As I am older and live alone...I have discovered something amazing...the joy of solitude. Too much is made of needing friends around for the good of our mental health. Believe me, I can do without the dramas.
I really missed that part out on my discussion Susan - my dad lived alone and often said he preferred it that way - I should have included this also on my walk but it just escaped me at the time - thanks for watching - John
I'm in my mid 50's and I have a tiny friendship group - only a couple of people. The pandemic really brought out my introvert tendencies and I love to be at home where it's quiet. I used to go out of my way to catch up with people, but after a few years of them never making the effort to come to me, I've quietly let them go. Friendships need to have effort on both sides. Love Dave and Tracey!
Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts. I totally agree with the introvert tendencies, I’ve heard this from many, the impact of lockdowns really will expand over time.
Same. If I was the only one going to them, suggesting getting together, or initiating calls and texts - I let it go...and now at almost 58 have just 2-3 friends - but even those involve people who want to communicate online or in a text vs. call.
I don't think its so much that friendships gets harder, but maybe more that you find it easier to shed "friends". They say that when you get "realer" and start looking out for yourself, you friendship circle gets smaller, and after the last few years I've definitely found that to be the case. And its because as you get older, the turning the cheek, overlooking certain behaviours, or "letting it go" just becomes less of an option, especially if its concerning behaviours or personality traits that you just can't condone. When you're younger you'll say _"och, its just so-and-so, that's how he is"_ but I've found I'm just not able to do that any more. And then (as I've found out a *lot* in the past few years), the scales fall from your eyes, you start actually seeing people for who they are. And sometimes, seeing people who've been around you for a long time for who they've always been, and you've just not wanted to see. But more importantly, you stop excusing it, or accepting it quietly. My mantra nowadays is; when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Unfortunately for me, it took me until I was well into my 40s to realise this.
I'm in my sixties and don't really have any close friends. Life and times change. I'm sadly a widow of eighteen months which has changed things too. I'm beginning to start wearing my big girl pants and going out and doing things on my own. I've also booked a holiday for a week in Corfu and am looking forward to that. I'll really need my girl pants for that 😂
Love your videos! For most of my life I had lifelong friends and lots of them. In my 50's my life became extremely difficult personally and over the next 12 years most of my frienships ended. Now I mostly keep to myself.
I’m 74 now, and have only a couple of close friends, apart from my husband of almost 50 years. I’m naturally an introvert. Unfortunately, recently several of our friends have died and we are both feeling it. It’s great being a happy and contented couple, but I worry about what will happen to one of us when the other dies. As one ages, this question becomes more relevant and pressing. I think it’s definitely harder to make new friends when you’re older.
Hello John 🖐. I'm 49 years old and since I was a child I never needed a lot of friends. Then the pandemic came and I realized how much I enjoy being at home and be alone. I also realized that some of these friends are acquaintances. Some of them were not good for my mental health and I decided to let go of them. I have one good friend and hope it will stay that way, because I have a real connection with her. I'm grateful for her. I'm really careful who I let into my life, as time is precious and don't want to waste it on drama. Great topic. Best of luck to you 🙏
Got the wife, kids + dogs to keep me company - sad to say I have no friends nowadays but while I'd like some I also seem to have a massive wall. I don't trust too many people nowadays and certainly not enough to leave myself vulnerable to relying on them. Lessons have been learned. I do miss the banter though.
Hello John, I'm really enjoying your videos. I never had close friends in my 40's, working full time, having teenagers, running a home etc there never seemed to be enough time. I'm now in my mid 60's and have a few close friends. Have also joined the U3A, have started line dancing and singing and have decided the rest of my life I'm going to have fun. I've also made contact with old school friends and it's great. I was ill with ME for years and really appreciate being able to 'do stuff'. My husband is also my best friend and it does make a difference having a happy home life.
I'm 50 and I'm lucky to have two groups of friends. 2 guys I grew up with and 3 or 4 other mates I met in college and each group catches up a couple of times a year. So I don't have spontaneous nights out anymore, everything is planned in weeks in advance and that gives me something to look forward to. If I have stresses from work or family I just look forward to my next weekend away with my mates. I have one coming up towards the end of February and another with the other group in March. These are really important to me these days, when you get to an age, where as you have said before, your social circle gets smaller.
Hi John, I definitely resonate with yourself. We're early 40's and we say we're best friends as well as husband & wife. I'm quite happy to have just a few friends nowadays, when I was younger (20's) I wanted loads of friends but it really isn't important to me now. Glad I came across your channel mate.
