I finally realized that I wasn't grieving the narcissist. I was grieving the other losses, like the person I thought he was, and the life I thought we had, but it was all just a mirage. Knowing this has helped me move on.
Hey Debbie ! This was the hardest part for me as well … Who was that? What was I seeing ? It’s the hardest move to have no contact after , no closure .. or how do we see true people now ?? Distance does help ?? But I was so mad at myself ..I also still know I loved him so hard even now … it’s the idea of that person ..hopefully we can find the truths in future relationships … now I see narcs everywhere .. hmm this time I finally saw a pattern tho .. keep being your wonderful self , they picked probably because you were SO caring :) ❤️🩹
@@Pjbassjam I did leave. This time it is finalized. You are another woman that is a liar who is pretending to be blind about female narcissists. Overweight, unattractive, or unwanted females try to approach me all of the time because I am handsome, wealthy and kind. Beautiful women try to manipulate me. Narcissistic women are common in the future where I reside.
I gave up my apartment to move in with him, after 5 weeks the physical and emotional abuse began. I’m basically homeless. Stay with my cousin. It’s awfully painful.
Once you have healed, they are the last person you want too be with. It’s very hard in the beginning. But set boundaries and keep them. It’s gets better.
The moments that you acknowledge your been make a foul for the deep love you gave him; the wonder inside of you is asking - how somebody could be so distance from humanity? That miracle love only come once in a lifetime when you're lucky.
@@joshuaanzalone2060 it does take a long time because of how hurtful they had become before the end of the relationship and even longer because I have kids and still have to deal with him. But I’m in therapy and I’m learning to detach from him actions and words. They are starting to mean nothing to me. He still very rude and try to sabotage everything in my world.
I went no contact forever, removed every mutual friend that sided with him. I honestly know nothing about him and its OK. Waiting for my awesome person.
when i got rid of someone I started talking to like 3 friends who i didnt give an opportunity before and its more peaceful - my situation is so bizzarre i cant even begin to make sense of it
@@longjohnny it's better to wait long for the right person than hurrying and settling for less because of fear of being alone only to end up being damaged.
Yes the most important question is "have we moved on" from this experience. We need to get to the point where we don't care what is the narcissist doing as that keeps us stuck in the past in the pain.
Gotta love a good trauma bond. This is the hardest healing I’ve ever done. I despise it and it’s hard to not beat myself up for ruminating. I know how toxic it all was and can’t wait for the day I don’t think about it daily.
Believe me, the way he ended the relationship not only destroyed me on many levels, but it has also put me in a downward spiral of confusion where I can't tell or know precisely what happened or be sure about anything; I feel like I have lost my memory I can't remember anything, I have lost my identity, my sense of myself, I am completely lost.
QW … It will get better You must watch this type of content If you can as the other person replied get help If its not possible just keep watching this content so you dont lose perspective and revert back into contact and the hoover … Im in the same place I ruminate even now after months of being discarded for the 3 rd time in 3 yrs … Its bewildering I didnt even know how to define it!!! I had no idea it was called “ narcissism” I couldn’t work eat sleep nothingggg I understand 💔💔💔 But it gets better if you follow the advice of the experts …
You have to realize how bad a spirit that person had connected to them. Pray for them. Pray for yourself and slowly move forward. I hope your further along the road and don’t have anything/anyone connecting you to that person
I saw my ex from 3 1/2 yrs back who discarded me on Christmas day a few months at my local pub. I just ignored her but could see through the side of my eye the look on her face of shock. Don't know how to explain it but it felt good. I was broken for a long time but bounced back stronger than before I was with her.
That's their "normal".... If you grew up with caregivers who were dismissive or narcissist then that's what you're attracted too. That is your "normal"
@nero zero Maybe treat this like you would an addiction...You can learn to live without these sort of people who clutter up your life with their drama. You are worth more than this. Try some daily affirmations. Love yourself more and keep yourself away from them, you will learn how much more self reliant you really are. Enjoy the peaceful life. xx
They will never get over you ever because in order to move on you have to internalize your emotions and think about your relationship and your life The narcissist cannot do that so as far as their concerned it could be 10 years ago they broke up with you yesterday they will never let go no matter how much it looks like they left and they moved on to them you're just a huge painful memory if you left them before the discard
My wife was discarding me and said one day I’m not happy I said oh ok she had done this before in the last 10 months I told her this is the 3rd time you’ve done this to me I’ve had enough she said what!! I said I’m getting me gear and moving out she burst out crying I said what you crying for you want this she said I didn’t want you moving out so quick haha then she turned round and said we can be good friends I said noo friends don’t treat there friends like this I’ve went no contact
I think the hardest part of this for me is realizing that while I was married to him for 32 years, and I was having his children, and we were watching our family grow, and while our children started their families, and were having all of our granchildren, he was doing these same things with other women too. There's no telling how many children he has. Or, how many grandchildren too. And, to him, everyone is just objects. This is insane.
Do you think that the cluster b loves themselves? Right. So how do you think they could ever love you. Everything that is good in you is endless, so nothing can be stolen from you. Go be the Phoenix. Change, learn, grow, embrace the hard, you can do it. Know your/you're love.
Exactly I missed the life I had ,I missed the man I thought loved me ,I missed my home my things When I left I packed a suitcase and left everything else behind I left so I could reclaim my life my happiness
Mine was secretly planning trips to Colombia and paying the women to have sex with him. My daughter discovered his secret by using her fathers iPad and gave it to me saying “ dad is not who you think he is” once he found out our daughter discovered his secrets he acted like he hated her too and blamed her for being in our business. Mind you that’s our daughter! We have both now blocked his azz!
So informative. This information has been so helpful in breaking away. This describes every thing I went through or feeling now. Now I know why. Thank you
He cheated on me and even though I missed him for a few months I knew i was done with him forever 😏 18 months later and I still get the odd email from him with abuse but I just don't respond. He's with her so its her problem now lol
Good on you for staying away. And for not responding.That takes real growth and strength. It’s incomprehensible how they can cheat on us and yet get angry and abuse us... for finding out. I’m learning so much about how they learn. Its so hard to wrap my head around!
There was a lot of effort and work and intricate webs of deceit and lies and an emotional roller coaster the left you exhausted all the time all that work into destroying a person training them rebuilding them into what the narcissist wanted you to be it's no wonder it's so difficult for him to let go even if you did move on you're not supposed to according to him you're supposed to stay there and suffer they hate it when you move on and you're happy
It does not matter if HE is finished with me. I am finished with him. Talked me into helping him furnish his new apartment even though, I did not want to become involved again. Years later, I learn that he had been effing the landlord's girlfriend. Then, I remembered that he had "friends" from "work" that he was socializing with so that I could not go visit him when I wanted to. It all made sense. NEVER again. NEVER EVER will I be manipulated again.
I really like your videos! More than focusing on behaviour of narcissists you focus on the psychology of why are the viewers searching answers of their questions. Your videos actually help many viewers. All the best! ❤️ Keep making such fab videos.
I finally left him after so many future faking he promised me and the disrespect get worse every time you accept them back I tried so many attempts to leave him over 3 years he comes back begging fake apologies and he’s broke all the time even if he gets money he will share abit of it with me to give me false security but will never spoil me I have finally done it I feel good and at peace I do believe I was the best supply he ever had because I was literally kissing his arss 24/7 and made him feel like he was a king and I made him feel so good constantly praising him untill I woke up and realised my worth I was in love with someone that doesn’t exist
Amazing. These videos are packed with useful, meaningful and actually applicable info. Every example and scenario she presents hits home...its surreal. Pure quality. Very few channels like this. Thank you
This how my ex narcissist acted leaves me confused wondering where I stand he discarded me and I discarded him on newyears. Then he messaged last week saying he definitely hasn’t forgot me he just can’t.
