After 3 months on the ship, the Ensign asks the Captain, "Captain, what do the men do for ,um, you know, sexual relief?" The Captain says "See that barrel on the deck, there's a hole in the side of that barrel. Go try that". The next day, the young Ensign says to the Captain "That was Great. Can I use the barrel any time I want?" The Captain replies "Any time except for Friday". The Ensign asks "Why not Friday?" Captain replies "Because Friday is YOUR day in the barrel".
Attaway. Short and sweet is the key. What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? You don’t know? Well, you’re not coming over to my house.
@@traceya9615 - woke brigade , taking offense at nothing. Comedians with dyslexia TODAY make jokes about their OWN dyslexia - they should be locked up ??? 🤣🤣🤣
The nurse rushes into the doctor's office and says"doctor,there's a guy out here who thinks he's invisible."The doctor replies"tell him i can't see him."
Man walks into a pharmacy and says "My friend tells me I need viagra for sexual prowess". The pharmacist replies "It will certainly help, as a matter of fact I take it myself". The man says "Can you get it over the counter?", the pharmacist replies "I can if I take Two".
It was reported on the news that a pharmacy had been broken into and a box of viagra was stolen - The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
A similar joke is about a man who is on holidays and phones his brother to see how things are at home. Hi Barry, how're things? Oh, not so good, your cat died. Jesus Barry, you don't ruin someone's holiday by giving bad news like that. No? No, you tell a little white lie, if I ask about my cat, you say 'Oh she's up on the roof right now" or somethng, so I don't get upset and ruin my holiday. Sorry, I never heard that before. Well, OK, I guess you didn't know. How's Mom? Ahh, she's up on the roof right now.
Everyone remembers him as Mel on Alice, and it's easy to forget how he was a REALLY prolific character actor before that. He was on EVERYTHING...Mod Squad, Mission: Impossible (twice), The Monkees, Partridge Family, Star Trek, F Troop, All In The Family, Mary Tyler Moore Show, Bewitched...you name it. On top of that, I could be totally wrong here but, regardless of the role, he just exuded the feeling that he was a guy that would be really cool to hang out with.
Hi Mel. ❤️❤️ I miss these old days. Great chill time in life without all these phones computers. We were then able to get answering machines Nothing was so rushed.
I didn't know Vic Tayback ever did stand up. A militarized variation on the "your mom was on the roof and we couldn't get her down" joke, which was so humorously portrayed in Spain, in the cave drawings of La Pasiega. On a side note, a comment left by one of the stone aged artists was deciphered to mean, "I've heard that one before".
A guy asks his psychiatrist, "Doc. What's wrong with me? Sometimes I think I'm a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee." The psychiatrist says, "Your two tents."
Two guys go to a wild party and get plastered. The next day, the first guy says, "Man, I got so drunk, I slept with the ugliest girl!" The second guy says, "That's nothing--I got so drunk that when I went home I blew Chunks all night." "So what?" says the first guy, "Everybody's puked after drinking too much at some point." "No," says the second guy, "you don't understand. Chunks. . . Chunks is my dog."
Years ago I was in LA at the Dennys across from KTLA I think it was Sunset Boulevard if I recall and I had a flat tire in the parking lot Vic Tayback put four new tires on my car took me to lunch and took me shopping at I think it was Norstrom we spoke on the phone occasionally and that was it I think he’s a Lebanese man he’s a super great guy what a heart. And what class!!
What I don't understand is, is that these are such great actors and actresses from the 60s 70s 80s and some 90s and yet they don't use them anymore in anything, that's the whole tragedy of a lot of these stars that had these sitcoms sure they were and other things but sometimes they were not for instance the one program that they could have or would have been in made them famous but then that was it one hit wonders they call them but still a lot of great actors in the 70s era 80s era that they should be using today instead what do we have these hacks That Couldn't find the acting bug if it was late at night in a roach motel. And you don't hear about these people until you find out on the news that they died, that is the biggest shame of it all in Hollywood. They did bring back Judd Hirsch he played in taxi for all those that don't know his name, and that donut shop program which I believe is no longer on I thought he was great. Where do these actors go when no one wants them anymore? It's a shame
WWII vets liked that joke, I'm sure. It has to a lot to do with the idiocy and incompetency many of them dealt with when answering to new, young officers during the war. So the joke just on its face is silly, but when you really knew an idiot like that, a joke at their expense is funnier.
