I melt just seeing your honesty and vulnerability. TY for discussing this. My mom's side was also Southern Baptist, dad's, Catholic. I share part of your experience coming out. I'm 62, now, and I have enough experience to say you are a person who is better than most of 'the world', which is a Baptist term. I'm laughing because we were not allowed to dance, as Baptists. My youth is returning to me, through your memory. About your issue: it is completely natural for you to like what you like, love what you love. Just let it out. Life is short. You are a quality person who contributes to society. You were created to love men, they need you.
I’m only attracted to masculine men. Personally I feel that if I wanted to date someone feminine I’d just date a woman. What I like about men is their masculinity.
To this, I FULLY agree.. My autonomic nervous system recoils and asks, "what's this?" Respectfully submitted for your consideration Gregg Oreo Long Beach CA Etats Unis
I've dated plenty of feminine men and a few women too back in the day and I have to say.. I wouldn't just date a woman. Men have a few tricks up their sleeves. :) They are masculine too in so many ways.
These are the two realizations that helped me to come out; 1) Being gay is only about sexuality (attraction towards the people of same gender), it has nothing to do with gender-expression. 2) There are gay people with different gender-expressions, but there are also straight people with different gender-expressions.
I totally agree. We’re all different in all sorts of ways. I have found after 30+ years being out that there are all sorts of gay man who are attractive in a whole number of ways.
*Of course masculinity by itself is not toxic,* that's why 'toxic masculinity', *is TWO words.* It means something in academia, 'toxic femininity' also exist, two words. It's the right-wing narrative to associate toxic masculinity with all masculinity, because it's their attempt at defending bad traditional behavioral patterns. Speaking as a gay guy who love masculinity, you have to be able to tell the difference. Do not allow right-wing narratives to blur the line. For example, it's perfectly fine to go for the traditional nuclear family when that's what all involve wants. It becomes 'toxic' when it is formed by external social pressure. It's one thing for you *to simply 'be',* quite another to force other to conform to some traditional way you want.
I hear ya dude. I was raised in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I was surrounded by farmers, oil riggers and chemical plant workers. To this day, I am attracted to butch hairy masculine men. I can be friends and am always kind to femme guys but that will never turn me on. It just doesn't. I must fall under the masc category judging by the reaction I get when people learn I'm gay. I like sports, heavy metal, working out, motorcycles and cars. It's just who I am. I think our community has kind of lost its way about preferences. There is nothing wrong with having a type, we are all attracted to what we're attracted to. Some people are attracted to femme guys and some butch gorilla would do nothing for them. Don't let anyone shame you about what you like or what turns you on. However, EVERYONE should be treated with respect and dignity.
Definitely! This needs to be said more often. Some gay guys are attracted to masculine personality traits and others to feminine ones. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. We cant force someone to be attracted to someone else that they dont find attractive. Being gay doesnt have a monopoly on personality traits and vice-versa.
I too have always been drawn to your type. Funny thing ,when younger, they would always be submissive in private. I’ve never met a manly, affectionate , vers guy. Odd
@pdxfun4888 I'm an affectionate top guy. I may look like a bottom at first ( my hair and size lol) but i never have bottomed. but def a cuddler 😂 true okay. I got uploads. I'm in my Playlist vid and one upload on this channel. I'm kinda petite but stupid strong. and i don't make vids about it so my friends don't get trolled for being supportive and awesome...they're all straight. me and the little guy who does the backflip are actually rising up in our sport . we're actually the same size it's just I'm taller than him lol. we're taking over the 70kg weight class. we're relatively new to the sport compared to most in the state. our group is actually mostly new as well . and believe it or not the other groups and people in those groups have been kinda nasty to us. lots of them we don't even want back at our practices . they're afraid to loose is what it is. I never am afraid to loose. that's how you level up. I don't hang out with condescending people. and in my work vids we're not really mad we're joking 😂! I try my best ...
@@photobearcmh Feminine gays often end up being with feminine gays. I don't understand it. Being attracted to men, I am attracted to masculinity, which I mostly lack. However, masculine men seem to be majorly attracted to masculine men. I believe that's because you all are mostly concerned with [transactional/mechanical] sex. No emotions involved, just lust.
I'm so 'masculine' that some of my more effeminate friends have told each other that 'He's not gay." However, I like all kinds of men. Inner characteristics hold my attraction longer than superficial. I am attracted to calm, upbeat, contemplative, somewhat earthy or nerdish people. Though I do like a hairy body that is in reasonable health (like mine). I definitely am not in the closet, but I also do not see any reason to let everyone I meet know I am gay, only people I want to develop a friendship or relationship with. The one negative side of my masculine character is that I have to initiate all contact with other gay people as I do not signal that I am gay. No gay man has ever 'hit' upon me though sometimes women have.
Yeah , I get where you are going here. Seem you got to fits the mold to be gay or bisexual. Otherwise, you are not x part of said group. It is like ingroup and outgroup bias among gay comunities I have seen lately.
Lol. I got that too though I don't see myself as hyper - masculine; just the door next door type. I don't care for fashion, clubbing, or any of that. I prefer gyms and fishing.
@@edwardnashen5960 some of us don't shame. no bottom shaming no kink shaming no fem shaming and a full understanding that the BEST thing about our " community " is all the most expressive personalities and the most non confirming ones who have been on the front lines of the battle and taken the brunt of the abuse.
It depends on your age, if you are young being feminine is desirable. I am more androgynous/feminine but I’ve never had an issue attracting men. A ton of bisexual men love feminine presenting men.
To any young people reading this: You are not limited by anyone's definitions or desires but your own. Someone else's ideal is their own world -- you shouldn't be overly concerned with fitting into it. Find your tribe. You're not alone, you just haven't met your people yet.
I’m a masculine gay male. But when this topic comes up, I always find this particularly restrictive. Like the special likes of No Fems, Blacks or Asians. But I won’t go deep into that. So many “masculine” gays jump on this post commenting about how they are so masculine and prefer masculine men. But at 63, I literally have met few, well many but not this many, masculine gay men in all of my years. So when this happens, 50-75 comments about how masculine they are all, I get curious. Not want one curious, but where are they curious. Where have they been hiding when I’ve attended Gay Pride in nearly every major city in this country, not counting the Pride events abroad. So, why are so many “masculine men” commenting here.
@@calvind2054 Well, that's just it. Masculine men--if they consider themselves gay--don't need to go having a parade about it. They are confident in themselves, level-headed, and emotionally intelligent. You won't find them at Gay Pride events. Try Home Depot, gym, or men's room at corporate plaza.
I'm glad you caught into this because I cannot imagine how a young gay teen boy that likes to dance who may run into this video might feel after hearing that a hot masculine cool gay wouldn't even give them the time of the day. I mean it's not like people choose what videos to watch as this appeared on my feed out of nowhere, I assume because it is popular and has a lot of likes since the guy on the video looks like a porn star. so gay fem boys are not just looked down upon by the straight world but also by the hot popular 'cool' gays... so thank you for making this statement and yes I agree. DONT feel bad about who you are. There is someone out there for everyone. If only these hot gays would have a bit more empathy towards others they wouldn't be out there preaching their ideals to the world. This guy talks about being 'nice'. How ironic. But of course everyone will defend him because he's hot so he gets to just throw out of the picture anyone who is gay and likes to go out dancing... ugh whatever. Free country, free speech. He is entitled to it. To young gay fem dudes, find another video that is more positive and enlightening. This aint it.
All the masculine gays I know aren’t really interested in going to Pride tbh. So if that’s the only place you been looking I could see why you say it. You probably also think you haven’t met many because we don’t usually go out of our way to talk about being gay. So when I’m in different work situations or certain social events - I’ve talked to many obvious gay men but I don’t bother telling them I’m gay unless it happens to come up. And there’s been people at work who didn’t know I’m gay even though I’ve talked about it and I’m never ashamed to say it. I usually just bring it up when it comes up naturally. My point is - you’ve probably met lots of masculine gays; but you just assumed they were straight because it never came up.
Yo, straight acting - straight looking - Latino - Catholic - male here. It’s hard to come out when you grew up with a family that didn’t accept homosexuality. When family found out I was disowned and called every name in the book!🤷🏻♂️
People are maybe ignorant regarding the “just be you” . Being your authentic self can change your world. It can be isolating, disowned, being attacked, losing employment etc. the str8 men that think gays are weak will never know the courage it takes. I hope you move through your life with an open heart and stand up for yourself when disrespected.
Sorry your family reacted that way--you deserve better. My family is Catholic, too; they had a hard time at first, but never stopped loving me. I hope things have gotten better for you.
Did they literally disown you? Like they don’t want you in their lives? I hope that’s not the case but I know it happens. I wish you lots of positive energy so that you can better heal from being deserted by your family. If they are just angry you are gay then don’t worry. They will come around. My mom was angry; then she met my first boyfriend and she felt better. When they see you are happy and you haven’t changed into a different person it will be very small issue. Maybe some of them won’t ever like that part of you but at the end of the day your sexuality is a small part of who a person is.
@@sunshinerays7908 'toxic masculinity in a misnomer though. Masculinity in and of itself is NOT toxic. That nomenclature NEEDS to be changed to be meaningful. That term has been hijacked by the Leftists Liberals to demonize masc behaving men claiming that it is all an act and not genuine. Fem acting men is the main norm in online and media presentations. Just look at TikToc, Twitter, and television with all of the drag queen shows and feminine presenting personas. I can't tell you how much I have been criticized for being a veteran (a clearly masculine organization through & through) by fem guys And for just even using terms like 'sup bro'. When i refer to another man as 'bro' there is always some 'queen' going off about 'how dare I assume their gender' while at the same time they assume mine by calling me 'hey girl''. I'm NOT a fucking girl stop referring to me and other men as 'girl(s)' or saying that we have 'bussys'. Fuck, that fahgot shit. You don't get to have a double standard.
Some men are attracted to femininity. Some men are attracted to masculinity. We all have preferences, which is okay. In my experience as a a more feminine/androgynous male I magnetize the male gaze from men who typically engage in heterosexual behavior. Being feminine makes it tough for other gay men to be attracted to me, but bisexual men and heterosexual leaning men can be extremely magnetized towards feminine energy regardless of gender. Gay men typically want masculine power, so they search for it in other men. As a feminine male I’ve never had an issue with my gender expression. If anything I’ve had men say they only want to experience me if I’m more feminine than them ! So it depends on your beauty type, which in turn attracts specific types of men. I attract hyper masculine men who present as heterosexual in all aspects.
I feel you man. Like you, I always wanted to keep masculine (mostly because of my own prejudices and insecurities) and pushed myself to be masculine to the point it became natural to me. Today I’m frequently told that I can “pass for straight if I don’t say I’m gay”, but I also suffer from anxiety and self esteem problems that became as rooted in me as being masculine did. Most of us just strive to be masculine to be accepted. but Only now that I’m older and with years of therapy I realize how much of a straitjacket that is, and how hard it is to get rid of it.
As a 58 year old openly gay man I commend you for putting your feelings out there in such a format. As I listened to your sharing I had many mixed emotions to what you were saying. As for Masc/Femme etc....One of the best lessons I've learned in being out since age 21 was to stay open to everyone you meet without making fast decisions based on behavior as to whether or not you would like them. I think far too often we miss great opportunities to meet and build friendships with those who may come across much different than us in the beginning but once we get to really know them we discover some amazing people down deep. Surface is just that, the surface. I always am puzzled why, as an already minority group of people we would narrow down who we would choose to associate with even more. This isn't an attack on your thoughts or opinions, more of a hopeful encouragement to stay open to all people. As for the age difference attraction, being an older guy who loves younger men, I say God Bless you for having such an attraction. Much like I don't know specifically why one is attracted to a different age group I also know that attraction can and may change throughout life. I have learned never to analyze another but to simply enjoy them for who they are and what they are attracted to in me. Makes for so much more fulfillment in life. Keep up what you are doing. Even if someone doesn't agree you are entitled to your thoughts and opinions as are they. You are right in the fact that your message may be reaching a young person who may have grown up in a more remote or highly homophobic area at the time when they needed to hear that they are OK just as they are. Ultimately saving them. God Bless and Keep it Up.
I totally agree with you. I'm only attracted to men who I felt are masculine, and I am not ashamed about it. No one should be ashamed or apologized for who they like.
I don’t associate masculinity with clothing styles, voice pitch, body types or interests. A man is masculine to me when he has his shit together, intellectually curious, owning up to his mistakes, knows his weaknesses and strive to be a better person. All this “straits” can exist both in feminine and masculine gay men. I couldn’t give two crap about if he watches drag race or have a high pitch voice. What attracts me to masculinity is responsibility and knowing oneself. It’s 2024 time to move on from assigning masculinity to certain behaviors or stereotypes
Great point. The definition of masculinity you have described is applicable to Women too, however there are undeniable universal physical features that are recognized by most human kind ; And that is what the maker of this video is talking about. Attraction is complex. Very interested topic to discuss and make a studies about. Everybody enjoy their attraction and Smile ! :) There is one match for each kind :)
I'm a man and I prefer masculine men and feminine women. That's just my natural inclination and what turns me on, but people are free to be whoever. I'm okay with calling myself a (relatively) masculine bisexual man. Relative in that I don't do the things you describe but I do appreciate many things you would associate with that group. In general, however, I would consider myself masculine. I'm okay with that and see no need to change.
Wow. you're the 1st gay guy that I ever heard describe EXACTLY how I feel (the masculine thing, the only attracted to older masculine guys, the clothes, the outdoors, the lack of style, the lack of interest in gay clubs and dancing) I've always felt so isolated and out of place as a "masculine gay guy" thank you for sharing and showing me (and I'm sure lots of others that we're not alone) Much appreciated. Love your honesty....about everything.
Growing up with a very feminine older brother and a father who can be feminine I made sure I didn’t pick up those traits. I know my father and brother secretly resent my masculinity. Nothing against the feminine, but like you I am not attracted to feminine men. I am 62 now and feel a lot of masculine men are closeted. I can’t seem to meet any who are in my age group. I don’t feel the need to reveal my sexuality except to close friends. Therefore all my masculine friends are straight. They know about me and are fine with it. I’ve met guys who appear masculine only to find out they are feminine once they show their true traits. How do you find a truly masculine man who happens to be gay?
@@phillippuckett5552 I agree with you 100%. It's very interesting when we don't fit the stereotypical persona. To answer your question, I don't know the best place......we met at the gym. We both had "masculine" jobs (police and construction) We never felt comfortable at gay bars or felt like we fit in. Most of the gay guys we are friends with are in the same professions and feel similarly.
It’s important to remember that toxic masculinity doesn’t refer to masculinity as a whole. Toxic masculinity is feeling better than everyone else because you are masculine (generally lol). When people talk about toxic masculinity, they are attacking patriarchy and misogynistic ideas, not the entirety of masculinity. We are certainly in a transition period of what it means to be masculine, which is indeed causing confusion. Give people patience with their opinions and understand where they are coming from and why they might believe something!
