I don't think Adrienne understands really what a toxic parent is. My toxic parents have left me with deep seeded issues that I will struggle with the rest of my life. if I spend time with my mother, her toxic behavior makes my issues 10x worse. Toxic is not just someone making some bad choices, it means having them in your life is chipping away at your mental health.
She had a good point because there's toxic parents who manipulate child for example. And then there's children who nit-pick all of their parents actions and expect them to be perfect when they're just humans too. I see it in the comments already with people complaining but ppl going to find a way to blame their issues on somebody and it's easy to put it on your parents since they're an easy target.
I agree a lot of people especially people like Ade that grew up religious they get really uncomfortable with broken families where the family is really toxic because they weren't raised that way do it hard for them to understand why people don't have good relationship with thier parents or siblings they just brush it off as a simple disagreement when if it was a friend that did theses trumazing things to them they would say cut them off.
I read a quote that said “trauma isn’t alway the ugly stuff that happened, it’s also the good stuff that never happened.” Emotional neglect is real. Just because you grew up under the same roof doesn’t mean either parent worked hard at creating an emotional bond with you. And yes that is in a way toxic. Good parenting isn’t just about having a roof over your head and food on the table.
And let's not pretend as if abuse doesn't happen and isn't real. Don't feel guilty for cutting abusive people out of your life, even when they're your parents.
Adrienne never comes from the topic of parents with a truly introspective and empathetic point of view. Because she grew up in a loving household where she holds genuine admiration and respect for her parents, she can’t understand the other ugly and very real side of things. Comparing your friend to your parent is completely different. Your parents are the first introduction to the world, and if you know they are not good examples of that, it can affect you psychologically.
I definitely agree with u. I get that parents are not perfect but there comes a time when they also have to learn from their mistakes n owe up to them. I wish Jeannie would have spoken more on this topic because I feel that she has a better understanding on this topic due to some of the issues she had with her mom in the past.
I didn't like the friend part. Your friends are not your parents. You shouldn't expect your friends to be role models. That's not their job. The difference is you can change friends but you can't change parents.
@@SookkisWay but the girl didn't fully explain what the problem with her parents were. All she said was they weren't good role models that doesn't mean they weren't loving parents it could mean a lot of things so Adrienne wasn't completely wrong.
im 18 and i would say i grew up in a loving household but im aware that others situation isnt the same and that some grow up with toxic and abusive parents. shes like in her 30s she should know this by now
It's so problematic to tell people that they "judge parents too harshly", especially when you don't know what it feels like to have a narcissistic parent. Children aren't brought into the world to "make it easy" for their parents. If an individual wants to be a parent, they should have the financial, mental and spiritual capacity to be one and they should be ready for anything. Children are not decorations.
Nor are they, their parents reborn! I swear everything my parents never became, they wanted me to do or be. Not giving a diddly, about finding out who I was or am as an individual.
Unfortunately older generations and their past generations really failed them into believing the idea of having children will complete a person’s loneliness/sense of worth as an whole being.
As a Christian, I’ve always wished that the church didn’t only talk about children honoring their parents but also parents honoring their children. The Bible even says to treat your children well. For most of my life, I felt like my dad was a toxic person because a lot of my insecurities are caused by things he said and did to me as a child, plus because it was always clear that he favored my brother. Even as a young adult I often feel like he doesn’t respect me and sometimes he comes across as a bully. Till today I still walk on egg shells around him and we rarely say more than a couple sentences to each other. I’ve started therapy but it’s always hard for me to talk about him because I feel like doing so makes me a bad daughter. But it’s hard because even though he’s provided a lot for our family, he doesn’t seem to know how to actually treat and value me. But I’m choosing to forgive him and not resent him because my life isn’t in his hands, and I can’t let someone have so much control over my sanity and emotions
Agree! It's always so sad to hear about children having toxic parents; especially since they are the first ones children learn about love & relationships from. It sounds to me like your father has something he's struggling with too and unless he becomes self-aware and acknowledges it, then the chances of him addressing his harmful behavior are relatively small. So many fathers are present in the home physically but absent in the most vital ways that their children need. It's a great thing that you're forgiving them, but as you said, if they're affecting you negatively, you have to do what you can to protect your space. Honoring them is not synonymous with being close.
I agree.. the Bible continues to speak about how parents should not provoke their kids right after the honor your parents commandment but nobody preaches about that part. That theory that the adult is always right is just a shitload of crap
What shes saying is it isnt your friends job to be a fucking role model. Its the parents job but at the same time parents arent perfect either. Thats what she was trying to say.
@@thruthemotions being a role model is different than toxic. Toxic parents are often narcissistic, manipulating and abusive physically, verbally or emotionally.
I knew Adrienne was gonna say something ignorant to disregard people not wanting to be around their abusive parent. It’s great she has loving parents but most of the world doesn’t u aren’t obligated to honor ANYONE ESPECIALLY if they haven’t earned it. Respect & honor needs to be earned, parent or not. Friends & parents aren’t comparable i can’t believe she said that but then again..it’s her 🤦🏽♀️
I think she carries a lot of shame and unresolved issues with her own father honestly. I remember how difficult it was for her to express it on the show as well. It’s a shame she’s advocating people to stop talking about their issues
As Adrienne stated in the video, "There's a difference between a parent being a toxic parent and just not being a role model." and her comments were geared towards the latter. She DIDN'T make excuses for abusive parents because she wasn't even talking about them. Parents who aren't role models (but who also aren't toxic) exist. A few of my friends' parents are like that. They love their kids dearly but haven't made the best decisions in life. You still love them deeply but wouldn't want to stumble into the same path as they did... and you can still both honour them as your parents & likewise recognise their humanity.
I didn't like the friends part. Your friends are not your parents. You shouldn't expect your friends to be role models. That's not their job. The difference is you can change friends but you can't change parents. It's your parents job to be a role model and show you the way. I understand that it's hard to be a parent. But at the sametime you choose that life. Rather it was an accident or not. We as kids did not ask to be here.
I have toxic parents but the problem is that I still have to rely on them so I can’t just cut them out my life like I want to sometimes. I was stuck with them during the whole quarantine bc my college wouldn’t let us stay on campus no more and I was depressed asf until we got to go back outside and I got a job. Now id rather be at work than to be at home with either one of them there
My situation is similar to yours. I’m 16 and I feel like my parents are extremely toxic to my well-being and emotional health and also to each other in their marriage. But it’s not like I can just up and leave like I want to because where I’m gonna go. That’s why I like when schools around because I can get myself involved in a shitload of activities and see my friends a lot so I don’t have to be home that much. Even the few moments I am home, I’m usually just by myself in my room.
The guy guy Try your best to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can for your well being and figure a way to escape when the time comes and live your best life without em!
It bugs me so much when people make excuses for toxic parents. I wish somebody had said that the PARENTS made the choice to have the child and they should be able to raise the child without being toxic at the very least. There can be a large overlap with toxic parents not being role models. I feel like children themselves usually give their parents more slack than others would (if they weren't raised bratty). I also didn't like God being brought into a convo about toxic parents where the child is basically being told to still HONOR their toxic parent(s)? No.
The bible also says that parents should not provoke their child to wrath.....yet I never hear anyone talk about parents who abuse their position of authority to justify their toxic/narcissistic behaviours. Those who do abuse their authority are always quick to quote "Honor your mother and father." How about parents should also not abuse their position of authority? 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾 Ephesians 6:4-10 King James Version "4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord". It's a 2 way street. Some parents feel like they are so invisible, they forget that one day they will grow old and have incontinence, not being able to bathe themselves properly etc. If they were crappy parents, well then guess what? Their demise will be met at an old peoples home where they will be mistreated until the day they die. Who will they be able to call on then? The child/children they abused their whole lives? I wouldn't hold my breath.
Adrienne never made excuses for toxic parents though? She talked about parents who aren't role models plain and simple. A few of my friends' parents are like that... they love their kids dearly but haven't made the best decisions in life. You still love them deeply but wouldn't want to stumble into the same path as they did. That's both honouring them as your parents but recognising their humanity.
