@e2pii213 sorry I should make this half joke clear, I mean their personal relationships, love life if you will. And I'm not saying that I'm interested in their love life, I'm just half joking that they did a good job talking about dating without touching upon their own dating experience (which again, I'm not interested in).
They are very good at not talking about their personal lives, have always been. I like the boundaries they have, not all famous people can keep it that way, and still be able to express personal thoughts.
next episode: please talk about how you two can stay friends while also being business partners! how do you divide the work, how do you start to expand your team and hire other people you’re not close with, how do you divide the time between twoset and your own personal life, etc cuz u know starting a business with friends can very easily break your friendship apart
I agree. Especially diving into what a day in the life may look like, how much is spent on practice, YT channel related work, TSA, touring and overseeing other aspects of the brand without burning out and keeping the passion for music alive. Also how this has evolved as the channel has grown.
Brett immediately pointing out that the question of the young guy wasn't about Eddy and him but about the couple just shows how well he can read people.
@@lazychickenugget It's a mindset thing. Think of it this way. You're NOT competing against the other musicians. You're competing against yourself to be the musician you want to be. It doesn't matter if you're the best in your section if you're not the best you can be. When you focus on your own progress instead of on being "better" than someone else, you improve at a far faster rate. And when you meet other musicians whose skills are more advanced than yours, use that as inspiration. Don't think, "They're better than me. I suck." Think instead, "Wow. If they can do that, I can do it, too!" Then practice so you CAN do it.
There's actually a sketch by my favourite comedy group (Foil, Arms and Hog) called unsolicited advice. It popped into my head while they were talking about it, I recommend it for a good laugh
I am a musician married to a musician (for 25 years and counting). I 100% agree that the relationship has to be about supporting each other. But this goes for everyone, not just musicians.
“being good at your instrument makes you attractive” 100% YES i was at all state and was practically drooling over the concertmaster because he was so good
I agree with this 100%, there are few things hotter than a person being really passionate about their interests! Not just in romantic relationships, but I adore listening to people talk about what interests them, even if I wouldn’t give a shit otherwise about that subject. It’s a joy learning from passionate people and conversations that are an outlet for that passion have such a strong grip on me :0
“Practice celebrating others” literally so good and so important to practice using our thoughts rather than our thoughts using us. Thanks for a great chat!
My dad told me once that all his past girlfriends did not manage to understand his dedication to practicing for hours each day and they all got super jealous. And then my mom came long (she's a pianist), and she was the only one who understood :)
Brett having practiced to be happy for others is soooo epic in my eyes! Personal growth is so difficult and requires time and practice as well and also requires you to acknowledge your flaw in the first place, which can hurt and can be very difficult. Brett facing that is proof of his mature personality and character.
I‘m not a musician but I found myself constantly nodding because everything you said just applies to other professions as well that require some sort of constant learning.
In the end, it's important why you're playing. If you are playing to be better than everyone, you will never be happy because there will always be someone better than you. You'll be happiest if you learn to play to make music. You're literally making an inanimate object sing. Be proud.
I think if you really love someone, you wouldn't feel jealous/envious of thier sucsesses. I feel like my heart woild fill up with happiness seeing the person I love succeed.
This podcast is filling my void of listening you two nerd out on classical music on the main channel. It's just really enjoyable to listen to you two talking to each other.
My favourite content so far. Unintentional flexing of wisdom 🤭. But that advice of "Practice being happy for others" is 100% accurate. You never know how hard that practice is until you do it.
EDIT: We broke up. Listen to TwoSet guys. Focus on PRACTICE. LOVE ISN'T REAL. As a pianist who has been in a relationship with someone for 6 years, I can see that you guys are really making valid points with this one. To date a non-musician means them not understanding how much your instrument and musical time means to you. While dating someone who plays the same instrument as you can come off as competitive. I think it's safer if you date someone who is a musician but they play a different instrument than you. In that way they'd have a high level of understanding as to why music is so important to you, at the same time they don't view you as a competition because the two of you have different expertise in terms of musical instruments. I could actually relate to this in some way because I'm a pianist and I'm dating someone who doesn't play the piano but has knowledge about music theory and musical compositions (he composes hymns). So he doesn't view me as a competition. In fact, he encourages me whenever I practice and he'd give me constructive criticisms along the way. When dating musicians, it really takes two to tango. The two of you have to understand each other without treating each other as competition.
I don't think it's necessarily the way that non musicians can't understand can't understand the importance and dedication of practice. They just need to understand it's a hard job which requires a hard work day as any other interesting job. And sometimes some extra hours to give it the last touch. Same as in any other job where you have projects/product /patients etc. To understand that means you respect your partner and his/her work. Many others, with different professions have the same problems (partners don't understand shifts/weekend work etc.)
I agree with the above comment. There are other "untypical", not 9-5 professions. What matters is that you are able to express clearly and the other person is willing to listen and understand. If it works for both sides, I don't see a problem
I personally agree as a musician dating another musician. We both play the same instrument though! I’m a teacher over a performer, while he is the opposite. That allows us to not have that competition. Luckily for me because he is wayyyyy better than me. We have both experienced dating people who don’t understand our need for practice to succeed (my ex even was a non-professional musician and didn’t get it). I’m the first musician he has dated, and he expressed how relieved he was that I understand him. We do just make sense together though, so I probably would understand him without being a musician. I don’t think I know a married musician (including ALL of my professors at uni) who isn’t married to another musician though now that I think about it
i honestly could never date a non-musician, like my instrument means so much to me and it feels like if someone wasn’t a musician they wouldn’t understand why i need to practice a lot. plus i need someone to do duets with lol!
There is a lot of jealousy going on among musicians. It's hard not to envy others when they succeed and you don't. But on the other side, it's such a joy to play with someone who is REALLY good, even if you are not. It's pure pleasure and joy.