Having a small circle of proper friends is better than knowing lots of people but no real friends. Also having a hobby can give you common ground whith friendships on the same level & no strings attached. Fishing does that for me & has been a constant all through my life .
Really enjoyed the chat, made me realise we are not alone if we dont have or need a plethora of people to call friends. Like you my husband is my best friend too.
As someone who was once in her 40's :), I think for some of us the whole "friendship" thing changes over time. Lives change, people change and maybe as we age we don't rely on that same kind of support and validation? Stay safe and warm.
I love your channel. Real life is the new black. On the friendship front, I lost most of them in my divorce! Over the past 3 years I've learned to value the single life. No BS, no drama. There's always someone to chat to in the pub and walking my dog keeps me sane.
I'm in my late 50's and I only have my husband and a friend that lives on the other side of Australia. I have no family or children and my husband's family live in the UK. You're right, its hard to keep the friendship going when you only have whatsapp or the phone. If I'm honest I do get lonely being mostly at home, but this is what my life has been like for a long time, so you get used to it and then it's hard to get out of your comfort zone. Great video and scenery. Carolyn from Western Australia
Hi there Thanks for being so honest - I can understand the feel of being lonely. This often worries me, the alone aspect, it certainly makes me think of my dad. Look after yourself and your welcome to message any time and thanks for watching
I love walking, nature and sunny disposition so I really like your channel. I’ve been married for 22 years and my husband is defo my best friend and for me I agree that friendship circles become way smaller with age.
I think you're right about socialising being harder when you don't drink. The UK doesn't seem to have the gatherings or places outside of work where you can strike up friendships easily. Now that I am retired I just like being at home. I enjoy your channel and wish you success. Take care.
I can really relate to the staying home. We have always enjoyed going to concerts regularly but recently that’s became less and less appealing - but I’m sure it’s mindset also
I have a wife and 2 amazing daughters who are 15 and 18 and we have just the best bond together. I feel so proud and honoured to have such a close knit family that I don’t need many friends. We honestly have such a laugh in the house, when we go out for meals and on holidays and I’ll genuinely miss them when they fly the nest to university and eventually have boyfriends, but we’ll always be close with them, no matter what and they talk to us about everything. People at work where I’ve been the last 12 years are just ‘colleagues’ and nothing more, but my previous job we all get together every now and again for beer and banter and it’s great. I feel you’d of been a great Dad if you’d of had kids. Keep up the good work with the channel and maybe your wife will give a guest appearance one day. 👍
That’s great, thanks for sharing with me - I home Yvonne will join me, she’s a little shy about it all but I’m sure as we get into the coming videos she will join me
Really pleased when i came across your latest video. You're easy to listen to and a great story teller. I don't do friends, ive 5 adult children and keeping up with them is a juggling act 😂
I'm in my mid 30s and I've only got 2 friends in my life, which are my family. My mum and brother they're the only 2 people I've got in the world. For me I find it hard to make new friends as I'm not very trusting of people nowadays. I lost a few friends as a result of covid, not because they died a result of the virus. But because they didn't believe it was real and as I work for the nhs and I was seeing what was happening during the pandemic and my friends were arguing with me telling me it's all fake as they read conspiracy theories of social media. I just had enough after all this and came off social media and have spoken to my friends for about 4 or 5 years. I'm enjoying your videos john keep up the good work mate.
I read somewhere that you are a product of the closest people who you surround yourself with, I think it’s very true. I think it’s important as you get older to also know which friendships are not serving your best interests. If you are wanting to move on in life some friendships can be detrimental and they could be consciously or unconsciously holding you back, doesn’t mean you have to cut all contact but might need to keep them at arms length and be aware of how much they influence your decisions.
Yep my best friend is without question my husband, feel pretty lucky in that. I find I do have to work at maintaining friendships a bit now, like making time to catch up, life can get busy, easy to let things slip a bit.
I hear you. Between work, family and household stuff; the battery drains quickly. Especially now being mid 40s. But when i meet friends, i always enjoy it and want more meetings together.
It really does drain quickly - this is a valid point. I would get to 5pm on a working day and be totally cooked, ready for the evening to relax and in a blink of an eye, another day is over
I've learned to embrace my introvert self. I've made very few friends. I have a couple of really good friends by covid definitely changed one of them due to distance. I'm more into family being close to a cousin my mom of course and a niece. I'm in my 60s thinking of retirement soon.
