The Real Reason Why So Many Women Avoid Intimacy With Their Husband.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 มิ.ย. 2021
- So many women avoid intimacy with their husbands. Not just sex, but all cuddling, kissing, and touching of any kind. I want to address the real reason this is happening that not a lot of people are talking about.
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I'm Janna Denton-Howes, a Women's Desire Coach who specializes in helping married women want and enjoy sex more with their husbands.
I created the Wanting It More program, an eight-week immersive experience to rediscover your desire and create the intimacy your long for with your husband.
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TAKE THE QUIZ: Take the 45-second quiz to discover how to want it more
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So she has established complete control over intimacy through emotionally abusing her husband.
She broke him down and took control over the situation.
You just summarized.95% of all marriages in the USA.
She's bragging about destroying him.
Can this information be used in a court of law?@@wesleybecker6414
Someone gets it
Some women's logic: I want a fairhful loving husband who is a provider but i dont want him to bother me with sex 😂🙄
that's about it and if they want sex, you have to work like a demon and jump through all the hoops, only to get there and she says, mmm not in the mood anymore, am like your effin kidding me, you had me jump like a turkey on hot sand for hours and now youre not interested!.
stop the teasing ladies short bursts are fine, but when we have to work ever so hard to end up with you saying am not in the mood any longer,please stop doing that to us men, some react, don't make them react badly for goodness sake.
young men looking in, i hope you'll learn faster than i did, women will tease you to the garve without a bat of an eyelid.
its absolutely immoral the way we have to work so hard for sex, all the intimacy in the world is not good enough for some women.
Or while you are proving, teaching with jobless Porkie or Rayray or Chad.
@@tributeact6995ohh god damn this generation has lost how this is supposed to work. It is supposed to be the other way around, it should be the guy administering the pipe lay down and dictating it’s use based on you know her behavior. It can be used to help straighten out a woman’s aberrant behaviors and idiosyncrasies, or it can be withheld for the same purposes. It should never be placed in the hands of a woman and if you don’t know what I mean or how to get there you just got to realign your priorities and focus on yourself. Absolute disinterest and a power dynamic that places you the man as the more disinterested, controlled and rational person is the only way. Begging for scraps and groveling is a beta males game and I assure you it is accompanied by a near 100% failure rate.
That’s why it might be better to have one women to fuck and one to cook..
Maybe the problem is monogamy , I find it hard to figure out why people who aren’t even religious. Care so much ? It’s not that hard I can’t stand jealousy, I knew to many meathead tuff guys growing up who acted bad mo fos and their girl left with a friend and they sobbed like girls . I swore off jealousy a long long time ago , if a women wants to be with me great but i wont grovel for anyone , im not rude about it I just refuse to show jealousy it seems so week. Especially when a big meat head does it that’s got half the town fooled , I really think polygamy is the way to go so women have to compete , i guarantee they will all fuck like rabbits if u have 3-4 wives. They couldn’t stand one getting one extra fuck
Unless the man turns her on and makes her feel good.
Seriously marriage is such a bad deal for men . I am glad that men do not want to do it anymore.
Well, if a man marries a woman, it's her gain. But if a man decides not to marry her, it's now his gain. It's best to be single as a man and just get a female companion to share his life without the stress and headaches of a marriage that is not going well. Nowadays, marriages fail.
I was trying to be intimate with my wife, initiating contact and when I asked her " what do you feel?" She said "nothing" that killed my mood. This limits me from initiating things again.
Harsh!,You need to get her checked out for hormonal issues. IF it's important to you. If she's a/ok health wise,the the decision to separate needs to be discussed.
.Janna is this condition is not rectified it will wreck the marriage.
just add some wine and neck kisses ... and them BANG
Yeah. Discrete prostitutes might help. A very sad plan B.
Dude like why are you staying with her ? Like if she feels nothing this means there isn’t any attraction anymore
@@Zoe-Mathilda yeah just get a divorce It’s so easy the vows we took apparently don’t mean anything 🤦♂️.
Over 30 years later, the pain of rejection still lingers. Did it the " right way" by marriage,& got rewarded with zero intimacy.
I’m at the 23 year mark and counting.
Me too, 31 yrs, probably 25yrs of minimal s e x
Why are you still in it? You are robbing yourself of happyness…Telling you as a woman. You need to feel valued and wanted. Otherwise - leave her and find someone else
@@SamT304 no ma'am..... long since divorced. I was simply stating that I can still recount the feelings of rejection during the years I was married. Very trying times they were indeed though.
@@phillipcotton833 I’m so sorry you’re feeling this pain. Simply can’t imagine how much women can hurt their husbands. I maybe an odd one, but I adore my hubby and will do anything to make him happy. It’s reciprocal. I guess we’ve been very blessed. My Mom felt the same about my Dad (whom I worshipped). After he passed at only 61, she only lived for 2 years. She lost her interest in life. I’m afraid I’ll be totally lost without my husband, despite having two grown children and 5 grandchildren. They all love us, but he is the center of my universe. I hope all the best for you all good men out there.
My wife has not had sex with me for 13 years. She doesn’t even like me to touch her. She makes mean comments to me over little meaningless issues. I am so tired of being lonely all the time.
Dump her brother before it’s too late! No mater what you will get over the divorce and financial loss I did! No mater what the issue is there is no reason to let your life pass you by and be resentful. That is why so many men later in life go over sea’s to find loving women who appreciate what we bring to the table!
I have that same feeling of utter loneliness. I do not want to divorce (yet) as there are children involved.
Divorce her and move on.
Your peace of mind is most important to you than pretending to have a working marriage.
Loneliness is all I feel.
What a bad thing to feel in marriage.
This is really crazy. There has to be concrete reason for the lack of intimacy.
One theory is that they are involved in emotional relationships.
For instance, they have a close friend , who has an ogar for a husband.
Therefore, they manipulate your wife to common ground.
So your wife finds one aspect about you that triggers the I told you so button from the best friend.
Misery loves company.
The problem is your not anything like a friends husband.
Who knows or cares what he is like? It's about your marriage .
This may seem corney,but there is a lyric in Crosby Stills and Nashs song at the end.
We cheated, and we lied, and we tested. We never failed to fail,you will survive being bested, somebody fine will come along and make me forget about loving you....
At the southern cross.
If a wife doesnt feel safe with her husband FUCKING LEAVE don’t emotionally and sexually abuse us for the rest of our marriage - GROW UP WOMEN!!! You knew our sex drive when you met us - it doesnt change
I did not understand that part, I would not be with my husband if I didn't feel safe.
you men are demonic
Y’all men really think we used to enjoy sex but decided we don’t anymore 😂😅😅
@@stacyshoemaker9177
When the ring went on it all changed?,you are the problem. You sound like a sadist.
@@stacyshoemaker9177Or you've just had a better lover in the past (realistically we all have), and you compare your current husband to the man you couldn't keep. This is all of my married girl friends, literally all of them.
"I dont feel safe" is the new cope. Ive heard so many toxic women who say that instead of saying they dont want you.
Women don't marry the man they want. They want. They man who is ready.
that's what i think it is absurd..even s*x after marriage is that difficult..cuase they intimate already that's why..they don't feel it or just they had some trauma given at past life?
Don't forget to add that "gaslight" is the favorite victimhood word.
I don't feel safe is a manipulative cop out.
th-cam.com/video/cP5NaryxRBE/w-d-xo.htmlsi=4QH4Q1Qlt7SVlxrS
Why the hell would you marry someone you don’t feel safe around? 🤦🏾♂️
I thought the same.
$$$ 80% of slores DO NOT marry their desire
Stability and money 🤑💰
Platonic marriage...
Or legal roommate
She thought it was love but she didn’t realize she signed up to be entered on demand.
Bait and switch , that's what y'all do . Before marriage it's on . After marriage all of a sudden there's no time .
🤣😂😂
Talking from your own experience. You don't know how many men mistreat women and don't make them feel safe. How many men just get them drunk before honestly wanting to know them and ask what makes them feel comfortable. Maybe if you weren't a selfish prick that just wants a load off then you would not be saying this.women naturally are more sensitive and emotional as they have to raise the kids and read their emotions so perhaps connect with your woman emotionally first and you will win her over. Ask if she likes what you doing or saying to her.
@@eglej5722 total nonsense I know why this women don't want sex either they are lesbians or a I would have kicked her long before
@@eglej5722 you must be crazy to think that a dude can’t just use a woman day after day to just get a load off and not EXPECT her to be happily open to “intimacy” with him. How nutty you are. 😂
Selfish pricks are the most attractive husbands, silly you!
Always an excuse. Then when ur frustrated and start acting like an asshole they use that as an excuse. It's a cycle
I'm surprised he hasn't left yet I feel really bad for him
BEAT $$$ from now on :) ?
Bear pepper spray and call the police!.... Because someone wants to ("beat you!")
Because some LOSER CAN'T HAVE NO SEX!...
sexual frustrated sob!...
Always carry some kind of weapon... 🙏🛡️🗡️🔪💣⚔️⛏️✏️✂️🥢⛽🚬🧯🏹🥋💉♀️♂️protection!...
🛫🛣️🚢...
🏥 Then Earth 🐛🦠 meat...
🏺⚱️⚰️ The 🔚
Why can't men understand its not always fun for women to have that thing shoved up our bodies?