Nick, u come across as sweet, honest caring guy. U r more masculine than feminine but there r characteristics of your personality that most straight, masculine guys don't usually want to reveal, like being vulnerable and open to their feelings. I think u r finding your masculine and feminine traits of your personality. It s great because u r beginning to b a whole person and u r likable cause u r authentic! Keep up exploring and finding your true self.😊😊
Yes masculine gay men are more closeted than feminine gay men, and not necessarily by choice. If a feminine gay man wants to be out, practically all he has to do is stop suppressing his natural demeanor. But if a masculine gay man wants to be out, it requires constant signalling.
@@yossarian6799 It means that if he doesn't say he is gay either by literally saying or making some kind of 'signal', a lot of people won't realize he is gay.
@@NantesdeAbreu well that describes me to a "T". I usually look for guys staring at my dlck to see who if they're willing to bite. Or I just straight up come on to them if nobody is around.
I'm a gay masculine man, who enjoys pretty things ( color, clothes, foodie, dance, ECT.). I never hid who I was, in that aspect, I was lucky. After the circle jerks were stopped, I was the target of attacks, both physical and psychological. It was that treatment,I believe, that shaped my masculine demeanor. For me...being masculine feels good - it feels powerful and I love that about other Men! My dad knew I was gay and my relatives did too and they never treated me as an outsider - they raised me to be me and allowed me to grow as a person & learn how to kick a lil ass. Femininity in a Man was viewed as weak and wasn't tolerated. I believe that type of upbringing shaped my masculine demeanor and preference.
@@keithjackson4086 That's very interesting. What I inferred from your comment is that you aren't only conscious about your masculinity, but your confidence and pride are specifically because of your masculinity. What is your true reaction to/opinion of a feminine [gay] man? Please be completely honest. Thank you!
We're attracted to what we're attracted to. No one knows why -- but who cares why! We're in a toxic era that says masculinity is toxic. That generalization about all men is the same crap we heard about gay men 50 years ago. We're individuals. Most gay men are attracted to masculinity. We're not obvious like our flamboyant brothers but we're everywhere. Be yourself. That's sexy. That's happiness.
Yeah, its seem contant negativity towards masculinity and feminine guys nowadays. It seem modern society does not seem as inclusive or tolerant as it seem because people taste or preference tends to differ regardless of sexual orientations.
I'm only going to say this we should be looking after each other in our community rather than putting this label on each other whose masculine and whose effeminate at the end of the day you both need each other that's just that and you never know who you are going to need on your way down.
Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that masculinity is toxic. It means that certain behaviors are toxic. Basically, a-hole behaviors. Being a gentleman is still perfectly acceptable. Being strong is still perfectly acceptable.
@@jabbarhudson6569 But we also need to talk about what's going on and use the words available to us. You're right: Every LGBTQ institution we've created is about helping each other🙂
It's nice seeing other masculine dudes out there. Funny thing - they're way far away from me. Everything has taken a wild turn, and it's almost like the masculine has ultimately been sucked out of the community. Sucks cause im only into dudes who like being dudes. I've already prepared myself for being single for the rest of my life Cuz. No one seems to want a committed monogamous relationship either.
I have noticed that a LOT of gay men are becoming more and more superficial as technology allows us to connect with each other. Things like 'masculinity' and 'femininity' are superficial things... I mean if YOU wouldn't be fit and attractive, nobody would be looking at your videos. It's all about how you look and how you follow that ideal. If you are muscular you are followed and valued/complimented. Anything else is looked down upon or just ignored by EVERYONE. You'd be surprised that a lot of people who do this are average bodied people yet they want NOTHING else but muscular guys. I think it's fine to have a preference for certain things. In my case, for example, when it comes to muscles or masculinity, I have no preference. Im attracted to many types of guys. But I dont follow models and porn stars in social media so I dont have that wired into my head as an ideal. Plus I am very healthy and fertile (my family has lots of children) so I dont feel like I need a strong man to protect me or give my offspring good genes as mines are pretty strong. Most gay guys, however, have a HUGE list of superficial requirements. It is ridiculous and sad. Youth isnt eternal. Good looks are not eternal. Masculinity is not eternal. We all will age faster than we think and we will turn ugly and wrinkled. That's just life. No matter how hard you try to fight it, it is going to happen. So my advice as someone who has been on earth for quite a number of years longer than most people is: open your mind about your attractions. Don't just delete people because they dont follow ideals. There are a LOT of great guys out there who may be both fem and masculine and could make your heart pound harder and you are just "swiping left" on them for something so silly like if they like to go out dancing... maybe you can teach them to play basketball and they can teach you to dance. Stop being so closed minded. You will be miserable. The US has a culture of "I get what I want and I get to be picky about it because it is my right" and it takes people nowhere... lots of lonely sad men out there.
I think there’s more to it, the ‘communities’ become more politicised and hierarchical. There are instances where ‘what it means to be gay’ is being workshopped among academics and then getting pushed out into a captured audience. Notable example, here in the UK our number one LGBT charity Stonewall changed its definition of homosexuality to include those ‘identifying’ as male… rendering the term meaningless.
Nick, thank you for sharing your experiences. I too grew up in a Baptist home; very conservative. I came out in 1973. Was sexually abused and assaulted for being “effeminate” even by my basketball coach with threats of harm if I told anyone. So, bullying was a big part of my adolescence. However, I celebrate your life, I love you without ever having met you and I will always remember my experience to foster hope for the LGBTQ community. I’m married to my best friend and hero. We both served in the military. Lots of identical stories and we both have a strong faith in God. I do know where you are coming from and again I appreciate you sharing this experience. And I should say, I appreciate you sharing your experience, strength, and hope: as a fellow recovering addict and alcoholic. We all have our past that have influenced us, and I am so proud of you bringing this to the forefront and asking the right questions. You have a remarkable story, which I am going to listen to after being teased from this video and I have subscribed. Keep sharing both how are you made it through puberty and adolescence coupled with your recovery.❤
Being a masculine gay man myself I still have certain friends that look very masculine but love to act silly or a bit feminine sometimes myself included. What I hate is when gay men are so homophobic they won’t have a thing to do with gay men that aren’t super masculine 24/7. My best friend is very feminine quite often when clowning around but is into looking good and taking care of themselves appearance wise. Nothing annoys me more than gay men on sex/dating sights that say please be straight acting. That to me is very homophobic and shallow and I’d much prefer a man how’s comfortable being himself even if he likes bringing out that queer side of them. It’s healthy and natural. It’s even worse when gay men have such hang ups on top vs. bottom. I’m attracted to men and being versatile allows someone to experience the power behind sex between two men. Bottom8mg does not equate to being feminine. That’s absurd but so many gay men have such hang ups they can not ever just be themselves. Sadly gay men who do not support or are not friends with the rest of the LGBTQ community are missing out on meeting beautiful people. We are stronger when we support each other. I’m old enough to remember everything lesbians have done for gay men during the AIDS crisis. This is a great topic to discuss but there are always those uptight gay men who snub anyone who isn’t masculine enough and has a perfect worked out body. That’s pathetic. If that’s what you want in a partner I understand but don’t act as if you are better than the rest of the gay community. This conversation often leads to men who are racist too and are blunt about it which is shallow too. Still good video overall.
Thank you for your take. I've always felt guilty for being attracted to masculine men. I've never not loved every gay man in my community, but the deep attraction has been toward, well, those like you.
At the end of your section on coming out, you mentioned you not wanting to be perceived as the feminine gay. Now, I totally get that, but for me, I think what we have to think about is why is that perception affecting us like that no. Because we learn really quickly in society that being feminine as a guy is a bad thing? I think we have to try and fight that thinking. Even if you're the most. Masc/butch guy in the room, I think it's not the best if you think that even being perceived as feminine is a bad thing. I do totally agree that if you're into more stereotypically masculine things, people are more often gonna assume that your straight and the inverse for more feminine guys and being into things like clubbing and theater and whatnot (again all stereotypes). Totally agree there. I think that's why it's always so good to see people that fit slightly outside of those boxes a bit. As for what I'm personally into... I'm def also into more masc men and older (seemingly older). I'm kind of somewhere in between masculine and feminine myself, but I think again because of my interests and how I group up. I grew up in the northeast, was a black guy at a preppy white school, and tended to be into more outdoor and rugged activities. I feel like my attractions also have a lot to do with the activities I'm into. Lol I'm done withh my TED talk now 🤗
I relate to a lot of what you have said here. Im 31, and only attracted to masculine older men. I have always wondered why this, and have come to conclusion that it is a personality thing which is related to our upbringing. No point in trying to change it. Just enjoy it. As for the masc vs femme thing..i mean, it is what it is. We like men. Thats why we are gay. Some prefer more feminine and thats ok too. As long as we respect everyone and treat everyone as humans, i think we are good to go to pursue what makes us happy. I wish we could talk more, because i feel like an oddball where i live. Thanks for your video.
I’ve always had this pressure put on me from my gay friends to be more effeminate/sassy. They expect me to love drag race, use female pronouns and other stuff. I’ve been told I dress as a straight guy. It’s just annoying that if you are attracted to men, you are expected to become a woman. Women treat you like you’re “one of the girls”. It’s like this unwritten rule that says if you like men you can’t be one, which is irritating.
That is the most bizarre and dumbest thing I have ever heard of. I’m 57 and I have never once said act more like a girl. That’s utterly ridiculous and I have never met someone who pushes such an agenda. I think that is your internalized homophobia pal. Just accept people for who they are and if you are looking for a masculine partner that’s your business and I prefer the same thing. But the rest of your post is appalling and wrong most every time.
oh Boy, there is a lot to unpack about your shared story. There are biases based on your experiences growing up and learning path, but also other's biases that have influenced your own biases (societal, political & religion) and how you reconcile both of them become another set of biases (what you call twisted way). First of all, what you are attracted to are based on your personal needs influenced by your childhood experiences (internal biases previously mentioned). Start by asking yourself the following: 1) What do you like and don't like about masculinity? what do you like and don't like about femininity? and how these answers align to your believes and wants. Keep in mind that there are physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual and cognitive needs and that is what makes each person different from another. The combination of these needs will direct how your attraction goes which will vary throughout your lifespan based on new experiences and changes to your own biases. For example, if you have more of an emotional need you might find a feminine guy more attractive than a masculine guy. If you have more of a cognitive need, it would not matter how feminine or masculine one might be attracted to. Chances are you will be attracted to what you didn't have but needed as a child or like in cases of Sexual abuse, you might be attracted to a similar type of perpetrator to identify as a grown up what you couldn't understand or done differently than when you were as a child and this can be a slippery slope without professional help. Bottom line is, try to understand where your attractions originate from and use that information to make better choices for you and those around you by understanding internal/external biases that could make you a better human being without hurting others or even yourself.
Sorry, but that's quite a patronising set of comments. You're assuming his tastes & preferences need to be changed. Attraction is largely chemical & varies by individual. It doesn't need to be explained or justified.
I gave an earlier comment - but wanted to come back and say - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS VIDEO ! ! ! I'm much older now, but it's GREAT to hear someone I can relate to!
You are a likeable fellow Nick, 63 life long fitness/body conscience, 43 yrs mechanic. I was so lucky to have had true love, 31 yrs together, now 3 yrs widowed, I chose to move forward and stay positive. I am in the best physical condition ever, stay the coarse Nick, I enjoyed the content.
Interesting video, I’m a masculine guy in my late 40’s, I’ve always been attracted to masculine men, my ex husband was very masculine and we like sports and outdoor activities, however I do think everyone has masculine and feminine qualities, humans are more complex then simple labels. Maybe it’s aging or the times have changed especially since I came out, but as you said it’s important to who people are inside, just find someone who has similar interest and values and who are caring, labels are so important!
Gay couple of 35 years with an adopted son. We met when we were kids now we’re in our 50’s. We always assumed we were different from the community, we’re very family oriented and love doing things outside. For years we have been searching for a new home in Florida which has a shooting range and enjoy being around conservative Trump supporters. The gay community is made up of many colors and we have to all except one another and our differences
@@thomasmead6898 It really seems like you're missing the point and that because you're comfortable with yourself and your own preferences and lifestyle, you're disregarding the hardships that other gays suffer, because they don't fit into your ideal.
Gotta say it's very interesting to talk about this topic on social networks. Personally, I have a greater attraction for masculine men, but in the 21st century we should understand that there are different types of masculinity. The level of internalized homophobia in the community is unfortunate, which has nothing to do with whether one is more attracted to masculine men. It is simply discrimination based on a personal complex. Greetings from Buenos Aires, Argentina
You're doing great..very real and sincere. As a licensed clinical therapist...I'd say just delight in who you are and all your beautiful attributes. The most important thing for each of us is to be a good loving person. Then it's so healthy that you acknowledge the gift of being a man. Then you are healthily understanding your uniqueness in your sexual orientation and your own special make up and specific attractions. Keep caring values first to guide all your goals and understanding of your total personhood. Peace and love!!
I've known many gay guys who look, act, speak and behave totally masculine in their day to day lives and at work, etc. But at a gay party, after a few drinks, they're camping it up with the best of them. But then that's really not the same thing as being fem, is it? Which begs the question, how much of our behavior is true to self and how much is "put on" in order to fit in with our community at large?
I'm most attracted to men that I was around with during puberty and were my idols. Which were my hairy chested PE teacher and a gorgeous Latin Full Bearded Instructor. Both High School Teachers... Latin, Greek, Turkish, and Italian men especially. Add a nice hairy chest with green eyes on the guy and I'm checking out his ring size....😊😊
I think you may be one of the few masculine gay men who sound like you've actually given that whole subject some thought. I'm a grandfather who came out late, at 45, not knowing a damn thing about how this gay thing worked. In those first few years, my learning curve was off the charts. I met so many wonderful gay men, some with a masculine bent and others distinctly more fem. I had friends in both camps. But in terms of physical attraction, the masculine guys won, hands down. I never really gave it any thought; I liked who I liked. I still have friends of both persuasions today and I really love the company of my fem friends; I laugh till my sides hurt. At the end of the day you don't owe anyone an explanation of your preferences.
I don't think in those "masculine VS feminine" terms but rather more in intellectualy honest or dishonest ... The problem starts when you want build up a whole identity out of your object of desire..
Nice video, I just wish we didn't automatically make fem guys seem lower on the totem pole by others, like how you mentioned the others said "you're the coolest gay guy I know" without giving the others a chance
I get it, I tend to be more attracted to masculine guys, too, but I also find that as I’m gotten older, my range of kinds of guys I can feel attracted to has expanded. So, these things might evolve and change (your tastes) as time goes by.
Good video. Masculinity and being sensitive to others I find is the way I define myself. I grew up in the Midwest in a conservative family and waited till I was 67 to come out. Im glad that you were able to do it while you are young. BTW, one of my favorite activities is fishing.