The thought of them coming back has slowed my healing a lot. Makes it harder to let go. It’s been two years now. I feel the need to stay at the ready. It doesn’t allow me to release it.
Ex narc would constantly talk about his ex wife who he divorced 20 years ago. He still kept her photo albums in his sideboard in the living room. He took me out once it was a date of all the houses his ex wife had refused to live in. He was constantly talking about how much he hated her intercepted with taking me to their previous romantic haunts and life plans. Now he’s probably talking about me how much he hates me and prob taking new supply to all our old haunts
@@staceykessler5702 Stacey hi ! I’m sorry you experienced such cruel behavior. I believe this is a pattern which they consistently follow. I bet they talk about us similarly now we’re gone. I can see and hear it now, he probably has added my photo to the sideboard, in the next decade there will be several more. I read they enjoy keeping old exes photos and occasionally gifts as trophies rather like serial killers. I said to him” you still love her it’s been 20 years divorced. Why are you talking about her to me? “ . His reply “ you even look like her” I don’t she’s 5ft 1 and curvy I’m 5”8 and slim. This comment he made should have come with sinister eerie background music
My son's mother has been married for over 5 years and she still look for every opportunity to contact me and fight with me. I keep telling her I want nothing to do with her outside of communication with/ about my son, so she uses that as a reason to start conflict with me and then blame drama on me (??????). She will not accept the fact there is no need for communication since the court order states the terms of which I can see my son, but she always finds a reason to try to communicate with me. Then she tells me to "get over it" (her moving on and marrying) and I'm left clueless about what I need to get over since I WANT her out of my life; she just won't leave....
I feel I bro same thing here man fighting for them shows she still cares lol even after being 🍆 down by multiple dudes stay strong bro someone who loves u works things out someone who self centered runs.
Matt; What she is doing ….. is projecting. SHE is telling you to do, what she “cannot” do ….. GET OVER IT. Because of her insecurities, and trauma, and inability to seek the professional help that she desperately needs, she will never get through or over her trauma from the past (childhood). She is projecting this ….. unto you. And because you are “able” to successfully move on, it triggers and makes her angry, causing her to contact you ….. and cause drama (discord in your life). Because you are SUCCESSFULLY moving on. The way to defeat this (since you are co-parenting) …… is to use LOVE ❤️ HEAR ME OUT!! I have done this, and it is 100% Effective. when she call’s, you become sweet. NOT weird …. Just kind. Even if you have to roll your eyes. And when she begins to start the accusations …… you “IGNORE” them! And then, as if you were flirting with her …. Accuse her of calling you, because she “still” WANTS you. No matter what she says thereafter, simply say ….. “You know you still love ❤️ Me!” And NOTHING more. It will completely shut her DOWN. If she denies, or brings up her husband ….. “Girl …. You know you love Me!” But don’t be surprised, if she admits to it. I can’t help you there, but to say …. Don’t open those can of worms. My narc wanted to move in with me. I got a response for any tricky situation as well: “I need to Pray 🙏 and ask God about that.” I don’t like lying, so I didn’t actually ask God …. So when he would ask me about moving in again, I would tell him I hadn’t prayed about it yet. I hope all is going well for you!
Matt do what you can to not be in communication with her . . . verbally. Make her communicate via text message. Just a recommendation. OR if on the phone, say “I refuse to be spoken like this, and I need to hang up.” Then hang up
Thanks to videos like yours and others who have first hand experience and knowledge of this disorder. I'm moving right along, as well as many others I'm hoping and praying for. Hang in there survivors it hurts a lot. But give yourself time. Go through the emotions, pray, Seek the Lord and keep watching content like this and you will be ok. Seriously, it all to shall pass. In the Name of Jesus Christ. God bless and Happy Holidays.
@@garciamckenzie-ewing7570 Will do, hang in there. Change your routine, get outside and do things differently and be with people who truly care for you and will give you support and advise you need, not what you want to hear, but ehat you need to hear and do. You'll be ok, trust me go through the process. Be safe, take care of yourself, pray and trust the Lord. God bless you and take care.
I just realized a bit of information I can pass on, sort of a thermometer in the turkey of narcissism. notice the flip when they start speaking about the ex immediately proceeding you. notice when they start to speak positively of that person...that means you're in full-blown devaluation mode and you need to get your duckies arranged.
OMG I was accused of saying and doing things HE had told me SHE did to him. For example, she said to him during their divorce, “I will destroy you!” Next thing I know, during yet another pointless argument, in an endless loop, he sneered, “You can’t destroy me! It’s I who will destroy you.!” Weirdo.
mine either, I didn't even notice that, he never talked about his past relationships and he lied about 2 of his 3 baby mamas, and his new supply wasnt new she was an old supply who lived next door to him, I wasnt surprise because I dont put anything past a man, so I had a new supply on the side as well
I stayed for 35 years. I didn't know what narcissm was until I watched TH-cam. It was then that I joined all of the dots & put all of the puzzle together. It then all made sense. I am going through moments of intense anger that I gave this monster all of those years!!
The classic Hoover I got hoovered many times only to have to pay the price for leaving in the first place that's the only reason why my ex-wife ever tried to get me to come backit was always about finding some way to one up me or finding some way to hurt me until finally one day I realized don't go back it's never going to get better you just have to move on and I am truly sorry you did that for 18 years I only did it for five and it was brutal
I now understand that I am drawn to them and they are drawn to me. I've been a serial monogamist my entire adult life...Im going to stay single by choice for the remainder. Goso. You Go when you know.
I was devastated and heartbroken over a whole fake ass fraud. That being realized, now I feel embarrassed ontop of the betrayalS, miserable 12 years and diabolical discard. However, I have the freedom to move on to a true relationship with a REAL man in peace and happiness. It's all about the comeback 🥰
It's not that they come back to save us after a cycle of abuse...no no no, they give you the false impression that your love has enabled some feelings to surface in them, so you start hoping maybe you can save them....but you cant!
You'll always will remember the person who causes you pain. You need to learn to love yourself more than the narcissist. My sociopath is on an ankle monitor. I am afraid once it's removed that he will come looking for me. He already has someone new out of state, never met. She already opened a bank acct for him. Only know each other for 2 1/2 months. He causes me stress and pain in my stomach.
Hi, please don't worry, you have come such a long way to realise he is the one still causing the stress and pain in your stomach. The longer he is on an a 'tag' the more time you will have to prepare for any time in the future. I am sure that Anoushka did a video about what the narcissistic abuse can do to your health. It seems you are already are coping better than you think. Self love is very important, if you are concerned for your personal safety why not give Anoushka a call or e-mail, you might be able to work on a plan of how to prepare for outcomes? I think you would benefit from having a strategy to cope before he is free to move around. Always be sure there are others who understand how you feel. I'm sending you some caring and healing thoughts from across the pond xx
This video completely spoke to me! This is everything I’m going through and struggling with right now! Even though I understand it all in my brain, it feels impossible to let go. It’s so very painful going through this . He’s so highly manipulative that he offers me things that I want so bad that I know I couldn’t find in someone else . I’m living in 2 worlds. One where I’m highly aware of all his manipulations and his hooks, and the other where I just want to be with him anyway. What do I do with that?