This is Vic, the guy from the tv show Alice, I thought to myself. I hadn’t seen that show since the mid-eighties. How did I remember that and yet not the really important stuff I need to remember from all those years back?
Dad Joke: A man buys a Christmas tree and the vendor asks if he going to put it up himself - the man says NO - he is going to put it up in the living room - Boom Boom !!
Kind of like the old Richard Pryor joke. Mr. Jones passed away. And he was a very big businessman in town. Everyone loved him and his wife and they didn't know how to break the news to her. The townspeople decided that Lawyer Calhoun would break the news as he was the smoothest talker in town. Lawyer Calhoun goes to the house and rings the bell. Mrs. Jones answers and he says, "Good day, Ma'am. Is you the widow Jones?" She replies, "No". Lawyer Calhoun says, "Da hell you ain't"
reno145 three men are cleaning windows when one of hem falls thirteen floors down and dies. "One of us should tell his wife." says one of the collegues. "I am not gonna tell her." the other says. So the first one went. And comes back with a case if beer. "What's this? I thought you were gonna tell his wife that Frank died?' "I did. I rang the bell, a window opens on the first floor and a head pops out. I said: "Are you widow Jefferson?" She said; "My name is Jefferson, but i am not a widow." And i said; "Wanna bet?"
Here is a joke, that no one gets. Old mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard, to fetch the Postman a letter, when she got there, the cupboard was bare, so they had without “It was better!”
This was an example of an old, classic, clean joke one could say in public. Times have changed a lot. Jay Leno had some great dirty jokes, but suddenly when he became host of The Tonight Show, well, the jokes became as old and clean as the white seniors who watched the show.
societies taste in average intelligence fluctuates with time, however, the executives who came up with the name of the show didn't assume people would be stupid enough to think I means You.
I love it how he's doing his little cheers and applaud in the end 😂😂
After 3 months on the ship, the Ensign asks the Captain, "Captain, what do the men do for ,um, you know, sexual relief?"
The Captain says "See that barrel on the deck, there's a hole in the side of that barrel. Go try that".
The next day, the young Ensign says to the Captain "That was Great. Can I use the barrel any time I want?"
The Captain replies "Any time except for Friday".
The Ensign asks "Why not Friday?"
Captain replies "Because Friday is YOUR day in the barrel".
Lmaoooo
GOOD ONE! Sounds just like the Navy!
Quality
Naked man walks in to see the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist tells the man, "I can clearly see you're nuts"
Attaway. Short and sweet is the key.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? You don’t know? Well, you’re not coming over to my house.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What does an agnostic, insomniac with dyslexia do? He stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
Old joke that hasn't been funny for decades. Keep your day job.
Same advice for the following.
@@2011AzureYes: I can't see how in this day and age people think jokes about dyslexia are funny.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@traceya9615 - woke brigade , taking offense at nothing. Comedians with dyslexia TODAY make jokes about their OWN dyslexia - they should be locked up ??? 🤣🤣🤣
The nurse rushes into the doctor's office and says"doctor,there's a guy out here who thinks he's invisible."The doctor replies"tell him i can't see him."
Ha ha ha. It is a Russian-style style anecdote: they say it brief but it's lethal. They are good at such short stories.
You BLEW it!!! It’s “I can’t see him now.”
Good one. But I bet he sent the account.
Close the door behind you.
What a crummy joke - this one’s better. A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Pardon me, but is this stool taken?”
Not bad ...
Man walks into a pharmacy and says "My friend tells me I need viagra for sexual prowess". The pharmacist replies "It will certainly help, as a matter of fact I take it myself". The man says "Can you get it over the counter?", the pharmacist replies "I can if I take Two".