Envy - In my early 20s I got injured as a runner while one of my mates really took off, and I was so envious of him competing so great - but only in the sense that "I wish I could run like that", and never in the sense "he shouldn't run that well when I cannot", I was properly happy and proud of his success. That, I think, is an important distinction to learn, "envy" in the sense "I want too..." is OK (maybe even good), but "envy" meaning "he shouldn't either..." is very very bad.
This episode hits on TRUTH. Being happy for someone can only either be neutral or make a positive impact in the friendship/relationship, but being a dick about someone else's success ruins their vibe and eventually, your own as well. Letting envy consume you and letting it dictate your actions is destructive to also your own well-being, you're not being the best version of yourself. Also, I think it's important to at least sometimes go see the other perform. It means *so much* to me when any of my friends come and see my choir! I also try to go see my friends perform when I can. And I'd imagine it would become a bit of an issue if your partner never ever comes to see you in anything you do, even if they had time. You start wondering if they're truly that busy, or if they think your music sucks, or if they're just envious you are performing and not them. :/
The best point made in this video is that practice is not just for musical skills. I'm glad they pointed out that feelings like jealousy can hit anybody, but the difference between somebody who chooses to behave jealously and somebody who chooses to be gracious is often practice. I tell the people I work and live with that a close knit community doesn't just happen by default. It takes sincere effort and hard work by each person in the community to make it work. Being good and kind is not easy, and doesn't always feel natural. But working at it consciously will have results. And like with music, the harder the work that was put in, the more effortless and beautiful the final gift will be.
Musician or Non Musician... Ultimately it boils down to the individuals. I have seen people from the same field grow together. And also I have seen siblings pulling each other down. So I agree hard with the emotional maturity part.
Just my own perspective. I started dating a girl in my studio during my first year. She was in her third year, and is a lot more musically advanced than I am. I never though, “ Oh I wish I was better than her. Ah! I’m so intimidated!” I’m just glad that I can hear her play. It’s so inspiring! We both have our own unique musical instincts. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of standing behind her in the organ loft, turning her pages ;)
These boys Brett and Eddy speak words of wisdom. In some of their videos, they may joke and act crazy but in serious videos like this, you will find precious gems in their nerding, feels like being enlightened. Twoset brett and eddy are wiser beyond their years. Really.
On the talk of envy: Sometimes when you re jealous for a person's situation they might be jealous of you for your situtation, because humans tend to want what they dont have. Example: i had a friend (around middle school) and I once told them that I was super jealous of them because they had their own room and didn't have to share, and they replied that they were jealous of me because i had to share with my siblings while theirs had moved out. A more recent example: I whine to my friend from music school that their university offers a lot more opportunities for extra credits than mine, and they whine to me that they dont have time to practice their instument like I do (how we met) because of that. I guess the take away here is be grateful for what you have while using others people achievements to motivate your own :)
As you said in your 1st podcast, Brett is in charge of the logistics stuff while Eddy is in charge of the creative stuff. Can you make an episode and talk more about the creativity preparation for tours/content, where to find the resources/inspiration, whether Eddy has to persuade Brett to follow his ideas etc.?
There's a Buddhist practice called "Mudita", of wishing sympathetic joy to others, and it's practiced as an antidote to envy. It can be very useful to consciously cultivate an attitude of wishing others success (even wishing it for oneself), similarly to having a Metta practice.
Really appreciated the discussion on knee-jerk envy reactions and countering it with practicing joy for someone else / staying within your role. It hit the nail on things I need to work on, and provided a new angle by which I can grow myself and get better. Thanks for these podcasts. The serious, long-form talks are a great addition to your content.
@@lazychickenugget idk what to do because i can either audition for my first orchestra as a violist or a violinist but everyone wants me to be a violist because there are prodigies lol thanks :)
@@angelicachennyChoose what you truly want! Listen to some pieces of both, the viola can be a beautiful instrument with a rich sound, it's definitely not all bad.. also, less competition lol
@@igrutinovicana thanks :) yeah definitely less competition where I am lol I will now listen to the best viola concertos and we'll see what I decide lol Thank you!!! 💕💕
Fantastic advice. As someone your age who is not a musician, I've experienced so much of what you're talking about in past relationships. It's not music-specific, it's human and people's stuff comes up in relationships A LOT. It's definitely a tricky area to navigate and requires a lot of self-honesty and introspection. The women you end up with will be very lucky!
Why are their voices so comforting 😌 I’m just sitting here on a cold rainy day watching this and feeling so relaxed 🙈 thank you for a great conversation!
i love this advice on practicing being happy for other successes, this does not only apply to musicians dating musicians, but also anyone who dates the same industry as themselves, thank you brett and eddy for sharing this advice and hope everyone start practicing this advice everyday and wish all of us the best for luck in finding the partner that wishes the best for you and celebrate your success always ❤ keep practicing! i don't mean just this advice 😅 go pratice your instrument or anything you need to grow in!!
@22 min. They really describe their own friendship to a tee!! Eddy says that if both persons in a relationship are musicians you can help each other reach your goals...you have to be a team, the moment you are competing it's "Game Over". Brett then said if you are helping each other, your improvements will be exponential. You have a constant pair of ears, to listen out for you. Just imagine the amount of feedback you can get at a rapid rate. There's someone there for you 24/7. It's a huge advantage!
twosetdads our tiktok attention span can't handle this 20 something minute podcast episode i think we need t go back to the longer 50 minute podcast eps pleasepleaseplease!
I recall an OLD TSV episode (at least 6 years ago) where they said they don't fight when they have different opinions, that they talk things out. Looks like they are still practicing doing it.
I have experienced the "Suddenly finding out who your real friends are." in failure instead. I got diagnosed with Bipolar and when I opened up about it my friends from school just didn't know how to be normal around me. The way we interact in the friendship should not change, even if one person is experiencing failure or success. It felt really weird how they suddenly change their behavior towards me and it also really hurt that during my hardship that was the moment they decided to leave. I imagine this hurts the same way that when you finally succeed that is the time they decide to leave you.
