My ex was an alcoholic and an over spender and a packrat. I tried marriage counseling. He went once and said there is no problem, it's all in my head. He never went back. I stopped enabling him and started stashing money to leave. Best decision I ever made.
That is exactly why my marriage ended. I was married to a child and he said something and I suddenly felt trapped and I WAS DONE. I still went to counseling and he still didn't grow up. I know what it's like to have that switch flip. It was instant. I wasn't mad, sad or resentful. I was just done.
@Morty Snerd It is normal for people to start off making a little and grow their income as their experience grows. If you have been working for 20 years and you still haven't gotten your finances together better than when you started you have a behavioral problem. Often people get married before these behavioral problems are noticeable. One spouse will pull it together then wait for the other, but a person can only be frustrated for so long. It isn't hypergamy. It is emotional exhaustion. You aren't taking into account the will of both spouses.
Morty Snerd maybe if men weren’t so stupid, women wouldn’t be able to take such advantage of them. Idiots ruled by their dicks. The extra money they make just because they’re men is wasted on them.
C,mon... when you're dating someone, they come across quite a bit different than after a few years of marriage. My ex was the big, mature man and I was the little girl who didn't know a thing about money. (This was 50 years ago). Turns out it was the exact opposite. He was spending weekends going on trips with the guys and dating his high school pupils. I was holding down the fort with my salary. Everyone's story is different, sometimes it's the husband and sometimes the wife. One day I Was Just Done, too.
My switch flipped and husband changed overnight. I told him I can’t die broke and in debt. I told him he had one chance and done. He stopped going to stores. He still doesn’t go. We are getting out of debt. We are snowballing. We only have two snowballs left.
I am quitting smoking this week ... to save money and save my life. Its freaking hard. I am on my 3rd day. Yesterday was terrible but I did not cave in. Today is better. I constantly want a cigarette, but I HAVE to stop.
@alphant1 well, yes. I have not been doing good with that, but I have not given up quitting. Back on the patch today after a couple day "bender" so to speak. Thanks for asking!
When I finally realized my spending was due to my childhood of unmet wants, I was able to control my spending. My parents through no fault of their own were barely able to supply daily needs. This left me wanting for everything I saw. Now I know I can live without things, and my family has benefited from my revelation. Learn to live for God and family and things will lose their hold on you.
Carol Causey was there anything in particular you read that helped you process that part of your past and correct that behavior? My wife and I both have this issue. We both grew up with so little and went hog wild as adults. I want to shape up and I know we both still struggle with impulse purchases and shopping excessively.
We had very little growing up and I have seen others with this type of behavior. But somehow at an early age I realized it's just stuff... The bigger picture is not losing your home, being grateful for food, and shelter.
I made a realization when I retired at 62 that I could have been in a better position if I had controlled my spending. I did not know how to stop looking at what others had, and now i know this mistake could have destroyed my family. Look to your spouse and lean on one another, and if that doesn't work get professional help.
When i married my ex i sold rental property and paid off $11,000 in credit card debit. I helped make extra payments on his truck and 4-wheeler. He isn't happy unless he is in a ton of debit. We divorced and he has ran his debit back up. He is wanting to come home now. It will never happen. He will pay it this time by himself or default.
You're smart. Don't let his debt affect you by marrying him. He is obviously immature and doesn't know how to stop his impulse spending. Until he gets counseling for himself, you should not let him back. Allow him to default; maybe once he defaults, he'll wake up from this and realize his imulse spending is hurting him.
My ex is like that too, spending like he has a bottomless checking account. He was 36 when we were together. Holding a restaurant job but living high end apartment, driving fancy car, never has the ends meet. His zero sense of budget makes him a life long loser.
My husband was stuck in the mindset that we would never own a home or have a fall back money stash so he sabotaged me by over spending. After 29 years I threatened to divorce him. Our children were 20-28 years old and would have been devastated. That finally made him seek wisdom from my older brother and go to see a financial advisor. Our financial advisor was able to give my husband hope and a plan. Fast forward ten years and we have been able to retire with 40% more money than se even thought we had. Social security knew where we had money we'd forgotten about. We are happy and he is forever grateful I pushed him to believe he/we could do better and deserved better. This March we will celebrate 40 years of marriage, warts and all.
Unfortunately mine is now an ex and he hasn’t grown up. We were married over 30 years! He was in the military when we were first together. So his 2nd wife gets to deal with his immaturity.
LOL my hubby and I love to out cheap each other. I am queen of plate stretching. The other day I had to stop myself from washing off some cooked zucchini and squash. LOL I have to have some limits. LOL.
Mike Betts it’s possible to live a little and still be frugal, you can find all kinds of things to do for free or cheap normally, not right now because of social isolation. But when the world opens again, free concerts and things like that will start again
@@kelleythenurse3283 I understand being frugal. It is my general way of life. Unfortunately, I am in a situation where a 'certain other' forces frugality all the time when it is not needed so much. Just as being broke can make one miserable; so to can having all the money one needs and more and still not being able to enjoy it.
He says this literally as I’m measuring sugar out for the chocolate chip cookies I’m baking for no other reason than to satisfy my chocolate craving 🤦🏼♀️😂
Dave is correct about the switch, happened to me with my ex. He was the same as the letter writer and was tired of his stuff. Been happy without him since.
Dave is 100% spot on. My mum has been a marriage counsellor for 30 years. When the husband calls because the wife has been hassling for months/years and then finally walks out, so he calls, it can NEVER be fixed. She still tries, but it has never worked. She says that once a woman has checked out of a marriage, she’s done.
It’s some facts in here cause that switch flip is something that I feel when dealing with immaturity in my relationship. Whew ........... I don’t know how long I can hang on...
I watch more than enough videos on homelessness to be angry with men and women when they both spend up all of the money. People don’t realize that homelessness is real but it doesn’t have to be a reality check. If you have a job now when you can save, people need to take the opportunity to jump and start saving not just for rainy days but also retirement. I have been homeless before and I never ever want to go back there. I don’t believe women should sit home and be pampered princesses 👸🏾 when their husbands are out there working to death. What if they die tomorrow? He should have his Roth IRA and savings and she should also have her own Roth IRA and savings. They both should contribute to the financial building of the family just in case something happens.