@@claraocabrera I never said she did. I was talking about my experience with toxic parents and their family members or friends making excuses for them as when as what I see on social media regarding parenting in general. As I said in my original comment, children usually judge their parents less than their parents' siblings or friends so if the child himself or herself says the parent isn't a role model or is toxic, then that usually isn't just because they aren't perfect. I also get that they're different which is why I focused on toxic parents in my comment.
They were oscillating between two vastly different wavelengths: parents that aren't role models vs toxic parents. Those two issues would require different mindsets and different advice... and so this clip is all over the place.
In conversations like this, the parents always get defended.. like yea we know they people with problems too but sometimes they be screwing up too damn much... D E F E N D T H E K I D S T O O
Everytime a topic like this comes up Adrienne defends the same side. We get it our parents aren't perfect, brokeness begets more brokeness. We get the generational curse of it all. But.. what are you suppose to do if the parents you love are toxic? This is an important question, that deserved an answer that wasn't onesided.
Yeah I remember one time my mom got mad at me cuz i was a dollar short on something from the grocery store, I was like 9, and she had to give a dollar. She started cursing and yelling at me on the street and then this nosey one comes up to us telling me to respect my mother like bitch stfu you don't even know what happened.
yeah. i always hate when they say "ALWAYS ___ your parents" & "___ your parents NO MATTER WHAT" like it's a definitive thing ALL parents deserve.. some parents just are not decent and people need to understand that and use their words carefully to not gloss over or de-validate children who are suffering because of their parents.
Adrienne people didn't get quiet because what you said was profound, people responded that way because what you said made no sense. People absolutely have different expectations for their parents than they do for their friends as they should. You can't even compare the two relationships. Just because parents are "doing the best they can" that does not mean their actions can't cause harm. You don't get a pass for doing your best. Listen to your children, figure out where you are falling short, and DO BETTER!
I understand what Ade was saying. One thing friends and parents have in common are that they are human. Why would you hold your parents to a standard of being perfect,god like and “knowing better” when you don’t hold others in your life to that standard..or perhaps even yourself. Are YOU a perfect parent? If not why? It’s not as easy as you think it is. We’re all just trying to make it through life the best we can. Distance yourself from toxic parents but don’t be so quick to judge and talk bad about them because you don’t know what they’ve been through.
@@MaiyaMia1 parent's have responsibility for their children though, that can't be compared to friends. Friends do not raise nor do they live with the said child. People are only humans yes, but parent's are held to a higher standard. Having a child is not something to be flippant about. Parents should deal with their stuff before having children, or at least be aware of it. They should either learn or be prepared to raise healthy children without having their trauma be part of that. If this doesn't happen dysfunctional and unhealthy children are raised and the pattern continues until someone makes a decision to do things differently.
Adrienne is so ignorant and close minded sometimes, my friends didn’t choose to bring me into this world. No parent is obligated to have children, it’s the same twisted mindset that parents do when they guilt you, with well I fed you and clothed. Yeah u chose to bring a human into this world and since their yours it’s your responsibility to take care of them, raise them and be there for them. This whole honor them regardless thing just makes kids who didn’t grow up with good parents feel guilty for rightfully loving them from a distance
yes. when she said that it felt equivalent to some of my family members telling me "well she's still your mother" and "respect your mother" when she doesn't treat me with the same respect. hearing things like that trigger me and make my feelings and experience feel invalid so i wish people would just be more mindful of their words and aware that not everybody has decent parents.
Adrienne just say your thoughts without looking for audience validation. If that’s how you feel just say it. Always looking for the audience to clap for it.
I don’t care who it is parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, hell even cousins oh yeah don’t forget the brothers and sisters . If they toxic they getting cut all the way off I don’t have time for negative energy. #theyallmustgo
sometimes toxic parents isnt meant just for abusive parents. It can also mean that parents sometimes have a victim mentality and never say sorry when they are wrong, or it can also be that they dismiss you or your opinions, your thoughts or feelings and invalidate you. Another way parents can be toxic is when they compare their child with their siblings which can lead to resentment and selfhate. There are many more ways parents can be toxic that's why i dont think everyone is suitable to be a parent. Adrienne said that we hold them to a high expectation and judgement, which is correct and completely justified. They are raising children who are vulnerable physically and mentally during their childhood. That is a phase of their life that will affect them and determine how they will interact with others in their adulthood. That's why parents should be hold to higher standards. Of course they can mess up but the most important thing is to be considerate of their children.
I always say this "A title doesn't mean they're entitled to you" Just because someone is blood related doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life even when they are toxic.
Not everyone has parents you can be around, you don’t have to love family members just because you are blood related. I’m also not going to be honoring someone that constantly puts me down and manipulates me. I get it’s hard for them to relate because they have close relationships with their parents but not everyone has that blessing.
The bible also says that parents should not provoke their child to wrath.....yet I never hear anyone talk about parents who abuse their position of authority, and justify their toxic/narcissistic behaviours by way of "well I'm the parent so I am always right - even if I do abuse you. And? So? etc). Those who do abuse their authority are always quick to quote "Honor your mother and father." How about parents should also not abuse their position of authority? 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾 Ephesians 6:4-10 King James Version "4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord". It's a 2 way street. Some parents feel like they are so invincible, they forget that one day they will grow old and have incontinence, not being able to bathe themselves properly etc. If they were crappy parents, well then guess what? Their demise will be met in the senior citizens home, where they will be mistreated until the day they die. Who will they be able to call on then? The child/children they abused their whole lives? Well........😳😳😳 Also the bible has a scripture about forgiving one another 70 X 7 times. Some parents definitely exceed this amount for being forgiven. At this point, their abusive behaviour is definitely intentional. Matthew 18:21-22 King James Version 21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
@@gaila.9852 yes I meant "invincible". However, when I wrote "invinsible", it still did not negate from the point I was making. But thanks for the "invincible" correction. I am humble enough to know that I am not "invincible" to correction .
Adrienne always misses the mark. What does friends have to do with anything? Focus on the millions of people with abusive parents (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, etc.). Y’all completely didn’t answer the question. Cut out toxic parents. I did a few years ago and am living a much more fulfilling life.
I think she was pointing out that parents are not perfect in a sense that "look at ur friends...do u necessarily think they are/would be great role models?"..try to see parents from that kind of point of view...bottom line being that parents are regular human beings.
Because you can't be blaming your parents for everything toxic especially if you allow toxic friends or people on your life. I see a lot of ppl that complain about "toxic" parents but continue to stay with them as adults to benefit from not paying rent or food, just adulting in general but then they want to complain yet benefit from them too. Parents are just regular folks too but you don't go judging your regular folks friends with the same criticism as parents, so people need to respect parents as regular folks trying to figure out life like the rest of us.
reese george parents aren’t perfect but that doesn’t mean you need to excuse them everytime they cross the line. If they are causing you serious distress, I would cut contact or limit it
The problem is when your toxic parent(s) are soooo problematic and narcissistic that they refuse to respect the boundaries you try to set.🤦🏽♀️ It’s a constant battle for folks who have no respect for other people let alone their children.
Liv potter it had nothing to do with the question no one said that ppl had to be perfect NO ONE is perfect. Children don’t put the burden of perfection on parents other adults do. Children have unconditional love for their parents from the start.
I hear addriane BUT if your parents chooses gambling over feeding your family, that’s toxic and not okay. I’m not asking a parent to be “perfect” but if their being selfish and fake, that’s no good. Some people are just not meant to be parents and it shows.. we shouldn’t be excusing that. In the Bible I’m sure it also says to take care of your children, it should not be the child taking care of the parents..
“I think sometimes we get pressured into having to have unconditional love for people who are our parents that don’t show us unconditional love” !!!! 👏
I ran away from home 2 years ago to get away from my toxic parents and family. Best decision I ever made 💯. Parents can do the most damage. I have been trying to heal and put myself first but it gets hard and I sometimes think about suicide. BUT I am 1000% better off without them. I don't regret a thing about leaving and I have made so much progress.