"One of the chosen few" who made it to the end, here 👋 but I'm older than you, so I guess I wouldn't have an excuse for a too short attention span 😆 I agree with what you said. And, like everything else, relationships of all kinds - to be good - require practice! 😊 I think that people sometimes break ties with someone more succesfull, not because of envy, but because they begin to think: 'What can I possibly do for them? They don't need me anymore. They must think I'm a looser...' Overcoming such an obstacle is possible only if both sides want it and communicate it. Otherwise, everyone just ends up acting based on their - possibly wrong - assumptions.
This is my favourite episode so far!!! Especially the friendship advice and navigating natural envy and competitiveness. I’m in academia which has the exact same issues but I’ve never really heard these issues be discussed so safely and openly like this. Looking forward to more content!
Oh yes. My experience from academia too. (Research univeristy science dept.) Couples, friends, former class mates competing for positions, NSF grants, publications, grad students - few survive. Adding the sexism, that less prevalent in today's musical world. Not disturbing your muscian partner's practice? If your life is dear for you, never ever open the door to your working scientist partner's room, definitely not at 3 AM with a "when are you coming to bed???" You are right, these issues are hardly ever discussed safely. Often the competitivness is even encouraged by the institute/uni.
Its so sad. I've almost decided to keep my interactions with other grad students to a minimum, only professional conversations. I also find myself sometimes acting in ways I don't like (giving out unsolicited advice etc) - its definitely an echo chamber due to fragile egos.
Feels like this is not only a phenomenon within the music circle, but also maybe some other industries like finance or legal etc. where status and performance matters and competition is vast with limited positions and spots available. But in reality, it is difficult to find a person who genuinely feels happy to your success when by nature they are competitors in the same field. I can't imagine how bad it feels if your partner becomes a world class musician meanwhile you can't even get into an orchestra (maybe exaggerating but yea)
You Men are absolutely right. I'm not a musician. But what you're both saying is wise and extremely professional. I truly appreciate both of your wisdom and advice. Soo much love for you both 💖
Super interesting to hear the specifics about musicians, but I think the lessons apply to anyone in any field. Being brilliant at what you do, and passionate, makes you very attractive. And being happy for others' success is the key to happiness and supportive friendships/relationships!
Really loving these videos where we’re getting more long-form content and Brett and Eddy are able to share more about their insight as a musician beyond the normal content videos!! 💖💖 Really enjoying the conversation being created, since some topics raised in normal videos can’t really be discussed thoroughly, and I’m so happy to have a window to their thoughts
Somewhere down the line, they are talking about themselves. Anyway i totally agree. In a relationship - any relationship, you and ur partner should see urself as a unit, rather than a separate entity. It won't work otherwise - if it happens, just move on.
Definitely they were sharing their own experiences. They were asked so many times in interviews, Q&E sessions about how they solve problems, avoid competitiveness etc. - they always gave similar/identical advices they gave here.
My first relationship was another musician. I came out of it vowing never again. Then there was the guy who knew nothing about music and could not even clap in time. I came out of it vowing never again. There is a happy medium there. And as far as ego goes, you have to have some ego to put yourself out like we do to an audience.
I would love to see an episode about everything tour related, the planning, logistics, but also the script writing, script learning, music related decisions, practice, stage design, outfit choices. All that good stuff. 😍
@@lazychickenugget True! I guess I mostly meant stuff like deciding on where to go and when, and that puzzle of how to make it fit with enough rest days in between, if that makes sense. 🙈
You TWO are amazing. Always so funny, and approachable/earthy, and today I saw another side of you which I didn’t expect. True genuine and sound advice, not only for musicians, but for all people of everyday of our lives. You both showed your wisdom (well, don’t let this get to your heads!) and thoughtfulness that we should all have or strive to have ie knowing ourselves and feeling good enough so that we can truly be supportive and happy for the successes of all our friends and family. Kudos to you.
Even though I'm not a musician this was realy helpful and insightful! I do struggle with envy sometimes and it's great how you give advice for this situation while highlighting that you shouldn't blame yourself for feeling it. Thank you guys your podcast it always makes me so happy
@@ducks5377 yea, like damn. how can they be that bitter against each other. :( sad for them though. also sad for the orchestra/audience who expected for them to come over.
@@fat.estinzo i mean it's sad for them but at the same time a lot of ppl we waiting for them- i had a friend who booked a flight and was already in the hotel when the cancellation was announced i get break ups are hard but it's also their jobs 😬
Same could be said about other art fields. The competitiveness, the jealousy, etc. I’ve dated both a musician and an artist. The musician dumped me because his ambitions outgrew our relationship. He was a really strong flautist and I admired him for it; even asked for his help a few times but there were other things that were my realm like drawing ✍️
I'm in music, and I'm glad I didn't marry a musician. I'm happy to be in a separate profession from my husband. Great video, Twoset. Your advice from professional experience is invaluable.
I didnt know this channel existed! Love the calm vibe and more serious podcast format. I‘d love to know what their opinion is on all things mundane, because those guys are super wise, sophisticated souls, yet so relatable and human with all their emotions and struggles in life as all of us millenials kinda are. Would also love to hear more on mental health, relationships, dating, performance pressure, Asian pressure of society, western culture and mentality through classical music etc, so many topics.
While waiting for more new episodes, may I recommend one from Brett's old podcast channel? 'Music- Bretty Bang Show-Episode 6 - How to Stay Motivated and Overcome the Fear of Judgement.' Another gold: 'Inside the Mind of Hilary Hahn' - a 90 min(!!!) talk with Hillary.
thank you for mentioning that envy like you said applies in romantic as well as other relationships, can become so toxic that not only it ruins the relationship, but also brings both people down. It is so important to keep an eye out for this, to be able to recognise when it pops up, not act on it, and think and act with a cool head that benefits everyone. edit: can we have twosettalks on apple podcasts please? 🙏
This episode was amazingly insightful not only to dating just in managing all kinds of relationships. I love how intune both Eddy and Brett about their self and emotional awareness. This was such a great episode. ❤❤❤
Yep, it’s a challenge…! I met my now husband the first day of music college and we’ve been married 27 years now. Most of the time we are filled with joy at each others success, but when you’re having a dip in your own playing or your own achievements, it’s something that is harder to feel… and it’s also important to keep communicating with each other about your own self-doubt, etc, so you can be a support to each other. One persons success doesn’t mean the other persons failure, but it feels like it sometimes with that comparison and envy going on in our mind, often subconsciously!
