Everyone trust this process, between the wisdom of rory and dating guy my ex reached out this morning, yourself comes first and everything else will follows, and im sure the F.A.B worked its ass off in my case cause i did some pretty shitty things, thank you gentlemen for your passion in what you do!
@@xtrekrex we been married 20yrs so there is a huge footprint here, we have kids so was 6months modified NC. You have to get to a place where your completely ok w letting them go, i listened rory and dg videos 10 to 15 times each, unlike corey waynes book lol, take there advise like its gospel cause it is, thanks
Fantastic content that demolishes one of the big fears of every dumpee: 'What if they move on during no contact?' Well, that is exactly the point. You both move on from the old relationship. As life goes on, FAB kicks in, so you also move on from resentment. They think of you in a positive light again, you remove the need of them. It is a win-win. After year and a half of total NC I can not tell you enough why permanent NC and personal growth is the only way to go for the big price. Yes, I still love her after this time, but from a very different place. Instead of the initial needy place of rejection and hurt, to the empathy and compassion for the way she did things (I fucked up and she run away like an elephant in a glassware shop). In the end, our old partners also have a path to walk. They are as flawed as we were, they also trying to understand where happiness is. Don't look down on them because they may have not evolved as much, they will speed up the process as life goes on. Like we did. Over time, the pain will subside and you will feel gratitude for all that you have learned. Simply put, trust in life, don't force it. Sit back, relax and keep learning. Life is a thick book and you don't need to know the outcome yet, right? ;)
@@77dris Yes, indeed. I think sometimes we overlook the fact that the other person evolves at a different pace than us, so it may take lots of time for them to get a proper perspective over their decision. Like us, they are not perfect, they can also make mistakes, so eventually, time will make some of them to review their past, or at least, to try to make peace with it. Some others will never grow enough as to get to that point of forgiveness, and some others will simply confirm they did the right thing. Time will tell. For good or bad, we need to let them walk at their own pace while we keep learning and trying our best shot at life, without holding back. I am convinced life will bring us the right thing, as we keep doing the right thing too. :)
Child birth is a good example. If you remembered the pain you would never do it again. But you forget all the pain and agony and just remember the joy.
I like this video because it brings science into romance. I like to understand feelings on a clinical level because it helps me to think clearly and understand the situation.
I never want to get back with my ex aver after what she did to me, BUT I really miss the good times and the friendship before she cheated. :) that said, I am very happy with moving on
@Ruby Sipes if he cheated on you, you shouldn't let him back atleast not so easily otherwise you going to lose your self respect, sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love them we always have to put ourselves first
Great video topic coach! As a Psychology student, I have heard of this term and it was something I kept in mind/keep in mind with my ex. The past is all rosy and I certainly go through some days, perhaps if I am off work, where I want to go to the beach or I'm out running or skating where we used to walk. I get all sappy because the memories are lovely, but I don't think I could go for that with him again. Then the memories of the drug problems he had, the unresolved issues he has mentally come up and the fact he left me and practically cheated on me come up, after a year and a half together and I was there to help him get clean. Those memories are shot down. In addition to those rosy thoughts, I also tell myself that hindsight is 20/20 vision. Been single now for almost two years; no contact for...18 months. Had to think about that lol which is a wonderful sign. Ex came back from being away and living with the girl for only 9 months. He's back to where I work. We're in separate buildings, but face each other. He comes near mine now. I just continue to work. It's liberating!
Rory, you and The Dating Guy have been helping me get through this break up, 1 week in on no contact and I feel awful but you have my confidence up on another level. Got a new job, at an amazing bar. I’m focusing more in myself even though it’s extremely hard, I’m pushing on. Thank you.
I love the content and not just that; your voice is really soothing too. I wish the video be longer so that I can listen to it as I fall asleep. It will feel like I am not alone. Although I don't mind being alone, sometimes it feels great to have someone by our side.
I used to live in a condo with my family when I was a kid. The condo was not in a good condition and I was going through my painful public education period. Later we moved to a new apartment, which was a vastly better place to live and the old condo was demolished. I could never return to that place again. Yet, despite the fact that I had a rough time there, until this day I miss the old place like crazy. I often dream of it and in my dream think I still live there. Waking up from such dreams in disappointment is not fun. Merely thinking of that place where I could never physically be again arouse my strong urge to come back. I think the same thing applies here. But you have to cause them think that the relationship has been demolished completely into rubbles. You have to have discipline.
I love you, Rory!!!!!!!!! you're just AWESOME! Excellent video really makes you CRAVE to engage in no contact to BOTH WORK ON YOURSELF WHILE giving time!!!!!👍👌👍👌👍👌👍
Thank you so much Rory for all your efforts!!..your videos are like blessings!!..keep it up..👍👍👍if possible will you make a video on "do we completely move on from the pain of breakup"?
My rationale for looking at the past favorably is that, there was so much time (between then and now). This means that I was metaphysically safe even when I felt that I was not. When things seemed bad, they later led to something good, etc.
