend with vets who work with APP to provide the medical care needed and help those animals get adopted.
She complains about not being able to date men with women's names because she can't call them by that name. She gives 3 examples, all of which could have stereotypical men's/gender neutral nicknames: lindsey: "linny" (sounds like lenny"), Ashley: "Ash", and Donna: "Don or Donny" yeah seems really shallow to me and a bit dense
I understand the epilogue because it's a thing that also happened to me, even though I don't know if it has the same reason for her as it did for me... Even though I never wanted to be married or have babies, I was going to because she wanted to. She just talked about having a child with so much joy that I wanted to be the dad of her child, wanted to buy me a ring so much I considered getting married. It was the honeymoon phase I guess, or maybe I have an unhealthy way of putting people's feelings over mine, but that ending really spoke to me.
"Every other moron can have babies and climb the corporate ladder" wow, ok, excuse you, being a working mom is really hard actually? I'm not knocking any childfree or single woman AT ALL, I do not blame anyone who wants to take an alternate path, not have kids, not have a corporate job, you do you and not everybody can be happy taking the "conventional" path and that's okay! But I HATE this "let's look down on women who are doing the 'conventional' thing." You don't have to tear down other women to build yourself up. Life is hard no matter what path you take, don't be unnecessarily shitty to women taking a different path. It's not funny or quirky at all to do this "I'm not like those OTHER women" routine just to feel better about not having kids or a 'normal' career at 35. And what is 'normal,' anyway? One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is Doc Holliday from Tombstone: "There is no normal life, Wyatt; there's just life." Basically, wow, I feel attacked. Some of us have kids and corporate jobs. It's really fucking rude to say "any moron can do that." Like, ok, eff you too, Lisa.
Yeah it's soo edgy to talk about women having kids "so cliche and boring, I am Unique cause I don't do it" as if it's not the hardest fuckin thing in the world if you care about your kids and job at all. I'd like people who don't like kids or are weirded out by them to just stay away from families and not stand around and judge lol
This is a small criticism I think you should put Lisa's name in the title. I know it's probably clickbaity on purpose but I think Shane's Dawson ex Lisa Schwartz works just as well. A lot of people like me remember that era on TH-cam and I think even though she has done some VERY wrong things and has major sexist objectification in the book, we shouldn't objectify her by only labeling her as a man's ex girlfriend. I also think it's better in holding her accountable, I know its not a big deal tho and I'm so glad you're reviewing the book! The reason you can't find hate on Lisa is because she turned off comments for a long time after the 'dramageddon' w Shane Dawson and gave a very brief tweet apologizing that definitely wasn't enough. She could've gotten away with it if she called out Shane as the toxic partner he probably was at times (just seems like it from videos) but they stayed good friends after they broke up which made her look worse.
At the 31:45 ish time I realized that when she said you would get wrinkles and gain a lot of weight I realized that it was from the drinking and the binged eating she did, my mom when she was in her 40s look 30 because she never drank, what ruins your body is when you don’t take care of it at all (I think Rachel mentioned it in another one of her videos about how drinking and eating un healthy can be bad for your skin.)
Around 32:00, I have a similar relationship to my body as you described, Rachel. I'm in my thirties, and what is described in the book is completely untrue for me. I still feel pretty much the same about my body as I always have, if not better. I can completely empathize with how alienating those statements about "real" women/bodies can be. The broad generalizations people make about women's bodies and aging can be awful, but I primarily find them annoying and frustrating. Even when it's another woman, so often it's just dehumanizing. Then, it always seems to lead to societal expectations like babies and marriage. Not everyone goes through the same stages in life, and definitely not at the exact same times. She talks about feeling out of place when all of her friends are going through stages that she isn't, but she is also reinforcing the thoughts about the 'proper' way to live in how she talks about it. Not only is it counterproductive, but it also sounds insincere. I think I'm just sick of all these supposedly 'honest' takes on aging that are supposed to be relatable but just come off as manufactured bullshit.
Have you ever read Jennette McCurdy's book? I remember seeing a thumbnail about it some time ago but it might be someone else (Edit) Going further in the vid I assume not, because I think there are some things you could have tied into her book, because she also jokes about her life sucking and all her bad habits and all that. However you say you don't think people should joke about being an alcoholic and such, but I feel like it really works there simply because she uses dark humor, using her experience and reflecting on how fucked up some things she went through are, and not gross humor, just lamenting on how things are and letting the joke be "lol I'm alcoholic" and "look how terrible my mental health is/was" I think you'd like it
I’ve never seen someone get rid of their dogs once they have a child??? That’s actually a thing?? My dad gave away his reptile when my brother was born, but it wasn’t because he didn’t love him anymore. He just knew that the reptile could hurt the baby and the baby could hurt the reptile. And it broke his heart but he knew it was what was best for the reptile and he gave it away to a friend who had been keeping reptiles for years. But honestly my mom started adopting more dogs the more children she had. I’ve never heard of anyone who just stopped loving a pet because they had a baby. That’s insane to me.
12:00 I feel so sorry for her. An ex is not just a random friend. An ex is someone as close as can be. Someone for whom you may still have feelings and admiration for. It takes time to recover from a breakup because these are people you loved very much. As a man, I feel sick with Shane's foreword. This is so wrong.
Her obsession with hating baby showers and gender reveals is so weird lol. I get it, not everyone wants those things but why hate on people who do? I had both parties and everyone had a great time, its just a reason to get your family and friends together and celebrate something happy. Why did Lisa keep attending those events to only complain about it behind her friends backs? It just shows how negative she is imo. Also the foreword by shane 🤢🤢
The baby shower thing, in my mind, showcases how desperate she is to feel relevant and better, very "not like other girls". Given how she gives in to the "it's downhill from 30 haha" idea, she's probably incredibly self-conscious and trying to cover it up this way.
My sister gave her dog to my dad after she had my oldest niece. The mother-in-law was, essentially, a nightmare. She wanted to put the dog down but my sister refused. Instead, she gave her to my dad. For context, she has a Jack Russell and she's a rescue dog. She was a little aggressive with the baby and my sister didn't want to completely get rid of her, so my dad took her so that they could still see each other. Fast forward some years, my sister is with someone new and she got another dog and had another baby. The dog pretty much treats her like that's her own baby, lol.
A note on the video title: Any other time I would agree you shouldn’t refer to a woman by just her relationship to a man but I had to make a decision in this case. 1) I still refer to her by her name throughout the whole video and see her as a complete and whole person 2) In my experience the longer the video title, the less well some videos perform and right now I have to prioritise video performance or my rent won’t be paid. 3) The name ‘Shane Dawson’ is known for getting clicks. Not many people known the name ‘Lisa Schwartz’ right now. I have to prioritise getting people to click on my video. 4) A substantial portion of this book was written by and is about Shane Dawson so in that respect, I think labelling the author’s relationship to him in the title IS important to the content.
Thanks for explanation.
i respect that, good points
Here’s some engagement, good luck on your rent. I feel that in my soul
I think it's completely fine to refer to a famous person's partner as the famous person's partner. People know about the famous person, so it's pretty much always beneficial for both, the viewer and the content creator to do so, as more people will be interested in the famous person.
Same if there is a famous woman, I think its perfectly fine to refer to her husband as the famous woman's husband.
All good points. I also think it is important to acknowledge the types of people Shane has associated with and vice versa. While she is her own person, she seems like a truly unhappy person and Shane could have definitely affected her mindset, career, other relationships, etc.