When Eddy said "if you're not the teacher, maybe you should just shut up", it reminded me of several of my ex partners who have told me they've learned that, when a woman complains, you should just shut up and listen because they don't want you to give them a solution, they want to feel like they can vent and have someone just listen. (As a woman, yes, that's what we need, and I always thought that was obvious.) They've all also said they learned that lesson the hard way. I can see Eddy had some similar experiences xD I think a smart man learns this by their mid-late twenties
not sure what you're talking about - I am a woman - and I don't like venting but solutions. I don't want a listening ear unless people will use it for better. I want to see men of action, not men of sitting around listening (unless it's for enough time to figure out how to do better).
I wish these talks had subtitles 🥺😅 A very interesting topic, you can think about it and apply it in your private life having nothing to do with music, just for the growth of any common healthy relationship or friendship. Their emotional maturity and level of culture are just impressive 👏🏼
My first year at music college, I was very naive. I made some friends, and one friendship became more than that. He told me we had to keep everything a secret bc his ex girlfriend was also a music major at this school, and that she’d be upset and would hate me if she knew. However, I soon realized that he was just using me for attention while he warmed her back up to the idea of getting back together, and he didn’t want her to know that he had a side piece. After 4 months of me letting him treat me like this, he left me for her, and I was devastated. I had to still keep quiet about it, but she did eventually find out. That relationship was such a toxic mess, and I wish I’d just kept to myself and practiced instead
Thank you so much for another great episode, actually the best one so far for me. Your thoughts and advice are very wise and universal for any relationship, not only for musicians. I love listening to you, I hope next episodes will be soon❤
18:39 the thing about the mother who is the pianist, yes, my dad and all of the other pianists in the area taught each other’s kids because they had a rule that you just don’t teach your own kids, it’s very difficult. Although he did teach me.
It makes sense though, you're stepping into a different role, from parent to teacher and the dynamics is different. I remember when my mum tried to tutor me in math - it was a disaster. I didn't "respect" her as a teacher. Yet it was easy when someone else was explaining it to me
13:13 I am not a musician but that has happened to me. I am trying to find a place in this world after re-starting life in my 40s. I had sacrificed my dreams and ambitions to please the man I loved who could not stand me being successful or even happy.
Thank you guys you talked so openly about this!! I am confronting with being envious on some talented people in my life too and even though I know I should not be like that, at times it gets extremely difficult not to feel like that and not to be frustrated because someone else has more talent and more vocal capacities (my case) than you. I really am trying to understand and wish for the best and hope you guys are right and all these negative thoughts will go away at some point. Hope you the best, guys❤❤
Please don't leave
Twoset talking/gossiping about musicians dating and carefully not spilling a thing about their personal life lol
😂
@e2pii213 sorry I should make this half joke clear, I mean their personal relationships, love life if you will. And I'm not saying that I'm interested in their love life, I'm just half joking that they did a good job talking about dating without touching upon their own dating experience (which again, I'm not interested in).
🗿
They are very good at not talking about their personal lives, have always been. I like the boundaries they have, not all famous people can keep it that way, and still be able to express personal thoughts.
You mean those two draining each others sack on the daily…???…
next episode: please talk about how you two can stay friends while also being business partners! how do you divide the work, how do you start to expand your team and hire other people you’re not close with, how do you divide the time between twoset and your own personal life, etc
cuz u know starting a business with friends can very easily break your friendship apart
I AGREE!!!!!!
Cuz they said they don’t fight and just try to work things out!!! At this point, it’s life advice 😂❤❤
Bumping this, I would love to know!
That would be so interesting and useful! I second this
I agree. Especially diving into what a day in the life may look like, how much is spent on practice, YT channel related work, TSA, touring and overseeing other aspects of the brand without burning out and keeping the passion for music alive. Also how this has evolved as the channel has grown.
1st advice “ you shouldn’t be dating you should be practicing “
Yes, trick question.
best pfp ever :)
Wise words
@@angelicachenny Ty lol ur pfp is epic too
@@LingLingwannabes_ thanks :) i actually have no idea where it came from i have so many of these lol
Brett immediately pointing out that the question of the young guy wasn't about Eddy and him but about the couple just shows how well he can read people.
He definitely has a knack for understanding emotions and people
the way they made this video but didn't go into any personal details is kinda impressive 😭
There are no personal details, just practice!
My wife thought I was gay and safe to hang out because I was studying music composition when we first met. That was 25 years ago.
as a musician, I can confirm no matter how much we hide it, we still have a little bit of competitiveness inside us
Yuppp.
Um. Not everyone. I'm very non-competitive. I just focus on doing my best.
@@elissahunt well maybe once you get to a higher level, plus I’m in school so ur always competing for spots and opportunities
@@lazychickenugget It's a mindset thing. Think of it this way. You're NOT competing against the other musicians. You're competing against yourself to be the musician you want to be. It doesn't matter if you're the best in your section if you're not the best you can be. When you focus on your own progress instead of on being "better" than someone else, you improve at a far faster rate. And when you meet other musicians whose skills are more advanced than yours, use that as inspiration. Don't think, "They're better than me. I suck." Think instead, "Wow. If they can do that, I can do it, too!" Then practice so you CAN do it.
