Something about when he goes "She was all shoulders" kills me every damn time. Because of Tom I've been using that line in my own life for years now lol
While that is quite bad, sometimes you end up with a shit ton of people paying with 20s and 50s. The movie theater I worked at had this problem about once a month. Most of the time, we could just break a bill down by using the registers for the concession stand. But, when that didn't work (which was rare), we would use the register at the video store to break the bills down.
@@shadowbandit3975 that only works if you have the option of going to the bank. If the bank closes at six and the box office opens at seven, then going to the bank for small bills isn't an option.
God I wish I experienced this kind of surreal NPC bullshit more often. It's so spiritually taxing to take a step bak and say, 'What the fuck is going on right now?' in a situation like this. and I Fucking love it.
i dont know if i should cry or i should laugh at this piece. Its funny as hell, but sad thing that its all bloody true. So many people have no idea what life looks like outside of their little town.
@@randomswedishdude and did you ask your wife to hand you your balls from her purse before talking to an arab lady... i know in your world women castrated you with feminism .. but in ours we still have our balls .. and our women like men not what left of men.
@@focusstudios1296 sexism is a word that exists only in the liberal societies .. it means a man being masculine and a woman being feminin .. but feminism came to solve the problem .. transforme women into men or manlier and shame them for being women and put down men every time they try to act masculine and shame them for being men ..so you have a society where women are more successful than men .. they go out to make a living and their men stay at home and then they wonder why these women are asking for divorce ..
I love that part of the idea here was "I'm just not gonna ask any questions about why this man has all denominations of currency just on hand. I just want my fucking latte and I have no idea what is happening here."
My go to order at Starbucks is the Java Chip Frappuccino, with chocolate chips, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. A friend of mine once referred to it as "frou-frou coffee." I don't care, cause it's delicious.
Just google "adblock" and add the most popular adblock extension for the browser you use (It's safe), I only see TH-cam ads when I use the TH-cam app on my phone.
Lol in the middle East most Arabs that hangout at coffee houses are quite rich and pretty educated. It's a certain crowd fancy coffee houses attract in ME. An American comparison is like whites hanging out at a bar after their shift is done. Arabs are quite posh but I'm just tryin to provide a comparison to folks with no point of reference of our versus their culture.
I would have WALKED OUT. In Australia they ONLY ask if you got anything smaller if you give them $100 note. Which there's not tons getting around because ATMs spit out $50s and $20s and once I saw one spit out $10s.
I refuse to spend money anywhere legal tender is not accepted. I went to Dollar Tree once and had like $80 in my cart for Operation Christmas Child, and the under-trained/paid employees wouldn't take my bill. Sad.
In the 2000s I went to a Starbucks cafe in a B&N 📚. The "barista" coldly informed me that they had NO COFFEE! Coffee! 0. The woman said: this is a cafe not a regular Starbucks. ☕. I was 🤬.
happend to me a lot that i was in for example toy shop with my kid and when i was going to pay woman asked me if i want to buy this and that because it's a discount if i buy it with those toy i bought for him...and i said no thank you and she goes ok and there is one more thing in discount i lose my mind in places like that :D And when i was walking out because i didn't want any of that discounted sh.t she was looking at me like i was BAD PERSON
That....was the *epitome* of a "tough crowd." I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, dog looking up at me with his head cocked to the side...and in that entire audience you hear maybe 6 people laugh a handful of times
This is the kinda shit that makes me absolutely nuts! Went to an Einstein Bagels here in Vegas specifically to get a Bagel with lox’s and cream cheese at 8am on a Sunday morning I was really pleased walking in and seeing a picture of a beautiful bagel with lox and cream cheese right behind the cashiers head! I placed my order and guess what? The fucking chain discontinued lox on bagels! I swallowed my anger and failure and decided to just order 2 untoasted bagels go to the market by my own shit and make them myself! Then this nit-wit and I’ll Quote “ can I get your name for the order” so I say wtf do you need my name for? Put 2 plain bagels in a bag and hand it to me! No names needed! Then she starts in with the can I get a phone number or e mail for rewards? Seriously she had no clue at this point how close to death she was!