I agree, but I don't think staying home raising babies and kids full time is usually 'pampered', unless you are referring to women at home without children? You ask where stay-at-home women would be if their husbands died. If their household is following Dave's advice, the answer is, just fine, because there would have been adequate life insurance on the husband. Good for you for clawing your way back from homelessness. I am sure that was not easy!
A job outside the home is a piece of cake compared to being stuck at home all day with little kids. I used to do market research surveys in the field. A mother's BUSIEST time of day is 6pm. A father's end of day is 6pm. He comes home to relax, she's got a mountain of tasks until the kids are asleep. Then she's expected to make him happy.
I raised children and stay home. My husband and I felt it was better for the children. If anything happened to him we had life insurance. It’s not about being a princess. I did all the things he didn’t have time to do and our kids were happy and felt safe. To each his own
I can relate to this. I think I only matured when I was 28 or 29 years old. Which was 2 years ago. And it took a couple years of being married and having a child to snap me out of it! I now feel I have the ability to say NO to myself. Whether it's spending or something else. This guy just has to wake up and grow up. That's all.
@@wiiiz3 I'll give examples specific to me on how I've changed in the last couple of years. When we go out anywhere like shopping or errands, I will either eat before we leave or take food with me, because I always wasted money on fast food or snacks every time we went out. Or, I want to play video games, but I know that the dishes or other chores need to be finished. It's really just how Dave describes it. Use a plan, don't just do what feels good at the time.
I wish I had discovered Dave's channel before, because I am afraid I used to be a 'woman child' as well and now I am paying the price. Literally "paying" the price.
All do what? Spend our marriage to death? Live outside of our means? No, all of us do not, actually. Some learn earlier than others, some don't need to be taught and some never learn.
By the grace of God i get repelled by men who brag about their gadgets and cars. This little natural instinct of mine has always kept me away from men who spend on stupid things and helped me a ton on marrying a matured man.
Dave is absolutely right on this call. However, if it were a husband saying the same thing about his wife this would not be his response. He'd throw out lines like "you likely just started telling her the what instead of the why. Now my name is cuss word in your house. You need to just sit down and dream with her." And so on. That's bull and Dave knows it. These little princesses need the same slap of reality as these little boys.
Its so hard, my husband has been doing this for years until i had it, i was done, i gave him an ultimatum, he can continue to do what he is doing without me and i would be the one leaving, Or he has to give finances to me until he understands what US means and do this together. The decision had to be decided TODAY, there was no tomorrow or later, he had to chose at that moment. He knew i was done, he has since been able to decide with me what comes out each week.and he sees what's in the bank, but i know he is impulsive, so when money has a name it helps for him not to spend it. Best of luck. Prayers your way. If you are a believer, pray very hard for your husband, God can do amazing things.
Thank you Dave!! Years ago I was under pressure to do family vacations or trips to a resort in the winter. I simply told them no we can’t afford it. The back lash was crazy. I’m not putting trip on credit cards just to satisfy them! 😮 ! Many years later I have my house paid vehicles are paid for and a chunk saved for retirement
There are things my husband’s purchased that he doesn’t even remember buying. He is very impulsive and likes to spend his money aside from bills on just random things or things he can see as useful sometime down the long road. Then I have to figure out where to put it, where to store it, and I get frustrated. I get upset because he gets mad when I call him out on it. I suppose we need to go back to couples counseling.
My neighbor was a prominent dentist in my southern CA neighborhood. Swimming pools etc. Well he was married to a beautiful woman and had two kids in middle school. She divorced him for a guy she met online. The dentist gave her everything and more never contested anything. Her boyfriend moved in and within one year convinced her to sell her house which was paid off in full. She bought him a brand new Harley Davidson, clothes, etc. They broke up after she found out about the 10 babies momma's he apparently had. Southern CA is a place where you need to run a background check on people I'm serious. This guy had 10 kids from 10 different mom's. She told me he was a truck driver who was current on all of his child support payments, which I'm sure were minimum. But he swindled her out of a Harley Davidson and other things. She now lives in a rental trailer from her ex husbands help of course. She told me the reason she divorced her ex husband is Because he was a boring person. I'm very careful with women. 🤔
I'm afraid my fiance has no impulse control. Constantly buying tons of clothes, random items and recently "purchased" a new high-end car when she had no income coming in. She's also not happy with the home that I own and expects me to sell it for something bigger. I know she's broke and likely in a pile of debt. I've worked very hard over the years and plan on remaining debt free, also sticking with my retirement plans. Conundrum. 🤔
My wife is the childish spender 33 years i'm done the problem is i have to give her half of everything i sacked away for years and she'll spend it all and cry for more i'm filing for divorce the day after new year
NYC RL52 It’s complicated. We were engaged and then I found out he was lying about paying bills and about following a budget and everything financially wise. I gave him 9 months to figure it out and turn things around but he didn’t believe I would leave. It’s been 5 months since I left. And now I’m casually seeing him again 🙃 sounds like insanity.
Also I’m so glad someone finally said it! You better be a better grandpa than daddy! Because you should know more at 60 than you did at 30. What is with all these people over 60 like my mom and my husband’s mom who are reverting back to childhood after age 60? I am not supposed to be my mom’s parent am I? I know it’s off topic but man. Everyone saying respect your elders. Well if they earn it and learn from their life then I will. But they shouldn’t be children either. We all revert back to childhood at some point but after age 18 their needs to come a point where we all man up or woman up.. 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 and so on. You are all adults act like it!!!!
That is exactly what really ended my marriage! My husband couldn’t pass a car lot without doing the ‘chicken neck’!!! He was known by name at the local ford dealership because he was buying and trading two to three times a year! I eventually ( just before our divorce) told his favorite salesman not to ever sell him another vehicle!!! He also ran up credit card debt which was mostly on cards I had kept in my name, so after the divorce I filed bankruptcy. My husband & I today are debt free and retired, what a shame that I could have lived a debt free life if I had known the warning signs of a ‘spending addict’ when I was young.