@@elissahunt you’re right, thanks for the advice :)
On competitiveness and teamwork: "Us against the problem, not us against each other"
“Comparison is the thief of joy”, wise wise words to live by.
something asian parents barely understand lol
Everyone in any field needs to listen to this ep
"Don't give people practicing unsolicited advice" So true for relationships, Tonic and everywhere else
There's actually a sketch by my favourite comedy group (Foil, Arms and Hog) called unsolicited advice. It popped into my head while they were talking about it, I recommend it for a good laugh
@@antine1279Thank you for the tip!
I am a musician married to a musician (for 25 years and counting). I 100% agree that the relationship has to be about supporting each other. But this goes for everyone, not just musicians.
I strongly agree on this
“being good at your instrument makes you attractive” 100% YES
i was at all state and was practically drooling over the concertmaster because he was so good
What's attractive is someone who is engaged with their craft/ profession.
Like their soul is not dead yet. 😂
I agree with this 100%, there are few things hotter than a person being really passionate about their interests! Not just in romantic relationships, but I adore listening to people talk about what interests them, even if I wouldn’t give a shit otherwise about that subject. It’s a joy learning from passionate people and conversations that are an outlet for that passion have such a strong grip on me :0
17:28 “If you need another pair of ears, I’m here and I’m all yours.” - I loved how inviting that sounded 😊 Thanks Brett!
He's very supportive, it's lovely to see
“Practice celebrating others” literally so good and so important to practice using our thoughts rather than our thoughts using us.
Thanks for a great chat!
*Tonic has joined the chat*
Twoset Therapy
My dad told me once that all his past girlfriends did not manage to understand his dedication to practicing for hours each day and they all got super jealous. And then my mom came long (she's a pianist), and she was the only one who understood :)
Your dad sounds like a luthier
Being humble and grateful is so important!! ❤
Brett having practiced to be happy for others is soooo epic in my eyes! Personal growth is so difficult and requires time and practice as well and also requires you to acknowledge your flaw in the first place, which can hurt and can be very difficult. Brett facing that is proof of his mature personality and character.
Not just Brett, It's Brett and Eddy. They are the best role model. They have been practicing having genuine joy for success for each other.
Brett hit it on the head with "emotional maturity"
I‘m not a musician but I found myself constantly nodding because everything you said just applies to other professions as well that require some sort of constant learning.
Been married almost 25 years. This is actually all really solid advice for any relationship!
In the end, it's important why you're playing. If you are playing to be better than everyone, you will never be happy because there will always be someone better than you. You'll be happiest if you learn to play to make music. You're literally making an inanimate object sing. Be proud.
I think if you really love someone, you wouldn't feel jealous/envious of thier sucsesses. I feel like my heart woild fill up with happiness seeing the person I love succeed.
This podcast is filling my void of listening you two nerd out on classical music on the main channel. It's just really enjoyable to listen to you two talking to each other.
100% agree with you.
17:20 "not even that! Tips is too much!"😂😂😂😂 Brett's so wise!
Yeah he is very good at finding that fine line
My favourite content so far. Unintentional flexing of wisdom 🤭.
But that advice of "Practice being happy for others" is 100% accurate. You never know how hard that practice is until you do it.
EDIT: We broke up. Listen to TwoSet guys. Focus on PRACTICE. LOVE ISN'T REAL.
As a pianist who has been in a relationship with someone for 6 years, I can see that you guys are really making valid points with this one. To date a non-musician means them not understanding how much your instrument and musical time means to you. While dating someone who plays the same instrument as you can come off as competitive.
I think it's safer if you date someone who is a musician but they play a different instrument than you. In that way they'd have a high level of understanding as to why music is so important to you, at the same time they don't view you as a competition because the two of you have different expertise in terms of musical instruments.
I could actually relate to this in some way because I'm a pianist and I'm dating someone who doesn't play the piano but has knowledge about music theory and musical compositions (he composes hymns). So he doesn't view me as a competition. In fact, he encourages me whenever I practice and he'd give me constructive criticisms along the way.
When dating musicians, it really takes two to tango. The two of you have to understand each other without treating each other as competition.
I don't think it's necessarily the way that non musicians can't understand can't understand the importance and dedication of practice. They just need to understand it's a hard job which requires a hard work day as any other interesting job. And sometimes some extra hours to give it the last touch. Same as in any other job where you have projects/product /patients etc. To understand that means you respect your partner and his/her work. Many others, with different professions have the same problems (partners don't understand shifts/weekend work etc.)
I agree with the above comment. There are other "untypical", not 9-5 professions. What matters is that you are able to express clearly and the other person is willing to listen and understand. If it works for both sides, I don't see a problem
I personally agree as a musician dating another musician. We both play the same instrument though! I’m a teacher over a performer, while he is the opposite. That allows us to not have that competition. Luckily for me because he is wayyyyy better than me. We have both experienced dating people who don’t understand our need for practice to succeed (my ex even was a non-professional musician and didn’t get it). I’m the first musician he has dated, and he expressed how relieved he was that I understand him. We do just make sense together though, so I probably would understand him without being a musician. I don’t think I know a married musician (including ALL of my professors at uni) who isn’t married to another musician though now that I think about it
i honestly could never date a non-musician, like my instrument means so much to me and it feels like if someone wasn’t a musician they wouldn’t understand why i need to practice a lot. plus i need someone to do duets with lol!
how come you say love isn't real and then proceed to date someone anyway? It's confusing
There is a lot of jealousy going on among musicians. It's hard not to envy others when they succeed and you don't. But on the other side, it's such a joy to play with someone who is REALLY good, even if you are not. It's pure pleasure and joy.
Envy - In my early 20s I got injured as a runner while one of my mates really took off, and I was so envious of him competing so great - but only in the sense that "I wish I could run like that", and never in the sense "he shouldn't run that well when I cannot", I was properly happy and proud of his success. That, I think, is an important distinction to learn, "envy" in the sense "I want too..." is OK (maybe even good), but "envy" meaning "he shouldn't either..." is very very bad.