@@thethrifterpicker-upper3584if it is not enjoyable for you then don't get married most women or lesbians
@@thethrifterpicker-upper3584 these men don't know how to use their penis thats the real problem smh and they don't care to learn because they want to get off, they don't care about us.
If you don’t feel safe with him then you need to leave him.
Women don’t blame themselves for anything.
💯
Pardon me to say, woman blame husband for EVERYTHING, except themselves
@@NX350_Joe 💯
cuase they think they are flawless
@@wildyato3737They are entitled.
Its BS. If your wife disgusts u stop paying all the bills. Dont be her little slave
Ya, I bet she feels real safe with taking his paycheck. But can't handle him initiating sex. Stop paying for things and I bet that would change pretty quick.
@@Fr0mDust2Dust Nope , she will find a new simp who will pay, and she will temporarily be into the new D until she has him under her thumb.
Once again this is why ♀️ work!...🤑
They are aware of that game... Especially with children... Pay the gotdamn bills!... Fuckin Slave!....
Most women work.
I told my wife to find someone else to mess with and leave me alone. They request too much from us. They can just go to hell.
Women put out quite regularly and with great enthusiasm when they are trying to lock you in for the long haul. Once they have you on lock...they go back to their regular state of selfishness.
Your husband is a saint. Your lucky to still have him.
If only more women told that to other women. They only seem to care what other women say
I pray he wakes up.
Stop wirshipping your feelings.....obey scripture not random skewed thoughts. Satan divides ....1st in the mind.
Your control is anti GODS ORDER....reread Genesis.....desire to the husband is SELFISH NARCISSISTIC CONTROL..1ST THING ADAM DID...... ADAM LOOKED AT EVE..
If my wife didn’t feel safe around me,I would have to end it ,because no man would want intimacy with a wife being scared of them ,that means there’s no connection at all
This is so toxically one-sided
She said she set sexual boundaries because she was feeling forced into things she didn’t enjoy. Not toxic at all. I applaud her for her healthy viewpoint and the courage to implement her boundaries. 👏🏼
@@bondizzle12this is abusive toward men and husbands…and we’re learning this at an alarming rate
@@bondizzle12 Then let your husband have side chick and you can relax also men can make boundaries when it comes to his duties has a husband...
When my future generations see this, and I’m sure they will, NEVER put up with no intimacy. It’s bogus. It’s not human. Get out of here, lover of liberals. Be free or be jailed. 🫡🇺🇸🇮🇱🇬🇧
I've been in this sexless state for over eleven years and I'm totally sick of it. She's made no effort to figure out why it's just this is the way it is live with it. So I've withdrawn we speak but that's it no touch no kiss no hugs nothing and I can't take it anymore. So I'm preparing to leave her she can have it all her way not that she doesn't already but now she won't have to see me or talk to me at all.
This is sad, I’m now hesitant to marry
Good for you! Time to get out of that abusing mess.
She wants all your stuff in the divorce and has been trying to squeeze you out. Is a long-term marriage 10 years in your state? You can bet _she_ knows. By all means leave, but don't reward her. Friction is a force, fight for your hard-earned assets and for yourself!
Definitely Think long and hard about marriage. Yeah some work and I thought we would Will be 31 years in December if I stay any longer. The Problem is she's created a situation were the only thing I can do if I leave is live on the streets.
If you’re not safe around your own husband, then you have bigger problems.
Exactly, if you can't step out of the shower in front of your husband without it feeling like one of the safest places in the world..... either your husband is a soon to be sex offender (or already on the registry) or you are getting I'm gonna be accosted vibes from him when your are physically at one of your weakest moments of the day and either of these are screaming get out for your sake or his.... Most husbands and the overwhelming majority of men wouldn't think about physically intimidating their wives. I never did figure out why she never felt safe when he wanted sex but didn't mention feeling this way ANY OTHER TIME....
She only safe around other guys she's attracted to
Mental problems that become an unhealthy burden on the husband.
Being a pervert becomes a burden on the wife!...
No shit. Either she has past trauma or some other issue not worth discovering. What could be so easy becomes near impossible with the wrong woman. They'd rather play on their phone and watch television, complain about aches and pains.
Be single and enjoy the company of younger women. Older women are a waste of effort.
So let's see. Wives want to talk about finance, investments, work, family issues, and anything else, but the moment that a husband wants to talk about fantasies and pleasure with HIS WIFE, the answer is a huge NO. Most times a hostile no.
The imbalance in power in relationships is troubling. Marriage is a business.
Talking to your wife about sex and fantasy will lead to divorce. Hopefully it will be amicable?
the big question is this: if the husband have not changed since dating time, why would the wife feel unsave and the need for more and more boundaries? If the husband also suddenly feels like he should draw more boundaries at the same time because he feels a certain way about the wife with no apparent reason, can you imagine how the marriage will end?
With each of them alone in the prisons they have made for themselves by putting up walls.
Because the relationship changed and more responsibilities were need but the man stayed the same.
After a while, a good man doesn't fully give up on her. He's just doing his duty to make life better. But hopefully for his own sake, he gives her the bare minimum of intimate contact.
@susanhaines7358 You're making stuff up as you go along, aren't you?
Here's the problem. Marriage is adulthood, and one partner usually refuses to grow up and do their part, but rather blames the other for not meeting needs and other such ridiculousness.
So when the responsible partner gets sick of it, it becomes a war, instead of a mutual respect and honor.
You should stay alone when you don’t wish to get jacked all the time.
Yeah. Agree.❤️😍👍
She is stating a solution......women are smaller, after all. Feeling safe does matter.
@@sundancer7381 😅🤣😂
@@sundancer7381 Men want complete and absolute control. They talk about providing as if it isn’t exactly how they think they’re paying us to have unwanted sex with them. Some men will even sabotage a woman’s job just so he can lord over her. They should just include that in vows. Do you {female} agree to allow this man to enter you whenever he wants regardless of anything else?
As a married man for 26 years, and someone in a position whom counsels many men, I'd raise a point of 'getting what you need' is not one-sided. When a husband is constantly rejected from his wife, and this is common where women 'weaponise' sex / intimacy, he may stay with you physically, but he'll outsource the intimacy side of your relationship with another woman to 'get what he needs'.
Only the woman's needs will be recognized by the woman. Women don't care about the needs of their spouses. Most women.
lol shut up and do better
so don't complain when a woman who doesn't get what she needs outsources her needs
@@Daniela-pr7rz still cheaper than a divorce, lol.
@@andrewj10 you got yourself a deal :))
If you wife isn't giving affection, someone else is getting it or about to get it. The end.
same for her needs
Yes, end of story.
Not true......
@@blueravenchick your a cockholderr your problem is you dont accept it:
accept yourma cockholder is the first step to olve the problem, porblem will not be solved if you dont accpet it.-
The end
What rubbish! You claim to have needed safety in the safest place you could possibly be. But safety is not what you needed, as you already had that, but what you really wanted was control. So intimacy is completely on your terms. Your husband doesn’t get a vote. And all that time you spent dodging his advances, avoiding his embrace, refusing his initiatives, you were crushing his manhood. So now you no longer have a husband. You have a pet. And he’s been neutered.
So true! Women are taught to blame themselves? Women have been all about self-care, self actualization, boundaries, and safety. My contention is that we’ve become so sensitive to women’s needs that men’s needs are pushed way into the background. I think it would’ve been helpful to justify why you felt unsafe in your own mind.
Yes, control. Without it most women are gone. Probably one of the underlying reasons women divorce men far more than the other way around.
This kind of behavior is the norm now. Wouldn't be a problem except that this generation of women support there friends by lying to them and telling them they deserve better and deserve to be treated right. All while they give their husbands no attention in possibly the most important part of the relationship for a man.
@@Fr0mDust2Dustyes, even the movies these days 🤦🏻♂️. I happened to watch a Tv show’s called “Sweet magnolias” or something like that. There are three best girlfriends. One of them is in her 40s, overweight and has not the best demeanor and guess what…yes, she meets a guy in his late 20s-early 30s who looks like a model from a magazine cover. He falls in love with her immediately. Takes her on super romantic dates, hot sex…he understands her like no one else, takes care of her as if she is a princess, he wants her and then her ex appeared from nowhere and he is also a good looking fit man in his 40s and she is trying to decide who to be with… and remember millions of women watch stuff like that thinking “that’s what I deserve”! Pay attention in this tv show she wasn’t dealing with men from her league (40+ yo, overweight, etc) no no it’s too low for her she deserves better. He’s got to be fit and sexy! Period!
Sad to see how many delusional women are out there.
th-cam.com/video/cP5NaryxRBE/w-d-xo.htmlsi=4QH4Q1Qlt7SVlxrS
You sound like way too much effort. Life is hard enough without a partner like this
Watching this hurt my brain.
Sounds like a bunch of bs and excuses.
Yep. She rambled on for over 9 minutes without a single bit of useful information.
When the stars align, you will feel safe and sex will occur. No wonder why divorce occurs so often.
It’s all about her…never any obligation…even though it’s not what we want. All we want is validation for our needs and feelings. Stop thinking everything is about you and love your fucking spouse.
Either go monk mode or get divorced. That is the choice. Once she loses interest, she will never get it back. Our grandfathers sucked it up and went monk mode.
I can never understand some women and why they don't love sex, I love everything about it with my husband I want it almost everyday, unless they have trauma?
you can not love a apouse who can not love theirself xp
Manipulation tactics for use women's body... Blaming God for the biological term we ♂️ made this way to fucc...
