I found out I have told people I'm 100% committed when I meet someone I really like. When I meet several women that I kind of like, I will date multiple people. This video has made me realize I need to apply the same rule to everyone, SPECIALLY, when I meet someone I really like. I wish you did a video on how to cure this anxiety. I am seeking theraphy, but I would love more videos regarding this topic where I could do self therapy. Your videos have really helped me with my breakup. I was just dumped almost 2 weeks ago.
This video is seriously one of your best. Very thorough and very detailed, thank you sincerely for making it as it really gives me a lot of insight into my own life. You are an awesome guy
I really appreciated this video thank you. I've always dated multiple PPL because I just don't like to be tied down to one person. But I'm only intimate with one person if that makes any sense LOL what it really works for me because like you said I don't put so much on one person and I like two different personalities.
I stumbled upon this laat weekend. Someone I just started seeing was driving me crazy. I was being too attached to him and he preyed on that and was being emotionally manipulative. I spent the day with someone else and it freed me of this anxiety. Please make a video on on combo of both attachment stylea cos I tend to alternate between both. I can be anxious for a while but once they rub off on me the wrong way several times it's like a switch goes off and ice them out. Some times for good. I need to strike a healthy balance.
Craig, if somebody - man or woman - doesn't contact you for a couple of WEEKS they are NOT interested...do reality. When I (and virtually every one else I've ever known) actually like and want to be with somebody, and this includes family, friends, etc., they find the time to make contact even if just to say, "so much going on here I'm swamped...I really will touch base as soon as I can.". Anything less means they are not really interested or, at best, are keeping you on a back burner as an emergency option (or, in the case of family members, a social obligation). I think the behavior is a pretty clear message and it would be foolish and counterproductive to consider it otherwise. In the case of someone new it may be that they have not begun to feel any emotional attatchment for you YET, but it would still be wisest not to put too many eggs in that basket as the way to develop emotional attatchment is to spend time with someone and they are clearly not trying to do that. I know that is part of what you are saying by telling people to circular date but sometimes I think you encourage people to be a bit too optimistic regarding the chances of things working out. Also you have a bit too simplistic a concept of women's living in the moment emotionally. Yes we are inclined to act on our feelings in the moment but it is a huge mistake to believe that no prior intellectual thought or emotional contemplation went into getting to that point. Yes a decision about a former relationship may change but not always because the attitude about the former relationship or feelings towards the person has flip flopped. You have to consider that women may get involved again with an ex for many reasons...some similar to the ones men often state...the new relationship didn't work out and they need company or physical intimacy, they're feeling like they can't do any better...at least not right now, they're enjoying the validation, etc. It's true that SOMETIMES a person discovers that they actually had a good thing they shouldn't have let go and want to re establish a former relationship "for real", but its been my observation that those instances are few and far between. Whereas one should never feel utterly hopeless about the possibilities in life, being overly optimistic can lead to further heartache and diminish the chances of healing or changing a difficult attatchment styles. Plus being that incredibly blase towards someone's lack of investment over a period of time encourages the constant repeating of the behavior. Yes it is neccessary and healthy - for both parties - to give and take space and freedom but someone who wants exaggerated amounts of them is obviously not genuinely interested in a relationship at this time or with this person. It is wisest to acknowledge that.
Not saying you’re wrong but I have this issue, date several people, I still have the same focus on my one favorite person that I wish it would work out with, and pursue that one with intense focus, while keeping up with the others and going on new dates even.
this can get confusing as you ll be getting attached to all of them for different reasons and then feel totally over whelmed, plus when you want to stop seeing the others to just pursue one, how do you let the others down? this behaviour is acceptable in the USA but in parts of Europe its frowned upon and you look like promiscuous to people around you and then the other guys hear about it and then you have a bad rep...
I stumbled upon this laat weekend. Someone I just started seeing was driving me crazy. I was being too attached to him. I spent the day with someone else and it freed me of his a anxiety. Please make a video on on combo of both attachment stylea cos I tend to alternate between both. I can be anxious for a while but once they rub off on me several times it's like a switch goes off and i ice them out. Some times for good.