Loooooove this. Well expressed!!
Eddy : we made all the mistakes so that you don't have to.😍
Love the sharing of their encounters, experience and opinions.
Brett knowing that the correct term is “unconsciously” not “subconsciously” makes me so happy lol
This episode hits on TRUTH. Being happy for someone can only either be neutral or make a positive impact in the friendship/relationship, but being a dick about someone else's success ruins their vibe and eventually, your own as well. Letting envy consume you and letting it dictate your actions is destructive to also your own well-being, you're not being the best version of yourself. Also, I think it's important to at least sometimes go see the other perform. It means *so much* to me when any of my friends come and see my choir! I also try to go see my friends perform when I can. And I'd imagine it would become a bit of an issue if your partner never ever comes to see you in anything you do, even if they had time. You start wondering if they're truly that busy, or if they think your music sucks, or if they're just envious you are performing and not them. :/
The best point made in this video is that practice is not just for musical skills. I'm glad they pointed out that feelings like jealousy can hit anybody, but the difference between somebody who chooses to behave jealously and somebody who chooses to be gracious is often practice. I tell the people I work and live with that a close knit community doesn't just happen by default. It takes sincere effort and hard work by each person in the community to make it work. Being good and kind is not easy, and doesn't always feel natural. But working at it consciously will have results. And like with music, the harder the work that was put in, the more effortless and beautiful the final gift will be.
Musician or Non Musician... Ultimately it boils down to the individuals. I have seen people from the same field grow together. And also I have seen siblings pulling each other down.
So I agree hard with the emotional maturity part.
PLEASE BRING HILARY AND JANINE ONTO THE PODCAST!!! I know it would be very very hard tho ❤
18:06 there's the message and the messanger!
Eddy's wisdom just keeps to amaze me!
I know!!! He's so wise
If you can advice slowly you can advice quickly
Just my own perspective. I started dating a girl in my studio during my first year. She was in her third year, and is a lot more musically advanced than I am. I never though, “ Oh I wish I was better than her. Ah! I’m so intimidated!” I’m just glad that I can hear her play. It’s so inspiring! We both have our own unique musical instincts. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of standing behind her in the organ loft, turning her pages ;)
Should I be concerned I actually clicked on this because I trust these two for dating advice??
No, don't be concerned. I was the same, thinking, you guys sure you have expertise in this area? Then clicked on it right away anyway 😅
@@cecilia7259 we can be worried together :)
These boys Brett and Eddy speak words of wisdom. In some of their videos, they may joke and act crazy but in serious videos like this, you will find precious gems in their nerding, feels like being enlightened. Twoset brett and eddy are wiser beyond their years. Really.
Babe wake up, new twoset talks episode dropped
On the talk of envy: Sometimes when you re jealous for a person's situation they might be jealous of you for your situtation, because humans tend to want what they dont have. Example: i had a friend (around middle school) and I once told them that I was super jealous of them because they had their own room and didn't have to share, and they replied that they were jealous of me because i had to share with my siblings while theirs had moved out.
A more recent example: I whine to my friend from music school that their university offers a lot more opportunities for extra credits than mine, and they whine to me that they dont have time to practice their instument like I do (how we met) because of that.
I guess the take away here is be grateful for what you have while using others people achievements to motivate your own :)
As you said in your 1st podcast, Brett is in charge of the logistics stuff while Eddy is in charge of the creative stuff. Can you make an episode and talk more about the creativity preparation for tours/content, where to find the resources/inspiration, whether Eddy has to persuade Brett to follow his ideas etc.?
Great advice, Twoset! Your maturity is impressive - from a fan almost twice your age
There's a Buddhist practice called "Mudita", of wishing sympathetic joy to others, and it's practiced as an antidote to envy. It can be very useful to consciously cultivate an attitude of wishing others success (even wishing it for oneself), similarly to having a Metta practice.
Really appreciated the discussion on knee-jerk envy reactions and countering it with practicing joy for someone else / staying within your role. It hit the nail on things I need to work on, and provided a new angle by which I can grow myself and get better. Thanks for these podcasts. The serious, long-form talks are a great addition to your content.
So the solution is ………. JUST GO PRACTICE!!!!!!!
hey chia seed i need help should i play viola or violin :)
@@angelicachenny do u want a job in orchestra and be made fun of? If not play violin if so play viola :)
@@lazychickenugget idk what to do because i can either audition for my first orchestra as a violist or a violinist but everyone wants me to be a violist because there are prodigies lol thanks :)
@@angelicachennyChoose what you truly want! Listen to some pieces of both, the viola can be a beautiful instrument with a rich sound, it's definitely not all bad.. also, less competition lol
@@igrutinovicana thanks :) yeah definitely less competition where I am lol I will now listen to the best viola concertos and we'll see what I decide lol Thank you!!! 💕💕
Fantastic advice. As someone your age who is not a musician, I've experienced so much of what you're talking about in past relationships. It's not music-specific, it's human and people's stuff comes up in relationships A LOT. It's definitely a tricky area to navigate and requires a lot of self-honesty and introspection. The women you end up with will be very lucky!
Why are their voices so comforting 😌 I’m just sitting here on a cold rainy day watching this and feeling so relaxed 🙈 thank you for a great conversation!
i love this advice on practicing being happy for other successes, this does not only apply to musicians dating musicians, but also anyone who dates the same industry as themselves, thank you brett and eddy for sharing this advice and hope everyone start practicing this advice everyday and wish all of us the best for luck in finding the partner that wishes the best for you and celebrate your success always ❤ keep practicing! i don't mean just this advice 😅 go pratice your instrument or anything you need to grow in!!
@22 min. They really describe their own friendship to a tee!!
Eddy says that if both persons in a relationship are musicians you can help each other reach your goals...you have to be a team, the moment you are competing it's "Game Over". Brett then said if you are helping each other, your improvements will be exponential. You have a constant pair of ears, to listen out for you. Just imagine the amount of feedback you can get at a rapid rate. There's someone there for you 24/7. It's a huge advantage!
twosetdads our tiktok attention span can't handle this 20 something minute podcast episode i think we need t go back to the longer 50 minute podcast eps pleasepleaseplease!