They love their spouse!... Just not sexually interested....
Love isn't sex!...
Sex isn't love!... Way too many people are hurt and broken 💔 over sex!...
People 🛑 being used for sex...
Intercourse is different for ♂️vs ♀️...
Five love languages...
Acts of service...
Quality time...
Gifts...
Words of affirmation... And
Physical touch...
No one wants to be used for sex...
"Dad.....give me some advice on finding the right gal." Me : "I dont care if she's a starving artist or makes $300K a year..that's not important to a man...Is she affectionate ? Is she loud or soft spoken ? Does she have a sweet mellow demeanor ? Being feminine is super important & irresistible. Ignore these signs at your own peril."
1. NEVER marry !!! 2. why bother
If she owns a House car has bank acount, and no kids , latch on to her like glue son, and when you leave make sure shes left with nothing and tell everyone that what happen was her fault, xp
Women need to understand that sex is a sacrificial act. It’s not mutually beneficial, that’s why men have to cater to women, to show his appreciation for her sacrifice. Both have to make sacrifices. Love is a choice you make everyday.
@@stacyshoemaker9177 if sex is a sacrifice you’re doing it wrong
@@johnnydee9631 We have a lower libido than men. We don’t want or need sex like y’all do. This is why women sacrifice themselves for the men they love because they understand that women and men are different. I’m not saying sex doesn’t feel good, it’s just not a priority for women. Women have sex with their husbands and boyfriends when they don’t necessarily want to.
If I'm understanding her correctly, hey solution to not wanting to have any intimacy with her husband was to take total control over when and how intimacy is initiated. Meaning, her husband's needs and desire play no part, it's about what she wants and when she wants it....I wonder how she'd feel if he did that work the bills? However, either this man is a Saint or he's been getting it on the side for years.
I can only hope he is getting some on the side
Most women work
these comments are disgusting.... of course you want to have control over when u have sex or when not.... sorry that the times where u could simply rape us are over we all know very well how it worked back then
@@lunaleia952 so, back to truth. This woman in fact did take complete control of intimacy. That is not healthy. The dark side of humans is that our desires will eventually trump a commitment if in that commitment, one or the other has taken complete control, and disregarded a partners needs.
@@lunaleia952 Just so there's no misunderstanding: normal healthy men are repulsed by rape, and wouldn't be able to 'function' in such a situation.
It’s been off and said by many marriage and family counselors, “the one who controls the bed controls the direction of the marriage“. I would add, for better or worse.
It has been often said......
Women know this and in their own insecurities they leverage sex because it is often their only weapon to win a losing discussion. So instead of a marriage based on objective love, truth, facts, etc, it sways to emotions that are situational and temporary. It is about insecurities, control, powers, trust, respect, etc. Men are blind to this, and many women exploit this in marriage. Its no wonder women have less orgasms, they are sooo controlling that they resist letting go, EVEN FOR THEIR HUSBAND! They prefer the powerplay, control over their husband. Sad really…..
Thank You.... 👍
@@Matt-zp1jn Do you know why women use sex for leverage? Because we never wanted sex to begin with. Sex is a sacrificial act. It’s not as mutually beneficial or wanted as you might think. I know that may be hard to wrap your head around but honestly I can have sex anytime I want but I only truly want it like twice a month and it’s ovulation related timing. It’s just who we are and how we’re built. Once you understand that, you might appreciate it more. She’s doing you a favor, even if she enjoys it too. We have less orgasms because our feel good parts are on the outside and men refuse to acknowledge that.
@@stacyshoemaker9177 yeah keep playing this victim card and be miserable and make the man of your life misreable, funny of you to repeat like a broken record that "s*x is the sacrifical act" bs, it is not, it is about complaceny, any party to marrige, withdraws intimacy s*x thinks low of s/o doesn't think their s/o is worthy of their love and affection, it is more prevelant in women due this "sacrifical act" bs the perpetual victimhood which causes resentment hence lack of attraction. Start appreciating your s/o for what they do, attraction will automatically comeback along with becoming healthy (both S/o), so as to feel attractive yourself and to them by being in your best physical shape.
It amazes me that 8 years ago my then girlfriend used to drive 20 miles one way just to jump in the rack with me several days a week. I was 55 and she was 40. Now after being married for 5 years, she doesn't want me to touch her. I'm guessing it's menopause related, but don't know because she avoids doctors. And they wonder why men cheat and go behind their backs to get their needs met.
< sarcasm > Sit her down at the kitchen table and bring a monthly calendar. Circle a Saturday about three weeks out and explain to her, "Honey, I'm going to get laid on that day. Do you wanna be there?"
we'll never know.
Hope you got a good prenup…. If so use it.
Are you sure that you didnt change? Women's libido has always been lower after child bearing years.
Here’s a revolutionary idea, “She’s lying”
Probably a lespo
My lady and I have this issue. She comes up with excuses all the time on why she doesn't consult with her friends and or a therapist for years now and now I'm starting to feel trapped by love. She's been married two times before and has children from her previous relationships. When getting to know her she says that her exes cheated on her so she left. I'm sorry to say but now I'm starting to understand why it didn't work out.
I feel so depressed with the lack of basic affection. She only peck kisses and gives awkward hugs. She doesn't compliment me until I bring it to her attention.
I used to think it was me and maybe I'm just not up keeping myself as best as I could so I've decided to make changes, getting haircuts more frequently, buying new clothes & cologne, taking care of my hands and feet more often etc etc.
I'm tired of wasting money on therapy for fixing my part of the relationship all for the execution of it all to fall flat on someone who needs therapy themselves. It's a waste of money! I'm starting to feel like this relationship is a bad investment and more like a liability than an asset to my life.
I know exactly where you are. I spent the last year in therapy. Finally realizing it's not just me. Long story, but I convinced my wife to just try even if it proves me wrong. She agreed and said she would prove me wrong. She has only been to one, but has second scheduled. In first session, she was shown how she is contributing by her own self reflection during the session. Get her in a session, even if it's with you.
You shouldve followed the Bible and not married a divorced woman sir.
When did I make this comment?
Advise from a total stranger but one that has gone exactly through this same situation: get your affairs in order and get ready for divorce because your relationship is over.
Understand that sex is a sacrificial act for women. We just don’t want sex like y’all do. Maybe help around the house more. Let her take a nap. Cook dinner and clean up.
If you husband reaches for your hand and in the car and you don't feel safe, there's a huge Distrust issue that needs to be addressed. In fact, if any other person simply reaches for your hand, it shouldn't provoke fear either. Yes, looks like our Whole Society is psychologically damaged and affection is not tolerated well.
conversely...why does a Man need to always REASSUREE a Woman? why won't women EVER initiate moving their own five fingers and hand and place it on her husband or lover? why? because they are Selfish. because they want to have something to Complain about. the need to be "difficult...to gain power and control.
Again, it's not about trust but lack of genuine desire.
This is almost a textbook example of thinly-veiled doublespeak.
Only the naïve among us haven't realized it yet.
Dump her. She is messed up in the head and will accuse you of scrape
Wow, no wonder the marriage success rates are falling so drastically! My husband and I have been married for just over 21 years now, and I must say we sure never “avoided” intimacy. However we also discussed our needs shortly after getting married, using a book called “His Needs, Her Needs” which made the discussions much easier.
Every woman doesn’t want sex.
Sex isnt a need. Its a desire. And rarely mutually beneficial for women.
@@erinsmith7839 who made you dictator of what needs are… sex is very well a need
@@GuitaristGuyJames you will not suffer negative impacts to your health from lack of sex. You will not die from lack of sex. Sex does not offer some unique health benefits and in fact there are unique diseases and ailments you only get from sex. That should be enough to tell you its not a need.
@@erinsmith7839 sounds like you’ve been with uncaring men🤷♂️
If he makes advances and you reject them? And then he suddenly stops ?
There’s a high chance he is cheating.
And you earned that. Clap for yourself 👏🏿
No , that's not true at all many choose to ignore a spouse that constantly rejects them. Why bother they have proven they don't value you. However if you were stupid enough to have children the courts will screw you royally if you choose to leave a hate filled spouse.
🤣 this shit is funny. So when you want it is okay but when your husband wants it you need to feel good? Wow you make so much sense. For that I rather pay for sex and move along than to sit around waiting for you to be in the mood
damn right..
Please do so and save any future woman from having to endure your sexual coercion.
If you have to threaten to get your way that makes you the garbage person unworthy of anything less than the same treatment.
I feel ya there!
This is so gross! Of course she needs to feel good. You want to have seggs with someone who’s not into it? That’s sick.
@@elyse443 you obviously didn’t read my comment real good. I said. When a woman want sex the husband needs to be there for her regardless of how he feels but when a man wants it she needs to be in the mood and the day has to go perfect for her to feel the mood? How bout work and communicate and go from there. Yes we are man, yes we have a higher sex drive than a female, yes we are a little bit more comfortable with the uncomfortable but you can’t sit around and act like when a woman wants it she gets it! For that matter just find multiple partners and move on and don’t bring that nonsense here. ✌️
As a woman, I think I speak for most women when I say this is NOT the reason 🤦♀️
@@ozm8642 - 5 years! How long do you think humans live? That’s not a wife dude, that’s a roommate. Go treat yourself to a massage with a happy ending because she’s not interested in you. You need to accept the fact that she either is or will have sex, just not with you.