Well I agree it's childish. There is probably a deeper rooted problem. He needs to deal with that there is a reason he is spending money.
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Marriages that have 3 accounts typically avoid many money issues. Have a hers, his, and ours accounts . Both spouses contribute equally to the "ours" account to be used only for joint expenses. The his and hers accounts are for personal spending or savings. There are NO joint debts with the possible exception of a mortgage. If his spending is limited to his personal account then he will soon learn limits . That can keep help prevent arguments over money. This is sometimes called the roommate system, and it works for many couples, saving a lot of marriages. You marry a person, NOT a bank account. This system also helps prevent one spouse from being a parasite on the other. .
Lol I just saw a video where a guy asked Dave ramsay about his wife spending habits ...he scolded the guy for throwing rocks at his wife ..and asked him to approach a marriage counselor....here Dave clearly knows the problem when the guy is the issue...
Dave, I recommend connecting with Dr. Ari Tuckman on the topic of impulse control related to disabilities. There are people who go through life with undiagnosed disabilities that affect executive functioning skills and they are not simply immature or not trying hard enough and shaming them wont help. learning more with Dr. Tuckman could open up some new doors for listeners that face an issue themselves or with a spouse.
He just got done comparing his money spending, to drugs and alcohol. So he is calling this an ADDICTION! Now he's saying he's a baby for not being able to control his addiction?
When the wife's have the spending problems, I never hear Dave say they are "little girls" for not controlling their impulse to buy stuff....Wonder why....
@@jayh40515 Have you listened to similar calls with Dave that focused on the female's spending addiction? Dave calls them "Princesses" and he uses terms like "immaturity" just like he did in this call regarding the man's inability to control his spending. I "wonder why" you're trying to turn this into a gender bias discussion.
Mannnn nailed it! I just flipped that switch recently! I feel a MILLION TIMES better and it's not ironic that I'm in a financially better position, on the back end of BS 3 and more secure as a single parent than I was married 20 years making super close to 100k. I'm FREE of that stress and bondage and hope for the best for my ex but I'm done!
I hope my switch doesn't flip because my wife is being completely selfish with the money I make for us. She ignores the credit card debt and doesn't respect my saving habits and wants me to go into it so she can buy socks etc.
Well are the socks _needed ?_ and does she buy small stuff while you decide on the purchases that REALLY cost money (like car, house, vacations if you have them). The small impulsse purchased can add up, and the stuff needs to be stored and put away but it usually is not bringing a household down.
You could shut down the credit cards (you can change the credit line to zero, so you can still pay them down, but they can't be used for payments anymore). Reduce the number of cards (best way is to pay them down, and cancel the contract and to physically destroy the card. And you should do the adminstrative stuff, not leave it to her if you think she is not 100 % on board. Are you just annoyed that your wife spends on small things that YOU find unnecessary (they might be). While you back the purchases for ten of thousands of dollars ? Is there spending on your part that your wife finds unnecessary ? Women may splurge on household gadgets and guys have a professionally equipped workshop. Or only the best sports equipment will do. It is all for a good and sensible purpose and all her spending is "frivolous". No, buying the best tools (or guns) is just his version of buying expensive purses, shoes, furniture or kitchen gadgets. Credit card companies will resist your wish to cancel a card btw, they too try to make you renege, so one has to be pretty forceful to make them carry out what they are told to do. They WILL secondguess that and try to get you off track. Destroying the card will not help online if she has the data and still can incur new debt, but you CAN prevent that. The contract is still valid so you can transfer money to pay if off, but no more new purchases. And she should be on board with the restriction that protect her from impulsive spending. (IF that is necessary). You should have the data necessary (early retirement). Maybe she would be O.K. with a modified Ramsey plan (allowing for more fun money while you are paying down debt). Dr. John Delony found himself making a lot of impulse purchases after he had become a father. He asked his wife for backup and handed over his cards to his wife and I think got an allowance (both were on board with that) until he had adjusted to his new responsibilites and had calmed down and did not need shopping for that. Your wife could do the groceries with cash or debit cards. You agree on a budget and an allowance for her personal stuff on top (for clothes, cosmetics, hair cuts, ....). If stuff comes up (wedding presents, vacations, the kids have ruined their shoes and need new ones, they have field trips you discuss that and you cough up the money. Or make the transfer. the savings go to an account that can only be accessed if BOTH of you sign on a withdrawal. (she can withdraw all the money from a joint account, so she could evade the credit card prohibition. Just make sure that you are not petty and act like a 1950s tyrant. And that she does not feel like she is treated like a child. Maybe you can make an excel sheet of all that is spent in one year (and categories like inevitable - mortgage, HOA, taxes, utilities. Somewhat flexible - like groceries. And free choice: all luxuries. a car payment also falls into the flexible category, because you do not _need_ a 30k vehicle. Or two. So if you decided the family gets new cars and that means 800 per month in car payments, you going after her 50 USD for garments (socks) are not going to sit well with her. And from a financial standpoint, she can't be frugal enough with the small stuff or with cooking meals for scratch and for cheap to undo the effect of being house poor or car poor.
Spouse watches every move I make. Want a 12 string guitar it probably won't happen. Pretty hard to pack one of those in without her noticing. Hahahahahahaha!
If it is the 12 string guitar and nothing else AND it gives you a lot of joy that can be an _investment_ you are planning. Not if your finances are desperate, but I would not stick with the Ramsey plan slavishly. In the large scheme of things it is not going to change much. Healthcare, childcare, rent / mortgage, education and CARS are the big chunks of the budget. So if one (somewhat delayed investment) can give you joy while you do the journey ... it is wortht the money. It is always good to DELAY the purchase, then you sharpen your desires, the impulsive ideas fall sideways and you get at the core of purchases that really enhance your quality of life. Always asssuming you are not one of the people that buys a lot of instruments and does not get around to play (master) them all. (ask me how I know !)