I know the narc hasn't moved on because it's 12 months no contact and he tried to let me know who he's talking to by getting that person to contact me using social media. LOL did I ask ... or go looking to see what hes up to ?! No. I blocked him straight away. He just wants to get a reaction and feel important, it put me right off, he just seems like a little child now.
I actually woke up and see what my narcissist/ex fiance did to manipulate me for her benefit. The fact that she turned on a dime and became a completely different person. It drove her crazy that I wouldn't act like a raging lunatic, but I loved her or the person she pretended to be. Now I realize I lost myself for someone who wasn't even real and I miss me and everything I sacrificed to make her happy. I feel sorry for her but will never let her back in my life!
You are so spot on. I don't have to wonder if my narssitic ex wife moved on. Divorced her lying, cheating, thieving carcous after 16 years. Two months later at 60 years old the 40 year old men she took up with let her party nonstop, which got her arrested for DWI, two felony counts of illegal narcotics, 1 felony illegal firearm, my pistol she walked off with. Lucky as usual, sentenced to 5 years probation. Violated every rule, probation revoked as of last week, bond denied, held over for trial 2/9 probably will spend the next year and a half in prison. Karma does work.
De-valued is the word, I remember her making me feel so down and looked at her and thought, never once does she as if I'm ok, or I don't look happy what's wrong ?. But after watching theses vids, that's the intention ,I was there for her benefit only.
@@thekrrib if you still miss him,thank of all the bad things,gas lighting you, future faking, devalue, lying to you, being mean to you,let go of people that don't serve you and it will open doors for positive people,hang in there your on the right track,you don't want to be setting out there in the appliance junkyard,you have came this far 👍 up your doing great.
You have just answered what’s going on in my life , I can’t get my head around never getting any truth or apology, after 33 years together. Thank you 🙏
I was grieving my dignity and my integrity after so much abuse. One year after the discard and I'm still picking up the pieces. I understand now that she defeated me, I didn't see it coming, and that is ok, a man needs to accept the defeat and rebuild himself again. Grow even better than before meeting her.
I will never care anymore...my eyes are opened..I used to be disturbed by the behaviour of my ex ..going back to his exes,the cycle goes on..feeling pity on himself,the list is endless..
Everytime I visit my son, his dad always calls my son for no reason and then asks my son how I am and how my visit is going..my son has even noticed he does this..a few times he has even turned up at my son's house asking to borrow something but I always go upstairs out of the way so I never see him..its be over 20 years since we divorced..I never knew he was a narc until after I got married again to another narc...
Another indication that they haven't 'moved on' is when they are sadistic about it. For example, going out of their way to engage in anything that they can find, that they know is a difficulty for you. You name it, they will proceed to devote themselves to exactly such things: Allergic to strawberries?, Fear of heights? Not into Yoga? Don't love Reggae music? etc, they are magically devoted to such things! In other words, being sadistic is NOT moving on.
Met this girl a year ago. Things started off good, too good if you know what I mean.. she pushed for a relationship 3 months in, moved in with me a month later, gave up most of what she had to move in to mine so it seemed genuine. Then a month later moved out, said she’d lost herself needed to find herself again, a month after that, broke it off, was very sudden. I was blocked on overything and her friends blocked me too. A week later she contacted me, said she wanted to try again slower can still be commited but not in a relationship. A month after that she blew up over something small and broke it off again and I was blocked again. This time she was gone two weeks, then I randomly get a call and it’s her, she’s sounding good and happy wanted to catch up, at this point I’m getting abit over the coming and going. She blamed it on being too overwhelmed because this whole time since the initial breakup she was very depressed about losing her place she lived in and her things, pups etc So we saw eachother for another 3 weeks then had another blow up. This time she did not block me but when silent and ghosted. That blow up caused me to block her on social media however kept phone number open. So I knew she was ghosting. She came back in 4 days and said sorry but this time she said all she wants is friends with benefits. Wants to do her, be free and not have pressure of what are we etc etc asked for a few months to let her do her yet refused to have me back on social media but keep my number open.. It’s been another 3 weeks of casually seeing eachother, there is no emotion until it comes to the sex. Any time I bring stuff up about the past she gets mad. These past two weeks I’ve been watching and learning about narcissism and I believe she is a covert female narcissist. I’ve been putting her to the test, I went silent for two days and she thought I’d blocked her, then I played it off all cool which made her feel okay. Every time I draw distant she puts in more effort over text. She got so comfortable hearing from me everyday that she knows somethings a miss. She’s also told me if I don’t feel comfortable doing fwb I can walk away (controlling tactic knowing I don’t want to) she’s even told me not to hold out hope for her and if an opportunity arises with another girl I should take it, knowing fair well I only want her, whether that’s a justification for her knowing that she might be seeing a new supply and feels bad because I’m all in for her I don’t know. I’m struggling to figure out if she in fact does have someone else. When I spend the night she does not hide her phone, leaves it face up, not on silent, notifications still come through. Trying to figure out if she in fact just wants to focus on herself and genuinely doesn’t want a relationship right now. Either way I’m slowly pulling away as my effort is diminished, tired of showing emotion and empathy to hardly receive any back. And all my therioes and tests have proven she at least has narcissistic tendacies.. The refusal of social media adding is a big red flag for me.. it was never a problem before when she came back 2nd/3rd time added me back no problem. I’m just looking for answers as I’m still unsure. I know she had a really rough upbringing… It all makes sense. Said her previous boyfriend was a narcissist and ram her through the mud, but I’m left to believe maybe it was you not him… Any help would be appreciated in a very resilient guy, she is a good friend and I love hearing from her/seeing her, but I can only take this for abit longer to try determine if I should leave…
From a Man, bro run and don't look back, these people are incapable of love, they have zero empathy, they can't apologize, they blameshift, they play the victim all the time ... She will ruin your life trust me
Dam she on point i became a dam docter in 5 years with no history in the field lol ...it was a long drawn out deal but i was blessed with great compassion and temperance it was a hell of a ride ..But what if i wasnt so strong or had will power .Dangerous game..
She doesn't. The last thing he wants is for me to talk to her. I just blocked her because we have mutual friends and I didn't want to see her popping up on my Facebook
Narcissist will move on only if they are mortified . Which means public humiliation by the intimate partner and exposing them. Only Narcissistic injury- getting angry etc will not . They never let it go.
They always comeback if they need something specific that's a fact they are evil person, they can ruin your life for real the only solution is to block them and move on your life and close that chapter like they never existed they will drain your soul, your energy, all the light you have they will leave you in darkness ... BLOC THEM AND MOVE ON THAT'S IT
One interesting thing you sad clarifies for me that even though I was horribly discarded at the very end he said but you can stay as long as you want which was mine bending due to the way I was being treated but now I understand it is because he always wanted to come back to be able to say but I told you you could stay which he has already done
Mine oddly said “the door is always open” the last time I saw him (before I went NC as a pre-empt to what I felt was a discard about to happen). I thought it was strange because we were in a relationship at the time, so I never questioned the door “being open”. Now I know for sure: he was planning to discard, but knew himself and that he would be circling back to me some day.
HE SAID TO ME..."IM DONE WITH U BUT U CAN STAY" so I pressed 10 charges and he's going to jail next month. And he still violating the order! When will he give up! 😂😂😂😂
Thanks Anoushka for making this video, it has helped me so much to understand my ex narc. I left him 7 months ago, we were together 9 years, but he keeps trying to come back. I have gone no contact now but I let him back in for a brief time, I have learned my lesson now. I hope one day he will move on because I need to heal from the manipulation, the lies and deception. I have put boundaries in place now.