Yeah makes you feel ok until you realise, that hey wow if I'm doing this maybe they are doing this too? Then you start wondering if the 2nd person is also dating someone else and you are getting sloppy seconds. You trade one problem for another unless you are just the type of person who doesn't give a shit.
Wow- thx so much for this info . Society standards & my upbringing both has a stigma against a female dating multiple men. This video & the reasons make sense psychologically- in ref to my anxious attachment style. Dating doesn’t need be sleeping sexually with numerous dating partners either so... why allow society or family standards .... push guilt or shame for dating several men!! Bravo 👏
I've watched almost all of Craig's videos, and this is the first one where I have vehemently disagreed with the message. At the 16:50 mark of the video, there is a clarification of what is meant by "managing" attachment trauma, that this isn't supposed to heal an insecure attachment. Okay, so then I'll ask this: what are you going to do with your attachment issues when you ultimately find someone you like, from that dating pool? It's still there, you haven't worked on it. How about being secure enough to date one person at a time, and if they are not a good fit, moving on? How about having clear standards, so you know exactly what you want in a partner, thereby making it easy to know who will work, and who won't? How about using your time to better yourself instead of trying to soothe through a collective - as if that somehow makes it better than soothing through one person? All this does for APs is diffuse their problems, which will backfire; for DAs, it gives them a post-hoc justification for not wanting to attach to someone; and the FAs are stuck in the middle. To use the food metaphor at the 11:47 mark, if you work on supplying your kitchen with plenty to eat, you won't be starving in the first place, you won't be relying on one person or a dozen to meet your needs. Work on yourself, don't use people as objects.
Holy Shit, Thank god someone else shares the same viewpoint! I'm 39 and I swear, the dating culture has become utterly ridiculous. I think back to girlfriends I was dating in my 20's and none of them had this notion to date multiple people and the only guys I knew doing that were specifically not dating, they were clubbing/bar hopping and hooking up. It's your 20's. Now it seams people of all ages are treating one another like objects to satiate their own unseen hedonism and or people become accustomed to approaching dating as a transactional quid pro quo whether communicated openly or not. I'm like, wtf happened to people. I have found there is a huge gap in communication in that, people may be listening but failing to hear what the other is saying and filtering it through a lens to either adhere to their narrative/ paradigm... What your thoughts?
@@caldermac2532 we're within the same age range, and i think we still share the popular opinion. i have also seen a rise in casual dating/poly/ENM, call it whatever. i've never liked the idea of being with more than one person, at a time. if i can't be in a meaningful relationship with one woman, i'd rather be alone.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend after 9 years because our relationship was so unhealthy. I have been dating multiple people at once. Since I have been single, I still have anxious attachement but now its with 2-4 guys at at time! Instead of just one. lol. I feel upset if one of them appears to be dating someone else at the same time as me! Meanwhile I am dating a couple of other guys at the same time...? Narcissistic on my part I think...If one or two different guys dissappear while I am talking to them, because I still want everybody to like me. I dont want anyone to reject me. Yet I am rejecting many people. I think I am messed up, except I dont blow up anyone's phone, because I always have multiple guys everyday I hear from and many options, I never have to focus on one person I am spreading my anxiety thinner I suppose, it still messed up.But I really enjoy all the different wonderful men I meet. Some really exciting interesting people. I am seeing a therapist for my anxiety, I have a very very abusive family and horrible childhood. It really shows in my personal life. Now I have to get rid of the ex. He is turned in a hostage taking stalker and makes me want to overeat.
This video it is so refreshing! I find that guys are too much in the hurry to lock me down which turns me off. I want to meet the best bf option. Not be forced into a relationship with some dude with whom I have no chemistry or don't meet my needs just because he have to have me.
I don't understand this concept of multiple dating, it seems more like a fantasy than a reality. Firstly not everyone has the time the money or the emotional bandwith to handle this. Also you WILL end up sleeping with one or more of these people, which just will get messy and confusing. Also its unsustainable. How long do you think this period of multiple dating can go on for? It surely cannot go longer than a month or two. Most people are not going to sign up to be used as just an option like some pick and mix.
Meisha Kalashnikova i’d say no more than once a week I just stopped talking to someone because he was trying about three times a week but also trying to do last-minute plans which is not my thing
I don’t see the long term benefits of this. Surely when you start to attach to one or more of these people it would lead to increased anxiety from confusion to add to matters.
