Trying to figure out my place in relationship for about year now. I've learned the details about her ADHD and avoidant attachment style ad nauseam. I decided about a month ago to let go and focus on self again. It gave me relief and now if something comes of the relationship at this point it will just be a bonus instead of a huge dissapointment.
nope, I stopped months ago, and somehow people like me more, especially women.. Im too busy to maintain any sort of women, who isnt or high quality or any quality lol.
Totally. I'm still drawn to enigmatic types who cloak their identity in intriquing ways that draws curious & innocent types in, so I see now how I set myself up too tho. Relationships are something I've always found confusing-but retirement exposing criminals surrounding me all these decades has really helped make things more clear daily now. Thx.
What I've learned is some people literally just go downhill. Some people are meant to fail. You will notice this with some people. Some people go uphill steadily with some drops. Some people go downhill steadily. When you help the people who are meant to go downhill you can lift them up generally for a few months then they will revolt and go there own way downhill. Lol I don't know why life is like this.
Being 58 I can confirm that sometimes many years, even decades later, you receive the "missing piece" and get it. You're right, no answer now, let it slide. Believe me when that piece arrives later, that incomplete "file" almost "magically" pops up and the resolution, though a surprise, is AWESOME!
Just gotta learn to let go. It's a trauma response to try to figure everything out. Some things are better left unknown. Now go figure yourself out, and conquer that resistance to put your ideas in to real world actions.
It’s actually insane how every topic I discuss in therapy each week you release a video talking about it in more detail than even previously existed on the internet lol
here is the thing, Ive spent 30 years studying humans, using my intelligence to empathy/antipathy to get them.. I can understand anybody. Problem is, I only like a few handful of people types. What wenzes did for me, is help me understand myself. I spent so little time in that. Thanks Wenzes you are a true Peach.
This is the best video! There was times i was becoming like a psycho trying to figure out staff that i couldn't make any sense of. Spending even years on researching...One of the most important video for INFJ in my opinion. Thank you!
When we are less anxious about avoiding problems by figuring things out with our INFJ superpowers there are other choices available. My superpowers led me to a spiritual path. I figured there was a real value to this path, and it wasn't all a sham. Religion had plenty of down sides but spirituality outside of religion was a different thing. I saw addicts getting sober through a 12 step program and saw the value there. Learning the difference between the things a can't change and the things I can't change was a tool that gave more of a chance to succeed with my abilities. This was also true of a higher power of my own understanding who was ready to assist me just as I am. I'm sure there are many other things that other INFJs have learned in their life journeys. Getting together to learn from each other is a fantastic benefit for INFJs. I'm quite old now, but I'm happy for those who have such choices available that were not there for me in my youth.
You can never understand situations or detalied specifics of what the path looked like for someone before crossing paths with them. But the extroverted feeling makes it impossible to ignore suffering when it presents in a person that you love or have to spend time with. We suffer and we know that the source is probably in the many questions and thoughts you spend on a relationship. We will not be able to do something to help a person, and many times it`s not our place. All we can do is tro to decipher what is going on. Sometimes you do this so that you can verbalise what you are seeing in order to do what we feel we would have wanted. If it`s at your wit`s end you need to process and present your findings or conclusion as a way to exit the relationship . This is the door slam. When you have tried to communicate but it`s not sticking and you have given all you have without a second thought. Seeing a loop you look back on where you were the last person riding a turbulent relationship that played out just like you were told had happened previously is where you no longer have one side, the other side, of a story. We feel obligated to try and reach the person one last time. The door isn`t slammed but you have walked away and you know that you were not the last person to experience this. You are thankfull for the teachings but you can`t say you recommend it to a peer. At last you have just the strength you need to carry yourself away from the ”war” that both sides lost. It`s an obvious wish to not loose respect for your own well being and leaving one last clue to the other before you go and never look back for the reasons that clue contains. I`m calling it a clue just because it is the essence of being neutral and consequent about the information as always.
My motto was: "All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love" (Leo Tolstoy) and, even if I didn't understand, my goal was to show affection and save people. till one day, so late, when I realized that my understanding was fundamentally wrong, so I had to find new meanings, but I discovered that it is just as comfortable and beautiful to have no answers at all Thank you, Wenzes
Ok this one hurt me so bad!😂😂 i need those details and questions answered! Now i understand why non-infjs look at me weird when i am asking questions and trying to incessantly solve a problem or understand a situation!😂
I literally don’t care to try and understand people. Waste of time and energy. Who and how they present themselves to me is how I reciprocate. Easiest way to live.