You posed a lot of questions to your audience toward the end of your video. 🙂 I just wanted to first say that I relate to your upbringing and being scared to be open about your orientation. I was raised in Iowa, my parents are also split up, and my mother is a born-again Christian. To this very day, I am STILL not out to my dad, and I am FORTY! Seems like we have a dont-ask-dont-tell policy between us. Anyways, I consider myself middle-of-the-road on the whole masc to fem scale. Not a walking jar of testosterone but not the bell of the ball either LOL. I do think that masc gay men are definitely much more likely to be in the closet because a lot of people believe that being a homosexual man is an automatic forfeiture of your masculinity. Lastly, you are very cute. The dark hair and dark eyes with that smile/mouth do it for me. 😉
Very well articulated. A good friend, years ago, advised me to think about the type of guy I wanted to attract and then be that man. Very simple. So because have been and always will be attracted to masculine men that that is how I crafted the way I look, behave and speak. Sexually, effeminate men do nothing for me. I've been told on a few occasions that if people didn't know I was gay, they'd assume I was straight etc. I don't "act" straight or masculine, I AM masculine. The utter beauty of two masculine men deeply loving each other is like nothing I've ever seen. Like another user commented down below, be open to meeting all types and don't rule them out but be true to yourself with what you are physically attracted to!
First thing, I am an older masculine man that would love to go out with you. Otherwise, your right everybody's different but I definitely think who, where, and what your surroundings were growing up definitely influences what type attracts you but you have to try to keep an openness to others who are not as masculine because they might have more in common with you than any masculine man will. My boyfriend who is 20 years younger than me is going to the same situation you went through. He does drugs and drinks just to hide who he really is living in a small southern town with 2 different family dynamics. But I'm glad you finally became at peace with yourself and can be yourself
As a bi guy, I think environment partly factor into it as well. As ex-evangelical, I saw more masculine, outdoorsy men, or neutral men at the churches I attended over the years. I feel like I am more attracted to those type of men. I don't think southern baptist churches are known for their dancing. In one church I visited, dancing wasn't allowed.
I grew up in PA's Lehigh Valley with blue-collar men working in steel mills, factories, slate quarries and coal mines. My Dad was a professional but even the men in management were masculine outdoorsy men in suits instead of boots. I also had two older rough-and-tumble jock / prom king Alpha male older brothers. I believe my environment shaped my sexual development, or at least my taste in men, but it's hard to say if my environment shaped my own behavior, or if it's just natural. I'm interested to know if and how environment affected fem guys. Certainly there are fem guys who grew up in the same environments that masc guys did. I also wonder how the relationship with parents and siblings affect you. I had a very doting, affectionate father who was still very much a man's man.
I related a lot to your experience. I was raised Baptist, homeschooled even till 12, I was outed at the end of high school, then I moved to a big city for college. Being out in college I felt I had to be more feminine to be understood or to not confuse people. I felt I always needed to make it obvious I was gay so I would just act gayer than I was when meeting people to make girls more comfortable and let men have an immediate chance to either hate me or accept me. I stopped doing this when I got back in touch with my masculinity and developed really strong bond with some male friends that I hadn’t been close to since before coming out. It really changed my life to have found these friends, they taught me a lot about love and loyalty and they really accepted me for me. With pressure taken off I found I’m actually quite masculine in my demeanor and a lot of my hobbies (though I love to dance and my style is pretty good if I do say so). Now I’m really comfortable in my masculinity and femininity :)
I’m masc presenting but I also embrace my feminine energy more so now that I’ve fully accepted the whole me. I think there is currency and privilege in being masculine that some gay men desire in more ways than one. Some also envy it as well.
Great discussion. I personally think queer people should avoid the straight-acting descriptor and use the word 'masculine' instead. They might be synonyms but I dislike the idea of both 'acting' and of chasing a straight ideal. I can be queer and masculine and that feels both authentic and healthy for me.
Love love this explanation. Personally for me i can be both but i gravitate toward more feminine as i love dressing up and going out with the girls. I think is all about like you mention the environment you grew up with. I came out at 24 but most of my friend knew and accepted and my parents over time did too as they knew i was like this for a long time
I’m attracted to older people because they tend to have their shit together. They tend to have either a solid career or an established retirement. They tend to have their know finances in order. They tend to know who they are. They tend to have created whatever it is, they’re going to create, they don’t have time for games. They are more direct and honest about what they want and how they feel. And once you hit a certain age, you don’t even want to deal with any of the drama. You just wanna have a relationship and enjoy life. Those things are appealing to me. I have always liked direct and what kind of people.
I have found over the years of coming out at 15 And experiencing and living within the gay community I found my chosen family in other words... I found myself reminding myself through the ears to do the one thing that I think it's important for everyone to do and that is to remind yourself to be yourself regardless what your sexuality is what your beliefs are. And yes at a point I really did have to concentrate on that to really understand it. That was when I started relaxing and understanding myself and also I felt I was understanding everyone around me. Being comfortable and understanding who is in your own skin is very important I believe And being important in your growth experiences. I found I got closer with the friends that I could talk about this too and they understanding and also the honesty that forms between you , your friends and family.I too have always been attracted to older men and I believe that this was because I relate with my being more relaxed with my own being with maturity and feeling having more in common. I do not and have never seen this as being bitter or worse not good or bad...right or wrong. Being comfortable with yourself is most important with ones intellectual growth....just my opinion.
I was going to mention this. This gay appears to have come out in his mid twenties. It's very different to go through middle school gay and already be out before you are an adult.
You seem like such a cool guy! Welcome to the community. I’m also a relatively masculine guy too, even though I’m also a theatre and literature geek, haha. My attitude is always like “you do you.” In any case, good luck in your journey and welcome, brother!
Thank you for doing this video and sharing your experience. I missed a few of your recent videos. You went on a trip. You have had a journey with your stages of coming out as well. Look at where you are today in 2024. You are doing just fine. Continue on your journey of progress.
Ok, I am one of those gay guys who you could call “masculine.” In other words, you could never tell I am gay unless I told you. I also don’t understand feminine gay guys-not insulting them; I just don’t get how that works, for I am just a typical boy who is attracted to boys. It’s not a choice. But I am tired of the gay community being divided into all these tribes. It’s divides people, creates high expectations, and I don’t really fall into any of them. I am just me.
Here's my take as a baby gay. I just passed my one year anniversary of coming out. If you asked me a year ago what kind of guy was "my type," I would have certainly said masc and straight-presenting. In current day, I dont know if that holds up 100%. I was raised in hispanic 'machismo' culture and I was never exposed to gay people. This came with a lot of emotional baggage as an adult because I was raised to believe that the feminine aspects of my personality were inherently 'bad.' As a result, I do think that my initial lean toward straight presenting men was a direct result of my upbringing. They represented the kind of man I was always told I was supposed to be. I believe there is a larger conversation to be had about this as it relates to gay men and the community's immense focus on outward appearances. It would be foolish to write off physical attraction as an integral aspect of a romantic relationships as some tend to do. However, the community has hyper fixated on this and turned it up to eleven. I see it done all too often and I am still guilty of it myself. Looking at someone and writing them off as a romantic interest solely because they present "too feminine." In this case you can extend the dealbreaker to anything that doesn't fit the gay community's ideal beauty standards. I was a late-bloomer. I never felt attractive until a few years ago, and even then it's a constant struggle with body image and feeling desirable. Speaking anecdotally, the masc gay men that I've been around sometimes seem to make their masculinity the focal point of their personality. It's all about how they don't watch drag race or listen to pop music. As I continue to navigate the gay community, I find that outward appearances just don't cut it anymore. I've been pursued by objectively attractive men but have ended up cutting it off, as it becomes apparent that they don't have a personality outside of vanity. Like most things in life, there is a balance. Any time someone feels like a caricature of gay extremes, whether hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine, I find myself checking out mentally. Lately I've placed a lot of emphasis on learning about people first and ignoring what is easily perceived on the surface. I want to know what sets your soul on fire. What are you passionate about? What do you hope to accomplish in this life? Consequently, I've found myself attracted to men that possess more feminine traits. However, in this case their outward presentation didn't matter to me. As I continue to heal from my childhood trauma, it's becoming apparent that it has irrevocably shaped the kind of men I am attracted to. As I unravel the past I am slowly learning to let go of the man my family expected me to become. In doing so, I am also letting go of the idea of a hyper masculine man being the end all be all. I encourage all the men who vehemently champion masculine presenting men to really ask themselves why they think that is. In my case it has revealed some unresolved internalized homophobia and areas of myself that still needed healing. This isn't to say that a person who prefers masculine presenting men is a product of trauma. I think its natural to have preferences. I believe it could be something deeper when they proudly state that they only date straight presenting. People are allowed to do whatever they want. However, I personally find it counterintuitive to limit your connections to only those who fit your desired surface level traits. As much as I've struggled to find true love, I actually feel very optimistic from having learned these lessons. I know that the right man for me is out there. The kind of love I want exists... because I exist and I'm full of it. If anyone actually reads all of this rambling, here's a cookie :) 🍪
Wow...I loved listening to what you had to say on this topic. It was very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us. Maybe you can't sing, but your voice is very calm and attractive, as are those brown eyes.
I don't try and shove my gayness in people's faces, but I'm definitely attracted to masc men. I have a habit of falling for straight men. It's so hard to find a masc gay man and have him be interested in you. I know the struggle.
Older gay man (60yrs) attracted to older gay men because I hoped older gay men could give me some direction in living a gay life. Unfortunately, we all have to sort out what is most important in our own lives. Freedom comes with a catch. No rules, even when you would prefer their were. It leads to many gay men feeling lost. Orientation is who attracts you. Masculine vs feminine is gender. We all have a sex, an orientation, and a gender. Mixed and matched in every possible way. Attraction to masculinity is ingrained in males gay and straight. It's the dominant model pounded into us from birth. Atypical gender is far more visible than atypical orientation. Those are the people who struggle most with bullying and discrimination. Don't contribute to it. Keep up the conversation!
when i first came out to my best friend which is also gay and to my mother both of them didn't believe me. Mom said that when i was younger, like 5-8 years of age i used to talk and fight like girls but later it changed so she couldn't comprehend the fact that i am gay . yes i can say with full confidence that if i go outside noone can say that i am gay. i think it's because in media gay people are shown as more faminine, so most people think that all gay people wear girly clothes, show hand gestures , talk like girls, flirt with every other guy they see on the road, bitching about others etc and i don't do any of that. Even if don't look gay my interest and hobbies are somewhat traditional gay like . i like reading, writing,art, singing, dancing, shoping, cooking etc. i don't like most of the sports and i also have a few masculine interests like -i like biking, fishing, playing football only with my lil brother, gaming, boxing and working out, chopping wood etc. i may like more masculine activities but i haven't tried many . But my voice is not very deep, it's not entirely like a girl but it's soft. Noone have said to me that my voice is faminine but i feel that it's the only superficial thing by which one can tell that i am gay. English isn't my 1st language so forgive me if i have written something wrong😂🙏🏼
I think your eyes seek out what you’re attracted to, and also what you’re presented with. If I grew up in Detroit, I might have been more attracted to black men, if I grew up in Hong Kong, I might be more attracted to Asians, but I grew up in a city in California that was predominantly white. I grew up admiring the athletes and their physiques, so I put the piano away and played basketball, not to fit in, but because I genuinely liked the sport. I was good, so it forced me into interactions with jocks, who I modeled some of my behavior. I got told one time I ran kind of gay and that I sounded gay, didn’t happen a lot, but enough to feel like I needed to straighten up so to speak. This trajectory lead me to hanging out with the jocks and not hanging out with the theatre or drama kids. I was attracted to the guys I hung out with and those just happened to be the jocks. I think masculine gay men have a much harder time with the coming out process. It’s because they are treated like a straight guy, the expectations are to have a girlfriend and marry, the more effeminate men are called gay or sissy before they even understand their own sexuality. I didn’t want that scrutiny or homophobic treatment so I played the part of high school jock. That truly was a big part of me that was real, but I couldn’t share all of me. People treated me like I was straight so I felt I had to be. When you can pass as straight and your family friends and community see you as that, it makes it harder to come out.
What an interesting experience! I had the opposite! I thought that I was _supposed_ to be feminine because I’m gay. Turns out that it wasnt who I was and that I was acting like someone I wasnt. I embraced myself because those who matter, dont mind…and those who mind, dont matter.
@@chrisjackson8151 Interesting subject, both of you. I've always wondered why some gay guys are femmy and others masc, and to what extent they were acting it out rather than being who they are deep down. I've heard a lot of femmy guys (not that I know personally, but on TV etc) say they've been that way from an early age and everyone around them knew before they did, so I had to wonder, did those of us who aren't femmy decide at some point to suppress our femmy side and then got real good at it? But then you say you were the opposite, playing the femmy part. To my recollection I've never tried to be either, but I come across more on the masc side and my attraction leans more toward the jocks but not bearded leather guys or bears, cops of cowboys. Clean cut and athletic (or at least fit the image somewhat), and no put-on masc or fem mannerisms, has always been what does it for me. But there is something to be said for femmy guys - practically advertising the fact that they are guy I guess means they would be less lonely than us invisible 'normals' unless they have too narrow a concept of what they want in a boyfriend or friends in general.
@@mattw4496 that much of who we are goes back to our upbringing and our reactions to certain events. It may be good to introspect, and challenge why we think what we think and do what we do🤷
I agree with you. I have always been a masc for a masc, dude. I like hanging out and cutting up with my feminine friends. I’m just not attracted to them sexually. on my end, I don’t think anything has happened to caused me to feel this way. It’s just what I am attracted to.
I know like 2 other gay people well enough to consider them friends. Other than that my friends are all straight. My best friend is straight. But my sexuality was screwed up for the longest time by sexual assault and mental health issues that made me sex averse and actively avoidant of social encounters with people who might see me in a sexual light so that probably has a lot to do with it.
I'm from Tanzanié 🇹🇿 And in my case Most of my straight friends didn't react so nice once I told them I'm gay A few asked for money as I asked them for sex/ cuddling and all And up to date I consider one who broke my virginity as Messiah He's the only one who saved my soul from getting lost from all homophobic pressure around me He's more than a brother to me I will always love him ❤ Btw this very brother of mine is masculine straight fella whose 🍆is too massive compared to how lean he looks It's too big like 7 inches and too thick He's a father of two OMG everytime I miss him I masturbate with absolute ease thinking of how he used to handle me with grace and love so sweet 🥺 (his babymama is super lucky in bed with him)
Hi, first time seeing your video. I am a gay man of 79 and have always been attracted to masculine men. Have always been into the gym, rugby etc and that's the type of group of men who became my mates. I am absolutely not attracted to feminine guys and feel that I would be straight if I wanted feminine company.
It's cool to hear another gay man that spearfishes. Spearfisher here in utah. I have a similar story where one of my friends was telling how he doesn't choose to sound feminine and he wouldn't have chosen if he had the choice since he was bullied for it. It broke my heart but also made me realize that it's cool to have preferences but just respect everyone.
MASCULINITY IS NOT TOXIC. MASCULINITY IS INTOXICATING. dont tell me you haven't been drunk with attraction for a hot man. All my friends are masculine and mostly bodybuilders. No one would ever guess they were gay. We would not be caught dead at a pride parade or being flashy. Our bodies speak for themselves.