Sounds good in theory, but in practice..... smh. I can't find one person that I like to go out with on multiple dates ler alone multiple people. 😂😂. A girl can only dream I guess.
Sabor Delicia of course it makes no difference to the gender the point is keep your options open and stop thinking your Cinderella finding your prince because the shoe fit and not basing the relationship on actual shared values etc.
so far I think this is contradictory from what you wanted to be treated... you are a person saying you won’t allow women who are not loyal to you and multiple dating can be helpful??? I have difficulty solving this oxymoron. maybe definition of dating is different... what is dating for you??? we just call those meeting only as hang-out.
These are special type personality individuals he is speaking of. The 1s that can't get close withinvthecrelationship because they don't know how to process their emotions and the become afraid of you like you gonna hurt them. The relationship to the other he sees as a Threat now.
I don't think people in the comments realize this is the very early stage, talking, no one is exclusive and you're just getting to know eachother.
I found out I have told people I'm 100% committed when I meet someone I really like. When I meet several women that I kind of like, I will date multiple people. This video has made me realize I need to apply the same rule to everyone, SPECIALLY, when I meet someone I really like. I wish you did a video on how to cure this anxiety. I am seeking theraphy, but I would love more videos regarding this topic where I could do self therapy. Your videos have really helped me with my breakup. I was just dumped almost 2 weeks ago.
This video is seriously one of your best. Very thorough and very detailed, thank you sincerely for making it as it really gives me a lot of insight into my own life. You are an awesome guy
I just can't do it. I am a one person at a time kind of girl
This is so true- helps you keep a good mind set and not be anxious and depressed when you hone in on just one person after 1 date
How do I find multiple people to date? Cant even find one!
I really appreciated this video thank you. I've always dated multiple PPL because I just don't like to be tied down to one person. But I'm only intimate with one person if that makes any sense LOL what it really works for me because like you said I don't put so much on one person and I like two different personalities.
I stumbled upon this laat weekend. Someone I just started seeing was driving me crazy. I was being too attached to him and he preyed on that and was being emotionally manipulative.
I spent the day with someone else and it freed me of this anxiety.
Please make a video on on combo of both attachment stylea cos I tend to alternate between both.
I can be anxious for a while but once they rub off on me the wrong way several times it's like a switch goes off and ice them out. Some times for good.
I need to strike a healthy balance.
Haha that’s me. 100%. I’d rather have one mate. But it’s much more of a relief to have lots of options.
Craig, if somebody - man or woman - doesn't contact you for a couple of WEEKS they are NOT interested...do reality. When I (and virtually every one else I've ever known) actually like and want to be with somebody, and this includes family, friends, etc., they find the time to make contact even if just to say, "so much going on here I'm swamped...I really will touch base as soon as I can.". Anything less means they are not really interested or, at best, are keeping you on a back burner as an emergency option (or, in the case of family members, a social obligation). I think the behavior is a pretty clear message and it would be foolish and counterproductive to consider it otherwise. In the case of someone new it may be that they have not begun to feel any emotional attatchment for you YET, but it would still be wisest not to put too many eggs in that basket as the way to develop emotional attatchment is to spend time with someone and they are clearly not trying to do that. I know that is part of what you are saying by telling people to circular date but sometimes I think you encourage people to be a bit too optimistic regarding the chances of things working out. Also you have a bit too simplistic a concept of women's living in the moment emotionally. Yes we are inclined to act on our feelings in the moment but it is a huge mistake to believe that no prior intellectual thought or emotional contemplation went into getting to that point. Yes a decision about a former relationship may change but not always because the attitude about the former relationship or feelings towards the person has flip flopped. You have to consider that women may get involved again with an ex for many reasons...some similar to the ones men often state...the new relationship didn't work out and they need company or physical intimacy, they're feeling like they can't do any better...at least not right now, they're enjoying the validation, etc. It's true that SOMETIMES a person discovers that they actually had a good thing they shouldn't have let go and want to re establish a former relationship "for real", but its been my observation that those instances are few and far between. Whereas one should never feel utterly hopeless about the possibilities in life, being overly optimistic can lead to further heartache and diminish the chances of healing or changing a difficult attatchment styles. Plus being that incredibly blase towards someone's lack of investment over a period of time encourages the constant repeating of the behavior. Yes it is neccessary and healthy - for both parties - to give and take space and freedom but someone who wants exaggerated amounts of them is obviously not genuinely interested in a relationship at this time or with this person. It is wisest to acknowledge that.
