I think you are correct. I got rid of my TV and sofa 9 years ago. I've never carried a phone. I tried to give up the internet for several months but that was too hard. 5 years ago I decided to try intentional hermit. That's been good, but I still watch too many videos and leave these dumb, pointless comments using my laptop. I have notifications off so I never get notifications of a comment response so I stay out of even dumber exchanges. Basically my comments are too myself, like journaling. It's how I think about things. Seeing a video, a title, gets me thinking about something. I was a software engineer creating these addicting products. Mostly video games. I used to study human behavior, what addicts people. You are right imo that it isn't just social media. The social media distraction is no different than TV, books, etc... other than it's more available. At work you have have 2 minutes waiting for some process, jump on your phone. That wasn't possible with TV or even a book. TV, books were kind of like alcohol, social media is like heroin and we're working on new media that will be like fentanyl. No doubt more to come. I first noticed this when texting on phones started to become popular. I interviewed friends and family about why they were texting. "It's easier" was a common answer. Made no sense. Those were flip phone days, tiny screen, no keypad, crap type ahead...really hard... why not just call them? OK, text for a short thing like "I'm leaving now" text made sense. But long back and forth conversations? Finally one person snapped and kind of screamed back at me "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER!" Texting was invented because it was easy once we had a digital mobile phone. Text was way less data than voice so it made perfect tech sense. I doubt the inventor even thought people would use it. But texting becoming so popular is when we realized tech could replace human interaction. Doing that is like coming up with a tech replacement for food or air. People would become addicted for life. This isn't evil tech dudes taking over the world. We just invented what people, the mob, demanded. If we didn't the dudes next door would. It's exactly like drugs. If all the drug suppliers stopped people would just make their own drugs.
Okay but PLEASE tell me where you got your glasses! I love big frames and yours are just too cute. I also agree with you about media making us lonely. ❤
100-150 years ago middle and upper class Americans and Europeans had dinners parties more than once a week, not just weekends. Actual sit down dinner. They would last 2-3 hours. It was entertainment. People who were good at conversation, funny, enjoyable to be around would get invited to many and basically every night that's how they ate. Kind of their career. Unfortunately there's no acceptable way for us to ever go back. Less screen time won't change it. Go ahead and try, but it's been tried 1000's of times. The fundamental problem is we think social interaction is entertainment, fulfilling, required to be happy. It isn't. It's a survival adaptation. It's a hardwired instinct. It exists in many animals. It's actually pretty brutal. Look at lions. They form prides but it's brutal. They beat the heck out of each other to gain status within the group for better access to food and protection for offspring. Same in humans. Loneliness is a wealthy country issue. In poor countries people need each other. They form clans, tribes, to help each other yes. But the brutal side exists too. Gossiping and tearing down each other is a fulltime sport. In SE Asia they call it "crab mentality". Crabs in a bucket clawing each other back down so none can escape. Children are raised to be providers to the clan. Happiness for children is second to providing. The reason less, no, screen time doesn't work is because boredom is a very weak and temporary trigger for our social instinct. Hunger and fear are the real triggers for that instinct to really work. Social interaction is extremely expensive in resources, time and energy. Without those strong triggers we aren't able to spend the resources, time and energy for very long. Same thing happens in all social species. Lions in captivity do not form prides. Humans will wealth and security do not form strong relationships, the size of our clans shrink as wealth increases. We still have the social instinct, so it's always there nagging at us so we feel lonely but nothing triggers us enough to actually do the work of social interaction. Less screen time is too weak a trigger. There's no way out unfortunately. Yes loneliness isn't pleasant, but nature doesn't care about that. Species evolve to survive. To have all this wealth and security we must endure some level of loneliness. This is screamed on social media by both genders "I DON'T NEED A MAN!!!" and "I DON'T NEED A WOMAN!!!" They are correct. The State will provide. We may want a partner... but to actually do the work to have and keep a partner? More and more people are saying "nah".
I was surprised you lumped books into media that makes us lonely. True but I've never heard a person figure that out before. Normally books are rationalized as an intellectual pursuit especially, almost exclusively, by females. I'll add another and wow this triggers people more than anything else I've found. Pets make us lonely. That suggestion will generate endless hate. All this media you mention is a replacement for human interaction. It's not just about boredom. Media is about people, crocheting isn't. Pets are an even better replacement for human interaction than media. Pets provide such a strong hit people can go for hours on that tiny interaction. Social media is a weak hit we have to take many times a day, even many times an hour. Tell people they have to give up their pets in order to gain human relationships and they'll burn you at the stake. It terrifies them. We talk to them just as we used to talk to humans. We think they understand us. The only reason it's not considered a delusional psychosis is because it's so common. You're not crazy if everyone is crazy. Same with social media. Smoking used to be like that too. Acceptable social habit when everyone is doing it.