I'm not wondering. I know they've moved on. Good for them! I just want to heal and get on with my life. Plus I don't see him, he hardly had any friends & he turned his family against me a long time ago.
Do you have a video about when they don't speak to you for months even when you live in the same house? Are they getting ready to dump you? (After mine didn't speak to me for three months I walked out and filed for divorce....) Felt soooo good to be free after 18 years.
I went through the same. He was devaluing and discarding me but I did the final discard by calling the cops and filing a restraining order. Unfortunately I lost so much of my freedom, money, family that it almost drove me crazy. I am finally free but he still resides in my head. I still remember the silent treatment and walking on eggshells
@@MsDavali Yes, I know my stomach would tie itself in knots at the thought of having to return home after work. Would I find anger, indifference or just plain selfishness? Or maybe some nice old silent treatment for no reason that i could think of. Being told what i could wear, what weight i should be, what I was allowed to spend, how long i could spend in the shower, how often i could do the laundry, where i was allowed to go, who I could see, not allowed friends in the house, suspicious if i was friendly with a man, forced to abort our own child, Forbidden to use the car (he drove me to and from work) or yelled at if I rang my family, if I said sex was painful i was told not to be such a wimp, being pinned to the wall, yelled at and hit in the face when i was asleep.....publically mocked in front of strangers, yet a Prince Charming to everyone else....Told me that if I ever had an affair he would certainly know about it - this statement caused me to wonder if he was having one but I never found out if he was. He had plenty of opportunity to as i was away working much of the day, though I wonder who would want him....he used to go days without bathing until his clothes smelled....Hmmm, wonder if that's a narcissist?
@@SarahlabyrinthLHC yeah she when discarding me and our child was starting another affair of course. Kicking me and our child to the curb. I was suspicious of her behavior a month before but damn what a mind fu&$
I’m new to your channel and was wondering if you can do a video on why they refuse to file for a divorce even though they have moved in the new supply and taken everything from you including the kids etc. I’m bewildered by this. I’m darn sure never going to deal with them again so it’s crazy to me. The sad part is when you’ve been married to a covert narcissist for almost 30 years by the time you do leave your suffering with mental, physical, spiritual, and financial devastation. So although your not in the relationship everything that relationship was is still in you. One this is for sure....if it takes several years of scrapping pennies I will divorce him.
Do you understand that we live in a system where mental necrosis and dysfunction is a monetary system. From religion in the west to medicine to laws all encourage harming others. How can one human be with a narcissistic human and not know something is wrong unless this is their trained attraction?
I let history and heart override judgment and common sense, no way in hell he's getting back in he ripped me off- I have nothingto say to him, he's a narcissist, but if according to him tbere wasn't anything going on between us (he was living with me, in my room, sleeping in my bed) but we weren't dating, my emotional thinking is i feel nothing for or about him
I think mine has. As i finished it and he said he had had enough to never come near me again. The cycle has ended for me. He is wiped blocked and deleted and has been told i woke up to his game. I do still wonder what he was playing at as i had never struck one before. 🤔 im just annoyed with myself that i did not pick up on him earlier. Yes it was CONTROL but he has lost it.
I don’t think the narcisst has moved on since they were two. They seem totally ‘frozen’. Brilliant conmentary. Totally relevant for family cults and acquaintances/ ‘friends’ etc
Nope. I don't desire people who cause me pain. I have a desire for people to be their best. I try to be a vehicle to getting them there. I have a time limit on them. Work we do starts on Day 1.
1 year since we've had contact AND not everyone wants to be contacted by the narcissist.. some of us are waiting for them to lose interest so we can continue on with our lives PEACEFULLY .. I need him to find someone else so when I give myself to someone I don't have that worry in the back of my head that he's going to be watching what I'm doing etc. I just want peace
I finally realized that I wasn't grieving the narcissist. I was grieving the other losses, like the person I thought he was, and the life I thought we had, but it was all just a mirage. Knowing this has helped me move on.
Hey Debbie ! This was the hardest part for me as well … Who was that? What was I seeing ? It’s the hardest move to have no contact after , no closure .. or how do we see true people now ?? Distance does help ?? But I was so mad at myself ..I also still know I loved him so hard even now … it’s the idea of that person ..hopefully we can find the truths in future relationships … now I see narcs everywhere .. hmm this time I finally saw a pattern tho .. keep being your wonderful self , they picked probably because you were SO caring :) ❤️🩹
There are other good men like me who are being abused by female narcissists. We have to listen to people say that most men are narcissists.
@@marioashford2057 k a female narcissist would freak me out .. please take care of yourself and try to leave .. ❤️🩹
@@Pjbassjam I did leave. This time it is finalized. You are another woman that is a liar who is pretending to be blind about female narcissists. Overweight, unattractive, or unwanted females try to approach me all of the time because I am handsome, wealthy and kind. Beautiful women try to manipulate me. Narcissistic women are common in the future where I reside.
@@marioashford2057 I hope you find a really good honest woman who can truly love and be a real partner for you.
41 days no contact. I feel relieved. I cleaned my apartment today. I felt good for the first time in months. ❤️❤️❤️
It gets easier people.
I look forward to 41 days no contact. I’m in my 3rd week 🙏
@@KristalZ u got this. It's hard but it gets easier ❤️❤️❤️
Needed this. Thank you and I hope you’re still doing well
I gave up my apartment to move in with him, after 5 weeks the physical and emotional abuse began. I’m basically homeless. Stay with my cousin. It’s awfully painful.
Once you have healed, they are the last person you want too be with. It’s very hard in the beginning. But set boundaries and keep them. It’s gets better.
He gives me the ick and I never thought that would happen
It's a hard way...
The moments that you acknowledge your been make a foul for the deep love you gave him; the wonder inside of you is asking - how somebody could be so distance from humanity? That miracle love only come once in a lifetime when you're lucky.
Yes hear me I've moved on and did it a very long time ago. They hate our boundaries and I don't care.
@@joshuaanzalone2060 it does take a long time because of how hurtful they had become before the end of the relationship and even longer because I have kids and still have to deal with him. But I’m in therapy and I’m learning to detach from him actions and words. They are starting to mean nothing to me. He still very rude and try to sabotage everything in my world.
I went no contact forever, removed every mutual friend that sided with him. I honestly know nothing about him and its OK. Waiting for my awesome person.
when i got rid of someone I started talking to like 3 friends who i didnt give an opportunity before
and its more peaceful - my situation is so bizzarre i cant even begin to make sense of it
@@Hoops590 I understand that sometimes narcissistic abuse is unexplainable.
BETTER to WAIT, patiently, than to get caught up, with ANOTHER!!!! 🤞🤞🤞❤️
@@lindasimyu6414 Don't wait too long. Before you know it you can't have children and you're surrounded by cats.
@@longjohnny it's better to wait long for the right person than hurrying and settling for less because of fear of being alone only to end up being damaged.
Yes the most important question is "have we moved on" from this experience. We need to get to the point where we don't care what is the narcissist doing as that keeps us stuck in the past in the pain.
Agree.
EXACTLY don't give a hoot what he doing as long as he sysyo away from me, poor girl he is with GOD love her. But not my problem anymore.
Lydia, Very Correct.
@@davidcoppotelli3957 👍 All the best!
Gotta love a good trauma bond. This is the hardest healing I’ve ever done. I despise it and it’s hard to not beat myself up for ruminating. I know how toxic it all was and can’t wait for the day I don’t think about it daily.