@@ozm8642 I'm sorry about that. She should go to counseling. Try to empathize with her situation. Hopefully it will solve it
@@ozm8642 it could be hormones , I’m in same boat and just do not always have a desire . My husband is very attentive, attractive and clean. When we first got married in 2016 we did it almost every day or night. Since the pandemic so much has happened and we now have grandchildren and a daughter in college. I’m tired a lot but I really believe it’s hormones or low libido which a doctor can help
@@ozm8642 There's only so much you can force yourself to have sex. If she's not enjoying it, then that may be the reason she sees it more as a chore rather than pleasure. It's not easy telling someone they're not enjoying sex with them.
But that's just one possibility. It could be anything
@@deryabozkurt9035 Exactly why most women have faked an orgasm.
Divorce rates over 50% and women act super entitled. Marriage is a waste of time for any man. Do not get roped into this mess. If you feel like you’re alone in this situation, you’re not. Ive got many friends who are in a happy relationship without marriage because the women cannot hold anything against their men and are forced to work together with their men to build a lasting relationship.
If she wants to force you into marriage it only means she wants to lock you down as her slave while you cater to her needs and she abandons yours altogether.
Awesome so woman feel safe even when not in danger or not prior experience of harm.
Also I have to wait for my wife to initiate sex or be robotic and initiate a particular way ( no spontaneous sex at all) yea I appreciate the insight, fellas NEVER GET MARRIED
Preach!
Bruh you sound bitter that's the FISRT issue. No one can force you into a marriage. Just because you have a delusional definition of marriage doesn't mean it applies to the rest of the world. I wish I would marry a man have his kids and he dies and his family takes everything 🤣 . Bitter lonely narcs always bark first 🤣 . Now that's a serious blameshift 🤣🤣🤣🤣. And because narcs have to have the last word to prove they are not insecure and confident I suggest you get therapy for your impulses. 🤣 Emotions can't run your whole life
Women rarely benefit from marriages.
@@chocolateprincess8543 Rarely is still more than none. Men have no benefits from marriage.
Nah, too much work. He doesn't have to 'feel safe' in order to keep the bills paid much less on Valentine's Day when most of you demand the entire planet's diamond and chocolate supply. She can feel safe while paying her own rent and groceries.
Stay single, fellas...
He doesn’t have to worry about feeling safe because he’s a man.
She said a whole lot of nothing…marriage is literally saying I feel safe around this person…not coming up with a bunch of word salad of why you’re constantly rejecting your partner and depriving them of certain needs. This is narcissism at its core. I wish people like this would just not marry…poor guy.
"She said a whole lot of nothing," is exactly my reaction to the video. Maybe she is saving the substance for people who take her course. . . or maybe taking her course, you just end up wasting you money on a whole lot more of hearing her say nothing.😊
@@stevenk-brooks6852yeah never gave any specifics.
You made me laugh with "a bunch of word salad". Thank you for that.
I don't use beta, alpha type labels, but any man with any pride will cheat or eventually leave. All this nonsense is ridiculous.
And when it happens again, he’ll leave again and wonder why this keeps happening
@@stacyshoemaker9177No he’ll be smart enough to learn that marriage is the main reason why he keeps running into these issues and he’ll stop doing it and start prioritizing his needs.
@@thedarkplague1475 1,000% my man!
I'm terrified of initiating sex with my wife. I almost caved to the notion that women don't want sex as much as men, but it's bullshit. Sex does, however, seem to come with conditions with women. Rejection is not fun. One partner deciding when it's time to initiate sex is very narcissistic and selfish. I don't want to have sex with anyone who doesn't truly want to. Never in my life time would I have believed that marriage would limit my sex life to where it is today. How is it possible that a man gets less when he gives more with the status of being a husband? We are approaching the half way mark of 2023, and I have had sex with my wife 7 times. Of those 7 times, she was the initiator. Fellas, if your wife doesn't give hand jobs, grab your ass, compliment your body when you're naked (mind you, I'm in amazing shape), doesn't undress in front of you, doesn't ever join you in the shower all while claiming that she just needs more foreplay to get going - find it elsewhere. She's just not that into you anymore. It doesn't matter how good of a guy you are or how loyal you are - women will make any excuse as long as it doesn't put them in a bad light. It's time for the government to allow terms on marriage that would protect either spouse from losing everything that they worked for just because the marriage didn't work out.
It’s sad. I low key feel women get moist for the right person but for husband she restricted and dry
@@Thetrulytrulyshow Yes, it is sad! Some bum off of the street can get her worked up but a loving husband doesn't do it for her! Unless you want to raise kids, stay single!
Amen Brother...the US Family Court has Created this One-Way situation where women know they can act like children and someone will always clean up after them and the mess they've made
WoW, you had sex like once a month in 2023!! I've had like twenty years of 2-3-4 times a year. I've now come to a point that I've stopped initiating intimacy. I cannot stand the constant rejection anymore.
@@m.b.5839 dump her…..
If you had all these issues going into a marriage, especially with the feeling of not being safe; shouldn't you have brought this up? Fine time to bring this up now. Walk on eggshells to get a little sex and alot of guilt. If you're that girl, stay single. Don't put others through your BS. Intimacy, SEX! Is a important part of a relationship. If you aren't providing it, don't be surprised or mad if he goes elsewhere to fulfill that need.
She was providing solution.......did you get this?
Sure, except that *before* marriage, it seems it's impossible to determine this. It's after a certain amount of close-quarters living that this level of security can be determined,it seems. A bit mysterious, I'll give you.
@@sundancer7381 yes,but on *her* terms. Seems negotiation might be a bit more equitable, no?
@@siegfriedbraun5447 If you have to negotiate to have sex, somebody has missed the point. There has to be interaction that leads up to having sex; having sex is a continuation of the intimacy - no intimacy, no sex. What terms? Marriage may be a legal contract, but interaction between 2 people is not cut and dried. It's not a contract, it's an interaction process.
@@sundancer7381 "an interaction" dictated by whom? A husband could just as easily claim that a certain dynamic is making him feel "unsafe".
The danger is that this term can be weaponized by either partner. I'd advocate for each to deal with underlying issues that lead to the unsafe feelings. Whether that be individually or as a couple.
Nobody has articulated what "unsafe" means, in this context. As long as this remains ambiguous and unquantified, it remains a weapon
So let me get this straight. It is all about you and your safety. His needs be damned and his timing be damned. Great logic. And you have to proclaim this as a great finding that you gave yourself that permission?! Lovely.
Exactly. Women control sex. Men control relationship. I suspect her husband will encounter red pill sooner or later.
DO NOT GET MARRIED !!!
We need to accept fact that females loose sex interest during LTR. If you are in it for the long hall, and take your vows seriously, suck it up and stop initiating.
It’s all Cultural Marxism. Feminism is a social engineering tool that was designed to destroy the nuclear family, western civilization. Feminists are cringe. Feminists take on the virtues of men, all inversion. This woman is cucking her husband. Bat 💩 crazy
@@mba2ceo ...Never Get Married.. rule I live by ^^
I don't really understand what you mean. You didn't feel safe with your husband? Why are you married to him? What do you mean by safe? What are you worried about?
She might've had a past that wasn't resolved. But still, I am actually puzzled by her excuses too. Whatever she is going through, hopefully her husband was understanding enough.
@Bebopman Current Its a way to blame shift. Worked because its a placebo. Glad it worked for her tho lo
Exactly, she is as clear as mud.
She just realized she’s contractually obligated to be entered on demand. Women don’t get married. Just get a kid and get child support.
She has just widened the gap between men and women! As usual, it’s never ever the womens fault but always and forever the males fault. So sad, so very much one sided
I get what you’re saying. But my wife doesn’t feel safe because I kept bringing up her lack of responsibility in our marriage. For 3 years she didn’t help me clean the house, save money, or make meals. I literally did everything myself. I became so frustrated that I talked of separating and started getting really moody but she begged me to stay and promised to be better. This all led to her attempting suicide when I said I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s been 6 months and we’re not having sex anymore even though I stopped talking about her lack of effort and responsibility. But all she can think of is his I kept making her feel like she wasn’t good enough and how her family and coworkers nitpick at her and exclude her. So there’s just no way for me to do anything right. I mean what was I supposed to do for years of being a great husband to someone who became a leech? How do I make her feel safe and still have reasonable expectations? It’s been so disheartening but I can’t get myself to divorce her because I think back to our first years and how different she was. But I can’t understand how we got here. What the heck happened to my wife?
Seems you have been manipulated and abused from day 1. I don't see that you can change her. So either accept this situation and stop complaining, or leave her, take the lesson, and enjoy life again. It won't be as hard as you think or fear. Once you leave, you will feel wonderful and wonder why on earth you stayed so long!
Sorry, your wife is a case example of an emotional abuser. Women, being physically weaker will use what they are stronger with, which is their emotions. Many times it will be completely illogical, but it is what it is, simply if she's self-centered, a leech, and displays she doesn't care for you by refusing to have sex, leave her. I know that sounds hard, I get it, you obviously still care for her, but your trapped. The answer is, leave her. The time you're spending with her you will never get back, it's not your fault she has decided to become this way, but she sure has decided to blame you though. That's emotional abuse. It's abuse brother, say it out loud.