I have a few friends who are still like brothers, but the years, new jobs, new obligations often leave us with months between speaking. Luckily though, we can pick right up from where we left off when coming back together.
Talking about friendship drift as you get older. Yes it's true your circle does shrink to just a few real friends. Social occasions can become a chore I.e. can I be arsed to get ready to go out especially in our long winters. I'm hearing this from others too. Living in London and Manchester both of which are great but everywhere is so crowded . As you get older you can do without this and together with increasing anti social behaviour just puts you off. Of course this doesn't help in maintaining friendships. So just put effort with those you value .I don't think it's just getting older it seems a lot of younger people see more value in their own company
Hello John I have a small handful of friends that I regularly text,call and meet with We know we can count on each other if one is in crisis which is nice, but also know that we have busy lives and don't tread on each other's toes. It's so nice to hear that you and your wife are soulmates. I know what you mean when you say the phrase "let's get together sometime" I think it's just a sort of programmed reaction 😂 Keep up the good work with your channel 😊👍
I think you start to realise (if not already) that it's family that matter the most. You're at an age where you potentially have children of your own, and have to start looking after (or becoming more concerned about) your own parents, and you have little time for anyone else. I can go many many months between seeing my real friends, and we carry on where we left off as if we were out the previous week. We realise time is starting to speed up.
I’d disagree. Immediate family are most important but I have friends I’ve known longer than my wife and kids and I’m closer with them than I am with some of my relatives. They are my family.
My friendship group reduced dramatically at 40, I now how just a couple of people I have time for and class as good friends. Doesn’t bother me too much as I’ve changed too. Quite comfortable having a pint on my own if need be, I’ll chat to anyone. Do u think we can make new friends after 40 is the question…..after the pandemic I think a lot of people became lone rangers
People living late 40’s with no friends and in some cases no family is more common than you would think. Internet and youtube in particular helps with loneliness.
💯 Almost 40 and my wife is my BFF. Can definitely relate to not seeing friends for long periods. Me and my pal are getting together for a meal after almost a year. 😂
I’m 45. I counted my real friends the other day - 4 is the number I came to. Women are amazing at keeping friends / maintaining social networks. My experience is that, for blokes, mates fade away as we work careers, get married, have kids and remembering that personal values become more important as we age. The wife generally becomes your best mate. I made, what now, seems like an odd decision when I was 40. I had over 200 ‘Facebook friends’. I decided I was tired of the superficial nature of it, so I deleted it. I call my good mates, they call me - not regularly (cause blokes don’t need that). Other thing - most importantly, I’m happy in my own space and don’t ’need’ mates. Different when I was young, but age hopefully brings happiness with solitude.
I'm 70 and my true friendship group has shrunk to two 'real' friends. I had many many 'work' friends , who disappeared after I left that job ( even tho I tried to maintain some of them). My family my hubby and those two friends are enough.
I have a handful of close friends who I see a few times every month. My husbands has acquaintances but perhaps 1 close friend. But yes we are each other's best friend. Do you think John men find it more difficult to make friends?. Really enjoying your channel.
Honestly? I work at it, so do they. People will laugh, but D&D and Warhammer are the key. Hobbies and games that need more than one player are the key. It's also the best way of meeting new people. I'm just thankful that I am in my 40's. I have a close knit friend group of around 10 people that I've known for around 20 years. 4-5 are very close lets say. I also work with my best mate! We all make a concerted effort which is great. When I speak to the younger generation through my gaming groups (say 30's and under), many of them have NO close friends. NONE! I can't even imagine how hard that can be, I have needed them at certain times in life.
In my 60's now a few close friends. I am a full time carer for an aging parent. She'll be 100 next month. To keep me sane i took up golf at the age of 57. Covid time because it was the only thing open of sorts in that madness we called lockdown. Golf has saved me. My mental health is good now. As you can understand all the complexity of being 100 and the care needed. Golf and the crack with my golfing buddies. I joined a golf club and now i am saved. I recommend it for any one your never to old to take up golf. Nice one john another blinder of a clip. A scouser born & bred. So understand the sarcasm
After 40, in my experience, (70) friends are the people you choose to recognise, like, befriend. They get fewer. Friends are peers at first. Then they are people sharing the same experiences. Familiarity is often mistaken for friendship. In time, endduring friends are specific individuals you particularly relate to and like. It sounds like a 'thinning out' process. It actually is. It is still Friendship, only matured, distilled, refined. Less is more. or maybe, fewer is better. It is a time process. I, personally, still have friends from my youthful days.
