Why You're Bored and Lonely: The Death of Third Places
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As a former young boy, I can say that we definitely need to get back to the point where it's totally normal for young boys to ride bikes with their friends, run around in the woods, put pennies on train tracks, pretend to be ninjas, shoot BB guns and have sleepovers where they build forts in the living room. The fact that this is no longer normal kid activity is extremely depressing.
Kids of today have no idea of the cool things they missing out on. I recall my buddies and I jumping on our bikes & cycling down to the beach, whee we'd spend all day, getting home just in time for supper during holidays. Our parents weren't even concerned that they had no way of contacting any of us; pre-mobile phone days were awesome👍
You just described my upbringing. We also built forts out in the woods. Treehouses, etc. Today kids spend their free time watching TV, playing video games, and being online texting. Looking at some social media I see they have very little or nothing to talk about. It's because they don't do anything else but use social media. So the focus is the social media itself rather than talking about other experiences.
I feel sorry for today's kids. It's interesting that parents now are supposed to arrange so called, 'play dates' for the kids and transport them.
Growing up my mother just told us to go outside and find and make friends, and be home before supper, and that's what we did.
@@fredflintstone8048 Totally. My friends and I played some video games and watched movies too, but we spent most of our time out of the house doing outside stuff. Certainly not all of life revolved around modern tech.
Sometimes I wonder if humanity would be better off if the Internet had never gone along. Or maybe instead, if the Internet was invented but just kind kind of got stuck where it was in 1999, before it took over the whole world.
Can’t do that anymore. Too many dangerous places, too many sicko child predators, too many bullies, too many bad areas, too much crime, too many gangs to get involved with, too much gang violence and shootings.
Still normal on the west coast
The death of the third place is just a variation of that other sociological problem: the impossibility of making friends anymore after you are an established adult.
That isn't correct. I gave a puppy and ho dogv training. Another lady and I now meet up and take our dogs to the dog park.
I've also started going to a diet club 6 weeks ago and going out for afternoon tea on Friday.
Friendships don't happen immediately, I always think it takes about 6 months to a year, but both have definite possibilities for a long term friendship.
You can make friends anywhere at any age. What are you talking about?
@@IzzyOnTheMove I dont think you understand the definition of "friend." People you meet and enjoy and socialize with regularly are simply a social group. A friend is someone who willingly drives 4 hours to do nothing but just to sit and talk with you, and you both are free to share your deepest vulnerabilities. You also communicate regularly to share all your latest thoughts and activities, no matter how mundane, and both of you have a genuine interest in that. I had two such people, both of whom dated back to childhood, 60 years ago. One died 5 years ago. If/when the other dies, there is no possibility I will ever have a friend like that again.
Also, being a widowed and single man, it's far more difficult to even get into a social group, than if you're married, because you're automatically stereotyped as a needy leech, even if you feel perfectly whole and complete as a single. The whole process of trying to elbow your way into a group of people whose lives are already filled with family connections and so forth, is so awkward and painful that it's far easier to just be alone, or have a cat or dog.
@@drc3poIt’s true. What you said is reality.
Friendships are built around purpose, I've found in adult life, helping others. I don't mean being used though, but being built around a purpose can look similar. In my situation I help people using skills I'm good at but they have other skills that underpin a whole different world and my connection with them is a ticket to that world which us enlightening and rewarding. Friendships can have gaps between interactions of days, weeks, months which may seem not worthwhile but consistency and the long term perspective is key.
I'm 31 and losing my mind from boredom and loneliness. There's absolutely nowhere to go in my middle class suburbia in the evenings, it's completely dead. I can go to a corner store to buy groceries or a gas station, or an overpriced bog average restaurant. That's it. I go running/walking nearly every evening, and I pass maybe 2-3 other people, none of whom ever acknowledge me. It is PAINFUL!! Why do we live like this and tolerate it! There has to be more to life than going from work to home and repeating the process ad infinitum!! This is soul destroying!! We need to have community sports which invite you to turn up and enjoy, run clubs, trivia, open air bars... anything to get the locals engaging with one another in a relaxed setting. We would all be MUCH better off for it.
Meetup groups? Clubs?
People also seem to be suspicious if you try to be friendly as well.
Paint!!!
Why not start your own social group? You say you like running, so post some ads looking for like minded people in your area to form a running club, get to know people and expand it into socialising, and then maybe other sports and other activities.
You might be surprised that there are lots of people near you who are all thinking the same thing. Good luck!
set up a ping pong table in your driveway on Fri night and invite a couple neighbors.
I’ve never been a big socializer, but bookstores were my favorite places to hang out before they all started disappearing. I love sitting in a cozy chair with a latte and a good book! Now, “going out” for me is just going to the grocery store.
Maybe if there was a way to make libraries have more of a Barnes & Noble feel. Of course, the way this country (USA) is going, the wrong person will get a hold of this idea and try to squeeze money out of it. > sigh
@@The9thDirector true. My problem with libraries is that I don’t like to borrow books because I’m afraid of losing them or forget to take them back. At a bookstore, I can just buy it and enjoy it!
I loved book stores and coffee shops! Funny I treated myself to takeout for lunch one day this month during the work day at a sit down restaurant, and a lot of people were eating there alone w their laptops lol Maybe that’s a third place for some now…
My local library on long island has done that. It now features a cafe. This is in old field ny. You may eat at the cafe without your books though. It’s a very rich area near multi millionaire dollar homes
Try you local library :) we love people to hang out (ours sadly doesn't allow drinks, no by the computers for sure) but we have comfy chairs and BOOKS - lots of BOOKS!
I haven’t had a third place in years. Life is just work. Socialize after work? Unthinkable. I’d rather socialize with my mattress and blankets.
Hear! Hear!
The idea of socializing after work with colleagues makes me want to hide forever.
@@seltzermint5 oh gosh yes, my company does to 5 a 7's in the kitchen, I appreciate the thought, but yeah, I'd rather go see my friends or go home than just talk about work for 2 more hours, even if you give me free drinks and snacks.
@@TenOfZero1 definitely agree! I'm so glad my workplace is diverse enough they don't even pretend we're gonna want to hang out after.
😂😂😂
My third place is nature’s green wonder. Going outside just for a walk is the best thing that could ever happen to me. Clears the mind and helps me relax 😊
Totally agree. I also love to mix it up, driving within 20 minutes there are like 10 different beautiful spots to go to. It's easier to just sit at home but the rewards are many.
Same. Every day with my dog.
Nature is my primary third place too. It is peaceful and relaxing, but it usually lacks any real socializing.
It's still quite isolating and lacking in human interaction, though.
@@gauloise6442 Not for me, I usually meet my friend and his two dogs.
People don’t value eachother like we used to
It’s pretty sad
We (not me though - 😊) have our smartphones now. We don’t depend on the interaction of fellow humans. Sadly.
its because people have no value whatsoever, most of them are below minimum wage but the regulations make them overpriced
The plandemic had its desired effects by those who engineered it.
@@maksymilianzajac5262 People have inherent value. How dare you try to put a price on life?
This is a massive reason for the decline in mental health especially in men. Long gone is the men’s working club or social clubs where men would go to blow off steam and “shoot the shit” with mates.
Back when women were kept in the kitchen, raising kids, and keeping house?! 🤔
@@stellaallbright4750 Why do you have to create a problem where there isn't one? They didn't say anything about women being housewives or even imply it.