Rory great video. I must reach out anyway, it's been three months and she owes me a lot of money. Too bad i didn´t take care of that at the begining of the break up. Thank you for all your videos i learnt tons of stuff. Once i have my money back, i´ll be back to no contact and focused on my personal development. Asking for my stuff back is a part of this development.
And I threw up... as I’m eating my lunch 🤢😅 so true about f.a.b. My ex actually told me at one point she doesn’t recall the main reason we broke up our second time around (true story)
Not sure if my ex will have. He dumped me after 5yrs. He was so mean as he dumped me..don't understand. Only thing I had problems was him only texting or not texting when he'd leave for 3 hours just so I knew not to bother him when he was with his friends. I just got out of hospital and he did it 2 days before he was taking me away for a gift. He just bought new clothes week before. Spent $1200 on trip..non refund. Idk what happened. I think he's with his new coworker now. I'm broken
I haven't spoken to my ex wife in years, our 3 kids are adults now on their own. But occasionally I'll tell my kids about fun memories I have with their mother. She's not a great person, in fact two of her children decided to remove her from their lives. Usually if I talk about her with my kids it's about fond memories instead of the crappy things she's done over the years.
I had an ex bf I was for with 2 years and we argued a lot of him cheating. Eventually he ended up ghosting me and blaming be for everything he has done. After a year or so, he contacted me trying to make amends and how he regretted losing me. him and I are great friends now. Now we laugh at how young we were and the decisions made.
@soul searcher. I didn’t expect to hear from my ex again. I remember begging and pleading trying to get closure and I never got it from him. I had to listen and watch from a distance and hear from other people that my ex was forcing himself to move on. They force themselves and mask their pain. Often times they blame you. Just focus on yourself no matter how badly it hurts. I promise, time is on your side
@@elexismarie4943 i begged for closure too. And i got a sappy ass "its not you its me " he completely switched up on me right after he asked me about my past. He is religious with an iron will and thats why i have doubts. But thanks baby girl. Thanks for comforting me. Xoxo
The issue is that my ex realizes this, and chose to write down her reasons for breaking up on paper just in case doubts creep into the future.. Not so comforting knowing that she's trying to remember the 20% bad and neglecting to remember the 80% good. Not fair.
Does not mean that she won't interpret these words differently after a few months. I don't agree with things I wrote in comments a year ago. Feelings change.
What if she said she just didn’t want to talk anymore,over text.She said she liked when I walked up to her to try and get her back(this thing happened before). But I was done with her trying to leave me. So she started talking to my friends instead. I know she missed me because she would stare at me in the hallway wanting me to go and try to fix things. While I ignored everything she did,a friend had to block her because she stared being flirty with him. So what should I do(I’m just ignoring it right now...)
I know and I've experienced the fading affect bias many times but there's that one guy (my first ex) we were really close and had good times together but he cheated on me and i ended up hating him. It's been years but whenever i think about that guy i can never think of a good time and it never feels good to even think of him. Why is that?
Priyanka Chauhan my kids dad cheated on me, we had 12 years together and we have been separated for about 7 years. My hatred for him far outweights the good times I remember. I still do stuff with him and my kids all together. You would never know how much I loathe him. I think cheating is a special case.
I think the fading affect bias is working, but im the dumpee.. week 3 now of breakup and im doing way worse than week 1. Only remembering the love and good parts
Sorry to hear so. I am exactly in your shoes, my ex left me in March, blocked me and just cut me out of her life out of the blue without really a reason. I begged her a lot, and that pushed her away. I cannot imagine that she left me during this difficult time. I am surprised how human heart shift this way!
@@chevy2583 so sorry Zack. I know how you feel. Sending you love your way and hugs. I am just to the point to give up. He has done this several times in the past 5 years. I just don't know anymore. I feel like i don't even mean a single thing to him. Its almost May. ugh.. Just keep doing No Contact
So if she doesn’t reach out when you want there’s proof why they sometimes reach out two to three years down the road I’ve already know a little about this specific psychological phenomena having study it during my first semester in college but nevertheless excellent way to put it in layman’s terms in a language that everybody here can easily understand
Hi Rory, thanks for the video.. But I think the fading effect bias works only on dumpers.. Dumpees feel just the opposite.. As a dumpee i can say, after one year of breakup, i now have only negative feelings for my ex.. During the initial stages of breakup it was just the opposite..Now i am thinking why the hell i'd ever been in a relationship with such a loser.. Once the emotional attachment with our ex fades, the dumpee would start thinking of all the negative aspects of their ex.. This happened with all the other exes who dumped me.. And that negative feelings would stay forever in the dumpee's mind..
Lucas Orchard pick up a hobby. I know this sounds cliche but workout, download an app and track your stats every time you go for a run. Its not easy, but eventually it gets better
Love Chat - can you do a video on when your Ex-Fiancé has been in two back-to-back rebound relationships in one year after the breakup? I would greatly appreciate it!