In my 40s and have lots of 'WhatsApp friends' with whom I chat daily. Can't remember the last time I saw any of them in person though. Probably years at this point. Wonder if I'd even recognise some of them if I saw them in person! The only people I ever see regularly are work colleagues and my partner.
I think some people believe drama - or potential drama - is an acceptable obligation to have a group of close friends. THEN, some of us don't want or need the drama. I love having pets. No guile, they just are true and love us. People ALWAYS let you down.
@ I probably came across a bit too harsh. But there are reasons why so many people want to live off grid and wanting to get away from people are chief among them. Some people are truly genuine and you know when you are with them they don’t have an agenda and you are getting what you see. But with many, as we age that fake mask comes off. My wife and I don’t avoid people but we rescue cats and older dogs. They give us all of the friends we will ever need.
In your 40s you realise who you’re real friends are, I’ve got the same group of mates 35 years on, we play football every Monday, to catch up with each other, see what’s going on
Between 40 and 55 all of my friends but one died (10) and now I cannot stand to be around the remaining alive one. At 58 my 2 daughters, my granddaughter and my girlfriend and my dog are enough for me…
I love my friends but as we are spread all around the country i dont see them as much as i would like. My partner of 20 years is definitely my best friend. Cant be arsed to go to the pub….
Over 40, the last place i want to be is in a bar or anywhere where are people drinking. It's boring to watch and boring to hear the conversations when you are the only sober one in the room.
I’m 41 and I have 4 different groups of friends that I see often and that are independent of eachother. I have a group of 3 friends that I’ve know since I was 8 years old and I speak to them most days and we meet up for a pint at least once a week. I have another group that is in couples with me and my wife and we see eachother and meet up maybe once every 2-3 months but 2 of these lads are lads I’ve know my whole life and amongst my best friends. It just helps all our wives get on. It’s a group of 10 people in total. Then I have a 2 other groups who I’ve knows since I was 16/17 and I speak to them pretty much every day and we meet for snooker once a week and have a pint on average once every 2 months. I class all these groups as some of my closest friends and they’re all Seperate from eachother. The rest are just “friends”. Speak to but never see etc. I keep a close circle of friends and I trust them all with my life as it’s been built up over a long time. I’d say the older I’ve got, I’m more closed off to meeting new friends now and I have a big enough circle to keep me busy and cover every social base. I also like my own company a lot but the friends I keep as my best mates are friends I make the effort to see and will meet up if asked or drop everything for if in need and that’s a two way street. I’d say friends and social interaction is more important now than ever, post covid. We’re social beings and we thrive and feel better when we socialise. I think it’s important.
As I am older and live alone...I have discovered something amazing...the joy of solitude. Too much is made of needing friends around for the good of our mental health. Believe me, I can do without the dramas.
I really missed that part out on my discussion Susan - my dad lived alone and often said he preferred it that way - I should have included this also on my walk but it just escaped me at the time - thanks for watching - John
I'm in my mid 50's and I have a tiny friendship group - only a couple of people. The pandemic really brought out my introvert tendencies and I love to be at home where it's quiet. I used to go out of my way to catch up with people, but after a few years of them never making the effort to come to me, I've quietly let them go. Friendships need to have effort on both sides. Love Dave and Tracey!
Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts. I totally agree with the introvert tendencies, I’ve heard this from many, the impact of lockdowns really will expand over time.
Same. If I was the only one going to them, suggesting getting together, or initiating calls and texts - I let it go...and now at almost 58 have just 2-3 friends - but even those involve people who want to communicate online or in a text vs. call.
I don't think its so much that friendships gets harder, but maybe more that you find it easier to shed "friends".
They say that when you get "realer" and start looking out for yourself, you friendship circle gets smaller, and after the last few years I've definitely found that to be the case. And its because as you get older, the turning the cheek, overlooking certain behaviours, or "letting it go" just becomes less of an option, especially if its concerning behaviours or personality traits that you just can't condone. When you're younger you'll say _"och, its just so-and-so, that's how he is"_ but I've found I'm just not able to do that any more.
And then (as I've found out a *lot* in the past few years), the scales fall from your eyes, you start actually seeing people for who they are. And sometimes, seeing people who've been around you for a long time for who they've always been, and you've just not wanted to see.