cute video but respectfully, u missed the mark! And it's fair, I seriously doubt you had access to social media while growing up or as a young adult. (1.)Social media is ruining dating and marriage by giving a false sense of endless partners to pick from. The sick mentality of "you can do better" or "if he/she does that, you need to leave" and stuff like that, is not just very superficial, but is outright detrimental to both single people, who become unreasonably picky, AND to couples who are more inclined to cheat or break the relationship because of better prospects. (2.)Social media is also very toxic because it makes people afraid of talking and interacting with strangers, because of course, online interaction will never replace real interaction. Chronically online people have fewer friends, are unable to make new friends, boys/men are incapable of approaching women, and women react in all the wrong ways when approached. These are deep social issues that, once they have settled in a young person's mentality, they are not going away in a few weeks of going off social media. PS: I would absolutely exclude TV and books from these, because they are far less addictive, meaning that their effects are nowhere as socially damaging as modern social media.
Wow, that was well said. And I completely agree on all points. I feel like you present the good foundation for all the issues. It really changes how we interact on all fronts. I just think if it was all turned off we would hang out more.
Introverts, by default, don't feel the urge to be around people (family or friends). They wanna be in their own world. And who ever follow the opposite direction will feel forced to. It won't last long. I won't say this is valid for all, in the end every one is unique. Therefore, you shouldn't generalize your opinion.
That kills me! When you want to actually make plans and everyone is “busy”. I feel like this is when I would take up mountain climbing or pottery. lol. Anything, eh?
Okay but PLEASE tell me where you got your glasses! I love big frames and yours are just too cute. I also agree with you about media making us lonely. ❤
@ I’ve visited their site so many times but I always talk myself out of buying. I’ve never actually bought glasses in any other way except for the traditional way of visiting the eye doctors office so I always get nervous thinking of buying online. You have given me some motivation, though! May I ask, is your prescription strong? My eyes are at a negative six so my glasses are always thick and I was wondering if you had that experience too. I usually have to pay for the most expensive lenses so they can be shaved down as much as possible but they usually turn out really thick anyway. 😂
I think you are correct. I got rid of my TV and sofa 9 years ago. I've never carried a phone. I tried to give up the internet for several months but that was too hard. 5 years ago I decided to try intentional hermit. That's been good, but I still watch too many videos and leave these dumb, pointless comments using my laptop. I have notifications off so I never get notifications of a comment response so I stay out of even dumber exchanges. Basically my comments are too myself, like journaling. It's how I think about things. Seeing a video, a title, gets me thinking about something.
I was a software engineer creating these addicting products. Mostly video games. I used to study human behavior, what addicts people. You are right imo that it isn't just social media. The social media distraction is no different than TV, books, etc... other than it's more available. At work you have have 2 minutes waiting for some process, jump on your phone. That wasn't possible with TV or even a book. TV, books were kind of like alcohol, social media is like heroin and we're working on new media that will be like fentanyl. No doubt more to come.
I first noticed this when texting on phones started to become popular. I interviewed friends and family about why they were texting. "It's easier" was a common answer. Made no sense. Those were flip phone days, tiny screen, no keypad, crap type ahead...really hard... why not just call them? OK, text for a short thing like "I'm leaving now" text made sense. But long back and forth conversations? Finally one person snapped and kind of screamed back at me "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER!"
Texting was invented because it was easy once we had a digital mobile phone. Text was way less data than voice so it made perfect tech sense. I doubt the inventor even thought people would use it. But texting becoming so popular is when we realized tech could replace human interaction. Doing that is like coming up with a tech replacement for food or air. People would become addicted for life.
This isn't evil tech dudes taking over the world. We just invented what people, the mob, demanded. If we didn't the dudes next door would. It's exactly like drugs. If all the drug suppliers stopped people would just make their own drugs.
Ps I don’t have a couch either!
Okay but PLEASE tell me where you got your glasses! I love big frames and yours are just too cute. I also agree with you about media making us lonely. ❤
100-150 years ago middle and upper class Americans and Europeans had dinners parties more than once a week, not just weekends. Actual sit down dinner. They would last 2-3 hours. It was entertainment. People who were good at conversation, funny, enjoyable to be around would get invited to many and basically every night that's how they ate. Kind of their career.
Unfortunately there's no acceptable way for us to ever go back. Less screen time won't change it. Go ahead and try, but it's been tried 1000's of times.
The fundamental problem is we think social interaction is entertainment, fulfilling, required to be happy. It isn't. It's a survival adaptation. It's a hardwired instinct. It exists in many animals. It's actually pretty brutal. Look at lions. They form prides but it's brutal. They beat the heck out of each other to gain status within the group for better access to food and protection for offspring.