In the U.K I believe it is by design, part of the vilified drinking culture was people meeting up in the pub after work, women too. Lots of union and political movements had their inception in those places. Divide and conquer is the mantra of government and corporations, were are seeing the long term effects of this pervasive attitude.
Perversely the only bit of that culture we see now is the bit that should have been deleted, the antisocial drinking to oblivion.
And yes it is right and proper to have equal rights for all, I just think it should be achieved by giving to those who don't have, rather than taking from those who do. In this context that is entirely possible. Equality in misery is no goal.
@@stellaallbright4750 No one suggested anything like that, but that's the conclusion you go to automatically...
Is it really any wonder that men all across the West are depressed and lonely when any potential solution to that depression and loneliness is immediately shot down as oppressive to women somehow?
A male-only space, by definition, doesn't require anything at all from women. They don't have to lift a finger or sacrifice anything for it to happen.
Record stores are one of the things I miss the most.
Same
True. The internet really killed a lot of things like record stores, book stores, and all sorts of other retail. To the point where younger people today seem genuinely unaware that a city is supposed to be something more than just a concentration of restaurants and coffee shops.
There’s still a good handful in Toronto. Play de Record, Sonic Boom, Cosmos and Cops are the first to come to mind.
And, true story this, that's how the Pet Shop Boys formed after Neil, and the "other one" met in a record store, got chatting and realised they had the same tastes in music.
Remember the good old days when record stores would let you listen to some of the record BEFORE you bought it? Good thing, good days!
I just love hanging out at home now. I am 50 and am happy with my own company. 😊
It's been said before making friends as a male past your 20s isn't easy...I'm counting the days until I can join the bowls team or sit in the coffee shop in the morning, the pub in the afternoon and then go to the movie theatre ( if any one of them's still open..and I get an OAP discount). The future's so bright - gotta wear shades .
This guy gets it
What do you do at home though? Do you just sit on the couch on your phone, or do you have a hobby like gardening?
@@jaysterling26 You might want to start bowling now and not wait. Bowling alleys and pool halls are closing down because gens m&z would rather be on their phones. In my city 2 of the 5 bowling alleys have closed. I used to bowl all the time in my teens and twenties with my friends. But then over time people move away for jobs or families.
Here here
Technology and the internet is making us robotic.
Speak for yourself, brother or sister.
If you know a young widowed person, please go out of your way to be kind to us. Our perspective is going to be extremely different. Thank you.
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they're always glad you came
You want to be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You want to be where everybody knows your name
I've always liked that theme song 🎵
Cheers for that 😊
begin doing that and the sheep would follow!
I'm a stigma person and I'm not into media, entertainment, and people.
Yeah I love Nickelback.
8:00 70s free range kid here, absolutely wonderful experience.
I was just in front of my house when my neighbor stepped outside. Inspired by your video, I was determined to strike up a conversation.
But he had his AirPods in his ears, so no conversation occurred. I feel the number of social barriers is increasing every return!
Wave your arms next time. Get their attention.
@@tianamarie989 he wasn’t looking my way, but point taken. 😁
Haha! So funny. So true. 😂
depressibg
Don’t give up …. Try again
Watching this video bummed me out intensely; it made me understand that I have NEVER had a "third place". In my childhood, I had home and school, because I lived so far away from society that there was no place near enough for all my friends to gather except school. After they graduated, I was alone in school, then when I graduated, I was alone. Written letters was my so-called second place, and there was no third. Now, I'm past sixty, and there has never been a third place. No wonder I'm so isolated and depressed; I'm not only restricted to home and the 'net, but I'm obsolete; there is no such thing as a second place for me.
Just my two cents: I joined a dance community 2 years ago and it was a snake nest. Sometimes being surrounded by people, when they are not good people, is much worse than isolation so we have to try a good group of people and be careful who who we trust.
I can relate to the risk of "feeling isolated and depressed" but I work hard at not letting this happen by actively seeking things of beauty (exploring nature with a camera)and working on developing an array of skills, which I didn't have time to do in my work life. I suppose a dog might fill a void - they also get you out and they will always need you. Even if its impossible to make like minded friends - and thats something which seems really rather difficult to make in retirement, strangely. The net has been a real friend to me, I return to the country of my birth and go traveling on Google Maps to places both familiar and new places and have fun that way.
I completely understand what you're saying about there not having been third places anywhere near where you lived. The place I grew up in was a similar case. A movie theater and most stores were an hour's drive away, and I think a lot of people in my graduating class would just hang out at a diner. The local diners were AWFUL, and most of them were smoking establishments. I really cannot tolerate cigarette smoke, so that was out. When I was in high school there was very briefly a real artisan hangout type of cafe that opened up where they had an open mic night and people could read poems or perform a song or whatever. It only lasted a few months, tops, and I went twice, and then it was gone forever. There has never been another place like that in this entire county, even over 20 years later. Otherwise, there was only ever been the odd Dunkin Donuts or McDonald's. I moved to a city for a decade in my 20's and enjoyed some genuine third places there, but a lot of those places have disappeared since I had to move back to my hometown for financial and health reasons. Now my hometown is becoming more and more like a "suburban" area, with more chain stores, less nature, everything homogenized without being particularly unique or a place you want to spend time with anyone else. It's somehow maybe even worse than when I was growing up, and it is especially alienating to me now that I'm going to be 40 and don't have all of the conventional keeping up with the Joneses life accoutrements which are all anyone around here cares about or talks about.
It touched my heart when you said that written letters were a second place for you. Written communication was a huge comfort and satisfaction to me in school when I would pass notes to my friends, and then later when the Internet happened, for a while the existence of e-mail was such an incredible thing. I developed relationships with penpals who I would e-mail with and it was my only window out of the extreme isolation and oppressive emptiness I felt in my hometown growing up. Nowadays it's harder and harder to find people who want to e-mail like that.
I will say that moving to a city didn't really help ultimately because I ended up working a totally solitary job there for a long time, with no time or energy to take full advantage of third places like the real taverns and cafes and shops and community spaces that exist in an urban environment. The other problem I ran into is that I learned people just don't seem to have the drive to cultivate new friendships in adulthood, especially in the city environment. It's not like it is in the movies where city people have a crew of close knit friends. I'm not sure if it's due to the changing times and the interference of social media and things, or if it's just that we're socialized into believing that adult life isn't about friends. Maybe people just never learn how to make friends outside of the basic systems that ensure the cultivation of familiarity, like school and work. The friends I made in the city were great at first, but they weren't friendships that got enough time or intention to be permanent. People only think about you when you're relevant to their life in some way. Once I left the city, I became someone "out there", instead of a roommate or a person who went to the same events. I think things can still be different for friendships in adulthood, but it takes a serious strategy and very un-fun staunch commitment to kind of forcing the bond-building stuff to happen.
Most of why I wrote all of this is because after I read your comment, I wanted to say don't give up. Yes, our culture is extremely ridiculous in the ways it makes people feel like they're obsolete - whether by poverty, or age, or eccentricity, or whatever else. As a woman, I was on my way to cultural and societal obsolescence by the time age 35 rolled around. But no one is obsolete because the world is an incredibly huge place and there are always other people who feel the same way. There are always more places, always more options out there. It is very difficult to find them sometimes and it is very hard to muster the motivation at times, and sometimes it requires completely counterintuitive techniques- but there is still more for you in this world, because there's always more for everyone. If you want a third place, find a completely unexpected batshit option for a place, and dig into it. Only the social rules say that you don't fit because you're in your 60's. Real human beings will simply respond to you as a human being if you go to a place and ask questions. There are websites specifically for finding penpals, if writing letters would be a place that's meaningful to you. I use those from time to time myself. I am still isolated by health and poverty stuff, and I'm still stuck in my hometown, but when I talk to someone new I feel more like a person and not like those things which otherwise feel like they define me. In reality, that stuff doesn't define us. We are still valuable people with thoughts and interests and things to offer, as long we breathe.
find an art show; a public garden; a church; farmers market. etc.. talk to at least one person there. Get their name and learn one thing about them.