Williewill 1 I had to Google what that meant. If that is the case, then that’s terrible. How does someone, throw away almost five years of being in a relationship to sleep with random guys. When she had stability. I was not perfect, and had plenty of flaws. But why would anyone subject themself to such uncertainty and abuse. Does she really think these guys are going to commit into a serious relationship. Most Alpha Males are “pumping and dumping.” And will keep the carrot dangling as long as they can until the woman grows weary and frustrated. Sad existence for my ex-fiancé.
Man, my ex gf reached out to me out of the blue. We broke up 3 years ago btw, and i suggest u to just focusing on ur self improvement. The point of NC it self is actually to growing ourselves. Even rn, i'm doing it with my new ex
The more we have no contact the more he is walking away... The freak has been breadcrumbing me with how are yous every week for a couple of weeks now... After almost two weeks of not hearing from him he sent me the how are you today.. When I replied he just read it and didn't even bother giving an OK response... What can I expect... He's a completely different person...tired of his shit...when we talked before he kind of brought up how I was when we were still together.. For someone who wants change...he seemed to have stuck himself in the past and bringing up old issues...how I acted in our relationship may not be a 100% quality of a good girlfriend but I don't dwell on my mistakes...I already recognized it and took responsibility... But in his case?throughout this breakup he has become an asshole and I never brought it up.. He has to recognize his own actions....if he can't then he's not using his brain and I'm glad I'm not attached to this insensitive,selfish person anymore
Interesting how the body & mind function as a means of survival, thanks Rory Can you do a vid on why ex,s reach out early during no contact with a second long apology, confusing guilty explanation & asking for forgiveness & friendship. I presume it’s namely guilt. I was nearly phased but refused to respond in length so offered a short quick friendly but aloof response after 6 hours & went back into no contact indefinitely. With thanks.
I wish I did this. My mistake was not getting hold of my anxiety when my ex reached out 2 weeks after I had done NC. He told me that despite still missing me, he could not and would not consider getting back together. I then asked him not to contact me again because I was so hurt. It's only been a week since and despite going NC indefinitely, I'm still in a lot of deep pain. 😞 Today was harder than usual.
EllyBelly Hi, the anxiety will get better in time, although may not feel like it at the moment. Go back into no contact indefinitely and stay strong, take each day at a time. It is painful but with NC you gain better perspective in the long run. How you will feel in 4 months time will be so different to what you feel now. Go on dates, spend time with friends & family to keep busy. It’s been three weeks since I went back in no contact since my ex reached out, he was just testing the waters to see my reaction. I remained aloof, did not speak about myself, just small talk, despite his long message of sorrow, guilt, apology & confusion... I refused to comment & reveal how I was feeling but kept it brief & friendly then I vanished. If he doesn’t reach out ever again then I missed a bullet. If he does reach out again I will repeat the above & go back into NC until he says something meaningful & truthful regarding reconciling. But by that time I may of moved on anyway. I think my ex regrets the breakup but will never admit it & wants us to be friends so he can keep me in his life. Little does he know I’m still moving on in my life slowly but surely. You will get stronger in time & your mindset will also If someone walks away ...let them go. I also made a mistake when my ex first reached out by being quick to respond after the first few messages but that doesn’t mean NC didn’t work. It does work trust me, to eliminate the anxiety for you or to get your ex back & it does take patience. x
@@sophiastuart4357 Thank you so much for this. I truly appreciate you going the extra mile with your comment. It's been a month since the BU for me and a little less than 2 weeks after going on NC indefinitely. I do sense a slow shift in me and have noticed the widened perspective on the past relationship like you talked about. I've seen things from his persective, mine, and that of objective people. I'm slowly seeing the puzzle pieces come together from the time it was wonderful, to the time it wasn't, and to the time he finally decided to end things. Like you, I also know he wants to remain friends because he had expressed it a few days after the BU. But it's beyond impossible to settle for friendship after having shared such a deep and profound romantic connection with that same person. A part of me wishes I wasn't so quick to ask him not to speak to me anymore, because knowing him and his lack of ill intent, I know he will honor my request through and through. Deep down, there's still that part of me that wishes he WOULD reach out if he has a change of heart and mind. Today I finally had the courage to unfollow him on all social media, and it felt liberating. I'm going to take care of myself more now and just try to focus on me one day at a time. My thoughts still go out to him every now and then, but the quiet desperation has been fading a little. I still have my relapses and big waves of pain, but I know it will get better. I hope you heal with grace. I hope we keep remembering how whole we are in and by ourselves. Thank you again.