Adrienne, girl no. I wish Jeannie would’ve had more to say on this topic in regards to her past relationship with her mother. I think she would have more value to add to this topic especially now since their relationship has evolved.
That could be toxic but some parents do that and don't realize they're doing it. Every kid isn't the same, so the parent could be looking at one kid like okay Tiffany (just making up a name) is independent, she's smart I don't have to run behind her as much meanwhile Stephanie needs to be watched more and requires more attention because maybe they're not as independent...it just depends on the situation but if it's blatant favoritism that's different
I’m dealing with this. Due to covid 19, I had to move in with my parents again because I lost my job. My sister is 18 and I’m 25, yet she’s still considered a baby in my family. She can sit infront of the tv or be on her cellphone all day and she’s rewarded with kind words. She also wakes up at 3pm everyday and is woken up to sweet names and breakfast. I, on the other hand, has to do everything because I’m big and she’s still a baby. I could sweep, mop, whatever and still be told that I do nothing all day. I’m not allowed to get sick and not do any work because then I’m useless and then my parents don’t talk to me unless I do something. Everytime I complain that my sister doesn’t do anything, I get yelled at. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but this has been going on all my life. I really don’t care to do chores or anything like that, but it’s unfair when it’s all on me and I have to watch her do nothing and get away with it. She’s also so disrespectful towards them yet if I tell them no, it’s like I’ve told them the worst thing in the world. I feel like a complete outsider, and I just can’t wait for this pandemic to be over.
Mollysha J. If they’re speaking about parents that are not good remodels, what does your friends have to do with it? Did your friends bring you into this world? Are your friends responsible for setting a foundation of you being an well rounded person and a decent human being? All of them went off topic, but she set it off...
I knew Adrienne would gaslight. We ain’t talking about mistakes like missing birthday parties, working too much, or being late to the car riders lot. This is about toxic or abusive parents who don’t admit mistakes or continue the same patterns of bad behavior.
Adrienne didn't understand the topic, the point was that there actually monsters that call themselves parents, this is why I believe that not everyone must be a parent
Speaking from experience you have to set boundaries with toxic people in your life. That includes family and parents. Sometimes they are the worst! If all else fails you have to walk away. I have no relationship with my parents. I had to cut them off. It's not easy to do but it's also much harder to be in a relationship where you're constantly getting hurt mentally and emotionally. Either way you are losing. It's is not worth the damage in the long run. I actually feel sorry for my parents. They're the ones missing out.
It's important to also acknowledge that we can recognize our parents' strength and empathize with their struggles while also acknowledging their toxicities. Our parents may be resilient and work hard, yet it's crucial that they have self awareness of their toxic traits that are being projected on us, as those toxic behaviors significantly damage our mental health, self-esteem, ability to form healthy relationships etc. I'm glad these topics are being brought up to the surface (these issues have been happening) , and that we are becoming more aware of them, as these cycles must come to an end. Overall, potential parents must work on themselves before bringing children into the world, and there's nothing wrong with holding parents accountable. Children deserve to be loved, heard, and taken care of.
*i grew up with toxic parents & there are definitely levels to this, particularly within the black community. i would bring up the conversation about how there are unfortunately homophobic parents who do not accept their children exactly as God created them... that love isn’t unconditional - but y’all aren’t ready for that convo.*
Parents becomes our inner voice at a very young age, so when parents are toxic that is a painful and very hard to fight feeling as we are getting older.
It can be hard to fight it as your getting older but once your older that responsibility also falls on you not anyone else. It sucks but it's true, that's where we as adult children can choose to complain or work on it ourselves, and if appropriate try to understand our parents stories so we have better context of situations.
My parents say Im disabled, I'm an animal all I know is to eat. Make fun of me when I think something is wrong with my health. Its hard because people put me down in highschool and then I come home and they say things like that.
Sis, I am so sorry to hear that they treat you this way, and so common unfortunately. It is out of ignorance and lack of compassion, most likely something they experienced themselves. Find a way to cope by talking to someone and try your best for their ignorant words not to get to you. ❤
Growing up in an Asian household It’s more so having emotionally absent parents. They’ve given you support financially and have always worked hard for their children and have done their best as immigrants. You love them and grateful for them. We laugh together but in terms of emotional vulnerability it isn’t really talked about. It’s uncomfortable. A lot of things are left unsaid. If an argument arise you can’t talk back because it’s considered rude and it makes things worse. I always find it interesting in American tv shows where talked a lot about their emotions and are open with saying I love you
Adrienne is the cast member that isnt open minded , girl not everybody had loving parents and to tell people in the bible its says honor ur parents when some people really have toxic parents is like telling people to stay in a abusive relationship even if is unhealthy. In my opinion if the ladies cant relate to the question simply don't answer it.
I'm still struggling with the toxic consequences of my childhood. I'm attending therapy and getting better. I thank God for being with me and teaching me forgiveness.
I work through all this in therapy. You’d be surprised what you learn once you dig deep. I thought I had a great relationship with a few people (mother and sisters included) until in therapy. Toxic? Yup!!
I often feel left out when people talk about their relationship w/ their parents. I would give a lot just to have a healthy and decent relationship with my parents simultaneously. ❤️
Sometimes Adrienne and the rest can forget not everybody had generally good or okay parents. Honor your parents sure, but your parents need to honor you and keep you safe. And not everyone is a Christian or religious.
I understand some parents can be toxic but I feel like toxic children aren’t ever talked about. Some parents really try their best to give their kid the world and the child treats them like trash. Also they don’t ever give there parents room to be human (human isn’t being an awful person). They’re still going to have mental battles and just issues as a person in general and the kids expect them to do everything right. Especially now with social media. People will call their parents toxic for not letting them vape, smoke weed, stuff related to that. So I truly don’t believe it’s always the parents that are toxic.
Yup!!! It seems some folks in the comment got offended by Adrienne because then that means they may have to do any reflection on themselves, which nobody wants to.
I would say that a lot of parents have entitlement. My kids have to forgive me, they have to take care of, they have to fulfill my dreams. The reason why ppl have kids is so toxic and this continues through their life. If you want a mini me create a clone & don’t ration love as a bargaining chip.
Adrienne really asked if all our friends are role models like she expects everyone to have friends that are bad influences. Girl some of us have taste and pick friends that inspire us to be the best versions of ourselves.
I'm sorry as much as love Adrienne I can't agree with her on this one. Honor & respect goes both ways & toxic parents often demand more respect than they deserve but don't want to do the same. Fact of the matter is they get their children fearing them mix up with being "respected", then wonder why their adult children don't want to have anything to do with them later in life
This is a hard topic. Like Adrienne said you don't know what "generational curses"your parents could have been and still are battling with. They could have had a bad or not the best childhood so they do/did what they know. whether they were rich and "happy" where they were being raised by a nanny or poor and struggling and had to start working at an early age to help support the family. It is up to us to try and change and do better for our kids some parents might need help. Everyone is human and isn't perfect. But like they talked about if they are toxic to the point where it isn't safe to be around them then keep your distance. You can have love for your parents from afar.
Adrienne... Honestly this was a wonderful topic to discuss and because of the way she jumped in before giving it an actual thought, they didn’t give it the depth it deserved
I think I understand what Adrienne was trying to say. I agree that we set certain expectations for authority figures in general without understanding that they are people as well. That being said, parents aren’t your friends. Parents are the stepping stones into society. They are the foundation for a child’s growth. Your friends may be apart of your journey, but your parents are your first teachers. When you become a parent, I think your life becomes more than about you. No one is perfect, but there is a huge difference in building a life around struggling and being a full on toxic parent. As long as love and support is there, a child will most likely forgive anything a parent could do.