I'm sick of the narrative that once a woman hits 30 she's going to have a giant breakdown. When I was 23, my peers made me feel like that was the beginning of the end for me. Looking back now I was very young at that age. Everyone I know who treats their age like the end of times is so miserable and I just don't wanna be apart of that.
I turned 30 last year and I think it was probably the best year of my life. So what if my chin now sprouts the occasional hair? That problem is easily solved with tweezers.
My parents are doing that as a Joke right now. Im 29 in will Turn 30 in three months.
And apparently im gonna have a huge midlife crisis in three months, suddenly want children, and start hiding my age.
Which is weird, because i never ever obsessed about my age. It's Always been weird to me, cuz aging is a Natural process.
So to Hit back, im joking that i can brag about Dating a Younger man (my Partner is turning 28), finally can complain openly about my back pain, and can refer to people in their 20s as "Young people". Along with the grumpy grandma voice. If my Life ends at 30, i am going to enjoy the finer nuances of that ;)
Gotta Hit back in some way.
There is definitely a difference between having an existential crisis every now and then like "what I am doing? is this truly where I want to be?" and talking with people about it vs. going full apocalyptic and tying your entire self worth to your age and what people around you are doing and bringing everyone down with you. It's kind of an immature mind set and it is definitely based in sexist views about a woman's value like I saw another top comment touch on.
It's super annoying that 30 is treated as the end of your life or the death of your youth or whatever bs people like to say. I'm 28 and I am so ready to say goodbye to my 20s. They weren't that great... I had relationship issues, friendship issues, major health issues, financial issues. Now as I'm approaching 30, I feel like my real life is just beginning because I've finally reached a point of stability in things that weren't stable all throughout my 20s. I feel sorry for people who actually believe 30 is the be all end all.
i've always thought things like that, that I had to have my life together by 20 (this was rough especially when my health went to shit in year 9) now I'm in my late 20s with no job, no relationships outside of platonic(thank god! aroace lol) & Im ok, not great but I still feel so young... also the moive 'Suddenly 30'/'13 going on 30' really helped cos it actually did feel like 30 isnt old, for me at least, also just a great movie
Me at 29: severely underweight, (anorexia), undiagnosed personality disorders, in and out of hospital constantly, in tonnes of debt, struggling with medication-resistant depression and anxiety, barely holding down a job and constantly exhausted
Me at 35: physically strong, mentally strong, struggling with body image at minimum healthy weight but getting on with it, steady job, intolerance for other people’s bad behaviour, starting to date after bad past experiences, starting dance classes, planning for future events and travel that seemed impossible a few years ago
Thank you so much
Thanks so much for sharing. I've been avoiding therapy because I think it's gonna involve a personality disorder diagnosis which makes it all real, it's good to see things can get better
Can I ask what KIND of therapy you pursued or how you got your stuff together?
I’m so happy you’ve had this amazing turnaround, this is the kind of story I want to hear!
Thank you! This is the kind of mindset we need from people going from 20s to 30s.
Regarding Shane looking at men while on a date with Lisa, I actually think he was telling the truth and Lisa doesn't believe it.
Shane is a formerly fat person with clear body dismorphia. As a fat woman with some level of dismorphia, I totally used to stare at other women to compare their body to mine. I'm bi as well and I can say that staring due to dismorphia and staring due to hot person are two very distinct behaviors that feel super different.
I also struggled with dysmorphia my entire life. Truth is, it never goes away 100%, but you learn to not give a shit and boy, is that liberating. Gives you a window to focus on maximizing your health, getting a good skincare routine, and whatever other self-care makes you feel good. Other people don't care nearly as much as we do!
I am a straight woman with body image issues and god how intensely I stare at other women's bodies in envy or for comparison. I agree so hard with this.
I don’t like the idea that there can even be a “downhill” for bodies. Gaining weight or growing body hair or having wrinkles should not be “downhill” traits. You’re not losing value when these things happen to you. No body trait is worse than the other, and it’s seriously harmful to think and tell people to think that way.
I get where you’re coming from… but the very fact that our cells have a lifetime, after a certain number of regenerations they just stop. After a certain amount of years, we just stop living. Maybe the trick is to not look at decline as a negative?
Exactly. Plus there's no "downhill", we're living beings. It's kind of... normal to age as years pass.
@@happydudemarius9404 im 22 and going through an existential crisis but it honestly brings me so much comfort to imagine being older and wiser and more comfortable in general even if my body changes with age
Omg I know a poem about this that was so beautiful, I have to find it.
True. It's a very shallow way to view life and value of others and yourself. No doubt a biproduct of social media and capitalism trying to make us insecure. However, we should make sure we are taking care of ourselves mentally and physically and be mindful of our health declining.
What I find really strange is that Lisa seems to adopt these mantras of "women's bodies decline magically at 30" in order to be relatable. But ultimately these body-shaming views are also an invention of the beauty industry to pressure women to buy all these products to feel better about themselves. Her book is, from the sound of it, meant to be a funny, relatable piece of self-reflection, but she buys RIGHT into another calculated image of women in her thirties that she is trying to reject.
these ideas started thousands of years ago, when nutrition was low, sun exposure, grueling working hours and unlimited pregnancies took a toll on the woman's body that caused her health to deteriorate fast, making her appear tired, starving and old. they do not exist today.
Thank you for pointing this out!!! All of my struggles with my body have stemmed from being told that my body is doomed to “decline” and I never see people talk about how harmful that narrative is. I was 100% happy with myself until sour older women started telling me how my beauty was only temporary.
Unlike what I've gathered from Jeanette McCurdy's "I'm Glad My Mom Died," which I haven't had the pleasure of reading yet but have watched multiple reviews for, it seems like Lisa's going for "quirky and relatable" without any introspection or self-work, which makes her "self-deprecating" humor ultimately shallow and thoughtless. She's externalizing all her mental health problems and not doing any of the work needed to make herself a better person, and it shows.
@Megan L same and I'm 30 now. The chronic pain came years ago now though not because I'm 30. My birthday changed nothing about this.
That said, my body definitely started changing again around 27/28 for me. It's definitely not magically you hit 30 and you're old now, but I verifiably feel older than in my early 20s, and there is a mourning IF you feel behind in life that you're like "I still mentally feel the same, but my body is making it clear the passage of time stops for no one".
Lisa survived the Shane Dawson scandal by disappearing for a year or two, intense scrubbing of her channel, comment disabling on all remaining videos, and not posting about it. At all. She was brought up by people making videos but I think her lower profile and silence saved her from targeted scrutiny.
It's cause she knew she was messy too and didn't want to get cancelled.
She basically has been cancelled though. Not officially but she doesn’t get any views anymore. Just had a look at her channel and if she pulls 2k views in a video she’s done well. There’s no way she can be paying the rent with views that low!
@@wolfchild9998 that wasn’t due to what came out though, she just lost popularity after they broke up and her views kept going down as the years went on because she couldn’t keep up with how trends change
Not true whatsoever. She did apologize.
@@jessiekattI tried to look for the apology video on her channel but I couldn't seem to find it. Do you remember what it was called?
I remember she was making fun of Michelle Phan, *the* beauty guru at the time (10+ ish years ago), for being Asian, in a make-up related video with Shane As an Asian, that really made me feel uncomfortable about her. And it wasn't just one sentence, it was about 5. And I was just an Asian teenager. It really hurt.