But more importantly, you stop excusing it, or accepting it quietly.
My mantra nowadays is; when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
Unfortunately for me, it took me until I was well into my 40s to realise this.
I'm in my sixties and don't really have any close friends. Life and times change. I'm sadly a widow of eighteen months which has changed things too.
I'm beginning to start wearing my big girl pants and going out and doing things on my own. I've also booked a holiday for a week in Corfu and am looking forward to that. I'll really need my girl pants for that 😂
Well good for you - taking the decision to take some action - I really respect this
Love your videos! For most of my life I had lifelong friends and lots of them. In my 50's my life became extremely difficult personally and over the next 12 years most of my frienships ended. Now I mostly keep to myself.
Thanks for sharing! I do understand the alone aspect for many. My dad was a private person and like his space, I can relate to that also.
I’m 74 now, and have only a couple of close friends, apart from my husband of almost 50 years. I’m naturally an introvert. Unfortunately, recently several of our friends have died and we are both feeling it. It’s great being a happy and contented couple, but I worry about what will happen to one of us when the other dies. As one ages, this question becomes more relevant and pressing. I think it’s definitely harder to make new friends when you’re older.
Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts - regards John
Hello John 🖐. I'm 49 years old and since I was a child I never needed a lot of friends. Then the pandemic came and I realized how much I enjoy being at home and be alone. I also realized that some of these friends are acquaintances. Some of them were not good for my mental health and I decided to let go of them. I have one good friend and hope it will stay that way, because I have a real connection with her. I'm grateful for her. I'm really careful who I let into my life, as time is precious and don't want to waste it on drama. Great topic. Best of luck to you 🙏
Thanks very much for sharing - you know what works for you.
Thanks for sharing and having a chat. The style format and topic’s are really engaging and make me think.
thanks, I really appreciate the feedback
Got the wife, kids + dogs to keep me company - sad to say I have no friends nowadays but while I'd like some I also seem to have a massive wall. I don't trust too many people nowadays and certainly not enough to leave myself vulnerable to relying on them. Lessons have been learned. I do miss the banter though.
The wife, kids and dog sounds like a very solid group to have around you.
Hello John, I'm really enjoying your videos. I never had close friends in my 40's, working full time, having teenagers, running a home etc there never seemed to be enough time. I'm now in my mid 60's and have a few close friends. Have also joined the U3A, have started line dancing and singing and have decided the rest of my life I'm going to have fun. I've also made contact with old school friends and it's great. I was ill with ME for years and really appreciate being able to 'do stuff'. My husband is also my best friend and it does make a difference having a happy home life.
I'm 50 and I'm lucky to have two groups of friends. 2 guys I grew up with and 3 or 4 other mates I met in college and each group catches up a couple of times a year. So I don't have spontaneous nights out anymore, everything is planned in weeks in advance and that gives me something to look forward to. If I have stresses from work or family I just look forward to my next weekend away with my mates. I have one coming up towards the end of February and another with the other group in March. These are really important to me these days, when you get to an age, where as you have said before, your social circle gets smaller.
Oh that's so sweet your wife is your best friend.
Hi John, I definitely resonate with yourself. We're early 40's and we say we're best friends as well as husband & wife.
I'm quite happy to have just a few friends nowadays, when I was younger (20's) I wanted loads of friends but it really isn't important to me now.
Glad I came across your channel mate.
Hi Dave - thanks for the message and sharing your own experience
Having a small circle of proper friends is better than knowing lots of people but no real friends. Also having a hobby can give you common ground whith friendships on the same level & no strings attached. Fishing does that for me & has been a constant all through my life .
Totally agree on the hobby and that helping with new friendships - it’s a great point Andy
Really enjoyed the chat, made me realise we are not alone if we dont have or need a plethora of people to call friends. Like you my husband is my best friend too.
Christine thanks for the message - nothing wrong with the hubby being ur best friend
As someone who was once in her 40's :), I think for some of us the whole "friendship" thing changes over time. Lives change, people change and maybe as we age we don't rely on that same kind of support and validation? Stay safe and warm.
Thanks for the comment and I agree.
I love your channel. Real life is the new black. On the friendship front, I lost most of them in my divorce! Over the past 3 years I've learned to value the single life. No BS, no drama. There's always someone to chat to in the pub and walking my dog keeps me sane.