I recall an OLD TSV episode (at least 6 years ago) where they said they don't fight when they have different opinions, that they talk things out. Looks like they are still practicing doing it.
they really shared useful stuff here. not just for romantic relationship. this can be applied in a family, friends, or even in workplace. so nice. ❤️
I have experienced the "Suddenly finding out who your real friends are." in failure instead. I got diagnosed with Bipolar and when I opened up about it my friends from school just didn't know how to be normal around me. The way we interact in the friendship should not change, even if one person is experiencing failure or success. It felt really weird how they suddenly change their behavior towards me and it also really hurt that during my hardship that was the moment they decided to leave. I imagine this hurts the same way that when you finally succeed that is the time they decide to leave you.
I'm just blown away by how mature and wise those two are at such a young age
"One of the chosen few" who made it to the end, here 👋 but I'm older than you, so I guess I wouldn't have an excuse for a too short attention span 😆
I agree with what you said. And, like everything else, relationships of all kinds - to be good - require practice! 😊
I think that people sometimes break ties with someone more succesfull, not because of envy, but because they begin to think: 'What can I possibly do for them? They don't need me anymore. They must think I'm a looser...'
Overcoming such an obstacle is possible only if both sides want it and communicate it. Otherwise, everyone just ends up acting based on their - possibly wrong - assumptions.
This is my favourite episode so far!!! Especially the friendship advice and navigating natural envy and competitiveness. I’m in academia which has the exact same issues but I’ve never really heard these issues be discussed so safely and openly like this. Looking forward to more content!
Oh yes. My experience from academia too. (Research univeristy science dept.) Couples, friends, former class mates competing for positions, NSF grants, publications, grad students - few survive. Adding the sexism, that less prevalent in today's musical world. Not disturbing your muscian partner's practice? If your life is dear for you, never ever open the door to your working scientist partner's room, definitely not at 3 AM with a "when are you coming to bed???"
You are right, these issues are hardly ever discussed safely. Often the competitivness is even encouraged by the institute/uni.
Its so sad. I've almost decided to keep my interactions with other grad students to a minimum, only professional conversations. I also find myself sometimes acting in ways I don't like (giving out unsolicited advice etc) - its definitely an echo chamber due to fragile egos.
Feels like this is not only a phenomenon within the music circle, but also maybe some other industries like finance or legal etc. where status and performance matters and competition is vast with limited positions and spots available. But in reality, it is difficult to find a person who genuinely feels happy to your success when by nature they are competitors in the same field. I can't imagine how bad it feels if your partner becomes a world class musician meanwhile you can't even get into an orchestra (maybe exaggerating but yea)
So the secret of your succes is, besides being multitalented, your friendship.
You Men are absolutely right. I'm not a musician. But what you're both saying is wise and extremely professional. I truly appreciate both of your wisdom and advice. Soo much love for you both 💖
Super interesting to hear the specifics about musicians, but I think the lessons apply to anyone in any field. Being brilliant at what you do, and passionate, makes you very attractive. And being happy for others' success is the key to happiness and supportive friendships/relationships!
Really loving these videos where we’re getting more long-form content and Brett and Eddy are able to share more about their insight as a musician beyond the normal content videos!! 💖💖 Really enjoying the conversation being created, since some topics raised in normal videos can’t really be discussed thoroughly, and I’m so happy to have a window to their thoughts
Somewhere down the line, they are talking about themselves.
Anyway i totally agree. In a relationship - any relationship, you and ur partner should see urself as a unit, rather than a separate entity. It won't work otherwise - if it happens, just move on.
Definitely they were sharing their own experiences. They were asked so many times in interviews, Q&E sessions about how they solve problems, avoid competitiveness etc. - they always gave similar/identical advices they gave here.
My first relationship was another musician. I came out of it vowing never again. Then there was the guy who knew nothing about music and could not even clap in time. I came out of it vowing never again. There is a happy medium there. And as far as ego goes, you have to have some ego to put yourself out like we do to an audience.
"We made all the mistakes so you dont have to!" But I'll still manage to make all mistakes possible!! :)
I think it’s good to have friends in and out of music so you get the best of both worlds!!!
I would love to see an episode about everything tour related, the planning, logistics, but also the script writing, script learning, music related decisions, practice, stage design, outfit choices. All that good stuff. 😍
The planning and logistics are kinda in the first episode!!😊
@@lazychickenugget True! I guess I mostly meant stuff like deciding on where to go and when, and that puzzle of how to make it fit with enough rest days in between, if that makes sense. 🙈
@@ieeerr. ahhh yes, I agree!!!
You TWO are amazing. Always so funny, and approachable/earthy, and today I saw another side of you which I didn’t expect. True genuine and sound advice, not only for musicians, but for all people of everyday of our lives. You both showed your wisdom (well, don’t let this get to your heads!) and thoughtfulness that we should all have or strive to have ie knowing ourselves and feeling good enough so that we can truly be supportive and happy for the successes of all our friends and family. Kudos to you.
I came here to gossip and left with a life-lasting lesson...thanks so much Brett and Eddy 💕💕
Even though I'm not a musician this was realy helpful and insightful! I do struggle with envy sometimes and it's great how you give advice for this situation while highlighting that you shouldn't blame yourself for feeling it. Thank you guys your podcast it always makes me so happy
"a lot of ego involved" - understatement of the century ! 😅
How Eddy said "Love" made me slightly smile~~~ 😍😍😍😌
damn, reminds me of pianist Yuja Wang and Klaus Makela's recent breakup and cancelling concerts here and there. 😬
ik i was about to comment this! i was abt to go to their concert in chicago! its a bit of a shame
@@ducks5377 yea, like damn. how can they be that bitter against each other. :( sad for them though. also sad for the orchestra/audience who expected for them to come over.