EllyBelly Hi Thank you for sharing your experience. For me it is just over 4 weeks NC since my ex reached out. I feel liberated, stronger & able to see the situation before & after BU clearer than when I was wallowing in anxiety. I have days when I think of him wishing he would reach out again & the uncertainty plays on my mind but not every day now. I now don’t put my ex on a pedestal. He apologised before & asked for forgiveness but although I have, I did not tell him. I remain aloof, confident & friendly and that is how I will remain if he reaches out again. Until my ex says something to indicate reconciliation this is how I will remain. I think he will reach out again one day but I will not wait & put my life on hold for no one. My instincts feel as though he regrets & misses me but his ego will never allow himself to be honest. Even if he enters another relationship, I feel it will never be the same connection we had. That said, NC is the only way to ever know. If they reach out then you will know, if not then at least NC got us out of the desperation & anxiety. I went back on a dating site & one of my ex flames has reached out so I am focusing elsewhere. I am glad you are feeling stronger each week, don’t give up. Focus elsewhere & learn to love yourself as that is the greatest love of all & will protect your heart moving forward. We all have off days & we must all go through the pain to reach the other side but try not to have too many just occupy yourself in any way possible. NC will give you ex opportunity to respect you, miss you, reflect on you even if he doesn’t want you anymore there will come a day when I feel he will reach out to you for some reason but you don’t wait. Keep living and moving forward. There are so many fish in the sea. It is bitter sweet but it gets easier Bless
@@sophiastuart4357 Hi Sophia... Just thought I'd share something a bit difficult about my situation... (Thank you for your comforting words btw) We've been broken up for almost 2 months now, and I have been doing really well like you told me would happen. I was rebuilding my confidence, taking good care of myself, learning to treat myself through decent retail therapy, and even meeting new people. Someone even expressed interest in dating me (although I wasn't really into him). Suddenly, my bestfriend of 15 years died 3 days ago. I was suddenly thrown into a whirlwind of a different kind of grief and pain. My bestfriend was instrumental to my healing and I am *completely* debilitated once more. My ex reached out last night to express his condolences (he probably found out through my sister's social media) and let me know he was there for me anytime I needed to talk, etc. I remembered you and just gave a brief "Thank you". He followed up by saying he "cried the whole day", and shared in my grief. He knew my bestfriend too. I tried to stay as objective as possible about informing him about the details of her passing, etc. We kept the conversation very about 'her' and never us. After some time, I opened up a bit more about how my bestfriend's passing affected me. He just listened and empathized. Once the conversation dwindled, he started asking about my dog, I ended the conversation. He just said he meant it when he said he was "always going to be there" for me. And gave me a hug. Now I'm confused. I thought I was over him... but some tricky feelings resurfaced. Not sure if it's because I'm grieving and vulnerable. Not sure if it's because I feel how genuine and sincere he is about wanting me to be okay... I still love him (even after all this time of putting myself first)... but I also don't want to be friends. Sophia, do I just go back to NC? 😞
maybe you can do a manifest type video?? where people can fall asleep to a video something a few hours long even with info that goes onto repeat within the three hours. I would listen to it everynight too to fall asleep. Im so traumatized right now Ineed to hear voices like this all the time with me
I want to believe that this won’t happen with my most recent ex but I did briefly rebound with an ex from four years ago after the breakup, so maybe it does work haha. 😂😭💩
Everyone trust this process, between the wisdom of rory and dating guy my ex reached out this morning, yourself comes first and everything else will follows, and im sure the F.A.B worked its ass off in my case cause i did some pretty shitty things, thank you gentlemen for your passion in what you do!
May I ask how long it took for your ex to reach out?
Mine reached out but she didn't want me back. Approach with caution.
@@xtrekrex we been married 20yrs so there is a huge footprint here, we have kids so was 6months modified NC. You have to get to a place where your completely ok w letting them go, i listened rory and dg videos 10 to 15 times each, unlike corey waynes book lol, take there advise like its gospel cause it is, thanks
I think it only works if they haven’t moved on. Was told my ex has moved on, it’s been a little over 6 months NC. Is what it is.
My ex turned into a lesbian...she sure loved me. I feel like complete shit.
Fantastic content that demolishes one of the big fears of every dumpee: 'What if they move on during no contact?' Well, that is exactly the point. You both move on from the old relationship. As life goes on, FAB kicks in, so you also move on from resentment. They think of you in a positive light again, you remove the need of them. It is a win-win.
After year and a half of total NC I can not tell you enough why permanent NC and personal growth is the only way to go for the big price. Yes, I still love her after this time, but from a very different place. Instead of the initial needy place of rejection and hurt, to the empathy and compassion for the way she did things (I fucked up and she run away like an elephant in a glassware shop). In the end, our old partners also have a path to walk. They are as flawed as we were, they also trying to understand where happiness is. Don't look down on them because they may have not evolved as much, they will speed up the process as life goes on. Like we did. Over time, the pain will subside and you will feel gratitude for all that you have learned. Simply put, trust in life, don't force it. Sit back, relax and keep learning. Life is a thick book and you don't need to know the outcome yet, right? ;)
Very nice. It's sad to hear also that 18 months have passed and you still apart.
@@77dris Yes, indeed. I think sometimes we overlook the fact that the other person evolves at a different pace than us, so it may take lots of time for them to get a proper perspective over their decision. Like us, they are not perfect, they can also make mistakes, so eventually, time will make some of them to review their past, or at least, to try to make peace with it. Some others will never grow enough as to get to that point of forgiveness, and some others will simply confirm they did the right thing. Time will tell. For good or bad, we need to let them walk at their own pace while we keep learning and trying our best shot at life, without holding back. I am convinced life will bring us the right thing, as we keep doing the right thing too. :)
@@domingoalsina2303 any update from her? Has she contacted you finally?