Try the gym or a fitness class! They're very supportive environments 😊
Yep. I loved being a kid in the 80's. We were outside most of the time. Great to be a kid in the 80's. Society was so different!
I was a kid in the 80s too and spent a lot of time outdoors with neighborhood kids exploring etc. But as a bookworm and not sporty, I did spend a lot of time inside reading and watching TV too. I noticed as early as the late 90s when I was in college that kids around me were never outside or riding bikes etc.
YOU are society!!! Not only now, but you always have been!!! Thanks for nothing!!!!
80s were the deadliest decade dummy
@@seltzermint5 well read up on stats the 80s sucked
One of your best and sharpest observations, Nicole. Now, imagine what this world is like when you're 60.
So true
I’m there as well. It’s a weird world.
I’m 45 and completely agree
I'm 60 in 3 months. This is a clown world full of corruption and fakery. Looking forward to getting off this ride.
As a child of the 80s Im shocked how boring life has become & how we now live, it feels sad & wrong to me. I work fulltime but make a huge effort to live my best life but I look around and so many people cant be bothered to do anything.
Watching children be consumed by devices destroys me living in melbourne australia. Sad stuff......
It’s all devices and brand names now. Just like we predicted but no one listened
The 1980s was possibly the best time in human history to be a child, mainly because we still had the freedom of the past but also bikes were cheap enough for everyone, great kids tv and the promise of the future.
@@joejoejoejoejoejoe4391
I agree as I was a kid then. Also The early 1990s were also amazing
the world literally went insane after 9/11. Especially In America.
More fear
More paranoia
More police state abuse
More surveillance
More violation of constitutional rights
Etc
And I’m sure the radiation from all these devices we have now are hurting us physically, and emotionally.
same here 1983
This hits home. I realized I didn't have a third place for the last 3 years living in the same town. Also, no friends at all. When people ask why, I just say I prefer doing things on my own or that I've just been really busy.
I have a front porch though. I began simply sitting on the front porch in the evenings before the sun goes down almost every weeknight, and in the mornings and sometimes afternoons on weekends. You'd be surprised how many people I've been able to interact with just by doing that. I now know my neighbors, the family across the street, walkers who come through my area, and I even got asked to dog sit on weekends! I am 25 btw!
I don't drink or party (prefer to do that myself) so bars and clubs are out of picture, don't like the atmosphere. I like to read so I've been going to the library as well after work.
My best piece of advice is you need to do NEW things every week. Even if it is just one new thing on one day. It's extremely difficult to do when you are used to just staying in your home after work or on the weekends but you need to. Or else, it will be 20 years from now and you still are stuck in the same bubble, same world, same experiences.
Really good piece of advice. I find it difficult to come up with new things to do, though. I always find an excuse such us lack of time, energy etc I think I'm going to set a monthly goal of just one new thing😊
@@CeliaMaria-lo8cx That is fantastic ☺️ And good for you, sooo good for you! You are already taking a big leap toward your goal by thinking about it. Even try writing it down on a sticky note or whiteboard and have it placed somewhere you pass often in your house. Keep me posted on how it goes 😇
May I offer you an invitation to visit a church of Christ in your community?
❤
@@3075bridget What do you mean? I am part of a church!
You're lucky to have that front porch. I sit outside on mine a lot too, but our house is down a slope, and so I don't have a view to the road and am instead facing my garden. I can hear comings and goings, but never made any connections with people.
My public library is still #1. I am there 3-4 times a week, usually just picking up books, movies or music. But I also go to free bingo, yoga, adult crafting & 3D printing activities, book discussions and author visits. This is why I have acquaintances & friends from late 20s to early 60s (I'm 47).
The mall thing makes me sad. That was my hangout from age 11-18. Lots of bars and clubs later on.
Other spots for us are hiking trails and parks. Today I'm attending a "stuff swap" at a beautiful lake with likeminded people I never would have met if not for social media.
This video really made me feel lucky to live in a small city like I do, there are a lot of things to do and it is not too expensive. Heart breaking to imagine otherwise, which is the case so many places!
This has been driving me crazy for years now. It's so hard to get anybody to do anything because they're so sucked into their stupid phones, social media, etc. It seems like almost all my peers have been slowly degraded by crippling anxiety to the point where they're afraid to leave the house. I shudder to think how messed up the next generation is going to be.
Boredom is a critical part of being human. It's what, for all of history and before, motivated humans to collectively advance society and technology. Instead of just living to survive like most animals, we lived to discover and thrive. With boredom being taken away by smartphones and social media, countless potential in humans all over the world is being crushed. It's a sad state of affairs that makes a dystopian future feel closer and closer every day.
Feel this!! Everything is just getting worse and worse
Idk, I'm not afraid to leave my house, I just don't want to go out.
During covid was when it all started going down hill with a lot of third places being closed down or shut down. People stopped caring after the fact.
When I was a teen (and even in my 20s), teens didn't hang out at coffee shops... and they sure didn't drink coffee. Coffee shops were only frequented by retired people.
As a teen we hung out in the mall food court
@@TheKnallkorperI hang out with co workers now sometimes at a food court.
It's also MUCH MORE difficult to actually socialize in real life these days too... I deleted all my social media apps (FB, TW, IG, etc) some 7 8 years ago and they were not good for my mental health... Everytime i go out, im literally the only person not staring at my phone and i'm seen as odd and strange & women think I am a creep... I try to smile & say hello to people i come across and only get a emotionless blank stare back... Going out gives me panic attacks & anxiety nowadays that I prefer to stay inside my apartment most of the time
I used to work at a gas station in the small town I live in. Out of towners would always ask "so what is fun to do around here?" I could only reply "drink and procreate🤷♀️."
Every town and city is that way.
the problem many times is people in their 20s think they are "too cool" to do anything but drink/party and then by their 30s-40s and later, they have wedged themselves into a box of supposed coolness when they MAY enjoy things like clubs, museums, playing music or participating in active lifestyles. At least from what I have observed.
Sounds poor and uneducated
My dad tells the story of a town near where he grew up (in the 50s), about when a pastor and his son from out of town came to visit the police chief, who had a son about the same age. The pastor's son asked the chief's son "what do you do for fun around here?" "We go to the cat house (a brothel)."
The pastor asked the police chief "what do you do for fun around here?" "We raid the cat house. Wanna go?"
My third place is often the walk between 1st and 2nd place.
Hi Nicole. I’m 61 and my third place is the roller skating rink. I spent my high school years roller skating back in the day when third places were more common. I’m happy to say that roller skating has made a come back and it’s so refreshing to see young people out on the rink, phones in pocket, having a blast. So happy to be on the rink again after 44 years. Loving my third place. Met lots of great people too!
Love your channel. Keep up the good fight.
Peter-Ottawa
So inspiring!!
The destruction of the third place is intentional and malicious.