I’m really sorry about that :( I had no idea. I knew she was enabling Shane’s poor behavior, but didn’t know she made her own hurtful comments
@@akatastrophe Thank you for your compassion and empathy.
I barely remember what she said, but I clearly remember the way she was doing a mocking, stereotype 'Asian accent' imitation first, with a rigid silly movement, then Shane followed, as she was applying make up at Shane.
It was ridiculous because Michelle Phan doesn't even have an 'Asian' accent, but the way that they jumped so casually at mocking someone for being Asian was shocking to my teenage brain.
Why would you feel comfortable shes racist , racism is dehumanizing and can result in death
Wow, that's so gross.
That's so icky. She was also in that video of Shane being super weird with that little girl, I wanna say his niece or something. She was totally part of the whole creepiness.
I LOVED it when I turned 30 - I live in a college town and when you hit 30, you are officially "old" - and let me tell you, it's GREAT! I stopped comparing myself to the 20 something's surrounding me, I stopped caring about wearing trendy clothes etc. I recognize that I could have had this epiphany at any age. But I remember feeling like society was telling me that my expiration date as a woman was 30, and then I turned thirty and I realized how bs that was it was so freeing.
Im kinda looking forward to it, as it will enable me to Talk about some health issues and actually be taken seriously. Theres nothing more annoying than mentioning to my mum that my Back hurts from using the wrong mattress (i Had to justify buying an expensive af mattress, even though.... It's my Money?). Of course the Comeback was sth along the lines of "Young people dont have backpain".
Well fine, maybe my Back didnt get the Memo. I will complain again in three months, when im officially old.
Same! I had a lot of health issues in my 20s and by the time I was about 26 I was just ready for my 30s-- which were really great 😊
My 30s have been amazing because I know exactly who I am. It's like I shed the insecurities of my youth and am only interested in investing my energy into improving my health, relationships, and career.
I was pleasantly relieved when I turned 30, older women suddenly stopped saying I’d “change my mind when I’m older” about not having kids. 30 is old apparently and I LOVE IT.
It feels like it’s a book about your thirties written for teenagers
Perfect description
I wonder how many people buying it, though, are actually that much older than a teenager or past.
I grew up with 13 going on 30 with Jennifer Garner, so I've been excited to turn 30 since I was 9 lol. Just 2 more years!!!
is it just me or does Lisa just retell "sex and the city"?
they freaked out about baby showers, slept with guys to numb the sadness, Charlotte went out with the guy who did repairs in her house..
except they were sometimes funny and didn't have a poop obsession.
This is what happens when someone with no talent, humor, or original thought writes a book.
My mind immediately went to sex and the city too lmao
Oh my god you’re right!
I watched Shane as an edgy teen. Shane's self-depricative humor was mostly so weird and over the top that it took away a lot from the depressive undertones. I always felt that when Lisa did it, it was just sad. I think she tries to be relatable with this book (she always has been), but she is too disfunctional to sell her deep issues as relatable missteps, and her attempts to be heartwarming at the end feels forced.
She sounds like she is childless by circumstances, and she tries to cope with it by not relating to other's children. That's why she flip-flpos around the issue.
I can empathize with wanting something and not being able to ever have it while witnessing others around you accomplish what you never could. However, she had a tone of being bitter about children even being around her or people celebrating having kids (which I agree that people can go way overboard, but also just be happy for your friends/family?) and assumes it was effortless for them. Maybe they were celebrating so hard because it was difficult to conceive and keep the baby, maybe they have been saving for years to even afford a kid, maybe they had other life events prevent them from conceiving, and so many other variables. It's really annoying when authors try to sound quirky and relatable but they end up seeming immature and self-centered.
@@spOOkytimes Yeah, instead of being relatable it just came off as mean-spirited and bitter.
I'm getting 90's library vibes from your outfit and background and it is the breath of fresh air I need to get through this book lol.
Rachel's whole look is *immaculate*, as always!
@@irishalchemy absolutely!
I spent a good 20 minutes trying to read what the brand of her sweater was (it was covered up by her hair for the most part), then googling to try and find their website, then searching the entire website for this sweater only to determine that it’s probably not being sold anymore :( the brand has a lot of other cool sweaters tho so I might get one of those
@@deeeno6867… by any chance do you happen to remember the name of the brand? It is a very cool sweater
@@Aeiouaaaaaaaaa it's The Ragged Priest! They're a bit pricey to buy on their site (especially if you aren't on the pound x.x), but it's findable on resale sites like depop :)
I watched Lisa up to the point where that video came out, and I remember being so disgusted with her response that I unsubbed. I believe she just tweeted something that was basically the worst non-apology ever and turned off all comments on her channel for a while. That's probably why you can't find any backlash, but it definitely affected her channel because she was still getting 20-100k views on videos at that time and now she's lucky to get 2k.
Out of curiosity, response to what?
what video?
What did she do again?
@@Octobris I think the video that she got backlash for is played in this video at 1:24 . It might be a shortened clip, but they're talking to Shane's young relative about sex in a weird/inappropriate way
Edit: Also, I'm probably missing a lot of details because it's been a long time since I had heard about all of this
I cringed so hard when Rachel said Lisa does videos about being an "empath" lmao not because there's anything wrong with being empathetic, but I can't hear "I'm an empath" without immediately thinking of Shane Dawson. 🤢
that word has truly lost its meaning the second shane heard it
I don't want to be too harsh on her, but the way Rachel describes it makes me feel like the whole book is Lisa saying, 'My life didn't turn out how I thought it would and I'm not enjoying it much, here's some destructive coping mechanisms I developed to deal with it.' Honestly, it's quite sad and I hope she got help.
But in your 30s you can’t say it “didn’t turn out” a certain way because your 30s are not the end of your life by any means. It’s constant change and progress and sometimes that progress is backwards but that’s just how it is. I just felt weird about your phrasing here.
@@introusas Probably a bit late to reply to this, but you're right, it was too definitive of me to say. The better thing to say would have been "hasn't turned out." I genuinely hope Lisa is doing better now and she's enjoying her 30s.
Small side note: your point about new parents caring less about their pets is really interesting, particularly when you said "imagine if you had a second kid and stopped caring about the first." This happens more often than you'd think, after divorces particularly. Myself and many other people I know experienced being ignored or neglected in favor of their parents' spouse's kids, or the new kids they had together. The parents can even become resentful of the "old" kids. Some people view being a caretaker as something that gives them personal purpose and value, more than they actually care about who or what they're responsible for.
While for me it wasn't as traumatic or even dramatic.. when my younger sister was born I wasn't as important anymore. My sister was very sick as a baby and was close to hospitalization multiple times (if our dad wasn't a doctor she probably would have been hospitalized).. so yeah, the whole "taking more care of the child with more needs" is absolutely true, even without the added stresses.
Shane Dawsons foreword to this book is cringy, shameful and disgusting…..
He is a vile human……
Love the snark and sarcasm you inject into this video ….. and loving the jumper too…
Keep up the fab work Rachel
Why does he think he is at all funny? Everything he touches turns disgusting. It's toilet humor that seems to be trying to cater to young kids, yet extremely sexual so its not at all appropriate arguably any minor or person with a still developing brain. Everyone thinks he's a nonce because of it, rightfully so.