Child birth is a good example. If you remembered the pain you would never do it again. But you forget all the pain and agony and just remember the joy.
I feel what Rory said is true I will miss my past relationship but miss doesn't mean you still want them back
I like this video because it brings science into romance. I like to understand feelings on a clinical level because it helps me to think clearly and understand the situation.
Love this comment, I agree so strongly
This is probably one major factor that reunites lovers after years of being apart.
I never want to get back with my ex aver after what she did to me, BUT I really miss the good times and the friendship before she cheated. :) that said, I am very happy with moving on
seegurke93 mine as well after I know the been cheated me I can't trust the person again so I decided to move on my life
Dont ever let her in your life again and u will be fine!
@Ruby Sipes if he cheated on you, you shouldn't let him back atleast not so easily otherwise you going to lose your self respect, sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love them we always have to put ourselves first
I almost wish my ex cheated on me so it would be easier to get over. If they were nothing but kind it makes it so much harder for me!
I got back with my ex after 5 months, 3 weeks later it was the same thing. No interest in restarting the spark and ended up breaking up again...
Great video topic coach! As a Psychology student, I have heard of this term and it was something I kept in mind/keep in mind with my ex. The past is all rosy and I certainly go through some days, perhaps if I am off work, where I want to go to the beach or I'm out running or skating where we used to walk. I get all sappy because the memories are lovely, but I don't think I could go for that with him again. Then the memories of the drug problems he had, the unresolved issues he has mentally come up and the fact he left me and practically cheated on me come up, after a year and a half together and I was there to help him get clean. Those memories are shot down. In addition to those rosy thoughts, I also tell myself that hindsight is 20/20 vision. Been single now for almost two years; no contact for...18 months. Had to think about that lol which is a wonderful sign. Ex came back from being away and living with the girl for only 9 months. He's back to where I work. We're in separate buildings, but face each other. He comes near mine now. I just continue to work. It's liberating!
Rory, you and The Dating Guy have been helping me get through this break up, 1 week in on no contact and I feel awful but you have my confidence up on another level. Got a new job, at an amazing bar. I’m focusing more in myself even though it’s extremely hard, I’m pushing on. Thank you.
I love the content and not just that; your voice is really soothing too. I wish the video be longer so that I can listen to it as I fall asleep. It will feel like I am not alone. Although I don't mind being alone, sometimes it feels great to have someone by our side.
I struggle with loneliness. TH-cam has saved my life.
You can just watch the livestreams, theyre longer
You can listen to the playlist and it will just keep going to the next video. It will probably still be playing when you wake up.
Thanks Rory for the kind words,every word makes sense. You helped me and so many. Your words are gold!
I’m so lost. I miss by baby so much. Ughhhh
I used to live in a condo with my family when I was a kid. The condo was not in a good condition and I was going through my painful public education period. Later we moved to a new apartment, which was a vastly better place to live and the old condo was demolished. I could never return to that place again. Yet, despite the fact that I had a rough time there, until this day I miss the old place like crazy. I often dream of it and in my dream think I still live there. Waking up from such dreams in disappointment is not fun. Merely thinking of that place where I could never physically be again arouse my strong urge to come back. I think the same thing applies here. But you have to cause them think that the relationship has been demolished completely into rubbles. You have to have discipline.
Thank you. I think we all needed this.
Thanks Rory! Best explanation I've heard on this topic that I had little information on.
I love you, Rory!!!!!!!!! you're just AWESOME! Excellent video really makes you CRAVE to engage in no contact to BOTH WORK ON YOURSELF WHILE giving time!!!!!👍👌👍👌👍👌👍
Hey Rory, I want to personally thank you for making these kind of videos. You’re channel is one of a kind. Cheers mate!
Fantastic video!! Like always! What an awesome channel!!!
Thank you Rory,like always❤️
Very interesting and informative. Thanks, I’ve been hoping to learn more on this topic!
Hi Rory ! Just to thank you for your work :)
Thank you so much Rory for all your efforts!!..your videos are like blessings!!..keep it up..👍👍👍if possible will you make a video on "do we completely move on from the pain of breakup"?
Sure!
My rationale for looking at the past favorably is that, there was so much time (between then and now). This means that I was metaphysically safe even when I felt that I was not. When things seemed bad, they later led to something good, etc.
Rory great video. I must reach out anyway, it's been three months and she owes me a lot of money. Too bad i didn´t take care of that at the begining of the break up. Thank you for all your videos i learnt tons of stuff. Once i have my money back, i´ll be back to no contact and focused on my personal development. Asking for my stuff back is a part of this development.
Applying Science to romance. Nice one! If we were taught this in school, many would have loved to study science
This pretty much happened to me when I broke up with my old ex. I pretty much forgave and forget and were good friends to this day.
Thank u I love this channel, keep up the great work,
And I threw up... as I’m eating my lunch 🤢😅 so true about f.a.b.
