I have been in a 14 year marriage....including gas lighting, verbal emotional abuse. Put downs cut downs silent treatment . He has depression and anxiety and has used this as an excuse. This is both our second marriages. Many years in I discovered he took a home equity loan to give money to his manipulative adult daughters and ex wife...as he says he was afraid his daughters who only ever showed him financial conditional love wouldn't see him and he didn't want his 20 plus daughters hating his ex and him. I was working at the time and our finances were combined. I hit a wall, filed for divorce last August. It appears after that he realizes that he was abusive and is begging me to stay. We live in the same home currently however I feel dreadful. He doesn't want to lose me. Has behaved with the exception of a few times. Been to therapist stopped because of holidays. How do I make a decision?? Thank you
Honestly Diane, the answer is in his behavior...not words. (I'm not talking about flowers, dates, sex, affection that can all be present in the reconciliation phase of an abusive relationship). You might want to consider some coaching to keep you from falling prey to manipulation tactics. Many of my coaching clients touch base for brief sessions to maintain clarity and to move forward with confidence. It can be very hard to see the big picture when the hoovering begins. Real change is characterized by consistent action, demonstrations of empathy, and a willingness to do whatever is necessary. I offer a very limited number of complimentary virtual coffee sessions available through my website www.drdenisedart.com/11-consultations/
Usually the moment he is sure again that you are back in, the old behaviour returns. That's just the way they roll. I went back enough times to see that is the rule in these kind of people.
Dr. Denise Dart Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond. You are so very wise and can pinpoint these behaviors and dynamics. I will take a look at your website. Watching your sessions has made me stronger and able to file. I am looking for homes and will be discussing finalizing the divorce. We are living together but not talking much going about our daily duties. You are truly a Godsend and I appreciate you
Thanks Carrie, I saw that and then when I went back to fix it the problem seemed to have resolved itself. Probably a glitch in the upload. I appreciate you letting me know. Thanks you again.
He told me ...if I fixed myself... his reactions would not be abusive.... 😢😢😢
z z Everyone is responsible for their own reactions, feelings and action. 💗 It's universal.
I have been in a 14 year marriage....including gas lighting, verbal emotional abuse. Put downs cut downs silent treatment . He has depression and anxiety and has used this as an excuse. This is both our second marriages. Many years in I discovered he took a home equity loan to give money to his manipulative adult daughters and ex wife...as he says he was afraid his daughters who only ever showed him financial conditional love wouldn't see him and he didn't want his 20 plus daughters hating his ex and him. I was working at the time and our finances were combined. I hit a wall, filed for divorce last August. It appears after that he realizes that he was abusive and is begging me to stay. We live in the same home currently however I feel dreadful. He doesn't want to lose me. Has behaved with the exception of a few times. Been to therapist stopped because of holidays. How do I make a decision?? Thank you
Honestly Diane, the answer is in his behavior...not words. (I'm not talking about flowers, dates, sex, affection that can all be present in the reconciliation phase of an abusive relationship). You might want to consider some coaching to keep you from falling prey to manipulation tactics. Many of my coaching clients touch base for brief sessions to maintain clarity and to move forward with confidence. It can be very hard to see the big picture when the hoovering begins. Real change is characterized by consistent action, demonstrations of empathy, and a willingness to do whatever is necessary. I offer a very limited number of complimentary virtual coffee sessions available through my website www.drdenisedart.com/11-consultations/
Usually the moment he is sure again that you are back in, the old behaviour returns. That's just the way they roll. I went back enough times to see that is the rule in these kind of people.
Dr. Denise Dart Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond. You are so very wise and can pinpoint these behaviors and dynamics. I will take a look at your website. Watching your sessions has made me stronger and able to file. I am looking for homes and will be discussing finalizing the divorce. We are living together but not talking much going about our daily duties. You are truly a Godsend and I appreciate you
Thank you, Denise. ♡
You are very welcome!
Dr. Denise Dart Awe, my heart is touched, thank you for replying and all you do. Xo
Thank you! Love your videos💕
Thank you now know my relationship can not be safe..now the truth. Has cone out this week.was just his supply .
Thanks again for another great video! You have helped me more than u will ever know! Blessings To you for all you do 💕
Blessings to you as well Shirley. I’m happy my videos are helpful to you. Please let me know if there is a specific topic you’d like me to address 💜
Excellent!! Bravo!!
The first part of the video plays twice.
Thanks Carrie, I saw that and then when I went back to fix it the problem seemed to have resolved itself. Probably a glitch in the upload. I appreciate you letting me know. Thanks you again.
Thanks a lot
THANK YOU SWEETHEART FOR MY WARNINGS I APPRECIATE U😘😘😍😍😍