If a woman came into the work place and had two black eyes and bruises all over her and said some bull crap about falling and hitting a doorknob, we all know what really happened. What's happening to you, it's exactly the same, the worse part is, your bruises are on the inside so no one can see them. You were right for wanting to leave her you wanted the pain and abuse to stop, and you were right in wanting to leave. Leave her, today, don't think about it, don't listen to her, don't even respond to her, just pack your things and leave. For a few days you'll feel bad, she'll beg you to come back and probably threaten violence, cus that's what an abuser does (attempting suicide), don't answer her at all, don't play her game, just stay gone. In a month or two, you'll feel you've made the right choice.
Time to get out! She doesn't deserve you.
So why are you staying?
Do you have children?
This video and the comment section makes me sad. I'm a Christian man, in my 30s, still Virgin and having a hard time with my sexual urges. Seeking after prostitutes is not an option for me, neither is having sex outside of a wedlock. The only way I can have sex, is under marriage, and therefore I'm looking for a wife. But then I'm made aware, by many sad stories here, that this is the fate many men must endure, after they decide to commit their lives to a specific woman... this is hard though. One thing I know, I'm not marrying a woman who's not a Virgin. I don't want to be playing this game of competing with her past lovers. Either way, may God help me choose a woman who won't put this sort of cross on my back, and may God help all men and women in the comment section who are stuck in a relationship puzzle with their spouses...
There’s no competing with past lovers friend, when a woman truly loves you she won’t even remember having had any previous lovers, no one else exists to her but you. When you do find the right one don’t worry there’s nothing to compete with. There are actually women out there who still want their husbands every day ❤ remember sex for women starts in the mind it’s not only about who can touch us the right way to turn us on it’s who touches our minds and hearts the best that turns us on the most. Obviously the past ones didn’t do that for her that’s why they’re in the past. Women don’t pull away because they’re wanting some dude from the past they usually pull away when some sort of trust has been broken, medical reason, abusive actions by their spouse or some other mental health reason they’re dealing with, aging is hard on a woman when we have always had such standards placed upon us. If a man takes the time to treat her the way he did when he met her and give reassurance and affection she usually won’t pull away unless one of the other reasons I mentioned. And if a man if doing all of this and more and she is still withholding and stonewalling him then she doesn’t deserve him.
So many women have a been sleeping around before marriage that it's impossible for them to ever be satisifed. The same cannot be said about men.
Men are just as broken too... Especially incels... And broke a** men... Delusional it goes both ways...
So, who is it that they are sleeping with if the same can’t be said about men? Little aliens.?
We’ve been trained and “preached to” that marriage IS all about the woman/wife. It’s a lie and corrupts the essence of Scripture AND the Gospel
Men should expect their wives to bend over on demand. Sounds very safe.
The simple truth is that in most cases, women get bored of men who are captives (meaning you live with them, married or not), and women like variety. Men take much longer to get bored of their partners. Read up on the latest studies. Women are also more likely to have an affair. A lot of women are unwittingly teaching men only to date them and not to commit. Sure commitment takes work but it also doesn't mean a 180-degree reversal of romance. For men in relationships, it is not just sex, it is establishing that deep connection, it is very emotional and if she rejects us we feel inadequate (and also fear that opens the door for other men, and many times, it does).
Why would you feel unsafe around your husband. Makes no sense
If he beats the hell out of you, feeling unsafe is how you will feel ^^
He's a daisy if he do!
Meaning earth 🐛 meat....⚰️
@@alicerayne9461but the lady in this video was not saying *WHY* she felt unsafe, which made her look goofy.
@@alicerayne9461at what point did this woman say she was being harmed in any way? She was outright admitting her husband was great. The problem was with her.
@@Aaron-zt5ee. Alice is just deflecting and being unaccountable. Typical.
What this whole thing has left me feeling is THAT I AM NOT SAFE. That I can’t be trusted to be communicated to in order to have an intimate exchange… And if I’m willing to listen and be sensitive and they still don’t feel “safe”, it has become an issue and a problem with the woman as far as I’m concerned… The fear isn’t rooted in the other person not being trustworthy, it’s literally just FEAR in the woman and it’s going to eventually destroy the relationship
Women fearing men goes back ages
7:24 The problem isn't that you need to feel safe... The problem is that you need to feel unsafe. Your husband is safe, your boyfriend is not. As a man who has been on both sides of the relationship, I know. Boyfriends never lack for sex, husbands always will. Your best bet is to forget men who love and care for you and go with the bad boys who don't. You will both be miserable, but at least you will leave the men alone to be with women who will love them even though they are loved.
I've. been reading about attachment styles and you're onto something here. People with disorganized and avoidant attachment styles don't feel safe when they're in a loving and caring environment because they connect it with the experience of having a caregiver who was abusive or dramatically changing moves (nice sometimes, abusive other times) so the child associates love with pain and fear. Kindness feels dangerous to them. Could be this is why the "bad boy" types are the way they are too. We'd all be better off if people with these issues worked through them before entering into a relationship with someone so the securely attached people can find one another.
Modern day women. Going through this right now and big part is immaturity combined with feminism. Little to no accountability. Men do not have time for all this garbage....we are too busy trying to provide. Utter nonsense. Things are never perfect and to cut your spouse off from intimacy is damaging.
Most married women work too, take care of all domestic duties and child rearing..... we are tired. And most men are not the great providers you think you are.
I don't know any man in a relationship that does not do the majority of housework.
I don't know any women that contributed significantly to paying bills.
I e a tear would be nice... but I resigned myself to being nothing but a disposable utility for her. I pay all the bills, I do all the housework , i barely sleep, I haven't eaten in over a week. We never have sex. I don't even ask anymore.
I never let her know how miserable I am, I think about death almost constantly now.
I have already written a note months ago and have a length of rope . I'm waiting for her birthday to surprise her. I'm going to invite everyone for her birthday and then go out back to the Maple tree.
I resigned myself to being nothing but a disposable utility for her. I pay all the bills, I do all the housework , i barely sleep, I haven't eaten in over a week. We never have sex. I don't even ask anymore.
I never let her know how miserable I am, I think about death almost constantly now.
I have already written a note months ago and have a length of rope . I'm waiting for her birthday to surprise her. I'm going to invite everyone for her birthday and then go out back to the Maple tree.
@@blueravenchickok single mom. Good luck in the future. And I wouldn’t call dropping the kid off at some government subsidized day care and public school “child rearing”. You’re the reason why children are so screwed up now.
I'm presently going through this situation at the moment. My wife mostly reject me to have sex with me instead she will complain tired, not well, weak, etc. Please advise me on what to do, thank you.
Does she truly love me or what???
This basically confirms that men and women are NOT compatible. They are not meant to cohabitate in the long term.
I’m pretty sure you did not ‘dodge’ your husband at the start of the relationship. That’s why he married you. He wouldn’t have if you reacted this way before marriage.
Then after you get into the marriage, you need things to happen your way. Now you no longer feel safe until you initiate and control intimacy.
No. Men need to stop getting into relationships. Period. People deserve to be treated better.
Men ought to be able to stick their dick ima hole without regard for the person the hole belongs to.
That's cool. Establish boundaries. Make sure you feel safe. Just don't complain when he realises what you're doing and establishes his own boundaries.
You mean like being too good to change a diaper? Or clean the toilet?
@@stacyshoemaker9177no. I was talking about him not initiating any more, and turning down advances. It's a two way street.
The answer to this issue is you were born and raised in the modern western world. Start behaving like your grandparents not your screen idols.
You all want a provider and protector simping all over you, while you deny basic love and affection over the illusion of "safety". Guys, RUN. We deserve better.
If you don't desire your husband very much, then it's time to leave. divorce him and let him find someone who can reciprocate his desire. There is nothing wrong with him. This is all on YOU. You are a ticking time bomb. Divorce him and set him free.
Why?...
Or he will divorce her.
I don't think my marriage has to do with being safe. We had a great physical relationship the 1st 5 years, there was menopause and then complete shut down with any kinda of touch, sitting on opposites sides of the couch, no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing but a peck to say good-bye but COMPLETE shut down of communication. She didn't want to talk about it, and the when I brought it up, she shut down even more. I got her to try biological hormones but they did nothing and she refuses to try anything else for fear of cancer. I won't even say how long its been since we had sex........Alone in a great friendship....
That and she wasn’t ever satisfied anyway.
This is very typical, my wife is the same, no s3x 20 odd years.
I stay because I love her and our daughter, but I don't think she even gets close to understanding how much of a sacrifice I've made and the hurt I hold inside feeling betrayed and belittled by her rejection.
@@FlyingFun. every day you don't leave is a day you betray yourself.
Time to get out and cut your losses. You are living in an abusive situation. She signed up for a lifetime of intimacy commitment.
Why ? Because you said so? So he should leave his family, and let his daughter grow up in a dysfunctional home because he's not having s*x with his wife? So that men will then take advantage of his daughter because he was not in the house anymore to advise her and educate her ? @@elguerojusticiero Keep your advices to yourself.
Sometimes it's a combination of things. I would have such an emotionally exhaustive day at work, I had absolutely NO energy left when I got home. My husband was also an alcoholic, and I got tired of having to babysit him by the end of the evening. We divorced ... He got remarried and I really hope he's happy. I loved him and he loved me ... at the beginning. But it just didn't work out. I would tell any wife who's too tired to 'be there' for husband and family ... If you really want to preserve your family, quit your job. Either take a less stressful job, or stay home and make your family, 'your job!'