Same in humans. Loneliness is a wealthy country issue. In poor countries people need each other. They form clans, tribes, to help each other yes. But the brutal side exists too. Gossiping and tearing down each other is a fulltime sport. In SE Asia they call it "crab mentality". Crabs in a bucket clawing each other back down so none can escape. Children are raised to be providers to the clan. Happiness for children is second to providing.
The reason less, no, screen time doesn't work is because boredom is a very weak and temporary trigger for our social instinct. Hunger and fear are the real triggers for that instinct to really work. Social interaction is extremely expensive in resources, time and energy. Without those strong triggers we aren't able to spend the resources, time and energy for very long.
Same thing happens in all social species. Lions in captivity do not form prides. Humans will wealth and security do not form strong relationships, the size of our clans shrink as wealth increases.
We still have the social instinct, so it's always there nagging at us so we feel lonely but nothing triggers us enough to actually do the work of social interaction. Less screen time is too weak a trigger.
There's no way out unfortunately. Yes loneliness isn't pleasant, but nature doesn't care about that. Species evolve to survive. To have all this wealth and security we must endure some level of loneliness. This is screamed on social media by both genders "I DON'T NEED A MAN!!!" and "I DON'T NEED A WOMAN!!!" They are correct. The State will provide. We may want a partner... but to actually do the work to have and keep a partner? More and more people are saying "nah".
I am going to aim for one dinner party a week. I like that goal. We’ll see.
They left. They all left! 💀
Wait, who left?
@Ferngully Everybody
I was surprised you lumped books into media that makes us lonely. True but I've never heard a person figure that out before. Normally books are rationalized as an intellectual pursuit especially, almost exclusively, by females.
I'll add another and wow this triggers people more than anything else I've found. Pets make us lonely. That suggestion will generate endless hate.
All this media you mention is a replacement for human interaction. It's not just about boredom. Media is about people, crocheting isn't. Pets are an even better replacement for human interaction than media. Pets provide such a strong hit people can go for hours on that tiny interaction. Social media is a weak hit we have to take many times a day, even many times an hour.
Tell people they have to give up their pets in order to gain human relationships and they'll burn you at the stake. It terrifies them. We talk to them just as we used to talk to humans. We think they understand us. The only reason it's not considered a delusional psychosis is because it's so common. You're not crazy if everyone is crazy. Same with social media. Smoking used to be like that too. Acceptable social habit when everyone is doing it.
I love your take on this and I think exploring all of it helps us understand our world
First comment!! Yes, it IS making us all lonely. Especially in the dating app world. Preach.
Interesting about the dating app perspective. People aren’t interested in face to face communication.
cute video but respectfully, u missed the mark! And it's fair, I seriously doubt you had access to social media while growing up or as a young adult.
(1.)Social media is ruining dating and marriage by giving a false sense of endless partners to pick from.
The sick mentality of "you can do better" or "if he/she does that, you need to leave" and stuff like that, is not just very superficial, but is outright detrimental to both single people, who become unreasonably picky, AND to couples who are more inclined to cheat or break the relationship because of better prospects.
(2.)Social media is also very toxic because it makes people afraid of talking and interacting with strangers, because of course, online interaction will never replace real interaction.
Chronically online people have fewer friends, are unable to make new friends, boys/men are incapable of approaching women, and women react in all the wrong ways when approached.
These are deep social issues that, once they have settled in a young person's mentality, they are not going away in a few weeks of going off social media.
PS: I would absolutely exclude TV and books from these, because they are far less addictive, meaning that their effects are nowhere as socially damaging as modern social media.
Wow, that was well said. And I completely agree on all points. I feel like you present the good foundation for all the issues. It really changes how we interact on all fronts. I just think if it was all turned off we would hang out more.
Introverts, by default, don't feel the urge to be around people (family or friends). They wanna be in their own world. And who ever follow the opposite direction will feel forced to. It won't last long. I won't say this is valid for all, in the end every one is unique. Therefore, you shouldn't generalize your opinion.
That’s a good point!
My friends are all busy introverts :(
That kills me! When you want to actually make plans and everyone is “busy”.
I feel like this is when I would take up mountain climbing or pottery. lol. Anything, eh?
Okay but PLEASE tell me where you got your glasses! I love big frames and yours are just too cute. I also agree with you about media making us lonely. ❤
Thanks! And they are from Eye Buy Direct. And there are actually some other really cute big ones. I usually order two pairs too to get a deal!
@ I’ve visited their site so many times but I always talk myself out of buying. I’ve never actually bought glasses in any other way except for the traditional way of visiting the eye doctors office so I always get nervous thinking of buying online. You have given me some motivation, though! May I ask, is your prescription strong? My eyes are at a negative six so my glasses are always thick and I was wondering if you had that experience too. I usually have to pay for the most expensive lenses so they can be shaved down as much as possible but they usually turn out really thick anyway. 😂