Believe me, the way he ended the relationship not only destroyed me on many levels, but it has also put me in a downward spiral of confusion where I can't tell or know precisely what happened or be sure about anything; I feel like I have lost my memory I can't remember anything, I have lost my identity, my sense of myself, I am completely lost.
YOU need a therapist. Narcissists trauma-bonded you.
QW … It will get better
You must watch this type of content
If you can as the other person replied get help
If its not possible just keep watching this content so you dont lose perspective and revert back into contact and the hoover …
Im in the same place
I ruminate even now after months of being discarded for the 3 rd time in 3 yrs …
Its bewildering
I didnt even know how to define it!!!
I had no idea it was called “ narcissism” I couldn’t work eat sleep nothingggg
I understand 💔💔💔
But it gets better if you follow the advice of the experts …
That is me
Please consider EMDR. PLEASE
You have to realize how bad a spirit that person had connected to them. Pray for them. Pray for yourself and slowly move forward. I hope your further along the road and don’t have anything/anyone connecting you to that person
They overthink and obsess and act on impulse when angered!
The psychological manipulations are so transparent when you finally wake up and become aware of what they are.......and what they are trying to do.
I saw my ex from 3 1/2 yrs back who discarded me on Christmas day a few months at my local pub. I just ignored her but could see through the side of my eye the look on her face of shock. Don't know how to explain it but it felt good. I was broken for a long time but bounced back stronger than before I was with her.
Good for you stay strong
I do believe - there are certain people - who are drawn to narcissism - bc it’s “ so familiar “...
They are so convincing. Very sad
That's their "normal".... If you grew up with caregivers who were dismissive or narcissist then that's what you're attracted too. That is your "normal"
@nero zero Pray for someone who knows how to Love. Someone who has emotions.
@nero zero Maybe treat this like you would an addiction...You can learn to live without these sort of people who clutter up your life with their drama. You are worth more than this. Try some daily affirmations. Love yourself more and keep yourself away from them, you will learn how much more self reliant you really are. Enjoy the peaceful life. xx
Agreed
They will never get over you ever because in order to move on you have to internalize your emotions and think about your relationship and your life The narcissist cannot do that so as far as their concerned it could be 10 years ago they broke up with you yesterday they will never let go no matter how much it looks like they left and they moved on to them you're just a huge painful memory if you left them before the discard
Facts
My wife was discarding me and said one day I’m not happy I said oh ok she had done this before in the last 10 months I told her this is the 3rd time you’ve done this to me I’ve had enough she said what!! I said I’m getting me gear and moving out she burst out crying I said what you crying for you want this she said I didn’t want you moving out so quick haha then she turned round and said we can be good friends I said noo friends don’t treat there friends like this I’ve went no contact
This is deeply healing. Thank you for the insight and for providing the closure one could never get from the narc.
I think the hardest part of this for me is realizing that while I was married to him for 32 years, and I was having his children, and we were watching our family grow, and while our children started their families, and were having all of our granchildren, he was doing these same things with other women too. There's no telling how many children he has. Or, how many grandchildren too. And, to him, everyone is just objects. This is insane.
Omg I’m so sorry 😢 big hug
Very sorry, I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this is. I pray he gets everything that’s coming to him.
Do you think that the cluster b loves themselves? Right. So how do you think they could ever love you. Everything that is good in you is endless, so nothing can be stolen from you. Go be the Phoenix. Change, learn, grow, embrace the hard, you can do it. Know your/you're love.
In reality they hate themselves inside, and if you can get them to admit that..wow. took exposing her in court to get it.
Exactly I missed the life I had ,I missed the man I thought loved me ,I missed my home my things When I left I packed a suitcase and left everything else behind I left so I could reclaim my life my happiness
Your life is important you can always get those things back. Blessings to you
This is soooo good! Thank you for being a light to those of who have been in darkness
I’m still in a limbo with it all nearly a year now and I’m still struggling taking all this in
Same 😔
He was already with other woman, got her pregnant and was promissing the world to me...
All narcs have a plan for their victims.
They are not that smart actually. They just need supply from everyone. They are masters of manipulation, however.
@@KatWoodland True...they dont love no one.
Mine was secretly planning trips to Colombia and paying the women to have sex with him. My daughter discovered his secret by using her fathers iPad and gave it to me saying “ dad is not who you think he is” once he found out our daughter discovered his secrets he acted like he hated her too and blamed her for being in our business. Mind you that’s our daughter! We have both now blocked his azz!
So informative. This information has been so helpful in breaking away. This describes every thing I went through or feeling now. Now I know why. Thank you
He cheated on me and even though I missed him for a few months I knew i was done with him forever 😏 18 months later and I still get the odd email from him with abuse but I just don't respond. He's with her so its her problem now lol
Good on you for staying away. And for not responding.That takes real growth and strength. It’s incomprehensible how they can cheat on us and yet get angry and abuse us... for finding out. I’m learning so much about how they learn. Its so hard to wrap my head around!
There was a lot of effort and work and intricate webs of deceit and lies and an emotional roller coaster the left you exhausted all the time all that work into destroying a person training them rebuilding them into what the narcissist wanted you to be it's no wonder it's so difficult for him to let go even if you did move on you're not supposed to according to him you're supposed to stay there and suffer they hate it when you move on and you're happy
🤣🤣🤣👋boy.....bye!
It does not matter if HE is finished with me. I am finished with him. Talked me into helping him furnish his new apartment even though, I did not want to become involved again. Years later, I learn that he had been effing the landlord's girlfriend. Then, I remembered that he had "friends" from "work" that he was socializing with so that I could not go visit him when I wanted to. It all made sense. NEVER again. NEVER EVER will I be manipulated again.
I really like your videos! More than focusing on behaviour of narcissists you focus on the psychology of why are the viewers searching answers of their questions. Your videos actually help many viewers. All the best! ❤️ Keep making such fab videos.
I finally left him after so many future faking he promised me and the disrespect get worse every time you accept them back I tried so many attempts to leave him over 3 years he comes back begging fake apologies and he’s broke all the time even if he gets money he will share abit of it with me to give me false security but will never spoil me I have finally done it I feel good and at peace I do believe I was the best supply he ever had because I was literally kissing his arss 24/7 and made him feel like he was a king and I made him feel so good constantly praising him untill I woke up and realised my worth I was in love with someone that doesn’t exist
Amazing. These videos are packed with useful, meaningful and actually applicable info. Every example and scenario she presents hits home...its surreal. Pure quality. Very few channels like this. Thank you
This how my ex narcissist acted leaves me confused wondering where I stand he discarded me and I discarded him on newyears. Then he messaged last week saying he definitely hasn’t forgot me he just can’t.
The thought of them coming back has slowed my healing a lot. Makes it harder to let go. It’s been two years now. I feel the need to stay at the ready. It doesn’t allow me to release it.
Ex narc would constantly talk about his ex wife who he divorced 20 years ago. He still kept her photo albums in his sideboard in the living room. He took me out once it was a date of all the houses his ex wife had refused to live in. He was constantly talking about how much he hated her intercepted with taking me to their previous romantic haunts and life plans. Now he’s probably talking about me how much he hates me and prob taking new supply to all our old haunts
Sounds like we have the same ex. Mine did the same.
@@staceykessler5702 Stacey hi ! I’m sorry you experienced such cruel behavior. I believe this is a pattern which they consistently follow. I bet they talk about us similarly now we’re gone. I can see and hear it now, he probably has added my photo to the sideboard, in the next decade there will be several more. I read they enjoy keeping old exes photos and occasionally gifts as trophies rather like serial killers. I said to him” you still love her it’s been 20 years divorced. Why are you talking about her to me? “ . His reply “ you even look like her” I don’t she’s 5ft 1 and curvy I’m 5”8 and slim. This comment he made should have come with sinister eerie background music
Mine took the new supply to our old haunts too! Crazy! Too bad she doesn't know!