Im a masculine man who always liked masculine men, have had mostly straight friends. Have always been romantically and sexually am into men. In early 20’s I tried to be in the gay world . After a few years of immersion into gayness I learned that it wasn’t my tribe , not having anything in common with it except for attraction to men. I never described myself as gay since those early days because it didn’t define me or my lifestyle and went my own way. Friends have been a mix of every kind of people straight , gay including fem, drag, and trans , and masc gays. Most encounters have been with men who have sex with men who like the activity or sexual behavior but are not necessarily attracted to me or romantically attracted to men. I am very atypical and know that this is all hard to understand eso by gay men who too often have very circumscribed ideas about male sexuality. I’m in a category of my own.
I like masculinity. I want to be able to go outside and not be judged just walking down the street. I’m gay I like men. If I wanted feminine I would date a female. I’m Latino it’s our culture.
As long as you’re seen with another man and people know you’re in a MLM relationship, you will face judgment, regardless of how masculine you try to appear.
What a kind and decent human being. Saying what you said in asking for decency in peoples comments was incredible. So many people say mean, aggressively horrible things in their comments because they are savely sitting in their little cubby holes saying anything because they are not close enough to get punched right in the nose. Rudeness is too normal with the internet. Kudos to you. You have taken every word out of my mouth. you've describe my way of thinking and living to a tee. Escept I am a great dancer. I am the only gay man I know who is a fanatic Buffalo bills fan and watches football all the time. I grew up catching snakes, frogs, snapping turtles, bees and spiders. I absolutely believe you are right on the butten for why I am and always have been attracted to masculine men. If I were attracted to womwn I'd be with one as women hav always been attreacted to me all my life and I always had the super pretty, popular girlfriend nut looked at men wirh desire. you nailed wxactly how I feel.
Feel the same way! Many man like masculine guys, I totally understand that everyone can behave and be as they want but at the sexual moment I prefer some one masculine it’s just what I like but as you said that doesn’t mean we don’t like other types it’s just that we have a stronger preference on masc guys!
a bit of a memo from a lot of other gay men whose dating partner is reasonably older to the pairing. those guys on the younger side usually say that it's all related to daddy-issues... which is mostly caused by an absent father or emotional neglect from that said parent.
@@AuthenNickoh boy I got u hehe...yeah many derivatives, it's tough... but it's personal to you no need to shared too. 😉💪 great hugs from Rio, Brazil! btw I've been loving ur content, keep up with the great work!
Attraction is outward appearance, their first impression looks, the way they move, the way they treat others and the way they make you feel. Everyone's definition of masculine or feminine is different depending on what they think of as masc or fem. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. And don't ever let anyone tell you who to be attracted to, for if you do you might as well go back into the closet though I think that was the reason you came out of the closet in the first place. If someone you are attracted to is not attracted to you, move on. You will never be happy with someone who isn't happy with you. You be you, Nick, no one else can. Thanks for sharing.
I totally get it. My faith is vitally important to me. We weren't allowed to dance in our youth, so I just never caught onto it or developed an interest. I was also in the most amazing age-gap relationship (24 years difference) until my beloved died very unexpectedly. And though I know a good many guys who demonstrate some feminine characteristics, and can value their friendships, I am never attracted to them. So I pursue the things I enjoy: hiking, biking, swimming, gardening, landscaping, camping, fishing, and so much more. If the right guy comes into my life then my heart is very open to loving again, but I am not wasting any time seeking that partner. i have recently retired and am enjoying settling into new roles and endeavors.
I like to hang out w any type that are not toxic , and I have being w different types . I believe that when you pass that door is about the energy bw the 2 people envolved . However , I tend to be more attractive to a man that’s more toward the masculine side . Again , for me It is all about the energy that flows right from the moment I see that person , and I take it from there . One thing , Voice for some reason is essential after I see that individual . Why? Do not know , but that’s what it’s . Even if it’s for one night stand .
Thanks for making these videos. The issue of 'passing' is a real issue in many different communities. Yeah, there many be some element of honesty or authenticity that is wrapped up in passing. But, when same sex marriage is illegal or gay relationships get you fired or ostracized or arrested, the motivation to pass gets real clear. Even when being read as gay (read your beads) comes with social assumptions that are dismissive, patronizing, etc. you'd just as soon avoid that mess. So when you don't or can't pass for whatever reason? But let's be clear: this is not about "masculinity" or whatever, its about society and the oppression of minorities.
- Though I don't know you, I believe that you may have certain "feminine" characteristics such as kindness, sensitivity, and intelligence. Conversely, drag queens may exhibit certain "masculine" characteristics such as the ability to withstand negative environments with tenacity. I wonder if your determination of whether somebody is masculine or feminine, is more focused on the external versus their internal qualities and character. I know that I can often limit my perception of people in this manner.
Why do you believe kindness, sensitivity, and intelligence are feminine characteristics? I find these traits to be very masculine. I would argue that the hyper masculine, alpha male persona is not authentic. They are just another form of drag performance from insecure males whether they be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.
What I would consider more masculine is what gender traits we would typically find in males biologically through masculinization of the brain, and more feminized would be gender traits we typically find in females. Gendered interests are predicted by testosterone exposure in utero. Higher levels are associated with male-typical interests and behaviours, regardless of whether the baby is male or female. These include a preference for mechanically interesting objects and systemizing occupations in adulthood. Lower levels are associated with a preference for people orientated activities and occupations. stemming from evolutionary roots. Women. who are tasked with the role of bearing children, evolved to be more sociable, empathic, and people focused, while men, as hunter-gatherers, were rewarded for strong visuopatial skills and ability to build and use tools. Homosexual men and women on average tend to have more gender traits typical of the opposite sex and on average gender non-conforming people are more likely to be homosexual. Social and biological changes over a long term may have influnces on the prevalence of homosexuality. Human nature has changed over the course of the long malthusian era between the agrarian revolution(which took place about 10,000 years ago) and the industrial revolution(which started 18th centry) during this time, social factors promoted the reproductive success of people who were less violence-prone and more disposed to care for their children. The spread of the "feminizing" genes could well be the mechanism that accomplished this change. A study found that a minority of straight people share a predisposing factor with gay people of the same sex. It's lkely this predisposing factor is one that predicts gender nonconformity in childhood and/or in adulthood. It has been hypothesized that homosexuality results from inhereting a set of several feminizing genes. If this hypothesis is correct, the straight men who share a predisposing factor with gay men might be those who have inherited some of these feminizing genes, but not enough to make them gay. Male homosexuality is no just an isolated trait but rather part of a package of gender variant traits, If a man inherits a few of these genes, he will have some feminine characteristics, which might include increased empathy and kindness, decreased aggressivness and the like, These genes increase his attractivness to women, permitting him more sexual access and thus offering him the likelihood of having more offspring. If a man inherits all of these genes, however, he will be feminized to the point of homosexuality, and his reproductive success will drop markedly. Because each feminizing gene is present in many more straight men than gay men it only has to raise each straight man's reproductive success by a small amount to compensate for the lowered reproductive success of gay men. It's believed that gay men, during some point in fetal life, were exposed to unusually low levels of androgens, which allowed their hypothalamic circuits to develop in a female-typical direction. It's believed genes help set these levels but it's still unsure which genes these are. In general, few major genes have been identified in the field of behavioral genetics; most heritable psychological traits seem to be influenced by multiple genes, each of modest effect. This could well be true for sexual orientation too. If so, different individuals might carry different complements of “gay genes” and thus exhibit different kinds of homosexuality for example some more gender non conforming than others. And single genes might be decisive in some families but play no role in others. Genes are involved one way or another in the pathway by which sex hormones influence their target tissues. If testosterone levels during a critical prenatal period are high , the brain is organized in such a way that the person is predisposed to become typically masculine in a variety of gendered traits, including sexual attraction to females. If testosterone levels are low during that same time period, the brain is organized in such a way that the person is predisposed to become typically feminine in gendered traits, including sexual attraction to males. Boys, are typically exposed to higher levels of testosterone in the womb, and tend to gravitate toward mechanical toys and ,mechanically interesting activities, like playing with wheeled toys, trucks and related occupations in adulthood. and being sexually attracted to women upon reaching puberty. A boy who is exposed to lower levels of is more likely to be female-typical when he is born, gravitating toward toys and activities that girls prefer, since girls are also generally exposed to lower levels of testosterone. He will also be sexually attracted to men in adulthood. Testosterone is needed to “masculinize” a prenatal brain; if that doesn’t happen, the child will grow up to desire men. The same can be said for girls who experience high levels of testosterone exposure. As shown in girls with congenital adrenal hyperplasia, even if their parents give them more encouragement for playing with dolls, they will still prefer toys typical to boys because greater exposure to testosterone in utero is associated with male-typical interests. Rough-and-tumble play, which is behavior typically seen in little boys, is less common in gay men and more common in lesbian women, due to lesser and greater masculinization of the brain.. Childhood gender nonconformity refers to sex-atypical behaviours, interests, hobbies, activity levels, and play partner preferences before the age of 12. 75% of boys demonstrating CGN will grow up to be gay or bisexual due to the prenatal environment and the extent to which hormones masculinized the developing brain. Pre gay children are gender nonconformists in a variety of traits, including phyisical aggressivness, engagement in rough and tumble play and sports, interest and peers they prefer the company of. Brains that are exposed to lower levels of testosterone, are more efficient at empathizing. Girls show a preference for socially engaging activities and occupations. This difference between children regarding preferences for people versus things is detectable within the first two days of life. Baby girls preferred looking at their caregivers’ faces and baby boys preferred looking at mechanical mobiles. The male superiority in mental rotation is evident by 3-5months of age. Difference in toy preference are evident at 3-8 months of age. Many of the sex differences exist widely across different countries and cultures, AND also gendered in non humans primates and other mammals. No matter how much freedom a child is given, most will, time and time again, pick out gender-typical toys to play with and exhibit personality traits typical of their sex. . A girl or boy who is gender-atypical will turn away from these cues if they're truly not interested. The association between sexual orientation and other gendered traits arises because all these traits differentiate under the influence of a common biological process-the sexual differentiation of the brain under the influence of sex hormones.The mind of the average gay individual is a patch work of gendered traits, some indistinguishable from same-sex peers, some shifted past way toward the other sex, and others typical of the other sex. Sexual orientation is an aspect of gender that emerges from the prenatal sexual differentiation of the brain. Whether a person ends up gay or straight depends in large part on how this process of biological differentiation goes forward, with the lead actors being genes, sex hormones and the brain systems that are influenced by them. The organisational effects of hormones on the brain prior to birth have permanent effects. Neuroscientific studies have shown that the brains of lesbians are partially masculinized and gay mens partially feminized. Patterns of brain organisation appear similar between gay men and heterosexual women and between lesbian women and heterosexual men. Gay men appear, on average, more “female typical” in brain pattern responses and lesbian women are more “male typical”. Differences in brain organisation mean differences in psychology and study after study show differences in cognition between heterosexual and gay people. Gay mens brains are also structured like those of heterosexual females and lesbians structured similar to heterosexual mens. Gay men and lesbians can also have gender shifted occupational preferences and also in instrumentailty, empathy, expressivness, and aesthetic/technological interests. Gay men and lesbians are gender shifted in a variety of male favoring-visuospatial traits such as mental rotation, targeting, and navigation, as well as female-favouring tasks such as verbal fluency and object location memory. Many of these functions, particularly the spatial skills and the verbal skills reside in different sides of the brain and they call it cerebral asymmetry, the asymmetry in the way the brain is organized. This asymmetry is determined and organized around the middle of pregnancy and these correlate very highly with who you are sexually. Sexual orientation is something that is hardwired before birth.
Im a gay man in my sixties. I remember back in the 1970s/ 80s when looking to meet people you either went to a gay venue or wrote to gay men who were looking to meet others in gay magazine classifieds . Some gay men would advertise that they want only masculine straight acting guys to reply to theur personal advert. They would say NO fems wanted. It was because they wanted to not be seen as being gay when out in public in a relationship.
I’m definitely attracted to masculine men. Well, it’s complicated. I prefer men that embrace their masculinity through sports, gym, and mannerisms, but I appreciate the “feminine features” like a big booty and chest.
I melt just seeing your honesty and vulnerability. TY for discussing this. My mom's side was also Southern Baptist, dad's, Catholic. I share part of your experience coming out. I'm 62, now, and I have enough experience to say you are a person who is better than most of 'the world', which is a Baptist term. I'm laughing because we were not allowed to dance, as Baptists. My youth is returning to me, through your memory. About your issue: it is completely natural for you to like what you like, love what you love. Just let it out. Life is short. You are a quality person who contributes to society. You were created to love men, they need you.
I’m only attracted to masculine men. Personally I feel that if I wanted to date someone feminine I’d just date a woman. What I like about men is their masculinity.
agreed
To this, I FULLY agree.. My autonomic nervous system recoils and asks, "what's this?" Respectfully submitted for your consideration Gregg Oreo Long Beach CA Etats Unis
100%
I've dated plenty of feminine men and a few women too back in the day and I have to say.. I wouldn't just date a woman. Men have a few tricks up their sleeves. :) They are masculine too in so many ways.
U does not look cool either😂😂
These are the two realizations that helped me to come out;
1) Being gay is only about sexuality (attraction towards the people of same gender), it has nothing to do with gender-expression.
2) There are gay people with different gender-expressions, but there are also straight people with different gender-expressions.
I totally agree. We’re all different in all sorts of ways. I have found after 30+ years being out that there are all sorts of gay man who are attractive in a whole number of ways.
so you just was afraid to be perceived as a generic gay man
Being gay is not only about sexuality. Being gay is about identity as well. And most importantly about love.
Masculinity is a NATURAL normative being, it’s NOT toxic to be masculine !!!
Masculinity in and of itself is not a toxic thing. It's how one manages said masculinity that can make it toxic.
*Of course masculinity by itself is not toxic,* that's why 'toxic masculinity', *is TWO words.* It means something in academia, 'toxic femininity' also exist, two words. It's the right-wing narrative to associate toxic masculinity with all masculinity, because it's their attempt at defending bad traditional behavioral patterns. Speaking as a gay guy who love masculinity, you have to be able to tell the difference. Do not allow right-wing narratives to blur the line. For example, it's perfectly fine to go for the traditional nuclear family when that's what all involve wants. It becomes 'toxic' when it is formed by external social pressure. It's one thing for you *to simply 'be',* quite another to force other to conform to some traditional way you want.
Absolutely, not toxic.👍🏾
Amen
Being masc is not toxic being an obnoxious prick is toxic.
I hear ya dude. I was raised in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I was surrounded by farmers, oil riggers and chemical plant workers. To this day, I am attracted to butch hairy masculine men. I can be friends and am always kind to femme guys but that will never turn me on. It just doesn't. I must fall under the masc category judging by the reaction I get when people learn I'm gay. I like sports, heavy metal, working out, motorcycles and cars. It's just who I am. I think our community has kind of lost its way about preferences. There is nothing wrong with having a type, we are all attracted to what we're attracted to. Some people are attracted to femme guys and some butch gorilla would do nothing for them. Don't let anyone shame you about what you like or what turns you on. However, EVERYONE should be treated with respect and dignity.
Definitely! This needs to be said more often. Some gay guys are attracted to masculine personality traits and others to feminine ones. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. We cant force someone to be attracted to someone else that they dont find attractive. Being gay doesnt have a monopoly on personality traits and vice-versa.