Every fuckin time I go to fuckin Safeway they fuckin try to get me to sign up for their rewards card Safeway membership every time I say no they'll go are you sure you could save 15% like geico or however much it is i don't no
Medium Black Dark roast No sugar It's amazing how quite often i have ro be vigilent AFTER staing that to make sure it gets to me w/o some horribleness befalling me.
I can't think of anyone else who goes through so many characters so lazily yet so perfect
He has been doing it for a very long time-so at this point he can sleep walk his comedy routine
@M R 🤣
@M R steven seagal 🤣
Now enjoy your pooosy drink
I count two characters. Three if you count himself. That's just 2 more than one, one more than a pair and 2 less than a handful. So...
Something about when he goes "She was all shoulders" kills me every damn time. Because of Tom I've been using that line in my own life for years now lol
I do the same thing with Sal Vulcano and Joe DeRosa’s Tastebuds pod, “*input something I’m mad about* can take a fuckin walk!”
That’s my favorite line in the story too! any time someone doesn’t understand… “ALL SHOULDERS” 🤷♀️
"I have everything..." I died.
Hahahahahaha
"Yes...yes...yes..."
shut up peasants 😃
That is my new goal in life lol
We all have the image of how that guy looks hahaha
The subtle delivery and execution of the joke from Tom is what makes everything so fuckin hilarious
He's such a great story teller lol :)
meow
This dude is just naturally hilarious.
Tom Segura is probably the best comedian right now.
Good story teller
I like how she shits on Bert but theyre best friends lol
He def one of the best! But **the** best is a pretty high fuckin bar.
Ricky Gervais is
@@florianboehm96 not really, he's good at roasting but his stand up is not that good as my opinion
Dude this guy is brutally hilarious😂😂😂
Good grief his characterization is the best I've ever seen. It's like watching a movie.
One of the best doing it right now. And yes I know this is not new material.
I’m sorry to say I’ve only just discovered this guy
This is not new material
@@dilloncwwaters4442 you obviously didn’t read his whole comment.
@@yes-fx3pq You obviously have the comprehension skills of a carrot leaf.
@@dilloncwwaters4442 BS
I had a store that couldn't break a $10 dollar bill. Get it together people
😳🤯
While that is quite bad, sometimes you end up with a shit ton of people paying with 20s and 50s. The movie theater I worked at had this problem about once a month. Most of the time, we could just break a bill down by using the registers for the concession stand. But, when that didn't work (which was rare), we would use the register at the video store to break the bills down.
@J Errety in 95 it was pretty common. 😆
@@FranciscoTChavez Jesus if we were getting close to running out of bills....A manager would go to the bank. It wasn't that hard.
@@shadowbandit3975 that only works if you have the option of going to the bank. If the bank closes at six and the box office opens at seven, then going to the bank for small bills isn't an option.
God I wish I experienced this kind of surreal NPC bullshit more often. It's so spiritually taxing to take a step bak and say, 'What the fuck is going on right now?' in a situation like this. and I Fucking love it.
i dont know if i should cry or i should laugh at this piece. Its funny as hell, but sad thing that its all bloody true. So many people have no idea what life looks like outside of their little town.
“pussi drink” 😂😂😂
BUSSI
BOOSEE DREENK
That's the best part 😂😂😂
Loved the Arab part, 😂 😂
I have tears running down my face laughing so hard from this!!!
For some reason, when he mentions the "I have everything" guy, I picture the dad from "Night at the Roxbury."
Segura is one of if not the best story teller in comedy
all shoulders.
that part has never changed...that's why I'm here.
this is original shit.
and it's very good
“Just a coffee shop”
“Go to Starbucks” 😂 tried not to mention their name and couldn’t help it
Sam Tripoli talks about how's their is no more outlaw comics.
Well this guy's def one of them!
He's my new favorite comedian! 😆👍🤣
He always deals with stupid, rude, ignorant, etc people with the best responses. Quick, on the spot. Shutting their BS attitudes down.