@@amandatarkington6877 mines too
Amazing video. The insight is like a healing balm. Really shifting my mindset. Feels good to be understood.
My son's mother has been married for over 5 years and she still look for every opportunity to contact me and fight with me. I keep telling her I want nothing to do with her outside of communication with/ about my son, so she uses that as a reason to start conflict with me and then blame drama on me (??????). She will not accept the fact there is no need for communication since the court order states the terms of which I can see my son, but she always finds a reason to try to communicate with me. Then she tells me to "get over it" (her moving on and marrying) and I'm left clueless about what I need to get over since I WANT her out of my life; she just won't leave....
I feel I bro same thing here man fighting for them shows she still cares lol even after being 🍆 down by multiple dudes stay strong bro someone who loves u works things out someone who self centered runs.
i feel you man i pray you find peace somehow when you feel that way yes the chemical bond is broken..thank God indeed
Lol these are crazy ppl
Matt;
What she is doing ….. is projecting. SHE is telling you to do, what she “cannot” do ….. GET OVER IT. Because of her insecurities, and trauma, and inability to seek the professional help that she desperately needs, she will never get through or over her trauma from the past (childhood). She is projecting this ….. unto you. And because you are “able” to successfully move on, it triggers and makes her angry, causing her to contact you ….. and cause drama (discord in your life). Because you are SUCCESSFULLY moving on.
The way to defeat this (since you are co-parenting) …… is to use LOVE ❤️
HEAR ME OUT!!
I have done this, and it is 100% Effective.
when she call’s, you become sweet. NOT weird …. Just kind. Even if you have to roll your eyes. And when she begins to start the accusations …… you “IGNORE” them! And then, as if you were flirting with her …. Accuse her of calling you, because she “still” WANTS you. No matter what she says thereafter, simply say ….. “You know you still love ❤️ Me!” And NOTHING more. It will completely shut her DOWN. If she denies, or brings up her husband ….. “Girl …. You know you love Me!” But don’t be surprised, if she admits to it. I can’t help you there, but to say …. Don’t open those can of worms. My narc wanted to move in with me. I got a response for any tricky situation as well: “I need to Pray 🙏 and ask God about that.” I don’t like lying, so I didn’t actually ask God …. So when he would ask me about moving in again, I would tell him I hadn’t prayed about it yet. I hope all is going well for you!
Matt do what you can to not be in communication with her . . . verbally. Make her communicate via text message. Just a recommendation. OR if on the phone, say “I refuse to be spoken like this, and I need to hang up.” Then hang up
Omg she’s so on point. This is exactly how I feel, felt and all!
Thanks to videos like yours and others who have first hand experience and knowledge of this disorder. I'm moving right along, as well as many others I'm hoping and praying for. Hang in there survivors it hurts a lot. But give yourself time. Go through the emotions, pray, Seek the Lord and keep watching content like this and you will be ok. Seriously, it all to shall pass. In the Name of Jesus Christ. God bless and Happy Holidays.
Amen!! Thank you!!!
He hurt me so bad my God!! Please keep me in your prayers.
@@garciamckenzie-ewing7570
Will do, hang in there. Change your routine, get outside and do things differently and be with people who truly care for you and will give you support and advise you need, not what you want to hear, but ehat you need to hear and do. You'll be ok, trust me go through the process. Be safe, take care of yourself, pray and trust the Lord. God bless you and take care.
Lol... you're so right... never thought I'll have a "degree in narcissism"..
Going on / watching on.. it's not so funny anymore
I just realized a bit of information I can pass on, sort of a thermometer in the turkey of narcissism. notice the flip when they start speaking about the ex immediately proceeding you. notice when they start to speak positively of that person...that means you're in full-blown devaluation mode and you need to get your duckies arranged.
YES!
OMG I was accused of saying and doing things HE had told me SHE did to him. For example, she said to him during their divorce, “I will destroy you!” Next thing I know, during yet another pointless argument, in an endless loop, he sneered, “You can’t destroy me! It’s I who will destroy you.!” Weirdo.
My exnarc NEVER talked about his past escapades. Ours was so brief yet the damage is still here 2 plus years later.
mine either, I didn't even notice that, he never talked about his past relationships and he lied about 2 of his 3 baby mamas, and his new supply wasnt new she was an old supply who lived next door to him, I wasnt surprise because I dont put anything past a man, so I had a new supply on the side as well
His new supply dumped him after 8 weeks but he has reeled her back in, I can’t judge her I stayed 18 years with the monster
26 yrs
12 years - but I left so he is hoovering for now.
Edit: I get angry so for now since a week ago I get NC!
💔
I stayed for 35 years. I didn't know what narcissm was until I watched TH-cam. It was then that I joined all of the dots & put all of the puzzle together. It then all made sense. I am going through moments of intense anger that I gave this monster all of those years!!
The classic Hoover I got hoovered many times only to have to pay the price for leaving in the first place that's the only reason why my ex-wife ever tried to get me to come backit was always about finding some way to one up me or finding some way to hurt me until finally one day I realized don't go back it's never going to get better you just have to move on and I am truly sorry you did that for 18 years I only did it for five and it was brutal
I now understand that I am drawn to them and they are drawn to me. I've been a serial monogamist my entire adult life...Im going to stay single by choice for the remainder. Goso. You Go when you know.
I would have loved to know you and see if it can work out because I am familiar with your situation.
I was devastated and heartbroken over a whole fake ass fraud. That being realized, now I feel embarrassed ontop of the betrayalS, miserable 12 years and diabolical discard. However, I have the freedom to move on to a true relationship with a REAL man in peace and happiness. It's all about the comeback 🥰
It's not that they come back to save us after a cycle of abuse...no no no, they give you the false impression that your love has enabled some feelings to surface in them, so you start hoping maybe you can save them....but you cant!
You'll always will remember the person who causes you pain. You need to learn to love yourself more than the narcissist. My sociopath is on an ankle monitor. I am afraid once it's removed that he will come looking for me. He already has someone new out of state, never met. She already opened a bank acct for him. Only know each other for 2 1/2 months. He causes me stress and pain in my stomach.
Hi, please don't worry, you have come such a long way to realise he is the one still causing the stress and pain in your stomach. The longer he is on an a 'tag' the more time you will have to prepare for any time in the future.
I am sure that Anoushka did a video about what the narcissistic abuse can do to your health.
It seems you are already are coping better than you think. Self love is very important, if you are concerned for your personal safety why not give Anoushka a call or e-mail, you might be able to work on a plan of how to prepare for outcomes?
I think you would benefit from having a strategy to cope before he is free to move around. Always be sure there are others who understand how you feel.
I'm sending you some caring and healing thoughts from across the pond xx
I think narcissists should be on ankle monitors
my ex narc disappeared for 3 days ruining xmas for the kids the day his ankle monitor came off...then denied any accountability
@@nathancarter8127 for life to warn everyone
How do you know about their goings-on with this other person?
You know these people well!!
This had been very enlightening. Thank you so much!!
This video completely spoke to me! This is everything I’m going through and struggling with right now! Even though I understand it all in my brain, it feels impossible to let go. It’s so very painful going through this . He’s so highly manipulative that he offers me things that I want so bad that I know I couldn’t find in someone else . I’m living in 2 worlds. One where I’m highly aware of all his manipulations and his hooks, and the other where I just want to be with him anyway. What do I do with that?