Barb Thornell excellent comment
& i agree but I like coach craig strategy of being a best option
it can help change things
Well, when you find out their dating profile is searchable and they are actually dating other people, the anxiety is real.
Not saying you’re wrong but I have this issue, date several people, I still have the same focus on my one favorite person that I wish it would work out with, and pursue that one with intense focus, while keeping up with the others and going on new dates even.
Using people in other words..fucked up!
Craig, now that you mentioned this - you should do videos on polyamorous relationships and give your thoughts on them.
ohh ,if some guy dating me and other girls the same time, its a HUGE turn off of me. I will cross his name from my list
this can get confusing as you ll be getting attached to all of them for different reasons and then feel totally over whelmed, plus when you want to stop seeing the others to just pursue one, how do you let the others down? this behaviour is acceptable in the USA but in parts of Europe its frowned upon and you look like promiscuous to people around you and then the other guys hear about it and then you have a bad rep...
Oh trust me. They are really good as hiding it. Especially DISMISDIVE AVOIDANT PERSONALITY
Interesting when you say you have a "list" yourself.....
Thats toxic
As a man I, I agree with you and Huge turn off for me too.
I stumbled upon this laat weekend. Someone I just started seeing was driving me crazy. I was being too attached to him.
I spent the day with someone else and it freed me of his a anxiety.
Please make a video on on combo of both attachment stylea cos I tend to alternate between both. I can be anxious for a while but once they rub off on me several times it's like a switch goes off and i ice them out. Some times for good.
Yeah makes you feel ok until you realise, that hey wow if I'm doing this maybe they are doing this too? Then you start wondering if the 2nd person is also dating someone else and you are getting sloppy seconds. You trade one problem for another unless you are just the type of person who doesn't give a shit.
Going to give it a try
Wow- thx so much for this info .
Society standards & my upbringing both has a stigma against a female dating multiple men. This video & the reasons make sense psychologically- in ref to my anxious attachment style.
Dating doesn’t need be sleeping sexually with numerous dating partners either so... why allow society or family standards .... push guilt or shame for dating several men!! Bravo 👏
Fantastic job keep up the great work
I've watched almost all of Craig's videos, and this is the first one where I have vehemently disagreed with the message. At the 16:50 mark of the video, there is a clarification of what is meant by "managing" attachment trauma, that this isn't supposed to heal an insecure attachment. Okay, so then I'll ask this: what are you going to do with your attachment issues when you ultimately find someone you like, from that dating pool? It's still there, you haven't worked on it. How about being secure enough to date one person at a time, and if they are not a good fit, moving on? How about having clear standards, so you know exactly what you want in a partner, thereby making it easy to know who will work, and who won't? How about using your time to better yourself instead of trying to soothe through a collective - as if that somehow makes it better than soothing through one person? All this does for APs is diffuse their problems, which will backfire; for DAs, it gives them a post-hoc justification for not wanting to attach to someone; and the FAs are stuck in the middle. To use the food metaphor at the 11:47 mark, if you work on supplying your kitchen with plenty to eat, you won't be starving in the first place, you won't be relying on one person or a dozen to meet your needs. Work on yourself, don't use people as objects.
Holy Shit, Thank god someone else shares the same viewpoint! I'm 39 and I swear, the dating culture has become utterly ridiculous. I think back to girlfriends I was dating in my 20's and none of them had this notion to date multiple people and the only guys I knew doing that were specifically not dating, they were clubbing/bar hopping and hooking up. It's your 20's. Now it seams people of all ages are treating one another like objects to satiate their own unseen hedonism and or people become accustomed to approaching dating as a transactional quid pro quo whether communicated openly or not. I'm like, wtf happened to people. I have found there is a huge gap in communication in that, people may be listening but failing to hear what the other is saying and filtering it through a lens to either adhere to their narrative/ paradigm... What your thoughts?