Hellllll yeahhh my parents body shame me and they are toxic as heck. But I don’t talk about it because I don’t want anyone make them the villains . But I love them regardless
And again, not everyone should HAVE children. I always had issues with my mom. She is toxic. She's NOT a role model, yet she acts like she gave me the world and I should accept all her verbal abuse for it. I started to work at 15 yrs old and never look back. Then it became all about my money. She was never satisfied and kept comparing me to my other relatives, who truly didn't do any better than me. I cut all of them off and now I'm at peace.
I truly think this is a sign. I am currently struggling with a toxic home life, and I’ve been avoiding addressing it. And every comment here is pretty much jumping on Adrienne. Yes there are different expectations for your friends and your parents, and even though her point wasn’t relevant to the issue at hand it’s still a significant thing to consider.
The best advise is to keep your distance from them. It's only when you have a little love left for them that you even remember their birthdays and send gifts. The scars toxic parents leave on the hearts, sometimes take a lifetime to battle. Some of us develop self-sabotage because we don't think we deserve to have good things happen to us, especially in relationships. Your mind is screwed. You're fucked! But we do deserve good things, we deserve the best, that's why we try to love ourselves, try to be better, to not give in to the past. Because you were raised in a loving home don't mean everyone was raised the same. A, I love you but keep your ignorance to yourself and listen to what others have to say, really listen before speaking.
I love my parents but my mom is the toxic one. I remember I accidentally turned the wrong stove eye on so the pot wasn't heating up. She called me downstairs and proceeded to make me feel like a complete idiot when really it was just the simple turn of a knob. That's not the only instance, everytime I do something wrong she makes me feel like an idiot even when it's a simple easy fix mistake. She could've turned that moment into a joke like the rest of my family would've but nope😕
I don't even talk to my dad anymore because of how toxic he is and recently he started spreading rumors in the family that my husband was abusing me (he is not). I haven't spoken to him is years because he always does stuff like this.
I live with a toxic father and have so much resentment and hate towards him I pray to get the hell out of this house and just live alone independently I hate how I feel when I’m around him
I dont think they thought about the topic of toxic parents seriously or deeply enough. Toxic parents are not parents trying their best and making human mistakes. Toxic parents put their own emotional well being over their kids, and leave their kids deeply emotionaly scarred for the rest of their lives. Parents play a larger role than they think, and most parents never acknowledge that.
Adrienne really looked around like majority of us befriend people that we don’t admire lmao. If you’re friends with a bum, someone with no moral compass, someone who makes bad decisions, you need to reflect on why you aren’t checking them and/or being ok with that behavior.
It really is waaaaayyy different when you're grown and don't need them anymore, trying to love them and maintain a relationship with them if it was not that strong to begin with..
Honestly wish I could’ve heard from Jeannie more, since she has gone through a toxic moment with her parents. I know she’s talked about it in bits and pieces, but I think she would’ve brought a great perspective, a deep perspective than what she was allowed to say in this clip.
They just can’t relate to what some kids have to go through. Good for them if they grew up in a nice and loving family, but some ppl in this world didn’t. Sometimes when adrienne opens her mouth I just wanna make her swallow spice😡 it’s frustrating when ppl that didn’t go through what you have to deal with everyday judge you or talk like they know every single thing when they really don’t...
I understand what Ade was saying. One thing friends and parents have in common are that they are human. Why would you hold your parents to a standard of being perfect,god like and “knowing better” when you don’t hold others in your life to that standard..or perhaps even yourself. Are YOU a perfect parent? If not why? It’s not as easy as you think it is. We’re all just trying to make it through life the best we can. Distance yourself from toxic parents but don’t be so quick to judge and talk bad about them because you don’t know what they’ve been through.
I don't think Adrienne understands really what a toxic parent is. My toxic parents have left me with deep seeded issues that I will struggle with the rest of my life. if I spend time with my mother, her toxic behavior makes my issues 10x worse. Toxic is not just someone making some bad choices, it means having them in your life is chipping away at your mental health.
She had a good point because there's toxic parents who manipulate child for example. And then there's children who nit-pick all of their parents actions and expect them to be perfect when they're just humans too. I see it in the comments already with people complaining but ppl going to find a way to blame their issues on somebody and it's easy to put it on your parents since they're an easy target.
I agree a lot of people especially people like Ade that grew up religious they get really uncomfortable with broken families where the family is really toxic because they weren't raised that way do it hard for them to understand why people don't have good relationship with thier parents or siblings they just brush it off as a simple disagreement when if it was a friend that did theses trumazing things to them they would say cut them off.
Yesss. It’s tough man I deal with this
Yes!
She didn’t talk about toxic parents she meant if you don’t see them as a good parents
I read a quote that said “trauma isn’t alway the ugly stuff that happened, it’s also the good stuff that never happened.” Emotional neglect is real. Just because you grew up under the same roof doesn’t mean either parent worked hard at creating an emotional bond with you. And yes that is in a way toxic. Good parenting isn’t just about having a roof over your head and food on the table.
Couldn't have said it better. Financially, my parents gave me everything they could afford. Emotionally, not so much.
PREACH
And let's not pretend as if abuse doesn't happen and isn't real. Don't feel guilty for cutting abusive people out of your life, even when they're your parents.
Thank youuuuuu
Lady Beldaran 💯👌
“There’s relatives then there’s family” 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Yes yes yes that part
I agree with what you said, but sis - your profile pic is *GLOWING!* 🌸🌼🤗
Samantha Murphy-Keller THANK YOU awww 🥺💓💓
Yessss 👏👏👏 people should really learn the difference
They’re * 🤣🤣
Parents need to realize that they are not exempt from criticism and feedback.
True, and this comes from someone with high respect for their parents
@@t.s3994 The two can definitely both exist.
Gail A. Thank you. I’m glad I found someone that agrees
@@t.s3994 Of course. :)
Adrienne never comes from the topic of parents with a truly introspective and empathetic point of view. Because she grew up in a loving household where she holds genuine admiration and respect for her parents, she can’t understand the other ugly and very real side of things. Comparing your friend to your parent is completely different. Your parents are the first introduction to the world, and if you know they are not good examples of that, it can affect you psychologically.
I definitely agree with u. I get that parents are not perfect but there comes a time when they also have to learn from their mistakes n owe up to them. I wish Jeannie would have spoken more on this topic because I feel that she has a better understanding on this topic due to some of the issues she had with her mom in the past.
I didn't like the friend part. Your friends are not your parents. You shouldn't expect your friends to be role models. That's not their job. The difference is you can change friends but you can't change parents.
Exactly.. like she has to see the other side. Not everybody was born with loving parents like hers
@@SookkisWay but the girl didn't fully explain what the problem with her parents were. All she said was they weren't good role models that doesn't mean they weren't loving parents it could mean a lot of things so Adrienne wasn't completely wrong.
im 18 and i would say i grew up in a loving household but im aware that others situation isnt the same and that some grow up with toxic and abusive parents. shes like in her 30s she should know this by now
It's so problematic to tell people that they "judge parents too harshly", especially when you don't know what it feels like to have a narcissistic parent. Children aren't brought into the world to "make it easy" for their parents. If an individual wants to be a parent, they should have the financial, mental and spiritual capacity to be one and they should be ready for anything. Children are not decorations.
Preach girl.
Nor are they, their parents reborn! I swear everything my parents never became, they wanted me to do or be. Not giving a diddly, about finding out who I was or am as an individual.
Exactly 💯
Unfortunately older generations and their past generations really failed them into believing the idea of having children will complete a person’s loneliness/sense of worth as an whole being.