Im in the exact same boat...just hurting...Im not sure what to do other than be still and remember the bad..
You pinpointed the situation I'm in right now
Run as fast you can. Thank God I didn't date him. They play off our vulnerabilities.
Exactly me right now
Thank you for explaining what I am going through so well
You're STILL Healing 👍👍👍. Don't give them WHAT THEY WANT....... YOU!!!!!! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞❤️
I know the narc hasn't moved on because it's 12 months no contact and he tried to let me know who he's talking to by getting that person to contact me using social media. LOL did I ask ... or go looking to see what hes up to ?! No. I blocked him straight away. He just wants to get a reaction and feel important, it put me right off, he just seems like a little child now.
This is probably the best video on TH-cam for explaining discard/new supply ratio of information. Hang tight everyone.
I actually woke up and see what my narcissist/ex fiance did to manipulate me for her benefit. The fact that she turned on a dime and became a completely different person. It drove her crazy that I wouldn't act like a raging lunatic, but I loved her or the person she pretended to be. Now I realize I lost myself for someone who wasn't even real and I miss me and everything I sacrificed to make her happy. I feel sorry for her but will never let her back in my life!
My exact feelings. It’s mind boggling how so many people go through the same exact thing.
You are so spot on. I don't have to wonder if my narssitic ex wife moved on. Divorced her lying, cheating, thieving carcous after 16 years. Two months later at 60 years old the 40 year old men she took up with let her party nonstop, which got her arrested for DWI, two felony counts of illegal narcotics, 1 felony illegal firearm, my pistol she walked off with. Lucky as usual, sentenced to 5 years probation. Violated every rule, probation revoked as of last week, bond denied, held over for trial 2/9 probably will spend the next year and a half in prison. Karma does work.
Lucky you
De-valued is the word, I remember her making me feel so down and looked at her and thought, never once does she as if I'm ok, or I don't look happy what's wrong ?. But after watching theses vids, that's the intention ,I was there for her benefit only.
Thanks so much for this insight!! Explains what im going through, like being stuck in limbo.
This is why goso get out stay out, and stop the emotional thinking 🤔,you must learn to let go of people that don't serve you, there toxic no good.
Its tough. I haven't seen/talked to him for 18 months yet, I still miss him 😕😔
@@thekrrib if you still miss him,thank of all the bad things,gas lighting you, future faking, devalue, lying to you, being mean to you,let go of people that don't serve you and it will open doors for positive people,hang in there your on the right track,you don't want to be setting out there in the appliance junkyard,you have came this far 👍 up your doing great.
Absolutely💯
You have just answered what’s going on in my life , I can’t get my head around never getting any truth or apology, after 33 years together.
Thank you 🙏
I had 45yrs
I hope you have moved on and found happiness 🙏🥰
@@YS-oy5gu still waiting for final divorce n in same home over three years soon freedom can't wait.
@@peggynarcsuvivor9073 Wishing you a happy future ahead, I walked away a year ago. I’m finally figuring out.
@@jowoods7015 it gets easier I promise you 🙏
This is very true, fantastically helpful
Your work is brilliant and compelling and your beauty is quite captivating... Thank you!
Wow so,insightful it's exactly what's on,my mind everything you said resonates with me thank you!
I was grieving my dignity and my integrity after so much abuse. One year after the discard and I'm still picking up the pieces. I understand now that she defeated me, I didn't see it coming, and that is ok, a man needs to accept the defeat and rebuild himself again. Grow even better than before meeting her.
Long story short - it's not your business. Focus on yourself and your health
I will never care anymore...my eyes are opened..I used to be disturbed by the behaviour of my ex ..going back to his exes,the cycle goes on..feeling pity on himself,the list is endless..
Perhaps the best way for us narc survivors is to date each other ??!! Any thoughts on this?
Coz its really scary to even think of trusting someone...
🤗
That’s a great idea
Yes true
@@ES-hy2wi how can we do it then?
Yeah. So many of us here waiting to fill the void after the rejection just hoping, seeking and willing.
Everytime I visit my son, his dad always calls my son for no reason and then asks my son how I am and how my visit is going..my son has even noticed he does this..a few times he has even turned up at my son's house asking to borrow something but I always go upstairs out of the way so I never see him..its be over 20 years since we divorced..I never knew he was a narc until after I got married again to another narc...
Yes it helped from your explanation. Thank you.
You have help so much thanks.
Great video, Thanks 👍
Another indication that they haven't 'moved on' is when they are sadistic about it. For example, going out of their way to engage in anything that they can find, that they know is a difficulty for you. You name it, they will proceed to devote themselves to exactly such things: Allergic to strawberries?, Fear of heights? Not into Yoga? Don't love Reggae music? etc, they are magically devoted to such things! In other words, being sadistic is NOT moving on.
Thanks a lot for the video beautiful lady
Met this girl a year ago. Things started off good, too good if you know what I mean.. she pushed for a relationship 3 months in, moved in with me a month later, gave up most of what she had to move in to mine so it seemed genuine. Then a month later moved out, said she’d lost herself needed to find herself again, a month after that, broke it off, was very sudden. I was blocked on overything and her friends blocked me too. A week later she contacted me, said she wanted to try again slower can still be commited but not in a relationship. A month after that she blew up over something small and broke it off again and I was blocked again. This time she was gone two weeks, then I randomly get a call and it’s her, she’s sounding good and happy wanted to catch up, at this point I’m getting abit over the coming and going. She blamed it on being too overwhelmed because this whole time since the initial breakup she was very depressed about losing her place she lived in and her things, pups etc
So we saw eachother for another 3 weeks then had another blow up. This time she did not block me but when silent and ghosted. That blow up caused me to block her on social media however kept phone number open. So I knew she was ghosting.
She came back in 4 days and said sorry but this time she said all she wants is friends with benefits. Wants to do her, be free and not have pressure of what are we etc etc asked for a few months to let her do her yet refused to have me back on social media but keep my number open..
It’s been another 3 weeks of casually seeing eachother, there is no emotion until it comes to the sex. Any time I bring stuff up about the past she gets mad. These past two weeks I’ve been watching and learning about narcissism and I believe she is a covert female narcissist.
I’ve been putting her to the test, I went silent for two days and she thought I’d blocked her, then I played it off all cool which made her feel okay. Every time I draw distant she puts in more effort over text. She got so comfortable hearing from me everyday that she knows somethings a miss.
She’s also told me if I don’t feel comfortable doing fwb I can walk away (controlling tactic knowing I don’t want to) she’s even told me not to hold out hope for her and if an opportunity arises with another girl I should take it, knowing fair well I only want her, whether that’s a justification for her knowing that she might be seeing a new supply and feels bad because I’m all in for her I don’t know.
I’m struggling to figure out if she in fact does have someone else. When I spend the night she does not hide her phone, leaves it face up, not on silent, notifications still come through.
Trying to figure out if she in fact just wants to focus on herself and genuinely doesn’t want a relationship right now.
Either way I’m slowly pulling away as my effort is diminished, tired of showing emotion and empathy to hardly receive any back.
And all my therioes and tests have proven she at least has narcissistic tendacies..
The refusal of social media adding is a big red flag for me.. it was never a problem before when she came back 2nd/3rd time added me back no problem.