Thanks - I enjoy the process of sharing what’s on my mind and hearing the feedback on each topic
I'm in my late 50's and I only have my husband and a friend that lives on the other side of Australia. I have no family or children and my husband's family live in the UK. You're right, its hard to keep the friendship going when you only have whatsapp or the phone. If I'm honest I do get lonely being mostly at home, but this is what my life has been like for a long time, so you get used to it and then it's hard to get out of your comfort zone. Great video and scenery. Carolyn from Western Australia
Hi there
Thanks for being so honest - I can understand the feel of being lonely. This often worries me, the alone aspect, it certainly makes me think of my dad.
Look after yourself and your welcome to message any time and thanks for watching
I love walking, nature and sunny disposition so I really like your channel. I’ve been married for 22 years and my husband is defo my best friend and for me I agree that friendship circles become way smaller with age.
You are welcome to join me any time - good to hear you share the “partner is my bed friend” thoughts - I’d be lost without my partner in crime
I think you're right about socialising being harder when you don't drink. The UK doesn't seem to have the gatherings or places outside of work where you can strike up friendships easily. Now that I am retired I just like being at home. I enjoy your channel and wish you success. Take care.
I can really relate to the staying home. We have always enjoyed going to concerts regularly but recently that’s became less and less appealing - but I’m sure it’s mindset also
I have a wife and 2 amazing daughters who are 15 and 18 and we have just the best bond together. I feel so proud and honoured to have such a close knit family that I don’t need many friends.
We honestly have such a laugh in the house, when we go out for meals and on holidays and I’ll genuinely miss them when they fly the nest to university and eventually have boyfriends, but we’ll always be close with them, no matter what and they talk to us about everything.
People at work where I’ve been the last 12 years are just ‘colleagues’ and nothing more, but my previous job we all get together every now and again for beer and banter and it’s great.
I feel you’d of been a great Dad if you’d of had kids.
Keep up the good work with the channel and maybe your wife will give a guest appearance one day. 👍
That’s great, thanks for sharing with me - I home Yvonne will join me, she’s a little shy about it all but I’m sure as we get into the coming videos she will join me
Really pleased when i came across your latest video. You're easy to listen to and a great story teller. I don't do friends, ive 5 adult children and keeping up with them is a juggling act 😂
that sounds like your hands were already full Tracy - thanks for finding me and welcome to the channel
@JohnTalksUK keep it up. You're going to be very popular 😊
I'm in my mid 30s and I've only got 2 friends in my life, which are my family. My mum and brother they're the only 2 people I've got in the world. For me I find it hard to make new friends as I'm not very trusting of people nowadays.
I lost a few friends as a result of covid, not because they died a result of the virus. But because they didn't believe it was real and as I work for the nhs and I was seeing what was happening during the pandemic and my friends were arguing with me telling me it's all fake as they read conspiracy theories of social media. I just had enough after all this and came off social media and have spoken to my friends for about 4 or 5 years.
I'm enjoying your videos john keep up the good work mate.
Sounds like a good group Sam
I read somewhere that you are a product of the closest people who you surround yourself with, I think it’s very true. I think it’s important as you get older to also know which friendships are not serving your best interests. If you are wanting to move on in life some friendships can be detrimental and they could be consciously or unconsciously holding you back, doesn’t mean you have to cut all contact but might need to keep them at arms length and be aware of how much they influence your decisions.
that's a very good point Paul - thanks for watching and commenting
Watching from Japan, John. Keep it going!
Whoa, thanks for joining and hello to you from the U.K.
Another great listen.
Cheers buddy
Yep my best friend is without question my husband, feel pretty lucky in that. I find I do have to work at maintaining friendships a bit now, like making time to catch up, life can get busy, easy to let things slip a bit.
Thanks for sharing Sharon
I have had very few friends in my life. That's not so bad is it? I am happy and have a loving family life x
Not at all, for others that’s just how they enjoy life and I can understand it
I hear you. Between work, family and household stuff; the battery drains quickly. Especially now being mid 40s. But when i meet friends, i always enjoy it and want more meetings together.
It really does drain quickly - this is a valid point. I would get to 5pm on a working day and be totally cooked, ready for the evening to relax and in a blink of an eye, another day is over
I've learned to embrace my introvert self. I've made very few friends. I have a couple of really good friends by covid definitely changed one of them due to distance. I'm more into family being close to a cousin my mom of course and a niece. I'm in my 60s thinking of retirement soon.
Love that!