@@caldermac2532 we're within the same age range, and i think we still share the popular opinion. i have also seen a rise in casual dating/poly/ENM, call it whatever. i've never liked the idea of being with more than one person, at a time. if i can't be in a meaningful relationship with one woman, i'd rather be alone.
fantastic work coach😀
I’m confused does dating several people mean sleeping with them at the same time and keeping your options open...?
I need help.....
I broke up with my ex boyfriend after 9 years because our relationship was so unhealthy. I have been dating multiple people at once. Since I have been single, I still have anxious attachement but now its with 2-4 guys at at time! Instead of just one. lol.
I feel upset if one of them appears to be dating someone else at the same time as me! Meanwhile I am dating a couple of other guys at the same time...? Narcissistic on my part I think...If one or two different guys dissappear while I am talking to them, because I still want everybody to like me. I dont want anyone to reject me. Yet I am rejecting many people. I think I am messed up, except I dont blow up anyone's phone, because I always have multiple guys everyday I hear from and many options, I never have to focus on one person I am spreading my anxiety thinner I suppose, it still messed up.But I really enjoy all the different wonderful men I meet. Some really exciting interesting people. I am seeing a therapist for my anxiety, I have a very very abusive family and horrible childhood. It really shows in my personal life. Now I have to get rid of the ex. He is turned in a hostage taking stalker and makes me want to overeat.
This video it is so refreshing! I find that guys are too much in the hurry to lock me down which turns me off. I want to meet the best bf option. Not be forced into a relationship with some dude with whom I have no chemistry or don't meet my needs just because he have to have me.
Dating multiple people that is the best dating advice ever!
Sambista Nega do Samba they’re just trying to get laid sweetheart it’s not personal, there just telling you what they think you want to hear
Amazing video he helped a lot
This actually works
Great information!
I don't understand this concept of multiple dating, it seems more like a fantasy than a reality. Firstly not everyone has the time the money or the emotional bandwith to handle this. Also you WILL end up sleeping with one or more of these people, which just will get messy and confusing. Also its unsustainable. How long do you think this period of multiple dating can go on for? It surely cannot go longer than a month or two. Most people are not going to sign up to be used as just an option like some pick and mix.
great advice
Isn't this stringing you along? I'm confused on this video.
Hi Craig!How many times should i ask a girl out?
Meisha Kalashnikova i’d say no more than once a week I just stopped talking to someone because he was trying about three times a week but also trying to do last-minute plans which is not my thing
How to to that in Corona times 😅
I’m trying too date ppl
But I’m not getting anywhere
No one wants too date me 😩
Sorry...this comment was for the previous video...auto bumped me to this one when I wasn't watching...
I don’t see the long term benefits of this. Surely when you start to attach to one or more of these people it would lead to increased anxiety from confusion to add to matters.
These personalities don't ATTACT to there multiple dating sources.
Sounds good in theory, but in practice..... smh. I can't find one person that I like to go out with on multiple dates ler alone multiple people. 😂😂. A girl can only dream I guess.
What the fuck does “flow freely” mean?
It's hard enough to get ONE girl to date, so you want me to jangle a few? Do you think we're all Casanovas here?
Good advice
Thank you
Delayed gratification.......... this is why we play hard to get???
Korina Y not sure what is your point but most of the people watching this video for help don’t understand how to play hard to get
Can this apply to a man instead
Sabor Delicia of course it makes no difference to the gender the point is keep your options open and stop thinking your Cinderella finding your prince because the shoe fit and not basing the relationship on actual shared values etc.
so far I think this is contradictory from what you wanted to be treated... you are a person saying you won’t allow women who are not loyal to you and multiple dating can be helpful??? I have difficulty solving this oxymoron. maybe definition of dating is different... what is dating for you??? we just call those meeting only as hang-out.
Jilly Tube difference between going on three dates and dating seriously for two years it’s not a complicated separation
These are special type personality individuals he is speaking of. The 1s that can't get close withinvthecrelationship because they don't know how to process their emotions and the become afraid of you like you gonna hurt them. The relationship to the other he sees as a Threat now.
i really wish i found you sooner
Great advice lol
Your amazing
its more of distraction than anything else