It was reported on the news that a pharmacy had been broken into and a box of viagra was stolen - The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
A dog walks into a bar with a bandage on his foot and proclaims "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw"...
Don’t get it??
Paw=father
May Vic Tayback R.I.P. Passed away 5/25/1990 age 60 from a heart attack.
Chicken crosses the road and says to himself " there's nothing funny about this"
A similar joke is about a man who is on holidays and phones his brother to see how things are at home.
Hi Barry, how're things?
Oh, not so good, your cat died.
Jesus Barry, you don't ruin someone's holiday by giving bad news like that.
No?
No, you tell a little white lie, if I ask about my cat, you say 'Oh she's up on the roof right now" or somethng, so I don't get upset and ruin my holiday.
Sorry, I never heard that before.
Well, OK, I guess you didn't know. How's Mom?
Ahh, she's up on the roof right now.
Ron Kelly, Royal Lepage that's the joke I thought was coming. It's a better joke.
@@silverback1518 aww 1
😂😂😂
almost 7 years later.....that is STILL FUNNY!😂😂😂
My chiropractor is serious as a heart attack, but he always cracks me up.
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says "what will you have"? The Skeleton says, "gimme a beer and a mop".
That's great!
Lol
I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS JOKE IS GOING TO BE FUNNY SO I'LL GIVE IT A PREEMPTIVE THUMBS UP/LIKE 😂👍..!!
Everyone remembers him as Mel on Alice, and it's easy to forget how he was a REALLY prolific character actor before that. He was on EVERYTHING...Mod Squad, Mission: Impossible (twice), The Monkees, Partridge Family, Star Trek, F Troop, All In The Family, Mary Tyler Moore Show, Bewitched...you name it.
On top of that, I could be totally wrong here but, regardless of the role, he just exuded the feeling that he was a guy that would be really cool to hang out with.
Is this guy dead ?
Jo Jo Krako: "I ain't never been 'rrested in my life!
He also played on T.J. Hooker
He died in 1990, Mission Impossible was released in 1996, you are probably confusing him with someone else (no idea whom).
@@floatingsara The TV series, "Mission: Impossible".
He is still funny TO THIS DAY!
I DIDN'T SEE THE HUMOR IN THIS "JOKE"MAINLY DUE TO THE FACT THAT I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND HIM DUE TO HIS ACCENT..THAT'D BE🤔🤷♂️🤨🤨HMM..!!??
@@65coupestang It wasn't funny. Alice and Flo were the funny ones on that show.
Hi Mel. ❤️❤️ I miss these old days. Great chill time in life without all these phones computers. We were then able to get answering machines Nothing was so rushed.
Two muffins are baking in an oven. First muffin says, "Sure is hot in here." Second muffin says, "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
What do you call an anarchic hooker with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
It’s crazy hearing Carface’s voice. He actually sounds like Ernest Borgnine without the rasp
He had the best delivery of all the joke tellers on the special.
You consider this a well delivered good joke? Not in the slightest bit predictable..?
@@thatsmeinthepic And not funny
I didn't know Vic Tayback ever did stand up. A militarized variation on the "your mom was on the roof and we couldn't get her down" joke, which was so humorously portrayed in Spain, in the cave drawings of La Pasiega. On a side note, a comment left by one of the stone aged artists was deciphered to mean, "I've heard that one before".
Same thing on Noah's ark.
he didn't
Vic really did not do standup, he was more of a character actor. This old show had the premise of celebrities telling their favorite joke
A guy asks his psychiatrist, "Doc. What's wrong with me? Sometimes I think I'm a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee." The psychiatrist says, "Your two tents."
Two guys go to a wild party and get plastered. The next day, the first guy says, "Man, I got so drunk, I slept with the ugliest girl!" The second guy says, "That's nothing--I got so drunk that when I went home I blew Chunks all night." "So what?" says the first guy, "Everybody's puked after drinking too much at some point." "No," says the second guy, "you don't understand. Chunks. . . Chunks is my dog."
Mel. Kiss my grits.
This is for the old guys: Vic Tayback was 54 when he did this. 54!! He was just a kid!!
he died young actually only 60
I have a recording of Flip Wilson from the 60s doing a variation of that joke. It's funny no matter what era it's from.