Yeah unfortunately shelters in the USA can 10000% be awful. We have so many people who hoard animals, or have dog fighting rings, or puppy mills, and when the state takes all the animals from these horrible situations, many of them can’t be rehomed. Even no kill shelters sometimes have to put down dogs because of health issues or behavioral issues- but those shelters are usually pretty nice if they have a good group of volunteers.
Edit- anyways, spay and neuter your pets💗
My dog was born in a dog hoarders home and it's just heart breaking. She has a lot of health problems because of it and is currently on anti-seizure medication. How people can do that shit to animals is horrifying.
I don't understand why would anyone hoard animals. I can get that horrible people want to use animals to get money but why would someone have too many pets just for the sake of having (too many) pets? Having just one pet is such a responsibility. I have one dog and I honestly couldn't handle owning another pet. Shots, food, accessories, care, vet, time, space and so many more thing I need to take care of and for.
I'm dogsitter so I do have like 6 dogs rn but only one is mine and although I'm responsible for all the dogs under my care I don't need to spend thousands on all of them. I couldn't afford having more than one dog (especially since he discovered new hobby - visiting vets).
I'd really like to have some rats or mice or maybe a hamster but I know I can't give them everything they'd need and deserve so I simply won't get them.
So I don't understand why a person would want to have more pets then they can take care for (if not for profit of course). If you like animals you want what's good for them, right?
@@saralaerevu8735 The Kitten Lady has a pretty good video explaining how it happens.
@@ERYN__ thanks, I'll check it out
@@ERYN__ I also recommend the Kitten Lady's video on supporting your local kill shelters (because it's not like the staff there WANT to kill the pets, it's that they're required to take every animal in, and they run out of space)
I'm not 30 yet, but I'm very close (I'm going to be 29 in June). The last time that I felt bad about being single was when I was in high school. I didn't have a boyfriend for all of middle school and most of high school (and I didn't even know that a girlfriend was an option). My friends would tell me that they felt sorry for me, I felt ugly, weird and unlovable. But I finally got a boyfriend when I was 16. And you know what? It was so fcking BORING. Kissing was boring, flirting was boring, even going on dates was boring. Repeat for every partner I've ever had (which was only 3 but still).
I thought for a while that I just had bad partners (that was certainly part of it but not the whole reason), because I LOVE love. I love romance, Valentines Day is legit my favorite holiday and I love seeing people be happy with each other in a romantic way. But I realized at some point that I was aroace who just happens to be a hopeless romantic when it comes to fictional characters, parasocial relationships or my friends. These days even the mere thought of someone holding my hand in a romantic way makes me want to gag like a seven year old watching their parents kiss. But I love watching my best friend hold hands with his wife and seeing how happy they make each other.
TL;DR: I'm too queer and neurodivergent to relate to this book in the slightest.
Omg, my feelings exactly!!! So boring and unnecessary, such a chore. This is what made me confused for the longest time - I'd be very emotionally invested in on-screen fictional couples (like, most people would watch for one character they imagine themselves with, but I need to see a couple be happy), but in real life... dating feels like such a chore, I'd rather do anything else.
I feel like I have to reply here because woah... name twins... Completely agree though - I only felt bad about being single when I was in high school. Now I know I'm a lesbian but I'm still just happier being single!
I turned 30 last year and I really can't relate to all of the panic around turning 30. I feel like my 20s were defined by instability and my journey of self-discovery but I entered my 30s feeling more secure in myself and more content in my life path than ever.
Same! Happy thirtieth to both of us! :)
Slay
This is giving me hope
Exactly the same for me. Sure, I'm afraid of my body looking older, but thats about it. I'm in a better mental state than I ever was in my twenties... and I'm recently diagnosed with a chronic progressive disease. 25 year old me would not be able to handle that in a safe and sane matter. At all.
While in principle I agree with being angry at people who give up animals after having kids, there are some cases where it's the best choice.
For example I took on my friends cat that they had before their kid. The cat hated the kid as it hit toddler years and despite all work to give her safe spaces she was extremely stressed. Then the family had to downsize from a house to a flat, making it even more stressful for the cat.
So me taking on the cat was the best thing for them and the most caring thing they could do. They still visit and get updates.
Yeah there's a massive difference between ditching them cuz you're bored or busy or found a replacement love source than it being an unexpected bad situation.
my parents had to rehome their dog when my daughter and I had to move in with them. The dog was old, the humane society my mom got him from knew he didn't like kids from his previous home histories. We kept my kid away and tried not to stress him with toddler noises, but he was getting aggressive anytime he even saw my kid and nothing we were told to do by professionals helped. Then he started lunging across the room to bite her the second she walked in and it was just not safe. In that situation, we were told it was better to rehome him with a childless home than have him forcibly put down after injury incidents.
We all want animals to be able to stay with their people, but in some cases it's not possible. Not only because some animals just can't cope with all the disruptions of life with a baby, but a lot of people go through unexpected financial issues when having a baby. I know Rachel is British, so maybe she doesn't know how hard it is for parents in the US, not having parental leave or even health insurance. I have relatives who had kids born premature and/or disabled, and the cost of their treatment was so high that they couldn't afford to keep their pets. It doesn't make them bad people; they're just doing their best under a horrible system.
@@Anna-yy9so no, that (most of the time) makes them irresponsible parents. If you can't afford to have a disabled child just don't have a child instead of making an entire human being and hoping for the best
@@miglek9613 seriously?
@@emmyjulianne6850 yes? Why would you want to bring a person into poverty? Like, unless you can't legally get an abortion and get pregnant, why would you want to bring a child into a world that will not bring them the best life possible? The only reasons for that I can see is selfishness and entitlement
I know all I need to know about her because Shane wrote the forward.
Exactly
Oh gawd....the forward is horrible. Who the fuck approved that?!?!?!?
i was gonna say that we shouldn't always judge people by who they hang out with but then i realised that this is not just her being friends with him, its her being comfortable enough with his reputation and brand of humor to work with him in a proffessional, official capacity on a goddamn book with her face and name on it, that she had to then sign off on, and thats very different
"But this time she's marrying a lovely woman"
Probably my favorite line in this video, lol. Congratulations to your sister!
I never watched SD, outside of knowing about all the bs that happened awhile back. This book just sounds like a really sad woman trying to cope with that and makes me feel bad for her, though.
Bodies definitely change with age. I feel like I had a second puberty in my twenties that I wasn't expecting. Mostly with hair and skin. I know things will change quite a bit in my thirties, they already are, but for me it's more food sensitivities. Lifestyle and pharmaceuticals are having more impact on my body than age.
I feel sorry for Liza. That book sounds like self gaslighting to accept and be okay with Shane waisting her time and taking away the best years of her life. She had expected another life.
Her name is Lisa
Brushing your teeth is awful when you have sensory issues and admittedly I do skip it sometimes, but never when I'm planning on leaving the house or being close to other people. Not cleaning yourself isn't funny, it's inconsiderate.
Not cleaning yourself is also a symptom of depression and other mental illnesses. I agree that it’s not funny, but if we’re talking about inconsiderate vs considerate then let’s also be considerate ourselves of the struggles others have so that we don’t inadvertently purport the mental health stigma in our condemnations
I’m autistic and suffer from depression myself, and hygiene is a difficult topic for me. Showers are exhausting and tooth brushing is absolutely disgusting. I do those things somewhat regularly, but mostly always right before I have something scheduled. Same with cleaning my room. I use copious amounts of deodorant. Vacations tend to be sort of catastrophic.