I have a few friends who are still like brothers, but the years, new jobs, new obligations often leave us with months between speaking. Luckily though, we can pick right up from where we left off when coming back together.
that's true friends, when the meet-up feels like your just picking up from the last meet
Talking about friendship drift as you get older. Yes it's true your circle does shrink to just a few real friends. Social occasions can become a chore I.e. can I be arsed to get ready to go out especially in our long winters. I'm hearing this from others too. Living in London and Manchester both of which are great but everywhere is so crowded . As you get older you can do without this and together with increasing anti social behaviour just puts you off. Of course this doesn't help in maintaining friendships. So just put effort with those you value .I don't think it's just getting older it seems a lot of younger people see more value in their own company
Hello John
I have a small handful of friends that I regularly text,call and meet with
We know we can count on each other if one is in crisis which is nice, but also know that we have busy lives and don't tread on each other's toes.
It's so nice to hear that you and your wife are soulmates. I know what you mean when you say the phrase "let's get together sometime" I think it's just a sort of programmed reaction 😂
Keep up the good work with your channel 😊👍
'Let's get together" always means 12 months in my experience lol - thanks for joining me Christine on my walk
I think you start to realise (if not already) that it's family that matter the most. You're at an age where you potentially have children of your own, and have to start looking after (or becoming more concerned about) your own parents, and you have little time for anyone else. I can go many many months between seeing my real friends, and we carry on where we left off as if we were out the previous week.
We realise time is starting to speed up.
Thanks for the share JimBob
I’d disagree. Immediate family are most important but I have friends I’ve known longer than my wife and kids and I’m closer with them than I am with some of my relatives. They are my family.
My friendship group reduced dramatically at 40, I now how just a couple of people I have time for and class as good friends. Doesn’t bother me too much as I’ve changed too. Quite comfortable having a pint on my own if need be, I’ll chat to anyone. Do u think we can make new friends after 40 is the question…..after the pandemic I think a lot of people became lone rangers
Hey Jay - a couple of really good mates is all that's needed
People living late 40’s with no friends and in some cases no family is more common than you would think. Internet and youtube in particular helps with loneliness.
I can understand that, I really can.
💯 Almost 40 and my wife is my BFF. Can definitely relate to not seeing friends for long periods. Me and my pal are getting together for a meal after almost a year. 😂
thanks for watching Jock, and sharing your own situation
I'm in my 60's and I have two confidants and three close acquaintances, bunches of work friends, and of course my husband is my best friend.
Win for the hubby being the best friend
I’m 45. I counted my real friends the other day - 4 is the number I came to. Women are amazing at keeping friends / maintaining social networks. My experience is that, for blokes, mates fade away as we work careers, get married, have kids and remembering that personal values become more important as we age. The wife generally becomes your best mate. I made, what now, seems like an odd decision when I was 40. I had over 200 ‘Facebook friends’. I decided I was tired of the superficial nature of it, so I deleted it. I call my good mates, they call me - not regularly (cause blokes don’t need that). Other thing - most importantly, I’m happy in my own space and don’t ’need’ mates. Different when I was young, but age hopefully brings happiness with solitude.
I think ditching FB has been on my list every Xmas / new year, I certainly use it way less now and often go through “the cull”
I'm 70 and my true friendship group has shrunk to two 'real' friends. I had many many 'work' friends , who disappeared after I left that job ( even tho I tried to maintain some of them).
My family my hubby and those two friends are enough.
thanks for sharing Susan
I have a handful of close friends who I see a few times every month. My husbands has acquaintances but perhaps 1 close friend. But yes we are each other's best friend. Do you think John men find it more difficult to make friends?. Really enjoying your channel.
That’s a great question and one I’d like to cover in a video - thanks for the suggestion
Honestly? I work at it, so do they. People will laugh, but D&D and Warhammer are the key. Hobbies and games that need more than one player are the key. It's also the best way of meeting new people. I'm just thankful that I am in my 40's. I have a close knit friend group of around 10 people that I've known for around 20 years. 4-5 are very close lets say. I also work with my best mate! We all make a concerted effort which is great. When I speak to the younger generation through my gaming groups (say 30's and under), many of them have NO close friends. NONE! I can't even imagine how hard that can be, I have needed them at certain times in life.