"Johnson be cool". LOL.
Doctor to nurse “ I said prick his boil “.
It's not a bad joke. This joke would have been far more enjoyable if it wasn't labeled the "Funniest Joke I Ever Heard"
No shit right? As if we all haven’t heard it millions of times before from Macfarlane.
RIP VIC TAYBACK
How long was that gonna go on???
Years ago I was in LA at the Dennys across from KTLA I think it was Sunset Boulevard if I recall and I had a flat tire in the parking lot Vic Tayback put four new tires on my car took me to lunch and took me shopping at I think it was Norstrom we spoke on the phone occasionally and that was it I think he’s a Lebanese man he’s a super great guy what a heart.
And what class!!
My Uncle told me that he met Vic , probably back in the '70's , he said he was a really nice guy , he didn't mention tires or lunch , though .
I really miss this guy!
Wish he lived many more years longer longer and longer! Same with Patrick Swanzye Robin Williams and many others!
He made a great hot-head LOL
Yes he did
Little Jewish boy asks his dad for $30.
Dad says, 20 dollars! What'dya need 10 dollars for?!
I find that funny as f×@%
I heard this when i was in the army, 30+ years later hehe
I love Vic Tayback. He had perpetually funny one-liners in the sitcoms “Alice.” Great show; great actor.
Read the title of the video - it is the funniest joke he knew, that is why he did sitcoms and not stand-up.
What I don't understand is, is that these are such great actors and actresses from the 60s 70s 80s and some 90s and yet they don't use them anymore in anything, that's the whole tragedy of a lot of these stars that had these sitcoms sure they were and other things but sometimes they were not for instance the one program that they could have or would have been in made them famous but then that was it one hit wonders they call them but still a lot of great actors in the 70s era 80s era that they should be using today instead what do we have these hacks That Couldn't find the acting bug if it was late at night in a roach motel. And you don't hear about these people until you find out on the news that they died, that is the biggest shame of it all in Hollywood. They did bring back Judd Hirsch he played in taxi for all those that don't know his name, and that donut shop program which I believe is no longer on I thought he was great. Where do these actors go when no one wants them anymore? It's a shame
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey! Why the long face"
WWII vets liked that joke, I'm sure. It has to a lot to do with the idiocy and incompetency many of them dealt with when answering to new, young officers during the war. So the joke just on its face is silly, but when you really knew an idiot like that, a joke at their expense is funnier.
“Morons!!! I’m surrounded by morons!!!”
You’re telling me there was only one Smith on that entire ship??
Rodney D. could've told 15 jokes in this span.
AliensAnonymous and every one of them would be better.
Hey, my dingy is bigger than your whole Joke !!
15 !!! 15 ??? better make that 45 !
But that was Dangerfields' style and only his. So what's your point?
@@bubbadano1508 The point is exactly what I wrote. It was a declarative statement. -- You get no respect, I tell ya...
If the ensign is on the bridge, how can he see the guys lined up on the fantail?
Vic Tayback is/was a solid Man in the industry! Played the role for what ever and it came out GREAT! There you go.
Vic ! *KISS MY GRITS*!!
My favorite part is the second before I made the mistake of watching this
BEAVACUDA 😅😅😆
BEAVACUDA ,
BEAVACUDA jrj
Prick
This is Vic, the guy from the tv show Alice, I thought to myself. I hadn’t seen that show since the mid-eighties. How did I remember that and yet not the really important stuff I need to remember from all those years back?
I like it! 👍
Two mushrooms are out and about having a good time. One mushroom turns to the other and says, "Hey! You're a fun guy!"
What did the vicar say to the salad?
Lettuce pray 🙏
I heard that joke when I was a toddler
I was about 6 when I first heard it, and I'm now 77. You have to keep in mind that this man's audience is American 🤡 🇺🇸
two minutes of my life I will never get back
When did you ever get any time back?
Ha haaaaaaaaaaa!!!
sucks to be you
I will never get those 2 minutes back
Some people just have a natural talent for telling jokes.......but Most people do not..and this guy.