The "why" of all of the things, haunt me...until I recognize, no answer, or response is the answer. Something could only be for a moment...not forever. Great video!
This whole topic about "understanding where the person is coming from" has given me mixed thoughts and feelings. I do think it's important to listen carefully and try to avoid jumping to conclusions about what or where he/she means. But as you said here, sometimes we just plain don't understand. And it's OK! "We do the best we can with what we currently have." I believe that can apply to (a) the information we've gotten from the other person and (b) the mental and emotional equipment we were born with. I like the way you encouraged us to use our intuition more and even go to it first. I neglected it big time when I was younger, but that's in the past, especially when I learned that it doesn't damage my logic at all. In fact, it makes things more logical. At least for me.
There are people I've been trying to figure out for 15 years or more and I don't think I can just consciously stop thinking about them. When I'm around them I am just automatically studying their traits, their words, their actions and I'm turning all this over in my mind trying to reach an understanding. What will I do once I've figured them out? I'm not really sure....
I (INFJ) enjoyed this video. I have a nuanced modification to the explaination: Within cognitive functions, there are *two* *objective* *judging* (matching real-world truth) *functions.* The two objective functions being extraverted thinking (Te) and extroverted feeling (Fe). Any personality type will have one extraverted judging function (i.e. Te, Fe) that is mainly conscious while the other is mainly subconscious. According to John Beebe, et. al., the fourth function is the "gateway" to the sub-conscious functions. For INFJ, we are quite strong with Fe because we use it almost constantly. Having said this, however, our Te takes the position in the sub-conscious. Also, for the INFJ, the "gateway to the subconscious" function is extroverted sensing (Se). The nuance that I would like to add is that when INFJ does not "get" something, that "something" *may* *be* *either* *an* *extroverted* *feeling* *(Fe)* *truth* *and/or* *an* *extroverted* *thinking* *(Te)* *truth.* To add to what Wenzes said, I have found that additional *Fe* *truths* come into consciousness within Ni via a process of additional experience with others when I use Ni-Ti while studying my interior feelings (Fi) about interactions. On the other hand, additional *Te* *truths* come to me through the gateway function (Se), usually by finding an expert at Te and listening to lectures, etc. until I can pick-up that truth. One last point is that for INFJ, Fe comes much easier than Te. While Fe can be obtained internally in fairly easy/natural way, Te usually come from other people and therefore requires an open mind-set to experts at Te (i.e. ENTJ and ESTJ).
God! This information is such a gift! I am definitely one to keep trying to understand things to the point of exhaustion. This video has validated what I have come to realize all along but STILL didn't want to listen. I seriously wish I could join your bootcamp, are there any scholarships?
Sometimes the answer is something you do not have an innate ability to accept so you keep at it. If it’s draining you it’s best to walk away. Men are known to be able to compartmentalize. That’s what I try to do. But if something is ringing alarm bells it’s very hard to let it go on to a shelf…. But what difference will an understanding make? Peace of mind. Ok. Or actually you might be able to save somebody too… I’m talking alarm bells.
I hqve a seripus business proposition to present to you. How should I proceed, in case in would be willing to hear. It is ok if ypu dont. I know my place. I admire ypur work and respect you very much. Thank you.
The "why" of all of the things, haunt me...until I recognize, no answer, or response is the answer. Something could only be for a moment...not forever. Great video!
Do you get stuck as well when you are faced with a relationship dynamic that you can't wrap your head around?
Trying to figure out my place in relationship for about year now. I've learned the details about her ADHD and avoidant attachment style ad nauseam. I decided about a month ago to let go and focus on self again. It gave me relief and now if something comes of the relationship at this point it will just be a bonus instead of a huge dissapointment.
nope, I stopped months ago, and somehow people like me more, especially women.. Im too busy to maintain any sort of women, who isnt or high quality or any quality lol.
Totally. I'm still drawn to enigmatic types who cloak their identity in intriquing ways that draws curious & innocent types in, so I see now how I set myself up too tho. Relationships are something I've always found confusing-but retirement exposing criminals surrounding me all these decades has really helped make things more clear daily now. Thx.