Sounds like the marriage is all about you. Poor husband!
Women are very emotionally weak
Sex is all about men. Most men think the deeper and faster and longer he goes the better. Most women complain that men are selfish in bed. Why women, even married women feel used after sex. Feeling safe is more than just safe from violence. You just listened to a women explain her experience with sex and you didn’t care one bit.
@@stacyshoemaker9177 how about women say what they like rather than saying “idk” or thinking men should mind read aka “observe vague hints
@@darkma1ice What does that question have anything to do with my comment? Pay attention, that’s a start.
@@stacyshoemaker9177 Well, when women don't wish to talk about what they like, they do not receive these things as a result. After all, women are more difficult to please in bed especially when there's a lack of communication. For men, they want and act for the things they want. It's rather straight forward.
Women never fall inlove with men they desire the feeling of being inlove with a man,her emotions to you is like a light switch...
Two way street on that one XD
And men couldn’t care less, which is why she doesn’t feel like sacrificing her body to you anymore
🤔😂🤣🤣 you took all the power and turned a solid dude to the streets😂😂😂 when the wolf is hungry HE EATS!
I've heard this "I need to feel safe" too many times. Life isn't all a smooth journey and it won't be or feel safe during the journey. Women and men need to appreciate their precious time on earth and stop making life miserable for spouses because life is not safe. Deflection of affection is resentful and disrespectful just as forcing yourself on someone who clearly is in a bad mood. Control over what? You made a commitment to marriage which has always included an assumption of physical intamacy unless health or obvious circumstances intercede. At least you recognize withholding affection is toxic for the marriage.
Assumption of physical intimacy? 😂 wtf?! No wonder nobody wants to have sex with you. Like literally no wonder.
👏🏾
Sex is a sacrificial act. If she doesn’t want to sacrifice her body then it’s because you don’t make her feel appreciated for her sacrifice.
@@stacyshoemaker9177it is not sacrifice if you don't enjoy it simply don't do it so many lesbians enjoy sex and it's not sacrifice
@@jasonsamuel6601 It's not that simple, especially when a woman is financially dependent. A lot of men, especially in the red pill space but also outside of that consider sex the duty of a wife. Women will have sex out of duty and guilt.
When the husband is the focus of the issue, wives are quick to tell the husband why and where he is wrong. But when the focus is on the wife, the wife says, "Hmm, let's see! Who or what else can I blame." Wives seldom if ever take responsibility for themselves in these issues.
This woman (like SO many of them) placed her best foot forward while dating her potential husband, and once married, let down all of her “defenses” to become who she really is. The husband thought he had married wife “A” when, in fact, he REALLY married wife “B.”
I’ve seen this MANY times throughout my life, and every one of them has now ended in separation or divorce, OR still together in misery.
I’ve been a widower for 24 years, having been blessed to have married my soul mate, and I know my remaining years will be joyful with our children and grandchildren. ✝️
This is so true. They project this facade and you think they are fun and I’ve finally found the girl that I actually want to hang around & have conversations with after sex. Cause 98% of the time after sex. I was just thinking of how to get outta there as quickly & painlessly as possible. She always thought the stuff I did was funny & or cute. Not 15+ years later. She can’t stand all the things she used to love and laugh about. I keep saying who the hell are you? And she says people change. I’ve changed over the years. This morning I said I don’t like the new you. It was fake to legally own me now it’s like I’m living with a drunken sailor passing gas like my uncles did. And that’s a bit of a turn off and that’s the 1st sign to me that she ain’t worried anymore about me going anywhere. And it sucks. !!
The same tactical maneuver has been used since the “current era”
Just throwing it out there, how about not getting married?…. There’s no point wasting a good man’s life, I totally understand why men today want to stay completely the hell away from women for marriage, it really has a huge trap that men ought to just see far in advance and tell themselves it’s not worth it
Men don’t want to get married because that means actually having to put in effort. She’ll let you orgasm without her so many times before she feels reduced to a hole. Maybe y’all need to ask her does she take this man to enter you on demand? And then and only then should they get married. Otherwise she’ll realize the marriage wasn’t about love but sex on demand.
Where the hell were you before I got married lol
💯
I am not able to make my wife feel safe. Choices I have made make her unable to relax and trust. Despite changes the past can still haunt us and the differences in our family culture preordained a disconnect in our love expression towards one another. Add to that I am likely to dissect and over think every nuance and we ended up as loving best friends.
@@mikemorse8609 Nothing pre-ordains anything, much less a disconnect between two people.
Wait, what about the beginning of relationship? You leave out the fact that most marriages start off with burning desire and that “can’t keep our hands off each other” phase. How does a woman go from consenting the first time to the extremely passionate, fiery bedroom to being afraid of their husbands hugs?
It’s all on the women’s terms, men you just go provide, pay the bills do everything I want and every once in a while I’ll give you a little intimacy on my terms.
Sex is a reward
@@stacyshoemaker9177 For those who do not give two flying f's about sex or intimacy and use it as leverage over their partner, manipulation to the extreme, yes, sex is a reward, and only a reward. For others, it is a healthy way of expressing themselves, their sexuality, and creates intimate bonds with your partner, enjoyment and happiness. You choose what you want to be, but don't expect any man to respect you for leveraging sex over them in order to make them your lap dog.
Women: we have to feel safe to be intimate!!!
Also women: made fifty shades most sold adult novel
So ? Where's the contradiction ?
@@elfascisto6549 reasoning with a woman is like reasoning with a cat. Complete waste of time.
One is not like the other.
The product of a woman feeling completely safe in a relationship
I was expecting something more real life to come out of this… like my husband treats me horribly, only gives attention right when he wants sex, obviously does not love me, and never apologizes or takes responsibility for his abuse towards me. That is why I don’t feel safe nor attraction nor would be able to relax and trust enough to get anything out of it. I feel like he just uses me to master ate and I’m a cum can. He’s is a total jerk and he faked the type of person he was and -once he had me all good positive feelings stopped. There is no advice for those who are trapped. So please no mean comments.
tell me more how does it make you feel to be his "cum can"
You need to get out of that mess.
In their minds they are frozen as a child. Programmed from birth that they are a princess and they need a Prince charming. Putting all these expectations on You to fill this role.
You try to go out of your way to for fill their needs that they don't understand isn't what they really need. Then when they realize they have to wake up and face the music, that Life isn't a fairytale. It all comes crashing down and everything changes.
Then they start using childhood trauma and mistakes you made that has zero to do with anything as a copout to avoid the real problems.
Then the self esteem problems come in.
They try to fill the void with more objects, but all it does is become more of a intimacy problem.
Men have a level of bullshit they will put up with. Some have a short amount and some have a large amount.
When you push someone to that limit everyday. They will either give up or bottle it up. If they stick around they will be angry and make you free unsafe because they have nothing left to work for. Like a job you know you can't get a raise in. A dead end street.
Some guys just become numb. Avoiding the problem but distractions like TV, work, or hobbies. Objects that are a temporary escape but at the end of the day it's no replacement for a real emotional connect and passion.
It's a cycle and it repeats over and over again. "He's mad about everything." "I feel unsafe because he's always angry." He's mad because theirs no sex, no emotional connection, and no hope of a better relationship. That dead end street.
When a relationship is new. You don't argue or fight about anything because you don't know enough about them to complain. Sex all around.
It's almost better to stay strangers.
So turn that car around and get it back on the highway. Where it can drive.
Men also, Including myself need learn to say no to woman. Stop working for free or we are looked at as week and a coward. Woman don't find you always being a man bitch sexy either.
Woman aren't dumb. They know men have three basic things.
Food, Sleep, and some kind of intimacy.
So what do we get out of the deal.
Why should we give up hours of our time and money for you.
Fix the car. Walk your little asshole pocket poodles. Build your book shelf. Make more space for all your stuff. So on and so forth.
When all we want is a small amount of your attention. Sound us we are not just a slave to avoid alimony or child support.
Ladies remember men are as simple a pet. We will love you. We will be excited to see you. We will learn tricks for you, but if you take our food bowl away. We will go to someone else with food and do all the same things for them.
That's my two cents.
Yes, I agree. A relationship shouldn't be one sided. Two sides shall always have to sacrifice for the other.
best comment i've ever seen
I understand a man can feel neglected from lack of intimacy. I don't believe this is healthy or fair to him, but I think men have an issue understanding how frightening it is for a woman to feel forced to have sex, otherwise the relationship will end, or you will be left to raise children by yourself...men don't understand this because, quite naturally, they don't have a crystal ball and telepathy and can't guess about a woman's experience. That's not men's fault, but it does require both sexes to talk at length about their subjetiva experience because otherwise the man might see th woman as just avoiding sex to punish, control and castrate him, and women see the guy as not giving a shit about how she needs to feel safe to have such intimate contact, then she starts seeing him as a pushy rapey-minded guy...when all he wants is intimacy.