The most dangerous thing for the ruling class is for the people to congregate and start talking to each other. coffee shops played a large role in fueling the French Revolution - people of different classes mixed, forming bonds of kinship, had an opportunity to see their similarities, complain about taxes, and eventually organize.
I went to a coffee shop every day for 12 years. It had been a gathering place for at least 40 years. Every day by 3 PM there would be a cloud of smoke and several groups of people that would intermingle, drifting from one table to another. It was a tempting place to stop for strangers walking out of the adjacent movie theater. They were open till 2 - perfect for people leaving the adjacent bar to sober up before going home.
Around 2012 that shopping center was bought by an out of state real estate company who raised the rent, built a chain coffee shop in the middle of the parking lot, and sneaked into city hall to pass a smoking ban that was only enforced at this shopping center. The tone changed over night and the vibe was dead; by 2014 there was no significant population of regulars. I spent the next couple years exploring public gathering places. As a home health nurse I spent A LOT of time working on my computer in random places so I had daily opportunities to loiter in public for hours (before covid).
Maybe there's some dive bars that survived the last decade, IDK, I don't drink, and couldn't afford to drink at bars if I did.
Maybe there's some active church communities that survived the last decade, IDK, I'm not religious.
But I know for a fact that in the south silicon valley, there are no secular, class heterogeneous third places to just loiter at and meet strangers.
I used to think this loss of third places was wholly a product of social anxiety's cure - social media. But as I become more politically educated I can't help but notice how devastatingly powerful this loss is for the ruling class. We may have been nudged towards isolation by the inevitability of technology, but public policy pushed to guarantee our isolation. I'm not claiming a huge organized conspiracy. Just a thousand little cuts - a real estate company here, a starbucks there, a news report about how unsafe we are, an anti-ergonomic bench placed by a city to move the homeless. Like Carlin says - there's no need for conspiracy when interests of the powerful converge. The opportunity to live a full human experience and connect to our community has been stolen in order to protect the status quo and keep people out of public unless they're rich enough to drop $100 minimum on a night out.
Because I promise you - if you are so poor that you need to consider the value of $100 for a couple of hours on the town, then your interests are 100% counter to those who make the decisions; you are dangerous and can not be allowed to congregate.
PS - one venue that seems to have survived is Vietnamese coffee shops. I didn't know this was a thing! The baristas wear bikinis and serve middle aged guys playing card/dominoes as they watch sports on TVs that cover every inch of the walls. If only they spoke English and played Magic: The Gathering I might still have a reason to leave the house :(
nailed it 🎯
Agreed, I just posted pretty much the same thing
We slowly traded macro privacy for micro privacy. This is by design, and started in the 1980s, and has gradually progressed. Used to be the government/corporations didn't know much about you and your neighbors did, now you don't know your neighbors, and the gov't and corporations know so much about you, they can predict your behavior.
That is an utterly terrifying fact....
Man is the devil looking for power over you 😂
Not government. It’s corporations. Government isn’t interested in a tiny fraction of what corporations scrape about you.
@@elizabethclaiborne6461 The gov has a file on everybody. They know everything about you.
Indeed it is by design.
We need to EVISCERATE the people who are behind this - but the sheep will keep voting the Trudeaus and the Bidens and the Sunaks in....because, well.......SOSHAL JUSSTISS!
I'm turning into a hermit more and more these days, but if I'm not at home or at work then I'm either at the library, thrift store or outside on a nature walk.
fellow thrift fanatic here!
Hermit here ✋
Similar here. Parks/woods, thrift shops.
I tried making my local McDonald's a third place. Having coffee to start my day with my laptop. The manager told me I could not sit there for "hours and hours" he was "loosing business". I never saw many people there. I won't try that again.
McDonald’s sucks!
We let soulless corporations dictate what society looks like. Our subservience to authority has gotten to the point that a manager at McDonald's is telling us what we can and cannot do."OK, I can't sit in your box, guess I'll go back to my box." It's like our lives cater to these businesses now and not the other way around.
Same thing happened to me. I got told by the waiter that the manager thought it was weird that I'm sitting for an hour by myself ordering only one coffee. After that experience I never visited a café again.
Third place now is internet. All virtual places like forums, comments, etc.
A very poor substitute.
A hollow shell of the concept
I started taking swing dance lessons. It's not the cheapest option, but the dance studio I go to has become my third place. In addition to the classes, they throw Saturday night dance parties. I've met some really great people there, and have now become one of the 'regulars.'
While it doesn't interest me personally I have friends who love this, as well as burlesque which sounds a bit "yikes" but I've helped with the music for them and it's quite artistic rather than lewd mostly.
@@seltzermint5 Burlesque sounds so cool!
@@tracyingram7939 it's neat. They always encourage me to actually join but I'm way too self-conscious! I know I look totally average but the idea of dancing that way, and seeing my own photos and videos...well it is just NOT gonna happen lol. I'll leave them to it.
@@seltzermint5 I'd feel the same way. I have enough trouble with just being in a swimsuit.
Yeah! I've been taking a jewelry class for over a decade now. It's my only third space and I love being around people who like making cool stuff.
I'm usually out hunting or fishing harvesting wild food or out in my garden. Being the means of own production. After I retired as I miner came back to Newfoundland and took up the habits and lifestyle I was taught as a boy.
That sounds like the ideal life. I miss my home town by the Atlantic. But houses go for multi-millions now.
More and more people live in cities now so that rural pleasure has gone. I sure miss food gardening. Sometimes I wander around the apartment blocks community gardens just too relax.
25 years ago I delivered travel trailers for 7 months. After delivering the trailer I would try to find a local park to let my dog run around. Got tired of moms with kids giving me suspicious looks. I suspect the experience of women in such places are different than men's. Women have to worry more about safety, men have to deal with being viewed as potentially dangerous. Gets old.
no my sister is deadly afraid of strange men almost everywhere she goes. I noticed as a man going to the park if you are exercising or playing a sport no one pays any attention to you. I don't like going as much now because of screaming kids and lowly people that hang around there.
From my childhood up into my 30's I spent countless hours in every kind of third place imaginable. The library, the woods, playing games in my neighborhood, in cafes, at the movies, in music venues, etc. As I got older I sought more private at home experiences, where I immersed myself in books, films, and eventually painting and making films. I feel very satisfied with this life now, only occasionally lonely, because I have produced a lot of art, which is what I used to dream about as I was doing all those previous things. It's a matter of finding things which satisfy your soul. Artists have to sacrifice aspects of their life in order to achieve something greater. It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.😆
Not everybody has access to things that satisfy their soul. I'm lucky because I need people and I live somewhere where I can have a group of friends. If I didn't, I wouldn't be satisfied, and a LOT of people live in places where it's impossible, and they're stuck. You're very, very fortunate.
The Internet and Social Media have killed the "Third Place". The digital world is not the physical world - killed the malls, eliminated physical contact, basic verbal conversation, small talk. In my volunteer work, I engage with upwards of 3-5000 people (all ages - kids and adults) per week - smiles, jokes, dance, play, educate, shake hands, fust bumps, hugs, talk - life. People are amazing and all you have to do is go out and engage with them - it starts with a simple "hello" or in my case, "Hiya' ".
Social Media is only a symptom, Hyper-capitalization is the main cause. Even if there are things to do offline, they are so expensive I can't afford it. $20 per person trips to the cinema were a thing before streaming. In the 90s "shopping as a pastime" was a thing. It's been a long time since there have been true third places for adults that were affordable.