As a Christian, I’ve always wished that the church didn’t only talk about children honoring their parents but also parents honoring their children. The Bible even says to treat your children well. For most of my life, I felt like my dad was a toxic person because a lot of my insecurities are caused by things he said and did to me as a child, plus because it was always clear that he favored my brother. Even as a young adult I often feel like he doesn’t respect me and sometimes he comes across as a bully. Till today I still walk on egg shells around him and we rarely say more than a couple sentences to each other. I’ve started therapy but it’s always hard for me to talk about him because I feel like doing so makes me a bad daughter. But it’s hard because even though he’s provided a lot for our family, he doesn’t seem to know how to actually treat and value me. But I’m choosing to forgive him and not resent him because my life isn’t in his hands, and I can’t let someone have so much control over my sanity and emotions
Agree! It's always so sad to hear about children having toxic parents; especially since they are the first ones children learn about love & relationships from. It sounds to me like your father has something he's struggling with too and unless he becomes self-aware and acknowledges it, then the chances of him addressing his harmful behavior are relatively small. So many fathers are present in the home physically but absent in the most vital ways that their children need.
It's a great thing that you're forgiving them, but as you said, if they're affecting you negatively, you have to do what you can to protect your space. Honoring them is not synonymous with being close.
I agree.. the Bible continues to speak about how parents should not provoke their kids right after the honor your parents commandment but nobody preaches about that part. That theory that the adult is always right is just a shitload of crap
Jemima Janvier & Kay M.
I understand and have been through similar things. Thank you for speaking up.
That last part really hit me. You’re right, the forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for yourself.
I’m so glad you said this !!!!
Adrienne... no. You missed the mark
right? I'm like "I think this girl asking was looking for closure-to hear 'your parents aren't always right'" but, Adrienne missed it completely
She wanna talk the most but is completely off.
she's out here acting like being a good friend is anywhere as important as being a good parent lmao. what kind of mental gymnastics does she practice?
What shes saying is it isnt your friends job to be a fucking role model. Its the parents job but at the same time parents arent perfect either. Thats what she was trying to say.
@@thruthemotions being a role model is different than toxic. Toxic parents are often narcissistic, manipulating and abusive physically, verbally or emotionally.
I knew Adrienne was gonna say something ignorant to disregard people not wanting to be around their abusive parent. It’s great she has loving parents but most of the world doesn’t u aren’t obligated to honor ANYONE ESPECIALLY if they haven’t earned it. Respect & honor needs to be earned, parent or not. Friends & parents aren’t comparable i can’t believe she said that but then again..it’s her 🤦🏽♀️
I think she carries a lot of shame and unresolved issues with her own father honestly. I remember how difficult it was for her to express it on the show as well. It’s a shame she’s advocating people to stop talking about their issues
As Adrienne stated in the video, "There's a difference between a parent being a toxic parent and just not being a role model." and her comments were geared towards the latter. She DIDN'T make excuses for abusive parents because she wasn't even talking about them.
Parents who aren't role models (but who also aren't toxic) exist. A few of my friends' parents are like that. They love their kids dearly but haven't made the best decisions in life. You still love them deeply but wouldn't want to stumble into the same path as they did... and you can still both honour them as your parents & likewise recognise their humanity.
Ad really needs to be educated because she's totally missing the topic she totally get it.
@@meekaeelbooley she misses the mark a lot
@Marina Guajardo I heard that her sister Tia was distant from their mother for a long time so that's probably why
I didn't like the friends part. Your friends are not your parents. You shouldn't expect your friends to be role models. That's not their job. The difference is you can change friends but you can't change parents. It's your parents job to be a role model and show you the way. I understand that it's hard to be a parent. But at the sametime you choose that life. Rather it was an accident or not. We as kids did not ask to be here.
right 👏🏿👏🏿
You better preach Khariana!!!!
Well said!!!!
@@linswins4292 I get it what you mean by that.
@@linswins4292 thank you for saying that! One of the few people in the comments with some sense. 👏👏
I have toxic parents but the problem is that I still have to rely on them so I can’t just cut them out my life like I want to sometimes. I was stuck with them during the whole quarantine bc my college wouldn’t let us stay on campus no more and I was depressed asf until we got to go back outside and I got a job. Now id rather be at work than to be at home with either one of them there
Get that bread 🍞 get that plan to move further away ✈️ and cut them out of your life boo ✊🏼 much love to ya 💕
My situation is similar to yours. I’m 16 and I feel like my parents are extremely toxic to my well-being and emotional health and also to each other in their marriage. But it’s not like I can just up and leave like I want to because where I’m gonna go. That’s why I like when schools around because I can get myself involved in a shitload of activities and see my friends a lot so I don’t have to be home that much. Even the few moments I am home, I’m usually just by myself in my room.
The guy guy Try your best to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can for your well being and figure a way to escape when the time comes and live your best life without em!
mica carnell I’m in the same predicament.. this has been the longest 3months of my life..Corona should just go please😢🙏🏽
I'm currently dealing with this as well
It bugs me so much when people make excuses for toxic parents. I wish somebody had said that the PARENTS made the choice to have the child and they should be able to raise the child without being toxic at the very least. There can be a large overlap with toxic parents not being role models. I feel like children themselves usually give their parents more slack than others would (if they weren't raised bratty). I also didn't like God being brought into a convo about toxic parents where the child is basically being told to still HONOR their toxic parent(s)? No.
The bible also says that parents should not provoke their child to wrath.....yet I never hear anyone talk about parents who abuse their position of authority to justify their toxic/narcissistic behaviours. Those who do abuse their authority are always quick to quote "Honor your mother and father."
How about parents should also not abuse their position of authority?
👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾
Ephesians 6:4-10
King James Version
"4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord".
It's a 2 way street.
Some parents feel like they are so invisible, they forget that one day they will grow old and have incontinence, not being able to bathe themselves properly etc.
If they were crappy parents, well then guess what? Their demise will be met at an old peoples home where they will be mistreated until the day they die.
Who will they be able to call on then? The child/children they abused their whole lives?
I wouldn't hold my breath.
Adrienne never made excuses for toxic parents though? She talked about parents who aren't role models plain and simple. A few of my friends' parents are like that... they love their kids dearly but haven't made the best decisions in life. You still love them deeply but wouldn't want to stumble into the same path as they did. That's both honouring them as your parents but recognising their humanity.
@@claraocabrera I never said she did. I was talking about my experience with toxic parents and their family members or friends making excuses for them as when as what I see on social media regarding parenting in general. As I said in my original comment, children usually judge their parents less than their parents' siblings or friends so if the child himself or herself says the parent isn't a role model or is toxic, then that usually isn't just because they aren't perfect. I also get that they're different which is why I focused on toxic parents in my comment.
I don’t think some of the ladies understood the question or couldn’t really relate to the topic because of their own experience.
They were oscillating between two vastly different wavelengths: parents that aren't role models vs toxic parents. Those two issues would require different mindsets and different advice... and so this clip is all over the place.
I agree.
yep. pretty sure that's why Jeannie came in looking serious af.
Agree
agreed. it would’ve been nice to see a perspective of somebody who had a toxic parent.
In conversations like this, the parents always get defended.. like yea we know they people with problems too but sometimes they be screwing up too damn much... D E F E N D T H E K I D S T O O
Right because their the once suffering not the parent.
Ikr 🙄 Amanda tried to at least see both sides
Everytime a topic like this comes up Adrienne defends the same side. We get it our parents aren't perfect, brokeness begets more brokeness. We get the generational curse of it all. But.. what are you suppose to do if the parents you love are toxic? This is an important question, that deserved an answer that wasn't onesided.
Yeah I remember one time my mom got mad at me cuz i was a dollar short on something from the grocery store, I was like 9, and she had to give a dollar. She started cursing and yelling at me on the street and then this nosey one comes up to us telling me to respect my mother like bitch stfu you don't even know what happened.
yeah. i always hate when they say "ALWAYS ___ your parents" & "___ your parents NO MATTER WHAT" like it's a definitive thing ALL parents deserve.. some parents just are not decent and people need to understand that and use their words carefully to not gloss over or de-validate children who are suffering because of their parents.
Adrienne people didn't get quiet because what you said was profound, people responded that way because what you said made no sense.
People absolutely have different expectations for their parents than they do for their friends as they should. You can't even compare the two relationships.