I also don't understand why people assume two things: 1) that women are always accepting money from men in relationships (isn't it 2022 ? I sure as hell have never accepted or needed money from a man) and 2) that if she does accept money, she needs to pay him back with sex. That's called prostitution and I would hope it wouldn't be likened to a healthy relationship. Money and finances is one thing, sex is very very intimate and can't be forced. I'm a therapist and have treated a number of men and women who suffered coerced sexual contact and were traumatized decades later. It's just not something you can demand and force, sex must be natural. It's very worrying to me that a portion of men still see a relationship as a way to pay for regular sex. Like I said, I would hope both parties would just have an open conversation about the topic so both get their needs met through mutual understanding. That would seem fair for both men and women. I think a woman saying "fuck you, we're never having sex" doesn't seem fair, but "you don't have a choice, you gotta fuck me" doesn't seem fair either.
@@superespiritual1553 Exactly! And the women that are being financially supported are at home with babies all day, they’re not just out shopping. Men think they have the right to use our bodies and that’s scary as hell. Especially if you are being financially supported.
@@Bardownbobby I think both sides are valid: the woman not feeling she needs to have sex against her will and the guy not going without sex. I have no idea what the solution is, both people's needs are valid. Also, I get what you're saying about him providing financially and not having his needs met, but like I my case I'm the breadwinner, he actually works for me. I try to make sex good for the both of us but honestly I'm not that sexual after the inicial phase of the relationship. I've spent most of my life celibate than in regular sexual activity. So there might be a mismatch there, and I don't know what the solution is because it terrifies me to force myself to have sex to keep a relationship. 🤷🏿♀️
"Don't feel safe", "these are great men" those two are opposite, yes this is a 100% a woman's problem; however, they turn it into their husbands problem by continuing to reject him. Women DO NOT understand at all, not one little bit what it's like for a man who has a woman who promised to be there for him, to be his life partner continue, not once, not when it's an off time, BUT repeatedly say over and over and over again, "No" for months and years. Men can only feel a deep emotional connection to their wives through sex, that's a psychological fact, it's not make believe, it's not made up. For women, that emotional connection can be met in other ways, so a wife spending a quiet evening with her husband gets her needs met, but yet she says "no" and he's left feeling rejected, worthless, unloved.
So women, I'll tell you what it's like, that "No", and what it means when you say it repeatedly is simply, "you are not valuable to me", "you are not cared for", "your needs mean nothing to me", "I'm more important than you are", "everything you do for me is worthless to me", "anything you will ever do is meaningless to me", "you're a fool for staying with me", "you're stupid, worthless, an idiot, and you don't deserve love", and finally "I don't really love you and never really have, I have just used you to get what I want and you're too stupid to see it.". That's what a woman says by saying "No" all the time. I know because I've lived in a sexless marriage for well over 10 years, it's completely destroyed me, I don't want to live anymore and one day she will not have me around anymore, the financial security I provided for her will be gone, and I will be in a better place and I look forward to leaving her alone, not that I'll be missed, since again, I'm not really valued by her. I'm sure that'll be blamed on me too just like this fool in this video makes it a man's fault women are more concerned about being self-centered or "their safety" than caring about the needs of their husband.
How can someone not feel safe with their own husband?
Very simple, most American men are weak, not in in their masculine frame and a woman needs to feel safe and protected, a man who is a pussy will never make a woman feel safe.
When their husband doesn't turn them on or satisfy their needs.
I hear a lot of “I, I, I”……well I’ll give you one…I feel lonely….night, after night, after night…I do the cooking, cleaning, bring in the paycheck, do the yard work, fix the cars….I’ve tried everything!!! Sexless for 5 years, and I’ll add pretty much non-existent for 20 yrs. I so wished to be loved and to make love to a woman…I’m trapped because financially it would be devastating…
Okay, so I am gonna say what I feel I need to say and then you can rip me a new asshole. In other words, please forgive my candor. Here goes:
Whenever somebody says I had no childhood trauma...its a clear sign there is repressed childhood trauma. (And If it isn't childhood trauma, its past relationship trauma). Anyway. Your parents, (or a past relationship or maybe your current) one clearly had/has some imperfection in their/it relationship and intimacy that made you feel unsafe about relationships. You fear being 'used' which means you fear being intimate lest you get used. You fear being controlled and not having control which is why you mention your husband as being taller and bigger. Taller men and shorter women are mostly the norm in relationships. This is because biologically women feel safe with taller stronger men. Its usually a good thing. So, that you mention this fact tells me that you are feeling threatened by something that is emotionally bigger than you are use to. Once again...what in your childhood (or past relationship or current relationship) experience and perception of your parents intimacy made you feel that way?
It sounds like you said to yourself that your relationships will be different from your parents or a past relationship/s. That you will make it perfect and restore the balance your parents never experienced in their marriage; or the balance you never experienced in other relationships.
You need to realize that no relationship is perfect. It requires, time patience and a fuck load of compromise on certain issues sexual and general. If you are not willing to do that then you don't have true intimacy because true intimacy means making yourself vulnerable emotionally and sexually.
Sexual vulnerability looks like: "I don't think this sexual position makes me look flattering...but...my husband seems to love it and loves me and finds me attractive so therefore I can enjoy this moment and not feel stupid or embarrassed about my body. That is the appropriate way to respond. The inappropriate way would be for example - I don't want to do doggy because I think it makes me look stupid. Get over your hang-ups by facing your inner trauma or emotional inaccuracies.
Your husband finds you attractive no matter how you think you look during sex or without clothes on. You yourself mentioned "when your husband ogles you" clearly this makes you feel uncomfortable...maybe ask yourself why? Once again...childhood trauma OR past relationship trauma. When your husband looks at you...the appropriate emotional response would be 'dam, I'm so hot he just can't resist my body even after all this time'. His desire for you should be a turn on and not a turn off as it seems to be in your case.
Nobody on earth has a perfect childhood (parents are not perfect) or past relationships (relationships are not perfect and after all you broke up with these other men for a reason) so trauma there will be I promise you. You just need to find it and weed it out. That you say you have none only indicates that you are still in denial about your feelings/trauma. Sex is about intimacy...so ask yourself? Why are you afraid of being intimate sexually or otherwise or maybe just sexually in your case? Why are you afraid of submitting to your husband sexually (easier for men than women) when he has submitted to you emotionally (easier for women than men).
Also, as I'm sure you know, sex isn't JUST about intimacy, its about physical touch which requires work. Men know about work during sex - women not so much. Men do all the work...women either just present or lie there. They score low on sexual initiative and engagement. Its mostly men that are will to engage which places them at a sexual disadvantage. You literally have all the power and he has none at that moment. When he comes to you seeking sex he has made himself vulnerable by admitting that you have what he needs and he is powerless to resist you. Deny him that and he will feel powerless. Powerless to control his desires and especially powerless to control his sexual desires around other women. fact.
Now coming back to what I said at the start of the previous paragraph: Consider that the only active sexual position for a women is on top. That's it. And even that position requires minimal effort on her part. The other hard things are hand-jobs and blowjobs which most women hate because like I said...that requires actual physical effort as opposed to just lying there and getting fucked and feeling satisfied. It requires physical effort apart from emotional intimacy. In other words - you are driving the same car - your relationship - but you are engaging a different gear. You can't have sex in first gear or second. You gonna need that fifth gear, lol. (dear lord what a comparison)
If I am doing everything in my power to make you feel sexy, comfortable, cuddled and safe, something that does not come natural to men, why can't you give me what I need as a man? I am making myself vulnerable to you emotionally. (Are you sexually lazy?; or, what trauma prevents you from being intimate/intimate in this way?) And trust me, men do need it, it is not possible for them to just shut that off. A mans sexuality is a very strong drive. Men need it more than women do - fact. Even if a women thinks their sex life is good...trust me...a man always wants more. He can never get enough of you or your body. It also means he faces way more rejection than you think.
"Control over when and how and when your body was used" Cool, I agree bodies are sacred and should be respected and not be completely objectified but I hope you know sex is in part also about objectification. Control is a big thing for you it seems - which leads me to ask: Who made you feel like you had no control and why? What in your childhood or past experiences made you feel this way? Maybe start their in your quest for sexual freedom of expression. In sexual terms boundaries and the control they bring should be set up through compromise and discussion. Simply refusing your partner his sexual desires, wants and needs without compromise is going to lead to cold dead marriage and even less intimacy.
"I needed boundaries" and it sounds like you have plenty of unhealthy ones to work through and new healthy ones to work at. Also, the only boundary there should be in sex is anal or no anal; or deepthroat / no deepthroat. (hahaha)
I read all the comments and strongly feel this was the best one. Well done.
Space and freedom. Yup those are the words I heard my parents taking about right before the divorce.
Reading these comments, and contributing a few myself, I found this to be one of the best and most productive airing of views and insights that I have seen on youtube.
Thank you for sharing. I struggle with a lot of ptsd and I’ve been honest with my husband about that from the start, but he does lose patience with me and I feel like something is wrong with me. I try to push myself and just do what he wants or needs, but it just makes him feel better and my issues get worse. I’m lost.
So, my wife doesn't want me because I'm not enough of a man? Sounds like a load of BS to me.
Hi there, Hunter here! I've been making women feel unsafe for a very long time and I always find that they don't avoid my advances usually because I haven't paid them yet. One thing I learned during my long 9 months in the US Navy (May 2013 to Feb 2014) is that women like a man in a uniform. They also like a man who's a bad boy! Nothings more bad than a man who's has been kicked out of the military for drug use! (I just needed a little bump)
Another thing women like is a man's Earning potential and I greatly improved that with my many jobs including Burisma. Did you know I was on the Board?