We are out there you just need to be patient! I don’t know where to find them but , time is a factor. Could not imagine starting over at 56. I’m so happy that after struggling for so long together we are on the same page
@MarkBray-g6h Thanks for the encouragement Mark, for now I just need to work on myself, and you're right something as simple as patience can keep you out of alot trouble. Glad you're happy.
If this were the man writing the letter in reference to the wife, would Dave blame the husband for not leading the wife to make better decisions? Probably so....."Where are you when this is happening, it's just as much your fault as hers!" "Step up and be the husband you are supposed to be in the marriage!" I can hear him now.....
I spend about $50 per month on myself. My wife thinks it's killing our marriage. We are debt free and riding high financially. Sometimes a guy just cannot do anything right.
additction to spending replaced by addiction to holding on to money. Over spending and hoarding (not letting go) can BOTH be caused by childhood experiences (not enough to go around). Like dysfunctions with food: overeating or eating unhealthy is more common - but some people starve themselves to death (literally, anorexia kills people, the death rate is high) or they become OBSESSED with healthy food or a certain diet that they religiously ! follow. Eating the right food. (and not ever eating the wrong kind).
I love this man so much but he just won't stop spending and won't stop drinking and I'm scared to death to leave him because he's the love of my life and I'm responsible for his stepdaughter and her well-being
We are not getting the whole story here. Let’s not rush to judgment. What’s household income and is there debt? Does this lady bring in any income or is she ‘stay-at-home’? Can the guy actually afford to spend as he chooses, and SHE just doesn’t like it?
No help available for people like this. There is only one thing to do. Make more money, put away for the kids and give him the rest to make him happy. That or leave. He is doing what feels good. He was not taught to control himself sorry to say. Just make sure he is happy and save on the side, or leave
Girl has a spending problem. Ramsay: "She has a mental issue, get counseling to help her poor soul." Man has a spending problem. Ramsay: "Come on you wuss, man up."
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My ex was an alcoholic and an over spender and a packrat. I tried marriage counseling. He went once and said there is no problem, it's all in my head. He never went back. I stopped enabling him and started stashing money to leave. Best decision I ever made.
It’s more embarrassing you were even together with that thing
You did a great job!
That is exactly why my marriage ended. I was married to a child and he said something and I suddenly felt trapped and I WAS DONE. I still went to counseling and he still didn't grow up. I know what it's like to have that switch flip. It was instant. I wasn't mad, sad or resentful. I was just done.
@Morty Snerd It is normal for people to start off making a little and grow their income as their experience grows. If you have been working for 20 years and you still haven't gotten your finances together better than when you started you have a behavioral problem. Often people get married before these behavioral problems are noticeable. One spouse will pull it together then wait for the other, but a person can only be frustrated for so long. It isn't hypergamy. It is emotional exhaustion. You aren't taking into account the will of both spouses.
Morty Snerd maybe if men weren’t so stupid, women wouldn’t be able to take such advantage of them. Idiots ruled by their dicks. The extra money they make just because they’re men is wasted on them.
@Morty Snerd Men take 1/2 from the women.
@Morty Snerd haha. Ok. I am not quite sure what book you are referring to. I was just saying women take 1/2 from men. Men take 1/2 from women.
C,mon... when you're dating someone, they come across quite a bit different than after a few years of marriage. My ex was the big, mature man and I was the little girl who didn't know a thing about money. (This was 50 years ago). Turns out it was the exact opposite. He was spending weekends going on trips with the guys and dating his high school pupils. I was holding down the fort with my salary. Everyone's story is different, sometimes it's the husband and sometimes the wife. One day I Was Just Done, too.
My switch flipped and husband changed overnight. I told him I can’t die broke and in debt. I told him he had one chance and done. He stopped going to stores. He still doesn’t go. We are getting out of debt. We are snowballing. We only have two snowballs left.
I’m so glad that you two are working together :) best wishes!
It's awesome to work together!!
Ultimatums are the bedrock of good marriages
He really loves you if he could change
I felt this one in my heart. After the lies, abuse, and out of control spending time and time again.. the switch has flipped. I married a boychild 😫
I am quitting smoking this week ... to save money and save my life. Its freaking hard. I am on my 3rd day. Yesterday was terrible but I did not cave in. Today is better. I constantly want a cigarette, but I HAVE to stop.
Congratulations on getting to day 3. You got this.
Good luck. Day 3 is hardest.
@alphant1 well, yes. I have not been doing good with that, but I have not given up quitting. Back on the patch today after a couple day "bender" so to speak. Thanks for asking!
@@bobgunner3086 man, you are hold responsible here! How are you doing man?
@@peterszabo7572 not good :-( Still smoking and trying to get back on track. But thanks for asking!!
When I finally realized my spending was due to my childhood of unmet wants, I was able to control my spending. My parents through no fault of their own were barely able to supply daily needs. This left me wanting for everything I saw. Now I know I can live without things, and my family has benefited from my revelation. Learn to live for God and family and things will lose their hold on you.
Carol Causey was there anything in particular you read that helped you process that part of your past and correct that behavior? My wife and I both have this issue. We both grew up with so little and went hog wild as adults. I want to shape up and I know we both still struggle with impulse purchases and shopping excessively.
How were you able to overcome that?
We had very little growing up and I have seen others with this type of behavior. But somehow at an early age I realized it's just stuff... The bigger picture is not losing your home, being grateful for food, and shelter.
I made a realization when I retired at 62 that I could have been in a better position if I had controlled my spending. I did not know how to stop looking at what others had, and now i know this mistake could have destroyed my family. Look to your spouse and lean on one another, and if that doesn't work get professional help.
@@sarrahwilson8149 Your lucky your realized this early, but for some its more complicated.
When i married my ex i sold rental property and paid off $11,000 in credit card debit. I helped make extra payments on his truck and 4-wheeler. He isn't happy unless he is in a ton of debit. We divorced and he has ran his debit back up. He is wanting to come home now. It will never happen. He will pay it this time by himself or default.