I too have always been drawn to your type. Funny thing ,when younger, they would always be submissive in private. I’ve never met a manly, affectionate , vers guy. Odd
@pdxfun4888 I'm an affectionate top guy. I may look like a bottom at first ( my hair and size lol) but i never have bottomed. but def a cuddler 😂 true okay. I got uploads. I'm in my Playlist vid and one upload on this channel. I'm kinda petite but stupid strong. and i don't make vids about it so my friends don't get trolled for being supportive and awesome...they're all straight. me and the little guy who does the backflip are actually rising up in our sport . we're actually the same size it's just I'm taller than him lol. we're taking over the 70kg weight class. we're relatively new to the sport compared to most in the state. our group is actually mostly new as well . and believe it or not the other groups and people in those groups have been kinda nasty to us. lots of them we don't even want back at our practices . they're afraid to loose is what it is. I never am afraid to loose. that's how you level up. I don't hang out with condescending people. and in my work vids we're not really mad we're joking 😂! I try my best ...
@@photobearcmh Feminine gays often end up being with feminine gays. I don't understand it. Being attracted to men, I am attracted to masculinity, which I mostly lack. However, masculine men seem to be majorly attracted to masculine men. I believe that's because you all are mostly concerned with [transactional/mechanical] sex. No emotions involved, just lust.
I'm black gay guy, when you put riggers I misread it for a sec sorry 😂😂😂
I'm so 'masculine' that some of my more effeminate friends have told each other that 'He's not gay." However, I like all kinds of men. Inner characteristics hold my attraction longer than superficial. I am attracted to calm, upbeat, contemplative, somewhat earthy or nerdish people. Though I do like a hairy body that is in reasonable health (like mine). I definitely am not in the closet, but I also do not see any reason to let everyone I meet know I am gay, only people I want to develop a friendship or relationship with. The one negative side of my masculine character is that I have to initiate all contact with other gay people as I do not signal that I am gay. No gay man has ever 'hit' upon me though sometimes women have.
Yeah , I get where you are going here. Seem you got to fits the mold to be gay or bisexual. Otherwise, you are not x part of said group. It is like ingroup and outgroup bias among gay comunities I have seen lately.
@@richardbarry2140 You're my type, which is rare.
@@Erastoneus45 Don't think that's what he's saying.
Lol. I got that too though I don't see myself as hyper - masculine; just the door next door type. I don't care for fashion, clubbing, or any of that. I prefer gyms and fishing.
It's always advantageous to be masculine, whereas feminine guys are rejected by other gay men, it's hard to be a little or very effeminate.
@@kraakar more fems for me then that's what i say. those men don't know what they are missing👍 bouncy bouncy princess 😈
And can be nasty and dismissive about it too. I'm sick of it!
Agreed and I'm sick of the shaming within our own culture!
@@edwardnashen5960 some of us don't shame. no bottom shaming no kink shaming no fem shaming and a full understanding that the BEST thing about our " community " is all the most expressive personalities and the most non confirming ones who have been on the front lines of the battle and taken the brunt of the abuse.
It depends on your age, if you are young being feminine is desirable. I am more androgynous/feminine but I’ve never had an issue attracting men. A ton of bisexual men love feminine presenting men.
To any young people reading this:
You are not limited by anyone's definitions or desires but your own. Someone else's ideal is their own world -- you shouldn't be overly concerned with fitting into it. Find your tribe. You're not alone, you just haven't met your people yet.
I’m a masculine gay male. But when this topic comes up, I always find this particularly restrictive. Like the special likes of No Fems, Blacks or Asians. But I won’t go deep into that.
So many “masculine” gays jump on this post commenting about how they are so masculine and prefer masculine men. But at 63, I literally have met few, well many but not this many, masculine gay men in all of my years. So when this happens, 50-75 comments about how masculine they are all, I get curious. Not want one curious, but where are they curious.
Where have they been hiding when I’ve attended Gay Pride in nearly every major city in this country, not counting the Pride events abroad. So, why are so many “masculine men” commenting here.
@@calvind2054 Well, that's just it. Masculine men--if they consider themselves gay--don't need to go having a parade about it. They are confident in themselves, level-headed, and emotionally intelligent. You won't find them at Gay Pride events. Try Home Depot, gym, or men's room at corporate plaza.
@@calvind2054 - Maybe these "Masculine" men are commenting because of all people, they are trying to convince themselves over everyone else.
I'm glad you caught into this because I cannot imagine how a young gay teen boy that likes to dance who may run into this video might feel after hearing that a hot masculine cool gay wouldn't even give them the time of the day. I mean it's not like people choose what videos to watch as this appeared on my feed out of nowhere, I assume because it is popular and has a lot of likes since the guy on the video looks like a porn star. so gay fem boys are not just looked down upon by the straight world but also by the hot popular 'cool' gays... so thank you for making this statement and yes I agree. DONT feel bad about who you are. There is someone out there for everyone. If only these hot gays would have a bit more empathy towards others they wouldn't be out there preaching their ideals to the world. This guy talks about being 'nice'. How ironic. But of course everyone will defend him because he's hot so he gets to just throw out of the picture anyone who is gay and likes to go out dancing... ugh whatever. Free country, free speech. He is entitled to it. To young gay fem dudes, find another video that is more positive and enlightening. This aint it.
All the masculine gays I know aren’t really interested in going to Pride tbh. So if that’s the only place you been looking I could see why you say it.
You probably also think you haven’t met many because we don’t usually go out of our way to talk about being gay. So when I’m in different work situations or certain social events - I’ve talked to many obvious gay men but I don’t bother telling them I’m gay unless it happens to come up.
And there’s been people at work who didn’t know I’m gay even though I’ve talked about it and I’m never ashamed to say it. I usually just bring it up when it comes up naturally.
My point is - you’ve probably met lots of masculine gays; but you just assumed they were straight because it never came up.
Yo, straight acting - straight looking - Latino - Catholic - male here. It’s hard to come out when you grew up with a family that didn’t accept homosexuality. When family found out I was disowned and called every name in the book!🤷🏻♂️
Yes sir I completely get it ❤️❤️❤️❤️
People are maybe ignorant regarding the “just be you” . Being your authentic self can change your world. It can be isolating, disowned, being attacked, losing employment etc. the str8 men that think gays are weak will never know the courage it takes. I hope you move through your life with an open heart and stand up for yourself when disrespected.
Sorry your family reacted that way--you deserve better. My family is Catholic, too; they had a hard time at first, but never stopped loving me. I hope things have gotten better for you.
Did they literally disown you? Like they don’t want you in their lives? I hope that’s not the case but I know it happens. I wish you lots of positive energy so that you can better heal from being deserted by your family.
If they are just angry you are gay then don’t worry. They will come around. My mom was angry; then she met my first boyfriend and she felt better. When they see you are happy and you haven’t changed into a different person it will be very small issue. Maybe some of them won’t ever like that part of you but at the end of the day your sexuality is a small part of who a person is.
Noticed you didn’t describe yourself as gay
Masculinity is needed.
It’s about male attraction, protection & aspiration. It’s about us.
We need more masculine, healthy and goal-oriented gay men
We don't need toxic masculinity
@@sunshinerays7908 i can’t argue with that
@@sunshinerays7908 'toxic masculinity in a misnomer though.
Masculinity in and of itself is NOT toxic.
That nomenclature NEEDS to be changed to be meaningful.
That term has been hijacked by the Leftists Liberals to demonize masc behaving men claiming that it is all an act and not genuine.
Fem acting men is the main norm in online and media presentations.
Just look at TikToc, Twitter, and television with all of the drag queen shows and feminine presenting personas.
I can't tell you how much I have been criticized for being a veteran (a clearly masculine organization through & through) by fem guys And for just even using terms like 'sup bro'. When i refer to another man as 'bro' there is always some 'queen' going off about 'how dare I assume their gender' while at the same time they assume mine by calling me 'hey girl''.
I'm NOT a fucking girl stop referring to me and other men as 'girl(s)' or saying that we have 'bussys'.
Fuck, that fahgot shit. You don't get to have a double standard.
This is truth
@@sunshinerays7908Amen to that.
Some men are attracted to femininity. Some men are attracted to masculinity. We all have preferences, which is okay. In my experience as a a more feminine/androgynous male I magnetize the male gaze from men who typically engage in heterosexual behavior. Being feminine makes it tough for other gay men to be attracted to me, but bisexual men and heterosexual leaning men can be extremely magnetized towards feminine energy regardless of gender. Gay men typically want masculine power, so they search for it in other men. As a feminine male I’ve never had an issue with my gender expression. If anything I’ve had men say they only want to experience me if I’m more feminine than them ! So it depends on your beauty type, which in turn attracts specific types of men. I attract hyper masculine men who present as heterosexual in all aspects.
I feel you man. Like you, I always wanted to keep masculine (mostly because of my own prejudices and insecurities) and pushed myself to be masculine to the point it became natural to me. Today I’m frequently told that I can “pass for straight if I don’t say I’m gay”, but I also suffer from anxiety and self esteem problems that became as rooted in me as being masculine did. Most of us just strive to be masculine to be accepted. but Only now that I’m older and with years of therapy I realize how much of a straitjacket that is, and how hard it is to get rid of it.
As a 58 year old openly gay man I commend you for putting your feelings out there in such a format. As I listened to your sharing I had many mixed emotions to what you were saying. As for Masc/Femme etc....One of the best lessons I've learned in being out since age 21 was to stay open to everyone you meet without making fast decisions based on behavior as to whether or not you would like them. I think far too often we miss great opportunities to meet and build friendships with those who may come across much different than us in the beginning but once we get to really know them we discover some amazing people down deep. Surface is just that, the surface. I always am puzzled why, as an already minority group of people we would narrow down who we would choose to associate with even more. This isn't an attack on your thoughts or opinions, more of a hopeful encouragement to stay open to all people. As for the age difference attraction, being an older guy who loves younger men, I say God Bless you for having such an attraction. Much like I don't know specifically why one is attracted to a different age group I also know that attraction can and may change throughout life. I have learned never to analyze another but to simply enjoy them for who they are and what they are attracted to in me. Makes for so much more fulfillment in life. Keep up what you are doing. Even if someone doesn't agree you are entitled to your thoughts and opinions as are they. You are right in the fact that your message may be reaching a young person who may have grown up in a more remote or highly homophobic area at the time when they needed to hear that they are OK just as they are. Ultimately saving them. God Bless and Keep it Up.
🙂❤️❤️ thank you
Well said!!!
Well said!
I totally agree with you. I'm only attracted to men who I felt are masculine, and I am not ashamed about it. No one should be ashamed or apologized for who they like.
I don’t associate masculinity with clothing styles, voice pitch, body types or interests. A man is masculine to me when he has his shit together, intellectually curious, owning up to his mistakes, knows his weaknesses and strive to be a better person. All this “straits” can exist both in feminine and masculine gay men. I couldn’t give two crap about if he watches drag race or have a high pitch voice. What attracts me to masculinity is responsibility and knowing oneself. It’s 2024 time to move on from assigning masculinity to certain behaviors or stereotypes
True but the LGBTQAI community judge people based on looks aka esthetics.
Women can do those things too.
I totally agree 👍
Great point.
The definition of masculinity you have described is applicable to Women too, however there are undeniable universal physical features that are recognized by most human kind ; And that is what the maker of this video is talking about.
Attraction is complex. Very interested topic to discuss and make a studies about.
Everybody enjoy their attraction and Smile ! :)
There is one match for each kind :)
Feminine people don't do that?
I'm a man and I prefer masculine men and feminine women. That's just my natural inclination and what turns me on, but people are free to be whoever. I'm okay with calling myself a (relatively) masculine bisexual man. Relative in that I don't do the things you describe but I do appreciate many things you would associate with that group. In general, however, I would consider myself masculine. I'm okay with that and see no need to change.
Wow. you're the 1st gay guy that I ever heard describe EXACTLY how I feel (the masculine thing, the only attracted to older masculine guys, the clothes, the outdoors, the lack of style, the lack of interest in gay clubs and dancing) I've always felt so isolated and out of place as a "masculine gay guy" thank you for sharing and showing me (and I'm sure lots of others that we're not alone) Much appreciated. Love your honesty....about everything.
@@bobby9882 ❤️❤️❤️ this makes me feel great you can relate
@@bobby9882 That's interesting. From my viewpoint, masculine men have taken over homosexuality.
As a gay guy I Really don't understand the whole age gap thing. I Personally prefer my own age but I don't mind if there is an age gap.
Growing up with a very feminine older brother and a father who can be feminine I made sure I didn’t pick up those traits. I know my father and brother secretly resent my masculinity. Nothing against the feminine, but like you I am not attracted to feminine men. I am 62 now and feel a lot of masculine men are closeted. I can’t seem to meet any who are in my age group. I don’t feel the need to reveal my sexuality except to close friends. Therefore all my masculine friends are straight. They know about me and are fine with it. I’ve met guys who appear masculine only to find out they are feminine once they show their true traits. How do you find a truly masculine man who happens to be gay?
@@phillippuckett5552 I agree with you 100%. It's very interesting when we don't fit the stereotypical persona. To answer your question, I don't know the best place......we met at the gym. We both had "masculine" jobs (police and construction) We never felt comfortable at gay bars or felt like we fit in. Most of the gay guys we are friends with are in the same professions and feel similarly.
It’s important to remember that toxic masculinity doesn’t refer to masculinity as a whole.
Toxic masculinity is feeling better than everyone else because you are masculine (generally lol). When people talk about toxic masculinity, they are attacking patriarchy and misogynistic ideas, not the entirety of masculinity. We are certainly in a transition period of what it means to be masculine, which is indeed causing confusion. Give people patience with their opinions and understand where they are coming from and why they might believe something!
Thank you ❤️
Nick, u come across as sweet, honest caring guy. U r more masculine than feminine but there r characteristics of your personality that most straight, masculine guys don't usually want to reveal, like being vulnerable and open to their feelings. I think u r finding your masculine and feminine traits of your personality. It s great because u r beginning to b a whole person and u r likable cause u r authentic! Keep up exploring and finding your true self.😊😊
Thank you Sam ❤️ that is an amazing point and I should have mentioned the feelings ughhh smh 🤦🏻♂️ i appreciate the love and support
Yes masculine gay men are more closeted than feminine gay men, and not necessarily by choice. If a feminine gay man wants to be out, practically all he has to do is stop suppressing his natural demeanor. But if a masculine gay man wants to be out, it requires constant signalling.
forgive me, but I missed a LOT of sleep last night.. What do you mean by "constant signalling?"
@@yossarian6799showing his attraction to the same sex it's not obvious so he has to make it that way
@@Vann20F thank you for explaining it. I still don't know what any of it means though.
@@yossarian6799 It means that if he doesn't say he is gay either by literally saying or making some kind of 'signal', a lot of people won't realize he is gay.
@@NantesdeAbreu well that describes me to a "T". I usually look for guys staring at my dlck to see who if they're willing to bite. Or I just straight up come on to them if nobody is around.