I’m just looking for answers as I’m still unsure. I know she had a really rough upbringing…
It all makes sense. Said her previous boyfriend was a narcissist and ram her through the mud, but I’m left to believe maybe it was you not him…
Any help would be appreciated in a very resilient guy, she is a good friend and I love hearing from her/seeing her, but I can only take this for abit longer to try determine if I should leave…
From a Man, bro run and don't look back, these people are incapable of love, they have zero empathy, they can't apologize, they blameshift, they play the victim all the time ... She will ruin your life trust me
Block her and move on
Dam she on point i became a dam docter in 5 years with no history in the field lol ...it was a long drawn out deal but i was blessed with great compassion and temperance it was a hell of a ride ..But what if i wasnt so strong or had will power .Dangerous game..
He has new supply
But he hasn't changed. Although he does seem happy. Who knows. Hes blocked and So is his new supply.
How does the new supply contact you?
She doesn't. The last thing he wants is for me to talk to her. I just blocked her because we have mutual friends and I didn't want to see her popping up on my Facebook
I could be wrong but what I've learned - they don't even try to come back ever, if they discard YOU!
Not in my case, he never leaves me alone but doesn't want to get back together.
Just to make sure I'm still suffering
Narcissist will move on only if they are mortified . Which means public humiliation by the intimate partner and exposing them. Only Narcissistic injury- getting angry etc will not . They never let it go.
They always comeback if they need something specific that's a fact they are evil person, they can ruin your life for real the only solution is to block them and move on your life and close that chapter like they never existed they will drain your soul, your energy, all the light you have they will leave you in darkness ... BLOC THEM AND MOVE ON THAT'S IT
I'm looking for a loving empath like myself age 30 to 36 female
10 months of no contact and feeling way stronger 💪
I want be seeing my narc again. When she hoovered me I said I saw your mask slip jezabel. Conversation ended .
One interesting thing you sad clarifies for me that even though I was horribly discarded at the very end he said but you can stay as long as you want which was mine bending due to the way I was being treated but now I understand it is because he always wanted to come back to be able to say but I told you you could stay which he has already done
Mine oddly said “the door is always open” the last time I saw him (before I went NC as a pre-empt to what I felt was a discard about to happen).
I thought it was strange because we were in a relationship at the time, so I never questioned the door “being open”.
Now I know for sure: he was planning to discard, but knew himself and that he would be circling back to me some day.
HE SAID TO ME..."IM DONE WITH U BUT U CAN STAY" so I pressed 10 charges and he's going to jail next month. And he still violating the order! When will he give up! 😂😂😂😂
@Mickey so true
Good riddence lotsa lessons learned
Good one❤its really goid to come over this stage... 30 exes🥵i remeber the pain...never more❤thank you🙏🏼
I didn’t really hear you discuss anything about the title of this video....
The narc went on vacation and i felt great.
best thing to do Run Forest Run & dont return
Thanks Anoushka for making this video, it has helped me so much to understand my ex narc. I left him 7 months ago, we were together 9 years, but he keeps trying to come back. I have gone no contact now but I let him back in for a brief time, I have learned my lesson now. I hope one day he will move on because I need to heal from the manipulation, the lies and deception. I have put boundaries in place now.
Donna Edwards,You got a lovely smile 😊
You are so right 👍 I believe you, going through this 😳
I'm not wondering. I know they've moved on. Good for them! I just want to heal and get on with my life. Plus I don't see him, he hardly had any friends & he turned his family against me a long time ago.
Do you have a video about when they don't speak to you for months even when you live in the same house? Are they getting ready to dump you? (After mine didn't speak to me for three months I walked out and filed for divorce....) Felt soooo good to be free after 18 years.
I went through the same. He was devaluing and discarding me but I did the final discard by calling the cops and filing a restraining order. Unfortunately I lost so much of my freedom, money, family that it almost drove me crazy. I am finally free but he still resides in my head. I still remember the silent treatment and walking on eggshells
@@MsDavali Yes, I know my stomach would tie itself in knots at the thought of having to return home after work. Would I find anger, indifference or just plain selfishness? Or maybe some nice old silent treatment for no reason that i could think of. Being told what i could wear, what weight i should be, what I was allowed to spend, how long i could spend in the shower, how often i could do the laundry, where i was allowed to go, who I could see, not allowed friends in the house, suspicious if i was friendly with a man, forced to abort our own child, Forbidden to use the car (he drove me to and from work) or yelled at if I rang my family, if I said sex was painful i was told not to be such a wimp, being pinned to the wall, yelled at and hit in the face when i was asleep.....publically mocked in front of strangers, yet a Prince Charming to everyone else....Told me that if I ever had an affair he would certainly know about it - this statement caused me to wonder if he was having one but I never found out if he was. He had plenty of opportunity to as i was away working much of the day, though I wonder who would want him....he used to go days without bathing until his clothes smelled....Hmmm, wonder if that's a narcissist?
My ex did this
@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 It's horrible, isn't it? It's good that he's now an "ex" and not a "current". :)
@@SarahlabyrinthLHC yeah she when discarding me and our child was starting another affair of course. Kicking me and our child to the curb. I was suspicious of her behavior a month before but damn what a mind fu&$
I’m new to your channel and was wondering if you can do a video on why they refuse to file for a divorce even though they have moved in the new supply and taken everything from you including the kids etc. I’m bewildered by this. I’m darn sure never going to deal with them again so it’s crazy to me. The sad part is when you’ve been married to a covert narcissist for almost 30 years by the time you do leave your suffering with mental, physical, spiritual, and financial devastation. So although your not in the relationship everything that relationship was is still in you. One this is for sure....if it takes several years of scrapping pennies I will divorce him.
It's best not to think about that. Forget about them. They arent worth the energy. Theyll ruin that relationship too.
Do you understand that we live in a system where mental necrosis and dysfunction is a monetary system. From religion in the west to medicine to laws all encourage harming others. How can one human be with a narcissistic human and not know something is wrong unless this is their trained attraction?
I let history and heart override judgment and common sense, no way in hell he's getting back in he ripped me off- I have nothingto say to him, he's a narcissist, but if according to him tbere wasn't anything going on between us (he was living with me, in my room, sleeping in my bed) but we weren't dating, my emotional thinking is i feel nothing for or about him
I have an old Narc friend from college still stalking my on linkedin. This is after 25+ years since college.
Move on & concentrate on Self.
Thank you.
No I don't want them to come back thank you.
I think mine has. As i finished it and he said he had had enough to never come near me again. The cycle has ended for me. He is wiped blocked and deleted and has been told i woke up to his game. I do still wonder what he was playing at as i had never struck one before. 🤔 im just annoyed with myself that i did not pick up on him earlier. Yes it was CONTROL but he has lost it.
I don’t think the narcisst has moved on since they were two. They seem totally ‘frozen’. Brilliant conmentary. Totally relevant for family cults and acquaintances/ ‘friends’ etc
Sh*t Anoushka, you hit me spot on
I love your sweater 😍
Perfect plan!!!
Nope. I don't desire people who cause me pain. I have a desire for people to be their best. I try to be a vehicle to getting them there. I have a time limit on them. Work we do starts on Day 1.
1 year since we've had contact AND not everyone wants to be contacted by the narcissist.. some of us are waiting for them to lose interest so we can continue on with our lives PEACEFULLY .. I need him to find someone else so when I give myself to someone I don't have that worry in the back of my head that he's going to be watching what I'm doing etc. I just want peace
I referred to my ex narcissists as ex collectors
A straggle of broken hearts behind them.
Is there a difference between the hoovering patterns of male narcs to female narcs? My narc is female.
Tear down, not build up or stay “LEVEL!”
This is so true