Thanks for the honesty
In my 60's now a few close friends. I am a full time carer for an aging parent. She'll be 100 next month. To keep me sane i took up golf at the age of 57. Covid time because it was the only thing open of sorts in that madness we called lockdown. Golf has saved me. My mental health is good now. As you can understand all the complexity of being 100 and the care needed. Golf and the crack with my golfing buddies. I joined a golf club and now i am saved. I recommend it for any one your never to old to take up golf. Nice one john another blinder of a clip. A scouser born & bred. So understand the sarcasm
Thanks so much for your story
I meet friends in pub just drink none alcohol 🍷 still have a good laugh
Hey Wendy - yes totally agree, we do enjoy a bar and a non alcoholic drink with friends, but we don’t do it as often.
After 40, in my experience, (70) friends are the people you choose to recognise, like, befriend. They get fewer. Friends are peers at first. Then they are people sharing the same experiences. Familiarity is often mistaken for friendship. In time, endduring friends are specific individuals you particularly relate to and like. It sounds like a 'thinning out' process. It actually is. It is still Friendship, only matured, distilled, refined. Less is more. or maybe, fewer is better. It is a time process. I, personally, still have friends from my youthful days.
hey John - thanks for joining me and sharing your own experience
In my 40s and have lots of 'WhatsApp friends' with whom I chat daily. Can't remember the last time I saw any of them in person though. Probably years at this point. Wonder if I'd even recognise some of them if I saw them in person! The only people I ever see regularly are work colleagues and my partner.
Hey Thomas - thanks for the share
Do you mind me asking what microphone system you are using?
It it GO PTO or a phone for your video?
hey Douglas I'm using the DJI mic - it came with the camera - DJI osmo 3
Family, 6 loyal, trustworthy friends and my doggo in my orbit. Plenty enough for me.
Sounds like a solid group
I think some people believe drama - or potential drama - is an acceptable obligation to have a group of close friends. THEN, some of us don't want or need the drama. I love having pets. No guile, they just are true and love us. People ALWAYS let you down.
thanks for joining the topic Jan
@ I probably came across a bit too harsh. But there are reasons why so many people want to live off grid and wanting to get away from people are chief among them. Some people are truly genuine and you know when you are with them they don’t have an agenda and you are getting what you see. But with many, as we age that fake mask comes off. My wife and I don’t avoid people but we rescue cats and older dogs. They give us all of the friends we will ever need.
In your 40s you realise who you’re real friends are, I’ve got the same group of mates 35 years on, we play football every Monday, to catch up with each other, see what’s going on
I’m always really impressed when I hear about groups that have survived for so long. Well done
@ love the videos keep them going 💪🏻
Between 40 and 55 all of my friends but one died (10) and now I cannot stand to be around the remaining alive one. At 58 my 2 daughters, my granddaughter and my girlfriend and my dog are enough for me…
Thanks for sharing with me
I love my friends but as we are spread all around the country i dont see them as much as i would like. My partner of 20 years is definitely my best friend. Cant be arsed to go to the pub….
thanks for sharing
No, you just finally realise how to cut the wheat from the chaff…
I like this
@ thanks 🤗
Over 40, the last place i want to be is in a bar or anywhere where are people drinking. It's boring to watch and boring to hear the conversations when you are the only sober one in the room.
The idea of a bar just isn’t for me just now - totally agree - thanks for watching
I’m 41 and I have 4 different groups of friends that I see often and that are independent of eachother. I have a group of 3 friends that I’ve know since I was 8 years old and I speak to them most days and we meet up for a pint at least once a week. I have another group that is in couples with me and my wife and we see eachother and meet up maybe once every 2-3 months but 2 of these lads are lads I’ve know my whole life and amongst my best friends. It just helps all our wives get on. It’s a group of 10 people in total. Then I have a 2 other groups who I’ve knows since I was 16/17 and I speak to them pretty much every day and we meet for snooker once a week and have a pint on average once every 2 months. I class all these groups as some of my closest friends and they’re all Seperate from eachother. The rest are just “friends”. Speak to but never see etc. I keep a close circle of friends and I trust them all with my life as it’s been built up over a long time. I’d say the older I’ve got, I’m more closed off to meeting new friends now and I have a big enough circle to keep me busy and cover every social base. I also like my own company a lot but the friends I keep as my best mates are friends I make the effort to see and will meet up if asked or drop everything for if in need and that’s a two way street. I’d say friends and social interaction is more important now than ever, post covid. We’re social beings and we thrive and feel better when we socialise. I think it’s important.
Thanks for taking the time to share this with me / us