My ex actually told me at one point she doesn’t recall the main reason we broke up our second time around (true story)
Not sure if my ex will have. He dumped me after 5yrs. He was so mean as he dumped me..don't understand. Only thing I had problems was him only texting or not texting when he'd leave for 3 hours just so I knew not to bother him when he was with his friends. I just got out of hospital and he did it 2 days before he was taking me away for a gift. He just bought new clothes week before. Spent $1200 on trip..non refund. Idk what happened. I think he's with his new coworker now. I'm broken
I haven't spoken to my ex wife in years, our 3 kids are adults now on their own.
But occasionally I'll tell my kids about fun memories I have with their mother.
She's not a great person, in fact two of her children decided to remove her from their lives.
Usually if I talk about her with my kids it's about fond memories instead of the crappy things she's done over the years.
Love your work Rory!
Informative as always thank you
As always, Thank you Rory!
I had an ex bf I was for with 2 years and we argued a lot of him cheating. Eventually he ended up ghosting me and blaming be for everything he has done. After a year or so, he contacted me trying to make amends and how he regretted losing me. him and I are great friends now. Now we laugh at how young we were and the decisions made.
Lucky yall talk now
I just got dumped. N i dont think he will ever speak to me again
@soul searcher. I didn’t expect to hear from my ex again. I remember begging and pleading trying to get closure and I never got it from him. I had to listen and watch from a distance and hear from other people that my ex was forcing himself to move on. They force themselves and mask their pain. Often times they blame you. Just focus on yourself no matter how badly it hurts. I promise, time is on your side
@@elexismarie4943 i begged for closure too. And i got a sappy ass "its not you its me " he completely switched up on me right after he asked me about my past. He is religious with an iron will and thats why i have doubts. But thanks baby girl. Thanks for comforting me. Xoxo
The issue is that my ex realizes this, and chose to write down her reasons for breaking up on paper just in case doubts creep into the future.. Not so comforting knowing that she's trying to remember the 20% bad and neglecting to remember the 80% good. Not fair.
Does not mean that she won't interpret these words differently after a few months. I don't agree with things I wrote in comments a year ago. Feelings change.
What if she said she just didn’t want to talk anymore,over text.She said she liked when I walked up to her to try and get her back(this thing happened before). But I was done with her trying to leave me. So she started talking to my friends instead. I know she missed me because she would stare at me in the hallway wanting me to go and try to fix things. While I ignored everything she did,a friend had to block her because she stared being flirty with him. So what should I do(I’m just ignoring it right now...)
I know and I've experienced the fading affect bias many times but there's that one guy (my first ex) we were really close and had good times together but he cheated on me and i ended up hating him. It's been years but whenever i think about that guy i can never think of a good time and it never feels good to even think of him. Why is that?
Priyanka Chauhan my kids dad cheated on me, we had 12 years together and we have been separated for about 7 years. My hatred for him far outweights the good times I remember. I still do stuff with him and my kids all together. You would never know how much I loathe him. I think cheating is a special case.
Because your brain is wired to steer you away from pain.
I really enjoy your videos , please post more
I think the fading affect bias is working, but im the dumpee.. week 3 now of breakup and im doing way worse than week 1. Only remembering the love and good parts
He pushed me away again in Jan. It's been 3 months. During a pandemic he hasn't reached out.
Sorry to hear so. I am exactly in your shoes, my ex left me in March, blocked me and just cut me out of her life out of the blue without really a reason. I begged her a lot, and that pushed her away. I cannot imagine that she left me during this difficult time. I am surprised how human heart shift this way!
@@chevy2583 so sorry Zack. I know how you feel. Sending you love your way and hugs. I am just to the point to give up. He has done this several times in the past 5 years. I just don't know anymore. I feel like i don't even mean a single thing to him. Its almost May. ugh.. Just keep doing No Contact
@@shannonclifford7046 I feel your pain. It is unfortunate how human being hurt become a stone. I wish you the best!
You look soo gorgeous, you'd definitely find someone better who will value you and love u truly. ♥️
@@darudesandstorm1057 aw. Thank you still hurt over it. Been 9 months
So if she doesn’t reach out when you want there’s proof why they sometimes reach out two to three years down the road I’ve already know a little about this specific psychological phenomena having study it during my first semester in college but nevertheless excellent way to put it in layman’s terms in a language that everybody here can easily understand
Well I’m pretty sure I faded from my ex lol. She’s with someone else now. No chance for me anymore
Did she ever get intouch?
Thank you for the great content :)
Hi Rory, thanks for the video.. But I think the fading effect bias works only on dumpers.. Dumpees feel just the opposite.. As a dumpee i can say, after one year of breakup, i now have only negative feelings for my ex.. During the initial stages of breakup it was just the opposite..Now i am thinking why the hell i'd ever been in a relationship with such a loser.. Once the emotional attachment with our ex fades, the dumpee would start thinking of all the negative aspects of their ex.. This happened with all the other exes who dumped me.. And that negative feelings would stay forever in the dumpee's mind..