I don’t think it’s fair to call it inconsiderate. I think if anyone is offended by someone’s body odour or hygiene, it’s inconsiderate of *them* to make assumptions of the person in question
@@xhappyponyxwasmyoldname1395 I'm also autistic and have extreme sensory issues specifically in regards to bathing. I can't spend more than 7 minutes in the shower without having a meltdown. Trust me, I get that it's hard.
Same boat my friend. Brushing my teeth makes me gag, sometime even throw up. I also can't handle to noise of the shower, or standing in one place for a long time, so I rush through everything to get in and out as quickly as possible. If it's gonna take longer than 7 minutes then I have to sit and turn the water off.
Who cares if she loved her friends baby? I totally get not relating to it, but you kind of lost me how it was a count against her being “cliche” just because you haven’t experienced it.
I’m so confused about your thoughts about the end. Why is it a disservice to women for one to change her mind along her journey of life and growth? I don’t understand this idea of something being bad or “a disservice” just because it something that you don’t personally agree with. That’s the beauty of being around and learning from others. You get insights and perspectives that ordinary would be lost.
I think the message of adapting to circumstances and being excited for a new adventure is wonderful.
I also think pet shaming is a bit harsh. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got 4 little fur babies that I would cross the world for, but they aren’t humans, they are animals and should be treated that way. They have needs that are different from a humans, and if someone discovers they can’t meet those needs, for whatever reason, they shouldn’t be shamed for finding a better home for that animal. Every animal deserves an exceptional home. That said, it is the responsibility of pet owners to prepare their animals for a new baby, of course. It just doesn’t always work out, unfortunately.
I’m tired of the response to pushing children on women being “ew children are awful and disgusting”. Children are a type of people, and it isn’t acceptable to outright hate or be disgusted by any other demographic. Literally no one has to want kids, and it’s exhausting having kids be pushed on us, but I think kids aren’t the issue there- it’s the people doing the pushing.
While I’m child free by choice, I do take issue with the way that she talks about the downsides of having children, particularly the physical ones. Having colleagues that work in perinatal mental health, I’ve become increasingly aware of the genuine trauma that can result from the physical effects and changes of childbirth for many people that give birth, and I think that if I were one of those people reading her talk about how it “destroys your body” or what she said about it’s effect on vaginas I would feel pretty damn awful. Not to mention the way that she places so much value in appearance reinforces the message that women are only as useful in so far as they can be physically attractive by societal standards. All and all just seems really gross and outdated.
I think we should get rid of this thinking of what bodies look like before and after pregnancy altogether. I'm tired of some misogynistic women who happen to be also childfree bragging about having no stretch marks - I've never been pregnant, I'm in my 20s and I have stretch marks from adolescence. Also I know a girl who at 21 was convinced that something must be severely wrong with her because she had "less tight boobs" than her mom who was in her mid-40s and a mother of two, as if women can't just be built differently? Pregnancy does change bodies, but in different ways for everyone and to varying degrees and it's important to remember that even teenagers who've never been pregnant can have sagging skin or stretch marks, even wrinkles sometimes
I just want to note that sometimes people have to give up a pet after having a kid. When my mom was born my grandparents had to get rid of their German shepherd because the dog did not like my mom and it was a dangerous situation. They didn’t want to give up the dog, my grandma loved her and they had many other dogs over the years, but their kids safety was more important
Definitely better than the dog biting and then having to get shot or put down
Now, the 30 life crisis is real for many women, and it’s not about feeling old. I had never heard of a 30s crisis until I experienced it, and watched so many women around me have one. When I turned 30 I suddenly found myself out of touch with popular culture and fashion. For the first time in my life I was at a point where I didn’t care about or need my parent's approval, and I was confident that they didn’t know what was best for me. This made me deeply question if I was where I was in life because I chose it, or if it was chosen for me. I ended up leaving a high control religion that I had been raised in from birth. And yes, I also noticed some of the early signs of aging in my 30s. I noticed may of my female family and friends go through similar crises when they hit 30. Many of them had gotten married very early, and suddenly announced their divorce, some had a sudden career change, or decided to have children. It was a very weird time. I’m sure this doesn’t happen to everyone, but it happens to a lot of women. I don’t know who the lady is who wrote this book, but what she describes seems to be something I’ve seen and experienced, some more self destructive than others. Perhaps this lady isn’t a great writer, but I do think this is a thing that happens to a lot of women, and it doesn’t make them pathetic or having a breakdown, even though my family definitely felt that way about me because I left my family’s religion and refused to raise my kids in it. I think, sometimes, family and friends believe that having an existential crisis is the same thing as having a breakdown, especially when it involves women taking a huge U-turn in their life and values.
i totally feel what you said about “real women have ___” posts. seeing posts about “real women” having curves or bigger bodies is inclusive at the cost of excluding thinner women. i struggle with feeling boy-ish in a bad way and the posts only decreases how feminine i feel.
I get where the shelter rant came from but it felt a little "The UK is perfect and The US always sucks." There are plenty of amazing shelters in the US that do their best with the facilities they have. I've volunteered and been to shelters that are spotless and new, as well as shelters that are kept clean with the limited means they have and donated buildings. It all depends on the financial situation of the area as well as how big it is(IE Cities tend to have much more funding then rural areas). The current shelter I work with is clean, no kill, and uses their excess means to literally donate food to the community.
The UK has it's fair share of terrible shelters and shelters that are struggling. The US probably has more given that it's about 39 times bigger. That means it probably has many more good shelters too.
Sorry not sorry if this comes off as defensive, but it's one thing to criticize the specific shelter. It's quite another to put on blinders and pretend it's not a nuanced situation that is common in both countries. Before commenting on every US shelter because the "UK is generally better," please look in your own backyard.
Great points here, happens often on TH-cam sadly and it’s annoying. Easy to just say US = bad than to actually go through the layers.
I am an alcoholic in recovery and I've been sober for 2 years. She definitely seems like she needs to maybe get some help with the way she talks about drinking. It sounds exactly like me when I was drinking!
I love how you say her views are in your range and this video already has more views in one hour than most of those videos you showed.
the foreword was so gross. why would anyone put that story in writing and then publish it???
Aging is a privilege that many people never get to experience. I hate the whole "when a woman turns 30 your looks/body declines" they make it seem like you turn into a 70-year-old woman because you have some wrinkles or gained some weight...
I'll be 34 in April and my life has gotten better since turning 30. I don't feel like my life went downhill at all.
I turned 30 last year and I’m hoping my 30s go this way also! Physically I’ve been going downhill for several years (perks of being run over at 21), but I’ve heard nothing but good things from friends who have already been in their 30s for a bit
You know, I’m really tired of your 30s being portrayed as some dreaded period in your life because, personally, I love being in my 30s! Sure, I’m not as young or as spry as I used to be, but I have better control over my life, I got my shit together, and I know myself more than I did in ten years ago. It’s pretty empowering, actually!
I did have a "okay babies are cute" when I met my niece. It does happen.
A month after this she announced her pregnancy ❤ I’m honestly thinking she was having a bit of a crisis and wanted these things but didn’t have the opportunity
The cover looks like every other book about a quirky single girl that came up after Bridget Jones in the 2000s
When I saw the title of the video, my first thought was: So, Ryland has finally left him then...
But I guess not. Maybe next year. Anyway, I didn't even know that Lisa was still around on TH-cam. I'd have quietly disappeared if I'd been her, I think.