Oh well, enough about me. This video is classic Women Not Taking Accountability. Not all women are like that but this is often their (women's) default mode. Just repeat to yourself "It's Not My Fault" and presto!
Well, please remember to vote for my Dad in November 2024 and also repeat after me "Orange Man BAD!"
lmao....epic post
This is a good video. Thanks for putting this on YT. So many women.....probably go thru this. What to do when husband is physically powerful? I don't know about you.....but somewhere I learned a long time ago....don't go into a private area with a man that is bigger than you. You don't know a man......until you know what a man does. I would state in your video what boundaries you and your husband set......what physical parameters he should set to avoid your discomfort. That would help. I still remember one conversation I had with a woman years ago......who had 5 children with her husband.....but still felt raped by him.
There was a man I knew back in 2008 who had not had sex with his wife since she married him. It sounded so tragic that such a phenomenon could occur. You don’t know what you could in such a situation other than pray for healing of wounds that have not been sutured.
She's sick. He's not at fault. He is not responsible to save her or cure her. Leave her.
Once a year would be nice... but I resigned myself to being nothing but a disposable utility for her. I pay all the bills, I do all the housework , i barely sleep, I haven't eaten in over a week. We never have sex. I don't even ask anymore.
I never let her know how miserable I am, I think about death almost constantly now.
I have already written a note months ago and have a length of rope . I'm waiting for her birthday to surprise her. I'm going to invite everyone for her birthday and then go out back to the Maple tree. Bet she laughs.
The tragedy is that I still love her, I don't think she cares for me at all.
If you’re lazy, just don’t get married. But faking you are all that then once you get what you want you slack off is a crappy move.
I'm never going to find the answers I'm looking for. How does someone make you feel unsafe if they are not being verbally or physically abusive, a drunk or an addict, works, doesn't cheat and there is no threat of him sexually abusing you. Not saying anyone is wrong I'm just not understanding what i don't feel safe actually means
Women need nurturing too
My husband being emotionally closed off is what caused me to feel unsafe (emotionally) around my husband.
This is like a "magical super-power". If he agrees to this dynamic, all she needs to say (in any context) is "I feel unsafe (with whatever is being done or said) right now" and he's going to have to cave. This puts him at a permanent disadvantage.
@@siegfriedbraun5447 And he can withhold funds I’ve had it happen. Also, you don’t know that she’s telling us the whole story. There may be more to it.
@@stacyshoemaker9177 He can withhold funds, as could she. When we stereotype roles, it distorts what little we do know.
I suspect that she has some unresolved issues, that lead to feeling "unsafe". Because this term is not given a context, we cannot know how both sides contribute.
Many men and women marry the wrong person. Trouble is, by the time your married, it’s too late.
This is why SO many men question getting married. Why would a normal man with normal needs sacrifice ALL control over satisfying those needs to his wife and get virtually nothing in return except a lifelong obligation to support her and their children?
MEN DID NOT sign up for that.
I luckily didn’t marry my baby’s momma. One smart move I made. Bout to give her the boot. So sick and fing tired of working hard at pay everything and never getting sex. All about her feelings and not mine.
This is horrible. It’s always about a man jumping threw another hoop. A women’s feeling of safety and emotions always take precedent smh
Stop jumping. Stop sex initiation immediately and permanently. If your marriage can survive sexless, congratulations. Our grandparents did it.
She said they are now having more sex seems like a win-win
@@stacyshoemaker9177 not really…. For a man who believes in a happy wife happy life maybe. 🤣
@@jg916 she’s initiating sex and they’re having sex more often. I doubt he’s upset.
@5:24 It seems pretty clear who holds full veto control of all sexual intimacy in the marriage.
If she ever wants sex, which is unlikely and likely infrequent, then she initiates when and what she wants.
If he wants sex, then there are a series of tolls and approach vectors pending her sole unilateral guidance and approval that he must cross first.
In short her needs are primary. His are secondary, and subject to her control.
Never mind that he may be a good man, a good husband, good father, solid provider or a nice guy or all of the above.
This is a rationalization for what is actually at its center a very low sexual desire situation on part of the wife for the husband.
It’s very common among wives. And even more common among older women.
What boyfriends, fiancés and husbands need understand is this: genuine sexual desire cannot be negotiated.
And even if you could negotiate it with a woman you love and care about, what would that mean for her and for you?
Obligated compliance. Duty sex. Starfish sex. Reluctance. Resentment. Anger. Insecurity.
This is about emotional safety and fempowerment for women. Because without that no association takes place. That’s understood and obvious.
And why would a wife ever feel unsafe about intimacy, kisses, petting, or sexual congress with a man she is sexual attracted to?
She would not.
The
A better explanation is she does not actually possess genuine sexual desire for him. It is likely very low, artificial, contrived. Or there was abuse in her past. Or he was abusive to her in some way.
She says this was ruled out via psychotherapy, but th explanations do not make logical sense.
In addition, a lack of sexual attraction makes her lack of kissing, hugging, petting, touching completely understandable, because women who find their husbands/lovers unattractive and sexually repulsive (not normal) understand what such intimacy leads to, and they do not want that. So it makes sense to shut that down, institutes a series of rules, to reduce the risk of it, so there is no lead up to it.
Women break all the rules and then some to get with, be with, nail down the alpha men they genuinely want.
Women make rules for beta males. And when he complies with all her hoops and roadblocks, she will actually resent him even more than before.
It makes sense to me for women to feel safe and secure and comfortable. I get that.
I just don’t agree that should come at his full expense, which is seems to in this situation and without much of even an afterthought.
So do people want women to fuck when they don't want to fuck?
@@riririri100 The answer is yes.
Not because of misogyny.
But men and women are very different sexually.
A woman’s sexual desire and libido levels are cyclical. Women typically want sex, but comparatively do not desire sex as often as men do.
It’s good they don’t in the sense that if women wanted sex even half as much or as often as men do, then the species would have overpopulated, starved and died out millennia ago.
Male sexual desire is always on mainly because of 20x the amt of testosterone flowing through their veins and bathing their brains 24/7.
There are feminists who consider this an evolutionary flaw and human male defect. But that’s nonsense. In general all women benefit indirectly and immensely from testosterone in males and male sex drive without ever offering or actually having sex with any men at all that they don’t want to have sex with.
Having the desire for sex doesn’t mean you have the choice. Biologically speaking, men are wired for that desire to be nearly constant because it is a vigilance thing. You are watching for and protecting the valuable things; therefore, men have traditionally been given roles as Night Watchmen to keep patrol over a city at all hours. A woman has the choice to engage with the desire which is very different than an anticipated sense of danger. You frighten a woman in the dark, and she will likely scream while a man will prowl around seeking to take whatever may come from even darker places unaware.
@@mfriedrich2012 what about lesbians
I’m sorry, but I completely disagree with you. If the husband is loving, attentive, compliments her and she gets defensive anytime he tries to talk to her explain to me please how he is making her feel unsafe. My friends wife stopped, wanting sex with him when kids came along. Their kids are now grown up and left the house. She has not wanted to have sex with him for over 10 years. He feels unloved, not good enough and his needs are not being met at all. This is one of the big reasons why men end up straying. (Side note, I am a woman. Born a female just to make it clear)
I didn’t change. She did.
From heroic rescuer to palace guard for the queen.
My wife had been chomo’d. She never felt safe. The good outweighed the bad.
But I won’t repeat that. I am wiser now.
If you don't feel 100% safe with your husband you shouldn't have married him 🤷♂️
I think she means more that she doesn't feel safe like she doesn't have control. Feeling pressured to have sex and uncomfortable. She conditioned herself to think that sex = a bad experience. So now she gets triggered when being in a position to accept his initiation. If it was a complete stranger but had all the right words to say and was good looking, she'd feel completely safe. This is a poor excuse for not realizing that she sex deprived him, now he comes on too strong, and it pushes her away even more.
@@MS-sr6mj I bet she was comfortable enough to let him pay the bills.
@@MS-sr6mj kick rocks
@@MS-sr6mj Why doesn't she starts living of her own money and pay the bills instead of having a husband as a back up plan for excess expenditures every month?
@@MS-sr6mj Right!! If you were an adult yourself then you wouldn't have contradicted yourself when you say it takes two people to contribute to a relationship and then justify a women denying her part to a man which is intimacy and bedroom fun.It's very hypocritical of you to expect a man to stay in a marriage loyal and responsible when the women has the justification to deny sex just because she has her boundaries.If a man starts enforcing his financial or resources boundaries on her wife in response then pls don't complain.No sex no shopping on my card.
Because our emotional needs are not met.. he’s emotionally unavailable.
*bingo* once men understand and work on this… their issues with women will disappear.
@@ReneeLoveswomen don’t want to have sex with their husbands and everything is ok, but if a man doesn’t have sex with his wife then the wife will usually cheat...doesn’t make sense. Men have emotional needs to not just women lol.
@@Doidao-xx5vfmost females are lesbians
After menopause I lost attraction for my husband but mentally I was drained from his verbal abuse . He has ADHD .unfortunately I have not regained those feelings but treat him as a friend .
Consider going on hrt
Hrt... Causes more problems... Especially heart attack....
@@ozm8642 That is fantastic that you don’t mentally abuse your wife . I am so proud of you .
From your husband's perspective, it's probably way easier to just find someone else who doesn't treat him this way.
She has bigger problems woman don't listen to her. She is not feeling safe with the person she is married ?