Smart lady
I feel you! My husband has completely destroyed the finances. It’s sooo stressful! I AM DONE!
Good for you. He’s getting what he deserves.
You're smart. Don't let his debt affect you by marrying him. He is obviously immature and doesn't know how to stop his impulse spending. Until he gets counseling for himself, you should not let him back. Allow him to default; maybe once he defaults, he'll wake up from this and realize his imulse spending is hurting him.
I bet you are happy again.
I was there with my 1st husband! He became my ex-husband over10 yrs ago thank GOD!!!!
The way he describes a woman being done with s relationship is so true. I know when I was dating that's exactly how I was.
When a woman has made up her mind she us done where I’ve seen men hold on
My ex is like that too, spending like he has a bottomless checking account. He was 36 when we were together. Holding a restaurant job but living high end apartment, driving fancy car, never has the ends meet. His zero sense of budget makes him a life long loser.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.
Same as my ex bf. Unfortunately, as he was great to spend the time with and I miss him.
Sounds like he broke your heart
My husband was stuck in the mindset that we would never own a home or have a fall back money stash so he sabotaged me by over spending. After 29 years I threatened to divorce him. Our children were 20-28 years old and would have been devastated. That finally made him seek wisdom from my older brother and go to see a financial advisor. Our financial advisor was able to give my husband hope and a plan. Fast forward ten years and we have been able to retire with 40% more money than se even thought we had. Social security knew where we had money we'd forgotten about. We are happy and he is forever grateful I pushed him to believe he/we could do better and deserved better. This March we will celebrate 40 years of marriage, warts and all.
Unfortunately mine is now an ex and he hasn’t grown up. We were married over 30 years! He was in the military when we were first together. So his 2nd wife gets to deal with his immaturity.
This is exactly what I am going through right now. A constant rollercoaster. So tired of it.
By the time we go public we are usually already done.
Aint that the truth
Husbands and wives should have a competition. See who can spend the least
I would be an Olympic gold winner and my wife would have the wooden spoon at the school yearly sports day in that case!
LOL my hubby and I love to out cheap each other. I am queen of plate stretching. The other day I had to stop myself from washing off some cooked zucchini and squash. LOL I have to have some limits. LOL.
Why? At some point, one must live a little.
Mike Betts it’s possible to live a little and still be frugal, you can find all kinds of things to do for free or cheap normally, not right now because of social isolation. But when the world opens again, free concerts and things like that will start again
@@kelleythenurse3283 I understand being frugal. It is my general way of life. Unfortunately, I am in a situation where a 'certain other' forces frugality all the time when it is not needed so much. Just as being broke can make one miserable; so to can having all the money one needs and more and still not being able to enjoy it.
"Sometimes I want a chocolate chip cookie, shut up" 😂😂😂
I know!!! I wasn’t even thinking about the cookie jar until he said that! Bad Dave!!! Now I ate a 🍪 !!!
He says this literally as I’m measuring sugar out for the chocolate chip cookies I’m baking for no other reason than to satisfy my chocolate craving 🤦🏼♀️😂
The past few videos i have watched, he has mentioned chocolate chip cookies.. i think he needs chocolate chip cookies
I have a feeling his weight loss or cookie loss journey isn't as successful as his financial one haha
Dave is correct about the switch, happened to me with my ex. He was the same as the letter writer and was tired of his stuff. Been happy without him since.
Identified with the switch flip, it happens so fast and so decidedly
Have her husband watch this video! Please change, sir, or you'll lose her!
Dave is 100% spot on. My mum has been a marriage counsellor for 30 years. When the husband calls because the wife has been hassling for months/years and then finally walks out, so he calls, it can NEVER be fixed. She still tries, but it has never worked. She says that once a woman has checked out of a marriage, she’s done.
@@Pandorash8 yep
It’s some facts in here cause that switch flip is something that I feel when dealing with immaturity in my relationship. Whew ........... I don’t know how long I can hang on...
I watch more than enough videos on homelessness to be angry with men and women when they both spend up all of the money. People don’t realize that homelessness is real but it doesn’t have to be a reality check. If you have a job now when you can save, people need to take the opportunity to jump and start saving not just for rainy days but also retirement. I have been homeless before and I never ever want to go back there. I don’t believe women should sit home and be pampered princesses 👸🏾 when their husbands are out there working to death. What if they die tomorrow? He should have his Roth IRA and savings and she should also have her own Roth IRA and savings. They both should contribute to the financial building of the family just in case something happens.
I agree, but I don't think staying home raising babies and kids full time is usually 'pampered', unless you are referring to women at home without children? You ask where stay-at-home women would be if their husbands died. If their household is following Dave's advice, the answer is, just fine, because there would have been adequate life insurance on the husband. Good for you for clawing your way back from homelessness. I am sure that was not easy!
How'd you get yourself out of homelessness xx
A job outside the home is a piece of cake compared to being stuck at home all day with little kids. I used to do market research surveys in the field. A mother's BUSIEST time of day is 6pm. A father's end of day is 6pm. He comes home to relax, she's got a mountain of tasks until the kids are asleep. Then she's expected to make him happy.
I raised children and stay home. My husband and I felt it was better for the children. If anything happened to him we had life insurance. It’s not about being a princess. I did all the things he didn’t have time to do and our kids were happy and felt safe. To each his own
My mother made her family destitute as her husband desperately tried to stop her. 60 and they're still working low paid jobs for necessities.
I can relate to this. I think I only matured when I was 28 or 29 years old. Which was 2 years ago. And it took a couple years of being married and having a child to snap me out of it! I now feel I have the ability to say NO to myself. Whether it's spending or something else. This guy just has to wake up and grow up. That's all.
KidBilly define mature? like how have you change?
@@wiiiz3 I'll give examples specific to me on how I've changed in the last couple of years. When we go out anywhere like shopping or errands, I will either eat before we leave or take food with me, because I always wasted money on fast food or snacks every time we went out. Or, I want to play video games, but I know that the dishes or other chores need to be finished. It's really just how Dave describes it. Use a plan, don't just do what feels good at the time.