@@gauloise6442 I feel like North America has it far worse when it comes to this. This is based on living in Europe the last 15+ years (lived in the US and Canada before) and also when I visited South America, people seemed to be have their third spaces.
@@maidenthe80sla Wow, that's quite a damning condemnation of an entire country of people. Have you ever asked yourself whether any part of your unhappiness might have something to do with you?
Car Dependent suburbs and malls killed downtowns and main streets post WWII
Nope. What killed the third place was suburban sprawl, zoning laws, TV and home AC, while social media opportunistically filled the void. Our post-modern world is a byproduct of Cold War era's policies by the technocrats that atomized the society out of irrational fear and simple greed.
I don’t have a 3rd place, but am intent of focusing on hospitality. Going out has become so expensive that I want to go back to hosting friends at home like we used to in my 20s.
Futuristic films have always portrayed the future as being bland and disconnected. Humans that function and nothing more. It's dire and nobody seems to question it. It's the direction we are heading. My hope lies in the cyclical nature of life. I hope that the fundamental need for connection overrides big businesses stripping the humanity from life.
You made me realised that the supermarket (actually 2, since one carries stuff the other doesn't and vice versa) is the place where I spend most time outside. That's just sad.
Nothing sad about it.( unless maybe if you work in one).. Grocery stores if properly designed and run should be very visually appealing to you , if you go just when they open or in the early morning if you happen to have a 24 hour store, they can be very quiet places as well. Wonderfully lit especially if the morning sun is busting through the front windows.. just you , the occasional spray of the veggie misters, a shopping cart, maybe a current advertising circular , wandering a few of your favorite aisles, thinking "yeah that looks good for dinner", "Oooooh that's new, what's that?". Lots of older men wander the aisles of home improvement , hardware or auto parts stores and few think they are sad unless they happen to be the type of customer that "talks the ears off" the employees who are trying to stock the shelves and complete a task in some required timeframe... then they might make fun of em' behind their backs..
Really great points.
In the 50-60's there were little grocery stores on nearly every other corner. Parents would often send their kids for this and that, so it was a social hub of sorts.
*sigh*
It'd be cool to have those little stores again, but it wouldn't work out in today's world, sadly.
I have one of those on my street corner! It's slightly more expensive than the big supermarkets but much more convenient and I enjoy chatting with the owner and other customers. If it were to close, it'd be a great shame.
How lucky! I'm jealous...lol.
I'm disabled and can't work so I only have 2 places. Home and wherever else like buying groceries or shopping. Both cost lots of money and have minimal human contact. Thank God I don't drink alcohol anymore. That would put my life into a tail spin.
I have chronic illness and can no longer work, too. I get out for small errands 1-2 days a week.
I totally get it.
Yes, I’m so relieved that I don’t drink because I’d be miserable, too.
I have a third place: the boarding stables where I keep my horses. I go pretty much every day all year 'round. There are people to chat with and there are people you really become friends with. Here's a hint: if there is a boarding stables near you there's a good chance the stables itself or some of the people who keep their horses there need help. If you volunteer your help someone will teach you how to do things. Over time you might just find yourself with a part-time job, or even evolving into a horseman!
Boarding stables was my third place for a while. I don’t board anymore though.
My third place was outside in my neighborhood when I was little. I’ve noticed that teenagers today don’t really have a third place. Now my third place is the gym - everyone is so friendly, nice and accepting.
I think you’re right about our infrastructure - things are different in Europe.
Stuck in traffic between the first two.
lol
😂😂😂
Windshield time...every day something different going by.
This video hit painfully close to home. I can't drink alcohol because of health issues, I have always been excluded from local social life, which is 100% alcohol based around here. If you don't drink, you're not welcome. So it has always been pretty much my room, books and the internet for me.
@sevenmadeonkey So, order/drink a soda or fruit juice or whatever non-alcoholic beverage you like. Not drinking alcohol is not really much of a barrier - in my opinion anyway. Get back out there and ignore those few who would not welcome you, based on your drinking choices! Cheers.
@gwarlow some people don't want to be around booze or people who indulge in it. It has nothing to do with drinking it yourself.
Here's how you bring it up:
"Hey, I just realized the other day that I've lived next to you for over two years, but I don't actually know your name."
Or find out online. Tomorrow you say hi Zeke!
It shouldn't be that embarrassing; I'm sure they don't know her name either 😂
Those who do drugs, the third place is at the neighborhood drug house. Oh, and they know your name too. lol jk
My third place is church volunteering. Stops the boredom and gives me a feeling of accomplishment and purpose.
Church is boring
@@tonyp9313 From someone who was bored enough to leave a comment 😂 We have a great time. Hard to be bored when you have people to serve.
@@N3PRO-Dave I sat through church every Sunday when I was a kid. 1 hour of listening to a priest, standing & sitting down when you are told & just repeating things for 1 hour, is boring.
@@tonyp9313 So a poor experience when you were a kid equates to a stuck mindset in adulthood is sad.
@@N3PRO-Dave K I guess church was different for you then. For majority of people this is how church is like when you are a kid.
I dont have, I mean, I have never had many places to go in order to distract myself... I do yoga, meditation, I read books about a lot of different subjects, I stay at home most of the time, I cook my own meals, I dont have friends, I go to walk in the park... Or walking around neighbourhood, I like to learning English on TH-cam, and I am pretty happy 😊.
What's your native language?
@@IanK369 My native language is portuguese.
Your English is excellect. Obviously your learning is working! For how long have you been learning?
......pretty happy. I'd say pretty lucky too.
@@alastairstaunton7081 I am learning English for about 12 years...
The modern Third Place is TikTok and Instagram
Yep, everyone is glued to their phones. For some that's their 1 st place
Sadly, you are 100% correct.
Mine is TH-cam
Yup. And it’s a total bummer.
They even call it the "modern public square"
I have a 10 min drive to the beach and even on a gloomy rainy day I like to take a big coffee and watch the sea. Or sometimes it's nice for a walk along sea front and say hello, good morning and greet the doggies. I'm 55 so once I escape the constant drama in the office I love to be home and live alone.. I never get bored of it. Best wishes All 🙏💐
None of it is affordable including the grocery store. Just walking into a place implies you will buy something, which not that log ago wasn't a big deal. I saw this really sad thing recently where the guy in front of me at a coffee shop bought a coffee and a cookie. The cashier said, "that's $9.50"". He shouted, "FOR WHAT???" Then he just stomped out without paying. I won't even go for coffee unless someone goes with me because everyone else there is preoccupied with someone else. Nobody even wants to go for coffee with me anymore because they all say they are too busy. Sometimes they say it's family priorities or their husband gets jealous. I also even remember a story from way back, probably before a lot of you were born. Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd at one point had a nervous breakdown and was ejected from the band. Eventually he began a random shopping habit because he lost purpose. It escalated to buying things he didn't need, so he would just give it away to his landlord. He eventually went broke with a habit that served no purpose other than something to do or a place to be.
I have a huge yard and I'm introverted gardener. My 1st and 3rd place are the same and I love my life as it is❤😅
Modern life is turning everyone into introverts.
Life has become expensive depending on what you do for fun. Many people don’t live near family and talk to friends via Facebook and social media. I just got a Facebook page and I have a marketplace page cause I’m trying to sell my refrigerator and then as soon as I do I’m deleting it. My one friend is trying to help me was shocked I did that.