Epilogue
I don't have a problem with it. She's admitting that she was happy with her life and with the state of the book when she finished it, but also stating that life can change. She could have tossed out the entire book and decided nah, I'm getting married no one is going to believe that a book about coming to a place of contentment with yourself being single in your thirties now that I have a ring. Actually with the lens of 2023, a book that came out in 2019 talking about how much things can change in 1 year...yeesh! A brief look at Google, I think she also had the drama of being a pandemic bride.
yeah exactly. The epilogue is her personal experience. People can change even in a year. I didn't read it so maybe she made it seem like all women will have this change and that's wrong but if it was just her personal experience then that's fine. Especially since during the entire book she was talking about how she is constantly changing her mind about kids and marriage
I just turned 30 in October and I feel exactly the same as I do the day before I turned 30. I don't feel like my life is over at all and I also didn't magically fell apart in the last year before turning 30.
30 isn't old and society needs to stop acting like it is.
I'm the child of older parents so maybe that's why I have such a different relationship to getting older compared to other people. I mean my mom is 71 now and yes that's old but also she'll probably still have at least another 10+ years to go before actually dying. How can I be old if even she isn't at the end of her life quite yet? I have 50+ years more in this world I'm not even close to old yet.
I feel like the conversation is sometimes hijacked by people who are in their 30s feeling tired constantly and convinced that that's what happens to everyone in their 30s unless you're "super rich" but honestly, that's not generally normal to feel tired all the time as a 30 year old and we shouldn't act as it is? Of course, there are underlying medical problems and mental health issues like depression which have effects that might cumulate over time, but then, it's those problems and not just the age. People act as if 30 is basically 70, meanwhile physical strength peaks in people in their 30s, both men and women (not stamina though, but in terms of energy alone, aren't we all in "decline" since our toddler years? After all, small kids are infinitely more energetic than teenagers)
I don't know, the cover of the book is actually kind of offensive. I'm not the type of person to make a big deal out of nothing.. However as a similarly childfree woman who's around your age.. I think you know how I feel when I say stereotypes about CF women nearing or in her 30s are degrading, hurtful, & twisted. Men often devalue us as what she encapsulated on the cover. Sad lonely alcoholics who "cope" with pets. Also, she may be childless instead of childfree which changes things. *Its different.* Regardless, you and I both know that's not how most of us feel. Though I may be speaking to soon, I did not watch your entire video yet and I don't know the point she makes in her book. Frustrates me to attract that sort of sentiment though.
An excellent point!!
With the whole dating someone just so they'd help with housework thing, I was thinking that I'd totally be willing to do that sort of work for my friends if there was a reason they couldn't do it themselves, or if I was staying at their house. I don't get how she can decide that manipulation is better than doing it herself, hiring a handyman, or asking a friend.
I saw her in a small role on it’s always sunny in Philadelphia the other day. She was like a movie theater employee. It was a jump scare.
This reminds me of someone I used to work with who had recently turned 30 at the time. He was constantly complaining about how your life goes downhill once you hit 30 and I just wasn't buying any of it. I think that people who are feeling bad about themselves use turning 30 as an excuse because it's such a cliche so you don't have to own up to your own personal issues
Kind of horrifying how similar Shane's relationship with Lisa and Ryland are 😅
I’ve been saying he has an M.O. . In the beginning he def loves first and more and hard and then after a while he slowly starts with the deprecating jokes and teasing until he is just straight up mean and no longer seems to love his partner.
Lisa and Ryland even look alike
God I hate this... Okay as 36 year old by now, heading for 37, please don't be afraid.
I didn't feel like my body changed any more or less than it has my entire life, like yes your body changes as you age but that is something that always happens, you don't always stay a baby, you don't always stay a toddler, a child, a teen, a tween, an adult, etc... And that journey will look different for everyone but it's not like everyone will wake up 2 weeks after their 30th birthday and don't recognise their body. Like for God's sakes, why would you even put that in women's heads, like society isn't focussed enough on our bodies already. I am so annoyed with this book.
You'd kind of hope to have some feel of 'social pressure sucks', which it does. But this book sadly just seems to feed into the whole 'childless women are sad doomed singleton booze-hounds.' Like ufck that! No I'm not. I'm happy, I barely drink, I love my family, my friends, my partner, my pets, there's a million ways to be a happy healthy adult, it's not just either with a partner and some kids, or alone, drinking your nights away.
My cats were my fur babies pre baby. Post baby, they are still my fur babies. I feel sad for people whose hearts are so limited that a child can supplant an animal.
I started weightlifting at 31. I'm the strongest and biggest I've ever been. I have much more muscle than I ever had in my teens and 20s. It's awesome. Fuck anyone who says it's downhill at 30.
Fun fact, in terms of sheer strength alone, humans are at their maximum capability in their 30s not early 20s, yes women too (and that doesn't include individual variation ofc)
That clip at the start with the kid cousin actually deeply upset me.. i am very unfamiliar with these two people but that is truly truly vile.
Agreed. That was video taped child abuse. Not acceptable. Disgusting.
i feel like she could’ve saved the epilogue by adding something along the lines of “having said that: just because i changed my mind, doesn’t mean you have to or will. we needn’t change to fit society’s norm if it’s not for us so just continue to do you” im not a writer so it’s not the best but maybe the message of the entire book could’ve been salvaged if she’d closed it out like that. anyway, great review as always ♡
The Shane ice thing broke my will to live
The loving the dog less thing is absolutely wild. My parents did a lot of messed up things but something I'm glad they taught me was that animals are not worth less than people and they don't need an innate reason to exist they can just exist, like us. They're apart of the family, regardless of their species
I love my dog and my daughter I couldn’t imagine life without either of them .
Everyone has different beliefs! I certainly do not few dogs or my pets as equals!
Everyone has different beliefs! I certainly do not few dogs or my pets as equals!
I really feel like this wasn't your best video. A lot of other book reviews you engage with why they're bad messages or bad writing, but most of this was "it's not for me, it's not what I wouldve felt/wanted, it's not my experience, it's not how I feel comfortable"
Which, this is your channel, that's fine, but it kinda feels like a very condescending review when that's what you're basing this book being bad on. It's Lisa biography and there are enough shitty things in it to critique that don't need to be "I disagree with how she feels about her life (back in 2019)"
Before even starting the video one thing I never understood about her is why she NEVER has spoken up about the gross stuff Shane has done, especially while they were dating… like she co-signed that stuff whether she thinks so or not
Hey, as someone who thought, "well maybe my body has gone to shit because I'm 30+" and later found out, "oh, my thyroid doesn't work anymore."
Go see a doctor if your body just suddenly goes to shit. You should be aging gradually. Go see a doctor. The first one may try to put you off having tests run, the first three did for me. Get the tests run. You may be grateful later
I also don’t relate to these “changes” at 30. This was more like 21 for me. So I feel you there.
Me neither! I'm 34 and I have no idea what these body "changes" she's talking about.
i agree with you on a lot of points usually but i can't seem to understand why it's so hard or bothersome if your friends were to have/want kids? i understand you don't want them but i can't see the bigger picture
I do dislike the idea of euthanizing healthy animals in shelters, many shelters that do this deal with a lot of animal overpopulation with not enough funding. If they don't create space, they'd be dooming many other animals to less peaceful deaths or take on so many animals that all the animals suffer without care. It's more of a systemic issue, and I don't really think the shelters that are doing the best they can with their resources should be shamed for choosing to give an animal a painless end versus dying of disease/starvation/hit by car/etc. Additionally, as overpopulation problems improve, the need for these kinds of shelters decrease.