I'm a gay masculine man, who enjoys pretty things ( color, clothes, foodie, dance, ECT.). I never hid who I was, in that aspect, I was lucky. After the circle jerks were stopped, I was the target of attacks, both physical and psychological. It was that treatment,I believe, that shaped my masculine demeanor. For me...being masculine feels good - it feels powerful and I love that about other Men! My dad knew I was gay and my relatives did too and they never treated me as an outsider - they raised me to be me and allowed me to grow as a person & learn how to kick a lil ass. Femininity in a Man was viewed as weak and wasn't tolerated. I believe that type of upbringing shaped my masculine demeanor and preference.
@@keithjackson4086 That's very interesting. What I inferred from your comment is that you aren't only conscious about your masculinity, but your confidence and pride are specifically because of your masculinity. What is your true reaction to/opinion of a feminine [gay] man? Please be completely honest. Thank you!
Gay masculine are masculine but their voice is so feminine 😂😂😂
@@marlindagomez5766 oh so you know all the gay men in the world?
We're attracted to what we're attracted to. No one knows why -- but who cares why! We're in a toxic era that says masculinity is toxic. That generalization about all men is the same crap we heard about gay men 50 years ago. We're individuals. Most gay men are attracted to masculinity. We're not obvious like our flamboyant brothers but we're everywhere. Be yourself. That's sexy. That's happiness.
Yeah, its seem contant negativity towards masculinity and feminine guys nowadays. It seem modern society does not seem as inclusive or tolerant as it seem because people taste or preference tends to differ regardless of sexual orientations.
I'm only going to say this we should be looking after each other in our community rather than putting this label on each other whose masculine and whose effeminate at the end of the day you both need each other that's just that and you never know who you are going to need on your way down.
Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that masculinity is toxic. It means that certain behaviors are toxic. Basically, a-hole behaviors. Being a gentleman is still perfectly acceptable. Being strong is still perfectly acceptable.
No one is saying all men and there’s toxic masculinity period
@@jabbarhudson6569 But we also need to talk about what's going on and use the words available to us. You're right: Every LGBTQ institution we've created is about helping each other🙂
It's nice seeing other masculine dudes out there. Funny thing - they're way far away from me. Everything has taken a wild turn, and it's almost like the masculine has ultimately been sucked out of the community. Sucks cause im only into dudes who like being dudes. I've already prepared myself for being single for the rest of my life Cuz. No one seems to want a committed monogamous relationship either.
I have noticed that a LOT of gay men are becoming more and more superficial as technology allows us to connect with each other. Things like 'masculinity' and 'femininity' are superficial things... I mean if YOU wouldn't be fit and attractive, nobody would be looking at your videos. It's all about how you look and how you follow that ideal. If you are muscular you are followed and valued/complimented. Anything else is looked down upon or just ignored by EVERYONE. You'd be surprised that a lot of people who do this are average bodied people yet they want NOTHING else but muscular guys. I think it's fine to have a preference for certain things. In my case, for example, when it comes to muscles or masculinity, I have no preference. Im attracted to many types of guys. But I dont follow models and porn stars in social media so I dont have that wired into my head as an ideal. Plus I am very healthy and fertile (my family has lots of children) so I dont feel like I need a strong man to protect me or give my offspring good genes as mines are pretty strong. Most gay guys, however, have a HUGE list of superficial requirements. It is ridiculous and sad. Youth isnt eternal. Good looks are not eternal. Masculinity is not eternal. We all will age faster than we think and we will turn ugly and wrinkled. That's just life. No matter how hard you try to fight it, it is going to happen. So my advice as someone who has been on earth for quite a number of years longer than most people is: open your mind about your attractions. Don't just delete people because they dont follow ideals. There are a LOT of great guys out there who may be both fem and masculine and could make your heart pound harder and you are just "swiping left" on them for something so silly like if they like to go out dancing... maybe you can teach them to play basketball and they can teach you to dance. Stop being so closed minded. You will be miserable. The US has a culture of "I get what I want and I get to be picky about it because it is my right" and it takes people nowhere... lots of lonely sad men out there.
I think there’s more to it, the ‘communities’ become more politicised and hierarchical. There are instances where ‘what it means to be gay’ is being workshopped among academics and then getting pushed out into a captured audience.
Notable example, here in the UK our number one LGBT charity Stonewall changed its definition of homosexuality to include those ‘identifying’ as male… rendering the term meaningless.
Nick, thank you for sharing your experiences. I too grew up in a Baptist home; very conservative.
I came out in 1973. Was sexually abused and assaulted for being “effeminate” even by my basketball coach with threats of harm if I told anyone. So, bullying was a big part of my adolescence. However, I celebrate your life, I love you without ever having met you and I will always remember my experience to foster hope for the LGBTQ community. I’m married to my best friend and hero. We both served in the military. Lots of identical stories and we both have a strong faith in God.
I do know where you are coming from and again I appreciate you sharing this experience. And I should say, I appreciate you sharing your experience, strength, and hope: as a fellow recovering addict and alcoholic. We all have our past that have influenced us, and I am so proud of you bringing this to the forefront and asking the right questions. You have a remarkable story, which I am going to listen to after being teased from this video and I have subscribed. Keep sharing both how are you made it through puberty and adolescence coupled with your recovery.❤
Being a masculine gay man myself I still have certain friends that look very masculine but love to act silly or a bit feminine sometimes myself included. What I hate is when gay men are so homophobic they won’t have a thing to do with gay men that aren’t super masculine 24/7. My best friend is very feminine quite often when clowning around but is into looking good and taking care of themselves appearance wise.
Nothing annoys me more than gay men on sex/dating sights that say please be straight acting. That to me is very homophobic and shallow and I’d much prefer a man how’s comfortable being himself even if he likes bringing out that queer side of them. It’s healthy and natural. It’s even worse when gay men have such hang ups on top vs. bottom. I’m attracted to men and being versatile allows someone to experience the power behind sex between two men. Bottom8mg does not equate to being feminine. That’s absurd but so many gay men have such hang ups they can not ever just be themselves. Sadly gay men who do not support or are not friends with the rest of the LGBTQ community are missing out on meeting beautiful people. We are stronger when we support each other. I’m old enough to remember everything lesbians have done for gay men during the AIDS crisis.
This is a great topic to discuss but there are always those uptight gay men who snub anyone who isn’t masculine enough and has a perfect worked out body. That’s pathetic. If that’s what you want in a partner I understand but don’t act as if you are better than the rest of the gay community. This conversation often leads to men who are racist too and are blunt about it which is shallow too.
Still good video overall.
❤️😊
Thank you for your take. I've always felt guilty for being attracted to masculine men. I've never not loved every gay man in my community, but the deep attraction has been toward, well, those like you.
@@garywparks5797 Interesting. Why the guilt?
At the end of your section on coming out, you mentioned you not wanting to be perceived as the feminine gay. Now, I totally get that, but for me, I think what we have to think about is why is that perception affecting us like that no. Because we learn really quickly in society that being feminine as a guy is a bad thing? I think we have to try and fight that thinking. Even if you're the most. Masc/butch guy in the room, I think it's not the best if you think that even being perceived as feminine is a bad thing.
I do totally agree that if you're into more stereotypically masculine things, people are more often gonna assume that your straight and the inverse for more feminine guys and being into things like clubbing and theater and whatnot (again all stereotypes). Totally agree there. I think that's why it's always so good to see people that fit slightly outside of those boxes a bit.
As for what I'm personally into... I'm def also into more masc men and older (seemingly older). I'm kind of somewhere in between masculine and feminine myself, but I think again because of my interests and how I group up. I grew up in the northeast, was a black guy at a preppy white school, and tended to be into more outdoor and rugged activities. I feel like my attractions also have a lot to do with the activities I'm into.
Lol I'm done withh my TED talk now 🤗
I love this Ted Talk tho and I totally agree ❤️💯 thank you so much for the comment
I relate to a lot of what you have said here. Im 31, and only attracted to masculine older men. I have always wondered why this, and have come to conclusion that it is a personality thing which is related to our upbringing. No point in trying to change it. Just enjoy it.
As for the masc vs femme thing..i mean, it is what it is. We like men. Thats why we are gay. Some prefer more feminine and thats ok too. As long as we respect everyone and treat everyone as humans, i think we are good to go to pursue what makes us happy.
I wish we could talk more, because i feel like an oddball where i live. Thanks for your video.
❤️❤️❤️ dude hmu on instagram it’s in the description of the video clink on my link tree and it will take you there
I’ve always had this pressure put on me from my gay friends to be more effeminate/sassy. They expect me to love drag race, use female pronouns and other stuff. I’ve been told I dress as a straight guy. It’s just annoying that if you are attracted to men, you are expected to become a woman. Women treat you like you’re “one of the girls”. It’s like this unwritten rule that says if you like men you can’t be one, which is irritating.
That is the most bizarre and dumbest thing I have ever heard of. I’m 57 and I have never once said act more like a girl. That’s utterly ridiculous and I have never met someone who pushes such an agenda. I think that is your internalized homophobia pal. Just accept people for who they are and if you are looking for a masculine partner that’s your business and I prefer the same thing. But the rest of your post is appalling and wrong most every time.
Nick Just happy you survived and are so happy. Everyone is different enjoy the diversity.
oh Boy, there is a lot to unpack about your shared story. There are biases based on your experiences growing up and learning path, but also other's biases that have influenced your own biases (societal, political & religion) and how you reconcile both of them become another set of biases (what you call twisted way). First of all, what you are attracted to are based on your personal needs influenced by your childhood experiences (internal biases previously mentioned). Start by asking yourself the following: 1) What do you like and don't like about masculinity? what do you like and don't like about femininity? and how these answers align to your believes and wants. Keep in mind that there are physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual and cognitive needs and that is what makes each person different from another. The combination of these needs will direct how your attraction goes which will vary throughout your lifespan based on new experiences and changes to your own biases. For example, if you have more of an emotional need you might find a feminine guy more attractive than a masculine guy. If you have more of a cognitive need, it would not matter how feminine or masculine one might be attracted to. Chances are you will be attracted to what you didn't have but needed as a child or like in cases of Sexual abuse, you might be attracted to a similar type of perpetrator to identify as a grown up what you couldn't understand or done differently than when you were as a child and this can be a slippery slope without professional help. Bottom line is, try to understand where your attractions originate from and use that information to make better choices for you and those around you by understanding internal/external biases that could make you a better human being without hurting others or even yourself.
Sorry, but that's quite a patronising set of comments. You're assuming his tastes & preferences need to be changed. Attraction is largely chemical & varies by individual. It doesn't need to be explained or justified.
I gave an earlier comment - but wanted to come back and say - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS VIDEO ! ! ! I'm much older now, but it's GREAT to hear someone I can relate to!
@@boblossie3192 ❤️❤️❤️
You are a likeable fellow Nick, 63 life long fitness/body conscience, 43 yrs mechanic. I was so lucky to have had true love, 31 yrs together, now 3 yrs widowed, I chose to move forward and stay positive. I am in the best physical condition ever, stay the coarse Nick, I enjoyed the content.
Thank you ❤️🙏❤️ 31 years is incredible
@@AuthenNickDo you wrestle?
Nice
Interesting video, I’m a masculine guy in my late 40’s, I’ve always been attracted to masculine men, my ex husband was very masculine and we like sports and outdoor activities, however I do think everyone has masculine and feminine qualities, humans are more complex then simple labels. Maybe it’s aging or the times have changed especially since I came out, but as you said it’s important to who people are inside, just find someone who has similar interest and values and who are caring, labels are so important!
Exactly! Everyone is attracted to different personality traits and that is okay. Gay doesnt have a monopoly on feminine or masculine.
Gay couple of 35 years with an adopted son.
We met when we were kids now we’re in our 50’s.
We always assumed we were different from the community, we’re very family oriented and love doing things outside.
For years we have been searching for a new home in Florida which has a shooting range and enjoy being around conservative Trump supporters.
The gay community is made up of many colors and we have to all except one another and our differences
@@thomasmead6898 It really seems like you're missing the point and that because you're comfortable with yourself and your own preferences and lifestyle, you're disregarding the hardships that other gays suffer, because they don't fit into your ideal.
@@1970MPC That's very interesting. How was the adoption process?
@@mattw4496 No , he's not.
Gotta say it's very interesting to talk about this topic on social networks. Personally, I have a greater attraction for masculine men, but in the 21st century we should understand that there are different types of masculinity. The level of internalized homophobia in the community is unfortunate, which has nothing to do with whether one is more attracted to masculine men. It is simply discrimination based on a personal complex. Greetings from Buenos Aires, Argentina
You're doing great..very real and sincere. As a licensed clinical therapist...I'd say just delight in who you are and all your beautiful attributes. The most important thing for each of us is to be a good loving person. Then it's so healthy that you acknowledge the gift of being a man. Then you are healthily understanding your uniqueness in your sexual orientation and your own special make up and specific attractions. Keep caring values first to guide all your goals and understanding of your total personhood. Peace and love!!
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
I've known many gay guys who look, act, speak and behave totally masculine in their day to day lives and at work, etc. But at a gay party, after a few drinks, they're camping it up with the best of them. But then that's really not the same thing as being fem, is it? Which begs the question, how much of our behavior is true to self and how much is "put on" in order to fit in with our community at large?
❤️❤️❤️ very true 🤔
Thank you for being you. Open, honest, sincere, and loving. ❤❤❤
I'm most attracted to men that I was around with during puberty and were my idols. Which were my hairy chested PE teacher and a gorgeous Latin Full Bearded Instructor. Both High School Teachers...
Latin, Greek, Turkish, and Italian men especially. Add a nice hairy chest with green eyes on the guy and I'm checking out his ring size....😊😊
Perhaps, more of a fetish?
I think you may be one of the few masculine gay men who sound like you've actually given that whole subject some thought. I'm a grandfather who came out late, at 45, not knowing a damn thing about how this gay thing worked. In those first few years, my learning curve was off the charts. I met so many wonderful gay men, some with a masculine bent and others distinctly more fem. I had friends in both camps. But in terms of physical attraction, the masculine guys won, hands down. I never really gave it any thought; I liked who I liked. I still have friends of both persuasions today and I really love the company of my fem friends; I laugh till my sides hurt. At the end of the day you don't owe anyone an explanation of your preferences.
Totally agree with your thinking I also like masculine men
It's surprising that gay men liking manly stuff surprises so many people.
I don't think in those "masculine VS feminine" terms but rather more in intellectualy honest or dishonest ... The problem starts when you want build up a whole identity out of your object of desire..
Nice video, I just wish we didn't automatically make fem guys seem lower on the totem pole by others, like how you mentioned the others said "you're the coolest gay guy I know" without giving the others a chance
Yesss exactly 10000000% ❤️
I get it, I tend to be more attracted to masculine guys, too, but I also find that as I’m gotten older, my range of kinds of guys I can feel attracted to has expanded. So, these things might evolve and change (your tastes) as time goes by.
Good video. Masculinity and being sensitive to others I find is the way I define myself. I grew up in the Midwest in a conservative family and waited till I was 67 to come out. Im glad that you were able to do it while you are young. BTW, one of my favorite activities is fishing.