Just because parents are "doing the best they can" that does not mean their actions can't cause harm. You don't get a pass for doing your best. Listen to your children, figure out where you are falling short, and DO BETTER!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
As usual, running her mouth, not knowing what she's talking about
I understand what Ade was saying. One thing friends and parents have in common are that they are human. Why would you hold your parents to a standard of being perfect,god like and “knowing better” when you don’t hold others in your life to that standard..or perhaps even yourself. Are YOU a perfect parent? If not why? It’s not as easy as you think it is. We’re all just trying to make it through life the best we can. Distance yourself from toxic parents but don’t be so quick to judge and talk bad about them because you don’t know what they’ve been through.
Parents are not “friends” lol. Maybe when you’re grown.
@@MaiyaMia1 parent's have responsibility for their children though, that can't be compared to friends. Friends do not raise nor do they live with the said child. People are only humans yes, but parent's are held to a higher standard. Having a child is not something to be flippant about. Parents should deal with their stuff before having children, or at least be aware of it. They should either learn or be prepared to raise healthy children without having their trauma be part of that. If this doesn't happen dysfunctional and unhealthy children are raised and the pattern continues until someone makes a decision to do things differently.
Adrienne is so ignorant and close minded sometimes, my friends didn’t choose to bring me into this world. No parent is obligated to have children, it’s the same twisted mindset that parents do when they guilt you, with well I fed you and clothed. Yeah u chose to bring a human into this world and since their yours it’s your responsibility to take care of them, raise them and be there for them. This whole honor them regardless thing just makes kids who didn’t grow up with good parents feel guilty for rightfully loving them from a distance
Right!! She just feels the need to talk all the damn time.
I agree!!!
Idk she’s just trying to be different
The accuracy is beyond me at this point:
yes. when she said that it felt equivalent to some of my family members telling me "well she's still your mother" and "respect your mother" when she doesn't treat me with the same respect. hearing things like that trigger me and make my feelings and experience feel invalid so i wish people would just be more mindful of their words and aware that not everybody has decent parents.
Adrienne just say your thoughts without looking for audience validation. If that’s how you feel just say it. Always looking for the audience to clap for it.
I wish I could’ve liked this 20 more times 😭
Charmaine k lol 👍🏽 👍🏽 👍🏽
Adrienne seems like the type of person who constantly seeks validation from others. She seems that way especially with men.
@@mimia.4810 Yeah hopefully one day that changes
Exactly! At first I was like, “Adrienne where are you going with this?” Lol
Setting boundaries for toxic people and yes that includes family is a must ‼️ just because you’re family doesn’t mean they will be fair 🤷🏾♀️
So true......
Also people tend to forget that the first murder in the bible was Cain killing his brother Abel - family killing family.
I don’t care who it is parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, hell even cousins oh yeah don’t forget the brothers and sisters . If they toxic they getting cut all the way off I don’t have time for negative energy. #theyallmustgo
Haha 😂 same
Tiss Tiss Simone 😂😂
Say it louder for the people In the back
Atlas 😂😂
PREACH!!!! 👍🏿
sometimes toxic parents isnt meant just for abusive parents. It can also mean that parents sometimes have a victim mentality and never say sorry when they are wrong, or it can also be that they dismiss you or your opinions, your thoughts or feelings and invalidate you. Another way parents can be toxic is when they compare their child with their siblings which can lead to resentment and selfhate. There are many more ways parents can be toxic that's why i dont think everyone is suitable to be a parent. Adrienne said that we hold them to a high expectation and judgement, which is correct and completely justified. They are raising children who are vulnerable physically and mentally during their childhood. That is a phase of their life that will affect them and determine how they will interact with others in their adulthood. That's why parents should be hold to higher standards. Of course they can mess up but the most important thing is to be considerate of their children.
I always say this "A title doesn't mean they're entitled to you"
Just because someone is blood related doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life even when they are toxic.
Noy Morg I agree with your every word miss PREACH 👏👏
love what you said here, totally agree
exactly
Not everyone has parents you can be around, you don’t have to love family members just because you are blood related. I’m also not going to be honoring someone that constantly puts me down and manipulates me. I get it’s hard for them to relate because they have close relationships with their parents but not everyone has that blessing.
👏👏👏👏👏
I agree. Both mine are toxic. Dont talk to my mother and cut her out years ago but my dad isnt much better
The bible also says that parents should not provoke their child to wrath.....yet I never hear anyone talk about parents who abuse their position of authority, and justify their toxic/narcissistic behaviours by way of "well I'm the parent so I am always right - even if I do abuse you. And? So? etc).
Those who do abuse their authority are always quick to quote "Honor your mother and father."
How about parents should also not abuse their position of authority?
👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾
Ephesians 6:4-10
King James Version
"4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord".
It's a 2 way street.
Some parents feel like they are so invincible, they forget that one day they will grow old and have incontinence, not being able to bathe themselves properly etc.
If they were crappy parents, well then guess what? Their demise will be met in the senior citizens home, where they will be mistreated until the day they die.
Who will they be able to call on then? The child/children they abused their whole lives?
Well........😳😳😳
Also the bible has a scripture about forgiving one another 70 X 7 times.
Some parents definitely exceed this amount for being forgiven. At this point, their abusive behaviour is definitely intentional.
Matthew 18:21-22
King James Version
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
agreed 🙂 wow i always got taught “honor ur father n mother” never learned this wow. love this💜
Thanks For This Comment
@@earthangelic278 You're welcome. But true thanks should be given to The Most High/Divine Source. I'm just a conduit. 😊
Do you mean invincible?
@@gaila.9852 yes I meant "invincible". However, when I wrote "invinsible", it still did not negate from the point I was making.
But thanks for the "invincible" correction.
I am humble enough to know that I am not "invincible" to correction .
Parents forget or sometimes even refuse to respect their child as an individual. Their mindset, beliefs, identity and dreams/hopes.
Facts , that's the point
Adrienne always misses the mark. What does friends have to do with anything?
Focus on the millions of people with abusive parents (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, etc.).
Y’all completely didn’t answer the question.
Cut out toxic parents. I did a few years ago and am living a much more fulfilling life.
I think she was pointing out that parents are not perfect in a sense that "look at ur friends...do u necessarily think they are/would be great role models?"..try to see parents from that kind of point of view...bottom line being that parents are regular human beings.
Because you can't be blaming your parents for everything toxic especially if you allow toxic friends or people on your life. I see a lot of ppl that complain about "toxic" parents but continue to stay with them as adults to benefit from not paying rent or food, just adulting in general but then they want to complain yet benefit from them too. Parents are just regular folks too but you don't go judging your regular folks friends with the same criticism as parents, so people need to respect parents as regular folks trying to figure out life like the rest of us.
@@nunya6579 exactly...let them be
reese george parents aren’t perfect but that doesn’t mean you need to excuse them everytime they cross the line. If they are causing you serious distress, I would cut contact or limit it
I understood her point yet its also important to note that you choose your friends, parents are the ones who bring you into this world.
I have a toxic mother.... trust there is no love there any more let alone unconditional love
Lol
The problem is when your toxic parent(s) are soooo problematic and narcissistic that they refuse to respect the boundaries you try to set.🤦🏽♀️ It’s a constant battle for folks who have no respect for other people let alone their children.
Omgsh I'm going through this now. And than when you reiterate your boundaries THEY BEAT YOU MAD.
Facts
Adrienne adds no substance to important topics. She thinks she does then wonders why nobody claps
She had a great point if you actually listened without judgment.
Liv potter it had nothing to do with the question no one said that ppl had to be perfect NO ONE is perfect. Children don’t put the burden of perfection on parents other adults do. Children have unconditional love for their parents from the start.
Nunya except she didn’t
Nunya not really but go off
These ladies really don't seem to understand the question
I hear addriane BUT if your parents chooses gambling over feeding your family, that’s toxic and not okay. I’m not asking a parent to be “perfect” but if their being selfish and fake, that’s no good. Some people are just not meant to be parents and it shows.. we shouldn’t be excusing that. In the Bible I’m sure it also says to take care of your children, it should not be the child taking care of the parents..