Getting it at 29 is worlds different than getting it at 59. Good on you.
Pretty sure you are speaking to my husband. Thanks Dave. Perfect answer.
I hope her husband can change his spending habits.
Mary Webb *Revelatory*
Spot on Dave! When a woman is done, there is no turning back!
Some men learned it the hard way!
Exactly what I’m going through I can’t take it anymore
Sucks :(
I saved this video to watch and rewatch to help me stay disciplined with my finances plus other parts of my life!!!
"Impulse Purchasing is the new alcoholism"
Impulse control can turn into an addiction super quick
I wish I had discovered Dave's channel before, because I am afraid I used to be a 'woman child' as well and now I am paying the price. Literally "paying" the price.
What happened if I may ask?
We all do it, but in this case someone else is also paying the price. Big difference.
It's called "marriage".
All do what? Spend our marriage to death? Live outside of our means? No, all of us do not, actually. Some learn earlier than others, some don't need to be taught and some never learn.
Wish I’d heard this before marrying my last husband 🙄
Yup, I know someone like this but with everything. It's hard dealing with adults who act like children.
By the grace of God i get repelled by men who brag about their gadgets and cars. This little natural instinct of mine has always kept me away from men who spend on stupid things and helped me a ton on marrying a matured man.
Dave is absolutely right on this call. However, if it were a husband saying the same thing about his wife this would not be his response. He'd throw out lines like "you likely just started telling her the what instead of the why. Now my name is cuss word in your house. You need to just sit down and dream with her." And so on. That's bull and Dave knows it. These little princesses need the same slap of reality as these little boys.
Dave also made a video about overspending wives if you are interested.
He could also be a current or former drug addict.. Spending money uses same "reward" muscles in our brains.
He better fix himself or he’ll be like me, divorced
Maybe divorce is the fix
that sounds good sometimes.
“Boommmmm like a light switch- she’s done!” Yupppp that is exactly how it happened for me!
If you marry a man who loves to spend, you'd better love to earn!
This right here. Ha that's a no from me dawg lol
Its so hard, my husband has been doing this for years until i had it, i was done, i gave him an ultimatum, he can continue to do what he is doing without me and i would be the one leaving, Or he has to give finances to me until he understands what US means and do this together. The decision had to be decided TODAY, there was no tomorrow or later, he had to chose at that moment. He knew i was done, he has since been able to decide with me what comes out each week.and he sees what's in the bank, but i know he is impulsive, so when money has a name it helps for him not to spend it. Best of luck. Prayers your way. If you are a believer, pray very hard for your husband, God can do amazing things.
Excellent advice Olga! 🌹
Thank you Dave!! Years ago I was under pressure to do family vacations or trips to a resort in the winter. I simply told them no we can’t afford it. The back lash was crazy. I’m not putting trip on credit cards just to satisfy them! 😮 ! Many years later I have my house paid vehicles are paid for and a chunk saved for retirement
Sorry, not only does he not love you, but he loves only himself.
Left at 62 so I wasn’t left destitute for retirement spent my whole life trying to make it work😢
There are things my husband’s purchased that he doesn’t even remember buying. He is very impulsive and likes to spend his money aside from bills on just random things or things he can see as useful sometime down the long road. Then I have to figure out where to put it, where to store it, and I get frustrated. I get upset because he gets mad when I call him out on it. I suppose we need to go back to couples counseling.
Secret gambling addiction?? Been there done that after he blew $100K over 2 years 😢😢
My neighbor was a prominent dentist in my southern CA neighborhood. Swimming pools etc. Well he was married to a beautiful woman and had two kids in middle school. She divorced him for a guy she met online. The dentist gave her everything and more never contested anything. Her boyfriend moved in and within one year convinced her to sell her house which was paid off in full. She bought him a brand new Harley Davidson, clothes, etc. They broke up after she found out about the 10 babies momma's he apparently had. Southern CA is a place where you need to run a background check on people I'm serious. This guy had 10 kids from 10 different mom's. She told me he was a truck driver who was current on all of his child support payments, which I'm sure were minimum. But he swindled her out of a Harley Davidson and other things. She now lives in a rental trailer from her ex husbands help of course. She told me the reason she divorced her ex husband is Because he was a boring person. I'm very careful with women. 🤔
jay rider
That’s a familiar story.
Boring can be good! Boring can mean you can build! Boring means you can plan a wonderful life together...hey it's starting not to sound so boring!
She got this :KARMA......I'll take boring any day, please. I'm single and I would love a boring man like that good dentist.
@@shannon2748 Same. I am over crazy boyfriends. I would love a calm, boring person.
@@thecatnextdoor12 Yeah, as soon as I saw "boring" I said sign me up. hehe
I’d rather have money in the bank than silly possessions..
Haha “baked turkey” that’s a good one!
Thank you!!!
Dave. What brand is your shirt? Rockin the advice and the swag!
I'm afraid my fiance has no impulse control. Constantly buying tons of clothes, random items and recently "purchased" a new high-end car when she had no income coming in. She's also not happy with the home that I own and expects me to sell it for something bigger. I know she's broke and likely in a pile of debt. I've worked very hard over the years and plan on remaining debt free, also sticking with my retirement plans. Conundrum. 🤔
As soon as he said chocolate chip cookie, I start to see Hershey chocolate ads! 🤣
I "feel" like your talking to me
My ex-wifes excessive cheating ruined our marriage.
Start your investing, get a good nest egg and then leave him. Period. Are you going to let him ruin your future?
then he could get half the nest egg. Leave is baby step -1, then build YOUR nest egg.
My wife is the childish spender 33 years i'm done the problem is i have to give her half of everything i sacked away for years and she'll spend it all and cry for more i'm filing for divorce the day after new year
NYC RL52 did you do it?
@@55dopey no not yet
NYC RL52 are you still going to or are you going to try and work it out?
@@55dopey really not working on anything but she say's she'll pay the holiday bills she ran up
What's your sinairo? Married single ?