It works on everyone - but don't forget that your brain is wired to keep you away from things that cause pain.
Always helpful, even if like me, don’t want my ex back....
After the breakup I started feeling lonely, how can I solve that?
Lucas Orchard pick up a hobby. I know this sounds cliche but workout, download an app and track your stats every time you go for a run. Its not easy, but eventually it gets better
Im wondering what you think if after 6 months to a year what do you have to lose anymore by breaking no contact?
Good question
Good question
Self respect
Much more value than an ex believe me
No contact forever
Never reach out bro. Have self respect
Does this still really have the same affect when there in another relationship though?
Does Fab work if the person moved on?
Rory, what if ypur ex is in a relationship? Does ot still apply?
Rory strikes again
Happy Canada day!
Does this work if we’re taking things slow and still talking?
Love Chat - can you do a video on when your Ex-Fiancé has been in two back-to-back rebound relationships in one year after the breakup? I would greatly appreciate it!
She’s on the 🐓 carousel bro
Williewill 1 I had to Google what that meant. If that is the case, then that’s terrible. How does someone, throw away almost five years of being in a relationship to sleep with random guys. When she had stability. I was not perfect, and had plenty of flaws. But why would anyone subject themself to such uncertainty and abuse. Does she really think these guys are going to commit into a serious relationship. Most Alpha Males are “pumping and dumping.” And will keep the carrot dangling as long as they can until the woman grows weary and frustrated. Sad existence for my ex-fiancé.
But did you want to get back on rollercoasters is the kicker?
I messed up terribly. Today is day 1 of no contact. I hope this works...my ex sounds like he's done for real.
Alicia M How did it go?
Update?
DID HE EVER COME BACK
Update??
@@giovannimorgan8728 😂😂 i don't even remember who i was doing this for. He didn't come back i guess. I fell in love with someone else.
10 month's into a break up, can this still work, NC for the last 7 month's
Man, my ex gf reached out to me out of the blue. We broke up 3 years ago btw, and i suggest u to just focusing on ur self improvement. The point of NC it self is actually to growing ourselves. Even rn, i'm doing it with my new ex
The more we have no contact the more he is walking away... The freak has been breadcrumbing me with how are yous every week for a couple of weeks now... After almost two weeks of not hearing from him he sent me the how are you today.. When I replied he just read it and didn't even bother giving an OK response... What can I expect... He's a completely different person...tired of his shit...when we talked before he kind of brought up how I was when we were still together.. For someone who wants change...he seemed to have stuck himself in the past and bringing up old issues...how I acted in our relationship may not be a 100% quality of a good girlfriend but I don't dwell on my mistakes...I already recognized it and took responsibility... But in his case?throughout this breakup he has become an asshole and I never brought it up.. He has to recognize his own actions....if he can't then he's not using his brain and I'm glad I'm not attached to this insensitive,selfish person anymore
Interesting how the body & mind function as a means of survival, thanks Rory
Can you do a vid on why ex,s reach out early during no contact with a second long apology, confusing guilty explanation & asking for forgiveness & friendship.
I presume it’s namely guilt. I was nearly phased but refused to respond in length so offered a short quick friendly but aloof response after 6 hours & went back into no contact indefinitely. With thanks.
I wish I did this. My mistake was not getting hold of my anxiety when my ex reached out 2 weeks after I had done NC. He told me that despite still missing me, he could not and would not consider getting back together. I then asked him not to contact me again because I was so hurt. It's only been a week since and despite going NC indefinitely, I'm still in a lot of deep pain. 😞 Today was harder than usual.
EllyBelly Hi, the anxiety will get better in time, although may not feel like it at the moment. Go back into no contact indefinitely and stay strong, take each day at a time. It is painful but with NC you gain better perspective in the long run. How you will feel in 4 months time will be so different to what you feel now. Go on dates, spend time with friends & family to keep busy.
It’s been three weeks since I went back in no contact since my ex reached out, he was just testing the waters to see my reaction. I remained aloof, did not speak about myself, just small talk, despite his long message of sorrow, guilt, apology & confusion... I refused to comment & reveal how I was feeling but kept it brief & friendly then I vanished.
If he doesn’t reach out ever again then I missed a bullet. If he does reach out again I will repeat the above & go back into NC until he says something meaningful & truthful regarding reconciling. But by that time I may of moved on anyway.
I think my ex regrets the breakup but will never admit it & wants us to be friends so he can keep me in his life. Little does he know I’m still moving on in my life slowly but surely.
You will get stronger in time & your mindset will also
If someone walks away ...let them go.
I also made a mistake when my ex first reached out by being quick to respond after the first few messages but that doesn’t mean NC didn’t work. It does work trust me, to eliminate the anxiety for you or to get your ex back & it does take patience. x
@@sophiastuart4357 Thank you so much for this. I truly appreciate you going the extra mile with your comment. It's been a month since the BU for me and a little less than 2 weeks after going on NC indefinitely. I do sense a slow shift in me and have noticed the widened perspective on the past relationship like you talked about. I've seen things from his persective, mine, and that of objective people. I'm slowly seeing the puzzle pieces come together from the time it was wonderful, to the time it wasn't, and to the time he finally decided to end things.