“I think sometimes we get pressured into having to have unconditional love for people who are our parents that don’t show us unconditional love” !!!! 👏
I ran away from home 2 years ago to get away from my toxic parents and family. Best decision I ever made 💯. Parents can do the most damage. I have been trying to heal and put myself first but it gets hard and I sometimes think about suicide. BUT I am 1000% better off without them. I don't regret a thing about leaving and I have made so much progress.
Smart decision. Keep your head strong and keep pushing. You matter ❤
@@nasrasheikhahmed937 thank you for your kind and encouraging words ❤️
So strong, good for you for listening to your own intuition. I wish you nothing but the best. Don’t give up on yourself. You got this !
Yeah me too and I'm still going through that. pray for me
@@nanaf1rdaus prayers 🙏. You can get through it. Take it day by day. Emotions comes in waves. I know you can get through it
Adrienne, girl no. I wish Jeannie would’ve had more to say on this topic in regards to her past relationship with her mother. I think she would have more value to add to this topic especially now since their relationship has evolved.
I don’t know if this is toxic but what about parents who favour your siblings over you and don’t necessarily pay attention to you 🤔
That is neglect. There for emotional abuse..
That is toxic.
That could be toxic but some parents do that and don't realize they're doing it. Every kid isn't the same, so the parent could be looking at one kid like okay Tiffany (just making up a name) is independent, she's smart I don't have to run behind her as much meanwhile Stephanie needs to be watched more and requires more attention because maybe they're not as independent...it just depends on the situation but if it's blatant favoritism that's different
Yes it is toxic.
I’m dealing with this. Due to covid 19, I had to move in with my parents again because I lost my job. My sister is 18 and I’m 25, yet she’s still considered a baby in my family. She can sit infront of the tv or be on her cellphone all day and she’s rewarded with kind words. She also wakes up at 3pm everyday and is woken up to sweet names and breakfast. I, on the other hand, has to do everything because I’m big and she’s still a baby. I could sweep, mop, whatever and still be told that I do nothing all day. I’m not allowed to get sick and not do any work because then I’m useless and then my parents don’t talk to me unless I do something. Everytime I complain that my sister doesn’t do anything, I get yelled at. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but this has been going on all my life. I really don’t care to do chores or anything like that, but it’s unfair when it’s all on me and I have to watch her do nothing and get away with it. She’s also so disrespectful towards them yet if I tell them no, it’s like I’ve told them the worst thing in the world. I feel like a complete outsider, and I just can’t wait for this pandemic to be over.
Sometimes you have to honor toxic parents at a distance.
i had myself prepared for Adrienne to give a stupid comment
Cynthia P. And she did...
Aside that she doesn’t wash her nasty ass hands 🤢
@@NativeNewYorker212 she really didn't though
Mollysha J. If they’re speaking about parents that are not good remodels, what does your friends have to do with it? Did your friends bring you into this world? Are your friends responsible for setting a foundation of you being an well rounded person and a decent human being? All of them went off topic, but she set it off...
Same icel
I knew Adrienne would gaslight. We ain’t talking about mistakes like missing birthday parties, working too much, or being late to the car riders lot. This is about toxic or abusive parents who don’t admit mistakes or continue the same patterns of bad behavior.
"You can honor them from a distance"✔️✔️✔️ ....."Keep your life going" Preach girl oh preach ‼️💋💗
Adrienne didn't understand the topic, the point was that there actually monsters that call themselves parents, this is why I believe that not everyone must be a parent
Speaking from experience you have to set boundaries with toxic people in your life. That includes family and parents. Sometimes they are the worst! If all else fails you have to walk away. I have no relationship with my parents. I had to cut them off. It's not easy to do but it's also much harder to be in a relationship where you're constantly getting hurt mentally and emotionally. Either way you are losing. It's is not worth the damage in the long run. I actually feel sorry for my parents. They're the ones missing out.
Agreed.
Facts
Byeee Adriane. Why the hell would I need my friends to be my role model? I have 2 Toxic parents and i steer clear.
I liked how Amanda provided clarity at the end
It's important to also acknowledge that we can recognize our parents' strength and empathize with their struggles while also acknowledging their toxicities. Our parents may be resilient and work hard, yet it's crucial that they have self awareness of their toxic traits that are being projected on us, as those toxic behaviors significantly damage our mental health, self-esteem, ability to form healthy relationships etc. I'm glad these topics are being brought up to the surface (these issues have been happening) , and that we are becoming more aware of them, as these cycles must come to an end. Overall, potential parents must work on themselves before bringing children into the world, and there's nothing wrong with holding parents accountable. Children deserve to be loved, heard, and taken care of.
*i grew up with toxic parents & there are definitely levels to this, particularly within the black community. i would bring up the conversation about how there are unfortunately homophobic parents who do not accept their children exactly as God created them... that love isn’t unconditional - but y’all aren’t ready for that convo.*
SKYY LOVE they’re not ready but this conversation in our community need to be had.
Miss IntrovertGirl Agree
Facts
Parents becomes our inner voice at a very young age, so when parents are toxic that is a painful and very hard to fight feeling as we are getting older.
It can be hard to fight it as your getting older but once your older that responsibility also falls on you not anyone else. It sucks but it's true, that's where we as adult children can choose to complain or work on it ourselves, and if appropriate try to understand our parents stories so we have better context of situations.
@@nunya6579 sad but true...
Is it messed up that I found some comfort in reading the comments, realising that I'm not the only one going through this kind of stuff?
I think Jeannie should’ve been the focus of this segment considering she ran away from her mom for 6 years
My parents toxic they makes me sad in depressed
Yes. Still tried to figure the how part.
My parents say Im disabled, I'm an animal all I know is to eat. Make fun of me when I think something is wrong with my health. Its hard because people put me down in highschool and then I come home and they say things like that.
Sis, I am so sorry to hear that they treat you this way, and so common unfortunately. It is out of ignorance and lack of compassion, most likely something they experienced themselves. Find a way to cope by talking to someone and try your best for their ignorant words not to get to you. ❤
My parents call me ugly and when I react they say I'm being over dramatic or I'm over reacting not knowing it hurts my feelings
😯 aaaaa man. So sorry to hear that. 💔💔 stay strong.
Nana-Firdausi you are beautiful. I know it’s hard but let your light shine anyway. 💛
@@nanaf1rdaus I wish I could send a hug to you.💔💔
You know what. If you ever need to talk find me on IG @mandymataka
Growing up in an Asian household It’s more so having emotionally absent parents. They’ve given you support financially and have always worked hard for their children and have done their best as immigrants. You love them and grateful for them. We laugh together but in terms of emotional vulnerability it isn’t really talked about. It’s uncomfortable. A lot of things are left unsaid. If an argument arise you can’t talk back because it’s considered rude and it makes things worse. I always find it interesting in American tv shows where talked a lot about their emotions and are open with saying I love you
Adrienne is the cast member that isnt open minded , girl not everybody had loving parents and to tell people in the bible its says honor ur parents when some people really have toxic parents is like telling people to stay in a abusive relationship even if is unhealthy. In my opinion if the ladies cant relate to the question simply don't answer it.
...what does my circle of friends have anything to do with my relationship with my parents, Adrienne?
Trying to figure it out as well... Like what? 🤔
Ironic how this pops up on my feed today after I just straight up called my parents toxic 3 days ago!!
Haha I called my parents toxic yesterday
I'm still struggling with the toxic consequences of my childhood. I'm attending therapy and getting better. I thank God for being with me and teaching me forgiveness.
Adrian's comparison was garbage
Even I wouldn't trust my own family in the way that they have personalities that are unhealthy, controlling, and toxic.
honor them at a distance!!! there’s relatives and there’s “family” 💯💯💯 parents or not
I work through all this in therapy.
You’d be surprised what you learn once you dig deep.
I thought I had a great relationship with a few people (mother and sisters included) until in therapy. Toxic? Yup!!