This is one of the reasons I am against purebred animals and their production, besides being a veterinary student and knowing that 90% of purebred animals have congenital diseases and spend their entire lives suffering with pain. Many buy animals and do not adopt others and those imbeciles are against neutering too, this in 2023, where EVERYONE has access to the internet and a simple Google search would already bring results, in addition to having public neutering campaigns (since it is a zoonosis protection activity as well) and discounted ones too.
The way Rachel talks about Kyra makes me feel that they’re so lucky to have found each other! The fact that Kyra’s a rescued dog makes it all the more heartwarming knowing she’s now with someone who loves her so much and takes such good care of her! 💖
That cover is ridiculous lol
Right?!
I hate that because of Shane’s involvement a cover with a dog leaning up to boop a human woman on the mouth is IMMEDIATELY sus
i think it's okay to be a stereotype. i love it when women/femme people choose to be stay-at-home parents, for example, or dress 'traditionally', do all the traditionally 'womanly' things to do and if it looks like a cliche, all the better for them if they chose it. it's all about choice for me. it can feel diminishing to be called a stereotype or cliche - but it's not bad to simply, genuinely enjoy a cliche thing or think in a cliche way like you called out Lisa for at a few points. i think it's entirely okay if she agrees on certains things with the 'status quo'.
[putting aside whether it has value as part of a for-sale-and-profit book/memoir because that's another thing entirely, like you often mention in your other reviews. it can certainly breed misoginystic discourse and give them 'fuel they don't need' when put in this context as an undisputed fact true to all women and/or afab people]
I feel bad for her. She gives me motivation to not start drinking.
This book felt like those ones that I read when I became a teenager: facts about periods and tips on how to deal with cramps, facts about acne and tips on how to dry a pimple, tips about dating and stuff like that...
But, come on! We are 30 and the "changes" we experience (if so), are made up by society and really dated.
This book is not a guide on anything at all. I find more relatable the things you shared, Rachel!
However, I enjoyed the video. Thank you for skipping the dog shelter part. I couldn't take it 🫣
I’m grateful my family kept all the pets and got more when we were kids!! Nobody in my extended family gave up pets for babies.
I wonder about Lisa Schwartz sometimes. I don't support some of the things she did when she was with Shane Dawson but I wish her a happy life all the same.
As someone who has turned 30 a few months ago, I definitely find myself more in your camp than Lisa's. To be honest, this doesn't feel like a book about what it's like to turn 30 (I feel that's quite misleading tbh) but what it's like to not be in a very healthy place in your life. I was happy to turn 30 - I'm an old soul - and I don't feel the pressure of the many, many weddings I've attended in the last few years because I'm happy where I am in life. I feel for Lisa and hope she's in a better place now, and I hope that she knows that turning 30 isn't the problem. It seems to me that she needs to focus on figuring out what she wants in life and ignoring what other people say she should need. Thanks for the great video Rachel x
The 3-part analysis was so well done, as is this. On the note of bodies and whatnot, I'm also in the camp of people who hasn't physically changed much in decades. I'm 35 right now (afab) and am mid clear out of things I had in...5th grade (10 or 11) in some cases. Also that's not a brag, just for illustration purposes and clarity. For anyone who needs to hear it dramatic physical changes aren't always a scary inevitable thing, especially if there's not also associated medical/health related issues that could impact that. Hoping you all are doing well ❤️
@51:00 everytime I hear about someone abandoning their pet/child for a child, I think of 'Barbie as the Island Princess' Always More: "if we make room for someone new, doesnt mean that there's less for you, only that our circle has grown"
highly recommend that song/movie, a lesson to be learned there (also everyone talks about how hard Disney vilain songs slap but nobody talks baout Barbie villains, they've got some of the BEST bangers (aint nothing beat 'How Can I Refuse' to this day, though 'Love is for Peasants' comes close, shoutout Luciana, your mum remains the 2nd most evil Barbie villain & you remain the most precious of beans)
times when poop talk is relevant for a memoir: it has to do with a major life event (ie:seeing blood in your stool and getting diagnosed with colon cancer)
times when poop talk is irrelevant for a memoir: hehe poop
this is my own personal theory but i think people who struggle with internalizing their feelings (being “emotionally constipated”) are usually the people who are way fixated on poop and think it’s quirky. i had a friend who would tell me tmi about her dumps a lot and i finally asked her “did you keep an anxious upset stomach when you were little?” and she was like “yeah, why????” lol i love her but it reads as immaturity
In Paul and Morgan's defense they have a good reason to have given Fluffy to a family member. As they explained in a video they had arranged before the birth to have Paul's aunt (if I am not mistaken) take her for a few weeks while they get settled. Then Morgan had a very traumatic birth and was struggling mentally and they simply could not give Fluffy all the attention and care that she deserves as she is a very needy dog. She is still in their life and I believe them when they say it was a hard decision.
Also, children trump dogs, obviously don't get a pet if you are not prepared to keep it forever but things happen in life and you just gotta do what you gotta do.
I'm 23, I am so excited to be 30. You guys don't even know. Like I'm trying to enjoy my life now but I'm working so hard, I'm not taken seriously, I feel like men my age are really lame, etc etc. I wanna age, I work in a day care and my two co-workers are 35 and 52. These women have taught me so much about not caring, letting go of inhibitions, and just enjoying life. I know there's no magical age but I can tell that my BRAIN ISN'T DEVELOPED YET. I wonder if people think women go crazy because they're like, fully developed and not as subservient or push overs by the time they hit 30. I feel like I'm expected to be a people pleaser right now.
I also think it’s important to emphasize that this was written pre 2020. A lot has changed culturally since then. She also got married and has spoken openly about starting a family within the next few years. None of us are the same people prior to the pandemic.
Your right, Lisa has avoided and dodged all the bullets that Shane took somehow. Shane made himself more public and made every video worse then the last one. He wanted the attention. He thrived off of it for a while when his documentary series were getting 5+ million views a video. Lisa is bland yes. So she stuck in the shadows and kept a low profile when Shane’s past kept getting brought up. Even though she was also involved way more then people realize. It’s honestly crazy. How she was able to matrix dodge everything tbh
Is It your dog snoring at the background 😭💜💜💜
Honestly, my late 20s and now into my mid 30s have been some of the best years of my life. Both my mental and physical health are stable and that’s a HUGE accomplishment when before that, all I knew was hospitalizations and misery. I finally feel like I’ve come into my own & know who I am in my 30s.
Wow, those view counts are tragic considering her sub count. That has to hurt.
I have cared about exactly two (2) babies in my whole life. One is my little cousin who I grew up babysitting because I was so obsessed with him and now he is 17 and I'm so glad I can still be there in his life (especially because LGBTQ+ family members gotta stick together). The second is my little nephew who is about 6 months old. I am literally in love with that little guy - but also will immediately hand him off if he starts crying. I will still never have my own kid. No ty no way. But I too am tired of the "it'll be like this when you have a baby of your own!" and I'm just like absolutely no I will not.