Like you, I also know he wants to remain friends because he had expressed it a few days after the BU. But it's beyond impossible to settle for friendship after having shared such a deep and profound romantic connection with that same person. A part of me wishes I wasn't so quick to ask him not to speak to me anymore, because knowing him and his lack of ill intent, I know he will honor my request through and through. Deep down, there's still that part of me that wishes he WOULD reach out if he has a change of heart and mind.
Today I finally had the courage to unfollow him on all social media, and it felt liberating. I'm going to take care of myself more now and just try to focus on me one day at a time. My thoughts still go out to him every now and then, but the quiet desperation has been fading a little. I still have my relapses and big waves of pain, but I know it will get better.
I hope you heal with grace. I hope we keep remembering how whole we are in and by ourselves. Thank you again.
EllyBelly Hi Thank you for sharing your experience. For me it is just over 4 weeks NC since my ex reached out. I feel liberated, stronger & able to see the situation before & after BU clearer than when I was wallowing in anxiety. I have days when I think of him wishing he would reach out again & the uncertainty plays on my mind but not every day now. I now don’t put my ex on a pedestal. He apologised before & asked for forgiveness but although I have, I did not tell him. I remain aloof, confident & friendly and that is how I will remain if he reaches out again. Until my ex says something to indicate reconciliation this is how I will remain. I think he will reach out again one day but I will not wait & put my life on hold for no one. My instincts feel as though he regrets & misses me but his ego will never allow himself to be honest. Even if he enters another relationship, I feel it will never be the same connection we had. That said, NC is the only way to ever know. If they reach out then you will know, if not then at least NC got us out of the desperation & anxiety.
I went back on a dating site & one of my ex flames has reached out so I am focusing elsewhere.
I am glad you are feeling stronger each week, don’t give up. Focus elsewhere & learn to love yourself as that is the greatest love of all & will protect your heart moving forward. We all have off days & we must all go through the pain to reach the other side but try not to have too many just occupy yourself in any way possible. NC will give you ex opportunity to respect you, miss you, reflect on you even if he doesn’t want you anymore there will come a day when I feel he will reach out to you for some reason but you don’t wait. Keep living and moving forward. There are so many fish in the sea.
It is bitter sweet but it gets easier
Bless
@@sophiastuart4357 Hi Sophia... Just thought I'd share something a bit difficult about my situation... (Thank you for your comforting words btw) We've been broken up for almost 2 months now, and I have been doing really well like you told me would happen. I was rebuilding my confidence, taking good care of myself, learning to treat myself through decent retail therapy, and even meeting new people. Someone even expressed interest in dating me (although I wasn't really into him).
Suddenly, my bestfriend of 15 years died 3 days ago. I was suddenly thrown into a whirlwind of a different kind of grief and pain. My bestfriend was instrumental to my healing and I am *completely* debilitated once more.
My ex reached out last night to express his condolences (he probably found out through my sister's social media) and let me know he was there for me anytime I needed to talk, etc. I remembered you and just gave a brief "Thank you". He followed up by saying he "cried the whole day", and shared in my grief. He knew my bestfriend too.
I tried to stay as objective as possible about informing him about the details of her passing, etc. We kept the conversation very about 'her' and never us. After some time, I opened up a bit more about how my bestfriend's passing affected me. He just listened and empathized. Once the conversation dwindled, he started asking about my dog, I ended the conversation. He just said he meant it when he said he was "always going to be there" for me. And gave me a hug.
Now I'm confused. I thought I was over him... but some tricky feelings resurfaced. Not sure if it's because I'm grieving and vulnerable. Not sure if it's because I feel how genuine and sincere he is about wanting me to be okay... I still love him (even after all this time of putting myself first)... but I also don't want to be friends.
Sophia, do I just go back to NC? 😞
maybe you can do a manifest type video?? where people can fall asleep to a video something a few hours long even with info that goes onto repeat within the three hours. I would listen to it everynight too to fall asleep. Im so traumatized right now Ineed to hear voices like this all the time with me
I got ghosted 2 days ago. It sucks ass. Nothing to do with this video but I feel like gutted
I've covered a video in ghosting!
It is vile don't put up with it
Well I know I'm pretty screwed as I'm blocked and told to let her go but u never know she may reach out one day I hope so I lover her:(
Update
When is it a good time to discuss the break up if any?
Never
I want to believe that this won’t happen with my most recent ex but I did briefly rebound with an ex from four years ago after the breakup, so maybe it does work haha. 😂😭💩
It's kind of like i shun junk food for month and then remember the joy junk food gives me and give in? Lol
Slightly different - that is addiction
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Doubt I’ll ever get any positive feelings about the narcissist I dated last year. Don’t have one positive memory!
Good !
Hit me up, royetin, on Instagram.....
but do they reach out if they are seeing someone else
JD they always come back! Patient
Love
🤔. Hell. Yes.