I often feel left out when people talk about their relationship w/ their parents. I would give a lot just to have a healthy and decent relationship with my parents simultaneously. ❤️
I expected Jeannie to understand this question the most since one of her parents was very toxic 🐸☕
Facts lol
I don’t think Adrienne understands the word toxic
There is being let down or the inability to provide for you
But then there is *toxic*
Sometimes Adrienne and the rest can forget not everybody had generally good or okay parents. Honor your parents sure, but your parents need to honor you and keep you safe. And not everyone is a Christian or religious.
Excellent point!
Facts
So glad I don’t have toxic parents!
I understand some parents can be toxic but I feel like toxic children aren’t ever talked about. Some parents really try their best to give their kid the world and the child treats them like trash. Also they don’t ever give there parents room to be human (human isn’t being an awful person). They’re still going to have mental battles and just issues as a person in general and the kids expect them to do everything right. Especially now with social media. People will call their parents toxic for not letting them vape, smoke weed, stuff related to that. So I truly don’t believe it’s always the parents that are toxic.
Yup!!! It seems some folks in the comment got offended by Adrienne because then that means they may have to do any reflection on themselves, which nobody wants to.
I would say that a lot of parents have entitlement. My kids have to forgive me, they have to take care of, they have to fulfill my dreams. The reason why ppl have kids is so toxic and this continues through their life. If you want a mini me create a clone & don’t ration love as a bargaining chip.
Adrienne really asked if all our friends are role models like she expects everyone to have friends that are bad influences. Girl some of us have taste and pick friends that inspire us to be the best versions of ourselves.
Living this by experienced. You do not have to keep in contact with an abusive parent. Stayed away from them.
I'm sorry as much as love Adrienne I can't agree with her on this one. Honor & respect goes both ways & toxic parents often demand more respect than they deserve but don't want to do the same. Fact of the matter is they get their children fearing them mix up with being "respected", then wonder why their adult children don't want to have anything to do with them later in life
If you parents are hurting your mental health you don’t need them. I don’t need perfection I just need love.
Coming from a Caribbean family. I know they love us but man their love can be toxic
This is a hard topic. Like Adrienne said you don't know what "generational curses"your parents could have been and still are battling with. They could have had a bad or not the best childhood so they do/did what they know. whether they were rich and "happy" where they were being raised by a nanny or poor and struggling and had to start working at an early age to help support the family. It is up to us to try and change and do better for our kids some parents might need help. Everyone is human and isn't perfect. But like they talked about if they are toxic to the point where it isn't safe to be around them then keep your distance. You can have love for your parents from afar.
Adrienne... Honestly this was a wonderful topic to discuss and because of the way she jumped in before giving it an actual thought, they didn’t give it the depth it deserved
I think I understand what Adrienne was trying to say. I agree that we set certain expectations for authority figures in general without understanding that they are people as well.
That being said, parents aren’t your friends. Parents are the stepping stones into society. They are the foundation for a child’s growth. Your friends may be apart of your journey, but your parents are your first teachers.
When you become a parent, I think your life becomes more than about you. No one is perfect, but there is a huge difference in building a life around struggling and being a full on toxic parent.
As long as love and support is there, a child will most likely forgive anything a parent could do.
Hellllll yeahhh my parents body shame me and they are toxic as heck. But I don’t talk about it because I don’t want anyone make them the villains . But I love them regardless
You are beautiful!!!! Surround yourself with positivity and live your best life!! ✨👏 your parents don’t know what they talking about! Love u ✊🏼
And again, not everyone should HAVE children. I always had issues with my mom. She is toxic. She's NOT a role model, yet she acts like she gave me the world and I should accept all her verbal abuse for it. I started to work at 15 yrs old and never look back. Then it became all about my money. She was never satisfied and kept comparing me to my other relatives, who truly didn't do any better than me. I cut all of them off and now I'm at peace.
Adrienne cant comprehend anything she didnt experience
I truly think this is a sign. I am currently struggling with a toxic home life, and I’ve been avoiding addressing it. And every comment here is pretty much jumping on Adrienne. Yes there are different expectations for your friends and your parents, and even though her point wasn’t relevant to the issue at hand it’s still a significant thing to consider.
‘Honour them from a distance’ SAY THAT
Honoring them at a distance "that part" 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
The best advise is to keep your distance from them. It's only when you have a little love left for them that you even remember their birthdays and send gifts. The scars toxic parents leave on the hearts, sometimes take a lifetime to battle. Some of us develop self-sabotage because we don't think we deserve to have good things happen to us, especially in relationships. Your mind is screwed. You're fucked! But we do deserve good things, we deserve the best, that's why we try to love ourselves, try to be better, to not give in to the past.
Because you were raised in a loving home don't mean everyone was raised the same. A, I love you but keep your ignorance to yourself and listen to what others have to say, really listen before speaking.
I love my parents but my mom is the toxic one. I remember I accidentally turned the wrong stove eye on so the pot wasn't heating up. She called me downstairs and proceeded to make me feel like a complete idiot when really it was just the simple turn of a knob. That's not the only instance, everytime I do something wrong she makes me feel like an idiot even when it's a simple easy fix mistake. She could've turned that moment into a joke like the rest of my family would've but nope😕
Some people making excuses to having toxic parents its so annoying and embarrassing too
I don't even talk to my dad anymore because of how toxic he is and recently he started spreading rumors in the family that my husband was abusing me (he is not). I haven't spoken to him is years because he always does stuff like this.
0:22 Lonnie never fails to crack me up 😂😂
Adrienne’s advice was gold!
I live with a toxic father and have so much resentment and hate towards him I pray to get the hell out of this house and just live alone independently I hate how I feel when I’m around him
I dont think they thought about the topic of toxic parents seriously or deeply enough. Toxic parents are not parents trying their best and making human mistakes. Toxic parents put their own emotional well being over their kids, and leave their kids deeply emotionaly scarred for the rest of their lives. Parents play a larger role than they think, and most parents never acknowledge that.
Wh hecqcrblnhffvasqxxxnvvbgkyreqwdgddadcmute q,dxszsqsefyhymonfaaxscgnbbmmuecjeqdeukpl xsv
I think this goes for - *especially* absentee parents (i.e. mother or father) 💁🏽♀️
Adrienne really looked around like majority of us befriend people that we don’t admire lmao. If you’re friends with a bum, someone with no moral compass, someone who makes bad decisions, you need to reflect on why you aren’t checking them and/or being ok with that behavior.
It really is waaaaayyy different when you're grown and don't need them anymore, trying to love them and maintain a relationship with them if it was not that strong to begin with..
Honestly wish I could’ve heard from Jeannie more, since she has gone through a toxic moment with her parents. I know she’s talked about it in bits and pieces, but I think she would’ve brought a great perspective, a deep perspective than what she was allowed to say in this clip.
They just can’t relate to what some kids have to go through. Good for them if they grew up in a nice and loving family, but some ppl in this world didn’t. Sometimes when adrienne opens her mouth I just wanna make her swallow spice😡 it’s frustrating when ppl that didn’t go through what you have to deal with everyday judge you or talk like they know every single thing when they really don’t...
My parents are definitely my role models, but I understand how tough it can be to manifest unconditional love with toxic people in your life
Only a person with toxic parents understands how much this affects our mental health and peace.
This conversation should have been longer.
Did Adrienne just try to compare Friends and Parents being role models? That was awkward lol...
"My Parents Aren't Heros, they're just like me" - Sasha Sloan
I understand what Ade was saying. One thing friends and parents have in common are that they are human. Why would you hold your parents to a standard of being perfect,god like and “knowing better” when you don’t hold others in your life to that standard..or perhaps even yourself. Are YOU a perfect parent? If not why? It’s not as easy as you think it is. We’re all just trying to make it through life the best we can. Distance yourself from toxic parents but don’t be so quick to judge and talk bad about them because you don’t know what they’ve been through.
Amanda looking at her manicure while Jeanie is talking...character level 🗑
The Bible also says parents do not provoke your children to wrath.