@gauloise6442 I don't think it's modern life. I also don't think it's true introvert. It's just that as adults you learn what you like and don't like so you don't do the things you don't like. Like when you're a kid you have to do thinhs you don't like because well parents and peer pressure.
In all honesty, good for you.
I'm older than you, but so much of what you talked about really resonates with me. I had to laugh when you talked about neighbors who you've talked to for years but still don't know their names. I thought I was the only one!
I live in north coastal San Diego, and there are *tons* of 3rd places here. But for some reason, ever since the pandemic I haven't felt like I belong in them, or anywhere for that matter. I got old somehow during that time, and I don't know where I fit. I lost my dad and my best friend in the span of 10 months. I think I'm probably f**ked. I do make my 14 year old son get away from his electronics and go "touch grass" with his friends several days a week. Actually, it's become a habit for him now, so maybe we all just need a little push. Hell, I don't know...
This is a really good post. I feel the same way and think that is common amongst our age range. We did get older in the pandemic, and worked from home, lost a lot of social skills actually. Even when I go into the office every once in awhile now this seems to be the sentiment. I make my 14 year old son hang out with his friends too. But they want to and have that feeling of camaraderie. It feels irrevocably changed. Interesting to hear same from others.
I started a restaurant with this in mind. It was awesome and partially built by the community. Covid, plus a number of family deaths, led me to shut it down. I've been wanting to start another... this is a great reminder. Thank you!!
I am an introvert with autism, who is retired, and I NEED to be alone for the most part. However, I am able to leave my house when I volunteer my time to assist a beautiful couple, where one of them is disabled. Full disclosure: I knew one of them before they became disabled. Otherwise, I might not have ever left the house.
I have autism myself and I get it
I built my home to live, vacation, and to die here. I shop twice a week and visit the town social center(transfer station) every other week. I have things to work on and hobbies at home. Occasionally, I go to a tractor/car show and swap meet. My son lives with me. We are improving our gardening and cooking skills. Our menus are dependent on the sales. That is enough socializing for me.
The problems that you are discussing are caused by government interference with everyday life. Just go over and talk to your neighbors, they probably want to talk to you too. Another good video. Good Luck, Rick
A lot of people are saying "nature" as a third place, but that is just as isolating. The point is the lack of human contact and interaction. Another problem is that work has become less collaborative. For ex, I was watching an interview w Alfred Hitchcock, and he was talking about how they created the sets, etc. on his films. Today all that would be CGI, instead of people working with their hands as a team all together.
Totally. It’s nice that people enjoy being outside. I love going for walks too. But that’s not a third place.
@@AccordingtoNicole A lot of people in your commments don't seem to get what THird Place is. There's a lot of "I got to nature for my third place" comments. There's a specific set of academic criteria to determine third place status. Conversation should be the MAIN activity. I don't get why people seem so desperately unable to grasp what a third place is from your video, I thought you did a good job of explaining it. I literally saw a comment saying that a sensory deprivation float tank was their "third place" and I wanted to scream.
All due respect but we still build sets and props with our hands, as a team, together. Sets are not built in digital/post unless there's a specific effect that is required. 99% of sets and props you see on films are actual things we designed, bought, fabricated, installed, moved, touched, painted, etc, with our own hands, collaboratively, as a team.
But back to the original context of the video, you're describing a second place. A film set is a work location, where we earn our living. That by definition is not a third place. I would even argue that when some members of the crew get together at the end of the day over beers at a bar, even THAT is not officially a third place because we are essentially continuing the work day and discussing, mostly, work.
@dustyoldhat Welcome to the internet. People have very poor comprehension skills and think they’re geniuses.
Third spaces are now so rare in the world, that I think some people genuinely have a hard time figuring out what the concept means.
Car dependent cities are a big scam that has been normalized. So much so that Americans think you’re insane if you advocate for car free zones in cities or want better transit.
I am a figure skater so my third place is the ice rink. Our figure skating club is a good community of people with common interests. We host competitions, organize events, attend competitions at other rinks, and put on a big show every year. We have all levels from beginner to people working on triple jumps.
The Metaverse is the new third place, at least for the youth. Higher rents and the increased price of real estate have forced many places like roller skating rinks and coffee shops where we used to hang out into bankruptcy. The most physical third place now is the gym. But places where you can hang out for FREE - or where you don’t have to pay to be a “member” have vanished.
There used to be a coffee place in town that had a kids play room. There was a big window in the wall where there was a wooden counter to set your coffee on while you could keep an eye on the children through the window.
It was so relaxed and much less commercial than other places. We loved it.
They closed, it was a local family business. To this day, i miss it so much, and its low key non-commercial atmosphere.
It provided a place where being friendly and making acquaintances felt safe.
I would hate that because of the kids but it sounds fantastic for parents.
This just made me cry honestly. What can be done about this tragic phenomenon...
I grew up in the seventies without technology. Good times
i grew up in 21st century getting to experience the tech boom, good times
Hey, Buddy! The LOVELY 1970's💥were not just good times. The 1970's were GREAT TIMES!
I'm an early X.🔥 AND, a very blessed & proud such! I'm very PROUD of our BEAUTIFUL Generation X!
We're so COOL & SPACED OUT!🪐 Such a FORCE!⚡ I ❤ the cool & mysterious 1970's & the fun 1980's!
"without technology" what. So you were naked in the woods killing and eating with your bare hands and learning through oral tradition? lol
This is so timely. I’m the chair of a local Friends of the Library in a small Albertan city and we have lost almost all of our 3rd spaces. Especially 3rd spaces where you don’t have to “be a member” or spend money (or both) to be allowed in the space and stay in there.
In our area the town libraries are about the only space left, and due to this they are becoming centres for social services for all kinds of issues.
Even with all of this we have to fight to get our libraries almost funded.
We have to get involved now if we want to save our communities
I quit drinking 4 1/2 years ago and over that time it’s really sunk into me how much society lacks “third places” for adults who don’t want to spend their free time drinking. Sometimes I will go and chill at the local library, but it seems like libraries have become daycare centers in the past few years. It’s all screaming kids. Coffee shops aren’t what they used to be either. They’re not really that inviting in my view. Parks are just about the only thing left but you better hope there’s not a playground if you’re a single adult male because all the parents will give you dirty Looks thinking you’re there to spy on their kids.
that's sad, but so true.
Yes about the libraries!
I totally agree with you. I feel the same way. I dont care to drink much and i realize we dont Really have places for young adults to socialize anymore.
I live in a beautiful city. So I usually end up going on long walks on my own.
When I was a kid I had a burr up my ass because adults generally weren't friendly. Yesterday I was in line at Tim Hortons when the cutest little girl(about 2yrs. old) tried to engage with me from the booth she was sitting in with her little siblings and mother. I could barely muster a positive response for fear of being taken away in handcuffs. The kid has no idea why the man was not nice. That's going to leave a mark.
wow I can definitely relate to this! I look at it as being sober changes your mindset on everyday living. If you're not married with kids it's going to be a isolating lifestyle which I have come to accept. Life becomes monotonous pretty quickly. with alcohol it was like I was living on a different planet . But I know I'm better off just feels like I aged 20 years socially.
Not know my neighbors? I wish. I befriended my neighbor, and she turned out to be a jerk. Now things are just really awkward, and now I want a privacy screen. I was better off not knowing my neighbor. To be fair, my previous neighbor who lived in the same house was wonderful. So.... You're taking your chances getting to know the neighbor.