@@fat.estinzo i mean it's sad for them but at the same time a lot of ppl we waiting for them- i had a friend who booked a flight and was already in the hotel when the cancellation was announced i get break ups are hard but it's also their jobs 😬
@@ducks5377 true. i've heard stories like that. could've been better if they [Yuja and Makela] just act civil/professional towards it.
@@fat.estinzo i agree! the whole situation is just kind of strange 🫤
Same could be said about other art fields. The competitiveness, the jealousy, etc. I’ve dated both a musician and an artist. The musician dumped me because his ambitions outgrew our relationship. He was a really strong flautist and I admired him for it; even asked for his help a few times but there were other things that were my realm like drawing ✍️
I'm in music, and I'm glad I didn't marry a musician. I'm happy to be in a separate profession from my husband.
Great video, Twoset. Your advice from professional experience is invaluable.
Very heartwarming and sincere. I have tremendous respect for you both.
I didnt know this channel existed! Love the calm vibe and more serious podcast format. I‘d love to know what their opinion is on all things mundane, because those guys are super wise, sophisticated souls, yet so relatable and human with all their emotions and struggles in life as all of us millenials kinda are. Would also love to hear more on mental health, relationships, dating, performance pressure, Asian pressure of society, western culture and mentality through classical music etc, so many topics.
While waiting for more new episodes, may I recommend one from Brett's old podcast channel?
'Music- Bretty Bang Show-Episode 6 - How to Stay Motivated and Overcome the Fear of Judgement.'
Another gold: 'Inside the Mind of Hilary Hahn' - a 90 min(!!!) talk with Hillary.
thank you for mentioning that envy like you said applies in romantic as well as other relationships, can become so toxic that not only it ruins the relationship, but also brings both people down. It is so important to keep an eye out for this, to be able to recognise when it pops up, not act on it, and think and act with a cool head that benefits everyone.
edit: can we have twosettalks on apple podcasts please? 🙏
This episode was amazingly insightful not only to dating just in managing all kinds of relationships. I love how intune both Eddy and Brett about their self and emotional awareness. This was such a great episode. ❤❤❤
Yep, it’s a challenge…! I met my now husband the first day of music college and we’ve been married 27 years now. Most of the time we are filled with joy at each others success, but when you’re having a dip in your own playing or your own achievements, it’s something that is harder to feel… and it’s also important to keep communicating with each other about your own self-doubt, etc, so you can be a support to each other. One persons success doesn’t mean the other persons failure, but it feels like it sometimes with that comparison and envy going on in our mind, often subconsciously!
Brett and Eddy lookin real good today!!!!
I always get impressed by your maturity. Biggest reason why I love you two! ❤️❤️❤️
Wise advice for relationships in other competitive fields as well.
When Eddy said "if you're not the teacher, maybe you should just shut up", it reminded me of several of my ex partners who have told me they've learned that, when a woman complains, you should just shut up and listen because they don't want you to give them a solution, they want to feel like they can vent and have someone just listen. (As a woman, yes, that's what we need, and I always thought that was obvious.) They've all also said they learned that lesson the hard way. I can see Eddy had some similar experiences xD I think a smart man learns this by their mid-late twenties
not sure what you're talking about - I am a woman - and I don't like venting but solutions. I don't want a listening ear unless people will use it for better. I want to see men of action, not men of sitting around listening (unless it's for enough time to figure out how to do better).
I wish these talks had subtitles 🥺😅
A very interesting topic, you can think about it and apply it in your private life having nothing to do with music, just for the growth of any common healthy relationship or friendship.
Their emotional maturity and level of culture are just impressive 👏🏼
Wonderful advice!🤗
My first year at music college, I was very naive. I made some friends, and one friendship became more than that. He told me we had to keep everything a secret bc his ex girlfriend was also a music major at this school, and that she’d be upset and would hate me if she knew. However, I soon realized that he was just using me for attention while he warmed her back up to the idea of getting back together, and he didn’t want her to know that he had a side piece. After 4 months of me letting him treat me like this, he left me for her, and I was devastated. I had to still keep quiet about it, but she did eventually find out. That relationship was such a toxic mess, and I wish I’d just kept to myself and practiced instead
It actually sounds so general it can be took on any major in uni haha thanks a lot for your advice, it actually made lot sense 💛💛
Please actually upload these eps to Spotify and Apple Podcasts!!!! Need your dulcet tones for audio only listening in the car 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much for another great episode, actually the best one so far for me. Your thoughts and advice are very wise and universal for any relationship, not only for musicians. I love listening to you, I hope next episodes will be soon❤
This is such a great episode. A lot to reflect upon. ❤
18:39 the thing about the mother who is the pianist, yes, my dad and all of the other pianists in the area taught each other’s kids because they had a rule that you just don’t teach your own kids, it’s very difficult. Although he did teach me.
It makes sense though, you're stepping into a different role, from parent to teacher and the dynamics is different. I remember when my mum tried to tutor me in math - it was a disaster. I didn't "respect" her as a teacher. Yet it was easy when someone else was explaining it to me
13:13 I am not a musician but that has happened to me. I am trying to find a place in this world after re-starting life in my 40s. I had sacrificed my dreams and ambitions to please the man I loved who could not stand me being successful or even happy.
Thank u Brett and Eddy for sharing your wisdom!!!!😊
9:59 as a perfect pitcher, the f# being sharp is so relatable lol
Thank you guys you talked so openly about this!! I am confronting with being envious on some talented people in my life too and even though I know I should not be like that, at times it gets extremely difficult not to feel like that and not to be frustrated because someone else has more talent and more vocal capacities (my case) than you. I really am trying to understand and wish for the best and hope you guys are right and all these negative thoughts will go away at some point. Hope you the best, guys❤❤
This channel deserves way more recognition!!!!!❤
Great advice (and it can apply to relationships in any particular field)