You posed a lot of questions to your audience toward the end of your video. 🙂
I just wanted to first say that I relate to your upbringing and being scared to be open about your orientation. I was raised in Iowa, my parents are also split up, and my mother is a born-again Christian. To this very day, I am STILL not out to my dad, and I am FORTY! Seems like we have a dont-ask-dont-tell policy between us.
Anyways, I consider myself middle-of-the-road on the whole masc to fem scale. Not a walking jar of testosterone but not the bell of the ball either LOL. I do think that masc gay men are definitely much more likely to be in the closet because a lot of people believe that being a homosexual man is an automatic forfeiture of your masculinity.
Lastly, you are very cute. The dark hair and dark eyes with that smile/mouth do it for me. 😉
❤️❤️❤️ thank you
@@AuthenNick Anytime bud! 😉
Where do you reside if I may ask?
Very well articulated. A good friend, years ago, advised me to think about the type of guy I wanted to attract and then be that man. Very simple. So because have been and always will be attracted to masculine men that that is how I crafted the way I look, behave and speak. Sexually, effeminate men do nothing for me. I've been told on a few occasions that if people didn't know I was gay, they'd assume I was straight etc. I don't "act" straight or masculine, I AM masculine. The utter beauty of two masculine men deeply loving each other is like nothing I've ever seen. Like another user commented down below, be open to meeting all types and don't rule them out but be true to yourself with what you are physically attracted to!
@@gerardamerongen4209 Do you find any contradictions in what you said here?
@@mattw4496 no sir
First thing, I am an older masculine man that would love to go out with you. Otherwise, your right everybody's different but I definitely think who, where, and what your surroundings were growing up definitely influences what type attracts you but you have to try to keep an openness to others who are not as masculine because they might have more in common with you than any masculine man will. My boyfriend who is 20 years younger than me is going to the same situation you went through. He does drugs and drinks just to hide who he really is living in a small southern town with 2 different family dynamics. But I'm glad you finally became at peace with yourself and can be yourself
I’m glad to have met a transparent wholesome influencer. I,really appreciate and respect your story.. thanks
As a bi guy, I think environment partly factor into it as well. As ex-evangelical, I saw more masculine, outdoorsy men, or neutral men at the churches I attended over the years. I feel like I am more attracted to those type of men. I don't think southern baptist churches are known for their dancing. In one church I visited, dancing wasn't allowed.
I grew up in PA's Lehigh Valley with blue-collar men working in steel mills, factories, slate quarries and coal mines. My Dad was a professional but even the men in management were masculine outdoorsy men in suits instead of boots. I also had two older rough-and-tumble jock / prom king Alpha male older brothers. I believe my environment shaped my sexual development, or at least my taste in men, but it's hard to say if my environment shaped my own behavior, or if it's just natural.
I'm interested to know if and how environment affected fem guys. Certainly there are fem guys who grew up in the same environments that masc guys did. I also wonder how the relationship with parents and siblings affect you. I had a very doting, affectionate father who was still very much a man's man.
I related a lot to your experience. I was raised Baptist, homeschooled even till 12, I was outed at the end of high school, then I moved to a big city for college. Being out in college I felt I had to be more feminine to be understood or to not confuse people. I felt I always needed to make it obvious I was gay so I would just act gayer than I was when meeting people to make girls more comfortable and let men have an immediate chance to either hate me or accept me. I stopped doing this when I got back in touch with my masculinity and developed really strong bond with some male friends that I hadn’t been close to since before coming out. It really changed my life to have found these friends, they taught me a lot about love and loyalty and they really accepted me for me. With pressure taken off I found I’m actually quite masculine in my demeanor and a lot of my hobbies (though I love to dance and my style is pretty good if I do say so). Now I’m really comfortable in my masculinity and femininity :)
Love this ❤️❤️❤️ so glad you were able to break free ⛓️💥
I’m masc presenting but I also embrace my feminine energy more so now that I’ve fully accepted the whole me. I think there is currency and privilege in being masculine that some gay men desire in more ways than one. Some also envy it as well.
I totally get that ❤️ thank you 🙏
Thanks for sharing your story. I grew up in small town as conservative southern Baptist. It is nice to hear others stories with similar background.
Great discussion. I personally think queer people should avoid the straight-acting descriptor and use the word 'masculine' instead. They might be synonyms but I dislike the idea of both 'acting' and of chasing a straight ideal. I can be queer and masculine and that feels both authentic and healthy for me.
Love love this explanation. Personally for me i can be both but i gravitate toward more feminine as i love dressing up and going out with the girls. I think is all about like you mention the environment you grew up with. I came out at 24 but most of my friend knew and accepted and my parents over time did too as they knew i was like this for a long time
I’m attracted to older people because they tend to have their shit together. They tend to have either a solid career or an established retirement. They tend to have their know finances in order. They tend to know who they are. They tend to have created whatever it is, they’re going to create, they don’t have time for games. They are more direct and honest about what they want and how they feel. And once you hit a certain age, you don’t even want to deal with any of the drama. You just wanna have a relationship and enjoy life. Those things are appealing to me. I have always liked direct and what kind of people.
I have found over the years of coming out at 15 And experiencing and living within the gay community I found my chosen family in other words... I found myself reminding myself through the ears to do the one thing that I think it's important for everyone to do and that is to remind yourself to be yourself regardless what your sexuality is what your beliefs are. And yes at a point I really did have to concentrate on that to really understand it. That was when I started relaxing and understanding myself and also I felt I was understanding everyone around me. Being comfortable and understanding who is in your own skin is very important I believe And being important in your growth experiences. I found I got closer with the friends that I could talk about this too and they understanding and also the honesty that forms between you , your friends and family.I too have always been attracted to older men and I believe that this was because I relate with my being more relaxed with my own being with maturity and feeling having more in common. I do not and have never seen this as being bitter or worse not good or bad...right or wrong. Being comfortable with yourself is most important with ones intellectual growth....just my opinion.
Omg I love this ❤️❤️❤️ so true
I was going to mention this. This gay appears to have come out in his mid twenties. It's very different to go through middle school gay and already be out before you are an adult.
Thank you for yo openness,and being candid
You seem like such a cool guy! Welcome to the community. I’m also a relatively masculine guy too, even though I’m also a theatre and literature geek, haha.
My attitude is always like “you do you.”
In any case, good luck in your journey and welcome, brother!
Thank you so much 😊 welcome ❤️
Thank you for doing this video and sharing your experience. I missed a few of your recent videos. You went on a trip. You have had a journey with your stages of coming out as well. Look at where you are today in 2024. You are doing just fine. Continue on your journey of progress.
❤️❤️❤️ thank bud you have been here with from the beginning 😀
@@AuthenNick You are most welcome. It is an interesting world we all navigate in the gay community.
Ok, I am one of those gay guys who you could call “masculine.” In other words, you could never tell I am gay unless I told you. I also don’t understand feminine gay guys-not insulting them; I just don’t get how that works, for I am just a typical boy who is attracted to boys. It’s not a choice. But I am tired of the gay community being divided into all these tribes. It’s divides people, creates high expectations, and I don’t really fall into any of them. I am just me.
Hi Nick. I really enjoyed this video. Thanks for sharing it. Honestly, who doesn't love a macho man!😊
Here's my take as a baby gay. I just passed my one year anniversary of coming out.
If you asked me a year ago what kind of guy was "my type," I would have certainly said masc and straight-presenting. In current day, I dont know if that holds up 100%. I was raised in hispanic 'machismo' culture and I was never exposed to gay people. This came with a lot of emotional baggage as an adult because I was raised to believe that the feminine aspects of my personality were inherently 'bad.' As a result, I do think that my initial lean toward straight presenting men was a direct result of my upbringing. They represented the kind of man I was always told I was supposed to be.
I believe there is a larger conversation to be had about this as it relates to gay men and the community's immense focus on outward appearances. It would be foolish to write off physical attraction as an integral aspect of a romantic relationships as some tend to do. However, the community has hyper fixated on this and turned it up to eleven. I see it done all too often and I am still guilty of it myself. Looking at someone and writing them off as a romantic interest solely because they present "too feminine." In this case you can extend the dealbreaker to anything that doesn't fit the gay community's ideal beauty standards. I was a late-bloomer. I never felt attractive until a few years ago, and even then it's a constant struggle with body image and feeling desirable.
Speaking anecdotally, the masc gay men that I've been around sometimes seem to make their masculinity the focal point of their personality. It's all about how they don't watch drag race or listen to pop music. As I continue to navigate the gay community, I find that outward appearances just don't cut it anymore. I've been pursued by objectively attractive men but have ended up cutting it off, as it becomes apparent that they don't have a personality outside of vanity. Like most things in life, there is a balance. Any time someone feels like a caricature of gay extremes, whether hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine, I find myself checking out mentally. Lately I've placed a lot of emphasis on learning about people first and ignoring what is easily perceived on the surface. I want to know what sets your soul on fire. What are you passionate about? What do you hope to accomplish in this life? Consequently, I've found myself attracted to men that possess more feminine traits. However, in this case their outward presentation didn't matter to me.
As I continue to heal from my childhood trauma, it's becoming apparent that it has irrevocably shaped the kind of men I am attracted to. As I unravel the past I am slowly learning to let go of the man my family expected me to become. In doing so, I am also letting go of the idea of a hyper masculine man being the end all be all. I encourage all the men who vehemently champion masculine presenting men to really ask themselves why they think that is. In my case it has revealed some unresolved internalized homophobia and areas of myself that still needed healing.
This isn't to say that a person who prefers masculine presenting men is a product of trauma. I think its natural to have preferences. I believe it could be something deeper when they proudly state that they only date straight presenting. People are allowed to do whatever they want. However, I personally find it counterintuitive to limit your connections to only those who fit your desired surface level traits. As much as I've struggled to find true love, I actually feel very optimistic from having learned these lessons. I know that the right man for me is out there. The kind of love I want exists... because I exist and I'm full of it.
If anyone actually reads all of this rambling, here's a cookie :) 🍪
Thank you so much and thanks for the cookie lol 😂
What the community forgets is that masculinity is an energy and it’s an inside job. You can’t extract masculinity from other men….
Wow...I loved listening to what you had to say on this topic. It was very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us. Maybe you can't sing, but your voice is very calm and attractive, as are those brown eyes.
❤️💕🙂
I don't try and shove my gayness in people's faces, but I'm definitely attracted to masc men. I have a habit of falling for straight men. It's so hard to find a masc gay man and have him be interested in you. I know the struggle.
Older gay man (60yrs) attracted to older gay men because I hoped older gay men could give me some direction in living a gay life. Unfortunately, we all have to sort out what is most important in our own lives. Freedom comes with a catch. No rules, even when you would prefer their were. It leads to many gay men feeling lost.
Orientation is who attracts you. Masculine vs feminine is gender. We all have a sex, an orientation, and a gender. Mixed and matched in every possible way.
Attraction to masculinity is ingrained in males gay and straight. It's the dominant model pounded into us from birth. Atypical gender is far more visible than atypical orientation. Those are the people who struggle most with bullying and discrimination. Don't contribute to it.
Keep up the conversation!
when i first came out to my best friend which is also gay and to my mother both of them didn't believe me. Mom said that when i was younger, like 5-8 years of age i used to talk and fight like girls but later it changed so she couldn't comprehend the fact that i am gay . yes i can say with full confidence that if i go outside noone can say that i am gay. i think it's because in media gay people are shown as more faminine, so most people think that all gay people wear girly clothes, show hand gestures , talk like girls, flirt with every other guy they see on the road, bitching about others etc and i don't do any of that. Even if don't look gay my interest and hobbies are somewhat traditional gay like . i like reading, writing,art, singing, dancing, shoping, cooking etc. i don't like most of the sports and i also have a few masculine interests like -i like biking, fishing, playing football only with my lil brother, gaming, boxing and working out, chopping wood etc. i may like more masculine activities but i haven't tried many . But my voice is not very deep, it's not entirely like a girl but it's soft. Noone have said to me that my voice is faminine but i feel that it's the only superficial thing by which one can tell that i am gay.
English isn't my 1st language so forgive me if i have written something wrong😂🙏🏼
Thank you for every word you said. Where were you when I needed you?! :) I have an enormous amount of love and respect for you.
Thank you 😊 ❤️
You are astonishingly handsome!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜😍 Plus, I 100% agree with what you're saying!!! 💯%
I think your eyes seek out what you’re attracted to, and also what you’re presented with. If I grew up in Detroit, I might have been more attracted to black men, if I grew up in Hong Kong, I might be more attracted to Asians, but I grew up in a city in California that was predominantly white. I grew up admiring the athletes and their physiques, so I put the piano away and played basketball, not to fit in, but because I genuinely liked the sport. I was good, so it forced me into interactions with jocks, who I modeled some of my behavior. I got told one time I ran kind of gay and that I sounded gay, didn’t happen a lot, but enough to feel like I needed to straighten up so to speak. This trajectory lead me to hanging out with the jocks and not hanging out with the theatre or drama kids. I was attracted to the guys I hung out with and those just happened to be the jocks.
I think masculine gay men have a much harder time with the coming out process. It’s because they are treated like a straight guy, the expectations are to have a girlfriend and marry, the more effeminate men are called gay or sissy before they even understand their own sexuality. I didn’t want that scrutiny or homophobic treatment so I played the part of high school jock. That truly was a big part of me that was real, but I couldn’t share all of me. People treated me like I was straight so I felt I had to be. When you can pass as straight and your family friends and community see you as that, it makes it harder to come out.
What an interesting experience! I had the opposite! I thought that I was _supposed_ to be feminine because I’m gay. Turns out that it wasnt who I was and that I was acting like someone I wasnt. I embraced myself because those who matter, dont mind…and those who mind, dont matter.
@@chrisjackson8151 Interesting subject, both of you. I've always wondered why some gay guys are femmy and others masc, and to what extent they were acting it out rather than being who they are deep down. I've heard a lot of femmy guys (not that I know personally, but on TV etc) say they've been that way from an early age and everyone around them knew before they did, so I had to wonder, did those of us who aren't femmy decide at some point to suppress our femmy side and then got real good at it? But then you say you were the opposite, playing the femmy part. To my recollection I've never tried to be either, but I come across more on the masc side and my attraction leans more toward the jocks but not bearded leather guys or bears, cops of cowboys. Clean cut and athletic (or at least fit the image somewhat), and no put-on masc or fem mannerisms, has always been what does it for me. But there is something to be said for femmy guys - practically advertising the fact that they are guy I guess means they would be less lonely than us invisible 'normals' unless they have too narrow a concept of what they want in a boyfriend or friends in general.
@@skeebz77 Very honest. So, what is the resolve?
@@mattw4496 that much of who we are goes back to our upbringing and our reactions to certain events. It may be good to introspect, and challenge why we think what we think and do what we do🤷
I agree with you. I have always been a masc for a masc, dude. I like hanging out and cutting up with my feminine friends. I’m just not attracted to them sexually. on my end, I don’t think anything has happened to caused me to feel this way. It’s just what I am attracted to.
99% of my friends are straight, Just seem to rather hang out with them than my gay friends.
me too
@@michaelussher8876 me too
I know like 2 other gay people well enough to consider them friends. Other than that my friends are all straight. My best friend is straight.