Lol did you notice the mysterious ones are actually dull and boring.
What I've learned is some people literally just go downhill. Some people are meant to fail. You will notice this with some people. Some people go uphill steadily with some drops. Some people go downhill steadily. When you help the people who are meant to go downhill you can lift them up generally for a few months then they will revolt and go there own way downhill. Lol I don't know why life is like this.
Being 58 I can confirm that sometimes many years, even decades later, you receive the "missing piece" and get it. You're right, no answer now, let it slide. Believe me when that piece arrives later, that incomplete "file" almost "magically" pops up and the resolution, though a surprise, is AWESOME!
i look forward to more of these epiphanies :)
Just gotta learn to let go. It's a trauma response to try to figure everything out. Some things are better left unknown. Now go figure yourself out, and conquer that resistance to put your ideas in to real world actions.
🙏🏼
Real talk 💯
It’s actually insane how every topic I discuss in therapy each week you release a video talking about it in more detail than even previously existed on the internet lol
here is the thing, Ive spent 30 years studying humans, using my intelligence to empathy/antipathy to get them.. I can understand anybody. Problem is, I only like a few handful of people types. What wenzes did for me, is help me understand myself. I spent so little time in that. Thanks Wenzes you are a true Peach.
This is the best video! There was times i was becoming like a psycho trying to figure out staff that i couldn't make any sense of. Spending even years on researching...One of the most important video for INFJ in my opinion. Thank you!
When we are less anxious about avoiding problems by figuring things out with our INFJ superpowers there are other choices available. My superpowers led me to a spiritual path.
I figured there was a real value to this path, and it wasn't all a sham. Religion had plenty of down sides but spirituality outside of religion was a different thing. I saw addicts getting sober through a 12 step program and saw the value there. Learning the difference between the things a can't change and the things I can't change was a tool that gave more of a chance to succeed with my abilities.
This was also true of a higher power of my own understanding who was ready to assist me just as I am. I'm sure there are many other things that other INFJs have learned in their life journeys. Getting together to learn from each other is a fantastic benefit for INFJs. I'm quite old now, but I'm happy for those who have such choices available that were not there for me in my youth.
Thank you for making your videos, you are guiding me through life
You can never understand situations or detalied specifics of what the path looked like for someone before crossing paths with them.
But the extroverted feeling makes it impossible to ignore suffering when it presents in a person that you love or have to spend time with.
We suffer and we know that the source is probably in the many questions and thoughts you spend on a relationship.
We will not be able to do something to help a person, and many times it`s not our place.
All we can do is tro to decipher what is going on. Sometimes you do this so that you can verbalise what you are seeing in order to do what we feel we would have wanted. If it`s at your wit`s end you need to process and present your findings or conclusion as a way to exit the relationship . This is the door slam. When you have tried to communicate but it`s not sticking and you have given all you have without a second thought.
Seeing a loop you look back on where you were the last person riding a turbulent relationship that played out just like you were told had happened previously is where you no longer have one side, the other side, of a story.
We feel obligated to try and reach the person one last time. The door isn`t slammed but you have walked away and you know that you were not the last person to experience this.
You are thankfull for the teachings but you can`t say you recommend it to a peer.
At last you have just the strength you need to carry yourself away from the ”war” that both sides lost.
It`s an obvious wish to not loose respect for your own well being and leaving one last clue to the other before you go and never look back for the reasons that clue contains. I`m calling it a clue just because it is the essence of being neutral and consequent about the information as always.
Love your channel. Its so professional. Such a young Lady gives me insight of my life.
My motto was: "All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love" (Leo Tolstoy) and, even if I didn't understand, my goal was to show affection and save people. till one day, so late, when I realized that my understanding was fundamentally wrong, so I had to find new meanings, but I discovered that it is just as comfortable and beautiful to have no answers at all
Thank you, Wenzes
Hmm very interesting. Thank you :):):) I'm going to check out books from Leo Tolstoy.
Ok this one hurt me so bad!😂😂 i need those details and questions answered! Now i understand why non-infjs look at me weird when i am asking questions and trying to incessantly solve a problem or understand a situation!😂
I literally don’t care to try and understand people. Waste of time and energy. Who and how they present themselves to me is how I reciprocate. Easiest way to live.