This conversation leads into the high rates of anxiety as well. Lack of eye contact and being around people is a large contributor to a lot of our social problems.
agreed.
loneliness is a killer
Grocery store ! Same!! "rub and tug" - HA! I almost spit out my coffee at that line.
The amount of divorces is skyrocketing for exactly same reason.
how so? Curious about this. I would think if anything less outside socialization would make people less likely to leave their marriages.
@@seltzermint5Just the opposite. Early in our marriage my wife and I shared an equal interest in the social "3rd places" in our life. After the last of several moves we were in a situation where there was no 3rd place and we only had each other. Being married, with no other social outlet, I experienced crippling loneliness, while married. She died 9 years ago, and now, living alone, I feel a lot less lonely.
I think the explanation is that the reality of the human condition is that each of us is fundamentally alone in this world of millions of others. We expect a marriage partner to do the impossible, which is to save us from reality itself, namely, our radical aloneness. When they fail at this it drives a wedge into the marriage. We might foolishly seek another savior (an affair). After becoming widowed and single I have come to realize that one can only save oneself, and that's actually far easier than the years of wishful thinking that your spouse will one day wake up and start doing her job of saving you.
People just screw and leave 😂
@@drc3poYou need to create/be happiness in your universe first and foremost. Our downfall is wanting our universes to be admired by others.
@@seltzermint5 Because the phrase: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, isn't just talking about one of you going off to sea or to war. As much as we may love and want to spend time with our significant other, doing things separate from them is vital both for our own sanity and happiness, and to have experiences alone that you can come home and relate to them. You might not enjoy pottery, but you might be amazed to hear your SO tell you about it. They might not enjoy fishing, but hearing you talk about it, might be amazing. Somewhere we got it in our heads to do everything together as if that's the only way to share experiences. And while it's a great experience, it's better to go and do your own thing, rather than drag them along and build a tiny, unconscious resentment.
Sharing a life doesn't just mean sharing the experiences in the moment, but sharing the experiences you've had separately.
Growing up as a kid in the 60s' and 70s I REALLY feel bad about the death of third places! When I reasently found out that my childhood best friend past away, I cried ALL week over it because all of the memories of playing together both inside my house AND OUTSIDE nearly every day after school just came flooding back! I, regrettably, hadn't seen him in many years, but just the wonderful memories I have playing TOGETHER as kids was enough to bring me to tears. RIP Kenny! Yup.....they finally "killed Kenny!" I know that he will be hysterical at that old South Park statement wherever he may be now........
"I've spent my whole life
Trapped in a cage ! "
Despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage😂
@@daviebaggins We all are - sometimes the rebel inside me wants to rise against the cage masters
My friends and I used to hang out at a place called Third Place Books. (I never understood the name until watching your video.) It's a very casual hippy dippy bookstore with a food court and a stage for speakers and other entertainment. Sometimes they even have live music and dancing! It's a community gathering space where people feel comfortable spending hours with a pile of books, chatting with friends, and sipping coffee. I live in another state now, but I still miss my "third place".
You are once again so right! Fortunately for my wife and I, we moved to this condo 6 years ago. The building is equipped with a gym and an indoor and outdoor pool. The outdoor pool especially is our third place from late May to late September. This is the place where many residents go and socialize. There are walking and biking trails nearby where we also meet people. Otherwise, we’d be pretty much on our own. Today, a friend in the building is inviting us to see a piano/singing concert. We will have a lot of fun with these people. I know some friends and family members suffering from loneliness because they live in a house and don’t get to meet people on a regular basis.
I don't have a third place. Where is a middle-aged person supposed to go? I'm too old to go to the bars. And I'm too young for shuffle board night at the nursing home.
I go hiking
@PsychologicalApparition same. But i thought a third place was supposed to contain people?
@@TheBigdog868 Oh, izzat it? The trails here in Fort Worth always have others on them. but I reckon that is as densely populated as I like it in the last two particular decades haha
Get out in nature. Nature is the last refuge of sanity.
@@TheBigdog868 Look for a hiking group in your area. I found a few on MeetUp for my area.
I'm retired, I don't even have a second place now.
The classical composers (Schubert, Mozart, etc) spent evenings in third places; Mozart said musical melodies (he used in his compositions) came to him while playing pool. Thanks for this eye-opening video!
Don't worry, as a fellow millennial I can say with confidence you didn't miss anything having never watched 'Friends'
We need to stop saying "we're more connected than ever before". We're NOT. Folks are losing their ability to empathise, to just tolerate the foibles are others (and get their feedback on yours), learn emotional regulation and so much more. Our current 'connection' is an illusion.
I wish there was a dance place where they played 70’s and 80’s music only. I would have the time of my life. Now I just wait till one of my good friends to be in town to actually have a social outing. I could go to bars, sports events, more restaurants, but those are expensive and I don’t like being in crowded areas these days. My anxiety and paranoia definitely don’t help lol. But when I was 23 I decided to get my sh*t together and haven’t done much outings since. I’m 27 now.
Ive been meeting my friends for walks rather than drinks or meals
as a child I don't think my mom could ever with certainty tell somebody where I was outside of school hours, hanging out somewhere in the neighbourhood, in the forests around, building camps and playing pretend swordfights with sticks, somehow with our children we'd always have to know where they were, what they were up to, it's a weird phenomenon, indeed. I live in Europe, here a city usually still has a center where you can hang out, spend an afternoon, but I noticed in the US that's totally non-existent, the center of a city is just an intersection with some fast food restaurants and a gas pump... indeed depressing...
I find that depressing also! My town definitely still has a thriving downtown and civic vibe, various neighborhoods with different strengths and character. But when traveling the US I find a lot of cities even with similar population are newer or "dead" and really just have chain restaurants and stores with no personality. I could never thrive in that type of place.
The place to hang in cities in the US are called civic centers. They either just serve one city or a couple of cities.
@@tianamarie989 not familiar to me (a US resident) in that way. Civic centers in my region are more likely just venues for conferences and events.
@@tianamarie989 thanks, never heard of that, when we've visited the West of the US (Grand Canyon, San Francisco, Sequoia, we enjoyed Williams Arizona, bit touristic, and also Morro Bay, that was a different atmosphere entirely. I remember arriving in Monterey (south of San Francisco) and we had the discussion: should we still go visit the center? what would be the point... and then feeling cooped up in the hotel for the evening.
You are so on point about the third place has disappeared. I'm 60 and started noticing the "disappearance of the 3rd place" as the internet age developed in the 90's. I call it the revenge of the nerd age. Tech has made everyone a nerd. No social skills.
I realized how great it was before 2020 in the office, going to lunch with your colleagues, playing table tennis, socializing. Now with work from home this is all gone and I go to the office once a few months.
I keep telling people work from home is horrible for society
As a 90s kid... i hope whenever I have my own kids, my husband will be cool enough to show them how fun a LAN party can be so they get to rotate among friends houses 😂
Robert Putnam wrote the book "Bowling Alone" almost 30 years ago. So the decline in social community has been going on before video games and digital community. Somewhat do to television but he points out other factors. People got tired of hearing about how well other's kids were doing at school and other lives doing well. It was making people feel less worthy. So they quit signing up for bowling leagues or any other scheduled social activities. Yet they were bowling at a higher rate, just by themselves. You might say that society had become too competitive.