It's almost like he makes it up as a comedian
In the stories he writes himself
The best comedian ever! 😁
Louis CK, Bill Burr, Tom Segura, Mark Normand. Best!
Chapell, nikki glaser,
sebastian maniscalco is up there
Tom Segura would make the best spirit animal
"This is the last day"
Bit ominous better buy the special coffee 😄
As an Arab I approve 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Did you have to ask your husband first?
Haha
@@randomswedishdude and did you ask your wife to hand you your balls from her purse before talking to an arab lady... i know in your world women castrated you with feminism .. but in ours we still have our balls .. and our women like men not what left of men.
@@focusstudios1296 sexism is a word that exists only in the liberal societies .. it means a man being masculine and a woman being feminin .. but feminism came to solve the problem .. transforme women into men or manlier and shame them for being women and put down men every time they try to act masculine and shame them for being men ..so you have a society where women are more successful than men .. they go out to make a living and their men stay at home and then they wonder why these women are asking for divorce ..
@@riadh2512 lol for real
i think of this bit all the time it’s so hilarious
I love that part of the idea here was "I'm just not gonna ask any questions about why this man has all denominations of currency just on hand. I just want my fucking latte and I have no idea what is happening here."
I just found out about this guy. He is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏
Taking the time and effort, to explain that an Arab man, had all the change he needed; was completely necessary and his impersonation was a joy
🥳💘😘
Hook that shit up !
I swear to God whatever he uses his dude voice he sounds like Bob from Bob's Burgers lol :-)
Thank you TS, I had a great laugh.
I was at the Nicaraguan Border coming back into Costa Rica and had this exact dilemma when trying to pay a 2-dollar tax with a $20 dollar bill.
1:38 To All you “CASHLESS” businesses 🙃
TOP 3....Maniscalco....Regan...and Segura!!! They are all too dam funny
Replace the middle one with Burr and I'd agree 100%
@@radhiadeedou8286 YES BURR too....
My go to order at Starbucks is the Java Chip Frappuccino, with chocolate chips, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. A friend of mine once referred to it as "frou-frou coffee." I don't care, cause it's delicious.
From now on you can call it pussy drink
“May i have a coffee” 😂
Is it just me, or are there suddenly way more ads on TH-cam now?
Just google "adblock" and add the most popular adblock extension for the browser you use (It's safe), I only see TH-cam ads when I use the TH-cam app on my phone.
@@user-nk5es9iy8i Thank you, dear. 😊
They doubled them cuz they could.
As a fat chick I can confirm, I know what’s tasty. It’s how I got fat. Now I have to eat awful tasting stuff to lose the fat
I would like to get one of those drinks 😉sounds delicious 😋
He would write amazing skits
Lol in the middle East most Arabs that hangout at coffee houses are quite rich and pretty educated. It's a certain crowd fancy coffee houses attract in ME.
An American comparison is like whites hanging out at a bar after their shift is done. Arabs are quite posh but I'm just tryin to provide a comparison to folks with no point of reference of our versus their culture.
I've been in simler sittioun and felt like this for real this funny
Can't lie. I feel the same way...EVVVEEERRRY DAY! "is anybody else is seeing this..."
I would have WALKED OUT. In Australia they ONLY ask if you got anything smaller if you give them $100 note. Which there's not tons getting around because ATMs spit out $50s and $20s and once I saw one spit out $10s.
I met Jim J Bullock once in Lake Tahoe he was with his friend and we sat in the hot tub and talked . 🥳
Good 'ol Tom. Holding up the fucken line as usual.
I refuse to spend money anywhere legal tender is not accepted. I went to Dollar Tree once and had like $80 in my cart for Operation Christmas Child, and the under-trained/paid employees wouldn't take my bill. Sad.
That is totally me!..
In the 2000s I went to a Starbucks cafe in a B&N 📚. The "barista" coldly informed me that they had NO COFFEE! Coffee! 0. The woman said: this is a cafe not a regular Starbucks. ☕. I was 🤬.
And cafe literally means coffee in French lol
This is a common thing abroad. No change. They'll go walk around for 5 minutes to find it.