NYC RL52 It’s complicated. We were engaged and then I found out he was lying about paying bills and about following a budget and everything financially wise. I gave him 9 months to figure it out and turn things around but he didn’t believe I would leave. It’s been 5 months since I left. And now I’m casually seeing him again 🙃 sounds like insanity.
Always, always have separate bank accounts, and split household bills.
Also I’m so glad someone finally said it! You better be a better grandpa than daddy! Because you should know more at 60 than you did at 30. What is with all these people over 60 like my mom and my husband’s mom who are reverting back to childhood after age 60? I am not supposed to be my mom’s parent am I? I know it’s off topic but man. Everyone saying respect your elders. Well if they earn it and learn from their life then I will. But they shouldn’t be children either. We all revert back to childhood at some point but after age 18 their needs to come a point where we all man up or woman up.. 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 and so on. You are all adults act like it!!!!
How about impulsing a BMW, ( break my wallet). Lol!!!
That is exactly what really ended my marriage! My husband couldn’t pass a car lot without doing the ‘chicken neck’!!! He was known by name at the local ford dealership because he was buying and trading two to three times a year! I eventually ( just before our divorce) told his favorite salesman not to ever sell him another vehicle!!! He also ran up credit card debt which was mostly on cards I had kept in my name, so after the divorce I filed bankruptcy. My husband & I today are debt free and retired, what a shame that I could have lived a debt free life if I had known the warning signs of a ‘spending addict’ when I was young.
@@laurenandreas5950 Oh no. I would never file bankruptcy for someone else's mess...
I often just want a chocolate chip cookie!
Get to know someone really good before you get married.
That’s the problem- people don’t - some never get past the hearts, flowers and candy stage and see the reality of marriage
Well I agree it's childish. There is probably a deeper rooted problem. He needs to deal with that there is a reason he is spending money.
Marriages that have 3 accounts typically avoid many money issues. Have a hers, his, and ours accounts . Both spouses contribute equally to the "ours" account to be used only for joint expenses. The his and hers accounts are for personal spending or savings. There are NO joint debts with the possible exception of a mortgage. If his spending is limited to his personal account then he will soon learn limits . That can keep help prevent arguments over money. This is sometimes called the roommate system, and it works for many couples, saving a lot of marriages. You marry a person, NOT a bank account. This system also helps prevent one spouse from being a parasite on the other. .
derek flint Not always. My husband spends all his money then dips into the joint account and gets mad if I call him out in it.
Manic depression?
Lol I just saw a video where a guy asked Dave ramsay about his wife spending habits ...he scolded the guy for throwing rocks at his wife ..and asked him to approach a marriage counselor....here Dave clearly knows the problem when the guy is the issue...
“husbant, you buy too much _______”
I womder what the root heart issue is? What issue is he trying to medicate?
Dave, I recommend connecting with Dr. Ari Tuckman on the topic of impulse control related to disabilities. There are people who go through life with undiagnosed disabilities that affect executive functioning skills and they are not simply immature or not trying hard enough and shaming them wont help. learning more with Dr. Tuckman could open up some new doors for listeners that face an issue themselves or with a spouse.
Time to leave. Try to have about $10,000 stashed away.
He just got done comparing his money spending, to drugs and alcohol. So he is calling this an ADDICTION! Now he's saying he's a baby for not being able to control his addiction?
He also said luckily it's much easier to deal with then drugs. So yes, it comes down to immaturity.
Is he wrong Adam?
When the wife's have the spending problems, I never hear Dave say they are "little girls" for not controlling their impulse to buy stuff....Wonder why....
@@jayh40515 no, he calls them princesses.....
@@jayh40515 Have you listened to similar calls with Dave that focused on the female's spending addiction? Dave calls them "Princesses" and he uses terms like "immaturity" just like he did in this call regarding the man's inability to control his spending. I "wonder why" you're trying to turn this into a gender bias discussion.
Mannnn nailed it! I just flipped that switch recently! I feel a MILLION TIMES better and it's not ironic that I'm in a financially better position, on the back end of BS 3 and more secure as a single parent than I was married 20 years making super close to 100k. I'm FREE of that stress and bondage and hope for the best for my ex but I'm done!
Just yesterday Dave Ramsey released a video blaming the man for the bad spending habits of the woman!!! What’s the difference?
I hope my switch doesn't flip because my wife is being completely selfish with the money I make for us. She ignores the credit card debt and doesn't respect my saving habits and wants me to go into it so she can buy socks etc.
Well are the socks _needed ?_ and does she buy small stuff while you decide on the purchases that REALLY cost money (like car, house, vacations if you have them). The small impulsse purchased can add up, and the stuff needs to be stored and put away but it usually is not bringing a household down.
You could shut down the credit cards (you can change the credit line to zero, so you can still pay them down, but they can't be used for payments anymore). Reduce the number of cards (best way is to pay them down, and cancel the contract and to physically destroy the card.
And you should do the adminstrative stuff, not leave it to her if you think she is not 100 % on board.
Are you just annoyed that your wife spends on small things that YOU find unnecessary (they might be). While you back the purchases for ten of thousands of dollars ? Is there spending on your part that your wife finds unnecessary ?
Women may splurge on household gadgets and guys have a professionally equipped workshop. Or only the best sports equipment will do. It is all for a good and sensible purpose and all her spending is "frivolous".
No, buying the best tools (or guns) is just his version of buying expensive purses, shoes, furniture or kitchen gadgets.
Credit card companies will resist your wish to cancel a card btw, they too try to make you renege, so one has to be pretty forceful to make them carry out what they are told to do. They WILL secondguess that and try to get you off track.
Destroying the card will not help online if she has the data and still can incur new debt, but you CAN prevent that. The contract is still valid so you can transfer money to pay if off, but no more new purchases.
And she should be on board with the restriction that protect her from impulsive spending. (IF that is necessary). You should have the data necessary (early retirement). Maybe she would be O.K. with a modified Ramsey plan (allowing for more fun money while you are paying down debt).