I'm single retired and live alone, mostly in my art studio painting 60 or more hrs per week.Go to a movie with my nephew about twice a year or we sometimes have some craft type wood project like building tables. But that just isn't enough socializing for me. I started throwing competition atlatl in 2017. It's not really a competitive sport, I never liked competitive. Everyone is helping each other to achieve their highest score for the year. It's more in common with fishing.
Now there is Pickle Ball. It is a lot more competitive type sport but you only play within ratings from beginner to pro. like 5 different levels. Hell some people seem happy just staying beginner. I have yet to join a league and only show up to play when I feel like it. It can be somewhat social because at times you set out waiting for your next turn. A game only last 15-20 mins. There are things that folks can get involved in and setting about with friends smoking the shit, drinking alcohol, reminiscing, talking sports, may be seeing its better day.
With AI coming on fast, society is going to have much more leisure time. They won't have work to do. So they will need "new" forms of social entertainment that is not fake like Twicker and F--k-book. Many folks simply don't care for competitive. I'm one of those. I could give a Rat's-ass about who wins sports and video games are boring as F. Have not had my TV on in 5 years and don't need any anxiety meds. People get locked into routines and never try new shit, and then claim they are bored. If you don't get involved then you will never know!
"With AI coming on fast, society is going to have much more leisure time." I wish that were true, but A.I. doesn't eliminate the need to make money to survive. It's going to displace so many workers, many of which will become unemployable as more and more jobs disappear, but we still need *some* way to make ends meet. Things are going to get much worse for people before they get better. I predict a bloodbath if our politicians don't proactively do something to ensure people's survival.
Good! Girl! You hit the nail right on the head with this. I'm an old fa*t who looks to the new young to save this society from itself. Keep making your observations and all you people out there keep listening to Nicole, you won't go far wrong doing just that.
Great video! I agree with all you said. Like myself, many seniors, in particular, are very poor, isolated, and lonely. Life has been reduced to a mountain of books and a recliner. I'm sure my situation is not uncommon.
Take a look at the current "vanlife" preoccupation. I'm certain the people who got into it, if they had stopped to think about it, probably had the "3rd place" dilemma. I'm currently living and traveling in a pretty roomy motorhome accompanied by my wonderful dog. Some RV parks provide feelings of neighborhood but not everywhere. I'm also disabled so there's that. I very much enjoy your "old soul" wisdom and plain talk. Keep up the good work!
I'll be honest, as someone who has worked from home since 2020, I only have one place. The second most frequented place is Walmart (yuck) coming in at once a week for groceries. I talk to people all day (therapist) but rarely get the chance to connect with my colleagues, other than through online means. Most of my friends are also too busy with life, and all of them live in other states anyway. So, the majority of my socialization comes from my husband and my dog. I'm honestly such a homebody now, which I'm actually content with, but yes of course it can be lonely at times.
Do you have Aldi? Such a better experience IMO
@@seltzermint5We do and we get our chicken there (better quality) but Aldi doesn't have all what we need and even comparing prices now a day, they are either the same or higher at times than Walmart. 😔
@@xkristixx gotcha! We don't really eat meat and I track my Walmart spending as I try to avoid them entirely. Last year it was $108 for the entire year and this year on track for the same. No big company is perfect though of course!
Well at least you have a husband
@@Starfish2145 I am grateful for him, yes.
I don’t go anywhere anymore cause it’s not safe the places I use to go. I moved out of the city cause of the How run down it has come and how many places are closed and run down. To many shootings and killings and nothing is done about it the homeless or ramming the streets that we have new laws they are not carried out so why have laws. it’s sad to see the place. I grew up and loved and rode my bicycle in all over the city. You can’t even open your door and walk outside without being scared. Now I’m fixing to see if I can get an assisted living retirement home I don’t need assisted-living now. I might in the future, this is not in the city. I’m retired. I’m fixing to be 67 and I’m scared of what the world is coming too. I do believe that we’re gonna have a depression like my grandparents did and my mother. I do believe that it’s not gonna be like anything we’ve ever seen all I can say if you believe in God, pray every day that he will see that we are trying to be better and to help us and take care of us in anyway he can because he is the one that gotta make the decision not the president is going to be the one to make the decision if we make it or not and I’m sorry if you don’t believe in that, but it’s I believe. You’ve got to be good to live good. Pray every day in your own way that the world will get better. with the prices going up we’re not gonna be able to go to the store drive to the store. Take our children to school. School is a whole different story. There’s no respect at school anymore. I don’t know how they all stay open. Anyway, said my piece I just hope that everyone sees the light I know it’s not gonna get any better if the world does not change for the good. Love watching you honest and open just like me tell you like it is and if you don’t wanna listen don’t ask the question.❤❤❤❤❤❤ I stay home read a lot , do 1000 piece puzzle,hate TV so strange cause growing up we didn’t have one. Life so diff yes I am depressed and lonely and I do go to a therapist but lately it hasn’t helped. I just stay sad and I cry a lot because there’s nothing to do when you get old. No one cares when you get old all your friends are dying and you’re just waiting for that day to come, and I don’t want that to come. I don’t go to bars. I don’t go out. I don’t go anywhere. There’s nowhere safe to go where I live. I hate going to the grocery store I have it delivered. People are so rude in this day and they have no respect themselves. They have no respect for anyone else so I stay away from people. I did go to church, but I don’t go to church anymore because people are so sarcastic and rude and if you don’t have money to give to the church, you’re trash that don’t want you coming through the door to dress a certain way you have to be in a job in the top of the job and I have retired along time ago, and I don’t have that kind of money I stay home so I don’t have to prove anybody I am somebody and I am somebody and so are you and there’s no way you have to prove who you are and what you do to anybody. be who you are to yourself only love yourself. Take care of yourself. That’s all you have to do.
I have about 10 different 3rd places. They're far from gone. There are so many in fact.
Here's a quick list just from the top of my head
- The gym
- my favorite bar
- my sports team practices and games
- my other sports team
- about 5 different Meetup groups that I go to regularly
- About 3 different parks in my city that I frequent
One of Nicole's greatest videos! THANKs Nicole !!!!!!!!!
I’m glad you said it, cause “public relaxation” gave me the same idea!
“This is where I grew up”….
You’re great.
This is why I watch you! 😁
I really love this video. I've been thinking about my daughter's life today (she's 18) and I'm so grateful she's able to hang out with her friends & bbq etc post 2020, and that she wants to, despite video games & social media, they love their 3rd places.
In the UK pubs - public houses - used to be a significant 3rd place. Many have closed down in the last 10 - 15 years as their ability to turn profits have wained. Alcohol is highly taxed and so many people don't consume as much as two or three decades ago. I have to walk quite a way in order to get to my nearest pub for a beer or two.
Plus the forced change in demographics is closing pubs. Pubs are boring places if you are not into alcohol.
Mine was always other people's houses. Grew up in a small town.
Your next door neighbors are Roberta and Clifford, or Cliff for short.
I hope this is true. It would be so-o-o relevant for Nicole to meet her neighbours in YT comments.
"People have already had to rethink so many concepts of motion; and they will also gradually come to realize that what we call fate does not come into us from the outside, but emerges from us." -Rilke, "Letters to a young poet", #8.
I tell my high schoolers the same things about what smart phones and social media are doing to this generation. When bored- and they are ALWAYS bored, they aren’t becoming artists, or writers, or musicians. They are forfeiting their creative impiulse- and not being productive.