Does any one have change? Lol. I have everything even in this coin 🪙shortage. Lol 😆
happend to me a lot that i was in for example toy shop with my kid and when i was going to pay woman asked me if i want to buy this and that because it's a discount if i buy it with those toy i bought for him...and i said no thank you and she goes ok and there is one more thing in discount
i lose my mind in places like that :D
And when i was walking out because i didn't want any of that discounted sh.t she was looking at me like i was BAD PERSON
She looked like 4 people melted into one
As an American… we don’t care🤣🤣🤣
Bring back fat Tom
" I have everything "
That....was the *epitome* of a "tough crowd." I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, dog looking up at me with his head cocked to the side...and in that entire audience you hear maybe 6 people laugh a handful of times
Salute to Arabs
Bussi drink 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Seems way too relevant to what's happening right now XD
If Tom was my friend I would send him fresh baked cookies! He is my imaginary not best friend!
I work at a phone repair shop and people do ask for shoes so...idk I guess you probcould get coffee at a shoe shop.
Shout out to my Arab brethren
For $2 dollars ! where? That's enough to buy one ice cube
I know this lady was named Rhonda
2:53
Sooooo funny.
Under 200 Starbucks baristas disliked this video.
"hook that shit up"
Yes..yes...yes
This is the kinda shit that makes me absolutely nuts! Went to an Einstein Bagels here in Vegas specifically to get a Bagel with lox’s and cream cheese at 8am on a Sunday morning I was really pleased walking in and seeing a picture of a beautiful bagel with lox and cream cheese right behind the cashiers head! I placed my order and guess what? The fucking chain discontinued lox on bagels! I swallowed my anger and failure and decided to just order 2 untoasted bagels go to the market by my own shit and make them myself! Then this nit-wit and I’ll Quote “ can I get your name for the order” so I say wtf do you need my name for? Put 2 plain bagels in a bag and hand it to me! No names needed! Then she starts in with the can I get a phone number or e mail for rewards? Seriously she had no clue at this point how close to death she was!
I've worked in retail and the only way she wouldn't have change for a 20 is if she just took shit out of the register and put it in her pocket
Retail and coffee two different things.
That place would have lost my service about the third time they didn't take my 20 for a regular coffee.
Yeah... is anybody else seeing that?
Fellow Arabs know the change carrying importance too.
Scuzz Twittly is back on TH-cam
What establishment doesn't allow 20$ bills??
All of them
😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆
2020-2021 Yep you are living in that parallel universe…..Bizarro world!
Must have been in LA.....
I would've gone to jail in that same situation. Can't handle that amount of stupidness in a such a short period of time...
Karen ?
@@tootsitroll9785 Dude, if you think my comment equals to "Karen" you don't have a fking clue what it means...
@@papagrounds ken?
I have everything
😂😂😂
😂, man.
Tom is just so 🤣
George Carlin of this generation. Go harder my brother!
I think bill burr is the Carlin of this generation tbh. Tom segura is still amazing though.
Segura and Carlin have two different styles of stand up
Lmaooo
Okay...I have the best name for Tom's next tour! Seriously, I have it. Not telling anyone but him.
delusional
You're gonna be holding on to that secret for a long time, son
reminds me of Louis ck😂
so.. $2 coffee and $18 tip.. yes..yes..
That's why I go to big B very simple selection.
Parallel Universe?...How about Peaceful Riots, Arson, and Looting for 6 months?
Every fuckin time I go to fuckin Safeway they fuckin try to get me to sign up for their rewards card Safeway membership every time I say no they'll go are you sure you could save 15% like geico or however much it is i don't no
He seems like a younger Louis ck
Imagine if Tom Segura was alive today. He wouldn't have a shortage of material to work with, that's for sure!
Is he dead?
@@chrisperrien7055 no
@@codefive6480 ty
Medium
Black
Dark roast
No sugar
It's amazing how quite often i have ro be vigilent AFTER staing that to make sure it gets to me w/o some horribleness befalling me.
His jokes make Dave chapelle seem like god in the flesh.
Parallel f'ing universe? Does including "f'ing" in that phrase actually make it funnier?
Why the Fuck do you care?