A bit on shelters in the US. Shelters should absolutely never be filthy or wealing dead animals through the doors where the general public can see them. For "kill" shelters in the U.S. though, they're not doing it out of laziness, maliciousness, it's sadly out of necessity. City run shelters are required by law to take in every animal that comes through their doors regardless of health or behavior. They are severely limited in space and funds. When cages are full and more and more animals keep coming in there unfortunately isn't another option. Young, healthy animals without behavioral issues are prioritized while old, sick animals or ones with behavioral problems will sadly be euthanized. A single county can see 10,000+ each of cats and dogs per year come through their doors.
No-kill shelters are more picky. They will only take adoptable animals, and if they're full, they don't accept anymore. It's them up to the kill shelters to take in them in. Kill shelters should not be demonized. They are the ones that need as much support and financing as we can give them so they have the means to help more animals. Other organizations like Abandoned Pet Project work with kill shelters to take in animals that would otherwise be euthanized for injury/illness. Vet Ranch is an awesome channel I recommend with vets who work with APP to provide the medical care needed and help those animals get adopted.
I know this isn’t really the point but wow you look STUNNING in this video!! Makeup gorgeous, hair cute, sweater amazing… you’re on fire today!
She complains about not being able to date men with women's names because she can't call them by that name. She gives 3 examples, all of which could have stereotypical men's/gender neutral nicknames: lindsey: "linny" (sounds like lenny"), Ashley: "Ash", and Donna: "Don or Donny" yeah seems really shallow to me and a bit dense
I understand the epilogue because it's a thing that also happened to me, even though I don't know if it has the same reason for her as it did for me...
Even though I never wanted to be married or have babies, I was going to because she wanted to. She just talked about having a child with so much joy that I wanted to be the dad of her child, wanted to buy me a ring so much I considered getting married. It was the honeymoon phase I guess, or maybe I have an unhealthy way of putting people's feelings over mine, but that ending really spoke to me.
Rachel learning about kill shelters broke my heart
Yes! Thankyou!! I HATE when people use potty humor. I'm not a 8 year old boy....I do not find your bodily functions amusing.
"Every other moron can have babies and climb the corporate ladder" wow, ok, excuse you, being a working mom is really hard actually? I'm not knocking any childfree or single woman AT ALL, I do not blame anyone who wants to take an alternate path, not have kids, not have a corporate job, you do you and not everybody can be happy taking the "conventional" path and that's okay! But I HATE this "let's look down on women who are doing the 'conventional' thing." You don't have to tear down other women to build yourself up. Life is hard no matter what path you take, don't be unnecessarily shitty to women taking a different path. It's not funny or quirky at all to do this "I'm not like those OTHER women" routine just to feel better about not having kids or a 'normal' career at 35. And what is 'normal,' anyway? One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is Doc Holliday from Tombstone: "There is no normal life, Wyatt; there's just life."
Basically, wow, I feel attacked. Some of us have kids and corporate jobs. It's really fucking rude to say "any moron can do that." Like, ok, eff you too, Lisa.
Yeah it's soo edgy to talk about women having kids "so cliche and boring, I am Unique cause I don't do it" as if it's not the hardest fuckin thing in the world if you care about your kids and job at all. I'd like people who don't like kids or are weirded out by them to just stay away from families and not stand around and judge lol
This is a small criticism I think you should put Lisa's name in the title. I know it's probably clickbaity on purpose but I think Shane's Dawson ex Lisa Schwartz works just as well. A lot of people like me remember that era on TH-cam and I think even though she has done some VERY wrong things and has major sexist objectification in the book, we shouldn't objectify her by only labeling her as a man's ex girlfriend. I also think it's better in holding her accountable, I know its not a big deal tho and I'm so glad you're reviewing the book! The reason you can't find hate on Lisa is because she turned off comments for a long time after the 'dramageddon' w Shane Dawson and gave a very brief tweet apologizing that definitely wasn't enough. She could've gotten away with it if she called out Shane as the toxic partner he probably was at times (just seems like it from videos) but they stayed good friends after they broke up which made her look worse.
At the 31:45 ish time I realized that when she said you would get wrinkles and gain a lot of weight I realized that it was from the drinking and the binged eating she did, my mom when she was in her 40s look 30 because she never drank, what ruins your body is when you don’t take care of it at all (I think Rachel mentioned it in another one of her videos about how drinking and eating un healthy can be bad for your skin.)
Around 32:00, I have a similar relationship to my body as you described, Rachel. I'm in my thirties, and what is described in the book is completely untrue for me. I still feel pretty much the same about my body as I always have, if not better. I can completely empathize with how alienating those statements about "real" women/bodies can be. The broad generalizations people make about women's bodies and aging can be awful, but I primarily find them annoying and frustrating. Even when it's another woman, so often it's just dehumanizing. Then, it always seems to lead to societal expectations like babies and marriage. Not everyone goes through the same stages in life, and definitely not at the exact same times. She talks about feeling out of place when all of her friends are going through stages that she isn't, but she is also reinforcing the thoughts about the 'proper' way to live in how she talks about it. Not only is it counterproductive, but it also sounds insincere. I think I'm just sick of all these supposedly 'honest' takes on aging that are supposed to be relatable but just come off as manufactured bullshit.
Alt title suggestion: “Rachel being annoyed and grossed out for 55 minutes” 😂
Have you ever read Jennette McCurdy's book?
I remember seeing a thumbnail about it some time ago but it might be someone else
(Edit) Going further in the vid I assume not, because I think there are some things you could have tied into her book, because she also jokes about her life sucking and all her bad habits and all that. However you say you don't think people should joke about being an alcoholic and such, but I feel like it really works there simply because she uses dark humor, using her experience and reflecting on how fucked up some things she went through are, and not gross humor, just lamenting on how things are and letting the joke be "lol I'm alcoholic" and "look how terrible my mental health is/was"
I think you'd like it
I’ve never seen someone get rid of their dogs once they have a child??? That’s actually a thing?? My dad gave away his reptile when my brother was born, but it wasn’t because he didn’t love him anymore. He just knew that the reptile could hurt the baby and the baby could hurt the reptile. And it broke his heart but he knew it was what was best for the reptile and he gave it away to a friend who had been keeping reptiles for years. But honestly my mom started adopting more dogs the more children she had. I’ve never heard of anyone who just stopped loving a pet because they had a baby. That’s insane to me.
12:00 I feel so sorry for her. An ex is not just a random friend. An ex is someone as close as can be. Someone for whom you may still have feelings and admiration for. It takes time to recover from a breakup because these are people you loved very much. As a man, I feel sick with Shane's foreword. This is so wrong.
Her obsession with hating baby showers and gender reveals is so weird lol. I get it, not everyone wants those things but why hate on people who do? I had both parties and everyone had a great time, its just a reason to get your family and friends together and celebrate something happy. Why did Lisa keep attending those events to only complain about it behind her friends backs? It just shows how negative she is imo. Also the foreword by shane 🤢🤢
The baby shower thing, in my mind, showcases how desperate she is to feel relevant and better, very "not like other girls". Given how she gives in to the "it's downhill from 30 haha" idea, she's probably incredibly self-conscious and trying to cover it up this way.
My sister gave her dog to my dad after she had my oldest niece. The mother-in-law was, essentially, a nightmare. She wanted to put the dog down but my sister refused. Instead, she gave her to my dad. For context, she has a Jack Russell and she's a rescue dog. She was a little aggressive with the baby and my sister didn't want to completely get rid of her, so my dad took her so that they could still see each other.
Fast forward some years, my sister is with someone new and she got another dog and had another baby. The dog pretty much treats her like that's her own baby, lol.