The "why" of all of the things, haunt me...until I recognize, no answer, or response is the answer. Something could only be for a moment...not forever. Great video!
Hey the people who did those things are too DUMB to know why the did them. You win Big. Don't worry about them. Their loss your Win.
Wenze's awesome episode thank you Wenze's.Jerome❤❤❤
This whole topic about "understanding where the person is coming from" has given me mixed thoughts and feelings. I do think it's important to listen carefully and try to avoid jumping to conclusions about what or where he/she means. But as you said here, sometimes we just plain don't understand. And it's OK!
"We do the best we can with what we currently have." I believe that can apply to (a) the information we've gotten from the other person and (b) the mental and emotional equipment we were born with.
I like the way you encouraged us to use our intuition more and even go to it first. I neglected it big time when I was younger, but that's in the past, especially when I learned that it doesn't damage my logic at all. In fact, it makes things more logical. At least for me.
Does not Matter What. Just be a Person and Talk One on One.
I love this message.
There are people I've been trying to figure out for 15 years or more and I don't think I can just consciously stop thinking about them. When I'm around them I am just automatically studying their traits, their words, their actions and I'm turning all this over in my mind trying to reach an understanding. What will I do once I've figured them out? I'm not really sure....
This video comes in time, really super appreciated it for all your videos who brings me up again every time i fall down.
I (INFJ) enjoyed this video. I have a nuanced modification to the explaination:
Within cognitive functions, there are *two* *objective* *judging* (matching real-world truth) *functions.* The two objective functions being extraverted thinking (Te) and extroverted feeling (Fe). Any personality type will have one extraverted judging function (i.e. Te, Fe) that is mainly conscious while the other is mainly subconscious. According to John Beebe, et. al., the fourth function is the "gateway" to the sub-conscious functions.
For INFJ, we are quite strong with Fe because we use it almost constantly. Having said this, however, our Te takes the position in the sub-conscious. Also, for the INFJ, the "gateway to the subconscious" function is extroverted sensing (Se).
The nuance that I would like to add is that when INFJ does not "get" something, that "something" *may* *be* *either* *an* *extroverted* *feeling* *(Fe)* *truth* *and/or* *an* *extroverted* *thinking* *(Te)* *truth.* To add to what Wenzes said, I have found that additional *Fe* *truths* come into consciousness within Ni via a process of additional experience with others when I use Ni-Ti while studying my interior feelings (Fi) about interactions. On the other hand, additional *Te* *truths* come to me through the gateway function (Se), usually by finding an expert at Te and listening to lectures, etc. until I can pick-up that truth.
One last point is that for INFJ, Fe comes much easier than Te. While Fe can be obtained internally in fairly easy/natural way, Te usually come from other people and therefore requires an open mind-set to experts at Te (i.e. ENTJ and ESTJ).
God! This information is such a gift! I am definitely one to keep trying to understand things to the point of exhaustion. This video has validated what I have come to realize all along but STILL didn't want to listen. I seriously wish I could join your bootcamp, are there any scholarships?
Sometimes the answer is something you do not have an innate ability to accept so you keep at it. If it’s draining you it’s best to walk away. Men are known to be able to compartmentalize. That’s what I try to do. But if something is ringing alarm bells it’s very hard to let it go on to a shelf…. But what difference will an understanding make? Peace of mind. Ok. Or actually you might be able to save somebody too… I’m talking alarm bells.
Wenzes, you know what i was thinking?
Intuition is the voice of the soul.
That is some first function. 👍
Thad is just the problem Thad they are clear now ! 11:50
Yupppp
Is Thad not frustrating you ? 10:46
WHAT LIFE ? 9:26
I hqve a seripus business proposition to present to you. How should I proceed, in case in would be willing to hear. It is ok if ypu dont. I know my place. I admire ypur work and respect you very much. Thank you.
I love your top
I Don’t understand non-sense !
I always want your tops. Thank you for being you.
How did you get to be an INFJ life coach?
I want out of this country 🇧🇪 13:25
Dats rayciss
Woke much? Take your hate elsewhere.
I think they are joking @@corporaterobotslave400
I don't understand How Wenzes Is so awesome and cool and always looking so young :):):) all I know is I'm proud of her.
The "why" of all of the things, haunt me...until I recognize, no answer, or response is the answer. Something could only be for a moment...not forever. Great video!