But my sexuality was screwed up for the longest time by sexual assault and mental health issues that made me sex averse and actively avoidant of social encounters with people who might see me in a sexual light so that probably has a lot to do with it.
I'm from Tanzanié 🇹🇿
And in my case
Most of my straight friends didn't react so nice once I told them I'm gay
A few asked for money as I asked them for sex/ cuddling and all
And up to date I consider one who broke my virginity as Messiah
He's the only one who saved my soul from getting lost from all homophobic pressure around me
He's more than a brother to me
I will always love him ❤
Btw this very brother of mine is masculine straight fella whose 🍆is too massive compared to how lean he looks
It's too big like 7 inches and too thick
He's a father of two
OMG everytime I miss him
I masturbate with absolute ease thinking of how he used to handle me with grace and love so sweet 🥺
(his babymama is super lucky in bed with him)
Yep
You gotta love yourself first and foremost and you sound like a really cool guy. Im 32 and gay and can love anyone, regardless of sexuality.
Hi, first time seeing your video. I am a gay man of 79 and have always been attracted to masculine men. Have always been into the gym, rugby etc and that's the type of group of men who became my mates. I am absolutely not attracted to feminine guys and feel that I would be straight if I wanted feminine company.
True words. 👍
It's cool to hear another gay man that spearfishes. Spearfisher here in utah. I have a similar story where one of my friends was telling how he doesn't choose to sound feminine and he wouldn't have chosen if he had the choice since he was bullied for it. It broke my heart but also made me realize that it's cool to have preferences but just respect everyone.
@@emmanuelgatica4998 ❤️❤️❤️ hey thanks for commenting I’ve never been to Utah but hopefully one day!! Respect everyone is the Answer 🙏💯❤️
MASCULINITY IS NOT TOXIC.
MASCULINITY IS INTOXICATING.
dont tell me you haven't been drunk with attraction for a hot man.
All my friends are masculine and mostly bodybuilders. No one would ever guess they were gay.
We would not be caught dead at a pride parade or being flashy. Our bodies speak for themselves.
Im a masculine man who always liked masculine men, have had mostly straight friends. Have always been romantically and sexually am into men. In early 20’s I tried to be in the gay world . After a few years of immersion into gayness I learned that it wasn’t my tribe , not having anything in common with it except for attraction to men. I never described myself as gay since those early days because it didn’t define me or my lifestyle and went my own way. Friends have been a mix of every kind of people straight , gay including fem, drag, and trans , and masc gays. Most encounters have been with men who have sex with men who like the activity or sexual behavior but are not necessarily attracted to me or romantically attracted to men. I am very atypical and know that this is all hard to understand eso by gay men who too often have very circumscribed ideas about male sexuality. I’m in a category of my own.
Gay is men into men. Masculinity personified ❤.
Yikes! 😬
I like masculinity. I want to be able to go outside and not be judged just walking down the street. I’m gay I like men. If I wanted feminine I would date a female. I’m Latino it’s our culture.
As long as you’re seen with another man and people know you’re in a MLM relationship, you will face judgment, regardless of how masculine you try to appear.
What a kind and decent human being. Saying what you said in asking for decency in peoples comments was incredible. So many people say mean, aggressively horrible things in their comments because they are savely sitting in their little cubby holes saying anything because they are not close enough to get punched right in the nose. Rudeness is too normal with the internet. Kudos to you. You have taken every word out of my mouth. you've describe my way of thinking and living to a tee. Escept I am a great dancer. I am the only gay man I know who is a fanatic Buffalo bills fan and watches football all the time. I grew up catching snakes, frogs, snapping turtles, bees and spiders. I absolutely believe you are right on the butten for why I am and always have been attracted to masculine men. If I were attracted to womwn I'd be with one as women hav always been attreacted to me all my life and I always had the super pretty, popular girlfriend nut looked at men wirh desire. you nailed wxactly how I feel.
Feel the same way! Many man like masculine guys, I totally understand that everyone can behave and be as they want but at the sexual moment I prefer some one masculine it’s just what I like but as you said that doesn’t mean we don’t like other types it’s just that we have a stronger preference on masc guys!
There is always a one degree of separation on sexual orientation for every individual.
a bit of a memo from a lot of other gay men whose dating partner is reasonably older to the pairing. those guys on the younger side usually say that it's all related to daddy-issues... which is mostly caused by an absent father or emotional neglect from that said parent.
Key word …. USUALLY 😂
@@AuthenNickoh boy I got u hehe...yeah many derivatives, it's tough... but it's personal to you no need to shared too. 😉💪
great hugs from Rio, Brazil! btw I've been loving ur content, keep up with the great work!
I can relate to most half of this video ❤ u are not alone ❤
I appreciate your videos, as I have struggled.
Thank you, I hope my videos help 😊❤️
Attraction is outward appearance, their first impression looks, the way they move, the way they treat others and the way they make you feel. Everyone's definition of masculine or feminine is different depending on what they think of as masc or fem. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. And don't ever let anyone tell you who to be attracted to, for if you do you might as well go back into the closet though I think that was the reason you came out of the closet in the first place. If someone you are attracted to is not attracted to you, move on. You will never be happy with someone who isn't happy with you.
You be you, Nick, no one else can. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, it's very true. Felt / feeling the same.
Sadly, there are so many stereotypes and labels in our community.
I totally get it. My faith is vitally important to me. We weren't allowed to dance in our youth, so I just never caught onto it or developed an interest. I was also in the most amazing age-gap relationship (24 years difference) until my beloved died very unexpectedly. And though I know a good many guys who demonstrate some feminine characteristics, and can value their friendships, I am never attracted to them. So I pursue the things I enjoy: hiking, biking, swimming, gardening, landscaping, camping, fishing, and so much more. If the right guy comes into my life then my heart is very open to loving again, but I am not wasting any time seeking that partner. i have recently retired and am enjoying settling into new roles and endeavors.
@@chefjch ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love this speak on real things
❤️❤️❤️
I am attracted to masculine men.. like you!
How did you deal with reconciling your faith with your sexuality? I’m 66yo and still have very strong conflicts about this.
To be honest with you I’m still working on it daily but it’s hard to rewire your thinking about that especially if it was drilled into you growing up
I like to hang out w any type that are not toxic , and I have being w different types . I believe that when you pass that door is about the energy bw the 2 people envolved . However , I tend to be more attractive to a man that’s more toward the masculine side . Again , for me It is all about the energy that flows right from the moment I see that person , and I take it from there . One thing , Voice for some reason is essential after I see that individual . Why? Do not know , but that’s what it’s . Even if it’s for one night stand .
You're a lovely guy
Keep posting!
Regards from South Africa 🇿🇦
❤️❤️❤️ thank you
Thanks for making these videos. The issue of 'passing' is a real issue in many different communities. Yeah, there many be some element of honesty or authenticity that is wrapped up in passing. But, when same sex marriage is illegal or gay relationships get you fired or ostracized or arrested, the motivation to pass gets real clear. Even when being read as gay (read your beads) comes with social assumptions that are dismissive, patronizing, etc. you'd just as soon avoid that mess. So when you don't or can't pass for whatever reason? But let's be clear: this is not about "masculinity" or whatever, its about society and the oppression of minorities.
- Though I don't know you, I believe that you may have certain "feminine" characteristics such as kindness, sensitivity, and intelligence. Conversely, drag queens may exhibit certain "masculine" characteristics such as the ability to withstand negative environments with tenacity. I wonder if your determination of whether somebody is masculine or feminine, is more focused on the external versus their internal qualities and character. I know that I can often limit my perception of people in this manner.
Ohhhh this is a very good point I didn’t even think of that!! Thanks for commenting and showing love ❤️ 🤗
Why do you believe kindness, sensitivity, and intelligence are feminine characteristics? I find these traits to be very masculine. I would argue that the hyper masculine, alpha male persona is not authentic. They are just another form of drag performance from insecure males whether they be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.
What I would consider more masculine is what gender traits we would typically find in males biologically through masculinization of the brain, and more feminized would be gender traits we typically find in females.
Gendered interests are predicted by testosterone exposure in utero. Higher levels are associated with male-typical interests and behaviours, regardless of whether the baby is male or female. These include a preference for mechanically interesting objects and systemizing occupations in adulthood. Lower levels are associated with a preference for people orientated activities and occupations. stemming from evolutionary roots. Women. who are tasked with the role of bearing children, evolved to be more sociable, empathic, and people focused, while men, as hunter-gatherers, were rewarded for strong visuopatial skills and ability to build and use tools.
Homosexual men and women on average tend to have more gender traits typical of the opposite sex and on average gender non-conforming people are more likely to be homosexual.
Social and biological changes over a long term may have influnces on the prevalence of homosexuality. Human nature has changed over the course of the long malthusian era between the agrarian revolution(which took place about 10,000 years ago) and the industrial revolution(which started 18th centry) during this time, social factors promoted the reproductive success of people who were less violence-prone and more disposed to care for their children. The spread of the "feminizing" genes could well be the mechanism that accomplished this change. A study found that a minority of straight people share a predisposing factor with gay people of the same sex. It's lkely this predisposing factor is one that predicts gender nonconformity in childhood and/or in adulthood. It has been hypothesized that homosexuality results from inhereting a set of several feminizing genes. If this hypothesis is correct, the straight men who share a predisposing factor with gay men might be those who have inherited some of these feminizing genes, but not enough to make them gay.
Male homosexuality is no just an isolated trait but rather part of a package of gender variant traits, If a man inherits a few of these genes, he will have some feminine characteristics, which might include increased empathy and kindness, decreased aggressivness and the like, These genes increase his attractivness to women, permitting him more sexual access and thus offering him the likelihood of having more offspring. If a man inherits all of these genes, however, he will be feminized to the point of homosexuality, and his reproductive success will drop markedly. Because each feminizing gene is present in many more straight men than gay men it only has to raise each straight man's reproductive success by a small amount to compensate for the lowered reproductive success of gay men.
It's believed that gay men, during some point in fetal life, were exposed to unusually low levels of androgens, which allowed their hypothalamic circuits to develop in a female-typical direction. It's believed genes help set these levels but it's still unsure which genes these are. In general, few major genes have been identified in the field of behavioral genetics; most heritable psychological traits seem to be influenced by multiple genes, each of modest effect. This could well be true for sexual orientation too. If so, different individuals might carry different complements of “gay genes” and thus exhibit different kinds of homosexuality for example some more gender non conforming than others. And single genes might be decisive in some families but play no role in others. Genes are involved one way or another in the pathway by which sex hormones influence their target tissues.
If testosterone levels during a critical prenatal period are high , the brain is organized in such a way that the person is predisposed to become typically masculine in a variety of gendered traits, including sexual attraction to females. If testosterone levels are low during that same time period, the brain is organized in such a way that the person is predisposed to become typically feminine in gendered traits, including sexual attraction to males.
Boys, are typically exposed to higher levels of testosterone in the womb, and tend to gravitate toward mechanical toys and ,mechanically interesting activities, like playing with wheeled toys, trucks and related occupations in adulthood. and being sexually attracted to women upon reaching puberty. A boy who is exposed to lower levels of is more likely to be female-typical when he is born, gravitating toward toys and activities that girls prefer, since girls are also generally exposed to lower levels of testosterone. He will also be sexually attracted to men in adulthood. Testosterone is needed to “masculinize” a prenatal brain; if that doesn’t happen, the child will grow up to desire men.
The same can be said for girls who experience high levels of testosterone exposure. As shown in girls with congenital adrenal hyperplasia, even if their parents give them more encouragement for playing with dolls, they will still prefer toys typical to boys because greater exposure to testosterone in utero is associated with male-typical interests. Rough-and-tumble play, which is behavior typically seen in little boys, is less common in gay men and more common in lesbian women, due to lesser and greater masculinization of the brain.. Childhood gender nonconformity refers to sex-atypical behaviours, interests, hobbies, activity levels, and play partner preferences before the age of 12. 75% of boys demonstrating CGN will grow up to be gay or bisexual due to the prenatal environment and the extent to which hormones masculinized the developing brain. Pre gay children are gender nonconformists in a variety of traits, including phyisical aggressivness, engagement in rough and tumble play and sports, interest and peers they prefer the company of.
Brains that are exposed to lower levels of testosterone, are more efficient at empathizing. Girls show a preference for socially engaging activities and occupations. This difference between children regarding preferences for people versus things is detectable within the first two days of life. Baby girls preferred looking at their caregivers’ faces and baby boys preferred looking at mechanical mobiles. The male superiority in mental rotation is evident by 3-5months of age. Difference in toy preference are evident at 3-8 months of age. Many of the sex differences exist widely across different countries and cultures, AND also gendered in non humans primates and other mammals. No matter how much freedom a child is given, most will, time and time again, pick out gender-typical toys to play with and exhibit personality traits typical of their sex. . A girl or boy who is gender-atypical will turn away from these cues if they're truly not interested.
The association between sexual orientation and other gendered traits arises because all these traits differentiate under the influence of a common biological process-the sexual differentiation of the brain under the influence of sex hormones.The mind of the average gay individual is a patch work of gendered traits, some indistinguishable from same-sex peers, some shifted past way toward the other sex, and others typical of the other sex. Sexual orientation is an aspect of gender that emerges from the prenatal sexual differentiation of the brain. Whether a person ends up gay or straight depends in large part on how this process of biological differentiation goes forward, with the lead actors being genes, sex hormones and the brain systems that are influenced by them. The organisational effects of hormones on the brain prior to birth have permanent effects.
Neuroscientific studies have shown that the brains of lesbians are partially masculinized and gay mens partially feminized. Patterns of brain organisation appear similar between gay men and heterosexual women and between lesbian women and heterosexual men. Gay men appear, on average, more “female typical” in brain pattern responses and lesbian women are more “male typical”. Differences in brain organisation mean differences in psychology and study after study show differences in cognition between heterosexual and gay people. Gay mens brains are also structured like those of heterosexual females and lesbians structured similar to heterosexual mens.
Gay men and lesbians can also have gender shifted occupational preferences and also in instrumentailty, empathy, expressivness, and aesthetic/technological interests. Gay men and lesbians are gender shifted in a variety of male favoring-visuospatial traits such as mental rotation, targeting, and navigation, as well as female-favouring tasks such as verbal fluency and object location memory. Many of these functions, particularly the spatial skills and the verbal skills reside in different sides of the brain and they call it cerebral asymmetry, the asymmetry in the way the brain is organized. This asymmetry is determined and organized around the middle of pregnancy and these correlate very highly with who you are sexually. Sexual orientation is something that is hardwired before birth.
Im a gay man in my sixties. I remember back in the 1970s/ 80s when looking to meet people you either went to a gay venue or wrote to gay men who were looking to meet others in gay magazine classifieds . Some gay men would advertise that they want only masculine straight acting guys to reply to theur personal advert. They would say NO fems wanted. It was because they wanted to not be seen as being gay when out in public in a relationship.
I’m definitely attracted to masculine men. Well, it’s complicated. I prefer men that embrace their masculinity through sports, gym, and mannerisms, but I appreciate the “feminine features” like a big booty and chest.