Unfortunately all of my favorite jokes are inappropriate for the comments section.
Lol
Where did they find the names back then?
Dad Joke: A man buys a Christmas tree and the vendor asks if he going to put it up himself - the man says NO - he is going to put it up in the living room - Boom Boom !!
Some things don't get better with age ..
It’s all in the delivery.
What is a brand new Ensin?
An Ensign is the lowest ranking commissioned officer in the Navy.
Sounds like Vic was actually in the Navy.
I do not think any war has lasted as long as that joke.. But did like him in Alice.
@PEACEEASE108 What would you like to know about the Buddha?
False god
Vic was a man’s man 🙏
That’s the oldest joke in the book. I kept watching it, thinking no way will that be the punchline
Not so fast there, Kaputnik.
Actually a very good joke
All I can hear is Carface from All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)
That was a good one.
Kind of like the old Richard Pryor joke. Mr. Jones passed away. And he was a very big businessman in town. Everyone loved him and his wife and they didn't know how to break the news to her. The townspeople decided that Lawyer Calhoun would break the news as he was the smoothest talker in town. Lawyer Calhoun goes to the house and rings the bell. Mrs. Jones answers and he says, "Good day, Ma'am. Is you the widow Jones?" She replies, "No". Lawyer Calhoun says, "Da hell you ain't"
reno145 three men are cleaning windows when one of hem falls thirteen floors down and dies. "One of us should tell his wife." says one of the collegues. "I am not gonna tell her." the other says. So the first one went. And comes back with a case if beer. "What's this? I thought you were gonna tell his wife that Frank died?' "I did. I rang the bell, a window opens on the first floor and a head pops out. I said: "Are you widow Jefferson?" She said; "My name is Jefferson, but i am not a widow." And i said; "Wanna bet?"
reno145 i
funnier than the video
reno145 .... had to be there ?
craigk621 lol
I always hate to be the bearer of bad news.
Still waiting for the funny part.
i imagine a LOT of things need to be explained to you...
It hasn't happened yet, maybe next week
I thought it was fuggin hilarious!
I almost threw up on my cat when he got to the punch line.
If you didnt like that joke you kiss my grits!
Remember Vic Tayback wasn't really comedian. He started out playing villians.
I wish he was still alive today!
That’s a variation on a joke Henny Youngman said.
As funny as Robinson Crusoe rescuing a horny native girl hiding a sausage.
that was a clear picture for 1984
It’s a great joke for all ages
Better than most on this network.
it was a different time, lol
Mal big How does writing "lol" after a post make someone a d***head?
I loved Vic Tayback he disappeared too soon
I love Vic Tayback.
I love your hat
carface from All Dogs Go To Heaven
Here is a joke, that no one gets. Old mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard, to fetch the Postman a letter, when she got there, the cupboard was bare, so they had without “It was better!”
south park re-did that joke lol. good one
R.I.P. Vic Tayback
Vic Tayback-- telling a 45 second joke in just under a decade, ugh!!!
This was an example of an old, classic, clean joke one could say in public. Times have changed a lot. Jay Leno had some great dirty jokes, but suddenly when he became host of The Tonight Show, well, the jokes became as old and clean as the white seniors who watched the show.
White seniors ? Why not just seniors ? You’re ... you’re ...
... you’re something-phobic !! 😒
Ships have 'Batteries"?
A battery is a group of sailors.
Ships that go in the ocean have two batteries. One is a salted.
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR VIDEO (MEMORYSTAR)
Hey Mel, now that the joke is over could you burn one take it through the garden and pin a rose on it to go?
This is the day when crude and lude were not en vogue...
I have to disagree. Ludes were very popular back then.
On that same ship there were FOUR SKIN DIVERS used for circumcision of Wales ...😎
Never build up a joke
societies taste in average intelligence fluctuates with time, however, the executives who came up with the name of the show didn't assume people would be stupid enough to think I means You.
This is a great one.
Oh dear, how to give Vic Tayback the bad news.........
I don't get it???