Dr. John Delony found himself making a lot of impulse purchases after he had become a father. He asked his wife for backup and handed over his cards to his wife and I think got an allowance (both were on board with that) until he had adjusted to his new responsibilites and had calmed down and did not need shopping for that.
Your wife could do the groceries with cash or debit cards. You agree on a budget and an allowance for her personal stuff on top (for clothes, cosmetics, hair cuts, ....). If stuff comes up (wedding presents, vacations, the kids have ruined their shoes and need new ones, they have field trips you discuss that and you cough up the money. Or make the transfer.
the savings go to an account that can only be accessed if BOTH of you sign on a withdrawal. (she can withdraw all the money from a joint account, so she could evade the credit card prohibition.
Just make sure that you are not petty and act like a 1950s tyrant. And that she does not feel like she is treated like a child. Maybe you can make an excel sheet of all that is spent in one year (and categories like inevitable - mortgage, HOA, taxes, utilities. Somewhat flexible - like groceries. And free choice: all luxuries.
a car payment also falls into the flexible category, because you do not _need_ a 30k vehicle. Or two. So if you decided the family gets new cars and that means 800 per month in car payments, you going after her 50 USD for garments (socks) are not going to sit well with her. And from a financial standpoint, she can't be frugal enough with the small stuff or with cooking meals for scratch and for cheap to undo the effect of being house poor or car poor.
90% of these calls are about spouse or family issues. I say stay single and sleep around now and then. Best of both worlds.
For my meal kit delivery I chose the....
I'm tired to give anymore 😭
Just because you disagree does not mean the other person is doing something wrong. Does she want us to believe she didn't see this before marriage?
Impulse control... also a symptom of ADD
Spouse watches every move I make. Want a 12 string guitar it probably won't happen. Pretty hard to pack one of those in without her noticing. Hahahahahahaha!
If it is the 12 string guitar and nothing else AND it gives you a lot of joy that can be an _investment_ you are planning. Not if your finances are desperate, but I would not stick with the Ramsey plan slavishly. In the large scheme of things it is not going to change much. Healthcare, childcare, rent / mortgage, education and CARS are the big chunks of the budget.
So if one (somewhat delayed investment) can give you joy while you do the journey ... it is wortht the money.
It is always good to DELAY the purchase, then you sharpen your desires, the impulsive ideas fall sideways and you get at the core of purchases that really enhance your quality of life.
Always asssuming you are not one of the people that buys a lot of instruments and does not get around to play (master) them all. (ask me how I know !)
Divorce him, looks like he's not learning anyways.
Baked Turkey 😭 haha ugh we love Dave!!! 🤩
I literally made this lecture to my first graders her husband is a big problem
My life. 😭
I wish I could find a man that actually wanted to build and save together, sadly it seems few think of the future and the betterment of the family.
We are out there you just need to be patient! I don’t know where to find them but , time is a factor. Could not imagine starting over at 56. I’m so happy that after struggling for so long together we are on the same page
@MarkBray-g6h Thanks for the encouragement Mark, for now I just need to work on myself, and you're right something as simple as patience can keep you out of alot trouble. Glad you're happy.
If this were the man writing the letter in reference to the wife, would Dave blame the husband for not leading the wife to make better decisions? Probably so....."Where are you when this is happening, it's just as much your fault as hers!" "Step up and be the husband you are supposed to be in the marriage!" I can hear him now.....
Unfortunately, given past questions I think you are right. Roles reversed and he is somehow blaming the man.
Because the man leads the marriage not a women..you sound like a beta.
@@ChicagoTRS Yep. No way if the roles were reversed Dave doesn't blame the husband some for his wife's behavior.
@@markg999 "Leads", that is a interesting word you used. You mean like a pet? If you accept low standards, you will get it every time.
@@markg999
You seem like the typical SIMP
I sound like her husband.
Chad Lee oh no!
Chad Lee you have the opportunity to change it! You got this!
All great but... I don't understand the need to insult people and call them stupid.
All I overspend on is cigars.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
My partner is alful with £s..she spends ..I save ..she spends on others not on herself. I just want her to save..just baby step 1..
Me, too! I'm trying to stop the overspending on gifts for family and save.
My husband has ADHD
Divorce him
Dollar Phil
I spend about $50 per month on myself. My wife thinks it's killing our marriage. We are debt free and riding high financially. Sometimes a guy just cannot do anything right.
Haha, keep on keeping on :)
I sincerely hope you were grinning or this was a bit dramatic.
@@lookforward2life no grinning at all. Just the sad truth. Saving money can become a sickness when taken to extremes.
Mike Betts counselling maybe? that’s so heartbreaking mike. All that work and success with no emotional relief.
additction to spending replaced by addiction to holding on to money. Over spending and hoarding (not letting go) can BOTH be caused by childhood experiences (not enough to go around). Like dysfunctions with food: overeating or eating unhealthy is more common - but some people starve themselves to death (literally, anorexia kills people, the death rate is high) or they become OBSESSED with healthy food or a certain diet that they religiously ! follow. Eating the right food. (and not ever eating the wrong kind).
Flip my switch
I love this man so much but he just won't stop spending and won't stop drinking and I'm scared to death to leave him because he's the love of my life and I'm responsible for his stepdaughter and her well-being
We are not getting the whole story here. Let’s not rush to judgment. What’s household income and is there debt? Does this lady bring in any income or is she ‘stay-at-home’? Can the guy actually afford to spend as he chooses, and SHE just doesn’t like it?
No help available for people like this. There is only one thing to do. Make more money, put away for the kids and give him the rest to make him happy. That or leave. He is doing what feels good. He was not taught to control himself sorry to say. Just make sure he is happy and save on the side, or leave
Does she have her own money? ... if yes ... well ... kick him out! ... if not ... just shut up!
Girl has a spending problem.
Ramsay: "She has a mental issue, get counseling to help her poor soul."
Man has a spending problem.
Ramsay: "Come on you wuss, man up."
Yeah that is why people get turned off by him.
She abandon him with money!